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Forgive Me

Chapter Text

The last thing he remembered was a person offered him a glass of cocktail. It was a graduation party as he and his college friends celebrated their graduation from the university. Nothing was suspicious. Nothing was wrong. He talked normally with this certain young man as they laughed together over some random conversation. This young man, he was nice. And charming. Nothing was wrong. Or probably he was wrong to have such innocent thought.

He opened his heavy lidded eyes slowly. Tried to adjust his visions to the sunlight crept from the window, tried to study his surroundings. It was all strange. Not the smoky pink wallpaper, but white painted wall. Not the flowery curtains decorated his window, but a plain beige ones. There were no Mario figurines on the study table, but CDs and it’s player. Those were the odd things he could find around.

He shifted a little. Tried to sit but failed since his head way too dizzy. Kind of heavy headache blew him down. And his lower back was in pain. There he realized. His white long sleeves buttoned shirt was no longer buttoned. Undone by force. His body covered with baby oil, judging from it’s smell and an empty bottle in the mattress near him.

He gulped as he peeked under the blanket. That couldn’t be...

He didn’t have time to even get shock when a creak sound came from the wooden room door as it opened. Revealed a young man wearing all black he met the night before.

His heart beaten faster. His breath hitched. He shifted tried to move with fear. He was scared. He didn’t usually scare of this young man. No, this young man was nice. It couldn’t be true. This tall and fine young man with his chapped thick lips was the smartest student in the entire university. This blond haired young man was one of limited popular people with awesome reputation. This young man was his crush. This young man won’t do such horrible thing he didn’t expect...

This young man walked heading to the bed and stopped just right beside the mattress. Their eyes met. And there was evilish smirk before this young man roughly grabbed his dark black hair, half pulling it. Exposed the milky white soft skin with some bite marks the pretty guy didn’t notice it yet.

“This is your nightmare, I swear. And you gonna pay your sin to have such darned evil beauty.”

Chapter Text

[Several months before]

The clock shown it was 3.07PM when Seokjin hurriedly tidying his books as he lightly tapped his swollen pretty face. He was fall asleep in the library and still had another class to attend. He was there supposed to read some literatures yet he couldn’t fight the sleeppiness and ended put his forehead above the thick books. He was lucky as he woke up though a bit shocked before the class begin, but he should be there joined the class before 3.15PM or else Professor Lee would not let him in. Even a perfect assignment and a smart brain won’t help as an excuse, at all. Professor Lee hated anyone that is not on time. Seokjin cursed as he dashed running across the hallway, and almost reach his class when somebody shouted at him.


It was Hyosang, his childhood friend.

Seokjin stopped just to shouted the man back. “Later! I’m late for my class! I will text you!” He waved his hand and turned his body without any awareness as he ran again and bumped on someone. The books on his hands dropped on the floor. “Ahh I’m sorry.” He mumbled as he gathered the books with a help of the other person.

“Be careful.”

“I’m sorry.” Seokjin repeated the apology and lifted his head to find a warm smile.

“Yah, Jung Hoseok, hurry up.” Another voice distracted the pretty guy.

Seokjin glanced into this person with stunning blond hair before got his attention back to the bright smile in front of him and blushed.

“Don’t run along the hallway, okay.” The man who had been called Jung Hoseok unconsciously patted Seokjin’s head. And taken aback when Seokjin flinched by the action. He didn’t even know whether the person he patted was younger or older than him. Such a bad manners. “Ahh I’m sorry it was like a bad habbit of mine everytime I saw a cute creature.” Hoseok smiled and handed the pretty guy the last book from the floor.

“Thanks.” Seokjin received the book and bowed politely before he walked leaving the place as he noticed the blond haired man with stern look staring at him. He bit his lower lip as he shrugged it off and managed to reach his class a minute before 3.15PM.


Seokjin was in his last semester, he was about to finish his study and will be graduate as an architect in about four months. He studied well and did his best though become an architect wasn’t his first and main dream. It was his parents’ dream, his dad was one of the most well known architect in his hometown and in Seoul. His main and only passion was actually cooking, but he suppressed his own ego just because he wanted to be a filial son, so he tried to aim the major architecture and do the best for his parents’ sake.

“Ugh, what a hard afternoon.” Seokjin groaned. “It was hard just because I fall asleep when I supposed to assist Professor Lee...”

“Was it an additional class? I don’t remember you have any class in Tuesday afternoon.” Hyosang sipped his warm mint tea.

“Sort of...” Seokjin pouted.

“But you accomplished it as perfect as always. Am I right?”

“Yeah but I think Professor Lee a bit pissed off of me.”

Hyosang held out a cup of warm honey lemon tea that been ignored by the pretty guy. “Don’t worry you did your best, just don’t be late anymore.”

Seokjin smiled as he took the cup and staring the liquid inside. Hyosang was never put him down, the man was always there to make him feeling better. “Hyosang ah...”


“Is it hard to become a doctor?”

Hyosang smiled and answered. “I think any major has it own difficulties, but you know, this is my dream...”

“Nice...” Seokjin pouted even more. “For living your own dream...”

And Hyosang just laughed while caressing Seokjin’s puffy cheek.

Seokjin finally sipped his warm honey lemon tea. There he tried to enjoy the afternoon peacefully in the campus cafetaria in front of the library. His faculty building and the medical faculty building were face to face so he usually had some tea or hot chocolate with Hyosang when they both had some spare time before went back to the apartment.


“Namjoon, do you know the pretty guy we met?” Hoseok asked his fellow when he had lunch together with the younger man.

The young man named Namjoon gulped down the iced americano and nonchalantly answered. “Who?”

“The one we bumped in the hallway.” Hoseok grinned just to make the other one felt irritated.


“Don’t you think he is pretty and soft?” Hoseok wriggled his eyebrows.

“And what?”

“Nope. Just asking your opinion.”


Hoseok went to see a friend he knew since the Junior High School after he done lunch with Namjoon. The younger had to attend a class when he himself had nothing to do. They were in the same faculty but different department. And this friend he wanted to see was usually in the pharmacy laboratory and he hated those smell of medicines so he asked the older to met him in the cafetaria behind the faculty of pharmacy building.

“Yoongi, I need your help.”

The guy with pale skin and sluggish look named Min Yoongi bit the sandwich Hoseok bought for him. “About?”

“You have friends in every faculty, right? May I ask you to collect a data of this person?”

Yoongi clicked his tongue. “I am a pharmacist I was never studying criminology. Go ask Park Jimin or Kim Taehyung if you want to play Sherlock. I am busy as hell, and well yes I know people I have connections but not in every faculty you are too much.”

“Come on... Jimin and Taehyung are studying archaeology they mostly in the field rather than in campus area I doubt they know people better than you though they are more friendly than any other people I know, but in this case I need your help.”

“Why me?”

“Because I used to see this person, a pretty guy, often had lunch with a man wearing white lab coat like the one you are wearing. But I don’t know this man was from pharmacy or medical faculty. And me and Namjoon bumped into this pretty guy around the architecture department and he was also brought architecture literatures.”

Yoongi raised his left eyebrow. “Was he that pretty? You seemed like you lose your mind. If you already find a clue that he was probably an architecture student why don’t you look the data of this person yourself than to ask me to find a pretty guy you used to see had lunch with a man wearing white lab coat. You make things complicated.”

“I need to know who this man for him.” Hoseok persuaded. “It would be easier if you are the one collecting the information I need since you are wearing a similar white lab coat.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. Jung Hoseok was being unreasonable.

“I need to make sure he was single because if the man was this pretty guy’s boyfriend, I’m done.”

“Damn.” Yoongi cursed. “I bet he wasn’t just pretty.” He gulped down the mineral water and sighed.

Hoseok grinned mischievously.

“There were so many students in this certain department you know...”

“But, was it also so many black haired pretty guy with broad shoulders in this certain department? He mostly seen was wearing white buttoned shirt with pale pink v neck sweater or just simply wearing a pastel colour sweater.”

“Ohh?” Yoongi tilted his head. “I think I know who he was. If I’m guessing the right person, the man of this pretty guy you were talking about is probably Hyosang.”


“We once met for a seminar and I saw him approached a pretty guy who looked like the one you described just now... Well, I admit this guy was pretty. Too pretty for heaven’s sake...”

“Are they in a relationship?” Hoseok worried.

“I’m not sure, but they were too close to be called just friends...”

“Okay. So the percentage of him probably single is 50:50 no?” Hoseok ran a hand through his hair. “I’m going to Ulsan I have some urgent matters to handle I’m afraid it will take some times to make it clear, and I want this pretty guy’s profile as soon as possible. Please?”

“But, what for? Do you like him?”

Just a bright smile Hoseok gave as an answer.

Yoongi leaned his back on the chair and sighed. “I will help just because you are Jung Hoseok.”


Seokjin was alone in the cafetaria in front of the library when someone greeted him.

“Hello, Kim Seokjin ssi? Remember me?”

Seokjin remembered this man been called as Jung Hoseok when he bumped the man some couple days ago. Or a week maybe. He gave the man a nod.

A bright smile from Hoseok. “May I sit here?”


Well, the conversation Seokjin had with Hoseok was nice but he couldn’t help his thought to always ended thinking about this certain person. Even when he was together with Hyosang, this certain person was never absence for bothering his mind. Seokjin saw this person the very first time when he was in his second year in the university. He saw this man in the library and was always staring the man from afar since that day. This person was Kim Namjoon, took an engineering major a year later counted as Seokjin’s junior in the university but he heard that Namjoon will graduate along with him and people who entered the university a year earlier. Seokjin knew the name and such about Namjoon from people around, this young man was quite popular for having such reputation. They called him, Kim hot genius.

Seokjin sighed and tried to throw away the thought of the man, because in the end of the day his parents won’t allow him to be with anyone else but Hyosang. Yes, his parents and Hyosang’s parents were close friends since the old times and both families wanted their sons to be together as a couple. And who the hell he thought he was, to had such desire that he could be friends with this Kim Namjoon, to know the man better, up close and personal. This Kim bloody Namjoon was out of his league. Hyosang might came from a family of doctors, but Namjoon came from family he would never have the opportunity to touch.

About Hyosang that both parents’ had the idea to get them marry each other in the near future, Seokjin liked Hyosang not in a romantic way. He liked Hyosang as reliable brother who taking care of him and as someone who always there whenever he needed a company. But Seokjin knew, Hyosang wanted him as a lover, he could tell. And again he sighed. He loved his parents so much he willing to do anything to make them happy even though he wanted to say no and be free once in a lifetime.


A week and a couple days has passed since the day Seokjin had a warm conversation with Hoseok. He went to the campus as usual that morning and stopped by to the cafetaria to get a cup of caramel macchiato before attending his class when he heard some young ladies chattering behind him.

“Did you hear? Jung Hoseok from the engineering major.”

“He was so bright and kind towards people, he should live longer...”

“What? Car accident?”

Those young ladies brought up an issue that... That could be wrong... That was unlikely... Couldn’t be true...

“Excuse me...” Seokjin interupted. “What happened with Jung Hoseok?”

One of those young ladies answered with sad look. “His car crashed the bridge on Han river and jumped into the water.”

“But I heard a rumour that it was a suicide...” Another young lady added.

Seokjin automatically dashed and ran outside. Though he didn’t know Hoseok that much but the man was so kind and friendly. Though the conversation they had was so random, Hoseok was a good person. Seokjin needed to get the fact and confirmation. His only answer would be Kim Namjoon. The young man was Hoseok’s close friend he must be knew the truth and what had really happened. He needed to find and ask Namjoon. He needed Namjoon to tell him that Hoseok was okay and those words he heard was a rumour that just too hateful and ridiculous. He ran and asked people around the engineering faculty, but none could give him the clue where the man supposed to be find.


Chapter Text

A month has been passed since that day. Since the day that Seokjin had to wear all black suit and gave the bright sunshine Jung Hoseok his last goodbye. A month has been passed and things slowly back to normal.

It was Sunday afternoon earlier in February when Seokjin pouted as he quietly tidying Hyosang’s clothes inside the man’s travel bag without any words. He had been so gloomy since the morning. Ahh no. He had been so gloomy since that day, he didn’t know Hoseok that close but he truly felt the loss. Who didn’t? It was Jung bright Hoseok that used to shone happiness for everyone. And some certain things made the dark clouds even worse. Seokjin was never see Namjoon around the campus anymore since Hoseok’s funeral. He wanted to talk to the man, about what really happened to Hoseok, yet he didn’t get the opportunity.

And Hyosang was about to leave the country.

“Seokjinie, I’m going to Sweden for six months, not forever.” Hyosang smiled as he ruffled the pretty guy’s hair.

“But you won’t be there for my graduation day.” Seokjin folded a scarf he knitted for the man he gave as birthday present and put it inside the travel bag. “I only have you...”

“Yah.” Hyosang sat on the mattress beside Seokjin. “I will call you often. At least if I couldn’t call everyday I will try to manage to call and text you as often as I could. And I will come to visit you before the spring ended, okay?”

“Visit me once a month, then I will call it ‘okay’...”

“Come on...” Hyosang gently turned Seokjin’s body to face him. “I’m not going to Sweden for vacation, my dear...” He pinched the pretty guy’s baby fat. “And I believe that you will be okay. Trust me. Don’t you go to study abroad as well? We are studying in the same country after I accomplished what I need to finish. Right?”

“Yeah, but...”

“Just six months and then I will coming back and we are together again.” Hyosang smiled. “I promised to taking care of you, and I will...”


“Go visit your cousin Jungkook in Busan if you really feel alone.” Hyosang suggested. Seokjin told him earlier that he had no schedule to assist Professor Lee for some projects for a whole month after the graduation day. “So you can back to assist Professor Lee in a better mood.”

Seokjin bit his lower lip. He way too much depended himself on Hyosang. He needed to wait for several months before he could continue his study in the UK. Hyosang would going to the same university with him after he came back from short medical course in Sweden, but it also means six months all alone for Seokjin. The pretty guy was never really make friends, he knew some people but feeling not so comfortable to hang out too often with them. So, visiting Jungkook must be lovely than doing some projects in his spare time. Well, it’s not a sin to take some rest after the graduation day before going back to the hectic life. “Please do call me often.”

“Sure I will...” Hyosang smiled as he squeezed Seokjin’s soft hands.  


In the other more luxurious apartment, there was a person sick of his friend’s attitude. However this person tried to help the other one to face reality, the result would be nothing since all he got were only total ignores.

“Until when you will act like this? It’s not helping anyone and Hoseok would never coming back to us.”

No reaction.

“You are not the only person suffering, Kim Namjoon.” The guy with pale skin and sluggish look clicked his tongue. “There are Taehyung and Jimin. Me. Not to mention his family. Hoseok’s parents and his sister. We all are suffering here.”

“He was way too young...” The man called Namjoon finally spoke up. “Hoseok way too kind as a person to be dead this way, Yoongs... He deserves long live...”

The pale skin sluggish young man named Min Yoongi reached up the soju bottle from the younger’s hand. There were some other empty bottles in the table. And cigarette stubs. “And you are way too young to waste your life this way. You deserve a slap...”

Yoongi cleaned up the table and put the empty bottles in the trash bin. He saw a book with olive green cover in the table and sighed. That was the book the bright guy used to write down some lyrics. The bright guy along with the sluggish one and Kim hot genius were not only friends who met and mingled since junior high school. They were doing hiphop music together. Though they were not as active as before when they were still junior-senior high school students, they were quite famous even in the university.

“Next week is your graduation day. Be back as Kim hot genius and attending the ceremony, okay? I’ll be there to congratulate some friends before heading to the airport. I have some marathon seminars in some universities in South East Asia and Africa.”

Namjoon was just expressionlessly staring the book. Hoseok’s olive green lyrics book. He took a piece of cigarette and smoke as if he forgot the older hates it. He didn’t care.

“Life must go on, Kim Namjoon.” Yoongi gritted his teeth. “Hoseok will hate you to see this mess of you. I’m leaving.”


“What more?” Seokjin bit his thumbnail as he looked inside the travel bag. “Ahh I bought you a new buttoned up shirt. Wait...” He stood up and ran heading the front door, went into his own apartment room that was in front of Hyosang’s. Their apartment units were face to face. He disappeared for a couple minutes and came back with blue sky buttoned up shirt. “Wear this the first day you on duty there in the hospital in Sweden.” He folded the blue sky buttoned up shirt and put it inside the travel bag. “Good luck. Though the hospital is owned by your family member, I wish you luck for everything.”

Hyosang could only laugh and hug the pretty guy from behind. “Such a lovely wife preparing things for husband. Don’t you think we need to consider our parent’s wish?”

Seokjin gently pried the man’s hands around his waist and hesitantly turned his body to face the man. Not that he wasn’t get used to the man’s affection. He enjoyed the hugs but not the certain talk brought up by the other. “Hyosang... I...” Seokjin bit his lower lip and avoiding the eye contact.

“It’s Namjoon, right?” Hyosang smiled bitterly. “Kim hot genius Namjoon from engineering department. I know it’s him...”

Seokjin stiffened. He never told the man about his feelings toward this mentioned Kim bloody Namjoon he kept inside his heart. How come Hyosang found out about it.

“Tell him what you feel, don’t regret it later...” Hyosang brushed Seokjin’s bangs. “I love you, you know it. And I want you to be free to feel what you feel. Be happy with the person you choose by heart.” He smiled sincerely. “Tell him you fall for him since that moment you saw him for the very first time in the university library. That moment when you didn’t even bothered my existence who sat beside you. Tell him he stole your heart. And whatever he would say and react, I will always be here for you...”

Seokjin got his eyes burnt. His heart ache. He wanted to please his parents by accepting Hyosang. He wanted to give Hyosang mutual feelings, to love the man back, yet he can’t. His heart was somewhere else. His heart was fall for Kim Namjoon. He could feel the hurt reflected by the other’s beads. He felt so much more guilt when Hyosang could easily said it like the man prepared it for so long.

“Hyosang, I’m sorry...” And all he could do was to hug the man and burried his face on the other’s chest. He hide himself onto the man’s embrace as he felt ashamed to be so selfish, yet he relieved Hyosang understood the circumstance.


Namjoon applied his expensive perfume and checking his appearance on the mirror. He shaved before, and wore the smart casual clothes with brown coat for attending the graduation party. He didn’t go to the formal graduation ceremony but he needed to go to this one. The party. He was ready to see the world and meet people. Ahh, no. He was ready to meet this certain person he had never been talk before.

He took Hoseok’s lyrics book and leave his apartment with arrogantly confident light steps.


Seokjin took a selca and send it to Hyosang. He sat alone on the bench, far from the crowd. On his left hand, there was a small paper bag. Contained of a handmade handkerchief. He made it for this certain person. Like what Hyosang suggested before the man went to Sweden, he wanted to tell this certain person about his feelings. He didn’t know how much percentage of possibility to see this person. He could only wish this person would show up in the party so he would get the chance to talk to him.

“Good evening...”

That hoarse husky voice he used to hear when the man talking with his friends. That familiar vibes he felt everytime the man around. That butterfly dancing lust on his stomach.

Seokjin looked up and saw the man in his dream stood right in front of him.

He was never talk to this person even once, but they do often exchanged eye contacts as they talked, or as Seokjin thought they talked, in silences.

Seokjin would always love Disney Princesses. He would forever adores Disney Princesses fairytales as much as he loves eat. And too see this person as he wished in the graduation party, after what happened, after the funeral, was really felt like a dream, that come true. Such a fairytale happened.

“May I sit here?”

And was like a deja vu.

Kim Namjoon was in front of him, talked to him. And asked him the same question Jung bright Hoseok did.

He froze for a moment. “S-sure...” Before he finally managed to speak.

Namjoon smiled and took a seat beside the pretty guy. He sat quietly and threw his gaze around, looking into some people chattering and laughing. He was just sat there beside Seokjin with no words.

Seokjin noticed that Namjoon still looked like a lost puppy. The man indeed looked cool and manly, yet the confussion and sadness still there. The dark clouds were still hanging above him.

Seokjin cleared his dry throat. “I’m sorry for your loss.” He tried to be friendly. “Hoseok was so kind. I really didn’t expecting that the day we met and have some warm conversation in the cafetaria in front of the library would be the last day I talked to him...”

Namjoon just nodded without looking the other one. But Seokjin clearly saw the man fisted his hands on his lap. Seokjin understand, Namjoon must be sad and angry by the sudden loss. Who didn’t? To lost a friend like Hoseok, even people who didn’t know him personally would feel sad. And Namjoon was always around with Hoseok. Seokjin heard from people that those two were friends since the junior high school.

“I haven’t see you since that day. Are y—“

“Do you enjoying the party?” Namjoon snapped without sounded harsh. He turned his head and pierced his gaze into Seokjin’s beads.

Seokjin was a bit taken aback but he tried to be positive that probably Namjoon didn’t want him to talk about Hoseok. That probably Namjoon just wanted to enjoy the party.

“Well, I...” Seokjin bit his lower lip as he dared himself to stare the man in the eyes. “I don’t really like party. I don’t feel right to be here, but—“

“What could make you enjoy the party?” Namjoon asked with flat expression Seokjin couldn’t read.

“Ugh...” Seokjin turned his gaze into somewhere else. Staring Namjoon for more than five seconds is a real challenge. He chewed his lip, he wanted to babbling his heart out but he scared. He squeezed the paperbag on his hands to shoo the nervousness away as he tried to arrange some sentences. He was about to ask something when he felt a poke on his arm.

Namjoon offered him a piece of candy.

“Vanilla.” Namjoon smiled. “A person like you must be like vanilla. Am I right?”

Well, Seokjin’s favorite scent and flavour is vanilla. But he couldn’t resist the thought about any other vanilla intended.

“Take this.” Namjoon said. “And the party is yours... And it’s better to chew this than chewing your own lip...”

Seokjin laughed and received the candy. “Thanks...” He opened the wrapper and put the candy inside his mouth. Chewed the best vanilla flavour ever.

“I have many other flavours if you want...” Namjoon wasn’t only offered a candy, but also his charming sweet dimples smile.

Seokjin continued to chew the candy and yawned. He lightly tapped his cheek when Namjoon took a glance. The man gave him one more candy as they were randomly sharing some conversations. Not much, but at least not awkward for Seokjin’s liking. In the middle of conversations, Namjoon excused and went away to take them cocktails.


And Seokjin happily enjoyed it.

And he felt so sleepy afterwards. He groaned and rested his back as he shut his eyes closed.

“Hey?” Namjoon rubbed his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Seokjin shook his head with eyes still closed, and hissed. “I don’t know but I feel so sleepy. And a bit headache.” The paperbag fell on the ground.

Namjoon picked the paperbag as he smirked, and gently pulled Seokjin to stood. “Hang on. We need to take you home.” Namjoon supported the weak body and let the pretty guy lean on him. “Where do you live?”

Seokjin told the man that his apartment is about ten minutes walking.

They managed to walk into the parking lot where Namjoon parked his car without people even noticing because they were too far from the crowd, before Seokjin totally blacked out.


Chapter Text

The fresh green green grass felt like describing the favorite colour of the body lies inside the tomb. Green was always calming and refreshing. Green was always Jung Hoseok.

Namjoon took a cigarette from his pocket and lit a fire to smoke it. He wanted to avoid the pain, yet he clearly killed himself slowly with the nicotine. He didn’t care as long as the nicotine helped him reduce the heart ache. He didn’t care as long as the smoke blurred the sadness. He was half dead the moment Yoongi told him about the accident. He was totally numb and barely could feel anything more over when he heard some people gossiping about his beloved friend’s death. And those sudden miseries had woken up the evilish monster inside him the moment he found and read Hoseok’s olive green lyrics book.

As he finished the book, he felt the urge to accomplished what was written there. He needed to revenge. He wanted to make this certain person suffers and beg for forgiveness. He wanted this certain person to regret he was alive to break Hoseok’s heart.

Namjoon inhaled the nicotine as much as his lungs could take, and puffed the smoke in the air as he clenched his fist.

“Yah, Jung Hoseok.” He mumbled. “Can you please stop from being dead?” He waited for a reply heaven knows he would never get. “You are the most precious friend in my life. And your pain was as well my pain.” He threw the cigarette stubs on the ground and stepped on it. He brushed the tomb in silence. Wished that the cold stone he touched was a lie. Wished that his beloved friend made some prank on him. But no. The cold stone he touched with his own fingers was the most damn reality he found it hard to grasp. He laughed as he felt the sting pain inside his heart. “I took him in my hand.” He gritted his teeth. “And I will make him pay his sins... That rejected your pure feelings was a bloody mistake.”

He bid a farewell and walked heading into the place he parked his car. He drove back to the old mansion his family bought for him near the forest. An hour driving from the crowded hectic city of Seoul.  


Seokjin opened his heavy lidded eyes slowly. Tried to adjust his visions to the sunlight crept from the window, tried to study his surroundings. It was all strange. Not the smoky pink wallpaper, but white painted wall. Not the flowery curtains decorated his window, but a plain beige ones. There were no Mario figurines on the study table nor the bedside table, but CDs and it’s player.

He observed the detail of the room as an architect. He was in the part of a building, a house, that called cockloft. The house must be big to have such large cockloft with a bathroom in the opposite side. The large trellised windows were in the both sides of the mattress he could enjoy the starry clear sky in the night -if he got the reason to enjoy it, he didn’t even know the circumstance- and there was a wardrobe, couch, book shelves loads with manga and some philosophical literatures, and beautiful paintings on the other side. It was actually nice and cozy yet ellegant cockloft bedroom. But he didn’t know what happened and why he was there. He had no reason to enjoy his surroundings.

He shifted a little. Tried to sit but failed since his head way too dizzy. Kind of heavy headache blew him down. And his lower back was in pain. There he realized. His white long sleeves buttoned shirt was no longer buttoned. Undone by force. His body covered with baby oil, judging from it’s smell and an empty bottle in the mattress near him.

He gulped as he peeked under the blanket. He didn’t wear any pants. And there was some sticky white liquid on his stomach.

That couldn’t be...

All he could remember was he had warm conversation with Namjoon. His ultimate crush. All he could remember was Namjoon treated him nice and gentle and the man gave him some pieces of vanilla candies, and cocktails. All he could remember was he felt so sleepy and dizzy the moment he finished the cocktails Namjoon gave him. All he could remember was Namjoon asked him where he lives. But... He didn’t live in a cockloft.

He gasped when he slowly realized what might happened when he lost his consciousness.

He didn’t even have time to get shock when a creak sound came from the wooden room door as it opened. Revealed a young man wearing all black he met the night before.

Kim Namjoon...

Seokjin shifted a bit. Automatically positioning himself snuggled into the headboard mattress and pulled the blanket as if the fabric could protect him from any harm.

The man walked heading into the mattress and locked his gaze into the pretty one’s beads for a moment.

Those eyes that Seokjin dared himself to stole a gaze everytime the man was around his sight. Those eyes that Seokjin wanted to stare while told the man that his heart was stolen. Those eyes that full of mystery that Seokjin would gladly drown his soul there to find the answer why the man looked so lonely. Those eyes of Namjoon that Seokjin wished to only looking at him forever.

Seokjin shook his head. For the very first time, he scared by the gaze Namjoon pierced on him. For the very first time, he scared of Namjoon’s presence. More over the way the man got his dark eyes on him. It’s not the warm gaze he always longing from the man. It’s not warm and loving at all. It’s cold. And evil.


Seokjin won’t deny that Namjoon frightened him. And then those tough fingers of Namjoon roughly reached the black shiny hair of him. Pulled it hard.

“This is your nightmare, I swear. And you gonna pay your sin to have such darned evil beauty.”

Seokjin yelped as Namjoon pulled his hair even harder. He didn’t even know why the man turned became this mean and scary, he just received some vanilla candies as sweet as the same person in the night before. How come he ended in a place he didn’t even know where he was. With a person he would never had in mind.

Though Seokjin be friends with Namjoon’s dearest friend, Hoseok, the man himself was never talked to him. Namjoon was never bothered with his presence around. Though Seokjin caught Namjoon staring at him in the eyes for many times, Seokjin had no thought that the man would be bothered to know him better. Namjoon was out of his league. Namjoon was on a super high level to be reach. Namjoon was a daydream. Namjoon was never his friend until the graduation party. But Namjoon had quite sparkling reputation to even treated him this bad and to become a nightmare.

“N-namjoon it’s hurt...” Seokjin tried to pry Namjoon’s hand by gripping on the man’s wrist.

“Hurt?” Namjoon laughed. “Do you know how it hurts to lose a friend just because a ridiculous bitch like you, huh?”

Seokjin knitted his eyebrows and automatically chewing his lip. “W-what are you talking about?”

“You clearly understand what I’m talking about!” Namjoon threw the olive green colour book that was Hoseok’s lyrics book on the mattress. “Read them carefully and I will make you taste what was written in it.” Namjoon caressed Seokjin’s cheek and smirked. “I told you, this is your nightmare.” He growled. “I swear you gonna regret to be born with such darned evil beauty and break my beloved friend’s heart he ended his life by suicide!” He released the pretty one’s hair that he pulled with a bit pushed that made Seokjin’s head hit the headboard.

He took a step backwards as he kept his dark gaze that fulfilled with anger staring on Seokjin’s he wanted to swallow the person alive, and then took his leaving. He was taking a couple steps and almost reached the door when Seokjin cracked his voice.

“I-is this about Hoseok?” Seokjin braved himself to ask. “I really didn’t know what had happened, but, am I the one to blame for his death?”

Namjoon hated it. The word “death” shouldn’t be spoken.

“Is there something I don’t know that is probably my mistake?”

Namjoon gritted his teeth. He told the other to read the book just about a couple seconds ago. Like, a couple seconds ago.

“N-namjoon... Tell me what happened? Why y-you...”

The man couldn’t hold his anger anymore. He turned and walked back heading into the mattress to grab Seokjin’s arm and slapped hard the pretty face. So hard that Seokjin’s corner lips bruised and bleeding. He pulled the pretty one off of the bed, dragged him into the bathroom as he ignored the whimpered. Seokjin barely could walk his lower back was in pain.

He pushed Seokjin to lay inside the bathtub and turned the shower handle on. Released the rain drop of cold water on Seokjin’s body.

Seokjin tried to pull his white long sleeves buttoned shirt to cover his lower body as the water got him wet, but instead of success, Namjoon roughly took off the only pair of clothing left on his body with force to tied his hands on his back.

With naked and shivered body, Seokjin tried to fight and struggled but Namjoon’s power won over him.

“N-namjoon...” Seokjin stuttered as the water poured down on his face and got him hard to breath. “There must be misunderstanding. W-we can talk... P-please...” He gasped avoiding the water.

“Talk?” Namjoon cupped Seokjin’s face and laughed with full of madness. “What I want to do is to shut your cursed little mouth up from talking!” And then he unzipped his jeans to reveal his manhood.


“Yes, hyung... I got your email and reading it. I will send you my reply in a minute. Please wait...”

Hyosang ended the conversation and continued to read the email he just received from his colleague in Seoul that also linked with the hospital where he took short medical course. His colleague asked him to become a keynote speaker for three days seminar with some other speakers and it will be held in Sweden.

“Min Yoongi?” Hyosang mumbled as he read the biography. “Ohh. I remember him.”

He finally sent the reply and climbed up his bed with a cellphone on his hand.

He tilted his head as he staring his cellphone with questioning look and scratched his nape. He sent some messages to Seokjin and still got no reply. He wondered if Seokjin way too busy to be bothered and answer his phone call. The last time the pretty guy contacted him was around lunch time the day before. There were 7 hours difference between South Korea and Sweden. And it should be around 10AM now in Seoul. He sighed and decided to sleep. He was too exhausted by the assignment in the hospital all day long, and it was almost the dawn when he finally got back into his apartment. He had 5 hours left to rest before going back to the hospital. At least.


Namjoon growled as he pushed his manhood on Seokjin’s throat. He moved roughly that his movements inside the throat could be seen by the eyes just by looking on Seokjin’s neck. He didn’t care how Seokjin looked nor how the pretty guy choked by his action. All he needed just to make Seokjin suffered.

He pulled the older’s hair back down so he could see the face clearly and pushed deeper that the nose of the pretty guy touched his stomach.

“Hoseok wanted to do you with care. Gently, and lovingly.” Namjoon laughed. “He was a vanilla type gentleman.” He growled. “But he wasn’t here. And that was your fault!”

Seokjin couldn’t hold his tears. His body was weak and he couldn’t move. He didn’t know what he did wrong. He didn’t understand why Namjoon blamed him for Hoseok’s death. He couldn’t even say a word to defend himself, Namjoon was deepthroat him, rough and mercilessly. He couldn’t do anything to fight the power, his hands were tied on his back by his own clothes. He was helpless under Namjoon’s domination.

Namjoon pushed harder and groaned loudly as he released his cum inside Seokjin’s throat. And it made the helpless pretty guy choked and throwing up on the bathroom floor. Slumped his weak body on the rim of the bathtub.

“I will release you when I finish what had written in the book.” Namjoon tidying his jeans and washed his hands on the washtafel. His clothes and jeans were actually got wet by the shower, but who cares.

Seokjin barely could catch his breath. His head spinning and his stomach didn’t feel any better. Yet, he could hear what was Namjoon saying clearly.

“And when the time comes, I will make sure you won’t say anything about what had happened here. I will make this revenge as nothing happens.” Namjoon took a cellphone from his pocket. “Ohh it’s Hyosang again. Your boyfriend?” He talked more to himself, that made Seokjin lifted his head, though with difficulty.

So, Namjoon even took his cellphone? And how come he could unlock it? Seokjin bit his lower lip, started to chewing it, again.

Namjoon approached the laid limped pretty guy. “What should I say to answer this Hyosang guy? Huh? ‘I’m having fun?’ or ‘I’m busy I will text you later?’ or what? Something bitchy and dirty?” He brushed Seokjin’s bangs like he had some affection, but no. “It will be fun, he won’t realize.” He smiled. And caressed the older’s cheek as he staring the mess on the other’s face. “I studied the way you texting him. It’s not that hard, sweetie...” He patted the cheek lightly and stood up.

“P-please... D-ddon’t...” Seokjin sobbed.

But Namjoon way blind for revenge. He left Seokjin alone without set free the tied hands of Seokjin.


Yoongi just arrived into the hotel room, he just finished a seminar when he received an email and shouted happily after reading it.

“Fuck the pills!! Sure I’m going!!”


Seokjin sobbed even harder. His hands were still tied behind his back and still lied inside the bathtub with water shower still poured down on him. And Namjoon just left him like a toy that had no value. Namjoon, that he wished he could be friends, at least. Namjoon, that he wished he could reach. Namjoon, the man in his dream that he wished could give him a warm embrace, as a lover.

But this Namjoon didn’t see him the same way. This Kim bloody Namjoon didn’t feel the same way. And this Namjoon wanted to take a revenge for Hoseok. A revenge that he didn’t even know he deserved it or not. All he remembered about Hoseok was his kindness. He admited that Hoseok way too kind. But, still, why Namjoon put the blame on him for his bestfriend’s kindness towards him. He didn’t even say something that could be possibly hurt Hoseok and caused the suicide. He swore to God, he didn’t.

Seokjin shivered. But, he didn’t feel cold anymore. He was numb.

And when he was about to give up his last strength, and let whatever might happens he won’t care anymore, a person came inside the bathroom. Released the tie and cupped his face tenderly.


A voice he didn’t know.

“H-hyung... I-I come to help you clean...”


Seokjin tried to lift his head slowly, and staring the stranger with heavy lidded eyes.

An innocent look young man. Could be younger than his cousin, Jungkook.

“N-namjoon hyung told me to make you clean and always ready.” The stranger bit his lower lip. Looked confused with his own sentences.

Clean and ready? For Namjoon?

Seokjin’s heart shrinked and broken as he realized the truth that Namjoon would only toying him, for a revenge.

“Please don’t be scare of me. I will take care of you, hyung.” The stranger turned off the shower handle and turned on the bathtub faucet to fill the bathtub with warm water.

Seokjin way too weak he didn’t give any respon and just let the young man bathe him.

“Hyung, my name is Bomin... Choi Bomin...”


Chapter Text

Seokjin got a new pairs of pale pink pajamas. Bomin helped him dressed and brushed his hair with a nice comb. Seokjin was just stayed silent and kept staring the door when the young lad did his duties “taking care” of him -including taking care the bruises Namjoon created on his corner lips- and Bomin noticed it.

“Namjoon hyung locked it.” Bomin smiled, but didn’t reach his eyes. The young lad looked as lost and conflicted as the kidnapped one. “He will be here in another 30minutes after I finish my duties.” He then gently dragged Seokjin to sit on the couch as he took a tray from the study table. There were cereals with raisins in a plastic bowl, two boxes of vanilla milk, an apple, and a bottle of mineral water. “I’m sorry if this is not what you usually eat for breakfast, hyung...” Bomin bit his lower lip. “Namjoon hyung only gave me this to prepare...”

Breakfast? It’s almost 11AM. Seokjin must eat breakfast before 8AM. Duh. Seokjin studied the tray. The cereals indeed the ones he loved to eat from a certain brand he always bought. And the milk as well. Did Namjoon made some research? He wanted to laugh.

Bomin didn’t let him eat by himself, he said that Namjoon told him to feed Seokjin. And Seokjin just followed the rules. He needed food he didn’t care much with anything else but eat at that time.

Seokjin took a glance between the door, the windows, the ceilings, and the young lad who feed him. Bomin looked like well educated young lad, with good manners. So why the hell he was there became Namjoon’s assistant to taking the hell care of a kidnapped guy.

“How old are you?” Seokjin asked.

Bomin took a tissue and wiped Seokjin’s corner lips. “I was born in year 2000, hyung...” He smiled.

“Don’t you go to school?” Seokjin forgot that it was Saturday.

“I am. But, it’s a homeschooling, hyung...”

Seokjin nodded and swallowed his breakfast. “You don’t like public school?”

“Well...” Bomin bit his lower lip. “There was some particular reasons...”

Seokjin just nodded. The young lad seemed doesn’t like the conversation to continue. But he really wanted to know why this young lost Bomin worked for Namjoon. He could get the answer later. Later? Seokjin laughed inside. He should find the way out and run, soon. Later doesn’t sound good.

They were in the cockloft in silence and Bomin left him after he finished his food, and took back outside all the goods he brought, including the comb and even the toothbrush.


Namjoon smirked as he watched the cctv monitor. He put a camera, hidden in the bookshelves and paintings so he could see and monitoring Seokjin from his room. He watched and secretly felt entertained when Seokjin started wandering around the cockloft tried to find a way to run. He took a cigarette to smoke it and laughed as he watched Seokjin shook hard the large trellised window.

“You won’t break it, sweetie...” He caressed the monitor as it close up Seokjin’s face. “I told you to read Hoseokie’s lyrics book. Why so stubborn?” He shook his head and continued to laugh. “I told you that I will release you when I’m finish, right? Take my words.” He stood up and took a heavy chains on the floor before he left his room.


“Looking for a way out, sweetie?”

A deep husky voice made Seokjin startled and positioned his body on a corner between the bed and the large trellised window. He didn’t hear any sound of creaked door and suddenly Namjoon was there inside the room. He stood up there snuggled on the wall as he tried to breath. When Namjoon came some moments ago to open the door for Bomin, he could breath normally because Bomin was there with them. But at the moment when he was just alone with Namjoon, suddenly the air couldn’t be sucked.

“You don’t have to...” Namjoon walked approaching frozen Seokjin. The pretty guy still frightened by what happened earlier he couldn’t move. He felt a sudden dizziness and his visions blurred, he didn’t even noticed the chains on the man’s arm. “You will be free when the time comes.” Namjoon smiled. “But for now...” He knelt down in front of the helpless one, and locked the chains on the right ankle of Seokjin and locked the other end of the chains on the hook on the floor under the bed. “Just stay...”

Seokjin was too moony to grasp the situation as he realized that namjoon chained him to minimalized his movements.

“W-why you did this...” Seokjin stuttered.

“I told you this is my revenge for my beloved friend.” Namjoon stood up and walked heading the large trellised window. “Ohh look. Spring day is coming. The scenery outside is so beautiful.” He made a gesture for Seokjin to come over, but sure Seokjin won’t move. Like, what the fuck. “As beautiful as you...”

Seokjin would be very happy if the person who told him beautiful wasn’t Namjoon who stood in front of him like a psychotic. But Namjoon he once loved...

Namjoon walked back to face Seokjin and raised his hand to touch Seokjin’s face, but sure Seokjin automatically kept his skin out of the reach. And Namjoon sure won’t let it. He cupped Seokjin’s face with his hand before caressing the bruised corner lips. “I’m going to the town, do you want something to bring as souvenirs?”

Seokjin gritted his teeth.

“Chocolate?” Namjoon raised his left eyebrow arrogantly. “Hyosang texted you earlier. He said he would bring you some when he come home.” Namjoon brushed Seokjin’s lips with his thumb, and Seokjin looked away to avoiding the touch. But Namjoon once again forced him to look in the eyes. “Such a sweet and caring boyfriend.” And he let go Seokjin’s face roughly, made the pretty guy bewildered and almost hit the wall.

Namjoon stepped back and left the room as he shouted. “Miss me!!”

The moment when Namjoon was no longer in the room, Seokjin squatted down and shook the chains. He pulled it harder just to witnessed it was solid and strong.

“Why he treated me like this? What did I do wrong?” Seokjin lashed the chains as he cried for the countless times that day.


Namjoon walked downstairs and heading into the kitchen. He met Bomin there.


“I’m going to my apartment. I’ll be back tomorrow, or whenever I feel like I want to.” Namjoon said as he opened the refrigerator and took a bottle of mineral water. “And don’t think to betray me whatever it is.” He gulped down the water. “I’m watching you.” He added. “And your Jaehyun’s future depends on how you play this game for me.”

Bomin looked down staring the kitchen tiles and bit his lower lip.

“Play this game nicely for me as I take my revenge for Hoseok, and Jaehyun’s future would be save.” Namjoon put the bottle on the island table. “You betray me, it is jail waiting for Jaehyun.” And he just walked away left the trembled young lad.

“I-I wwiil take care of S-seokjin hyung as you asked me, hyung...” Bomin mumbled, didn’t care if Namjoon couldn’t listen his words. “T-taking care of him... T-to b-be ready as your revenge t-toy...” A single tears dropped down on his cheeks. “So, Bongjae will be saved...” And he couldn’t help for another tears to fall down brutally made him cried, silently.


Yoongi was never a morning person, but for some certain reasons as professional pharmacist who worked in a university laboratory, he had to wake up early, almost everyday. Well, 9AM counted as too early for him though he had to be ready for 9.30AM. Sure he could wake up early for the pharmaceutical sake, but not today. He clearly remebered his agenda at the moment. Nothing. It’s Sunday morning between his hectic seminar days in South East Asia, he could sleep all day long until the following day.

But the knock knock on his bedroom door getting harder and louder it’s annoyed him.

He groaned as he kicked his blanket and lazily rollin down the mattress.

“I’m gonna shove em immortal pills if this is not an important shit.” He clicked his tongue. “So they will be here watching the damn cruel world plus those fakeness forever.”

He was just opened the door for about 10cm when he saw a glint of bright eyesmile greeted him.

“Yo! Min Suga genius jjang jjang man bong bong!!” A young lady with high pitch nasal voice squeaked on his ears.

And Yoongi automatically made a move to close the door. But the young lady was faster than him. She made her way entered the room.

“Yah!! It’s already 10AM why you are still on pajamas?”

Yoongi ignored her and walked back heading the mattress. “If you are not Namjoon’s cousin I really call a security.” Yoongi slumped on the mattress.

“Call me one or two then. I don’t have a bull-headed cousin named Namjoon.” She pulled Yoongi to sit. “Come on, accompany me to sightseeing. I heard there are some nice places for shopping as well.”

“Lord.” Yoongi groaned once again. “Find yourself a boyfriend so you don’t have to disturb me, Bomi ah.”

“Sure, don’t worry. I will have him in a matter of time.” The pretty young lady called Bomi answered nonchalantly. “Just watch me. I will have him before the Sweden medical seminar end.”

“Huh?” Yoongi finally opened his heavy eyes. “You are also going for medical seminar in Sweden?”

“Gosh. Of course, I am.” Bomi laughed. “Don’t you read the keynote speakers’ biography?”

“Not yet...” Yoongi shrugged his shoulders. “Not interested...”

“This sluggish genius.” Bomi rolled her eyes. “My reputation even way brighter than yours... Whatever. Come on get ready.”

Yoongi rejected to move. “Wait. So your future boyfriend will also attend the seminar?”

“My future husband, correct it.”

Now it’s Yoongi who rolled his eyes. “He will be there?”

Bomi smiled brightly. “Yes, he will be there.”

“Who is he?”

“You did hiphop music when you were younger, right? You know him.”

“I might know him if you give me a name.”



“You heard me.”

Yoongi knitted his eyebrows. “Wait. Is that, Kidoh... Kidoh? It’s not a seminar about hiphop music. Geez...”

“He was like you guys when he was way younger, before he focus on a medical field.”

“Is it really Kidoh that I know?”

Bomi folded her arms on her chest. “How many Kidoh we know? Have you met him?”

“Well, I haven’t. Just heard about him and his reputation in hiphop music.”

“But you guys did underground music, no? Kidoh as well...”

“Yeah...” Yoongi shrugged. “And Kidoh left to the States before we joined.”

Bomi just nodded and shrugged. “So, are you going to be ready or you need my help to bathe you?”

“Namjoon!! Take your crazy cousin outta here!!” Yoongi shouted and jumped off the bed.


“What his name again?” Yoongi asked Bomi as he paid the meals they ordered. Bomi already got some bites of toast in the hotel but Yoongi haven’t eat anything since he woke up. So, they decided to take a brunch before going around the city for sightseeing. This Bomi must be a witch who spelt him mantras so he agreed to accompany her for sightseeing.


“Kidoh.” Yoongi followed the young lady to the table near the window. “Kidoh was a stage name when he did music. His real name?”

“Ohh.” Bomi placed her tray that contained of fried rice with omelette and sausages, plus a glass of warm black tea on the table. “Hyosang. Jin Hyosang...” She answered and took a mouthfull spoon of her fried rice.

“Hyosang?” Yoongi mumbled and Bomi just slightly nodded while wriggled her eyebrows.

Yoongi put his chopsticks back on the tray, and ignored the hot beef noodle on the bowl. Hyosang? Is it Hyosang he knew? Who always together with pretty guy named Seokjin, that Hoseok used to talk about? Might be wrong. Might be different person. But, Bomi clearly said that she would meet him on the medical seminar in Sweden. He took his cellphone and checked the certain email he received to read the keynote speakers’ biography. And yeah, it’s Jin Hyosang he knew...


A week passed and nothing happened. Bomin came into the cockloft in the morning to help Seokjin wash and clean, and also prepare the breakfast. He came again in the lunch time and dinner time and then taking care of Seokjin to bath. Seokjin got cereals with raisins, sometimes banana another times apple, and vanilla milk for breakfast. Macaroni cheese or random pasta and salads for lunch. For dinner, so far he got sweet and sour pork, beef curry, and roasted chicken. Those menus were all his favorites, beside lobster that he never got. Well, lobster is not important at this certain moments.

A week passed and nothing happened in a whole week. Seokjin didn’t even see Namjoon came around into the cockloft, and somehow he felt a bit relieved.

The chains was still locked on his ankle. It’s long enough for him to reach the bathroom and bookshelves, but still the chains got him more like a prisoner. Not to mention that being kidnapped and been locked inside the cockloft itself was made him felt like in a prison.

A week passed. Seokjin even finished to read the book Namjoon mentioned. The olive green lyrics book that was Hoseok’s. There were some inappropriate words and swearing. But nothing sounds kink “to finish” there. Namjoon said he will release him when the time comes. But for how long the man gonna torture him. And Seokjin questioning what kind of revenge Namjoon would do him, because the worst thing over those sentences inside the book was the name “Jin” and “041292” written on the last page there.

Namjoon appeared in the Sunday afternoon, a week since he went to the town. The man brought Seokjin a piece of postcard and a pink drawing pen.

“Write something for your cousin Jungkook.” Namjoon put the postcard and pen on the table. “He texted you and asked when will you come to Busan, he is waiting. And he said he haven’t received a postcard from you for this month.”

Well, Seokjin used to send Jungkook a postcard once a month. He sent it every second week every month. And it’s already a week late from the normal habbitual.

Seokjin took the card and the pen, thinking hard what to write in such condition. And as he write the card for Jungkook, he remembered something. His assignment and scholarship.

“Is there any email for me from the university?” Seokjin hesitantly asked. “I should assisting Professor Lee next month.”

Namjoon took a glance for a while and leaned on the wall near him. “I will write a reply and tell them you are not in a good condition. They will find someone as your substitute.”

Very well. Seokjin was in a hellish bad condition...

Seokjin bit his lower lip. Not to assist Professor Lee is okay. But...

“And another email?” He forced himself to look Namjoon in the eyes. As he staring those beads, he tried to find the old Namjoon he wished he knew. Namjoon he adored and loved... “I must send some confirmation for the university I will attend to continue my study...” And ended chewed his lip. “I must send it...” He half begged.

Seokjin wished Namjoon still got a slight warm heart and kindness. Because Seokjin believed, Namjoon was a good and caring person. Because Seokjin believed, what had happened to him and the man was misunderstanding. Because Seokjin believed, he could make the man see him as a person who love him, and believed the man could love him back. He just needed to find a hidden answer inside the book and convince, the man was wrong.

“I will check it and send it for you.” Namjoon answered coldly. “Now, write your cousin some words, tell him that you are suddenly have important schedule for the university projects.”

But Seokjin might be wrong...


Chapter Text

It was autumn, around his second year as university student when the rain poured down not long after his class ended. He needed to walk for about ten minutes to reach into his apartment, but he didn’t bring an umbrella. He sighed as he looked up into the dark sky. He stood in the end of the hallway stairs as he chewed his lower lip. His white buttoned shirt with pale pink v neck sweater started to damp by the rain splashes. He didn’t know which one is better. Waiting the rain to stop or just run and let his body soaked by the pouring rain. It was an exhausting day, he wanted to be home as soon as possible and cook some delicious soup and then rest. So he decided to run.

He was about to take a light step and run when somebody snapped him with a loud voice made him startled, asked him to stay in his place.

“I’m sorry I scared you. Here, a young man asked me to give you this umbrella.”

He blinked cutely, a bit lost since he was a bit hungry and a bit felt cold. “From?”

“Ohh, I didn’t ask his name. I was here for food delivery service and about to leave when he called me and give me this umbrella to give it to you.”

He raised his left eyebrow.

“Probably your secret admirer. He was handsome btw.”

He received the olive green umbrella with questioning look. He was never know, someone soaked by the rain to reach the parking lot.


“Your cousin Bomi is a witch!!” Yoongi shouted, made the person in the other line laughed. “I followed her walking around the shopping center for about three hours damn it!!”

“Why didn’t you refuse and let her shopping on her own?”

“Ugh I’m not that mean. And you know how Bomi friends with Jimin and Taehyung, they are a group of evil witches.” Yoongi slightly laughed. He missed Jimin, his boyfriend who always spent at least a month in the archaeological sites. “Hey, Namjoon... Were you going to the graduation party?” He asked because he didn’t make a phone call since the seminar begun, even after he arrived back to Korea. Bomi told him that Namjoon was way in a better condition.

“Well... I went there...”

“Were you having fun?”

“Yeah. A little...”

“Thanks God.” A sighed of relieved. “I know you are strong. So let’s move on together. You still have us...”

Yoongi ended the phone call after he asked Namjoon if the man had spare time to meet like usually they did in a cafe near the university. He had no idea that the other person talked to him in the other line smirked evilish all the time, monitoring the pretty guy from his room. This pretty guy that Namjoon’s cousin, Bomi, had her eyes on the man named Hyosang. Jin Hyosang. The pretty guy’s childhood friend.


Hyosang sent a message, asked Seokjin if the pretty guy was available for video call. The man couldn’t deny that he was somehow worried because the pretty guy never answer his video call nor his phone call, though always reply his messages. He was with Seokjin since his very young age and quite understand Seokjin’s personality. It’s odd and far from narcissistic Seokjin he knew.


The cockloft large trellised windows were facing the backyard. And there were white and pink carnations prettily decorated the yard. Seokjin spent the days mostly just blankly staring the flowers. Moreover after that day when Namjoon asked him to write something in a postcard for Jungkook. They had some afternoon tea after he finished writing short greetings for his cousin. Ohh, it’s not a romantic and warm afternoon tea, of course not, because the one who enjoyed earl grey and caramel cakes was only Namjoon.

They were sat face to face. Bomin had been told to set a tiny table to put the teapot etc in front of the couch where Namjoon comfortably sat. And Seokjin sat in the chair on the opposite side. Well, with hands in the back and were tied on the chair. And a large napkin covered his mouth so he couldn’t talk. It was the worst Sunday afternoon ever. It would be the ugliest afternoon tea ever if there weren’t white and pink carnations on a vase adorned the table beside the teapot.

Seokjin was there to listen Namjoon babbling about Hoseok.

And even after what had happened on him, and even after Namjoon hurted him mentally and physically, Seokjin still had heart for the man. Because Seokjin could see the loneliness and miseries on the man’s beads. Because Seokjin could tell the grief and distress. Because Seokjin could feel the sorrows and suffers.

And even after what had happened on him, and even after Namjoon hurted him mentally and physically, Seokjin still wanted to hug the man. Still wanted to give the man warm embrace and tell him sorry for the loss. Tell the man that he loved him. Tell the man that he could help to heal the pain.

But Seokjin could only staring the man from his place, in silence, with shrinking heart. Shattered.

And those white and pink carnations were the only objects that helped him to stay sane.

He asked Bomin when the young lad cleaned up the table and untied his hands, why the house surrounded by carnations instead of roses or any other kind of popular garden flowers. Bomin told him that Mrs Kim, Namjoon’s mother’s favorite flower was white and pink carnations. She left a beautiful garden for her son to look after, before she went away to far away place no one could reach her to come back.

Namjoon was raised alone by his father since his second year of Junior High School. Namjoon was so young when his mother left him. And those carnations were always more than just flowers.

And based on Namjoon’s babblement, Seokjin concluded that Hoseok was everything since his mother left.


Another week has been away after the afternoon tea, and nothing happened. Namjoon didn’t come to the room and didn’t touch him.

And it was the third week since Seokjin been kidnapped.

The pretty guy was asleep that night but he stirred and raised an awareness when he heard a creaking sounds from the door. He twisted his position and found Namjoon stood there near the bed. Staring at him with sad look.

“N-namjoon?” Seokjin stuttered.

The man just stood up there, didn’t answer. The man just stood up silently as he looked like he was just cried and it was somehow made Seokjin felt miserable.

He did what the man told him, to read the book. The olive green Hoseok’s lyrics book. He finished to read what was written there. There were implied lines described how Hoseok kept his feelings for so long. He wasn’t sure about those implied lines, but he was somehow felt the guilt haunted him, though he could swear he didn’t do anything wrong. Well, some people had this ability to made you felt guilty. Namjoon made him felt that way. Though he could swear Hoseok was never asked him for a date or tell him things related feelings. He could swear he didn’t break anyone’s heart. But somehow he believed, he made Namjoon, the man on his daydreams became Namjoon, the man on his nightmares.


“Why didn’t you say yes and accept him?” The man asked with thrembled husky voice. “He loved you. And he was my beloved friend...” A single tears fell down on the man’s cheek. “You killed him...”

