Chapter 1: Politics
Chapter Text
McGonagall had had enough of this petty feud. She was a woman of many experiences, a woman who had chosen to pursue her passion in educating instead of caving to her parents' wishes and making a name for herself in the history books. But in all her years of chasing down trouble makers and protecting the school from figurative and literal evil, she had rarely had to deal with the type of ruckus caused by one Mister Harry James Potter.
If he wasn’t doing something to get himself killed, he was picking fights with other students or making a complete nuisance of himself. It’d taken every ounce of self-control she had had not to scream when Harry first arrived with the same smirk as his father, the same hair, the same way of standing, the same habit of hexing anyone who looked at him sideways.
But, of course, he wasn’t James and however much he might have looked and acted like his father, his eyes gave him away. There was Lily in him too, though McGonagall was at times hard pressed to see it. Smart, sensible, brave Lily.
McGonagall remembered keenly how her heart had broken when she heard about Lily Potter’s passing. McGonagall missed her dearly and often wondered what Lily would have to say to her son now. He had been only one-year-old at the time so he wouldn’t remember her, but right now, a good scolding might do him well. Unfortunately, James Potter wasn’t the scolding kind. And as much as McGonagall liked to think of herself as something of a mother figure to Harry, of course there would be no substitute for what he had never known.
James had been given far too much freedom as a child and now he had given Harry far too much freedom as well. It was obvious he loved and doted on his son, but he seemed incapable of reigning Harry in. Or perhaps he didn’t want to.
And that was only half the problem. Draco Malfoy was far from an example student either. There was a fire inside of him that exploded when he and Harry crossed paths. Whereas James had been too kind to Harry, McGonagall had the feeling Draco’s father was far too hard on him. He was only fourteen but sometimes McGonagall thought that he didn’t know how to be a child. He withered when he made mistakes and acted out to compensate for whatever it was he thought he lacked.
Narcissa Malfoy had passed away during Draco’s second year and the poor boy barely held himself together. It was around that time that Draco’s rage begun to show itself. And it was no wonder. Where else were all those emotions going to go? It couldn’t be healthy for a child his age to be bottling everything up inside of him.
Both boys were in fourth year and things were not getting better. McGonagall was afraid someone was going to get seriously hurt.
With that in mind, she had called for both boys’ fathers to attend a special Parent/Teacher conference. They were only at the start of the new school year and she had already given Harry and Draco more detention in two weeks than some students get in their entire seven years at Hogwarts. She wanted to put a stop to this before it became more than she or anyone else could handle.
McGonagall welcomed both men into her office with hope springing inside her. It was rare to have parents come all the way to the castle, but she felt the circumstance warranted it.
Calmly, she explained the situation. She tried not to use any hard wording or place blame on anyone in particular. She wanted a conversation that would hopefully lead them to finding a way to get through to the children.
In retrospect, she might have thought it out more. It had taken a grand total of seven and a half minutes before she was starting to fear there would be a duel in her chambers.
“My son didn’t start this!” Lucius Malfoy looked completely offended, the perfect picture of a parent who refused to believe the worst of his son.
“If Harry did, I’m sure he had a valid reason,” James was as McGonagall remembered him, arrogant and completely unconvinced that he was wrong.
“If your child lacks basic self control, I’m not sure he’s fit to be around other children,” Lucius snarled.
“I raised Harry to stand up for what he believes in.”
“And he believes in unprovoked violence?”
“’Unprovoked’ isn’t the word I’d use-”
“Gentlemen!” McGonagall used her warning tone that stopped students in their tracks. It was both validating and disappointing that it still seemed to work on both grown men. She was exasperated. Keeping students from each other’s throats was one thing, but surely she didn’t need to do the same for two adults? “I will have you know that they are both equally given to picking fights with each other for a myriad of arbitrary reasons.”
Both men seemed satisfied with that and McGonagall resisted the urge to roll her eyes. How could they be proud that both their sons were equal in making her life miserable?
“We need a solution,” she said calmly.
“Why?” James asked, looking bored, “they have wands, don’t they? Can’t they settle it themselves?”
Lucius snorted, “What I would expect from an undignified troll.”
“Afraid your son doesn’t stand a chance?”
McGonagall squeezed her eyes shut, a headache mounting.
“Draco has never lost at anything in his entire life.”
“Not including Quidditch, you mean, because he sure excels at losing there.”
“I meant anything substantial. Quidditch isn’t exactly graded.”
McGonagall was regretting calling this meeting. How could she have been so foolish to believe that fifteen plus years out of Hogwarts might mean that they wouldn’t turn into giant manchildren once they were inside her office.
“Gentlemen,” she interrupted them, “I am not interested in more fighting. I want a diplomatic solution.”
“They’re kids,” James said, “Let them have fun.”
McGonagall narrowed her eyes at him, “I am well aware of your definition of fun, Mr. Potter.”
James shrugged, “He’ll grow out of it.”
“As I recall, it took the total of seven years for you to grow an ounce of maturity,” McGonagall took pride in the way he flinched at that. When Lucius snickered, she rounded on him next, “And I’m not convinced you’ve ever matured.” She was satisfied with the way both men were now quiet, glaring at the ground or off to the side. She continued, “Harry and Draco will not have the entirety of their formative years to learn to respect one another.” She was not going to deal with this for three more years. They were going to deal with this now while blood was generally unspilled… well, mostly unspilled.
She seemed to have brought the room back down to Earth. She relaxed a little. “Now, Harry has been vastly immature about-”
“So we can all agree that this is his son’s immaturity-” Lucius started.
And, of course, James was ready to argue at the drop of a hat, “You want to talk about immaturity? Your son is-”
McGonagall rubbed her temples, tuning them both out. Maybe she should let the two families off each other after all. She’d already lost track of the argument happening in front of her.
“Your son is the one who hit mine! Draco would never raise his fist to another!”
James laughed unkindly, “Oh? So the black eye Harry came home with last Christmas was from the Whomping Willow, I suppose?”
“If that was Draco’s doing, I’m sure it was magical and your son didn’t have the reflexes to defend himself.”
“Or maybe your Draco fights like a Muggle but would never say so because his daddy’s a Purebloodist coward!”
Both men were on their feet now and McGonagall felt she should probably step in. As nice as the quiet would be if they killed each other, it would be another mess she’d have to clean up. She waved her wand and both men were pulled back into their chairs by the armrests reaching out and grabbing them. They looked at her in surprise, almost as if they had forgotten she was there.
“Well,” she said coldly, “I can see there’s little hope of reaching a conclusion today. Mark my words, they will learn to live with each other and if you’re not going to help me, I will deal with this myself.”
James and Lucius looked appropriately ashamed of themselves.
McGonagall kicked them both out of her office. They stood together awkwardly outside her office door.
As soon as James had stepped into that office, he had felt like a child in trouble again. It was like the numerous other times he’d had to stare at that wallpaper and come up with excuses for his behaviour. It had been pure instinct to attack Malfoy and try to shift the blame from Harry. But it had been fifteen years since he’d last been in there and he was embarrassed he’d regressed into a child so quickly. Despite the recent evidence, he had in fact grown up and he was quite capable of an adult conversation.
“Well, we screwed that up,” James said.
“You screwed that up,” Malfoy retorted.
“I didn’t-!” James clenched his fists, ready for another go, but then reminded himself that he was an adult. He took a breath, “We both could’ve been more mature.” If Lily had been here, things would have gone a lot differently. If Lily were here, Harry would probably know better.
James glanced at Malfoy to try to gage his reaction. The other man seemed a lot less irritating out here in the corridor than he had in McGonagall’s office. He had clearly come from work. He was wearing Ministry Robes over a dark waistcoat and shirt. He looked stylish, if a little stiff. It was the sort of dignified style you saw in Witch Weekly. It was the sort of style James could never hope to emulate. It would take a miracle to make his hair lay smooth like that.
Malfoy cleared his throat, bringing his hand up to his mouth. “I suppose I said some things I didn’t intend to say.”
James sighed, letting the sound spin around in the silence. He sure missed not having these complicated adult problems. And he was worried that he might have fractured the respect that had grown between him and McGonagall over the years. She probably thought he was a colossal baby, letting his emotions get away like that.
James didn’t actually believe the Malfoys were bad people. He knew bad people. Lestrange, Nox, and Avery, for example. The Malfoys were more like completely ignorant, which was its own problem, but not one that would be solved by Harry beating the snot out of Malfoy Junior whenever they crossed paths.
James knew this was in large part his fault. He had taught Harry that fortune favours the bold and that it was better to die a hero than a coward. Those ideas had translated into this mess. He would have to apologize to Lucius Malfoy eventually because whatever the man’s personal politics, his son didn’t deserve to be punished for not knowing any better. And he was going to have to find a way to talk to Harry about this. The last thing he wanted was for Harry to relive his father’s mistakes.
Lucius considered continuing on his way, forgetting Potter and looking forward to hopefully (but unlikely) never hearing about him or his son ever again. But then Potter said, “I can’t believe it’s been 15 years already.” It was closer to 21 years for Lucius, but he didn’t feel like saying so. He was struck by the odd casual way in which Potter was now speaking to him.
Lucius wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say in return, but Potter seemed far less annoying out here, outside the intimidating office that anyone who was anyone had seen the inside of at least once.
Lucius wasn’t sure why Potter was speaking to him like they hadn’t been a second away from cursing each other. But since he didn’t know the reason, he felt like ending this apparent truce would be a mistake, “I’m irritated McGonagall can still terrify me like that.”
Potter was right. When you were at Hogwarts it always seemed like yesterday you were a student and not a near quarter-century graduated. And maybe both of them had been too sensitive and overprotective earlier to have a productive conversation about their problematic sons.
Potter turned away from staring at the ceiling to look at him. Lucius immediately noticed the perfect balance of brown and green in his eyes. The sudden determination in them sent a shiver down Lucius’ spine. “I’m sorry,” Potter said and Lucius had the distinct impression that that was a phrase worth savouring since Potter didn’t seem like someone who admitted guilt easily, “I didn’t mean to get so worked up,” he gave Lucius a sly smirk, “I spent so much of my youth in that office, I got defensive right off the bat.”
Lucius felt he could understand that. They had both been childish. It was something about sitting there, knowing they were in trouble that had crawled under their skins, made them act out, made them feel like teenagers all over again. And Lucius was aware that this apology was some kind of noble Gryffindor posturing, but he found he didn’t mind all that much.
“I shouldn’t have called you a Purebloodist coward,” Potter said.
The term was used to describe people who felt their families needed to be ‘saved’ from Muggles. It was mostly used in association to the Purebloodist extremists who would do anything to keep Muggleborn children from the Wizarding World. The Malfoys did have a reputation of being pureblood supremacists, so it wasn’t like it’d been said without any context.
Lucius gave a tired sigh, “I know what people think of my family.”
If Lucius was being honest, he was envious of Potter. Potter had the freedom to live his life as he saw fit, he didn’t have to hide his personal politics or pretend to be content when he wasn’t. Lucius had always been taught that it was more important to retain familiar and powerful connections than it was to express yourself. It wasn’t fair that James Potter got to do both of those things at once.
Lucius let people infer what they would about his views because it never hurt him that people thought he might be an extremist when he was, in fact, only a ‘traditionalist’. But even that position was becoming more and more difficult to defend as time progressed. Potter was right about him being a coward.
It had been Narcissa who had begun pointing out traditionalist absurdities when they married. She had had family who hadn’t been afraid to shed their Pureblood connections and move on with their lives. But she had kept her own opinions out of sight of the rest of her family because, in the end, she believed in family obligation. As did Lucius.
These days, Lucius wasn’t sure what he believed in anymore. ‘Family’ didn’t have the same weight to it without her. Narcissa would probably have managed today’s conference much better than him. She would have gotten everything handled and finished before the meeting even ended. Instead, Lucius had let himself run his mouth and Draco probably did lie about fighting because he thought Lucius would disapprove.
Potter ran a hand through his messy hair and exhaled noisily, “Listen, I’ll have a talk with Harry, see if I can’t get him to lay off a little.”
Lucius gave him a curt nod, “I’ll speak to Draco about the importance of self-control.”
Potter gave him a nod in return. Then he flashed Lucius a smile. Lucius wasn’t sure how he felt about this man anymore. He didn’t like how Potter seemed to think that his smile worked on anyone. Lucius didn’t like how it apparently did.
James took his time wandering the castle before he made his way to Gryffindor Tower. Fond memories welled up inside him as he took in the familiar cracks in the wall, the sound of the floor under his shoes, the musky scent of old books and older spells. He was almost envious at how Harry would get to spend the next three years here, learning, exploring, falling in love, fighting…
“Well, if it isn’t James Potter,” The Fat Lady sang at him when he sauntered up to the portrait, “The days seem to run together for us pictures, but I swear I could have fainted the first time I saw your son. It was like looking at a mirror image.”
James grinned at her, “Causes trouble, does he?”
The Fat Lady smirked, “Not nearly enough as I’m sure you’d like-”
She was cut off by Harry bursting out of the common room. “Dad!”
James hugged him and gave the Fat Lady an apologetic grin when she’d swung back into place, “How did you know I was here?”
“The map.”
“Ah, of course.” There was a rush of fondness at the mention of ‘the map’. James and Sirius had found it hilarious when they’d heard Harry ended up with it after all this time. Remus found it considerably less hilarious as he was a teacher and Harry was a handful even at the best of times.
“Let’s go for a walk,” James said, putting an arm over Harry’s shoulders.
They walked down some corridors at random and even through a secret passage that apparently hadn’t seen a new password for the past twenty or so years. They ended up in a disused, sunny corridor. The windows were opaque with dust and cobwebs but it was warm and quiet. The sunset turned the walls a pinkish orange.
“McGonagall asked me to come today,” James started and Harry raised an eyebrow, “She’s worried you and Malfoy are really going to hurt each other one of these days.”
Harry snorted, “Then he should stop acting like a haughty prick all the time, going on and on about his family’s old magic.”
James physically flinched. He could hear those exact words coming out of his own mouth once upon a time. In fact, he was pretty certain he had said something to that effect fairly recently.
“Malfoy’s father and I had a talk and-”
Harry scowled, “Ugh, both of them are pointy-faced, pompous bastards.”
When did Harry start talking like that? It was definitely James’ fault. He was sure of that. Was it too late to start watching what he said? He gave Harry a wary half-smile because he didn’t know what to say. He wanted Harry to have all the freedom in the world to express himself, but maybe there was a limit to how much someone should say about other people. In fact, James thought Lucius Malfoy’s face was sort of nice looking, not that pointy at all.
James sighed, “Listen, I want to tell you a story,” he moved over to one side of the corridor. He spelled the dust away and hoisted himself up onto the window ledge. Harry did the same at the one across.
“There was a boy in my year when I was at Hogwarts. We didn’t get on. In fact, I made sure we never got on.” James told Harry about the boy in Slytherin whom James and his friends had bullied for fun. He was careful not to say his name, careful not to let on that Harry might know him. “I know it’s hard for you to ignore him,” James admitted, “when everything he does is annoying to you… but these things can haunt a person. And one day you might wake up and realize you don’t like who you are.”
“Was that what happened?” Harry asked.
James inclined his head a little, he stared at his shoes, he wasn’t sure how much he should say, “Yes.”
Harry was staring at him and James knew he would have to elaborate, “At your mother’s funeral, this boy… well -a man by then- he was there. We didn’t say anything to each other. We couldn’t. Not after what we’d put each other through and not after…” he trailed off, “well, it doesn’t matter now. But I realized that he was hurting too, but there was no way of reaching across all that distance we’d created. On the worst day of my life, there was someone who might have known what I was feeling and I couldn’t even…” James swallowed, “I couldn’t even thank him for coming. There was nothing but hate and anger there and maybe if we’d ever once treated each other with some kind of respect, maybe I wouldn’t have had to go through that alone.”
Harry was confused, “Wait, so this guy was mom’s friend?”
“He was. Once. Bullying him turned him into someone else… someone hurt and lonely. And when someone is hurt, they lash out at the people closest to them. I hurt him and he hurt Lily and… and it’s a giant circle, Harry. I don’t want you to get caught in something like that.”
“If he came to Mom’s funeral, he couldn’t have hated you.”
“He didn’t come for me, he came for her.”
“So? That’s not your fault.”
James knew he wasn’t getting through to him. “Harry, there might be a time in your life when you need a favour and the only people around you might be the people you’ve hurt. Do you think any of them will help you?” Harry made a face, but James continued, “If that’s fine with you, then fine,” James jumped down from the window and Harry followed suit, “This is the last thing I’ll say about it,” he put his hands on Harry’s shoulders, “Acting like a bully is what cowards do.” These final words seemed to have the desired effect because Harry finally looked lost in thought.
James had always told Harry that Gryffindors were brave above all else, saying something was ‘cowardly’ is about the worst thing he could say about it.
“I’m not a coward,” Harry said moodily, as if daring James to try proving him otherwise.
James poked him in the side, “Then don’t act like one.”
James dropped Harry back off at Gryffindor Tower. Harry still seemed to be lost in thought. But it was anybody’s guess as to what that meant. He could have been thinking about what James said or he could have been thinking about what he was going to eat for dinner that night. James gave Harry a parting hug and told him he didn’t want to have to sit in McGonagall’s office again. He had done that often enough for seven whole years. Then he promised to take Harry to Diagon Alley during the next break.
He left Harry at the Gryffindor common room and went down to Remus’ office to see his friend before making his way back to Godric’s Hollow.
Walking down the stone stairs to the Slytherin dorms felt eerily like coming home even though Lucius hadn’t called this place home in a long, long time. Maybe that was why some people got jobs here and never left.
When Lucius got to the bottom floor, Draco was already waiting for him outside the stone wall leading to the Slytherin common room.
“What did she say?” Draco demanded immediately.
Lucius motioned for Draco to follow him and they walked into an old classroom.
Lucius didn’t want to tell Draco that the whole meeting was a waste of time because he and Potter’s father couldn’t be civilized, so he said, “Whatever McGonagall decides to do, I’ve decided to support her decision.” Draco narrowed his eyes at that.
Lucius put a hand on Draco’s shoulder, “Draco, I expect you to act like someone worthy of our family name.” He ignored all the thoughts in his head that were yelling he hadn’t been an example of that today either.
“But, Father, he started it! He always does! He-” Lucius held up a hand and Draco immediately stopped talking, though he looked annoyed even so.
“Really, Draco,” Lucius sighed, “What would your mother say?”
Draco’s eyes widened and grew cold, but he didn’t say anything else.
“If you understand, then I don’t want to hear anything more about you and Potter fighting.”
Draco looked like he was going to argue again but then snapped his mouth shut and stormed away.
Lucius waited until Draco was back in the Slytherin dorms before making his way up to the Entrance Hall. A piece of him knew that he shouldn’t be using Narcissa against Draco like that. But it was more difficult to get his feelings across without it. Still, sometimes her absence felt fresh. And he and Draco had never had a real conversation about it. They couldn’t, they had spent these past two years not talking about it, it would be stranger to start now, wouldn’t it?
James told Remus the whole sequence of events. He didn’t leave out any details. He didn’t feel ashamed to admit how immature he’d been, Remus had witnessed him do far more shameful things.
“But you talked to Harry?”
James ran a hand through his hair, “I told him it wasn’t very Gryffindor to bully other kids.”
They exchanged a look, Remus gave him a small smile, “Well that’s a relief.” Neither of them said how it had been an embarrassingly long time before James or Sirius had come to that conclusion.
James sighed and turned his head to stare at the ceiling, “What do I do, Moony? What if he makes all my mistakes?”
“You need to learn to tell him no.”
James groaned, “But he looks at me with those big green puppy-dog eyes. I’ll never forgive Sirius for teaching him that.”
Remus snickered, “You always were a hopeless case when it came to Lily’s eyes,” he took a sip of tea, “Or Sirius’ for that matter.”
James dropped his head into his hands, “I know.”
“We don’t want him to have to learn the hard way,” Remus said, ever the voice of reason.
James remembered the very moment Remus had found out he’d be working on the same staff as Snape. Remus had often taken a backseat in Sirius and James’ bullying, but he couldn’t say he was innocent. There was a lot of bad blood there and James thanked all the magic in the world that he’d never been put in a similar situation. If Snape and him could avoid each other for the rest of their lives, it would probably be for the best. James was always keyed up with anxiety when he came to Hogwarts thinking that it was possible to run into Snape here. But James’ knowledge of the intimate details of the castle let him sneak around practically invisible.
“What about Draco’s father?” Remus picked absentmindedly at something stuck to the table.
“We reached a truce, I think. I’ll talk to my son and he’ll talk to his.”
Remus got up to put the kettle away, “Well that’s good. To be honest, most of the Professors will be relieved to hear that.”
James downed the last of his tea, “What’s his deal anyway?”
Remus hummed. “Lucius Malfoy?” he shrugged, “Ministry worker. Education department. Thinks it gives him some right to lecture teachers about how we teach.” Remus sounded bitter, apparently he’d had run-ins with Lucius Malfoy before.
“That bad huh?” James used his wand to wash his teacup and put it away.
Remus finished with the kettle and sat back down at the table. “He’s been different since Narcissa passed away. I don’t think anyone’s gotten a strongly-worded-letter from him since.”
James nodded, he knew perfectly well how everything in the world was different after someone you loved was gone. James scratched his head in thought. He should have been more composed at that meeting. They were both single fathers trying to raise bratty kids without the person they had always thought would be by their sides. They probably had more in common than they thought. It would have been nice to talk instead of what they’d ended up doing.
“Have you been sleeping?” Remus surprised him by asking, “You look tired.”
James smirked, “You can just say I look like crap.”
Remus smirked back, “Some of us have manners.”
James rubbed a hand over his face, “I finally let Vance talk me into taking a committee position. I’ve been reading paper after paper every night this week.”
Remus raised his eyebrows, “Really? I thought you said committee work was for bored blowhards?” Remus cracked into a smile, “Oh wait, I see it now.”
James snorted. “Well I am bored. Teaching Little League isn’t exactly rivetting.” James had never pursued a vocation like Remus and Sirius had. Instead he had been busy raising his son and then once Harry had headed off to school, he’d taken on a variety of volunteer jobs. Working for charities or making appearances at fundraisers. His favourite was coaching kids’ Quidditch and he was also very active advocating for Muggleborn rights.
Remus grinned at him, “Well thank Merlin for that. Keep busy, we all know what happens when James Potter gets bored.”
“Best days of your life?”
“Partnered closely with the near end of my life.”
James laughed at that. Then he yawned and stretched his arms over his head, “I’m exhausted,” he stood, “I better head home. See you Friday?”
“Of course.”
Sirius and James met Remus in Hogsmeade every Friday night for dinner. Remus said it was nice to trade the chaos of the castle for a different kind of chaos once a week.
“You know,” James paused, “You’re the only good role model Harry has.”
Remus frowned, “Don’t say that. You’re not a bad role model. Harry worships you, but you know he’s not going to listen to a word you say unless he sees you leading by example.”
James nodded, a tired sigh escaped him. “I know you’re right,” he patted Remus’ shoulder and stepped into the Floo. “In the meantime, don’t let the kid turn into me, okay?”
Remus smirked, “As if I’d let that happen.”
Lucius closed the telephone booth behind him and entered his code that magicked him into the Ministry of Magic elevator. He didn’t need to think at all as his body made the movements on its own. He pressed the button for floor 17 and waited. The elevator didn’t stop on any other level, it was too early for that.
The elevator pinged on his floor and he ignored the empty offices he passed on the way to his own. It didn’t bother him anymore that he was often the first to arrive and the last to leave. In the past he might have accused everyone else of slacking off, but these days he didn’t blame anyone who wanted to spend the evenings or the mornings with their families. It was something Lucius wished he had done more when he’d had the chance. These days there wasn’t anyone waiting on him. Draco was only home twice a year and the rest of the time Lucius just looked for excuses not to go back to the huge, empty manor he called home. When he did go home, he holed up in his office there, extending his work day indefinitely.
Unsurprisingly, there were memos and letters piled up from the hours he’d been away. They never seemed to stop. Most of the time Lucius didn’t mind. He liked to keep busy.
But replying to letters was mindless work and Lucius let his mind wander as his practiced quill ran over his parchment.
He had seen James Potter around, of course. Potter didn’t often socialize with Pureblood traditionalists, but they had sometimes ended up at that same fundraisers. Their social circles didn’t mix much though, so they had never spoken. All Lucius knew about him was from office gossip. He knew that Potter was an only child, that his wife had died in an accident 13 years ago. He knew that James played Quidditch on the Ministry recreational team and coached Little League.
“Oh good,” a voice broke him out of his thoughts, “I was worried I was going to have to drink a pot of coffee by myself.”
Lucius looked up at Emma Vanity standing in his doorway. One of the only other people in the building at this ungodly hour.
Emma and Lucius had been in Slytherin House together, though she was four years younger than him. They had rarely spoken during school but Lucius had saved her during a disaster of a meeting back when she started at the Ministry and they had been something like friends ever since.
Emma was one of the few people in the Ministry offices Lucius honestly liked. Vicious and cunning, she was an exemplary Slytherin in his opinion. She dressed like at any moment she might have to give her Minister of Magic acceptance speech and she wasn’t afraid to use her charisma to get anything she wanted. She may work in the boring Portkey Department as their Chief of Public Relations, but she was one of the least boring people Lucius had ever met. She gave the most entertaining and brutal interviews and could slay any reporter working against her with her eyes alone.
Emma let Lucius hide in her office from time to time when he needed to avoid something or someone. He, of course, did the same for her. The Portkey Department and Magical Education Department didn’t have too many joint projects, so people didn’t usually think to look for them in each other’s offices.
Emma waved her wand and two cups of coffee set themselves down on his desk. Usually they both had someone who made their coffees for them, but it was far too early for that.
“Thank you,” he said and took his cup into his hands.
He took a small sip and grinned at her. Emma always made his coffee just the way he liked it. Emma didn’t typically make coffee for anyone, not even herself, so he felt special on the mornings she wanted to chat.
Emma crinkled her nose, “Is it even coffee anymore when the sugar outweighs the caffeine content?”
Lucius shrugged, not rising to her bait, “What nightmares did you wake up to this morning?”
Emma rolled her eyes as she hoisted herself up onto Lucius’ desk. She blew a breath into her cup that made the steam from it spill over the rim for a second, “I wish I could say it’s this press conference coming up,” she took a tentative sip of her black coffee, “but I got another owl from my father’s solicitor today.”
Lucius hummed, “I see.”
Emma shook her head, “He won’t meet face to face. It’s my estate, he gave it to me. He can’t just take it back.”
Lucius waited to see if she was going to move into a longer rant, but she didn’t appear to want to dwell on it today.
“Anyway,” she said, changing the subject, “I heard you had a summons from the Deputy Headmistress, everything all right?”
“Draco’s been fighting with another boy.”
Emma raised an eyebrow, “And they needed you to go up there for that? Isn’t that like, half of what goes on up there?”
“It’s been… ongoing.”
Emma’s dark eyes widened just a little, “I didn’t think Draco was a big fighter. He’s always reading or writing, quiet stuff, you know?”
“Apparently Harry Potter brings out the worst in him.”
Emma had taken a sip of her coffee and then immediately almost spit it back out, “Oh? James Potter’s kid?” she was suddenly very interested in this story. “The office gossip pool will love that.”
Lucius narrowed his eyes, “I don’t need you feeding my business into the office gossip pool.”
“Hey,” Emma showed him her palm, defensive, “the office gossip pool is omniscient. This will find a way to get there whether I have anything to do with it or not.”
“It’s not that interesting.”
“You don’t think so? Mister Little League Quidditch, number one hottest dad is always of interest to the all-knowing gossip pool. Did you know his classes fill up the fastest? Half the parents who have their kids enrolled don’t even care about Quidditch. They just want an excuse to stare at his ass.”
He choked on his coffee.
“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice,” Emma said.
Lucius frowned, “I didn’t actually. I wasn’t really in the mood to check out the father of my son’s bully.” But she had reminded him of how it had made him feel when Potter had turned to him, hazel eyes full with resoluteness, making Lucius feel sluggish and dull by comparison. And that smile that could definitely be weaponized.
Emma shrugged, unconcerned whether or not she’d offended him, “At least you got an ‘in’. He doesn’t seem to be interested in anything except Quidditch and his son.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
Emma hummed, “It’s downright sad that he hasn’t dated all that much since his wife died. That’s a long, long time to go without,” she made a crude gesture, “don’t you think?”
“You’re vulgar. And it’s not an ‘in’,” he glared, “our kids were fighting.”
Emma smirked, “Still more interesting than Maddie from the Finance Department’s captivating tale about how she bumped him with her arm once and when she apologized, he smiled at her,” she rolled her eyes. “I want to strangle her every time she brings it up,” Emma’s eyes were shining as she focused on him, “So tell me, what happened?”
“Nothing happened,” he lied. He was not going to tell her how ridiculous he’d behaved. It also unnerved him how she always seemed to know things she shouldn’t know. Though, it was probably something that made her incredibly good at her job.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Don’t be boring. When’s the last time you told me a story that didn’t revolve around Draco or these memos?”
“I don’t want to hear that from you. You’re here later and earlier than I am and don’t think I don’t know what people say about me.”
“Well what they have to say about me is far more flattering.”
Lucius shook his head at her. “Are you done? I have to get through these before I can even think of starting today’s work.”
Emma set down her coffee mug. “Fine. I need to get back to work anyway,” she hopped off the desk, “Can’t hold my reputation as the best in the biz sitting around chatting with you.”
“You’re the one who came over here.”
Emma clicked her tongue at him as she exited.
Lucius heard the sound of the department door close behind her. When he turned back to his work, he realized she’d left her coffee mug sitting on top of his memos. There was a brown ring sinking into the parchment. He gave the mess an annoyed look. She had absolutely done that on purpose.
James took his stacks of papers over to Grimmauld Place. He could focus more easily with Sirius making a ruckus in the background.
Sirius ran a magical motorbike enhancement service out of his home. It combined his love of Muggle technology and his talent for fine-detailed wand work. James loved to watch him work and sometimes he even helped out.
James had been there all morning and must have sighed for the ten-thousandth time because Sirius poked his head up from where he’d been working for the past four hours and said, “Merlin, you sound like you’re studying for the Arithmancy NEWT all over again.”
James shoved the papers away and threaded his fingers through his hair, “Arithmancy was never this essential.”
“Relax, you’ll get it.”
Sirius’ faith in him was comforting. He smiled just a little, “Let’s go out. I can't write anymore, I’m blocked.” He was too frustrated to concentrate and they hadn’t gone out for a while. They hadn’t gone for a ride on Sirius’ bike in an even longer time. James used to feel like he practically lived on that thing.
Sirius raised an eyebrow, “Little busy, Prongs.”
“After that then.”
“This’ll take all week probably.”
James groaned. Sirius had been harder and harder to pull along over the years. James supposed it was something like maturity that Sirius didn’t follow after him without a second thought anymore. But it also made him feel a little lonely.
“Come on, blow off work for half a day.”
Sirius frowned, “No way, don’t you have other friends you could bully into truancy?”
“Tons. But they’re not as pretty as you.”
Sirius smirked, “Damn right.”
“Is it truancy if you run your own business?”
“Yeah, but it’s worse because you can’t even get away with it.”
James crossed his arms, “So you’re just going to sit there for a week?”
“It’s for a very important client.” Sirius was back at it, tinkering and magicking.
“They’re all very important clients,” James groaned. It was true, Sirius had quite the customer base. It was a secret, but there were even a couple of mid-level Muggle rockstars who’d found him with a lot of effort.
“Right,” Sirius agreed, “You get it.”
James rolled his eyes, “Well you have to eat sometime. Nobody wants shoddy magic work by a starving dog.”
“Okay, give me like… an hour. Two hours.” James knew Sirius well enough to know that he wasn’t going to get dragged away when he was in the middle of something.
James sighed, “Fine,” he turned back to the papers before him, he’d read through them one more time before trying again, “Two hours. And don’t do the puppy eyes, you promised.”
McGonagall had gathered the support of the other teachers in her plan to force Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy to get along. The other teachers seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief as she laid out her plan.
The two boys would have detention together every single week until they either learned to respect each other or learned to effectively ignore each other enough to cooperate. McGonagall had a rather large list of chores for the two troublemakers to accomplish for teachers who would be able to relax in the evenings instead. Two weeks in and it appeared to be working wonders. No one had been sent to the Infirmary in twelve days.
The boys groaned as she handed them their newest list. “Same as always, you’ll have until ten o’clock to accomplish as many of these tasks as possible. The sooner you get them done, the sooner you may return to your common rooms.” They would report to her every Friday until the end of term for a new list. “Like before, you may not divide the tasks, you will work together to get them done.”
With that, she sent the boys on their way, ignoring them as they grumbled under their breaths.
“This is your fault,” Harry muttered as they tracked their way around the outside of the castle, “If you hadn’t bled so much that last time, I could be at Quidditch practice right now.”
Draco huffed, “It was you who bled on Flitwick’s desk. I had the good sense to bleed in the rubbish like a civilized person.”
They had managed to barely speak to each other for the past two weeks, but apparently the silence war was over.
Harry rolled his eyes, “Will you shut up and look?” Then after a second, “What are we even looking for?”
“Purple truffles,” Draco rolled his eyes in annoyance, “They’re used in potions to make poisons and noxious gases. Though I’m not surprised you didn’t know that since it isn’t written on the back of Weasley’s head.”
Harry grinned, “What’s that? Jealous of his good looks?”
Draco snorted, “Yeah, right.”
“Or mine?”
“Please, you look like you’ve been struck by lightning every day since you were born.”
Harry stalked over to him and for a second Draco thought he was going to hit him but instead Harry ripped the list from his hand. “Where are these purple mushrooms supposed to be?”
Draco felt his heartbeat slow down, “In damp areas without much light.”
Harry looked like he had an idea. His green eyes looked like they were glowing from where Draco was standing. “So a place like the forest?”
Draco crossed his arms, “We can’t go into the forest.”
But Harry was already walking that way. “Why not? You scared?”
And Draco was absolutely not scared and to prove it, he followed Harry into the woods.
There hadn’t been any purple truffles near the mouth of the forest, so they had gone further and further in. There were lots of mushrooms but none of the sort they were looking for.
Then Draco remembered seeing them somewhere near the Quidditch Pitch and they had turned around. Only… they couldn’t remember which way they had come.
“It’s fine,” Harry said. “I’ll accio my broom.”
“Please do,” Draco said moodily, “And when it smashes into a million pieces hitting all the trees, I hope your team finally gives you the position you deserve. Dirt scraper.”
Harry scowled at him but he didn’t move. “Then what should we do?”
Something moved in the shadows that caused both boys to jump and stand closer together.
“I don’t know,” Draco admitted.
It was 10:15 and McGonagall was worried. She had thought the absence of yelling and curses had been a good sign, but now she couldn’t find them anywhere. In the two weeks before, they had always finished by 8:30 at the latest, but now they were past even the late deadline she had given them. When she asked their friends, no one seemed to know where they were.
Finally, a student mentioned she had seen them heading toward the woods. McGonagall scolded the student for not bringing that to her attention immediately and called the other Professors, “And someone get a hold of their fathers.”
Sirius’ workspace fireplace sprung to life and Remus’ fiery head asked, “Padfoot, is Prongs with you?”
Sirius put down the tools he’d been holding, “Yeah, why?”
“Harry’s gotten lost in the Forbidden Forest.”
James was already on his feet. “What? When?”
“Sometime this evening. Half the staff is already out looking for him. McGonagall left me in charge of Gryffindor Tower. She wants you to come.”
“Okay,” James said, already moving toward the Floo pot.
“Do you want me to come too?” Sirius asked, he was covered in grease. His hair was tied in a messy ponytail and his face was smeared with all sorts of dirt. He didn’t look anywhere near ready to be pulled away yet.
“No,” James heaved a sigh, “He’ll be fine. That kid could outsmart Death himself. I’ll Floo if I need you.”
“Okay,” Sirius said and patted James’ shoulder as he went to step into the grate. They knew Harry would be fine, not only was Harry quick on his feet, but the forest played definite favourites.
After Narcissa had gotten sick, Lucius threw himself into work. It had been his way of coping. When she passed, he hadn’t even taken the two weeks of bereavement leave because he could think of nothing worse than sitting in the empty manor with nothing but memories to torture him. At least at work, he could keep busy and keep his mind off of whatever was bothering him. People generally left him alone at work and he liked it that way
It was late, but Lucius was still there. He was finishing the last few reports he had to look at when there was a knock on his door. He didn’t look up, “What?”
“Uh, did you get my memo?” The department secretary, Libby or Linda or something asked. Shouldn’t she have gone home already?
Lucius continued writing, “I’ll look at it tomorrow.”
“It’s from Professor McGonagall,” Libby or Linda said, she seemed nervous lurking in his doorway, “it’s about your son.”
Lucius stopped writing. “Thanks Lynn.”
Libby or Linda or Lynn or whatever nodded and disappeared again.
He scanned the note and left immediately.
Potter Sr., McGonagall, and two other Professors were waiting for him at the entrance to the woods.
Lucius was furious, “You let children walk into the Forbidden Forest?” he demanded.
“Hey, it isn’t her fault,” Potter instantly jumped to McGonagall’s defense.
“It was probably your son who lead them to wander off!” Lucius glared.
Potter didn’t deny it, “Well that’s a relief because your son doesn’t seem like he could lead a Goblin to gold!”
Lucius clenched his fists. They didn’t have time to fight right now. Lucius hadn’t meant to snap at Potter or at McGonagall but the boys were missing and Lucius wasn’t going to say as much, but he didn’t exactly have faith that Draco could protect himself, alone, here in the Forbidden Forest.
Potter surprised him by muttering, “We’ll find them,” almost as if he was trying to reassure him. And the strangest part was, Lucius believed him. He felt that shiver go down his back again. When Potter’s eyes focused like that, it made Lucius’ mouth dry.
“We should enter the forest and head west,” Potter said, taking control of their group. “It’s the natural way someone’s pulled when they first enter. Let’s hope they didn’t split up.”
Lucius narrowed his eyes, “Spent a lot of time in there have you?”
Potter was focused on the task at hand, “Enough to know my way around. If they came in through this way, they most likely headed west and then north. There’s a kind of magical skip along there that makes you feel like you’ve doubled back. I’ll bet that’s what happened and now they’re lost.”
Potter fixed Lucius for a second with that determined look and it made Lucius swallow heavily. And then he found himself following Potter into the Forest without a second thought. The Professors filed in behind them, their wands out and illuminating the forest. Other teams of teachers had gone through different entrances to the forest.
Lucius walked behind Potter who moved forward with a confidant stride. Potter wasn’t wearing robes, just dark Muggle-style jeans and a red jumper. He had likely been at home when he’d gotten the message. He didn’t seem to be as focused on appearances as Lucius. Even when he was on his way to an emergency, Lucius always found time to check himself in a mirror. He wondered what it would be like to not care what other people thought when they saw him. Was that the secret to Potter’s confidence?
When the man wasn’t being infuriating, Lucius had to admit that he sort of liked him. Lucius found him interesting and he had always liked people who could take charge of situations. It had been a large part of the reason he’d fell for Narcissa. It was why he liked Emma so much. And even though he sort of wanted to knock Potter over sometimes, he liked that when Potter spoke, it was always the truth whether it was nice or not. There wasn’t any hidden meanings, only raw, unabashed honesty. Lucius had never met anyone like that before.
His father used to say that a man who spoke the whole truth, would get shot down the fastest and the hardest. It was better to bide your time and look for opportunities… but if that was the key to success, why was Lucius so unhappy, while Potter seemed to have it all figured out?
It was easy to see what Emma had been talking about. Potter was clever, confident, and well-off, it wasn’t a surprise that he would garner so much attention, especially from other single parents.
Lucius’ eyes wandered further, she definitely wasn’t wrong about Potter being fit either. Lucius eventually moved his eyes to the forest where he was supposed to be looking.
Draco had jumped again at something rushing through the brush. Harry would have laughed and made fun of him, but he wasn’t 100% sure what it was and was actually pretty nervous himself.
“Where are we?” Draco asked again, for the millionth time. “You’ve got us even more lost. We never should have left the path!”
Harry clenched his teeth. “Oh yes and your complaining is really helpful. Could you complain louder so McGonagall or the search party can at least hear us if they’re looking?”
Draco grabbed the back of Harry’s robes and Harry thought that he was trying to start a fight, but when he turned to look at him, Draco was gaping at something. Harry followed his line of sight until they landed on a horrifyingly huge spider watching them from a few paces away. Harry froze, Draco’s hands were still clutching his robes. “What are we going to do?” Draco whispered.
Harry calmly returned, “Shush. Let’s walk backward, slowly.
They took a step back together and then another one. The humongous spider cocked its head.
“Keep going,” Harry whispered.
They took another three steps back and Harry was feeling like they were going to be fine, when he heard Draco in a terrified whisper, “There’s another one!”
Harry turned to the right and sure enough there was another spider, watching them. Harry couldn’t move, he was frozen to the spot with Draco clinging to his shoulder.
And then the spider moved toward them.
They were well into the forest when Potter suddenly stopped and Lucius caught himself just in time to not walk straight into him.
Potter looked one way and then the other before turning around to the people behind him, “We should split up here,” he said.
Immediately Lucius felt a bolt of panic, “You want to what?” how was that a good idea? Didn’t Potter himself say that that wasn’t a good idea? Lucius knew that he probably looked like a scared child right then, but he did not want to get left alone in the Forbidden Forest.
Potter surveyed him for a quick moment and Lucius was sure Potter could see how much he didn’t want to go off by himself. Potter’s lips quirked and for a second Lucius was sure Potter was going to make fun of him, but surprisingly, chivalrously, he said, “Malfoy, you can stay with me. Professors, you-” but whatever Potter had wanted the Professors to do remained a mystery because there was a scream somewhere close by. The adults ran toward it, hoping to find the children not chewed up by whatever had startled them.
They got there in time to see an Acromantula get shot across the woods.
“Harry!” Potter called.
His son turned to him with wide eyes, “Dad!”
The boys were together and they were okay. Relief coursed through Lucius’ whole body.
Potter pulled Harry into his arms and squeezed him in a tight hug. Lucius and Draco remained at a respectful distance. Lucius felt like he should pat his shoulder or something, but that wasn’t something they often did and he thought it’d be strange if he tried. Instead he asked, “Are you okay, Draco?”
Draco nodded and then said in one breath, “We were looking for truffles but then we got lost and there was a giant spider and it was about to eat us, but then Harry stunned it and I blasted it into the woods.”
Lucius felt a chill go through him. If Harry hadn’t been there, would Lucius have gotten his son back in one piece? Lucius watched the way Draco now looked at Harry. There was barely a trace of animosity. Lucius looked over to the Potters as well. They were talking in quiet voices. Potter hugged Harry again. Harry was grinning like he’d won a game of Quidditch and not just survived a giant spider attack.
“Well,” McGonagall said and cleared her throat, she was slightly out of breath, “Now that our worst fears are put to bed, I think your fathers have something to say to you.”
Both boys stood together and looked expectantly and worriedly at their parents.
Lucius exchanged a quick look with Potter.
“We’re so impressed you managed to fight off an Acromantula,” Potter gushed, he was practically glowing, both Draco and Harry seemed to blush at the praise. McGonagall rolled her eyes.
“But we’re also very disappointed in your lack of forethought,” Lucius said and both children sobered a little. They nodded their heads, sufficiently sorry.
There was a pregnant silence before McGonagall clapped her hands, “It’s late. But tomorrow you will come to my office for a renewed negotiation about your punishments,” the boys groaned, “And you’ll be grateful it isn’t more severe. Now let’s head back,” she instructed and when she raised her wand, pink glowing orbs lit the way through the woods back toward the castle.
“Yes, Professor.” Both boys took off running, immediately turning it into a race.
The adults followed after them, at a much slower pace. The two boys taunted each other as they ran, their voices trailing behind them on the wind. Lucius found it amusing and when he snuck a look a Potter, he was grinning. For once the taunts didn’t turn ugly, they were even almost friendly. Lucius felt himself finally relax.
McGonagall looked behind her. “Well, you’ve also surprised me tonight,” she said and both fathers exchanged a look between them, wondering what she meant, “between the two of you, you managed to do some decent parenting.”
Lucius guessed that she meant the balance they had seemed to reach reprimanding the children without being too harsh or too lenient.
Both men were quiet, neither one of them thinking there was much they could say to that. Lucius knew he was too stern with Draco, never gave the boy much chance for fun while Potter let Harry have too much fun with little to no consequences. But tonight they had seemed to strike an equilibrium and the boys had seemed to learn their lesson without amassing too much guilt.
McGonagall bade them farewell, sighing as she walked away.
When Lucius turned to look at Potter, Potter was still grinning. The grin did something strange to Lucius, it made him want to blush. It made his stomach feel like it was twirling.
“You were really scared for a second,” Potter said and Lucius narrowed his eyes, realizing Potter was making fun of him, at least he had waited until they were alone, “You thought I was going to leave you in the forest.”
Lucius set his jaw, “I wasn’t,” he denied it even though they both clearly already knew the truth.
“I need a drink after all that,” Potter said, looking at Lucius like that was invitation.
Lucius was suddenly very hot. He loosened his collar, pulling at the fabric, “I’m exhausted,” he said, which was true. He felt like he could fall asleep already, “but I still have work to finish at the office.”
Potter looked disappointed for a second, it surprised Lucius because surely Potter hadn’t been that serious about getting a drink together? But then the next second he was slapping Lucius on the back in a jarring way that would have had Lucius reaching for his wand a week ago. “Right,” Potter said, “So we might not see each other again until school ends. Or that’s what we’re to hope, isn’t it?”
Potter stood across from him and held out his hand. Lucius took it. They clasped hands and Potter squeezed his fingers. It seemed to send a jolt up Lucius’ arm. A fire, that seemed to warm Lucius from the inside out. Lucius looked from Potter’s hand, up his right arm to his shoulder. His grip was firm and despite himself, Lucius found himself staring at the way Potter’s jumper fit. A little tight in the shoulders and upper arms where his muscles looked toned. Quidditch was good to him. The gossip pool wasn’t wrong in that respect. Lucius could understand why a single mom or dad might work a little harder to get their kid in his class…
Lucius realized that he was staring and dropped his gaze.
Lucius found himself reluctant to leave. And as he felt the way his fingers slid away from Potter’s palm, he thought about Emma saying this was an ‘in’. She’d said Potter wasn’t interested in anything or anyone unless it was Quidditch or Harry, she’d also said that Lucius was boring and hadn’t told her a good story in ages.
He hadn’t put any stock in her words at the time, it was gossipy nonsense. And it wasn’t like he’d been looking for a ‘chance’ like this... But right this moment, there seemed to be some weight behind it. Lucius felt a bit smug that Potter seemed to be interested in him, even if it was fleeting and perhaps just because of this shared experience. Never-the-less, Lucius was uncomfortable with the idea of letting this chance slip through his fingers the same way Potter’s hand was slipping away from his.
It bothered him that once Potter left here, he might never think of Lucius again. Lucius would fall back into obscurity, on the same level as the gossip pool mongers, the Quidditch parents, and Maddie from Finance Department. It bothered him to think that his only interesting story for the next twenty years might be how he once almost had a drink with James Potter.
It bothered him so much that as Potter turned to leave, Lucius opened his mouth and took him up on that drink invitation after all.
Lucius had no idea what he was doing letting Potter drag him into a dirty, crowded tavern. Lucius looked down in dismay at whatever it was he had just stepped in. He hoped to Salazar it was beer. Was falling behind on three reports and finally having a non-work-related story to tell Emma really worth this?
Potter left him at a table and grabbed them both a beer. Lucius didn’t complain even though he didn’t love beer and thought Potter should have asked him what he wanted to drink. Or maybe this place only served one kind of beverage.
“You’re less stuck up than I thought you were,” Potter said.
Lucius wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or an insult, “It’s just the lighting in this place.”
Potter laughed and Lucius really liked his face when he did. It was open and honest, not at all like the quiet snickers of the people Lucius usually hung around with.
“Thanks for blowing off work,” Potter said, grinning and holding out his beer, “Cheers.”
Lucius wasn’t sure he wanted to ‘cheers’ that, but he did it anyway. They clinked their glasses before taking long sips.
Lucius was pretty sure Potter could talk anyone into doing anything. “I’ll have time to finish it tomorrow,” he reasoned, more to himself than to Potter.
Potter was grinning at something and Lucius wasn’t sure what it was, “You’re pretty rules-focused, huh?” Potter’s hazel eyes watched Lucius over sips of his beer, “That why you’re a traditionalist?”
Lucius wasn’t used to these casual types of conversations. Polite company didn’t speak of politics or personal matters. But he had a feeling James Potter was anything but ‘polite’.
“I’m not sure the two are related,” Lucius informed him.
Potter smirked, he set his drink down. “I guess you’re right about that. You can’t be entirely traditionalist,” he said this with a gleam in his eye and he leaned closer over the table.
Lucius blinked, “Why is that?”
Potter was grinning at him like he knew a secret, “Because you wouldn’t be here with me if you were.”
Lucius was at a loss, because that was true. No true ‘traditionalist’ hung around people they thought were Blood Traitors. And Potter had married a Muggleborn, was an outspoken Muggle rights activist, and had a history of fighting with Pureblood extremists, the Muggle way. Which is to say, he’d once punched one of them in the face during a conference. Lucius remembered reading that particular story in the papers with a smug satisfaction. He’d never liked McNair and he’d enjoyed the moving picture for weeks afterwards.
“Well, I always thought McNair needed a punch in the face,” Lucius said in lieu of an actual answer, “they say the enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
Lucius found it attractive the way Potter’s mouth was always a half-smirk, “That’s a Muggle saying,” Potter pointed out.
The truth was, ever since Narcissa died, Lucius couldn’t work up the militant family obligation he’d had before. It was hard to. And even though she wasn’t here to point out the absurdities that Purebloodists depended on anymore, Lucius found that he could rather point them out for himself now. He felt almost compelled to do it. He had always humoured her and listened to her rants. He knew she had family who had betrayed them and gone to live in the Muggle world. But she would never have run. Lucius had humoured her because he knew that she would never have betrayed her family. But now and then Lucius wasn’t so sure about that.
In Draco’s first year, she’d anonymously opposed a proposed ban of Muggle books from Hogwarts. She had tried to hide it from him because he was the one that had proposed it. When he’d found out, he didn’t know what to do except to let it die. The protests he’d sparked died out and the public forgot about it within weeks. He hadn’t had the heart to go against his own wife. He had been dumbfounded with her actions. He often wondered what more she would have done if she’d had the time.
She had scolded Draco only once that Lucius could remember. It was after she’d heard him say something about a “Mudblood” getting better grades than him. Lucius had never heard Narcissa so angry and he had never heard Draco say anything like that again. He rather thought that Draco too hadn’t had the heart to oppose Narcissa. She had been a force of nature.
“So why are you an expert in navigating the Forbidden Forest?” Lucius changed the subject. He didn’t need to be dwelling on the past right now.
Potter gave him a mischievous look and said, “I had some strange hobbies as a kid.” The mysterious statement made Lucius curious but he wasn’t going to pry when Potter seemed to want to keep his secrets secret. Lucius had manners, even when he was pretty sure Potter would love to pry all Lucius’ secrets out into the open.
The rest of the evening they talked about all sorts of things, mundane things and things that Lucius was sure would have his mother rolling in her grave. Not that she wouldn’t already be rolling since, as Potter had already pointed out, Lucius was associating with a known Blood Traitor.
The night rolled on in an endless wave of cheap jabs at each other’s egos. Lucius was starkly aware that he had not had this much fun in years. Not since Narcissa had gotten sick. It felt odd to want to smile again, it also made him unbearably anxious. Potter seemed to want to rip him out of his shell and Lucius was far from ready for that.
“What I’m saying is you’re not separate from them if you don’t speak up about it.”
They were in the middle of a debate, but unlike their last debate, it was considerably more civil.
“Well it’s fine for you to say, but you haven’t got friends like mine,” Lucius glared into his tankard which had been filled more times than he could count by now. It tasted less and less like dish water, the more of it he drank. The last two hours had passed by in a blur.
“You’re right I don’t, because I made sure to never get caught in those kinds of webs with those kinds of people.”
“It’s too late for me.”
“I don’t believe that for a second,” Potter said with such confidence that Lucius wanted to believe him.
Of course Potter thought it was so easy to shed a traditionalist reputation, you simply had to cut all ties from your friends and your family. Those were things Lucius didn’t want to do. He didn’t buy into the Muggle panic that had been closing in on the Wizarding World for the last couple of years, but he also didn’t want to isolate himself from the people he relied on. That would be social suicide. Potter was over-simplifying things. Someone like Narcissa or Potter could make a difference, but Lucius was not that person. He had to remain focused. He wanted a promotion this year and he wasn’t going to get that by rocking boats.
“Our worlds are already connected, we can’t segregate ourselves forever. Think of what we could learn from each other.”
Lucius scoffed, he didn’t want to learn anything from a Muggle, what would they possibly teach him?
Potter seemed to take his scoffing as a challenge. His eyes lit up in a way that made Lucius fearful and a tad aroused. “What do you know about holometabolism?” Potter said in a breathless voice.
Lucius blinked, “Is that even English?”
“It’s a Muggle word, from the Muggle science Entomology.”
Lucius was still lost, “The what?”
“The study of insects. Holometabolim is also called ‘complete metamorphism’. You know what that is?”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “Yes, Potter, I took Transfiguration same as anybody.”
Potter didn’t seem at all affected by Lucius’ snark. “Wizards have this habit of skipping over important bits. The formation of a butterfly for example. A phenomenon in both our worlds. But we’re taught that a caterpillar Transfigures itself into a butterfly, simple, done. It’s magic and we take it for granted. But Muggles,” his eyes looked manic, “they use science and they understand how the caterpillar makes the transformation. It’s something us, as wizards, never think about. Muggles understand things about butterflies that we don’t. We understand the same thing in completely different ways, but we call it the same thing, Metamorphosis.”
Lucius had to admit that if Potter had been teaching the Transfiguration classes Lucius took in school, he might have paid a lot more attention. Potter had a gleam in his eyes when he was talking, the subject was clearly close to his heart.
“But Muggles still don’t understand everything about butterflies. They don’t have a concept for how magic and the laws of Transfiguration might factor into their equations,” he leaned back in his chair and Lucius wasn’t sure when he had begun to hang on every word, “So imagine, what if we pooled our knowledge about butterflies? What if science and magic worked together and helped us understand our worlds a little better?”
Potter was contagious and Lucius found himself awestruck at the concept. But at the end of the day, there were idealists like Potter and realists like Lucius. “And how many laws would need rewriting in the process?”
Potter looked disappointed in Lucius finding flaws in his fantasy, “Ah, yes, the inconveniences of rules.”
Lucius had a sudden glimpse into what Potter must have been like as a child. Complete nightmare.
When Lucius finally looked at the clock he was horrified to realize that it was already morning. He would have to be at the office again in a mere two hours.
At long last, they reluctantly gathered their things and paid their bills. They walked out together into the early morning.
“This was fun,” Potter said and it only annoyed Lucius a little how non-tired the man looked. He still acted like he was 20 and not 20 plus 14. After a beat, Potter said sheepishly, “Sorry about Harry dragging Draco into the Forbidden Forest.”
Lucius was too tired to hide a sigh, “I’m sure Draco had his own reasons for following him.” Draco might not be a Gryffindor driven by pride, but he sure wouldn’t walk into a situation without weighing the pros and cons first. However Draco had come to the decision that it was worth the risk was his own business and if he had miscalculated, that was his own doing as well.
They said their farewells and Lucius watched Potter disappear into the morning fog, his deep red jumper marking him like a beacon as he faded into the morning. Lucius watched him until he couldn’t see him anymore.
There was a slight pinprick of hollowness that began to creep through Lucius, starting in his chest. He ignored it and turned his collar up against the early chill. He hunched his shoulders and headed back to his dull life filled with boring people. His ordinary, unremarkable existence where no one thought to make fun of his seemingly traditionalist stances, where no one challenged his opinions, where no one expected him to be a better version of himself.
That Friday, James had a ton of things to tell Sirius and Remus and only most of it had to do with work.
“How’s Vance?” Sirius asked.
“Same as always,” James grinned, “a whip-cracker.”
Sirius slurped his spaghetti while he said, “Sounds tough.”
James shrugged, “I talk the talk, all she’s asking for is that I walk the walk.”
“I think it’s great,” Remus smiled, “Lily would be proud of you. And Harry will be too.”
James gave him a small smile back, “Speaking of, how’s he been?”
“Surprisingly well, barely any fighting at all. The teachers are amazed.”
Sirius smirked, “Nothing like a night in the forest to straighten you out.”
“You left in a hurry that night,” Remus said to James, “I didn’t see you after that.”
“I had a drink with Malfoy’s father,” James said, as casual as he could. He didn’t know why it felt like a bigger deal than it was, “We went to the Hog’s Head.”
“Wow,” Sirius whistled, “How’d you convince him to take that stick out of his ass?”
Remus elbowed him but Sirius was still grinning, waiting for James to answer.
“He’s not so bad,” James said, “he’s sort of witty when you get him talking.”
“What did you guys even talk about? You’re telling me nobody got hexed?”
James laughed, “No, it was perfectly civil,” he’d been about to take another bite from his plate, but he put his fork down instead, “Actually, he helped me get over my writer’s block.”
Remus looked surprised, “That’s wonderful.”
Sirius looked skeptical, “Lucius Malfoy had some insights on your big, secret project?”
“Well… no. I didn’t mention it, but he reminded me of something Lily used to say. That sometimes I forget I’m a Pureblood. She was right, of course. A Blood Traitor isn’t the same as being Muggleborn. He helped me remember who my audience is. He got my thoughts focused.”
“Well,” Remus added, “that’s a pleasant change from last time.”
James shrugged, “Just taking your advice. I can’t expect Harry to act mature when I never seem to manage it myself,” he looked at both his friends earnestly, “and I think this thing with Vance is going to happen, I can feel it.”
They were going to change the world. James’ eyes had gone hazy as he imagined what their future might look like, once all the hard work was done. But in the meantime, when he refocused back to the present, his friends were waiting to crack more jokes at his expense.
Lucius sat at his desk, trying to concentrate, but he had been staring at the same piece of parchment for the last half an hour. It wasn’t that he had any pressing tasks to accomplish, it wasn’t even that this particular piece of parchment was tedious, he actually wasn’t thinking about the parchment at all. The subject of his distraction, was namely, James Potter. Or more specifically, his arms. And his shoulders. And maybe his chest too. Quidditch-toned muscles underneath that crimson jumper that would have looked completely garish on anybody else.
At first, Lucius had thought he was only annoyed with him. Potter had a way of seeping under Lucius’ skin and everything he had said while they were arguing in McGonagall’s office that first time had made Lucius want to fight. But now Lucius realized there was another reason he had been overly sensitive to everything that came out of his mouth.
Lucius hadn’t felt attracted to anyone since Narcissa. But then in that stuffy, hot room, with McGonagall leering at them and Potter lounging on his chair like he was at home. And his ridiculous smirk and his messy, yet fetching hair, the way his eyes shone in any sort of lighting, and the way his voice got deep when he was being serious about something … it had got to Lucius more than he wanted to admit.
And then that night in the tavern had only fuelled those fires. His loud laughter when he thought something was funny, the way he’d lick his lips before saying something he knew was going to start an argument, the way he had looked Lucius right in the eye and said, “You can’t be entirely traditionalist,” and he was right because if Lucius were a true traditionalist he wouldn’t be fantasizing about pulling that red jumper off and-
It wasn’t fair. Lucius was a grown man for crying out loud! Why did he have to sit here in a stupor because he couldn’t stop imaging what it might be like to press his mouth against those muscles? What would they taste like? Grass and sweat. How would they feel? Smooth and warm.
It wasn’t his fault. It had been a while now since he’d been with anyone. Since he had even wanted to. And then Emma had said what she’d said and now… And now he felt even more tired than before. He needed a couple more Sleep-Naught potions and an entire jug of coffee.
Emma had said that Lucius wasn’t interested in anything outside work and that had been true because everything Lucius surrounded himself with was boring. Having Potter’s attention, even for that short little while had sparked something inside of him. A discontent. It was like he was trying to adjust back into his black and white life after being shown what colour was.
Lucius jumped when a new stack of memos flew into the room. He shook his head, he had to stop lusting like some adolescent. He had a job to do and James Potter was not going to distract him any longer. Lucius grabbed his quill and tried to focus on work.
It was also a part of his work when he sent a memo to the Achieves Department and asked to see the Recreation Quidditch Team photos in Quidditch Weekly for the past few weeks. Yes, work, he told himself. James Potter would be in them, he remembered Emma gushing about it. But that wasn’t why Lucius needed to see them. Really.
“You’re in an awfully good mood,” Sirius said.
James hadn’t even realized that Sirius had stopped working and was watching him now with a curious expression. James had been too engrossed in what he was writing.
“Am I?” he asked, pausing for only a second before putting his pen back to his notebook. He always wrote with Muggle instruments, they were more convenient.
