whywouldiwanttobeme



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    The toddler raises round eyes to Castiel. Round, glowing eyes. Glowing gold.

    He withdraws his thumb from his mouth and reaches out. Castiel doesn’t have to think about it. He lifts his own hand to catch the tiny, sticky one. Shakes it solemnly.

    “Hello, Jack.”

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    03 Aug 2021

  2. Public Bookmark 13

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    The thing about recovery is that it’s hard. It’s long. It’s not automatic. It’s messy.

    Large, dark shadows send Dean reaching for an angel blade or pushing Cas behind him. Sometimes, when Cas smiles wide and gummy, he forgets how to breathe and he’s thrown back to when it happened.

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    03 Aug 2021

  3. Public Bookmark 40

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    “Cas–” Dean whimpers, and it almost sounds like begging.

    “Tell me what you want,” Castiel whispers, watching the impulse to hide himself crawl across Dean’s face. He wants to hide. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t. Instead he touches two fingers to Castiel’s mouth. Studies it, wets his own lips. The touch makes Cas’ cut sting, sticking to the pads of Dean’s fingers.

    “Tell me,” he insists, gentle, when Dean doesn’t respond.

    “I – I don’t know,” Dean stammers. He looks at Castiel, intense. He takes a deep breath. “I – you. You, Cas,” he says firmly.

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    03 Aug 2021

  4. Public Bookmark 41

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    Inside his cracked chest, his heart is on fire.

    Castiel can feel the heat of it licking his fingertips. His throat is full of smoke. Whatever is inside of him is boiling over. It’s odd, he thinks, as it breaks him into pieces and scatters him throughout the air, that he can feel it at all. He’s not meant to feel anything anymore.

    He’s meant to be dead.

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    03 Aug 2021

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Castiel slips from his chair to kneel at Dean’s feet. He takes Dean’s hands in his, and there on the floor holding something with devotion, he understands Communion. He understands Eucharist. He understands believing in someone so deeply that to shelter a piece of them within yourself is an act of untempered faith, love and prayer and deep-wide trust.

    *

    Cas comes back. Dean can’t stop touching him.

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    03 Aug 2021