Seokjin was never quite grasp what was really happened. Hoseok was never telling him about feelings. But why he became the one to blame just because his name and birthdate was written there inside Hoseok’s olive green lyrics book.

“I didn’t kill anyone...”

“He just wanted to be loved by you...”

And ohh those implied lines, written there...

And the man let another tears dropped. Sobbed like a child.

And Seokjin couldn’t hold himself to jumped off the bed and reached the man, to give the grieving one a warm hug. Once again Seokjin couldn’t deny that his feelings towards Namjoon way bigger than anything. Seokjin wanted to believe that the man was hurt and what had happened between them was only misunderstanding. Seokjin still wanted Namjoon to listen the explanation. Seokjin still wanted Namjoon to receive the genuine warm embrace he offered. Seokjin still wanted Namjoon to trust him, that he wasn’t the cause of Jung bright Hoseok’s death. Seokjin wanted to convince, it wasn’t suicide, though he wasn’t sure.

Seokjin was there for a moment to calm the man with his warm embrace. Though the chains was still locked on his ankle. Though he was technically kidnapped.

He was there brushed the man’s blond hair lovingly. Shushed the man and patted the man’s back gently. Told the man that he was sorry for what happened to his beloved friend.

He was there to give the man warm embrace as he noticed and smelt the glint of alcohol and cigarette.

He was there to give the man warm embrace until the man slowly release the arms wrapped around the body, and staring at him with those dark and evilish beads.

“Namjoon, are you okay? Are you feeling better? We can talk if you want. I will listen...”

Seokjin was naive. And his heart was stolen. Though after those torture and rudeness Namjoon did, he still had the love and affection for the man, the same, as big as before.

He was too late to realized when Namjoon smirked and shoved him down on the mattress. Pinned him with his legs, as the man tied his wrists on the headboard bed.


Chapter Text

He was about to walk into the parking lot when he saw him. Pretty guy he adored from afar. It was raining hard that afternoon. An autumn rain and it seemed the rain won’t stop pouring the earth for hours. And this pretty guy looked hesitated. He just realized that this pretty guy didn’t bring an umbrella. He bit his lower lip. The pretty guy was around 10metres in front of him, so close, yet so far away. He glanced into his left hand. He had a lovely olive green umbrella to protect him from the rain, and he knew this pretty guy needed to walk for about ten minutes to reach his apartment. But he had no courage to handed his umbrella for the pretty guy himself. Luckily, there was a person passed him by from the adminnistration office.

“Hyung... Can you, please get him this umbrella.” He said to the food delivery service guy as he pointed out black haired pretty guy wearing white buttoned shirt with pale pink v neck sweater. “I think he needs this.”

The person kinda got him questioning look why the hell he didn’t give the umbrella himself, but then he shrugged it off. Better to help without asking. It’s not that difficult. Just deliver an umbrella for the pretty guy in front of them, from the man that probably a secret admirer. So easy. “Well... Sure.” And he walked into the person, a lovely pretty guy, to give the umbrella.

The moment the food delivery service guy walked approching the pretty guy, he turned his back and ran into the parking lot. Totally soaked as he reached into his car.

He sighed and put his bag on the passenger back seat. Right beside an olive green lyrics book.


The sunlight crept in through the large trellised windows. It was about 6.32 in the morning and Seokjin couldn’t sleep since the night before. Not even when his body felt sore after badly tortured by the man who fell asleep beside him. More over with the hands were still tied on the headboard bed, and half naked. His pajamas were still on his body but didn’t cover the body. The man unbuttoned the top part of Seokjin’s pajamas by force. And pulled down the bottom part to the thighs. And the man just did him roughly with no mercy. Though the man heard him cried, though the man heard him screamed, though the man heard him begged to stop.

Seokjin blinked. He was staring into the man’s back since the night before. Studying the figure who snored on his sleep. The man that looked so perfect. No doubt people in the entire of the university called him Kim hot genius. No wonder young ladies he met around the campus talked about this man and how they wanted to date the man. Kim Namjoon was perfect, they said. But no. Seokjin was there for almost three weeks, and though he didn’t see the man everyday, he could confidently tell that the man wasn’t perfect. The man was hot. The man was genius. The man had great reputation. But the man was broken.

‘Save him, Jin. Don’t think anyone else is going to save him, because there isn’t anyone. Save him.’

Seokjin got these kind of whisper on his head haunted him since he had a little conversation with Bomin. Namjoon was alone and lack of love nor affection since his mother gone. His father way busy with the companies and wanted Namjoon to continue the dynasty, when Namjoon himself just wanted to do musics. But in the end, Namjoon had this certain similarity as filial son just like him. Bomin said that in the age of 19, Namjoon already got a degree in economics and bussiness major from the university in States. The man came back to Korea and took an engineering major just because he wanted to spend a little more times with his friends before he take over the responsibility as the heir of Kim & Co. Hoseok was in the same major with Namjoon. And they were always together.

Bomin said that Hoseok was the person who helped Namjoon a lot when the man had a hard times since Mrs Kim, Namjoon’s mother passed away. Well, Min Yoongi also counted as close friend. But same age friend was somehow different.

Seokjin understood the situation. Seokjin believed it wasn’t about hatred. Nor revenge. Seokjin believed, Namjoon wasn’t a dark person. Was never. Namjoon just needed a person to make him realize he is loved. Hoseok was the person. Hoseok was always there gave him support as it needed.

And Seokjin wanted to help the man. He wanted to be the person who always be there whenever the man feels down. He wanted to be the first person to tell and see when the man feels happy. He wanted to save the man from the anguish and sorrow. He clearly knew, he could never be the same sunshine as Hoseok. He could never replace the brightness. That’s fine, as long as he could help and save the man.

Though, Seokjin also needed help.

Seokjin blinked once more and shifted when the man stirred and groaned. A moment ago, all he wanted to do was talk to the man. Wished the man would listen. But the moment the man locked his gaze on him, he lost his confidence. He could see hatred there on those beads. And once again the same question blew his mind. What was really written inside Hoseok’s olive green lyrics book. He finished the book without any clue why Namjoon hated him so much. It was just his name and birth date he could find. And some implied lines that he wasn’t sure. The rest was nothing. Even though Hoseok had feelings towards him, Namjoon had no right to put the blame of Hoseok’s death on him. He did nothing nor say something that could possibly hurt the sunshine. Yet why Namjoon hated him like hell.

Seokjin shifted again to avoid any skin contact. The night before, after Namjoon fell asleep, he managed to pull the blanket with his feet to cover his lower body up around his waist. But the way the man took a glance on his stomach, before staring back at him was perfectly made him frightened.

Namjoon shifted to sit and lightly shook his head. He groaned a loud more as he felt the headache banged on him. He looked around and picked his long sleeves shirt -well, the man fell asleep after fixed up his jeans’ zipper- and took cigarette from the pocket. He rested his back on the headboard bed as he smoked, ignoring the person beside him that still tied and half naked coughed by the smoked. The man was just sat there enjoyed smoking without any single word and was about to take the third one when Seokjin finally braced himself to speak.

“I-it’s not good...” Seokjin stuttered. And his cracked voice made the man beside him turned his attention, glanced at him for a while. “S-smoking... I-it’s not good. For your health...”

Namjoon looked away, facing the bookshelves. “Don’t act like you care...”

Seokjin bit his lower lip. “I care... I care much about you...”

“Such an angel.” Namjoon laughed as he staring the half naked pretty guy. “You were conscious enough to understand your situation, right?” He laughed harder. “You are so funny...”

Seokjin knew he was somehow stupid. Namjoon was true. How come he said such thing to the person who kidnapped and tortured him for a revenge. It hurts. It hurts his feelings to see the man he loved treated him as an object, not as a person, a human. But he won’t deny his feelings. That he cares. And he wanted Namjoon to understand that.

“I wonder if this side of you was the reason why Hoseok loved you.” Namjoon smoked the cigarette with shakily hand, and blew the smoke in the air. “Such a waste feelings...” He stood up and picked his shirt. And the moment he finished wearing his long sleeves shirt, he took another cigarette from the pocket, just to make the room awfully full with smoke.

“Nothing to be called a waste feelings.” Seokjin snapped, made the man look at him. He didn’t know where he found the courage to fight the argument. “It’s precious. It’s worth—“

“THEN WHY YOU DIDN’T ANSWER HIM NICELY?!” Namjoon grabbed Seokjin’s ripped pajamas.

“He didn’t say anything!”


“I swear to God...” Seokjin hissed.

“More lies...” Namjoon tightened his grip on the other’s pajamas with anger look.

Another hissed came from Seokjin’s mouth. His tied hands were sore and bruised. It stung, and his lower back didn’t feel any better. “Namjoon, please... We can talk...” He softly persuaded to calm the man. “We can talk like normal people... Please, trust me... Please...” He chewed his lip. “Please release the tie. And we could talk about your beloved friend, Hoseok. Trust me, it’s just misunderstanding between us. Hoseok was never---“


And Seokjin cried out when Namjoon deeply pressed the ignite cigarette on his soft skin under his left collarbone.

“I swear Hoseok was never told me about feelings!! I swear!!” Seokjin cried even more. “You only talk about his feelings. Have you ever consider mine?” He sobbed. Namjoon hovered above and pinned him with anger look, waiting the rest of the sentence the pretty guy wanted to spill. ”I like you... Kim Namjoon, I like you...” He cried his feelings out.

For some moments, Namjoon looked at him like a lost puppy. Lost, fragile, and confused. But then the man chuckled. And the chuckles turned into laughter.

“Really? Can we be clear? Are you confessing?” The man laughed like a mad man. “Confession is good for the soul.” He caressed Seokjin’s cheek. “But I won’t take yours.” He shook Seokjin’s pajamas from his grip and climbed down the bed. He stood up. “Such a waste feelings...” He repeated the words. And just left, like he used to. Leaving Seokjin who cried alone until Bomin came to take care of him.


“Is there any other way to solve your problem?” Bomin squeezed his mug as he talk with the older guy. “This hyung is suffering. Namjoon hyung tortured him like a psychotic.” Even earl grey on his mug couldn’t make him feeling better.

The other young lad just kept silent. Feeling conflicted.

“Last week when I bathe him, I found a burnt scar around his collarbone. It must be Namjoon hyung’s cigarette.” Bomin bit his lower lip. “It’s cruel for being abusive. How come he took a revenge for Hoseokie hyung with such way...”

“This hyung has boyfriend that loves him so much.” The other young lad said. “This way, everyone will suffering. Namjoon hyung wanted to make those people connected with Hoseok’s hyung death suffers like him.”

“But this is wrong... Hoseokie hyung would never approve such idea... It’s totally insane! We don’t know what really happened between them!”

“I know... I’m sorry...”

“Bongjae, what should we do?”

The young lad called Bongjae sighed and rubbed his face desperately. “I wish I know what I should do...”


“Min Suga genius jjang jjang man bong bong!!”

“Damn. That voice again.” Yoongi clicked his tongue. He was in the cafetaria near the university laboratory, about to enjoy his afternoon tea before going back into his apartment.

“Do you have time? I want to talk about my paper for the seminar in Sweden and ask your opinion.”

“Why? Your reputation even way brighter than mine.” He snorted.

“I know. That’s why I feel the need to discuss and take some critics from you so I can do my presentation perfectly. That is what so called reputation.” She grinned.

Yoongi grinned back. “Bomi ah... I’m very busy at the moment. I have to drink a cup of tea.” And he stood up gathered his things.

“Sit back. Or I’m gonna tell Jimin you flirted with some young ladies in last seminar in South East Asia.”

“Wait, what?” He jawdropped. “I didn’t!”

“Well, let’s see it’s you or me he gonna believe.” Bomi said with victory smile.

“You evil witch.” Yoongi rolled his eyes.

“Thanks. I will take it as a compliment.” And she gave the paper to grumpy Yoongi.


“Namjoon, my emails...” Seokjin asked when the man came to see him again after a week. “It’s important. Have you send the reply?”

“I sent it.” The man answered nonchalantly as he took the apple of Seokjin’s breakfast from the tray and bit it. “I even sent a text to your parents. You might get a reply.”

Well, Seokjin’s parents was never the type that always monitoring their son nor the type who love video call. Seokjin’s mother was the type who really loved sending postcards. And at the moment, Seokjin’s parents were happily travelling in South America after spent the days enjoyed the scenery in Russia by the Trans Siberia. They sent some pictures for Seokjin and texted they gonna send some postcards later, that’s why Namjoon texted them back.

And Seokjin hated the way Namjoon casually exchanging texts with Hyosang and his parents like nothing happened. Well, the man created some situation to make it less suspicious. “It’s password protected.”

“Oh, please.” Namjoon laughed.

It’s no use to fight Namjoon. Seokjin thought. There must be something he could do than arguing the man. He needed to dig more, first. But how? How he dig? How to communicate with the man who blamed him for his beloved friend’s death. It’s not as easy and simple like talking with normal people. No. Namjoon is broken. And Seokjin wanted to cure the broken pieces. Save the man with the love he had.

Seokjin bit his thumbnail as he deeply thought about what’s better to say. Something that won’t triggered the man or he would ended being tortured again. He was about to ask something light like hobby, though it’s sounded ridiculous, when Namjoon’s cellphone buzzed.

“Ssup?” The man greeted and had some conversation with the person on the other line. “Medical and Pharmacy seminar? You, and Bomi? Sweden?”

The said place made Seokjin turned his head and listen.

“Well, okay. I will be there within an hour. See you.”

Namjoon took back the cellphone on his pocket jeans and walked towards Seokjin who sat on the mattress. Shoved the half finished apple he ate on Seokjin’s mouth. Forced the pretty guy to bit it. “Finish this.” He said as he brushed Seokjin’s bangs. “I will be back before dinner.” He smirked. “Prepare yourself.”


Chapter Text

This world is rough, we must be strong enough to live on. And children didn’t ask anyone to be born in this world by themselves. Parents made it happens. And it’s parents’ responsibility to raise their children with love and affection, so that children understand that they are loved, that they are matter, that they are there in the middle of the family as a gift. But sometimes, parents forgot that children has their own thoughts, their own souls, their own dreams. Parents can give good advice to their children and encourage them to do their best, but the final decision of the dreams lies in their own hands.

And parents sometimes didn’t know, that the worst thing to be heard from them is “I’m disappointed in you.”

Namjoon was one of those children that couldn’t decide his own will, his own dreams, his own desire because of his parents. Because of his father. Namjoon spent his childhood and adolescence trying to please his father. Mr Kim was a perfectionist and he expected Namjoon to have the same high standards and to be perfect. And Namjoon failed. And that led him into depression. And it getting worse after his mother passed away.

Namjoon was never had any desire to become a heir of KIM & Co nor to continue the family business. His desire was to become a musician.


“Seokjin didn’t come to visit you?” Hyosang rubbed his temple, had a conversation with the person in the other line. A bit headache as he reached another folder and read the files inside. Well, he had so many to prepare for the seminar and he had a hectic schedule in the hospital. He nodded and shrugged whenever the other person answered him. “Assignment? He got schedule to assist Professor Lee next month. He didn’t tell me about another schedule this month.” He flipped another page of the file.

“Well, it’s okay if he is busy. It’s just somehow weird he didn’t answer my video call... We are still texting though.” He responded as he read the file. “Ehh? What? He didn’t answer yours as well?” Then he laughed when the other person in the other line joked around about Seokjin finally got a boyfriend but the man was somehow possessive. “Yeah, who knows. He didn’t tell me, but let’s see the surprise.” He laughed more. “Sure. See you two months from now, Jungkookie.”

He ended the conversation and continue to read. But something got him full with thoughts. Is Seokjin really okay? It’s okay for him if Seokjin really busy with university projects, or even got a boyfriend, they had this talk before he went to Sweden. But what if Seokjin hiding something from them.

“I wonder if Seokjinie already make a move as I told him and that Kim bloody Namjoon accepted his feelings.” He smiled bitterly. “Well, that young Kim hot genius looked a bit possessive though. Judging from his appearance.” He laughed to cheer himself up.


“Namjoon!” Bomi waved her hand when Namjoon entered the coffee shop. Yoongi was beside her. The two used to meet in the campus cafetaria to discuss the material for Sweden seminar, but that day Namjoon asked them to meet in his favorite coffee shop. “What took you so long?”

“Yeah, what took you so long? You are wasting my precious time.” Yoongi clicked his tongue.

Namjoon took a seat and ordered a cup of iced americano along with some menus for lunch when the waitress came to the table. “Sorry, I drove from the old mansion it took an hour driving.”

“The old mansion?” Bomi knitted her eyebrows. “Are you live there now?”

“Well, I stay there mostly in the weekend...”

“Aww something is fishy.” Bomi laughed and teased the man. “Do you secretly hide someone there? Your lover that your father won’t accept because he or she is not in the same level with your family?”

Namjoon laughed and sneered. “I better to keep my lover in my apartment than to keep him in the old mansion.”

“So?” Bomi asked for the detail situation.

“Well... The old mansion was the place where I spent my childhood to take care of my mother when her condition got worse and worse every single days. And I miss her... I miss her every single days, and... It’s become harder after Hoseokie...”

There, Bomi couldn’t ask for more question. To talk about Namjoon’s mother and Hoseok could be more triggered than to talk about him as the heir of KIM & Co.

“Okay...” Yoongi cleared his throat as he understood the situation. And Bomi just sipped her chamomile tea. They ordered lunch earlier but asked the waitress to serve their meals when Namjoon arrived. “Well, we are actually wanted to have some friendly lunch and warm small talk like we used to...” He looked hesitate.

“Go ahead...”

“And we wanted to make sure that you are okay.”

Namjoon received his americano and enjoyed it. “I’m good.” He answered nonchalantly. “Don’t you see?”

Yoongi took a glance into the young lady beside him before replied the man. “Then, we are happy to hear that from you.”

“Come on guys, I’m not a kid that you have to worry anymore. And I’m here for having some fun. Not to hear some lectures.”

“Sure...” Yoongi didn’t want to spoil the mood and they needed Namjoon to stay, they wanted to confirm some certain thing about the man’s habit. They wanted to make sure the man is really okay.

“Ohh, my lemon chicken and salad!” Bomi chirped to calm the heat as the waitress came to their table with their ordered meals. The waitress put a plate of chicken curry for Yoongi and a plate of pasta for Namjoon. “Pasta?” She raised her left eyebrow. “It’s the last menu you gonna choose and there are available menu of your favorites you can order, why in the world so suddenly pasta?”

Namjoon took a mouthfull pasta. “Not that I hate it. Just not my favorite...”

“Mkay. Whatever...” Bomi enjoyed her own meals. “How was your dad, btw?”

Namjoon just shrugged his shoulders.

Yoongi made a sign to the young lady to ask more because they needed to know what the man would do after the graduation.

“Let’s say your dad is fine.” Bomi continued. “So, what’s your plan then? Ready to take over KIM & Co, or wanna go for vacation first? Or anything else?”

“Or maybe we could go for vacation together to Sweden and North Europe?” Yoongi suggested. “Me and Bomi can reschedule our agenda after the seminar, so we can fooling around after it. How?”

“That’s nice!!” Bomi so excited with the idea. “Let’s go, Namjoon!!”

“Sounds boring.”

“Geez...” Bomi sneered. “We won’t know until we experience it ourselves. Come on. I insist!”

“Gimme some appealing reason.”

“Ugh. Who knows you meet someone and falling in love there.”

“Nice try, Bomi. But, not appealing enough.”

“Who knows you get inspirations to write songs there...” Yoongi added.

Namjoon put down his fork. “My dad would hate it.”

“Yah. You can be the filial son your dad asked you to be. And doing musics at the same time.”

“It’s not that simple, Yoongs. To be well known musician and doing musics are different. I won’t have time to perform on the stage the moment I took the family companies.”

“You would never know. Just try it first. We can do it together.”

“How?” Namjoon pierced his beads on the older man. “Without Hoseokie---“

“There... There... You are still live in the past.” Yoongi clicked his tongue. “Do you think Hoseokie gonna be impressed with you mourning his death like there is no future for us? He will be sad for sure.” Yoongi said. “Cheer up a bit. He will be happy to see us continue our life.”

“You guys don’t know how to be me...”

“Then let us to know...” Yoongi and Bomi said in unison.

“Share with us so we can help...” Bomi reached out Namjoon’s hand. “You have us, please talk whenever you feel burdened...” She said as she exposed the man’s arm that covered with grey buttoned long sleeves. Because that’s what she and Yoongi wanted to confirm.

And Yoongi rubbed his face roughly when the arm was totally exposed. “Can we order some dessert?” He asked Bomi. “Let’s continue to talk later.”

Bomi bit her lower lip and took a glance to the pale skin man, before she released her grip from Namjoon’s arm and asked the waitress to order more.


Seokjin was blankly staring the carnations garden outside, with the help of the dim lightening, when he heard the piano melodies been played from the room downstairs. It was around 6.49PM almost dinner time. Seokjin didn’t know much about classical music, he couldn’t tell which one is Bach, Chopin, Beethoven, nor Mozart’s masterpiece. But he could tell the beautiful melodies were from a movie he watched when he was younger. It’s Victor’s Piano Solo and The Piano Duet from Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride. It’s beautifully stabbed him right to the heart. Beautiful yet anguish at the same moment.

But he wondered who played the piano? Namjoon? If it was the man, why he played such melodies. Tim Burton had so many masterpieces with beautiful yet dark soundtrack, as the movie itself. And amongst those masterpieces, why Corpse Bride? More over when the man was into hiphop culture. Well, everyone has the right to play any instrument they like for any different genre they know. Seokjin just wanted to know why Namjoon played it.

A creaked sound from the door distracted him. Bomin came with tiny table he recognized. So, he would have a dinner with Namjoon? But sure not a romantic one, just like the afternoon tea they had before.

“Hyung?” Bomin greeted the older as he put the table beside the bed.

“Hey...” Seokjin answered with genuine smile plastered on his face and got his attention back on the carnations garden. Staring the beautiful flowers and drowned into the beautiful melodies, felt a bit sleepy. He taken aback when the melodies ended.

“Was that Namjoon?” He asked the young lad.


“The piano melodies that been played just now. Was that Namjoon who played it?”

“Ohh that... Yeah it was Namjoon hyung who played it...” Bomin settled the table with white tablecloth and took the chair from study table. “Beautiful, right?” He smiled bitterly. “Will be more beautiful if he didn’t treat you like this.”

Seokjin shifted away from the window and sat on the mattress. “I don’t even know why he is so persistently blaming me for his beloved friend’s death. Did you know why?”

Bomin couldn’t answer the question. Because he didn’t know.

“I properly met Hoseok once, and had some friendly conversations with him. But we didn’t talk about feelings, he didn’t even mention it. Instead, he mentioned about Namjoon and asked me what I think about people called him Kim hot genius. But really, Hoseok didn’t confess nor say anything related his feelings towards me. So why Namjoon...” Seokjin couldn’t continue his words.

Bomin followed Seokjin to sit on the mattress and held the older’s hands. “I know nothing about the reason behind his cruelness towards you, hyung.” Bomin didn’t look into the other’s beads, he way conflicted between his agreement with Namjoon for Jaehyun’s sake and feeling guilty by Seokjin’s condition. “But I can tell you that he was nice and caring person before his mother passed away. He was kind. A genius with warm personality and far from...” The young lad looked into the chains that chained Seokjin’s ankle.

“Far from this madness?”

Bomin nodded. “He became cold and mean after his mother passed away. His father didn’t treat him any better as a son. His father just wanted him to be a perfect heir who had responsibility to continue the KIM & Co.”

“I know how it feels.” Seokjin smiled bitterly. He and Namjoon had this poor similarity. “It’s hard to be filial son. But maybe I am more lucky than him, because my parents just wanted me to become an architect, and marry Hyosang my childhood friend, though I have this certain person I love. And it’s not Hyosang. But at least, I got enough love and affection.” He ruffled Bomin’s hair, treated the young lad like he did to Jungkook. “I will try to---“

Seokjin couldn’t finish his sentence because Namjoon suddenly appeared on the room and made Bomin jumped from the mattress and stood awkwardly.

“I will prepare the dinner soon, hyung.” Bomin said to Namjoon. “A minute...” Then he left in a rush.

Namjoon didn’t give any response to Bomin and walked heading the large trellised window, and Seokjin’s sight followed the man. Namjoon just stood up on the windowsill, looking outside. What else if it’s not the carnations garden. The cockloft was actually the best place inside the house to get the best view of the garden. The cockloft was Namjoon’s old bedroom. He used to stay there, it was the place he had some rest after taking care of his mother until the day he couldn’t met the person who loved him the most, ever again.

The man shut his eyes closed and drowned on his own thoughts, leaving Seokjin wondering alone what kind of hardtime the man had been through. Must be hard to lost a mother and a best friend, with burdened responsibility as a perfect son and perfect heir of a monstrous company in South Korea. At a moment, Seokjin understood. Namjoon seemed tough outside, but actually shattered pieces inside. People said that Namjoon got everything everyone wanted to ask. Brains, good look, wealth. But they didn’t know what actually happened to the man. He wasn’t perfect as they thought. He wasn’t fortunate as they said.

“I...” Seokjin cleared his throat, wanted to create good atmosphere. And it succeed to make Namjoon opened his eyes. “I heard you played the piano. It was beautiful.”

Namjoon just looking at him with flat expression.

“It was Victor’s Piano Solo and The Piano Duet, right?” Seokjin waited for some reaction. “Do you like Tim Burton’s?”

A moment of silence.

“It was my mom. She loved Tim Burton’s and we often watched movies together.”

Flat and cold. But it made Seokjin wanted to jump and yell and hug the man. It’s hard to believe that Namjoon answered him for such question without any flare up nor anger tone.

“Ahh, I see. That’s lovely...” Seokjin smiled. “I used to watch Ghibli movies with my mom when I was younger. My favorite was Princess Mononoke...”

Namjoon turned his head back to look the scenery outside, staring the carnations garden. “But you still have your mom...”

Seokjin felt the guilt after it. Wrong topic, he wasn’t sensible. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...”

Thankfully Bomin came with the dinner. The young lad arranged the plates and glasses, with a bottle of red wine and of course white and pink carnations on the vase. It took a moment and they were there in silence.

“Have a nice dinner, hyung...” Bomin said and left the two.

Seokjin didn’t move from his spot, still sat on the mattress. Last time when they had afternoon tea, the table been settled in front of the couch and he sat on the chair, but this time the table been settled beside the bed near the window and Namjoon probably would sit on the chair, so he stayed on the mattress. Well, he was right. A little.

Namjoon took one of the large napkin from the table and approached the pretty guy. What else the man would do if it’s not gonna tie Seokjin’s hands on the back.

“Is this necessary?” Seokjin couldn’t deny that he hated it. Well, who didn’t hate to be treated like that.

“Very much necessary.” Namjoon answered as he tied the soft hands.

One thing that Seokjin should be ashamed as a person who had been kidnapped was feeling calm as he inhaled the spesific scent of Namjoon, who kidnapped and treated him bad. The mix of bitter orange and pepperwood of Namjoon’s perfume that blended with the man’s sweat, it’s relaxing. But the calm feelings over Namjoon’s pheromones only began to happened for the last two weeks. Since the drunk man fell asleep on his bed that night. The calm and relax feelings over Namjoon’s pheromones, it didn’t happen before that night.

Right after done the tie, Namjoon brushed Seokjin’s bangs and put a hairpin there.

“Huh?” Was the only word came from Seokjin’s mouth. His sight followed the man as he questioning what more weird surprises would the man do. And he gasped when the man took something from his pocket coat and put it on the table. Turned out to be a small cutter.

Okay the dinner was steak they needed to cut it and they got steak knifes already. But, why in the world Namjoon needed cutter. For having knifes there was frightening enough for Seokjin. And cutter? What for? The calm feelings were gone.


Namjoon didn’t answer. He poured the wine into his glass and took it. He sipped the expensive wine while locked his gaze on Seokjin’s beads with cold look.


Chapter Text

I want to hold you, make it come true

Give all my loving but I don’t even know you

I’ll be your sunshine in pouring rain

And say I love you but I don’t even know your name.





“Guys!!” A squeaky nasal voice of beautiful young lady greeted the people in the room. The living room of Park’s residence. “Thanks for coming here in this lovely house.”

“This is not your house, Bomi ah.” The man with pale skin and sluggish look replied.

“Mmm? So what? Not yours as well, Yoongs. But at least I am Mrs Park’s favorite.” The young lady named Bomi answered with triumph.

“Yah yah... You two why always bickering like this. Are you guys, dating?” The man with bright sunshine aura laughed. “I wonder what kind of babies you would have if you two marry each other.” He laughed out loud, made the person beside him that wore tattered t-shirt and square smile, laughed as well.

“Yah, Jung Hoseok. You are usually funny. What happened with you today?” Bomi pouted. “How come I marry this cold hearted stone when the only person willingly to date him was Park Jimin?”

And the man who got the name mentioned, Jimin, joined the laughter festa.

It was Sunday afternoon in the end of spring holiday and Bomi asked the guys to gather up. She was actually invited them to come into her house, but then Jimin suggested to gather in his house because his mother told him she would bake them cheesecake for afternoon tea.

“So? Is there any urgency why we are here?” Yoongi asked.

“As urgency as your future.” Bomi said nonchalantly and got ‘you kidding me’ look from Yoongi plus a clicked tongue. “But, where is Namjoon?”

“Sorry, I’m late.” The man just rushed up.

“No prob.” Hoseok shifted to give Namjoon space to sit. They were all sat on the carpet instead of the couch, around the table that full with mugs and a whole round cheesecake ready to devour. “Your dad again? Talking about KIM & Co again?” Hoseok asked the younger while the other were busy chattering nonsense.

Namjoon just sighed and shrugged his shoulders. And Hoseok understood that Namjoon wasn’t in a good mood to talk, so he gave the man a light pat on his back.

“Okay, let’s go!” The young man with square smile seemed couldn’t wait any longer.

And Bomi happily reached the large totebag she brought along from home. “Since I just came from a lovely holiday... Here...” She took the goods and handed each to the men around her. “Souvenirs from Japan.”

Yoongi received the souvenir package in paperbag as he laughed mockingly. “I thought that you were going to the space and won’t comeback. I was so happy...” He opened the paperbag, revealed a nice handmade book with olive green cover, omamori -known as lucky charm- and a bottle of sake.

“How many times I told you I’m not Taehyungie?” Bomi rolled her eyes.

“Yah!” The young man with square smile named Taehyung protested.

“But Taehyungie is so special.” She winked and handed the man who sat on the opposite side another package.

Jimin shrieked when he saw what Taehyung got. “Seriously?”

It was faked Death Note. The imitation book that mostly used for cosplay. But still fascinating. And sure, Taehyung chirped happily. “This is great!”

“Ahh, I want it...” Jimin pouted, kinda jealous.

“Make sure you put the name Min Yoongi there.” Bomi said as she handed another package for Hoseok.

“I’m going to write Min Yoongi and Yoon Bomi here...” Taehyung grinned and gained a whack from Yoongi and Bomi.

“It’s Yoon Yoon...” Hoseok added, and Jimin laughed along with Taehyung. Yet, he got a deathly glare from the young lady and a clicked tongue from the pale one. “Just kidding.” He cleared his throat and smiled nervously.

Bomi gave each person souvenirs a bit random. There were a bottle of sake, figurine, umbrella, t-shirt, totebag. A piece of omamori for each person with different hopes and wishes, and handmade book. Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon got the same colour. Jimin got the grey one, and a pink one for her own self. And she bought wagashi -the sweet snack with unique and lovely form, depends on the season- for everyone.

It was lovely afternoon tea in Sunday when the spring holiday almost end.

[end of flashback]


Namjoon poured some wine into the other glass and took it on Seokjin’s lips, made a gesture for the pretty guy to sip. Seokjin was actually not into drinking. Even a light wine. But he had no choice so he gulped a bit. And then Namjoon started to cut the meat and feed Seokjin. Namjoon himself didn’t take any bite of the steak at all.

“Bomin cooked this?” Seokjin asked to break the ice. “It’s good. Ahh, no. This is excellent. Why don’t you take some bites yourself?” 

Namjoon didn’t answer.

“Don’t you hungry?”

The man seemed not interested with the conversation Seokjin tried to build.

“Your steak is getting cold, you—“

“Shut up and eat.”

Seokjin bit his lower lip to supress the urge to laugh. He usually bit and chewed his lip whenever he was nervous or scared, but this time he found the man had this cute side. Seokjin must be out of his mind for having such feelings. Well, his heart was stolen, and it’s probably along with the brain. He forgot that he was frightened by the cutter a moment before.

So, he obeyed and finished the dinner without talking. And Namjoon’s steak was left untouched.

Seokjin gulped another wine and Namjoon wiped his mouth with the napkin. And he waited for the man to say something. The man must be there had dinner with him for reason. Like the last time the man talked about his mother and Hoseok when they had some afternoon tea.

They were there in silence for some moment. Until Namjoon leaned his back on the chair and coldly locked his gaze into Seokjin’s beads as he reached the cutter. There, Seokjin got the dread alarm, alarmed him.

“There comes a point.” Namjoon started to talk. “Where you don’t give a damn if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel or not. You’re just sick of the tunnel. You don’t care anymore. You don’t want to walk anymore.”

“Huh?” Seokjin couldn’t catch the words.

“I didn’t ask to be born as the heir of KIM & Co.” The man said as he rolled up his sleeve to expose the arm. “I was never...”

Seokjin gasped when he saw the trace of self harm scar cuts. How come he did’t realize it before? Namjoon was always wearing long sleeves. But there was time when the man took off his clothes, that night when he was drunk. Seokjin was way frightened and focused on the other’s anger expression he didn’t notice the scar cuts.

“I didn’t ask to be born in the very first place.” Namjoon drew the cutter closer into his arm and scratched it.


Some blood dripped out.

“But you know, I love my mom. I lived for her...” The man scratched more.

And Seokjin’s heart shattered into pieces by looking the action.

“Namjoon, stop!!”

“Why?” Another cuts and blood.

“Namjoon, please stop hurting yourself... Please love yourself...” Seokjin tried not to cry. He needed to hug the man, but the first thing he had to do was to release the tie on his hands. Namjoon used to tied him with something thin like ribbon that whenever he moved his wrists, the knot would be tidying him tighter. But this time, Namjoon tied him with large napkin. And it should be easier to release if he concentrated more. “Namjoon please untied this!!” He finally sobbed.

It’s difficult to describe depression to someone who’s never been there. It’s not just ‘sadness’ nor ‘stress’ nor ‘loneliness.’ Seokjin understood, because he was there. He was there and experienced depression. He had so many things burdened him. He had so many things he kept inside. And not everyone could easily be opened up over their problems. But one thing made him grateful to finally won the battle. It’s Hyosang.

Seokjin also tried his best to be filial son. Seokjin did everything for his parents. Though his heart wanted something else. Though his heart had no passion in anything he did for his parents. More over when he was never had any desire to be an architect, yet his father didn’t let him to choose. He was there being depressed but he didn’t want to bother his parents. He was there feeling helpless but he got Hyosang helped him. And he let Hyosang to gave him a reaching hands when he needed it most. He survived from the deep abyss.

But, Namjoon... What kind of hardship the man had to face that lead him into Namjoon who harmed himself. He knew Namjoon was broken but he was always busy to read the man’s expression he didn’t notice the scar cuts of self harm.

If it’s about KIM & Co that Namjoon mentioned earlier. If the man said he didn’t ask to be born... What was it? What happened?

Namjoon always talked about his mother and Hoseok. And Seokjin just realized, the man barely talk about his father.

With more struggle, Seokjin succeed to release the tied knot on his hands, and carefully grabbed Namjoon’s hand that held the cutter. “Namjoon, look at me.” He said as he gently reached the cutter. “Namjoon... If I let you to finish any revenge you want...” He took a deep breath. “When you done with the revenge, will you listen? Will you listen to me?”

Namjoon’s breath hitched, his eyes red and glossy. But the grip over the cutter loosened.

“Will you listen to me, and go to see professional with me and let them help you? Will you let me help?”

Seokjin took the cutter and slipped it under the mattress as he locked the gaze with the man.

“I will let you do whatever you want for revenge.” Seokjin softly rubbed Namjoon’s palm. “Do whatever you want, but when you done...” He paused. “Please listen to my words. Let me help you...”

Namjoon banged his fisted palms on the table and shouted out his anger frustrations. A moment later, Seokjin found his body pinned on the mattress. And the man hovered above him.


Bomin fisted his palms. He didn’t leave after done prepare the dinner. He stood in front of the door and stayed, to listen. He wanted to make sure that Namjoon won’t do harm. But what could he expect from the man? He heard Seokjin screamed and cried. Like he used to hear. He just wished he won’t find any bruises when he bathe the pretty guy later.


Seokjin let another tears dropped on his cheek. Silently. Though he said the man could do anything, but still, being raped should not on the list. Because the man would leave him after he felt content. Without saying anything. Without feelings.

Namjoon groaned as he cum on Seokjin’s thigh. The man was never cum inside Seokjin. And sure, he dressed right away. And the moment he climbed down the bed, Seokjin grabbed his wrist.

“Finish whatever it is as soon as possible.” He said as he staring those dark beads of Namjoon. “Promise me you will listen...”

Namjoon pried Seokjin’s hand and staring back. But he didn’t say anything. For some moments they were just staring each other. Until Namjoon broke the eye contact and took his light steps to leave.


Bomin came to the room five minutes later to cleaned up the table and helped Seokjin to take a bath. And he sighed when he saw bruises on the older’s wrists and arms. And bite marks on the shoulder.

“I’m fine, don’t worry too much.” Seokjin said when the younger helped him to wear pajamas.

“This...” Bomin shook his head. “Where the hell is ‘fine’ these bruises told us? This is insane!!”

“He needs help...” Seokjin smiled.

“Hyung, please... You are hurting yourself...”

Seokjin ruffled Bomin’s hair. “He will release me before the spring end. Trust me.”

“Why are you so sure about him? I myself have so much doubts on him...”

“Because...” Seokjin looked outside through the large trellised window. Spaced out for a moment between the starry night and the carnations garden. “Because I believe he will listen...”

“Huh?” Bomin knitted his eyebrows. But then he shrugged it off. “Okay, then. Good night hyung. Rest well...” He rubbed Seokjin’s back.

“Bomin ah...”

“Ne?” The young lad tilted his head.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“What is that?”

“Can you please make a cup of warm chamomile tea for Namjoon?”




Bomin cursed the mug as he prepared the tea Seokjin asked for Namjoon.

“Seriously...” He sighed and went into Namjoon’s bedroom.

He knocked and entered when Namjoon answered him. “What’s wrong?”

“Seokjin hyung asked me to make you a cup of chamomile tea, hyung.” Bomin put the mug on the table. “Don’t worry, he didn’t ask me to add any poison there...” Then he bowed and left the man dumbfounded.


Seokjin flipped the olive green lyrics book and read those lines again.

I want to hold you, make it come true

Give all my loving but I don’t even know you

I’ll be your sunshine in pouring rain

And say I love you but I don’t even know your name.

We might not be meant to be

But I hope time will tell differently.

And the note of his name and birth date on the last page. He bit his lower lip as he took the hairpin Namjoon put on his bangs when they had dinner, from the bedside table, and staring it. Pink carnation hairpin.

“Will he listen?”

The universe must be laughed on his face for having such thought and confidence that Namjoon will listen.

He laid his back on the mattress and put the olive green lyrics book on the study table.

“He will listen...” He smiled as he shut his eyes closed.


Chapter Text

Look over here, Cherry

Not over there, Cherry

My wishes never reach you

I like you, Cherry

It’s not a lie, Cherry

My feelings for you just grow stronger

Come over here, Cherry

Because I’m waiting, Cherry



“Thanks for the breakfast.” Yoongi wiped his mouth with the napkin after finished a plate of sausages, bacon, grilled tomatoes, scrambled egg, and a slice of fried bread. “I didn’t believe in 6.00AM until today.” He smiled and got a light pinch on his waist from Bomi who sat beside him.

“I’m sorry for bothering you, guys.” The young lady felt bad. It was 9.27AM, kinda late for breakfast and not a brunch as well. “I’m sorry I can’t go to Seoul.”

“No, it’s not. No problem at all.” Bomi took her mug and sipped her tea, convinced herself that dragged Yoongi to the airport and took one hour flight to Ulsan was okay. “We are glad and thankful we managed to see you before you go to the States, Hajin ah.”

The young lady called Hajin smiled bitterly.

“Are you sure you really need to go? Instead of stay and live here in your hometown?” Bomi asked to feed her curiousity. “Won’t it better and easier to live somewhere familiar than to live in States?”

“Hoseok is our beloved friend.” Yoongi added. “You can count on us if you need anything for---“ He cleared his throat, tried to find any good words.

“For you and your baby.” Bomi bit her lower lip. “I mean, the unborn baby.” She scratced her nape. “Won’t it be hard to take care of yourself in the far away country when you are five months pregnant?”

“I hope it’s not.” Hajin smiled. “It’s hard to be here when the man you love, died in a car accident just a week after he proposed you.” She caressed her bulging stomach. “Trust me. It’s the worst feeling ever.”

Bomi stole a glance to the pale skin man beside her, asking for a word of help. But the man was as confused and lost as her.

“We are really sorry...” Were the words came from the caring young lady.

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was an accident...” Hajin started to sob, and Bomi couldn’t do more than to hug the poor one.


“Hyung... Hyung...”

Seokjin felt someone lightly brushed his shoulder. And beside the deep voice, he could also listened the happy chirping sounds from the birds outside the window. His body felt sore and he felt the sleepiness worthed a whole year of sleeping. He didn’t want to get up. He didn’t want to wake up, he needed a moment to force to open his heavy lidded eyes and adjusted his vision. Sure, it was Bomin tried to wake him up with manners.

“Breakfast is served.” The young lad pointed the tray on the study table. “Don’t you want to eat some?”

“What time is it?” Seokjin shut his eyes closed, wanted to continue to sleep.

Bomin tilted his head. The older used to wake up early and was reading books or just staring the garden outside everytime he came in the morning. “I come to serve breakfast as usual hyung. It’s 8.00AM.”

Seokjin groaned and pulled the blanket up to his chin. “I’m so sleepy. I will take some, later...”

“You look pale and unwell, hyung.” The young lad peeked. “I think, you really need to take some bites...”

“Later...” Seokjin replied. “Namjoon?” He asked with eyes still closed. “Is he, okay?”

Bomin sighed and shrugged his shoulder. “You should asked yourself hyung, are you okay?”

“You must be think that I’m stupid, Bomin ah... “ Seokjin smiled a little, without even bothered to face the younger. “I am...”

Bomin clenched his teeth, but before he could find any good words to reply, he heard the soft calm breathing from the pretty guy. The older one was fall back asleep.


“I feel bad...” Bomi sighed as she looked outside the window and saw the beautiful blue sky on their way back to Seoul. “We lost our beloved friend. We didn’t know he had a girlfriend, and the worst thing is we didn’t even know that we are still having him inside the new soul that could be as bright as him...”

“Hajin asked Hoseok to not tell anyone, since she was an idol trainee. You heard from her.”

“Yeah...” Bomi recalled the conversation they had. That the young lady decided to give up her dream to be able to get married with the man she loved. Later she found out she was pregnant, she didn’t regret it at all. But fate went hard on her. “It’s heartbreaking...”

“At least Hoseok gave her your phone number just because he thought she would need it. And he was right...” Yoongi rubbed his face. “She got family to take care of her. Not to mention that she came from wealthy rich family, everything will be okay.”

“Will she?”

Yoongi nodded.

“Okay. Let’s go visit our little Hoseok by the end of this year, Yoongs. But let’s not telling Namjoon about this until he is well enough.” Bomi sighed. “You saw those fresh scratches.”

“Okay, I agree.” Yoongi plugged the earphones. “Ahh, I still have an undone homework from Hoseok.” He clicked his tongue. “I couldn’t get the information profile he asked, so I wish I can get it when we are attending the Sweden seminar later.”

Bomi way too tired she could only knitted her eyebrows.


I like you, Cherry

It’s not a lie, Cherry

My feelings for you just grow stronger

Come over here, Cherry

Because I’m waiting, Cherry


Namjoon got his eyes closed, with olive green book on his left hand, the similar book of Hoseok’s he got from Bomi he used to write his thought there. He woke up earlier than usual, and decided to stay on the bed than to get up heading into the kitchen for having breakfast.

He couldn’t sleep quite well, his heart ache, his head felt like it gonna explode. He tried to calm his breathing as he listened to the chirping sounds of birds from the balcony outside of his bedroom. And it wasn’t quite helpful. Because everytime he felt those ill pain blew his heart and his head, he used to scratch his arm. Because those sting scrathes harm made him feel better, distracted him from feeling miserable.

But something caused the bleed on his heart even worse. It’s the chamomile tea that left untouched on his study table.


Seokjin found himself adoring the light raining that falling from the gloomy sky that afternoon. The sky was crying, dark and gloomy, yet had it mysterious beauty that loving. He didn’t move from his bed as he waited Bomin that usually appear aroud those hours to bring him tea and they would have some warm conversation to kill the boredom.

The sounds of falling rain drove him a bit spaced out and dozed off, he startled when instead of Bomin, Namjoon came entered the room. And he got his eyes bigger and gasped in disbelief when the man released the chain on his ankle. Later he knew the man just wanted to drag him into the downstairs straight to the kitchen.

“Bomin had something to take care and couldn’t make it in time to be here to prepare dinner.” The man said. “You cook dinner for us.”

Jawdropped, Seokjin almost laugh. To prepare dinner is something like a piece of cake for him. He mastered it. But the funny sweet thing was about Namjoon who asked him to cook. “Okay.” He smiled and looked around the island table and the whole kitchen. There was a rice box, a basket of eggs, a basket of carrots that made Seokjin questioning whether Namjoon pets a rabbit. And, that’s all. He won’t expect much what was in the refrigerator. “Does omurice okay for you?”

Namjoon lazily shrugged his shoulder. “Anything. I don’t care.” And then he left the kitchen.

The moment Namjoon disappeared from the sight, Seokjin checked the refrigerator and found fresh fruits and vegetables. “Nice...” He felt his heart warm. He finally could cook after weeks. And the most important thing, he finally got the chance to cook something for Namjoon.

“Hyosang, I’m sorry...” He mumbled in the middle of chopping vegetables while waiting the rice to be ready. “You were kind and perfect, yet I got my eyes glued for another man.” He felt bitter. “You were right. My heart was stolen.” He bit his lower lip as he turned his head facing the hallway where the sounds of relaxing piano melodies came from. “Along with my brain...”


Seokjin could run and looking for a help when Namjoon wasn’t aware. He could leave the mansion easily and run to the nearest residence in the neighborhood, yet he stayed. He even cooked for the man.

They had dinner in the dining room in silence. Drowned their minds in their own worlds as they quietly finished the vegetable omurice.

“Let me see your arm.” Seokjin braved himself to reach Namjoon’s hand when the man was about to stand up from the chair. He found a box of first aid kit in the corner of the kitchen shelves when he prepared the dinner and decided to take care the scratches on the man’s arm.

Namjoon seemed surprised by the sudden request, but before he even manage to refuse, Seokjin way faster, the pretty guy already put a cotton to sterilize the scratches and applied an ointment to heal the scars.

And the man stayed silent, blankly staring his own arm.

And it made Seokjin wanted to poke those dimples so the man would realize he was there taking care of him, with affection.

“What was it? The melodies you played with the piano, earlier when I prepare dinner?” Seokjin always had material to start a conversation with the man. A man that he thought was fine and perfect. Despite of the fact that the man was actually lost and broken.

Namjoon looked up for a moment before pierced his beads back to the arm. “Beethoven’s Silence.” He lazily answered.

“It was nice and calming.” Seokjin smiled. “I was almost fall asleep.”

Namjoon didn’t react nor bothered for having the conversation to continue. And Seokjin had no problem with it. Because at least Namjoon didn’t protest and let him to continue taking care the scratches.

“Okay done. You can take me back to the cockloft after I clean up the dishes.” Seokjin took the plates on the sink.

“Bomin would be here later, to wash those plates.”

“It’s okay. I can do this.” Seokjin loved the way Namjoon answered him without any sign of anger nor hard feelings. “This is nothing, I will finish this within a minute.” And he wished Namjoon would open up his heart for him.


“Thanks for having my cook and finished it without any leftover.” Seokjin said as Namjoon chained his ankle, just like before. “And good night.”

Namjoon didn’t answer and right away walked heading the door.

“Namjoon.” Seokjin called the name with his loving tone, and the man stopped for a moment. “The chamomile tea I prepared earlier, please enjoy it.” He clamped his mouth. “And promise me, you will let me help you...”

Namjoon left like the other days. Without words of reply.

“You said ‘You cook dinner for us’...” Seokjin mumbled. “Us...”


Namjoon went back into his bedroom with the mug contained of chamomile tea on his hand, staring the liquid before hesitantly sipped it. The tea was warm and nice. Study said that this tea eases insomnia. And a help for sleeping disorder.

The chamomile tea was nice.

But the moment he saw the olive green book he felt bitter...


I want to love without being hurt

I want to love without being hurt



Chapter Text

He was alone in the corner of the university library. It was one certain day around the lovely December in his third year of college era. The month he was born, the month he loved most. The one certain month with cold winter season, yet having such warm feelings. December. Everything was fine and normal. Nothing such a mess nor miserable, but one thing. He caught a flu. He didn’t feel well since earlier in the morning, yet he had to finish the assignment before assisting the afternoon class if he wanted to rest for the following day. He wanted to enjoy the Christmas holiday without any burden of assignments.

He caught a flu and a bit headache. He sneezed and coughed in every minutes as his head wanted to meet a pillow. His throat felt dry as the cought slowly annoyed him. So he went to the side of the librarian desk and took some warm water.

And when he came back into his table, there was a warm grey beanie with small “RM” letters laid on top of one of the books he read.

Well, he needed one since he didn’t bring his own. And he felt the cold was getting worse. He looked around his surrounding, empty. No one there. He actually wanted to ask who left the beanie for him because Santa way early for giving him presents, but he was the only person stayed in that corner of the library. He felt strange, and the unknown stranger who left the beanie must be an angel.

“Whoever you are, thanks anyway...” He mumbled.

He didn’t know that in the hallway outside the library, there was this man fighting the cold weather.

“Where is your beanie?” The man who looked bright and positive asked the other one. “It’s cold and freezing. Why didn’t you wear it?”

“I didn’t bring one.” The handsome man answered nonchalantly.

“Huh? How come? You clearly wore it when we went to the library though...”


Seokjin wondered if spring has finally came to say hi and spread the warm. He lost the counting days he didn’t know anymore how long he was trapped inside the cockloft bedroom of Namjoon’s classic mansion. He peeked outside by the large trellised window. The beautiful moss rose around the carnations garden were already blooming. They were so pretty and it brightened Seokjin’s mood.

“Good morning, hyung...” Bomin greeted with a tray of breakfast. A bowl of cereals with milk and raisins. And a piece of banana.

Seokjin bit his lower lip. Lately, he felt hundred times hunger than usual. He wanted more than just cereals. He wanted some menus to be added for his breakfast.

“Where is Namjoon?”

Bomin took a glance as he put the tray on the study table. “Why?”

“Ugh...” Seokjin hesitantly answered. “I... I need to talk with him about the menus...”

Bomin raised his left eyebrow while looking at the tray. “Must be boring to eat this kind of breakfast everyday...”

“No...” Seokjin took the bowl. “I love cereals, just... My appetite was asking for more than just cereals. I want to ask Namjoon for adding my breakfast with scrambled eggs and bacon.” He grinned awkwardly. “Also for the afternoon tea. Uhm. I really want to eat crumpets.”

“Crum what?”

“Crumpets.” Seokjin half finished his breakfast. That fast. “I went to England last year with my parents and fell in love with this traditional British teatime treat griddle cake. And I’m craving for some crumpets now.”

Bomin tilted his head. “You mean, you want Namjoon hyung to buy this cake right from England, hyung?”

“No no no.” Seokjin almost choked by the cereals. “I mean, if you don’t mind, you can search on google how to make this traditional cake. It’s not that hard, really. I’m so sure you can easily making the perfect ones.”

Bomin nodded. “Okay. I will tell Namjoon hyung.” He said as he amazed with the speed of light the bowl was empty. Seokjin must be really hungry.

“Ahh, one more! Bomin ah!” Seokjin half shouted when the young lad almost reach the door. “If Namjoon granted my wish for having more items of my menu, especially this crumpets, can you please adding cinnamon powder for the topping?”

And Bomin gave him a thumb up, along with a cute wink. “Sure.”


Seokjin flipped the pages of manga he took from the bookshelves. He didn’t really read it though. 21st Century Boys way hard for his brain. For him, manga should be entertaining, not confusing. He missed to read something light such as Kariage-kun. He sighed as he tossed the manga beside him and pulled his legs to lean his head on his knees.

His stomach grumbled. “I want pizza and Big Mac...” He desperately mumbled. “And potato chips...” He mumbled some more junk foods and jolted when the door creaked open. Bomin mouthed ‘Hi’ as he gave Seokjin a slight sign to see the tray he brought. But instead of giving any attention to the tray, his eyes glued on the person walked behind the young lad. It’s Namjoon.

Namjoon that the last time they met no longer had him vent of rage and despair. Namjoon that he could communicate calmer and nicer the last time they met. Namjoon who finished the dinner he cooked without any complain.

And that made Seokjin smiled unconsciously.

The man stood up in front of the mattres with folded hands on his chest. Seokjin peeked on the tray that Bomin still held and glanced to the man, and back to peeked the tray. It’s crumpets. Yay! But...

“I-I didn’t forced Bomin to make me those crumpets. Believe me!” Seokjin didn’t know why he suddenly turned so childish and couldn’t choose any better excuse than to make Bomin looked bad, and felt bad.

But the young lad chuckled. “You didn’t, hyung. Don’t worry. I actually forced Namjoon hyung to agree to let me make these crumpets. For us.”

“Ehh?” Seokjin a bit confused.

“Well, I wanted to try the recipe, though I haven’t try the original ones that made in England.” Bomin laughed. He put the tray on the study table and took the portable tiny table from the corner of the room and settled it beside the mattress.

Seokjin peeked again. Some pieces of traditional British teatime treat griddle cake -midway between English muffin and pancake- enough for three people, along with hot mint tea. Two mugs of hot mint tea. That means Namjoon gonna stay there with him.

Bomin placed a chair and bowed when he finished the setting. “Enjoy your crumpets, hyung.” And then he left the two.

“I really didn’t forced Bomin to make this, you heard him...” Seokjin pouted since Namjoon looking at him like he did something so wrong, as he sliced the crumpets and bit it. “Ohh this is great! As delicious as I expect!” He said without bothered to offer Namjoon to sit and enjoy the traditional griddle cake with him. He could finish those all by himself though. “You know what. You only gave me a slice of cake for afternoon tea.” He added. “You don’t even give me some snacks between breakfast and lunch. And I actually have to eat something before I go to bed.” He didn’t care anymore, he wanted to get additional menus and additional snack times so bad.

Namjoon didn’t respond the protest and walked heading the mattress to take the manga that laid there. The man reached for the manga by propped his left hand on the mattress, right next the pouted pretty guy. It was when the pretty guy stiffened. That weird feelings.