He could feel Sirius’ eyes burning into him. He was determined to ignore it. He didn’t want to tell Sirius how imagining Lucius Malfoy seemed to make the words flow from his pen. Arguing with Malfoy in his head was effective. It was much better than imagining the theoretical Purebloodists that he had created. Malfoy was far more interesting. James could imagine perfectly how Malfoy would drawl certain words, emphasize certain other words. He could remember, in perfect detail, the looks Malfoy had given him that night in the tavern, part annoyance, part intrigue. That was exactly what James was aiming for.
“Can’t I just be in a good mood?” he finally said because Sirius’ staring was making him antsy.
“Sure, whatever,” Sirius turned back to his work and James went back to concentrating on his.
The days all blended together like usual. The only way Lucius ever knew the date was by looking at which numbers were written on the memos that flew into his office. It was late October already and the days went on, spinning around him as he narrowed his focus on work. That night with James Potter seemed like a distant memory, Lucius wasn’t even one hundred percent sure he hadn’t hallucinated it. Either way, it didn’t matter, they hadn’t exchanged contact information or said they’d do it again. With Harry and Draco seemingly at a truce, there had been no incidents in almost a month. There was no reason to think that Lucius would see James again, except at King’s Cross Station four times a year.
Lucius welcomed the distraction of Emma sauntering into his office and shutting the door behind her. He put his quill down and leaned back in his chair. She grinned at him, “Mind if I hide out for a while?”
“Who is it this time?” he asked, “Rogers? Voss?”
She sighed and took a seat on his desk, not the guest chairs like a normal person. “Drake in Finances,” she said, crossing her long legs, “if he comes at me again today, I swear I’m going to shred that tacky yellow tie right off his neck.”
Lucius couldn’t help a smirk, “You’d be doing the world a favour.”
She ran a hand through her thick, dark hair, “What have you been up to? Something more exciting than work, I hope.”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “Some of us outside the Portkey Department do actual work.”
She smirked back at him, “Pity, that.” She had her hands resting on the desk behind her, but she sat up straight when she noticed one of the Quidditch Weeklys on his desk. She grabbed it before he could move them away.
“Why are you reading these all of a sudden? You thinking of joining the Rec team?”
Lucius shook his head. He hadn’t told her about the drinks with Potter. He had thought that he wanted to tell her all about it, make her envious or entertained, but then he had started to like having intimate information about Potter. He didn’t want to share it. He especially didn’t want it to end up in the all-seeing gossip pool. “I was curious, since you couldn’t stop talking about it.” He hadn’t given the papers back to the Archive Department. A mere oversight, really. It wasn’t like he was holding onto them or anything. He’d give them back when he felt like it.
Emma’s eyes turned dark for a minute, “I just thought it was sort of hilarious that Potter and Talkalot are playing on the same recreational team.”
Emma had been Slytherin captain for four years. She’d passed the captaincy to Lucinda Talkalot who was two years younger than her, the same age as Potter.
“Did they get along?” Lucius asked, because he couldn’t help the desperate urge to know more about Potter’s life.
Emma laughed, “Are you kidding? When did Slytherins and Gryffindors ever get along? They nearly killed each other every time they stepped out onto the Pitch. I went to every match because I couldn’t wait to see how Talkalot would knock Potter off his broom this time.”
“And now?” Lucius wondered. If they were playing on the same team, they had to at least tolerate each other.
Emma scoffed, “Now?” she was flipping through the pages, “Merlin, if they weren’t shagging before, they probably are now,” she found the page she was looking for and handed it to Lucius, “Watching them together makes my skin crawl.”
Lucius didn’t have time to think about what Emma meant by that. His eyes studied the page, which he had already seen multiple times, but he had always been focused on Potter alone. Now he took in the whole image, a team photograph. They were crowded together around the trophy they had won. This time, Lucius paid attention to how close Potter and Talkalot stood. How they seemed to be talking with their eyes. James grinned at her and she smirked back. They held the trophy between them, their shoulders bumped, Talkalot knocked him a bit with her hip.
“The reporter calls their team work ‘inspired’,” Emma said, bored, “but they play like they couldn’t reach a compromise. It’s like watching a flock of birds get confused. They’re Chasers, they should at least be able to-”
Emma had started in on a Quidditch rant that could last for an hour depending on how worked up she got. But Lucius wasn’t listening. He suddenly felt like there were tiny rips becoming gaping holes where that hollowness he’d felt before was growing.
Eventually Emma decided it was safe to go back to her office and she left Lucius alone.
He was angry. So a month ago Emma hadn’t meant that Potter wasn’t interested in anyone. If she thought Potter and Talkalot were together, why would she have said that to begin with? Lucius felt like someone had played a trick on him. So it wasn’t so special that Potter had wanted to go drinking together. It had only been Emma’s speculation after all. He was glad he didn’t tell her anything about that night.
The end of the day could not come soon enough. Lucius was finally just about out the door when a late day memo flew into the room and landed on his desk. He would have ignored it, left it for tomorrow, except that the envelope was black with silver trim. Someone had died.
He opened the envelope and pulled out the short note. It was Wilkes, an old friend. He had been younger than Lucius and situations like that always put one’s mortality into perspective. The funeral was set for that Friday, the 31st. Lucius slipped the note into his pocket and headed home.
Lucius hadn’t been to a funeral since Narcissa’s. That had been two years ago already but standing in a graveyard now, watching the small group lower an old friend of his into the ground, brought back all the painful memories. It hadn’t been this graveyard, Narcissa had insisted on being buried near Wiltshire, but the general atmosphere was the same. Gloomy. The sky was overcast and Lucius was glad for it. Who wanted to attend a funeral in the glaring sunlight?
The ceremony was quiet and sparsely attended, a true testament to how Wilkes had lived his life. He’d hated people, he’d hated noise. He wanted to be left alone most of the time. Still, Lucius had considered him a friend and when Narcissa had passed, Wilkes had sent him a packet of magical plant seeds. Lucius had been confused at first before realizing that they were Narcissa’s favourite.
After the service, Lucius said goodbye to the small crowd and made his way across the graveyard to where there was a Floo in the room next to the chapel. As he was walking something caught his eye. A flicker of red scarf between the grey and white. He stopped in his tracks.
If Lucius had let himself think about what he was doing, he would have continued on to the Floo. He never would have walked over to where James Potter was hunched over his late wife’s tombstone. Of course by the time Lucius realized what a bad idea it was, it was already too late.
Potter was staring at him like Lucius had Apparated right in front of him. “What are you doing here?” he asked, his eyes wide with something Lucius’ didn’t know how to interpret.
“Ah,” Lucius stammered, “I- there was a friend of mine who- he- well, died and-” it occurred to him that he had no good reason for why he’d marched over here so he muttered, “I’m sorry, I’m going to go,” he turned to leave, the awkwardness of the encounter roasting his cheeks. The man was visiting his wife’s grave for crying out loud! Why had Lucius walked over here?
But Potter immediately said, “It’s fine, you don’t have to go,” he didn’t look like a man in mourning. Though his wife had passed away nearly thirteen years ago.
Lucius had turned back around. He looked down at the white flowers Potter had placed on her grave, “Lilies,” he said softly.
“She hated lilies,” Potter said fondly, “I bring them just to piss her off. I used to think if I pestered her enough, she’d spring back to life to kick my ass.”
Lucius wasn’t sure if it was okay to laugh at that or not, but he found himself struggling not to smile. The awkwardness disappeared. Lucius started to feel something again, standing here, chatting with Potter. But they were over his wife’s grave for Merlin’s sake! Lucius tried to reign in his emotions.
Potter motioned to a nearby bench. “Today’s the anniversary of when she-” Potter swallowed, cutting himself off, “Anyway, today I wanted to tell her all about our son’s bad habits, all of which he obviously got from me.”
“Kids make mistakes,” Lucius said following him over to the bench, “and so do their parents.”
Potter sat down on the bench. He sighed, “Harry’s the best part of my world. But sometimes it’s… frustrating,” he had his hands in his pocket and he tilted his head up to look at the sky, for once Lucius thought Potter actually looked his age, “I knew having kids wasn’t going to be easy…” he trailed off for a second, Lucius didn’t interrupt him, “I just… never thought I’d be doing it alone,” he hesitated, then sighed again, finally looking over at Lucius, “I’m sure you don’t need to hear all this from me.”
Lucius sat on the bench beside him, “Actually, it’s kind of comforting,” he said, “It’s been two years, no one wants to hear about it anymore. I think about it everyday, even now, yet everyone would like me to pretend that it’s over.”
Potter nodded solemnly, “It never gets easier.”
“Parts do,” Lucius offered.
“That’s true,” Potter grinned at him and Lucius felt a squirming in his stomach.
Why did James Potter make him feel like a young boy again? They sat in companionable silence for a long while.
After what felt like forever in no time at all, Potter said, “I guess I should go.”
Lucius didn’t want him to, but he couldn’t say as much. He couldn’t say, Don’t go, because he wasn’t even sure why he wanted that. Because every time they talked he remembered what an honest conversation felt like? Because it’d been longer than he could remember since he didn’t feel like he had to wear a carefully constructed facade? Because Potter made him feel young again? Lucius couldn’t convince himself that any of those things were worth speaking. When Potter finally did get up and leave with a friendly grin as a parting, Lucius felt like a burnt out match. Like the flame that had been growing inside of him had been blown out of existence by his own inaction.
Lucius was confused. He had thought he understood what he wanted from Potter. It had been simple lust… hadn’t it? He wasn’t sure anymore.
That short talk in the cemetery seemed to have thrown everything up in the air for Lucius. The hunger was still there. The curiosity, about how he might smell, how he might taste, but it was accompanied by something else. A deeper rooted curiosity. A desire to know him even beyond his physical attributes
He wanted to talk like they did in the cemetery and at that godawful tavern, about important things and about unimportant things. About hard topics and soft ones. He wanted to know his thoughts about everything. Literature, Wizarding Arts, Astrology. He didn’t care what they talked about, he just wanted to see him again.
He thought about telling Emma, but he hated the idea of giving her even more leverage against him. And what if all this schoolboy crushing amounted to nothing? Having a witness to that seemed unbearable.
So for now, Lucius felt that it would be better if he kept these new realizations to himself.
James threw his glasses onto the coffee table and rubbed his temples. He’d always been good at arguing when it didn’t ultimately matter. Now that what he was trying to argue for did matter, the words wouldn’t fall into place. It seemed that whatever inspiration Lucius Malfoy had filled him with before had finally flickered out. And he had wanted to talk and argue some more that day in the graveyard, but that had seemed too disrespectful. Besides, he didn’t want to have to rely on someone else to be able to do his job.
He was going to owl Vance again, but it would be the third time that night. Instead, he reached over the side of the couch and picked up a Quaffle. He tossed it into the air above his head and caught it. He needed to collect his thoughts.
As soon as he’d eased all the political jargon out of his head, his mind turned to focus on the other thing that had been taking up his concentration lately. A pair of grey blue eyes that looked like the sky after a thunderstorm. Eyes that had seemed different than the ones James had been imaginary arguing Pureblood politics with.
It’d been a few days since they had met in the graveyard, which for all intents and purposes, was a pretty ominous place to develop a crush on someone. Not to mention it had been the anniversary of his wife’s death. Not exactly a favourable outlook, even for someone who didn’t believe in Divination to begin with.
He had stopped dragging Harry to the graveyard when Harry turned eleven. He didn’t want Harry to miss the Halloween Feast at Hogwarts just to remind him like clockwork that he had never known his mother. So James had been going there alone for the past three years. He never asked Sirius or Remus to go with him because he didn’t mind being alone there. Or at least he didn’t think he’d minded. When Malfoy had appeared out of nowhere, James had felt a spark somewhere inside him. And even though the graveyard was where James had become aware of his feelings for the other man, he was pretty sure they hadn’t started there.
He wasn’t sure where it had begun. In the forest? In the tavern? In his own head as he imagined their prolonged discussions about life and death and Wizarding laws? It had happened gradually, he hadn’t even noticed it. It wasn’t at all like how he remembered crushes feeling. Like the first time he saw Lily and he had known right then that they were destined for each other.
For the past month he’d thought about their time in the tavern on and off. It had been fun but he hadn’t been caught up in thinking that it might happen again. James tended to run his mouth off in those situations, he shouldn’t have so gleefully picked Malfoy’s life apart. He didn’t think Malfoy would have wanted to spend more time with him after that. He hadn’t let himself hope for it.
He tried to remember what Lucius Malfoy had been like in school, but he couldn’t recall. James had been in first year when Malfoy was in seventh and James hadn’t paid attention to anyone besides his new friends and the girl who had taken his breath away the first time he saw her.
Thinking of Lily didn’t hurt. It was something comforting. Sometimes when he felt like he needed some of her advice, he imagined he could hear her voice coming from the clouds.
“What would you say about this, Lil?” he wondered.
She’d think it was hilarious. She’d hold her sides and laugh, that loud, boisterous laugh that James missed. He had a crush on a traditionalist Ministry worker? It was very much outside of his usual type. Did he even have a usual type? Sirius said he did. James had never thought about it because… well, Lily was his type. He’d dated a few people over the years, but it never lasted very long. James told himself it was because he was a hopeless romantic and what he’d had with Lily had been ‘true love’. After his other failed relationship, he was certain that he’d used up whatever love had been destined for him already.
James put the Quaffle down and picked up his wand, he waved it at the dishes and the laundry. He had to stop sitting around wondering. It didn’t matter. Harry would be coming home for winter vacation in a little over a month and life would be hectic like it always was.
James busied himself with chores, determined not to dwell on it anymore. It was just a crush, there was no reason to make it a big deal. It would pass soon enough.
Sirius and Remus filled most of his social needs and it was nice to see them as often as he did, but maybe he was actually going a little stir-crazy. Maybe this crush was developing because it was the first time he’d been out with someone new and interesting in a long while. He could have had half that essay done weeks ago if he’d thought to talk to someone other than Sirius once in a while. If that was the case, he would need to get out more often without his trusty sidekicks.
He was tidying up a stack of letters, when he took a second to look at the heavy looking invitation he’d received recently. The Magical Sports and Games Department was throwing a party. He usually threw Ministry invitations out without a second thought. Who wanted to spend an entire evening sporting a fake smile and making small talk with boring strangers? But if his problem was that he wasn’t meeting enough people… this had to be the solution.
On Friday, James met Remus and Sirius in Hogsmeade for dinner like always.
James told them about his conclusions about Lucius Malfoy because he didn’t keep anything from them. Though he was starting to wish that he did.
Sirius’ snorted laughter was loud, he never even tried to be subtle. “Oh yeah, he’s your type alright.”
James had forgotten that Sirius and Malfoy had been technically related for a while. James remembered when Narcissa had died, Sirius had gone to the funeral.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” James frowned.
Sirius raised his eyebrows, like he was shocked James hadn’t already figured it out, “Tall, pretty, and probably won’t give you the time of day?”
James stared at him and both Remus and Sirius burst into helpless laughter.
James groaned into his hand, he did have a type. Then he said, “Then why did you try to hook me up with your friend Tanith a few months ago?”
“Social experiment. Clearly it was doomed from the start,” Sirius said, “she was quiet,” he said, like it was an insult.
“Not to mention a fraction of a centimetre shorter than you,” Remus added which caused him and Sirius to burst into laughter again.
James rolled his eyes. “All right, since you are having way too much fun with this, we’re changing the subject.”
Sirius was still laughing.
“Vance wants this thing done next week, I don’t know how much longer I can read the same papers over and over again. They don’t even make sense to me anymore.”
“Do you want me to have a look at it?” Remus offered kindly.
“Would you?” James was hopeful, “I can’t stop thinking that I sound like a prat the way it reads.”
“Well there’s no helping that,” Sirius snarked and James kicked him under the table.
“Sure,” Remus said, “Owl me tomorrow.”
“Thanks,” James said, “I need one day without it hanging over me.”
“You need more than a day,” Sirius frowned, “You have to tell Vance that she’s working you too hard.”
James shook his head, “I can’t do that. She’s counting on me.”
“Well take more than just a day off,” Sirius said.
James raised an eyebrow, “That coming from you? You don’t even eat unless I remind you to.”
Sirius shrugged, “The difference is I love my work. Emmeline is bleeding you dry.”
“Sirius is right,” Remus said, “I know this initiative is important, but you can’t let it drain you. The fight is still coming.”
James nodded, he knew they were right. “Well you’ll be pleased to know, I do have plans for next weekend.”
“You mean you’re really going to attend that Ministry Gala?” Remus asked.
Sirius groaned and made a face like he’d sipped some sour milk, “Ugh, all those stuffy Ministry people? What if it’s as boring as it sounds?”
“Then I’ll be sure to tell you all about it in full detail,” James said.
Sirius covered his face with his hands, “Oh God, anything but that!”
After dinner James went home with Sirius so they could watch what Remus called, “Their horrible Muggle drama shows”. Lily had called them ‘soap operas’ and had gotten Sirius and James addicted many moons ago. They still watched them, when James could pull Sirius away from work long enough.
They usually watched until they had both fallen asleep and the first one to wake up in the morning had to try and remember which episode they were on.
James woke up when he smelled eggs. His neck was sore from the awkward way he’d fallen asleep on the couch. He yawned and forced himself to get up.
In the kitchen, Sirius was pouring a delicious looking mug of coffee. “Morning, Darling.”
“Morning,” James yawned again, “Are you working again today?”
Sirius shook his head, “Nah, my job today is to make sure you don’t work.”
James frowned, “But-”
“I already sent your stack of papers to Remus. His impassioned reply is right there,” Sirius pointed with a spatula to where he’d stuck the note on the refrigerator.
It read, ‘I hate you’.
James groaned, “There were 89 pages, you should have let me-”
“No. No working. You are banned from speaking of it. Remus’ll wade through it and you can get refocused on Monday.”
James knew there was no point in trying to argue with Sirius. He’d just cheat and do the eyes.
“Eat your eggs,” Sirius said coming around the table to put the coffee cup and plate down. He pinched James’ cheek, “You’re a growing boy.”
They managed to fit in ten more episodes of “Be Still My Aching Heart” before James remembered they needed to submit their winter schedule for the Ministry Rec Quidditch team. Since they couldn’t play outside during the winter, they’d have to use one of the Ministry facilities. The team had left them in charge of it as Vice Captain and Assistant Vice Captain (a position James had made up in order to get Sirius to help him).
“Let’s just owl it,” Sirius groaned from where he was sprawled across the coach and James’ legs.
“We’ve been sitting here for three and a half hours already,” James pointed out, “We might as well get lunch while we’re out.”
Food was always the best motivator.
“Fine,” Sirius said and managed to make it sound like the word was ten letters long, “After we find out who Mary’s real husband is.” He pulled the remote control out of James’ hand and pressed play.
They did finally make it to the Ministry and even managed to find the Magical Sports and Games Department on their first try. They usually got lost at least twice, but that was because Sirius couldn’t resist a mysteriously open door.
They left the forms with a young-looking department employee and made their way back through the maze of Ministry doors.
“Let’s try the cafeteria,” James suggested and Sirius didn’t have any better ideas.
Inside, Sirius got a hamburger that looked bigger than his mouth and James got something he couldn’t pronounce and was wrapped up in some kind of purple leaf. They took a table by the windows.
“Who pays a galleon for a wrap?” Sirius sniffed at him.
James shrugged, “It looked good.”
“It looks like a cocoon.”
James took a bite of it, “I like cocoons,” he said with his mouth full.
Sirius rolled his eyes and took an impressive bite of his burger. Sirius had managed to smear half the condiments on his face. Then he licked his lips in an exaggerated fashion just because James was watching him.
“You’re disgusting,” James informed him.
Sirius blew him a kiss.
James’ eyes caught a familiar gait in the doorway behind Sirius and immediately tuned in to where Malfoy had entered the room. James had completely forgotten that he worked here.
Malfoy was making his way against the crowd, apparently looking for someone. His face was usually a mix of stern and annoyed. He glanced around him like he couldn’t be bothered with anyone here. His tall frame and the contrast between his dark robes and his light hair and features gave him a dignified, almost royal look. When he moved you could get a glimpse of what he was wearing underneath the robes. A dark button down shirt and a black vest with muted silver buttons. His hair was pulled back behind his head and fastened with a dark green tie accentuating his masculine jaw line. James felt a warm surge of something awaken in his chest. His heart leap as Malfoy scanned the crowd. What would happen if they saw each other?
But then Malfoy found who he was looking for. A tall, dark woman with a confident smile and James definitely remembered her. She’d been Slytherin Quidditch captain during James’ first four years at Hogwarts.
Emma Vanity held up two boxes she was holding that were presumably lunch and Malfoy gave her a rare grin. James’ chest felt tight. He could read Malfoy’s lips, ‘let’s go’ and then they were headed back out the door to who knew where.
Sirius was staring at him, staring at him hard.
“What?” James asked, defensive.
“You know…” Sirius started, but then trailed off. “Ah, never mind.”
“What?” James said again.
Sirius sighed, “The last time I saw you looking at someone that way…”
“What way?” James was confused.
“That way,” Sirius reached across the table and flicked his forehead. “The way your eyes get when you see Malfoy or when you’re thinking about him.”
James frowned, “How can you tell who I’m thinking about?”
Sirius crossed his arms, sensing a challenge “You wanna go, Potter? I know every thought in that thing you call a brain.”
James glared, but he knew that was more or less true. “Fine,” he relented, “What are you talking about?”
Sirius turned back to his food, almost as though he didn’t want to see James’ face when he said, “I haven’t seen that look on your face since...” He stuffed more of his burger into his mouth.
James stared at him. This was just a crush, a stupid crush. There would never be anyone like Lily or maybe Sirius had meant...
“I just need to… I don’t know,” James fidgeted, “Maybe if I was having it off with someone-”
Sirius nearly choked laughing, “Having it off with someone?”
James narrowed his eyes, “Why’s that funny?”
Sirius was still choking, he hit his chest to dislodge the food. He leaned across the table, his eyes bright with laughter, “You’re talking like you’re up for a romp and we both know that’ll never happen.”
“It could!” James pouted.
Sirius gave him a look that was part pity and part love, “You chased a girl for ten years, and then you shagged, and then you got married.”
“Lily was,” James stared at the table, “special.”
Sirius finally stopped laughing, “I know,” he said seriously, “but jumping in bed with somebody isn’t going to make you happy. And we both know what-” he cut himself short and James was glad he did.
“I know,” James said, just to get them away from that particular subject, “It’s just a crush. You don’t have to worry about me.”
Sirius shrugged again. He took a big bite out of his hamburger. James tried not to look impressed and/or disgusted that he’d managed to fit it all into his mouth. “Fine. It’s just a crush.”
James wrinkled his nose, “Ugh, don’t talk with your mouth full.”
Lucius had let Emma convince him to leave his office for lunch. She had bribed him.
She handed him a box containing his cherished strawberry puff cake which was only available in Muggle London on Tuesdays before nine. They had come up to one of the upper-levels for privacy because Emma didn’t like to talk about personal things in public and Lucius didn’t need anyone else learning and exploiting his secret weakness for Muggle sweets.
Lucius had thought that she wanted to talk about her ongoing battle against her father for power over her estates, but today she was bragging about getting her hands on an advanced copy of the guest list for the upcoming Magic Sports and Games Gala.
Galas were formal events held by various Departments of the Ministry throughout the year. Each Department had their own agendas and their own tricks to get the workers from other departments to attend their parties. It was something like an informal competition. Everyone wanted to have the best attended, most spectacular Gala. Lucius didn’t go to them anymore, hadn’t since Narcissa passed. They no longer seemed like fun without her dry comments and wicked sense of humour.
“It’s quite the line-up,” Emma mused as she perused the list again. “Probably because it’s the last party before the kids come home for Christmas. Macdonald, Nott, Merlin even Jeri is going, Potter, Rosier-”
Lucius had nearly choked on his cake. “What?” he asked, “Potter’s on there?” For as long as Lucius had been working at the Ministry, he couldn’t recall a single time James Potter had made an appearance at a Ministry formal function unless it was one of his pet fundraisers.
Emma frowned, displeased at being interrupted, “Oh yeah, his RSVP caused a whole scene. Didn’t you hear? I thought Maddie was going to start foaming at the mouth. If he’s out dating again, there’ll be a line out the door, that’s for sure. Maddie was driving everyone batty asking for his address so she could put herself on his dance list right away.”
Lucius was lost in thought. Since when did Potter go to these events? And was it true he was dating again? It made Lucius anxious to think that Financial Department Maddie might make a move.
Lucius tried to act casual, “Have you… talked to Maddie since then?” He needed to know.
Emma frowned, “You mean do I know if she asked Potter out? I haven’t seen her, but I’m sure if she’d managed to hook him, we’d all have heard about it by now.”
Relief calmed Lucius’ thumping heart.
“Magical Maintenance Department is going to have a tough follow up in January after this. It’s going to be one hell of a party,” she lowered the list a fraction to look at Lucius, “Speaking of which, I still don’t have a date.” Her eyes were bright and she raised one perfect eyebrow at him. Lucius was beyond sure that all Emma had to do was blink at someone and they would agree to go with her. Why she refused to go with anyone except him was a mystery.
Lucius knew what she was getting at, but he hadn’t gone to any of those parties in at least three years. Everyone seemed so much younger these days while Lucius felt so much older. But if Potter was suddenly going to Department parties, maybe Lucius should go as well. How could he pass up an opportunity like that? And at least if Potter ended up dating someone, Lucius might get a grip back on his life. He wasn’t sure how much more of this schoolboy pining he could handle. Wasn’t there an expiration date on these things?
“I’ll go with you,” he said and then to not seem so eager, “but it’ll cost you.”
Emma looked like she was going to fall out of her chair. “Really?”
“Sure,” he tried to sound indifferent, “But I need white chocolate scones from that place in Wales and those chocolates wrapped in the gold foil.”
Emma was grinning wider than he’d ever seen her. “Yes! I’ll buy them tomorrow. I promise, we’ll have so much fun!”
Lucius raised an eyebrow at her, she wasn’t the type to get over-excited about anything. He asked cautiously, “This isn’t a ‘date’, right?” He was certain she didn’t like him that way, but with the evidence…
Emma made a noise with her mouth, “Psssht, yeah, like I’d want to date you,” she rolled her eyes, “I need you to make me look good.” Lucius wasn’t sure whether he should be offended or not. But one of the reasons he liked her was because she always seemed to have some secret plan in the works. And she was always upfront about how she used her pawns.
“Then we have a deal,” Lucius said and took another bite of his cake. White chocolate scones and Potter in formal wear. The week was looking up already.
James had been avoiding his mailbox for the past week. Ever since he’d said he would attend the Magical Sports and Games Gala, he was getting letter after letter asking him who he was going with. He hadn’t even thought about that. He had sort of thought he would go alone.
He didn’t look at the mailbox as he made his way down the street to where he could comfortably Apparate to Quidditch practice. He didn’t want to think about all those people waiting for a reply. Luckily, there was nothing like Quidditch to take his mind off of everything.
When he arrived, the others were already warming up. He went to stand near Lucinda Talkalot, who was stretching on the ground. “Alright, Talkalot?”
Lucinda smirked up at him, “Alright.”
As James started his stretches, he should have known Lucinda was already in the know. “I heard you’ve got big plans this weekend.”
James resisted the urge to sigh, “Not you too.”
Lucinda grinned like a Cheshire cat, “What? You expect me to feel sorry for you being so popular? Give me a break. You’re like a dog with a bone. You love the attention.”
That might have been true once upon a time, but these days James had been enjoying the quiet. His stuffed mailbox was giving him a constant headache.
“The only attention I want is when I’m playing.”
Lucinda rolled her eyes, “Whatever you say, Potter.”
Practice went over without a hitch and ended too soon. James wasn’t in a hurry to return to his too quiet house with the full postbox. He lingered while cleaning up the equipment. He was so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he hadn’t noticed Lucinda lingering too.
She looked like she wanted to say something and it was out of character for her to be hesitant about speaking her mind. “What is it?” he asked.
She smirked, “If you’re having trouble deciding between your worshippers, we could always go together.”
The offer surprised him. Was Lucinda asking him out? It was true that they’d been sort of flirting for a while now, but it just seemed like something they had started doing to mess with each other since they couldn’t go back to being mortal enemies. James considered her a friend, but did he want her to be something else? He couldn’t deny they had a chemistry, it worked well in the air, but could it work off the Quidditch Pitch too?
“You asking me out, Talkalot?”
She smirked wider, “I’m just saying we could have fun together. It wouldn’t have to mean anything.”
The look she was giving him made him a little warm under the collar. He was getting a clear glimpse into what she was describing as fun. It wasn’t like he had never thought about it before. She was pretty and snarky and really good at Quidditch. If James had thought about what he thought his type was, it would be like Lucinda all over… except… except he would want it to ‘mean something’. No, he would make it mean something.
Sirius was right, he wasn’t the type to take these things lightly. He knew that trusting Sirius’ instincts over his own had gotten him in trouble in the past, but the same could be said about the other way around. Either way, he didn’t want to complicate things before he figured any of this out.
“Sorry, I made up my mind to go it alone.”
Lucinda quirked an eyebrow. “Your loss pal.”
Lucius hadn’t been to one of these parties in so long, he wasn’t even sure he could remember all the intricacies of them. Which order did he greet the people in? Where was he to stand throughout the night? Which songs were the popular ones to dance to?
He checked himself in the mirror for the tenth time. He wasn’t wearing anything flashy. A simple baroque pattern, black and deep emerald. He was nervous. Actually nervous. And he still hadn’t heard anything about who Potter was bringing as his date. Lucius wanted to know exactly what he was competing with. Then again, would he actually have the gall to do anything about it? What exactly was he hoping for anyway?
But with Emma on his arm, he was feeling more confident. He could tell the stares were wondering whether they were together or not. The attention felt good, anyone would be lucky to have Emma interested in them and getting a glimpse of themselves in a mirror as they walked down the lighted entrance way into the hall, Lucius had to admit that they looked quite good together.
Lucius was lucky to have Emma with him, she was well-versed in party etiquette and brought him around to make all the proper introductions and greetings. He was glad that he could relax and not worry about those things. Emma seemed to enjoy it. In another life, he imagined that they would have made a good couple. But currently, Lucius’ mind was filled with only one question, where was Potter?
Lucius’ heart fell when he thought that maybe he hadn’t showed. He had been put on the guest list, but that was hardly definitive. Anything could have happened between then and now and maybe he wasn’t even here. But those thoughts were quickly put to rest as he caught a glimpse of Potter as Emma continued pulling Lucius through the crowds of people.
Lucius stared, Potter was standing off to the left. He was wearing black on black dress robes with a bit of crimson piping. His hair looked neat for once, giving him a dignified air. He looked less boyish, more his age. He had one hand in his pocket and was holding a glass of champagne in the other. He smiled at whatever the people he was with were talking about. He didn’t look entirely comfortable. He looked like a man trying to plot his escape.
Lucius would let Emma pull him around for about forty minutes, which was the normal amount of time it took to get through all the formalities. She whispered conspiratorially, “If I can get one of these old farts to help me take down my father…” and Lucius understood why she had been so eager to go with him.
He was a bit of a big name when it came to family estates after all. His own father had never tried to cut him off, but Lucius had always had contingencies just in case. If all these people thought that Emma and Lucius were working together, they might reconsider backing Mister Vanity in robbing his daughter of her inheritance. Of course he really was trying to help Emma, but her father was relentless, everything they tried, he seemed to find a way around it. But now that they were here, having fun and not thinking about the estate at all, people might start to wonder if they had even more up their sleeves. And most of all, it would get back to Emma’s father that she may or may not be dating Lucius Malfoy and that would make him sweat.
Lucius kept tabs on Potter, who hadn’t noticed Lucius at all because he was constantly surrounded by people. Lucius kept trying to guess who his date was, but he didn’t seem to be particularly close to anyone around him.
When the forty minutes were up, he left Emma conversing with a few members of the Minister’s Office and headed to where Potter hadn’t seemed to move since he had last saw him.
Potter’s entire face seemed to light up when he caught sight of Lucius. It caused Lucius’ stomach to do somersaults. That was a good sign, wasn’t it?
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Potter said, breaking away from the small crowd, who looked disappointed as he moved away from them. It made Lucius want to grin cruelly at them.
Lucius didn’t echo him because of course he’d known Potter was on the list. “Are you enjoying yourself?”
Potter gave him an incredulous look, “Oh yes, time of my life,” he said sarcastically, lowering his voice so the people watching them wouldn’t hear it.
Lucius had been able to tell that Potter was far from enjoying himself, but he didn’t think anyone else had noticed, “Not a fan of big parties?”
“Nah. All this posturing makes me dizzy. It always feels like everyone’s up to something.”
Lucius snickered, because that was true, “We are Ministry Officials.”
Potter smirked, “Ah, so you are,” he took a sip from his glass, “So what are your ulterior motives then?”
Lucius wasn’t quite ready to share that information quite so early. “Tit for tat, Potter. Why are you here?”
It might have been Lucius’ imagination but Potter seemed to flush a little, “Oh you know, breaking the tedium.”
“Ah yes, breaking the tedium with the tedious. How’s that working out?”
Potter laughed, he seemed delighted that Lucius had seen through his flimsy excuse, “I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.”
Lucius raised his arm, “Well here it is. In all its glory,” surely Potter was already disappointed, “Don’t you regret sending in that RSVP card?”
Potter hadn’t taken his eyes off Lucius, “Not anymore.”
Lucius felt his face go hot. Was Potter flirting with him? “Surely your date would hate to hear that?” he couldn’t help saying because he was dying of curiosity.
Potter’s cheeks were flushed but that could have been from whatever he was drinking. He didn’t move his eyes away from Lucius’, “Actually, I thought it would be best if I came by myself,” his lips made Lucius feel like he was being drawn in and hypnotized, “Mind keeping me company?”
Lucius’ heart leap in his chest. This was too good to be true, wasn’t it? He hadn’t drifted off to sleep at his desk again? Potter was looking at him with an intensity that made Lucius’ throat want to close up. He was definitely flirting, right? Lucius didn’t think he had it in him to be that obvious. It was probably a Gryffindor thing.
Lucius cleared his throat, determined to not sound like the terrified, yet thrilled little boy he felt like, “I’m sure I could alleviate some of your boredom.” He took a sip from his drink to wet his dry throat. “Though if they decide to play this music all night, it may be beyond my powers.”
Potter laughed and the sound struck every chord in Lucius’ body. Of course that was when Maddie from Finance latched onto Potter’s arm. “Dance with me?” she asked coyly and Lucius felt his eyes turn cold and hard at the way she grinned like he’d already given her his answer. She shot Lucius a look that was all challenge. Lucius’ entire body was rigid.
Potter looked awkwardly between them and then said, “Sure,” to her because he was a nice person and didn’t tell her to fuck off like Lucius wanted him to. “You don’t mind, do you?” Potter turned to Lucius and Lucius couldn’t say, yes, I do! So he shook his head.
Potter grinned at him, “I’ll be right back,” and those words had put Lucius immediately at ease again. Because they meant Maddie would get her dance, she’d get her new fantasy fodder for the year, her big story to tell to the office gossip mongers, but as soon as it was over, Potter would come back over here where Lucius was and Maddie could pine from the other side of the room for the rest of the night.
James let Maddie pull him into the dancing crowd. He noticed the people who were watching them, waiting to see if she was the one he’d spend the rest of the evening with. Unfortunately for her and anyone else in the crowd, James was pretty sure he’d already made up his mind.
His insistence that this thing was ‘just a crush’ had been immediately yanked from under his feet the second Malfoy had walked up to him tonight. Whatever this burning flame inside of him was, it was burning hotter and brighter than a mere crush ever could. The second James took him in, the dark robes, the knowing smile, the slight blush that had been so obvious on his pale face when James flirted with him. James knew that he wouldn’t be able to promise anyone else the kind of attention he wanted to devote to him. James would dance with anyone, to be polite, but he would be waiting impatiently for the song to end so he could return. If he could work up to it, maybe they could leave together, right now.
The dance with Maddie finally ended and James was determined to return to Malfoy. James barely heard Maddie’s soft voice say, “Again later?” and he gave her a noncommittal gesture before leaving her on the dance floor.
And that’s how it went most of the night. Potter would be too polite to turn someone down and he would reluctantly leave Lucius’ side. Potter would spend the dance looking over his partner’s shoulder before returning shortly after. It didn’t take long before people stopped asking him to dance. And with that, Lucius felt like he had won and was starting to feel braver and braver.
Potter went to refill their glasses, something he hadn’t done for a single other person tonight, and when he returned Lucius was determined to tell him the real reason he’d come tonight. He hadn’t figured out the wording yet. He needed to be clear, but not pathetic or desperate. He wanted to come off cool and composed but not cold. Ugh, this was why Slytherins weren’t very good at dating. Overthinking was a curse. He knew for a fact that Potter would appreciate the plain, simple truth without any posturing. But Lucius didn’t think he could bear being that raw. How did Gryffindors do it? How did they go about their lives so authentically? It used to annoy Lucius how he could read them like a book, but right now he was grateful that he knew he wasn’t imagining Potter’s interest in him.
When Potter returned, Lucius still hadn’t thought of what to say. He took his drink with a mumbled thanks and they talked about other things.
James could never seem to stop himself from going on rants about Transfiguration. Luckily Malfoy didn’t seem to be bored at all. When James finally wrapped up the unintentional lecture, Malfoy grinned at him.
“I’m amazed you never became a Professor, Potter.”
James grinned back, “And have to take McGonagall’s job? No way, that woman needs a six figure raise if you ask me. Dealing with those kids… and us.”
They shared a smile, an inside joke.
James cleared his throat, “You can call me ‘James’. If you want.”
Malfoy’s eyes widened for a second but his voice was casual as he said, “Then I insist on being called by my first name as well.”
James felt suddenly shy but he hid it by downing his drink in one go.
It was a quarter past ten when a woman came and pulled on Lucius’ sleeve. “I didn’t bring you here so I could dance alone all night.”
James recognized her immediately. Devastatingly beautiful, Emma Vanity. The same woman he had seen saving lunch for Lucius that day he had gone to the cafeteria with Sirius. The same woman he had seen Lucius smile at when he never seemed to smile at anyone. James hadn’t thought about it before, but maybe Lucius was seeing someone. He hadn’t even thought to ask. And even though James was pretty sure he was being obvious with his interest, Lucius hadn’t outright returned any of it.
James tried to keep the flash of pain that burst in his chest from showing on his face. “Oh, you came with someone?” He tried to keep his voice casual, even just curious, maybe confused because Lucius hadn’t said anything about it, but even he could hear the disappointment in his tone.
They made a gorgeous couple. Lucius and Emma. His grip tightened. He was afraid that he might snap the stem on his wine glass but he didn’t loosen it.
Something flashed across Lucius’ face, something like realization, but then he was already being tugged away by the woman he had come with. He shot a look back at James, who was standing still on the side of the room, but soon disappeared from view as Lucius and Emma entered into the crowd on the dance floor.
James wanted to kick himself. This had always been a habit of his. He never thought that the person he was interested in might not be interested in him. Lily had often told him that his ego was too big to even bruise like a normal person’s, but James was pretty sure he could feel it right now.
He’d been so excited by these feelings he hadn’t felt in far too long, the excitement and thrill of something new. The anticipation, the pining. But it’d all been ripped away almost as quickly as it had begun. Why hadn’t he asked right out whether he was seeing someone or not? Why did he always let himself get carried away like this?
James made his way out one of the side doors to where he could breathe in the night air. The stars were bright and the air was cold. He was only alone for a few moments before Talkalot found him.
“Wow, that was almost painful to watch,” she said, “I could hear your heart break all the way from across the room.”
James gave her a look, did she really need to come out here and say that? It wasn’t like she was hurting for company, she was pretty and knew her way around the people inside. This was her domain, she could have anyone she liked.
She smirked, “So my offer’s still open,” she stretched like she was tired, or warming up for a game, “if you wanted to have some fun.”
James thought about walking away, but he was still feeling raw.
What was the harm in some mutual comfort? He didn’t feel like being alone right now. And it wouldn’t have to mean anything. She’d made it clear this was just for fun. Didn’t he deserve a little fun? But this sudden recklessness was at war with what he really wanted. He didn’t want some random one-night-stand. Yet he couldn’t delude himself into thinking there would ever be another Lily. He wanted to fall in love again but maybe the time for love had long since passed him. So why was he wasting his time passing up opportunities that presented themselves?
She stood there, waiting. She put her hand on her hip, her lips curled a bit in a way that was almost familiar. Her strawberry blonde hair looked almost platinum in the moonlight. “Let’s get out of here,” he said and she smiled.
He took her hand, leading her back inside so they could grab their things. James didn’t look at anyone, didn’t look around him, didn’t look for him. He wanted to leave and be in the company of someone who wanted him.
Lucius had finally extracted himself from Emma and was now scanning the crowd for James. He hadn’t imagined it, right? That look of devastation that had crossed James’ face when Emma had come to take Lucius away? The look had sparked something in Lucius, a longing and a hope. He needed to find him, tell him that Emma was a friend, a colleague. He shouldn’t have let her pull him away to begin with. He had thought he should probably dance with Emma though, since she had been his technical date and he also thought that he could ask her about what he should say. But if that look James had given him meant what he thought it meant… if all this flirting meant what he thought it meant… then maybe he didn’t even need to say anything at all. Maybe he could just take his hand and-
But it was too late. He caught a glimpse of James as he headed for the door with Lucinda Talkalot in tow. They were pressed close together, whispering, laughing. Anyone could tell by looking at them what their next stop was going to be. A hotel or a bedroom.
Lucius’ breath caught in his throat. Had he been wrong about that look? The one that had caused that flame of hope to spring so violently to life? The flame was still flickering as he watched James disappear from the room with that woman in tow. It hadn’t gone out, but Lucius was sure there was a large bowl of ice water waiting to splash down and extinguish that flame for good if he let it.
When they got to Lucinda’s place, James let her pull him into a fiery kiss. He even let her shove him onto her sofa and watched as she slipped out of her dress. He knew that all of this should be exciting and to a certain extent it was. But he kept thinking about the tentative friendship that they had developed while they had played on the Rec Team. Would this mess things up between them? Now that his head was a bit clearer and they had distanced themselves from the source of James’ heartache, he wasn’t sure he could go through with this.
Lucinda noticed immediately. “What is it?” she asked.
“I like you,” he started, “but-”
Lucinda groaned into her palm. James was impressed that she was standing there in her underwear and was still more confidant and in control than a lot of people James knew. It was admirable. He liked that she was ambitious and pushed for what she wanted. He did feel bad about letting it get this far, only to back down now.
“I don’t think I’m suited to one-night-stands,” he said. He honestly wasn’t. As much as he wanted to be the kind of person who could separate romance from sex, he didn’t think he could.
She watched him for a moment, trying to size him up, “Are you saying you’d rather date?”
Well, he hadn’t thought he was saying that, but maybe he was. If Lucinda and him started dating, maybe something would grow out of this friendship they’d created and it would work.
“I don’t believe this,” she sighed.
“I’m sorry.”
She shook her head, “Don’t be sorry, it’s fine. Believe it or not, I don’t just like you for your body.”
James laughed, “Well that’s a relief.”
“I don’t know if I could date you though,” she walked over to him and sat down on the other side of him. She looked over at him and he gave her a small smile. “But I guess we could try,” she said.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” he asked and actually did want an answer.
She shrugged, “I haven’t got any other prospects at the moment, how about you?”
James felt his heart twitch a little, “I guess not.” For a while he had really hoped he had though.
They sat in silence for a little while, neither one of them knowing quite what to say. “So how does this usually work?” Lucinda asked.
James laughed, “Have you never dated anyone before?”
She frowned, “Not like this I haven’t.”
He sighed, he didn’t think he had ever done something quite like this either, “How about we start with lunch. Thursday?”
She made a face that looked like she found that idea repellent, but then changed her mind, “Fine, Ministry cafeteria all right? I only get half an hour.”
A part of James didn’t want to go anywhere near the Ministry building, in case he saw Lucius. But then, the other part of him really, really wanted to see him. “Okay.
It was a bit awkward as he rearranged his messed shirt and trousers and once he was put right again, he made for the door. He paused, “I’m sorry about tonight.”
She didn’t look annoyed though. She looked sympathetic, “Me too.”
Lucius did what he always did when he found himself distracted by emotions, buried himself in work. He’d eaten lunch alone in his office for the past four days because he couldn’t stand all the new office gossip about Lucinda Talkalot and James Potter.
The stack of parchment on Lucius’ desk never seemed to get any smaller. Even if, by some miracle, he managed to finish everything that was there, more of it appeared. He let it consume him.
There was a tap on his door and he grunted a ‘come in’ without looking up from where he was scrawling a nicely-worded ‘up yours’ to a concerned mother who thought it was the Ministry of Magical Education’s fault that her son didn’t get picked for Prefect this year. Lucius’ job would be so much easier if he was allowed to use Howlers.
“Hey, are you busy?”
Lucius jerked up in his seat, the familiar voice washing over him and warming him from the inside out. “No!” He dropped his quill and stared, “I’m… what are you doing here? Did Libby let you in?”
James seemed to be wondering what he was doing there as well. “You know her name’s Amanda, right?” he hesitated, and then let himself into the room. “I’m having lunch with Lucinda in a bit and I thought I’d come by and say hi.”
Lucinda. The name put Lucius into a sour mood. Of course James was here to see Talkalot, why else would he come to this place that sucked life and fun out of anything better than a Dementor ever could?
If James noticed the sudden shift in Lucius’ mood, he didn’t show it, he casually took a seat in one of Lucius’ guest chairs. “I’m sorry I left without saying anything on Saturday.”
Ah, so that’s what this was. The guilty mind of the rude. Lucius was unsure what to say to that. From an etiquette standpoint, it had been quite rude to leave without saying farewell to the people one had chatted with all evening. But on the more pressing side, the purely emotional side, Lucius was still pissed about the whole thing. He suddenly wished James would go away. He picked up his quill again and continued writing, “Well, you seemed in a hurry,” he said without looking at him, well aware that his tone betrayed him.
There was a hint of embarrassment in his voice when James agreed, “Yeah…”
They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence that only lasted for a couple minutes because Lucius asked, “Are you dating her?” because he couldn’t stand not knowing any longer. Office gossip wasn’t exactly a paradigm of accurate information. Last year rumours had flown about Lucius’ non-existent lover in Vienna when he’d taken Draco on holiday.
“I guess so… yeah,” James said, at last dousing any flame of hope Lucius might have still had.
Lucius was holding his quill so tightly he might have broken it. Lucius knew that logically, diplomatically, being friends with James Potter would work in his favour. They were both wizards of high standing and being around James felt like some kind of rebirth, like he was breathing colour and fun into Lucius’ otherwise dull and ordinary life. It was like metamorphosis, or -what was the Muggle word again?- holometabolism. But on the other hand, Lucius wasn’t sure how he was supposed to be friendly when all he could think about was what might have happened if he hadn’t let Emma pull him away that night. What if he had told her, ‘not now’ and instead asked James what that look was about. Why had he looked so gutted? Why had he flirted with Lucius all night just to leave him there, completely miserable? But instead, here he was, the man Lucius had pined over for months now, stopping by to say ‘hi’ because he was now dating Lucinda Fucking Talkalot.
“Emma is… quite the catch, huh?” James said.
Lucius wanted to bang his head against his desk, “Emma’s just a friend,” he said instead, trying to focus on the words appearing under his quill. He was not going to look up. “She begged me to go with her because of some family drama.”
Lucius wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but he was still disappointed at the rather unremarkable “Oh,” that James voiced.
Lucius glanced at the clock and sighed, “You better go. It’s almost lunchtime.” And Talkalot would be waiting for him. And Lucius would go find Emma and demand eclairs for a month because this whole thing was her damn fault.
“Right,” James said, he ran a hand through his perpetually messy hair, “right.” James stood and headed for the door.
Lucius got up and moved to the door too. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing. He wanted to open the door for him? Or close it behind him? Or it was the habit of being polite that his parents had been so careful to drill into him. He was merely seeing his guest to the door. Or was it a knee-jerk reaction to James leaving and he wanted to stand near him, even if only for a second.
Just short of opening the door, James stopped and turned back to face him. He looked a bit flushed, his hair sticking up at the sides where he’d touched it. He was wearing a red tie over a white button down, far dressier than he normally dressed. Lucius’ chest tightened with the knowledge, because it’s a date. But the tie was twisted a bit and before Lucius could think better of it, he reached out to straighten it.
Getting physical was an immediate mistake. Lucius realized how close they were, a mere breath away, and the feeling of James’ chest against his suddenly sensitive fingers sent fire all the way through him.
Lucius knew he needed to step away but also couldn’t stand the thought. There was an agonizing moment of indecision where he stared, stuck, into James’ eyes, even though he was supposed to be focused on the piece of fabric he was holding in his hand. Lucius stepped closer, betraying every logical thought in his head that was telling him to stop, to go back to his desk and forget this ever happened. But then James’ eyes fluttered closed, his chin tilted upwards. A rush of lust burned through Lucius from the top of his head to his toes. James looked every bit like he was waiting for Lucius to kiss him. And all Lucius had to do was lean down a bit. Just a little and…
And Lucius wasn’t ready for what that kiss would entail. Potter had been dating Talkalot for a grand total of five days? As much as Lucius would love to rip him away from her, the same thing she’d done to him, he wasn’t going to be satisfied being the side-affair. If Potter wanted Talkalot instead of him, that was a choice they were both going to have to live with. And if Potter wanted him, he could break it off with Talkalot himself.
He swallowed, pushing his emotions deep down inside and stepped away. “You’re going to be late,” he said and his voice came out in almost a whisper.
James blinked, apparently surprised and Lucius didn’t miss the acute disappointment in his eyes.
James was a bit shaken as he left Lucius’ office. The misunderstanding with Vanity, the conclusions James had jumped to. He felt like an idiot. And he had really wanted Lucius to kiss him. His new relationship with Lucinda was a complete sham and there was no way he could continue it. He was going to have to start being honest with himself one way or the other and it was a good start to admit that agreeing to date Lucinda had been a cowardly move. He’d been desperate and needy and that was always the start of bad decisions… of really, really bad decisions.
James eventually made it to the cafeteria where Lucinda had been waiting for him. A wave of guilt overwhelmed him as he sat down. She didn’t look impressed at his timing. He was ten minutes late because he had needed that time to cool down in the washroom. He hadn’t wanted to show up to his date flushed and frustrated from someone else.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m late.”
Lucinda speared him with her eyes, James was suddenly self conscious wondering if she could tell what he’d been up to just before. But then she seemed immediately unbothered the next second. “It’s fine,” she said, munching on something green and leafy.
James wasn’t hungry and he felt awkward sitting there. “Listen-”
“I know,” she cut him off.
Again, he felt a wave of shame and embarrassment, but she couldn’t know, could she?
She sighed, apparently thinking him too thick to just let it be, “I already know this,” she waved between them, “thing isn’t going to happen. You’re head over heels.”
James nodded. She did know. He should have made a stronger effort to be on time, that had been disrespectful.
Lucinda rolled her eyes, “The obvious aside, can we still have a nice lunch together? As friends?”
James immediately perked up, “Of course.” He felt grateful. It was the easiest break up he’d ever had.
“Good,” Lucinda said and rolled a sandwich at him. “Eat happily, I don’t need anyone looking over here and knowing I got dumped.”
“Lucinda, I-”
“It’s fine, Potter. No need to be heroic. I knew what this was…” she hesitated, “I uh… I actually need to apologize.”
James blinked, “What for?”
She blushed. “For taking advantage of you.”
James blinked again. Oh yeah, that was right, wasn’t it?
She stared into her salad. “I felt like a total twit, I knew you were hurting and I swooped in like a vulture.”
“Lucinda, it’s okay, it’s-”
“That isn’t the worst part,” she said, lowering her voice because people were starting to look at them funny, “The thing is, I knew…” she hesitated and then took another bite of her leafy lunch. James waited impatiently for her to finish.
She seemed to be thinking carefully about her words, “I knew that Malfoy and Emma weren’t together and were never going to be.”
James stared, “But-” but she had let him think that. She had known that that was why he was upset and she had let him think that. Then she had taken him home and they’d almost-
“I’m horrible,” she said and James was too shocked by the revelation to offer his opinion but he sort of agreed with her, “And I don’t know if it makes it more or less horrible when I tell you why.”
Lucius was not doing work. He hadn’t even invisible-d the memos like he sometime did to make it seem like he didn’t have a mound of work to do.
He couldn’t stop thinking about Lucinda and James and James and Lucinda. He couldn’t stop thinking about their date and about how he could have had Potter right here, right now if he’d been able to suck down his pride enough.
If he’d been willing to help Potter cheat on his new girlfriend… and the strangest part was that Lucius typically had no conscience for something like that. Something like that had never bothered him before, he’d slept with more married men and women than not. It had been something else.
Despite his reluctance to admit defeat to that woman, Lucius knew that James would have hated himself. Lucius couldn’t stand the thought of James getting some guilty conscience for cheating on someone, even if Talkalot was clearly a mere convenience. Gryffindors were already obnoxiously martyr-minded. If he’d kissed James right then, James would have let that guilt consume him one way or another and Lucius didn’t need a role in that. He did not need to be James Potter’s dirty secret or his downfall or whatever else he might have called it in his guilt-ridden head.
Lucius’ office door banged open and Lucius jumped in his seat.
Emma look frazzled and angry. And she was a woman not easily frazzled or angered.
“My father filed the last of the paperwork. I’m going to lose everything.”
Lucius’ heart rate returned to normal. He walked around to the front of his desk and put a hand on Emma’s shoulder. “What are you going to do?”
She looked distraught, the look didn't suit her at all, “There’s nothing I can do,” she said, “In one month I’ll have nothing.”
Lucius knew that now was not the time to remind her that she was more than capable of surviving without her father’s money. Emma was strong and wilful, she could do anything, but she hated losing and she had been fighting this battle for the past two years.
“What can I do?” he asked.
She shook her head, “I don’t know. I…” she grew quiet for a moment as she looked at him.
Lucius was starting to get uncomfortable with how she was staring.
“No,” she shook her head, “That’s ridiculous.” She hadn’t even voiced what she was thinking.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she shook her head, “I need to go. I need to find Talkalot.”
The name felt like needles piercing into him. He had forgotten that Emma and Talkalot knew each other.
“She’ll be in the cafeteria with Potter,” he said, his voice sounded every bit as bitter as he felt.
Emma spun to look at him. “What?” she demanded. Her eyes were suddenly lit up like fire.
At first Lucius thought she was just interested in the office gossip coming true, but there was something different there. Something he hadn’t seen on her before.
“I have to go,” she said and then was gone as quickly as she’d blown in.
James sat there in complete shock as Lucinda told him a story that was better than any episode of Be Still My Aching Heart. He didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or cry or shake her. His facial features seemed to settle on an awkward grin.
“This isn’t supposed to be funny,” she growled at him.
“I know, I’m sorry, it’s just amazing.” Lucinda, as long as James had known her, had always been completely hard-headed, completely focused and stone-faced. He didn’t think he had ever seen her lose her cool. But now she was a rolling ball of emotions and he couldn’t help the awe he felt.
“If you don’t wipe that look off your face right now, Potter, I swear I’ll-” Lucinda was cut off by Emma Vanity storming up to their table.
James remembered Emma from more than just the dramatics of last weekend. He remembered how she flew on her broom like a razorwind and he especially remembered her scary forehand. She had always managed to knock him down a peg or two, literally and figuratively. He remembered the actual chaos she caused when she handed her captaincy to a fifth year, Lucinda. Emma hadn’t lost an ounce of that terrifying aura she exuded and he instantly felt cold.
James got a distinct chill at the way Emma narrowed her eyes at him before completely disregarding him. “I need to speak to you,” Emma said to Lucinda, her voice was calm but with a tremor of thunderous anger inside it. It was the kind of tone that would have made anyone agree right away for their own personal safety. Lucinda, however, was not affected.
“Whatever you have to say to me, you can say right here.” Lucinda crossed her arms and made herself look comfortable in the rather low-quality, sharp-seated chair that not even cushion charms stuck to.
James swore he could hear the way Emma’s teeth ground together. “Talkalot, I don’t want to do this here.” She didn’t move her eyes from the other woman. James swallowed, people were starting to get curious about what was happening over here.
“You don’t want to do it anywhere,” Lucinda said, her voice coming out less strong but more determined, “You’d rather leave things hanging like you always do and keep stringing me along.”
James couldn’t see Emma’s eyes but her voice spoke of the flames inside them, “I’m stringing you along? I didn’t go fuck some guy to prove a point!”
Lucinda’s eyes were hot and angry. James had never seen her look like that before. She looked like she wanted to cry or put her fist through someone’s face. “You don’t get to say that to me when you hang all over anyone who gives you the slightest bit of attention!”
Emma grabbed Lucinda’s arm. “Come with me,” she said and there was no room at all for negotiation. She pulled Lucinda out of her chair and they left the cafeteria in the midst of everyone’s complete wonder and surprise.
Lucius tried to keep the leap of excitement he felt under control when James appeared in his door for the second time that day. And he already recognized that look on James’ face. It meant he couldn’t wait to tell him something
James shut the office door and then turned back to him with that excited look on his face, “Did you know we were both unwitting pawns in a sly game of deceit and dominance between two hot as hell ex-Slytherin Quidditch Captains?”
There were so many words there Lucius didn’t understand, “Beg your pardon?”
James blurted out the whole story about how Lucinda and Emma had been doing this not-dating-but-clearly-in-love thing for two years already. Apparently Lucinda had proposed to Emma once upon a time five years ago but Emma had been career-focused and not willing to include anyone in her grand plans for the future. Then two years ago, Lucinda is suddenly a Sub-Head of the PR Department and Emma’s forced to go to her for everything from press releases to photo approvals. One thing leads to another and all the old feelings they thought had passed are back in full force, only this time they don’t want each other to know how badly they still want to be together. So instead they’ve been trying to break each other down to get someone to confess first. But Lucinda wants Emma to admit not marrying her was the biggest mistake of her life and Emma either feels guilty as hell or just doesn’t want to admit she was wrong.
Lucius’ head was spinning. He’d known Emma for years. How had he never known about any of this? He did recall Emma mentioning Talkalot now and again. Emma had been four years ahead of Talkalot in school and made her captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team before she graduated, but that was the extent of what he had known about their relationship. Actually, now that he thought about it, Emma had more ‘PR meetings’ than anyone else in any other department… Lucius had always assumed it was because she was a total perfectionist.
Lucius felt like he was in a daze, “I can’t believe I didn’t know any of that.”
“Slytherins are good at hiding things,” James said and gave Lucius a look that Lucius couldn’t figure out.
“What’s that say about Gryffindors?”
James shrugged, “We keep secrets, but we’re not very good at hiding our feelings.”
Lucius crossed his arms, “Is that so?”
For a second James looked surprised, he probably hadn’t been expecting Lucius to call him out.
There was something sparking between them, a renewed version of what they had almost had at the Gala last week. It was back at square one, all the obstacles removed… well, mostly.
“I should go,” James said slowly, as if he wanted Lucius to give him a better suggestion.
Lucius didn’t. He thought James should go too. He thought James should run before Lucius’ willpower, which was already hanging by a thread, snapped.
Once again he walked him to the door, resisting the urge to fix the rebellious tie again.
Lucius felt nervous with the way James kept glancing at him like he was trying to figure something out.
Lucius felt a tension coiling inside of him. It felt like a spring being pulled taut. He was worried about what he might do if James stayed here much longer.
Standing so close, he could smell the clean scent of whatever shampoo James used in his hair. He was trying not to outright sniff him when James turned from the door to face him.
For a second Lucius thought he’d been caught, but then the tension inside of him exploded when James reached up and pulled his head down in a quick, hard motion, bashing their mouths together. James’ mouth was yielding and wet and Lucius wanted to immediately drown inside of him. Every single thing Lucius had been trying to hold back was crashing over him, a sudden flood tide.
James had slipped his tongue into his mouth, holding Lucius’ head in both hands, like he was afraid Lucius would try and move away from him. But Lucius had no intention of doing that and moved his hands to grab hold of James’ hips, pushing him up against the door. James moaned into his mouth and he moved his grip to Lucius’ arms below his shoulders, pulling him closer. Lucius pulled at James’ hips, bringing their bodies together and could already feel James growing stiff against his thigh. James rocked his hips against him and Lucius felt like he was a teenager all over again, getting so hard just from the way James moved against him, just how he bit at his lips.
When they parted for air, Lucius’ mind cleared enough to wonder, was this a good idea? But any reasonable thought in his head disappeared when James rolled his hips again, sparking a magnificent rush of pleasure that ran all the way to his toes and back.
Lucius pulled him away from the door and walked him backward to the desk where he shoved him down on top of it. Scrolls and inkwells fell to the floor but Lucius couldn’t even spare a thought for them. His head was spinning, dizzy off of James’ breath alone.
James reached out and pulled Lucius in by his tie. He pushed his hands through Lucius’ hair. And Lucius was sure that he didn’t imagine how pleased James looked at the motion, like he had been waiting a long time to do that.
