IgnoreThePineapples



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  1. Public Bookmark 1

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    Drat, Conrad thought, what a wretched time to be hit by a spell.
    or:
    Conrad has to deal with his feelings.

    Language:
    English
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    10,745
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    12 May 2021

  2. Public Bookmark 78

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    In truth this is but the latest bad day in a series of terrible ones: four days ago Yusuf was kidnapped and tied up and slung over the back of a horse, and the days since he has spent with a bag over his head as that horse carried him further and further away from his home. That was insulting enough, but being trussed up and left propped against the trunk of a tree without even a guard to stand over him is a new low. 

    At least these bandits haven’t tried to slit his throat, and seem more interested in kidnapping than actual bodily harm. But flopping around trying to find something to cut his bonds with is a particular flavor of humiliation he never wishes to experience again, especially when he hears people coming back to the camp, and the only thing Yusuf can do to preserve his dignity is to flip onto his back.

    (An Ella Enchanted AU)

    Now with a wedding epilogue!

    Language:
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    5/5
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    06 May 2021

  3. Public Bookmark 48

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    Joe loves Nicky, and Nicky loves Joe.

    Unfortunately, Nicky's allergies do not love Joe's cat.

    Language:
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    2/2
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    06 May 2021

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Oh, she’s had it. “You’re fucking with me,” Nile says. “I did die, and this is Hell, riding around Afghanistan being grilled about my past sins by some shitty Virgil.”

    “You can call me Joe.”

    “What do you and the others do, Joe?”

    “Depends on the century,” he shrugs.

    “Professional kidnappers?”

    Joe shows his teeth. “It’s very cute that you think this is professional.”

    “No, but maybe the others know what they’re doing.” A flash of irritation cracks his chummy facade. She wonders if he has any shame she can jab. Fighters and soldiers, he said. “Are you mercenaries?”

    “It’s a little more complex than that.”

    “Sure,” she says. “Whatever you need to tell yourself. How many people have you killed? Just averaged, across the centuries.”

    His mouth twists. “Maybe Hell is riding around Afghanistan being judged by a US Marine. How many people have you killed, Freeman?”

    She closes her mouth, hard. Joe doesn’t smile, but his satisfaction is palpable. 

    - - -

    In which Joe is the one who goes to retrieve Nile.

    Language:
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    05 May 2021

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “You did not leave me?” Nicolo said.

    “What?” Yusuf’s head snapped up, taking a good look at Nicolo for the first time this morning. Whatever he saw made him rush over.

    “Nicolo, what’s wrong?” he said. “You’re crying. Why would you think such a thing?”

    “You said—” Nicolo started and every word was like gravel. He would suffer a thousand more deaths before he wished more of this pain upon himself. “You said we would part when we came to the sea.”

    He waved a hand at the open balcony and the seagulls beyond, the glittering pearl that was the Mediterranean, how it would carry him to the festering forested heartbreak of Europe in a matter of a few short weeks.

    “There it is.”

    (Or the first time, complete with pining)

    Language:
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    05 May 2021