He felt weird for wanting to breath the masculine mix of bitter orange and pepperwood of Namjoon’s perfume that blended with the man’s sweat, more and more. It’s calming and relaxing. And the sudden feelings of wanting the man to be near. He wanted to cuddle.

“Who said you have the right to treat my manga collection like this, huh?”

Well, Seokjin randomly tossed it and the manga flipped over on the mattress, with it’s cover a bit folded wrong way.

Seokjin peeked the manga’s latest condition and gulped. “Don’t you want to try this?” He instantly changed the topic. “This crumpets usually served with butter, but cinnamon also doing the great job.”

“You think you can make me forget this folded crumpled pages by changing topic?” Namjoon sneered as he sat right beside the jittery pretty guy, yet he didn’t notice the awkward gesture since he was busy flipping the pages.

Seokjin squeezed the spoon on his hand. The itchy feelings in every second he breathed Namjoon’s pheromones got him out of his mind. Made him dizzy and crazy. He tried to refrain any possibility of weird act, yet he failed. He jumped to cling his arms around the man’s neck and burried his face on the man’s chest.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Namjoon yelled by the sudden action. He pried the other’s hands from his neck, but the hug just getting tighter.

“Just a moment. Please...” Seokjin wanted a cuddle, he didn’t know why and he won’t wait for permission. As if he needed ones. If Namjoon could touch him whenever the man want it, so why Seokjin couldn’t?

“No.” Namjoon forced the pretty one to release the embrace.

And Seokjin fought back to stay still. “I will koala you I don’t care you like it or not, unless you tell me when will you release me so we can be friends and hang out like normal people!”

“What? Hang out? Are you fucking kidding me?” Namjoon mocked.

Seokjin tightened the hug to make the other man suffocated. “At least be friends!”

Friends? Namjoon himself admitted that he felt the weird stingy ache inside his heart since the chamomile tea affection. The stung feelings for Hoseok. The confusion between hatred, frustration, and the softness on the corner of his brokenheart that told him the pretty guy was being genuine and sincere.

“Next month.” He finally answered with deep hoarse voice.

Seokjin loosened the hug and looked up. “For real?”

The man turned his head to avoid the eye contact. And nodded.

A deep breathe as he memorized the specific scent of Namjoon’s pheromones -the masculine mix of bitter orange and pepperwood perfume that blended with the man’s sweat- Seokjin slowly released the hug. “Thank you.” He smiled with slightly triumph expression. “May I have some pocky and cinnamon tea for after dinner snack?”

Another sudden question that made Namjoon dumbfounded.


Namjoon rested his back on the headboard bed as he flipped open Seokjin’s pink cellphone and read some unread messages.

From Hyosang.

And then checking on emails, before his own cellphone buzzed. An incoming call from Yoongi.


The afternoon tea was nice. Though Namjoon wasn’t so responsive with the conversation Seokjin tried to build, the man seemed to enjoy the crumpets. And it’s lovely for Seokjin’s liking.

“Next month...” He grinned. “Next month we will be friends...”

It was around bedtime. Seokjin hummed some random songs while enjoying two boxes of pocky, as he staring the starry sky through the large trellised windows.


Chapter Text

So I’ll hold you tonight like I would if you were mine

To hold forever more

And I’ll savor each touch that I’ve wanted so much

To feel before, to feel before



“Hyosang ssi!” Yoongi finally managed to catch Hyosang to talk to, before the taller man disappear from his sights. It was the second day of the medical and pharmacy seminar in Sweden, and the other keynote speakers were already went out heading into the restaurant for lunch. Bomi who finished some small talks with another colleagues also approached to join the two.

“Ohh, Yoongi ssi? Bomi ssi?” The man greeted politely. “Is there something I could help?”

Bomi smiled, hiding gracefully her excitement to see the man on his dream. “May we talk, Jin Hyosang ssi?”

“May we ask a thing or two?” Yoongi offered his rare friendly expression.

Hyosang tilted his head. “Sure. But first, let’s drop the formality.” He smiled. “What it is?”

“Ugh.” The pale one glanced into the young lady beside him to received a light nod. “It’s about Kim Seokjin ssi...” Still adding ‘ssi’ because he didn’t know Seokjin in person.

“Seokjin?” The handsome man knitted his eyebrows. Questioning why these two suddenly ask him about the pretty one.

“I’m sorry if my question sounds rude, but, may we ask about your relationship with Seokjin ssi?”


“We need to confirm whether Seokjin ssi is single or not.”

“What?” Hyosang didn’t seem annoyed nor mad. The question was somehow amusing for him. “But, why?”

“That...” Yoongi wanted to finish his sentence but Bomi interrupted.

“It’s our late friend Jung Hoseok from faculty of engineering asked for a help.” Bomi added. “But the help he asked to Yoongi depends on what kind of relationship Seokjin ssi and you actually have, because you two seemed too close to just be friends.” The young lady explained as she got the whole stories about Hoseok wanted to match Namjoon and Seokjin, tried her best to deliver the message.

“Ohh?” Hyosang finally laughed. “Yeah... Based on our parents willingness, we are supposed to be together but he got his heart for someone else.”

“Ehh?” Bomi raised her left eyebrow. She heard it yet didn’t know how to express it. At least she knew she had a chance to get closer to Hyosang because Seokjin had no feelings for his crush.

“So...” Yoongi added. “You mean...”

Hyosang nodded. “We are close, but not as a lover. Do you know Kim Namjoon? Kim hot genius?”

Now it’s Yoongi who raised his left eyebrow. “He is our friend. Kim Namjoon is cousins with Bomi.”

“Ohh? What a coincidence.” Hyosang smiled. “Seokjin desperately loves that guy. And maybe they are together now?”

“Seokjin ssi is actually has feelings for our Namjoonie?” Yoongi jawdropped.

“And why you have this assumption that Seokjin is now together with Namjoon?” Bomi turned her head to face the pale man, and got a blank expression of Min Yoongi.

“Yeah, because I told him to be honest with his feelings and better to confess to that Namjoon guy.” Hyosang smiled. “Well, after I got here, he didn’t tell me anything and I didn’t ask anymore, but I guess he already confess and is now with Namjoon since he made some space from me...”

“I don’t think so.” Yoongi shook his head. “We met Namjoon quite often and he was never mention nor saying anything about Seokjin ssi.”

“Wait. Yoongs...” Bomi bit her lower lip. “Remember when we met him and he said he drove from the old mansion? I don’t know but, my intuition told me that this situation is a bit odd.”

“Why odd?”

“Remember when he told us he missed his mom? And then when we asked him to hangout with us at Saturday night he refuse because he needed to go to the old mansion every weekends.”

“That’s normal. It’s his own house he can go there whenever he wants.”

“Okay. He missed his mom. Even when Namjoon once said to me that he won’t come back to see the old mansion anymore, it’s about his mom anyway. But, every weekends?”

“Yeah, so?”

“I just realize something. It’s an hour driving from Seoul.”

“So what? I don’t see a problem with it...”

“A problem indeed. Since when he go to the old mansion without a driver?!”

“Since he got driving lisence?”

Bomi failed to not whack the man. “He even went to the university with driver when he is too lazy to drive!!” And the conversation made the other man confused.

“What do you guys mean?” Hyosang lost his bright smile. He clearly noticed that his conversations with the pretty one by phone were not as ‘usual’ as it should be. But the two arguing over Kim Namjoon’s acts just made his suspicion grew bigger.

“Hoseok told Yoongi that Namjoon is desperately in love with Seokjin ssi.” Bomi bit her lower lip. “I’m affraid that we really need to check the Kim’s old mansion.”


‘Save him, Jin. Don’t think anyone else is going to save him, because there isn’t anyone. Save him.’

Seokjin believed, Namjoon wasn’t a dark person. Was never. Namjoon just needed a person to make him feeling loved. Hoseok was the person. Hoseok was always there gave him support as it needed.

And Seokjin wanted to help the man. He wanted to be the person who always be there whenever the man feeling down. He wanted to be the first person to tell and see when the man feeling happy. He wanted to save the man from the anguish and sorrow. He clearly knew, he could never be the same sunshine as Hoseok. He could never replace the brightness. That’s fine, as long as he could help and save the man.

“Hi hello moss rose...”

Seokjin greeted the bush flowers in the ground around the terrace. Bomin just took him outside after lunch time because Namjoon told him so. The man gonna throw a party in the old mansion and he wanted Seokjin to cook and also clean the house when the party is over.

“I love how you grew beautifully adorning the house.” He chuckled. “And you know what? Bomin told me that Namjoon wanted me to cook for dinner.” He poked the tiny flower. “A party he said. I don’t know what kind of celebration Namjoon wanted to throw with this small party. But I appreciate him for letting me outside to breath the fresh air, even without me asking for it...” He smiled.

He felt some familiar warmness on his chest, yet the bitterness striked him a moment later. “I haven’t see him for almost two weeks, I guess... I wonder if he miss me.” He smiled bitterly. “Because I miss him. A lot...” But the bitterness went away in a speed of light as he cherished the weird yet miraculously manner of Namjoon. “But I’m okay. Because last week I got a fluffy pink teddy that I can hug. Bomin told me, it’s from Namjoon.” He bit his lower lip, blushing. “It’s hard to believe it. But, Bomin said that Namjoon gave it to me to pay the dinner I cooked for him because Bomin was not aroud.” He finally laughed. “Weird isn’t he? Yet lovely at the same time. So I really wish the day he release me and we can be friends would come sooner. Pray for me, okay.” Seokjin finished the monologue with the moss rose as he heard soft voices greeted him.

“Seokjin hyung.” Bomin peeked from the door, along with his sweet smile. “The kitchen and ingredients you need are ready.”

“Ahh, coming!” Seokjin stood up right away and got a sudden blown that made him dizzy and staggered. He could fell if Bomin didn’t reach him.

“Hyung? Are you okay?” The young lad concerned. “I can cook by myself and you can rest if you are feeling unwell, hyung. You are really look like you need to see a doctor.”

Seokjin shook his head. “I’m fine. don’t worry, Bomin ah... Lemon tea will do. And I’m totally fine...”

“Are you sure? You look so pale...” Bomin clamped his mouth. Seokjin looked sick and bloodless, yet so persistent and the young lad gave in to persuade.




Oh, baby

I can’t fight this feeling anymore

Drives me crazy when I try to

So call my name and take my hand

Can you make my wish, baby, your command?



Pasta. Bomin told Seokjin that Namjoon was never really like pasta, yet the man asked him to cook it as one of main menu for the party. The young lad said that this party was more like mini gathering of indie musicians, but didn’t know why the man wanted to hold it in the old mansion.

Seokjin baked two different cakes and prepared fruit salad, while Bomin took care the sandwiches and cocktails. He was in the middle of preparing honey chicken when Namjoon finally came in the afternoon. The party is going to start before dinner.

Seokjin couldn’t hide his excitement to finally see the man after a whole couple weeks. And how the man looked so gorgeous just made the fluttering heart of him getting hard to handle.

Kim hot genius Namjoon.

Namjoon approached the two and stood up in front of island table, not far from where Seokjin was standing.

“It’s almost done, hyung. The fruit salad is inside the refrigerator, and honey chicken was ready. After this, Seokjin hyung is going to take care the pasta. Anything will be served in time as you planned it...” Bomin gave the man a quick report.

Namjoon nodded. “I bought soda and some snacks earlier. Go pick ‘em from my car.”

“Sure.” Bomin left the kitchen right away.

And so, there were the two in the kitchen.

“So, you like hiphop?” Seokjin gave the man his warm ‘welcome home’ smile. As he forgot he was there being kidnapped, because the warmness feelings on his chest took away his sanity. “Ever since in the university, I don’t really know about things you like. Bomin told me so much about your passion on hiphop music.” He chattered while put aside the honey chicken into the corner of the island table to get ready to prepare pasta. “But you seemed mastering the classical ones.” He looked up to find Namjoon shove a half spoon of sugar into his mouth, didn’t know that the man have this adorable side. “Can you teach me how to play piano?”

Namjoon was there with his -not interested- look, as he chewed the sugar.

But Seokjin won’t give up so easily just like that...

“Namjoon. Do you know that the only source of ideal drinking water in the world is Lake Baikal? Oh Lake Baikal, the deepest lake in the world. At the depth of 400 meters lies the purest and safest water in the world. And that Machu Piccu is not actually the ‘Lost City of the Incas’. And Santiago de Compostela means St James of the fields of stars. And the ritual of afternoon tea...”

“What are you talking about?” Namjoon snapped.

“So, you were listening?” Seokjin grinned.


Seokjin chuckled as he boiled the pasta, and brushed his bangs to the side in every seconds it made the man in front of him annoyed and left the kitchen with knitted eyebrows. Well, the pretty one already there in the mansion for weeks. His hair and of course his bangs grew longer and turned a bit emo.

He thought that the man went to the living room or just simply to the bedroom to rest. He didn’t notice that the man returned to the kitchen after a while. He was too focused on his cookings duty when the man cupped his face and got him a hairpin on his bangs.

Seokjin blinked as he was surprised by the action. But then he smiled.

“Namjoon... I really can’t wait for the day to come when we are become friends...” He said to the man, along with his brightest smile.


“Try this.” Seokjin gave the man a plate of aglio e olio. “Bomin said that you don’t really like pasta, but, I bet you will like this one that I cook.”

Namjoon didn’t react but staring the plate Seokjin handed him.

“Just try a little, pleaseee...”

The man was never expect his hand gonna betrayed his brain that said ‘No’ but Seokjin’s cuteness blew him hard for a moment. He finally took the plate and automatically stuffed the pasta.

He was good and peacefully having the pasta but slowly annoyed by Seokjin looking at him.

“Finish this yourself.” He reached Seokjin’s hand to give the pretty one the half finished plate.

“No no no. I was just too happy to see you having the pasta I cooked.” Seokjin gasped by the sudden reaction. “Wait. I’m sorry. I will let you finish your meals.” He handed back the plate. “I won’t disturbe you.” And then he went to the other side of island table and sit. Silently watching the man finished the food.

The man gulped a warm black tea and wiped his mouth with tissue, ready to leave the kitchen. But the pretty one got him another treat.

“Namjoon, have this before you leave.” Seokjin shoved a piece of honey chicken on Namjoon mouth.

Namjoon took it off and grunted. “How dare you!” And walked away. But then, when he was far enough from the kitchen, he looked down on his hand. A piece of honey chicken his mom used to cook for him. His corner lips been pulled up unconsciously. A sign of a little smile on his face. Then, he decided to finish the treat.


Meanwhile in the kitchen...

“Am I watching drama?” Bomin mocked. And it made the hyung laughed.




I wanna be with you

If only for a night

To be the one who’s in your arms to hold you tight

I wanna be with you

There’s nothing more to say

There’s nothing else I want more than to feel this way

I wanna be with you



“Hyung, here a warm honey water.” Bomin handed Seokjin a mug and went to the stove with an empty bowl. “You look like a bleached ghost. So damn pale.” He said as he filled the bowl with chicken soup. “Have this healthy soup and rest...”


Seokjin persistently told Bomin that he wasn’t sick and decided to stay in the kitchen. Well, how come he choose to going back to the cockloft when he could walk around as long as people won’t see him, and peeked from the hallway into the living room, to see Namjoon from afar.

He could see Jaehyun as well. Bomin called the young lad as Bongjae, and introduced them earlier before the party started. Jaehyun came to help to handle the event. He liked both Bomin and Jaehyun. The two were so well mannered and reliable enough despite of their young ages. They were even younger from his cousin Jungkook, yet so mature.

Everything was so much organized. People seemed to admire the food and praised with genuine smile on their faces.

Everything was okay.

Not until Seokjin looked around and saw Namjoon being dragged by beautiful lady to the empty spot of the living room, far from the others, before they went away heading into the piano room.

And Seokjin couldn’t help to follow behind. Silently. And secretly.


Seokjin was there, stood behind the opened door. To witnessed everything. He couldn’t hear things clearly since the piano room way big and spacious. And the two were speaking like whispering to each other.

He didn’t know what they were talking about, but he could see.

Namjoon is broken. And Seokjin wanted to cure the broken pieces. Save the man with the love he had.

But to see his loving man kissing another person, a fine beautiful young lady?


There were lines saying ‘To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.’


That was the moment Seokjin questioning his feelings, the ugly view made him sick and wanted to throw up so badly...


Chapter Text

I wish I could Bubble Wrap my heart

In case I fall and break apart



“Any reply?”

Bomi and Hyosang sat in the same table in the restaurant as they waited Yoongi for dinner.

“I asked him if Jjanggu is okay. And look the answer I got.” Hyosang ran a hand through his hair and pulled it hard as he handed Bomi his cellphone.

Bomi received it and read the word ‘Fine.’

“Fine?” Hyosang laughed in disbelief. “We did pet Jjanggu for quite long time since we were kids. But Jjanggu was no longer here with us.”


“The fuck you did!” Namjoon cursed as he gently pushed the young lady, as his reaction to reject the kiss.

“Namjoon, I like you!”

“And I don’t.”

“Why? Am I not good enough? Or you still can’t let go of that pretty guy? That bitch from the architecture major?”


Namjoon shouted some sense, yet he did non sense to the pretty guy since that night, since the graduation party. As if what he did was not counted as an ill. As if only him had the right to hurt the pretty one.

“Oh great! I guessed it right! I knew it’s him! I noticed your eyes glued on him whenever he was around.” The young lady laughed. “Come on, Namjoon. Don’t tell me that you don’t know about him and Jin Hyosang. Don’t tell me that you don’t know that they are going to be married before they continue their study in England.”

Namjoon didn’t react but the young lady could tell, the man streaked by the news.

“You don’t know?” The young lady mocked. “My close friend was in the same lab with Hyosang. If you ask me where the hell I got the information came from.”



And you wrote the book on how to be a liar

And lose all your friends

Did I mean nothing at all?

Was I just another ghost that’s been in your bed?



Seokjin ran back into the cockloft and dashed heading the bathroom. He threw his stomach up. He didn’t feel good since the morning. He was actually didn’t feel good since the days before, but he didn’t tell Bomin. He acted as everything is normal, when it isn’t.

And to witnessed his beloved man kissed another person?

What? ‘Another’ what? Seokjin laughed as he wiped his mouth. So stupid to felt jealous over something absurd and not right. The accident just made him realized that whenever Namjoon touched and forced him, the man was never kissed. It’s not that the forced intercourse would be better with forced kisses. It would never. Because rape would be forever rape. Namjoon did it without his consent, at all. But...

But he won’t deny his pure innocent heart, his bloody feelings, that the absence of those kisses just dragged him down.

He climbed up the bed and dragged his knees on his chest to burry his face. There laid a fluffy pink teddy right beside him. A fluffy pink teddy that Bomin brought to the room the following day after he Koala Namjoon. A fluffy pink teddy Namjoon gave him to pay the dinner he cooked when Bomin was not aroud.

He reached and hugged the fluffy pink teddy. Feeling lost, broken, and confused. He sobbed.


Namjoon fisted his palm to restrain his anger. Just to think that Seokjin and Hyosang way close as friends was annoying enough. And what? Married?

“The party is almost over. Go home right away.” He said calmly to the young lady.

“Don’t worry. I’m leaving...” And she just walked away, left the man with a burnt heartbreak.



The soft greetings voice of Bomin automatically dragged Seokjin back from the deep thoughts. He must be really lost he didn’t hear the door creaked open. He bit his lower lip, hard, to stop his cry. He didn’t want to make the young lad afraid of him.

“Hyung, are you okay?”

Seokjin still hugged the fluffy pink teddy, hiding his miserable face on it. “A bit tired.” Seokjin answered without any sign of voice crack. Though a bit hoarse. “I want to rest and sleep.”

“Well okay, but you haven’t eat dinner. Do you want me to bring your dinner here?”

“Yes, please...”

“Okay, wait a minute then. I’ll be right back.”

The moment Seokjin heard the door closed, he shifted and climbed down the bed. He needed to wash away his crying face before Bomin found out he cried.

Not that he refused to feel down. Not that he don’t have the right to show his emotion. Not that he hated to look weak and like a total mess. No. Not when the most thing he wanted to do was become a professional chef, yet he tried his best to become an architect. Not when his parents told him to marry a man he doesn’t have the feelings to, he doesn’t want to. And not when he witnessed the man on his dream kissed a fine beautiful young lady. The hell with life. Go to hell as soon as possible way more interesting for him now.

“When life gave you lemons but you didn’t make lemonade.” He smiled as another tears fell down on his cheeks. Mumbled as he staring his miserable reflection in the mirror. “You are such a fool, Seokjin ah. Wake up now.”


The night was still young. It was around 8.30PM when the casual meeting ended and the guest left the mansion, one by one. Well, the original agenda was having dinner with some light discussion about music and then the mini gathering will be continue in the club in the city that own by KIM & Co. And the dinner in the mansion was actually an option for those who interested, since it took an hour driving from the city.

Namjoon was about to go to the kitchen to ask Bomin and Jaehyun to clean the living room when he got a phonecall. And whoever in the other line really got him mad.

“Where is Seokjin?” He asked Bomin when he saw the young lad left the kitchen with a tray on his hands.

“Oh, he is in the room. To take some rest, hyung.” Bomin answered.

Namjoon seemed okay with the excuse, and the young lad actually noticed that the man way soft towards the kidnapped pretty guy than usual.

“I’m going to the city and will be right back after I finish the shit with this old man KIM.”

“Huh?” Bomin knitted his eyebrows.

“Tell Jaehyun to clean up the house.” Namjoon left without bothered to wait the answer.



Turn on the radio honey

Cause every single sad song you’ll be able to relate

Don’t get all emotional baby

You can never talk to me

You’re unable to communicate



“Gosh, I’m so sleepy.” Seokjin faked a yawn when Bomin came on his sights, because sleepy look would always fine with a glint of glossy eyes. “Today was so tiring...” He meant lot about his tired bleeding heart.

“Please rest after you eat this.” Bomin placed the tray on the study table. “Pasta, your favorite. And a glass of warm mint tea. Also pocky and mineral water.”

Seokjin smiled. “Thanks...”

“You want something else, hyung?”

Seokjin was actually had no appetite at all.

“I’m good with the dinner you brought me.”

And Bomin was actually worried. “Uhh...” He walked closer and touched the older’s forehead to check. “Maybe I really need to talk to Namjoon hyung.”

“No need, really. I’m okay.” Another fake smile on Seokjin’s pale face before he shifted to sit in the edge of the bed and pulled the tray. “You may clean this tomorrow.”

“Okay. Have a good rest, hyung.”

A clicked sound from the door. Sure the door locked, more over when Seokjin’s ankle got no chain.

“Rest...” Seokjin laid back on the mattress. Didn’t bother about the untouched dinner at all.


The old mansion of KIM had not so big four bedrooms with spacious hall, living room, another room for piano room plus library, and a kitchen. And Bomin’s room was right beside Namjoon’s, and it’s under the cockloft.

The house cleaning was done around 10.40PM and both Bomin and Jaehyun went to sleep right away. But Bomin was quite sensitive hearing as a person. The young lad jolted when he heard a loud bang from the main door and some noises later. He rubbed his sleepy eyes as he peeked the digital clock on the bedside table. 2.09AM. He sat and lightly kicked Jaehyun who slept with the futon on the floor.

“Yah, Bong Jaehyun. Wake up.”

The older one grunted and shifted, refused the order to wake up and let the younger to face his back.

“Yah! Don’t pretend that you are sleeping!

“I need to sleep...”

“So do I.” The younger clicked his tongue. “But, don’t you heard something?”

“What? Something like ghost?” The name Bong Jaehyun chuckled. And got a hard kick on his butt.

“You rascal.”

“It must be Namjoon hyung.” Jaehyun yawned.

“Tsk. Go check it, Mr. Not Scare of Anything but Kim Namj---“

Bomin couldn’t finish his sentence. He heard a loud scream from the upstair. From the cockloft.

“Oh NO!! NO!!” He jumped right away from the bed. Automatically heading into the room where Seokjin stayed for almost three months.


Namjoon unlocked the door and dashed inside, to find the pretty guy still aware and full awake, hugged both knees on the chest, with fluffy pink teddy between the knees and chest. Found the pretty guy shocked and scared of the sudden ‘visit.’

Seokjin was aware about Namjoon could suddenly come in any days and any times. And it made him had so many reasons for feeling scared. Because Namjoon could do any things without any single word. Any horrible things like pulled his legs, and shoved his back to the mattress. Hovered above and pinned him with those strong hands.

“Namjoon, don’t...” Seokjin begged. “Please, don’t...”

But Namjoon ignored it. Ignored the sad and weak pleading. And he continued to tear off Seokjin’s upper pajamas and tied the poor pretty guy’s hands with it.

Made the later screamed his lungs out as a natural auto reaction. “DON’T TOUCH ME!!” The pretty one shouted and cried.

And the shockingly loud scream succeed to risen up the worst evil beast of the mad man. To forcefully pulled off the bottom pajamas and covered the pretty one’s mouth with it.


Full with worries, Bomin ran heading the upstair into the cockloft. The room with thick and heavy wooden door. He reached the door knob just to find it locked from the inside.

“H-hyung? Namjoon hyung? Are you inside?”

Of course the man was inside the room. They kept the key on the drawer of small wooden table in front of the cockloft bedroom. And if the key was not there and the door locked, so it must be locked from inside the room. And who else if it’s not Namjoon.

“What happened?” Jaehyun who followed behind, asked the younger about the worriedness.

Bomin panicked as he heard another loud scream and after a while he only could hear a muffled voices.


“Bomin ah?” Jaehyun realized that Namjoon was doing things again.

“Bongjae, I’m sorry but I can’t.” He dashed back to the downstairs. “I can’t let Namjoon hyung do this anymore. I don’t want Seokjin hyung to suffer more... I need help... We need help...”

And so he went into his bedroom and took his cellphone. Made a phonecall, asking for a help.

“Please... Yoongi hyung, please answer me...”


Along with the fast pace inside the warm and tight hole, Namjoon began to pump Seokjin’s member. Slowly first. And it became harder and faster a moment later. Painfully tortured the helpless one.

Seokjin felt miserable. Though his brain and consciousness refused the action, though he tried to fight back and reject, his body reacted the opposite way. Though he didn’t enjoy it -like how come he enjoyed it when there was no consent in it- he shuddered, and cum on the man’s hand. And it made him hate himself more.

Namjoon groaned as he shoot the load on Seokjin’s bottom cheeks.

And when he finally could catch his breath, he took off the tied on the hands and the cover on the pretty one’s mouth. Revealed the beautiful crying face more clearly.

And as if nothing happened, Namjoon brushed Seokjin’s bangs and fixed the mess hair with the hairpin that already there.

And Seokjin couldn’t hold it any longer. He was totally sick and fed up with the things Namjoon did to him.

“If you really hate me...” Seokjin spoke up with fainted voice, half sobbing. “Because you think I was the cause of your dear friend, Hoseok’s death, why don’t you just kill me? Like they said, eye for an eye.”



This is the last time

I give up this heart of mine



Yoongi and Bomi, along with Hyosang decided to went back to Korea right after the seminar ended. Bomi left aside the sightseeing agenda of North Europe tour for her cousin’s sake. For Namjoon.

They were waiting the driver to pick and drive them into the old mansion of KIM when Yoongi remember how important is to check his cellphone. “Oh damn.”

“What’s wrong?” Hyosang a bit riled. Stuck between anger and afraid, yet tried to appear calm. He wanted to see Seokjin in a good condition and was ready to beat anyone. Anyone who replied his message with ‘fine’ when he talked about Jjanggu.

Yoongi raised his left eyebrow. “29 missed calls and messages from Choi Bomin...”

“Bomin that friends with Jaehyun?” Bomi bit her lower lip.

“And...” Yoongi clicked his tongue. “Shit...”

Bomi won’t deny that she was anxious. She was sure that the missed calls could be about Namjoon. “Oh, please. Don’t...”

“He asked for a help. And it’s about Seokjin...”

“Call him back!” Bomi lost her temper.


“Kill you?” Namjoon laughed. He laughed with those red, glossy sad eyes. “As you wished.” He said while spreading Seokjin’s legs.



I’m telling you that I’m

A broken man who’s finally realized

You’re standing in moonlight

But you’re black on the inside

Who do you think you are to cry?

This is goodbye

This is goodbye



Chapter Text

“From the deepest desires, often come the deadliest hate.” – Socrates


The peacefulness around the old mansion and the beautiful refreshing scenery were so contrary with what happened inside. How irony that the white and pink carnations in the garden outside, as a symbol of pure love, a mother’s love, and good luck were silently became the witnessed of revenge and hatred inside the house.

“P-please d-dont...” Seokjin cried even harder as Namjoon tortured him even more. The man killed his feelings, his heart, his soul, his mind, his everything. Yet, the man cruelly let the body stay alive. Because that was the man’s mission. For having the pretty one dead, inside. “P-please sstop, a-and k-kill me instead...”

“You want me to kill you, but you begged me to stop? Don’t? Which one you actually wished, huh?” Namjoon laughed as he tightened his grip on Seokjin’s wrist. “Be clear, sweetie.”

“I hate you...” Seokjin mumbled weakly.

“I know... And let’s see how much you will hate me when I give the recording of our bed activities to your beloved boyfriend.” Namjoon caressed Seokjin’s wet cheek. “Who again? Jin Hyosang, huh?”

Hyosang. That name...

Seokjin clutched his knuckles as Namjoon growled and made him shuddered more. He felt the guilt even more.

“Let’s see if your beloved Hyosang would accept you as you are, after he see you shuddered and moaned under me.”

The pretty one weakly shook his head. “D-dont...”

“Why? Because you love him? Huh? Ohh what? You were playing around with my bestfriend’s feelings as well. And you confessed that you like me, right? No? Liar.” Namjoon smirked. “Want to guess what’s best for a liar like you who broke the pure heart of my beloved friend that made him commited suicide?”

Another tears fell down on Seokjin’s cheeks. He felt hurt. He didn’t lie about his feelings towards the man. He had feelings for Namjoon. And he didn’t break Jung Hoseok’s heart. He swear he didn’t do any harm towards the bright man.

“I was thinking about keeping you here forever, and let your Hyosang suffering for losing you.” The man brushed the pretty one’s chapped lips. “And you Seokjin, you will living with me, suffering, as my toy... There is no happy ending for all of us. Fair enough?”

Seokjin couldn’t reply the meanie words Namjoon threw on him. Because those words painly stabbed his broken heart. He wanted to fight, but he was helpless. He couldn’t do something to defend himself, and all he could do was crying. And cursed himself. Things were too cruel. And he was somehow regretted his pure feelings towards the man hovering above. He regretted he once wanted the man to be everything that he needed. He regreted he once wanted the man so desperately.


Namjoon quickly dressed up as he staring the weak body laid on the mattress. The pretty beads of the pretty ones were blankly staring the wall, with tears kept falling, and heavily breathing. The pale smooth legs still on it’s position. Spreaded wide, and shown the bruised pink raw hole. Also bruised buttcheeks that full with sticky cum. The bedsheet under such a mess, with some blood stained.

Seokjin could barely feel the cold hand brushed his emo bangs. That hairpin again. And a shaking hand caressed his cheek for a moment before a moment later he heard a loud bang as the door closed and he didn’t know what to do. His mind wandering miles away.

His lips slowly mumbled a name.


The tears couldn’t stop falling though he was tired of crying.

He spelled the name silently as he weakly crawled down the bed. Gripped a blanket and the pink teddy with him.


Namjoon stood in front of the door of the cockloft after he locked it and threw the key carelessly. He fisted his hands as he felt the pain and ache in his heart. He hated everything and all he wanted was to grab a cutter and scratch until he numb.


“Bongjae, please, this is our last chance...” Bomin pleaded. “We need help...”

“I want to help! Bomin ah, I really want to help! But you know my position here is...”

“Take this.” Bomin handed a flash disc to Jaehyun. “I risk my life as well, but I don’t want to regret. Give this to Mr Kim and let him decide what’s good for us.” The young lad stuttered. “If you are going to the jail, then I’m with you. Trust me.”


“Namjoon hyung found out about you hacked the files of KIM & Co but he didn’t tell his father, yet.”


“Because he knew he could use your mistake in case he needed it. And here you are, commited another crime, with me. Please, Bongjae, just go to the city and give this copy of anything happened in this mansion to Mr Kim. Please... I promise, I’m with you, just please help me. Help Seokjin hyung. Help us.”

Jaehyun bit his lower lip. “You coming with me, we go together to the city.”

The younger shook his head. his eyes glossy. “I can’t leave Seokjin hyung alone, Bong Jaehyun. No. Not with a monster!”

Jaehyun gulped. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for jail, but he won’t let Bomin cry. “I will be back soon. Very soon!” He dashed outside to reach the car, after gave the younger a peck on the lips.

And the moment Bomin made sure the car left the yard, he heard Namjoon shouted his name.


The last thing Seokjin managed to notice about his surrounding was the piano melody. He recognized it as Beethoven’s ‘Silence’. The melody Namjoon told him when they had dinner together in the dining room. The melody that so beautiful, yet heartbreaking.

And the last thing his broken mind could remember was a default expression of the man that once in a lifetime totally charmed him. A daydream that drove him crazy. The face that he hated in the end. The lovely charming face that turned as a nightmare.

It’s Namjoon.

His heart shattered. His breath hitched as the fever took over his consciousness. And he slowly blackout.



“I used to visit aunty Kim like every weekend.” Bomi told Hyosang who sat beside her, but mostly like talking to herself.

The mood was quite awkward, because Yoongi was naturally hates too much activity including talking, and Hyosang was away had his own thoughts, thinking of what happened to Seokjin. Though Hyosang appeared calm, Bomi knew that the man was so afraid. Who doesn’t? The man called the apartment’s officer, and asked them to tell Seokjin to call him back since he couldn’t contact the pretty one’s cellphone. And the officer’s answer was clear enough to make him full with worriedness and fear. The officer told the man that they haven’t see Seokjin for quite long time.

And plus Bomi and Yoongi also got nothing as they tried to reach Namjoon by phone.

“I even got my own bedroom there...” Bomi continued. “Namjoon’s bedroom was in the cockloft. And mine was in front of the piano room. I used to play the piano along with aunty Kim. Sometimes with Namjoon.” She smiled as she recalled the memories. “For many times, aunty gave me lot of hairpins and another cute hairclips. She said she wanted a daughter but never made it. And Namjoon always mocked that he didn’t want a younger sister like me. Well, I’m older though.” She chuckled, but then sighed. “I wonder if I still have the white and pink carnation hairpins auty Kim bought for me from the States in my drawer. I took some with me and left a pair there in my drawer in the old mansion...” She finished the story and nudged the man’s arm as she got no reaction of the stories.

Hyosang startled. “Uhh, sorry, what?”

A deep sighed from the beautiful young lady. “Nevermind...” and she turned his head to look outside as the car ushered them to the place they wished could find any question they had in mind.

“Ahh. Aunty also gave Namjoon a pair of carnation hairpins. It’s for his future wife...” She smiled bitterly, remembering the old days and noticed how sick her cousin struggled after his mom went away.



Namjoon could feel something, no, someone kicked his limbs as he slowly gained his consciousness. He refused to open his eyes. He refused to get up, because the last thing he wished before he finished the last drop of his third soju before he threw the bottle into the corner of the room was to never wake up again.

He hated the fact that he was still there, alive. He hated the fact that he was there, still there to continue his life. He wanted to quit. His heart ache. He was tired. Bloody tired. And he felt so alone all he wished was to see his mom.

He didn’t remember he cried while he played Beethoven’s ‘Silence’ but he remembered all the words his father said to him. All the miseries he had to face since his mother gone.

And he could remember the hate look of Seokjin.

Another kick on his limbs and he grunted. And a hard splash of cold ice water soaked him. finally made him sober.


A voice he knew well.


Not that name. Not the name that made him miserable for having feelings...


He heard the loud thud as the other man smashed the water bucket on the floor.

The tipsy man slowly opened his eyes, and slowly recognized the person standing in front of him.




Chapter Text

You’re tearing me apart

Deep inside my heart




“Where are you now?” Yoongi asked the person in the other line as he rubbed his temple. “Okay, don’t panic. Me and Bomi is heading into the old mansion. We will be there around in half an hour. I will make sure Bomin is okay.”

“What’s wrong?” Bomi who sat in the passenger seat behind, asked with worriedness. And just got a ‘wait a minute’ gesture from the pale skin man. So she waited nervously until the conversation ended.

“Jaehyun said he was in the KIM residence to see Namjoon’s father.”


Yoongi nodded. “Your suspicion was right, Bomi ah.”

“Did he say anything about Seokjin?” Hyosang didn’t feel less worried.

“That...” Yoongi a bit hesitated to deliver the information. “Bomi’s suggestion to stopped by into her apartment to bring along the medical equipments was also the right choice.”

“Oh lord...” Bomi squeezed her hands.

And the man beside her harshly rubbed his face.

“Mr. Kim was sending his people to come after Namjoon. We must arrive there before them.” Yoongi sighed. “Namjoon also needs help...” He mumbled without letting the two heard him.



The car finally entered the lovely yard with huge trees and the car parked in the space where they could see the carnations garden in the backyard.

Yoongi jumped and rushed inside as Hyosang walked beside him, and Bomi not far handing the medical equipments on her medical box. They asked the driver to wait outside.

“Namjoon?” Yoongi calmly called the name as he opened the main door that surprisingly wasn’t locked. “Namjoon?” He called once more when he didn’t get any answer after waiting for a moment.


The three worried people heard the trembled shout from the room near the living room.

“Yoongi hyung? This is Bomin!” The young lad shouted. “Here!!”

“Where?” Yoongi mumbled as he followed the voice and stopped in front of the closed door. “Bomin ah?”

“Hyung, please. I got my hands tied.” The young lad answered. “But you probably can break the door. It’s not that heavy.”

“Move.” Hyosang asked the other two to step aside as he stepped back and pushed the door with his own strength. And the moment the door opened, they rushed inside the room to find the young lad tied in a chair.

“Where is Namjoon?” Bomi asked the youngest as they released the tie.

“I don’t know, but please take a look Seokjin hyung first. He is upstairs in the cockloft.”

“That was Namjoon’s old room.” The young lady mumbled. “Yoongi, you look around and find Namjoon. I’m going upstairs with Hyosang.”


“Noona, I’m going with you.” Bomin said as he raised his feet and followed behind.



“DAMN!! Where is the key?” Bomin panicked because he couldn’t find the key in it’s place. “Seokjin hyung?” He knocked the door. “Please answer me!”

“Shall we break it?” Again, Hyosang wanted to transfered his anger into breaking things. And without waiting an answer, he kicked and break the door. Not to mention that he mastered taekwondo. “Seokjinie?” Still in the doorway, the man looked around.

“Seokjin ssi?” Bomi also peeked the spaces.

“Hyung?” Bomin stepped inside with the other two. Walked closer heading into the bed to find a pile of pajamas and underwear on the floor.

Hyosang couldn’t hide his emotion anymore as he stood beside the mattress. The man catched a chains on the floor before his eyes caught the body, covered with a blanket, lying under the study table.




Yoongi checked the room beside Bomin’s bedroom and just found a glaring computer. And he knew that the computer was kind of cctv monitor. And the curiousity led him to click the cursor.

“Bastard.” He cursed as he watched the tape.




I can only count the ways

I earn these scars but they’re all tokens

Every time I see your face

I know my hope’s no longer showing




Another kick on his limbs and he grunted. And a hard splash of cold ice water soaked him. finally made him sober.


A voice he knew well.


Not that name. Not the name that made him miserable for having feelings...


He heard the loud thud as the other man smashed the water bucket on the floor.

The tipsy man slowly opened his eyes, and slowly recognized the person standing in front of him.

“Yoongs?” Namjoon gained his consciousness. “Hey...” He sat up and rubbed his face. “You didn’t tell me that you are--- wait, what are you doing here?”

Yoongi threw a cellphone on the younger man’s lap. “Mind to tell me why you got a cellphone that is not your own property with you?”



“Seokjinie?” Hyosang crawled to reach the body but it was somehow difficult to evacuate. “Damn! We need to move the table first.” He crawled back and removed any stuffs on the table, including a tray of an untouched dinner, into the corner of the room, and then he shifted the table to the other corner with the help of the young lad.

Covered with a blanket, Hyosang could only saw the black shinny hair. So he carefully lifted up the soft fabric around the head so he could see the pretty face he missed more clearly.

“Seokjinie?” He finally managed to see the pretty guy’s condition. Pale skin, sweating, chapped lips, and puffy cheeks with trace of tears. Breath hitched, half conscious. Tightly hugged a fluff pink teddy like it was somehow the only thing the pretty guy could trust and rely on.

And the moment the man’s hand touched the broad shoulder, the poor one automatically avoiding the probability of more contacs. Timidly snuggled into the wall.

“D-don’t touch me...” The voice barely audible and full with fear. “P-please don’t touch me.”

“Seokjinie? Hey---“ The man brushed Seokjin’s bangs that had the carnation hairpin but the reaction he got, shocked him.

Still with eyes closed, Seokjin sobbed. “P-please... D-don’t...”

“He got fever.” Hyosang looked up to tell Bomi. “Seokjin, it’s me. Hyosang. Can you hear me?” His heart broke into pieces.

Bomin also felt miserable. “H-hyung...”

“Seokjinie... Let me check if there is wound on your body, okay? We are going to take you to the hospital.”

Yet the reaction he got, way far from relieving. Seokjin cried hysterically. “P-please don’t touch me I beg you...”

Hyosang ignored the pain on his chest and continued to persuade. “Seokjinie, it’s Hyosang. Your Hyosang.” The man got nothing but harsh rejection as the pretty guy pried his hands and tightened his hug onto the fluff pink teddy.

“Bomin, go tell the driver to get the car ready.” Bomi interrupted as she had no heart to witness the scene. “We are heading into the Yoon Hospital.”

“No. I’m going to take him into my uncle’s hospital.” Hyosang refused the idea. “Shim Hospital.”

“Okay. Shim Hospital.” The young lady nodded to the young lad, and the youngest hurriedly ran outside. “Hyosang, please let me...” She knelt down beside the man and opened her medical equipment box. “I’m sorry but we need this.”


Bomi gave Seokjin an injection and some moment later the pretty guy slowly fell asleep. “We should hurry up.”

And Hyosang didn’t wait any longer. He scooped to carry the poor one on his arms. “I owe you the kindness.”

“No. I’m sorry...”


I don’t need a reason to believe

If my faith’s already broken

How could I let love lead the way

When I don’t know where I’m going




“Geez, Yoongs... You found out?” The man sneered. “Don’t mad at me, man. I did the right thing. He killed our Hoseokie.”


“Seokjin... That bitch. He was the cause of our Hoseok’s death.”

“Say it again, clearly...”

“Hoseok...” Namjoon choked. The lump on his throat was feelings between love and hatred. “Hoseok liked him. But that bitch broke Hoseok’s heart. That led the suicide.”

“What? No.”

“Look, Yoongs. I wanted Hoseok to be happy. Because his happiness is my everything. You know that...”

“Namjoon, you...”

The man shook his head and laugh. “I saw Hoseok met him. I thought everything was okay. But no. His car jumped into the river, Yoongs. And you know what? This bitch, his name was inside Hoseok’s lyrics book. Read that book, Yoongs. Just read and you will understand.” His eyes turned red and glossy. “That bitch caused it. So I took him here. I did this for revenge, Yoongs. For Hoseok.”

Yoongi took a deep breath to repress his anger. He was never know that his friend Kim hot genius was an idiot. “No, Namjoon. You didn’t know the whole story. It was pure accident. And, No. You did this not for Hoseok. You did this for yourself. You are jealous.” The pale one pierced his gaze, glaring the other’s beads. “Hoseok told me, that you got desperate feelings for Seokjin.”

Namjoon seemed taken aback by the words Yoongi threw on him.

“You liked Seokjin, so much, but you had a presume thinking that he already got a boyfriend, Hyosang. Well, I admitted that they were too close as friends and looked like a perfect couple.” Yoongi waited for a response. Nothing. “You didn’t have a courage to get him near, even just for fucking introducing yourself and make friends with him. Such a coward. And then you saw Hoseok get along so easily with him. You created a broken story on your head. Blamed him with reasons you thought he deserve to be punished. You kidnapped him based on your jealousy. You blamed him for something that never happened just because you didn’t know any better how to have him on your arms. You manipulated him and made the poor pretty guy thought it was all his fault. Punished him for the sins he never did.”

“No.” Namjoon growled. “You are talking shit.”

“Shit?” Yoongi laughed mockingly. “You lured him at the graduation day for a revenge, right? But then he told you about his feelings. He liked you more than you expect. He loved you.”

Namjoon frozen on his position.

“Oh, Namjoon you just didn’t know the whole version. Hoseok noticed your feelings and he tried to help you...”

“No, Yoongs. No...”

“No I won’t stop before I finish. I’m telling you the truth.” Yoongi didn’t stop. “People adores you who appears to be confident, genius, rich, and charming. But in front of Seokjin you are a weak hopeless man. So you made him feeling tiny and guilty in order to make you look great and strong. You wanted him but you are afraid of losing.

You thought Seokjin got a boyfriend and you had no chance. Then you thought Hoseok loved him. You thought your bestfriend made a move to be close with the person who drives you crazy. You felt miserable. And this misunderstanding led you into a stupid crime, Kim Namjoon. And no, you don’t know. The lyrics book you were talking about wasn’t about Seokjin. Those lyrics was about Lee Hajin. Hoseok’s fiancee. You didn’t even know about this, huh?”

Yoongi better be a profiler and works for FBI rather than a pharmacist.

“Kim hot genius Namjoon had no courage to confess his feelings for Kim lovely Seokjin. Damn my Lord.” He recalled the information he got from Jaehyun earlier by phone. “You used a date-rape drug, you commited a crime, Namjoon ah!!”

Namjoon shook his head in denial. He didn’t want believe it. He won’t believe it. It didn’t feel right. Because if the words from Yoongi were all the truth, then he was so wrong for hurting the pretty one. No. He knew he was wrong. But he did these for his beloved friend. Seokjin deserved his vent of anger.


Namjoon didn’t want to believe. He wanted to hear another version from Seokjin. He wanted Seokjin to tell him another story, so he won’t feeling guilty. He wanted to ask. But hey, Seokjin already told him about feelings. Seokjin already confessed that he had feelings for a jerk like him. That Seokjin wanted him to at least be friends.

And he agreed. That’s why he gave the pretty one a lovely fluffy pink teddy.

He agreed. But that day, that day when he felt way better, the old KIM messed with him. And he vented his anger by hurting the pretty one.

“You were talking shit, Yoongs...” Namjoon started to cry.

And that was when he saw the pretty one been carried up on the arms of Jin Hyosang.




All this pain I feel

That’s tearing me apart

Is what makes you real

Deep inside my heart



“PUT HIM DOWN!!” Namjoon shouted as he tightly gripped Hyosang’s arm and examined the pale pretty face that still hugging the fluffy pink teddy he gave.

“Don’t make me hurt you, sir.” Hyosang replied with coldness.


“Namjoon, we need to take Seokjin to the hospital.” Bomi interupted as she lightly pulled her cousin, while secretly took her hand inside her pocket.

“No. He stay with me.”

“Namjoon please.” Bomi rubbed the man’s back. “He got fever.”

“I said, he is not going anywhere.” Namjoon clenched his teeth.

Bomi gave Hyosang a gesture sign to leave as she sneakily gave the same injection to Namjoon. And Yoongi managed to reach the bigger body before the man slumped on the floor.

“I’m sorry Namjoon. I have to...” She said with sad look on her pretty face.




Chapter Text


Two years after lost his mother, Namjoon fled to the States for studying. As he got scholarship --yeah it wasn’t his father’s money-- he had plan to get a job and stay there, he didn’t want to comeback to Korea. He wanted to study, get a job, and continue doing musics and performances in States as RM. He didn’t want to come back home and take the responsibility as the heir of KIM & Co. It wasn’t his dream, ever.

He argued a lot with his father. Mr Kim even sent his assistant to States to talk to Namjoon. And in the end Namjoon agreed. He agreed to come home with one condition: he asked to study and took random major in a university in Seoul after he graduated from the university in States just to enjoy a couple years as an ordinary Namjoon before the important day come.

The moment he finished studying and got a degree in economics and bussiness major --he admitted this major had more opportunities as he works as musicians-- from the university in States, he came back to Korea. He then took an engineering major just because he wanted to spend a little more times with his friends before he take over the responsibility as the heir of Kim & Co. He went back to Korea right away after he graduated, and the only reason he agreed to take the responsibility was his mother’s letter. The letter along with some gifts from his mother that he received a month before the graduation day. The letter his mother’s wrote before she left him forever. A special love letter from his mother that been kept save by the KIM’s notary, that Namjoon could read as graduation gifts.



Since came back home, Namjoon always tried his best. Yet the harder he tried, the worse it got. Because the old man KIM always had a way to find fault for any mistakes he never did, and blamed him for whatever happened. And it felt like everybody around KIM just stood there watching him suffer, never offered him any kind of help. That kind of feeling. He was died inside. He always had the thoughts to ended his life.

He hated his father. He hated everything. But at least he got Hoseok cheering him up.

And that day... That day he got another reason to stay alive. The reason was this pretty guy he saw in the university library. Black haired pretty guy with kissable plump lips, that made his heart racing so fast. That made everything around were flowers.



Namjoon saw this pretty guy for the very first time in the university library. It was his first week as an engineering student, and was always staring the pretty one from afar since that day. Later he knew, this beautiful person was Kim Seokjin, took an architecture major two years earlier counted as Namjoon’s senior. Namjoon knew the name and such about Seokjin from people around, this pretty guy has fame for his brain and looks. They called him, Kim lovely Seokjin.

Namjoon was never in love before. Ever since Namjoon first laid eyes on Seokjin, he knew the pretty guy was his universe.



Smart, rich, and good looks made Namjoon so perfect as a young man. But Namjoon was actually felt tiny and helpless around the pretty one, Seokjin. All he could do just staring from afar like a creepy stalker.

There was a day in a rainy season when he just finished his class and ready to go back to his apartment. He was about to walk into the parking lot when he saw Seokjin stood in the end of the hallway stairs.

It was raining hard that afternoon. An autumn rain and it seemed the rain won’t stop pouring the earth for hours. And Seokjin looked hesitated. Namjoon just realized that the pretty one didn’t bring an umbrella. Namjoon had one, but he had no courage to handed his umbrella for the pretty guy himself. Luckily, there was a food delivery service passed him by from the administration office. So he asked the food delivery service guy to handed his umbrella for the pretty guy. The moment the food delivery service guy walked approching the pretty guy, Namjoon turned his back and ran into the parking lot. Totally soaked as he reached into his car.

Another day, Namjoon saw Seokjin alone in the corner of the university library, looked pale and unwell. The pretty one sneezed and coughed in every minutes, Namjoon ended put his beannie on top of the pretty one’s books when the pretty one went to the side of the librarian desk to took some warm water.

Namjoon himself admitted, that he was a coward.



“Americano?” The waiter in the cashier asked Namjoon when the man just came into the main cafe in the university.

“And a cup of moccacino latte.” Namjoon added as he gave the money.

While he waited his order, he looked around and his eyes glued on someone sat in the corner not far from where he stood. Seokjin. Focused on reading a book that Namjoon so sure was not about architecture. It was a western food recipe book. Namjoon found himself smiling at the beautiful scenery of Seokjin. Seokjin, who got his plump lips parted and mumbled something as he read. Seokjin, that his pretty face a bit looked funny like it’s soul went away to another universe. Everything about Seokjin looked so perfect on Namjoon’s eyes.

But hell, a sudden cracking loud voice greeted him. Ruined the fun.

“Yah Namjoon, did you orded my latte?”

“Here, your order Namjoon ah...” The waiter replied on Namjoon’s behalf as he gave the americano. “And this is must be yours, Jung Hoseok.”

“Oh, thanks, Donghyun hyung!” The man named Jung Hoseok smiled brightly as he took his latte and looked around to find empty table. “Oh there.” He said as he mentioned the table in front of Seokjin’s table and walked heading into it.

“I’m going to the library.” Namjoon snapped as he stole a glance a little into the pretty one who still focused with the book. With no thoughts that Hoseok noticed it.

“Already?” Hoseok raised his left eyebrow. “We have enough time and you said you wanted to---“ Hoseok couldn’t finish his sentence because Namjoon just left him without bothered to answer. “Yah, Namjoon!”

Seokjin’s focus distracted by the loud noise shouted the name Namjoon, and looked around. That was the moment when Namjoon halted his steps and looked back to check whether Hoseok followed him or not. And their eyes met.

They were in another dimension for a couple seconds, both wondered about their feelings. But Namjoon succeed to get his consiousness back before anyone around could notice what happened between him and Seokjin.

He failed to know, that Hoseok was never failed to notice it.

“Are you coming?” Namjoon asked the bright Jung and took another step to leave for sure.

“Yah!” and Hoseok followed behind.

Meanwhile, those pretty beads of Seokjin glued adoring the man that already walked outside the cafetaria. Bit his plump pouty lips, secretly wished they would came back and sat in the table in front of him.



Smart, rich, and good looks made Namjoon so perfect as a young man. But Namjoon was actually felt tiny and helpless around the pretty one, Seokjin. All he could do just staring from afar like a creepy stalker.

That afternoon, Namjoon was in the cafetaria around the building of medical faculty. Along with Hoseok, Yoongi, and Bomi. The young lady asked them for having break together to enjoyed afternoon tea. And as always, she ended had an argument with the grumpy Yoongi while Hoseok just laughing at the two.

When the three engrossed with their talks, there, Namjoon’s beads caught the presence of his beloved one, Seokjin, just entered into the cafetaria. Ordered hot chocolate and cinnamon roll, sat near the window, all alone.

Namjoon couldn’t take his eyes off of Seokjin. He was staring like being hypnotized, and still staring when the pretty one caught his gaze. And there, they were staring each other again, for countless time, both wondered about the other’s feelings.

“You agree, right, Namjoon?”

A sudden call brought Namjoon back to the ground. “Huh?” He turned his head to found Hoseok grinned at him.

“These two.” Hoseok pointed Yoongi and Bomi. “They should date.”

Namjoon haven’t had the chance to answer when Hoseok got a whack on his head from Bomi. And once again they, minus Namjoon, laughed.

Because the corner of his eyes caught a young handsome man came to greeted Seokjin. Unusual greets, but a ruffle on the pretty one’s hair and a pinch on his cheek. That seemed pretty normal, until the handsome man wiped some crumbs in the corner of pretty one’s plump lips with his thumb.

Yoongi and Bomi were sat back to back with Seokjin, and still had some arguments.

Hoseok was the only one noticed that Namjoon was jealous, about the pretty guy who sat in the table near the window, in the opposite side of their table.



Namjoon with Hoseok were walked from their class and was about to go to the cafetaria for lunch, when Seokjin accidentally bumped on Hoseok in the hallway. The books on Seokjin’s hands were dropped on the floor.

And as a kindhearted person, Hoseok helped to collect the books. “Be careful.” He said as he handed some.

“I’m sorry.” Seokjin mumbled and lifted his head to find a warm smile.

It was somehow nothing. But Namjoon was not happy to see Hoseok could easily had small interaction with Seokjin. “Yah, Jung Hoseok, hurry up.”

Seokjin glanced at him, and back to glance Hoseok and blushed.