Lucius gazed at him, a bit in disbelief. What on Earth James could see in him was beyond him, but he wasn’t going to question it right now, not after these weeks and weeks of pining. Not after these past few agonizing days when he had thought that this was far out of reach. James pulled him in for another long kiss and Lucius could feel himself growing addicted. What did he have to do to keep James like this?
He ran his hands down James’ arms, feeling the smooth curves of his muscles along the way. He wanted to touch them without the material of James’ shirt in the way, but they were in Lucius’ office where anyone could walk in at any time. It was probably best they kept most of their clothes on. But that didn’t stop Lucius from slipping his fingers up underneath James’ shirt. He marvelled at the smooth skin, the toned stomach, the firmness under his hands. It felt much better than he had imagined it would.
“Fuck, I want you.” The breathless phrase slipped from James’ mouth and made Lucius delirious.
Lucius made short work of the buttons on James’ trousers and tugged them down his thighs. He watched the way James’ face flushed, it caused a deep satisfaction to bloom through Lucius’ chest. He manoeuvred himself down James’ body and grinned as James choked back a gasp when Lucius pressed his lips to suck at James’ hip. He dragged his lips over the sensitive skin of James’ thigh and then to where Lucius wanted to put his mouth most of all.
Lucius toyed with the thought of making James come completely undone, make him desperate and make him beg, but there wasn’t time for that. Instead, Lucius savoured the delicious moan that made its way out of James’ throat when Lucius took him into his mouth.
James gripped the edge of the desk, his knuckles white. Lucius’ mouth was hotter than he ever imagined. He moved his hands to Lucius’ hair, it too was much better than he’d imagined, much softer. James was suddenly very, very aware that he hadn’t done this in a long time. And it was starting to look like this could be a little short-lived.
Lucius basked in the noises, the whimpers and groans that James made. He kept his hands on James’ hips, a tight grip, holding him there. James ran his hands through Lucius’ hair again and again.
Too soon, James pushed at his shoulder, “Wait, wait, stop."
Lucius did and looked up at him, waiting.
James was breathless and glowing, “I want…”
And Lucius already knew what he wanted, but he hadn’t thought they would get there today. Lucius rose to his feet and kissed him again, stealing every bit of breath until they were both gasping. Lucius let his outer robes fall to the floor and James tugged at Lucius’ belt, undoing the clasp and trouser buttons. Lucius was surprised that James seemed completely at home here, his body trapped between Lucius and the hard desk.
“Wait,” Lucius realized that he wasn’t exactly prepared for situations like this, “I don’t have-”
James seemed to know what he was going to say. He ‘hmmed’ and picked up Lucius’ wand, which had remained on the desk in its holder. He looked around them for a short second before palming one of the inkwells that hadn’t been knocked off the desk in their carelessness before. He shook it a little and watched the way the ink moved in its container. Then he tapped it with Lucius’ wand and the consistency of it changed immediately.
Lucius stared, transfixed, his mouth might as well have been hanging open. He remembered the way James’ face looked when he talked about Transfiguration and… what was it? Oh, holometabolism. Lucius also recalled reading in Quidditch Weekly how Transfiguration had been James’ speciality at Hogwarts. “Did you just metamorphose my ink?”
“No,” James smirked at him, “It’s not true metamorphosis since they’re both water-based, it’s just a matter of getting the chemical compounds-”
Lucius cut him off with a kiss, impatient and also annoyed that James talking nonchalantly about Transfiguration made him impossibly harder. Made him want this man impossibly more. It should be criminal. Lucius didn’t quite know what this meant, he’d always found Transfiguration so tedious before, but he had the distinct feeling that he could listen to James talk about it forever. Except right now, because right now there was something else he really wanted to do.
Lucius could feel James smirk against his lips. James had a hand at the back of Lucius’ neck and when they parted slightly, he pulled them back together again. James kissed like he was hungry, like he wouldn’t be satisfied until he had devoured Lucius completely. Lucius was sure that he would let him.
Lucius let James keep doing that. Pulling Lucius in and in and in. Then Lucius finally pulled out of the kiss long enough to wonder, how were they doing this? James smirked up at him, the curl of his lips making Lucius ache with want. He pressed the inkwell into Lucius’ hand. “This time, I want you to fuck me on your desk.”
It was the single hottest thing Lucius had ever heard. But it wasn’t the fucking part or even the desk part, it was the ‘this time’. Because that meant there would be more times, right?
Lucius spilled the contents of the inkwell into his hand. He pressed his mouth to James’ throat at the same time he pressed his fingers inside him. He could feel the vibrations of James’ low moans against his lips.
He went slowly, especially taking his time whenever he did something that made James shudder with pleasure, made him throw his head back and moan. Lucius wanted to go even slower, he wanted to make James desperate for him. But there wasn’t time and if James had meant what he’d said earlier, there would be other times to test their respective limits.
When it seemed safe to continue, Lucius pulled his fingers away, causing a small noise of protest from James who looked every bit as hot as Lucius imagined he would in the early mornings when he had fantasized about this. James’ hair was much messier than normal, framing his flushed face and swollen lips. Lucius wanted to keep him like this forever.
Lucius poured more from the inkwell into his hands and slicked himself first before reaching for James’ cock. James fell forward against him and Lucius mouthed his ear, “Hard or soft?”
“Ugnh, hard.”
“Turn this way,” Lucius said and manoeuvred James so he could get a grip on the desk. He kissed the back of James’ neck as he lined up their bodies. James smelled like spices and grass, it was a bit sweet and it made Lucius crave.
James let his head fall forward over the top of the desk and Lucius admired the curve of his back. He ran his fingers down James’ sides, everywhere he could touch with his shirt still in the way. He marvelled at how James arched into his touch and Lucius was already thinking about the next time and the next time and how many more times could they do this? It would never be enough, Lucius was sure.
They were dressed and cleaned up and facing each other at the door again. Lucius reached to straighten James’ tie, which seemed to have a mind of its own. And this time, the action was fraught with new meaning. He dragged his fingers across James’ neck as he did it.
The look James gave him was piercing and deep.
Lucius didn’t want to, but he had to get back to work. He resisted the urge to lean down and kiss him again. It seemed too sappy and they hadn’t said at all what this was going to mean yet.
“I’ll… uh… let you get back to work,” James said and Lucius finally convinced himself to let go of the tie.
Lucius watched him disappear behind the door, the quiet click of the handle signalling him to return to his parchments, his memos. But he took another few moments, watching the door, waiting for his heartbeat to return to normal and for the warmth that had flooded his entire being to cool enough to let him concentrate on anything even close to work.
James felt like he was in a daze. His body ached but in a good way. He needed to get home and fall into his bed.
He slowly made his way to the elevators, trying not to let the grin on his face tip off any of the nosey workers who were side-eyeing him as he walked by.
He got on the elevator, squishing in with everyone else headed to the main floor. He kept trying to focus on the task of getting home, of getting to the Apparation station, of going to bed. He had to focus on something because he didn’t want to think of Sirius and how he had been right about everything.
It was staring him in the face now. It came paired with an embarrassing reality check. Most grown men didn’t fall this fast or this hard, but it was already too late. He was a complete and utter goner.
“So,” Lucius decided not to drag it out, “You’ve been keeping some pretty big secrets from me, Vanity.”
Emma glared, “Oh, your new boyfriend’s a gossip, terrific.”
“It’s all over the office after that little altercation in the cafeteria.”
Lucius couldn’t tell if she was embarrassed or annoyed, she was too good at her job.
Lucius belatedly processed what she’d said, “Wait, boyfriend? How d-”
Emma glared at him, now he could tell she was annoyed, “Ugh, you’re so easy to read, Malfoy. Thank Merlin you aren’t in PR.”
Lucius couldn’t figure out how he felt about this. Should he be angry that Emma could read him like a book or that she hadn’t said anything about it? Or that she had tried to use him in her mindgames? “You said you thought Talkalot and Potter were together,” Lucius said.
“No, I said they were probably shagging and what I wanted was for you to spring into action. I wanted you to do something before they actually shagged. But that didn’t happen.”
“That was your fault,” Lucius glared, “If you hadn’t-”
“We can point the blame all day,” she cut him off, the perfect picture of a PR employee cutting off an assault of battering questions, “the point is, we’ve both done things we’ve regretted. I apologize for what came to pass.”
“Don’t use your PR bullshit on me, you used me.”
“And we both got what we wanted…” she shrugged, “sort of.”
They eyed each other for a long moment. “Fine,” Lucius forgave her, because it had worked out in the end. But he was still annoyed that she hadn’t been forthcoming about her ulterior motives. He also had no idea how she’d known something had happened between him and James since he hadn’t once mentioned anything to her. Not the tavern, not the graveyard, nothing. But most of all, he thought Emma and him were friends. “If you had told me what you were doing, I would have helped you.”
For the first time, Emma looked actually sorry, “I know.”
“So what is the status between you and Talkalot now?”
Emma sighed, “Unclear.”
“What do you want it to be?”
Emma was quiet for a while, “I don’t know,” she finally said, “I was fine with how things were. I thought we were on the same page, we didn’t need all these goddamned feelings involved,” her tone was getting passionate and she stopped for a moment to collect herself, “And then she left that night with Potter and I felt like I was in a nightmare. I was so angry and… hurt. I thought they might be good together and I was surprised how much I hated myself right then. None of this was worth it. I thought I was bypassing all the emotions but…” Lucius didn’t interrupt her, he sat quietly and waited as she drew on her courage to speak the words she had been denying herself, “ I think I love her.”
“You should tell her that.”
Emma squeezed her eyes shut, she looked much smaller than Lucius was used to, “She’ll think I’m an idiot.”
“Yes,” Lucius walked over and put a hand on her shoulder, “you are.”
He felt proud at the small smile in her voice, “Asshole.”
Emma was staring at the ground, Lucius squeezed her shoulder, “But she knows that already. And if she knows you like I know you, she’ll know how much effort this is for you.”
Emma was quiet for a long time. Emma was the kind of person who believed in never admitting you were wrong. In never showing an ounce of weakness. Mistakes and weakness were things that would get someone in her job fired. She was good at her job, easily the best in the business, but it had obviously worked against her in her personal life.
“You said you were going to have nothing by next month,” Lucius pointed out, “That doesn’t have to be true.”
Emma grew very still for a moment, Lucius was almost sure he had offended her somehow. Instead, when she looked up at him, there was a fire burning anew in her eyes. “You’re absolutely right.”
Lucinda didn’t even know why she was lingering at work. A part of her was hoping that she would see Emma, but it was going to be a while before they’d be able to look each other in the eye again.
Lucinda wasn’t even sure what she wanted anymore. She wanted a relationship with Emma like the one they had had before… before Lucinda had messed it all up with proposing. She had known Emma hated things like that, romantic gestures and promises… they had been happy, why hadn’t Lucinda been satisfied with that?
Lucinda fixed her blouse in the mirror. It was important in their line of work to appear completely put together at all times. Not even a hair out of place. Most especially when you didn’t feel that way.
Lucinda was good but she would never be as good as Emma. Emma had it down perfectly. Lucinda felt proud of herself most of the time for being able to climb over Emma’s high, warded walls. Emma never let anyone get close to her, never let anyone know the bad sides of her… but Lucinda knew them all. That in itself had been special, so why had she pushed her so much? Demanded things she knew Emma couldn’t give her? She called Emma a coward but wasn’t Lucinda an even bigger one? She had been trying to manipulate Emma into revealing her feelings, she had used so many people trying to prompt Emma into a confrontation and she’d finally succeeded. And what had it accomplished?
The sad, unflattering truth was that Lucinda hadn’t wanted to marry Emma because she loved her. She’d wanted to lock her down because deep inside Lucinda was an absolute coward and thinking Emma might leave one day scared her.
She wasn’t scared anymore. Emma had left anyway and Lucinda had survived somehow even when she thought she wouldn’t. She would survive again if it came down to that.
Lucinda packed her briefcase and sent out the last two memos she needed to finish. She was about to Nox the lights when there was a soft tap on the door, “Come in,” she said and hoped it wasn’t a last moment confab. She wasn’t in the mood to hear Drake drone on and on today.
It was Emma and Lucinda felt like she couldn’t breathe.
“Can I come in?” Emma asked softly and Lucinda just nodded mutely.
Emma looked uncertain, so Lucinda sat down to make her more comfortable.
“I’m sorry,” Emma said.
In all the time Lucinda had known her, Emma had never apologized for anything even when she really should have. “I’m the one who needs to apologize.”
Emma shook her head, “You don’t have to. I knew what you were going to do and I let it happen anyway.”
“You can’t stop something you’ve already Seen,” Lucinda reminded her.
“It doesn’t mean I never try.”
“That sounds like madness. Trying to stall the inevitable.”
“Prophecies aren’t inevitable.”
“You know what I mean.”
The sat in silence for a while before Lucinda broke it again, “Was that you admitting to prophesying about me?”
Emma rolled her eyes, “Are we still pretending that we don’t do that? And I can’t help it. The visions come whenever they want.”
“About me, specifically?”
Emma crossed her arms, “Why don’t you ask your cards?”
Lucinda just smirked.
Another beat of silence and this time it was Emma who broke the silence, “I See lots of things, but I somehow missed how unhappy you were with me.”
“Well my cards didn’t predict you leaving me either.”
“Were you really that miserable?”
“Desperately. But it wasn’t because of you,” Lucinda sighed, “I had a lot of things I needed to figure out.”
“So did I,” Emma said, “I wanted to be good at my job.”
“You are.”
“I am now,” Emma sighed, “So I can’t say I regret leaving because I don’t. I focused on my career and I’ve been able to do everything I wanted to.”
Lucinda nodded, she expected as much.
“But,” Emma continued, “I did miss you. I’d pray for visions of you so I could keep tabs. But you always did surprise me. I didn’t See it coming when you started working here.”
Lucinda smiled, “That’s lucky. What would you have done to try and stop me?”
Emma looked completely serious, “I would have destroyed your reputation before you even set foot in the door.”
Lucinda wasn’t insulted. “So do you think it’s fate that brought us here then? Something powerful enough to blind your visions and confuse my Divining?”
Emma looked lost for a moment before saying, “I don’t know.”
This was ridiculous. They were ridiculous. She could never hate Emma for choosing what was in her heart.
“Things are different now, we’re different,” Lucinda said, “I mean, psychic-spying aside, we’ve both changed a lot.”
But there were some things that remained the same. Neither one of them thought twice about hurting the other if it meant getting the upperhand. They’d been trying to force each other back in love but things could never be like they used to be.
“You’re right,” Emma said, “And the things that haven’t... don’t bother me.” Emma fixed Lucinda with the look she used when she didn’t want anymore stupid questions. “I think this could work.”
Lucinda blinked and then blinked again. Had she heard that right? “What?”
Emma looked suddenly flushed and nervous. “I’m saying we could both have what we want.”
Lucinda’s mind was running a mile a minute and she could already tell what Emma was about to say even without her cards, “Emma wait-”
“Let’s get married.”
Lucinda’s heart was thumping so hard she was sure Emma could hear it. This had been what she had always dreamed of. Of hearing Emma say those words… and yet… “You don’t want to marry me.”
“Yes I do.”
“No, you don’t. You think that’ll make me happy. But it won’t. And I don’t need that anymore. I should have known better in the first place. I want to be with you, but there’s no reason to put you in this position again.”
“That’s not what I’m saying, I-”
“I wanted to hear you say those words for so long and now that I hear it, it sounds so wrong. As much as we’ve changed, I don’t want you to change because of me,”
“Lucinda-”
“And if I ever made you feel that way, I’m sorry-”
“Lucinda,” Emma’s voice was hard as stone.
Lucinda stalled, falling into silence.
Emma was looking at her hard, “You know my father’s been rewriting the family laws to cut off my inheritance for years. He just filed the last of the paperwork. But I could undermine the whole thing with a law he couldn’t change. I could bypass this whole thing if I had an heir of my own to pass it onto. I obviously don’t, however, I could just as easily pass it on to my husband… or my wife.”
Lucinda stared at her.
“Wait,” Lucinda said slowly, “You want to use marrying me as a way to take family property from your father?”
Emma crossed her arms, “Yes,” she said definitively.
For a moment Lucinda’s mouth wavered between a frown and something else. Then she burst into helpless, hysterical laughter. “You haven’t changed.”
Emma didn’t look at all put out by Lucinda’s outburst. “That a problem?”
Lucinda was so happy she felt light-headed. “No,” she was grinning, “not at all.”
James was finally done his work for Vance and the committee. He’d read it a thousand times and both Sirius and Remus had gushed over it. The arguments were solid, it was good.
To celebrate they went to their favourite Muggle pizza place instead of Hogsmeade that Friday.
While they ate, James updated them on the newest developments of his love life.
“Don’t make the face,” James said as he stared down at his half-eaten pizza.
“You’re not even looking at my face,” Sirius pointed out.
“That doesn’t mean you’re not making it.”
When Sirius knew he’d been right about something, he was completely unbearable.
James finally looked up. Sirius was making the face.
“What are you going to do now?” Remus asked. He was a lot more subtler with his facial expressions.
“I don’t know,” James admitted and took a sip of his soda even though it was just ice now. He wasn’t hungry but he couldn’t seem to get enough liquids. He tended to drink a lot when he was nervous.
“What do you want to do?” Remus asked.
James tried to stop fidgeting. He put his hands on the table.
“I want to see what happens,” James finally said, “I want to see if this is… real or not.”
He didn’t miss the concerned look his two best friends shared. He moved his eyes back down to the table, he hated when they did that. He didn’t want to look at them while they tried not to say what he knew they wanted to say. He knew what they were thinking and they must know that he knew what they were thinking.
“It won’t be like last time,” James vowed.
There was an uncomfortable feeling that was threatening to spread across the table, but Sirius broke it with a barking laugh, “Of course it won’t! So what are you worrying about?”
James’ head shot up, “You’re the ones who’re-” but they were grinning at him.
James felt his face flush, maybe he’d imagined that look they shared before.
Remus reached out and tapped James’ hand. “Whatever you decide to do, Prongs, you know that we’ll support you.”
Yes, he knew they would. But that was part of the problem. They always supported him. Even when he was making a mistake.
Lucius couldn’t believe it. He stared at Emma like he’d never seen her before. “You’re a genius.”
Emma smirked, “You might have helped a little.”
Lucius shook his head in disbelief, “I wish I could see the look on your father’s face when he gets that marriage certificate.”
Emma laughed, “You and me both.”
Emma looked happier than Lucius had ever seen her.
Then all at once her expression sobered, “There’s something I need to tell you,” she said.
Lucius sat up straighter, sensing the shift in the mood. “What?”
She took a steady breath, like she was getting ready to step behind a podium. “The reason I knew it had to be you to take me to the Gala was because I Saw it.”
Lucius frowned, “Saw it?”
Emma looked around them for a second, almost like she was expecting someone else to be there. “No, Saw it.” Then she lowered her voice, so much that Lucius had to lean in closer to hear her. “I’ve been keeping this from everyone because it’s part of the reason I’m so good at what I do.”
Lucius was staring and growing more impatient by the second, “What?”
“I’m a clairvoyant.”
Lucius stared at her. Stuck.
Everything suddenly made sense. Why Emma often knew things she couldn’t know. He had never thought about it before, but he’d never told her about his secret desire for Muggle sweets, she’d just showed up in his office one day with a bag of them, asking for a favour. She had always seemed to know the questions reporters were going to ask before they asked them. She was unrivalled at prepping her team to answer questions and her timing was always impeccable. It all fit together now. Emma was a psychic.
He didn’t realize his jaw had dropped until Emma reached out and moved his mouth up with her finger. “You can’t tell anyone.”
“Couldn’t you tell if I was going to tell anyone?”
She looked annoyed, “It doesn’t work that way.”
He stared at her. She glared at him.
“I’m not going to tell anyone,” he said.
She seemed to relax a bit. “I know you won't.”
She got up and was heading for the door, “And not because I Saw it, because you’re a good friend.”
Lucius smiled.
Emma hesitated at the door. For a second she looked like she wanted to tell him something.
“What is it?” he asked, nervous.
She gave him a look. One Lucius couldn’t figure out. Was it pity? Was it fear?
Then just as quickly, her face was a mask of indifference once again. “It’s nothing,” she said and offered him one of her shining smiles.
She left but Lucius stared after her, a sudden dread rooting inside of him. He knew that smile. He had seen it dozens of times in the Prophet during one of her press conferences. It was the one she used when she was trying to hide something really bad.
Sometimes Lucinda joined James at Little League as an assistant coach. She said it was because she couldn’t stand the thought of him corrupting young people, but he knew that she just secretly loved kids.
Today James could already guess that things were going well by the way Lucinda’s confidence seemed blinding. He had only ever seen her that way once before when they’d smashed their Rec Team rivals that had bested them all season.
Lucinda filled him in when they broke for lunch.
James was starry-eyed, “You guys are better than Muggle soaps.”
Lucinda frowned, “Are you saying I’m dirty?”
“Never mind,” James shook his head, “It’s a good thing we didn’t sleep together then.”
Lucinda smirked, “Oh? People have sex for lots of reasons, Potter. Not everyone’s a romantic like you.”
James frowned, “Then what reasons did you have?”
Lucinda looked annoyed, “Lots of reasons,” she took a spoonful of ice cream and took her time licking it off, “Sex is a bargaining chip.”
“A bargaining chip?”
“Yeah. With me and Emma it’s all about bargaining chips.”
“And you were trying to cash them in with me?”
Lucinda rolled her eyes, “No, I was trying to take them away from her. It didn’t actually matter whether we slept together or not, as long as she thought we did. I got what I wanted.”
“And what was that?”
Lucinda fixed him with a smile, “Her not dictating who I can and cannot sleep with without admitting what that means.”
James didn’t understand why they couldn’t be honest with each other. “Is this some kind of Slytherin thing?” he asked suspiciously.
Lucinda scoffed, “Don’t make this about Houses. I’ve dated more Gryffindors than you have and some of them were worse about negotiating their feelings than Emma ever was.”
James shrugged. “How did you know what she was going to do at the Gala anyway?”
For a second Lucinda looked embarrassed, “I may have spied on her a little.”
“You were spying?”
She flushed, “Not the way you’re thinking. It was cartomancy.”
He rolled his eyes. “Tarot cards? Next you’re going to read my palm.”
Lucinda raised her eyebrows, “Do you want me to?”
James blinked at her, surprised, “You’re being serious? You do Divination?”
“It was my speciality,” she shrugged one shoulder, “I was especially good at Love.”
James smirked, “Then why aren’t you any good at navigating your own relationship?”
Lucinda snorted, “Spoken like a true non-believer. We can’t Divine our own futures. It’s literally the first rule of Divination.”
James gave her a bored look, “I skipped that class.”
They were sitting on the grass and Lucinda got onto her knees and held out a hand, “All right tough guy, you want me to tell you your deepest, darkest secret?” She grabbed his hand and turned it palm up.
“Sure, I could use a laugh.”
Lucinda’s eyes seemed to shift a little in the light as she studied his hand, “You’re always the first to say ‘I love you’.”
Now it was James’ turn to snort, “That’s insightful. Not at all like you might have figured that out when you were trying to jump me. I knew it. You’re hacks, all of you.”
“I’m not done yet,” Lucinda said in an eerie voice that made James feel like he was sitting in a cold draft, “The rats are first to desert a sinking ship.” Her words stopped James from breathing and for a very long moment Lucinda studied his hand like she really was reading the secrets of his life on it, then she sighed, “Basically you’re clingy.” She dropped his hand.
James pulled his hand back. He stared at her for a beat and tried to conceal how she had just made him shiver, “Pretty generic advice.”
Lucinda sniffed, “Whatever, I tried.”
James turned back to his lunch, ignoring the slight tremor in his hands.. He wanted to change the conversation back to her and her problems, not his. “I don’t understand the weird mindgames you guys play.”
“You don’t have to, it has nothing to do with you,” she stuck her nose up at him, “Not everything has to fall into a neat little box.”
At first he wanted to argue about how that wasn’t what he wanted, but deep down maybe he did. “What’s so wrong with wanting to fall in love like a normal person?”
“Nothing,” she shrugged one shoulder, “As long as he wants the same thing you do.”
And maybe she had read some of his secrets on his palm, because that was exactly what he was afraid of.
James had been pacing on the first floor of the Ministry of Magic building for ten minutes already. It wasn’t that he was lacking the courage to go up to Lucius’ office, it was more like he just wasn’t 100% sure he wanted to. He didn’t need to confirm what the relationship between them was that badly. He could play it cool for a few more days, couldn’t he? There was no reason to interrupt Lucius’ work, even if the last time had been pretty worth it…
He was going to have to make a decision soon because people were starting to ask him if he needed help getting to where he was going.
He was finally about to step onto the elevator when a voice behind him said, “I’m really hoping those ten minutes of pacing were on my account.”
James felt himself flush with the embarrassment of being caught and not at all because of the smooth, velvety voice and its owner. “You were watching me? Why didn’t you come over here?”
Lucius’ lips looked beyond tempting curling up into a cruel smile, “This was more fun.”
“Sadistic bastard,” James muttered, but his entire being was filled with the pleasant buzz of being this close to the other man.
Lucius must have been on a break because his Ministry robes were no where in sight. Instead he wore a vertical striped black and white shirt with a high collar underneath a dark vest. His trousers were deep green, almost black but revealed their true colour in direct lighting. James often thought that Lucius belonged in the fashion column of Witch Weekly instead of being out here in the open with all the regular people.
People were pretending not to eye them as they stood together in the wide corridor with people rushing to and from places all around them.
Lucius put his hand on James’ arm, stepping in close. “Come upstairs,” he said.
James felt his cheeks light up from the sensuous way he’d said it. “I can’t,” he replied truthfully. He needed to get to a meeting. He shouldn’t have come down to the Ministry of Magic at all. But he couldn’t wait another day to ask. He took a breath, “Do you-”
“Yes.”
James laughed, “I didn’t say anything yet.”
“I don’t care,” Lucius took James’ hand, holding it like he was going to kiss it. “Yes.”
James was pretty sure he had all the answers he needed. “Okay,” he said unable to contain his widening grin by the second. “Saturday. Is Saturday good?”
Lucius nodded. Cool, calm, and collected. Meanwhile, James felt like he’d just downed a Euphoria Elixir and was going to float away any second.
“Right, so, I’ll see you… Saturday. Uh, when? Where?”
“I’ll owl you,” Lucius said. He looked amused at James’ sudden inability to string together a coherent sentence.
“Okay.” James willed his heartbeat to return to normal.
They stood there together a few seconds more. James was sure he recognized some of the faces in the wavering crowd around them. People he’d maybe talked to at the Gala? James felt an inexplicable rush of possessiveness at the memory of the Gala. He reached up to pull Lucius’ head down and kissed him right there in the middle of the hall.
It was a quick kiss, but it appeared to have the desired effect. Lucius looked stunned, his storm-coloured eyes locked into James as he pulled away.
“Saturday,” James said and then let go of the other man. He headed to the doors. He looked back once. Lucius was still standing where he’d left him and everyone around him seemed to be transfixed in the spot too. They were staring like they had never seen a kiss before.
James wanted to laugh. Ah, Ministry Workers, they were way too easy to excite.
The day had dragged on relentlessly. Lucius had spent most of it staring at a crystal paper weight that had a crack all the way down it from hitting the floor when Lucius had thrown James onto his desk.
He could recall every second in vivid detail, the way James had sounded, the way he’d smelled, the way his body had moved under his, the way he’d tasted. He wasn’t going to fix the paper weight, he was going to keep it as it was forever.
And that kiss in the hallway earlier had spread around the offices like Fiendfyre. There wasn’t a single person in the building now who didn’t know. Lucius basked in the glares from the jealous gossipers but especially from Financial Department Maddie. He’d grinned maliciously at her as he passed and she’d hissed at him.
“God, you’re insufferable,” Emma said, coming in and closing the door behind her.
"I’m not going to feel bad for being happy."
“Be happy,” she said, “but stop gloating.”
Lucius frowned at her, “That coming from you is the definition of hypocritical.”
“Noted,” she said and set an unmarked file on his desk, “But I’ve never had ambitions quite like yours.”
Lucius wasn’t sure what she was getting at so he flicked open the file she’d set down.
It was his name in big letters at the top. Recommendation for Advancement.
Lucius stared at it, disbelieving. An official recommendation wasn’t just a piece of paper, it was the only thing Lucius needed to one day run for Minister of Magical Education, his dream job.
She let the information sink in a little before immediately sending him careening back to reality, “I recommended you myself. And I don’t need the various departments questioning my judgement because you’re acting like a goddamned prat.”
Lucius swallowed. Everything had a new flavour now. There was a new weight to everything he did. He was ecstatic and beyond grateful for Emma putting her name and reputation on the line for him, but this changed everything.
She must have seen the look in his eyes because she said quietly, “Got it?”
He nodded numbly.
Emma let herself out. Lucius continued to stare at the paper in front of him. The one that had the power to potentially change his entire life.
He finally got up to move at 4:30 when the mid-week meeting started. Lucius usually spent the entirety of those meetings trying not to sleep with his eyes open. He considered them akin to an endurance match and the first one to yawn, nod off, or even doze was out. It made the dull proceedings rather entertaining.
But Lucius didn’t need to start placing his bets against himself because the main subject on that afternoon’s agenda jolted him awake faster than any Pep-Up Potion ever could. There in bold letters, top of the page, the Wizards&Witches for Muggle Education Committee was going over their heads for a ruling to make Muggle Studies mandatory.
The Pureblood traditionalists and extremists were going to go ballistic. Lucius himself wasn’t sure what he thought yet. He didn’t like the thought of being made to take any class, especially not something he could not imagine having to use in everyday life. But the most troubling part of all, was the Committee Co-Heads’ names printed across the paper. Emmeline Vance and James Potter.
He didn’t know what he was supposed to do now. His co-workers were looking at him like they expected him to say something about it. Everyone knew now that him and Potter were… what? Lovers? Dating? Then he realized they were staring because he had always been a spokesman for the Pureblood Society in the past. And only a few years ago he would have had plenty to say. These days he wasn’t even sure where he stood on the matter. Somewhere between Narcissa’s influence and James’, Lucius seemed to have lost his will to stand on his Pureblood Soapbox. But more than that, he had an obligation now to remain impartial. If Emma’s recommendation went through, he could well be on his way to a higher position and he needed to show his superiors that he was capable of neutrality.
“What?” he snapped at his co-workers who were still eyeing him warily. They all pretended to go back to reading their own papers.
After the tense meeting where everyone managed to stay on topic for once and no one tipped their hand to show what they thought of the Muggle Education Committee, Lucius wasn’t surprised to find an owl waiting for him in his office. He knew who it was from, his ex-sister-in-law.
Bella had always come to him for help whenever she was planning to lodge complaints about Hogwarts or the myriad of other things she took issue with. He usually helped her because of the feelings of duty he still felt to Narcissa, who had always made time for her sister even when they disagreed about things. But now Lucius had an uneasy foreboding.
As expected, Bella wanted him to lead the charge against the Muggle Education Committee. Bella herself wasn’t much good in debates, she tended to ramble and say inflammatory things. How was he supposed to tell her that he would like to stay out of it? She wouldn’t understand or respect anything he might try to reason.
Bella was some of the only family Lucius had left. They fought about all sorts of things but at the end of the day, they always agreed that family came first. He had backed her through worse things than this. She made him want to pull his hair out sometimes, but whether he liked it or not, she was Draco’s aunt and one of the last connections he had to Narcissa.
Part of him worried about her reaction if she found out what he actually thought about Potter, separate from the committee he had thrown his name on. But another part of him thought it would be completely worth it to see the expression on her face.
Saturday had finally arrived and James had come to where they were meeting. It only took a couple of seconds for James to come to a couple of conclusions. One, that he was horrifically under-dressed and two, Lucius Malfoy had a mean-streak.
Lucius was waiting for him near the door. He grinned wickedly when he caught sight of James.
“Really?” James hissed at him when they were near enough to hear each other.
The only words on the owl Lucius had sent him were an address and the instructions, “Wear something nice”.
James had taken it for a joke of some kind but now here they were, standing outside the most posh looking establishment James had ever laid his eyes on. It was the kind of place he and Sirius would snicker about. They probably had gold-plated tables in there. It wasn’t that money was an issue, far from it, it was more the people who went to these kinds of places.
James glared at the other man’s clothing. Lucius looked beyond elegant. A tailcoat with the shiniest buttons James had ever seen, over an ivory vest and a cream-coloured ascot with gold mixed in like marble. Lucius fit right in here and James knew without a doubt that this was revenge for the first time they drank together.
Lucius’ grin confirmed James’ suspicions, “What?” he played innocence, “I told you to dress nice.”
James had thrown on a nicer-than-average-shirt but a plain pair of dark jeans. Thank God he’d thought it was going to be cold and thrown on a last minute jacket that dressed the ensemble up to the absolute bare minimum. He was still going to stick out like a sore thumb.
Lucius didn’t seem to mind at all.
They went inside, the waiter giving James a bewildered look. James could feel the sets of eyes on him as they were lead to their table. The walked past the high-and-mighty, the gold-diggers and their prey, the pompous, the spoiled, the people James had spent his whole life avoiding.
Soon they were seated and the waiter left them with the menus and specials after one last curious gaze at James.
James didn’t miss the tiniest of smirks on Lucius’ face, “You’re sadistic. You’re enjoying this way too much,” James said, opening the menu and not understanding a single word.
Lucius stopped trying to hide the grin from his face, “It’s entertaining to watch them try to figure you out.” He poured them both a glass of wine that James was sure cost the same as a house.
“They probably think you’re the manager of my boy band,” James muttered, leaning back in his chair. His comment made Lucius snicker and that in turn started to elevate James’ mood.
“I know what this is,” James said, reaching for his glass of wine, “a vendetta.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Lucius said unconvincingly and held out his own glass.
James clinked his glass against Lucius’, a clear callback to the first time they were alone together.
He hadn’t thought about it at the time, but Lucius agreeing to that first drink with him had shifted something huge. James had pulled Lucius into his world without even thinking about what that might mean to the other man. If this was the type of place Lucius usually frequented, how much of his ego had it cost him to sit in that dirty, dark tavern with James?
Now things were reversed and James finally understood. They were from two separate worlds, but they were going to have to figure out how to compromise if this was ever going to work.
James hadn’t thought about the stares Lucius must have gotten in that tavern, dressed to the nines as he always was. But they couldn’t have been this bad. James felt like he would have noticed if they were. This entire crowd seemed to be waiting for James to do something ‘unruly’.
But James was more than a little thrilled. Lucius had brought James into his world and remained completely unbothered by the stares they were getting. He wanted James here, causing chaos with his mere presence. He had planned this.
James gave up and closed his menu, “You’re going to have to order for me, I don’t know a lick of French.”
Lucius’ lips quirked, “It’s Italian.”
James pretended to glare, but he was enjoying this. He kicked at Lucius under the table.
Lucius didn’t want to talk about the Muggle Education Committee, even though he knew that they were going to have to at some point. It didn’t have to be tonight, did it? All Lucius wanted to do was savour this.
They talked and argued through dinner and then dessert. The way James looked at him made Lucius burn with desire.
While he had liked the way the people around them snuck curious glances at the pair they made, he wanted to leave so they could be alone. “Let’s get out of here,” he said, dropping his tone so there would be no mistake to what he meant.
James’ eyes glimmered from across the table. “Yes.”
James let out a low whistle when they arrived at the manor. It was one of the only original old family houses left. A lot of the old families had renovated or upgraded to more modern homes. But Lucius had never gotten around to that. It had been partly depression and partly the snobbery of being a traditionalist.
Lucius tried to keep his heart from beating out of his chest as he unwarded the Manor to let James inside. It had been a very long time since he had had anyone over. He was worried about how well his House Elf cleaned and the stacks of work he had laying around.
He had sudden consciousness of the insight James might be able to glean from his life by observing his surroundings. It was enough to make Lucius more nervous still.
James had only been in an old mansion like this a couple times when he was a kid. Before his parents had been ex-communicated as Blood Traitors. But he didn’t feel out of place exactly, even though he was keenly aware of his ‘Blood Traitorism’ and how old places like this had measures against his kind. He wondered if it was because he was still considered ‘Pure’ or because of Lucius himself who seemed to act like some kind of Pureblood umbrella, making space for James wherever they went.
James was conflicted. He had spent so much of his life resenting his fellow Purebloods that he had never taken any of the opportunities to try and appreciate his own heritage. He hated so much about Pureblood lifestyles that he didn’t often think about the things he took forgranted. Lily had always reminded him again and again that James was a powerful ally for Muggleborns, but he wasn’t Muggleborn. He had been a Pureblood umbrella too, carving space for Lily when she couldn’t do it herself.
He had to remember that all the work he did was so one day he would be asked to step aside and let the Muggleborns themselves take control. He would have to remember to be graceful and step aside without complaint. He wasn’t in this for the glad-handing or the praise. He was doing it because it was the right thing to do and right now he was one of the only Pureblood families willing to do the work. His mission did have an expiration date and the sooner that was, the better. He only needed to kick down the door and then back down.
He tried to turn his thoughts back off, he didn’t want to think about all the politics right now. Especially when Lucius hadn’t said anything about it all night. Maybe he hadn’t seen it yet. James didn’t want to ruin the night by putting them on opposing sides too soon. He knew they would be. Even if James had a secret hope that Lucius carried the sort of resilience and bravery that Sirius and Andromeda had.
Lucius lead James into the main sitting room, “I’ll get us something to drink,” Lucius said and disappeared into another room.
James was still in awe at the sheer magnificence of the manor. It felt old but not cold. Not at all how he imagined an old traditionalist house to feel like. It felt like a home. There were scattered papers here and there, a blanket crumpled up on a couch, an empty glass on one of the window sills.
James went to one of the bookshelves and scanned the shelves. Old books, a lot of them in other languages. How many languages did Lucius speak?
Then his eyes caught some movement on the far wall. He walked toward it and realized it was a portrait.
Lucius calmed himself by pouring port into two wine glasses. He felt young bringing James home like this. After Narcissa he had had mostly flings that he could leave at the hotel rooms or at their own apartments. He’d never brought a lover here before. This was his fortress of solitude. It felt odd but not unpleasant to have James here, making the air warmer just by being there.
Lucius came back with the wine and his heart skipped a beat as he realized James was staring at the large portrait of Narcissa in the living room. James looked up at her in silent wonder. Lucius took a deep breath and crossed the room over to him. He handed James his wine.
James didn’t move his eyes from the portrait, “She’s beautiful,” he said.
A tight knot formed in Lucius’ stomach but then released itself. “Yes, she is.”
“Does she talk?” James asked. Narcissa’s eyes glittered from the canvas, watching them.
“No,” Lucius said and he had never figured out how he felt about that. Did he want an everlasting reminder of Narcissa’s wit and wisdom? Or would he have been constantly disappointed that the mere portrait could never replace what he had lost? Maybe it was for the best that the portrait simply smiled and looked down at the Manor’s guests.
James finally moved his eyes away from the portrait to look at Lucius. The affection in his eyes still made Lucius a little breathless, but there was an odd tempered feeling to it now that they were standing in Lucius’ own home, in front of the moving picture on his late wife. It felt surreal.
Lucius took a sip of his wine to settle his nerves. He didn’t think he was acting too out of the ordinary, but when he moved his eyes from the floor back up to James, James was looking at him. “Are you okay?” he asked.
It wasn’t like there wasn’t anything wrong. “Of course,” Lucius said, confident. He would have to try harder to keep his head in the here and now.
And he had a pretty good idea about how to do that.
Lucius put his glass of wine, still a quarter full, aside in a very deliberate fashion. James watched him with what could only be described as bedroom eyes.
When Lucius took a step toward him, James downed his wine like it was water. Lucius took the empty glass from him and put it on the window sill. He leaned in and kissed James. It was slow and tasted like wine. Then he turned and trusted James to follow him down the dark hall and up the stairs to the master bedroom.
When they were in the bedroom Lucius turned to look at James who was smirking sexily and Lucius wasn’t sure how long he was supposed to keep himself in control.
James kissed him and Lucius could feel his composure starting to unravel. He let James push and pull him until they were on the bed. James straddled his hips, looking like a vision with the way his eyes sparked sending a wicked lust spiralling inside Lucius.
What were they going to do this time?
“I want to taste you,” James said and that sounded like a good place to start.
James leaned down to kiss him again before moving his mouth to his throat, then his collarbone. James pulled the ascot off in a satisfying flick of his wrist and tossed it over his shoulder to the floor. Then he undid the buttons on Lucius’ shirt and ran his fingers over Lucius’ chest. His fingers felt cool. James leaned down to lick again, dragging his hot tongue across Lucius’ flushed skin and a nipple. Lucius bucked and James laughed. He sat up and looked at Lucius from that position, pinning Lucius’ thighs with his own.
A flutter of wind at the window caused one of the lace curtains to move. It drew Lucius’ eye. The moonlight filtering in that way was something he’d seen many times before, in this room, in this bed…
All at once Lucius was hit with a tidal wave of confusing emotions. He hadn’t had someone here, in this bed, since his wife had passed. Even now, he could see her pale skin against the lilac sheets. He should have bought new sheets. If he thought about it too hard, he swore he could still smell her scent on them. And all at once he felt like he couldn’t be here, doing this, in the place he’d always associated with her.
He could feel the panic starting to swell, what did it mean to have brought someone else here? Did it mean she was gone away forever? Did it mean what they had had wasn’t strong enough? Was it a betrayal that his heart might have had new life breathed into it? He was starting to drown inside his head, but then a voice broke through the waves, James’ voice. “Hey,” he said softly and then his hands were on Lucius’ chest again, but it was soft and questioning, nothing like the erotic touches just moments before, “let’s just sleep, okay?”
That sounded good. It curtailed Lucius’ raging emotions, sending them drifting back off to the sea. James rolled off him and slipped out of his jeans and shirt. Then he helped Lucius out of the rest of his clothing before climbing into bed beside him.
James threw the covers over them and wrapped his arms around him. It was a comforting touch, one of solace, security. Lucius couldn’t remember the last time anyone had ‘hugged’ him. Even while Narcissa was alive, they didn’t often give in to displays of affection in that way. They had preferred words, teasing each other. He knew he could have hugged her if he’d wanted to, and knowing that had always seemed to be enough, he would occasionally kiss her forehead, but even that had been rare. He’d never realized how much he missed even the presence of another person. Something that wasn’t sex-based, something without lust or hunger. How long had it been since someone had cared about him?
And again, as easily as blowing out a candle, James nudged him, “Hey, go to sleep,” and all of Lucius’ over-thinking evaporated. His mind eased as he felt himself falling further into rest, the sensation of James’ arms around him.
Lucius awoke more well-rested than he’d been in a long time. The sun was shining brightly and making its way across the carpet. Lucius felt warm. He glanced down at the man sleeping beside him.
Lucius felt different this morning. The guilt and misery that had nearly consumed him the previous night had evaporated. He understood it better now. Narcissa had been like the moon, always had been. She was elegant and beautiful, light and mysterious. There were little pieces of her everywhere in his life and there always would be. There was no replacing her, he wouldn’t want to if he could.
James was a completely different creature. He was like the sun, blinding and brilliant. He had come into Lucius’ gloomy world and filled it with light and warmth with those dark eyes full of mischief. It wasn’t right to compare them. It wasn’t like Lucius had to choose. It wasn’t like Lucius had to stop loving Narcissa. He never would. But that didn’t mean he had to stop living. He felt like she would want this for him. Like she would think that his moping around and obsessing over work was pathetic. It was.
The room looked completely changed with James in it. It was like he had swept away every cobweb in Lucius’ life. Lucius couldn’t even recognize the sheets now, it was like they were transformed underneath him. They looked completely different against James’ dark skin. How had he thought otherwise? Lucius didn’t know how long he stared, but James was blinking blearily up at him.
“S’morning?”
Lucius felt a smile pull at his lips, “Yes.”
James yawned and pulled himself up to a sitting position.
Lucius watched every move he made with rapt attention. He’d forgotten what it was like to be completely drawn in by someone. To be fascinated by their every move. James’ hair was much messier than usual, sticking up all over the place. Not for the first time, Lucius thought it made him look very young. He found himself looking forward to the day James’ hair turned grey, perhaps then he’d look his age. Lucius had never found messy hair attractive before. He reached out to run his hand through it. It was thick and the texture was very different than Lucius’.
James blinked at him. Lucius moved his hand down to the back of James’ neck and pulled him into a kiss. Even the kissing was different, not better, not worse, different. James moved up to push Lucius onto his back. He put himself between Lucius’ legs, his knees pressing into the back of Lucius’ thighs. Yes, everything with James was decidedly different.
James trailed his fingers down Lucius’ abdomen, “Is this okay?” he asked, stopping at the hem of Lucius’ boxers.
“Yes,” Lucius breathed. The sun from the window caught the green in James’ eyes. Lucius watched the way his eyes filled with desire, turned focused and dark.
Lucius reached under a pillow and passed James a small bottle.
James grinned at him, an inside joke. They wouldn’t need James’ Transfiguration talents this time.
At James’ gentle prodding, Lucius allowed himself to be turned around. He buried his face into the mounds of soft pillows.
James’ fingertips brushed his sides and his hips, stopping at his thighs and pulling them apart.
Lucius inhaled sharply when he felt James’ tongue. He wanted to bite his lips to keep from moaning, but decided James would want to hear him. So he let the noises fall from his mouth, muffled as they were in the pillows.
James’ tongue alternated between fast and shallow and slow and deep. It wasn’t long before Lucius was pressing himself up and back, trying to get James deeper.
A thrill ran through him when James stopped what he was doing because he knew what was next.
James kissed him on the back of his neck and then down across his shoulders. Lucius moaned when he felt James’ fingers slide inside him. It was a stretch and burn that felt more than right. He arched his back, unable to help himself. His cock felt heavy and wet as it dragged across more of the soft pillows beneath him.
James pressed his mouth to the back of Lucius’ neck again and this time he lingered to suck at the skin there. His chest was warm against Lucius’ back. Lucius pressed back into him, willing him closer and his fingers deeper.
“Enough,” he gasped at last when he was sure that James was just teasing him.
He could feel the grin pressed against his shoulder when James answered him, “Okay.”
The contrast between the soft, cool mattress below him and the heavy, heat of James’ body above him was heavenly. He fisted the sheets and pillows as James moved inside of him, making his body shudder, making his breath heave.
Lucius moved onto his knees because he needed it harder and faster. James wrapped a strong arm around his waist and pulled him back towards him so they were both on their knees.
Needing to grasp at something, Lucius reached up and behind, pulling at James’ head until James dipped his head to suck at the skin where his neck met his shoulder.
The soft noises James made every time he moved his lips sent little shivers down Lucius’ spine. Lucius leaned back against him, willing him closer, deeper.
James moved his other hand to wrap around Lucius’ cock and Lucius was already far too close. James’ thrusts got faster and combined with the other sensations of James’ voice in his ear and James’ hand working his cock, it hurtled him over the edge. Lucius barely recognized his own voice when he came.
James wasn’t far behind him and they collapsed onto the bed together. James still had his arm around Lucius’ waist.
They dozed a little as the warmth of the sun moved further across the carpet. It was probably still early for James, but it was beyond late in the morning for Lucius. They would eventually need to start the day.
Lucius rolled over to get his wand, “I’ll call the House Elf for breakfast,” he decided.
James pulled Lucius’ arm away from where he was reaching for his wand, “Tell me where the kitchen is, I’ll make something.”
Lucius raised an eyebrow. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I mean it, I love cooking.”
“I’m not having you leave bed to cook for me when there are House Elves who-”
James sighed and fixed Lucius with a look that said he was about to be serious about something, “Okay, look. One of Harry’s friends made me sign a sworn statement saying I wouldn’t benefit from unpaid House Elf labour.”
Lucius blinked, this was a joke right?
James poked Lucius’ forehead with his index finger, “You know, you get a crease right here when something irks you.” Lucius was still staring at him, waiting for the punchline. James kissed his forehead and rolled off the bed.
Lucius continued staring as James grabbed his clothes from the chair near the bed. “I promise, you’ll love it,” he said.
Once he was dressed enough to venture from the bedroom, Lucius watched James disappear out the door. Lucius was still completely confused about what was going on. James hadn’t even taken his wand with him. What was he going to do? Cook without magic?
Lucius took advantage of the alone time to check his home office. It was still the most used room that he owned. Sometimes he even slept here at the desk instead of his bed.
He hadn’t replied to Bellatrix’s owl, and he was immediately reminded of that when he opened the office door and Bellatrix’s bad-tempered owl was waiting for him there. The owl bit his finger when he took the letter from it and didn’t seem inclined to move until it had a reply.
He fed the owl as he read the letter.
Her letter was typical. Pleas to his humanity, asking him to please think about Draco’s future, think about Narcissa’s legacy. Not for the first time Lucius wanted to inform her that she didn’t know her sister as well as she thought she had. He also resented the way she thought she could help him raise his son. Bellatrix and Rudolphus had no children of their own and Lucius was sort of glad for that even if it meant he got more than enough unsolicited advice.
He wrote her a reply and sent the owl off. He sucked on his bleeding finger as he watched the owl fly off into the clouds.
Lucius went back to the bedroom and debated with himself again about whether or not he should bring up the Muggle Studies proposal. But the smell that assaulted him when James came back with breakfast, made it impossible to think about anything at all except about how hungry he was.
Lucius tried to look skeptical as James set the food on one of the tables near the window. Lucius dragged himself out of the bed to look over it.
“Well?” James grinned at him. He looked far too pleased with himself. “Try it.”
Lucius picked up a fork and stabbed it into the fluffiest looking part of the pancake. It didn’t look like much, but the red and blue berries poking out of it looked promising. He put it in his mouth and the flavour exploded as he chewed it.
Lucius did love it. He tried not to make any telling noises as he pulled out one of the chairs so he could sit and devour. He could hear James snicker as he sat across from him.
It was delicious, but there was also something about having someone cook for you, that made the whole experience even better. Or maybe it was because it was completely new to him. Narcissa had never stepped foot in a kitchen. And Lucius would die before he admitted it to anyone, but Muggle cooking always tasted better.
“So?” James grinned at him over his own plate.
Lucius chewed slowly and then swallowed. He tried to look as unimpressed as he could manage, “It’s tolerable.”
James raised one eyebrow, “You love it. I can tell.”
Lucius didn’t know if that was true or if James was really just that egotistical.
“The secret ingredient’s love,” James grinned and Lucius shook his head. If he let James know how much he was enjoying this, would James bribe him with it like Emma always did?
Lucius noticed for the first time that James had brought in a copy of the Daily Prophet that must have been delivered downstairs. The headlining story, of course, was the Muggle Education Committee.
Lucius knew that he had to say something about what The Pureblood Society had asked him to do, but he also didn’t want to risk what was happening right here and now. Why did he have to keep thinking about work and about his social position and all that that entailed when he just wanted to have one day where he could think about what he wanted? And he did want this, he realized with a crystal clarity. But did he want it enough to throw away everything he had fought for all his life? His alliances, his family’s legacy, his job security?
“What are you thinking about?” James asked, shooting him a look from across the table.
Lucius shook his head, “Nothing,” he lied. He needed to enjoy this because it might be the only chance he ever got. If this was the only time they would be together like this, he had to make it count. He didn’t delude himself into thinking that James would support him or stay with him if he chose to back his ex-in-laws, who may be extreme in their views, but were still essentially family.
James was clearly not buying Lucius’ flimsy lie, so Lucius said, “I’m wondering how a Pureblood Wizard can cook this well without a wand.”
James grinned, “Lily and I never used wands in the kitchen. She liked to teach me all the Muggle tricks to making food. Using magic to cook feels pointless now.”
Not for the first time, Lucius was amazed at the ease with which James could discuss Lily. Maybe it was just the time he had had to recover, but Lucius still couldn’t talk about Narcissa so casually. Not without being consumed by grief and worry that he wasn’t doing enough to honour her memory.
“I see,” Lucius hummed and ignored the way that James strategically manoeuvred his plate and napkin over top of the Daily Prophet. It looked like Lucius wasn’t the only one avoiding it.
It was a Sunday but Lucius did have to go into work. He couldn’t stand leaving the office for more than one full day at a time. There were too many things that needed his attention. And if he didn’t get to them, owls would start coming here to the manor and that was unacceptable.
“Call in sick,” James grinned and pulled at Lucius’ sleeve as he was trying to get dressed.
Lucius shook his head, but his lips were fighting him in not grinning back, “You are a bad influence.”
James wiggled his eyebrows, “I haven’t been called that since Hogwarts.”
There were still so many things Lucius didn’t know about James. For instance, why he knew the Forbidden Forest like the back of his hand. But Lucius was also aware of how essential it was for him not to push too close yet. Because the one thing he did know about James was that Lucius couldn’t ever ask him to stay if he chose to side with the Pureblood Society on the issue neither one of them had brought up yet. It was lingering there, waiting… but neither one of them seemed eager to pop this bubble they had put themselves in. At least not yet.
“I’ll owl Amanda and say I’m coming in after lunch,” Lucius said, aware that this was a concession in a battle he couldn’t afford losing, “but I am going in this afternoon.”
James’ smile was a weapon, Lucius felt his willpower waver, but he did have to go into work today. He didn’t need anything else piling up while he toiled away on what he needed to finish before the week was over.
“Okay, I’ll choose my battles. What do you want for lunch?” James asked, still grinning.
Mondays were always the worst, but this one in particular was sure to be unbearable because it meant there was an excruciating three days before he would get to see James again. And as he was thinking that the day couldn’t get worse, of course it did.
Bellatrix was waiting for him when he entered his office. He didn’t even know that Bellatrix knew there was such a thing as morning. She tended to sleep until late afternoon and stay out all night. He was sure she was part-vampire.
“What is this?” she demanded before he had even put his things down on his desk.
“What does it look like?”
She crumpled his letter in her fist. “It looks like you’re turning your back on your brothers and sisters.”
Lucius didn’t have any brothers or sisters but it was Pureblood rhetoric to refer to all Purebloods as part of the same family. It was supposed to inspire pride and a desire to protect. Lucius had never mentioned that he thought it was a little too on the nose considering their long histories of inbreeding.
“I would prefer to keep my head down for the time being,” Lucius said, taking a seat at his desk. He wondered about calling security on her but then thought better of it because Bella wouldn’t think twice about spilling blood on his clean carpet.
“You mean you want to stick your head in the sand.”
“Yes,” he wasn’t going to be ashamed of that. Many people in his position did the same thing. They were traditionalists and staying out of these fights was the only thing that separated them from the extremists. It also wasn’t fair for the Pureblood Society to always be putting so much pressure on him because of his position. Couldn’t they find some other pawns in government?
“If you don’t do something, our traditions are going to get flushed down the drain. Our children are already forced to interact with Mudbloods against their wills, now they want us to force our children to listen to their disgusting sob stories and histories too?”
Arguing with Bellatrix was impossible, because she didn’t listen. There was no point in pointing out the obvious flaws in her logic. When she got desperate, she got angry, and when she got angry she tended to throw curses around.
“Think of your son.”
He did need to think of his son. Lucius recalled what James had said about getting caught up with people like Bellatrix, but it wasn’t that easy. Bella was Draco’s aunt and whatever her politics, she loved the boy and Lucius thought it was important to still have some sort of connection to his mother. Even if it was in the form of her batty, extremist sister.
“Luci… think of your family.”
Bella always knew to press where it hurt. And even though Lucius wanted this promotion, wanted to remain neutral… he had sort of always known it would come down to this. He suddenly remembered the look Emma had given him the day she’d told him she was a psychic. It had been a look of worry, maybe pity. Maybe she had known all along that this was what he had to do. And it would hurt more than he was sure he could imagine. But family was the only thing that mattered.
“I’ll make a public statement at the end of next week,” he decided. There was going to be a press conference and the sooner he got this over with, the better.
Bellatrix looked relieved. “You’re doing the right thing,” she said and kissed his cheek.
He didn’t say anything as he watched her leave. He didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore.
Thursday finally came.
They’d decided on a restaurant not too far from the Ministry building. Lucius found himself brimming with energy in the knowledge that people were looking at them like they were a couple. And they… they were weren’t they? At least for now.
So Lucius was determined to enjoy the attention in the meantime, the curious looks that came their way, the way James’ fingers would brush his absentmindedly. Sometimes Lucius would try to sneak a look at the other man from the corner of his eye only to realize that James was already doing the same thing. It sent a pleasant rush of warmth throughout Lucius’ whole body.
It stung to think that this could all be over tomorrow.
When lunch was finished, that impending sense of doom returned. And this time Lucius could tell that he wasn’t the only one thinking about it. James had gone from boyishly flirty to a man with something heavy on his mind.
“I know you must’ve seen it,” James said, flexing his fingers nervously, “The Muggle Education Committee’s newest initiative. And you must know about the press conference tomorrow.”
They couldn’t avoid this anymore. He knew that James wasn’t fooled by Lucius pretending that nothing was wrong when it was a situation that had been eating at him for the past week. “The Pureblood Society has asked me to give a statement,” Lucius said and they both became very quiet. The ‘Pureblood Society’ wasn’t an actual society so much as a group of Muggle-hating bullies that Lucius had long been associated with.
They both knew that this moment was important. Essential. That it was potentially the last time they would be together. James was watching him, preparing himself for wherever way Lucius was going to lean, “And what are you going to say?”
Lucius shook his head, “First, I want you to tell me what you think. Why are you backing this?”
James looked a tad annoyed but then took a deep breath. His eyes changed, so did his voice. Lucius was surprised. So this was serious James Potter. No games, no fooling around.
“I do think Wizard traditions are important. I also believe that they’re not so insubstantial that they’re capable of blinking out of existence because we’ve elected to change certain aspects of our society. The way our traditions die are when old wizards and witches are too used to keeping secrets and let those secrets die with them. If we want the Wizarding World to thrive, to survive, we have to accept those that are Wizards and Witches by nature not by blood.”
“Fine, but what does that have to do with making an elective class mandatory?”
“Everything. People are scared of Muggles because they don’t understand them.”
“Muggles and Wizards have never understood each other.”
“We haven’t tried.”
“What makes now different than any time before?”
“Because Muggleborn children have been a staple at Hogwarts for only the past 50 or so years. They deserve to be there every bit as much as a child born to a Wizarding family. In fact, they need to be there more because they’re the ones that need the most help in controlling their magic. Their parents can’t help them, it’s up to us to make sure they can use magic properly and safely. And having Muggleborn children in our schools means interacting with them, it means giving them the simple courtesy of at least trying to understand where they come from.”
“They’re making the decision to come into our world, not the other way around.”
“That doesn’t mean we can’t make room for them. Muggleborn kids have a lot to offer the Wizarding World. They have stuff like magic you can’t even imagine. They have the Internet and amusement parks and science.”
Lucius only knew what one of those things were.
James grinned at him because he knew that Lucius had no idea what he was talking about, “You have no idea how much you could learn from them. And our children won’t know either unless we give them the opportunity.”
“Muggle Studies are an opportunity. I’m not saying we should take it out of the curriculum,” he actually might have said that a few years back, “but we don’t need to make it mandatory.”
“Don’t we? Don’t Pureblood families keep their children out of those classes on purpose? I’m not talking about school, I’m talking about the future, our future. If Wizards and Witches don’t know the very basic things about Muggles, how are we supposed to continue sharing the Earth? Do you think we can ignore each other forever? Someday our worlds are going to collide and the Wizards and Witches who have somehow managed to avoid contact with Muggles all their lives will be sorely ill-prepared.”
“This is all about politics.”
James laughed mirthlessly, “Of course it is! It always is. I want this because it will give us the advantage of starting kids having empathy for Muggles and Muggleborn people before they’re filled with so much ‘Pureblood Pride’ that that becomes impossible. It’s the first step in starting to eliminate the hate and fear that is suffocating all of us. What does the other side gain from keeping things as they are?”
Lucius didn’t need to say it, they both knew the same things. The Pureblood version of the future was bleak. It was monotonous, incestuous, and ultimately, it was doomed. Purebloods were stuck in the past, a fictional past, mind you, because there was no such thing as a completely Pureblood family. That was one of the secrets you were supposed to die with. Purebloods were obsessed with family ties while at the same time each and every one of them also resented them. Lucius would have thrown his own grandfather to the dragon that ate him himself if he could. It was an illusion, a giant lie. But it was also a matter of pride, couldn’t James, as a Gryffindor, understand that? It was a matter of holding your community together.
“And what about the glorious Muggle history of murdering Witches?”
“That will get taught too. It has too. Analyzing our pasts is what will ensure we don’t make those mistakes again.”
“It’s nice of you to categorize genocide as a ‘mistake’.”
“My family lost people too. There isn’t anyone who wasn’t affected. But that doesn’t mean we get to turn around and do the same thing to them. Purebloodists think we’re so much better than Muggles. But we never act the part, do we? Purebloodists are the first people in history as victims of genocide to suggest genocide as revenge for genocide. Does that sound right to you?”
Lucius’ head hurt. And his heart hurt. None of this changed the fact that he had to deliver his response in front of the world in under fifteen hours.
“What are you going to say?” James asked.
