1 - 20 of 299 Works in Crowley is Bad at Being a Demon (Good Omens)

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    The time has come for Improvement Day, Heaven's decennial work retreat. The angels posted to Earth are relieved of their terrestrial assignments and join middle management in attempting to improve organizational operations right across the board. Typical activities include name games, trust falls, client-facing skill role play, and miracle budget workshops. It's loathed by all the Earth operatives- but particularly by Aziraphale, who always finds himself unable to fit in (no matter how many icebreakers there are).

    This year, an angel no one quite remembers seeing before is on a mission to befriend Aziraphale, but it seems that the odds are against him. He has to contend with a networking-obsessed Gabriel and an unabashedly flirtatious colleague; Michael thinks he might be the next big thing in parsimonious celestial energy handling; and Sandalphon is sure he's seen him somewhere before. Meanwhile, Aziraphale's angry with him for showing up, the gold paint on his cheeks is flaking, losing a contact lens would mean a quick discorporation at the hands of four dozen angels, and isn't this just the story of Crowley's life?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,871
    Chapters:
    7/9
    Comments:
    149
    Kudos:
    84
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    821
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Aziraphale is trying to feed the 5,000, and it backfires spectacularly. Luckily, Crowley is there.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    684
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Hits:
    18
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Angel Crowley and demon Azira(fell)'s original plans are ruined, they hit a woman (or; she hit them), and now Crowley is in possession of The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch.

     

    Season 1, Episode 2: The Book. (Up until they figure out where the Antichrist lives.)
    Edited, and new dialogue, and I've tried to correct all the spelling mistakes.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,184
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    102
  4. Tags
    Summary

    “Think of me as a sort of… guardian demon.”

    “PFFFFTTT-HA!” Jessica did an actual spit-take and burst into laughter, first at Crowley, then at herself, shaking her head in disbelief. “Guardian demon! Leave it to me to have guardian demon! Did the angels just give up, or…?”

    “Jessica Jones, I can think of only one angel who might be qualified to be your celestial guardian,” the demon teased, “but he currently has his hands full shooing customers away from his bookshop. Face it, I’m the only being, celestial or infernal, who is not only capable but also willing and intrigued enough to put up with your bullshit.”

    “Fair enough,” Jessica smiled.

     ***

    Or, what happens when Crowley shows up after Jessica accidentally kills her third victim? Whether from Heaven or Hell, Jessica Jones could use all the help she can get. Disposing of a body is a bonding activity, right? Starts at the very beginning of S2 Ep11 AKA - Three Lives and Counting.

    EDIT: I changed the summary because the meat of this fic happens in Ch. 2, and while there are pockets of darkness throughout, the heart of this story is Jessica and Crowley.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,743
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    15
    Hits:
    58
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Angel Crowley and demon Azira(fell) have a plan to find the Antichrist, one problem... I think they were just shot!

     

    Season 1, Episode 2: The Book. (Up until they get shot)
    Edited, and new dialogue, and I've tried to correct all the spelling mistakes.

    Formally called; totally going to plan!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,751
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    106
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley starts seeing his angel form in the mirror. It starts as a walk-by glance and suddenly disappears. He doesn't know what to do with it, all of those memories were taken away, but they come back to him in pieces, digging up all sorts of things.

    Then God appears to him of all people. She says that she forgives him, that she had forgiven him long ago, and that she never stopped loving him. She says that he and Aziraphale are to be the protectors of Earth as they have been for her so far.

    Everything hurts, and nothing makes sense- so just another new millennia really.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    36,006
    Chapters:
    26/?
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    341
    Kudos:
    1162
    Bookmarks:
    230
    Hits:
    18260
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley gets an unusual summoning… and a new pet/minion of chaos.

    Inspired by a meme: Ouija board rugs: it's all fun and games until the Roomba accidentally summons a demon...

    I'm sure you can all see where this is going. Anyhow this was intended as a one off short comedy, but then between me, CynSyn and several other Good Omens fan friends and my other half, we came up with so many more ridiculous shenanigans that Crowley, Aziraphale and Crowley's demonic hellspawn can get up to together that I decided to make this a weekly updated series which continued for over a year.

    There won't be any other regular updates, but I'm not discounting the possibility of the odd chapter happening in future if inspiration strikes. For now I'm calling it a completed work. But feel free to keep sending me prompts. You might inspire something more. Thanks for all the love.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    109,415
    Chapters:
    55/55
    Comments:
    3892
    Kudos:
    1119
    Bookmarks:
    236
    Hits:
    29873
  8. Tags
    Summary

    a series of good omens reader-insert one shots, focussed around you (gender neutral reader) and crowley and/or aziraphale

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,465
    Chapters:
    1/10
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    30
  9. Tags
    Summary

    "By the Powers of Hell, I, Malacoda, Formally Bless Anthony ‘Noodle Legs’ Crowley, Serpent of Eden, Bane of Eve, and Tutelary Fiend of Themed Accessories. He outranks me, but what the Heaven, I need to vent.

    May the demon Crowley be consigned to boiler-room duty for two thousand fascinating years.
    May he then do time as a doorman for a convention of rabbis, bishops, imams, pujaris, and archimandrites, and may each of them bless him as they enter.
    Also, may he get an infestation of scale mites, and may those scale mites get religion, and have schisms, and write theses on those schisms, and may it never, ever, ever stop."

    Or: Crowley has a knack of snagging the credit for evil he had nothing to do with. Sometimes it’s human-generated — but at others, the Serpent can really foul up the ill-laid plans of a frustrated fellow fiend.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,780
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    69
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Début des années 90, Aziraphale lit au coin du feu, attendant l'arrivée de son très cher démon. Il se remémore une visite vingt ans auparavant. Mais le déchu tarde...