“Don’t run along the hallway, okay.” Hoseok patted Seokjin’s head. And for Namjoon, it was really irritating.

And that’s not enough. When they were enjoyed their lunch in the cafetaria, Hoseok asked about Seokjin. “Don’t you think he is pretty and soft?” Was really the least Namjoon wanted to hear about the pretty one, from him own beloved friend.



One day, Hoseok and Yoongi came into Namjoon’s apartment to work some mixtapes in his mini studio. But Hoseok got a sudden call and made an excuse to leave. And no one realized that Hoseok left behind his lyrics book in the corner of the coffee table in the corner of the room.



Smart, rich, and good looks made Namjoon so perfect as a young man. But Namjoon was actually felt tiny and helpless around the pretty one, Seokjin. All he could do just staring from afar like a creepy stalker.

Namjoon was never in love before. Was never in a relationship. And was never good in expressing his feelings.

Namjoon loved Seokjin from the very first time he saw the pretty one. Namjoon got jealous whenever he saw Seokjin with the handsome young man from medical faculty. That people said those two were dating. Namjoon wanted Seokjin so bad. And when he accidentally saw Hoseok sat in the same table with Seokjin in the cafetaria in front of the library and seemed so close while having conversation, he didn’t know whether he should make some move to win Seokjin, or just give up.

Because it was Hoseok. He didn’t know what to do.

And then, the accident happened.

The accident that some people call it as a suicide.

And after the funeral, Namjoon found Hoseok’s lyrics book in the corner of his coffee table inside the mini studio. And he found some notes that caught his eyes big. That made his heart shrinked.

Jin 041292

He knew, without anyone telling who was it.



Namjoon wanted to stay in States, but he came back home for the sake of his late beloved mother. Because his mother was everything, and he would do everything if it’s for his mother. And in the name of his mother, Namjoon always tried his best to please his father. Yet the harder he tried, the worse it got. Because the old man KIM was never praised, yet always had a way to find fault for any mistakes he never did, and blamed him for whatever happened. And it felt like everybody around KIM just stood there watching him suffer, never offered him any kind of help. That kind of feeling. He was died inside. He always had the thoughts to ended his life.

He hated his father. He hated everything. But at least he got Hoseok cheering him up.

And that day... That day he got another reason to stay alive. The reason was this pretty guy he saw in the university library. Black haired pretty guy with kissable plump lips, that made his heart racing so fast. That made everything around were flowers.

Kim Seokjin.

It was love at the very first sight. And ever since he first laid eyes on Seokjin, he knew the pretty guy was his universe.

It was having Seokjin as his universe, or just disappear to the black hole.


He loved Seokjin. But to read this certain name and birthdate inside his late beloved friend’s holy book really got him lost, and broken. He felt misserable to ever falling in love with this pretty one. He didn’t know why but he felt so guilty as sudden flaming hatred striked and risen up inside him. His heart bleeding.

What’s so good about being a heir of KIM & Co? What the meaning of being smart, rich, and with good looks if he lost his mother, then his beloved best friend. Suicide? And why Seokjin?

Just by read “Jin 041292” inside Hoseok’s olive green lyrics book, Namjoon have learned something. That life is not fair. Neither is love.

[end of flashback]




Review? Thanks for reading

Chapter Text

“It is a wise father who knows his own child.” – William Shakespeare



My ship went down in a sea of sound

When I woke up alone I had everything:

A handful of moments I wished I could change

And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade.





Mr Kim carefully read the papers. He was reading a report file about Seokjin’s condition that bothered him so bad, because the information he read could drag Namjoon to the worst place and he won’t let it happen. He made some plans the moment Jaehyun came to him to tell about what happened in the old mansion. He sent people to go to the old mansion, and as well told his people to prevent any possibility of news leak. No. He won’t let media found out about what Namjoon did. He had someone secretly monitoring Seokjin since the poor one arrived in the Shim Hospital and made sure the information didn’t spread. Though he got the copy because he needed the data to decide what kind of move he should take to protect his son and the whole dynasty, KIM & Co.

“Keep this information safe.” He sighed as he rubbed his temple. The headache greeted him. “Don’t let Namjoon find out or he would cause another problem. We had enough already.” He told Kangin, one of KIM assistant. “Prepare our best lawyer team. I will make time to meet Kim Seokjin’s parents to apologize and clear this mess.”

“Everything is under control, sir.” Kangin took the file back to keep and left the KIM’s living room. There were two younger assistants more like bodyguard named Siwon and Chanyeol that stayed.


It was around the evening before dinner time, when earlier in the morning Kim’s people went to the old mansion to take Namjoon back home. Bomi was in the room, along with Jaehyun and Bomin. They were quietly listened as Mr Kim talked to his people. The young lady insisted to stay because she knew she would be the one could help Namjoon to feel accompanied when the man wake up from the sedative injection she gave. But she asked Yoongi to better go home and rest not long after they laid Namjoon on the bed, because she believed she could handle any situation. And Jimin also having a day off from field so Yoongi should stay with the younger one.

“Uncle Kim, I will take care of Namjoon.... Please let me help him...” Bomi tried to persuade. “Namjoon needs someone who understand his situation, and tell him that everything is gonna be alright... Please, Namjoon needs help...”

“Don’t you think you need to go back home?” Mr Kim ignored the concern. “I’m avoiding any trouble with your parents esp my sister.”

“No, I’m ok—“

“Thing is not alright, Bomi ah!” Mr Kim snapped as he had enough excuse. “What Namjoon did worth the jail. But I won’t let KIM & Co falling apart!” Mr. Kim was so angry when Jaehyun came and insisted to see him at the dawn and told him that his son committed a crime in the old mansion. And when Bomi and Yoongi came with unconscious Namjoon, all he wanted to do was to beat down the ungrateful son.

“I understand that he was so at fault. But, if uncle still want Namjoon to continue the KIM & Co, we need to send him for therapy and medication.” Bomi won’t give up. Because she promised her aunty, Namjoon’s mother, to always be there for the man.

She believed that her cousin did this for reason. They grew up together. They shared the laughs, cries, and teases that she knew were all genuine. Though she failed to notice one thing or two about the man’s circumstance that led to such horrible acts, she believed that Namjoon deserves the chance, and happiness.

She got Bomin told her the stories. And that for the last three weeks in the old mansion, Namjoon was actually turned quite nice, and soft. The young lad told her, that he and Seokjin happily and willingly cooked for Namjoon’s party the day before. Everything were all good and the situation way better than usual. But then Namjoon left to the city and when he came back, the beast in him turned became more cruel.

Bomi knew about Namjoon having a hard situation, more over after his mother passed away. Later she found out that Namjoon did selfharm, and was so sure that Namjoon’s stressor was his father.




My lungs gave out as I faced the crowd

I think that keeping this up could be dangerous.

I’m flesh and bone, I’m a rolling stone

And the experts say I’m delirious.



Mr Kim was talking about responsibility as a heir to Bomi, Jaehyun, and Bomin -with Siwon and Chanyeol still in the room- that those audience has nothing to do at all with the heir thingy when the door swung open.

Revealed Namjoon in his grey silk pajamas that Bomi put on him when the man was still under the sedative.

“You guys are having a conference, huh?” Namjoon shakily dragged his legs. Not to mention that he was drunk, got an imaginary hard punches plus slaps from profiler Min Yoongi when he was hangover, and received a sedative injection from his cousin Bomi. “Yah Bong Jaehyun. Gimme my car  key.” He said to Jaehyun before turned his attention into his father. “And you, old man Kim...”

Bomi automatically came closer and reached Namjoon’s arm to restrain any possibility of unnecessary conflict. “Namjoon... Don’t...”

But nothing could stop—

“I don’t give a fuck anymore about your KIM & Co shit.” Namjoon said as he pointed his index finger in front of his father’s face.

And sure. A hard slap greeted Namjoon’s face. Made his corner lips bleeding.

“I didn’t raise you to become a criminal!!” Mr Kim shouted, and one of his assistant, Siwon, was more than ready to handle the situation as it commanded by the old man, including to handle Namjoon if it is needed. “I won’t act like just because you didn’t kill him, you didn’t somehow end his life!” He added. “You may haven’t realized of what you did, but so many lives have been ruined here, Kim Namjoon!!”

Namjoon wiped the blood in the corner of his lips as he threw his dark gaze into his father. How come this old man talked about one’s life been ruined when the old man himself ruined the son’s soul. But he didn’t gave a damn the old man. “BongJae, my car key. I will take Seokjin back, and no one is arguing with me.” He coldly said. He won’t believe anyone.

Who ruined who? For some reason the only thing he wanted to embrace and believe was Seokjin told him about feelings, that the pretty guy wanted him. He even burried deep the words Seokjin threw on him that night. Burried deep the crying face and sad pleading, because the only thing he wanted to cherish was Seokjin’s smiling face, as the pretty one asked him to be friends.

“B-but, hyung...” Jaehyun was always one of Namjoon’s assistant, since the day the man found out about what the young lad did to KIM & Co. But still, Mr Kim’s assistant way more superior and won’t let him hand the key mentioned.

“You two can go home.” Mr Kim told Jaehyun and Bomin. “Namjoon is not going anywhere until I manage to talk to Seokjin’s family and clear the mess he did.”

Namjoon clenched his teeth. He was somehow became idiot Kim and refused to listen what’s better for him. Because for him, the old Kim would always do what’s good for KIM & Co. Not him. And the only thing he desperately needed is Seokjin. “Jaehyun, bring me the key.”


Wait. What? Seokjin’s father was the architect of one of their precious property and bussiness? Namjoon did’nt know about this.

And Mr Kim caught him shocked. “You didn’t know, right?”

Namjoon as usual wanted to deny the truth and grabbed his father’s collar. “You were make up a story and telling lies...” He growled. “You were bullshitting for your own sake!!”

“Bullshit isn’t my thing, son.” Mr Kim pried Namjoon’s hands away. “I will do anything necessary for this family, and for the dynasty my elder built since they gave me the responsibility as a heir. And you should do the same when the time comes.” He fixed his shirt around the collar. “You are going to the States. Don’t come back until I said so.”


“You heard me. It was your dream to stay in States. So, stay there while we are working to handle this shameful situation.” Mr Kim sternly said. “Now I’m done talking to you. Back to your room, or Siwon will make you.”

“No.” Namjoon fisted his palm. “I will be the one to face Seokjin’s parents and clear this problem. I’m leaving.”

Mr Kim won’t let the condition that already awful to getting worse. And he was all well prepared for this kind of situation. He knew Namjoon won’t listen. And he would not be sorry to do anything for the sake of his precious family, and dynasty.

Namjoon got no chance to leave. Siwon shuted him off with a hard blew on his epigastrium and knocked him down on the floor.

“Namjoon!” Bomi ran to see the man’s condition. “Uncle Kim, this is too much. I can give him sedative like what I did before.”

But Mr Kim already made a decision. “Prepare for what he needs and take him to the States with my Jet tomorrow.” He said to Siwon, as Chanyeol helped Bomi to take care the unconsciuos one. “Lock him in his room as for now.”



Arrogant boy,

Love yourself so no one has to.

They’re better off without you.

They’ll fall asleep without you.

You’re lucky if your memory remains.




Shim Hospital. Early in the morning when the sun just beautifully rised from the horizon, telling all creature in the universe that they still had hopes to move on. That they could starting all over again. To fight, in a positive way. To get everything they wished, and embrace it with love and desire.

But not for this certain young man that his future was to take an important role in Shim Hospital. For Hyosang, the sun didn’t smile for him. Because around and above him were all the dark clouds. Chilling cold. The sun didn’t promising him daylight, but a heavy rain.

“P-please don’t touch me I beg you...”

Hyosang couldn’t get rid this certain scene off from his head. The scene of Seokjin cried hysterically. The way Seokjin begged and cried avoiding any touch. Refused his presence nor affection. Seokjin even cried and begged within his sleep. Must be traumatic for having the one you loved, treated you like you are nothing but a breathing flesh.

Hyosang couldn’t sleep at the night after he finally could take Seokjin to the safe place. He couldn’t forget about how Seokjin begged and cried, refused any skinship.

Just to found the pretty one there in the cockloft room without wearing clothes but a piece of blanket wrapped around, it was somehow already told him that the poor pretty one suffered sexual assault. Sexual abuse, rape, to be presiced. He was more than sure that Namjoon raped his precious Seokjinie even without any proper medical examination. And that thoughts bothered him. Seokjin wasn’t in a good condition when they found him in the KIM’s old mansion. But it’s not about the wounds nor bruises scars that caught in the eyes.

Hyosang took medical major, a doctor, and he had this gut feelings that things wasn’t right the moment he took Seokjin on his arms in the rescue. The moment they arrived in the hospital, he took some examination. He won’t be surprised about the sticky cum he found on Seokjin’s belly and under thighs. He even knew he would find some signs of violence. There were some bruises. Scar of burnt skin that he predicted came from ignite cigarette, under the left collarbone. Bite marks, that one of those, in the shoulder, has bleed. That was terrible. Hyosang could only clenched his teeth.

But it’s not about the wounds nor bruises scars that could be found easily just by looking on it with the eyes.

Hyosang harshly rubbed his face as he looked inside the map of medical report about Seokjin’s condition. The report was ready to deliver to the pretty one, but he wasn’t sure that he was ready to tell the truth.



Seokjin kept staring on the white paper in front of him. After the rescue, he didn’t woke up until the next day around midday. He was disoriented for a while when he gained his consciousness, as he found himself in another strange place. He couldn’t even recognize Hyosang who stood up beside the mattress. He panicked, and the first thing he did by reflex was to grab and hugged the fluffy pink teddy that laid near the pillow he wished could protect him as his guardian angel.

He cried with heavy breathing as Hyosang tried to calm and tell him that he was no longer kidnapped. The man wanted to hug but the pretty one refused any skinship and eye contacts. Fainted “I’m sorry” was the only words he could deliver -because he felt dejected and guilty for loving the wrong person, Namjoon, instead to love Hyosang back- as he slowly believed that he was saved, and assured that it was Hyosang his beloved childhood friend been there to comfort him.


The pretty one didn’t talk much. Mostly spaced out and cried silently.

But Hyosang needed to know the whole stories. Any horrible things Namjoon did based on those bruises and wounds. He needed those informations so he could demand Namjoon to pay the crime he did. The man wanted to get the testimony without forcing Seokjin to speak up. So, he gave Seokjin a pack of drawing papers and crayons as the substitute of media communication. He wanted Seokjin to calm by drawing and looking the beautiful colours. Then he could start a conversation with the pretty one by drawing in the same paper as well.


Seokjin just sat quietly in the mattress. Did nothing but kept staring the white paper on his lap. Hyosang told him to draw anything, anytime when he wanted to. But he didn’t know what he really wanted to draw. Not to mention that he was an architect, with a prestigious post graduate scholarship in the UK. He couldn’t even tell what he felt with colours. He didn’t know. He turned his gaze into the window as he saw the sun sets. And a moment later, everything seemed all black...

He threw his gaze back into the paper for some moments before his fingers took the pink colour crayon. A moment later, his fingers danced above the white paper. Unconsciously drew the pink carnations flower.



Give me therapy

I’m a walking travesty

But I’m smiling at everything



Hyosang took a deep breath before he knocked and opened the door. A folder contained Seokjin’s medical report was in his left hand. His heart wasn’t ready to face any possibility of Seokjin probably gonna freaked out, but he needed to tell. He wasn’t really sure that Seokjin already knew. But if Seokjin didn’t know yet, he better got the information from him, not anyone else.

“Seokjinnie. Hi...” Hyosang greeted.

And Seokjin quietly replied. “Hi...” Without bothered to face the man.

Hyosang took a chair and sat facing the pretty one. He won’t deny that his heart sank by the cloudy pale looking of his beloved one that was so different compared with the bright cheerful one before he left to Sweden.

Seokjin was never this quiet towards him.

Hyosang cleared his throat and peeked into the drawing paper on Seokjin’s lap. Tried to build a conversation. “Ohh.” He smiled. “This flower looks beautiful. Is that carnation?” He guessed as he saw a carnation flower in the vase on the cupboard table beside the mattress.

Seokjin didn’t give any response.

“Ahh have I tell you that your mom and dad is on the way here to see you?”

Still no response.

“Don’t you miss them? They said they miss you so bad...”

Seokjin took another crayon, a grey one. And drew a clouds above the flowers.


“I’m fine.” Seokjin finally gave a small reaction. “When will I allowed to go home?”

“Soon.” Hyosang answered. “When your condition is way better and fully recovered. But, before talking about going home...”

Seokjin kept drawing.

“May I draw something on your paper?”


Hyosang took a brown crayon and started to draw something. Seokjin got his full attention into the man’s drawing. The man’s drew something that looks like children and a playground park. “Remember when you helped me as volunteer for children’s special event in this hospital, last Christmas?” Hyosang drew flowers around the playground with red crayon, and then drew some trees with green crayon. “You were so happy. You said, you wanted to start a family after you finished your post graduate, and having three children...” Hyosang peeked as he waited for a reaction. “Do you remember?”

Seokjin nodded, with eyes and attention glued on the paper. Still avoiding eye contact.

For some moment the two just stayed in silence. As Hyosang felt conflicted and drew another object. Because wanted or not, he needed to tell. Because Seokjin needed to know.

Again, Hyosang cleared his throat. “Seokjinie... Do you... Somehow feeling something weird about your body and your mood lately?”

Seokjin didn’t understand why Hyosang suddenly asked him such question. But yes, he felt drowsy even without doing anything. And a disturbing mood swing. But why?

Hyosang finished drawing an object. It was a stork. And then he drew another object.

“Seokjinnie...” Hyosang looked up to see the pretty one more clearly. Though the one’s beads still glued on the paper.

Seokjin wasn’t stupid. After the weird question and weird talking and those drawings, he knew what Hyosang tried to say as the man drew a stork carrying...

“... You are having a baby.” Hyosang finally delivered the news, that came from Seokjin’s medical report.




You were never a friend of me

And you can choke on your misery






Chapter Text

Is it naive to make plans that seem so far away?

There’s a reason I feel this way

You’re sleeping alone, I’m awake.

As you dream of me tonight, am I close to where you are?





Namjoon laid the unconscious one on the mattress. Watched the pretty one angrily with his dark beads, as he took off his coat and threw it on the floor.

“Jin 041292, huh?” He hovered above, and brushed the sleeping one’s bangs. Caressed those rosy cheeks. “What did you say to my dear Hoseokie, that he was so desperate and ended his life like nothing was worth to fight anymore?”

The only response he got from his monologue question was the pretty one’s steady breathing.

His gaze glued on it’s pretty face. His heart stung in ache as he remembered his late beloved friend. He once wholeheartedly loved this pretty guy. But those feelings disappered as it replaced with burning hatred.

“You don’t deserve a beautiful life, as you took one from Hoseokie...” Namjoon threw another pieces of his clothes, as he ripped the sleeping one’s white long sleeves buttoned shirt and took off the pants to left it bottomless.

He unzipped his own jeans then pulled it down around his thighs, and took a bottle of baby oil he prepared, to smeared it on his hand before he stroked his hard member. He carelessly poured the rest of the whole oil on the other’s body as he entered the unprepared pink hole. Thrusted inside with no mercy.

He leaned down to scratched his teeth on the soft milky skin around the neck, and bit it with deep growl to vent his anger. He moved for another spots and left so many bruises bite marks along with his mad movements inside the unconscious pretty one.

He burried his face on the pretty one’s neck as he kept biting. It was his solitude revenge for his beloved friend. He did it for his precious Jung Hoseok.

He thrusted harder before he pulled out and groaned loudly. Released his cum on the pretty one’s stomach.

He panted heavily as he trailed his lips from the neck closer to those pinkish plump lips. He laughed bitterly as he studied the perfect sinful beauty. The angelic feature that devilishly mocked his existence. He laughed with a bleeding heart, as he bit and pulled those cherry lips. Invaded his tongue inside, and sucked harshly as he transfered his warm saliva to the other’s mouth.

“Sleep well, sweetie.” He mumbled between the wild mad kisses. “Your nightmare has just begun...”

[End of flashback]





Hyosang waited for a response.

“A baby?” Seokjin faintly mumbled the word.

Hyosang prepared himself for hours just to deliver the news, and he couldn’t tell whether Seokjin would be glad or devastated. And the moment the pretty one chewed his lips, he knew. It wasn’t a good news. Because no one is expecting a new life when it came from a hatred force. Where there is no love to plant the seed.

Seokjin went blank and spaced out for a certain moment. “My scholarship...”

And Hyosang was the only person knew very well about how Seokjin wanted to take a master degree, though it for his parents, before anything else. Because all Seokjin wished was to make his parents proud of him and so he could live as one he wanted. And now the condition was way far and different from the plan.

“Also about that...” Hyosang once again cleared his throat. “I checked the web, and your name wasn’t there. Are you probably missed to send your email confirmation?”

“What?” Seokjin, for the very first time after the episodes of avoiding eye contacts with Hyosang, turned his head to face the man. “But I asked...” He didn’t finish the sentence. As he realized, Namjoon didn’t send the email for him. Something he asked the man, that is so important for him.

“It’s fine. You can apply for another scholarship next year.” Hyosang suggested. “Or when you are ready to continue your study.”

“How am I supposed to be ready?” Seokjin asked with flat expression. “I failed my master degree before I even started it. And having a baby that I didn’t expect.” He took the grey colour crayon and randomly drawing. “My parents won’t be happy about this.”

Hyosang won’t denied that his beloved Seokjin was having a nightmare. And he had no right to tell what’s good for the poor pretty one’s future. But...

“You have choices about the baby.” The man said. “And I will be here to support you, whatever choice you are choosing for your own good...”

Seokjin clearly understood that what Hyosang meant was about to giving birth the baby, or to giving it up before the unborn baby grow bigger.

A moment a silence before Seokjin replied. “I don’t know what’s good anymore.” He turned his head facing the carnation flowers on the vase. “What should I do?”




Lay me down,

And tell me everything will be alright,

Things will be alright.




“Having them to marry each other isn’t an answer. Our son is refuse to speak whenever the name of your son been mentioned. And he cried in his sleep, begging for not being touched.”

“We are offering a way out. We are really sorry. But if you refused this marriage and something happen in the future, we won’t take any responsibility.”

“Things already happened. And our Seokjinnie is better off without your son... Moreover, we have suitable man for our precious son. It’s Hyosang...”



“Hoseok told me, that you got desperate feelings for Seokjin.”

“You liked Seokjin, so much, but you had a presume thinking that he already got a boyfriend, Hyosang. You didn’t have a courage to get him near, even just for fucking introducing yourself and make friends with him. Such a coward. And then you saw Hoseok get along so easily with him. You created a broken story on your head. Blamed him with reasons you thought he deserve to be punished. You kidnapped him based on your jealousy. You blamed him for something that never happened just because you didn’t know any better how to have him on your arms. You manipulated him and made the poor pretty guy thought it was all his fault. Punished him for the sins he never did.”

Namjoon banged his head into the wall. He used to scratched his arms, but at the very moment, he really wanted to split his head open.

He woke up in the morning and couldn’t get out from his own room. The door locked, and Mr Kim’s people were all around watching him from the outside. They were even all aware in the ground around the balcony.

It’s not that he scared to take the risk and runaway. It’s the fact that he did wrong to the person he desperately loved that deep, and it was unforgivable. The only thing scared him is to lose Seokjin when he had the chance to take the loved one as his own forever in the old mansion. To live there without anyone else. Just the two of them. He would trade his life for KIM & Co as long as his father willing to let him to see Seokjin.

But, no. What if Seokjin was the one refused to see him, anymore? The thoughts itself got his head in unbearable pain, he wished to chop it off.

He banged his head into the wall as he spelled Seokjin’s name. And didn’t notice that someone entered his room and freaked out to see blood.



“My son still don’t know about the pregnancy...”

“Seven weeks pregnant. And all this time we didn’t know that it was your son texted us. Pretending to be my son.”

An awkward silence. Both sides tried to stay calm.

“We will let Seokjin decide about his condition. And whatever he would choose, it’s better for not letting your son to see our son ever again. That’s the deal.”

“If that’s the deal, I have no choice but to send my son to the States, but I’m hoping we could agree to keep the whole things as a secret.”



“He confessed. He told me about his feelings. But, I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to believe and get hurt...” Namjoon said without looking into Bomi’s eyes. More like spaced out.

Bomi knew how it feels. “I will get you warm water and treat your wounds.” But she decided to just listen, and helped Namjoon to sit on the mattress. “You need to eat something as well...”

“Seokjin...” Namjoon mumbled. “I don’t need anything but him. Please let me see him.”

“Seokjin is having a treatment. And his parents asked you to not see him ever again.” Bomi rubbed the man’s palm. “They were kind enough to agreed some dealings, so you will not going to the jail. We already received an agreement papers from their lawyer. You are free, but they aren’t allowing you nor people from KIM & Co to see and reach Seokjin, as he is starting a new life.”

“I can pay the lawyer to make me allowed...” Namjoon cracked his voice as he held the tears for not falling. “I will beg his parents to let me...”

“Namjoon, it’s not that simple...” Bomi cupped Namjoon’s face. She wasn’t the tough and confident young lady at the moment. But she needed to appear tough and calm for the sake of her cousin. As she promised her beloved aunty, for being there to support Namjoon unconditionally. “It’s for Seokjin’s sake. And you...”



Oh here where we lie

Outstretched to wonder why we don’t belong.

You deserve much more, and I’ll give until I’m all gone.



Namjoon held the handkerchief endearing. The forgotten handkerchief Bomi gave it to him when she finished to treat his bleeding head. It was Bomin with the help of Mr Kim’s people along with Jaehyun who came to clean the old mansion and found a small paperbag on the man’s drawer, and the young lad checked it.

Namjoon admitted that he was never curious about the paperbag and just put it inside his drawer and naturally forgot it.

When he checked what’s inside the paperback after Bomi left him, there were a handmade handkerchief and a handwritten letter inside...

A confession letter about how Seokjin admired him. About the pretty one’s feelings toward him. About why the pretty one decided to gave him a handmade handkerchief.

A handmade handkerchief that Namjoon realized had a loving vanilla scent. Seokjin’s loving scent he recognized the first night he did wrong to him. Signature vanilla scent he couldn’t forget.

It’s written there in the letter. Seokjin wished to be loved back. Wanted him to at least be friends.


Namjoon took his cellphone and dialed the number he knew by heart. But for many times he dialed those number, he only got a voicemail.

“Seokjin? H-hi... This is Namjoon.” A moment of silence before he continued. “Is it okay if I call you sometimes? Just to let you know how I’m doing?” Namjoon bit his lower lip. “I read your letter. You said, you wanted us to be friends, right? We are friends, right?”



Oh, here where we lie

Outstretched to wonder why we don’t belong

You deserve much more, and I’ll give until I’m all gone




Bomi stood up in front of certain door, waiting.

“I didn’t invite you....” Yoongi said as he let the door swung opened.

Bomi rolled her eyes. “I’m not coming to see you.”

“Bomi ah!”

It’s Jimin.

“Hi.” Bomi smiled. “Big Mac?” She raised the McDonalds paperbag.

“My pleasure. Come in.”

And the moment Jimin approached her, she hugged the small sweet guy. Cried her heart out loud.



“He was drunk...” Seokjin told the nurse who checked on his IV.

The nurse turned her attention with ‘huh?’ looking face.

“I don’t know what he did when I was unconscious.” Seokjin looked down on his lap as he continued to tell the story to the total stranger who stood up beside the mattress. The story that he kept himself, even didn’t tell it to his parents nor Hyosang. “The other nights, he has been fully aware.”

And the nurse stayed to listen.

“But that one night...” Seokjin squeezed the blanket as tears fell down on his cheeks. “I didn’t expect this...” He sobbed. “What am I suppose to do, when the man who did this to me was never saw me as a person, but a revenge toy.” He cried. “What should I do now?”

The nurse herself didn’t know what to say nor to do, but to rub the pretty guy’s shoulder in silence.



“Namjoon? Wake up.” Bomi lightly tapped Namjoon’s arm. “Yoongi and Jimin is coming to see you. Let’s have dinner together.”

She didn’t get any reaction from the man. “Are you going to skip your favorite chicken honey?” She shook more, but, instead of reaction, something like a medicine bottle dropped down from the mattress to the floor. She took it and read the label.

She gasped when she realized it was sleeping pills.

The first thing she did was to check Namjoon’s pulse but there wasn’t any. She dashed outside with horror in her face as she ran into the servants room. The last time she checked the man’s condition after she took care the bleeding wounds was before she went to see Jimin. And she haven’t take a visit in the morning because she had appointment in the university.

“When is the last time you check Namjoon?” She asked one of the maid.

“Young master told us to not disturb him. He wanted to rest. He said he will ask if he needs something.”


“It was last night after young lady leave.”

“DAMN IT!! CALL AN AMBULANCE!!!” Bomi screamed hysterically as she ran back into Namjoon’s bedroom.



Forever know your face

And ever take your place here by my side

Like a ghost into the night

The poisoned apple to my bite

I’ll be the shadow at your door

I’ll be the moth into your light

‘Cause you deserve much more



Seokjin climbed down the mattress. Stood up in front of the cupboard table, adoring the newly fresh carnations flower on the vase, as he held the fluffy pink teddy on his chest. And there, just right under the vase, laid a piece of pink carnation hairpin Namjoon used to put on his bangs.

He stood there, just blankly staring the flowers. “I wished I was born as morning mist...” absentmindedly murmured something he didn’t even understood what was about.



Hyosang had some appointments since the morning and managed to arrive in the hospital before dinner time. He went right away heading into Seokjin’s room with paperbag in his left hand.

“Seokjinnie...” He greeted as he entered the room, just to find it empty. He looked around and walked into the bathroom, as he guessed Seokjin probably inside. “I bought you pasta from your favorite restaurant.” He knocked.

He waited but got no response, so he walked heading into the cupboard table to put the paperbag. And something alarmed him.

The carnations flower laid on the cupboard table without the vase.

He ran back heading the bathroom and banged the locked door. “Seokjinie!! Are you okay? Please answer me!!”

Hyosang had no choice but to kick open the bathroom door. He dashed inside, and his heart shattered. As he found Seokjin laid on the floor, with scattered vase around. And a bleeding wrist.

Not even once Hyosang had the thoughts, that Seokjin would cut his vein.


Seokjin laid on the floor. Pale, and no sign of pulse. With a trace of tears streamed down on his cheeks. Motionlessly hugged the fluffy pink teddy.



It’s a problem that a lot of families have to face. Successors and stuff. The unknown future. The foggy road. The uncertainties in life. It would be nice if the feelings between parents and their childs are properly conveyed. But it’s not for both KIMs.

Both Namjoon and Seokjin reached their breaking point.



Lay me down and kiss me like things will be alright

Everything will be alright.

This could mean everything or nothing at all

You take what is real, I’ll give you my all.





Chapter Text

“What greater punishment is there than life when you’ve lost everything that made it worth living?” -- William Shakespeare.


When you feel the dream is over

Feel the world is on your shoulders

And you lost the strength to carry on

Even though the walls may crumble

And you find you always stumble through

Remember never to surrender to the dark




[3 years later]

Bomi knelt down to put the bouquet flower she brought from the florist, into the ground where there laid the loved one along with his dreams, and the untold stories. Rest in eternally peace. She prayed for the beautiful soul, and looked up into the skies, as she inhaled the fresh morning air.

“Bomi ah?”

A friendly voice greeted her. She knew well that voice by heart. Even after three years of not seeing each other, she knew this person very well.

She turned her back and that’s when she found him. An old friend that she used to depends. “Yoongs? You really came?”

The pale skinned young man smiled. “Long time no see. How are you?”



‘Cuz if you turn another page

You will see that’s not the way

The story has to end




Bomi waited until Yoongi finished his prayers before she snapped. “It’s 6.37 AM Yoongs. You are not a morning person. More over to see you in a place like this. I thought you won’t come...”

Yoongi chuckled. “I woke up early once a month to visit this cemetery, since that day.” He turned his back so he could face the beautiful young lady. “How was UK? And Hyosang?”

“Well...” Bomi smiled. “I moved on...”

Yoongi nodded. “Shit happens. But life must go on...”

“I know...” Bomi smiled bitterly.

Yoongi turned his attention, staring the tomb. “We all that under the circumstance were starting a new life since that day...”

“Yeah... Because life must go on...”

“And because life must go on, wanna have a cup of warm tea, and cakes?” Yoongi asked.

“Huh?” Bomi peeked her wrist watch. “I have to go to the airport before 8.00 AM.”

“You have time. And he can wait, or take the bus.” Yoongi clicked his tongue.


“Come on, my treat. There is coffee shop nearby and they have strawberry cheesecake you loves...”

“Whoaa, Yoongs...” Bomi gasped in admiration. “You were never this sweet back then in the past...”

“People change, Bomi ah...” Yoongi shrugged his shoulders. “More over these three people, changed us the most...”




And if you need to find a way back

Feel you’re on the wrong track

Give it time

You’ll learn to fly




Bomi managed to arrive in the airport in time. She looked around between the crowd to find the person.

“Yoon Bomi!!” A handsome dark brown haired young man shouted her name. Ran into her.

Bomi waved her hand, as she walked approaching the man. “Hi. Welcome back...”




Tomorrow is a new day

And you will find your own way

You’ll be stronger with each day that you cry

Then you’ll learn to fly




Bomi gracefully walked approacing the man. And in every steps she took, she prayed as for the pages she had to turn from this certain book will be a better story. A promising daylight and happier ones. So that she could be glad of the three years she spent in England, with twice in a year visit to the States. Three years of healing.

She smiled, as the man tightly hugged her. And she hugged him back.

“Welcome home, Namjoonie...”

The last page she read about one’s story has to end. As a new chapter of life is about to begin. And another story is waiting...



Chapter Text


I think we’re onto something

We can’t run from fate

But we can let it take us down

Down this road

Where all our colors run together

Let’s take the worst and make it better

Let’s take this mess and make a home




“Namjoon... Me and Bomi, we deeply understand that you were hurts and broken about your loss of your beloved mother, and Hoseokie... We know and clearly understand about you and your father’s circumstance. We are really sorry about your scattered feelings, but...”

Yoongi was always sharp with his poisonous tongue. But that day he gave the words for one’s sake. That day, he wasn’t the sarcastic Min. That day, he gave the words sincerely to save his beloved friend.


Namjoon was found unconscious in his bedroom for commiting suicide by having sleeping pills. They luckily managed to get the man to the hospital and saved him.

“You can’t fix yourself by breaking someone else.” Yoongi said. “You need therapy and medication... So, please... Please go to the States like your father told you so...”

Namjoon didn’t reply. He refused to speak since he gained his consciousness. The man’s eyes were still closed. Hidden under his right arm. But Yoongi couldn’t miss to notice those falling tears.

“Please fix your heart and your head, Namjoonie...”

And the room was so silent and gloomy.

“You know what? There is this saying...” Yoongi continued his monologue. “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were...”

Yoongi coolly said the words as if he was fine. Though he was not. He was as broken as Namjoon.

“Shit.” Yoongi amused with his own words. “You were right I’m talking shit. But please, Namjoon. Please go to the States if you really love Seokjin. If you refused the idea over your father, you can go miles away for the precious one you love. You need to go as far as you can, so you will never has the chance hurt him anymore. Please consider this for Seokjin’s sake. If you really love him, just please... Let him go, and move on... Starting a new life and doing good to pay your sins...”


The door creaked open. And Yoongi found Jimin sat on the bench in front of the room. Along with Bomi who cried silently on the sweet guy’s warm embrace.

“Namjoon agreed to go to the States.” Yoongi sighed. “After I told him I would come along and spend a whole month to help him adjusting the medication and therapy.”

Bomi turned her head to face the pale skinned man. Tears were still streamed down her cheeks.

“Don’t get me wrong. I come along not really to taking care of him as a good friend.” Yoongi rolled his eyes. “I want to visit the country more for vacation.”

“Then I will come along with you for a whole month. Or maybe two...” Bomi smiled and wiped her tears. “As well for vacation like you do...”

“That’s pretty a good idea. I’m interested.” Jimin joined the conversation. “Shall we invite Taehyung to come along, so we could have a vacation together? It’s been a while.”

“Thanks for being here to support Namjoonie.” Bomi chuckled, and hugged the sweet guy. But then she started to cry again. “I love you, guys...”

“We love you too...” Jimin and Yoongi answered in unison.

[End of flashback]




Take all the ghosts and all those skeletons you hide

And bury them deep beneath the ground

Let them rest

‘Cause you weren’t meant to bear that burden

Look at the roses in your garden

You can breathe now and forget



He opened the door. The door of the cockloft room he used to spent when he was younger. The bedroom he used to stay and rest when his mother got a treatment. The bedroom when he did wrong to somebody he loves.

He stepped inside and walked heading into the large trellised windows. And peeked outside to look into the carnations garden.

The whole old mansion was still fine and well maintained. There are people who came to clean the house once a week. To take a good care of the building and the garden.

He stayed there staring outside for a while. He shut his eyes closed and reflecting what he did in the past. He bit his lower lip as he cried...

His heart bleed, and it’s still bleeding. But he decided to let go. As the agreement papers asked him to. And he knows for good. His heart will forever being ripped and bleeding as he had no chance to ask for forgiveness, from him. But it’s probably his punishment. And he knew he deserved it.

So he left. Leaving the olive green lyrics book, his own lyrics book, in the study table, along with his sorrys.

He promised to live well.

Though he would never see him ever again, he promised he would stay alive to pay his sins.

Because it’s his punishment. To live when he’d lost everything that made it worth living...



That we could make forever after all

Finding the gold in our darkest moments

Watching the roads turning into white roses



“Hi! Long time no see. How are you?” The waiter asked the man wo sat near the window. “Iced americano, Namjoonie?”

“I’m doing well.” Namjoon answered with smile plastered on his face. “Iced americano, please.”

It’s the coffee shop near the university he used to visit when he was a college student. The coffee shop that he used to see Seokjin ordered some latte or hot chocolate in the old days.

“Sure. Anything else?”

“Uhm... Pasta?”

The waiter raised his left eyebrow. “But you don’t like pasta?”

“Well... People change? Even for their taste?” Namjoon grinned.

“Okay. Will be served in a minute.”

Namjoon looked around to notice that nothing has changed. Even after three years. He sighed as he needed to accept that the only change was the absence of this certain special person’s presence. He sighed and decided to check some business emails from his cellphone.

Then, as he got the iced americano and pasta he ordered, he overheard some young ladies behind his table were talking about property investment. Bu that wasn’t the issue.

“You are late...”

“Ugh. Sowwyyy. The meeting about the hotel was a headache. My father wanted a classic interior, but my uncle who share the investment wanted a modern one.”

“And the solution?”

“It’s still on delay. But I have more important concern about the hotel.”

“And, what it is?”

“The architect. He...”

“You have crush on him?”

“Dang. No.”


“But I’m adoring beauty, you know that.”


“He is so damn gorgeous. Well, a pretty guy, with soft feature and plump lips. Like an angel. Really. ..”

Namjoon knitted his eyebrows as he continued to listen the conversation. It was hilarious in the beginning. But to mix the words architect, and pretty guy with soft feature and plump lips was somehow choking him.


“I don’t know if this sounds rude, but I was so curious whether he already has someone yet. So I asked him about it, but you know what?”


“He took his cellphone and show me a cute two and a half years old baby boy, with beautiful eyes and adorable dimples...”

“Two and a half years old is not a baby.”

“Count him as one. He was so adorable.”


“And you know what? He told me that he gave birth the baby boy in the picture.”

So the pretty architect guy with soft feature and plump lips gave birth this two and a half years old baby boy? Namjoon tilted his head as he took his iced americano and sipped it.

“That’s... Adorable...”

“Yeah I know. Being single with no spouse and raise his son alone in the countryside so he has to drive like almost two hours to see his clients and one of his clients are my father and my uncle. Geez. I have nothing more to say. Seokjin ssi is adorably strong.”

Namjoon choked on his favorite drink and coughed hard. Made the young ladies behind his table asked him if he was okay. He didn’t know if it was a common situation by chance, probably just the name was the same. And, as well an architect? But...

“Uhh excuse me. I’m sorry to overheard your conversation, but may I get the recommendation of the architect you were talking about? I’m interested on property investment as well...” Namjoon lied, to dig some information.

“Oh? Sure. I have his business card, you can take it.” Without any suspicion, the young lady opened her agenda book. “He lives in the countryside and only taking two projects maximum, because he wanted to focus on his son.” She said and handed the card to Namjoon. “He already refused many clients, so, I’m not sure if he would accept any project you offer...”

Namjoon took the card and read it. And was so sure it’s Seokjin. His beloved Seokjin that the agreement papers told him to not see the pretty one ever again. But if the kid the young ladies mentioned was around two and a half years old. And it’s already three years since he left South Korea for medication and therapy in the States. Could it be?

Namjoon wanted to know more. What happened, really? This pretty architect guy with soft feature and plump lips gave birth this two and a half years old baby boy. And being single with no spouse? If it was really Seokjin they were talking about, that means he left without knowing that the pretty one was carrying his child.

“Thank you so much.” He stood up and smiled. “I will try my best to convince him, to accept...” He left the table. “Me...”



Namjoon turned off the engine of his car, not far from a vintage stone cottage. A week before, he asked his friend Jooheon to collect the information he missed. And it turned out that everyone was actually hiding the truth from him.

He drove to the countryside for almost two hours and arrived around the afternoon into this certain place. Into this certain vintage stone cottage with cinderblock garden in the yard.

He stayed inside the car for a while, and once again read the data he got. He didn’t need any DNA test nor whatever, because it was boldly written there on the medical report, the date he clearly remember, that day, written there on the medical report, that Seokjin was seven weeks pregnant.

And Jooheon really did a good job. Namjoon got everything he needed about the two and a half years old baby boy.


Namjoon took a glance into his wrist watch. It was 03.59 PM, and the sun better still shinning bright, because it’s summer, but it’s not. It’s cloudy, and probably gonna rain anytime soon. He stepped down the car and hesitately walked into the yard. He bit his lower lip, as he was afraid if he was doing not right. He didn’t know what would happen if his father, or their lawyers find out, but he genuinely went there for one mission. Forgiveness.

He remembered that one certain morning when he woke up with heavy head. Woke up in the cockloft bedroom with half naked Seokjin tied beside him. He was so sure, he drunk and unconsciously unaware.

He shut his eyes closed recalling all the cruel things he did towards the pretty one.

There he realized. He don’t deserve any forgiveness.


Namjoon was drown too deep into his own thoughts in front of the wooden door when a small bicycle with training wheels passed him by from the side of the house, and stopped beside the cinderblock garden near them.

A small adorable toddler blinked cutely, threw his gaze on him.

Namjoon knew that face. The signature soft feature. And Namjoon could understand why those ladies mentioned this little guy as ‘baby’ boy. You wanted to hug and pinch and craddle and pamper the kid. Protect him from the cruel world, forever, since the moment you saw him.

The sanity snapped him back to the ground.

“Hi.” Namjoon knelt down as he took a small pouch from his pocket coat. A small transparent pouch of vanilla cookies. He smiled nervously as he tried to appear cool, ignoring the heart that beating like crazy. “Hello. What’s your name?” He handed the pouch.

The kid didn’t answer. Confused between answering or taking the treat first.

“Mommy doesn’t allow Myung to take candies from stranger.”

“Oh that...” Namjoon taken aback. “That’s right. Mommy was right.” Namjoon smiled bitterly. Because mommy happily received the candies and ended suffering...

“But that’s not candies.” The little kid grinned.

“Uhh.” Namjoon scratched his nape. “Let’s asked mom—“

Namjoon couldn’t finish his sentence as a sweet voice he longing for years came greetings his ears.

“Myungie, mommy asked you to wait. So please---“

Standing there a person, a lovely creature. A perfect one. Black haired pretty guy with plump lips that Namjoon always love.

Their eyes met.

“Seokjin...” Namjoon stood up.

And the said name looking at him in fear, felt in danger.




Down this road

Where all our colors run together

Let’s take the worst and make it better

Let’s take this mess and make a home




Chapter Text

“Seokjin, please. We need to talk.” Namjoon calmly asked without any sign of dominance. He clearly knew where he was standing. He was all to blame.

Seokjin in the other hand already gained his strength and courage to face the man. “I don’t think we have any kind of business to talk, Mr. Kim.” He casually snapped. Took a glance on the other side for a second to check his baby boy that happily pedaling the bicycle -with training wheels- around the yard.

And the person mentioned as ‘Mr. Kim’ seemed so shocked. As the pretty one once called him as Namjoonie in the past, and lovingly cooked him chicken honey.

Namjoon cleared his throat. Afraid that his voice probably cracked after he got a new nickname that wasn’t warm nor friendly at all. Well, sadly it was the exact nickname of how he called his own father. And what more he could expect, after those series of evilness he did in the past.

He tried to smile, and explained how he felt. “Seokjin, I was wrong... What I did was evil... And I really wish for it never happened...” He paused as he felt his heart bleeding. He didn’t know any better words to express his regret and the guilty feelings. “If I could turn back time rewind. If I could make it undone, I swear that I would.”

Seokjin just sneered off the words. Bullshit.

Yet, Namjoon continued. “You cared about me when I treated you bad. I don’t deserve you at all...” His voice cracked. Failed to stay cool. “B-but we have Myung. We---“

“What?” Seokjin angrily pierced his eyes into the other ones. “Myungsoo is my son. He has nothing to do with anyone else.”

“But, I am his father...”

Seokjin laughed mockingly, as he watched Myungsoo around, to make sure the baby boy was fine. “You better leave, Mr. Kim...”

“B-but I...”


“Seokjin hyung?”

There was a voice came from the entrance yard. Made the two young parents turned their attention into a young man standing with his concern look.

“Jungkookie hyung!!” And Myungsoo cheerfully jumped off from his bicycle to greeted his favorite hyung.



“Jungkookie, hi.” Seokjin greeted his cousin as the young man walked closer. “I thought you won’t come today. You usually came early around lunch.”

“Nah. I missed the bus.” Jungkook answered while waving into his nephew that continue pedaling the bicycle around.

“Everything okay in college?”

“Like always.” Jungkook answered nonchalantly because his attention was into this person. He knew this man. This man was the person who ruined his beloved Seokjin hyung’s life. This man made his beloved hyung almost took his life forever. “What he is doing here?”

Seokjin shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Really nothing?” Jungkook gave a hateful look, as he held himself to not follow the urge of wanting to punch the man. And the mother of nature seemed to understand this young man’s feelings.

The skies suddenly turned dark and windy.

“We better come inside to the house.” Seokjin said to Jungkook and softly called Myungsoo. “Myungie, come in. It’s gonna rain.”

And the baby boy automatically pedaling his bicycle towards his mother.

Seokjin took Myungsoo and asked Jungkook to take the bicycle inside. “Let’s play again tomorrow, okay?

Myungsoo nodded but his attention was on this stranger that looked so lost and quiet. “Mommy’s friend?”


Myungsoo pointed his index finger towards the man. Well, more like pointed his index finger into the small transparent pouch of vanilla cookies on this stranger’s hand.

“Ohh...” Seokjin smiled. “Mr. Kim will leave, don’t worry.” He explained and was about to turn his back when Namjoon desperatelly called his name.

“Seokjin, please, let me talk.” Namjoon desperately knelt down on his knees. “If anything I can do to pay my sin, I will do it for you and Myung.”

Startled by the sudden act, Seokjin positioned Myungsoo’s head around his crook so the little one couldn’t see how pathetic Namjoon was, and covered Myungsoo’s both ears so the baby boy couldn’t hear anything. “The only thing you better do for everyone’s sake is to leave us alone, Mr. Kim.” He said with soft tune, yet so firmly, and then turned his back. Left the man in the yard, in front of the cottage’s beautiful wooden door.



Namjoon could feel his hair, coat, and clothes slowly got wet by the raindrops. Yet, he stayed still on his position. Didn’t move as he blankly staring the ground. He finally understand how Seokjin felt when he tortured the pretty one under the cold shower that day. It wasn’t the cold water that matter. It was the heartache. The actual pain of being ignored as the water dropped one by one to break his soul into pieces.

He treated Seokjin with no value. Blamed him on something that never happened. He did Seokjin wrong. And he would be glad if the rain could wash his sin, along with his life away. Because he better lost his life rather than to lose the precious two.



Seokjin asked Jungkook to take a look on his baby boy in the living room while he is preparing dinner in the kitchen. Both Jungkook and Myungsoo were playing Lego for a while before Jungkook fell asleep over his tiredness. And let the kid played by himself with no supervision.

Not long after, Myungsoo getting bored and walked into the other side of the living room to climbed up the maroon coloured sofa and took his Sesame Street Count von Count plush doll. He talked to the plush doll and laughed by himself.

“It’s raining.” Myungsoo mumbled to the plush doll as he looked outside the window. “Can we count the rain drops?” He then began to count but confused after ten, because his mother haven’t taught him more. So he stood up and staring the dark skies. “It’s too much rain drops. Ha Ha Ha.”

But his laugh didn’t last long. His eyes caught this familiar person knelt down under the rain, not far from the entrance door. This man, that his mother said would leave didn’t leave. The man still there outside the house.

“Mr. Kim?” Somehow the baby boy remembered the name. “Why under the rain without raincoat?” And within a second, he climbed down the sofa and rushed to where his mother kept the raincoat, rain boots, and umbrella.

Myungsoo was two and a half years old baby boy. An innocent toddler that know nothing about his mother and this Mr. Kim’s past. But all he knows about the rain was he must wear a raincoat if he wanted to play under the rain. Though with difficulties, he finally managed to wear the raincoat and wore a pair of rain boots. He may just two and a half years old baby boy, that didn’t know how to tie shoelaces, but he was smart and understand how to wear this simply raincoat.



Namjoon just realized something. That day, in the afternoon when Seokjin prepared the meals for his mini gathering of indie musicians, the pretty one was warm and treated him sweet. Everything were all nice and good until the old man Kim called him. he then left and came back to the old mansion in a bloody anger. He vented his anger and harmed his loved one.

“Namjoon, don’t... Please, don’t...”


“If you really hate me, why don’t you just kill me?”

Those sad pleading expression of Seokjin always came on flashback and haunting him. And getting worse in this certain situation under the rain. Now he understand well how it felt. That to be killed was probably better than being ignored. Way much better than to let the heart bleeding inside.

He cried silently.

If only at that certain night after he met his father he didn’t force the pretty one. If only he came without any rage. If only he came to see and talked nicely, and told the pretty one that he was broken. If only he could turn back time and hold back his anger, he must be the very first person to find out about Seokjin’s pregnancy. He promised to make friends, so they probably married, because he had feelings for Seokjin since the very first time he met the pretty one, and Seokjin already confessed about his feelings towards him. If only he didn’t do harm that night, they probably inside the house and happily eat some cakes with warm mint tea.

If only...

“Please just kill me instead...” Namjoon mumbled as his body started to numb. “I am really sorry...”

He shivered, and the only wish he had was to believe that miracle does exist. A miracle that willing to give him a second chance. And if God won’t give him any miracle for free, he is willing to pay, even with his soul.

“Seokjin, please, forgive me...”

He remembered Seokjin told him about Disney Princesses and fairytales, meanwhile, he was into Tim Burton’s dark movies. Yet anyway, both had their own charm and miraculously stories. Both wanted to make you believe that miracle does exist as long as you try to keep on walking, to ask you don’t give up.

And there when he was on his break limit, he saw an umbrella offered in front of his blurry eyes. An olive green umbrella that was so familiar. And a cute soft fainted voice greeted his hearing.

“Mr. Kim it’s raining...”

Not sure between imagination and reality, he slowly lifted up his head to found out the baby boy handed him an umbrella. The olive green umbrella he knew well, because it was the umbrella from Bomi, the umbrella he asked the delivery guy to gave it to Seokjin.

“Mommy said we can play under the rain but must wearing raincoat... But Myung only have one raincoat...”

Namjoon still couldn’t grasp the situation.

“Don’t catch cold, mommy will sad...”

Namjoon bit his lower lip. Cursed himself for whatever he did in the past. Not only he don’t deserve Seokjin. He don’t deserve to be a father. He don’t deserve this sweet little creature Myung that definitely have a pure heart. He ruined these two and now he is suffering for wanting these two that he don’t deserve at all.

“Mr. Ki---”

Myungsoo couldn’t finish his simple conversation as the thunder startled him. He screamed and jumped into Namjoon, and clung on the man’s neck by reflex.

And as well by reflex, Namjoon hugged his son and took the umbrella. He stood up to take a shelter under the wooden door canopy.

Another thunder rumbled around and Myungsoo tightened his embrace. Hidden his face on Namjoon’s crook.

“It’s okay, Myungie is safe.”

Now that he had the chance to hug his son and make the kid comfortable, the only thing matter was how to take the kid inside the house. Because the mother won’t be happy to see him around.

And when he hesitated to make a decision, a small grey car came into the yard. Parked not far from the cinderblock garden, and then revealed a mid age lady with her red umbrella.

“Myungie?” The lady came to see the baby boy. “Gwenchana?”

Myungsoo slowly turned his head. “Auntie Ahn?”

“Hey, gwenchana? Where is mommy?”

“Cooking...” The baby boy answered with the arms still around Namjoon’s neck.

And that made the lady curious. “And, who is this?” She asked and squinted her eyes, looking into Namjoon, to demand an explanation.

“I am Nam—“

“Mommy’s friend...” Myungsoo explained on Namjoon’s behalf. “Mr. Kim didn’t wear a raincoat...”

“Oh?” Mrs. Ahn raised her left eyebrow as she pierced into the man’s beads, because she knew something is fishy. It’s not as simple as playing under the rain without wearing a raincoat. But, this man didn’t look like he wanted to kidnap the baby boy. And to witnessed such sweet moment, her intuition told her that this man was probably...

“My name is Namjoon. Kim Namjoon.”

“Namjoon?” She smiled. She knew the name so far from Seokjin’s mother. And she knew this kind of moment would surely happened. “So why don’t come inside?”

Namjoon didn’t reply, though he wanted it so bad.

“Myungsoo will getting cold if you are not taking him inside.” She lightly pushed the man to walk heading into the side of the house. “Come, follow me...”


“Yah Jeon Jungkook! Where is my baby Myung?!” Seokjin snarled and kicked Jungkook’s butt when he didn’t see Myungsoo around.


Namjoon sat on the wooden chair in the backyard terrace that stand in the corner between the main cottage and the two smaller cottage, that rented out for guest house. He looked around and impressed with the nice buildings. An English stone cottage that has backyard with wooden fence to separated the backyard garden with the river that the water wasn’t too deep even when it’s raining. And what more interesting about this cottage was the outdoor shower, with round stone bathup facing the river.

“Change your clothes with these new pair of sweatsuits.” Mrs. Ahn handed Namjoon a towel and new clothes she took from the laundry room. “It’s Seokjin’s clothes. You look bigger than him, but I think these ones would fit you, since he is always wearing an oversized hoodie.”

Mrs. Ahn was an old friend of Seokjin’s parents. She came to the cottage twice a day, from 7AM-12AM and 5PM-8PM to help to manage the house and the guest house. And she took care of Myungsoo when Seokjin had to go to the city for work. She didn’t need the money but more like she needed something to do to killing time -she own her own cottage that managed by her son and some coworkers- and she wanted to make sure herself, that Seokjin and his baby boy were fine. Because Seokjin’s father got to work in Prague for a year so the mother accompany him, and Seokjin was like her own son.