Lucius shook his head, “I haven’t decided.”
“They’re giving you the podium. You either use it to uphold the status quo or challenge it.”
“I can’t afford to think of anything right now except my son.”
“And what about all the other kids? What happens to them?”
“It’s ironic you’re worried about other kids when your son is the school bully.”
He regretted the words as soon as he spoke them. James’ eyes changed and there was a look there that Lucius knew all too well. The look of a man who thought he had failed as a father.
“Do what you have to do,” James said getting up from the table. He dropped his napkin onto his plate and Lucius could feel the way James’ eyes were burning into him, but he didn’t dare look up. James left without another word, things unsaid hanging midair all around him.
Lucius didn’t know whether they would see each other again. Whatever this thing was, it could all be over tomorrow, severed with whatever words Lucius decided to say.
James had been a fool to think that Lucius was anything like Sirius or Andromeda. Lucius wasn’t the kind of person who would run away from the obligations and allegiances he had to the Pureblood community. Sirius and Andromeda had gotten out when they were young and not entrenched in a life built around those values. James felt like he had been deluding himself this whole time. He let himself think that their conversations and the way Lucius seemed to open up to him had meant something. What had James expected? That Lucius was going to turn in his Pureblood status for a guy he’d only been seeing for a couple weeks? What a perfectly, idealized fantasy James had been living in.
James knew that there were aspects to Pureblood life that he had never known. His parents had never bought into any of the extremist crap that had flown around. They didn’t believe that caring about other people, whether they were magical or not made them ‘lesser’ people. They had always taught him that if someone couldn’t defend themselves, you had to step up.
Lucius had had a very different upbringing. James knew the idea of ‘family’ was an important one to him. He would do whatever it took to protect his family. James loved that about him. And he also lamented it. Neither one of them had entered into this relationship with nothing to lose, they weren’t teenagers or children who could choose love above all else. They were adults who had to balance their lives, the safety of their families, and everything else that came with that. Adults came with baggage and history and social consciousnesses that may or may not be in conflict. In the beginning, James had clung to the hope that Lucius wasn’t like the people he associated with. He wasn’t like McNair and Lestrange, but that wasn’t the important part. It didn’t matter if Lucius didn’t share their sentiments if he still wanted to stand for what they meant.
There was nothing James could do. He would have to wait to hear what would be said at the press conference. And he would try his utmost to take it all in stride, whatever happened, he would either be rewarded or he would start the work of mending his broken heart.
Lucius kept his head down as he made his way to the press conference in the B hall. He didn’t look anyone in the eye. He told himself again and again that he wasn’t ashamed for what he was about to do. Lucius couldn’t let his feelings for James sway him. He had to do what he thought was right. He had to think about his family, about Draco, and that’s what he was going to do. He had to narrow his focus to the one and only thing that mattered, Draco.
He walked into the press conference and gave a short nod at Lucinda Talkalot, looking completely intimidating in her best outfit. She was the very picture of professional and Lucius reminded himself over and over again that that was what he needed to look like too. He couldn’t let James’ personal politics and passion distract him. He had to be professional about this.
He took his position in front of the podium. He noted various members of the Pureblood Society in the audience, they smiled encouragingly at him. He didn’t look to the other side of the room where he knew the Muggle Education Committee would be sitting. He knew James would be there, watching him, waiting. Lucius swallowed and unfolded his statement.
“I am Lucius Abraxas Malfoy the second. I am an employee at the Magical Education Department and despite the desire to remain neutral, I’ve been asked to take a side in this highly divisive matter.”
There were a few coughs and some eye rolls. Lucius had to try and remain focused.
“Many of you will recognize my name. My family fought for years to make certain our family name would always mean something important in the Wizarding World. And it is my intention to continue that fight today.” The lights from camera bulbs were burning bright and Lucius could already feel himself sweating. One of the flashes made him squint, he saw stars behind his eyes.
“The Muggle Education Committee has put forth the motion to make Muggle Studies at Hogwarts mandatory. I would like to say today,” he hesitated, willing his voice not to fail him, “I am supporting their efforts.” The room fell completely silent, you could have heard the bead of sweat that rolled off Lucius’ temple. “We gain nothing by keeping our children ignorant of their Muggleborn classmates. I am a traditionalist and I will do what it takes to ensure that our traditions and our history are preserved. It will not survive in the void we have created. It is not fair for my son to not have all the opportunities available to him, to not provide him with the best education there is to offer.”
Nobody moved, nobody breathed. Lucius felt his hands shake, he ignored it. He had a mantra he’d been thinking for weeks now. Holometabolism. The Muggle equivalent of Transfiguration. There were many steps to Metamorphosis and this was the first one.
“I will not allow my son to grow up ignorant to the vast world beyond our very small one, to be ill-prepared when our worlds inevitably collide. Our traditions will survive, but only if we have raised our children to be mindful of the worlds around them and to be proud of their own. I want my family name to mean something in the future too and I believe that that starts right here and right now.”
Lucius hands were still shaking as he folded his statement back up. He barely dared to breathe as the silence permeated every inch of his body. And then the room exploded into thunderous, ear-shattering applause. It nearly knocked him off his feet. Lucius could hardly believe it. He risked a look at Bella who looked murderous before he was rushed from the stage by Talkalot’s people before the press or Pureblood Society could pounce on top of him.
Lucius had been hoping to appeal to the Purebloods’ insistence on thinking about family, but he had figured out a long time ago that that didn’t mean what they claimed it meant. They cared about their families so long as their family members remained in militant obedience and never once questioned them or attempted to express themselves. Was that how they wanted to raise their children? To be the easy prey for whatever charismatic extremist showed up next? To have no thoughts and opinions of their own? To have no skills or safeguards against a world that would trap them in those abusive cycles again and again?
“Holy shit!” Lucius heard Talkalot screeching, “Holy shit!” She ran up to him and pulled him through a secret door off to the side of the corridor. Lucius was pretty sure he had never heard her swear before, but it was possible he also didn’t know her that well. “Holy shit, the Pureblood Society is going to roast you alive,” she said but she was grinning like mad. She shook his shoulder in excitement. “This is the best day of my life.”
“Aren’t you a Pureblood?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she snorted, “But the Pureblood Society doesn’t represent us. They don’t even represent a fraction of us and they act like they represent all of us. Damn, I wish I could have done what you just did.”
He didn’t have time to react to that statement because then Emma was there. She grabbed his arm, steering him to a back room. “So? How does it feel to have made some very powerful enemies today?”
“Is that what I did?"
Emma grinned that feral grin of hers, “It was glorious.”
“You’ll have to rescind that recommendation you wrote me.”
Emma stared, “Are you kidding me?” she punched him in the arm, it actually hurt a lot, “I’m going to push it harder than I’ve ever pushed anything in my life. Changes are happening and you just lit the fire under all our asses.”
Lucius was in shock. There was no way that his words carried that much weight, these things didn’t happen over night or over a press conference. His family was powerful and old, but nothing he had ever said before had caused this much of a stir. Then again, nothing he had ever said at a press conference before had been his honest thoughts. They had been scripted statements penned by the Pureblood Society and had never resonated with anyone except the people who had written them.
Emma and Lucinda were already heading for the door, “Wait,” he called, “Did you know this was going to happen?”
Emma gave him an impatient look, “No,” she hummed, “I knew you were going to lose someone close to you. I had no idea who it would be.”
There was a pain in his heart as her words caught him up with reality. He had lost a large piece of his family. Bella would never speak to him again… if he was lucky. Or maybe she might actually kill him.
Emma and Talkalot were on their way out the door again to tackle whatever was coming next. No problem for a pair of psychic PR professionals.
They left him in the back room where he could watch the rest of the press conference undisturbed in one of the magic mirrors set up there. James was on the podium now. He was beaming ear to ear. Someone must have done some heavy duty magic on his hair because it wasn’t all over the place. Lucius reminded himself again that it wasn’t because of James that he’d done this, but… it was a happy aligning of interests.
Lucius hadn’t heard the question he was asked, but James said, “Of course we are elated to have some major Pureblood support. Mister Malfoy’s comments have a lot of weight and I couldn’t be happier. I think we have just witnessed the birth of a new traditionalism. A stronger and better focused traditionalism. As Mister Malfoy said, if we want Wizarding traditions to survive, we need to be progressive and forward-thinking. We need to stop our children from getting press-ganged into extremist groups and in order to do that, we have to give them the ability to identify harmful extremist ideas from traditionalist ones. We have to give them the tools they need to combat toxic ideas and mandatory Muggle Studies is where that starts.”
When the press conference was over, Talkalot stuck her head into the back room for a second, “You’re going to wanna take the scenic route and cut through Floo Network Department. It’s a zoo out here.”
Lucius tried not to look as elated as he felt when he found James waiting for him outside the Floo Network Authority doors.
“Are you sure we should be seen together?” Lucius asked, the press and Pureblood extremists would think that James was bribing him or something.
James smirked, “We could use Polyjuice. Glamours? I know a spell that could give us beards as long as Dumbledores’.”
James always had a solution for everything. Lucius hid a snicker and shook his head, “I’m not old enough to pull of that look. Give me another two hundred years.”
“We could always tell them the truth,” James suggested.
Lucius turned his collar up against the cold, “And what’s that?”
“That I seduced and converted you to Blood Traitordom.”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “That’s not what happened.”
“But think of the headlines.”
Lucius tried not to smile but he did find it kind of funny. The Pureblood Society would definitely believe that. He was expecting their own statement to pop up soon. They’d cut him out of their society, say it was Imperius or something. If they saw them together right now, they’d say it was a love potion.
He’d have to tell them that it was just plain, boring, regular love and it didn’t have much to do with Lucius’ own thoughts on the situation. He did think James was right about this. Their world was becoming darker and scarier and full of hatred and fear and at the same time, it was becoming more and more entangled with the Muggle world day by day. If this one small thing could create a better future for the next generation, it was such a small price to pay. And maybe some kid in the future will bring this Internet thing into the Wizarding World and change it forever. They would all be stronger for it.
“Does this mean we’re officially a thing?” James asked. They fell into step together as they made their way up the street.
“Were you going to dump me if I’d backed the Purebloodists?”
James grinned, “Without a second thought.”
Lucius shook his head, but he couldn’t stop the smile. There was no way they would have worked if that had been the case. And as much as he told himself that this had nothing to do with James, of course it did. James had given him the courage to do what he had done. It was a courage he doubted he would have ever found on his own. Even with Narcissa by his side, he might have only managed to remain neutral. James had definitely changed him. And it felt good. It felt powerful and freeing.
Instead of replying, Lucius reached out and took James’ hand in his. The sense of calm and bliss that the simple action caused made Lucius completely forget that it was December and freezing because he was warm through and through.
Tomorrow he would have to face reality. Bella was pissed and there would be hell to pay, but for the first time in Lucius’ life, he wasn’t afraid. And then there was the more pressing issue… how and what were they going to tell the children?
Chapter 2: Family
Summary:
Lucius grapples with the consequences of his actions. James grapples with the concept of maturity.
Both struggle with general fatherhood.
Notes:
WOW. I am so thrilled that so many people gave this odd pairing a chance. I'm only sorry to have dragged you into the rarest of pairs. Let's suffer together.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
James missed waking up to warmth pressed against him. He hadn’t thought about it much over the years. He kept busy enough that falling asleep was rarely an issue. When he woke, he hopped out of bed and into the shower. He’d forgotten what it was like to want to linger. To want to stay in bed for as long as possible.
James closed his eyes and drifted back into hazy sleep with Lucius’ soft breath against the back of his neck.
They spent most of their alone time at the Manor simply because of convenience. Or so, Lucius claimed. James had yet to drag Lucius to Godric’s Hallow. Whenever he tried, Lucius had some excuse. But James didn’t mind this big bed with its huge posts and the way the windows caught the early morning breeze. The room never strayed from a perfect temperature and was luxuriously comfortable like the most expensive hotel you could imagine. The master bedroom was a sharp contrast from the rest of the Manor, which was cold, dark, and drafty.
When James woke again, Lucius’ arms were wrapped around his torso, pulling him flush against the other man’s chest. Warm skin against warm skin. James could tell Lucius was nearly awake because the mere touching turned to feeling. Lucius dragged his fingers down one of James’ arms. And James was more reluctant than ever to start the day. To leave this place. This bed. This man.
James finally moved enough to turn around and watch Lucius drift between awake and sleep. He took the opportunity to study Lucius’ relaxed face, free of the tension that was usually present. Smooth except where the crow’s feet and wrinkles were beginning to show. James loved them, but knew if he said it, Lucius would never believe him and grow self-conscious. He also tried never to mention the slight recession of hair that James thought only added to the dignified air Lucius carried.
Lucius shifted, pulling away from James as he rolled onto his side, pulling the covers with him. James marvelled at the sea of skin showing above where the pale blue sheets were bunched around his waist. Skin so pale that every bite James left on him showed with livid colour. Lucius always made James heal them before getting out of bed, citing he didn’t pay a fortune for skin care potions just to have James childishly mar him like a jealous teenager. James was always a little sorry to see them disappear.
James also kept to himself how quickly and desperately he’d already fallen. It’d always been a bad habit of his. He felt romantic attraction so rarely, he tended to get ahead of himself when he did, imaging things far too far into the future. He started to push and that wasn’t good for anybody. There were still so many things they had to work out, so many things he wasn’t sure if they’d work out. So whenever he found himself drowning in the quick domestic bliss they’d created, or when he was getting too far ahead, dreaming of the life they could have together, he quelled himself by thinking of the second worst day of his life. A time when all that pushing had finally cost him. He didn’t think he could bear Lucius knowing about that. He didn’t want to think about it ever again.
Lucius loved the mornings when James had to go to work early and set up the Quidditch pitch for the little ones. They were the only mornings their schedules seemed to sync. It was the only time James didn’t try to bully and bribe Lucius into going to work late or not at all.
They had a routine. James cooked breakfast while Lucius complained about how long it took without magic. Then Lucius secretly relished each and every bite while James acted disgusted when Lucius put sugar on his scrambled eggs.
It didn’t escape Lucius’ notice that this was intimately domestic for a relatively new relationship, but neither one of them seemed to care. They were grown adults and far more comfortable with domesticity than they perhaps might have been if they were a decade or two younger. Lucius hadn’t the time or patience for mindgames with lovers at his age.
“Don’t forgot about tonight,” James said, tugging on his Quidditch robes over a worn Harpies t-shirt.
“As if I could.” Lucius watched with rapt fascination as James bent to tie his leather boots.
“It’ll be fine,” James promised, tapping a leather toe against the floor. He leaned in to give Lucius a quick kiss.
But Lucius grasped him by his obnoxiously bright Quidditch robes and pulled James in for a proper goodbye kiss. He was pleased to see the pink on James’ cheeks when he released him.
“Easy for you to say,” Lucius said and James replied with laughter.
“They don’t bite,” James hesitated, “Well-”
Lucius gave him a look, “Do not finish that sentence.”
James laughed again as he lingered for another kiss.
“Go away,” Lucius instructed, shoving the other man even while he acquiesced and kissed James’ temple once and then again for good measure.
James gave him a wink before they finally Apparated away from each other, James’ laughter still ringing in Lucius’ ears.
The Department of Magical Education was a battlefield.
It didn’t matter how many times Lucius claimed he had only spoken his mind and that his words were not reflective of any associations he held or had held, Lucius’ office was none-the-less flooded with letters, notes, and callers. There were people who were confused, people who wanted to support him, people who wanted to congratulate him, and there were also death threats and cursed letters sent from members of the Pureblood Society or their sympathizers. They were inventive in both threats and spells so Lucius had to get one of the interns from Internal Affairs, who had specialized in Defense Against the Dark Arts, to help him dispose of the more vile ones.
No one seemed to know what to make of him now. Lucius wasn’t quite sure what to make of himself. He was described in the papers in equal parts ‘hero’, something no one had ever said about him before, and ‘sell out traitor’.
Accusations flew in all directions and he stopped answering them because they only got more and more absurd. The newest editorial suggested he’d been a long-term secret agent for the Muggleborns, finally shedding his Purebloodist disguise after years and years of deep undercover work.
Absolutely nobody seemed interested in the truth.
At Talkalot’s suggestion, he’d given only two interviews. One to each of the leading papers. The Daily Prophet, who tended to side with James’ people these days, and the Weekly Cauldron, that was well known for their Pureblood readership. He’d given them both identical interviews with Talkalot to coach him through. But in the end, the Prophet had suggested he’d caved to internal pressures within the Ministry and the Cauldron guessed he had a secret squib lovechild with an unknown Muggle woman.
What had been a move to merely separate himself from the Purebloodists in the most quick, clean-cut, and unmistakable way possible, now was a Nationwide call to action. People were making him the figurehead of a new kind of Pureblood. A ‘New Traditionalist’, they called it.
A string of other Purebloods had thrown their support behind Lucius, leaving the Pureblood Society, taking on the name ‘New Traditionalist’ immediately and calling on their Pureblood brethren to do the same. They had split the Pureblood Society down the middle. I’d been enough to force a vote on the Muggle Education Committee’s Mandatory Muggle Studies initiative, whereas before it might have been swept under the rug by other, bigger projects. They’d won the vote and despite having no on-hand experience with the initiative, Lucius was getting a lot of the credit. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.
“How’s infamy?” Emma asked, barging into Lucius’ office without knocking.
Lucius shrugged and she rolled her eyes. She had always accused him of craving the limelight. She wasn’t entirely wrong, but he would have preferred it on his own terms.
Emma placed the newest bag of letters on his desk. “Vane asked me to pass these along.”
Lucius added the bag to the others with a flick of his wand.
He was still expecting a Howler from Bella, but nothing had come yet. He hoped it wasn’t a sign she was thinking up something even nastier. He was still clinging to the tiniest bit of hope that the remaining members of the Pureblood Society would respect his point of view even if they couldn’t agree with it. Bellatrix had no idea that his opinion was strongly influenced by her own beloved sister.
“Honestly,” Emma sighed, “I have never seen you this pleased.”
Lucius kept his facial features a mask of indifference, “I won’t deny my job has become considerably more interesting.”
Emma snorted, “I meant you getting laid, but you’re also an obnoxious attention-seeker, so I’m not remotely surprised.”
Lucius crossed his arms, “I take it you’re here to lecture me?”
“My wife wanted me to inform you that she’s been doing all your work for you.”
Lucius bristled. “What does that mean?”
“The reporters are getting bolder and you’ve done nothing but spin them around in circles. You’re going to have to decide what your change of alliance means. You’re clever. You can use this. In the meantime, she’s gagged every Ministry department, but it won’t take long before the media realizes it came from her and starts making tempting offers to anyone willing to sell your secrets. By then it might be too late to spin things back in your favour.”
Lucius ran a hand over his face. “And how long do I have?” he had been so busy he hadn’t really thought about how he might take advantage of these new opportunities.
“A week, maybe a little more if you’ve kept rather tight-lipped acquaintances.”
Lucius wasn’t sure that he had. But he finally had a leg to stand on when it came to pushing through in his career and he only needed to figure out how to use it. His secrets wouldn’t stay secret for long, but if he started planning he could get ahead of it.
“Want to get a drink?” Emma offered, “Looks like you might need it.”
“I can’t,” Lucius grinned, “I have a date.”
Lucius knew all along that this was coming. There was no way around it. And yet, he was still unprepared, sitting across from James’ friends who were eyeing him with amusement (Lupin) and ill-intent (Black).
He tried his best to appear as indifferent as possible even though he felt nothing of the sort.
James’ friends were his family. And there was no doubt in Lucius’ mind that if it was a contest between him and them, James would choose them every time.
“Do not leave me alone with them,” Lucius whispered to James when they were being lead to the table.
James snickered, “Believe me, I won’t,” and after another soft snicker, “And it’s not because I don’t trust you.”
Lucius had tried to clear his mind and relax. It was just dinner. It wasn’t as though he was going to publicly change allegiance again. There was no reason for him to be this nervous.
Despite knowing James definitely loved Black and Lupin more than him in just about every way, Lucius had almost convinced himself to calm down. But then Black and Lupin came into view and memories of the two came flooding back to him.
The first memory was the petition Lucius had vehemently signed to get Lupin, a werewolf, removed from the school a few years ago. That obviously hadn’t happened, but Lucius’ name would be on there all the same. He’d also made some public remarks on behalf of the Pureblood Society that made him cringe to think about now.
The other memory was the image of Black sitting alone at Narcissa’s funeral because no one wanted to be seated near a Blood Traitor.
Lucius’ heart squeezed painfully. Every stupid, ill-advised, desperate thing he’d ever done was there, publicly for all to see. And no one would know it as keenly as the two people seated before him. Lucius had always cared desperately what other people thought of him and right now it was practically debilitating.
Lucius kept his hands clenched tight in his lap.
His breath caught when James put his hand over his, under the table.
“That was quite a speech you gave,” Lupin started. His tone sounded pleasant enough.
Lucius was grateful for this opening sentiment. He had to remember that he was trying to change, metamorphose like a butterfly. He had made mistakes but he’d learned from them and was going to grow from them.
“I’m surprised you’re still in one piece,” Black quipped, “with Bella having been there.”
Lucius knew Black was likely trying to goad him, but calling Bellatrix by her nickname… one only family used, made Lucius feel suddenly hopeful instead. Black may have left his family behind, but he knew the world Lucius came from. Whether he had ever admitted it or not, it had probably been no easy feat. To a certain extent, he must know a little of what Lucius was going through. At the very least, he knew the horror and danger that was betraying Bellatrix Lestrange.
Lucius finally felt himself relax.
All in all it was a completely tolerable experience.
They said goodbye to Black and Lupin who disappeared into the dusk while James and Lucius took their time putting on their coats.
James was smiling at him.
“What?”
James just smiled wider, “I didn’t expect all of you to be on your best behaviour. Colour me impressed.”
Lucius allowed himself to grin in response. James clearly had an affinity for loud-mouthed, arrogant types. It was something of a small miracle that they all seemed to get along fine.
But there was one thing that was bothering him.
Lupin and Black had seemed to want this. And Lucius had no idea why. Considering Lucius’ past, considering the awful things he’d said and done, he had expected to work for this, for their approval. But Black and Lupin hadn’t made him feel that way. They’d made him feel welcome. Which immediately put every alarm bell ringing. What were they up to? What did this mean?
…or was this paranoia stemming from Lucius’ Pureblood conditioning that had taught him if someone was playing nice, they were planning to pull the rug out from under your feet?
“So I know we’ve been avoiding it,” James started and brought Lucius’ attention back to their conversation, “But what are we going to tell Draco and Harry?”
And that was a whole other problem. Lucius couldn’t get caught up in thinking about whether or not Lupin and Black were plotting against him because they still needed to think of the children.
They had been avoiding it even though it was inevitable. “Draco isn’t going to like this,” Lucius said. Though to be fair, he probably wouldn’t approve of anyone Lucius decided to date even if they weren’t the father of Harry Potter.
“I can’t imagine Harry’s going to be thrilled either,” James sighed.
“I could tell Draco in my next letter,” Lucius thought out loud.
James’ face lit up, “You write him?”
“Every Sunday,” Lucius said, he took James’ hand as they exited the building, “Narcissa used to write to him every week. After she died, I took it up in her place.”
James was grinning at him, “That’s so sweet.”
Lucius blinked, was it? It had just seemed like a necessity at the time.
It had only slightly occurred to him that weekly correspondence was something of a rarity. Most other parents didn’t write that often unless their children were first years and most students had too many things to juggle to manage the frequency. But Lucius had always found it comforting, if at times trying. Even though they were apart, he could know what Draco was up to… for the most part. He’d been caught by surprise the first time McGonagall asked him to come up to the castle.
“He hasn’t written back this week,” Lucius suppressed a sigh. Usually Lucius wrote every weekend and Draco’s replies followed that same week. It was not a good sign that no reply had arrived in a full five days. “I should have warned him about what I planned to do at the press conference.”
“Let’s wait until Christmas break,” James said decidedly. He squeezed Lucius’ hand. “It’ll give Draco a break from the surprises and I don’t think this’ll come off well if I send this to Harry in a letter.”
Lucius didn’t love the idea of waiting another whole week, but if Lucius told Draco before Harry knew, it might cause all sorts of misunderstandings. And Draco had never once failed to reply to a letter. This silence did not bode well. James was probably right about giving Draco a rest between unwanted surprises.
“Okay,” Lucius agreed, “We’ll wait until the break.”
“Who knows?” James chirped, “Maybe they’ll surprise us.”
Lucius kept his laugher to a polite snicker. James was an irredeemable idealist.
James argued the most with Lucius on Saturdays because Lucius still felt the need to go into work.
“Just because you don’t see the value in hard work,” Lucius glared.
“You conflate ‘hard work’ with ‘working yourself to death’. There are weekend staff for a reason.”
Lucius always fought James on this. It had been years since he took weekends as they were intended. But it was a battle he never seemed to win these days.
“I know it’s been a while since you’ve dated,” James said, making Lucius roll his eyes because he was one to talk, “But Saturdays are for breakfast in bed and it’s our last weekend before the kids come home.”
Lucius had already stopped trying to get out of bed. He let himself be pulled back under the covers. It was only token resistance really. There was nothing pressing at work besides mountains of letters he really should get someone else to read anyway. And mostly he just liked giving James a bit of trouble.
Lucius made an annoyed sound with his mouth, “Are you always this aggravating?”
James’ teeth were perfectly white and straight, “Always,” he grinned before pressing his lips into Lucius’ neck.
After spending far too long in bed and then breakfast, Lucius received a return owl from his boss that only said, “GOOD” in reply to Lucius announcing he wouldn’t be coming in this weekend.
In the early afternoon, James got him on a broom for the first time in years. It showed. The new brooms had a small kickback from their sheer power that nearly sent Lucius toppling. James roared with laughter for a full ten minutes. Lucius should have taken the chance to knock James off his broom and see how he liked it.
Lucius glared, face flushed. “A warning would have been appreciated.”
“How was I supposed to know you haven’t ridden anything newer than a Nimbus?”
Lucius was fluent in petty and he recognized immediately what this was. He smirked. “Oh, I see. A little sore about this year’s Slytherin winning streak, are you?”
James bit his bottom lip before answering, looking very pleased that Lucius was so quick to figure him out, “I just think it’s unfair to the other teams when you buy those new brooms every first semester.”
Lucius shrugged, “If it bothers you, feel free to sponsor the Gryffindor team.”
James rolled his eyes, “They do just fine without them.” Then he grinned at Lucius’ grimace because he was absolutely right. The Gryffindor team was always Slytherin’s biggest rivals. And Harry always caught the snitch first no matter what he was riding.
It was a ridiculous day of James showing off, but Lucius felt very alive. He’d forgotten how good it felt to feel the wind through his hair. Or the chill of the air against his face. And he wished, not for the first time, that he had been able to see James play back in school. James flew like he wasn’t scared of anything but his movements were fine-tuned and smooth as glass. He could easily see where Harry got his talent from despite their different positions. Lucius made a mental note to add James’ Quidditch games to his own schedule.
They spent the evening quietly reading next to each other in the main drawing room. The easy bliss that settled around them was peaceful in a way that Lucius had rarely felt. It wasn’t easy to ignore that this was the last time they’d be together like this for the next few weeks. Lucius was always glad to have Draco home, but he still hadn’t received a letter back. He had a growing nervousness about what that meant. And as long as Draco wasn’t writing back, it made Lucius more anxious still about having to break the relationship news to him on top of everything else.
“Stop. Thinking.” James flicked his forehead and Lucius physically felt the tension run out of his shoulders. He never noticed when he was tense, but James always did and had taken to childishly flicking him for it.
“I would that I could be so brainless,” Lucius scoffed, dropping his book to the side because he had no intention of finishing it now anyway.
“Are you calling me brainless?”
Lucius feigned surprise, “You picked up on that? I’m impressed.”
Lucius achieved his goal when James tossed his own book to the side. “Take it back,” he hissed, digging his fingers into Lucius’ sides.
Lucius bit his lip to keep from making a sound because really? Tickling? Were they ten?
James took the tactical position of straddling Lucius’ thighs. It was really easy to get James worked up.
Lucius wondered if James knew that he himself was the antidote to all Lucius’ over-thinking.
They didn’t make it to a bedroom. Instead they took full advantage of the otherwise empty manor. Relishing in the privacy of being alone before the children were home.
On Monday morning, Lucius felt rested in a way that was startling and rare. He supposed having weekends off wasn’t so terrible when he could return to work with a clear and ready mind. He reached for one of the letter bags that he had avoided last week. He started with an inconspicuous envelope from the top that was thinner than the others. He wasn’t in the mood to read an essay.
After a cursory protection spell, he sliced the envelope open with great care considering he still wasn’t sure what percentage of his mail was cursed. He slid the paper out and onto his desk. But it wasn’t a letter.
Inside was a folded single sheet of weighty card-stock and a pressed narcissus.
He stared at it. It was clearly a message. An intimate one. Was it from Bella? Was she trying to make him feel guilty for abandoning their family? The flower did make him feel guilty, but not for that reason.
The flower reminded him of Narcissa’s steadfast pride. He had never understood her motivations. Why she had chosen to stay with him, marry him, have his child, when they had never once agreed about the issues she cared about. Instead of explaining her point of view, she’d only hidden. Was that his fault? He felt a dreadful sense of shame as he thought it. Had he been so overbearing that she had only rarely voiced her true opinions? She’d opposed his politics from the shadows. It had to be because she knew he’d disapprove.
The flower sent his thoughts whirling. It wasn’t simply James’ influence that had caused a change in him. It felt like a long-time coming. The way he clung to his previous convictions had been pure stubbornness. A stubbornness that Narcissa had skillfully and methodically undone without him even knowing. He had no doubt that if she had chosen to discuss politics with him, she would have quickly pulled him to her side… so why hadn’t she?
He hoped that he was doing right by her now. He never imagined that one day he would be the one to cause such a large shift in their community. A shift toward the kind of world she had dreamed of. A dream where her sister could come home. Where they could be a family again.
Lucius cleared his throat. Things were still a long way from that. He must be picking up some of James’ idealism. Among other things, they still had Bella to deal with. Lucius was sure the eldest Black sister would treat Andromeda no better than Lucius for her ‘crime’. And if Bella had indeed sent this omen, it was definitely meant as a threat.
Losing Bella was harder than he had anticipated. He had always preferred to keep his distance from her, so he had never realized how much he had taken her for granted. Sometimes he caught himself thinking of something he wanted to tell her, only to remember that he might never see her again.
If this message was from Bella, maybe it was also her way of saying she was finished with him… the thought made him sad. He hadn’t been expecting that particular emotion. Even though it appeared they were on opposite sides of a war, he still wanted to cling to that little bit of Narcissa in her.
The closest he and Bella had ever been was during their grieving when they sat on opposite sides of the sitting room and sobbed quietly to themselves. It was something Lucius couldn’t imagine sharing with anybody else. They had both tried to keep stone-faced in front of Draco, but in those quiet moments…
Lucius took a breath. He was aware this was another sort of grieving and that he was going to have to find a way to move past it. If he were to run into Bella right now, she would flay him alive. Maybe the flower was a warning to stay far away for both their sakes.
James had taken up residence on Sirius’ workshop sofa as he typically did on weekdays. He was humming to himself as he searched for information in the mountain of documents he’d acquired. The stack of papers would have usually driven him to tears of boredom by now. He didn’t notice Sirius staring for a full five minutes.
James blinked when he finally did, “What?”
Sirius rolled his eyes and mimicked James in a high-pitched voice, “What? He says. Merlin.”
“Spit it out, Padfoot.”
“You got a stupid grin on your face, humming to yourself. You’re gone, mate.”
James laughed before a swell of panic stretched its ugly limbs inside of him. “Harry’s not going to like this, is he?”
Sirius made a face and a noncommittal gesture, “Harry doesn’t like much of anything these days. Teenager.”
James sighed and let his head fall back against the back of the sofa.
Sirius abandoned his tools to sit down next to James. “There’s never been anyone you’ve wanted to introduce him to before. Of course you’re nervous.”
“This all happened really fast.”
“I beg to differ. This has been a far more leisurely rate than your previous track records. You haven’t asked him to marry you yet, it’s been two months, that’s pretty good for you.”
James groaned, “I know you’re making a joke, but it’s not funny because it’s true.” James had a history of getting too attached and too serious too quickly and then being surprised when everything blows up in his face.
Sirius rolled his eyes, “It’s really nice to see you all heart-eyed, okay? There’s nothing wrong with being excited about a new relationship. And whatever Harry thinks of it, we’ll deal with it later. You like someone and that someone likes you back, it’s not the end of the world. No matter what Harry might think.”
James forced the tension out of his muscles, “Okay,” the swell of panic was finally subsiding, “So you’re saying after three months is a better time to propose?”
“Ha. Ha.”
The next morning, James went through his morning routine with more pep than usual because Harry would be home soon and having Harry home was always exciting. But he was jolted out of his good mood when he picked up that morning’s newspaper and was assaulted by a flurry of printed words. James stared at the front page of the Daily Prophet, his heart sinking in his chest.
He’d thought it’d be better to wait until Harry was home before attempting to have a conversation about his new relationship. But it looked like he wasn’t going to get the chance.
The front page read, Lustful Legislation! an insider tells us all we wanted to know about Luscious Lucius Malfoy. Inside the story detailed the public knowledge of his life up to and including his relationship with James. James Potter. The Muggle Education Committee’s co-chair, the media’s darling bad boy who has a history of drawing first blood, and the vice captain of the only Ministry Quidditch team worth watching!
James felt horrible, Harry was going to get the information from a gossip column instead of James himself. He felt even worse when he thought of how Lucius had wanted to tell them right away and James had stopped him. Now both boys were going to find out at the same time as the rest of the world.
There was one more day before Harry came home. James felt he should wait and talk to him face to face. Or was waiting bad? He groaned into his hand and decided to catch Lucius before he headed to work.
Lucius was waiting for him.
“I’ve already written to Draco, what will you do about Harry?”
James sighed and slouched into the sofa, “If he wants to talk, he’ll send me a note or a Howler or he’ll Floo.”
Lucius gave him an unimpressed look, “You’re just going to leave it?”
“I’m just going to give him some space. He doesn’t like being blindsided.” James stared at the ground and groaned, “You were right, we should have told them right away.”
Lucius crossed his arms and pretended he didn’t love being told he was right, “It’s too late now. All we can do is damage control.”
“Right,” James said and stood up. He seemed to have some kind of renewed energy. “I’m good at damage control.”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “Why am I not surprised?”
Lucius went to work and James was already feeling better. If Harry had something to say, there was nothing that could stop him from saying it. The fact that nothing had come from him had to be a good sign. Maybe Harry didn’t care at all who James did or didn’t date. And in the meantime, all James had to do was make sure there was plenty for them to do when Harry got home. Maybe if they got some new brooms Harry would forget all about it.
James busied himself with writing and the day flew by in the blink of an eye. He only noticed night was about to fall when an owl flew in through the window and landed on his desk’s perch. He winced at the familiar green handwriting. Something told him this wasn’t a congratulatory message.
For the second day in a row, James met Lucius too early in the morning. The kids would be home in mere hours.
The twin letters from McGonagall ruined any chance they thought they had in having the children miraculously understand. Lucius thought he’d been rather eloquent in his letter to Draco and James had said Harry’s non-reaction was a good one. But clearly something had gone wrong. The letter was a rather miffed-sounding update of events, detailing a fistfight in Dumbledore’s office. Lucius and James couldn’t delude themselves into thinking that the fight was about anything other than the article, because there’d been no hostility reported between the boys since that fateful night in the Forbidden Forest and now this.
“What do we do?” James sighed, laying his identical letter from McGonagall next to Lucius’ on the coffee table.
Lucius rubbed his temples, “I don’t know.”
“Okay,” James sighed, “I’ll say what we’re both thinking.” He crossed his arms and for a second he looked defeated. “This isn’t going to work if the kids are against it.”
Lucius gave a tired nod. They had both known that this was a possibility. This relationship was something they wanted, but they didn’t want it to the exclusion of everything else. “The children will come first,” Lucius agreed.
James took one of Lucius’ hands and kissed it. “Agreed,” he strung their fingers together and used the leverage to pull Lucius close enough to kiss.
Lucius closed his eyes and felt warm in all the places they were pressed together. The domestic peace they had cultivated was in danger and who knew if they’d be able to get it back even once the children returned to school. Lucius tried not to think about how much he would miss this. This easy way they fell together. It was comfortable in a way he wasn’t sure he could describe. James fit into his life far better than he could have ever hoped or imagined. James calmed him, halted his thoughts when they were spiralling, got him to be active again, got him to relax. And Lucius liked to think that he calmed James too. James got keyed up and hyper and over-reactive and Lucius liked to think of himself as a grounding agent. James might burn up in the atmosphere if he didn’t have someone to hold him down on Earth.
They could fit together all they liked, but Lucius knew that James would do absolutely anything for his son and Lucius felt the same. No matter what sorts of things the Purebloodists accused him of, he would always believe in family first.
They went separately to King’s Cross Station and waited impatiently on opposite sides of the platform for the children to arrive. It wasn’t so bad, James thought, at least he was with Sirius and they were both excited to have Harry and Remus home.
The train pulled up and after a few moments, Harry came bounding down the stairs. “Dad! Snuffles!”
He didn’t seem angry or agitated. That had to be a good sign.
James grabbed him and kissed his head. James knew most kids Harry’s age didn’t get kissed by their fathers anymore, but James always remembered something Lily had said once, isn’t that so sad? and since then he had always tried to give Harry a healthy amount of affection. He would do it until Harry ordered him to stop, “Hi, Son.”
James noticed the black eye immediately. He grabbed Harry’s chin with his hand to tilt his face up and get a better look.
Harry shoved his hand off, “I’m fine.”
Sirius hugged Harry next.
James sighed, “You almost made it a whole three months without getting into trouble.”
“You mean without getting caught,” Remus said as he stepped off the train.
James grinned, “That is what I meant, thank you, Professor.”
Harry gave them an innocent look but Remus turned to Harry and said, “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice that forged permission slip?”
“Ooo, forgery,” Sirius whistled, “We didn’t get into that until fifth year!”
“Do not encourage him,” Remus’ voice scolded Sirius even as he was pulled into a fierce bear hug, “Honestly, must I always be the disciplinarian?” Remus passed the offending slip to James.
James gave an exasperated sigh as he read it, “I do want to know how many things you’ve forged my signature on, since you seem to be very good at it.”
Harry guiltily kicked at the ground.
“But since I am one of your legal guardians, I signed another one for you,” Remus continued, “I can’t believe I thought I’d escaped the days of having to cover for a Potter in front of McGonagall.”
James gave him a look of guilt before folding the sometimes-werewolf into a fierce hug.
“Oh no, you are not weaseling out of this by being cute,” Remus hissed at him, low enough that Harry couldn’t hear him. “Discipline your son.”
Clearly this issue wasn’t a new one. Rather, it was a vintage one in new packaging. James turned to his son, “Right, we’ll have a proper talk about this at home.”
Harry shrugged and squared his shoulders, like he was ready for a fight. He headed toward the platform exit, leaving his dad to grab his trunk. But James was relieved that Harry didn’t appear to be angry about what had come out in the newspaper. He didn’t appear to want to address it at all. Which, might be a whole different problem.
James gave a tired sigh and followed after his son, charming Harry’s luggage to come with them. Sirius and Remus were right behind them.
Near the exit, James noticed the Malfoys standing nearby. Lucius had his arms crossed and seemed to be saying something with a serious face. Draco was staring at his feet.
Being this close to Lucius but not being able to reach out to him was sort of unbearable. James hadn’t even realized he’d stopped walking until Harry’s impatient voice cut through to him, “Dad!” James shifted his focus back to his son and jogged to catch up.
Draco didn’t say a word the whole trip back to the Manor. Lucius had no idea what he was supposed to do. Apologize? Press him to make conversation? In the end, he thought it might be better to let Draco be angry. Maybe James had a point about giving the boys space. It was difficult to tell what Draco needed. Draco was great at acting like a paragon of indifference. His grandfather would be so proud, Lucius thought bitterly. Lucius knew that this was his fault. But they would have three weeks to work through it. Draco hadn’t even defended himself when Lucius tried to ask him about the letter from McGonagall. He’d always been quick to blame Harry before. But now Draco refused to say what the fight was about.
Once they were home, Draco immediately disappeared into his room. Lucius noted with a bit of dismay that the Manor was just as quiet, just as lifeless, as though Draco weren’t home at all. Everything between these giant, stone walls looked as uninhabited as ever even with both inhabitants there. Lucius vaguely recalled the fresh flowers Narcissa always had spread around the house. It’d always brightened the place considerably. Maybe he should ask the House-elf to get some.
The more he looked around him, the more he realized he had gradually but surely let his gloom settle all around them. He should have hired a gardener to upkeep Narcissa’s garden. Now it was overrun with weeds. He should have had the rooms dusted a few more times before Draco got home.
But Lucius was too tired to dwell on regrets tonight. He let Draco skip dinner and didn’t feel much like eating himself. He slowly made his way to his bedroom to drift into a dreamless and uncomfortable slumber. His bed felt cold and empty without James.
In the morning, Lucius was pleased to find Draco at the dining room table for breakfast. He had assumed Draco would need another day before he was willing to be seen. They never talked when they were angry at one another, choosing instead to ignore or avoid each other until things were forgiven or forgotten. It was a tactic that had always worked for Lucius in his youth with his own parents.
“Good morning,” Lucius greeted him and took his seat at the head of the table.
Draco was seated on his left and murmured something of greeting back. He was watching Lucius carefully.
Once Lucius was seated, their breakfast appeared before them. Lucius nodded, a motion to begin the meal. Lucius was hungrier than usual because of last night’s skipped meal. It took him a moment to realize Draco wasn’t eating.
They didn’t usually talk as they ate but after so much time with James, Lucius had started to dislike quiet mealtimes, so Lucius said, “What’s on your mind, Draco?”
Draco stared at his plate for a moment before looking up, “Harry Potter’s father-”
And Lucius panicked. “Draco-”
But being interrupted seemed to snap Draco into the defensive, his tone high-pitched with indignity, “I want to know why-”
Lucius held up a stern hand that cut off Draco’s thought as effectively as it always did.
“What I do in private is none of your concern.”
“Is it private when it’s all over the papers?”
He had a point.
“We’ve already decided to put our relationship on hold for the time being.”
Draco scoffed, “On hold? Do you see the way the papers talk about you? Turncoat Coward who’s so desperate and lonely he’ll do anything, even with a Blood Traitor.”
Lucius never should have bought him a subscription to the Cauldron. He should have cancelled it a long time ago and bought him a subscription to something less vile.
“Draco, we’ll continue this conversation later.” Lucius was far too caffeine and sugar deprived to hash this out right here and now.
Draco made a small, humourless laugh, “Will we?” he shoved himself away from the table, “Or shall I write it in a letter, like you’d prefer?”
Lucius blinked, surprised and hurt. He had always thought it was Draco who preferred their written correspondence.
“Draco-” Lucius wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say. It had always been easier to get his feelings across in writing. He had always thought Draco felt the same.
Lucius felt an ugly crawling feeling creep across his chest. He had always thought they were in agreement that talking was difficult and if there was something pressing, writing was far more effective. But now he felt maybe he’d only silenced Draco. Was this what he had done to Narcissa too? Was that why she had never stood up to him?
Draco left the room before Lucius could think of how to respond.
With Draco gone, Lucius didn’t feel much like eating anymore. Everything tasted so artificial without James’ touch in the kitchen anyway.
At his office, the day was dull and relentless. Lucius tried to think about what he was going to say to Draco, but everything he came up with sounded cliche and horrifically inadequate. Every speech he prepared in his head sounded defensive and touchy or unbearably adolescent.
Nothing proved there had been big changes in Lucius' life more than how he had accomplished nothing the whole morning. The old him would have been horrified. Letting himself feel and think seemed to do exactly what he had always feared it would. Halted all productivity.
Lunchtime came and James appeared. Lucius fought a relieved smile.
“I brought you lunch,” James was an angel in this papered hell. Lucius was still determined not to let James know just how much he loved the other man’s cooking. He didn’t like the idea of James having that much power. But he was willing to concede that James probably already knew.
“I thought we agreed to put our relationship on hold?”
“It’s a friend-lunch. Friends only.”
Lucius’ felt a swell of emotion. Friendship wasn’t what Lucius wanted, but it was definitely something he’d take over nothing. But his improving mood quickly fell flat when he thought of the look on Draco’s face. How would he ever live with himself if Draco was miserable?
“Uh oh,” James said softly and pulled a chair up to Lucius’ desk. He put the lunches on the desk. “What happened?”
Lucius took his portion. “Draco isn’t happy about… this.”
James nodded solemnly.
Lucius continued, “I told him we’d discuss it later today. But I haven’t decided what I’m going to say.”
“How about not saying anything and listening?” James suggested.
Lucius blinked.
“It probably won’t be pleasant, but it’s important he feels you hear him.”
Lucius stared a him a moment before James wiped at his mouth, “What?”
Lucius shook his head. He had imagined James with the same sort of parenting problems as himself, but he should have predicted that Potters didn’t have problems expressing themselves. And Lucius was embarrassed that he hadn’t thought of it first.
They turned the subject to less pressing ones and chatted amicably but Lucius could tell there was something on James’ mind too. “Is everything okay?” Lucius asked. Usually James wasn’t shy about speaking his mind. It was strange to have to prompt him.
James pushed a potato around his plate, “Why does Harry always come home looking like hell but Draco never looks like he has a hair out of place?”
Lucius scoffed, “This amazing person called Madam Pomfrey exists and from what I’ve heard, your son doesn’t allow her anywhere near him.”
“Why would he do that?”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “I wonder why a fourteen-year-old boy might want to show off his bruises?”
It wasn’t that one of the boys was getting it worse than the other. It was just that Harry liked to show off whereas Draco, like his father, always had to look completely put together.
James sighed, “It’s just frustrating.” James tapped their finished lunchboxes and they disappeared. “He probably does it because he knows I’ll buy him ice cream.”
Lucius raised his eyebrow, “You buy him ice cream for fighting?”
“No, not for fighting. It’s because he says it hurts to eat-” James trailed off and Lucius could tell the exact second James realized he was being manipulated by his own son. Lucius bit his lip to keep from laughing. Yes, they certainly had different parenting problems.
“Seems like you’ve got your hands full too,” Lucius said with a smirk.
James stuck his tongue out at him.
When the day was over, Lucius returned to the dark and gloomy manor. Lucius had long ago given up trying to figure out if it was dark and gloomy because of the lighting, because it was old and shaded, or if it was the years and years of brief happiness drowned out by his family’s overall tragedies.
Lucius had memories of growing up in this house and wondering even at a small age, why people seemed so miserable here. Why his father had been so volatile and his mother so sad. The only time the Manor had ever looked bright was when Narcissa pulled back every curtain to let the sun in, even though the portraits on the third floor shrieked and shrieked about sun damage.
At dinner time, Lucius waited anxiously for Draco to appear. He wasn’t sure Draco would, so he was relieved when he did.
They started their meal in their customary silence before Lucius said, “I apologize for this morning. I should have let you speak.”
Draco didn’t seem to know what to do with that statement. He stared at Lucius like he’d announced he was shaving his head.
“If you want to talk,” Lucius offered, “I’ll listen.” He tried to fight the awkwardness hanging in the air by imagining how different his own life might have been if his father had ever offered this small courtesy.
“Why did you leave the Pureblood Society?”
“I didn’t intend to,” Lucius admitted, “but we no longer see eye-to-eye about things that are important.”
“Like Muggles?”
“Among a vast number of other things.”
“You’ve never cared before.”
“Things… changed,” Lucius said and tried his best to ignore the way his heart was twisting and turning.
“Why?” Draco glared, “Because Harry Potter’s father says so?”
Lucius sighed, “No, because it’s the right thing to do. Your mother would have-”
“Don’t,” Draco said with such malice it shocked Lucius into compliance. “Don’t use her to justify any of this. Mother would never have done what you did. She cared about our family, about what would happen.”
Lucius was confused, “What do you mean? What happened?”
Draco was seething but Lucius could not think of why. His decision had lost them a lot of support in the community, but surely it didn’t seem all bad.
“Draco, I did this for you.”
“For me?” Draco echoed, aghast, “So I could sit alone every meal time, get hexed in the halls by people from both sides? Did you even care about what the parents of my friends were going to think?” Draco stood. “Mother would never have done this. She would have protected me, not turned me into a laughingstock. You only think about yourself. You did this for you.”
Lucius was frozen to the spot. He watched, stunned, as Draco stormed from the room.
Lucius hadn’t warned Draco about the speech he’d made. About the decision he had made. He hadn’t asked him for his opinion. He hadn’t treated Draco as a member of this family, even though he was the only family Lucius had. Lucius had made a decision that affected both of them and didn’t stop to think about what would happen when he did. And Draco was right about Narcissa too… Narcissa would never have been this reckless. For the first time, Lucius thought he understood why Narcissa had chosen to fight from the shadows.
There was no shortage of things Lucius had grown to fear over the years. But the one thing he feared above all else was becoming his father… and those type of executive decisions were exactly the sort of thing his father had done.
Lucius realized with a shock that he didn’t even know the names of the people Draco called friends. He had assumed Draco spent his time with the same types Lucius had when he was at school. Kids with old magic in their families, kids who were instructed by their parents to make strong and powerful allies. Kids who would have, of course, been ordered to steer clear of trouble. Would have been ordered to steer clear of Draco after Lucius had cast doubt over the Pureblood Society as a whole.
Lucius put down his utensils and rubbed his temples. For the first time, he wasn’t sure he had done the right thing.
Lucius had no idea how to handle the information Draco had given him. He’d foolishly expected Draco to support his decision because he was his father. But apparently Draco was lacking the blind faith that had defined Lucius’ whole childhood. It was something that should have made Lucius proud, but instead it was sort of painful. No matter how he looked at the situation, what it came down to was that Draco didn’t trust Lucius and Lucius had never really done anything to merit his son’s trust anyway.
Effectively at a loss, Lucius did the only thing he could think of. He decided not to go into work and instead convinced Draco to come out of his room and go to Diagon Alley.
Lucius could not remember the last time they had done anything like an outing together. It made the pit of guilt inside him all the heavier. But Draco seemed to be in a better mood today. But from the outing or from having said his piece the other day, was uncertain.
They went first to Borgin and Burkes where the atmosphere was much less welcoming than usual. Then they went to Flourish and Blotts before finally making their way toward Quality Quidditch Supplies. Lucius was happy Draco seemed to be enjoying himself. Lucius suddenly remembered Narcissa used to take Draco all around the city when she or Draco were feeling down. Lucius was momentarily angry at himself for not remembering that sooner. For not remembering how much those trips had raised his son’s spirits.
But Lucius was jolted out of his good mood, when as they were about to go into the Quidditch store, James and Harry were coming out. He felt Draco stiffen and stall beside him.
The way James’ face brightened and then immediately turned nervous played havoc with Lucius’ own emotions. It was the first time they weren’t glad to see each other.
“Good afternoon,” James chirped.
“Hey Malfoy, how’s the face?”
“Harry, be polite.”
“That was the politest thing I could think of.”
James kicked Harry in the shin before turning to Draco who was carrying several parcels. “Looks like you’ve been shopping.”
Draco didn’t say anything so Lucius filled in, “We’ve nearly finished now.”
“And on a Friday,” James whistled, he was still addressing Draco, “Even I can’t get him to take a Friday off, good job.”
Lucius watched the way Harry’s face turned red around the glare he was directing at Lucius. Maybe James calling attention to their relationship wasn’t the wisest thing to do at the moment.
“We’ve still stops to make, we should go,” Lucius said, he hadn’t been able to see Draco’s face, but he had no doubt he was uncomfortable.
James seemed to realize he’d slipped up and gave Lucius a sorry look. Lucius returned it with a small shake of his head. They awkwardly said farewell before heading on their separate ways.
James watched the Malfoys disappear into Quidditch Quality Supplies and refrained from sighing. Instead he threw an arm around Harry. “I thought we talked about the fighting.”
Harry was uncharacteristically quiet. His shoulders tense. After a moment, Harry said, “Why him?”
James was caught off guard by the question, “What do you mean?”
“You always break up with whoever you’re seeing before I get home. Why is he different?”
James swallowed. He had no idea Harry even knew about any of the short-lived flings he’d had over the years. Most of which he couldn’t remember their faces or names. There weren’t many, but the few were barely memorable. “Oh, I don’t know if I could put it into words…”
James was hoping for a change in subject or a loss of interest, but Harry seemed to be waiting. James sighed, clearly they were done ignoring the topic, “He’s… smart. And funny. And he has all these weird quirks I like.” There were a vast number of things that contributed to his attraction to Lucius, but he felt like Harry probably didn’t want to hear most of them.
“You used to say people like Malfoy were cowards.”
“Well I think he proved to me and to everyone else that’s not the case.”
“Why? Because he said some words in a room full of newspapers? People don’t change, he’ll go back to the way he was as soon as he realizes he can’t profit off this.”
James bristled, he pulled away from Harry, “People do change, Harry. I’ve changed.”
“Yeah, you have. Letting a coward like Malfoy into our lives.” The words pierced through James like a hot knife.
“Why not?” James couldn’t stop his mouth, “He’d get along great with you then.”
The hurt that cracked across Harry’s face made James instantly regret the words. Even when he had tried to ask Harry to stop fighting with Draco, or to be more mindful of other people, or to use a fork, he had always been careful so Harry didn’t feel like it was criticism. But James didn’t try to take the words back now as Harry fled.
James already knew where Harry would run to. He gave a frustrated sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. This was not how he wanted this conversation to go.
James arrived after midnight when he knew Harry would be sleeping.
Sirius was waiting for him in the living room, dozing by the fire in a very dog-like fashion. He sat up when James came in.
“What happened?” Sirius asked.
James sighed and fell into his usual spot on the sofa. “I snapped at him,” he could feel the guilt seeping into his words, “How is he?”
Sirius rubbed sleep out of his eyes, “He calmed down pretty quickly. He had the same face you’re making right now.”
James frowned, he didn’t know what face he was making. But James and Harry rarely fought. If his face reflected what he felt then it was probably a look of deep discomfort.
Sirius dragged himself up off the rug and next to James, “He feels just as bad as you do.”
“I shouldn’t have snapped at him.”
Sirius snorted, “You know, we probably let Harry get away with too much over the years… Moony says it isn’t good for his critical thinking skills.”
“Or his conflict resolution skills.”
“Or his debate skills.”
“Or his empathy skills.”
“Where is Moony?”
“Some work-related thing. He’ll be home soon.”
Sirius’ head flopped down on James’ shoulder. “Are we shit parents?”
James groaned, “We might be shit parents.”
“I never planned to be a parent.”
“You say that,” James teased him, “But you sure changed your mind fast, buying all those baby books, redecorating my whole house.”
“Godric’s Hallow was a baby-death-trap. How would Harry have ever survived without my knowledge?”
“And you cried just as much as I did when he was born.”
“I told you, I had been cutting onions.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And it’d been raining a little and some of it got on my face.”
“Of course.”
“And then I stubbed my toe in the waiting room.”
“I see.”
They were quiet for a moment.
“Harry will always be my first priority. And I’ll break up with Lucius if I have to.”
“Didn’t I just say we can’t keep giving him whatever he wants?”
“How am I supposed to be happy if I know my son isn’t?”
“He’s only miserable for the sake of being miserable. This is the first time you’ve done something for yourself. He’s just being a brat because he doesn’t have you to himself anymore,” Sirius paused, “I’m sort of familiar with the feeling.”
James grinned at him, recalling a couple specific memories, “You were such a baby when I started dating Lily.”
Sirius made a face, “Yes, well, believe me when I say he just needs a reminder that he wants you to be happy.”
James wrapped an arm around Sirius’ shoulders and Sirius instinctively moved into the embrace. They’d always been needlessly protective and selfish with each other. They’d grown up and learned a lot of things the hard way.
“Do you think this relationship with Lucius moved too fast?”
Sirius barked laughter, “Too fast? You haven’t dated anyone properly in years!”
“There was Tanith.”
“That was a social experiment, not a relationship.”
“That girl I kissed at that bar.”
“That was not a date you sad loser.”
“There was Gregory.”
“That was a lapse in logic.”
“Well, what did I ever need to date for? I have you and Remus.”
“There’s no use in making excuses to me.”
James gave up with a sigh and rested his head on top of Sirius’.
“I’ve been scared.” James had never said that particular phrase out loud before.
“I know,” Sirius said kindly.
“I remember everything like it was yesterday.”
“It wasn’t.”
“What if it’s like that again?”
“It won’t be. How could it be? You aren’t even that guy anymore. Do you think I’d let you be?”
James hesitated, he didn’t know how to say, you did once, you might again.
Sirius filled the pause with a sigh, “You weren’t the only one who made mistakes. We let Harry get away with too much, but we let ourselves get away with much worse. I know that. Moony knows that,” he paused for a second, “And Wormtail knew that.”
James swallowed. It was still hard to hear that old nickname. “Do you think he’s-”
“Stop,” Sirius said, his tone firm, “Don’t think about him. I’m sorry I even brought him up. Let’s focus on Harry, yeah? And on how one day he’s going to have to let you have a life.”
James squeezed his eyes shut, “Yeah.”
“So how do we turn our darling boy into a decent fucking person?”
“Is that possible when we’re not decent people ourselves?”
They were both quiet for a moment before saying at the same time, “Moony.”
“Good morning, Sunshine!” James sang when Harry shuffled into Grimmauld Place’s kitchen.
“Morning,” Harry replied sleepily and sat himself in one of the chairs.
Years ago they’d moved half the dining room into the kitchen since James or Sirius usually cooked and it was more fun to help than wait around.
This morning James made cinnamon buns. Harry grabbed three.
Remus was reading a newspaper, but he gave James a pointed look that James knew the meaning of from years of experience.
James cleared his throat and said, “Harry, I’m sorry about yesterday.”
Harry shrugged, refusing to make eye contact.
Remus huffed and stopped pretending to read, he gave Harry the same prompting look, “Harry?”
Harry rolled his eyes, “Fine. I accept your apology.”
They all waited for a moment but it didn’t look like Harry was going to admit he had any part of the blame.
“We can talk about this further, but in the meantime, Lucius and I are on a break.” Remus and Sirius both gave him withering looks.
Harry was quiet for a moment before saying with his mouth full, “Good.”
Sirius smacked him on the head.
“Hey!” Harry rounded on the more physical of his godfathers.
“Don’t you know an ‘out’ when you hear one? That was your chance to be a supportive and loving son,” Sirius hissed.
Harry grumbled into his cinnamon buns. Sirius gave James a helpless look.
“It’s fine, for now,” James relented. Anyway, he and Lucius had already decided the kids would always come first.
Sirius elbowed Harry in the side and stole one of the cinnamon buns off his plate out of spite, “Big babies only get two cinnamon buns.”
That day Harry Floo’d to the Burrow to see Ron and Hermione.
James looked up when Remus came into the sitting room, “Uh-oh,” he said weakly, “I sense a scolding.”
Remus gave him an unimpressed look, “I’m not going to scold you,” he took a seat on the sofa, “Are you and Lucius really on a break?”
“We’re… yeah. We don’t want to inflict this thing on the kids if they… well, since they’re…”
“I know why you’d think that, but I’m not sure that’s the answer.”
James frowned, “What do you mean?”
“Not to question your parenting-”
“Which you do all the time anyway.”
“-but since I spend a great deal more time with both Harry and Draco during the rest of the year, I think I’m within my rights to remind you that teenagers, especially the ones in question, will try and get their way in any situation. Giving in to their demands at every turn isn’t going to help maintain healthy boundaries.”
“I’m not exactly known for my vigilant healthy boundaries.”
Remus smirked, “I’m aware. But if you really want this relationship to work. You’re going to have to stop letting Harry dictate your every move.”
“But he’s my everything!” James said with obvious melodrama that he was hoping would cut the seriousness of this conversation.
Remus, as a man who worked with youth, wasn’t moved at all by James’ outburst. So James crossed his arms, in a near imitation of a pout. There was a time when James also always got his way. But these days Sirius and Remus weren’t such pushovers. Especially Remus, who could now face the mighty puppy-eyes at point blank and not move an inch.
“I think you’re using Harry as an excuse.”
James didn’t deny it. “I guess it’s nice to have a buffer.”
Remus sighed.
“I don’t understand why you aren’t telling me this is all moving too fast,” James said.
“You’ve always moved this fast. Faster even.”
“But after-” James swallowed, “After the Wormtail thing-”
“That was completely different. And you apparently seem to think you deserve all the blame. Sirius and I have just as much regrets as you do.”
James sort of doubted that but he allowed it.
Remus heaved a sigh, “One of these days, we’re all going to have to learn to leave the past in the past. You can’t keep refusing to heal. We have to move on eventually.”
James returned the sigh with one of his own, “You guys really like Lucius, huh?”
Remus rolled his eyes, “You really like him. And it is refreshing to see you with someone you can’t push around.”
This got a smile out of James, “He’s kind of an asshole, right?”