    Language:
    Français
    Words:
    2,354
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    19
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Three years have passed since the world didn't end and Azirpahale and Crowley are sharing a blissful life together. But life is just full of surprises. One stormy afternoon in winter, Aziraphale finds a homeless teenager asleep in his shop who has a whole laundry list of problems. One such problem leads the pair to take her in and help her get back on her feet, but who can say where life will lead them?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    138,502
    Chapters:
    43/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    588
    Kudos:
    375
    Bookmarks:
    56
    Hits:
    9829
  12. Tags
    Summary

    “I just…woke up like this,” Crowley explained, in what was probably supposed to be a casual voice. “Definitely a curse. Probably one of those angels, thwarting and all, you know how they are.”

    “An angel.” Pinching zir nose, Beelzebub tried not to imagine the foolish way she was probably grinning. “And by pure coinczzidenzze, this angel juszzt happened to make you completely inviszzible on the day of your department budget review?”
    --
    A mysterious curse that Crowley DEFINITELY didn't cast on herself makes her invisible for a day! What sort of trouble can she get into? Or get her angel out of?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,798
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    36
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    155
  13. Tags
    Summary

    The apocalypse had been averted and everything was okay, until it wasn't anymore.

    Then Adam got a package and weird things started to happen and then Crowley got a phone call from the Dowling’s. They had fixed everything, what was going on?

    Heaven and Hell were up to something too. Sandalphon was hiding a secret and Ligur was back, but he certainly wasn’t telling the whole story of what had happened to him.

    Aziraphale just hoped this wouldn’t be Armageddon all over again, because it hadn’t been a year. That wasn’t enough.
    And also, because someone was getting dangerously close to figuring out their secret.

    Though in hindsight everyone was probably hiding something.

    There was a war on the horizon again, and if it came to pass, they would lose everything they had just gained.

    Something had happened in the year 1000AD, few remembered or knew about it at all, but the consequences were going to be horrific.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,772
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    10
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    235
  14. Tags
    Summary

    READ THE TAGS FIRST
    In the time between the great Fall and Eden, the Great War between Heaven and Hell rages on, although Hell has an advantage that makes their victory inevitable. An angel and a demon are brought together by fate: prisoner and unwilling captor.

    Crawly re-learns what love is, and realizes that in order to protect Aziraphale he will need to betray Hell itself, even if it means losing status, titles, or possibly even his own life. Despite Aziraphale not wanting him to, Crawly devises a plan that will not only free Aziraphale, but forever change the direction of the Great War.

    Crawly finds that sometimes love means turning your back on both sides, and forming your own.

    Sometimes love means letting go.

    Art by Callus Ran
    (Story is complete, uploading a new chapter every Wednesday. 51k words)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    51,183
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Comments:
    121
    Kudos:
    122
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    2965
  15. Tags
    Summary

    The Demon Crowley tries to tempt Priest Aziraphale with his wiles. And things don't go according to plan....

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,124
    Chapters:
    8/12
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    41
    Kudos:
    170
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    3001
  16. Tags
    Summary

    There are books missing from the library in the Abbey. A crime, Aziraphale suspects, that carries something much more serious underneath. He isn't expecting to deal with a demon summoned to kill him. He isn't expecting to find an ally in the oddest place.

    An ally, and something else.  

    “Okay, so. The thing is,” Crowley starts, shifting again in his spot, “uh, someone wants you dead.”

    Aziraphale blinks. “Pardon?”

    “Didn’t you hear me? Someone wants you dead. As in deceased. As in six-feet-under. As in–”

    “Alright, alright! That’s quite alright, thank you,” Aziraphale chokes out. “I still don’t see–” 

    Crowley heaves a sigh. “Listen, Angel.” He leans forward, elbows pressed against his knees, his hair falling around him like a curtain made of fire. He closes his eyes before continuing. “Truth is, someone summoned me to, er, to kill you, actually.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,003
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    8
    Comments:
    713
    Kudos:
    830
    Bookmarks:
    167
    Hits:
    12834
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Tildeathdoustogether
    Ok朋友们我知道我们都开约翰•木兰尼,基努•里维斯和霍齐尔是永生者的玩笑,但是。。。我真的认为我们该把ajc也加到这个序列里面。

    Thelongest27yearsofmylife转载并回复:
    天哪,贝丝,安东尼•克罗里是一个越来越出名,并已出柜的作者,他书中一些很清晰的同性恋情节对于很多人来说都非常重要,你能不能就这一次不要拿他开玩笑?

    Tildeathdoustogether转载并回复:
    你认为我在开玩笑。但是。我不是。你听着!我拿到历史的博士学位不是靠我扯出来的。我有证据!系个安全带把朋友们我们出发

    [克罗里一不小心靠写书出名了。网民们发现他可能有点永生]

    Language:
    中文-普通话 國語
    Words:
    14,206
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    27
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Aziraphale is, technically, a Principality. But he had been created a Cherub.

    It means eyes. Many eyes. Our angel doesn't need to turn around to watch his back.
    Which is a good thing, since watching one's back has become second nature for angels and demons since the Fall.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,634
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    144
    Kudos:
    146
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    1825
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Jesus keeps getting resurrected. That's what you get for being the son of god.
    Judas cannot die. That's what you get for betraying the son of god.
    They live for thousand of years, until Jesus wants a kid. So they adopt one.

    Who knew that they'd adopted, well, their own little adversary.

    Meanwhile, Crowley and Aziraphale are just trying to stop the apocalypse. Chaos ensues.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,827
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    297
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley wakes up from pandemic nap with an itch that can only be scratched by stirring up some trouble. Luckily there's a ridiculously large cargo ship in Egypt just begging for some demonic interference!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,846
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    107
    Kudos:
    265
    Bookmarks:
    44
    Hits:
    1305

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