Namjoon received the kindness as he saw the lady changed Myungsoo’s clothes, but before he could say thanks to the lady, a loud voice shouted Myungsoo’s name, took their attention.



“Myung loves crumpets.”

The awkward dinner in the carpet of living room cracked by the baby boy trivia. They had beef stew and vegetables, with a dessert of vanilla cupcakes from Mrs. Ahn.

“Crumpets?” Namjoon repeated. Ahh, that kind of British pancakes he once ate. He smiled bitterly. Wait. He gasped. That means when Seokjin asked for having it, the pretty one was carrying his child? Carrying Myung?! No wonder the pretty one acted so weird and suddenly koala him that day. Namjoon bit his lower lip as he felt the pang of guilt mercilessly ate him inside.

“Myung can eat many many crumpets...”

Sure. Seokjin didn’t even bothered to share if Namjoon wasn’t looked that mad -over the manga that crumpled on the bed- and the man only took a bite and let the pretty one to finish it himself.

“Myungie don’t like cupcakes from auntie?” Mrs. Ahn asked with funny pouted sad look.

“Myung loves cupcakes!” And the baby boy grinned mischievously.

Seokjin, didn’t say any single word. Though Mrs. Ahn already gave him an explanation why he let the man to come inside the house, all he wanted was to send away the man as soon as possible, before his son get used to the man’s presence.

“Mr. Kim, this is Count von Count.” Myungsoo showed his plush doll.

Dang it. Seokjin could only sighed.

Namjoon observed the plush doll. Was it Count Dracula from Sesame Street? “Myung’s favorite?” Namjoon asked as he wondering why Count von Count when mostly kids would love Elmo. Well, this kid was special.

Myungsoo grinned and nodded cutely. He shifted to take a look inside the cupcakes box on the table, and started to count. “One cupcake. Two cupcake. Three cupcake. Four cupcake.”

“Ha Ha Ha.” It was Jungkook who laughed, because it was kind of habitude of the count play with his beloved nephew, and he knew best how this Count von Count laugh after finished the count, so it was kind of reflex. But sadly, Seokjin didn’t happy about it at all and sneakily pinched his thigh. And the young man could only hissed.

In the other hand, Namjoon got one more important knowledge. That the Count von Count the number guy from Sesame Street was named Count because he is counting the numbers.



“Myungie, say goodbye to Mr. Kim he is leaving by now.” Seokjin finally say something after he finished to clean up the table with the help of Jungkook.

Some moment before, he told Mrs. Ahn that he didn’t want Namjoon to stay overnight and the lady told him that she would let Namjoon to stay in her cottage instead.

Myungsoo blinked with confuse look. Because his mother said the same leave of the man all over again. As a little one that only lived with his mother and auntie Ahn, with Jungkook took a visit twice a month, he was somehow loved to see new people. And he kinda liked Namjoon for reason he didn’t know why, he felt sad to find out that the man would not stay for long. “Really?”

Namjoon could only smile bitterly. He wanted to stay, forever.

“But, we can meet again, right?” The baby boy gave the man his sad look.

“That...” Namjoon wanted to say yes.

“Mr. Kim is very busy, so we better not bothering him.” Seokjin smiled to his son. He tried to choose something simple to explain. As well something that didn’t implied hatred, because he wanted to raise good his son.

Myungsoo pouted but seemed to understand. “Please come when you are not busy, Mr. Kim.”

Namjoon smiled an nodded. “Sure. I will...” But he knew, Seokjin would never let him come again. And ohh wait, he still had the vanilla cookies he brought from the city. “May I give this for Myung?” He asked for Seokjin’s permission.

And Seokjin didn’t have a heart to say no when his son gave him ‘Please, Mom...’ look. He nodded and the baby boy cheered a bit.

Myungsoo mumbled the words ‘thank you, Mr. Kim’ and spreaded out his arms. “Hug time?”

And Namjoon happily wide opened his arms, to welcome his son on his warm embrace. And the moment the baby boy Myung happily chuckled when hugged him tightly, he promised to find any good ways to be home again.




Chapter Text


“Eomma, I failed my scholarship.” Was the words Seokjin spilled when he gained his consciousness, and found his mother there beside him. “Appa will not happy about this...“ He sobbed silently. “And I... I...”

“Shh. It’s not your fault.” Mrs. Kim brushed her son’s bangs. “You are way more precious than anything in the world. So, please don’t hurt yourself.”

“I’m sorry...”

“You have eomma, appa, and Hyosang. Please, trust us and don’t worry...” She shifted to kiss the son’s forehead. “Appa and eomma, we are happy to welcome your baby.” She smiled.

Seokjin couldn’t help to cry. Because the reason why he wanted to kill himself wasn’t the baby, but he himself. The baby wasn’t at fault, but he scared for giving birth the new soul into the cruel world. More over that the new soul came from hatred revenge. But he relieved that his parents didn’t blame him for something that could harm their family’s name. And it made him gained the courage about the unborn baby that grew inside him.

They talked for a while before the mother asked Hyosang to come inside, and left the two to talk themselves.


Hyosang greeted, but Seokjin didn’t greet back. The pretty one bit his lower lip and tightened his hug on his pink fluffy teddy.

“Me and your parents talked a lot when you were sleeping...”

Seokjin didn’t give any reaction.

“We...” Hyosang reached the pale hand of Seokjin and continued. “I mean, I’m sorry I was rude, but I had the thoughts that I need to tell your parents that you actually had feelings for N---“

“He may be my everything, but for him, I am nothing.” Seokjin sternly snapped before Hyosang could finish the sentence, didn’t want to hear the name. “And it was in the past.”

Hyosang sighed. “Okay. I’m really sorry for being rude and offhanded.” He squeezed the one’s hand. “But, you really need to know. That I will always here for you...” As he warmly pierced his gaze into the other’s beads. “And I’m willing to be the father for your child...”

[End of flashback]



There you are, in a darkened room

And you’re all alone, looking out the window

Your heart is cold and lost the will to love

Like a broken arrow

Here I stand in the shadows

Come to me, can’t you see that...



Namjoon just finished the meeting and went back into his own office room. He had another meeting with Jooheon, a friend that collected the ‘information’ for him.

“I had dinner with my son!” Namjoon happily told the younger man. “In one table and he sat right beside me!” Namjoon was so happy. “You really have to meet my baby Myung in person. He way too cute and adorable.”

Jooheon went into the wine fridge table and poured some in the glass. “So it was a lovely dinner?”

A moment of silence before Namjoon answered, “No. It was like a cold war actually.” He smiled bitterly. “Seokjin didn’t expect my presence. Yeah of course. Why in the world he would expect me though...” He mumbled. “He didn’t want me to be there, more over when we both noticed that our baby boy wanted to be close with me.”

“Well, on Seokjin hyung’s behalf, I can understand why he doesn’t want you to be there.”

“Jooheon please. I did a bloody stupid mistake, and I’m willing to pay it, with anything as long as Seokjin willing to forgive me.”

“Then, you actually realize that he won’t.”

Namjoon clamped his mouth. Jooheon was right. “But if I can win Myung’s heart, my baby boy could help me win Seokjin’s heart.”

Jooheon sipped the expensive wine, and sighed. “You wish. You shouldn’t get too much hopes, you could be drowning...”

“Come on. I’m not the same person from three years ago.”  

“Ohh. That’s good then...”

“But I need you, Jooheon, to do the dirty work for me.”

Jooheon clicked his tongue. “See? I knew you gonna ask me this.”



Can you hear my voice, do you hear my song

It’s a serenade, so your heart can find me


Before I start going crazy

Run to me

Cause I’m dying...




Seokjin yawned as he lazily opened his eyes. Myungsoo as an early riser, well, too early, woke him up around 04.07 AM and the baby boy said that he wanted to catch the sunrise. It happened for almost two months already, and Seokjin could only wish his baby boy would be back to stay in bed, and didn’t wake up before 07.00 AM like he used to. Seemed that the baby boy has forgotten how to do that. It’s actually tiring, he wanted some sleep, but to give the baby boy a Gameboy to play Tetris in bed, in such very young age also doesn’t seem right.

They both ended in the living room, sat on the sofa, waited the sunrise with opened window. But Seokjin way tired. The exhaustion on working overnight as an architect, sometimes he had to stay awake for work until 01.00 AM got him fell asleep on the sofa. He woke up to found Myungsoo wasn’t there in the room anymore.

“Myungiieee?” Seokjin looked around the living room, as he called the name. He won’t denied that he was afraid on everything over his beloved baby boy -more over after Namjoon came to see the baby boy last time- but he tried to always appear calm.

He took a deep breath and let it go slowly, tried to relax. And the second time he took another deep breath he could smell something sweet and appetizing from the kitchen, so he walked there and relieved when he saw Mrs. Ahn, along with his Myung.


“Oh gosh, thank you very much you came so early.” Seokjin groaned. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“I’m not early. It’s 07.29 AM by now, but I guess you really need some rest. Look at those eyebags. Have a breakfast and then go back to bed.” Mrs. Ahn advised as she made some more pancakes. “I will wake you up later, for lunch.”

“Yeah, I...” Seokjin was about to answer when the wireless telephone in the living room ringing. So he went there to picked it up. And greeted the person in the other line happily.

“Oh I’m sorry I left my cellphone in the bedroom. Myung woke me up at 04.07 AM and we waited the sunrise in the living room, and guessed what, I fell asleep.”

He talked and laughed so much. Quite enjoyed the conversation.

“Oh, Myung? He is always good.” Seokjin chuckled. “Sure. Wait. I’m giving the telephone for him.” He walked back into the kitchen, and put the telephone into the baby boy’s ear. “Myungie, say hi to Papa.”

Myungsoo held it with both hands and shouted. “Papa? Coming home?”

The one be called Papa and the baby boy had some simple conversation until the baby boy gave the telephone back to his mother.

Seokjin received it and continued the talk for some more minutes. “Hey Hyosang, bring me some Warburtons crumpets, please. See you next week.”



Namjoon drove happily and smiled brightly when his car entered the yard. He parked near the cinderblock garden, took off the luggages and walked heading into the smaller cottage on the left side of the main cottage.


Myungsoo was so focused on munching the cinnamon banana pancakes when his attention distracted on someone he saw from the kitchen window. He asked his mother to get him down from the high chair, and his mother asked him if he wanted to go to the bathroom or something. But the baby boy just ran heading outside by the backyard terrace without giving the mother the answer.

Seokjin, as he didn’t know what happened, just followed behind. He didn’t know that Mrs. Ahn watched him and smiled.

For anything in the world, especially in the morning when he had some lovely and delicious breakfast, Seokjin didn’t expect his beloved baby boy to run and shouted this certain name when they reached the yard.

“Mr. Kim!!”

Seokjin didn’t expect this certain person to comeback again.



Nobody wants to be lonely

Nobody wants to cry

My body’s longing to hold you

So bad it hurts inside

Time is precious and it’s slipping away

And I’ve been waiting for you all of my life

Nobody wants to be lonely

So why, why don’t you let me love you...



“Hi, hello again!!” Held a paperbag on his left hand, Namjoon lowered his body to catch the baby boy that ran, and happily jumped on him.

“Myung is having banana pancakes!” Myungsoo squeaked. “Come eat together?”

Namjoon patted the baby boy’s head and tightened the embrace. “Is it okay to join the breakfast?”

“Sure! Auntie Ahn made the pancakes!”

“Mrs. Ahn?” Namjoon turned his attention to the pretty one who stood up not far from him. Threw him the hatred look. “Not mommy?” He asked as he walked closer, and the other one stepped back to keep their distance. “Seokjin, good morning.” He greeted.

Seokjin gritted his teeth. “What are you doing here?”

“I rent the cottage.” Namjoon answered. “Haven’t you check the booking?”

Wait no. When was this person booked it?

“I rent the cottage for a year.”

It was Saturday, a weekend and the day off. The day where Seokjin could stay at home and doing nothing. The day where Seokjin would have some quiet bathing in the outdoor shower that facing the river while drinking a cup of hazelnut hot chocolate.

“What? Rent for a year?” Blinked confusedly, Seokjin repeated the words in disbelief.

He knew he was beyond tired of going to bed too late and woke up way too early, he needed some rest. But what? Where the hell is heaven?

“Mommy, let’s go and eat more pancakes with Mr. Kim!!”

Seokjin shut his eyes closed. No. This is better a dream. He wished when he open it, he was in the bed and that was just a nightmare.

But no.

“This is for you, and Myung.” Namjoon stretched out one’s hand in front of Seokjin. Asked the pretty one to receive the paperbag. “Fresh Warburtons crumpets I bought yesterday, right from the UK.” He smiled, revealed those sinful dimples.

“Yayy!!” The baby boy yelled happily, and the mother shocked.

No yayy. No. It’s a bloody nightmare for Seokjin, and a real one.




Chapter Text

“Myungie, darling...” Seokjin whispered into his baby boy’s ear. “Whatever may happens, let’s be strong together.” He stroked the baby boy’s hair lovingly. “Whatever may happens, Myungie will never leave mommy. And Myungie will always loves mommy.”

This was some kind of ritual that Seokjin did since the first day Myungsoo came to say hi to the cruel world. At the old days since a newborn, he did it every night when he finished breastfeeding. And lately he did it every night at the bedtime, when the baby boy was half asleep. It was the time when he own the whole universe just for him and his beloved baby boy. As he wished the spell could embrace and strengthen his son to bear any possibilities in the future. As he clearly aware that his son couldn’t get a father love like any other children.

“Please be happy, always. Mommy loves Myung, so much.” And the ritual ended with a warm kiss on the baby boy’s temple.



Now that my life is normal

Now that I’m doing very well

Now that with time I was able to overcome

Love that almost managed to destroy me

Now finally I can be myself again



Two weeks since Namjoon came into Seokjin’s life again. Five days since the man came to the cottage with luggages and said that he rented the smaller one, for a year. Seokjin was shocked and then checked the booking. He had no idea why when he close the guest house cottage for almost two months due to maintenance and preservation -the cottage was an old buildings and a family heritage- the next guest who rented it was this person he wished would never see again in life.

He didn’t get any email booking notification even before he went to bed the night before Namjoon came with his luggages. And he can’t kick the man just because he don’t like his presence. His cottage has reputation. This is what made him vulnerable. The name of his family came first. He wanted to do good as wise as he could, as the cottage was something important through generations.



Now that my future is starting to shine

Now that my confidence has returned



Seokjin just finished the preparation of his works and was ready to leave the house to see client in the town of Seoul and then he will go to the airport to welcome someone when Namjoon greeted him in the backyard terrace. Seemed that the man just woke up.

Namjoon knitted his eyebrows as he staring the pretty one. “You are going to work?”

“Mrs. Ahn is in the kitchen if you want breakfast.” Seokjin didn’t answer the real question. Coldly said it without bothered to face the man.

“Seokjin, are you going to work with that clothes?” Namjoon’s question implied concern.

“Mind your own business.” Seokjin walked into the garage. And Namjoon followed behind.

Uhh. Seokjin was wearing a nice white sweatshirt. In the mid of summer. Well. But that’s not the problem. The greyish ripped jeans he wore had a bloody wide hole on his tight, right under his crotch.

“Can you please, change your clothes?” The man absentmindedly suggested. Like he was somehow afraid if the clothes gonna cause a problem.

“Excuse me?” Seokjin finally turned his attention and face the man.

“It’s not that the clothes you wear is inappropriate to see clients. It’s for your safety.”

Seokjin gawked by the advise. “Safety? Oh Lord. What kind of safety you had in mind?” He laughed mockingly. “Geez. Let me tell you a story, Mr. Kim.”

He walked closer as Namjoon also did the same. Seokjin won’t lie that he was scared to hell when he saw Namjoon again after the years, but he as well got the strength and gained courage at the moment, to do anything to protect his little family. He must be tough and strong to protect his beloved baby Myung.

“Three years ago, I was wearing the most proper and modest clothes to attend the graduation party. And still, this jerk kidnapped and raped me. It wasn’t my clothes nor my appearance that has to be the scapegoat nor to be blamed. It was that jerk.”

Namjoon knew, Seokjin satirized him. And he had no reason to defend himself.

“You.” Seokjin pointed his index finger right in front of Namjoon’s face. “Don’t be proud and happy with one year that I decided to give you. You weren’t welcomed. Will never be.” He bravely pierced his gaze on the other one’s beads. “A year. Then get out of my life. Forever.”

Namjoon was about to answer. Like he was preparing an inspiring speech about a year is enough to win Seokjin’s heart. But no. He was wrong. Three years was more than enough to change a person. More over when this person had to face such cruel reality, and now is hard for this pretty one to trust anyone but himself and  his baby boy. When this beloved one had to stay strong whatever happens, just for his beloved baby boy.

“A year from now, go kill yourself.”

Namjoon won’t deny that he shocked by the demand. It couldn’t be true, right? He must be misheard it, right? It must be wrong. How come this lovely person who once treated well his cutting scratches selfharm asked him to kill himself?

“Go leave my house, and kill yourself. Or I’m gonna kill you.”

Unfortunatelly, he didn’t misheard it. The word ‘kill’ really came from the pretty one’s mouth. Stern and clear. Seokjin spilled it with anger.

Namjoon stayed still, as he tried to understand the situation.

And Seokjin didn’t wait for any response. He turned his back and walked heading into his car. But he stopped his steps when the man answered him.

“Fine.” Namjoon forced himself to smile. “I could never be able to pay my sin, but fine. I promise to disappear the way you want me to.”

Seokjin rolled his eyes, entered the car and started the engine. He left the yard a moment after.

“I know. I don’t deserve happiness after all of this.” Namjoon mumbled. More like talking to himself. “But a year is enough. A year is enough for me to create some memories with you, and Myung. And I’m okay to leave that way, if you asked me to.” He clamped his mouth as he felt his heart stung and ache. “Thanks for letting me in anyway...”



But I remember you

And again I lose my calm

But I remember you

And my soul gets torn



“Good morning, Namjoonie.” Mrs. Ahn greeted the young man.

“Good morning, Mrs. Ahn.” Namjoon warmly answered.

“Pancakes? Or English breakfast if you want.” Mrs. Ahn kindly offered. “People in this house are a bit anglophile if you don’t know yet.” She laughed.

“Well, I noticed it.” Namjoon smiled. “Pancakes, may I?”

“Sure. Why not.”

Namjoon poured himself some coffee and peeked into the living room. “Where is Myung?”

“Still sleeping. It’s good that Myungie didn’t rise too early for catching the sunrise. It’s hard for Seokjin when he is lack of rest.”

“I’m willing to catch the sunrise with Myungie, if Seokjin let me...” Namjoon smiled bitterly.

“Namjoonie, we talked about this...”

The day when Namjoon first arrived to see Seokjin after three years, he stayed overnight in the Mrs. Ahn’s cottage and told everything about their circumstance.

“I know. I’m sorry...”

“Seokjin was actually asked me to stay here with him, since you rented the guest house cottage for a year. He scared that you will take his baby boy away from him.”

“Ohh Lord.” Namjoon gasped. “I won’t.” He pulled his hair in desperation. “I swear I’m coming here with good intention. I will never do any harm. I promise...”

“Well...” Mrs. Ahn put a plate of pancakes in front of Namjoon. “If you break your own promise, I know where to catch you.” She patted the young man’s back. “I’m watching you, Namjoonie...”

“Mrs. Ahn... I will never take my son from his mother... I’m going to make some memories for Myungie. And if Seokjin has no desire to open up his heart for me, once more, like the old times when he did, I will leave with no regrets...” Namjoon pleaded. “Please...”

Mrs. Ahn took a deep breath and sighed. “I really wish that I’m doing good by helping you. Don’t make me regret this...”

“I promise...”

“Okay...” She took another deep breath, considered thing and two. “Don’t you want to see your son?”

“But, he is sleeping...”

“Sleeping Myung is the cutest thing in the universe.” She smiled. “Seokjinie would call me a traitor, if he find out. But, you missed so many moments, don’t you?”



Mrs. Ahn accompanied Namjoon to enter Seokjin’s bedroom where Myungsoo sleeping. And he awed with the warmness he felt. The wall painted in white colour. Large wardrobe in one corner. A table and a chair, for working. Bedside table with Seokjin cradled newborn baby Myungsoo picture, that succeed to make Namjoon felt from warm to anguish. And a bathroom in another corner.

Namjoon tiptoed to reach the mattress. Afraid if the baby boy would wake up. He then knelt down on his knees -the mattress to be made not high, for security. So if Myungsoo woke up when Seokjin not around, the baby boy could climb down the bed by himself- adoring the beautiful creature who slept soundly. Staring the beautiful creature that came from his ignorance. Adoring the beautiful creature that he missed the growths for three years, including the pregnancy time.

Namjoon turned his head to see Mrs. Ahn, quietly asking if it’s okay to make some interaction. And he got ‘go ahead’ gesture.

Lightly brushed Myungsoo’s hair, Namjoon quietly whispered. “Myungie. Darling...” He once again turned his head, as he nervously bit his lower lip. And Mrs. Ahn just nodded at him to continue. “Daddy has so many regrets...” Namjoon felt so much pain when he saw the baby boy stirred in another position and mumbled ‘mommy...’ with those tiny hands still holding the Von Count plushie doll, breathed calmly. “Daddy is willing to pay the sins in the past.” He couldn’t hold his tears. “Please help daddy to reach mommy once again, and gain forgiveness...”

And the sleeping baby boy smiled. Mumbled ‘Hug time?’ that succeed to make Namjoon cry, as the man felt so ashamed with what he did towards the mother of this beloved baby boy.



But I remember you

And my smile is erased

But I remember you

And my world becomes shattered



Seokjin pulled the brake and sighed. He closed his eyes as this sudden memories came striked his head. This certain memories when he purposely left a bento on this man’s desk when he had a same class for a week with this man.

“Did I make a mistake?” Seokjin mumbled with eyes closed. Bit his lower lip. “Did I make mistake for the second time for letting him in in my life once again? Did I make the wrong decision because Myungie was so happy and giggly whenever this man was around? Myungie didn’t even that giggly around Jungkookie...”

He failed to hold his tears.

“I don’t want my Myungie to ever find out that this man was his father.” More tears were falling on his cheeks. “But I don’t want my baby Myung’s brightness to disappear...”

He sobbed.

“Mommy, Mr. Kim coming, today? Mommy, Myung want to show sunrise to Mr. Kim.” Seokjin muttered the words that his baby boy always asked him. “Oh, God. This is too hard...” And it made him cried even harder.




Chapter Text

Baby, please try to forgive me

Stay here, don’t put out the glow

Hold me now, don’t bother

If every minute it makes me weaker

You can save me from the man that I’ve become



“Where is Namjoon?” Mr. Kim asked Jooheon because instead of his son, this young man was the one who came to attend the meeting.

Jooheon wasn’t only Namjoon’s reliable close friend. He also worked for KIMs as Namjoon’s trusted assistant. “He has some dealings in Perth, sir. He will be here next week for the important meeting.” The young man answered.

Mr. Kim raise his left eyebrow. “So, he thought this meeting isn’t important?”

“He sent an email for the material meeting for me. I learned, and I can handle this, sir. Please trust me.”

“Tell Namjoon not to play around. I’m watching him.”

“Will do, sir...”



Myungsoo rubbed his eyes as he yawned and staring outside the window. He missed to catch the sunrise, because it’s already high. He didn’t see his mother around, so he climbed down the bed and went outside the bedroom. His mother left the door half opened when he was alone, so he could easily left the bedroom and see people nearby. His mother and Mrs. Ahn had to make sure they were all around the house, and not too far from the main bedroom. If it’s not in the kitchen, it’s laundry room, or in the living room. They had to make sure, Myungsoo won’t looking around the backyard himself.

“Mr. Kim!!” Myungsoo cheerfully shouted when he saw Namjoon in the living room, facing a laptop, with a cup of coffee on the table.

And Namjoon welcomed the baby boy who ran into him with his wide opened arms. “Good morning?” He greeted, as he peeked the clock and it’s already 09.17 AM.

“Myung missed the sunrise...” The baby boy pouted.

Ohh, that lovely pinchable pout. The similar pout he saw that day, when Seokjin craved for some crumpets and protested for some more meals... “You know what. You only gave me a slice of cake for afternoon tea. You don’t even give me some snacks between breakfast and lunch. And I actually have to eat something before I go to bed.” That day, he didn’t know, the crumpets was a pregnancy cravings. That day he saw the cute pout, without knowing the pretty one was carrying this adorable baby boy.

Namjoon bit his lower lip as he felt the stung of guilty on his chest, and brushed his son’s hair. “We can catch the sunrise tomorrow.”

“Myung and Mr. Kim?”

“Yes. We, together.”


Namjoon nodded. “Just promise don’t wake mommy up. Mommy needs a lot of sleep. Let’s meet here tomorrow morning?”

Myungsoo tilted his head. “But Myung can’t open the door...”

Oh right. Mrs. Ahn told him that they left the bedroom door half opened when Myungsoo was sleeping alone. Not when Seokjin was also sleeping inside.

“Umm, wait. Let’s see if we can do something.” Namjoon stood up and took Myungsoo with him in his cradle. He went into Seokjin’s bedroom and checking the door. Not hard for adult, but not for toddler that hardly could even reach the doorknob. He went back into the living room and took an encyclopedia from the bookshelf. He put the encyclopedia on the floor and asked Myungsoo to step on it. “Like this. See? Myung can reach the handle and open the door.”

Myungsoo grinned and nodded.

“We will leave this book here.” Namjoon placed the book in the corner side of the wardrobe. “Let’s catch the sunrise tomorrow.”


The baby boy was so happy and excited with the plan of catching sunrise. But for Namjoon, Myungsoo was the sunrise. The promising daylight of the clouds between him and Seokjin.



“You know that Namjoon is here, right?”

“He doesn’t know, that I know.”

“You are not afraid he will doing the same thing like, three years ago?”

“I bet you called me not to talking about the wrong possibility, Ahn. Three years worth of medication and therapy. You trust him more than I am.”

The lady called Ahn smiled. “Glad to know, that you understand...”

“That this is an unfinished fate?” The old man in the other line cleared his throat nervously. “Please take care of Seokjin and my grandson.”

“Myungsoo? No need to ask...”

“Myungie...” A warm smile plastered on the old man’s face. “If you need anything, just call me right away.”



Lookin’ back on the things I’ve done

I was tryin’ to be someone

I played my part

Kept you in the dark

Now let me show you the shape of my heart



“Sorry a bit late. I had a complicated meeting with Mrs. Park.” Seokjin approached the man who waited him inside the coffee shop. “Anyway, welcome home, Hyosang...” He smiled as he received hugs from the handsome man.


“Everything good when I’m not around?” Hyosang asked as he kept to focus on the road, driving safely.

“Uhm yeah.”

Hyosang turned his attention for a second to face the pretty one beside him. “What was it? I didn’t feel right with your answer.”

Seokjin threw his sights outside the window and sighed. “Hyosang, you need to know this... I will tell, but please let me handle this situation by myself.”



Sadness is beautiful, loneliness is tragical

So, help me, I can’t win this war, oh no

Touch me now, don’t bother

If every second it makes me weaker

You can save me from the man I’ve become



For the very first time in his life, Namjoon finally learnt how to bath a kid with the help of Mrs. Ahn and prepared a late breakfast for his son, that was scrambled eggs. His scrambled eggs might not the best. But he made it with love. Myungsoo loved it. And he would love to do it everyday for the rest of his life. He never felt this happy for doing such simple, yet meaningful things. The last time he could remember he was happy was when his mother still alive. And later, when Seokjin cooked him chicken honey for the mini gathering of indie musicians in the old mansion. The last chicken honey that haunted him of regrets.


Mrs. Ahn was doing laundry and Namjoon just finished reading “There’s a Monster In Your Book” by Tom Fletcher for Myungsoo when a car entered the yard. Seokjin came into his sight not long after. Followed by this man he knew, named Jin Hyosang.

Myungsoo jumped from his lap and ran into Hyosang.


But he didn’t know that Myungsoo called this man with... Wait, what? Papa?


Namjoon won’t deny that he was taken aback, but as far as he know that Seokjin decided to be unmarried single parent, he gained his confidence back. He got one year to try anything best he could, to win Seokjin back.


As for Hyosang, he managed to not punch Namjoon -at least not in front Myungsoo nor Seokjin- when the man who ruined Seokjin’s life stretched his hand for a handshake. Well, Namjoon kinda knows his place and left the living room for their own good. Though Myungsoo questioned him why he left and not joined them to eat caramel cakes.



It was around 08.21 PM when Namjoon got his door knocked. It was Hyosang.

“You clearly know that you being here was a mistake, right? What’s your intention? Not enough ruining someone’s life. You wanted more?”

“I made a mistake? Yes, it was horrible. But being here, right now, is the only thing I could to pay my sin. So please...”

Hyosang snapped before Namjoon could finish his sentence. “It is not the bruises that hurt. Some scars don’t hurt, yet some scars rid the capacity to feel anything ever again. Some scars way traumatic, and you are his bloody trauma. Leave Seokjin alone, I will take care of him.”

Made sense. Not even a single word was wrong. Hyosang was right. But Namjoon needed to gain the forgiveness. He needed Seokjin to forgive him. Even if he didn’t deserve anything, he needed at least to do something for his son. He needed to at least create some memories. It’s all that he needed and he would leave when the time is come.

“I did something unforgivable. I don’t even deserve Seokjin’s forgiveness. But, please. Please give me a year to pay my sin. A year, and I will leave. Please... Just a year...”

“What the heck a year?!” Hyosang got mad. Though Seokjin already told him, but to heard it came from Namjoon’s own mouth really made his blood boiled. “HELL NO!!”

Hyosang was about to land his punch on Namjoon’s face when Seokjin shouted his name, and rushed to these men.

“What happened?” Seokjin reached Hyosang’s arm and calmed the man down.

“He needs a lesson.”

“Don’t mind him.” Seokjin rubbed Hyosang’s back. “Let’s go inside. I made a cup of coffee your favorite, that only me can make it.” Seokjin gave his childhood friend his warm smile. “And raisin bread.”

“Raisin bread? Really?” Hyosang calmed down.

“Don’t you smell it from the kitchen? Come on.” Seokjin dragged Hyosang, and left Namjoon in regrets, and jealousy.





Seokjin knew it would happen. It’s not the first time Hyosang asked him in a hand for a marriage. And though the ring was so beautiful, and Hyosang was sincere, Seokjin rejected it like he always did.

“You still love him?”

“It’s not about love. Or whatever, Hyosang...” Seokjin squeezed the man’s hands. “I can’t let people to touch me more than holding hands, and hugs. I can’t give you more than this...” He released his hand and stood up. “Good night, Hyosang...” He took his half finished hot chocolate with him into his bedroom.

Hyosang sighed and left the kitchen as well. Went into his guest house cottage for a damn rest.



Seokjin curled his baby boy’s hair with his finger. Brushed the bangs lovingly as he staring the peaceful sleeping angel. An angel...

People might ask him about his decision, and he had an answer for them.

Why did you decide to have the child?”

Why? I couldn’t make my baby pay for what his father did.

Seokjin shifted closer and kissed Myungsoo’s temple. “Myung was the only good thing that came out of hatred. But Myung came to the world as an angel and gave mommy so much love.”

Seokjin never regretted his decision.




Half awake, Seokjin stirred and with eyes still closed moved his hand to hug close his baby boy. But his hand couldn’t find any presence of the tiny creature and he automaticaly opened his eyes. His baby boy would ask him if he wanted something. His baby boy won’t left the bed alone if he was there with him. Panicked, he jumped off the bed and was about to check the bathroom when he realized the door was opened.

He went outside, heading into the living room. Had no idea why the hell he found his baby on Namjoon’s cradle. And he instinctively rushed to take his baby back.

“Myungie? Darling, you scared mommy. Come here...”

“He is sleeping.” Namjoon softly told the pretty one. “Not long after the sun rises. He fell asleep. Please let me hold him for a while...”

Totally awake and aware, Seokjin peeked the clock. 05.21 AM. Right sunrise. Mrs. Ahn told him that yesterday Myungsoo woke up after 9 AM and he wished the early rise phase gonna end. But seemed that the phase continued.

Okay, but how the hell his baby boy managed to open the door? And with Namjoon? No. No way they planned it.

“So, without my excuse, you showed him how to handle the knob and open the door?” Seokjin sneered. Stood in front of Namjoon, refused to sit on the sofa. Why would he sit beside Namjoon? Insane. “You must be very proud right now.” He said sarcastically. “But don’t you know why I made the knobs a bit higher? I won’t let two and a half years old curious baby going outside the bedroom nor outside the house without any supervision.” Seokjin sighed as he started to think he needed to install safety lever handle lock to keep curious Myungsoo in child-friendly areas of the house. He was careless enough when he left Myungsoo with Jungkook and the young man fell asleep. “The wooden fence outside might separated the backyard garden with the river. And though the water isn’t that deep, it’s still a river...”

Something that actually so simple, yet also thoughtful. And Namjoon didn’t realize this. He felt stupid and failed.

“I...” Namjoon tried to explain.

But Seokjin won’t let him.

Seokjin shifted closer to reach his baby boy. “Myungie, let’s have some more sleep inside the bedroom, okay?” He whispered, as he gently took Myungsoo from Namjoon.



I’m here with my confession

Got nothing to hide no more

I don’t know where to start

But to show you the shape of my heart



Again, Namjoon left alone. Only with a cup of coffee he made, and caramel candies on the table that Myungsoo handed him earlier as a gift for catching the sunrise buddies. Namjoon took one piece of it.

“It was the same candies.” Namjoon mumbled as he remembered candies he gave to Seokjin at graduation party. “But with different flavour, and different intentions...” He sighed before he tasted it. “This one was sincere, and sweet...”





Chapter Text

Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside

You will never measure up, to those people you

Must be strong, can’t show them that you’re weak



The next day after Myungsoo fell asleep on his lap when catching the sunrise, Namjoon decided to went back to the town of Seoul, and stayed in his apartment for almost two weeks. He wanted to let Hyosang got the holiday visit the man deserved. He missed Myungsoo for sure, but he had to wait until Hyosang back to England. He had been waiting Mrs. Ahn to inform him about Hyosang, but the lady haven’t text him yet.

And Namjoon was busy with the internet when his secretary knocked on his room.

He was busy looking around the internet as he wanted to buy some books for Myungsoo. And since the baby boy really loved There’s a Monster In Your Book, and The Creakers, so he searched who was the author and he ended ordered all children books written by Tom Fletcher. But not only books, he found out that this Fletcher as well created musical performance of his books. As expected from a musician who did band in once upon a time, and sold albums when he was younger.

“Mr. Kim...”

Namjoon way too focused on his laptop screen. “The Creakers Musical? Orchestra?” He mumbled when he read the lines on the web. “This is interesting. I bet Myung would love this... But how I persuade Seokjin so the three of us can go to London for the show...” He talked himself bitterly.

“Mr. Kim...” His secretary knocked once more. “Sir?”

At the second knock, Namjoon looked up and answered. “Yes?”

“There is a phone call in line two.”

“Can you tell whoever it was that I’m busy? Tell ‘em to call me later.” Namjoon said as he clicked the button to order the ticket for the musical show. He could think of any ways of how he would persuade Seokjin, later. He needed to save the seat first.

“Will do, sir. I will tell Kim Seokjin ssi to call again later.”

Namjoon knitted his eyebrows. “Wait, who?”

“Kim Seokjin, sir.”

Without any second thoughts, Namjoon picked up the call.




Seokjin pinched his nose bridge. He ended the phone call after Namjoon told him that he would be come right away to the cottage. Myungsoo refused the breakfast if it’s not scrambled eggs by Mr. Kim. And the way his baby boy always asked where is Mr. Kim, when will Mr. Kim come back so they could wait and catch the sunrise together was somehow alarmed Seokjin. Not to mention that even though Hyosang has been called ‘Papa,’ his baby boy used to point to any random man when he was way younger and say ‘Dadda??’

The baby boy got the certain vocabulary from Baby channel as he started to learn how to speak, and it was so awkward for Seokjin to answer ‘Darling, it’s only Myung, and mommy. And we will be alright.” With hope the baby boy would slowly understand as he grew older. And seriously it became a bloody headache for Seokjin because Myungsoo slowly wanted Namjoon, the baby boy’s biological father, to be always there with them.

“Mr. Kim will be here around lunch time.” Seokjin sat back on the carpet of the living room and told the sulking baby boy. “So, as we wait, let’s have some of this oatmeals?”

But Myungsoo reacted negatively. Shook his head and refused the meals.

Seokjin sighed. Since the day one Myungsoo came to the world, he tried his best to keep parenting as simple as possible. Loving, guiding, accepting, and helping. As well he tried his best to keep it fun, because without the fun, a child gonna missed all the good things. And the most important, always, patient.

But seemed that Myungsoo was testing on his patience.     


Namjoon drove right away to the countryside after he gave a call to Jooheon to send him anything he prepared --including sweatshirt he bought for Seokjin-- but haven’t packed it yet. Because it would take times if he dropped by into his apartment first.

Namjoon won’t deny that he felt so happy for having Seokjin called him, though it was a bit more like a bad news. He knew that things gonna be more complicated after this. Well, the first time he had to leave, Myungsoo was sad and asked for a hug. The second time he had to leave, for the sake of Hyosang could spend his holiday, Myungsoo pouted and sulked. Hyosang and Seokjin had to persuade the baby boy to let Namjoon leave. And the baby boy finally let him go after Namjoon promised him he will be back with vanilla cookies for catching the sunrise session.

“This will be hard...”

Namjoon totally knew he was selfish. He wanted to create good memories with his son, in such circumstance.

He tapped his hands on the steering wheel. “Would it better to tell Myung earlier, that we only have a little time to spend?”

Namjoon couldn’t find any better way to clear the mess, but to win Seokjin’s heart. Because it’s the only key for him to stay, forever.

“Seokjin, please... Please, open you heart for me, once again...” He bit his lower lip. “Myungie, please help daddy to win mommy’s heart...”



Have you ever seen your face

In a mirror there’s a smile

But inside you’re just a mess

You feel far from good

Need to hide, ‘cos they’d never understand



“Myungiieee...” Around 11.47 AM Namjoon showed up in the living room, with paperbag on his hand. He managed to buy vanilla cookies from the bakery on the way to the cottage.

Myungsoo jumped on Namjoon, still with pouty face. There were a bowl of oatmeals, half finished milk, and a plate of nuggets on the table. Lego on the carpet. And tired look of Seokjin, sat on the sofa.

“Myung want scrambled eggs. Mr. Kim cook for Myung.”

“Sure.” Namjoon ruffled the baby boy’s hair, and kissed the puffy cheek. “But we will have broccoli in it.” Why? Because the baby boy already skipped breakfast, and it would be better if he added vegetable.

Myungsoo faced his father with ‘eww’ look, but before he could even protest, Namjoon added. “Broccoli is good if Myung still want to catch the sunrise. And Myung must listen to mommy because mommy knows best. Okay?”

“Myung will listen. But Myung don’t like oatmeals...” The baby boy played on his thumbs.

Namjoon could guess where the dislike came from. He himself really hates oatmeals. And he actually knew that Myungsoo didn’t really like broccoli. So, he decided to make his son like the oatmeals a little bit, as he would try to like it as well. For the sake of parenting. “Oatmeals is healthy. Mr. Kim will make some for Myung when we catch sunrise together. And it will taste so good. Okay?”


“Just try tomorrow. Myung will love it.”

Like a magic, the baby boy seemed awed and agreed to everything that came from Namjoon’s mouth. “Okay...”

Seokjin rolled his eyes before he stood on his feet, and walked heading into the kitchen. “I’m gonna prepare what you need.”

And before the pretty one passed him through, Namjoon softly grab his wrist. “I have something for you.” Namjoon handed Seokjin a bar of chocolate he bought from the bakery.

And Seokjin gave him the ‘You think I’m a -you can buy my forgiveness with nice stuffs- person’ look.

Though the pretty one didn’t take the chocolate, Namjoon could smile upon it.

“Myung want chocolate...” The baby boy grinned.


Namjoon just found out that oatmeals was like regular menu Seokjin would make if Mrs. Ahn didn’t come to the house to cook. And it was the first time Myungsoo refused the breakfast. Even nuggets. Though the baby didn’t know there were vegetables mixed in the chicken nuggets, he was never say no before. Really unusual.  

Namjoon did best on his broccoli scrambled eggs. And While he helped to feed the baby boy, Seokjin prepared some meals for lunch. They had lunch in peace, but then Myungsoo refused the afternoon naps. Seokjin had to let Namjoon to enter his bedroom to send the baby boy to sleep.



Are you waiting for that day when your pain will disappear?



Myungsoo woke up around 03.11 PM and cheerfully chirped when he left the bedroom, because he could find Namjoon busy with the laptop in the living room.

“Mr. Kim, working?” Myungsoo asked, as he sat on Namjoon’s lap.

“Yep.” Namjoon kissed the baby boy’s crownhead. “Myung had a good sleep?”

The baby boy yawned and nodded. Totally cute and adorable. And the more Namjoon realized about his son’s cuteness, the more he felt ashamed about what he did. “Myung is so cute. Let’s take a picture.” Namjoon said as he opened the camera app on his cellphone.

“Photo? Wait, must with Von Count!” Myungsoo jumped off, dashed into the bedroom and came back on Namjoon’s lap with his plushie doll.

“Look over here, ready?”

Myungsoo posed a V sign and grinned, like he used to. Namjoon took some pictures and he captured lovely and funny ones.

“Whoaa, we looks gorgeous.” Namjoon showed the result. “Must be fun if we can take some pictures in amusement park.” 

“What’s that?”

“Amusement park? It’s a happy place with various attraction, such as rides and games...”

“Ohh... Myung can ride bicycle, there?” The baby boy seemed confused, yet interested.

“Bicycle, and anything else.” Namjoon explained. “Let’s visit the amusement park in Seoul, if mommy approve.”

“Mommy! Take photo with mommy!!” Once again the baby boy jumped off and dashed away, heading into the only place his mother could be, since he could smell some bakings.

Namjoon smiled and shrugged his shoulder. “Why not...”

Not long after, Myungsoo came into the living room, holding his mother’s hand.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Seokjin asked his baby boy with concern.

“Mommy sit here.” Myungsoo asked, half pushed Seokjin to sit on the sofa. Beside Namjoon. And then he himself jumped again on Namjoon’s lap. “Mr. Kim taking photo.”

“What?” Seokjin’s eyes grew bigger as he turned his head to face the man beside him. “No---“

“Yay!!” Myungsoo shouted, along with V sign. And a click sound was heard. Once, twice.

Myungsoo reached Namjoon’s cellphone to check the result. He laughed to see his mother glaring at Namjoon with such koi fish expression, while Namjoon staring at his mother tenderly. And he was the only one facing into the front camera. Ohh, as well Von Count.

“Myung like the photo. Can we put this on the table?” The baby boy pointed the large TV cabinet.

“Will be there by tomorrow.” Namjoon winked.


And Seokjin could only pinch his nose bridge.


Namjoon continued his work on his laptop while supervising the baby boy built something with his lego. Seokjin left them for doing the laundry. “Mr. Kim is very busy.” Myungsoo absentmindedly spoken up what his mother always told him whenever he asked about Namjoon. “Please don’t be busy in the city. Myung want to play together.”

Namjoon really wanted to explain that he was away for almost two weeks because he had to respect Hyosang. Though with he came to stay in the cottage was actually disrespect Seokjin.

“If Mr. Kim busy but can sit here with Myung and with Von Count, Myung is happy.”

Dang it. Namjoon felt like his heart been sliced into pieces and someone poured a lemon on it. This kid was no doubt feeling lonely. His mother had to work and did the house chores, so many things to do as single parent. Live in a quiet countryside, with two or three neighbors within half kilometre, and were all cottages. This kid didn’t have any friend his age.

“Myung happy, now?” Namjoon asked as he joined to play the lego.

“Sooooo happy!!” The baby boy giggled and got a light ruffle on his hair. “Mr. Kim can play piano?” The baby boy asked another question. “Whenever grandpa here, grandpa will play the piano for Myung.”

“Myung have favorite? We can play it together, so Myung can learn a little.”

The baby boy tilted his head. “That... Myung like it, and always sleepy when grandpa play it...”

“Ohh?” Namjoon laughed. “Okay. Maybe we can play my favorite?”


And the two left the carpet, heading into the corner of the living room. And in a minute Beethoven’s Silence was heard all around the house.



I’m okay, I really am now

Just needed some time

To figure things out

Not telling lies I’ll be honest with you

Still we don’t know what’s yet to come

Still we don’t know what’s yet to come



Seokjin just finished a telephone call with Mrs. Ahn when he heard the familiar melodies. His father was the only person played the piano in the house. And certainly never played this one. This one was the melody that awakening the little voice in his head. The melody that opened up the memories he burried deep.

“You cook dinner for us.”

“Does omurice okay for you?”

“Anything. I don’t care.”

“What was it? The melodies you played with the piano, earlier when I prepare dinner?”

“Beethoven’s Silence.”

“It was nice and calming. I was almost fall asleep.”

Seokjin tried to catch his breath. “Stop...”

“I was thinking about keeping you here forever, and let your Hyosang suffering for losing you. And you Seokjin, you will living with me, suffering, as my toy... There is no happy ending for all of us. Fair enough?”

No... Please stop...” Seokjin pulled his hair.

Save him, Jin. Don’t think anyone else is going to save him, because there isn’t anyone. Save him.’

Shut up!! Don’t say it again to me!!” He slumped with a pile of washed clothes as he felt his surroundings spinning round and round. Those memories from the past when he wished Namjoon would open up his heart for him, striked his mind. His head dizzy. “Save me...” He cried. Because, it is now his heart that closed.




Chapter Text

Friday afternoon. A week since the day when the melody of Beethoven’s Silence filled the air all around the cottage. And Mrs. Anh still on her vacation. Seokjin wasn’t really busy that day and he decided to tidying up some of his belongings for charity. He took some boxes from his large wardrobe and sorted it out in one different box. He enjoyed doing it. Until he opened one certain grey coloured box.

He didn’t know such box was there, because when he moved to the cottage a year ago, the one who packed everything was his mother. He technically didn’t prepare anything and just moved in into ‘a ready to live’ house. Even his mother prepared the kitchen cabinets with full tools and groceries. Kind of, really, after he survived from the suicide attempt, and through out the pregnancy period, his mother did for him every small things he didn’t bothered to care about. And after he gave birth, his focus was only for baby Myungsoo. To make it simple, all those little things were done by his mother.

And then there. The grey coloured box he found inside his large wardrobe was somehow tickled his inner sense. He opened the box carefully. Didn’t expect to find a fluffy pink teddy and a pink carnation hairpin inside it.

Why? Really, Seokjin questioned it. After the melody he wanted to erase from his memory, that his love for his baby boy got him strength to overcome it, now he had to see again these two pinky cuties? Well, they were cute, but the kind of cuteness that made his heart bleeding.

“For Myung?”

Seokjin didn’t even get the chance to curse the universe, as his son suddenly appeared in the bedroom. And took the pink teddy from him.

“Mommy, this is for Myung?”

“Uhh, that...”

“Yah! Kim Myungsoo! We haven’t finish the war!”

That was Jungkook, who spent his free time for a regular visit, holding a lightsaber, and came inside the bedroom like an intruder.

“Hyung, mommy gave this for Myung.” The baby boy ignored the uncle’s words, and raised the plushie doll with a cute grin.

And it’s not Jungkook if he didn’t act silly. With his naughty witty expression, he took the pink teddy. “Not until- ugh bleh.” He coughed when the plushie doll was near around his face and accidentally inhaled the dust. “Gosh! Hyung, you need to wash this.” He handed it back to Seokjin.

“Mommy, Von Count needs friend. Please wash for Myung?”

Seokjin calmly squeezed the pink teddy on his hand. Tried to manage his expression. Von Count needs friend? Or it’s actually Myung? Not to mention that the plushie doll was kind of a friend for him when he was locked in the cockloft bedroom. The room where this man did crime to him. The room where the man forcefully planted his seed, and so Myungsoo grew inside him.

The pink teddy was an irony. Seokjin could clearly remember that Bomin has had told him that the pink teddy was a present from the man to pay the dinner he cooked when the young lad was not around. That man did him wrong, but the pink teddy was actually has nothing to do with the man’s sin. And the pink teddy was somehow the only creature that comforted his bleeding heart, after he saw the man of his dream kissed a fine beautiful young lady.


Somehow, the pink teddy was there. For him.

“Ask Jungkookie hyung to put this on the laundry room. Mommy will wash it for Myung after finish tidying these...” Seokjin pointed the boxes.


“Okay, let’s go continue the war!” Jungkook gently dragged his nephew outside. “Oh, hyung.” The younger wanted to make sure some other things. “You are not forget that my boyfriend will come for dinner, and he gonna stay until Sunday, right?”

“Is he okay with beef curry?”

“He eats anything that taste good.”

“Okay then...” Seokjin smiled.

And the mentioned of dinner made the baby boy remembered what was his actual intention to see his mother, before the pink teddy distracted him. “Mommyyy, Myung wants cakes...”


Namjoon nonchalantly sipped his coffee in the backyard terrace of his rented cottage, as he answered a telephone call from Bomi. The young lady wanted to see him and asked for a dinner along with Yoongi, and Jimin.

“Where are you, really?” Bomi squeaked from the other line. “Everytime I ask you to hangout you always got me an excuse.”

“Well, I’m busy. If you want me to join dinner with you guys, at least make an appointment a week before.”

“What the heck Namjoon!” Bomi cursed the annoying cousin. “Okay then. I’m going for a charity event with my medical and pharmacy fellow next weekend, in a village, about two hours driving from the city of Seoul.”

Namjoon knitted his eyebrows.

“Me and Yoongi will stay in an English cottage not far from the charity place. Can you come join us to stay in a cottage and have some fun for the weekend?”

Namjoon gulped. Because a village two hours driving from the city, and English cottage was probably around Seokjin’s house. Though they probably won’t stay in Seokjin’s cottage, because only a cottage was left for rent, and Bomi nor Yoongi would never be in the same room, but, he wanted to make sure. They better far enough. “What cottage?”

“An English cottage?”

“No, I mean, where it is?”

“I will send you the location. It’s a nice place and the cottage is owned by my mother’s close friend.” The young lady sighed. “Please do come. We missed you...”

“I’m not sure if I’m available next weekend...”

“Ohh come on.” Bomi clicked her tongue. “I’m gonna ask auntie Ahn, the owner of the lovely cottage to cook dinner your favorite ones, just please come...”

Wait. Mrs. Ahn? Mrs. Ahn he knew? Too much coincidence there. But Namjoon felt relieved. Because Mrs. Ahn’s cottage not really that close with Seokjin’s cottage.

“Okay, I will come...”


“How is it?” Yoongi asked the young lady beside him. “Taehyung won’t come, since he wanted to see his boyfriend. And I bet Namjoon not interested...”

“Namjoon won’t join us tonight. But he will come and join us to the cottage next week.”

“Really? Ohh, that’s great.”

“But, I lied. I said auntie Ahn will cook special dinner for him.”


“She is away for a vacation. And won’t be there next weekend.”

Yoongi took his cup of caramel latte and stood up from the sofa, ready to leave the coffee shop. “That’s your problem. See you later.”

“Yahh!! Help me to cook!!”



The dinner was somehow awkward. The moment Namjoon ended the telephone call with Bomi, and headed into the main cottage to see Myungsoo, he bumped into Jungkook, that had a fluffy pink teddy he knew well in the hand. And before the young guy could reach the laundry room, and Namjoon haven’t got a chance to ask a question or two about the plushie doll, they heard a loud car horn from the front yard. And Jungkook chirped “That must be Taehyungie!” And Namjoon didn’t know why he followed behind to see this Taehyungie.

And it’s turned out Kim Taehyung, his friend. Taehyung that he used to know. That was so close with Hoseok. That loved to argue with Bomi. This Taehyung his friend, been Jungkook’s boyfriend.

Taehyung was also taken aback himself. Didn’t expect to see an old friend, more over Namjoon, in this certain place where his purpose was to see his boyfriend, Jungkook. His boyfriend that wanted to introduce him to his beloved cousin. And his boyfriend already told him that this cousin has a son that came from a rape crime.

Taehyung was too shocked. He could only staring the older one in disbelief. Until Namjoon said to him that he would tell what the younger needed to know, but asked him to not tell Yoongi and the others until Namjoon could find the right time. Jungkook as well didn’t expect that his boyfriend been friends with the man who raped his beloved cousin. And the way Namjoon asked his boyfriend to pretend that everything was okay really annoyed him.

The three confused people that were so ready to punch each other, more like Jungkook that was so ready to punch Namjoon for the sake of his itchy fist, were all refrained when Myungsoo suddenly appeared and asking if they were playing some games. Seokjin who chased the son behind, and didn’t know what happened automatically welcomed the young guy, since he already saw his photo with Jungkook.

The dinner was awkward, but thanks to Duck Tales that Myungsoo watched while having his dinner made the awkward situation became lighter. Not really thanks actually. Not until Donald and Daisy kissed, and Jungkook was absentmindedly mumbled “Whoa, that was sweet. Like a first kiss.” And of course he gained a silent pinch and a deathly glare from Seokjin.

Jungkook protested silently. It wasn’t his fault anyway. Why in the first place Seokjin allowed the baby boy to watch it though. But things were too late.

“First kiss?” Myungsoo asked the audience around. And the audience haven’t got the chance to explain when the baby boy added. “Mommy has first kiss like Donald and Daisy?”

“Uhh...” Seokjin gulped as he tried to give the answer wisely. “It was Myung. With Myung when Myungie was born.” He calmly answered, though he was actually nervous. Wise enough, no? Like, how he supposed to answer when he didn’t even have an experience of being kissed in the very first place.

“Really?” The baby boy grinned. Seemed happy with the answer. But the question didn’t stop there. “And Mr. Kim first kiss, with?”

Way different with Seokjin, Namjoon could easily answer the question. Proudly, without any hesitation. An answer that surprised the whole audience there. “With Myung’s mom.”

Taehyung and Jungkook could only staring each other, and shrugged their shoulders. Seokjin choked on his beef curry. And Myungsoo seemed confused. “With mommy?”

Namjoon nodded, while throwing his best smile for Seokjin that was busy gulping a glass of water.

“Ohh.” The baby boy tilted his head. And didn’t extend the question. The curiousity disappeared as the Cappuccino Torte that Taehyung bought as a gift distracted him. “Mommy...”

“Myung can have it after finish the dinner...” Seokjin gave a quick response even before his son finished the question. Forgot that it was cappuccino torte.



The night was still young, around 08.47 PM when Namjoon closed the book and put it on the bedside table as Seokjin tugged the blanket up into the baby boy’s shoulders, and kissed the son’s cheek. The father just did a story telling and the baby boy fell asleep before his father could finish the last page of There’s a Dragon in Your Book. Though the baby boy participated in making the dragon sneezed, he couldn’t fight the sleepiness.

Seokjin didn’t wait any seconds to take his laptop with him and went outside, heading into the kitchen.

Namjoon just sighed and gently brushed the baby boy’s hair. “This has been super hard, and daddy not sure if this can get any easier as Myung grow up.” He took a deep breath and slowly released it. “But, daddy will try even more.” He kissed the son’s cheek. “Daddy love Myung. And Mommy... So much...”