“He’s kind of the type who can stand up to you. Which is what you need. Now if you could stand up to your son-”
“I know, I know, but we decided Harry and Draco would come first. That’s the bottom line, Moony. Always.”
Remus nodded, “Fine. If this break is what you both want.”
“It’s not that we want it, it just seems like the most logical thing at the moment.”
“I suppose it would give the boys a little breathing room to mull over the situation.”
“Separately. Since we all know what happens when they only have each other to take it out on.”
Remus was silent for a beat before grinning, “I have an idea. I think I know how to make a ‘break’ not a ‘break’.”
James perked up, “Have I told you you were always my favourite?”
“I heard that!” Sirius yelled from the kitchen.
Lucius tried not to feel as pleased to see James as he felt. His mood was tempered however, when the first words out of James’ mouth were, “We’re still on a break. Harry isn’t budging.”
Lucius nodded. He hadn’t had any luck with Draco either. Lucius felt like a coward, but he was counting down the days before Draco went back to school and they didn’t have to be around each other, not talking, trying to pretend things were sort of normal when they clearly weren’t.
James sighed, he didn’t look happy, “It’s just for now,” he promised.
“Is that all you came here for?” Lucius said, choosing to look suddenly busy with paperwork.
“Oh, should I leave?” James asked, a hint of annoyance in his voice. James turned back toward the door but Lucius shut it with a wave of his wand.
James turned back to face him and Lucius pretended to still be busy and not at all like he’d quick-grabbed his wand out of its holder just to shut the door.
“That’s what I thought,” James smirked and Lucius didn’t have to look up to see it.
Lucius put his quill and wand aside. “Does this new arrangement between us include something in the likes of ‘benefits’?”
James snorted, “Don’t get excited, I’m not here for that.”
Lucius stopped himself from sighing dramatically.
“Did I ever mention I have the best friends in the world?” James was wearing the grin Lucius had already learned to be wary of.
James handed him a parcel. It was something wrapped in fabric and very light. “Be careful with it,” James instructed.
“What is it?” Lucius asked.
“Just something for when you get lonely.”
Lucius was suspicious, “What? A naked portrait?”
James laughed, the sound making his chest squeeze with pleasure.
James clearly wasn’t going to answer him, so Lucius said, “I’ve never been dumped this close to Christmas before.”
“Nobody got dumped,” James crossed his arms and leaned against the desk, “let’s just be at the mercy of our spoiled offspring until they go back to school.”
“I think certain circles might say we brought this on ourselves.”
James smirked, “I know I did. I have a son who doesn’t respect other people. He’s a constant reminder of me at 14.”
“Draco told me recently I don’t respect his opinions.”
James gave him a look Lucius didn’t like. “Well…” James said, clearly siding with Draco.
“I’ve always respected his opinion!” Lucius snapped.
James threw his hands up in self-defense. “I know you mean that, you’re just not always good at showing it.”
Lucius crossed his arms. He didn’t care if he looked like a child.
“How long did it take you to learn your own secretary’s name?” James pointed out.
Lucius bit the inside of his cheek. What did that have to do with this?
“And that thing you do with your hand,” James said, “When you want people to stop talking? It doesn’t exactly convey the message that you respect other people’s opinions.”
Lucius glared at his desk. “It doesn’t matter anyway. He hasn’t spoken to me in days.”
James sighed and walked around to him. He put his arms around Lucius’ shoulders, “I think all this is a sign we should be working on our relationships with our sons.”
“And with ourselves apparently.”
“Speak for yourself, I’m perfect.”
“Perfect pain in the arse maybe.”
After a lingering moment, Lucius shrugged James’ hands off his shoulders in favour of picking up his quill, “Can you leave now? Unless you’re willing to revisit the ‘benefits’ thing.”
James pressed a kiss to the top of his head, “Maybe some other time, we’re packing to spend the week at Molly’s.”
“And suddenly my family’s lonely holiday plans seem worlds better.”
James rolled his eyes as he headed for the door, “You don’t know what you’re missing. It’s an honour to be invited to the Weasleys’ you know. Big family gatherings are exciting!”
“Not when it’s my family. Ask Black, I’m sure he could give you some insight.”
James shuddered, “Point taken.”
Lucius fought the urge to follow James to the door. If he did, he wasn’t sure he’d let James leave.
“I’ll see you after the holidays,” Lucius said.
“Or sooner!” James chirped. He winked before he shut the door behind him.
On Christmas Eve, James and Harry finished packing their things and met everyone else at the Burrow. It had been their Christmas tradition for the past six years. Molly and Arthur took in people like some took in stray cats and dogs. For the first part of Harry’s life, Sirius, James, Remus, and Harry had their Christmases with just the four of them. But eventually they’d gotten bored with those relaxed holidays. It was far more fun to accept Molly’s week long invitation and spend the holidays playing Quidditch, baking, drinking, and letting the little ones do as they would. James and Remus had always wished they’d come from big families and according to Sirius, Christmas at the Burrow was almost fun enough to drown out the years and years of painful Christmas memories his own family had inflicted on him.
The kids had run off into the wild, leaving the adults to clean up after dinner.
James was washing the dishes with Molly when she asked, “Weren’t you seeing someone, dear?” James had no doubt she’d read all about it in the papers. She was just being polite by pretending she didn’t know every detail already.
James sighed, “The kids are… adjusting.”
Molly gave a sage nod before saying, “As I thought, Harry still has you wrapped around his finger.”
James frowned, “He has a right to weigh in.”
“Oh that boy would weigh in whether he had the right or not!”
“I just want him to be happy.”
“And what about you, dear?”
“I am happy.”
“Oh yes, glowing,” she said unconvincingly, “Harry flexes his powers over you because he can. And I know you love him more than anything, but nowhere does it say you must sacrifice your own happiness to be a good parent.”
“What if he really doesn’t like it? I can’t ask him to bear that.”
“Then don’t, dear. But don’t give this up without a little bit of fight. He’ll never learn better.”
James was silent for a while and Molly mistook it for something else, “Oh listen to me! You know I go on and on. I’m not telling you how to raise your boy, I just want to see you take that shot at happiness!” she pinched his cheek. Then she lowered her voice, “Even if that man’s a bit of a… well, let’s be polite.”
James laughed, “I’m not angry, Moll. I was just thinking how good it is for me to have you here. And you’re right, he is a bit of a… let’s not be polite.”
Molly kissed his cheek. “I’ll be here for you anytime, dear. I have a few boys of my own, you see.”
James grinned, “I had noticed that.”
“Where would I be if I let them believe they had any sway over me?”
James laughed, “And what do you really think of Lucius? Be honest. Don’t be polite.”
Molly’s lips turned up at the sides, “I think you like a bit of challenge. So don’t mind me, dear, don’t mind me at all.”
They finished the dishes and then went outside to watch the children play Quidditch. James knew he’d get roped onto a team eventually, but for now, he enjoyed the shrieks of laughter and easiness of just being surrounded by people he loved. There was really only one thing that would make this all completely perfect.
He sighed. Baby steps. Baby steps, Potter.
Christmas Eve had been progressing just fine until Draco asked the question Lucius had been dreading most.
“When is Aunt Bella coming?”
The words shook Lucius like an earthquake. He was able to calm himself enough to say, “Bellatrix won’t be coming… she wouldn’t want to spend Christmas with us.”
“You mean with you.”
He did mean that.
“What does that mean?” Draco asked, “We’ll be spending Christmas just the two of us?”
Lucius hadn’t thought of that as a bad thing. But on top of the vast amount of other things he had failed to consider before isolating their little family, he hadn’t thought about what this holiday was going to be like with no extended family to speak of.
“I suppose we will.”
The look Draco gave him was hard to process. He looked hurt and definitely angry.
Draco was shaking his head, “All your talk about family but you don’t care about that at all! You didn’t ask me what I thought before you decided to sacrifice everything our family stood for. But it doesn’t matter right? It’s only me, who cares what happens to me.”
His words pierced through Lucius like a sharp knife twisting all the way. He had wanted Draco to be honest with him and here it was.
It was true, he had done all this in the name of his son but he had never actually asked Draco what he wanted. Never asked what he thought of all of this. He had agonized over separating Draco from his mother’s sister, but in the end, he’d made that decision on his own.
For what felt like the tenth time, Draco gave his father a hard look before turning on his heel and fleeing back to his bedroom. Lucius listened as the door shut and the heavy lock clicked into place. Who knew when Draco would come back out again. This whole week Lucius had continued to make Draco angry one way or another. Was there no end to it?
Lucius wanted to hit his head against a wall. It felt like every time they got a step toward getting back on the right track, something happened to send them spiraling backward into a dark ditch miles from where he wanted them to be.
Lucius looked around him, the shadows on the walls seemed darker and deeper today. He tried not to think about how he would most likely be spending this Christmas completely alone.
Christmas was as painful as Lucius imagined it would be.
Lucius tried not to drink when he was depressed. He had vivid recollections of his father and how drink made him twisted and bitter. But since it was a special occasion, Lucius allowed himself two or three glasses of wine. Maybe it’d been four. Who cared, Draco hadn’t even come out of his room for Christmas breakfast, lunch or dinner. So Lucius had spent it with the House-elf.
Was this his life now?
Lucius spent Christmas day staring at the fire in the grate and hoping Draco would be at least curious enough about his presents to come downstairs.
He hadn’t noticed the arrival of evening until the House-elf lit the candles in the sitting room. Lucius wasn’t sure which he preferred, brooding in the complete dark or in the dim light cast by the small fire.
The sun set on Lucius’ most depressing Christmas yet. Even the first Christmas after Narcissa passed had been tolerable with Bella, Rudolphus, and their friends around. Even the worst Christmas, when he was ten and his father had started the annual screaming match early, hadn’t felt this lonely.
“Hey…”
And now Lucius was hallucinating. He could have sworn he’d heard a voice. He could have sworn he hadn’t drunk that much.
“Hey,” there it was again, “Are you there?”
It took Lucius a moment to realize it wasn’t in his head. It really was James’ voice and it was coming from the package James had given him. Lucius hadn’t opened it yet. He’d assumed it was a Christmas present.
He went to the mantel and undid the fabric fastenings.
He was completely baffled and also deeply glad to see James’ bespectacled face smiling up at him from the flat contents of the package.
“Happy Christmas,” James said.
“It’s past midnight,” Lucius pointed out.
“Then happy belated Christmas.”
Lucius stared at the mirror, holding it up in front of him. “What is this?” he asked.
James grinned that mischievous grin that made Lucius’ stomach flip. “Two-way mirror. Used to save me from boredom when I was a kid.”
Lucius was touched James had apparently thought this separation through.
James noticed Lucius’ inebriated state, “Are you… alone?”
“I’m not alone,” Lucius said, ignoring that his words were slightly slurred, “We’re just spending a quiet time together on opposite sides of the Manor.”
The look James gave him made him scowl, “I don’t need your pity, Potter.”
James sighed, “If I’d known, I would have invited you here.”
Lucius scoffed, “There? Please, this relationship is far too new to be inflicting that amount of pain on each other.”
James laughed, “Okay, fine.”
Lucius sighed, “Really, without Bella knocking things over and threatening everyone, it’s been quite peaceful. I should be enjoying this.”
“Do you want me to come over there?”
Lucius really, really did. “No, it’s fine.” He didn’t want Draco to find out. He didn’t think he could stand Draco hating him more than he already did.
“Okay,” James seemed to be getting comfortable, “Then tell me about your week.”
Lucius magicked his chair closer to the fire to get comfortable himself.
Lucius had fallen asleep in his chair, the two-way mirror set gently on the floor. He didn’t have quite the headache he’d been expecting from the sheer amount of wine he’d drunk, so his morning was looking good already.
He hadn’t really expected to see Draco today, so he was pleasantly surprised that he was waiting at the breakfast table.
“Good morning, Draco.”
Draco seemed to have expected a scolding, a confused look passed over his features before he bowed his head and replied, “Father.”
They ate half their meal in silence. But Lucius was spinning thought after thought in his head. He had never missed James quite so much as right now. James always seemed to know how to phrase the ideas in Lucius’ head. Lucius knew it was pathetic to not know how to talk to his own son, but he didn’t know where to start.
In the end, Lucius decided to take an ounce of courage from James’ metaphysical presence.
Lucius cleared his throat, “I do, in fact, value your opinion.”
The words seemed to unsettle Draco, he stared at Lucius as if he didn’t quite believe what he was saying.
Draco’s wide-eyed confusion made Lucius break into a sweat. Why was this so hard? Why had he never noticed just how desolate their relationship had grown? He’d deluded himself into thinking that exchanging pleasantries in a letter once a week was a suitable replacement for an actual relationship. And now they couldn’t even have a conversation. Lucius was, once again, reminded of his father and how there had never been healthy words between them. Lucius did not want that with his son.
“I’m,” Lucius choked on the words, “sorry to have made you think otherwise.”
Draco’s confused staring turned into near fear. It was like he didn’t recognize Lucius at all.
“Malfoys don’t apologize. You always said admitting weakness is deciding to be weak.”
The words burned like a red-hot brand. Lucius swallowed, “A lesson your esteemed grandfather taught me,” there was clear sarcasm in the word ‘esteemed’, “I’ve always resented him for it.”
Lucius had never admitted that out loud before. He swallowed, “The truth is, one cannot grow without making mistakes.” That was a lesson he wished he’d known sooner.
Lucius felt like a sailor lost at sea, but they had to start somewhere. Lucius would love to blame his father for all the shit in his life, for his inability to open himself up emotionally, his inability to speak frankly with his own flesh and blood, but he had to start taking responsibility for his own actions. These toxic cycles of thought had to end somewhere. It might as well be with him. That’s what he’d promised, wasn’t it? That’s the whole reason he wanted to exist separate from the Purebloodists.
He understood Draco’s frustration. He understood that he had raised Draco with certain beliefs only to crush those beliefs in front of the whole world without giving Draco a chance to understand why. So now he needed to try and be the kind of father he had always wished he was. It wasn’t going to happen without effort. And it absolutely wasn’t going to happen without Draco. They were all each other had now.
Draco continued to stare at him and Lucius could only imagine how strange his new found sense of purpose was to Draco. He tried to imagine how he might have acted if Abraxus had one day started supporting Muggleborn rights and telling Lucius to believe in himself. The thought made Lucius nearly snort with laughter. He’d have thought the old man lost his mind. Maybe that’s what Draco was thinking now.
Lucius didn’t know where to go from there so he said, “You must be hungry, there’s still plenty to eat.”
Draco seemed to shake himself out of whatever stupor he’d been in and turned his attention to his food. But he kept sneaking glances at Lucius as he did.
After breakfast, they went to the sitting room where there were still presents piled high near the large bay window.
Lucius could tell Draco was straining to give the appearance of self-control when he wanted nothing more than to tear open everything immediately.
Lucius made himself comfortable in a chair before motioning to Draco, “Well?”
Draco’s eyes shone bright as he grabbed the present nearest him.
He tore the sleek black wrapping off. It was an expensive stationary set. Lucius swallowed, Draco’s words from before echoing in his head. Shall I write it in a letter, like you’d prefer?
“Ah,” Lucius said, when Draco looked over at him with a stunned expression. “I could take that one back.”
“No,” Draco clutched it to his chest, “I didn’t mean what I said before.”
“I could write you less frequently, if you’d like,” Lucius said softly.
Draco shook his head, “The frequency is fine.” Draco got up to retrieve a box from near the mantle. “This is for you.”
Lucius opened it slowly and placed the lid of the box to the side. It was an expertly handcrafted quill made of obsidian feather and gold. “Thank you, Draco,” he said quietly. It was really very beautiful.
Draco gave him a smile that Lucius hadn’t seen in far, far too long before he dove back into his presents with renewed vigour.
He watched as the stiffness melted from Draco’s shoulders. For the first time since Draco had been home, the tension in the air was almost nonexistent.
Time passed pleasantly with plenty of food and presents at the Burrow. James still wasn’t sure how to break the news to Harry that he was going to try this thing with Lucius. Everything he considered saying seemed like it would only make things worse, so he left it alone for now. The ever-present Sirius/Remus voice in his head told him he was being a coward, but he didn’t want to ruin the holidays by fighting with his opinionated teenage son.
It was finally New Year’s and they’d rung in the New Year with their wands in the air, sending sparks and fire into the sky. Molly’s twins had gotten really good at fireworks, so they enjoyed that until late in the evening. James was glad to see Harry’s friends Ron and Hermione were a little more level-headed than him. Hermione could control their trio when she had to and while Ron didn’t exactly question Harry’s decisions, he never really went along blindly either. James thought they were probably good counterbalances for Harry.
Shortly after the New Year’s celebrations, everyone drifted off to bed or broke into smaller groups to continue games or conversations. James excused himself from Sirius’ drunk affection and tried to be subtle in putting on his shoes by the door.
“Where are you going?”
James jumped at Harry’s voice coming unexpectedly from behind him. He still had one shoe in his hand.
He stood up straight and gave Harry a grin. “Out for a jog?”
Harry was standing on the last step of the stairs, he gave James a sour look in return. He crossed his arms. “I’m going too. Wherever it is you’re really going.”
James looked amused. “I have a feeling you wouldn’t want to anyway. Why don’t you go back and play?”
Harry stepped down from the stairs and stood in front of his dad, “Where are you going?”
James knew that look and Harry wasn’t going to let this go. He rolled his eyes, “Malfoy Manor.”
Harry blinked rapidly for a couple seconds before demanding, “Why?”
James didn’t have a well-thought-out answer and he wasn’t going to lie to Harry. He shrugged, “It’s New Year’s.”
Harry scowled, “It’s one in the morning. New Year’s is over.”
“I’ll be back soon, okay?”
“I’ll tell Sirius,” was the brilliance Harry came up with.
James laughed, “You think he’ll side with you?”
“It’s the holidays,” Harry didn’t seem to care that his tone was bordering on a whine, “you can’t just leave. New Year’s is for family.”
“It’s one in the morning, New Year’s is over,” James reminded him.
“I’m your son, you should be spending the first day of the New Year with me.” Harry let his bottom lip wobble and blinked his long lashes. He knew his dad was powerless against the look.
James sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Fine,” he said and he watched as Harry tried to stop himself from looking too happy.
“Come with me,” James said and Harry’s mouth fell open.
Harry stared and James said impatiently, “Hurry up, grab your shoes.”
“Go? To Malfoy Manor?”
James reached out a hand to open the door, “Are you coming or not?”
When Lucius opened the door, his face was a mix of confusion and shock.
“Take down the wards,” James said happily.
Lucius stared, “What are you doing here?”
“New Years, of course.”
Lucius was at a loss, “It’s nearly two o’clock in the morning and-”
“It’s barely over.”
Lucius wanted to ignore the fluttering in his chest at James’ sure grin. It was harder to ignore the way Harry was glaring at him from over his father’s shoulder.
James made a face, “Come on, take down these Pureblood paranoia traps.”
Lucius raised an eyebrow, “Paranoia? I was related to Bellatrix Lestrange for 19 years.”
James blinked, “What I meant to say was, take down these perfectly reasonable life preservers.”
Lucius rolled his eyes and the wards fell with a wave of his hand.
“Um, welcome,” he said to Harry who only briefly looked at him before moving his gaze to his surroundings, effectively ignoring Lucius.
“Don’t mind him,” James said, “He should be in bed, he’s a little grouchy.”
“Dad!” Harry growled but James just stuck his tongue out at him.
James was a bit nervous as they entered the Manor. Harry was already looking around like he couldn’t wait to touch everything.
Lucius always looked like he was going somewhere important. “Don’t tell me that’s what you wear during the holidays?”
Lucius quirked an eyebrow, “This is perfectly appropriate casual wear.”
James grinned, “Well lucky for you, I have enough jumpers to go around.”
Lucius made a face like he’d drunk spoiled milk, “If you dare try to put one of those on me-”
Drawn by the voices, Draco appeared at the top of the stairs. Both James and Lucius tensed as Harry acknowledged him, but there didn’t seem to be any impending fist fights tonight so they collectively breathed a sigh of relief.
Things were tense at first, but eventually James managed to talk both Draco and Harry into exploding snap and they played until the boys got really competitive and Lucius whisked the cards away before it got worse.
Watching Harry and James together was like watching a comedy duo. Lucius had no idea how to feel about it. They pushed and pulled each other and made jokes constantly about the other. It was an easiness that was completely foreign to Lucius. He couldn’t imagine trying to humiliate Draco just to make someone else laugh. But James seemed to delight in telling Lucius and Draco all Harry’s embarrassing habits until Harry got angry and jinxed James’ trousers and singed his hair.
Lucius looked to Draco to try and gauge his reaction. He was watching the two Potters just as closely. When Harry got particularly annoyed at James revealing Harry had been afraid of ghosts until he was seven, Lucius saw Draco hide a laugh behind a cough. Harry glowered at him but before he could give a reaction, James pulled him into a fierce bear hug disabling any forth-coming hexes.
It was nearly four when James yawned, “I’m sorry, we stayed so late,” he nudged Harry, “It’s way past your bedtime.”
Harry glared, “I don’t have a bedtime.”
James stifled another yawn, “Right. You want to stay here, then?”
“No!” Harry was too tired to keep the desperate whine from his voice.
“Let’s go,” James said and the two Potters made their way to the front door.
Harry bounced down the steps to the garden, apparently shaking off sleep as easily as his father seemed to. James stopped at the door and turned to face Lucius.
“Thank you for coming,” Lucius said softly.
“Any time,” James said, just as softly.
James made a move like he was going to kiss him, but then thought better of it. “We’re still on a break, right?”
Lucius made a face, before allowing his gaze to drift over to Draco watching them from the staircase. “Yes.”
James sighed, “Okay. I’ll see you soon.”
Lucius nodded and tried not to look disappointed.
James glanced quickly to Harry to ensure he wasn’t listening, but the boy seemed to have made it his mission to ignore them, bending over a rail to tease one of the garden plants. “As soon as the Hogwarts Express pulls away, break’s over.”
Lucius fought hard against a smile, “Okay,” he agreed.
James winked at him and Lucius watched as James wrapped an arm around Harry, pulling him away just before he was about to get bit by a Venus Flytrap, and they Apparated away.
Lucius turned back inside, closing the door. Draco was sitting on the bottom step of the staircase. Lucius fought every instinct in his body that told him to circumvent the need for Draco to make any remarks. He wondered if this panicked feeling would fade with time.
Draco crossed him arms and made a face that Lucius knew well, it was the face he made when he didn’t like something. Lucius tried to steel himself.
“I’m going to bed,” Draco announced instead and Lucius tried not to feel so relieved. He wasn’t in the mood for another argument.
“Of course, sleep well.”
“Good night.”
“Good night, Draco.”
Draco gave him a curt nod and disappeared up the stairs. It was the first time since he’d been home that he’d wished Lucius a good night. And it was the first time during this whole Winter Break that Lucius allowed himself to feel hopeful.
The next week flew by and then it was already time for Draco to head back to school.
It was upsetting to see how reluctant Draco was to return to school when he had always looked forward to seeing his friends before. But according to Draco, he now didn’t have any friends and Lucius was still lost as to how to fix what he’d caused.
“I’ll write,” Lucius promised as they said their goodbyes at the platform. Lucius kept telling himself that Draco would be fine. He’d be fine.
Draco nodded and Lucius recognized, with a pang, the fake haughty expression Draco was wearing. Trying to look to the world as if he didn’t care what they thought when he desperately did. Lucius could feel the stares of the other parents as well. All of them silently judging the pair of them. The Purists who thought they were traitors and the others who just plain didn’t trust them.
Lucius placed a hand on Draco’s shoulder, it was the closest thing to a hug that existed between them.
Draco stepped onto the train without looking back and Lucius tried to quell the aching in his heart as he watched the train disappear. His only son, friendless and alone, heading into the fray with nothing to defend himself with and it was all Lucius’ fault.
The next Friday was a welcome distraction from the overwhelming guilt that seemed to be Lucius’ whole life now. Lucius was again invited to dine with James and his friends. Afterwards, Lucius was invited to Grimmauld Place for the first time. Lupin had given him a pained sort of look when he’d accepted.
Three hours later and six episodes of Be Still My Aching Heart, Lucius felt like maybe Lupin had been trying to warn him.
“I don’t understand,” Lucius said for the fifth time, “If the characters just talked to one another about their feelings-”
“No, no, no,” James and Black said at the same time.
“It would defeat the whole point!” James said.
“It would be boring!” Black said.
Lucius stared at them, “You don’t find the constant miscommunication frustrating?”
Lupin groaned, “There’s no point trying to argue with logic. Do you know how often I’ve had to listen to re-tellings of characters’ lives I don’t know or care about?”
Black pretended to cry into James’ shoulder, “Moony, how could you! I thought you loved my updates.”
James hugged Black, “Leave him,” James said dramatically, “We’ll run away and be together forever.”
Black blinked brightly up at him, “Do you mean it?” he asked, his voice quivering.
Lucius was vaguely aware that this was some sort of reenactment of the drama they had just watched. James and Black seemed lost in a world of their own. Lucius looked over at Lupin who was rolling his eyes. “It’s best to just let them wallow,” Lupin said.
James and Black were now ignoring Lucius and Lupin completely, making their fake plans for their fake elopement getaway.
“What do you usually do when they’re like this?” Lucius asked.
“Anything else,” Lupin said, “I don’t usually come back here Friday nights, but I thought I better be here this time. I took the night off so you wouldn’t be alone.”
Lucius shuddered to think of what he would have had to endure alone, “I… deeply appreciate that.”
They glanced over to where James and Black were still crying into each other’s arms.
“Would you like some tea?” Lupin offered, a clear offer of escape.
“Yes,” Lucius said and gratefully followed Lupin out of the room.
Lupin made them a pot of tea and they sat across from each other in the kitchen. Lucius had never seen a kitchen with a dining table inside it before. Then again, he didn’t spend a lot of time in kitchens.
Alone with him, Lucius couldn’t help thinking of all the ways he had tried to make Lupin’s life hard and here the other man was making him a pot of tea and saving him from whatever madness had consumed James and Black.
“I never apologized…” Lucius hesitated, “For everything I said against you when you started teaching at Hogwarts. So I-” despite his bravado, it was still hard to admit his mistakes, but he was determined to be a better man. If not for his own sake, than for Draco’s, “I am sorry.”
“I appreciate your apology,” Lupin said kindly, “I hope by now you understand that my condition is completely under control.”
Lucius nodded, “Yes.” It was difficult to face his previous ignorance, but necessary none-the-less. Back then, he had never given thought to whether the things he said about Lupin, and people like him, were true or not. He hadn’t cared to know the truth, he’d just wanted his time in the limelight. He hadn’t thought those things would haunt him.
“I owe you an apology of my own,” Lupin said and Lucius raised an eyebrow in confusion.
Lupin sighed, “I have at least a third of the responsibility in Harry’s behaviour.”
“From what Draco’s told me, you, Snape, and McGonagall are the only teachers who don’t let him get away with bad behaviour.”
“I still waited too long to start. I should have curbed his attitude immediately, but I resented Sirius and James making me the disciplinarian.” Lupin stared into his cup. “I know this past little while has been hard on Draco,” Lupin continued softly, “I look out for him when I can. When I don’t think he’ll notice. I don’t want him to think I’m pitying him.”
Lucius was surprised at how touched he felt. It assuaged some of the guilt of imagining Draco completely alone. He was also immeasurably grateful at how Lupin seemed to know Draco well.
“His peers haven’t been… kind,” Lupin said, “about the changes you’re trying to make. Even the children of parents who support you have taken the low-road I’m afraid.”
Lucius felt the familiar shame and anxiousness as he was reminded he had changed Draco’s whole life without a second thought.
“But even so,” Lupin continued, “Draco is smart and capable. He’ll need to make his own decisions about how he fits into the changes you’re making, but I have every confidence he’ll do what he feels is right.”
“Thank you,” Lucius was relieved and suddenly aware of how much he’d missed talking to another person about Draco. After Narcissa and after Bella, there was no one he was comfortable discussing his son with. He never wanted to bother James with his worries because James had his own problems. Sometimes he’d talk to Emma, but she had no interest in children and a short attention span. Still, as grateful as he was for Lupin’s insight, he felt envious of James’ support network. Of all three of Harry’s father figures who seemed to want nothing but his happiness. Meanwhile, Draco only had… him. But now maybe a couple teachers with his best interests at heart too.
Lucius still had trouble putting his feelings into words, but he swallowed his pride and said, “That means a lot to me.”
On Monday afternoon, there was a memo on Lucius’ desk. The stationary was one he had never seen before, it was from the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Department.
It was a request for Lucius to sit in on a meeting. He was baffled, what business would he have there? Still, a work order was a work order.
He found his way to the other department in time for the meeting. But the office was quiet, everyone apparently gone home for the day.
Lucius held the memo in his hand as he looked around. There was no mistake, the memo clearly said 5:36 in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Department.
There was a crash from one of the rooms off to the side and a few seconds later a face with dark smears across it and a shock of vivid red hair atop his head, peered out of the room.
“Malfoy!” Weasley said cheerfully, “You’re here!”
Lucius was quite sure he had never given Arthur Weasley a reason to greet him so cheerfully.
“Where are the others?” Lucius asked.
Weasley gave him a confused look, “They went home, of course. It’s well past five.”
Lucius looked down at the memo, “I see…”
“Oh!” Weasley practically fell out of his office and closed the door behind him, “That wasn’t for work. It’s personal.”
Lucius gave him an unimpressed look, “In that case, I need to get back to work.”
Lucius turned to leave but Weasley threw himself in Lucius’ way, “Hear me out.”
Lucius set his face in a stern look, but let Weasley stop him.
Weasley seemed somehow unprepared for whatever this was, despite him being the one who had brought Lucius here.
“Okay,” he said, drawing himself up to his full height, which was still a couple inches shorter than Lucius, “We’re putting together a committee, no, a society and we would like you to be part of it.”
Lucius frowned.
“The New Traditionalists,” Weasley elaborated, mistaking Lucius’ displeasure for confusion.
Lucius stared. He was at a loss for words, so Weasley continued, “We’d like you to be our Head.”
Lucius made up his mind in an instant, “Find someone else.”
Weasley huffed, “I wasn’t exactly on board with it either, but my fellow New Traditionalists made a few fair points. We need someone like you. A handful of us have been trying to do for years what you did in a day. And what you said was particularly inspiring. We need someone with your influence and… uh… eloquence.”
Weasley and his ilk were Muggle fanatics. They’d always been in favour of Muggle education but had always been somewhat sloppy about organizing around it. Weasley himself tended to ramble on in hearings. Lucius could see they needed help. But that didn’t mean he was the one to do it.
“I did nothing,” Lucius said, “Merely spoke my mind.”
“And halved the Pureblood Society in an instance! Do you know how amazing that is?”
“The Pureblood Society has been around for a millennium, my leaving them isn’t going to affect them in the long run.”
“The Pureblood Society are a bunch of bullies and you know it. They’re manipulative and selfish and now everyone knows it.”
Lucius shook his head, “Whatever they are, I’m no longer associated with them and I’m not looking to throw my name on any new societies.” He didn’t expect Weasley to understand. Lucius had ambitions far higher than him. He had to maintain at least the facade of neutrality. His personal views had been made public, but he didn’t need to cement them by putting his name next to Weasley’s. If he wanted to move up in the Ministry, taking a position like Weasley was offering might hurt his chances.
Also, he couldn’t help but think people like Weasley needed to use Lucius to get what they wanted and Lucius was sick of being a pawn.
“You know,” Weasley interrupted his thoughts, “I was sort of hoping with this New Traditionalist thing and with your relationship with James, we could finally see eye-to-eye.”
Lucius narrowed his eyes, “Is that what you thought?”
“James means a great deal to me. I don’t think you can blame me for being concerned about where your loyalties lie.”
Lucius knew a veiled threat when he heard one.
Lucius was aware Arthur Weasley was one of James’ oldest friends and even though Lucius was certain his relationship couldn’t be seriously threatened this way, he wasn’t one hundred percent on that. If this was a proper threat, he was actually impressed Weasley had it in him.
“I’ll think about it,” he decided on the kindest option for both of them.
“That’s all I’m asking.”
Lucius walked around him and left the department.
The week didn’t look like it was going to get better when Lucius came in the next day to find both Emma and Lucinda Talkalot in his office. If they were both coming to him, it couldn’t possibly be good.
Talkalot crossed her long legs in front of her while Lucius took his seat behind the desk. “If you plan to use the spotlight for anything other than boosting your own ego, now would be the time.”
“Did either of you have ideas or are you just here to annoy me with opinions I didn’t ask for?”
Talkalot rolled her eyes and addressed her wife, “Merlin, why do you put up with him?”
Emma gave Lucius a look, “We’re trying to help you. What you need to do is write a letter announcing you’re interested in taking over as Department Head of Magical Education.”
Lucius stared. “What happened to Faust?”
Emma and Talkalot exchanged a look. “Nothing, yet.”
Lucius was still waiting for an explanation. Emma looked serious as she said to him, “We were scrying the other night,” right, psychics, Lucius had almost forgotten, “and Foust is on a time crunch. Everything indicates we’re going to be looking for a new Head in mere days.”
Lucius felt a chill. This sounded like a dream come true. Why was he scared?
“The Minister appoints Department Heads,” Lucius reminded them, it wasn’t an elected position.
“Yes, which is why we need to make it clear that you’re the only logical choice. If we let the press get a whiff of this, they’ll triple your chances.”
This was so soon. And it was far higher than Lucius had been planning to reach right now. Going straight to the top? It seemed like such a leap. He had planned to worm his way into an advising position before taking over in maybe ten years or so. But he hadn’t accounted for a pair of meddling psychics. Were his chances really that good?
“This is perfect,” Talkalot explained, “Because of the speech in December, your supporters far outweigh your denouncers. If we can sway the majority of those people still in the middle, you’re practically guaranteed the position. Your newfound love of Muggles makes the Minister nervous, but with the right amount of social pressure-”
“And if we promise to vote him out next election if he doesn’t do what’s right-”
“You’re practically a shoe-in.”
“All you need to do is come off a little more center in the public. Enough to get the Minister to feel a little secure.”
Not for the first time, Lucius questioned his own sanity in publicly severing his ties to the Pureblood Society and standing up for Muggleborn rights. If he had just kept those things to himself, he wouldn’t have to backtrack now. He couldn’t help but imagine his father looking down on him now with that smug ‘I told you’ expression.
“Start talking to the press again,” Talkalot said, “They’re already dying to talk to you, it’s perfect. Tell them that you believe you did the right thing after putting in much thought and deliberation. Tell them that you always put that much thought into all your decisions. That’s a quality fitting of a Department Head.”
“It’s important,” Emma added, “That you try and win back some of the Pureblood membership. Without coming off as a hypocrite. Remind them of where you came from, that you are every bit still their ‘family’ as you’ve ever been. It won’t sway the Extremists, but we can’t afford to focus on them anyway. Besides, their influence isn’t that strong.”
So many thoughts were swirling in his head like a tornado. But as frightening as these new possibilities were, he had always been an opportunist and this was an opportunity he didn’t want to miss. And if he won this position, maybe Draco would forgive him. Maybe they could start building their family’s influence again. Maybe being a Malfoy didn’t have to be as depressing as this past Christmas was.
“I’ll have my drafted proposal to you by the end of the day.”
Lucius was buzzing with energy when he got home to the Manor. There were so many things he needed to do and he only had days to do it. The psychic pair hadn’t told him exactly what was going to happen to Faust but they’d never been wrong before.
Lucius now needed to draft his case to the Minister, plan a press release, reach out to any high ranking supporters or potential supporters he had, contact Draco so he wasn’t left in the dark again, and buy a whole new wardrobe. Something that a Department Head would wear.
“Wow, you look pleased,” James’ voice drifted over to him.
Lucius turned to find him laying on one of the drawing room sofas. The first thing they’d done once the children were back to school was connect to each other’s Floo Network. Now James could be here whenever he wanted. Theoretically Lucius could also be in James’ place too, but… well, Lucius hadn’t quite worked up the courage to purposefully meander into a mostly Muggle neighbourhood.
Lucius told James the events of the day in a single breath. It barely felt real even as Lucius was saying it. James watched him with wide eyes.
“That’s your dream job,” James said, a grin forming on his lips, “That’s amazing. How do you know Faust is going to step down?”
Lucius wasn’t sure if Emma and Talkalot would like their secret being shared so he said, “Reliable sources.”
James gave him a curious look but didn’t pry. “Is that why you turned down Arthur’s offer?”
Lucius wondered when they would have this conversation. At least with this news, he could pretend that this was the plan all along and not admit that he just didn’t feel comfortable hanging out with a rabid Muggle fanatic in a professional capacity.
“Yes.”
“What does this mean? What do you have to do? More press releases?”
“That’s part of it, yes. Mostly I need to gain supporters. If I can cultivate a more or less neutral image for the time being-”
James’ face fell, “Neutral?”
“Between the Purebloodists and Muggleborns, yes.”
“You know neutrality is never actually neutral? It’s just a thing people say when they’re unaffected by reality. When they can afford to ignore the things that are happening around them.”
“You and I both know that I’m less than neutral. But the people-”
“The people aren’t idiots. Why lie to them?”
“It’s not lying,” Lucius should have known better than to try and explain this to a Gryffindor. “It’s a strategy.”
“Being or pretending to be neutral only ever helps the people in power stay in power.”
“Exactly. If the higher-ups believe they can influence me, it’s easier to influence them.”
James didn’t appear to like this explanation any better than he liked the other one. “Being neutral is for deciding between unimportant things like coffee or tea. Not for basing a leadership system on. You’re either for equal rights or you’re not.”
Lucius wasn’t surprised that James didn’t have a mind for politics. “A simplistic view to a very complex problem. The world already knows my views on Muggle Education. That’s not going to change. But it would be truly foolish to ignore the chance to sway anyone in the middle to my side.”
“By not being upfront about what you believe?”
“By giving them a canvas on which to write their own ideas for the future of Magical Education.”
“Or at least tricking them into thinking so.”
“I have every intention of listening to all concerns of my supporters.”
“Even the Extremists?”
“Yes.”
“If you treat the Extremists like their opinions are valid, you’ll be legitimizing them and they’ll use that to recruit more misguided people.”
It was rather obvious that Lucius and James had very different ways of wanting to fight the upcoming battles. James was the kind of person to push and push. And something like that might work for the Muggle Education Committee. But Lucius was used to dealing in the dark. He was used to using people and letting the right people use him.
“We have to play their games with their rules. The things we’re trying to do won’t happen over night. And they won’t happen at all if we don’t have the right people on board.”
“And what if ‘the right people’ aren’t people you should want to work with?”
Lucius fixed him with a look, “Think about how long it took your Muggle Education Committee to make any leeway. It could have happened a lot sooner if you’d had the right people in the right positions in the first place.”
“We’re not going to sell our souls just to get in the door!”
“You should never sell your soul right away anyway. At least make them work for it. Raise the prices. Start a bidding war. Get your due.”
James tilted his head, “Is this an actual debate or are you messing with me?”
Lucius looked him in the eye, “I find your efforts in everything you’ve done valiant. But if I hadn’t caused as much of a fuss as I did, your proclamation would have gotten lost under all the other messes the Ministry has to deal with on a daily basis.”
“So it’s all you is it? That’s who to thank for people finally doing the right thing?”
Lucius huffed, “That’s not what I meant, but don’t you think there’s a reason the Pureblood Society has remained in power for so long? They know who to talk to, who to bribe, who to ignore. You have to play their way. And that’s what I intend to do. Use their own system against them.”
There was no use in denying it. Lucius announcing his departure from the Purebloodists had forced the Education Department into a formal vote and James had to know that they wouldn’t have won if the New Traditionalists Lucius had created hadn’t been so front and center.
James ran a hand over his face, “I’m too tired to argue about this right now.”
Lucius held his tongue when he wanted to retort you started it!
James sighed, “You know I think you’ll be brilliant. I just hope working so closely with those monsters doesn’t turn you into one.”
Monsters was an apt word for the big wigs at the Ministry. It was all bloodshed and dirty dealings at that level. Lucius wisely decided against telling James that he was actually looking forward to it.
Before leaving for the office the next Monday, Lucius received an owl from Emma. It simply read, “Ready. Set. Go.”
Lucius arrived at the Ministry front doors and was immediately swarmed by reporters and cameras. He grinned secretly to himself. Faust had announced his sudden retirement late the previous evening and Emma had had the good insight to send Lucius’ letter vying for the position early the next morning before anyone else even had a full five hours to consider the situation. As expected, the press were ravenous.
Immediately the questions started, “Mister Malfoy, what do you have to say about dating a Blood Traitor?”
Ah, the annoying questions right out of the gate. He let the calm, aloof facade take over. He’d had years of carefully hiding his emotions bred into him and practice throughout his entire life. He could do this in his sleep.
“Who I’ve decided to take as a lover has nothing to do with my sincere interest in Magical Education. I have always been an avid supporter of better education for our children and that hasn’t changed.”
“Are you a Blood Traitor?”
“I don’t believe I am. There are those who have elected to spun their heritage. But as always, I am a proud Pureblood.”
“Are you a New Traditionalist?”
“That’s a name created by a group of excited supporters. I appreciate their support but I do not claim to be one of them. I am simply part of a large population who have never been satisfied with past alternatives.We have continually been made to choose between our families and our hearts. We’ve been bullied, bribed, and beaten into accepting truths we’ve never seen for ourselves,” Lucius could feel his old self flooding back, the confidence, the pride, “In the past, our only alternative has been to become social pariahs, outcasts, and refugees. But I will not be pushed out of my own community, my own world due to fear and ignorance,” he moved ever so slightly so the cameras could catch his most flattering angle.
“My dedication to Magical Education is absolute. I intend to listen to the concerns of all community members and make decisions that will satisfy all people.”
There was a flurry of lights and Lucius could see quills working overtime to catch all his words. He answered more questions with a smile on his face. It would be at least an hour before any other Department Head hopeful could call together a press conference. By then Lucius’ words would already be printed in the morning’s paper. The others would have to wait for the next daily. Though it was, of course, no guarantee of victory, Lucius always felt much better when he was miles ahead of his opponents.
Early Tuesday morning, Lucius flicked on the lights in his office and his heart jumped in his chest when he saw the back of a familiar head seated in one of his dark green guest chairs. For a second he thought about slamming the door and calling an Auror, but she didn’t even move as he entered. She’d been waiting for him in the dark.
After a few seconds of silence when she didn’t jump up and scream Crucio, he decided to wait and see what she wanted.
“Hello, Bella,” he walked slowly to his desk. He placed his briefcase on top of it, wanting it in arms reach in case he needed to defend himself. Through strict conditioning, he didn’t allow his voice to shake.
“Hello, Luci,” she replied and there was something about the way she said it that made his blood run cold. “I suppose congratulations are in order?” Her voice was eerily calm. And he realized that was what made his skin feel like trembling. She was usually yelling or screaming or laughing. She was never calm, never even slightly composed.
Lucius didn’t know what to say. He wanted her to get whatever she’d come for and leave.
She shifted in her chair and Lucius clutched his wand under his robes.
She crossed her legs slowly, one over the other, “I’ve come to offer you something you need.”
Lucius stiffened, “Which is?”
“Forgiveness.”
Lucius swallowed.
“We’ve had a vote and the Pureblood Society has voted to give you a chance at redemption.”
Lucius’ knuckles were white clutching his briefcase, “Redemption?”
“If you truly want to be the Head of Magical Education, you need us.”
“Do I?” Lucius found it was much easier to assess threats if you only asked questions and gave nothing away.
“Of course,” she said softly, “And we’re willing to support you. If you admit what you already know.”
She didn’t wait for Lucius to ask.
“You know you aren’t one of them.” She could only mean the New Traditionalists.
She shifted in her chair but this time Lucius didn’t go for his wand.
“I know I can be-” Bella hesitated, “harsh,” The word she didn’t say was extreme. “I know you didn’t always approve of my methods or ideas,” that was an understatement, “but I was always clear about what is most important to me.”
She stood up slowly. Her movements, usually disjointed and wild, were almost elegant.
“Family.”
Lucius didn’t flinch when she approached his desk and placed her palm on it. “And you are still my family.”
“Am I?” Lucius tried to control his tone, “For all the loyalty you demand, you haven’t shown an ounce of it for me.”
Bella clicked her tongue, “I was angry.”
“You’re still angry.”
“I’m…” she sighed, “disappointed.”
“I don’t care what you are. I’m not going to change my mind. I’m not going back to the Pureblood Society or any other… group you may have joined.” There had been rumours. A New Extremism to mirror the New Traditionalists.
Bella crossed her arms and it often took much less than this to set her off. Lucius was impressed at her newly discovered patience.
“Do you know who you are?” she asked, casually as if she hadn’t heard his accusation.
Lucius kept himself from rolling his eyes, but she must have sensed it anyway because she said with renewed vigour, “You are the son of Abraxus Malfoy who was the son of Septimus Malfoy who was the son of-”
“You’re not here to recite my family tree, Bella. I know it by heart.”
“These are facts. As you’ve said, these are the things that don’t change with your political infidelity,” she gave him a level look, it was uncharacteristically lucid, “These people you’re aligning yourself with,” she said slowly, “the ones you’ve thrown your family away for. They’re using you. You’re a tool to them and as soon as you’ve outlived your usefulness, they’ll forget all about you. You’d have to be blind not to see that.”
He’d suspected as much during his conversation with Weasley. They all wanted to use his name, his money, his status, his influence and Lucius wasn’t sure where that ended. But that came from both sides.
She continued, “I know this because they’ll look at your history, at your family and they’ll see what I already do. That you’re not one of them,” she paused and Lucius felt the way her words washed over him, “You’ll always be one of us. And that includes the parts you act so ashamed of.”
Lucius didn’t like this new Bellatrix. If she had come here to fling curses, he could have defended himself, but instead she was talking some kind of sense. Instead she was digging into his deepest insecurities as if she had used Legilimency. At least she’d left the biggest one alone. The uncomfortable thought that maybe James was just using him too.
“So when you’re ready to stop running from who you are,” she said softly, “We’ll be waiting.” And with that, she left, pulling the door closed behind her.
Lucius stared at the door until it clicked shut, her words resounding in his head like a pounding headache. There’d been so many unsaid threats, he didn’t know where to start. Was she or was she not going to murder him? Then he glanced down at his desk where there was a dried and pressed narcissus delicately folded in some parchment paper.
Lucius’ rivals were announced in the next morning’s newspaper, just on time. A handful of unremarkables with the exception of Aris Avery the Second. A member of the Pureblood Society with considerable influence. He was the only one Lucius was worried about. They’d been briefly in school together, as well as on several Pureblood Boards. He was charming, well-educated, and well-spoken. He also had the advantage of having never been in the papers (that had always been Lucius’ job) so he was free to craft his image as he liked.
As expected, the next day’s press brought considerable damage to Lucius’ bid for Department Head. The press had dug up all sorts of nasty things he’d said in the past, calling him a hypocrite, the Weekly Cauldron was first in line to smear Lucius’ name as much as possible.
“Don’t panic,” Talkalot had told him a full day before they anticipated this, “Answer every question with as much honesty as you can muster. Your geniality is what’s going to win this. Avery’s a cookiecutter Pureblood. A pawn. Everyone knows it. Just keep your calm and remind everyone that your past is what makes you the most qualified.”
Ambushed on his way to work again, Lucius calmly told the press, “The capacity to change and grow is at the heart of Education morale. Instead of trying to hide my checkered past, I welcome everyone to peruse it at their leisure. It is the story of a narrow-minded, brainwashed young man who couldn’t see the bigger picture. But as to my opinions of those matters here and now, I’ll ask that you direct all your questions to the current me.”
Talkalot flashed him a thumbs up as he passed her in the Ministry halls that day and it calmed him to know that she’d been satisfied with his response.
During each bout of questioning, he walked the fine line between sides. His rivals had hard stances on a lot of things but Lucius played the field. He understood what only a few of his rivals did. That the decision wasn’t up to the ‘people’ so much as it was up to the Minister and whatever the man thought, there was no way he was going to risk public approval by hiring a Muggle fanatic or a Purebloodist. He’d go with someone in the middle, there was just no other choice. Lucius felt very good about his chances.
James had been fairly quiet on the matter for the past week. They hadn’t argued about anything in at least nine days. That, in itself, should have been a warning sign.
Lucius was due at a press conference Friday afternoon in the Ministry Atrium. The four leading candidates were invited to attend. Lucius had tirelessly answered all of Talkalot’s harassing owls, asking him really complicated and inflammatory questions so that he could prepare himself and give answers that were open to interpretation.
Lucius took his place on the dais at the front of the atrium. He noticed James in the back of the crowd. He felt a flush of pleasure. He had pointedly not asked James for his public support, not wanting to pressure him, so Lucius was pleased when James asked if he could tag along today.
It was a boring press conference where everything progressed more or less rigidly. Lucius carefully didn’t smirk at the other candidates who were fighting to keep their eyes open. Lucius had had plenty of practice in this arena. The most boring of proceedings couldn’t get a yawn out of him. He remained deceptively attentive.
As the conference rolled slowly to a close, there was a scream somewhere near the back of the atrium and suddenly water was gushing from one of the elegant waterfalls off to the side. It was quickly turning the room into a small lake. It took Lucius only a couple of seconds to come to the correct conclusion.
The press conference ended abruptly as people ran to and fro. Lucius squeezed his eyes shut in annoyance before taking a short breath and making his way to his ill-behaved date.
He gave James a look that he expected would prompt a guilty expression in return, but James only smirked, guilt completely absent. He was proud of covertly transfiguring Ministry property. Lucius couldn’t make a scene or everyone would know who was responsible. And that would reflect on Lucius as well. James apparently knew this too and his smirk widened when he realized Lucius wasn’t going to force him to take responsibility.
Lucius didn’t want to see the smugness in James’ eyes so he turned to look back at the people rushing to the source of the flood. They were trying to stop it, but whatever spell James had used was powerful and effective. Their efforts yielded nothing. Lucius struggled to not look impressed, he was not going to encourage this.
To vent his frustration, he said under his breath, “Is maturity too difficult a concept for you?”
James shrugged, infuriatingly unbothered, “Never heard of it.”
Lucius watched the witches and wizards casting all sorts of spells to protect themselves from the water damage.
“Stop it. Now,” Lucius said through gritted teeth.
James gave him a bored look and after a momentary staring contest, James discreetly waved his hand and the water stopped.
Back at the Manor, Lucius rounded on him, “Are you aware that your childishness could have cost me much more than just the favour of the Minister? What were you thinking?”
Astoundingly James looked surprised at Lucius’ reaction, “That it would be funny? You looked like you were going to die of boredom. I was trying to liven things up. Sirius would have loved it.”
Lucius’ face flooded with ire, “Is this a joke to you?” He was pretty certain that no one else could have read bored on his face. He’d worked so hard to look alert.
“It’s turning into one. You blowhards talked for an hour without saying anything. And your answers in particular were so vague I’m surprised they kept asking you any at all!”
“I am aware that doing things the right way is slow and tedious to you, but this is what’s going to make real change. At the administrative level, that’s where I need to be.”
“How anyone could take any of you seriously is a mystery. We all know the Minister is just going to do what he’s always done and stick his head in the sand.”
“The fact that politics eludes you, doesn’t surprise me. What does surprise me is how easily you’d jeopardize what I’m trying to do with your foolishness.”
James’ face darkened, “No one knew it was me. I didn’t jeopardize anything.”
“No wonder you can’t control your son-” Lucius snapped his mouth shut, but too late. The frustration and exhaustion of the day made him slow to catch his temper.
Lucius sucked in a breath, “I didn’t mean-”
“Yeah you did,” But James didn’t appear angry, merely tired. He rubbed at an eye with the heel of his hand.
Normally James would have jumped straight to offensive. Lucius was surprised James hadn’t immediately fallen down to his level. There was certainly plenty of ammo. Neither one of them were beaming pinnacles of fatherhood.
James sighed, “Look, I’m sorry you didn’t think my prank was funny.”
That wasn’t a proper apology, but Lucius didn’t want to fight anymore. It wasn’t like James had actually hurt anything or anyone. It was being called a mysterious ‘leak’ and no one was particularly searching for an explanation.
“I may have… over-reacted,” Lucius admitted.
“You’re nervous, I get it. I shouldn’t have done something to put you further on edge.”
It was probably the closest thing to an apology he was going to get.
“Can we agree to leave the Ministry waterfalls alone from now on?”
James nodded. His face had none of the boyishness it usually held, instead he looked tense and upset. Lucius hated that he had done that.
“I really didn’t mean to bring Harry into this. I’ve been on the defensive all week with these inane questionings. I think they’re finally wearing me out. Maybe you should have directed that waterfall straight at my head.”
That put the smallest of smiles back on his face. “Can we go to bed now?” James yawned, “I’ve been fighting sleep since that conference started.”
Saturday morning was blissfully uneventful.
Lucius was dead-tired but James always made him feel comfortable and surprisingly awake. They took their time waking up. They chatted about inane things, with ease.
“I’m not sure I want to know what you got up to in your youth,” Lucius laughed softly as James eluded to yet another bizarre circumstance in his Hogwarts days.
James grinned, “Smart. Let’s just say I spent the majority of my time in detention and the rest of the time carefully avoiding it.”
“By following the rules?” Lucius knew it was an absurd idea.
“By not getting noticed when I was doing the other things.”
“How did that go?”
James smirked, “You could say I was something of an expert in that regard.”
“Of not being noticed?” Lucius snorted at the idea.
James laughed, “Yeah.”
“And how did you manage that?” Lucius’ tone had been flirty but the expression that crossed James’ face was not.
It looked like James had made an important decision in the brief few seconds that passed between them.
James was still grinning, but there was something hidden behind it now. “Family secret.”
Lucius paused, a well of unwelcome anxiety pooling in his stomach. “I see,” he said as pleasantly as he could muster but Lucius wasn’t blind to the change that had just happened in the blink of an eye. Within a second, James had made the decision to keep something from him and that made Lucius very uneasy.
James knew far too much of Lucius because the other man had a way of prying out that information. It was completely at odds with how Lucius was raised to respect other people’s privacy.
The moment wasn’t lost on James either, “What’s wrong?”
Lucius could have chosen to ignore it, but that felt far too much like what his father had always demanded he do. Ignore all your emotions until you were an empty husk. James was his only avenue of open communication and he didn’t want that to change, “You’re keeping something from me.”
James hesitated.
Lucius held his breath because he wasn’t sure he could accept James lying to him. He was sure that he’d be able to tell.
But luckily James just sighed, “Sorry. It’s…” he ran his hand through his perpetually messy hair, a nervous habit, “It’s a family thing. And this relationship is still new, you know?”
Lucius was relieved James hadn’t tried to lie to him, but his statement did nothing to quell the lingering resentments Lucius had that the trust between them was so one-sided.
“Too new to be sharing your family secrets with me,” Lucius said, an observation.
James brightened, “You get that, right?” he seemed pleased to think Lucius understood.
Lucius didn’t want to dissuade him of that. “Of course.”
James grinned that blinding smile and it almost allowed Lucius to ignore the fact that Bella’s words suddenly felt a little weightier. What if this relationship meant something different to Lucius than it did to James? And that wasn’t all, Lucius was suddenly plagued by another anxiety. If Lucius didn’t have James’ trust, how was he supposed to gain the trust of the rest of the Wizarding population?
James was in the drawing room when the fireplace sprang to life and Remus’ voice came through. “Prongs?”
James knelt down on the thick carpet by the hearth. It wasn’t unusual anymore to know you could probably get a hold of James at Malfoy Manor. “What is it? Is something wrong?”
“I just wanted to tell you that Harry and Draco are in trouble.”
James groaned.
“But not for fighting,” Remus said, his voice was oddly cheery, “They were caught in the Restricted section of the library.”
James blinked, “Together?”
Remus grinned, “They were researching something. Draco said potions, an obvious lie.”
James felt suddenly giddy and he could sense it from Remus too. “This is progress, right?”
Remus snickered, “I’d say it’s the true mark of friendship to be doing illicit research together.”
James laughed, he was bombarded with a spring of happy memories. “That’s fantastic. I have to tell Lucius.”
Remus snorted, “Don’t be too happy, they’re in trouble after all.”
“You’re one to talk. You’re a teacher but you sure seem pleased as punch.”
Remus faked offense, “I assure you I am very disappointed in their actions.”
James raised an eyebrow, not believing him for second, “Whatever you say, Professor.”
Lucius didn’t find it as amusing as James and his friends did.
“What were they doing?”
James shrugged, “Who knows. Does it matter?”
“Of course it matters! They were breaking rules, there must be a reason.”
James burst into laughter, “They’re kids!”
Lucius pressed his lips into a thin line. “How could your son have managed to corrupt mine in a matter of weeks?”
Colour flew up into James’ cheeks, “They were caught together. I doubt Harry tricked him into it. Unless you think Draco would actually fall for something like that?”
Lucius huffed and that was always a sign James was close to winning an argument.
“Are you telling me you’ve never snuck into the Restricted section of the library? What a depraved childhood you must have had.”
“It wasn’t depraved. There was nothing of interest to me in there. And anytime I needed a reference, I had all the proper permissions to get it.”
James made a face, “Ew.”
The childishness of the action made Lucius almost crack a smile, “Is this going to be a habit? Your child dragging mine into trouble?”
James shrugged, “Probably. You could say it’s a special talent.”
Lucius squeezed his eyes shut and counted to five. When he opened them James was grinning. “When the boys come home for Spring vacation, I have an idea.”
Lucius crossed his arms, he didn’t want to appear eager for any ‘plans’ James might have because Draco following Harry into trouble was one thing, but Lucius would not fall into the same trap. On the other hand, anything was better than the quiet, anxious solitude he and Draco had shared at Christmas.
The Minister was set to make a decision the following week. So all the hopefuls were slotted to attend an emergency gala, to give each person a chance to say their piece.
Lucius agonized over every detail because this would be the one place that everything he did mattered. Even though he appeared to be the fan favourite according to the Prophet, this was his last chance to pull any strings he might have. His last chance to prove that he was the only one for this job.
They arrived well before the start of the event to give Lucius time to calm himself and to become acquainted with the space. As well as to chat with any supporters one-on-one who might have come early. Lucius also took the opportunity to get a last few words in with the Minister himself.
He was finally starting to relax. He knew he could do this, he knew what he was doing.
Then Emma was suddenly in front of him, her face flushed. Lucius felt his pulse race, panic at her expression.
“Something’s going to happen,” she said.
Lucius blanched, “What? Something bad?”
She shook her head, “I don’t know. Just… something.”
Lucius ground his teeth, why were psychics so frustratingly vague?
“Can you tell me anything useful?”
“I don’t know! Something… with a lot of emotion. Something that will force you to bare all…” she trailed off as she moved to look over her shoulder. To where James and Black were sitting together.
Lucius had been so busy planning his outfit and his speech, that he hadn’t noticed the far too much whispering between James and Black. He and Emma watched them for a moment, their heads bent together with barely-concealed grins on their faces, his instincts told him that they were up to no good.
“I’ll take care of it,” Lucius said and Emma nodded before she made her way to the other side of the hall, seemingly distracted now by something else.
Lucius’ mood fell as he realized that despite their heated words about James’ misbehaviour at the last event, James was still so easily pulled into whatever scheme Black had no doubt thought up. And James was clearly willing to risk Lucius’ anger to do it.
So when Black went to grab a drink, Lucius caught James and pulled him aside by the elbow.
“Whatever it is you planned, stop.”
James fixed him with a hard look, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Lucius resisted the urge to lose his temper, “I know you and Black are up to something. I need this to go smoothly. No pranks.”
James’ face remained impassive. Lucius knew that James’ stubbornness was a match to his own. Talking James Potter out of something he wanted to do was as easy as fighting the Imperius Curse.
“You’re going to win,” James said, “No matter what happens here. You think Avery stands a chance? He was in my year at Hogwarts, he’s a complete idiot. And no one else even comes close. You have nothing to worry about.”
“We need this to go well.”
“It’ll go very well.” James was grinning his mischief madness grin.
“James.”
“They’re just ‘measures’, just in case. They’re not going to hurt anyone.”
“Please,” Lucius pleaded. He tried to summon a look that James would be weak against. It worked for Harry and Black, so why not for him?
After a tense moment, James rubbed a hand over his face. “Fine,” he groaned.
Lucius took one of James’ hands in his, “Thank you,” he said and kissed the back of it. James gave him an annoyed but fond look in return.
When Black returned, Lucius watched James pull him down a bit to whisper in his ear. Black made a displeased face but James wrapped am arm around his shoulders and whispered something else that made Black bark with laughter for a second before rolling his eyes and looking over at Lucius.
Lucius inclined his head, as if to say thanks, then Black and James were moving and talking hurriedly. They moved toward the side of the hall, hopefully to stop and stall whatever they had set up.
With disaster out of the way, Lucius focused on any last minute changes in his speech. He had written it to appeal to the New Traditionalists’ idealism and to the Pureblood Society’s vanity.
The guests took their seats and the first speeches began. Lucius was seated beside Avery. They icily ignored each other.
Everything went off without a problem. It really should have put Lucius on edge, but perhaps his exposure to James had rubbed a little naivety into him. Lucius got up to say his piece. He had sweat over the exact phrases and words all week. He was rather proud of it.