Namjoon left the bedroom and found Seokjin sat in the corner of wooden kitchen island, busy with his works. Ohh well, Taehyung got a special treat to stay in the other one small cottage. And Jungkook probably there as well.

“Hi.” Namjoon greeted and smiled. “Just wanted to make some tea. Not going to disturb you.” He said as he prepared two mugs. He decided to make a cup for Seokjin since he didn’t see any in the table.

Seokjin rolled his eyes.

Namjoon really tried his best to reach Seokjin’s heart. Though Seokjin let him spent the quality time between father and son with Myungsoo, like prepared scrambled eggs for breakfast, bathe the baby boy -that really like the bubble bath crab Namjoon bought (kind of bathup toy that makes bubble and with music), brush teeth together, even story telling before bed, the warm daily routines didn’t impressed Seokjin at all. Seokjin might let him put the photo of them on the TV cabinet, but it didn’t mean a welcome sign, into the pretty one’s heart. Because when he gave Seokjin a paperbag with an expensive branded sweater inside, the pretty one took it just to throw it into the kitchen rubbish bin in front of his face.

Long way to go.

“You look pale.” Namjoon put the warm earl grey in front of Seokjin. “You need rest.”


The pretty one, was wearing a pair of shorts that wrapped the legs nicely, a faded pink oversize hoodie, with glasses that prefectly framed his beautiful eyes. Looked soft, strong yet also fragile at the same time, and pretty. No wonder, people in the university called him Kim Lovely Seokjin.

Namjoon had lots of regrets that the pretty one in front of him was the same person that once in the past has had confessed his feelings towards him. He had lots of regrets that his stupidness caused the pain and misery. He regrets what he did, as the pure beauty has never failed to enchanting.

But then again, his stupid ego tricked him to stay instead of leaving. More over after he suggested the pretty one to rest. “I saw Jungkook was holding the familiar pink teddy I gave you, before he put it in the laundry room. I’m happy that you still keep it.”

“I didn’t keep it.” Seokjin coldly replied without looking the man. “I didn’t know that I still have it until I tidying things earlier in the afternoon.”


“Okay, well... I’m still happy...” Namjoon lightly squeezed his mug. “Ahh, about earlier. I didn’t lie. You are my first kiss...”

Seokjin looked up.

“You might think that I was a person who had so many ex, and did nasty things or anything you might had in mind. But, really. I was never had a romantic relationship before. Not even one night stand with random stranger. Not even once.” Namjoon stared the other’s beads tenderly. “I fell in love once. And it’s you. My heart fell for you at the very first sight I saw you in the university library. And that night, when you were unconscious, I stole a kiss from you.”

Seokjin shocked by the sudden confession. He looked down blankly staring on the laptop monitor.

“I was a coward.” Namjoon added. “And I feel so ashamed about what I did.”

The absence of any kind of reaction from the pretty one pushed Namjoon to continue. “About Hoseok’s olive green lyrics book, the journal, I didn’t know that what had written there were all about Hajin, his fiancee.” He bit his lower lip. “A little piece of information about your name and your birth date was written there. And that led me into the most stupid thing I ever did. I regret it. I regret that my ignorance made you suffer. I didn’t know that Hoseok was actually tried to help me, to get me close with you...”

Seokjin shut his eyes closed and clamped his mouth, before he opened it again and glared into Namjoon in disbelief.

“I remember when you did koala me, and asked me to be friends with you.” Namjoon awkwardly smiled. “Can I be friends with you, now? So we can be a team for a whole year, for Myung...”

Seokjin mouthed “What?” and laughed mockingly.

“I’m not going to ask you to let Myungie to call me ‘Daddy’ though I want it so bad. I’m okay with him remember me as Mr. Kim and I will slowly give him the explanation that I can’t be here forever. But, please, can we be friends for Myung’s sake?”

That was rude. This man shamelessly came into Seokjin’s life again uninvited like an intruder. Asked for a year stay to create some memories. And with no burdened feelings he easily said, implied, that the baby boy will be okay when he leave.

“Be friends?” Seokjin laughed and cleared his throat. “Let me be crystal clear with you, Mr. Kim. I will be okay, because for me, it’s better if you are not here. But not for Myung. You are cruel and selfish...” He gritted his teeth. “And unfortunately, this stupid a year excuse is part of my stupidness.” His eyes glossy and his voice cracked. “And, do you remember that you did slap me, hard, my lips were bleeding?” Tears slowly fallen on his cheeks. “Accused me for a crime I never did. Ignored my plead for not torturing me. Remember the chains on my ankle?”

“Seokjin... I...”

Seokjin stood up, and cutted Namjoon off. “What are you? A monster?”

Namjoon knelt down and reached up the soft hands. “Seokjin, I did horrible things in the past. I regret it. Please, forgive me...” He gently brushed the pretty one’s hands with his thumbs. “I’ll do anything to pay my sin... Just please let me know what to do... I promise...”

“Anything?” Seokjin released the hands. “You can go to hell now.” And he left the kitchen.


“You kissed that girl...” Seokjin closed the door behind him and slumped on the floor. His baby boy was deep in slumber. Looked so peaceful. Contrast with him, that has tried to ignore the images of smiling Namjoon and the baby boy’s giggles that ran over his head, as the baby boy asked the father, to do the daily routines the baby boy used to do with him.

“Myung wants to brush teeth with Mr. Kim.”

“Mr. Kim, please read for Myung.”

As well tried to erase the image of Namjoon kissed that girl.

Blankly staring the white wall, he mumbled. “I’m tired...”



Namjoon just arrived to the cottage again after spent three days in the city. He had to attend some packed meetings, and two gala dinner. He left the city right away in the day three, after an important small meeting with his people, including Jooheon, in the afternoon. And dropped by in a bakery to buy cookies and chocolates as he promised Myungsoo to come back very soon. He also bought some chocolate for Bomi, because he had to see the young lady in the following day.

He always entered the house from the backyard terrace that near the kitchen. The lamps around the front and backyard cottage were designed to turned on and off automatically. But not the lamps inside the house. And it’s not normal to found the lamps in the kitchen and living room haven’t switched on around 05.41 PM.

He quietly went inside and heard some coughing sounds from around the carpet under the sofa.


“Mr. Kim!” The baby boy who played the Lego in almost dark room jumped on him.

Namjoon looked around. “Where is mommy?”

“Shhleep?” Myungsoo answered with coughs.

Something wasn’t quite right, so he switched on the lamps around and took Myungsoo down back on the carpet to continue play the Lego and ate the cookies, before he walked heading into the bedroom. The door was half opened, with a little light over the orange sunset through the window. He knocked. “Seokjin? Are you alright?” No answer. “May I come in?” Still no answer. His instinc told him to check inside the vanilla scents room. And he found Seokjin didn’t react when he lightly shook the pale body.




Chapter Text

“Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.” – Arthur Miller



“Ahn Youngmi, Seokjin is my son!!”

The afternoon tea between two close friends heated up, since one of them brought up sensitive issue and poured some salt into the still opened old wounds. The nice view of blue skies in the city of Prague were suddenly turning grey and gloomy.

“Seokjin is precious to me too.” The lady called Ahn tried to convince. “But Namjoon, he deserves a second chance.”

“Second chance? No. I’m coming back to Seoul, with you tomorrow. After what he did to my beloved son, and then come again like nothing happened? Like he know nothing about the agreements? That jerk deserves my slap!!”

“Seokjin still love him.”

“What?” The beautiful mid age lady gasped in disbelief.

“Jiae, I’m with him every single day. How can I’m not notice it?” She sighed desperately. “Namjoon did Seokjin wrong, and unfortunatelly it’s only Namjoon that could fix his broken soul. Cure his broken hearted.”

“How? How come that jerk could be the only one be able to cure my precious baby’s wounds? How in the world? He was the one who has made those wounds!”

“You could tell if you see them yourself. You could tell that they still longing for each other.”

It’s hard to stood up in between. As Kim Jiae’s close friend, and as well close with KIMs. And both Seokjin and Namjoon were precious for her. She knew both Namjoon and Seokjin since they were born. But then she stayed in England, and wasn’t around in a while when Namjoon grow up, that’s why the man didn’t remember her. She didn’t even met Namjoon at the mother’s funeral. Meanwhile, Jiae was able to visit her as she accompanied her husband for business trip. And Seokjin managed to see her for several times.

And she wanted those two precious babies of her beloved close friends to be cured from their wounds.

“Please do come home, later, for Myung’s 3rd birthday. But for now, please trust me. Please let me take care of Seokjin.”



“Seokjin, are you alright?” Namjoon clearly knew that the pretty one wasn’t alright as he put his palm on the sweating forehead. Fever. “Seokjin, love, can you say something? Can you tell me which part that feels hurt?” No response, and the irregular breath and chapped lips worried him. Since when this happened? Even Myungsoo played the Lego alone, in the almost dark room.

And before he could check Seokjin more, another coughing sounds was heard from the living room, and it followed with cries.


Namjoon had no choice but to check his son first. The baby boy as well looked miserable. Seemed that he haven’t took a shower probably since the morning, or worse, since the day before? Because he still wore a pajamas.

Coughing with runny nose, Namjoon won’t deny that his baby boy felt a bit warm when he cradled him earlier, before he gave the cookies and then left him alone in the living room, to see the mother inside the bedroom. So, he took his palm around the baby boy’s neck, and no doubt it was also indicated fever.

“Oh, Lord. No...”

Namjoon took his cellphone and looking on some clinics nearby. He needed a doctor to come and see what happened. And there were only two available clinics he could find. Unfortunatelly, the nearest one had only one doctor to stay in the clinic that couldn’t make a home visit. And the other clinic was in another village, where Bomi threw charity event with her medical fellow.

“Mommyyy...” The baby boy cried even harder as he coughs.

And it made Namjoon cursed himself. What if he arrived home late? What would happen then? And the way his baby boy cried to see his mother, really hurts him. It hurts when he was close to soothe as the father, but had no privilege to say, “Daddy is here for Myung, don’t worry...” He couldn’t say it since Seokjin haven’t give him permission.

As much as Namjoon wanted to hide the truth from his family, including Bomi, that he broke the agreement between his father and Seokjin’s parents, the condition didn’t give him so much choices. If calling Bomi would make his secret revealed, and it’s the ticket for him to go into the jail, then it’s okay as long as Seokjin and his baby boy could get some treatment and be healthy again. He needed some help, and it’s emergency.



Bomi happily hummed some country songs as she dried her hair. She just finished taking shower in the nice bathroom of vintage English cottage she rented, after a whole busy day for the charity event. Having some patients and talked with them in such event made her happy. She loved her job.

She was ready for dinner with Yoongi and other medical fellow, and was about to call Namjoon to remind the man that they had appoinment dinner in the following day when her cellphone glaring and ringing. She picked it up.

“Namjoon, hi! I was just about to call you.”

But the man in the other line sounded weird.

“Bomi, you are doing the charity event starting from today, right? Can you come and bring your medical equipment? And some medicine or anything for fever? I will send you my location, it’s not quite far from your cottage. Please be hurry.”

“Hey, slowly.” The young lady knitted her eyebrows, tried to understand the conversation. “What?”

“It’s an emergency, I need you to –“ Namjoon couldn’t finish his sentence because Myungsoo cried even more.

Bomi gasped as she heard a baby crying in the other line. “WHAT THE HELL NAMJOON?! WHO’S BABY CRYING THERE?”

“Bomi --- sshhh it’s okay it’s okay, aunty Bomi is coming to see and examine Myungie. --- Bomi, please.”


“I promise, I will explain. Just please come, and be hurry.”



Namjoon waited for about 35 minutes in desperation before he heard a car entered the yard, and someone knocked the main door. He opened it to welcome Bomi with her confuse questioning look. And of course along with Yoongi behind her, that raised his left eyebrow as the older one saw him cradle a baby boy crying on his shoulder.

“OH MY GOODNESS, NAMJOON!! WHO’S CHILD IS HE?!” Bomi squeaked as she caressed the baby boy’s cheek. Well, cute.

“My son.” Namjoon nonchalantly answered.


“We will talk, later.” Namjoon gently pulled Bomi, as well asked Yoongi to come inside the house. “I need you to check Seokjin first.”



Namjoon went inside the main bedroom and followed by the two shocked people after they heard the name Seokjin.

“He got a fever. Sweating, and heavy breathing that scared me. He didn’t react at anything.” Namjoon tried to give some indication he could see to explain it to Bomi, that still dumbfounded stood up across the bed, near the bedroom door. As he wiped Myungsoo’s runny nose with tissue.

“Is he the same Seokjin that we rescued at that time, Yoongs?” Bomi quietly mumbled. Blankly staring the person laid in the mattress. “No fucking way.”

“Yes he is.” Yoongi gave the doubtful young lady a quick answer. “You are the doctor here. Just go check him. Namjoon will explain it to us, later. Right, Namjoon ah?” The pale skin man pierced his gaze into the younger one.

Bomi walked heading into the bed with hesitant to approach the patient. She put her medical equipment on the floor and knelt down to see the face, clearly. It was real. Seokjin. “No fucking way.” She mumbled and cursed once more, still in disbelief. “Is that mean that he was pregnant back then?” She turned her head to face Namjoon, that didn’t bother to answer the question because he was busy to calm the baby boy. “Namjoon?”

“What?” The man finally paid an attention.

“Seokjin was pregnant back then...”

“Bomi, just please check him and I will answer any question later.”

The young lady got a light smack on her shoulder. It was Yoongi offered her a stethoscope. “I’ll be your assistant...” Yoongi said.



Bomi gave Seokjin an injection after she took some examination. And wrote a prescription that Yoongi quickly prepared the medicines to give it to Namjoon. “Is he lack of sleep? He should be better tomorrow morning. Or else, we have to take him to the hospital.” She stood up and sighed. “Now let me taking care of this poor baby boy.”

She took the medicine box from Yoongi and search something for Myungsoo. After she got what she needed, she then walked approaching her cousin and stroked the baby boy’s hair. “Hey darling, what’s your name?”

“Mommyyy...” Was the only word the baby boy gave as a response, while sobbing.

“Myungsoo. His name, my son’s name is Myungsoo.” Namjoon replied.

Bomi threw “I will definitely kill you!!” look into Namjoon, and the man seemed to understand the threat. Cold and scary mode of Bomi is not a joke. “Ohh, Myungie?” She suddenly switched into nice and warm mode in a blink of eye. “Mommy needs rest, so aunty Bomi will taking care of Myungie. Okay?”

Myungsoo shook his head in rejection.

“Whhyyy?” Bomi pouted as she tried to get the baby boy’s interest. “Aunty have jelly and nougat. And pudding as well.”

Myungsoo slowly raise his head from Namjoon’s shoulder. “Pudding?”

Bomi nodded with a wide smile. “Just take this magical drop and aunty will also give Myungie cupcakes later. Deal?”

The baby boy looked hesitant, but then he nodded. And Namjoon couldn’t hide his relieved expression. He smiled.

“Okay, aunty will give this magical drop. Ready? Now open up Myung’s mouth, aaaaa...”

The baby boy followed the instruction to open up his mouth, and Bomi gave him the medicine. Smooth and fast.

“Pudding?” The baby boy asked after he swallowed the medicine.

Ohh. Not that smooth. Since she had no pudding, at all.

“What about nougat?” She smiled awkwardly.



“Don’t lie to children.”

“You shut up, Yoongs.” Bomi snapped while checking inside the refrigerator. Seokjin’s refrigerator in the kitchen. She wished could find something close to be called pudding. “Damn. Seokjin only have nuggets and sausages. Eggs. Milk. Cheese. Kimchi.”

“Why don’t you just offer him jelly and nougat that you clearly have? You bring those snacks everywhere.”

“Because I suddenly cravings for pudding and cupcakes.” She pulled her hair. “I didn’t expect that Myung will chose pudding over the jelly and nougat. Gosh!!”

Yoongi clicked his tongue as he took his cellphone and calling someone. “Jimin will join us for dinner tomorrow. And he is kinda free from any assignments.” He said as he waited the other person in the other line to pick it up.

“Are you going to ---?”

“I think it’s okay if he could be here tonight. I will ask him to get the pudding and cupcakes we need.”

“Oh God. Yoongs? You serious?”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “You pay.”

“Namjoon will pay.” Bomi said as she took cold mineral water from the refrigerator.



“Myungie...” Bomi showed up to the living room from the kitchen. “As we wait the fairy that will bring pudding for us, let’s have some nuggets?”

Bomi fried some nuggets and sausages, while Yoongi still in the kitchen to cook them some fried rice. Kimchi fried rice, and omelette. They were lucky to find some instant rice in the kitchen cabinet. Such a well-mannered guests. Took groceries without asking the house owner. But hey, it’s emergency.

“Myung will have pudding after nuggets? From fairy?” The baby boy asked, followed with yawned.

Bomi gulped. What fairy? Too much lies. Though she meant that Jimin had kind of fairy personality, will the baby boy understand? “Pudding after kimchi fried rice.” She smiled, and decided to learn some more about parenting after this. Knowledge could help better, just in case.

The baby boy way too hungry to care about ‘after kimchi fried rice,’ he took the nuggets and munched it, while the father stroking his hair lovingly.

“Have some, Joon.” Bomi said, while she take a look on her wrist watch, 7.04 PM and Jimin would probably arrive when Myungsoo already sleeping. She felt bad for the poor baby boy. “Ahh, Joon.” She remembered something.


“We need to change Seokjin’s clothes. Can you do it while we wait for the dinner?”


“Also change Myung’s. We don’t have to bathe him for now, but maybe you can bring me wet wash cloth? I can help to get him clean here, while he enjoy his meals. Because he probably fall asleep soon.” She poked the baby boy’s puffy cheek. “Look. The medicine is working.”

“Magical drop.” Namjoon chuckled, as he saw his son rubbed his eyes. “... I will prepare a bedroom.” Well, there were another two smaller bedroom in the main house, that one of them belong to Jungkook.

And Bomi won’t deny that Namjoon’s chuckles was something she had to celebrate, maybe later, after the man explain everything. “Then be hurry, bring me new clothes for Myung and prepare the bedroom. After that you go change Seokjin’s clothes.”

“Okay.” Namjoon kissed Myungsoo’s crown head and stood up.

“Just change his clothes. Don’t harass him.” Bomi gave the man threatening look.

And Namjoon could read it. “I will not. You have my word.”



Namjoon went back to the main bedroom after he gave Bomi a new pair pajamas for Myungsoo, and prepared the bedroom for him and the baby boy. He wanted Seokjin totally rest, he would sleep with his son. Yoongi called him to join the dinner, and he said that he would love to eat the kimchi fried rice later.

He opened up the large wardrobe, but couldn’t find any adult pajamas. There were only oversized hoodie, oversized long sleeves, oversized sweater, and sweatsuit. He decided on grey cotton shorts and white cotton long sleeves. He sat on the edge of the mattress while looking into the pale pretty face. “You forced yourself too much. You lack of rest and sleep.”

Seokjin was deep on his sleep. Breathing way more normal, than the last time he did before Bomi gave him injection.

For a while, he observed the clothes Seokjin had been wearing. Brown oversized hoodie and sweat shorts. “Why hoodie when it’s summer? There is only autumn and winter clothing on your wardrobe.” He brushed the damped bangs and sighed. “But that’s okay. You looks pretty in anything you wear.” He smiled bitterly. “Please get well soon. Myungsoo needs you... We need you...”

Carefully took off the clothes, he started from the pretty one’s right hand. No problem, that was smooth and easy. He just needed to do it quickly so he could join Yoongi and Bomi to enjoy the dinner, and put Myungsoo to bed.

It was all nothing until he took off the sleeve on the pretty one’s left hand before pulled the hoodie off. There, the absence of the cloth revealed the bare arm, where he could see the pale skin.

What he saw thunderstrucked him.

Not because he loved the scenery. Though it definitely lovely. But it because the view was the answer of why Seokjin always wearing an oversized clothes with long sleeves that covered half of his palm.

“No.” Namjoon could feel his heart sinked, and broken. The pain, hurts like his heart being slices into pieces. “This can’t be true...”

A heartbreaking scene. Bomi probably didn’t notice because she only did the blood pressure and pulse examination on the right arm. The young lady didn’t notice that there was this spine-chilling scar, right on the wrist. A very clear scar that he knew, it must be came from deep cutting. And it wasn’t the only scar that matter.

There were other scars around the left arm. Still fresh, and new. Significant scratches, of self harm.



Chapter Text

“Look at him, Yongs.” Bomi laughed. “Seem that Myung likes you.”

Not long before, Yoongi just brought the dinner into the living room. Two plates of kimchi fried rice, a bottle of cold apple juice, a glass of warm honey water, and two empty mugs. He sat on the carpet joined Bomi that still fed Myungsoo with nuggets. When he was about to enjoy his dinner, the baby boy yawned and mumbled a ‘Von Count’ he noticed the plushie doll on the sofa and gave it. Myungsoo finished the fifth nuggets without any fuss. Bomi gave him warm honey water, and also put a fever patch. And then the baby boy surprisingly laid his body on the carpet, and instead of asking Bomi for comfort nor asking where his mother was, he leaned his head on Yoongi’s lap ready to sleep.

“Let me take a photo.”

“What for?”

“For fun. Who knows you can use the lovely photo for seminar profile.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes but let the young lady to capture the moment.

Bomi laughed a little but then he saw Namjoon dashed heading into the kitchen and hurriedly back into the main bedroom with first aid kit box in his hand. Felt that something must be not right, she followed behind after asked Yoongi to look after Myungsoo.

“I saw you took the first aid kit box.” Bomi stepped closer. “Is there any injuries or something?”

Namjoon didn’t answer. He blankly prepared the ointment and smeared it on Seokjin’s left arm.

“Joon?” Bomi approached near into the mattress and gasped when she saw the scratches. She wanted to help but decided to let Namjoon did all the care needed. Beside she knew clearly that Namjoon was in the verge of being broken, again. All she wished was the three years worth of medication and therapy could help Namjoon for it best. She rescued both Namjoon and Seokjin once at their worst condition. She didn’t want to witness the two to suffer ever again.

But by the way Namjoon acted, she knew, what happened to Seokjin with those scratches was beyond imagination. It was really something that no one would ever had in mind, to think, that Seokjin did something called self harm.

For a moment in silence, Namjoon managed to finish the treatment and as well changed Seokjin’s clothes. He quietly cleaned up the cotton buds and stuff, and then pulled the blanket up around Seokjin’s chest.

“You are doing good, I’m sure Seokjin will be okay by tomorrow.” Bomi could only give Namjoon an encouragement. “But for now you better eat dinner with us, will you?”

Namjoon lightly nodded. Bomi waited until the man walked outside the bedroom before she followed behind. But instead of heading into the kitchen to put back the first aid kit box and took the dinner, Namjoon went heading into the backyard terrace.


Namjoon pulled his hair in desperation and groaned, ignored the young lady’s existence.

“Bomi ah?”

Bomi just wanted to persuade her cousin that taking dinner is okay in such moment in between of taking care beloved one. But a greeting voice distracted her, and both of them turned their head to find Mrs. Ahn.

“Auntie?” Bomi approached closer and hugged the lady. “But aunty, you said you are in vacation and won’t be home?”

“I wanted to surprise you.” Mrs. Ahn released their hugs. “But when I arrived home, you weren’t around. My cottage staff told me that you asked him the direction to this cottage. I understand that sometimes local people knows better than google map. But it made me curious, so I asked my staff to drive me here.”

“Yeah, Namjoon telephoned me asking for a help and it was emergency.” Bomi mentioned the man, and got no reaction so she continued. “I really had no idea that he was here, in a place where I had never guess. I didn’t know that my patient would be Seokjin. He told me that Seokjin got fever. And even Myung wasn’t in a good condition...”

“Myungie, how is he now? Are we need to take them to the hospital?”

“Well, for now I think it’s no need to worry much. I gave them injection and medicine. They are sleeping now. But, about Seokjin... I mean, we, no I mean Namjoon and Seokjin had such circumstance in the past and ugh... I don’t know if it’s okay to talk about it or just ugh well, I just found out that this cute baby boy is my nephew... Wait...” Bomi knitted her eyebrows, realized the oddness. “Auntie and Seokjin knows each other? And Namjoon?”

Mrs. Ahn nodded. “Seokjin was like my own son. So, I need to make sure he is always alright.” She said it as an explanation for Bomi but the words quite more for Namjoon. She noticed that the man way too quiet and didn’t even greet nor welcome her like he used to. “Namjoon, you seemed upset. You okay?”

Was he okay? Namjoon fisted his palm.

Seokjin was the one asked him not to cut and harm his arm. Seokjin tried to save him when his intention was to hurt the pretty one. Seokjin was the only one gave him a cup of warm tea even after he tortured the beautiful angel. Seokjin was fine. Seokjin was alright. Seokjin will probably always be alright if only he was never an idiot. Because aside of those scratches, he saw the burnt scar under the pretty one’s left collarbone. Burnt scar he left when he deeply pressed the ignite cigarette on Seokjin’s soft skin that morning. That certain morning when he woke up beside Seokjin, on the cockloft bedroom. He was drunk the night before. The burnt scar was left there right at the moment when Myungsoo started to grow and live inside Seokjin.

There. The question made Namjoon burst into tears. He could only regrets of what he did in the past, and Mrs. Ahn could only reach him to give him a hug.

“We found some scratches cuts on Seokjin’s left arm when we changed his clothes.” Bomi explained on Namjoon’s behalf. “We don’t know if auntie probably know, that Seokjin did a self harm...”


Not only Namjoon that felt upset. Yoongi called him from the living room, asked for a helping hand. The baby boy also cried.”


“Well, he was asleep. Looked so peaceful, but after a while he didn’t look as peaceful as I thought. He mumbled ‘mommy’ and started to cry.” Yoongi explained.

Bomi knelt down to check. It wasn’t a loud crying, more into faintly sobbing. And the body temperature wasn’t as bad as before.

“Are you sure we don’t have to go to the hospital?” Namjoon didn’t want something bad happened.

“He needs comfort his mother can’t give him right now.”

Namjoon won’t waste any second. He shifted closer to scoop and took Myungsoo from Yoongi’s lap into his cradle. “Myungie let’s see the starry skies outside with daddy, okay?” Whether he slipped on his tongue or consciously said it, Namjoon went into the backyard terrace again. Wished the shiny night skies and fresh air could help soothe them both.

Bomi and Yoongi followed Namjoon into the backyard terrace. The two were half unsure if Namjoon could really calm a baby boy, though the baby was the man’s son.

“Mommmyy puudddiiing...” Myungsoo mumbled in between his sobs.

Bomi glanced facing Yoongi. “Why it’s suddenly feels that this is all my fault?”


Myungsoo could finally calm and sleep, though the baby boy always whined whenever Namjoon wanted to put him lay on the mattress inside Jungkook’s bedroom, so Namjoon decided to cradle him and watched television.

“Jimin just texted me, he is already near. And guess what, Taehyung is coming along with him. They are probably arrive in a minute.” Yoongi said as he stood up from the sofa. “I’m going to make some tea for us. Namjoon, you want something?”

Namjoon shook his head. “I’m good.”

Yoongi prepared the tea enough for everyone, and when he was ready to serve the cups on the table in the living room, Jimin and Taehyung arrived.

“I really didn’t expect we have some kind of reunion here. In such condition and circumstance. In this lovely cottage of my boyfriend’s cousin.” Taehyung greeted everyone. “Poor Jungkookie couldn’t make it to join us here. He is attending university exchange student in Cambodia.”

“I was surprised when Taehyung told me, he was here before. Who knows that his Jungkookie was Seokjin hyung’s cousin. Seokjin hyung that we used to see around Bomi’s crush.” Jimin got a light hit on his back, as Bomi glared at him. He grinned and gave the pudding and cupcakes to Bomi. “I didn’t know what kind of pudding a baby would like, so I bought your favorite one. Custard pudding.”

“That’s perfect.” Bomi received the package. “Sadly, the baby already asleep. So I’m gonna take this into the refrigerator.”

“Ohh dear. I didn’t know that I’m having lovely guests. I should prepare some cooks to welcome you all.” Mrs. Ahn greeted as she closed the bedroom door behind her after checking on Seokjin.

Jimin and Taehyung properly intoduced themselves to Mrs. Ahn. They got permission to stay over the night and could sleep in the smaller cottage.


“You guys were all friends?” Mrs. Ahn poured some tea into everyone’s cup. “Even Taehyung and Jungkook are boyfriends. This is really a coincidence I guess?”

“A unique coincidence. A fate maybe.” Bomi took a piece of cupcake. “We were actually never know Seokjin this up close and personal. But we used to see him around campus area. We went to the same cafetaria.”

“Bomi used to stalk the handsome man from the medical faculty that always around Seokjin hyung.” Taehyung nonchalantly told the fact.

Bomi rolled her eyes.

“You meant, Hyosang?” Mrs. Ahn laughed. “Bomi ah, but really, what Taehyungie just said makes me want to matchmaking you with Hyosang. He is the most reliable single man. And handsome. You two are perfect match.”

Bomi gave her thank you next smile. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I knew Hyosang, we have met, we shared stories. Things happened, and I’m already move on.”

“That’s good. But we will never know what’s tomorrow can bring. Maybe we could have some BBQ later when he is home, and see...” Mrs. Ahn suggested. “Ohh, well. By the way Namjoon, you haven’t watch your son’s documentary video right?” The lady asked as she handed a cup of tea for Namjoon.

“Documentary?” Namjoon knitted his eyebrows.

“Some videos made by Jungkook since the day Myungsoo was born. Jungkook created it and gave it to Seokjin every year for Myungsoo’s birthday gift.”

“Whoah, seriously?” Taehyung giggled in awe. “I didn’t know that my boyfriend was this sweet.”

“Yeah, he is kinda tough outside, but as well soft sweet and caring.” Mrs. Ahn smiled as she walked heading the TV cabinet and took a DVD and put it on the DVD player. “Seokjin once said he wanted the whole world to appreciate Jungkook’s masterpiece, so I think it’s okay for us to watch this together.”

Everyone paid attention into the television screen, as the video started with term captions.

1st Day. Newborn baby Myungsoo greeted the world with his loud cried and immediately got his breastfeeding initiation, as the midwife took him to crawl on Seokjin’s barechest. Jungkook and Seokjin’s mother were in the delivery room. Jungkook couldn’t stop giggling and bragging as he was became hyung, refused to be called uncle. Seokjin was so amazed to welcome his little angel, he burst into tears as he kissed his son’s tiny palm.

1st Month. Family gathering. There was Hyosang as well. Though nothing seemed lovey dovey between Hyosang and Seokjin. Jungkook didn’t let Myungsoo to sleep peacefully on Seokjin’s shoulder. He loved to make the baby cry.

4th Month. Garden BBQ. Myungsoo was wearing a cute bunny jumpsuit, with puffy cheeks like fresh baozi. Myungsoo was like a squishy bundle. Cuteness overload.

6th Month. Myungsoo got his sweet potato and carrots as his first ‘Baby Led Weaning.’ He took a aweet potato, learnt it with his fingers, and took it on his mouth. Jungkook who filmed it was so noisy with too much ‘whoaaahh!!’  

7th Month. Jungkook gave Myungsoo a whole fresh strawbery to made him stop from crying. The baby sucked it as he thought he got a breastfeed, and slowly asleep. Not only lemons, ‘When life gave you strawbery, just sucked it.’

9th Month. Seokjin laid on the mattress, was ready for a nap. Myungsoo peeked on the camera from behind Seokjin’s wide shoulder. Seokjin filmed themselves full with joy and sparks on his eyes. Myungsoo giggled and drolled could cause diabetes.

11th Month. Seokjin took Myungsoo for a beach vacation in Busan with Jungkook. The baby cried over his own shadow that followed him around. But he finally giggled when Seokjin put his toes on the wet shore.

Yoongi could somehow feel, that Mrs. Ahn didn’t play the footage to show them the cuteness of Myungsoo nor the sweetness and caring of Seokjin. It was more likely for Namjoon’s punishment. He noticed Namjoon clamped his mouth since the footage began. He knew that Namjoon held himself to not cry. He knew, if they could, Namjoon would gladly turn back the time. Be there for Seokjin and Myungsoo since the day 1.

He felt the urge to do something.

“Beautiful videos. But I was distracted with this.” Yoongi shifted to take something from the TV cabinet, a wooden framed photo. “Nice family portrait.” He said with his sincere gummy smile. “And look, not only Namjoon and his son, Myungie. Von Count also has dimples.”

Taehyung jumped closer to get a clear look of Von Count. “Where?”


Namjoon took the small tray on the bedside table, served a glass of mineral water and two pieces of cupcakes. Mrs Ahn told him to check on Seokjin’s condition before she went back home. He did it when everyone already leave the living room for a good rest. Bomi stayed in the cottage that Namjoon rented. Taehyung was in the other one. Yoongi decided to go back to the cottage he rented, he went back with Jimin and Mrs Ahn. Myungsoo? The baby finally peacefully sleept on Jungkook’s mattress.

“Seokjin?” Namjoon tested whether Seokjin could answer him or not while staring into the pretty one. Quietly sat on the edge of the matress, he hesitantly poked the one’s fingers before gently hold it.

“Today was kind of chaos, yet lovely. Just like that day...” Namjoon rubbed the soft skin around the knuckles. “That day was lovely. I did enjoy your cooks, especially the chicken honey, and the way you treated me warm.” He bit his lower lip. “I thought I could finally open my heart and we could be friends. But I myself understand, that something nice won’t really come into my life. More over when this young lady that I didn’t invite, came and kissed me when I was off guard. And that wasn’t her only main intention. She did it to mock me, saying that I fall in love with the wrong guy. She knew that I laid my eyes on you. She said you gonna marry Hyosang.”

A moment of silence.

“Then, I got a call from my father. I went home to see him only to make my blood boiled.” Namjoon sighed. “But if I see those all from today’s perspective, it was all my fault. If only that night I came to see you without any kind of rage... If only that night I came to see you with cupcakes in my hand, talk to you like normal people, tell you that I was wrong and broken... What will happen to us must be different. We will definitely be friends. And I will be the first one to find out about your pregnancy.”

Namjoon felt like his heart being squeezed.

“We are probably married now.”

To realized he lost a battle that he could actually win it easily. He was a total idiot.

“And be here as your husband. Not a stranger you hate the most.”

Namjoon tried his best to not cry when he watched the footage, but he failed to hold it any longer when he confessed his sins in front of unconscious Seokjin.

“If only I could turn back time into that night. I will make sure to reveal anything. Honestly confess my feelings. I will make sure I’m not going to lose you. I’m gonna make sure you will be mine. And make sure to make you see me as a normal person. A man who fall for you and love you since the first time I see you in the university library. If only I could turn back time and treated you better. I will make sure you are safe and you won’t harm yourself. If only...”

Namjoon cried while having Seokjin’s hand burried on his face. Took for a moment until he could finally collect himself and wiped his tears. Wiped it as he knew that those tears won’t change the past. He kissed Seokjin’s knuckles and whispered, “You saved me. I was wrong. It’s now my time to save you. Please give me a chance. I love you.” And then he left the bedroom.



Seokjin slowly opened his eyes when he heard the door was totally closed. He touched the hand where Namjoon wepped, felt the trace of tears. He raised his left arm to see the sctatches he did. Those scratches been treated well.

Those scratches were his battle. He needed someone to save him. And he could feel that Namjoon was sincere.

He bit his lower lips as he let some couple of tears streamed down on his cheeks.



Chapter Text

There are no fixed reasons of why people harm themselves. It is different for everyone. Could be specific experiences, as it their way of dealing with something that happens at the moment or in the past.

As for Seokjin, those difficult experiences, difficult feelings and numbness, caused the self harm. After what happened with him, he didn’t know how to express himself, what he needed, what he wanted. Somehow, he had guilty feelings for his baby boy, whether brought him into life was really a good idea. Because there were times where he felt sorry, as the baby has no sin. He wanted to kept the baby save. But he as well feeling so selfish. He didn’t know why.

He didn’t know why, but that night when he finished doing those tiring works as an architect and staring his baby boy, he felt so much pain. The guilty feelings killed him inside. He didn’t know why he suddenly grabbed the flower vase in the table in front of him, and break it. With vase fragment, he scratched around his left arm. He didn’t know why, but what he did made him stay sane.

You saved me. I was wrong. It’s now my time to save you. Please give me a chance. I love you.

Seokjin took a piece of cupcake from the tray on his bedside table. It’s a cute succulent cupcake.

“Really? You really didn’t kiss her?” He mumbled while spacing out. He admitted, he was jealous.



“Yoongs, Please. I must be ready before 08.30 AM it’s already 06.39 AM!!” Bomi grunted as she prepared her morning coffee and making some toast. She squeaked when she turned her body to find someone so pale like a ghost stood in the kitchen doorway. “FETTUCCINE ALFREDO!!”

The other person who stood in the kitchen doorway flinched when he heard such swearing.

“Oh Lord. I’m sorry. Seokjin ssi, please don’t be scare. I’m not an intruder. I’m a doctor. My name is Bomi, Namjoon’s cousin. You got fever, and I was here since last night after Namjoon asked me to check on your condition.” Bomi knew, Seokjin must be questioning her, who she was, and what she did. She explained it before Seokjin even asked her.

Instead of screaming and run calling police like panic people usually did when they saw stranger making some toast in their kitchen, Seokjin unexpectedly tilted his head and smiled. “Ahh... Thanks for taking care of me...”

That warm innocent smile. Bomi didn’t know why Seokjin could be this calm, but she could understand why Hyosang and Namjoon fell for this pretty one.

“Well, it was nothing. I just did what I supposed to do.” Bomi awkwardly smiled. “Uhh, wanna a cup of tea, and toast?” Bomi forgot that she wasn’t the house owner.

Not long after, they both sat in the corner of wooden kitchen island. There were toasts with two mugs of coffee and tea served in the table. Bomi checked on Seokjin’s vital sign with her medical equipment. As well told Seokjin about the charity, the cottage where she supposed to stay, about Yoongi, about Mrs. Ahn and their distance relatives, also about pudding accident that made Taehyung -that later she found out has relationship with Seokjin’s cousin Jungkook- eventually came along with Jimin and was sleeping in the smaller cottage. Bomi didn’t talk about Namjoon as she was unsure about their current condition, too complicated, and Namjoon haven’t explain anything either. But she did mention about the man kept the baby companied. Mentioned that the baby wasn’t in good condition as well.

Bomi cleaned up her equipment and washed her hands. “Your condition is way better, but you still need rest.”

Seokjin just nodded. He understood, speed recovery is good. But he better not getting more ill in the middle of his recovery by forcing himself to work. He would probably take a whole week to rest.

“Your health is way more important than anything.” Bomi added as she sat back to enjoy breakfast.

“I know. I have a baby boy to take care...” Seokjin felt sorry for Myungsoo.

Bomi spread some hazelnut jam on a piece of toast and gave it to Seokjin. “Myung is so cute. A kid his age usually loves Cookie Monster and Elmo, but he loves Von Count.”

“Ahh that... That’s because beside Disney, me and my cousin Jungkook were like being rise with the joy of Sesame Street. My father bought Von Count for Myung’s 1st bday present because my baby boy always hyped when Von Count appeared on TV.”

“Ahh, I see.” Bomi chuckled. “And your favorite character is?”

“I used to like Oscar the Grouch. I had a blanket of Oscar since I was 1 year old. And the blanket is now for Myung.”

“That’s lovely...” Bomi wanted to continue the conversation when her cellphone ringing. She quietly complained when the person in the other line said that she should wait for another 30 minutes. “Ohh come on, I didn’t bring any clothes here, Yongs! I need a shower and I refuse for being late!” She ended the phone call, took a deeply sigh, and sipped her coffee. “Geez. How come he left the car here, but take the key with him.”

The night before, Yoongi along with Jimin and Mrs. Ahn went back to Mrs. Ahn cottage driving Jimin’s car and left Yoongi’s car for Bomi and Taehyung, but the pale skin man forgot to hand over the key to Taehyung, while Bomi already went into Namjoon’s rented cottage for rest.

“You can go back into Mrs. Ahn’s cottage with my car.”

Bomi raised her eyebrows. “For sure?”

Seokjin nodded and stood up to take the key on the TV cabinet in the living room. He went back into the kitchen when Bomi got another call and the young lady said with slightly annoyance voice she would drive herself with Seokjin’s car so whoever was in the other line didn’t have to pick her up anymore.

“Lovely.” Seokjin handed the key when Bomi ended the phone conversation.


“Your ringtone.” Seokjin smiled.

“Ohh...” Bomi grinned. She didn’t expect Seokjin to even care to notice nor listen into her ringtone. Lovely. She agreed, yet the song also gave her the bittersweet heartbreaking vibes personally. The kind of song that gave her those strong feelings to keep on moving forward, though everything were shattered into pieces. Hyosang. “It’s ‘SORA’ by King & Prince.”



Seokjin decided to take a shower after finished his breakfast. Somehow he felt relieved he still had some groceries and bread inside his refrigerator and kitchen cabinet. Bomi told him that they cooked kimchi fried rice for dinner, and she feed Myungsoo some nuggets for emergency. The young lady also told him that there were some packs of custard pudding inside the refrigerator for Myungsoo. Bomi was so kind and friendly. Seokjin liked her.

After done showering, choose a pair of brown shorts and large grey hoodie to wear, changing the bedsheet, and texted Mrs. Ahn’s staff to come to help clean the house, he went into the bedroom where Jungkook used to stay and carefully opened the door. He peeked inside to see his baby boy slept peacefully, with fever patch on his forehead. And Namjoon slept beside his baby boy. He walked closer heading into the bed and sat in the edge of the mattress.

“Myungie...” Seokjin softly whispered while caressing the baby boy’s cheek, kissed his tiny hand. He didn’t want to wake the baby up. He just wanted to take Myungsoo to sleep in his bedroom.

But instead of getting any reaction from his son, Namjoon was the one stirred and woken up by the loving whisper.

Slowly opened his eyes, Namjoon tried to adjust his vision into his surrounding. “Ohh, hi...” He greeted in between sleepiness. “Are you feeling better?”

“A bit...”

Okay, Seokjin answered the question without looking at Namjoon, but well, Seokjin answered it. Seokjin replied his greetings. Seokjin answered Namjoon’s question with soft and tender voice. Namjoon couldn’t believe it, he thought he probably still in a dreamland so he pinched his arm. And the result was real. Made Namjoon bit his lower lip and smiled.

“Ahh, I haven’t tell you. I got some friends here last night.” Namjoon shifted to sit. “One of them is my cousin and as well a doctor. Her name is Bomi. You got fever and was unconscious, so I asked her to check on your condition.”  He rubbed his face in order to get fully awake. “They took some groceries for dinner, but I already asked my staff in the city to buy and send all things we took from your kitchen. Could be arrive later by the afternoon. I’m sorry for bothering.”

“It’s not a problem. I already met Bomi. She was nice.” Seokjin looked up to face Namjoon as he replied more. “Thanks for taking care my baby Myung...”

Dumbfounded with the soft reply, Namjoon could only nod. Why thanked him though. It was a father duty.

“I’m taking Myung into my room.” Seokjin took his baby boy on his cradle. The baby squirmed but didn’t woken up.

“Ahh, Seokjin...”

Seokjin was almost reached the door when Namjoon called him, and turned his body to see what happened.

“I’m glad that you are okay. I was afraid, I couldn’t find a doctor from clinic nearby.” Namjoon cleared his throat. “I didn’t know what kind of coincidence was it, but I’m glad my cousin had a medical charity in the neighbor village, and managed to come here. I’m glad, for having the chance to taking care of both you and Myungie in such condition...”

Namjoon was sure that Seokjin would only shrug his shoulders and leave. But not.

“Thank you.”

Seokjin sincerely thanked him while looking into his eyes, before finally left the room and disappeared behind the door.



Mrs. Ahn came to check Seokjin after lunch time. She already called Seokjin to tell that she couldn’t come early like she used to, but Seokjin was okay with it. Seokjin also told the lady that he got better, had breakfast together with Bomi, and took his medicine. Taehyung and Namjoon cooked their own breakfast which was scrambled eggs, ham, and sausage. Namjoon made tomato egg soup for them all. And Myungsoo already ate the pudding.

Seokjin had a good nap and could rest because Myungsoo didn’t fuss at all. The baby boy’s condition also getting well, he was willing to eat, took the medicine, and followed his mother for a nap without much complain. But still, the baby boy asked Namjoon to send him sleep. Seokjin himself didn’t really bothered, as he had not much energy to argue or whatsoever but rest and sleep.

Mrs. Ahn came to see Seokjin with a picnic basket full with BBQ groceries. She wanted to throw a garden party for everyone in the afternoon when Bomi and Yoongi finished their charity event. She managed to cook rice and beef stew for Seokjin before everyone came around 03.57 PM. They gathered around the backyard terrace. Mrs. Ahn and Jimin prepared the meat and vegetables. Namjoon and Yoongi grilled. Bomi bossy around. Seokjin sat in the wooden bench in the terrace, with Myungsoo on his lap. And Taehyung busy himself between annoyed Bomi and play with Myungsoo and annoyed Bomi again.

“I’m so happy.” Bomi stuffed some beef inside her mouth. “The charity event was great and lovely. And to eat this delicious beef Yoongi grilled with you guys, I’m blessed.”

“I’m happy because you are happy, Bomi ah.” Taehyung took some photos of them, especially Myungsoo, with his cellphone. “I will send these photos and make Jungkookie jealous with what we did...” He grinned.

“Must be fun if Jungkook could be here.” Said Mrs. Ahn. “Also Hyosang.”

Bomi choked and coughed, she took a cup of iced apple juice from the table beside the grill.

“We shall have another BBQ party and invite Hyosang, right, Taehyungie?” Mrs. Ahn nudged her elbow.

“Bomi would love it!” Taehyung laughed.

“Tae, behave!” Jimin scolded the younger. “Don’t annoy my precious Bomi!” Forgot that sometimes he did the same thing.

Namjoon and Seokjin knitted their eyebrows in different thoughts. Questioning about Hyosang and Bomi. Namjoon knew a little, they mentioned it before, but still didn’t know what actually happened. Meanwhile, Seokjin had no idea at all.

Bomi noticed it, that both Namjoon and Seokjin questioning her and Hyosang, so she faced Seokjin and smiled. Called the name with no more formality, like Seokjin asked her in the morning before she left the cottage.

“Well, Seokjinnie, I used to loitering around to steal a glance into Jin Hyosang, your close childhood friend.” Bomi calmly said facing Seokjin, in front of everyone. “I liked him. I met him personally and got a chance to talk. He told me that he didn’t have any kind of romance relationship, but I realized he has someone in his heart. He deeply love this someone. I can’t win him, but I’m good anyway, so please don’t be worry.”

Seokjin didn’t know what to say, but he clearly knew that ‘someone’ mentioned by Bomi here was him.

In the other hand, Namjoon taken aback with his cousin’s confession. He didn’t know that Bomi had crush for Hyosang. He just realized he hurt so many people’s feelings.

“And you, Namjoon.” Bomi turned her gaze to face Namjoon who stood up nervously in front of the BBQ grill. “Just buy me a ticket to Tokyo Disneysea if you feel sorry for me.” She took another beef and stuffed it into his mouth like nothing happened.

Everyone didn’t know how to react, even Jimin that used to soothe the young lady just quietly cuts some paprika. But Myungsoo surprisingly cracked it.

“Mommy, what is Disneysea?”

“Ohh that...”

Seokjin haven’t manage to answer because Bomi answered it on his behalf.

“It’s a happy place with various attraction, such as rides and games.” Bomi climbed the terrace stairs to reach the baby boy and patted his head. “With so many Disney characters.”

“DuckTales, Myung! Donald and Daisy!” Taehyung shouted from the ground.

“Ohhh!” The baby boy suddenly remembered that Namjoon once said the same thing about happy place. It’s a place where he could ride a bicycle. With DuckTales character? Donald and Daisy? Sounds great.

“Myungie want to go to Disneysea with auntie?” Bomi pinched the squishy cheek.

Myungsoo nodded with no hesitation. Happily smiled and revealed those cute adorable dimples.

“Yah, Namjoon.” Bomi half shouted. “How about invite all of us for a holiday in Disneysea? You are rich. Pay for us.”

“Well, I would love to. But...” Namjoon took a glance to Seokjin. He didn’t expect Seokjin would glance at him back, but the pretty one did.

“Seokjinnie will agree to go with us, right?” Bomi winked to persuade Seokjin.

“Please, hyung. Say yes. I want to go with Myung.” That was Taehyung.

Myungsoo looked up. “Mommy, are we going to the happy place?”

“Come on, hyung... For Myung?” Again, it was Taehyung.

Seokjin bit his lower lip. Is it okay to go? He had no reason to refuse though. “Well. Okay then.” He can’t say no when Myungsoo looked at him with such innocent look, blinked cutely, and with fever patch on his forehead.

“Yay!” The baby boy cheered.

“Yay!!” Taehyung shouted and took some grilled beef on a plate, hurriedly gave it for Seokjin, and went back to join the grill team. “Eat well, hyung!”

Namjoon was never felt this relieved. Seokjin agreed to go for vacation. And he realized, it’s the only chance to ask Seokjin for another trip.

“Uhh, Seokjin... There is ‘The Creakers Musical’ in London...”

“The Creakers?” Myungsoo didn’t know what musical is, but he noticed the title. It’s one of his favorite storytelling books.

Namjoon nodded and gave his warm smile for Myungsoo. “Can we go for this show as well?” He asked Seokjin. “Everyone also invited.”

“To London? Really?” Taehyung gasped. “Myung! We are going to London!”

Myungsoo didn’t even know what London is. But having Taehyung provoked him? “Mommyyy mommyyy...” He jumped on Seokjin’s lap.

“Okay, okay.” Seokjin sighed. “We are going.”

“Yay!!” Taehyung way more excited than everyone. Who doesn’t want a free vacation though?

“Okay then.” Bomi went to the table beside the BBQ grill. Took some grilled beef, sausages, and caprese salad skewers into a plate in a tray. “I’m going to take a peacefull bath. I just found it this morning, this cottage has a lovely outdoor shower with round stone bathup facing the river. I’m not gonna miss the chance to enjoy it.” She also took a bottle of wine and a modest glass, and walked heading into the outdoor shower. “Have fun, everyone!”

“Take your time, darling!” Mrs. Ahn replied the young lady. She asked Jimin to do the rest meat and vegetables preparation, and then joined Seokjin to sit in the terrace.

“Bomi ah! May I join?” Taehyung mischievously asked, half shouting.

“Only if you are a medical student!” Bomi answered without looking back.

“Clever.” Taehyung chuckled.

“I thought you are already move on, since you have Jungkook.” Jimin quietly mumbled.

“Well... I hate when she acted tough like she can handle anything by herself. She can come to me asking for a help and I will gladly do anything.”

Namjoon knitted his eyebrows. His gaze followed Taehyung who took his own plate and left to join Mrs. Ahn and Seokjin. Said that he needed to play with Myungsoo to soothe his nerve.

There were only Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin left to prepare the meats and did the grill. Yoongi sighed after some moment of silence between them. “People are complicated, right? Since we were all so young, we used to sat in the same table and fight over cheesecakes, laughs together, but who knows... We had so many secrets between us.” Yoongi clicked his tongue. “I will never know Hoseok had fiancee if his fiancee didn’t contact Bomi to tell about her pregnancy. I will never know Taehyung had crush for Bomi if he didn’t come to see me and Jimin in my apartment and asked me for a drink. I will never know you were desperately in love with Seokjin if Hoseok didn’t tell me. I’m sorry for not being sensible.”

Namjoon already knew about Hoseok’s fiancee. He managed to visit Hoseok Junior when he was in the States for mediction. But still, what came from Yoongi’s mouth in one breath was somehow striked his head. Namjoon didn’t know how to react. More over about Taehyung. It was something that Namjoon would never had in mind, to think that Taehyung had crush for Bomi.

“But you know, you still owe me the explanation.“

“If you are sorry for not being sensible, then I’m sorry for being scumbag all of this times.” Namjoon took a deep breath and exhaled calmly. Started to explain while grilled some beef. “I went to the coffee shop near the university I used to visit, for some nostalgia. I accidentally overheard a conversation about property investment. In short, they were talking about the architect, and everything sounds familiar. Turned out that the architect they were talking about was Seokjin. I asked for some information, and they gave me a name card. I asked Jooheon rightaway to get some facts my father hide from me, then here I am.” He bitterly smiled. “Seokjin didn’t expect me to be here, but Myungsoo was hard to let me go at my first visit. I asked Seokjin to let me stay. He was angry, but let me in for Myungsoo.”

Jimin patted Namjoon’s back. “This is an unfinished fate, hyung. Good luck.” And left to join the others in the terrace, with a cup of iced apple juice in his hand.

Namjoon clamped his mouth. What Jimin said about unfinished fate was probably right. And sure, he needed some luck. A good one.

After some more grills, they were all gathered in the terrace to enjoy their BBQ. Jooheon came not long after. Brought the groceries Namjoon asked, to give back what they took from Seokjin’s kitchen cabinet and refrigerator. It wasn’t Jooheon first visit though. He went to visit Seokjin’s cottage once to send the photo framed of Namjoon, Seokjin, Myungsoo, and Von Count before.


“Ahh. This is so nice. I’m happy for everyone.” Bomi sipped the wine. “Even Taehyung. I’m happy to see him already move on...” She mumbled. “And I’m going to King & Prince concert next week.” She took another sip and smiled. Enjoyed the warm salt bath. Adored the scenery.



Namjoon and Seokjin excused themselves to put sleeping Myungsoo into the bedroom. The garden party continued after the BBQ. They had cream cheese carrot cake that Jooheon brought from the city. And everyone were busy telling stories. It wasn’t even reach the dinner time, but the baby boy already exhausted and fall asleep on Namjoon’s arms. Seokjin wanted to take Myungsoo to the bedroom by himself, but the baby whimpered and koala Namjoon even tighter.

Namjoon had to lay himself on the mattress and waited until Myungsoo calm in deep slumber and released the hug.

“Thanks for today.” Namjoon said as he poked his son’s dimple. “I feel like I don’t deserve these, but it was all nice. And everyone looks happy.” He looked up to see Seokjin. “I’m happy you ate the tomato egg soup I made. And also happy you are willing to go for vacation with all of us.”

Seokjin shrugged his shoulders, answered without looking the man. “For Myung...”

There was some moment of silence before Namjoon took something from his shorts’ pocket. Handed Seokjin a small vintage paperbag -a gift he choose and asked Jooheon to take it for him from the handmade craft store-

“Please accept this.” Namjoon bit his lower lip, was so ready to get any kind of rejection. At least he tried. “For Myung...”

For Myung? It’s hard for Seokjin to refuse, if it’s for Myungsoo, so he received it.

“I’m going to see everyone outside.” Namjoon said with relieved feelings. He kissed Myungsoo and climbed down the bed. “See you for dinner?”

Seokjin looked up to see Namjoon warmly smiled at him. He gave the man a hesitant nod, and the man nodded back. Quietly leave and disappeared behind half closed door.


Seokjin opened it, the small vintage paperbag. He found a beautiful butterfly shaped charm bracelet inside. Along with handwritten letter.

‘Seokjinnie, thanks for the handmade handkerchief you gave me. I haven’t give you anything but sorrow since the very beginning we met at the graduation party. Though I’m afraid you will never forgive me, I wish you are willing to keep this humble bracelet as my gratitude for being able to see you again, with our beloved Myungsoo. Please kindly accept it.’ - Namjoon.