He was pleased to see that the audience seemed the most interested in what he had to say. His recent tangles with the press had kept his favouritism high. He was nearly at the end of his speech, which he’d catered expertly to appeal in equals parts to all attendees. It was emotional but logical, it was progressive with some traditionalist elements.Yes, he was very proud of it, but that didn’t stall the spell that hit him from out of nowhere.
Lucius felt the spell working before it even started to do its job. It was like a cold chill passed through him before his very expensive robes started to unravel. The threads of his clothing spun away into nothingness as the shocked audience watched with their mouths hanging open.
It seemed to happen in slow motion for Lucius. He had a resignedness about the whole thing. He moved his eyes to Emma who was watching with wide eyes. Bare all. Lucius thought bitterly, really? She shook her head, mouthed I’m sorry. He had really thought they were going to get through this thing with minimal incidents. He hadn’t bothered to spell his robes against any malicious curses or jinxes because he’d thought, who would be that stupid?
He was brought back to the argument with James and it pained Lucius to realize when Emma warned him, his first thought was to suspect James. He looked to the side of the stage where James was already half out of his outer robes and rushing to Lucius’ side.
Lucius was distressed to realize that this disrobing spell, whatever-it-was, had been effective all the way down to his skin. He sighed and moved the parchment he was holding to shield his nether regions as the audience continued to stare in equal parts horrified silence and cruel amusement.
James threw his robes onto Lucius’ shoulders and quickly buttoned up the front. Lucius was still staring out at the audience, trying to see if he could discover the culprits through glance alone. James was saying something, but Lucius barely heard him the first time.
“Are you okay?” James asked again.
Lucius waved his hand to cancel the spell magnifying his voice. He kept his eyes carefully scanning the audience as James finished buttoning. “Do you still have ‘measures’ in place?” he asked.
James hesitated, “You told me not to.”
Lucius exhaled through his nose, “Does that mean you don’t?” They both knew that listening to other people wasn’t one of James’ strong points.
James just smirked and Lucius had his answer.
They kept their voices low to not be overheard by anyone near the stage, “Did you use your own wand to cast whatever it is you did?”
James rolled his eyes, “What am I, twelve?”
Lucius smiled. “That’ll be all.”
James stared at him, “You’re not going to finish the speech, are you? After this?”
“If I leave now, they’ll have gotten exactly what they wanted.”
“But-”
“I’ll leave the rest to you.”
James watched him for a second before cracking into a crooked grin, “I’ll be honest, it’s not going to be as good as a clothes-vanishing charm.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
James gave him a short nod then he moved back to the side of the stage.
“Well,” Lucius said into his renewed voice-amplifying charm, “I didn’t think my enemies would go so far as to force me into this shade of red.” He meant James’ objectionable crimson robes.
Laughter erupted around them and Lucius had gained the audience back in a snap. The rest of his speech went perfectly. Better even, than he imagined.
When he left the stage, he tilted his head when James whispered into his ear, “You’re going to want to stand in the back for this.”
As the Pureblood Society’s most obnoxious member, Lucius’ own ex-brother-in-law, took his position on the stage to start his anti-Muggle rants. There was a palpable anxiety from the audience as he did so. It was a trick Lucius knew well from his days as a member of the Pureblood Society. They’d send their most obnoxious member to make their actual hopeful, Avery, look better by comparison. Rudolphus would make Avery look so level-headed and less threatening to any fence-sitters who wanted a Purebloodist but not an Extremist. It was a ploy that nearly always worked.
“What’s going to happen?” Lucius whispered at James. They had moved to the furtherest part of the stage.
James shook his head.
“When will it happen?”
“There’s a trigger word. If he gets through the whole thing without saying it, I’ll be very impressed.”
The Purebloodist rant had started out innocently enough, but Rudolphus was starting to ramp it up now. Somehow it had gone from ‘protecting our heritage’ to ‘Muggle-born wizards aren’t wizards at all’.
Lucius turned his head to look at James, who looked like he was concentrating. He was probably trying to keep his temper. His brows were furrowed and there was a tension in his jaw that wasn’t usually present. Lucius was going to ask if he needed to step away for a bit when it finally happened.
Just as Rudolphus was beginning to turn up the volume on his voice, he said the magic word. “Our children are not safe from Mudblood-”
An explosion of green slime rained down on Rudolphus in a tidal wave of disgusting and disturbing proportions. Both Lucius and James did their level best to appear just as shocked as everyone else. They looked around, trying to see if anyone had their wand out.
Rudolphus looked like he wanted to fly into a rage but, perhaps taking a page out of Lucius’ book, he clamped down on his temper in a steely resolve. He seemed determined to finish his rant. “Mudbloo-”
The slime exploded again, making a few people jump but it wasn’t as strong as the first dose.
Rudolphus frowned, but looked all the more resolute. “If we don’t stop them from pouring into our communities,” he hesitated, expecting another explosions of slime, but nothing happened, “Our schools, our places of work, there will be nothing to stop our traditions from slipping away and disappearing all together,” he was picking up speed again, “We must stop Mudbloods-”
The slime rained down on him once again, some of it got into his mouth and he spit it on the ground. He shook his mane, sending green slime flying and making his assistants duck for cover.
Lucius felt the way James’ shoulders were shaking with laughter. It was hard for Lucius to keep his composure as well, but he was determined to not have the Prophet photograph him being petty.
“Think he finally figured it out?” James whispered out of the corner of his mouth.
Lucius shrugged, “We’ll see.”
“We have our way of doing things,” Rudolphus continued, “And Mu-” he hesitated and the whole room hesitated with him, “Muggleborns,” he amended and there was no flying slime. Lightened, he continued, “They don’t understand our ways-”
Rudolphus droned on and most of the audience was already starting to tune him out. Without the flying slime, the guy could barely hold an audience. It was still fun, however, to watch him stumble over his words and try to reform his thoughts to stop himself from saying the cursed word.
Lucius smirked at James, “You think you’re clever, don’t you?”
James shrugged, feigning humbleness, “We just thought it was time for certain people to put a little more thought into their anti-Muggleborn tirades.”
Rudolphus was finally finished and Lucius pressed a hand to James’ shoulder before making his way back to the stage to join the others in one final show of good-will toward each other. It seemed sort of laughable now.
“You’ll pay for this,” Rudolphus said to him when Lucius joined him on stage.
Lucius raised a perfect eyebrow, “You think I did this? I suppose I vanished my own robes too?” Lucius tapped James’ robes and they changed to a less ghastly colour.
Rudolphus glared, “You wanted to humiliate me.”
“I wanted nothing of the sort and if you had nothing to do with vanishing my favourite robes, it would be better for both of us to show the people here that we’re capable of laughing at ourselves and regard each other with mutual respect,” he grinned, “Unless of course you’d rather duel? That seems like a fitting Traditional way to end this.”
They were both aware that Lucius was the stronger duellist. He had an attention to detail that was unrivalled. Rudolphus sneered at him but didn’t appear to want that duel after all.
Avery came to stand near them, frustratingly silent. Puppet, Lucius thought. He stoutly didn't think about how once upon a time that could have been him.
Lucius patted his ex-brother-in-law on the back, “I’m glad we’re on the same page.” He ignored the way Rudolphus’ slimy robes got on his hand. “Now smile for the picture,” Lucius said and they both plastered on fake smiles for the papers.
“I thought you were going to punch Rudolphus,” James said casually when they made it home to the Manor.
Lucius had changed James’ robes back to the way they were and he couldn’t wait to change into something that was his size and didn’t make his complexion look ghastly.
“Such a Gryffindor,” Lucius clicked his tongue, “There are other ways to get those messages across without the use of fists.”
“And what if Lestrange had punched you instead?”
Lucius shrugged, “Then I would have come out looking like the more composed one and hopefully inspired any fence-sitters to side with me.”
James was grinning at him, “I see you’re not just looks, but brains too.”
Lucius hummed, “How sad for you though, being all looks and not a brain in sight.”
Lucius began to unbutton the robes but James stopped him. “Wait.”
Lucius dropped his hands from their work and James replaced them with his own.
He pressed his nose to Lucius' neck while he slowly slid the buttons from their holes.
“I had to watch everyone’s eyes all over you,” James explained, moving his fingers deftly down the front of the robes.
“Where you jealous?”
“Jealous? No. But it did excite me to think that no one else could touch you.”
“Are you aware that you have shown several signs of being an exhibitionist?”
Lucius felt James smirk when he pressed his face into Lucius’ neck.
“You should wear my robes more often.”
Lucius shuddered at the thought, “Absolutely not.”
“What if I asked really, really nicely?”
Lucius’ breath caught at James’ hand stroking him through the one layer of fabric.
James mouthed his neck and Lucius felt all his defenses crumbling.
“Never,” Lucius managed to choke out because nothing turned James on more than a challenge.
Predictably, James growled eagerly into Lucius mouth, capturing him in a fiery kiss. Lucius pushed back with equal force.
The Minister had made his decision within the week and on Sunday morning, Lucius received an owl from the Minister’s office with the results. The Minister was required to inform all potentials of his decision before it was officially announced.
Lucius held the letter, nervousness coursing through him.
He studied the packaging. Elegant scrawl in black ink. The stamp indicating it was official correspondence from the Minister’s office. And yet it felt so delicate. It was too small to be capable of changing his entire life.
He didn’t want to open it alone, so he waited until James came back with brunch.
When James entered the room, his arms laden with food, he took one look at Lucius and understood.
“Is that the results?” he asked softly as he placed the plates on the table.
Lucius nodded mutely. James came to stand by him and they both seemed to hold their breath as Lucius opened the envelope.
His eyes scanned the words, his heart in his throat.
James was practically bouncing beside him.
Lucius felt his heart fall as he read the words. The next second, James was ripping the letter out of his hands to get a better look at it.
“What the hell is this?” James sounded outraged.
Firstly we would like to congratulate you on a race well run. Your hard work and dedication was admirable. However, we regret to inform you that the New Head of Magical Education will by Aris Avery the second.
“How the hell did they go with Avery? You’re the perfect fit for this position!”
But Lucius already knew why. He knew the names on the ‘selection committee’ and he remembered them from his time with the Pureblood Society. He felt like a fool for not considering it before. For not taking Bella’s words seriously. He had mistakingly assumed his past with them would be enough to sway them. He’d worked side-by-side with many of them for years. They had to know his work ethic was pure and that his changed opinion about Muggleborn Education didn’t mean he would ever cause detriment to Wizardborn Education. Lucius’ ultimate goal was proper and superior education for all Magical children. But that apparently meant less than being someone they could keep in line at all costs.
Lucius was furious and disappointed. All that work for nothing. At the end, the only thing that mattered was whose pockets were fuller. If he had really wanted this position, he should have accepted Bella’s ‘forgiveness’.
“I’m-” James had started to say but Lucius cut him off.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Ok…” James said softly and moved to the table, “Do you feel like eating?
Lucius didn’t, but he felt like he needed to at least pretend to be okay. He was filled with contradictions. He wanted space but he didn’t want to be alone, he wanted to lock himself in his room but he also didn’t want to move.
Lucius Incendio-ed the letter with a bitter wave of his wand and collapsed in his chair.
For the first time, Lucius felt he understood James’ penchant for punching his way through life. How on Earth were they supposed to get anything meaningful done when there was a group of powerful witches and wizards who controlled virtually every aspect of their world? It was disheartening at best, debilitating at worst.
It was easy to imagine how Lucius might take petty revenge against every member of the appointment committee that had denied him his dream job… but no, that wouldn’t accomplish anything. That would mean that they had won and the game was over. That wouldn’t do. Lucius was already calculating and triangulating. He was half way to a proper plan by evening.
The loss of the appointment to Department Head didn’t mean that Lucius had to start over. He had gained considerable support and the only feasible reason he didn’t win came down to the Minister’s own cowardice.
The only reason the Malfoy name had lost so much standing in public was because there had been so much of it to begin with, Lucius reasoned to himself. All he had to do was tap into that well of potential. Rebuilding his name shouldn’t be hard, all he had to do was make sure it was on a foundation that he could use.
A potential answer came literally knocking on his window that evening.
An owl from Arthur Weasley that simply said, “Sorry about the Department Head thing. Will you reconsider my offer?”
Lucius contemplated it for an hour and his mind kept circling the same thoughts.
A part of him was reluctant to shed the lingering Pureblood Society coat his could still feel sometimes. There were still pieces of it there that would disappear if he took on the mantle of this new society. There would be no doubt which side Lucius was on. His days of potential neutrality would be over. And the fact that he was so hesitant about losing that brought some other unpleasant thoughts to the surface.
What if Bellatrix was right? What if he was at heart a Purebloodist? What if this reluctance to embrace the New Traditionalism meant that he was still the person he always was?
He was still lost on those thoughts when James showed up with dinner.
He was never going to get the hang of hiding things from James. The other man had pulled out the truth within minutes.
“You wanted to spearhead an alternative to ‘Blood Traitor’, isn’t this the perfect place to start?” James asked.
Worded like that, it did sound like an opportunity Lucius couldn’t afford to waste. Still, Lucius felt like it was only a matter of time before his past caught up to him. Or maybe it was just the unfortunate lessons his father had left him with.
“My father used to say admitting your mistakes was worse than making them.”
James frowned, “That’s horrible advice.”
“I know my father was a despicable man, but sometimes the things he taught me stay with me. It makes me unspeakably nervous to think of stepping away from all my family’s centuries of purity. I know that makes me a bad person.”
James leaned awkwardly across the small table to kiss his head, “It’s not easy, it’ll never be easy. But I think you’ll find what comes when you admit your failings is well worth the discomfort. It’s natural to feel uneasy. But you’re not a bad person because of that.”
James was speaking with some authority on the subject, “I take it you have experience in admitting your wrong-doings?” Lucius teased.
James smiled, “I’m sure you can imagine the sorts of mistakes I’ve made. But I try not to be defined by them.”
“I think your past immaturity and my lifelong willful ignorance are on a slightly different level.”
“My honest opinion?” James said, “I think you’re the perfect person for that position.”
James was charismatic and knew how to get people to do what he wanted. Lucius had grown up around people like that, so he was always careful to take everything with a grain of salt.
Lucius must have let some of his conviction show because James sighed and said, “I know you think I’m just running my mouth. But you have the skills, the experience, and the influence to make this society something that’ll come out swinging. We’ve tried things like this before and it’s never worked. We’ve been shut down or fallen apart before we even got off the ground.”
Lucius felt he probably shouldn’t mention how many of those times he’d been the one shutting them down. But this time he’d be working with them instead of against them. He knew what would make it difficult for the Pureblood Society to work against them. He knew their tricks and who they would bribe… James was right. He could make this happen if he had the mind to.
But Lucius still felt like this whole thing was something of a lie. That he was the sham. He felt a bit like Bella was right and eventually even the members of the New Traditionalist Society would realize that Lucius was not one of them.
“I know you think I’m different than the other Purists,” Lucius said slowly, “But I’m not. I’m still the petty, self-absorbed person I always was.” He still had to monitor his speech very carefully, he even had to monitor his thoughts occasionally. “The only thing that’s changed is what the public has deemed appropriate,” and the House of Malfoy had always played to the publics’ approval. “I’m not a better man, not a changed man. I’m the same with a new facade. Do you really think someone like me should be running what could be the most important society in our age?”
James looked completely unimpressed, taking the wind out of Lucius’ self-pity sailing, “You’re trying to tell me, the Transfiguration expert, that things don’t change?”
Lucius was quiet.
“You seem preoccupied with trying to redefine and reinvent yourself. But you don’t have to be a completely different person. Instead, take those mistakes that made you who you are and use them to be a better version of yourself. You don’t need to completely change who you are. You know the basics of Transfiguration, you can’t create something from nothing. In metamorphosis, caterpillars use what is already a part of them to transfigure into a butterfly. There’s no such thing as something from nothing.”
Lucius swallowed.
“Here’s a test,” James said, “Knowing everything you know now, could you go back and do what you did all over again? Would you sign the anti-werewolf petition? Would you ban the Muggle books from the libraries? Would you deny a Muggleborn child an education?”
Lucius didn’t particularly need to think about it, the answer was obvious. Of course he couldn’t. Even if Bella and the Pureblood Society forgave him and he went back, even if Draco would somehow allow it, even if he did lose support from the New Traditionalists eventually, even if all the stars aligned and hurtled Lucius back in time to do it all over again… He knew that a werewolf with wolfsbane was completely harmless, he knew that reading Muggle books didn’t corrupt and corrode, Muggles were only scary if you didn’t know anything about them, and teaching Muggleborn children how to use and control their magic was the responsible thing to do.
His opinions on all these things had been irrecoverably changed. And if that weren’t enough, he didn’t think he could go back to living with the two-facedness, the backstabbing, the knowledge that the moment he started thinking for himself, his so-called ‘family’ would cast him aside. It would take an unimaginable amount of contortion to fit into those boxes once more. He would never be satisfied with that life again. He simply couldn’t be.
“No,” he said honestly and the truth soothed him like a balm. Bella wasn’t entirely wrong. He hadn’t changed. At least not completely. But his thinking had and James was the most compelling piece of evidence. James would never be with someone like the Lucius of the past. Even if he thought of Lucius as a tool. James would never be with someone he didn’t believe in.
Lucius felt foolish, having let Bella get to him so much. James was right, there was an undeniable strength in accepting your flaws and working to be better. There was an invincibility in being made stronger and better by the past. And the best way to prove to Bella that he had become better and that he would continue to grow was to show her. Better yet, he could use this as a platform to accomplish the things he wanted to do with the Department Head position. Namely, earn his family’s influence back and hopefully give Draco a new start too.
“I’m going to take the position with the New Traditionalists,” Lucius decided.
James was smiling, “I know.”
After a beat Lucius added, “And tell Weasley if he ever uses you against me, I’ll set his desk on fire.”
This only made James smile wider, “Got it.”
Soon after Lucius accepted the position, a date was set for their first official meeting. Lucius spent two days reading and re-reading the group's mandates and constitutions.
When the day arrived, Lucius was in his borrowed office on the second floor of where the meeting was being held. He thanked the quiet young man who delivered him the roster of who his fellow society board members were.
He was relieved to note that he knew many of them, old friends and colleagues. There were also a fair few he didn’t know at all. But he supposed that was to be expected, as he’d spent half a lifetime avoiding Muggle fanatics and ‘blood traitors’. But he was beyond annoyed at one particular name that came up.
There was a knock at the door and then James let himself in.
“You weren’t going to tell me you’re on this committee?” Lucius demanded.
James bit his bottom lip, “This was more fun?”
Lucius suppressed an annoyed groan. He pressed his fingers to his temples.
“Are you nervous?” James asked, “You’ve done things like this a thousand times.”
James had a point. Lucius had been the spokesperson for the Pureblood Society for years. This wasn’t any different. Except, hopefully, in this society, he wouldn’t have to obsess over what everyone was going to say about him behind his back.
“You’ll be brilliant,” James assured him.
Lucius nodded, letting James’ words comfort him. He stood and took a look at himself in the mirror. He straightened his tie and smoothed his lapel for the hundredth time that morning.
One’s first outfit in a new committee was no small thing. He’d been careful to avoid all greens in case it bring to mind Hogwarts Houses as he was sure to be the only Slytherin on the board and didn’t want to ‘other’ himself. Instead he’d gone for a subdued grey set of robes with a navy blue and black paisley suit underneath.
James appeared behind him in the mirror and ran his fingers up Lucius’ chest. “You look really good, like you’re ready to take on the world.”
Lucius relaxed against James’ touch. But it soon became clear James wasn’t going to stop at a mere touch.
“What are you doing?”
James grinned, “Admiring you.”
“Do not turn this into a kink.”
James gave him a sexy smirk in the mirror and that was not helpful, “Why not?”
Lucius narrowed his eyes, “Because this meeting will take considerable mental fortitude. I do not need you making eyes at me while I’m trying to do my job.”
James hummed, completely unbothered, “Are you telling me to stop?” James’ hand dipped lower and lower.
Lucius didn’t know what he wanted. A piece of Lucius was tempted by the easy release that might relax him before the meeting, another part of him was beginning to think James was turning him into a deviant.
Lucius glanced at the clock, “I want to be early,” he decided. James was not going to make him late today of all days.
James smirked and withdrew his wandering hand, “Goody two-shoes.”
“I’m going to ban you from these meetings,” Lucius hissed.
The meeting went even better than Lucius hoped. It was professional and organized and seemed to move along much more smoothly than the Pureblood Society’s ever did. Those went on forever as Bella was always interrupting to argue about something not on the agenda.
Lucius was going to spearhead their first order of business, namely getting their society recognized by the Ministry and getting officially documented as a Ministry-sanctioned group. That would offer them a protection that was unmatched against other groups without Ministry backing and would make it very difficult to get shut down by the Pureblood Society.
Even the members of the board that Lucius had been wary of had pleasantly surprised him. Everyone took to being facilitated well, never fighting, speaking over each other or vowing blood oaths.
All in all Lucius was feeling very good about their first day.
“Before we conclude for the day, is there anything else?” The secretary of the committee asked the group.
“Yes, one more thing,” Lucius said, “I’d like to invoke article 14 point 7 concerning fraternization. As Chair of this committee my relationship is subject to this regulation and I move to henceforth bar James Potter from attending these meetings.”
“I second,” someone moved.
“All in favour?”
A scattering of hands raised. “The motion carries,” the vice chair announced, “Potter please remove yourself from the proceedings.”
James was in some sort of shock. He got up and left without a reaction, completely baffled as to what had just happened.
James wasn’t in the building when the meeting ended. Lucius hadn’t really expected him to wait around, but he’d hoped.
James wasn’t at the Manor either.
Lucius knew that James was most likely not amused by Lucius’ decision. But Lucius hoped that he would be able to see reason.
James might have gone to Grimmauld Place, but Lucius somehow knew that James would be at his home in Godric’s Hallow. It probably seemed like the safest place from Lucius. But Lucius wasn’t going to put off this confrontation.
He gathered what courage he had and went to find James at Godric’s Hallow.
Though he’d been invited multiple times, he’d never accepted. As much as Lucius disliked himself for it, despite everything, he was still slightly uneasy about going into the Muggles’ world. Despite all he was trying to do, he didn’t think he’d feel anything but unwelcome there.
Potter’s house didn’t have concealing charms, anyone could just walk up and knock on the door. It just seemed unsafe. But he knew James was angry at him and this was as nice a gesture as any. Showing up here was an act of goodwill.
James’ house in Godric’s Hallow was modest and quaint. Lucius found himself a little envious of it. It looked like a home. It was comfortable with all the natural lighting you could ever want. Even though it far from ‘spacious’ it seemed the perfect size for a family of two. Lucius wouldn’t trade the ancestral home for it, but he was surprised at how much he liked it. It fit for what he knew of James and his son.
Despite being unconcealed, there was still magic about the house and the door swung wide open when Lucius went to knock. There was a spike of pleasure at the thought of James making sure Lucius would be welcomed at his home. It was that sensation that drove him forward even though he knew a warm welcome right now was unlikely.
Lucius followed his nose to the kitchen.
James was kneading something with his hands. The whole kitchen smelled like sugar and vanilla, it was heavenly. It was a delightful smell in contrast to the sour-looking line of James’ back. He was irritated, Lucius could tell even from the doorway.
James never dragged things out slowly, “What the hell was that?” he demanded.
“I told you I was going to ban you.”
“I thought you were joking!” James turned to glare at him, his hands covered in flour and sugar.
“I don’t make idle threats.” He took a cautious step into the kitchen.
“Is this because you thought I’d make a fool of you? Because of those pranks-”
Lucius sighed, “No. If I thought your immaturity was a mark on me, I would never have allowed this relationship to continue in the first place.”
James didn’t look convinced, he turned back to whatever it was he was making.
Lucius took a breath, “The public already believes me to be utterly corrupt. Having my lover on the board of people that is supposed to keep me accountable doesn’t help my case.”
James didn’t give any sign that he was listening.
“The Pureblood Society wouldn’t hesitate to use you against me. I’m just being cautious. At least until we have our footing as a proper society with all the necessary protections.”
James turned away from what he was doing to look at Lucius, “You really think I’m going to let this slide? You haven’t even apologized yet.”
Lucius shrugged, “I’m not sorry.”
James glared at him, “That was my project! My friends!”
“And they agreed with me. I want to do this job well. I can’t give anyone a reason to doubt what we’re doing. This isn’t about your bruised ego.”
“It’s about yours.”
“Is this a competition?”
“It is now,” James said through gritted teeth.
Lucius could tell James was annoyed, but there was definitely something else in the air as well. James was glaring at him, but it wasn’t a glare he would give to anyone else. His hard gaze made Lucius a little hot. Lucius was getting better at being able to tell when James was angry or when he just wanted to fight.
“Well, then,” Lucius said, his voice turned low, “I’ll look forward to your next move.”
James’ lips pulled into a smirk. Then he reached into a bowl near his elbow. It looked like whipped cream. He took a handful of it and lobbed it at Lucius. It splattered down the front of his robes.
Lucius stared, dumbstruck, “Did you just throw whipped cream at my Maulkin Silver-Lined dress robes?” his voice held a dark timbre.
James was still smirking. James had a childish streak that showed at inopportune times. Lucius still didn’t know whether he found this part of James attractive or completely annoying.
James reached back into the bowl.
Lucius tried to flay him with his eyes, “Don’t you dare.”
James only continued to grin that feral grin as he lobbed more cream, aimed this time at Lucius’ head.
Lucius dodged it and headed straight to James. He threw him bodily against the counter, “You child,” Lucius hissed.
James glared, trying to throw Lucius off of him, “You started it!”
“You’re going to have to develop some thicker skin if you really want into the political games.”
“You aren’t better than me just because you know the rules.” He took another handful of white whip and plopped it into Lucius’ hair.
Lucius grabbed his wrists with one hand and reached for something with the other, “I know that!” He took a handful of strawberry guts and smeared it across James’ face, knocking his glasses askew.
James sputtered around a mouth smeared with red, “Selfish bastard,” he said before manoeuvring his body enough to pull away from the counter and turn toward Lucius. He pulled Lucius into a bruising, punishing kiss.
When he pulled away, Lucius raised an eyebrow, “Pot, kettle, I think.”
This earned another burning kiss.
Lucius was not surprised at all that James apparently had some crossed wires when it came to loathing and lust. James liked to act like some kind of a hero, but deep down, he was everything he accused Lucius of being. Maybe even worse because at least Lucius had rules, James never placed such limitations on himself.
Lucius hoisted James up onto the counter where James knocked most of what he’d been making to the floor. James’ hands were still covered in dough and cream and he purposefully dragged his fingers through Lucius’ hair. Lucius cringed at the feeling and then growled as he bit James’ neck. James tasted sweet, the fine powdered sugar they’d knocked into the air had settled on and around them.
“I’ll send Emmeline in my place as the Muggle Education Committee’s representative,” James said, he still sounded angry, but the effect was somewhat diluted by him shoving off his trousers and pants and drawing Lucius to him to fight with his robe buttons.
James finally got Lucius’ robes off, “Though I think you’ll find she is less fun than I am.”
“I don’t doubt that,” Lucius said between bites down James’ thighs.
James hissed when Lucius bit him particularly hard. “She’s a good partner, she’ll make sure you don’t step on too many toes.”
“I appreciate that,” Lucius said, but he didn’t appreciate James casually talking about someone else while they were in the middle of doing what they were doing. He swallowed James down whole.
“Fuck,” James moaned and Accioed lube from the bedroom.
Lucius was annoyed James could still cast effective spells when Lucius had James’ whole cock in his mouth, so he got rougher. He used his teeth a little and he felt James shudder uncontrollably.
Lucius was sure they would have plenty more fights about this, but he hoped they all ended like this.
Spring vacation came upon them fast and James had been delighted when Lucius agreed to his plan.
The first week of vacation disappeared like a vanishing spell. It was always fun and refreshing to have Harry home. The kid was wicked smart and hilarious. They still had a ways in go in the ‘respect other people’ category but James was so proud of his son that he thought he’d burst and he knew if Lily was watching from wherever she was, she was proud too.
James and Lucius had discussed it at length and decided they would need to cultivate the budding friendship between the boys best they could. According to Remus, Draco had been somewhat adopted into Harry’s small group after a very vocal Hermione insisted on it. So James and Lucius decided if they could convince the kids to go for it, they would spend the last part of spring vacation together.
James was nervous about the conversation.
For the first week he avoided it all together. He did what he always did and made sure they both had so much fun that there was no time to dwell on whatever was weighing them down. James could tell there was something Harry wasn’t telling him, but he didn’t seem inclined to share. At least not yet. It was a tad strange, since Harry had a harder time keeping his mouth closed than the other way around.
Finally, James managed to slip it into a conversation. He tried to do it casually, as if it were merely something he had just remembered, but he was anxious to hear what Harry had to say.
All and all James was prepared for a fight, so he was shocked when after a beat of silence Harry shrugged, “Sure, whatever.”
James stared, “You’re okay with that?”
Harry rolled his eyes, “Am I excited to spend my vacation at Saint Mungo’s Fashion Mansion? No. But it’s not like it’ll be boring, right?”
“Right,” James agreed but was now slightly worried about the sort of fun Harry would be looking for. Hopefully none that involved fighting with Lucius’ son or burning down half the home.
James couldn’t help the excited flutter of his heart. James owled Lucius immediately with the good news.
With only six days of vacation remaining, James and Harry arrived at Malfoy Manor.
Lucius had had too much time to overthink. He kept guessing and second-guessing the ease with which Draco had agreed. Was this too soon? Were they forcing things? They hadn’t thought about what they’d do if a fight broke out. It didn’t take a genius to see that Lucius and James had differing opinions on parenting. But Lucius hoped that James was right about the library and that it meant the boys had put aside their differences. Lucius disliked the idea of Draco breaking rules, but according to Draco he still didn’t have any friends and only Harry and his sidekicks had reluctantly saved him from complete isolation.
Lucius welcomed the Potters into his family home and noted with relief, the curt nods Harry and Draco gave one another.
“It’s nearly dinnertime, I’ll have the House-elf take your things and-”
“We’ll take them ourselves,” Harry said sharply.
Lucius opened his mouth and then closed it, he’d forgotten about the Potters’ opinions on House-elfs. “Right,” he amended, “After you’ve put your things away, dinner will be served in the main hall.”
Harry opened his mouth to say something else but James stepped on his toes and he gave his father a vicious glare instead.
“Sounds great,” James said and then motioned Harry to follow him.
Harry and James’ rooms were near each other. Lucius made sure Harry’s door was shut before he let himself into James’. “I apologize about dinner. I forgot your objections to my House-elf’s cooking.”
“He’s a great cook. It’s fine for tonight, we’re your guests, but I’ll take over cooking tomorrow, okay?”
Lucius knew there was no point in arguing.
James looked around the room before looking back at Lucius with a smirk, “My own room? Isn’t that a little old-fashioned? The kids already know about us.”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “It’s the principle. No teenage boys need to think about their fathers…” Lucius trailed off and did not go red thinking about it.
James sighed, “So proper.” He managed to make it sound like an insult. It probably was.
At dinner, Lucius’ nerves were fraying rapidly as he watched Harry dig into his meal without waiting and apparently without any manners what-so-ever as he wiped his mouth on the tablecloth and reached over his father no less than three times to get something he could have easily asked for.
James was oblivious to his son’s lack of etiquette and didn’t notice the way Draco was staring at Lucius with his eyes wide open as if he couldn’t believe what his father was allowing to happen in his own home.
Lucius was at a loss of what to do. Draco was clearly waiting for him to do or say something, but this was their first dinner together and Lucius was loathe to put their two families at odds immediately. Besides, the Potters were much better guests than some of the people Lucius had had meals with before. They may be messy eaters but they weren’t crude or catty, so it wasn’t entirely painful to bite his tongue. He leaned over just a bit to whisper to Draco, “It wouldn’t do to insult our guests,” by way of explanation.
Draco gave him a sour look but tucked into his meal without a word.
Lucius tried to concentrate on his own food and not on the massive mess Harry seemed determined to make.
Lucius tried to keep their dinner conversation light and polite but Harry liked to chime in whenever he liked with his mouth full.
After the fifth time being interrupted, Lucius was getting ready to snap but Draco got there first.
“Will you eat like a civilized person you absolute primate? It’s bad enough when I have to witness it at school, but in my own home?”
Harry glared, “I haven’t thrown anything at you in weeks. But I’d be happy to start again.”
“Draco,” Lucius cut in, “We’re nearly finished.” The words were clipped and Lucius had no doubt Draco got his message loud and clear. Throwing a fit while at the dinner table was a far worse offence than bad manners. Draco sulked and Lucius let him.
When the meal was concluded, Draco stormed away from the table.
“What’s his problem?” Harry asked, his face smeared with chocolate ice cream.
Lucius pressed his lips together tightly instead of sighing dramatically the way he really, really wanted to.
James waited until a quarter to midnight before sneaking out of his guest room and finding his way to the Master bedroom. The door was ajar when he got there.
Lucius was reading something he’d brought home from work. “I leave you alone for one hour and you’re working again,” James groaned. He shut the door quietly behind him.
Lucius closed it and put it aside. Lucius was thrilled to have James back in his bed after the week apart, but there was too much on his mind to let his physical desires take priority.
“About dinner-”
James groaned, “I’m sorry Harry’s so rude. We’ve just never formalized dinners before.”
Lucius felt like they had probably never formalized anything.
James rolled his eyes, “Just say it. Whatever you’re thinking.”
“Don’t you think Harry could benefit from a little more discipline?”
“I’ve tried.”
“When was the last time?”
James was quiet for far too long. It didn’t bode well.
James looked like he was struggling to remember, but the fact that he couldn’t, spoke volumes.
Lucius withheld a sigh of disbelief, “At least tell him he must develop some table manners.”
James looked put-out, “If it’s so important to you, you tell him.”
Lucius blinked, unprepared for the challenge. It wasn’t proper to tell another person’s child what to do, but James was all sorts of opposite to Lucius’ instincts.
“Fine,” Lucius agreed.
James gave him a look that was almost a smirk, like he didn’t think Lucius would actually do it. “Have fun,” James said and Lucius was sure that was meant as a warning.
The next day, the kids were being quiet. And that couldn’t be a good sign. James found them in the Manor’s library. When he entered, they both jumped even though they were only reading on opposite sides of the table.
“What’s going on?” James asked, hoping that the straight-forward question might force them to answer or at least shake them up enough to come up with really bad lies.
It worked.
“Homework,” Draco said at the same time as Harry said, “Pirate research.”
Draco made a face, “Pirate research?” Trust Draco to be annoyed at Harry’s choice of words rather than be embarrassed at being caught in a lie.
“Homework?” Harry shot back, “He’d never believe that!”
“You’re both really bad liars,” James took a seat at the end of the table, “So what’s going on?”
Draco crossed his arms stubbornly while Harry took on a look that said ‘bored’ and flipped another page in his book.
“Well?” James asked again.
Harry rolled his eyes, “You’ll think it’s boring,” he promised, “We’re looking for ways to stall hereditary hair recession. Because someone is getting self-conscious.”
Draco jumped to his feet, furious, “You-” he stumbled over his words before amending, “You said you wouldn’t tell anyone!”
James couldn’t help the bubbling laughter. He bit his lips so hard be almost tasted blood. “Well then,” he said, coughing to cover up his laughter, “Carry on.”
James got up and left the library. He shut the heavy door behind him.
Well, they were getting better at lying. At least Draco had the good sense to go along with Harry’s second lie. He didn’t think either boy had noticed that James had been studying each of their book piles, determined to go through them later and find out what they were really doing.
James wasn’t going to bother Lucius with this just yet. In third year, James and his friends had done all sorts of illegal research in their mission to become Animagi. Whatever Draco and Harry were up to, they probably weren’t going to top that. Still, James knew he would feel better once he figured out what they were trying to hide.
But later that night he didn’t have any luck scouring through the books they’d been reading. They were mostly broad history books. Some of the books on Harry’s side were Wizarding Law books. Somehow he didn’t think Harry was interested in becoming a solicitor.
James grinned to himself. He liked a good mystery.
The next morning, James woke up early. In part to make sure the kids didn’t catch him guiltily exiting Lucius’ room and partly to get an early start on making breakfast.
While he was in the kitchen, James saw a flash of a white-blond head out of the corner of his eye. The head was two feet shorter than the one he was used to. The head quickly ducked out of sight when he realized James had seen him.
“Wanna help?” James called.
Draco looked around the door to eye him. James tried to appear approachable. He wished he’d at least fixed his hair a little so that Draco didn’t have to look at him like he was a crazy person messing around in the kitchen.
Draco took a cautious step inside, he glanced around him like he had never seen the inside of the kitchen before. He probably hadn’t.
He eventually made his way over to James and looked at what he was doing. James handed him a bowl and a large metal whisk, “Whisk this,” James said and went to grab the fruit out of the cool pantry.
Draco stared at the bowl for a second before moving the whisk around. “And don’t use magic,” James said from where his head was inside the pantry, “it changes the taste.”
Draco worked silently as James rummaged for fruity treasure.
James grinned when Draco took a small taste of the cream when he thought James wasn’t looking. He was whisking innocently when James came back.
“Is it turning yet?” James asked.
Draco frowned, “Turning into what?”
James took a peek in the bowl, “Do it a little faster. You’ll see when it happens.”
Draco did as he was told and watched as James flipped pancakes. Draco whisked the bowl as fast as he could until James heard the tell-tale frustration of whisking when the cream had finally turned too thick to continue.
James looked in the bowl and winked at him, “It’s perfect!”
Next, James roped Draco into helping him cut the fruit and then showed him how to watch for signs of when a pancake was perfectly cooked.
“It’s a little like potions,” Draco said softly and James beamed at him.
When the rest of the house woke up for breakfast, James proudly told Lucius and Harry that Draco’d made most of it. Draco flushed as both Lucius and Harry stared like they thought James was probably lying.
“It’s true!” James insisted, “He’s a natural. Taste it! It’s amazing.”
It was delicious and Harry had even managed to keep most of it on his plate or in his mouth.
James had seemed sure that Lucius wouldn’t be able to get Harry to obey the rules of house, but Lucius would not allow himself to feel limited by James’ lack of faith. He had a plan.
Harry was in one of the drawing rooms working on his broom with clippers when Lucius found him. He stoically ignored the absolute mess the room had become in Harry’s presence.
He cleared his throat and Harry noticed him.
“It occurs to me,” Lucius started, “That we do things differently in our home than you and your father do at your own home.”
Harry blinked at him and managed to make it look like he thought Lucius was an idiot and boring at the same time.
“So I thought I would take the time to explain some of the rules to you.”
Harry seemed to come to the conclusion that Lucius wasn’t going to go away any faster, so he put down his clippers with an annoyed sigh, “Fine.”
After Lucius had explained several things, he was feeling pretty good about it. He thought maybe James had just never gone about this in any formal way, when Harry suddenly picked the clippers back up and began pruning his broom again. “Sounds boring. Don’t wanna.”
Lucius blinked, bewildered.
At first his temper flared. He’d never been shown such blatant disrespect from a child before. But he quickly realized that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with James’ demon offspring if he let the boy think he had the upperhand. If Harry thought he could get under Lucius’ skin the way he got under Draco’s, it was all over.
Lucius cleared his throat again, “I think you’ll find that in this house, good behaviour is prompted rewarded, while bad behaviour is reprimanded just as quickly.”
This gave Harry pause. He stalled in his activity to size Lucius up. It was very important that Lucius not show an ounce of weakness.
“What kind of reward?”
Lucius fought the urge to smile, he had hooked him. Instead of an answer, Lucius turned to leave.
“What kind of reward?” Harry asked again, this time an urgentness in his tone.
Lucius thought it would be best to let him sweat a little. He closed the door behind him.
At dinner that night, Lucius was happy to find that his vague promise had indeed changed Harry’s behaviour. When Harry went to reach for his plate right away, Lucius cleared his throat loudly.
Harry stopped and narrowed his eyes at Lucius.
Lucius was unfazed, “We’ll begin the meal momentarily.”
Harry rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair, arms over his chest but leaving his plate untouched.
Lucius noticed the smirk on Draco’s face. James looked shocked that Harry hadn’t gone for it anyway.
After a full minute, Lucius picked up his fork and then announced the start of the meal.
Harry made a face but immediately dug in.
The meal progressed and when Harry went to reach over his father for the mashed potatoes, Lucius cleared his throat again.
Harry rolled his eyes so hard it was surprising he hadn’t popped a blood vessel but said loudly, “PLEASE PASS THE POTATOES.”
James seemed baffled as he did as Harry requested. Lucius tried not to show how pleased he was.
After dinner, Draco, just as baffled as James, disappeared into his room to start his homework while James magicked the dishes back to the kitchen.
Harry cornered Lucius in the entryway.
“I was good at dinner.”
Lucius inclined his head, “Yes, you were. You listened very well.”
Harry was practically vibrating, “So what do I get?”
Lucius hummed thoughtfully, “This time, I think perhaps a day trip for Quidditch supplies tomorrow. How about that?”
Harry’s face lit up. “Yes!” he pumped his fist in the air before turning on his heel to race back to the drawing room where his broom’s bristles were all over the floor. Lucius decided he’d make Harry clean the room tomorrow.
Later that night, Harry had been racing up and down the hallways and through the rooms for half an hour. Lucius hadn’t said a word because they had just reached a very delicate equilibrium. If he pushed Harry too hard, too fast, it would only bring resistance.
So he was relieved when James was finally annoyed enough to intervene. “Harry, can’t you do something else for a while? Have you started your homework?”
Harry gave a non-committal shrug.
“Harry, do your homework.”
Harry rolled his eyes, “I’ll do it later.”
Lucius cleared his throat and Harry shot him an annoyed glare, but after a beat, he sighed dramatically. He threw his hands up in defeat, “Fine.”
He left moodily but obediently toward his room, presumably to do his homework.
James stared like Lucius had performed some new and rare form of magic. “How did you get him to do that?”
Lucius blinked like he didn’t understand the question.
“First table manners and now this? What did you do?”
“I simply inferred there was a direct correlation between my patience and whether or not we visit Quidditch Quality Supplies tomorrow.”
James looked awestruck. “Threats never worked for me.”
“That’s because you never followed through,” Lucius surmised, “I however, do not make idle threats.”
James was grinning, “Is that so?”
Lucius raised an eyebrow.
James’ grin turned devious, “I wouldn’t mind if you threatened me a little.”
Lucius nearly laughed. Unbelievable. He’d long suspected that James’ childhood penchants for mischief must have had some affect on his adult life.
Lucius’ entire body was tuned in to the way James was watching him, his eyes pouring into him.
They hadn’t been intimate since the holiday started. There hadn’t been time or space or opportunity. When they went to bed they really just went to bed because the kids wore them out during the day. Lucius didn’t think that either of them had really noticed, there were too many other things to worry about, but now it was like someone had reminded them they’d forgotten to eat and they’d just realized how starving they were.
They took a step toward each other at the same time. James’ eyes were bright and mischievous, the flecks of green in his eyes were more apparent when he was aroused. That look always made Lucius’ stomach flutter, it made his pulse quicken and his throat dry. He needed to touch him.
Lucius reached out-
And the door banged open again.
“Father!” Draco was clearly upset about something.
James gave a helpless shrug as they turned away from each other.
“What is it?” Lucius asked patiently.
“Can you believe I received an A on this essay? An Acceptable? Me? This is bullying! McGonagall hates me!”
Lucius would always tell himself that he was never this dramatic as Draco’s age.
James had been about to fling himself onto a sofa, but took an interest when he learned what Draco’s essay was. Lucius fought a smile, “You know,” he informed Draco, “We have a Transfiguration expert right here. I’m sure he can tell you where you might improve.”
Draco moved his eyes over to James.
After a few seconds of hesitation, Draco apprehensively handed the essay to James.
James took it and sat down at the desk as he scanned it. He whistled under his breath, “Ouch. McGonagall is harsh. But I’ll tell you a secret,” he said raising his eyes to Draco’s, “She’s only this brutal when she really, really likes you.”
Draco’s ears went pink. “Really?”
James grinned, all teeth and charm, “Really. You should have seen my essays. They were so marked up, they looked like they were bleeding. But I was her favourite. I couldn’t get away with anything less than brilliant because that’s what she expected from me. I can see that she expects great things from you too.”
Lucius felt himself melt as he watched the way Draco defrosted. Draco bent over the desk, watching and listening as James pointed at the finer parts of Draco’s work. Lucius watched them with a small flickering of hope burning inside him.
James was pleased when Draco showed up every morning since the first time to help make breakfast. James was aware that on top of not ever having made his own food, Draco’d also rarely done tasks without the help of magic. It was fun to teach him things like cracking eggs or pouring flour.
He’d tried not to laugh when Draco spilt flour all over the counter and all over his black clothing. He’d given James such a helpless look that James had been very tempted to bear hug him or squeeze his cheeks or both. His wide grey eyes were so adorable that James wanted to squeeze him but thought the sudden physical affection might scare him off and they’d be back to square one. So he tried to keep boundaries.
It was also nice that they could talk without Lucius and Harry around, both of whom seemed to make Draco on edge. James was beyond relieved that Draco seemed to not dislike him.
“It’s a long way off, but have you thought about what you’d like to do after Hogwarts?” James asked one morning while he instructed Draco on how to make French toast.
“I don’t know, maybe school in America.”
“That’s awfully far, your father would miss you.”
Draco’s lips made a thin line before he said, “He’d be better off without me.”
James nearly dropped the jug of syrup he was holding, his heart thudded painfully. How could Draco think such a thing? “That’s not true.”
Draco snorted, his eyes were suddenly darting around the room. James could practically feel how he’d stepped on a landmine. “What would you know?” Draco snarled, “You’re barely a father, always trying to be your son’s best friend instead.”
The words were vicious, designed to hurt and James knew the kind well. The kinds of words used to cover one’s own insecurities. Words meant to try and stop anyone from looking too close.
“Your father loves you,” James said because nothing seemed more important than getting that across.
Draco looked away, perhaps surprised his angry words didn’t spark anger in James. He growled into the bowl, “That doesn’t mean he cares.”
James didn’t press the issue because this was clearly something that would have to be fixed between father and son, but it made James’ heart heavy as a stone.
Later that night, the kids were finally in bed (probably) and James made his way to the Master Bedroom. He knew that he’d want to know if Harry ever felt the way Draco did, so he told Lucius what had happened in the kitchen that morning.
Lucius’ expression was stern, hiding any hurt that might have surfaced, instead indignation shone through. “I buy him everything he asks for. New brooms and clothes, I send him an allowance that surely rivals any other child’s his age. How on Earth could he think I don’t care?”
James sighed loud enough to cut Lucius’ long-winded exasperation short, “I see what’s going on,” James gave him a bemused look, “You buy him all these great things, but when’s the last time you told him you love him?”
The look Lucius gave him would have been comical if the information weren’t so depressing.
Lucius set the newspaper he’d been reading aside. “We’ve never needed those kinds of things to understand each other.”
“Are you sure?” James said and squeezed himself in beside Lucius, “Or do you think he just doesn’t know how to ask for affection?”
Lucius hesitated, “I assumed Draco’s needs were similar to mine and that my feelings for him were clear.” But it seemed it was clear as mud.
“Maybe the presents seem like empty gestures. Maybe when he was younger, material things meant a lot to him… but now maybe he needs something else. And I know you lecture because you care, but it probably doesn’t come off that way to anyone else.”
Lucius seemed to be dwelling in spiraling thoughts. James nudged him. “You could always ask him. Ask him what he needs from you.”
Lucius looked terrified at the suggestion.
James wiggled beside him, “For the record, I like my affection physical.”
This made Lucius smirk, “I’m well aware of that.”
James grinned, “See? You’re already getting better at this.”
“You’re telling me I starve my son of affection,” he said matter-of-factly but James could sense the underlying anguish.
James winced, “You unintentionally starved him of affection.”
Lucius grimaced, as if that was any better.
Lucius fought a headache. He’d thought he’d made progress with Draco too. But now it was like they’d been sent spiraling away from each other again. Lucius was rapidly becoming aware that he was far more self-centered than he even knew. Of course he’d always put himself first to a certain degree, but to think that he’d been torturing his own child for who knew how long.
And thinking back, Draco and Narcissa were always close. They would sit and read together for hours. How could he have forgotten that? The image was now burned into his brain. Them sitting with Draco’s head on his mother’s shoulder. How could he have forgotten something like that? What if he’d starved both of them?
James took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Beating yourself up over it isn’t productive or helpful. All you can do is try from now on, to see what Draco actually wants from you. I’m getting the distinct impression that expensive stationary and shiny brooms aren’t it.” James motioned at the newspaper on the table, “Aren’t you quoted in there somewhere saying ‘we can’t get stuck in the past with our old habits?’ ”
Lucius nodded and allowed himself to feel grounded. James was like an buoy, always grabbing a hold of Lucius when he thought he was going to get lost and drown in the tide of guilt and regret.
He took a breath and felt a little better. Then Lucius grinned, “Since we’re exchanging parental advice-”
“Merlin, here it comes-” James groaned.
“I think you should try to be the disciplinarian.”
“What do you mean? Harry’s using table manners and doing his homework! Things have never been better!”
“Yes, but that shouldn’t be all you expect of him. He acts out because he’s never challenged. As his father, shouldn’t you be the one challenging him the most? Bringing out his potential? You haven’t set any standards that I can see. He doesn’t have any goals or aspirations.”
“I don’t want to set standards. I don’t want him to think I could ever be disappointed in him.”
“Not even when he’s hurting other students?”
James made a face and turned to glare at nothing.
It was Lucius’ turn to squeeze his hand, “If you don’t start now, these habits will continue until he’s an adult. Someone has to show him that certain behaviour isn’t acceptable.”
“Remus’ll-”
“A teacher is not a replacement for his father.”
“A teacher who is also his Godfather,” James said moodily.
Lucius could tell there was more to this discussion because James was suddenly clutching his hand.
Lucius gave him a moment and then James said, “I don’t want him to hate me.”
Lucius nodded slowly. He could understand that fear very well. He’d often wondered at times if Draco hated him as much as Lucius hated his own father. The thought made his heart ache and his stomach tie up in knots. After what James had told him tonight, the likelihood of that was more real than ever.
“He’ll never hate you,” Lucius said because no matter what Draco might think of Lucius, it was clear as day that Harry adored James. “He might resent the change, but it’ll only worsen the longer you leave it.”
James took a deep breath, “I know you’re right. But I don’t even know where to start.”
Lucius gave his hand another squeeze before letting go, “We’ve made great strides already. Insist on his table manners even while at home. Don’t let him get away with slacking off on his homework. It will get easier.”
James rolled to the side, taking the majority of the blankets with him. “You sound like McGonagall giving me homework.”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “That’s an image I want,” he said sarcastically.
Despite the annoyed curve of his back, Lucius could tell James was smiling into his pillow. Lucius thought he knew what he was feeling. It was cathartic to have someone to share the woes of parenting with. Lucius had never thought he would feel this way again. He tried not to over think it. It was natural that they would have to learn how to deal with each other’s children since they were in a relationship. But he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. Instead, he allowed himself to simply feel pleased that they seemed to balance out each other’s weaknesses.
Lucius settled himself into his pillow, “I’ll try to talk to Draco.”
James rolled back to him to place a kiss to his forehead, “I wasn’t sure I should say anything, but you helped me with Harry and I thought-”
“I know. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.”
James leaned into Lucius, wrapping his arms around Lucius torso. “Look at us, we’re miracle workers. Harry’s using napkins and Draco’s talking about his feelings.”
Lucius leaned down to kiss him and James sighed contentedly. He brought his hands up to run them through Lucius’ hair. Lucius wanted more, but the boys had a habit of barging into rooms unexpectedly. They both felt that they could wait for ‘more’ until the children were at school again. “Let’s make a promise,” James said.
“What kind of promise?”
“I’ll try and be better at discipline and you try and be better with emotions.”
Lucius thought it was pretty sad that both of them had been forced to this but the only way out was up. “Okay, I promise.”
Lucius had a number of parchments spread about his work station. They had decided that the first business of the New Traditionalist Society was to create all the precautions they could for Muggleborn children’s protection at school. It was all things that Lucius had never thought of before, had never had to think of before. He had a lot of catching up to do and he was not going to let anyone catch him offguard or unprepared.
Draco was reading quietly nearby on one of the couches. It was a comfortable silence between them. It was reminiscent of when Draco would read side-by-side with his mother. Lucius swallowed a bout of emotion and wondered if now was a good a time as any other to try and talk to Draco.
Before Lucius had the chance, James stuck his head in the room. “Have you seen Harry?” he asked.
Draco shook his head without looking up from the book he was engrossed in. James hummed thoughtfully and left the room, searching for his missing son.
Lucius had watched the very subtle way Draco’s left eyebrow had quirked. He waited until he knew James was gone before saying, “Draco, where is he?”
Draco looked up at him, feigning innocence, “Who?”
Lucius knew this game. Draco still had a few years to go before he could lie with a straight face.
“Draco,” Lucius said, his voice low, a warning tone.
Draco sighed. “The drawing room cupboard.”
Draco watched impassively as his father removed the spell keeping Harry inside the cupboard.
When Harry burst out of it, he pointed a finger at Draco, “He tried to kill me!”
Draco snorted, “As if a cupboard was going to defeat the mighty Harry Potter.”
Harry glared, “He’s just angry because we found-”
“Don’t!” Draco leapt at Harry and tried to cover Harry’s mouth with his hand, but Harry side stepped him and held him off.
“We found a diary in one of the rooms upstairs! It says that Lucius the First wanted to be a Muggle prince!”
Draco was physically clawing at Harry now, his face a bright red.
“I told you that it’s some kind of mistake!” Draco growled, “There’s no way our family was friends with Muggles!”
“And yet, the evidence proves you wrong,” Harry flung the diary at Lucius and Lucius caught it, “You’re just upset because that means all your haughty Purity was never real.”
The book looked legitimate. Lucius had never seen it before but it looked very old. It also had the family crest on the cover.
Draco was about to say something, probably something unpleasant that Lucius had probably taught him at some point, so he interrupted him, “That’s true,” he said and both boys gaped at the admission, “Pureblood purity isn’t real, it’s something we used to separate ourselves from others, but it was never real.”
Draco looked momentarily devastated and Lucius wondered if he was ever going to be able to help Draco unlearn all the horrible thing he’d taught him.
Luckily for him, James was there.
“What your father is trying to say, Draco, is that ‘purity’ is a construct. It was useful in the past for some people to advance their purposes. But it isn’t so useful now. In fact, it harms people now. So we have to be better at phrasing and at making decisions that feed into that hurtful lie.”
James’ words seemed to placate Draco and Lucius didn’t miss the way Harry stared at his father. Lucius knew that they were both working different angles of the same thing.
They spent the rest of the day reading the diary together, despite Draco’s reluctance.
It proved Harry was telling the truth. Lucius Malfoy the First had pursued a romance with a Muggle princess. It hadn’t worked out, but the Malfoy clan had been very, very close to being Muggle royalty. Draco seemed to be ignoring Harry’s attempts to catch his gloating eye.
“That’s incredible,” James whistled. Lucius was still stuck between emotions. “Did you know about any of that?” James asked.
Lucius shook his head, “I knew there were family ‘secrets’, but the ones I uncovered were typically deaths, crimes, or extramarital affairs.”
“So did you find what you were looking for?” Harry asked and all eyes at the table turned to Draco.
“What were you looking for?” Lucius asked.
Draco glared at Harry, “Nothing.”
James watched his son with a knowing look but didn’t press any further so Lucius didn’t either.
Later when James found his way into Lucius’ bed again, he wasn’t his cheerful self.
“What happened?” Lucius asked, becoming concerned.
James sighed, “I got the truth out of Harry. About what they were looking for.”
Lucius frowned, “And?”
James made a face, “And apparently what they wanted was a way to break us up.”
Lucius was surprised how hurt he felt. “Oh,” he didn’t know what to say.
They’d known the kids were going to need some time, but they had been surprisingly well-behaved. This whole week had seemed like they had made such progress. But apparently the kids only got along when they had a common goal. That goal being the dissolution of their fathers’ relationship.
“I know,” James said, sensing what Lucius didn’t have words for. James crawled into his lap and pressed Lucius into the bed.
Lucius had dared to think that this whole thing might work. His disappointment was deep.
Lucius let James maneuver them into a more comfortable position. Lucius couldn’t turn his thoughts off.
“Hey,” James said, cutting through Lucius’ haze of disappointment to reach him, “Let’s keep trying though.”
James confidant smile brought a little bit of light back to Lucius’ otherwise gloomy thoughts. “Of course,” he agreed.
The night before the kids were to head back to school, Lucius had decided that they needed a quiet evening at home. It was difficult to get James and Harry to slow down, but Lucius suspected that they enjoyed these peaceful moments too.
Lucius was reading over some work on the sofa. Beside him, James was reading a thick Transfiguration book. Harry was sprawled on the floor reading Muggle picture books that James had called ‘comics’ and Draco was writing something at the desk.
The House-elf came to light the candles as night fell. And as Lucius closed one letter to open another, Harry shoved an old-looking book into Lucius’ lap, “Hand this to Dobby, please.”
Lucius looked down at him, “And why can’t you do it yourself?” he drawled.
Harry shrugged, not looking up from his comics, “Busy.”
Lucius huffed, “Manners,” he reminded him.
“Please,” Harry amended.
Lucius was annoyed, but he merely rolled his eyes as he passed the book to Dobby when the House-elf passed by. There was a hush all around him and Lucius was suddenly nervous. Why was it suddenly so quiet?
Dobby took the book and opened it. It was hollowed out. Inside was a sock.
“Master has given Dobby a sock,” the House-elf stared up at him.
Lucius rounded on Harry who was looking at him with big, green eyes full of mischief. He was grinning. Were they absolutely sure he wasn’t a Slytherin?
Draco looked pale, watching Lucius carefully. James looked on the verge of hysterical laughter but was restraining himself by pure will.
Lucius turned back to the wide-eyed House-elf, “Yes, I… I appear to have done so.”
The House-elf wrapped his long, skinny arms around Lucius’ leg as James and Harry burst into cheers.
“Who will cook dinner and do the housework?” Draco asked. Exactly the sort of thing Lucius was thinking.
“I’m sure Dobby wouldn’t mind sticking around,” James said, “for… hm, Harry, what’s the rate?”
“4 galleons an hour.” Harry said, beaming.
Lucius battled down his emotions, “That will be… fine.”
“Yes, Dobby will be very happy! Very happy indeed to keep serving Masters Malfoys, sir.”
“And I think now would be a good time to mention that the two of you,” James said, indicating Draco and Harry, “Should start doing chores.”
Both boys groaned loudly, Harry threw himself back on the floor and Draco slumped in his chair.
Lucius shot a look at James who gave him a shrug, “I swear I didn’t know he was going to do that.” Yet he looked incredibly proud of his son.
Lucius wasn’t exactly angry, just annoyed. If anything, he could be among the first of the New Traditionalists to follow the trend of freeing House-elfs. “I-I always meant to do it,” Lucius said, and it wasn’t a lie.
And no one other than those present would ever have to know that it was actually a fourteen-year-old-boy who had tricked him into it.
Their first date after the kids were safely off to school was everything James wanted. It was casual and free. James pulled their mouths together the way he’d wanted to for the past three weeks. He sighed into the kiss. How cruel to have been denied this, the pleasure of kissing in broad daylight.
He could feel Lucius’ grin on his lips, “You know people are watching.”
“So?” James sniffed, “Let them watch.”
Lucius pulled away with a sigh, “Your exhibitionist tendencies getting out of control?”
James cocked an eyebrow, “You fucked me on your desk with the window open and the door unlocked.”
Lucius felt his face heat before his lips pulled into a grin at the memory.
James snickered as he pulled away from him, “But if you want to get out of here, we could go to my place. It’s closer.”
James waited for an answer, Lucius looked like he was trying to make up his mind about something.
“Okay,” Lucius said at long last, “Let’s go to Godric’s Hallow.”
They had to Apparate into a small shack near the edge of town. Lucius didn’t say anything, but James knew he was probably annoyed. Why couldn’t they just Apparate straight into James’ house? They could have, but James wanted Lucius to see the town. He felt it was important for Lucius to see the kind of harmony they were all working toward.
“Why do you let Muggles see your house?” Lucius asked when they got close enough to see it.
James laughed, “It’s just sort of sad not getting to know your neighbours. So we took down the anti-Muggle wards a long time ago.”
Lucius didn’t reply. The Manor didn’t have neighbours. At least not in the traditional sense.
They were walking up the garden when a voice came from behind them, “Oi, Jamesy-boy! It’s been a while!”
When Lucius turned, he was slightly petrified to realize that a pair of Muggles were heading their way.
“And who might this be?” The man in the pair grinned at him.
“Hi!” the Muggle-woman said. She pointed at herself, “I’m Mary Rosenberg and this is my husband, Dan.”
The woman was smiling so widely that Lucius was eighty percent sure she was demonic. “James, who is your charming friend?” Mary asked, indicating him.