Seokjin took the bracelet to study it closer. Totally beautiful. And there was a small vintage note tagged in it, with bold quote:

‘Wrist are for bracelets, not for cutting’ – Kellin Quinn

Seokjin bit his lower lip. Wondered of what tomorrow could bring for him. With Namjoon.

Chapter Text

“Everything were just fine and normal.”

“Nothing special?”

“Special like Myung is now has greed for custard puddings?” Seokjin chuckled.

“Whoaa. That’s a big news.” The man in the other line learned the trivia positively. “I will bring some when I come.”

“Yes, please.” Seokjin smiled. “Ah, by the way, Hyosang, when you come to visit again for a holiday, I want you to see a friend of mine.”

“You have friend?”

“Ohh. Come on...”

Hyosang laughed. “Why so suddenly?”

“Ugh, because I like her. She is so kind and pretty. And I think you guys will be a perfect match.”

“Ohh wow.”

“Her name is Bomi. Yoon Bomi. She was in the medical faculty and is now a doctor, just like you.”

Hyosang didn’t gave any reaction.


“Did I miss something? If she is Yoon Bomi that I knew, then she is Namjoon’s cousin. Right?” Hyosang cleared his throat. “I didn’t expect the progress gonna be this fast, Jin. You and Namjoon.”

“No. It’s not about---“

“Just please be happy.”

Seokjin bit his lower lip. “Hyosang...”

“I’m happy, when you are happy. You know that. You just need to promise me, you won’t hurt yourself anymore.”


Seokjin sighed as he put back the wireless phone into the place. He leaned his back on the sofa and stared into the ceiling. Progress? What progress, though? If it was about making some new friends, he won’t deny that the BBQ party was nice. It was nice for having some people around, sometimes. Yes, he already knew Taehyung, but not the other three. But still, he could gladly accept Yoongi, Jimin, and Bomi as new people that came into his life and he wished he would know them better than just names. Well, it’s no use forcing yourself to be sociable anytime, with anyone. And as for Seokjin, he was the type that won’t refuse when he is being approached by new people. If there are peple approach him to make friends and then asked him to go for meals together and keep in touch with them, he is actually okay with it.

But what about this certain person, this man, that also did his best to approach him? They weren’t even friends. Not yet.

“Progress?” Seokjin quietly mumbled, rolled up his left long sleeve that covered half of his palm to reveal the bracelet on his wrist. “Long time ago in the past, I wanted to be friends with him. At least, I wanted him to know my name... But look what he did...” For a moment he was just blankly staring his bracelet. “But... He was being honest when he told me about what happened to him that night. He was sincere when he told me he was sorry and begged me for forgiveness.” He bit his lower lip. “What should I do now...”



“Hyung... Myung want to ride bicycle...”

“No, Myung.”


“Not everything you want you will get it.” Jungkook nonchalantly continued to play his Nintendo Switch. “The world is cruel, Myung.”

Myungsoo pouted, though he didn’t understand what Jungkook were talking about.

“Jungkook ah, Seokjin is having a peaceful bath, and you are not going to pissed him off by making Myungsoo cry like you always did.” Mrs. Ahn scolded, as she folded some laundry.

Jungkook answered Mrs. Ahn with mischievously giggle.

“Can you not doing it as a hobby?”

Jungkook put down his portable game console on the table and glared into his nephew. Mrs. Ahn just gave him the idea to make Myungsoo cry. Not everyone in Myungsoo’s life would gave him fiery fierce lion glare, but Jungkook. When Seokjin said ‘No’ to the baby boy, the mother would say it nicely and with loving soft tune. That’s true that the baby boy gonna pout, sulking, and if he was lucky he could get what he wants, because basically everyone around were always pampered him. But not with Jungkook. His ‘No’ was purposedly to make Myungsoo cry. Because crying Myungsoo would be so amusing.

Myungsoo looked up to see Jungkook and then avoiding the eye contacts by playing his Lego. Looked up again, and looked away, with his pouty lips formed the curve to gave the signal of going to cry anytime soon.

“What? You want to cry?” Jungkook teased. Arrogantly crossed his arms on his chest. “Then cry.”

“Momm---“ Myungsoo sobbed. “Mommyyy!!”

“Cry Cry Cry!!” Jungkook growled, feeling entertained as the baby boy cried even more.

“Jungkook ah!”

Jungkook tried his best to perform his angry look and not laugh, before finally took Myungsoo on his arms and shushing him.


Namjoon was so busy that day. He had so many things to do with some documents Jooheon sent him by email. He managed to eat breakfast together with Myungsoo in the morning but then he had to go back into his rented cottage to complete his works. It was 03.47 PM when those emails were all sent and he finally could take a break.

“Ahh my back.” Namjoon groaned and yawned a little. Tired and sleepy since Myungsoo was still an early riser with his catch the sunrise habit. And for Seokjin’s sake, he asked the pretty one to let him be the baby boy’s company. Seokjin better got enough sleep and rest. And it’s actually surprised him when Seokjin gave him permission.

“I need a shower before join the others for afternoon tea.”

He mumbled and left the desk, heading into the bathroom for taking a shower.


Seokjin sighed as he sipped his homemade iced honey yoghurt from a jumbo glass, and enjoyed the scenery around. The beautiful scenery plus the sound of water gurgling of the river, or more precisely to be called streamlet, were so relaxing. He finally enjoyed a quiet me time afternoon, two weeks after the BBQ party. He could enjoy the peaceful bath after Mrs. Ahn finally had spare times for a routine visit like she used to, because she was quite busy lately. And also Jungkook took a weekend visit so they could help him to watch and supervise Myungsoo together.

He sighed as he reviewed the last two weeks since Namjoon told him what trully happened that night. That the man didn’t kiss the woman, that the man enjoyed the meals esp chicken honey he cooked, and that the man had a fight with his father.

“If only he didn’t have a fight with his father, and the woman didn’t kiss him. I wonder what kind of day we could probably have then...”

Seokjin wondered, what if that woman didn’t come to piss Namjoon and told the man the lie about him with Hyosang. What if Namjoon’s father didn’t ask his tough son for a meeting that ended with a fight. Namjoon was actually acted soft than usual. If only things were all smooth that day, Namjoon would probably came to see him in the night for a normal talk like he promised, to open up himself.

Seokjin felt really sick that day. And if those misfortune were never happened, Seokjin believed, Namjoon would ask a private doctor to examine him and they gonna find out that he was pregnant. And as Namjoon promised him, they would become friends. They would talk. They would become each other’s cure. Their scars would not getting as deep as it is now. They both would started their life better, together.


He absentmindedly mumbled but then felt so stupid. He put the jumbo glass back on the tray above the stone table right beside the round stone bathtub, and decided to soaked his head under the warm water.


Namjoon hummed some random song while shampooing, and was right about to rinse the shampoo when the water shower suddenly stopped running.


He checked it, but nothing happened.

“Yah! I’m not done yet!!” He shouted in annoyance.

He must rinse his body as well and with such condition, his option was only the outdoor shower. Because if there was no water in the outdoor shower, he could at least jump into the streamlet to solve the problem. He took on his bathrobe and went outside. But before he could reach the outdoor shower, the shampoo fell down on his eyes. He ended walked there, cursed a little when he had to hop into the three steps stone stairs with not so clear visions.


Myungsoo happily pedaling the bicycle -with training wheels- around the yard. Going round and round as he already forgot that Jungkook made him cry. For him, Jungkook will always be his favorite hyung. Jungkook will always be his favorite hyung even when Jungkook supposedly to supervise him, but being busy flirting with someone called Tae in the other line of the cellphone instead of watch him.

Myungsoo happily pedaling the bicycle -with training wheels- around the yard. Going round and round when he saw Namjoon hopped on the stone stairs of outdoor shower in the backyard. He shouted “Mr. Kim!” from the front yard but Namjoon didn’t hear him. He turned his head to look into Jungkook that still busy talking on the phone around the cinderblock garden, and then decided to pedaling the bicycle to reach Namjoon.


Namjoon turned on the shower faucet handle and felt relieved when the water running down to rinse his hair and body. He felt clean and refreshed just in a couple of second. He turned off the shower faucet handle, put on his bathrobe that already contained a little drop of shampoo but he won’t care much, and then looked around. The scenery awed him. He thought it must be nice for having a peaceful bath like Bomi did. Soaked his body in the warm water of stone bathtub while enjoy the surrounding. Good idea. Why not? He decided to have one, so he walked through the space between the shower and the bathtub that been separated with stone wall.

Didn’t expect to find Seokjin was there.



Seokjin already soaked his head under the warm water more than a minute. He raised his head up from the water and shocked to find Namjoon suddenly appear in front of him, just wearing a bathrobe, with wet hair and body. Exposed his bare chest.


Gasped. Seokjin automatically covered his chest with his arms and looked around. But his bathrobe way far to reach. And he just realized he couldn’t even move to reach anything nearby if it means to get up from the water.

“I – I didn’t mean to.” Namjoon stuttered. Tried his best to explain what happened. “The shower in my bathroom suddenly stopped working when I was shampooing and the shampoo dropped on my eyes I couldn’t read the sign whether the outdoor shower was available or not. I really didn’t –“

“Mr. Kim!”


Namjoon turned his attention to find Myungsoo hopped the stone stairs and walked into the outdoor shower area, approching him.

“Can we ride bicycle together?” Myungsoo stepped closer while Namjoon still frozen in his position. And when the baby boy wanted to speak more, he saw his mother was in the tub. “Mommy, let’s ride bicycle with Myung...”

“Uhh –“ Seokjin chewed his lip didn’t know what to do since he couldn’t move.

Myungsoo stepped closer to the tub and seemed interested, more over when the vanilla scent was so distracting. He put his hand inside the water to play. “Whaaa—“ And not long to wait, he raised up his right foot, wanted to climb the tub to join his mother.

“WAIT WAIT WAIT.” Seokjin grabbed Myungsoo’s shoulder and leg, stopped the baby boy’s motion. “Not now. Mommy will bath Myung later.”

“Why?” Myungsoo didn’t understand why he couldn’t join.

“Namjoon, please take Myungie inside.” Seokjin looked up and his eyes met Namjoon’s beads, asked the man for help.

“Ehh? Ohh, o-kay.” Namjoon still couldn’t think clearly, but then swiftly took Myungsoo. “Mommy needs a peaceful bath, let’s go ride the bicycle.”

Myungsoo shook his head. “Mr. Kim, Myung want cookies...”  


Namjoon decided to take Myungsoo with him into the rented cottage. He needed to change his clohes first.

“Wait.” Namjoon jawdropped when he realized something. “Seokjin called me by my name...”


“OHH SHIT!!” Jungkook finally realized that Myungsoo wasn’t around. He ended got a long scold by Mrs. Ahn when he found the baby boy enjoyed some cookies, along with Namjoon in the living room.



“I’m good really. Today was rough, but okay.” Seokjin answered a call from Hyosang while busy packing some spices into the shopping bag. He went to the city for works, and after done the meeting with clients, he stopped by into the traditional market for some groceries shopping he couldn’t find from the modern one. The market was a bit crowded than usual, and he actually didn’t feel good. “I will call you again later, okay?”

He drove back to the countryside as soon as he finished to buy anything he needed. He must be back home before dinner time because Mrs. Ahn had to go to the city in the evening. Though Namjoon was available to accompany Myungsoo, he better reach home as soon as possible. Well, he honestly trusted Namjoon more, compared to Jungkook. But still, no one could watch his son like he himself.


Myungsoo built a house with his Lego while Namjoon watched television and there was an advertisement about local summer festival. The baby boy seemed interested and asked Namjoon about it.

“Hey, there is festival nearby.” Mrs. Ahn said while she passing by from the laundry room into the kitchen. “Why not going with Myung, Joon ah? Take him there to see the festival instead of just stay at home watching television. It’s in the neighbor village near my cottage.”

“Myung want to go!”

“Is it okay?” Namjoon raised his left eyebrow. “I need to ask Seokjin’s permission.”

“Mr. Kim, Myung want to go!”

“Just call him. Seokjin actually wanted to go. Tell him to catch you both in the festival right from the city. Tell him, today is the last day of summer festival.”

Because autumn is coming in two weeks...

“Well, okay.”


Seokjin reached home right around dinner time. Though Mrs. Ahn would always cook when he wasn’t around, he felt guilty for being home late.

“Myungie, mommy bought cream cheese carrot cake for you.” Seokjin entered the house but there were no one in the living room, and it’s odd. He put the groceries bag in the kitchen and went to the bedroom to check. “Myungie?”

No one around. Even Mrs. Ahn. He went outside and walked heading into Namjoon’s rented cottage. Namjoon wasn’t there. He had a rough day and felt so tired. He would be angry if anyone dare to prank him.

“This is not funny.” He hurriedly went inside the house wanted to make some call, but couldn’t find his cellphone inside his bag, nor anywhere.

“Where is my cellphone?”

He panicked.


Seokjin tried to call Mrs. Ahn with the wireless phone in the living room, but the line was busy. He also tried to call Namjoon but the man’s cellphone answered him with voice mail. He waited and tried to be positive, and then around 30 minutes later, when he already desperate and was about to call the police, the wireless phone ringing. Seokjin got a call from Mrs. Ahn, asked him why the lady couldn’t reach him by cellphone.

“Where is Myung?” Seokjin panicked.

“Namjoon told me he already texted you because he couldn’t make a phone call.” Mrs. Ahn answered. “You haven’t read his text?”

“Read what?” Seokjin’s breathing started to hitch. “I lost my cellphone.”

“You lost your cellphone?” Mrs. Ahn could understand that’s why Seokjin panicked. “Namjoon took Myungsoo to see summer festival in the neighbor village. He texted you to catch them up, there.”

“I can’t contact him with my wireless phone. I got a voice mail.” Seokjin’s voice cracked, to think that there was possibility for Namjoon taking Myungsoo from him.

And Mrs. Ahn understand even without Seokjin say anything. “I’m on my way to go to the city. I will ask my staff to go after him. You better rest and wait at home, okay?”

“Please send Myung home. Now.”


Seokjin sat on the stone stairs, under the wooden door canopy of the small front porch of the house. He waited with Oscar the Grouch blanket on his hands. He waited with desperate feelings until Namjoon’s car entered the yard around 07.39 PM.

Namjoon carried sleeping Myungsoo with him, calmly walked approach Seokjin with a plastic bundle of blue pink bunny cotton candy on his hand. “Hi, we bought you this.” Didn’t aware with the panic situation, Namjoon smiled and handed Seokjin the souvenir.

Seokjin ignored him. He wrapped sleeping Myungsoo with the blanket and carefully took his baby boy from the man’s arms. When Myungsoo was safe on his arms, Seokjin looked up to see Namjoon with disappointed angry look.

“Seokjin?” Namjoon stepped closer.

Seokjin answered him with a hard slap on his face. “How dare you.” He growled. The tiredness, the rough day, and the fear of any possibility to lose his baby Myung really got him turn into negativity.


Namjoon tried to explain, but Seokjin didn’t want to hear any explanation. So he decided to go back into his rented cottage and gonna wait until Seokjin willing to talk to him again. Seokjin probably calm down later in the morning. And he would explain once more no matter what.

When he was about to take a cold shower to calm himself -the plumber already fixed the problem right away that day- he got a phone call from Jooheon.

“Namjoon, there is one important fact I haven’t tell you about Seokjin.”

“And what is that?”

“Your father actually offered a legal marriage when they found out Seokjin was pregnant, but Seokjin’s parents refused it.”

Namjoon could feel his heart racing faster. He clearly understand if Seokjin’s parents refused the legal marriage offerings, it was because they won’t let Seokjin ended being together with the rapist who ruined their son’s life.

“Why you tell me this just now?”

“You clearly understand that your father and Seokjin’s parents had an agreement, right?”

Namjoon bit his lower lip. “My father found out?”

“It’s not about your father. It’s about Seokjin’s parents. They are heading back to Korea.”



Namjoon woke up early in the morning with a headache. Jooheon gave him too much information the night before. That his father actually knew about him stayed in the cottage to get closer with Seokjin and Myungsoo, and asked Jooheon to tell Namjoon what he supposed to know. However it’s a miracle that his father didn’t angry, but gonna let Namjoon to fix everything himself.

Namjoon took a deep breath and sighed. He went into the main house’s kitchen to prepare breakfast for Seokjin and Myungsoo. With hope that meals could melt down the situation.

When the preparation finished, he went into Seokjin’s bedroom. But when he wanted to knock, he just realized the door slightly opened.


He peeked and opened the door widely. Seokjin’s room was empty. The large wardrobe also opened and messy. No sign of Seokjin. No sign of Myungsoo. Even no sign of Von Count.

“No way.”

He ran outside into the yard. Seokjin’s car wasn’t in the garage.

“Oh, Lord. Please! No!”

Namjoon pulled his hair in desperation. He scared that it’s the end for him, when he just wanted to fix everything and start over.













The End





















Chapter Text

Namjoon packed the breakfast he cooked and put it into the refrigerator. He then cleaned up the kitchen and also tidy up Seokjin’s bedroom. He did those house cleaning to make Seokjin and Myungsoo comfortable when they’re arive home later. After done it all, he took the fluffy pink teddy from Seokjin’s mattress, and went into the living room. Picked a piece of dvd collections about Myungsoo and put it into it’s player, he sat on the carpet to watch the documentary video of his baby boy.

Namjoon laughed of a footage where 5 months old baby Myungsoo wore a starfish costume and Seokjin let him crawled on the floor, cleaning the tiles. Then, he continued to watch this certain footage where Seokjin threw a humble party for Myungsoo’s 1st birthday. To admitted that the most lovely part of this hilarious footage wasn’t only about Seokjin and his family were all shared happiness and laughs together over the baby boy that couldn’t blow off the birthday candle. Not only about Seokjin and his family were all glad and grateful for having Myungsoo, despite on how the baby boy came from the seeds of hatred. To admitted that the most lovely part of this beautiful footage, for Namjoon, was the fact that the baby boy was born at September 12th.

Myungsoo was born premature. Seokjin gave birth around his seventh month pregnancy, without knowing that his baby boy was born at the same date and month with the father. That Myungsoo shared birthday with Namjoon. And Namjoon really wanted to celebrate Myungsoo’s birthday with his presence as a father.

Namjoon sighed and stood up from the sofa. He took the wooden framed photo of him, Seokjin, and Myungsoo from the TV cabinet, mumbled “Seokjin... This lovely English stone cottage is your house. Your home. Your sanctuary. I will leave, if it’s what you want...” with sad desperate look and bitter feelings.

He brushed Seokjin’s pretty face on the frame when sudden incoming call distracted him. Namjoon finally got an update call from Jooheon.

“You found Seokjin and Myung? How are they?”

“They were seen around Dongdaemun and is now in a car repair shop.”

“They got trouble with the car?” Namjoon worried. “Are they fine? Any injury?”

“They are changing the car tires and checking the machine. I will find out more. It’s still near around the city of Seoul. Jaehyun and Bomin were already heading into their place. And they will just secretly following behind like you told me. I will give you an update.”

“Thanks. Give me their location, I’m heading right away.”

Namjoon didn’t change his white shirt and his black sweatpants, he only took his wallet, and hurriedly ran into his car. When he was already inside the car, he looked behind, staring the passenger seat. For some reason, the second time Namjoon came back into the cottage for a long stay, he already installed the passenger seat with a toddler car seat. He thought he was lucky to finnaly got the change to take Myungsoo for a drive to the summer festival. But what now?

Namjoon took a deep breath and slowly released it. Bit his lower lip with anxiety. “Seokjin... Even if I have to sell my soul to get you back home safe, I will gladly do it right for both of you.”




“Hmm?” Seokjin answered while still focus with the road.

“Myung want scrambled eggs.” Myungsoo nonchalantly asked his mother to provide him regular breakfast as he tried to poke the Super Mario figurine in the dashboard.

They left the house around 05.11 AM and Seokjin already gave his son a piece of banana, and toast from the convenience store but seemed not enough. He was actually wanted to stop by at his favorite breakfast stall not far from the university but then his car got trouble he needed to go to the car repair shop nearby before anything. The reparation took for about an hour with no restaurant nor foodcourt around. Just convenience store. And It’s already 08.39 AM when they reached the breakfast stall, the breakfast already sold out. He decided to continue to drive and have some meals in the rest area.

“Mommy will make some when we arrive in Jungkookie hyung’s house.”

“Myung want scrambled eggs from Mr. Kim.”

Seokjin squeezed his hands on the steering wheel. He needed to stay calm. “We are having a vacation, and Mr. Kim won’t coming with us.”


“Because this is a family vacation. It’s only for Myung with Mommy.”

Myungsoo turned his head to face the window, enjoyed the scenery for a moment before facing his mother. “If Mr. Kim is family, Mr. Kim will come?”

Seokjin didn’t answer.

“Can we phone call Mr. Kim? Myung will ask Mr. Kim to be family.”

Seokjin wanted to say ‘No’ he bit his lower lip. Come on. What was actually Namjoon did to his baby boy to become so sincere asking his presence like this? After the disappointment he got the night before, Seokjin concluded that Namjoon didn’t deserve Myungsoo, at all. “Mommy has no cellphone right now.”

Myungsoo tilted his head, didn’t know why his mother suddenly has no cellphone.


Well, Seokjin had laptop for emailing to stay connected with clients. “It’s gone. Mommy don’t have cellphone and not going to buy any, even for tomorrow.”

Ohh crap. Myungsoo didn’t understand but hey, Jungkook must be have one, right? He often saw his favorite hyung talked with Tae hyung with cellphone. “Myung will call Mr. Kim with Jungkookie hyung cellphone.” The baby boy grinned and then innocently hummed ‘Sing’ of Sesame Street song. ‘Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.’

Seokjin could only sigh and would ask Jungkook to hide his cellphone. He better find some ways to distracted his baby boy for not asking Namjoon anymore.


Namjoon anxiously drove his car. By the information from Jooheon, his location was an hour apart from Seokjin. He had to drive faster. It won’t matter if Seokjin wanted to continue to go wherever he wanted, Namjoon just needed to tell Seokjin that if they have to be separated at least he could get the chance to say goodbye, properly.


“Jaehyun and Bomin followed right behind Seokjin’s ssi car, Mr. Kim.” Jooheon said to the old man. “And Namjoon also on his way.” He added while facing the mid age lady that just arrived into the KIM residence.

“We need to catch them.” The lady said.

“Namjoon will clear his own mess, Ahn.”

“Seokjin will freaked out if Namjoon suddenly appear. He is not in a good condition, mentally.” Mrs. Ahn was in the city of Seoul for some business matter and supposed to welcome Seokjin’s parents that will arrive later around the afternoon. “Seokjin’s parents are coming for a surprise visit and it’s not funny if they find the cottage empty because they asked me to make sure Seokjin and Myungsoo will be home when they are arrive.”

Mr. Kim stayed silent while thinking. He only had one son, yet the problem way too many. And he realized he was being the reason of why Namjoon caused those mess. “In case we can’t catch Seokjin at the right time, can you please ask Seokjin’s parents’ to go to the KIM hotel for afternoon tea and also dinner?”

“I suppose to fetch them in the airport.” Mrs. Ahn got a headache. She had to welcome Seokjin’s parents, but now first had to catch Seokjin before Namjoon get the pretty one and cause an unnecesarily drama.

“I will send a driver to the airport.” Mr. Kim sighed. “Jooheon said an hour ago Seokjin was around the city of Seoul, you better go with him. When you manage to see Seokjin, ask him to see his parents at the hotel. We have no choice but to talk. Me and Seokjin’s parents signed the agreement without asking Seokjin nor Namjoon. It’s the right time to let them know what they didn’t know. What Seokjin didn’t know.”

“It’s hard, and I’m not sure of what going to happen.” Mrs. Ahn felt sorry. “But you must know that both Seokjin and Namjoon are precious for me.”

Mr. Kim nodded. “It’s complicated, I know. I’m sorry for troubling you this much.”


Goesan, 09.57 AM. Seokjin pulled the brake and parked his car in the rest area. He needed to eat something. “Myung wants beef rice or jjajangmyeon?” He asked the baby boy.

Myungsoo looked around, there were some interesting restaurant and fastfood stall with interesting colour and he saw this one shop that caught his eyes the most. “Donut?”

Seokjin laughed a little. “Well... Myung can have one, after a bowl of beef rice. How?”

Myungsoo nodded cheerfully, ready for brunch. A heavy one.


Bomin clamped his mouth as his gaze followed this lovely hyung he knew. This lovely hyung he used to care. This lovely hyung that held a tiny palm on his hand. Bomin  bit his lower lip as he watched the little boy walked and talked to this lovely hyung like everything were all butterfly and rainbow.

Earlier in the morning, Bomin gave a confuse ‘ehh?’ to Jooheon when the older man told him and Jaehyun to get and follow a certain car, Seokjin’s car. He had to follow without Seokjin realize they were stalking. Okay. But then he gave a loud ‘whaaatt?!’ when Jooheon told him that the little boy on the passenger car was the pretty one’s only son.

“That cute little boy is Seokjin hyung’s son?” Bomin mumbled in disbelief. “That means, Namjoon hyung got him pregnant? Or, did I miss something?”

“You read the file.” Jaehyun replied.

“He is...” Bomin choked. “The little boy is so cute and lovely... I mean, you witnessed how evil Namjoon hyung, right? The crime he did... But hey, babies were born pure with no sin... And, Seokjin hyung gave birth an angel...”

“Bomin ah...”

“I still remember the last time I waved goodbye for Seokjin hyung. I was glad he finally being rescued. And then we went back into KIM’s residence to witness Namjoon hyung did a suicide attempt. He survived and his father sent him for a therapy in the States. We didn’t know what happen to Seokjin hyung after that day... We didn’t even know Namjoon hyung still try to get Seokjin hyung back...”

Jaehyun sighed in desperation. “I’ll buy you some donuts and coffee. Stay here and watch. Don’t get caught as we wait Namjoon hyung.”

“I want to hug Seokjin hyung, and say sorry...”

“Stay focus, Bomin ah. Jooheon hyung just texted me that he is catching us for help, just in case.” Jaehyun said and left to buy donuts.

Bomin turned his head to see Jaehyun leaving, walked into the donut stall. “Because we helped Namjoon hyung with his crime. We must ask Seokjin hyung for forgiveness.” He mumbled himself before turned his attention back to watch Seokjin and Myungsoo using a binoculars.


“Okay, let’s get some donuts so we have something to chew while on the road heading to Busan.” Seokjin helped Myungsoo to hopped off the chair after the baby boy finished the kids portion of beef rice.

“Myung wants chocolate and strawberry cheese donuts.”

“Shall we buy some for Jungkookie hyung?”

Myungsoo grinned and nodded. “Peanuts and caramels.”

“Good choice.”

Seokjin went into the donut stall to buy two packs of donuts. One for him and Myungsoo. One for family in Busan. He actually haven’t tell the younger that he was on the way to Busan, because he thought it would be better to explain his sudden visit when he arrived there. He wanted to stay for two or three days before going to somewhere abroad, could be Moscow, or Prague to stay with his parents. He haven’t decide yet, and he needed time to think.

Just anywhere would be okay, as long as I don’t have to see Namjoon. Ever again.’ His heart screamed.

Seokjin sighed and looked up to the skies. Despite on the nice weather and clear blue sky, his mind was cloudy grey. He couldn’t think clearly. Even for a blink of moment, he didn’t aware with his surrounding, and lost his focus on Myungsoo. He didn’t aware with his surroundings as he didn’t expect any more badluck.

That was when someone suddenly came and strangled him. Forcefully dragged him to enter the nearest restaurant.


Bomin focused on watching his loving Seokjin hyung and baby boy Myungsoo when he noticed this certain person was somehow suspicious, stood not far around the donut stall. This person look lost, confuse, and desperate.

“Bongjae, 02.00 O’clock.”

Jaehyun checked the situation from his seat and saw this person, a man, age probably around 50 with built height body, rubbed his face in desperation like he was somehow got a rough life and had enough. This man was looking around, and Seokjin was near. With Myungsoo seemed distracted to the tteokbokki stall and sneakily walked away when his mother released his hand to take a wallet to pay the donuts.

That was when Bomin noticed this person brought a knife on his hand.

“CALL POLICE!!” He jumped off the car without waiting for another second.


This person held a sharp knife on Seokjin’s neck as he shouted to the people to stay away. Those donuts were fall from Seokjin’s grip and scattered on the ground. People were all shocked at the sudden situation and ran to save themselves.

Seokjin was frightened and trembled in fear. Could only wish for someone to get his baby boy safe and sound. But to see people were all ran away, he became hopeless. Made him felt the sudden guilt striked him all over again. It’s the same guilty feelings for his baby boy. The same guilty feelings he felt, whenever he questioning whether brought Myungsoo into life was really a good idea.

He felt so wrong.

Brought Myungsoo into life in this cruel world so he could get the strength to live his life was his ego. It’s not fair for Myungsoo to face the world like this. More over when his own life could be end pretty soon. If he couldn’t stay strong and alive to protect his beloved baby boy, what’s so good to brought him into life then? To make his own child suffering?

“Myungie...” Seokjin choked as he whispered his son’s name between the tears that started falling on his cheeks.

“Mommy?” Myungsoo couldn’t understand of what happened. He startled in fear, and cried histerically when someone took him on a cradle.


Seokjin didn’t know why this familiar person, Bomin, suddenly appeared in front of him. But he clearly knew, Bomin was a good and caring person. Myungsoo would be alright with this young lad. Gathered all of his strengths, he shouted. “PLEASE TAKE CARE MY MYUNG!!” He shouted before this person took him inside the restaurant building.


There were four people didn’t manage to run outside to save themselves, they left inside the restaurant building. Two cooks, a person in the cashier desk and an old lady. The person with the knife pushed Seokjin fall headfirst on the corner of the cashier desk.

And it triggered Seokjin of the trauma he had from the past.


Namjoon pulled the car brake to found out the rest area were in chaos. He got a phonecall a moment before, when he was nearby, told him about what happened with Seokjin. He saw the police officer evacuated people. And when he looked around he saw Bomin and Jaehyun. Also Jooheon, and Mrs. Ahn with Myungsoo cried on her arms. He ran closer. And the moment Myungsoo saw him, the baby boy spread his arms asking Namjoon to take him.

“Mr. Kim...” Myungsoo sobbed.

“Myung is safe now.” Namjoon tried to calm Myungsoo on his embrace. Knitted his eyebrows when he felt the slight heat. “How is it?” Namjoon asked Jooheon as he kissed his son’s temple.

“From the negosiator, we got a little information that the knife man had a midlife crisis. Economic issue and such. An illness made it worse.”

Namjoon clamped his mouth in distress. “May I come in to help the negosiator?”

“It’s dangerous.”

“Seokjin is in danger. And I refuse to do nothing.”

“I will ask the officer.”

“Tell the officer if it’s about job, money and such, I can help. We need to tell the person if I’m coming to offer him a way out. I wanna talk to him first.”


The officer agreed to let Namjoon helped them. From outside the restaurant building, they got the clerk to hand the wireless phone to the suspect.

“Who’s this?” The person with knife asked.

“I’m the only thing standing between you and a bullet, sir.”

“Bring it. I always wanted to die in a yukgaejang restaurant.”

“Well, if it’s what you want. But those people around you, they aren’t the objects of your anger, sir. Not everyone. Not that pretty guy in there. He has son to take care of.”

“It’s too late.”

“No, it’s not. It’s not, sir. And deep down, I think you know that. And you, you still has a chance.” Namjoon did his best to convince.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” The person laughed bitterly. “I was loyal. I did nothing wrong but they fired me.”

Namjoon guessed it right. He believed he could get the suspect’s trust. “We won’t know the whole story if you don’t let me in. Please let me in first. I’m willing to listen and help you.”

They agreed. Namjoon came into the resturant building with the negotiator.

“Sir, if you need anything. Job, money. Anything you ever need. Any problem you might be having, we are going to try to help you. You still has a chance.”

Namjoon knew how it feels to be lost and desperate. And he won’t let anyone suffering like what he did in the past. If he could help this desperate person, he could save these poor four people. Especially Seokjin.

Namjoon had to be sharp and quick to end the drama. He had no time to waste. Seokjin already looked miserable. The pretty one’s breath hitched and didn’t looked focus with his surroundings.

“Sir, I don’t wanna hurt you. Ok? Let’s make a deal. You give me that knife, and I promise you, we will get you the job and money to start a new life. It’s your chance to fix anything. How? Sound pretty good?” Namjoon walked closer, approaching the suspect. “Yeah? Ok?”

Namjoon won’t deny that he was scared. He had no experience in such negotiation with this kind of situation. The officer let him to help, but that means he got the responsibility to make all of them to stay safe.

The person seemed to think. Interested with the deal Namjoon offered. “They didn’t even pay me.”

“Give me the knife. I can help. I promise.”

After a moment of deep thoughts, the person has had surrender. Namjoon carefully took the knife. “You still has a chance. You can make it, sir. I will help, I promise.”

The person with the knife and the situation were in control. And the police handcuffed this person’s hands in front.

As the situation were more condusive, Namjoon didn’t waste any second to check on Seokjin’s condition, who still curled in the corner of cashier desk. “Seokjin? You okay? I got you. You are save now.”

Seokjin flinched in fear when Namjoon touched his shoulder.


“D-don’t touch me, please...” Seokjin’s voice trembled.

“Seokjin? It’s me, Namjoon.”

Seokjin didn’t react. The pretty one cried silently.

“Seokjin, I’m really sorry for causing this mess.” Namjoon bit his lower lip, didn’t have the heart to face this broken side of Seokjin. “This is all my fault. My ego troubling you this much.” He slumped and sat in front the weeping one. “It’s over now, you are save. You are save... And Myung is waiting for you to take him home...”

“H-home?” Seokjin unconsciously mumbled the word home. Along with the name Myungsoo, the word ‘home’ was also charmed him. Myungsoo and Home. A place that is so warm and full with love. A place where he could rest.

Namjoon nodded. “Home. The lovely English stone cottage with outdoor shower. It’s your home. Your sanctuary.” Namjoon smiled bitterly, to realize he would never be ‘home’ for Seokjin. “I was being rude for asking to stay when you didn’t even want me around. I’m sorry.”

Seokjin didn’t face Namjoon, but he was actually listening.

“Please back home. I need to get you and Myungie back home safe, and I promise I will leave your house after I get you home. I promise to leave and let you live peacefully, without me around. Just please, please back home. Myungsoo needs his mother.”

To listened Namjoon’s desperate persuasion, and heard the magical word ‘home’ Seokjin could feel his own self were fighting on the rough battlefield. Could hear the mess shouting on his mind. Could hear the little voice in his head whispering what’s better for him, for his baby boy. To listened Namjoon’s desperate persuasion, and heard the magical word ‘home’ he could tell his soul had a rough fights about what he better did. What’s good, what’s not.

‘You still has a chance to start a new life. You can make it.’

The words Namjoon gave to the suspect knife man were dancing beautifully inside Seokjin’s mind. This word ‘chance’ told him that his trauma weren’t his fault, but the healing was his right. He could choose to be healed. It would take times of the processing, and that’s okay, as long as he has the will. It’s hard, he knows. But at least he could try.

Seokjin closed his eyes as this word ‘chance’ whispered more and more. It’s true, that he had been through a lot of miseries. He had so many wounds. He had lost so many battles. Yet, he survived, for so many times. He survived as he always did his best to stand up, whenever he fell to the ground. He survived so many battles. And despite of his scars, he became stronger. And he needed to stay strong for his baby boy, for Myungsoo.

“You saved me. I was wrong. It’s now my time to save you. Please give me a chance. I love you.”

These words. Seokjin remembered these certain words. The words of confess Namjoon whispered on him, that night. These words were so beautiful and sincere. And these words means another battle.

Seokjin sobbed with the eyes still closed.

He didn’t know whether he could forgive Namjoon or not. But for sure, he needed to forgive himself first.

“Seokjin, Myungsoo needs his beloved mommy.” Namjoon carefully cupped Seokjin’s face and brushed the tears with his thumbs, asked the pretty one to look at him. “Myungsoo needs you...”

Seokjin slowly opened his eyes and look up. Pierced on Namjoon’s beads, he was looking for any lies. He wanted to make sure. And through those eyes, he found nothing so called lies. He could only find Namjoon’s sincerity. For the very first time since the last time he koala and feed Namjoon with chicken honey, he could trust the man.

As well...

It’s him. It’s not about Namjoon and those sins the man did for doing him wrong and evil. It’s him. Seokjin needed to forgive his own self for once loving the man like crazy. For being naive in the past.

More tears fell on Seokjin’s puffy cheeks. Those tears falling down as he felt the weight on his heart and shoulders being lifted up. Those tears were tears of relieve for letting himself to get the chance, to start a new life. Those tears were the confidence that he had on himself, he can make it.

With eyes still pierced staring on Namjoon’s, Seokjin slowly nodded. “Take me home...”



“I don’t know what you did, but nice work.” The officer thanked Namjoon.

“Thanks for trusting me.” Namjoon shook the officer’s hand, and got his focus back on Seokjin. He stood in front of Seokjin who sat on the back of the ambulance with a blanket covered his body.


“Paramedics took Myung to the hospital. He got a slight fever, but don’t worry, he is safe with Mrs. Ahn, Jooheon, and Bomin.” Namjoon smiled. “We also have to go to the hospital to check you.”

Seokjin just nodded in silence, tightened the blanket when Jaehyun came to approach Namjoon.

“Hyung, Mr. Kim wants to talk with you.” Jaehyun gave his cellphone.

Namjoon turned around to take the cellphone from Jaehyun and answered the phonecall, with his back facing Seokjin. They were all focus on themselves for a couple of second, but then, they heard a loud bang. Namjoon automatically checked on Seokjin. They were just staring each other, questioning what was that. And then Seokjin saw Namjoon touched the skin around his abdoment, noticed something was wrong.

“Namjoon?” Seokjin gasped.

Namjoon could feel something wet and sticky on his hand. “Go get Seokjin to the hospital” Namjoon asked the paramedic. Managed to caress Seokjin’s cheek, he said. “I’m good, really. I’ll see you in the hospital.”

Apparently, there were armed police. And before they get the person to the police station, they had to clear and check some other things around. Though the suspect had already surrender and sat inside the police car, someone shouted in disgrace to mock him. Lost the temper, he attacked an officer, wanted to runaway. He grabbed the officer’s gun and the officer fought back, pointed the gun outside the window. Who knows, that this person knows how to use the gun, and pulled the trigger. Who knows, for any kind of chance, for any kind of possibility, even for any kind of bad luck, the bullet made it way to hit Namjoon, instead of other people gathered around the mess.

Just anywhere would be okay, as long as I don’t have to see Namjoon. Ever again.

Seokjin... Even if I have to sell my soul to get you back home safe, I will gladly do it right.

Seokjin screamed Namjoon’s name in horror when the man fell down on the ground with white shirt getting red of the blood.

The universe answered both Seokjin and Namjoon’s wish...



Chapter Text

You gotta pretty face, I got this broken heart

Two starlit lovers, we were destined to be torn apart

You said you needed space, I got a couple scars

Guess you’re the reason for the tears I left them where you are



“Auntie Ahn?” The man finally could reach the other one in the other line. “Do you know where is Seokjin? He sent me email that I could tell something was not right. I tried to call him, but he didn’t pick his cellphone, even the ones from the wireless phone. I couldn’t help to take a direct flight right away just to make sure Seokjin is fine.”

“Wait. Are you in Seoul?”

“I’m on my way to Busan by train. I will be there in two hours but I still haven’t reach Seokjin. I asked Jungkook but he seemed had no idea. Jungkook still have some assignment in the university and told me he would chase up to Busan later this afternoon.”

“Okay, but, what did Seokjin tell you by email anyway?”

“Well, he said he is going to take time to rest, in Busan. And the other one is about... Marriage...”

“Marriage?” The lady repeated the word, feeling unsure. “Are you by any chance could reach us first in Geosan?”

The man knitted his eyebrows as he heard the word ‘us’ because Seokjin didn’t mention Mrs. Ahn will come along, and why they were in Geosan. Were they wanted to stay for one night? Though the place is beautiful for sightseeing and is nice for having vacation there, but, “Geosan?” The man looked around to check if there was any sign. “Ahh, I think I can just simply get off in the next station and take taxi. But, why?”

“Me and Myungie are in hospital. I will send you our location.”

“Okay, but – Wait. What? Hospital?!“

The line were cut off and the man could only sighed...



“Bomi ssi, do you have time after you finish your shift today?”

Bomi turned her head to face the man who speak on her while she washed her hands after taking care a patient in the emergency room. “Yeah, I guess. What’s wrong, Leo?”

“I want to ask Bomi ssi for having some coffee with me in the coffee shop  nearby, my treat, if Bomi ssi don’t mind?”

“Well...” Bomi smiled. She already stayed for almost two weeks in a hospital own by her family in Goesan, and helped to supervise the emergency unit. This young man named Leo who asked her for having some coffee worked as emergency physician for about two years in the said department. And Leo was nice. “I would love to... And please be more casual with me.”

“Ohh.” Leo chuckled. “Okay then.” He seemed relieved by the answer. “See you la---“ He was happy, but he couldn’t manage to finish his sentence as the head of the emergency unit shouted.




Seokjin chewed his lips as he could only see the paramedics did their job. They were inside the ambulance heading into the hospital. Seokjin wanted to do something. Anything. But at that most critical moment, more than any kind of help he could offer to make Namjoon stay awake, he wanted to turn back the time. He wanted to at least go back to the night when he waited Namjoon and Myungsoo come back from the summer festival. He wanted to at least receive the blue pink bunny cotton candy Namjoon and Myungsoo bought for him.

“I-I told Bongjae...” Namjoon stuttered, breathed roughly through the oxygen cannula.

“Shut up.” Seokjin couldn’t find any better words to reply. Even when he wanted to help Namjoon to focus on stay awake with talking.

“To help Jooheon...” Namjoon added. “To pack my belonging...”

Seokjin didn’t respond.

“If I can’t see Myungie for a proper goodbye... Please tell Myung, I love him...”

Proper goodbye? Seokjin didn’t know why, but he felt some kind of ache stung inside his heart.

This ache stung, really, for what? For Seokjin didn’t want Namjoon to stay in his cottage? For Seokjin didn’t want Myungsoo getting more closer with Namjoon, and didn’t want the baby boy to know about the father? For Seokjin didn’t want Myungsoo to find out that despite on how much sparks the baby boy gave love to the people around especially Seokjin, the baby boy was actually came from the seed of hatred?

For anything, the ache stung inside Seokjin’s heart was actually the fact that he was scared for having his heart open to love. Seokjin was scared for being loved and to receive the love he deserve. He once loved a man like being hypnotized. He once loved a man and forgot to love his own self. He once loved a man and made himself suffering. He once loved a man and the heartbreak experience way too much for him. He was young and once loved this man terribly much. He was young and stupid and his only wish was to be loved back.

His heart was bleeding for love. But his heart was stolen. And this man haven’t give his heart back.

And what? Proper goodbye?

For anything, this ache stung of proper goodbye way scary. For anything, Seokjin scared to regret his decision. To run away.

And for the worst possibility, this proper goodbye could means Myungsoo would never get the chance to ask Namjoon, his own father, to become a family. The baby boy would probably would never get the chance to finally call his own father as ‘daddy.’ Not to mention that Myungsoo loved Namjoon so much.

“Why it’s suddenly so cold around here?” Namjoon coughed and shivered, getting more pale by seconds.

Seokjin bit his lower lip. “Are we still far from the hospital?” He nervously asked the paramedics and got ‘two minutes away’ as the response. Yet this two minutes felt like two thousand years for him.

“Seokjin, I’m sorry... Please go back home and rest...” Namjoon tried to raise his hand to touch Seokjin’s cheek. “I’m sorry for troubling you.” He caressed Seokjin’s cheek, and Seokjin let him. Unintentionally smeared more blood on the pretty one’s rosy cheek. “I’m really sorry...” Namjoon slowly closed his eyes.

“Yah!! Namjoon!! Don’t you dare to lost your consciousness!!” Seokjin unconsciously laced his fingers on Namjoon’s and squeezed it. “Tell Myungie that you love him yourself!!”

Namjoon could only smile. Mumbled I’m sorry while trying to fight the sleepiness.


Maybe another place, maybe another time

Till then, let’s say goodbye, I’ll see you in another life


Along with Leo and a nurse, Bomi ran into the ambulance that finally arrived in front of the emergency unit, ready to take her duty and examine the patient. But hey, she didn’t expect to see Seokjin. And Namjoon as the gunshot patient.

“N-namjoon?” Bomi was so shocked she froze and did nothing, so that Leo quickly did the vital sign check. “Seokjin, what happened?” She asked the pretty one in confussion.

But, Seokjin didn’t know either.

“Seokjin?” Bomi lightly shook Seokjin’s arm. “Please answer me.”

“Bomi, you know him?” Leo asked as he and the nurse started to drag the emergency stretcher into the surgery room.

“My cousin.”

Leo nodded. “Bomi, you better not assisting the surgery. Let me and dr. Ken handling it.” He gently pulled Bomi and turned his attention into Seokjin that looked so messy. “Please help him to clean up. I will do my best.” He then left the two.

Bomi knew, Leo was right, so she came closer to approach Seokjin, being professional and instinctively as a doctor, she gently dragged Seokjin into one of the corner of the emergency room, checking on the pretty guy. “Did you hurt somewhere?”

‘Hurt’? Sure. But this ‘hurt’ certainly where? Seokjin had no idea.

“I...” Seokjin wanted to explain while Bomi checking on his condition. “I didn’t know what was happened.” He chewed his lips more. “I’m on my way to Busan. I was in the rest area for lunch and someone came endangered everyone with a knife. Namjoon tried to save me...”

Bomi cleaned up the blood on Seokjin’s cheeks as she listened. She couldn’t grasp the situation, because Seokjin said the man brought a knife, but Namjoon came to the hospital with a gunshot injury. And Namjoon definitely didn’t look good. But hey, were they in their way heading to Busan, together? She needed more explanation. She was about to ask more when a voice distracted both her and Seokjin.


Mrs. Ahn failed to calm herself as she running through the hallway corridor into the emergency room. She arrived in the emergency unit about an hour before, when Bomi wasn’t there. She took care Myungsoo in the hospital pavilion, and then she heard about the gunshot accident from Jaehyun. She wanted Namjoon to survive, no doubt. But they won’t know what could probably happen.

And over this misfortune, all she wanted to do was to explain. To let Seokjin know the pieces of dark secret she had kept for so long. She won’t wait anymore. She better reveal everything she knew, before it’s too late.

“Seokjin?! Bomi?! Ohh dear...”

“Auntie?” Bomi gasped as she didn’t know why everyone suddenly all around her with such condition. “Why are you here?”

“Long story, dear.” Mrs Ahn reached the two when a nurse came to handed Seokjin a pajamas to change his clothes.

“My baby boy?” Seokjin anxiously asked Mrs. Ahn.

“I leave Myungsoo with Bomin and Jooheon. He is sleeping right now.”

“Myungie also in this hospital?” Bomi asked while helping Seokjin to change his clothes into pajamas.

Mrs. Ahn nodded. “A light fever.”

“Fever?” Seokjin gasped, hopped off the bed by reflex, but Mrs. Ahn stopped him. Forced him to sit back into the bed.

“The doctor said he will be okay. And you better not see him in this mess.”


“Later. For now, please take a breath and be calm.” Mrs. Ahn reassured.

Then Bomi realized things a bit late. “Wait. Even Bomin and Jooheon here? What happened, really...” She sighed.

Seokjin bit his lower lip. “Bomi, I’m sorry. I really didn’t know... Namjoon saved me, but —“

“Whatever happened, I’m sure it wasn’t your fault...” Bomi smiled bitterly between her own confussion.

“Seokjin...” Mrs. Ahn cleared her throat. “This is not the right time... But I have the urge to tell you. About the agreement...”

Not only Seokjin got the attention fully into Mrs. Ahn. As well Bomi.

“Seokjin darling, your parents signed an agreement with Namjoon’s father without telling nor asking both of you and Namjoon. You probably know a little. You were suffered because we failed to take care of you. And we thought you won’t keep your baby...”

Just a little explanation like an introduction into something deeper, Seokjin got his eyes teary. That was almost true. Not that he didn’t want the baby. He loved kids. He once loved Namjoon. He just didn’t want to bring new soul to the world to suffer...

“We are sorry for you... But, to make it clear, I need to tell you... Namjoon didn’t know you were carrying his son. After Hyosang and Bomi rescued you, and made Namjoon to reflect on his crime, Namjoon’s father didn’t let him to see your parents to ask your forgiveness, unless you parents agree to let Namjoon marry you...” Mrs. Ahn squeezed Seokjin’s hands. And Seokjin just blankly staring his own hands on his laps.

Bomi could only listening. Silently. She also know a little about the agreement, but not much... She didn’t even know Seokjin was pregnant...

“Later I found out from his own father, Namjoon was so desperate. He wanted to see you, he wanted to admit his crime. He wanted to face any consequences, but you know... KIMs... And at that critical time, your parents decided to refuse Namjoon’s father offerings. A marriage. Because...” She cupped Seokjin’s face lovingly. “What kind of parents would let his loving child to marry his rapist... And at the other hand, Namjoon was at his lowest point. He attempted suicide at the same day we found you unconscious bleeding in the hospital room.”

Seokjin couldn’t hold his tears anymore. To finally found out a little more about the truth. Both him and Namjoon tried to kill themselves, just right after being rescued.

And now it’s another critical time. They were waiting a surgery and didn’t know what kind of result could be...

Seokjin bit his lower lip. For a moment with conflicted feelings, Seokjin let those tears streamed down on his cheeks with no shame. “N-namjoon... begged me for forgiveness... B-but I need time... I wish I could forgive him easily, but it’s hard...”

Mrs. Ahn brushed Seokjin’s hair to soothe the one’s nerve and shoo the misery. She tried. “I understand... As I undestand it’s hard for Namjoon to give up on you... As much as he wanted to fix all the mess he did. Though Namjoon was sincere, and I know how much he loves you, but still, he was being rude for asking you to let him stay, when it’s hard for you to forgive him...”

Seokjin cried harder.

And Bomi felt the urge to interfere. Because she made her own promises. A promise between her and Namjoon’s mother. To protect Namjoon. She wanted to cry for her beloved cousin. Like, why. Why Namjoon had to be like this... She didn’t promise her aunt to protect Namjoon over the crime he did. Namjoon was wrong, but she had hope, for Namjoon could get second chance.

She wanted to cry, yet her ego told her to stay strong. When it’s actualy okay to not be okay. And this kind of mask that Taehyung didn’t like of Bomi. Bomi forced herself to always be tough.

“On Namjoon’s behalf, please accept my apologize.” Bomi bowed down in front of Seokjin that still sat on the hospital bed. “Seokjinnie... Please forgive us for anything we did in the past.”

Seokjin was about to answer and respond, that Bomi didn’t need to do that. Seokjin was about to climbed down the hospital bed to hug Bomi, when a nurse interuppted.

“Doctor Bomi, Doctor Leo needed you in the surgery room. It’s emergency.”


Seokjin shakily wiped the tears on his cheeks. Climbed down the hospital bed, and rushed to follow Bomi that bowed once more before she hurriedly left heading into the surgery room. But when he was almost reached the waiting room of the surgery room, someone with this certain familiar voice he knew best shouted his name.

Seokjin turned his head to see this certain person.



Hyosang just came into the hospital, just as Mrs. Ahn asked him. And he knew, though Seokjin sent him email and asked him whether he had spare time to talk face to face, he knew, Seokjin didn’t expect to see him this fast.


It always feels like we’re out here alone

We’re searching for new life, but how could we know?



It was kinda awkward for Seokjin and Hyosang. And they haven’t finish their long talks when Bomi came out from another door not far from the main surgery room. And the young lady just blankly staring the tiles, walked beside the hospital stretcher that being dragged by a nurse. Someone laid there, fully covered with white fabric cloth cover.

Wait. No way.

Seokjin automatically moved his feet to make sure. But the wrong feelings halted him. He froze.

That was so wrong. As long as I don’t have to see Namjoon. Ever again. This, wasn’t the way Seokjin wanted to run from the man. He scared with the thoughts of Namjoon would take Myungsoo away from him. But he was wrong. He could feel that Namjoon won’t do such thing. And the guilty feelings getting worse with the fact that the baby boy wanted the man to be part of the family. Without knowing that that the man was actually a family.

Namjoon might not a good man for him, but indeed a great father for Myungsoo, their son.

That was so wrong. He tried to hold his tears, as he remembering those days...

Those days, when he missed Namjoon so bad, he could only hugged the pink teddy Namjoon gave him. But when he could finally see the man, he saw him kissed this woman. He admitted, he was jealous.

At some point, lately, Seokjin realized, he and Namjoon were actually had mutual feelings. The misunderstandings and lack of luck made them suffered. They were actually didn’t stop longing for each other. Secretly wished the fate could be way more kind for them.

“There comes a point. Where you don’t give a damn if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel or not. You’re just sick of the tunnel. You don’t care anymore. You don’t want to walk anymore.”

“Namjoon, look at me. Namjoon... If I let you to finish any revenge you want... When you done with the revenge, will you listen? Will you listen to me? Will you let me help?”

“Why are you so sure about him? I myself have so much doubts on him...”

“Because... Because I believe he will listen... Can you please make a cup of warm chamomile tea for Namjoon?”

“I will koala you I don’t care you like it or not, unless you tell me when will you release me so we can be friends and hang out like normal people! At least be friends!”

“Next month.”

“For real?”

“If Mr. Kim is family, Mr. Kim will come? Can we phone call Mr. Kim? Myung will ask Mr. Kim to be family.”

The bloody misunderstandings...

Seokjin wanted to treat himself way more soft. And he wanted to forgive. Forgive himself for anything happened in the past. Forgive his feelings. Forgive for being tough and locked his heart so anyone could never enter. He wanted to forgive himself, for not letting Myungsoo get the truth about the father, nor call Namjoon as ‘daddy.’ Forgive himself for everything. Forgive, so he could make his soul way more peaceful. As for anything, Seokjin wanted to heal...

He only needed to see Namjoon and tell the man. They are friends.

Seokjin dragged his feet to get closer. Forced himself to see. The moment Seokjin opened the fabric cloth cover, he screamed Namjoon’s name and cried his heart out.


Sometimes when you love someone

You gotta let them go, let them go...















Namjoon pulled the brake of his car in front of the most fancy handcrafted gift shop in the town. Despite on hatred feelings, he won’t deny that he had crush for Seokjin over anything. He admitted that what had happened to his beloved friend Hoseok was something he couldn’t forgive. The thoughts of Hoseok has commited suicide - he didn’t know yet the truth behind the tragedy - Seokjin was the only one to blame. He had so much hatred, yet his heart was actually stolen since the first time he saw Seokjin in the university library.

And lately, Namjoon felt conflicted. He had to make a revenge for Hoseok, but the way Seokjin treated him soft and loving made his heart fluttered.

And that day, after the koala crumpets, he didn’t know why, but he really wanted to buy something nice and lovely for Seokjin.

Namjoon himself admitted that he felt the weird ache stung inside his heart since the chamomile tea affection. The stung feelings for Hoseok. The confusion between hatred, frustration, and the softness on the corner of his brokenheart that told him the pretty one was being genuine and sincere.

And then that day, Namjoon decided to buy something from this fancy gift shop.

A woman greeted him and offered some help. “Is it a gift for birthday? Or Anniversary?”

“Uhh...” Namjoon tilted his head and looked around to see if there was something nice and lovely. “I just want to give him something nice... Like, saying thank you for cooking me a dinner?”

The woman smiled. “Your lover, Sir? Or already married?”

“He is...” Namjoon clamped his mouth. “A friend...”

“Okay.” The woman smiled. “I think I get it.” She asked Namjoon to follow her into the teddy bear corner. “The way you talked about him, you may give your special person this special edition of fluffy pink teddy, sir.” She handed Namjoon the fluffy pink teddy. “Lovely. And it’s limited.”

It’s pink and pretty. Namjoon could feel the calm and softness the moment he touched the recommended fluffy pink teddy. He smiled. He unconsciously smiled. Seokjin must be happy to receive such gift. But, wait. Why the hell he needed to think if Seokjin will be happy or not. It doesn’t matter. He only wanted to say thanks, as he promised to be friends, and that’s all.

“Okay. I’ll take this.”

In the following night, Namjoon drove into the old mansion and when he arrived he heading right away into the cockloft bedroom. He wanted to casually give the fluffy pink teddy, but Seokjin was sleeping. Seokjin usually would wake up whenever he heard noises, but that night the pretty one seemed into the deep slumber. Looked pale, the pretty one was sleeping like nothing bothered him.

“Jin?” Namjoon checked by lightly poking the arm, “Hey?” But Seokjin didn’t react. Though Seokjin looked so pale, he also looked so peaceful. At some point, with all the stupid things he already did, Namjoon didn’t have heart to wake Seokjin up. He decided to put the pink teddy beside Seokjin’s pillow.

With all the stupid things he already did, Namjoon felt conflicted, as he thought Hoseok had his eyes on Seokjin, as Seokjin was the cause of Hoseok’s death, when Namjoon himself was actually fall for Seokjin. The fact that the name ‘Jin’ and the date ‘041292’ was written on the last page inside Hoseok’s olive green lyrics book evoked the hatred. He would be fine to give up Seokjin for Hoseok. But what? Hoseok died. And it was Seokjin’s fault. As he thought Seokjin was at fault to get the blame.

But then again, after all the stupid things he already did, he had crush for Seokjin. His heart was stolen. And all he got was a heartbreak. He hated everything. He hated to admitted that he felt upset, that his beloved friend also had crush for Seokjin.

He hated everything. Yet, he made a promise, to give Seokjin a chance. To be friends with him.

Namjoon sat on the edge of the matress and just staring Seokjin, as the pretty one sleeping peacefully, breathed calmly with parted chapped lips. Namjoon just stayed and quietly watched the pale pretty face for some more moments, before he bent down, to gave a light kiss on Seokjin’s temple.

Inhaled the sweet scents of Seokjin, Namjoon slowly pulled his lips away from Seokjin’s soft skin, while adoring the beauty. Feeling conflicted, he bit his lower lip. “I’m not sure about the idea of being friends... But for now, sleep tight...”

Tenderly, Namjoon caressed Seokjin’s cheek with his knuckles, before he finally stood up, and left the room quietly.

Both of him and Seokjin probably needs time. As he needed time to heal, from the hatred feelings.

But hey... To be friends. Sounds right and beautiful.

Namjoon closed the door behind him with the thoughts that he betrayed his late beloved friend Hoseok. But he couldn’t hide a smile plastered on his handsome face, sincere, for Seokjin.

[End of Flashback]




Chapter Text

How about you? Do you feel the same way?
Don’t just look at me with that unknown expression

Do you not understand what I mean?

It’s because I cared about you



[9 year old Seokjin, Prague]

It was around spring with pleasant weather when Seokjin and his mother had a fine and lovely afternoon tea. Seokjin’s father, an architect, had a project to build KIM Hotels & Resorts there in Prague, and took the family with him for half a year. It was around spring with pleasant weather when Seokjin enjoyed the traditional Czech kolache sweet roll with hot chocolate and his mother enjoyed a piece of babovka with mint tea, in the outdoor seating cafe in Stare Mesto, Old Town Square of Prague.

Seokjin and his mother enjoyed their afternoon tea as they waited for another people to join. Seokjin’s mother had a close friend who took visit into some places in Europe for vacation, and when this close friend arrived in Prague she invited her for a lovely afternoon tea with them. Seokjin mother’s friend had son named Hyosang that already be friends with Seokjin since they were babies.

As they waited, Seokjin just looking around as he munched his precious kolache. Seokjin was just looking around, and then his gaze glued to see this certain person. A handsome boy, probably same age with him, wearing a fancy brown turtleneck sweater, and was reading encyclopedia with serious expression.

They were separated by the pavements street, in the different outdoor seating cafe. And Seokjin just stared into the handsome boy like he finally found someone perfect to be friends with. As homeschooling student, Seokjin got a feeling that this handsome boy must be cool and fun. The perfect one type. Not that this handsome boy has no flaw, but the perfect one type, that is not his childhood friend, Hyosang. This handsome boy was somehow totally charmed him.

Seokjin way too focused with his intense staring, made this handsome boy realized that someone was watching at him, and the handsome boy looked around for a while before he found Seokjin. Their eyes met. The handsome boy stared back, and after some moment in silence, this handsome boy smiled. A smile that revealed those adorable dimples.

A smile that revealed those adorable dimples, that made Seokjin blushed and chewed his lips, forgot the delicious kolache.

They were staring each other, and the time just seemed to stop. The time has stopped to celebrate their meeting.


Seokjin jolted when a distracted cheerful voice greeted him and he got a warm hug.

“H-hyosang? You already here?” Seokjin didn’t even know why he stuttered.

“I bought you something.” Hyosang said as he handed a whole package of Tatranky Hazelnut.

Seokjin received it happily. “Whoaaahh.” Those wafer bars were one of his favorite.

“Hyosang, you are already this tall and getting more handsome?” Seokjin’s mother patted the boy’s head lovingly.

As the others were all talking together, Seokjin turned his head once more to see the handsome boy accross the pavements street. Found the other one gathered his encyclopedia and stood up. And Hyosang distracted him once more.

“Yeah, what?” Seokjin halfheartedly listening. He just needed to see this handsome boy accross the pavements street, but when he turned his head, the handsome boy already walked away.

For some moment, Seokjin’s eyes just followed the handsome boy left the crowd and disappeared.

It was around spring with pleasant weather when Seokjin and his mother had a fine and lovely afternoon tea. It was around spring with pleasant weather when Seokjin enjoyed the traditional Czech kolache sweet roll with hot chocolate and his mother enjoyed a piece of babovka with mint tea, in the outdoor seating cafe in Stare Mesto, Old Town Square of Prague. Seokjin shrugged his shoulders as he bit his lower lip, and later he smiled.

Seokjin smiled. Only for some couple of seconds, the handsome boy was someone important for him. Only for some couple of seconds, the handsome boy was his whole universe. Someone perfect to be friends with. The perfect one type, that gave him warm feelings and happiness. The perfect one, and the only one, that for some couple of seconds made his world a fairyland.

Seokjin was only 9 year old, and the handsome boy smiled at him. And it was somehow enough for him.


Do you not believe what I say?
Maybe my feelings for you were too much


[7 year old Namjoon, Prague]

Namjoon went to Prague for a family vacation while his father monitoring the KIM Hotels & Resorts project. Once in a while Namjoon’s father took a monitor visit and this time he went there with his family. Namjoon spent his one week vacation mostly with his mother while his father always busy with his works.

It was Namjoon’s last day in Prague and his mother wanted to have afternoon tea in Stare Mesto, Old Town Square before heading into the airport. He didn’t have any problem with it. As long as his mother happy and he had encyclopedia in his hands, he would be okay to stay in a crowd.

Namjoon was peacefully reading the encyclopedia when he felt someone was watching at him. He looked around for a moment and then his gaze glued to see this certain person. A pretty boy, probably same age with him, was wearing white crochet sweater, and munched a kolache sweet roll cutely. Their eyes met, and after some moment in silence, he gave this pretty boy his warmest smile. A smile that revealed his dimples.

A smile that made the pretty boy blushed and chewed his plump cherry lips.

They were curiously staring each other, the pretty boy was kinda shy, and the time just seemed to stop. The time has stopped to celebrate their meeting.

At that certain innocent moment, Namjoon felt like he found his own universe. A whole adorable and magical universe. This ‘universe-ish’ wasn’t a creepy thoughts as he was only 7 year old boy. It was somehow ‘to be friends with this pretty one would be more interesting and lovely than be friends with books and being nerd’ kind of feelings. And it was the very first time for 7 year old Namjoon to felt that way. He loved books after his mother, more than anything, before his eyes met this pretty one’s soft beads.

He smiled, and caught the pretty one blushed.

“Namjoonie, we have to go to the airport now.”

“Huh? Right now?”

Namjoon wanted to stay longer, but he had no choice. He turned his head to find out the pretty one being hugged by another boy. He tilted his head with the thoughts ‘maybe wanted to be friends with this pretty one way too much’ and he could only stared for a moment before he gathered his belonging and stood up to join his mother walked into the parking area. He shrugged his shoulders as he walked, but something stopped him. He turned to see this pretty one once more. He captured the beauty and kept it inside his mind. He smiled. He smiled and gave the pretty one an innocent flying kiss.

It was Namjoon’s last day in Prague and his mother wanted to have afternoon tea in Stare Mesto, Old Town Square before heading into the airport. It was around spring with pleasant weather when Namjoon met his universe. And the innocent flying kiss was something the pretty one would never realize.

Namjoon was only 7 year old, and the warm smile he gave for the pretty one was sincere. His smiled has been received with adorable cute blush. And it was somehow enough for him.


I hope you know when it’s spring again (I hope you know)

Even if I’m not there (even if I’m not there)
Please know me

My heart has waited for you until now



[22 year old Seokjin, Seoul]

Seokjin ended the video call with Hyosang and took a vintage journal from his drawer. The following day would be his graduation day. And he was ready to be brave for the sake of his feelings.

Kim Namjoon...

Seokjin blushed as he started to write things on his journal.

Seokjin saw this person the very first time when he was in his second year in the university. He saw this man in the library and was always staring the man from afar since then. This person took an engineering major a year later counted as Seokjin’s junior. Seokjin knew the name and such about Namjoon from people around, this young man was quite popular for having such reputation. They called him, Kim hot genius.

Seokjin wanted to be friends with this Kim Namjoon, to know the man better, up close and personal. But, this Kim bloody Namjoon was out of his league. Hyosang might came from a family of doctors, but Namjoon came from family he would never have the opportunity to touch.

After the graduation, Seokjin had some lecturing assistant project and also had to go to study abroad. He didn’t know what a future could bring for him. He fell in love, his heart was stolen by this man named Namjoon, and Hyosang told him to confess. He better confess or he would regret because Namjoon would never know that he even exist.

Hyosang was right, so he prepared a handmade handkerchief as a graduation present for Namjoon. Totally ignored the myth of Shakespeare’s Othello he once read, since he always believed handkerchief is a romantic gift.

Seokjin was ready to confess. He wanted to tell Namjoon about his feelings. He could only wish to see Namjoon at the graduation party to give the handkerchief, along with love letter. He wished, he could get the chance to talk to Namjoon.

Seokjin smiled with the thoughts that he could finally speak up about what he felt, though he actually didn’t really write daily journal anymore since he entered the university, he even wrote love letter. Seokjin only write daily journal when he felt like he needed to. And that night he wanted to write it down. He grinned as he started to write. Whatever the result, even if Namjoon reject his confession, he would be fine. At least he tried, and Namjoon would know that Kim Seokjin does exist. Seokjin was ready to confess. He needed to be brave for the sake of his feelings.

... I met him when I was 20

Seokjin added a heart sign and closed the vintage journal. Hid it in the corner of his drawer.




[End of flashback]









Seokjin wanted to treat himself way more soft. And he wanted to forgive. Forgive himself for anything happened in the past. Forgive his feelings. Forgive for being tough and locked his heart so anyone could never enter. He wanted to forgive himself, for not letting Myungsoo get the truth about the father, nor call Namjoon as ‘daddy.’ Forgive himself for everything. Forgive, so he could make his soul way more peaceful. As for anything, Seokjin wanted to heal...

He only needed to see Namjoon and tell the man. They are friends.

Seokjin dragged his feet to get closer. Forced himself to see. The moment Seokjin opened the fabric cloth cover, he screamed Namjoon’s name and cried his heart out.

Slumped on the cold tiles, Seokjin cried and shook his head in frustration.

“Namjoon, let’s be friends...”

Seokjin sobbed as he ignored the gently patts Bomi gave him on his back, as the young lady tried to calm him. Ignored Hyosang that carefully helped him to stand up.

“Namjoon,  please...”

Tears streamed down like a waterfall on his cheeks, blurred his vision. His mind went unclear and foggy. And all he wanted was a little miracle. That’s it...

“Please don’t leave...”


That I wish you when spring comes (I wish you)

Before I leave (before I leave)

You’ll know me


And my heart has waited so far





Chapter Text



“Namjoon, please stop hurting yourself...”

“When you done with the revenge, will you listen? Will you listen to me? Will you let me help?”

“I will koala you I don’t care you like it or not, unless you tell me when will you release me so we can be friends and hang out like normal people! At least be friends!”

“P-please sstop, a-and k-kill me instead... I hate you.”

“Myungsoo is my son. He has nothing to do with anyone else.”

“You. Don’t be proud and happy with one year that I decided to give you. You weren’t welcomed. Will never be.”

“A year. Then get out of my life. Forever. A year from now, go kill yourself. Go leave my house, and kill yourself. Or I’m gonna kill you.”

“Take me home...”

“Yah!! Namjoon!! Don’t you dare to lost your consciousness!! Tell Myungie that you love him yourself!!”






Namjoon slowly opened his eyes, adjusted his vision with the brightness around. At first, everything were all seemed in a pale white colour. And when he could finally see what’s in front of him: a green green grass and a beautiful maple tree, he sighed bitterly. So this is heaven? Or hell? He thought. Namjoon believed, he didn’t deserve heaven. But the scenery in front of him way calm and beautiful to be called hell. He shut his eyes closed as he felt some kind of pain on his chest. His chest. He could remember everything about the incident and the bullet that left his abdomen bleeding, yet the pain was in his chest.

I’m not afraid to die. Might be a relief, actually.

Relief? But how you feel about pain?


Yeah. Pain.

That was the kind of feelings and thoughts that Namjoon had always questioning, even in the last moment when he held Seokjin’s hand. When he could finally held Seokjin’s hand, along with Seokjin’s heart through unfortunate situation.

Namjoon missed Seokjin, and Myungsoo. So much. And it caused the pain.

The pain way unbearable, he shut his eyes closed and decided to quietly wait the angel to take him off to the place where he should cross the bridge of the afterlife, or whenever, he didn’t care. He didn’t care what would happen later. If he was in hell, all he wanted to do was to pay his sins with the punishment he deserve, so he could be born again in a different incarnation to meet Seokjin and Myungsoo, and be a better person for his loved ones.

“Are you gonna just sleep? Ignoring and making me waiting in pain?”

Namjoon automatically opened his eyes, with a racing heartbeat. This certain voice owned by this special person. If he was already in hell, he must be delusional for hearing the same familiar voice. But, how come he was being delusional even after he was dead.

“You, jerk.”

Namjoon slowly turned his head to face his right side, though in denial and fear. He didn’t want to get another heartbreak even after he was dead. He knew he was being jerk, lived his life hurting so many people. He could accept any kind of punishments, to live the afterlife haunted by his past life. But got a fake hope shouldn’t be the part of his expiation punishment list.

With the pain of fear and regrets, with the pain of fake hope as he might be delusional, his sight caught a presence of this most beautiful person. Leaned on a chair, right beside him, and stared at him like he was somehow caused a chaos. Well, he did.

“S-seokjin?” Namjoon’s voice trembled. Seokjin? Oh right. The guilty feeling haunted him down to hell.

“I thought you were dead.”

I’m dead. Wait. Am I?

Namjoon did a quick screening around. White walls, caramel colour sofa, coffee table with pink carnation flower in a soft fresh green ceramic vase, cupboard, and a refrigerator. Found out that he was in a hospital room, a pavilion one, still alive and breathing. Across him on the left side, was a huge glasses window. The maple tree view was real, as part of the garden. So he didn’t die. And Seokjin must be disappointed.

“I hate you.”

I know...

As he felt his body way heavy and stiff he couldn’t move to sit, Namjoon stayed still in bed, stared down the white blanket in silence. He needed to collect himself. After a moment, he looked up to see Seokjin wept with red swollen eyes. “I’m sorry... For not being dead...” That was the only excuse Namjoon could offer to Seokjin.

“I HATE YOU!” Seokjin gritted his teeth as his tears streamed down like a waterfall.

Namjoon could clearly understand. Seokjin hated him. It doesn’t matter. But he won’t let Seokjin cry for him. Those tears way precious for a jerk like him. With difficulty he tried to get up. But before he could manage to sit, Seokjin shouted at him.

“I HATE YOU!!” Seokjin cried even harder. “All I WANTED JUST TO BE LOVED BY YOU!! BUT YOU WERE SO MEAN TO ME!!”

Namjoon bit his lower lip, as he watched Seokjin sobbed. He wanted to cry as well. He could only wait for Seokjin threw him another vent of anger. He deserved it.

“Hyosang told me, to be honest with my feelings. He encouraged me to confess to you.” Seokjin continued to sob. Hid his crying face with his trembled hands. “I swear I didn’t kill your friend. But, you...”

Namjoon couldn’t wait any longer. He couldn’t just sit and watch. The pain around his abdomen, nor the heavy and stiff body won’t stop him to push himself to get up from the bed. Because the pain on his chest way more painful. All he needed was to reach Seokjin. He needed to tell the pretty one, that what happened to Hoseok was pure accident. That he was a coward, he had no courage to confess his feelings. And he kidnapped and tortured Seokjin based on jealousy.

Namjoon wanted to reach Seokjin and wrapped the pretty one on his warm embrace.

But, Seokjin surprisingly stood up from the chair. Climbed up the hospital bed, and carefully laid himself to hug the man. Carefully, to avoid any possibility movement that might nudge the IV infusion. Burried his face and cried on Namjoon’s chest.

Namjoon won’t lie that he was surprised with the shocking acts Seokjin did to express the pain, but he definitely welcomed it by embraced Seokjin with so much more relieved feeling. He had so much regrets as he didn’t hug back when the pretty one koala him, and it’s surprised him for having Seokjin on his arms. He felt glad and blessed as he could finally hold Seokjin, with Seokjin’s own willing, after those all that happened to them.

“When you said you were happy to know that I still kept the pink teddy you gave me, I was so conflicted...” Seokjin sobbed. “I could clearly remember that Bomin has had told me that the pink teddy was a present from you. I was so happy for having a fluff and lovely companion, a gift from you, that also became something precious to hug when you were not around.”

Namjoon got another stung pain on his chest as Seokjin released all his stress out by telling the man what he felt. The pink teddy he gave to Seokjin was something precious to hug when he wasn’t around. Ohh Lord. He didn’t know that Seokjin treasured it that much.

Seokjin’s voice were hoarse and trembled, but it didn’t stop him to speak more. “When we were in my cottage kitchen, and you confessed, told me about what actually written inside Hoseok’s journal lyrics book, that Hoseok was actually tried to help us, it didn’t change the fact that I saw you kissed a fine beautiful young lady. Such an irony, the pink teddy you gave me was somehow the only creature that comforted my bleeding heart.”

What? Seokjin was actually accidentally saw him at that certain kiss incident? Seokjin was actually thought he kissed that woman? Namjoon bit his lower lip harder. Suppressed his emotion to avoid crying, as he hold Seokjin even tighter.

“But then in the other day when I fell sick...” Seokjin added. “When you thought I was in a deep sleep, I listened and found out more. About this young lady that you didn’t invite, that came and kissed you when you were off guard. Also about the quarrel and such, between you and your father, you were sorry. And cried.” Seokjin squeezed his hand on Namjoon’s pajamas. “You were sincere, I could tell. And to witnessed you cried to regret things you did, I really wanted to try... To open up my heart for you, once again. But then another trial striked me. I came home exhausted and found the house empty. I couldn’t reach you by phone. I thought you took Myungie from me.”

“I won’t do that...” Namjoon finally had guts to answer. But the last statement from Seokjin was also broke his self defense. He cried. “I can promise you, I won’t take Myungie from you...”

“I couldn’t think straight at that moment. I was just needed time to calm down. I just wanted to have Myungie for me for a while. I wanted Myungie just see me, not you. But Myung didn’t stop asking, if you were probably catch us to join the vacation...”

Namjoon cried in bitterness.

“I was so mad. And the unfortunate incident happened. And when I wanted to give up everything, you came to make sure to get me back home safe. When I wanted to give up everything, you convinced me that Myungie needs me. I fought on the rough battlefield, and you saved me.” Seokjin slowly looked up to face Namjoon. There were trust reflected on his beautiful eyes. Seokjin finally had trust on Namjoon. “The words you offered to the knife man ‘You still have the chance to start a new life. You can make it.’ I felt that I had the right to heal. That at least I could try to accept your helping hands.”

Namjoon pierced his eyes on Seokjin’s pretty beads, as he wiped the tears that were still falling on the pretty one’s puffy cheeks. Seokjin cried, but way calmer.

“There were no lies in your eyes, and for the very first time since the last time I koala you, I could once again trust you... That’s why I was so scared... I’m scared I won’t be able to give you the second chance you asked me... To tell you myself, that we are, friends...”

Namjoon pulled Seokjin closer and burried his face on the older’s hair, that smelt like the blend between rose petals and hands sanitizer. He kissed Seokjin’s crownhead lovingly, as he took his part to explain.

“That day when Yoongi came for the rescue, he said that people adores me who appeared to be confident, genius, rich, and charming. But in front of you, I’m a weak hopeless man.” Namjoon ran his hand on Seokjin’s soft hair. “Yoongi was right. I liked you since the very first time I saw you. But you were always with Hyosang. I thought he was your boyfriend.” Namjoon took a deep breath before continued. “I have no courage to get you near, even just for simply introduce myself and make friends with you. Such a coward. And then I saw Hoseok get along so easily with you. And it made me jealous.”

“We just had a friendly conversation.” Seokjin mumbled on Namjoon’s chest.

“It wasn’t your fault. My jealousy led me into a stupid crime.” Namjoon revealed all the story from his own perspective that he had no chance to explain after the rescue, because he didn’t get permission to see Seokjin, and his father sent him to the States right away for medication and therapy. “To realized I lost a battle that I could actually win it easily. I was a total idiot. When I found the selfharm scars on your wrist, I couldn’t forgive myself. My tears of regrets won’t change the past. You saved me, but I failed to save you. All I wished just a second chance. The chance for us to be cured, together.”

Seokjin nodded when he heard the word ‘cured’ and laced his fingers on Namjoon. “I’m healing now.”

Totally ignored the IV infusion, Namjoon gently lifted Seokjin’s chin so that Seokjin could see him. “You gave me the second chance I asked you.” He smiled. “Thank you so much for finally being my friend. I’m healing with you.”

Namjoon dared to swear, it was the best day in his life, despite that he was laid on the hospital bed. Because, it was the day when he could finally had Seokjin on his arms. The day that appeared such a gift, as he got the second chance, and Seokjin smiled at him with the most beautiful crying face.



Seokjin didn’t want to release the hug just yet. He won’t lie that he enjoyed the cuddling he had with Namjoon. After all the suffering misunderstanding, he could finally gave his trust on Namjoon and forgave himself.

He snuggled as Namjoon pulled him closer. He knew he better call Bomi to check Namjoon, but Namjoon asked him to do it later. The man reassured him that he was fine, and Seokjin agreed to spent some more moment.

Seokjin was so relieved at the moment when Namjoon opened up his eyes. He didn’t rest nor sleep since Namjoon has been transferred from the surgery room into the pavilion patient room. He pushed himself to stay awake and monitoring.

Namjoon got another added blood tranfusion after the surgery and it took time until the evening. When Bomi and a nurse checked Namjoon’s condition around midnight, she told Seokjin to rest. She said Namjoon was much more in a better condition, but Seokjin insisted to stay and waited the man to wake up. He didn’t sleep even when Bomi offered him to switch.

He way scared, all he wanted was just stay for Namjoon, as he wished for more miracles to come true.

Seokjin recalled the memories the day before. He cried in relieved when he found out the person laid in the hospital stretcher and covered with white fabric cloth cover wasn’t Namjoon. He cried harder when Bomi reassured that the surgery was done right and Namjoon was okay and stable. Just needed a rest. But then he cried even more, when Hyosang told him he would be fine, and he could start anything, all over again. With Namjoon.

“All I wanted is to be loved by you...” Seokjin breathed in the familiar scent around Namjoon’s neck where he burried his face. The scent of Namjoon’s pheromones that once when he had steak dinner and afternoon tea with crumpets, when he was kidnapped, got him out of his mind. The familiar scent that made him dizzy and crazy. He didn’t know that he could missed the weird feelings so bad. And he didn’t felt ashamed anymore.

Namjoon kissed his temple. “I love you. I always love you.”

Seokjin smiled. He wanted to kiss Namjoon back. But before he could reach Namjoon’s cheek, his stomach grumbled. They stared for a moment, and then laughed.

“I think, I need to call the nurse and Bomi, check on Myungie, and get some breakfast.”

“Good idea.” Namjoon chuckled in pain, then he hissed.

“I’ll get you some warm honey water.”

Seokjin climbed down the hospital bed and pressed the emergency button, waited the nurse to come, and awkwardly waved to Namjoon before left the room.

It was around 06.07 AM and he wondered if he could get some sandwich and omelette from the 24hour cafetaria. He didn’t have any appetite since the day before and even skipped dinner. And as he felt better for finally had his problem settled, he wanted to eat well. He went to the patient room upstairs to check Myungsoo first. His baby boy was fine and sound sleep. He thanked Mrs. Ahn and Bomin for having his son accompanied, told them that Namjoon already gained consiousness, and asked them if they wanted something for breakfast. He went to the cafetaria with Bomin, and they shared everything that they had been missed for almost three years.

“Your son is so adorable and lovely, hyung. Pretty much, like you.” Bomin hugged Seokjin and asked the older for forgiveness. “I’m sorry I failed to protect you...”

“You helped me so much, Bomin ah.” Seokjin patted Bomin’s back. “Myungie was born as a cure. Though for so many reason I scared to give birth of him, but, he saved me in so many ways. And that’s enough.”

“Please be happy forever, hyung.” Bomin released the hug and smiled. “You deserve it...”

“I’m happy.” Seokjin also smiled. “Thank you.”

Seokjin and Bomin went back upstairs brought some packs of sandwich, omelette, cream soup, and coffee. He also bought a bottle of pure honey for Namjoon, at the convenience store nearby. Seokjin put their breakfast on the coffee table and took a mineral water from the refrigerator. He was half finished gulped down the water when he noticed something on the cupboard near the window. He walked closer to see it, a box of kolache sweet rolls and a package of Tatranky Hazelnut.

Seokjin took a piece of the Tatranky Hazelnut wafer bar and smiled. “Hyosang didn’t tell me that he went to Prague before---“

Wait... To get a package of Tatranky Hazelnut from Hyosang was quite normal. But kolache sweet rolls?

“Seokjin...” Mrs. Ahn approached him with hesitate look. “We have a situation, and it’s bad.”

No way...

“This is supposed to be a surprise visit for you in your cottage, but, under this circumstance, we tried to hide all of this mess and told your parents to wait in the hotel in Seoul. We told them that you had to finish some work and gonna surprise you in your cottage later. They agreed to wait, but earlier this morning, your parents found out what happened from the news and rushed here. Me and Hyosang already tried our best.”

“W-where are appa and eomma, now?”


“No way!” Seokjin hurriedly ran heading back into the pavilion patient room where Namjoon stayed.


Mrs. Ahn rubbed his nose bridge and sighed. “Bomin ah, have your breakfast and please take a look of Myungie. I have to catch Seokjin and help him to clear this mess.”

Bomin nodded. “I understand. I will taking care of Myungie.”


Bomi has just finished checking on Namjoon’s condition, adjusted the bed into sit position because the man said his body felt so stiff, and was about to ask if the man needed to go to the toilet or wanted something to eat, when two people suddenly entered the room without even bothered to knocking the door. Hyosang, that stayed in the hotel nearby, came right behind them and sent a signal gesture to Bomi to stay calm, as he mouthed ‘Seokjin’s parents’. Bomi nodded, had trust on Hyosang that the man was there to help her.

“Is there anything that we can help maam, sir?” Bomi asked politely.

“We are not sure with the offering ‘help’ but maybe this man could explain?” The man with sharp look that definitely Seokjin’s father pierced his eyes on Namjoon. “We had an agreement. This man is not allowed to see my son, but he didn’t only violating the agreement. He also put my son in danger.”

“I see.” Bomi moved closer. “First of all, I am doctor Bomi. Namjoon’s cousin.” She bowed and greeted. “I can help to explain.”

“This man, should explain.” Seokjin’s father faced Bomi. Emphasized his tone into the words this man. “Can you?” He turned to looked back at Namjoon.

Namjoon clamped his mouth and bowed.“Kim Namjoon, sir.”

“I didn’t come here to be friendly with anyone but a bloody explanation.”

“I-I can explain.” Namjoon nervously answered. “I did violating the agreement. But I have my own reason.”

“And what is that?”

“I want to show Seokjin that I’m willing to pay what I did wrong in the past. I want to protect Seokjin and Myungsoo at any cost.”

“By put them in danger?” It was Seokjin’s mother asked the question. The soft looking lady clearly disappointed. “If you want to protect my son, why you didn’t do it from the very beginning when you met him? My son already lived well. And I have Hyosang to trust. Hyosang took care of my Seokjinnie since they were kids.”

Right. Hyosang. Namjoon was speechless by the statement from Mrs. Kim.

Hyosang who stood up a bit far from Seokjin’s parents could feel the tension, he moved closer. “Uncle Kim, aunty Kim. I think, it is not fair if we didn’t ask Seokjin what he trully felt.” After the long talk he had with Seokjin when Namjoon was inside the surgery room, he had the urgent needs for being involved. “We need Seokjin to be here and give him the right to tell us about his feelings.”

“Hyosang, you clearly understand how naive Seokjin is.” Seokjin’s mother objected. “We won’t know how far this person being manipulative and such. You haven’t forgot all the fake texts he sent us, right?”

Dang it. Seokjin’s mother was on point. Straightforward. And it made Namjoon couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t find any good words nor right sentences to explain and defend himself. He was at fault. Who cares if he had so many regrets. Who cares if he got all the willing to become the right person for Seokjin and Myungsoo, to protect them. It was all his fault. His lost.

Namjoon moved slowly, tried to climb down the hospital bed. Totally forgot he had IV infusion on his left hand. He lost his sanity. But hey, the sanity already gone long time ago since he fell for Seokjin. The only thing he had in mind was to kneel down to ask Seokjin’s parents’ forgiveness. What else? He couldn’t change the past. He could only wish Seokjin’s parents would give him the blessings for him and Seokjin to walk the future, together.

“Namjoon, what are you doing?” Bomi quickly handled the IV infusion stand. Helped Namjoon that stubbornly knelt on the floor.

In the other side, Hyosang that no doubt had all the curse for Namjoon, and to see Namjoon knelt down pathetically was somehow like a victory for him, but... “Aunty, uncle... With all the hate and frustration I got for what happened in the past, we still need to ask Seokjin. We made decisions without telling him, signed the agreement without asking him. Let’s not ignore the fact, that Seokjin has the right to choose, to decide, and that’s what matter.”

“We did it for Seokjin’s sake!” Seokjin’s father snapped.

“But we didn’t care about Seokjin’s right.” Hyosang sighed. “Now it’s the time to fix it all.”

Bomi totally impressed with how Hyosang tried his best to handle the situation. Hyosang helped so much. Bomi actually wanted to interfere, but she afraid she would turned the problem getting worse. They were all frustrated. And frustrated Bomi better be quiet.

While Hyosang had an arguments with Seokjin’s parents, and when the situation heated up even more, the door swung opened.

“NAMJOON?!” Seokjin came and rushed into Namjoon, joined the man to knelt down, asked ‘You okay?’ and found the answer was no when he saw surgery scar’s blood seept in through Namjoon’s pajamas. He looked up to greeted his parents with distress. “Appa, eomma...”

Namjoon lightly patted Seokjin’s arm with his trembled hands, to tell the pretty one to less worry, as he braced himself to face Seokjin’s parents. “Mr. Kim, Mrs. Kim. I was at fault. I was a coward for hurting Seokjin, and all of you. I was afraid of the pain of getting rejected when I already lost anything. I was afraid with pain, yet the fear in me caused Seokjin in pain. What I did was terrible. I had so much regrets. But...” Namjoon briefly looked down before looked up again and continued. “Now I’m here because I want to do the right thing. I want to heal Seokjin’s scars. I want to be the cure of Seokjin’s pain.” Namjoon bit his lower lip. “Mr. Kim, Mrs. Kim, please... For me and Seokjin become each other’s remedy, to walk the future together... Please... Please give us the blessings...”

“Blessings?” Mr. and Mrs. Kim mocked in unison.

“W-we...” Namjoon wanted to explain more.

“Appa, eomma, please...” Seokjin took over, tried to help Namjoon to explain their condition. “I already decided to give Namjoon the chance to pay off his sins. Please let me take the responsibility of my own choice.”

“Seokjin, you suffered enough.” Seokjin’s mother warned his son.

“And I don’t want to suffer more than this. Eomma, appa, please... Me and Namjoon, we both are adult. And we came to our own decision. Namjoon already proved, that he is great as a father. Myungie loves him, so much. I want my baby boy has a ---“ Seokjin had not finished his explanation. Namjoon hissed in pain. He took a glance and Namjoon touched the bullet scar in pain. It seept more. “N-namjoon?”

Bomi came near to check, but Namjoon refused the treatment.

“Mr. Kim, Mrs. Kim, I promise. I will never hurt Seokjin. P-please have trust in me.”

Namjoon turned became more pale and sweated a lot. Seokjin started to cry, as he begged his parents to understand his decision. And Bomi had no choice but to speak up. He joined the two to kneel down.

“I supposed to take care of my cousin, yet I failed. And my failure caused so many people in pain. I’m on Namjoon’s behalf to take the responsibility. Please accept my apology.” Bomi bowed down.

The situation way too dramatic, Hyosang didn’t have heart to see. He joined the others to kneel to seek the last hope. “We were all lost when we were younger. I failed to protect Seokjin. I could only wish for Seokjin’s happiness from now on.” He smiled to convince. “Uncle, aunty, please give your beloved son the blessings he needed.”

They were all quiet and just waited for a good sign. There were scary silence before Mr. Kim finally relented. “Seokjin.” He sighed. “Ask your eomma. Appa would give you a pass if eomma said so.”

Seokjin gasped in disbelief but he won’t waste the chance. “Eomma?” Seokjin asked his mother with tears falling on his cheeks.

Mrs. Kim took a long deep breath and sighed. “Only for one chance. If eomma find him hurt you even just a little, then we are moving to Prague. And you will never see him again.”

That’s okay. Seokjin had trust in Namjoon. And he needed the blessings. “Fine.” He stood up and rushed to hug his mother. “Eomma, thank you so much.”



Seokjin’s parents left the room and met Namjoon’s father and Mrs. Ahn outside. Namjoon’s father was actually arrived the night before, he wanted to talk to Seokjin, but when he saw Seokjin looked exhausted he decided to wait. When Jooheon told him that Seokjin’s parents found out the news, he also decided to wait. He would meddling in if the situation didn’t on Namjoon’s side.

Namjoon’s father met Mrs. Ahn in the corridor outside Namjoon’s room, but he asked her to stayed and waited outside the patient room because Namjoon and Seokjin had Hyosang and Bomi to help them. And things were well-turned. Both Namjoon’s father and Mrs. Ahn was very grateful with the result.

“Thank you so much, for giving my son the second chance, and for giving our son the blessings...” Namjoon’s father bowed down in front on Seokjin’s parents.

“We’ll see...” Seokjin’s Father simply answered. He coldly bowed down and led his wife to leave.

“Jiae.” Mrs. Ahn grabbed Seokjin’s mother’s arm. “You are the mother I ever met. I’m so proud of you.”

Seokjin’s mother nonchalantly nodded. “I’ll talk with you later.”


“Is it settled now?” Mrs. Ahn sighed in relieved.

“The unfinished fate found their path, heading into happiness.” Mr. Kim, Namjoon’s father warmly smiled.


“Hey.” Bomi nudged Hyosang who walked beside her.


“About the ‘we were all lost when we were younger. Have you find your way?”

“Uhh...” Hyosang shrugged his shoulders. “I will find mine.”

“Well, I’m here.” Bomi teased.

Hyosang cleared his throat. “Uhm that’s...” He scratched his nape. “Do you mind if I buy you coffee in the coffee shop nearby if you free this afternoon?”

Bomi was actually squeaked inside, but she play it cool. “I have appointment with dr. Leo this afternoon.”


“Don’t be sad like that.” Bomi teased more. “Yesterday was chaotic, and I haven’t properly thank him. But I’m free for a romantic dinner.”

Hyosang smiled, found Bomi adorable. “Okay I’ll pick you at 07.00 PM?”

“Buy me roses as well.”


And they laughed together.



Namjoon got a treatment for his surgery scar’s blood seeps so the scar won’t get infection. Namjoon also managed to persuade Seokjin to take a rest and sleep after he convinced Seokjin he was okay, and that the surgery scar’s blood seeps wound won’t cause any harm because he already got the best cure: Seokjin’s care, and affection.

Things were quite peacefull ather the morning chaos. And it was 04.11 PM when Namjoon just woke up from his recovery sleep and the room filled with a cheerful voice he longed since the last time he saw and kissed his son, before the incident happened. Seokjin took Myungsoo for a visit.

“Mr. Kim!!” Myungsoo chirped, and Seokjin took him off from his cradle.

“Hi.” Namjoon greeted his son and patted the mattress. “Come have a seat, here.”

With small paperback on his left hand, Myungsoo ran heading into the hospital bed. He asked Seokjin to helped him to climb up the bed, but his mother asked him to sit on the sofa. Succeed to make the baby boy pouted.

“This mattress is quite spacious. Even the three of us can sit together.”

“I’m preparing afternoon tea.” Seokjin raised the totebag he brought for Namjoon to see. “I don’t think –“

“It’s fine.”


“Seokjin, it’s fine.” Namjoon warmly smiled. “Please open the large window, and then take Myung sit up here.”

“Mommy, please take Myung sit with Mr. Kim...” Myungsoo slightly sulked.

Myungsoo seemed so hype and energetic to see Namjoon even with fever patch on his forehead. Myungsoo had slight fever but when Seokjin told the baby boy that they would see Namjoon for having afternoon tea together, the baby boy instantly cheered up. Myungsoo wanted to share some donuts they bought, but because the donuts were all gone to waste, Seokjin bought them cinnamon rolls. Seokjin was actually worried about Namjoon’s wound if they would let Myungsoo sit on the mattress, but hey, Myungsoo was never a naughty boy. He raised his baby boy well behaved.

“Okay... We are having afternoon tea on bed. Why not?” Seokjin put the totebag into the cupboard and then switched off the air con. He opened the window to let the autumn breeze came freshened up the room and then talked with his son. Asked Myungsoo to be careful with the IV infusion and the scar wound on Namjoon’s abdomen. He prepared a glass of warm honey water for Namjoon, a cup of Earl Grey for himself, and a cup of chocolate milk for Myungsoo.

The three of them sat together in the hospital bed, with Myungsoo precisely sat on Seokjin’s lap. They enjoyed the afternoon tea with the beautiful scenery of the garden, especially the maple tree.

“This is like a dream.” Namjoon whispered as he stared on Seokjin. “The last thing I’ve got in mind was if we had to be separated, at least I could get the chance to say goodbye, properly.” He locked his gaze on Seokjin’s pretty beads. “But now I’m here.” He caressed Myungsoo’s puffy cheek. The baby boy way engrossed and focused on munching and enjoying his cinnamon roll. “With you. With Myung. To preciously start everything...” He warmly smiled. “And I’m glad we got the blessings from your parents.”

Seokjin quietly listened and gave Namjoon a nod. The last two days were so exhausting for him, but he won’t lie that he felt so glad and relieved after his parents gave him and Namjoon their blessings. He cut off the eye contact with Namjoon and lightly poked his son’s cheek. “Aunty Bomi said, Myungie is getting better and could go home by tomorrow. Myung want something special to eat at home?”

Something special to eat? Sure, there is. Myungsoo nodded. “Scrambled eggs. Mr. Kim cook for Myung.”

Seokjin took a glance on Namjoon and answered. “Mr. Kim have to stay in the hospital longer. As we wait Mr. Kim to be able to make scrambled eggs for Myung, mommy will make ones.”

Myungsoo shook his head and pouted.

And Namjoon didn’t have heart to see Myungsoo sad. “Could you and Myung stay for some more days?” He asked Seokjin. “Stay at the hotel nearby. I think I can provide scrambled eggs for Myung’s breakfast here.”

“You want to cook? In this room?” Seokjin gave the man wth look.

“We can boiled water, so I think with a little privilege I can ask Bomi to set up electric pan. It’s not that hard.”

“Namjoon, this is hospital room.“

“Let’s just try to ask aunty Bomi first. Could she say no to this adorable face?” Namjoon lightly pinched Myungsoo’s cheek.

“Namjoon, no.”

“It’s just scrambled eggs. I’m not going to pamper my son.”

“It’s pampering.”

“Ahh, I will ask Jooheon to prepare hotel room for you then.” Namjoon abruptly changed the topic. “Do you want family room to stay with your parents?”

“Family room after what happened this morning? You kidding.”

Namjoon laughed at how Seokjin mocked him.

“But family room not a bad idea though...”

And the word family distracted Myungsoo. He remembered something.

“Mr. Kim...”


“Myung and mommy will visit Jungkookie hyung, but it’s vacation for family.”

Namjoon stole a glance on Seokjin. “Family?”

And Seokjin could only bit his lower lip while Namjoon’s eyes tenderly glanced at him.

Myungsoo nodded. “Mr. Kim please be family and join vacation with Myung and mommy.”

Dammnn. Namjoon mentally slapped himself. His own child asked him to become a family.

“Mr. Kim would love to...” Namjoon smiled and ruffled his son’s hair.


“We can be family for sure.” Namjoon smiled. “But, it depends on mommy.”

Myungsoo’s eyes widened. He needed his mother’s approval for having his beloved Mr. Kim as family? Okay then. “Mommy, can we?”

Namjoon held himself to not laugh as he saw both Seokjin and Myungsoo’s expression. Both were hilarious, and Namjoon was a jerk. He still had this manipulative soul that he could promise it is now in a positive way, for positive purpose. He grinned michievously. “Mommy Seokjin, can we?”

Seokjin rolled his eyes. “With one condition...”




The autumn was just begun, and the weather was quite nice. Wore ripped black jeans and a nice pink turtleneck sweater, Seokjin just did his old ritual routine in the university library and then went into the coffee shop near the library building. He ordered a cup of hot chocolate and a piece of lemon cake. Sat in the corner of the coffee shop near the window. When he was in the middle of enjoying his lemon cake, someone greeted him.


Seokjin looked up. The man who greeted him was his crush. Kim Hot Genius. Kim Namjoon. And the man was so gorgeous wearing black jeans, navy blue long sleeves, and faded blue jacket jeans. Plus adorable dimpled smile that made Seokjin fluttered.

“Uhh, I have problem. I wanted to enjoy my iced americano, but there’s no empty space around.” Namjoon pointed the cup on his left hand. “May I sit here?”

Seokjin looked around. There were some empty spaces.

“I meant, there is. But I... I want to accompany you. May I?”

The chair in front of Seokjin was empty. And Namjoon asked him whether he could join to sit with him or not. Well, why not? Seokjin bit his lower lip and answered. “Uhh... Yeah...” He nodded. “Sure... Have a sit.”

Namjoon smiled and pulled the chair. “Ohh, anyway, let me introduce myself first. My name is Namjoon. Kim Namjoon.” Namjoon reached out his hand, and Seokjin welcomed it for a friendly handshake. And before Seokjin could release his hand, the man added. “Seokjin, right?”

With a surprised look, Seokjin replied. “You know my name?”

Namjoon released their hands and nodded. “I see you around.” He took a seat. “And found out people call you Kim Lovely Seokjin.”

Seokjin was on his way to sipped his hot chocolate. “Kim what?” 

“Well...” Namjoon grinned. “You are indeed lovely.”

And the sweet talk made Seokjin coughed on his sweet drink.

“You alright?” Namjoon took a sheet of tissue paper from the corner of the table and wiped Seokjin’s mouth.

Seokjin coughed once more before answered. “I’m good.”

There was an awkward silence between them, until Namjoon encouraged himself to talk more.

“There...” Namjoon cleared his throat. “I might sounds like a creepy stalker, but, I often see you had some coffee here with someone.”

Seokjin raised his eyebrow as he waited Namjoon to continue.

“I’m sorry I’m being rude for asking this, but I really wanted to know.” Namjoon took a deep breath. “Are you in a relationship with him?”

“Him? You meant Hyosang?” Seokjin unexpectedly smiled. “If you were talking about the man I used to spent my afternoon here, his name is Hyosang.”

“Ohh...” Namjoon fisted his palm. His gesture stiffened.

Another awkward silence wafted out.

“And I’m not dating him.”

Namjoon lifted his head, stared on Seokjin. His gesture softened. “Are you sure? I doubt a person like you has no boyfriend nor a lover.”

Seokjin shrugged. “Sadly, that’s a fact.”

“That’s great.” Namjoon showed a relief feeling. “If it’s so, may I ask you for a date?”

“A date?”

“You are single, and I’m single. I like you. I think, we could make us a perfect couple.”

“Wait, what?” Too soon. Seokjin was way surprised.  

And Namjoon didn’t stop right there. “Are you free tomorrow night? What about dinner, in a fancy Italian restaurant?”

Seokjin knitted his eyebrows, questioning if the man in front of him was the real Kim Hot Genius. This Kim might be hot, and somehow mastered a sweet talk. Probably not really. But this Kim also had the clumsy nerd and awkward amateur vibes. Confessed and asked him for a date not long after he introduced himself? That’s creepy. But Seokjin also weirdly found it cute. Cute, because Seokjin had crush on him. And Seokjin would love to find out more about the other side of Namjoon. The flaws and the weirdness ones.

“I like pasta.” Seokjin smiled. “And I would love to go for a dinner date with you.”

Namjoon was about to speak more, but he had no chance to talk because a squeaky nasal voice distracted them.

“Mommy!!” The sound of tiny running, filled the air.

And both Seokjin and Namjoon sighed and chuckled.

Seokjin peeked from his shoulder. Namjoon turned around and glared into people who sat at another corner near the front door in the opposite side of the coffee shop. Their eyes met one’s.

“Tae?” Seokjin smiled. Namjoon clicked his tongue.

“We tried our best!!” That was Taehyung, waved his hand to Seokjin. “But Myung wanted to join his parents!”

“No.” Namjoon crossed his arms on his chest. “What I wanted to ask you was why you were here?”

“We were all curious, hyung.” That was Jimin.

“Okay, I texted them.” And that was Bomi. “But, I didn’t invite anyone. They insisted to come.”

Not only Taehyung, Jimin, and Bomi. Jungkook, Yoongi, and surprisingly Hyosang also joined there. They waved their hands to greeted both Seokjin and Namjoon. And Namjoon could only pinched his nose bridge.

Actually, Seokjin asked Bomi to help him to supervise Myungsoo while he and Namjoon wanted to complete the missed important piece of puzzle, of their relationship. As well to showed Bomi, that she didn’t fail anything. That she did her best to protect Namjoon. That she took a good care on her cousin. That what happened to Seokjin wasn’t her fault. That she could throw away her guilty feelings and witness that she could trust Namjoon.

That was Seokjin’s plan. To thanked Bomi. And the plan was probably seemed lame. But Seokjin didn’t care, as it was somehow important for him to lightened up another burden on his chest. He needed to fix it. He needed Bomi to see it.

Only Seokjin didn’t know, and didn’t expect that the others, even Hyosang would come to joined.

Though the situation didn’t go as smooth as he planned it, Seokjin gave Bomi an ‘okay’ sign.

“Hi.” Seokjin helped Myungsoo who tried to climb onto his lap.

“Mommy, Jungkookie hyung said Myung can have iced coffee if mommy said yes.”

Seokjin laughed bitterly as he glared at Jungkook who grinned michievously at him. “Myung can have iced coffee later, when Myung is bigger enough.”

“Big like Jungkookie hyung?”

“Yup.” Seokjin took his hot chocolate. “But for now, beside milk and apple juice, hot chocolate is the best choice for Myung.”

Seokjin enjoyed another piece of lemon cake with Myungsoo. And Namjoon ordered some more cinnamon streusel cakes and iced caramel mocha latte for everyone. He still had some issue to complete and the audience refused to leave. They even moved into another closer table. When Namjoon complained about privacy, Jungkook casually said ‘What privacy? I’m recording this, for Myung’s 21st birthday.’

Namjoon moved to sit beside Seokjin. He needed to tell his son important thing. “Myungie, remember when Myung asked Mr. Kim to be part of family, so we can go on family vacation together?”

Myungsoo nodded.

“But first, one question about family.” Namjoon poked Myungsoo’s signature dimple. “What suit best with the word ‘mommy’ hmm?”

Myungsoo took another bite of lemon cake his mother gave him as he knitted his eyebrows cutely. What suit best with the word mommy? Well, he asked Namjoon to be part of family, but he didn’t know much about family. He only knew he lived with his mother, so... “Uhh... Myung?”

Namjoon laughed. “Myung of course. What else?”

“What else, mommy?” Myungsoo asked for help. He didn’t want to fail the answer. He wanted Namjoon to join the family vacation so bad.

Seokjin gave Myungsoo an awkward smile just to make the baby boy pouted. Jumped on his mother’s lap asking for an answer.

“Mommy and...” Namjoon playfully raised his eyebrows.

The baby boy looked up facing his mother. The question was actually familiar. What suit best with the word mommy? Mommy. Mommy... Wait. He watched these kids program on television, and the word mommy suited with...

Myungsoo turned his attention back on Namjoon and tilted his head. “Daddy?”

Namjoon smiled and nodded. “Daddy.”

Myungsoo squeaked. “Mommy!! Myung can answer the question. We going vacation with ---“ Myungsoo curiously blinked. Confused with his own words.

“Daddy.” Namjoon ran his hand across his son’s hair, ruffled it lovingly. “From now on please call Mr. Kim ‘daddy.’”

“Like Myung call Papa Hyosang?”

“Uhh, close, but ---“

“Myung can call aunty Bomi ‘Mama’ okay?!” Taehyung shouted across the table.

“Tae, please.” Bomi scolded.

“Okay, sorry.”

“It’s like Myung call Papa Hyosang.” Seokjin sent help. “The difference is, from now on daddy will help mommy to raise Myung. And we will share bedroom with daddy.”

Myungsoo tilted his head, still far from understand but all he cared was Mr. Kim now a family. “Now daddy can go family vacation with Myung and mommy?”

“Yup. Myungie, mommy, and daddy.”

It’s now official.

“Yay! Daddy we going for family vacation!!”

Seokjin and Namjoon sighed in relieved. Seokjin felt so grateful for getting the miracle he once asked. To properly gave Namjoon the second chance. And Namjoon felt so lucky for having the second chance to protect his precious ones. His lovely little family.




“Hana, look.” A young lady poked her friend to check what she saw.

“Is that...”

“Kim Hot Genius and Kim Lovely Seokjin?” They said in unison.

There were two young ladies that happened to saw Namjoon and Seokjin around the parking lot. They entered the university when both Kims were preparing their graduation.

“I didn’t know that they were in such relationship. I thought Kim Seokjin was with Jin Hyosang?”

“Yeah the rumour said that Hyosang and Seokjin were engaged.” The one named Hana shrugged.

“Wait. Don’t tell me that the kid...” The young lady raised her eyebrow when her friend Hana took some photos of Namjoon and Seokjin on her cellphone. “What are you doing?”

“Got me an instagram contents?”

“Geez. That’s rude.”




Namjoon and Seokjin were finally separated with the others. Bomi and Hyosang had plan to go to the cinema, and Taehyung wanted to join with those two, along with Jungkook. Yoongi and Jimin decided to went back into their apartment.

They walked side to side. With Namjoon carried sleeping Myungsoo on his cradle. They had casual conversation as they walked heading into the parking lot.

“I’m glad we could show Bomi that she had nothing to worry about us.” Seokjin looked up to the sky, and stared back to the man beside him. Namjoon. “She didn’t deserve any guilty feelings for having thoughts she failed to keep her promise to your mother that caused pain to us and people around us.”

“I know... It was all my bad...” Namjoon moved his left arm to encircled on Seokjin’s waist. “I’m sorry...”

“And Bomi deserves Hyosang.”

“Hyosang better protect Bomi from now on. And forget you.”

Namjoon got a light smack on his shoulder.

“But I kinda afraid with Taehyung and Jungkook. I have feeling that Taehyung still into Bomi.”

“They will be fine. Jungkook could be Taehyung’s cure.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Namjoon gave a light brush on Seokjin’s waist, to calm the nerve.

“I’m so grateful. Now Myung had someone to be called daddy. And it’s you.”

“And I’m grateful, you welcomed me to be part of family. Even willing to share bedroom with me.” Namjoon grinned. And got another smacks on his shoulders.

“Not today, Namjoon... Not today...” Seokjin rolled his eyes in annoyance.

They enjoyed the peaceful silence as they had some sights of the nostalgic scenery around the university area.

“Anyway, Yoongi and Jimin are getting married next year.” Namjoon reached Seokjin’s hand, laced their fingers together. “So, can we quickened our progress? Dating today and get married tomorrow?”

“What? No need to rush things.”

“Next week?”

They reached Namjoon’s car.

Seokjin chuckled. “Well... What about next month?”

Namjoon held up Seokjin’s hand. He stared on the pale wrist where Seokjin had put the bracelet he gave. The selfharm scars were all faded. No more fresh scratches there. He smiled, and kissed Seokjin’s knuckles. “Okay, I will ask Jooheon to prepare our wedding.”

“Nice. I’ll be ready then...”

Seokjin stared at Namjoon. A half of year that was so frustrating since Namjoon came back into his life, turned his world up and down. So many surprise. So much conflicted feelings.

And so many things happened in a whole month. Began with how he scared Namjoon would take Myungsoo from him. The bullet shoot incident. The moment he thought he gonna lose Namjoon and would never get the chance to fix what’s broken inside him. A week of emergency scrambled eggs, and two weeks of Namjoon’s speedy recovery. Later he gave Namjoon the right and permission to be called daddy by their son. And the most surprise, he didn’t even know where he got the courage to be ready for a marriage.

But Seokjin admitted, he loved Namjoon. And still loves him. Terribly much.



Seokjin tiptoed to kiss Myungsoo, and then gave Namjoon a light peck on his lips. They were staring each other, for a moment, until Namjoon pulled Seokjin closer, for another kiss. A passionate ones.


You are forgiven...