Luckily James saved him from having to answer. “Mary, Dan, sorry I missed the last barbecue,” he winked at them, “I’ve been busy,” then he took Lucius’ hand and said, “This is Lucius.”
The Muggle couple exchanged a look. Then Mary cupped her cheek with her hand, “What an exotic name.”
Lucius was at a complete loss and mildly offended.
Dan reached out and clapped Lucius on the arm. Lucius bristled and swore he heard James snicker.
“So, you a basketball guy or a baseball guy?”
Again Lucius was at a loss.
James cut in, “He’s actually not into sports, this one.”
Dan nodded up and down, “I see. You do have that look about ya.”
Lucius was sure that was another insult of some kind, “I like sport,” he said, confused as to why James would forget about that, “I like Qu-”
James stepped on his foot and Lucius suddenly remembered that Muggles weren’t aware of Quidditch.
Dan stared at him, waiting for him to finish his sentence.
Lucius wracked his brain for a Muggle sport. “…football,” he finished.
Dan looked delighted, “Oh really?”
Lucius could absolutely tell James was straining not to laugh. His face was making all sorts of weird movements to keep it in.
Mary made a loud, annoyed sound before cutting the sports-talk short. “You know,” she said, leaning in closer as if she were about to tell them some secret, “James has looked so happy recently,” she winked, “I bet that’s all to do with you, hey?”
James’ face was suddenly red, “Mary.”
She seemed to enjoy teasing him. “You haven’t seen anyone long enough to introduce us before! I mean, after Lily, dear heart,” she made a click with her tongue, “Her garden was always so perfect. Those roses. My god, I wanted to steal each and every one.” Lucius guessed that Lily had probably put her talent with Charms to use in the garden. “And then there was… hm, what was his name again?”
And this was news to Lucius. He felt his eyes widen and felt James stiffen beside him. Lucius knew James had been keeping some things from him. His family secret, for one. But now this? Some other secret that other people, even Muggles knew about, but not him?
“Ah, let’s leave the past in the past, yeah?” James interjected and Lucius was sure he didn’t imagine the panic he saw on James’ face.
“Oh, well we best be off now anyway,” Mary said, still smiling as brightly as ever.
“Let’s catch the next football game! I’ll bring dip!” Dan said and then the couple were walking off, their chatter filtering off behind them on the breeze.
Lucius wasn’t sure what to make of the cheery Muggle couple.
James was not subtle in laughing at Lucius as he unwarded the door swiftly. “Was that your first time talking to Muggles?”
Lucius tried not to feel self-conscious, “Yes,” he said through clenched teeth. It made James laugh harder.
Lucius could tell that James was using Lucius’ embarrassment to keep him from potentially bringing up the subject of ‘whats-his-name’. But Lucius didn’t feel like bringing it up. Not now. He refused to give in to the anxiety in his mind that kept telling him that James didn’t trust him.
Lucius wanted to be happy with what they had right now. There was no use in being upset with James about something that was in the past anyway.
…besides, Lucius had other ways of getting that information.
They spent the weekend in Lucius' office pouring over documents and sending owls to get the Ministry to grant the New Traditionalist Society’s request for an audience. Once they accomplished that, they could move their focus to things bigger and better. With Ministry backing, they would have the same rights and protection as the long-standing Pureblood Society.
But the audience request was proving tricky with certain members of the Pureblood Society standing in their way, and of course Avery being their pawn in a high position.
“I’m still waiting on a reply from Vance,” James sighed, “Do you know them, can you send them a personal letter?”
Lucius nodded and motioned to the growing stack of parchment on the left side of the table, “Yes, put it with the others.”
Lucius was surprised at how well James took to committee work. If he had had to hazard a guess, he never would have assumed that James Potter was capable of sitting still for hours on end. But it appeared that when he had a task to do, he was not easily persuaded to abandon it.
He was very glad to have James’ help even though he had removed James from the New Traditionalist Society himself.
Lucius was feeling very good about their chances of an audience, but his good mood was cut short when he opened another piece of mail to find another pressed narcissus. The nature of the flowers still eluded him. If they were a threat, Bella had yet to act on it. They were coming less frequently now, but they still shook him up every time he found one. And this one had been mailed to his home. It was most certain;y a personal message.
He hid the flower from James, vanishing it when James left the room for a moment. He didn’t want both of them distracted. Lucius’ head began to fill with all the ways he would try and bring down the New Traditionalist Society if he was still the lapdog of the Purebloods. Shutting down new societies that ran in opposition to the Pureblood Society had at one point been Lucius’ main duty. He had been very good at it too.
The first thing he would do is find every piece of dirt on their leader. That would be an easy task as Lucius had plenty of dirt anywhere you looked. It wouldn’t be very hard… but that still didn’t seem like enough. Lucius, so far, had been competent and transparent about where he came from and how he planned to run this society. It wouldn’t do to attack him from the front, he was too good at spinning unfavourable press. No, if he wanted to shut himself down, he’d go for where it hurt.
Lucius was shocked by the realization that hit like a bolt of lightning.
It couldn’t be a mistake that Draco had been abandoned by all the people he called friends. Wasn’t it a strange phenomenon that even the people who supported Lucius had told their children to stay away from Draco? This had Pureblood Society blackmail written all over it. The only mystery was why they hadn’t gone for Lucius’ heart, why they hadn’t tried to force him back into their clutches by threatening Draco directly. Perhaps Bella being Draco’s only other living family member had spared him? Well, as spared as could be when he’d been all but isolated by his classmates.
Oh. Oh. Another thought hit Lucius. Maybe they weren’t making Draco the focus of their attack. Lucius’ heart triple-timed in his chest. He looked over at James who had returned and was now innocently making his way through their mound of parchments.
It was what Lucius would do, if he was in Bella’s position. It was the most logical choice. They’d go for James. But how?
James had secrets that Lucius wasn’t privy to. What were the odds that they could be found out by someone else? Were they secrets that could ruin him? Ruin Lucius? Where they secrets that could destroy what they were trying to do?
“Are you okay?” James frowned at him and Lucius blinked, realizing that he’d been lost in thought for an unknown amount of time.
Lucius nodded distractedly, forcing his mind to return to their task. “I’m fine, I must be getting tired.”
He wasn’t going to let James know his realization. The less James knew, the better. That last thing Lucius needed was for James to confront Bella on his own or try to do something stupidly heroic. Maybe Lucius could find a way to spare him from whatever Bella had planned. Maybe he could out-maneuver Bellatrix and find a way to get James out of the cross-hair altogether.
They spent another Friday with Black and Lupin, and after dinner, Lucius and Lupin escaped while Black and James drowned themselves in their Muggle soap-opera nonsense.
“Thank you,” Lucius said, pulling his mug of tea toward him in Black’s colourful, confusing kitchen.
Remus smiled and poured his own tea before joining Lucius at the kitchen table.
Lucius didn’t feel exactly good about it, but he liked to take opportunities that presented themselves. So he asked even though he knew James might find out. “Did James have a relationship after Lily?”
Lupin paused for a long moment, an answer, whether he’d meant to give it or not. And then thankfully, a more coherent answer, “You mean Peter.”
Lucius gave a pause of his own, another unvocalized answer.
Lupin sighed, “There’s a story, but I’m not sure I’m the one to tell it.”
Lucius nodded. He’d expected as much. James’ friends were loyal above all else. If James didn’t want Lucius to know about this, it wasn’t going to be easy to uncover the story. But at least now he had a name. And one could work wonders with just a name.
“I’ll tell you one thing,” Lupin offered, “We all had a lot of growing up to do the year Lily left us… and James has always been especially resistant to… that.”
“That’s a sweet way of saying he’s an insufferable man-child,” Lucius smirked.
Lupin smiled back. Then he waved his wand and cast a Silencio. Lucius sat up straighter in his chair. He’d somehow imagined it’d be harder than this to get James’ friends to open up.
“Before Lily,” Lupin said cautiously, “He had a habit of dating people who only boosted his ego. And after Lily… I think he subconsciously wanted a relationship that looked easy on the outside. He reverted back to the person he used to be. Before her.” Lupin took a cautious sip of hot tea before gently setting the cup back down, “I love him, like a brother,” Lupin said softly, “But I don’t ever want to see him be that person again.”
There was clearly a much larger story that Lucius was missing, but he knew he would have to hear it from James himself.
“He dated sweet people, kind people,” Lupin said, “but ultimately people who couldn’t or wouldn’t stand up to him.”
Lucius nodded, “Until someone finally did?”
Lupin took a shallow breath, “Something like that.”
Lucius tried to imagine it. James didn’t have any qualms giving Lucius all the details about Lily he could stand, but whatever this other relationship had been, was it still so painful that he couldn’t even talk about it? Could barely acknowledge it?
“You’re a breath of fresh air,” Lupin said, his smile looked genuine. “You’re not afraid to piss him off. Not afraid to get in his face or call him out. And I know you’d never let him get away with being horrible. That’s very important to me.”
Lucius nodded. The mysterious support and approval he had always received from James’ friends suddenly made sense. It also put many more things in context. He’d always thought of himself as the person with the horrible past who had a lot of making up to do. But if what he’d learned today was all true, maybe that made two of them.
Cautiously, Lucius asked, “Do you think this… Peter, would ever hurt him?” he had to know what he was dealing with. Was this a person who might be swayed by Bella’s mission?
Lupin frowned, “Don’t ask me that. I don’t know. I guess he could if he wanted to. But we haven’t seen or heard from him in years.”
Lucius didn't like this. It felt like a vulnerability and feeling vulnerable always made him anxious.
Lucius set up a dinner with Emma and Talkalot.
He knew that Talkalot, in particular, was a vault of information, especially about their school days.
He wasted almost no time in asking, “Do you remember a Peter? At Hogwarts? A Gryffindor probably.”
Emma shrugged but Talkalot looked thoughtful. “Peter Pettigrew? In my year? I remember him. Wasn’t he that little butterball who never thought for himself? We used to hide his quills but it got boring because he never did anything about it.”
“I don’t remember anything about him,” Lucius admitted, he hadn’t known the names of anyone outside his own House, “Do you know anything else about him?”
Talkalot shook her head, “Not really. I do seem to recall him being obsessed with a certain someone you’re involved with.”
“Were they close?”
Talkalot raised an eyebrow, “Potter’s group? They were the closest. Black, Lupin, Potter, and Pettigrew. Never saw a more tight-knit group.”
Lucius swallowed, what did that mean? Pettigrew had been to James what Lupin and Black still were? That meant Pettigrew was potentially someone James would throw his life down for, “Anything else?”
Talkalot turned her palm up, “Would you like me to do a little scrying?”
Lucius shook his head. “No, I have my own version of that.”
Lucius was already cataloguing all the places he was going to search for information on one Peter Pettigrew. He didn’t think the man had done anything noteworthy in recent years or he would have at least recognized the name, but he was determined to find him. If Pettigrew had been one of James’ closest friends at Hogwarts, then he absolutely knew all James’ secrets. He was also potentially a loose-end that Lucius couldn’t afford. He was a potential danger to James and to himself. But he could perhaps buy his eternal silence or make some well-informed threats if necessary. As long as he got there before Bella did.
It was now June and Lucius hadn’t had any luck tracking down Peter Pettigrew. Apparently the man was very good at hiding. Lucius had to admire someone who knew how not to be found. He only hoped that Bellatrix had similar luck.
The month was passing by quickly and after the strenuous amount of hard work, they finally received a letter stating that the New Traditionalist Society would be granted their request for an Audience with the Minister of Magic. James cheered when Lucius read the letter to him. Finally. They were finally getting somewhere. An Audience was mostly a formality. It meant they were officially recognized as a legitimate group. It meant that they couldn’t be shut down by technicalities or really pushy adversaries.
It meant there was now a clear target on their back. The Pureblood Society had no choice but to try and get to them before the Audience. Afterwards would be too late. This was their one chance to stop the New Traditionalist’s work before it even started. As happy as the Audience date made Lucius, it wasn’t until late November. Five months away. Plenty of time for the Purebloodists to plan and attack. Lucius would have to be hyper-vigilant for the next five months
It was nearly school end. Which meant the children would be home for two and a half months. That alone made Lucius glad. At least with Draco home, he could keep an eye on him and not worry about the children of his enemies trying to influence Draco.
This time, Lucius and James had decided to get together early in the vacation. After a week of being home, James and Harry would come to the Manor and probably spend the rest of the vacation there. The Manor was great during the summer. It was the only time the cold drafts worked in the inhabitants’ favour.
They spent their last children-free Friday with Black and Lupin. Lucius actually looked forward to it each week. Lupin always gave Lucius detailed updates on how Draco was fairing (telling him the things Draco kept out of his weekly letters). And being in Narcissa’s cousin’s old home was oddly comforting. Even though the house had been renovated to be practically unrecognizable.
“Prongs, have you read the letter yet?” Lupin asked as the four of them sat around the living room table playing with Muggle cards that didn’t move or explode.
James sent him a quizzical look.
“What letter?”
“From McGonagall?” Lupin hesitated, “About Harry?”
James and Lupin stared at each other for a beat before they sighed at the same time. Clearly Harry had found some infuriatingly clever way to intercept letters to his father.
James groaned, “I need a new owl. Hedwig is too loyal to that troublemaker.”
Lupin sighed, “A bunch of students have been getting cursed. They said the curses came from ‘out of nowhere’,” Lupin paused, “So you know what that means.”
Lucius was confused, he tilted his head, “What does that mean?”
Lupin gave him an incredulous look before turning to James, “You haven’t told him?”
James took a breath, his spine suddenly rigid, “No.”
Lupin looked confused and that made Lucius feel vindicated. So he wasn’t the only one who thought it was strange for James to be keeping secrets from him. Lucius was glad Lupin appeared to share his view and wondered if that alone was enough to show James that there was no reason for him to keep things from him.
“Right,” Lupin said slowly, looking back and forth between them, “Sirius? Can you come help me in the kitchen?” It was a very transparent attempt to leave James and Lucius alone, but Lucius was grateful for it.
When Lupin and Black had gone, James ran both his hands through his hair with a deep sigh. “Okay, fine.”
Lucius felt his face turn pink, “If you don’t want to share, don’t force yourself.” He was feeling sensitive and hurt that James still couldn’t bring himself to trust him.
“It’s not-” James started and then stopped, “It’s not a small thing I’m about to tell you. So just,” James squeezed his eyes shut, “Just give me a minute.”
Lucius was confused. What could possibly merit James’ strange behaviour? And what on Earth did it have to do with students getting cursed?
“This family secret,” Lucius asked, “Is it dangerous?” he was constantly trying to out-maneuver anything Bella and the Purebloodists might do. Was this information they potentially had?
James raised an eyebrow, “Not really. I mean… I guess Harry’s making it seem that way. I think I’m going to have to take it away from him.”
Lucius was getting more and more confused by the moment.
James gave one last sigh before saying, “It’s an invisibility cloak.”
That didn’t clear up any of Lucius’ confusion. Why was an invisibility cloak worth this secretiveness? They were rare and expensive, and probably not something a responsible adult should allow a young boy to have, but Lucius was getting the distinct impression that there was more to this confession.
James bit his lip, apparently deciding what he wanted to say, “It’s been in my family for generations.”
Lucius frowned, “Generations? Don’t they grow faulty after a couple of years?”
James smirked, “Not this one.”
Lucius was still confused, “So your son is in possession of a very old… heirloom, that renders the wearer invisible-”
“And impervious to spells.”
Lucius’ words died on his tongue. His eyes widened as he stared at James, his mind was a cloudy chaos until finally everything fell into place. “No,” he moved his lips in an awed whisper, unbelieving. It was absurd! Ridiculous! It was… it was.. not fair!
James’ lips turned up into his trademark smirk, “Godric’s Hallow wasn’t always open to Muggles.”
Lucius’ mouth gaped like a fish. He opened and closed his mouth several times, “You- You’re- Your family is- That’s… really?” how on Earth was this okay? How did someone who spurned Pureblood ideology, someone who hadn’t bothered to connect with their heritage for years, how could he be a direct decent of one of the most powerful and legendary Wizarding families in history?
James shrugged an arrogant shoulder, he was clearly enjoying Lucius’ utter bewilderment, “It’s all rumour of course. Can’t be substantiated.”
“Can’t be-,” Lucius sputtered, “You have proof!” The cloak was a legend itself, if the Potters would let it be studied, they could absolutely trace their family’s history with it.
“You can’t tell anyone,” James said, sitting up straighter in his chair.
Lucius felt that stab of mistrust again, “Of course I won’t. Who the hell would believe me anyway?”
James smiled at him. “It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you,” he said, picking up on what must have showed on Lucius’ face, “It’s just… I haven’t told anyone in years. It’s really not something I even think about most of the time.”
Lucius was still in a state of shock. He was certain that if he was related to the Peverell family, however distantly, he would have it written on a banner you could see from outer space.
Muffled laughter broke Lucius’ silent awe. He and James both turned to see Lupin and Black watching from where they were only partially concealed by a half wall.
Lucius glared at them.
“What?” Black raised his hands in defense, “You thought we were going to miss the expression on your face when he told you?” Black grinned cruelly, “I thought your head was going to explode! Your jaw hit the floor!”
James rolled his eyes, “Can we please get back to cards?” he picked up the card deck from the table and began shuffling it.
Lucius did his best to concentrate on the weird Muggle game they were trying to teach him, but his mind was still spinning around itself. Peverell. Peverell. As much as Lucius knew that he was a changed man and that he would have probably fallen for James even if the other man was a Muggle, he was thrumming with energy. HA! If his parents could see him now. They would have demanded Lucius propose at once, linking the Malfoys to the legendary family at once. My, but how strange the world was.
Lucius jumped as he was kicked in the shin under the table. He narrowed his eyes at his attacker.
“Stop looking at me like that,” James said, but his wide grin said something else entirely.
The boys put up minimal fuss when they learned they’d be spending summer vacation together. It made James’ heart soar to think that they may have finally accepted the situation between him and Lucius. They had apparently quit their mission to break their fathers up. But the lack of friction only brought more attention to the fact that James was going to have to talk to Harry about misusing the cloak.
James was determined to try and do some disciplining. He had talked it through with Lucius and he knew he needed to take control of this situation before it got out of control. Before he inadvertently approved of the behaviour through pure inaction.
He tried in the first week to get Harry to start his homework with Quidditch as motivation. But in the end, Harry won that stand-off like he always did.
James knew they had to talk about the missing letters from McGonagall before they left for the Manor, but James wasn’t sure how to bring it up. He didn’t want to storm in and demand them, he also didn’t want to accuse Harry directly, putting them at immediate odds. When James wrote to him, Lucius was thankfully quiet in his disapproval of James’ general beating around the bush and seemed to understand that just as James never forced Lucius to have heart-to-hearts with Draco, Lucius couldn’t force James to start punishing Harry.
But James was still antsy on the day the were leaving for the Manor and he still hadn’t managed to get at the problem. He could only imagine the disappointed and annoyed look Lucius would give him when they arrived and he realized that James hadn’t been able to do it.
But he needn’t have worried because as they were packing for their stay at the Manor, James was knocked upside the head by a letter that had flown at him from Harry’s room. The letter had been charmed and zoomed straight into James’ out-stretched hand. He took one look at it and knew what it was.
Harry had chased it out the door but stopped in his tracks when he saw his dad with it.
“What is this?” James asked.
“It’s nothing!” Harry said and tried to grab it from him.
This time it looked like Harry had intercepted James’ owl directly to get it. But McGonagall was as smart as they come and must have anticipated Harry’s attempts. She’d charmed it so if left unopened, it would seek out its intended.
James gave Harry a disappointed look and they relocated to the living room as James scanned the letter. Just as Remus had said, Harry had been accused of attacking other students. McGonagall wrote that there was no ‘proof’ as it were, but seeing as the spells came from ‘nowhere’, they both probably knew what that meant. And Harry’s guilty behaviour only cemented their suspicions.
James rubbed a hand over his face. Harry was watching him closely.
McGonagall would never tell anyone how to raise their children, but she didn’t have to, James already knew Harry’s discipline problems were his fault. It still felt strange though, having to think of a punishment for the very things James did at his age.
“Okay,” James said, squaring up for an argument, “Give me the cloak. You can have it back when you’re finished all your homework and once you’ve shown me you can be responsible with it.”
Harry crossed his arms, “I left it at school.”
James could tell that Harry had thought this through. He must have known James’ first instinct would be to take the cloak. “I’ll have Remus get it for me.”
Harry smirked, “If he can find it.”
Okay, so Harry had really thought this through. James was floundering, but he couldn’t let this pass. And Harry taking all this precaution to ensure he wasn’t punished was something James should have expected.
James took a deep breath, “Harry, you’re grounded.”
Harry gave him a level stare, there was a small tilt to his lips like he thought James was joking, “I’m what?”
“You’re grounded, until you’ve finished your homework. Until then, no Quidditch, no flying.”
Harry seemed to be sizing him up for a second. Then a cloud seemed to settle over his features, “And how exactly are you going to stop me?”
James knew the face Harry was making, he knew without a doubt that Harry had learned it from him. It was the face that said he was going to make this as humanly difficult as possible.
For a moment James wasn’t sure how he was going to manage it either, but then he had an idea.
James took a step toward the linen closet that had nothing of linen inside it at all. Instead it held all the Potter’s Quidditch items. Brooms, balls, and other gear.
Harry’s eyes widened.
James took out his wand and Harry glared, “You wouldn’t.”
Then before he could change his mind, James pointed at the closet with his wand and muttered a spell.
Harry ran over to the closet and opened it. It was nothing but linen. “What did you do?” he demanded.
James felt smug, “A useful charm your mother taught me a long time ago.”
Harry slammed the linen closet door shut, “Put it back!”
James crossed his arms, “Not until your homework is done. By you, not your friends and not Draco.”
For a second they stared at each other, James with resolution, Harry with pure malice.
“I hate you!” Harry bellowed before storming out of the room.
The words pierced through James like a knife through the heart. Those bright green eyes with an expression that James had sworn he’d never put there. It felt too much like Lily hated him, like Harry actually hated him.
He chased Harry out the door, pure instinct. He had to go after him, to make sure he didn’t-
A hand on his shoulder stopped him in the hall from going after Harry. He hadn’t even heard Lucius come in.
“He didn’t mean it,” Lucius said. His firm grip a comfort. But James still wasn’t sure he wanted to leave Harry alone. Not like this.
“I should make sure he’s-”
“He isn’t going to listen to anything you say right now,” Lucius said calmly, “Let him be angry. Give him time to cool off.”
“But-”
“We want him to understand that there are consequences for his actions,” Lucius said, “Right?”
James took a deep breath in. He nodded. He was grateful that Lucius showed up when he did. Not only to stop James from doing what he desperately wanted to, but also because he really didn’t want to be alone right now.
“This is healthy,” Lucius said, putting an arm around James’ waist, “even though it feels counter-intuitive.”
James let himself lean into Lucius. He knew he was right. It had been the same when he and Lily had begun trying to get Harry to sleep through the night. James hated the sound of Harry crying and would try and go to him every time. Lily would hold him back. She’d been his anchor. When he’d lost that, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from spoiling Harry. From giving him whatever a boy could want. From caving to his every wish. James had no impulse control. And he hated that Harry had learned to take advantage of other people as a result of James’ negligence.
But now James felt like he had an anchor again.
The plan was to have dinner and then make their way to the Manor. But when James sent out a charm to tell Harry dinner was ready, he wasn’t altogether surprised Harry didn’t come out of his room. What was surprising was that Harry didn’t even sneak the plate up to his room either. Harry never missed dinner, even when he was angry. He always found a way to get his plate even when he was avoiding James.
The full plate made James worry. He knocked on Harry’s door. Silence.
He opened the door and Harry was nowhere in sight. To Harry’s credit, his textbooks and parchments were spread out over the floor as if he had tried to do a bit of homework. But it was pretty clear that he had gone. James sighed, displeased, but at least he always knew where Harry would go.
When James arrived at the Manor, he was alone.
“He’s at Grimmauld place,” James told Lucius.
“Are you going to get him?”
“He’s still mad at me. I’ll go get him after a day or so when Sirius says he isn’t mad anymore.”
Lucius stared, “You allow him to run away whenever he’s upset?”
“You’re the one who said I should give him space.”
“Yes, space, not free reign to come and go as he pleases.”
James crossed his arms, “What am I supposed to do? He’s already gone.”
Lucius thought for a second, “I’ll go.”
James had been surprised but had no objections, so Lucius went to Grimmauld Place. Sirius didn’t even look surprised to see him, he barely looked up from the part he was working on. “He’s upstairs,” Sirius said, “Third door on the left marked ‘DO NOT ENTER’.”
Lucius also thought Sirius had to be blamed for some of Harry’s behaviour but he wasn’t going to get into that now. It was probably a good thing that Harry had a safe place he could go when he needed to get away. But running away wasn’t a very Gryffindor thing to do, surely Harry knew that.
Lucius knocked on the door and he heard a muffled, “What?” so he let himself in.
Harry was reading comics books on his bed. He looked very surprised that Lucius was there. He tried to look behind Lucius to see if his dad was there too. “It’s just me,” Lucius assured him.
Harry put the comic down, “Did my dad send you?”
“I wanted to come.”
Harry frowned, “Why?”
Lucius took a step toward him, “I thought we could talk.”
Harry looked confused, “Why?” he asked again.
“I noticed you didn’t tell your dad why you were attacking people from under your cloak.”
Harry moved his eyes to the floor, “So? He never asks and I never tell him.”
“I have a theory,” Lucius said, sitting down on the only chair not covered with clothes, “I don’t think you were attacking,” Lucius paused, “I think you were defending.”
Harry made a face.
Lucius grinned, “You don’t have to tell me your reason, but you should appreciate that without it, your dad doesn’t have a choice but to act accordingly.”
Harry was quiet for a while, then he said, “Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone?”
Lucius was aware that Harry was trying to change the subject, but if he didn’t want to talk about the cloak and why he was misusing it, Lucius wasn’t going to force him to, “If you want to.”
“You have to promise not to tell anyone.”
Lucius wasn’t sure how he felt about that. “But your father-”
“Especially my dad. And not my Godfathers either.”
It made Lucius uneasy, but Harry was looking at him with so much hope in his expression that Lucius found he didn’t have a choice. If Harry felt like he couldn’t tell anyone except Lucius, for whatever strange reason, Lucius would at least listen. “Alright.”
Harry took a moment to look around them, almost like he half expected someone to be eavesdropping on them. He flexed his fingers, then he lowered his voice and leaned closer, “I was almost sorted into Slytherin.”
Lucius stared, relieved it wasn’t anything serious, “You were?”
Harry looked every bit like he had been holding in this secret forever. He looked elated at having finally gotten it off his chest. He spilled the whole story, how the sorting hat had wanted to place him in Slytherin but Harry was determined to be Gryffindor like his parents and his Godfathers. He talked about how he’d taken so much pride in being a Gryffindor, how proud his father was of him, but he’d always wondered if maybe he was supposed to be in Slytherin.
Lucius listened quietly the whole time Harry talked. It had been more than 20 years since Lucius had been at Hogwarts but he remembered how essential these things felt. He remembered the House feuds and the friends he’d made. He remembered the pride and the elation of victory and the sting of loss at Quidditch games. It was fascinating to see it all played out again in front of him.
He didn’t tell Harry that eventually he would realize that none of that mattered in the real world. Gryffindor and Slytherin didn’t have much meaning outside of Hogwarts. But with all of this having clearly been bothering him for so long, Lucius knew it would be the wrong thing to say.
After Harry had nearly talked himself hoarse, he stared at Lucius with shining eyes, “So what do you think?”
Lucius blinked, “What do I think about what?”
“Do you think I was supposed to be Gryffindor or Slytherin?”
Lucius realized now that all of Harry’s combatant Gryffindor pride, so often the centre of the animosity between him and others, had been coloured by his insecurities of believing he’d maybe chosen the wrong House.
Lucius put a hand on Harry’s shoulder, “I think you chose to be a Gryffindor, so you were meant to be a Gryffindor.”
“But the Sorting Hat-”
“The Sorting Hat gave you a choice. And our actions are often a stronger indicator of who we are than what we say we are.”
Harry looked lost in thought for a moment before he said, “So I really am a Gryffindor then.”
Lucius was sure Harry hadn’t meant to sound so disappointed. Maybe Harry had convinced himself that the problems in his life might be resolved if he were a Slytherin. “If you’d like,” he said, “We could say you’re Gryffindor with a Slytherin streak.”
Harry’s face brightened a little.
“But you must remember,” Lucius said, “You wear Gryffindor robes, and that means everything you do reflects your entire House, whether you mean it to or not. And as much as I believe you were doing what you thought was right, attacking while being invisible isn’t a Gryffindor thing to do.”
Harry made a face, “You sound like my dad.”
“Just as everything I do under the ‘Pureblood’ name has affected the Pureblood community whether I meant it to or not, your actions will have affects on your classmates whether you like it or not.”
Harry seemed to realize what Lucius was implying. He was no longer smiling as he said, “I know Draco hates me.”
“I don’t believe he does.”
Harry was staring at the planks in the floor. “I would if I were him…” he didn’t finish that sentence, “Anyway, it’s not his fault that the rest of his House are a bunch of-” he seemed to belatedly remember who he was talking to, “Nevermind.”
Things slowly fell into place for Lucius. Harry was a bit like his father. He hated admitting he was wrong. It was easier for Harry to believe Draco hated him than to try and apologize. And maybe instead of apologies, Harry had been trying to, in his own way, make up for the past.
“You can’t change the past,” Lucius said, “I know that better than anyone. If you’d met me five years ago, you’d have hated me every bit as much as you hate the other Purebloodists. And I might spend the rest of my life trying to make up for the mistakes I made, but even then, the only thing I can do is decide who I want to be from now on. And make decisions in line with my new philosophies. I won’t lie to you, it’s not easy, but I take pride in the person I’m trying to be.”
Harry looked up at him, focused and listening. It occurred to Lucius that this was something that might have meant something different to Harry had it come from James. Lucius had avoided this topic with Harry because he felt it was something for father and son to discuss. But James had already grown up and grown away from the mistakes he’d made as a child. James probably couldn’t relate anymore to what Harry was going through, much less understand why Harry might make the decisions he was making. But Lucius was still in the midst of paying for his mistakes. He still had to remind himself every morning that he wasn’t the person he used to be. Lucius knew how difficult transformation was, emotional metamorphism was a painful process of trial and error, but if Harry had the motivation to change, Lucius wanted to help him do it.
“I suggest you reflect on what you intended with your actions and how they were interpreted,” Lucius continued, “We have to be careful with our actions because we can still hurt people without realizing. But you can’t think of that as ‘unchanging’. It’s more like growing pains. You can’t let yourself get frustrated when change doesn’t come natural or easy or because you still have to keep tabs on yourself.”
Harry groaned and ran both hands through his unruly hair. “Now you sound like Hermione.”
Lucius almost laughed because he knew what Harry was thinking. “I know it’s annoying and difficult and maybe doesn’t even seem worth it, but you’re a Gryffindor, aren’t you?”
Harry’s head shot up, his eyes already honing in on a challenge.
“No, more than that. You’re a Gryffindor with a Slytherin streak. So I believe you’re more capable than the average person. If you want to change, Harry, I know you can do it.”
Appealing to Harry’s innate pride seemed to work. He looked determined now instead of uncertain.
“There’s a way that you could help me,” Harry said.
Lucius felt like they had broken so much new ground. And he would help Harry any way he could. “And what is that?”
“If you convinced my dad to unground me.”
Lucius felt himself grinning despite the clear manipulation attempt. Harry really did have the sly, opportunistic ambitiousness of a Slytherin. “Oh no, Hufflepuffs are loyal to a fault and Gryffindors defend their friends, but Slytherins know when to stay out of battles that don’t involve them.”
Harry pouted but Lucius couldn’t stop grinning.
Harry and Lucius arrived at the Manor a little after seven in the evening. Harry wouldn’t make eye contact with James, but James looked glad to see Lucius had managed to convince him to come back.
“I trust you remember where your room is?” Lucius asked and after a quick nod, Harry ran up the stairs and away from having to talk to his dad.
James watched him disappear up the stairs with a resigned sigh.
“Perhaps give him another day,” Lucius suggested, “Though I’ll admit that’s never really worked in my favour with Draco.”
James gave him a smile, “I’m just glad he’s back. Thank you.”
Lucius felt warm.
Later, James crawled into Lucius’ bed and buried his face in a mound of pillows. “What am I supposed to do with him?” he groaned.
Lucius patted one of his shoulders but continued reading the paper he was reading. As far as he was concerned, there wasn’t a risk of a repeat. He hadn’t told James what he and Harry had discussed, as Harry had sworn him to secrecy.
“Given the circumstances,” Lucius said, “We should probably cancel tomorrow night.”
James’ head shot up, “But you were really looking forward to it!”
Lucius nodded, “Yes, but I have warned you before about the inappropriateness of rewarding ill behaviour.”
James sighed into another pillow, “Well we already bought the tickets, are you really going to let them go to waste?”
It did make Lucius anxious to think of it.
“Besides,” James said with a smile, “I think Harry’ll view it as a punishment anyway.”
James was right. Harry hadn’t stopped whining since they announced they would be going to see the Wizard Theatre Company’s newest production of MacBeth.
“Come on, it’ll be fine,” James said, trying to straighten Harry’s dress robes.
“It’ll be boring,” Harry groaned.
“We’ve never seen a wizard production of Shakespeare.”
“We’ve never wanted to.”
Lucius watched the father and son exchange with bemusement. He was glad they were on speaking terms again even though James had refused to unground his son. Lucius was proud of him. He might be able to rein in his son on his own someday.
Lucius typically wouldn’t force anyone to go to the theatre. The theatre was a sacred place, only the willing belonged there. But he strongly felt Harry could use a little… culture.
“It’s just for a couple hours,” James said, spelling a stain away from the cuffs of Harry’s trousers, “we’ll get ice cream after.”
That seemed enough to placate Harry. Lucius rolled his eyes. Had he really just thought that James was getting better at discipline?
Lucius turned to the door when he heard Draco come in. He was carrying two sets of robes. He looked distraught. “Father, all shades of grey are faux pas this season. What am I supposed to wear?”
“What’s wrong with your emerald robes?”
Draco looked insulted, “I wore those last time, when we saw Wagner. I can’t go to the same theatre in the same robes.”
Lucius sighed, he was right. “Well there isn’t time to get new robes before the show.”
Lucius heard Harry snort behind him. “Who cares? It’s going to be dark in there anyway. Go starkers for all anyone cares.”
Draco glared, “I don’t expect you to understand.”
James had finished making Harry look as presentable as possible. “I can change the colour for you, if you’d like,” he offered.
Draco’s eyes lit up. “Really?”
“Sure, pick one and put it on.”
Draco swung around on his heel to go get dressed.
He was back in a few minutes, picking at one of the sleeves that wouldn’t fall right.
“Can you make it Prussian blue?”
James gave him a blank look.
Lucius snickered, “Here,” he cast a spell that allowed the colour to hang in the air for a few seconds.
James hummed, “That’s going to need a bit of iron.”
Draco raised an eyebrow, “Iron?”
“Colours are made of chemicals,” James noticed the confused look on Draco’s face and struggled for the wizard equivalent, “Or elements, I suppose. As long as the chemicals I need are in the material, I can change it.”
“So what do I do?” Draco asked.
“Do you have anything made of iron?”
Lucius took off his family crest ring, “Here,” he handed it to James.
James grinned at him, “Perfect.”
James took the ring and rubbed it on Draco’s robes in patches. “It doesn’t have to be a lot, just enough to anchor the spell.” When he was finished he took a step back. “Okay,” he said brandishing his wand, “Multicorfors.”
Immediately Draco’s robes turned to a deep blue. Draco ran to the nearest mirror, he beamed at his reflection.
James looked proud of his work too. “I’m pretty rubbish with colours, actually,” James said, “But a few years ago Sirius needed my help with some bike modifications and I learned pretty fast.”
Draco was ecstatic.
“Ugh, can we go?” Harry groaned.
In their seats at the theatre, Harry had already been asked to stop kicking seats three times and James finally threatened to extend the grounding if he didn’t start behaving. Lucius was gratified that Harry seemed to take that threat seriously. See? All James needed was a little follow-through.
Draco had tried to beg Lucius to change their seats so they didn’t have to sit near Potter and his pity party, but Lucius had just shushed him.
Luckily, once the play started, everyone’s attention seemed to be on the play itself. Draco had seen MacBeth several times and also read the play. And Harry had been thankfully quiet since the show started.
There were no incidents at all throughout the play and Lucius was very pleased. He shared a look with James who looked just as impressed with their trouble-offspring as Lucius felt.
“Are you crying?” Draco said, noticing Harry’s unusual silence with ill-concealed glee in his voice as the house lights finally came back on.
“No,” Harry snarled while wiping his eyes with his sleeve.
“Look at you,” Draco clicked his tongue, “You made such a fuss on the way here but you loved it.”
The words were purposefully provocative and Harry scowled, “I didn’t love it! It was just cool okay?”
“Cool,” Draco snorted in disbelief, “And somehow you’re still immune to the actual culture of the piece.”
“What do you know?” Harry glared, “I bet you didn’t know what half those Muggle references were about.”
Draco’s cheeks caught a bit of pink, “So? I’ll learn, won’t I?”
Harry rolled his eyes.
Both boys were oblivious to the pleased looks on their fathers’ faces.
With the show over, the four of them made their way outside. It was clear that Harry had had a complete change-of-heart. “Did you see the blood that gushed out of that guy?” he was hitting his dad with a fake sword they had bought as a souvenir. James noted the smug look on Lucius’ face. James wondered if he’d planned all along to convert Harry Potter to Shakespeare.
“I’ll lend you the book, if you’d like,” Draco offered casually.
“There’s a book?” Harry stared at him with wide eyes.
For a second Draco looked on the verge of despair before reining himself in and said in a steady voice instead, “Yes.”
James was delighted at the civility.
They decided to walk to a favourite restaurant of Lucius’.
James walked beside Draco and draped an arm over his shoulders. At first Draco seemed taken aback by the gesture, but he quickly overcame the initial discomfort, “So you like theatre, do you have any other hobbies or passions?” James asked.
Draco shrugged, “I don’t know.” James guessed that he still wasn’t used to having to share personal information at the drop of a hat.
“I know you like Quidditch,” James said.
Draco nodded but there was suddenly a new stiffness to his shoulders, “Yes, but I still have to try-out for Slytherin team every September.”
What that meant was Draco had never been given a permanent position like most of his other team members. Instead, the Slytherin Seeker position was offered to anyone that wanted to try and if they ever found someone they liked better than him, he’d lose his spot on the team. Not a completely bad way to run a team, if they were only interested in strong players, but it didn’t build loyalty between team members and James had a sneaking suspicion that threatening Draco’s position every year was a sure way to get Lucius to buy those new brooms every start of term.
James had been to mostly every game Harry ever played. Draco never won against Harry. James jostled Draco with his shoulder to try and get him to stop standing so stiff, “Well you’re not bad. But have you ever thought about playing a different position?”
Draco shook his head, “Father always said Seeker was the only position worth playing.”
James whipped around fast enough to catch the wince on Lucius’ face, “Oh did he?” James glared.
Lucius held his hands up in self-defense but didn’t try to argue the point.
“On behalf of all Chasers, I am mortally offended,” James said and stuck his nose in the air before turning away from him again.
James wrapped his arm tighter around Draco’s shoulder and whispered to him, “How ‘bout you give Chasing a try?”
Draco glanced behind him to check if his father was listening.
Lucius narrowed his eyes, “What are you telling my son?”
James stuck his tongue out, “None of your business, Seeker-Lover.”
Harry apparently didn’t like the whispering back and forth between his dad and Draco because he lashed out, kicking James in the shin. “I’m hungry!” He put an end to the plotting between Draco and James.
James sighed, releasing Draco, who was now deep in thought, “I heard you the first time,” James turned to his son.
Lucius watched the exchange with amusement.
With Harry still grounded, James had decided to teach Draco the way of the Chaser. Draco didn’t seem too thrilled at first, but with a little more prodding, he eventually agreed to give it a try. James had told Lucius to stay away from them while they practiced because his presence would only give Draco an anxiety complex and maybe even a position-identity crisis.
Right away James recognized the tension in Draco. Hunched shoulders, erratic breathing pattern, grip too tight, mind too distracted. Draco always flew like he had too much to lose. The first thing they needed to do was work on his confidence.
“Let’s start with the basics,” James said mounting his broom.
Draco gave him a skeptical look, “I know you’re used to teaching babies, but I’ve been flying since I was four.”
James secretly loved the snark. “Too true, but there’s nothing wrong with a firm foundation. All the best Quidditch players rehearse the basics.”
Draco sighed but nodded his head in acquiesce.
They started with laps, then basic manoeuvres and drills. James paid careful attention to Draco’s style. Draco did have a good grip on the basics. But he flew rigidly and didn’t have the easy adaptability that made a Seeker great. He seemed to have a head full of Quidditch knowledge, that was great in theory, but would aide little when barrelling toward the ground after the Snitch. As James had suspected, Draco’s flying style was far more suited to Chaser, where his analytical mind would be put to far better use. As a Chaser, a bit of rigidity would help rather than hinder. If Draco could stick to a play even in the face of adversity, he could find a way to get the Quaffle to his teammates and through the hoop with no problem. James knew being a Seeker was glamorous and appealed to a lot of people because they didn’t have to worry about co-operation when their jobs were fairly solitary, but it was the Chasers who held the game together and gave the spectators something to watch.
James swooped to the ground to grab a Quaffle then met Draco back in the sky.
“Try and take it from me,” James instructed.
Draco gave a bored sigh and tried a lazy swipe as he passed in a slow circle. Taking a Quaffle was a lot harder than it looked. James switched hands and kept the ball out of reach. It was a game James liked to play with the little kids. Three on one, see if they could take it off him. They were adorable when they managed it.
Draco seemed to realize that the task wasn’t as easy as it seemed and grew more determined with each passing moment. James grinned as he stayed where he was, letting Draco loop around him but never letting Draco’s fingers get close enough to more than reach out.
Draco feinted to the right and James nodded approvingly, “Good, you almost grazed it!”
Draco snarled at him, increasing his pace. His turns were sharp and perfect, James noted proudly. They were never wider than they had to be. Draco did graze the Quaffle this time but James got creative and fell off his broom, keeping himself airborne with his legs as he dangled upside-down. Draco glared at him, “That’s cheating!”
James laughed, “It’s not!” He pulled himself back up onto his broom, “Come on, you’re doing great.”
The look on his face said Draco didn’t believe him, but he feinted quickly to the left and then the right, keeping James off balance, he reached for the Quaffle and just as James was pulling it out of his reach again, Draco used an agile kick to knock the Quaffle away from both of them.
James beamed, “That was amazing!” A splotchy blush coloured Draco’s cheeks. “This time, you keep the Quaffle and I’ll try to steal from you.”
Draco was a quick learner and within two hours had perfected every basic Chaser move in the book. As well as some of James’ less than conventional tactics. James had grinned so wide his face hurt the first time Draco feinted a fall off his broom to get the Quaffle back in his possession. Draco was sly and creative and James felt only a little bad that he may be skewing future Quidditch games in Slytherin’s favour.
Lucius watched as James threw his arm around Draco and squeezed him. Then he passed him the Quaffle again.
Lucius watched the pair with rapt attention from a high window he knew he wouldn’t be seen from. Lucius and Draco had never been an especially affectionate father and son, but Lucius had never thought Draco might have needed that once in a while. The way his face lit up when James pushed or pulled him, hugged or pinched him, made something twist inside of Lucius that had been dormant for years.
Draco had been exceptionally brave when his mother passed. He held himself together so his father could do the same. But it felt like they had gotten stuck there. They never talked about her, never talked about anything really. They didn’t share their feelings with each other easily and Lucius always thought he was doing more good than harm in being strict. Lucius thought they were doing fine on their own, surviving together. But now he realized he hadn’t seen Draco smile in such a long time. Part of Lucius was saddened that he had never been able to make Draco grin so openly like that and another part of him was a burning brightness that ignited into a true flame when James caught him watching and shot him a cheeky wink.
Lucius found Harry set up with his homework in the drawing room that overlooked the Quidditch pitch. He wasn’t surprised to find that Harry wasn’t studying but glaring out the window instead.
“I hate this!” Harry growled.
Lucius made himself comfortable in a chair, “I would believe that, if you were doing anything to remedy your situation. But as you haven’t even started your Charms homework, I’m forced to conclude you like being stuck in here.”
Harry glared at him but turned away from the window and picked up a quill. He wrote a total of two lines before throwing the quill down in frustration. “This is stupid.”
Lucius hummed thoughtfully from behind his newspaper.
“Why are you even here?” Harry turned his frustration on Lucius, like a wounded animal lashing out.
“I thought you could use the company.”
“I don’t need company!”
“Shall I leave?” Lucius asked and made to stand up.
“But if you need the company…” Harry said, staring down at the table and not looking at Lucius.
Lucius smiled secretly as he made himself comfortable again. Harry wasn’t all that difficult to figure out, you simply had to let him think that he’d won. “Thank you, I do prefer company.”
Harry attempted a half-hearted sneer but Lucius was easily able to pick out the concealed relief inside it.
James was running late. He had a couple meetings lined up for the day, but he’d lingered, like usual in bed. It wasn’t his fault, all the excitement in the house was contagious. James really liked having their two families co-inhabiting, it was a little chaotic, but it was the good kind of chaotic.
James hurried down the stairs and was almost out the door before he remembered he left some of his essential papers in the main living room. He rushed in, he didn’t hear the voice at first.
“And then he said-” Draco trailed off as James came to a halt just inside the room. Draco’s face flushed as he saw James.
James felt himself flush too when he realized he’d just walked in on Draco talking to his mother’s portrait. A lump formed in James’ throat. “I’m- uh, sorry, I didn’t- um, knock,” James stammered, he didn’t know how to deal with this, Draco was staring at him like James had just caught him doing something he wasn’t supposed to, “Sorry, I’ll get out of your-”
“Don’t tell my father,” Draco said, his eyes pleading.
His request stunned James. What could be the reason Draco didn’t want his father to know that he talked to his mother’s portrait? Surely that was something anyone might do when they missed someone.
“Draco-” James started but Draco didn’t let him finish.
“Promise.”
James’ heart twisted. “But-”
“Promise.”
They had made such strides to being friendly, James didn’t want to ruin it. He squeezed his eyes and took a deep breath, “I promise.”
Draco looked relieved. James didn’t understand. Why was this something he wanted to keep from Lucius? It wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. From what James understood, Draco had been very close to his mother. It made perfect sense that he would want to visit and chat with her portrait, even if she couldn’t respond to him.
They stared at each other for a long moment, Narcissa’s watchful eyes glittering as she looked down at them. James swallowed, “Listen, I have to go, I’m really late for a meeting,” he hesitated, “But if you want to talk later-”
“I don’t.” Draco moved his head to look back at the portrait, effectively turning his back to James.
James didn’t want to push, in case Draco closed him off, so he said, “Okay, but if you ever do want to talk, I promise I’ll listen.”
Draco said nothing and James let himself out of the room.
When he’d closed the door behind him, James took another deep breath. It was painful to see how much pain Draco was still in. It was painful to feel so helpless in the face of it.
Harry managed to surprise everyone by getting his homework done in time for his birthday. Lucius suspected that Harry hadn’t been willing to call his father’s bluff when it came to the all-important birthday festivities. Though Lucius was certain James would have never depraved his son of a birthday party, he was glad that Harry hadn’t taken that risk.
It was a busy day with friends and family at Grimmauld Place and Lucius was surprised and then pathetically grateful that Harry invited Draco to the Burrow for his second birthday party with his friends after they’d had the first party with his Godfathers and more chocolate cake than Lucius had ever seen in his life.
Lucius excused himself from the Burrow party because he didn’t feel quite ready to deal with Arthur Weasley and his army and instead relished the alone time as James took both boys. Lucius used the time to reopen his findings on Pettigrew. He had only managed to form a half picture of his life. Finding only one person out of everyone he’d talked to that had seen him in the past few years. But that little bit of information was more than enough to go on. He was getting closer, he could feel it.
James had full intention of not betraying Draco’s trust, but he still couldn’t help fishing for information. Later, when he and Lucius were alone, he asked, “Have you and Draco ever talked about losing Narcissa?”
Lucius stared as if James had said something overly offensive.
“Draco and I have said as much as we’ve cared to on the matter.”
James frowned, somehow he seriously doubted that, “Are you sure?”
Lucius eyed him, “Is there something you want to tell me?”
James flushed, “No! I just thought-”
“Please keep your thoughts about this one thing to yourself.” Lucius’ tone wasn’t angry, but James could see that there was potential for this conversation to go very bad, very quickly. Though James didn’t usually think too hard before he spoke, this was the one area he didn’t want to risk screwing up.
“Okay,” James relented, picking up the book he was reading. He tried to concentrate on the words, but he was very aware of the tension in the air now. Of Lucius’ swirling thoughts, overthinking, like always. James didn’t know how to deal with this particular issue. He didn’t know if he would be helping or hurting to try and get them to talk about it. Either way, he wasn’t going to chance it. Not now.
“What do you want for dinner?” James asked cheerfully, hoping to diffuse the suffocating air of wounds that still hadn’t had time to heal completely.
At King’s Cross Station, they stood together on the platform to say goodbye.
“Bye Draco,” James said and pulled him into a short hug, “We’ll play more Quidditch next break,” he promised.
When James released him, Draco smoothed his robes, a nervous habit he’d picked up from his father. He glanced around, making sure that no one was watching.
Lucius put a hand on Draco’s shoulder, “I’ll owl you on Sunday.”
Draco nodded. He gave them both a short wave and got onto the train.
Harry hugged James and then Sirius.
“Be good,” James said.
“Give ‘im hell,” Sirius said, ignoring the look James shot him.
Harry nodded, but to which statement Lucius wasn’t sure. Then Harry turned to him.
Lucius was opening his mouth to say something in parting when he was cut off by Harry squeezing him for a quick second. Lucius had never been hugged by anyone who wasn’t his lover, wife, or Draco when he was still a child. Lucius was momentarily stunned.
When Harry pulled away, he seemed to have just realized what he was doing. “Um, sorry,” he said. Harry was just as naturally affectionate as his father. He had probably hugged Lucius without even thinking.
Lucius mutely shook his head, “Have… a good trip back.”
Harry gave him a grin before hopping up onto the train and disappearing from sight.
Lucius felt James reach for his hand as they watched the train depart.
Lucius felt a lump in his throat. He felt foolish getting choked up about something as simple as a short hug especially when he so rarely hugged his own flesh and blood. But as the train vanished into the horizon, there was a warmness inside of him that was rapidly spreading.
Lucius had early on managed to get a photograph of Gryffindor House from James’ fifth year. It was one of the only photos of Peter Pettigrew he had managed to find.
James, who looked every bit like Harry did now, was squeezed in between Black and Pettigrew. He had an arm around both of them, squeezing tight in that familiar affectionate way. Lupin was close by, pressed into Black’s side. It was clear as day that James adored this group of people. But other than that, there wasn’t much more to glean from it.
Lucius was so caught up in staring at the photo that he didn’t hear his lunch arrive.
“Is that what I think it is?” James’ voice made him jump. He couldn’t hide the photo now, that would look far too suspicious.
“Ah,” Lucius choked out, “I was merely curious about your time in Hogwarts.”
James took the photo, an unreadable expression clouding his features. “Wow,” he said softly, “We were just babies.”
“Harry looks just like you.”
James’ lips tilted, “I’m sorry he got my hair.”
Lucius remained quiet as James continued to stare at the photo, he let his finger run over it like a caress.
“What happened to him?” Lucius blurted before he could think better of it.
James blinked at him, “What?” a dark look flashed across his features.
Lucius resisted the urge to wince. He had truly given himself away now.
As he feared, James caught on quickly, “Tell me you didn’t.”
“Didn’t what?”
James put the photo on the desk, fixing Lucius with a look that rendered Lucius immobile. “Tell me you aren’t digging in the one area I don’t want you digging.”
“I just want to ensure-”
“Please,” James’ eyes were intense and pleading, “This is the one thing I need you to leave alone.”
Lucius didn’t know what to say. There was nothing else to say when James looked so upset. Lucius nodded slowly, “I’m sorry.”
The tension drained from James’ shoulders, he breathed a sigh of relief, “Thank you.”
Lucius nodded again and James kissed him quick before saying, “Sorry I can’t stay and eat with you, I have a hundred errands to run.”
They said their goodbyes and James left after one more lingering look at the photo.
When James had gone, Lucius took a deep breath. He was sorry. He was sorry that he couldn’t do as James asked.
A week later, Lucius silently cheered himself when he saw that one of the many owls he’d sent over the past week had produced a result. He finally found an old address for Peter Pettigrew. But he hadn’t yet decided what approach he wanted to take when he found him. Bribery? Blackmail? Pettigrew was a Gryffindor, maybe he was so unfailingly loyal like Lupin and Black that he wasn’t a threat at all and Bella would never be able to use him anyway? But Lucius had to admit that even if that were the case, it wasn’t something he was comfortable leaving to fate. He needed to find out what kind of person Pettigrew was. And if possible, uncover what had happened between him and James that James couldn’t even bear to tell him.
Perhaps he could write to Pettigrew pretending to be someone else. Perhaps a solicitor or maybe a different politician asking about which way Peter would vote in the next non-existent election. Or he could go to the address and pretend to be an old school acquaintance. Lucius knew enough glamour spells to adequately conceal his identity.
Lucius drafted a handful of letters, but he wasn’t satisfied with any of them. He needed to test Pettigrew, see if he had any grievances, see if he had any grand ideas or if he was the type of person who would take an opportunity that presented itself.
In the end, Lucius charmed a fairly innocent letter pretending to be an old acquaintance. He hoped it would be forwarded to wherever Pettigrew lived now. The charm would allow Lucius to follow its path and hopefully reveal where Pettigrew was hiding.
It was a weight off Lucius’ mind when the letter was finally sent. He had his hands full preparing for the Audience. It was now only two months away and the Pureblood Society still hadn’t shown their hand. Lucius was just as in the dark as before. It was a constant struggle not to show how much it stressed him. He couldn’t give anyone a reason to doubt him, to think that he wasn’t as mental strong as he proclaimed to be. But the waiting was torturous. Was that what they wanted? To unravel him first? Lucius took a deep breath and tried to refocus on his work. They could try but Lucius wasn’t going to give them an inch.
“This is…” Lucius wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. Bizarre? Unconventional? He had never even thought of taking James to Narcissa’s grave. It seemed unnecessarily morbid. But James seemed to have a deep appreciation for this little place tucked away in the countryside.
It looked very different than the last time Lucius was here. With the sunlight, it was whirling with vivid ranges of orange and red, it was lively for a place filled with the dead.
“Say something,” James grinned.
Lucius blinked and looked down at the elegant headstone lovingly engraved Lily Potter, “What?”
James shrugged, “Anything. It doesn’t have to be clever.”
Lucius had no idea what to say to a deceased woman he had never met. “Nice to meet you.”
James snickered and Lucius glared at him.
“He’s shy,” James directed this to the tombstone, “But you’d never guess from the way he’s dressed, right? Looks like the Ringmaster to a circus at all times.”
“Potter-” Lucius snarled.
James ignored him, “But he’s cute, right? God help anyone else who thinks they can pull off stripes and a green peacoat.”
Watching James talk to her was oddly endearing. He gushed like a kid retelling his day to his parent. He went on about Harry, “He’s smartened up a little and you don’t have to tell me that it took me long enough-” and about Draco, “He’s wicked sharp, you’d love him-” and any trivial thing that popped into his head.
Lucius hadn’t been checking the time, but he was surprised to realize that it was already past three when the bells at a church nearby began to ring.
“We should get going,” James said, straightening up and instinctively reaching for Lucius’ hand.
“Okay,” Lucius said softly. He didn’t want James to think he was in a hurry or had been counting down the minutes. Honestly, he could have listened to James rant for hours.
“See you, Lil,” James placed his palm on the headstone before they made their way back to the entrance of the cemetery.
“Thanks for coming with me,” James said.
“It was strangely enjoyable,” Lucius told him. He never thought he’d say that about a cemetery.
Since the boys had been banned from Quidditch for most of last year, the first game of the season was a bigger deal than normal. In the first week of November, the season started with Gryffindor versus Slytherin.
Lucius was not even slightly surprised when James showed up at the Manor dressed in every conceivable shade of red.
They left together and arrived at the Hogwarts Quidditch Pitch with the rest of the excited parents and spectators.
“So…” James said hesitantly as they were making their way to the stands, “Do you think since we have two kids whom we want to both support that maybe we should sit in the neutral zone?”
Lucius gave him a level look, “The neutral zone is for the bleeding-hearted weaklings who don’t understand the concept of House pride.”
“Oh thank Merlin,” James gave a huge sigh of relief, he kissed Lucius briefly on the lips, “See you later, Slytherin Scum!” then he bounded up to the Gryffindor stands as if he were planning to do just that no matter what Lucius’ opinion had been.
Lucius fought against a grin and found his way alone to the Slytherin stands.
There were a few other parents among the students in the Slytherin stands, unsurprisingly, they ignored him. He was fine with that. He wasn’t here to socialize.
Lucius kept to himself until he noticed a familiar figure coming into the stands. He thought he must be mistaken because even he knew that McGonagall was fiercely Gryffindor through and through.
Professor McGonagall gave all the Slytherin students a hard look as they stared confused and awed as to why she was in their stands. “I trust there will be no booing of one’s own team, this time?” she said to no one in particular.
Lucius was stunned. And knew immediately who she was referring to. But Draco had never mentioned his own team booing him. Lucius felt suddenly atrocious having missed so many of his games, especially at the beginning of the fiasco Lucius had created. And though Lupin had informed him about the Slytherin captain’s biased attitude toward Draco, he’d failed to mention this particular incident.
This year, the Slytherin team captain had tried to use Draco’s interest in a change of position as an excuse to force him off the team. But a week ago, a timely mysterious curse had rendered their usual defensive chaser unable to play.
Lucius had his suspicions about what had actually happened and it rhymed with hairy, but Lucius was a Slytherin through and through and he wasn’t willing to throw doubt on a circumstance that positively affected Draco. Though he was still disappointed that the heart-to-heart with Harry this past summer hadn’t quelled his apparent urges to achieve means through violence.
McGonagall made her way over to where Lucius was sitting and sat down on the deliberately empty bench in front of him. “Good afternoon, Mister Malfoy.”
“Good afternoon, Professor,” Lucius returned, “Aren’t you in the wrong stands?”
McGonagall made a small humming noise, “I thought my presence would be more appropriate here today.”
Lucius wondered just how many other things Draco had failed to mention in his letters about the way his classmates had been treating him since Lucius’ defection of Pureblood values.
“I’m glad to see you here today,” McGonagall said, looking ahead of her and not at Lucius. But Lucius recognized the call-out for what it was.
“I thought I should make an effort to attend today, as we’re not sure if Draco will get another chance to play.” Who knew if Draco’s teammates would just come up with some other way to kick him off the team.
McGonagall hummed thoughtfully, “I’m positive if Draco plays as well as he can, none of his teammates will be able to dispute his position.”
Lucius cleared his throat and then said something he thought he might end up regretting, “I understand the regular Chaser Draco is replacing today met with some unfortunate mishap.”
McGonagall’s back straightened into an even stricter posture than usual, “I am unaware of the circumstances surrounding the incident, as the student in question refuses to co-operate and tell anyone what happened. But if you have any information, I invite you to share it.”
In the past, Lucius had always hated the way Harry got away with everything. He had been convinced that it was blatant favouritism and had written several letters to the Headmaster about it.
Lucius was now caught between telling McGonagall who he (rightfully) suspected and leaving it alone because even if he didn’t condone Harry’s combative retaliation, he knew Harry had probably done it to give Draco this chance to prove himself. Lucius also recalled that the former Chaser in question, had a habit of breaking other players’ bones. He doubted anyone would miss that.
And besides, what good was he as a Slytherin if he didn’t take full advantage of an opportunity that was presented to Draco?
“I apologize, Professor, I have no information on the matter. I’m merely pleased that Draco will have a chance to play at all.”
Lucius might have imagined it, but he could have swore that McGonagall’s posture relaxed just the slightest bit. Interesting, maybe he’d had the wrong opinions about Gryffindors for years. Apparently they were perfectly willing to be accomplices if it was in the name of justice.
James found Harry’s friends easily, decked out in their Gryffindor pride. What was surprising though, was that Hermione, Luna and some others were also sporting Slytherin badges that shimmered green with the words, “Malfoy the Marvellous” every few seconds.
He raised his eyebrows at them.
Hermione made a face when she noticed his confusion, “Last term, several of the Slytherin students thought they would cheer for any team that Draco wasn’t on. So we’ve elected to support him ourselves even from over here in the Gryffindor stands.”
James’ first instinct was rage, but it was quickly quelled by the warmth of affection he felt for this band of rebels. Harry tended to collect misfits. Harry certainly had a few character flaws to work on, but James was still always so proud of him. It made sense now, with Draco having been knocked to the bottom rung of the social ladder, that he had found his way into Harry’s group too. It helped too that all of Draco’s previous Pureblood ideology had been called into question, erasing the barriers that had been between them before.
“Can I have one?” James asked and Hermione seemed delighted to oblige.
“Malfoy hates them,” Hermione warned him as she handed one over, “But I think he just doesn’t know how to have real friends.”
James laughed, that definitely sounded like Draco. And these badges had all of Hermione’s flare. He could see how Draco might be embarrassed. Still, as much as Draco might protest them, James had a feeling that he appreciated the sentiment even if he was incapable of saying it.
James was glad that Draco had his own personal fanclub in the Gryffindor stands, because James had been unable to help himself cheer whenever Draco did something really impressive. Especially things that James had taught him himself. And James definitely didn’t miss the old Chaser, the one who cared more about knocking people off their brooms than he did about scoring points.
The game was very close. But Harry caught the Snitch and ended it before Draco had managed to score enough points to render the Snitch’s points useless. But instead of the sore loser Draco had always been in the past, he seemed satisfied with his own performance. Even Harry seemed like less of a showboat, not rubbing his victory in Draco’s face like he used to.
But the most satisfying part was watching the Slytherin team seem to come to a decision. The other Chasers flocked to Draco after the game with wide grins and slaps on the back. No doubt they too had been uncomfortable with their former teammate's antics. Draco’s face was so red that James could see it from the stands. The Slytherin captain looked reluctant, but he shook Draco’s hand and James let go of a breath he hadn’t even known he’d been holding.
Lucius watched James get roped by McGonagall into giving the children some pointers. She admitted that while she was an avid fan, nothing could compare to getting advice from a true expert. James looked very pleased to have been asked but Lucius noted that Harry and Draco both seemed less than thrilled to be sharing their personal coach with the rest of their teams.
Lucius took the excitement to slip away in search of an old friend of his. He had belatedly recalled that he knew someone who’d been in James’ year at Hogwarts and might remember more about Peter Pettigrew.
He made his way down to the Potions Classroom where he knew he would find the anti-social potions master. He wasn’t disappointed.
But his old friend greeted him much, much colder than even Lucius had expected.
“What do you want?” Snape snapped as soon as Lucius had even stepped foot inside the classroom.
Lucius was caught off guard. He was aware that they hadn’t kept in touch as well as they should have, but he didn’t think Snape would be this hostile. Or could it be that he too thought Lucius had made a mistake in leaving the Purebloodists behind? That was absurd. Snape was a half-blood and a teacher. What was the reason for this reception?
“Can’t one visit an old friend?”
Snape sneered at him, “I’ve known you too long Malfoy, you wouldn’t be here unless you wanted something.”
Lucius felt called-out, but it was true. And if Snape was this reluctant to speak to him, he couldn’t afford to hide behind too many pretenses.
“I thought you might help me track down an old classmate of yours.”
Snape turned back to whatever potion he was crafting, “Who?”
“He wasn’t in Slytherin, but he was in your year. I thought you might remember him.”
“Who.”
“Peter Pettigrew.”
Snape snorted at the name, giving Lucius a vicious glare, “And why would I know where he is? Wouldn’t you have more luck asking your…” Snape seemed to think of several nasty adjectives before he said, “Paramour?”
Something was clearly agitating the Professor, so Lucius decided to step lightly. “Then I just have one more question.”
He hesitated, not wanting to give Snape any more information than he had to. He didn’t know if Snape was still in contact with Bellatrix. And if this chilly interaction was anything to go by, Lucius wasn’t sure he could count on Snape not to rat him out to her.
“Do you think Pettigrew is… dangerous?”
Snape’s eyes flashed with something Lucius couldn’t name. He was silent for a long moment before saying with a voice drenched in pure malice, “I think he and every one of his former friends would bleed you dry and then sell your body for parts if they thought no one was looking. Their ringleader was especially talented in cruelty. You should be very careful Malfoy. I say that as a… friend.”
Lucius had hoped that Snape would corroborate Talkalot’s memory of Pettigrew. As a quiet, mousy nobody that Lucius didn’t have to worry about. But just as he thought, Pettigrew was some kind of threat.
Snape didn’t look like he was in the mood for anymore chatter, so Lucius quietly left him to his work.
The next weekend, James had asked Lucius to accompany him somewhere. He was very vague about the destination but Lucius went along anyway.
They found themselves in the outskirts of Godric’s Hallow. In a shrouded meadow, through thick trees, far from any prying eyes. If Lucius didn’t trust James implicitly, he would have been very worried.
Lucius looked around them. It was beautiful but it seemed terribly dramatic. For what purpose did they need to come all the way out here?
James was bouncing with energy. He seemed skittish.
“What is this? Lucius asked, “Why are we here?”
James licked his lips, “You know that Remus is a werewolf.”
Lucius raised an eyebrow, “Yes.”
“When we were kids, we felt sorry for the Wolf being all locked up every full moon by himself.”
As Lucius processed these words, he was starting to get nervous. He had never observed any of the signs of Lycanthropy in James, but then he had never looked for them either.
“So we decided to keep him company,” James finished.
Lucius stared, “You kept a werewolf company.”
James’ eyes had an excited gleam, “Yes. Remember when you asked me why I’m so familiar with the Forbidden Forest? I spent a lot of time in there”
Lucius crossed his arms over his chest, “With a werewolf? And you never got bitten? It never tried to eat you?”
“We had… safeguards in place.”
Lucius frowned, “What safeguards?”
James smirked, “I’m about to show you.”
James took a couple steps back and Lucius tried to keep himself calm.
Then James’ body began to change. His skin bubbled like there was air trapped inside it as it shifted and grew. Lucius watched with wide eyes as James Transfigured into a stag. Tall, majestic, jaw-dropping, and very, very illegal.
This was very advanced, very tricky and dangerous magic. To think that James had mastered it at school age was incredible. Still, rather than impressed, Lucius just felt terrified.
James made a couple of runs around the clearing before coming back to the middle and changing back. He was grinning, like he expected praise.
“Is there anything else?” Lucius asked. His voice was hard, verging on angry.
“What?” James blinked, confused.
“Is there anything else that might come back to bite us in the ass?”
James raised an eyebrow, “Is that what you’re worried about?”
Lucius was annoyed and frustrated, “Anything else that could potentially ruin everything we’ve worked to create?”
Now James was getting annoyed, “ You mean what you’ve created. You’re scared that I’m going to jeopardize your political career.”
“Yes,” Lucius said without hesitation. How could James not understand that? Everything they were trying to do relied on this. How could James treat it like it was nothing? All the alliances Lucius had formed were still tentative and new, finding out something like this would assure desertion.
“Is that all that matters to you?” James glared.
“Of course not! But it’s an integral part of what we’re doing and I think it deserves a little reverence!”
“Well I can’t go back in time and not become an Animagus.”
“You realize you could get thrown in Azkaban for this?”
“Oh really? Maybe I should take ‘unregistered Animagus’ off my business cards then.”
Lucius hated when James mocked serious things.
“Azkaban isn’t a joke! You realize this is the exact sort of thing Bellatrix is looking for?”
“You were angry that I was keeping things from you! Now you’re upset that I told you?”
Lucius clenched his jaw, “I’m not… upset.”
James crossed his arms, “You’re practically seething.”
Lucius took a breath. He realized that he was panicking. Being upset at James for being something he already was wasn’t going to help anything.
Lucius took a deep breath and then sighed, “I’m… grateful you shared this with me.”
James didn’t look convinced, “Are you? Because you seem like you’d rather I kept this secret a secret.”
Lucius shook his head, “No, I don’t want there to be secrets between us.” Lucius had lived in secrets. Secrets destroyed trust, destroyed families, it would destroy them if left unchecked. He couldn’t let his fear get the better of him. Even if the secrets were the kind that motivated enemies could learn and use to gain leverage. The kind that Bellatrix would grab onto and use to rip them apart.
James seemed to recognize Lucius’ outburst for what it was. He put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, “I’ve been keeping this secret for twenty years. It’s going to be okay.”
Lucius nodded his head. He wanted to believe him. He really did.
Lucius was on edge all morning as he got ready for work. He went through his mail, nothing from Pettigrew, and then hastily gathered the things he needed for the day. He was still reeling from what James had shown him. But he couldn’t afford to dwell on it long because the Audience getting closer and as prepared as Lucius felt, he wouldn’t be able to relax until he found out what the Pureblood Society intended to do about it.
The day at the office passed by in a blur as Lucius tried to drag the Pureblood Society’s masterplan out of anyone he thought might listen. But at a certain point he had to concede that if he dug at it anymore, they would realize he was exactly where they wanted him.
When the workday finally ended, Lucius was never gladder to get home. He just wanted to eat whatever James had planned for dinner and turn his brain off until he had to deal with reality again.
James wasn’t at the door to greet him like he usually was. He also wasn’t in the drawing room or kitchen.
The silence in the house was eerie and unpleasant. But a quick charm revealed that James was indeed in the Manor.
Lucius felt a cold dread wash over him as he made his way to the bedroom and then into his office. In his haste this morning, he had forgotten to hide all the information he’d gathered on Pettigrew.
Lucius entered the room. James was posed over Lucius’ desk, parchment clutched in his hand. Parchment that Lucius recognized as one of his draft letters to Pettigrew.
“What is this?” James asked, his voice surprisingly level for how absolutely pissed off he looked.
Lucius swallowed. He felt like a mouse caught in a trap.
“So when you said, ‘no secrets between us’, what you meant was besides the ones you were keeping from me?”
“I-” Lucius fought the lump in his throat, “I was trying to-,” he swallowed, “I was worried.”
“Worried,” James echoed, his eyes were dark and hard.
“I thought perhaps he could have been someone with information that could hurt us.”
“You mean you,” James was holding himself so rigidly that Lucius’ own body ached.
“Not just me,” Lucius insisted, “All of us. All of us who are trying to do the right thing. I thought if this person knew all your secrets then maybe he was a threat. Maybe he was someone who Bella would reach out to and-”
“If he was a threat, don’t you think I would have said something? Who else is a threat? Sirius? Remus? Harry? Who else is on your list of people that might ruin your precious political aspirations?”
James’ voice was hard as a stone and Lucius flinched to hear it. He had never seen James this angry, his eyes looked manic. And with James looking at him like he was ready to physically fight him, Lucius felt himself get defensive in return.
“Why do you care about someone who isn’t even in your life anymore?” he demanded. He was aware that a part of this was inspired by the hurt he felt at James not wanting to tell him about this part of his life.
“This is the one thing I asked you not to touch. It’s my life. My past. You had no right to go digging through it! I left your sore past alone, when you asked me to! I never made you fess up to not comforting your own son when he lost his mother. But then you go slinking through my dirty wounds?”
For a second Lucius didn’t recognize James. He was angry and brutal and looked like he could grind Lucius up into paste. Lucius heard the echo of Lupin’s voice from so many months ago telling Lucius that he never wanted to see James like that again. Like the shell of a man he used to be. Lucius also heard Snape, trying to warn Lucius of the vicious fire and potential to hurt that lived inside the man Lucius loved. But this wasn’t the man Lucius loved. This was something spitting fury, hurt, confused and vile.
“I told you, I was worried that-”
“That we’re all threats. I get it,” James said, his voice sharp and pointed.
“You never talk about him! I just wanted to know why!” Lucius said, “What did he do to you?”
“Shut up,” James snarled, “Stop talking.”
“Did he steal from you? Did he hurt you? Did he hurt Harry?”
“SHUT UP!”
Lucius was shocked by the force of the words. He felt himself tremble. His mouth snapped shut.
“Here’s an idea,” James said coldly, his eyes burning holes, “How about I eliminate all those threats right now? How about I save you from everything you’re afraid of? And you can owe me one. Don’t say I never did anything for you.”
Lucius felt like his heart was in a vice. “James, don-”
“We’re done.”
The words splashed over Lucius like ice-cold water. James’ cold fury made him shiver. Lucius felt a hitch in his breath but he wasn’t going beg. He wasn’t going to plead. James was watching him furiously for a reaction but Lucius wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.
“Fine,” Lucius returned. Clipped tone. Perfectly indifferent. Completely at odds with how his emotions were a rolling storm beneath his skin. Lucius knew all about emotional warfare.
For a second it looked like something flickered underneath James’ eyes, but the next second it was gone again. Replaced by haughty stubbornness that was a perfect mirror image of Lucius’ own. This was a standoff.
They stared at each other, angry and stone-faced. A staring contest where there would be no winner. The relationship that they had worked so tirelessly for, popped like a balloon against a needle. An instant implosion.
Eventually James Apparated away, the loud bang of his departure all that was left.
Lucius wrote immediately to Draco about the dissolution of his relationship with Potter. He wanted his son to know right away. Especially since Draco had grown so fond of him. Lucius tried not to feel like a failure as he wrote the letter. He tried not to feel like he had somehow taken something away from Draco.
A reply followed that same night.
It contained only the enquiry, Why?
Lucius blinked, thrown by the question. He didn’t have an answer. He could blame James, tell Draco that he was an immature baby masquerading as a man, but he knew Draco wouldn’t appreciate it. Draco had liked James and maybe Draco assumed that this was Lucius’ fault. Lucius was pretty sure it wasn’t. Maybe just a little. But only just! Maybe he shouldn’t have pried into James’ life like he had, but still, James’ reaction didn’t do the situation justice. He’d been on a rampage and Lucius had gotten in his way.
‘Why’ wasn’t a question Lucius knew how to answer. Not now anyway. He scrawled a hasty reply, “The circumstance isn’t important. The matter is settled.”
Another reply didn’t come.
James Floo’d into Remus’ quarters and then snuck down to Gryffindor Tower. He got one of the paintings to locate Harry and wasn’t entirely surprised to find he was out roaming the corridors in the middle of the night.
James waited in a convenient shortcut, a corridor he and his friends had been really pleased to have discovered. He knew Harry would have to come back through here eventually if he was going back to his room tonight.
Close to one-thirty in the morning, Harry’s disembodied head appeared, “What are you doing here?”
James steeled himself and told him.
He stoutly ignored the way Harry’s expression changed from curious, to surprised, to deliberately impassive.
“I thought maybe you’d be glad,” James said, “Since you wanted to break us up so badly.”
“That-” Harry started and then snapped his mouth shut.
Harry looked visibly upset and James was beginning to wonder if perhaps this had been a bad idea. “Harry-”
“Go away!” Harry snapped and disappeared a second later, pulling the hood of the cloak back up.
James tried to reach out and grab the invisible boy, but Harry dodged him and he heard only the echo of footsteps as Harry ran away back down the corridor.
James felt the sudden overwhelming pressure, the guilt, the assuredness that he had fucked up in a big way. He pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes. He bit back the sting of what felt like rejection from his own son and battled down every whirling thought that told him he deserved this.
He’d been hoping that Harry would be happy somehow and that it would justify what James had done to some degree. Instead he felt worse and worse. Instead he was left with only the reality, that he’d destroyed yet another relationship with petty cowardice.
He made it back to Remus’ office just as the other man was coming in. “Prongs? What- what’s wrong?”
It only took Remus’ hand on his shoulder before he unravelled completely.
He never thought he’d have another emotional breakdown in a Professor’s office. Strange how things had a way of repeating themselves.
For the rest of the week, Lucius tried to concentrate on his work. It was far more difficult than it looked. He kept thinking how he’d used to be above all of this. He’d used to be numb to emotions and had never let his work suffer because he was feeling sorry for himself. Now things were different and work did not hold the same mindless satisfaction it used to.
He couldn’t even take pride in how quickly he had cleared out today’s tasks and memos and how many letters he’d written because all he could think of was, Damn James Potter! Damn him and his damn pulling Lucius into his life so quickly and so hard that Lucius had actually thought he’d belonged there. He had actually thought that against all odds, against the universe itself, that he might have a second chance at… at love? Happiness? Can you believe he’d actually thought that! He’d actually thought the word love. He’d actually thought about a future! He’d even drafted a vacation plan for next spring with the children. He’d been completely arse over tit for that… that Salazar-blasted, self-centered, infant of a man.
It’d only been a week, but Lucius wanted to be over him already. He didn’t want to be with a man whose first instinct was to throw everything they had out the window because Lucius had deigned to snoop. And worse of all, Lucius kept beating himself up about leaving the draft letters out. He should have just locked them in a drawer and James never would have seen them! If he had only been more vigilant none of this would have happened! He should have memorized the information and burned the evidence!
Lucius worked well into the night, not stopping for breaks because even a second of idle time meant that he would be forced to confront his emotions. His thoughts. He didn’t even dare look at a clock because there was still a voice in his head that sounded distressingly like James urging him to take it easy. To calm down and just relax for a minute. To come home.
It’d be an understatement to say that Lucius was distracted. He was tired and not in sound mind when he pulled out an envelope that had just arrived and opened it first without thinking.
The last thing he remembered was the blinding flash of an explosion and the smell of burning.
James was sleeping in the living room. He couldn’t stand his bed right now. Hadn’t been able to for the past week. Not that the couch was any better, it didn’t matter where he was. He kept replaying the conversation in his head. Kept reminding himself that he had fucked everything up because apparently it didn’t matter how old he got, he was still so fucking insecure that he would rather self-destruct than be forced to deal with his past. He had run their relationship through with a sword, just because he needed to draw first blood. Just because he didn’t think he could take Lucius finding out the truth about Peter. Everything, just because he was scared.
So for the past few days, James’ schedule consisted of staring at the ceiling and thinking over how he’d possibly, probably, definitely over-reacted and trying to ignore the voice in his head that sounded like the younger, stupider version of himself that kept telling him he did what he had to do. Thank Merlin the Remus/Sirius voice in his head was louder than that one. But the over-whelming remorse didn’t feel much better.
James jumped when the Floo lit up and Draco’s face called for him through the fire.
Immediately James knelt in front of the fireplace, “Draco? What’s wrong?”
Draco told him in a rush of words what had happened and James’ heart raced with numb terror before Draco told him that Lucius was going to be okay. Despite that, Draco looked lost and helpless. It occurred to James that Draco didn’t have anyone else to call. “I’ll be right there, hold on.” Relief crossed over Draco’s face and he nodded before he stepped away from the St. Mungo’s public Floo so James could step through.
Draco looked more scared than he had through the layers of fire. James put a hand on his shoulder, “Are you sure you’re okay? Have you slept? Have you eaten?”
Draco shook his head. “I wanted to be here when he woke up.”
James resisted the urge to ruffle his hair. That was a friendly gesture he wasn’t sure he was allowed anymore. “Come on, you said he won’t be awake for another hour.”
Draco reluctantly followed him to the cafeteria.
They ate in relative silence, neither one of them knowing what to say. Then they came back to Lucius’ bedside. The Healer in charge ran them through the tests they did. The Healer smiled gently at them, “Anything he eats will taste burnt for a few days, but other than that, he’ll be perfectly fine.”
James grinned despite himself, “He’ll hate that.”
The Healer left them alone and James watched as Draco studied his father’s face. James felt a twinge of emotion. Draco turned in time to catch him staring.
James blushed and had a sudden interest in studying the windowpane.
Draco moved a bit closer to James. They were both seated on uncomfortable chairs on Lucius’ left side. “Thank you for coming,” Draco said quietly.
James sat up straighter in his chair, “Of course. I wouldn’t want you to be alone right now.”
“Even after…” Draco trailed off.
James swallowed and nodded his head. “You can Floo me anytime,” he said cautiously. He was sure that Lucius hadn’t given Draco any details. If he had, James couldn’t imagine Draco being so open with him still.
Draco seemed to be thinking over something. They were quiet for only a few seconds before Draco asked, “Do you love him?”
The words shook James like an earthquake. He felt the world twist on its axis. Heat rushed to his face. His first instinct was to deny it, lie. But Draco turned to him, his eyes wide and imploring. It was worse than the puppy-eyes. Defeated, James leaned back in his chair. “Yes,” he said unhappily.
“Then why did you break up?” Draco demanded.
James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t know how to explain it. How tempers had flared and James had thrown their relationship away like a spoilt brat just because he could and because he was so terrified of being close to someone. Of loving someone after… well after everything.
Draco seemed to consider something carefully before asking in a small voice, “Is it because of me?”
James’ eyes widened to comedic proportions. “What?”
Draco stared at the ground, “Harry and I thought it was because we-”
James didn’t let him finish, instead hauling him into a massive hug. “No! No, it had nothing to do with either of you, I promise.” James felt a deep ache inside as he imagined both Draco and Harry blaming themselves and each other.
James Transfigured the chairs into a more comfortable sofa. His earlier hesitation gone, James wrapped an arm around Draco, holding him close. They sat like that until Draco fell asleep on his shoulder. James was relieved Draco could sleep at all. And Draco looked so small and young, James felt a paternal twinge. He didn’t want to let him go, not until he felt better. Not until he felt safe again.
When the Healer came half an hour later to politely ask them to leave, James carefully scooped Draco’s sleeping form into his arms, careful not to wake him.
James finally woke Draco after letting him doze for another thirty minutes on one of the benches in the general waiting room. Then he brought him back to school. He promised to owl once he had seen Lucius in the morning.
He watched Draco leave the Headmaster’s office.
“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Remus promised and James gave him a grateful nod.
“Are you okay?” Remus asked.
James shrugged, “Lucius didn’t have any next of kin listed except Draco.”
“I can ask Sirius to go if you don’t want to see him.”
James shook his head, “No. I’ll go. I promised Draco,” he sighed, “And Lucius might not want to see me, but I need to know he’s really okay.”
Remus gave him a small smile.
A silence stretched between them and then Remus took a breath and said, “Do you remember the year Sirius tried to kill Snape?”
James cringed before nodding wearily.
Remus sighed, “It took us a while to get past that.”
James remembered it vividly. It’d been a horrible few months with the four of them fighting constantly. And Snape had never forgiven James for saving his life.
“What helped me was trying to see where his head was at the time. I will never condone what he did, but to a certain extent I can see why he thought that was the answer.”
James looked up at him.
Remus patted his arm, “I just wanted to remind you that sometimes people do ill-advised things for the people they love.”
“He had no right to go through my past like that.”
“You’re right. And Sirius had no right to condemn a boy to death by werewolf just because said boy was a nosey, mean know-it-all.”
“Really? You’re playing that card? Your boyfriend tried to kill someone, so anyone else’s boyfriend can’t be that bad?”
“You tell me.”
James grinned sheepishly, “Your boyfriend, my best friend.”
“He’s the worst.”
“Absolutely.”
James squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them again, “I know I over-reacted. I know I lashed out like a… You’ve been nice by not saying it, but I think I need to hear it from my more level-headed best friend.”
Remus sighed again and bent down to kiss James’ forehead, “Talk to Lucius, please. Even if you don’t want to be a couple again, you’ll feel better once you’ve apologized,” he hesitated, “And tell him about Wormtail. Tell him the truth. I think he deserves at least that.”
James felt so tired, his heart heavy, “Okay,” he rubbed his eyes, “Whatever you say, Professor Lupin.”
When James entered, Lucius was awake and sitting up in his hospital bed. A Healer was just exiting, having done one last check to make sure Lucius was in working order.
“What happened?” James demanded at once.
Lucius wasn’t surprised to see him. He shook his head, “I wasn’t thinking and opened a cursed envelope.”
“What was it?”
“It wasn’t serious.”
“It was serious enough to land you in Mungo’s.”
“I meant there isn’t any lasting damage.”
“Who was it from? Where is it now?”
Lucius groaned, “I don’t know, I didn’t look at it before I opened it. It’s already incinerated.”
“This has to stop.”
“Yes, it does,” Lucius agreed with pointed emphasis.
This was a circle of violence and it would begin bordering on actual civil war if it got out of hand. Retaliation wasn’t the answer. They had to be smart. They had to be better.
“Do you understand now how terrifying it is to think that someone you love might get hurt at any moment?” Lucius asked softly.
James groaned, “Please tell me you did not blow yourself up just to teach me a lesson.”
“I wish I did.”
“Bastard,” James said despite the curve of his lips.
“Is it my fault you only understand visceral reactions?”
James crossed his arms, refusing to comment. Then James seemed to recognize what Lucius had actually said. It was the first time either of them had said the “L” word. Or at least it would have been if Lucius hadn’t been pretending to sleep when Draco and James had last been here.
James flushed as he recognized the smug look on Lucius face, “You were awake,” he accused.
“You were loud,” Lucius replied.
Lucius clamped down on the urge to tease him like a schoolboy, “Thank you for taking care of Draco,” he said instead.
James nodded distractedly.
In the past, Lucius had thought of love as something of a bargaining chip. But he didn’t want to think that way anymore. He didn’t want to dangle it over someone’s head or use it as leverage. Love wasn’t a balm you could spread on wounds and bruises and use to excuse certain behaviours. It had perhaps taken him a lot longer to figure it out than others, but he just wanted love to be honest and true. To not be so terrifying.
“I’m bringing Remus to your office,” James said decidedly, “That Dark Arts intern isn’t doing his job.”
“He’s an intern he can’t have found everything. I don’t need a babysitter, Potter.”
“You got blown up. Please just put my and Draco’s minds at ease.”
Lucius sighed reluctantly, “Fine.”
They were quiet for a long moment before James looked up at said, “What did you find out about Peter?”
Lucius stilled. Nervous about another bout in this battle, but James didn’t look posed to fight. Instead he looked nervous, as if Lucius had the power to destroy his whole world.
Lucius took a breath and steeled himself in case this was the beginning of another fight, “Only that he was your childhood friend. That he was obsessed with you.”
James gave him a bitter smile, “It was the other way around.”
Lucius swallowed down any knee-jerk reactions.
James stared at his hands, “We were best friends all through school, the four of us. But it was after Lily died that I got this idea in my head,” he flexed his fingers and Lucius resisted the urge to reach out and hold them, “There had always been four of us before and it was the four of us again. Sirius and Remus were already a couple, why shouldn’t Peter and I be?”
Lucius wasn’t going to question his logic during grief.
“But I wasn’t anywhere near ready for a new relationship,” James said, “I wanted my old one. I spent most of my time trying to fit us into a stencil. I was… possessive and paranoid. I questioned everything he did. Demanded things I had no right to demand. I forced him to move in with me, forced him to,” James squeezed his eyes shut, pained at the memories, “Forced him to be a father to Harry when I knew he never wanted that. I used his ancient crush on me like a weapon, used him without ever giving him a true piece of myself. I wasn’t ready to love again. I took everything he had to give and gave nothing back.”
Lucius had to admit this sounded like a disaster in every sense.
“In the end it wasn’t a relationship at all. It was… a prison. I ruined one of my closest friendships trying to cling to him like some kind of…”
“Grieving husband?” Lucius supplied.
James let out a puff of laughter that wasn’t joyful but it was at least something, “Yeah.”
“Then what happened?”
James shook his head, “He finally had enough. Ran off in the middle of the night. And he’s always been really good at hiding.”
“He left you alone with a baby?”
James made that non-laugh sound again, “I wasn’t alone. I had Remus and Sirius. And you’re making it sound like he was the bad guy. He wasn’t. He did what he had to do. He did what I was too cowardly to do. I wouldn’t-” he took a shaky breath, “I wouldn’t have let him go. Losing Lily and then him…” he sucked in a deep breath, “It was bad. Really bad. I was so depressed I couldn’t do anything. Sirius and Remus had to take Harry away from me. I got better after a while. But I was… I mean, things were never the same.”
Lucius reached for him and took his hand like he had wanted to do in the first place.
“They think I don’t know,” James said and for a moment Lucius wasn’t sure what he was talking about. “Sirius and Remus,” he clarified, “They think I don’t know that they helped Peter escape. That they… saved him from me.”
For a second Lucius saw a vision of a man he didn’t know. A desperate, grieving man with James’ face. Charismatic and strong, he was someone who could easily take advantage of others when he wanted to… and if what Lucius had heard was correct, someone like Pettigrew could not have stood up to someone like James. Especially not a James who was determined to ignore he was hurting someone. Talented in cruelty, Snape had said.
“I’m grateful they did it,” James said, “I was a different person. A really… awful person. I hated myself and I took it out on other people. If he hadn’t left… I would still be… I still think I’m… awful. I didn’t want you to see that part of me… and now I can’t stop thinking that I never changed at all.”
“This sounds familiar,” Lucius squeezed James’ hand, “You’re a Transfiguration expert,” he said seriously, “you can’t really believe that.”
James gave him the barest hint of a smile.
“Answer this question,” Lucius instructed, “If you had a Time-Turner and could go back, would you do it all the same way?”
James squeezed his hand back, “No,” he said resolutely and the ghost of a smile became a real one, “Never.”
Lucius nodded, “You know,” Lucius said softly, “I had a similar conversation with your son.”
James blinked, “You did?”
“I’ll tell you what I told him. You can’t think of a relapse as unchanging.”
James grinned, “I think you speak from experience.”
“I most certainly do.”
James winced. “I… guess I still lash out when I’m feeling vulnerable. I shouldn’t have talked to you that way no matter how I was feeling.”
Lucius was gripping James’ hand like a lifeline, it couldn’t have been comfortable, but he didn’t want to let it go. “It seems our first instincts are to attack each other. It’s not becoming of adult men,” Lucius took a steadying breath, “I need to apologize as well. I shouldn’t have spied into your past. I was caught up in what-if scenarios and unjustified paranoia,” he paused, “I may have also been on a slight power-trip. I’ve been told I do that sometimes.”
“More like all the time,” James’ smile was a shining beacon, hard to stare directly at, “I can’t tell which is worse. You being a power-hungry egoist or the fact that I find it disgustingly attractive.”
“You’re one to talk. I am constantly lamenting the fact that I’ve fallen in love with an insufferable man-child.”
James’ head snapped to look at him, his mouth falling open just a little.
Lucius willed his face to not turn pink, but was rather helpless with that.
“Do you mean that?” James asked, voice soft and nervous.
Lucius sighed softy, “Salazar help me. Yes, I do.”
James squeezed his hand so tightly their fingers turned white.
James took Lucius’ hand in both of his, “Can we try this again?” There was a growing determination in his eyes.
Lucius hesitated for a moment, “I think there are several things we need to get out of the way first.”
James sobered immediately.
Lucius kept hold of his hand, “It is not fair for you to throw our relationship in my face every time we’re frustrated with one another.”
James’ head drooped, “I know.”
“I already have vindictive family members trying to use you against me. I can’t have that from you too.”
James swallowed, he nodded.
“So no threatening me or dangling our relationship over my head to get your way. No skirting around the actual issues. Frankly the lack of maturity in this relationship is appalling. I expect you to communicate any dissatisfaction to me directly,” Lucius knew he sounded like an exasperated school master, but these things needed to be said. James was staring at the ground, looking every bit like a boy in the middle of a scolding. “And it’s not just me you have to answer to. It’s everyone who looks up to you, including our children. So you…” Lucius lost his train of thought because James was snickering quietly to himself. His shoulders shaking in silent mirth. “What are you laughing at?”
James looked up, the vision of a scolded boy completely absent. His eyes were bright. “Did I ever tell you how hot you are when you’re ranting?”
Lucius felt the beginning of a headache, “I swear Potter-”
“I won’t pick fights when I’m feeling insecure anymore. I promise. I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to go through any of this again. I’m done being stuck in the past, reliving all my worst mistakes over and over. I want to trust myself again. And I want to trust you. And I want to believe that we’ll talk it out… civilly, the next time we disagree,” he stalled to take another lungful of air, “If we do this, I want our relationship to be about trust and respect. So you don’t have to lecture me,” he then wiggled his eyebrows, “but if you want to continue, by all means.”
Lucius couldn’t help an exasperated smile.
“But you have to stop using Harry against me whenever you want to hurt my feelings,” James added, “I know I’m a shit father-”
Lucius clutched at his hand, “No. You aren’t. Harry may have inherited your rule-bending and some of your more annoying habits, but I’ve seen the progress he’s trying to make. He’s gone from a school bully to a school… protector. And that wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t have you as a role model.”
James swallowed, “I think… I think that might have had something to do with you too.”
The words warmed Lucius inside and out.
James took a careful breath and then said, “I need to know if you’re going to go behind my back again.”
Lucius hesitated only a second before giving James a measured look, “I… likewise think I’ve inadvertently brought some of my worst habits into this relationship. I do not plan to betray your trust again. I should have believed you when you told me the first time that Pettigrew wasn’t a threat.”
James gave him a slow, tender smile that did wonders at putting Lucius’ anxiety to rest. James’ chest stuttered, like he was finally breathing again. Lucius felt things finally falling back into place. He felt like he could relax for the first time in ten days.
There was a comfortable silence between them before Lucius groaned and said, “Take me home. I’m sick of all these bare walls.”
James helped him out of the hospital bed that seemed determined to suck its inhabitant in like quicksand.
“And don’t cook anything, I won’t be able to taste it.”
James grinned, “What you mean is, ‘cook whatever you like, because I won’t be able to taste it’. I could get you to eat some vegetables for once instead of all that sugar.”
Lucius glared at him. “Don’t you dare deprive me of sugar just because I got blown up.”
As they waited for a free staff member to discharge him, James said, “If I may say so, you seem remarkably calm for learning that I forced my best friend into a toxic relationship.”
Lucius leaned into him, their shoulders touching, “You have met my family, right?”
“It was bad.”
“Yes, it sounded bad,” Lucius agreed, “And I’m not making excuses for you, but you were young and stupid, a new father and you’d just lost your wife. You learned the hard way. Which is apparently the only way you learn.”
James let out a breath, “Yeah…”
“You can be regretful and ashamed, but don’t shy away from the past. Taking responsibility for your mistakes is the only way you get stronger. It’s the only way to move forward. Pettigrew doesn’t owe you forgiveness, but at some point you need to forgive yourself. Or risk hurting yourself again or someone else. Probably me. And you are delusional if you think I’ll let this happen a second time. I’m forgiving you now, but do it again Potter, and you can tell your next sob story to the Giant Squid when I throw you headfirst into the Black Lake.”
James didn’t say anything but when Lucius turned to look at him, James was grinning like he admired him and it made Lucius blush like a schoolboy. Lucius pinched his wrist to get him to stop.
“So are there any skeletons in your closet I should know about?” James asked.
Lucius took a moment to think about it, pretty much every horrible thing he’d ever said or done was on record. “Feel free to read through the Education Archives at your leisure. I had some remarkably ignorant views on Vampires that you haven’t heard yet.”
James snorted, “Boring.”
Lucius smirked, “I thought you’d say so.”
It was impressive that they’d managed to keep their hands to themselves until they finally reached the Manor. Then they fell together like waves crashing on a beach. James seemed to want physical reassurance at every turn for what could have been a real near-death experience. Lucius indulged him, letting James kiss him breathless and run his hands over every part of him he could reach.
James pressed Lucius into the mattress, his lips never leaving skin.
When Lucius reached for him, James shook his head, “Just let me.”
Lucius hummed thoughtfully, “Maybe I should get blown up more often.”
James groaned, “Don’t joke about that.”
Lucius didn’t bother replying with words, instead a throaty moan when James dipped and swallowed around him.
James leaned back to say, “I’m trying really hard not to make ‘blow’ jokes here.”
Lucius threw his head back against the pillows, “If you kill the mood, I’m going straight to bed.”
Lucius felt James grin against his thigh.
James teased him slowly, drawing his tongue over sensitive skin and kissing him softly where Lucius wanted pressure. “I’m not an invalid,” Lucius groaned, “Harder.”
“So bossy,” James sighed, “Can you believe I missed that?”
They’d only been apart such a short while, Lucius was surprised by how much he needed this right now. James. Here. In this bed. The room hadn’t felt the same without him. Lucius had barely slept.
Lucius moaned when James pressed his tongue into him, replacing it shortly with a finger. It had been such a short break in their relationship but Lucius was starving. Perhaps it was a lingering affect of the offensive magic, or perhaps a psychological side effect of the event, in either case, Lucius needed to feel James now.
“Whoa,” James protested as Lucius finally acted on his impatience, pulling James up and then shoving him onto his back. Lucius straddled his lap in one swift movement.
“Wait-” James tried to stop him, but Lucius wanted to feel it dammit.
The sting and the burn forced Lucius to slow down, but he didn’t relent, pushing himself down into James’ lap.
“Fuck,” James hissed, sitting very still, his arms shaking with the strain of holding himself up.
Lucius pushed James’ shoulders until his back hit the mattress.
“You’re supposed to be taking it easy,” James groaned, “I don’t think this counts.”
“I’ll do what I like,” Lucius returned, wincing just a little as James settled beneath him. “Now move,” Lucius ordered.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “Yes, yes, you’re so noble and Gryffindor and blah blah blah. Do you think you could extend your unbearable chivalry to giving me what I want?”
The provocation worked. James growled as he thrust once and then again.
“I’m getting bored, Potter,” Lucius drawled and that worked like a charm.
The next Monday, Lupin arrived at Lucius’ office perfectly punctual.
“I apologize you had to take time off work for this,” Lucius said. He was still annoyed that James had pushed this on him. But he’d made a promise to him and to Draco and he intended to keep it.
Lupin shook his head, “I’m always pleased to help a friend.”
Lucius swallowed, friend? Is that what they were?
Lucius felt strangely childish. “I will compensate you, of course.”
Lupin gave him a smile that said he knew too well what Lucius was thinking, “If it makes you feel better.”
Lucius wasn’t surprised that Lupin was far more efficient than the boy from Internal Affairs. He was nearly done with Lucius’ mail by lunchtime.
Lucius spent most of the day trying not to watch but being fascinated by Lupin’s quick and steady wandwork.
“He’s fine, you know,” Lupin said without looking up from his task.
And Lucius realized he must have been staring, he pretended to go back to his work, “Who?”
“Draco. And Harry. They’re both fine.”
Lucius coughed, “Good.”
Lucius had Floo’d Draco once he’d gotten settled back at home. It was frightening to think that a more costly mistake might have made his son an orphan.
The rest of the day was unremarkable. Lucius was dismayed that he’d developed something of an aversion to mail due to his circumstances. So he was immeasurably grateful that Lupin dealt with the majority of it. He thought perhaps it would make sense to hire an assistant so he wouldn’t have to deal with mail at all. Maybe someone with a history of Auror Training or Dark Arts training who wouldn’t be as stupid as he was to open an unsigned envelope.
When the day finally ended, Black arrived to take Lupin home. Lucius was anxious to see Black. Whereas Lupin seemed capable of being unbiased in any situation, Black was rabidly loyal to James. And while their relationship appeared to be back on track, who knew what Black would think of it all.
Lupin went to discuss something briefly with Amanda, Lucius’ interim secretary. While Lupin was gone, Black fixed him with a look.
“I’m going to ask you a personal question,” Black said, “And I think you should answer it even if you don’t want to.”
Lucius stared at him unsure if he should be scared or not. When Black seemed to be waiting for some kind of acknowledgement, Lucius nodded.
“Can I trust you?” Black asked.
Lucius forced his heart to calm down. He knew what Black was really asking. Can I trust you with them? With James and with Harry. Lucius tried to calm down enough not to choke on his words, “Yes, you can trust me.”
Black stared at him for a brief moment, unnerving Lucius before he nodded his assent. There was a tension in Black’s face that seemed to dissipate. Lucius wondered if maybe Black had come here for a fight. Lucius wasn’t sure he’d ever want to fight Black. He looked like he fought dirty.
Lucius was envious and curious about the intense bond between James and his friends. How had they managed to find each other and then stay so close despite everything when Lucius had barely made a single reliable friend in 40 odd years? And then he remembered that Lupin had called him a ‘friend’ and he felt a strange, warm rush at the thought.
Lupin returned and as if sensing the tension, looked back and forth between them. “Is everything okay?”
“Perfect!” Black plastered on a smile.
Lupin sent a searching look in Lucius’ direction, but Lucius didn’t want to confirm or deny anything.
“Are you all set for the rest of the day?” Lupin asked.
“Yes, you’ve done more than enough. Thank you, please leave.” The sooner James’ friends left, the sooner he could concentrate on the work he needed to get done before the holidays. He had made some lofty promises to James in their several make-up sessions.
A part of him thought it was ridiculous and unfair for James to demand he take the entire holiday off in December, but another part of him was deeply looking forward to it.
Lupin gave him a smile and then he and Black let themselves out.
The week leading up to the Audience was overwhelming but they’d made it through.
On the day of the Audience, Lucius woke up at 4am to get ready for the afternoon meeting. For a moment it was almost as though his old work schedule was back in full swing. He hadn’t gotten up so early in a very long time. He tried to be quiet as he detangled himself from a dead-sleep James, never gladder that the other man could probably sleep through an earthquake.
Lucius went over his notes one more time even though he’d committed them to memory months ago. He checked and rechecked all his facts while he drank more coffee than blood in his veins.
He still hadn’t heard a thing about what the Pureblood Society might have planned. If Lucius wasn’t so anxious, he might have admired their new-found ability to keep their secret plans secret.
When he’d finally gone to Emma and Talkalot for their ‘unsanctioned’ and probably not entirely legal psychic advice, they’d told him that his enemies were definitely up to something. But, as always, were frustratingly vague about how, when or where.
Lucius cast every protective spell he knew on himself and had advised his committee to do the same. Walking into a battlefield without knowing what he was facing was torturous but his fraying nerves could only work in his enemies favour. He had done everything in his power to prepare for what lay ahead.
James woke to wish him luck, but had agreed he should stay behind to reduce the numbers of targets. If everything went to hell, at least he knew that James was safe.
As Lucius walked up to the Ministry with his board of directors in tow, Pureblood protesters were everywhere. Lucius had expected them. But he had also expected them to put up far more resistance than he had seen so far. It unnerved him that he couldn’t see what their grand scheme was. Why were they waiting so long to stall this process? Why weren’t they trying to stall it at all?
They made their way into the Grand Antechamber where the various heads of the Ministry sat.
Six minutes into the meeting and Lucius had the answer to his questions.
The Minister, with the help of his newest Department Head Avery, had drafted a strict document of regulations for their newest Officially Sanctioned group. The document stated the very, very, very thorough restrictions about who was allowed to head the New Traditionalist Society. It posed everything from age to background to martial status to the length of his hair. Nearly each and every entry was one in direct opposition to Lucius’ person.
It was very clever, Lucius thought. It was a way to force him out and they had already posited that this Society wouldn’t last quite so long without Lucius at the helm. At least not yet. They were still breaking new ground, still solidifying. They needed someone with Lucius’ experience and attention to detail. They never would have even made it this far, if Lucius hadn’t been his ambitious, calculating, perfectionist self. It was a good move to try and remove him.
Lucius could sense the tension of his board members, they began to fidget on their side of the table.
Lucius took a long, steady breath. It was going to be a long day.
Lucius and his backing committee had managed to argue their way out of most of the restrictions the Minister (well not really the Minister, as he was just a pawn in this game, but Avery and everyone else on the Pureblood Society) had tried to enforce. Lucius didn’t waste any of their time trying to argue any of the restrictions that already applied to him. The most pressing were the things that he was decidedly not. For instance Muggleborn. Or straight. Luckily there was precedent for a lot of Lucius’ arguments and Lucius felt like this was more smokescreen anyway. These regulations were for show and somehow were not supposed to stand up to scrutiny. They were designed instead to make this process as gruelling and humiliating as possible. It had Bella’s shoddy handwork written all over it.
Hours later, Lucius and the rest of the board of directors emerged victorious. Lucius felt the rush of winning, a high unlike any he’d felt before. He’d smashed Bella and Avery’s half-cocked plan right down Avery’s throat. They’d narrowed the ‘restrictions’ to a very broad interpretation of ‘well established, relatively attractive, Wizarding World residing, mentally fit parent, who owns less than five properties’ and Lucius had to cut two centimetres of his hair. All in all, Lucius was counting this a total victory. He’d wanted to continue the debate about his hair but his board members had looked so battle-weary and tired that Lucius had chosen to acquiesce on that one thing instead. All this time and effort and the only thing the Purebloodists had achieved was barely an inch of hair.
The whole first half of December was largely uneventful. Filled with meetings and surveying and letter writing. The New Traditionalist Society was in good form now that they had Ministry protection. And no one aside from James even noticed the missing centimetres of hair. Though James had found it hilarious instead of viewing it as the attack against Lucius it was.
They had written to both boys, informing them of the happy news about the Audience and their renewed relationship status which prompted a rather sarcastic reply from Draco and radio silence from Harry. Probably the best they could hope for.
Lucius had a feeling that the boys would milk this for all it was worth. He was anticipating James giving into their demands more easily than usual and Lucius had already decided he was going to be less stern with both children for the first week. He’d give them a few days of reprieve before he attempted to return things to how they were. It wouldn’t do to be completely at their mercy. Besides, he and James had planned something very special that was sure to excite and surprise both boys.
The day before winter vacation, another pressed narcissus found its way to Lucius. This time it was sent directly to the Manor. Narrowing the suspects down considerably. It sent a shiver down his spine as he thought of Bellatrix finally making a move. Was it another warning? Another threat? It was at the worst possible time with the children on their way.
He finally felt like perhaps he should share his worries.
James examined the flower with all the seriousness of a man who had dealt with seemingly innocent looking items quite a bit. He’d alluded several times that he may have invented several in his youth.
“I don’t get anything malicious from it,” James said putting the pressed flower gently on the table.
“I don’t think it itself is dangerous, otherwise it wouldn’t have gotten through Lupin’s screening spells. I think perhaps the meaning implied from it is nefarious.”
“Do you have an idea who might have sent it?”
“I strongly suspect Bellatrix. But if it’s an intimidation tactic, it’s remarkably subdued for her.”
“I’m not sure there’s anything to report to an Auror,” James admitted, “But let’s just be extra careful, yeah?”
Lucius nodded his agreement. He hoped he was over-reacting but there was still an uneasiness that he couldn’t shake.
They only spent a single day apart before the two families joined together for the rest of the holidays. James and Harry had all but moved into the Manor. Lucius felt warm rather than annoyed watching Harry’s mess spread throughout the Manor like he was at home.
The boys had forgiven their fathers very quickly. Harry didn’t even try to emotionally bully his father into buying him new Quidditch gear. That was improvement.
The next day, they had big plans that they kept secret from the children until then.
The only clue they were given was that they had to wear Muggle clothes. Lucius watched Draco carefully as James helped him Transfigure some of the things in his closets. Draco didn’t seem nervous, but there was definitely some hesitation. Lucius himself was a little hesitant, but they had agreed on this and Lucius wasn’t going to back out now.
They took a Portkey first thing in the morning to their destination.
Harry gave a whoop when he realized where they were and James watched in amusement as Draco’s eyes widened in either terror or awe as he stared around them at the complete madness.
Draco stared at the giant apparatus’ all around them with his mouth hanging open, “How do they stay up without magic?”
Harry rolled his eyes, “With physics, of course.”
Draco gave him a blank stare, “What is ‘physics’?”
Harry had momentarily forgotten Draco’s upbringing, “It’s Muggle magic, don’t worry about it, let’s go!” Harry grabbed Draco’s arm and started running for the first roller coaster in sight, Draco struggled desperately to keep up with Harry while staring around him at the same time.
James could hear Draco’s confused exclamation over the crowd, “Muggles have magic?”
When James glanced behind him, Lucius was staring at everything in mute horror. He was getting quite a bit of stares himself. James knew he probably should have insisted on dressing him, but apparently Lucius Malfoy was willing to risk a clothing demeanour rather than wear one of James’ t-shirts or let James charm any of his expensive tailored robes. To be fair, though James was unparalleled among their peers in Transfiguration, he couldn’t always get the product back to its original shape.
After yet another person asked Lucius, “Who are you cosplaying?” James finally felt he should step in.
“What did you say to me?” Lucius asked the small child, offended.
James grabbed Lucius by the arm and pulled him away from the confused children, “It’s an old movie,” he explained, “ask your parents.”
“What is this place?” Lucius asked as they made their way through stands of food that Lucius had never seen in his life and looked like it should have a life of its own.
“It’s where Muggles bring their families on vacation.”
“It’s loud.”
“It’s fun.”
Lucius felt this was the furthest thing from fun he could imagine. A hot, loud, place filled with swarms of people who didn’t understand the notion of personal space. They were either numb or oblivious to the chaos around them. Lucius saw three different people smile in their direction. What kind of people just smiled at other people like that? He felt unnerved.
“I think you should try a little harder to blend in, Mister Chairman,” James smirked at him.
Lucius scoffed, but knew his comments were justified. Lucius had agreed to give this Muggle amusement park a chance, but Lucius had sort of already made up his mind about it before they had even arrived. It was a bad habit he’d picked up from his mother. She would make up her mind that she was not going to enjoy herself before they’d even left the Manor and then nothing you could do or say could change her mind. Lucius had despised her when she did that and now he was doing the same thing. He’d spent a lot of time and effort not becoming his father, but he hadn’t spent as much time trying to see if he hadn’t picked up on the worse parts of his relationship with his mother.
“Fine,” Lucius said and allowed James to drag him into a shop.
Twenty minutes later Lucius should have known better to let James be in charge of anything. He put Lucius’ hair up in a ridiculous cap and made him wear a Muggle T-shirt and trousers. He knew James was doing this on purpose because he was stifling his laughter the entire time. But Lucius felt he had to be the bigger person and let James do it anyway. Lucius chose what James called, “Hoodie” in green because it was the least ugly thing in the store and also because he couldn’t stand showing his arms.
Lucius glared at his reflection in a mirror and was very glad the mirror couldn’t talk. He didn’t need a mirror’s opinion to know he looked ridiculous, but he did fit in with the other ill-dressed park goers. No one stared at him anymore in any case.
“I hope you’re happy,” he glared venomously at James, “My revenge will be swift and brutal.”
James looked exhausted from having laughed for a full thirty minutes, “I’m happy to take my chances.”
A couple hours later, James’ cellphone rang and he picked it up.
“HULLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME?”
James grinned and gave Lucius a wink, “Draco, is that you?”
“IT’S WORKING! WE WENT ON THE COASTER ROLLER AND IT STAYED ON THE TRACKS WITH GRAVITY AND INERTIA! HARRY DIDN’T KNOW THOSE WORDS, WE HAD TO GOOGAL THEM!”
“Amazing, isn’t it! Where are you guys? There is something you’ll really want to see.”
When they met up with the children, Draco’s mouth fell open and Harry burst into laughter so loud that everyone in the vicinity turned to look at them. Lucius had a philosophy that fashion was 50% clothes and 50% attitude, so he was determined to squeeze every last bit of that 50% out of the latter.
Lucius wasn’t sure why public humiliation was something James delighted in but he was determined to bring James down with him.
“You said dinner was next,” Lucius said casually as he grabbed a hold of James’ hand in a firm grip that the other man couldn’t shake off. If Lucius was going to walk around looking like a Muggle who had never seen a mirror before, he was making damn sure that everyone knew that they were together.
James gave only minor protest before adhering to his fate.
James happily listened to Draco babble on and on about Muggle technologies. Harry had taught him how to use the Internet browser on his cellphone and it was fascinating to see how a whole new world was opening up to Draco.
“Stop it, you’re wasting my battery!” Harry whined, but stopped when James gave him a look.
James pinched Lucius whenever his face looked too severe or downright horrified. James knew it couldn’t be exactly easy for Lucius to see his son light up in a world that he had tried so hard for so long to keep him from, but this was why they were here. And if Lucius didn’t find anything in this world that he particularly cared for or even liked, at the very least Draco had. Draco was still young. They still had to work their way through decades of learned prejudice on Lucius’ part before he could enjoy something that innocently.
But in the meantime, James was thrilled Draco was being so open about these new experiences. The light that was shining in his eyes made James feel warm and fuzzy. Draco was so unbearably cute, James wanted to pinch his cheeks. James was also glad that Harry had seemed to make the best of this trip. Things could have quickly and irreversibly gone downhill at any time, but Harry seemed to understand what was at stake without James having to say it. This was tolerance training, this was a test. It was to prove once and for all that all the misconceptions about Muggles and their world were wrong. They had things that were worth seeing, worth defending, worth experiencing.
James took them to his favourite restaurant because they had the best desserts. If Lucius didn’t have fun at the amusement park, things could be quickly changed by dangling his favourite weakness in front of him. Lucius did an okay job at keeping his secret under wraps, but it had been far too easily revealed to James. Or maybe James had just always been good at unravelling secrets. He’d discovered Remus’ ‘condition’ and then the four of them had sought out every secret Hogwarts Castle had to offer. In comparison, it had been too easy to suss out that Lucius Malfoy had a penchant for Muggle sweets.
After a delicious meal, James watched the way Lucius’ eyes lit up when the dessert menu came out.
“So when did you have your first Muggle sweet?” James asked because he had never grown out of pushing boundaries. Besides, today was supposed to be all about enjoying what Muggles had to offer.
Lucius blanched and Draco whipped his head around to look at his father. James felt Lucius tense, but it only lasted a couple of seconds before Lucius calmly stated, “At Hogwarts.”
“Makes sense,” James tried not to show the disappointment in his voice, he had been hoping for a more scandalous or at least a more interesting story. But lots of kids brought things from home to Hogwarts or got them delivered by their parents. It was practically tradition that most kids shared and swapped their favourite candies between house mates. It was fun to see the Pureblood reactions to Muggle candy and likewise the Muggleborn reactions to Wizarding candy.
“What about you, Draco?” James asked because they needed to make this a family-bonding moment.
“Pansy’s mother sent her some truffles from Paris,” he said hesitantly.
James nodded and then, just because he couldn’t resist, “Strange how no one seems to think taking things from Muggles isn’t bad in itself, but allowing them to take from us in return is somehow treacherous.”
Harry shrugged, “It makes sense if you take Supremacy at face value. If you think you’re better than Muggles, there isn’t any conscious behind taking and not giving.”
“That’s right,” James beamed at his son, “Good insight.”
Draco stared at them, “Is this an appropriate discussion for over ice cream?”
“Of course!” James said, “We have to be responsible for each other’s empathy and critical thinking.”
Draco turned quiet and it didn’t take a genius to figure that these types of discussions had never happened between Malfoys before.
“But don’t worry,” James said, trying to do some damage control because he hadn’t missed the way Lucius tensed beside him, “There’s no time like the present! Feel free to chime in whenever you like.”
Harry snorted, “He doesn’t have any opinions on Muggles.”
“That’s not true!” Draco said, on pure instinct to defend himself, but then seemed to have revealed too much and his face went promptly pink.
There was an awkward pause before Lucius saved them by saying, “I personally always found the Muggle Wagner’s Opera work unparalleled. I would even say that there had been a lot of resentment in my youth that the man could create worlds and wonders with no magic to speak of.”
Lucius’ confession seemed to knock Draco out of whatever embarrassment he was feeling. “I’ve always thought that Shakespeare’s origins were an interesting topic. Most wizards argue that he must have been a wizard living among Muggles, but I always found those arguments weak and self-flattering at best. I think wizards and witches have a hard time admitting that even if Muggles don’t have the same magic we do, they know how to cast magic into words.”
In the pause that followed, Draco looked panicked. He looked worried that no one seemed to know what to say to that, but they were all simply stunned by the depth of the thought.
James shook his shoulder, a proud look on his face, “That’s some great insight,” he wanted Draco to know that he was allowed to voice his honest thoughts here, with them, “It’s very impressive that you thought so sophisticatedly about it. See, Harry? You were wrong.”
Proving Harry wrong seemed to put Draco in a far better mood. Harry just rolled his eyes.
Dessert went precisely as James hoped. Pleasant and filled with Lucius trying to hide his radiant happiness behind snark.
They ordered every dessert on the menu. “This is going to make us sick, you know,” James said but he had absolutely no regrets even when he and Harry were sharing their third slice of cake.
“It’s a rare chance, we must make the most of it,” Lucius said.
“It doesn’t have to be a rare thing.”
Lucius eyed him for a moment and everyone at the table seemed to be holding their breath.
Lucius looked to the boys who were watching him with wide eyes, waiting for his reaction.
Lucius dabbed at his mouth with his napkin before setting it down on the table, “Yes, well I suppose that could be true,” he watched Draco and Harry exchange a look, each wondering if that was an answer or not, “If certain people did their chores and homework on time.”
James’ face split into a wide smile at the same time Draco and Harry groaned. Draco’s shoulders drooping and Harry digging his fingers into his hair.
Lucius kept his smirk toned down to a safe grin, “I do hope those certain people come through. I rather like this restaurant.”
As the boys grumbled into the last of their dessert, Lucius looked over to James who mouthed, I love you. Lucius felt a rush of pleasure down to his bones.
They decided to have Christmas together, not separately. It had been James’ idea, but Lucius was silently grateful. He did not want Draco to have another lonely Christmas. He did however, have several opinions about James inviting every single friend of his to the Manor for the occasion, but his gratitude at not being alone this year outweighed his misgivings.
In the end, Lucius agreed because the Manor had the space, unlike Godric’s Hallow and Lucius could hardly deny James something he clearly wanted so badly. Apparently he had never hosted a Christmas dinner before and he was as excited for Christmas day as the children were.
Christmas morning finally arrived. James heard Harry jumping down the stairs. “Sounds like morning,” James said rolling over to speak to a still sleepy Lucius. Lucius’ hair was messy, hanging in tangled blond locks over one of his eyes. He looked adorable. James wanted to wake up to this exact sight every morning.
The thought stirred emotions that came bubbling up one after another. It was a bit overwhelming but James didn’t fear those strong feelings anymore. Instead, he felt liberated by them. He leaned in to kiss Lucius’ face, grinning when the other man groaned that it was ‘too early’.
But as much as James wanted to linger in bed, they had to feed and entertain two boys before the rest of their guests started to arrive. Plus, James was in charge of all the cooking and the earlier the start, the better.
Lucius was unbearably nervous about having people in the Manor after so many years of relative silence, but he couldn’t deny that he was also vibrating with the excitement of it. He wasn’t sure what James’ friends were going to think about Lucius’ ancestral home and about opening up the Manor to a less than Pureblood audience in nearly two centuries, but it couldn’t be better timing. He just had to remember to block off the third floor…
Lucius busied himself with changing curtains and rugs and changing James’ Salazar-awful decorations into something much more seemly.
James had holed himself up in the kitchens with Dobby planning and making a feast that he insisted Lucius was not allowed to see until dinner. It was absolute torture not being able to eat anything until their company arrived when there were delicious aromas floating in from every which way. James drafted Draco into the fray more than once but Draco refused to tell Lucius the details of what the dessert table was going to feature. Lucius was very tempted to send Harry in for espionage purposes and possible stealing of samples, but in the end, he decided it was best to let James surprise him.
The first to arrive were the Weasleys in their terrifying numbers. Among the sea of redheads was one brunette. A Muggleborn girl Lucius knew was in Draco’s year. She was the only one who ever beat Draco in academic scores, she was a bushy haired girl that Narcissa had watched avidly when she thought Lucius wasn’t looking.
“Well,” Molly Weasley came up to greet them with her husband in tow, “I have to say I nearly fell over when we got your invitation, Dear,” she kissed James on the cheek, “Malfoy Manor, I still can’t believe it and I’m standing right here.”
Lucius was standing stiffly, too scared to say the wrong thing. James put an arm around his waist, “Thanks for coming, Molly, Arthur, and for bringing the kids,” James beamed at her.
She made a face and a noise at them like she thought they were adorable before disappearing inside.
“Malfoy,” Arthur shook Lucius’ hand. Then he turned to James and they slapped each other on the back.
Once they were all inside, Hermione eyed Lucius and Lucius was slightly mortified that a little girl’s stare could unnerve him so much.
“She’s brilliant,” James whispered at him, “brightest witch of the bunch. And Muggleborn. A total natural. Can charm anything.”
Lucius could tell that James had a special fondness for the girl. Granger’s parents couldn’t share this world with her so James had made himself something of a foster parent. You could tell that she adored him, she showed him all her best magic and asked him complicated questions about Transfiguration. Children tended to steer clear of Lucius. Lucius couldn’t tell if he was jealous of James’ talent with children or not.
But this child wasn’t intimidated by him at all, “Mister Malfoy, thank you for all your work with the New Traditionalists. When I’m older and you’re more settled, I’d like to discuss some of the other ways we can leave a lasting impact with more societal changes.”
Lucius was knocked completely off guard, “Um, yes, well, you’re welcome and… of course, I look forward to your insights.”
Black snuck up behind her and picked her up to swing her around. She gave a delighted shriek as Black swung her and then hugged her tightly before letting her go for a second, “She’s going to be your boss one day, Malfoy,” he said before hoisting her up and carrying her off with him.
Dinner was stunning and possibly the most delicious meal Lucius had ever eaten. If he were any less composed, he might have sobbed a little. He could barely speak to anyone because every second he wasn’t devouring the majestic feast in front of him seemed like a waste of time. He looked up at one point to see Draco beaming at him and James watching him with the fondest expression. Lucius felt his cheeks heat and tried to restrain himself after that.
Dessert, however, made an even grander impact.
“You don’t have to eat it all,” James teased him as Lucius felt his eyes widen to the size of dinner plates as he perused the dessert spread. Every Christmas treat imaginable was there, smelling like heaven on Earth.
“Here,” James took a delicate looking truffle from it’s paper bed, “Try this one.” He held it out for Lucius to taste.
Lucius leaned in and took the sweet in his mouth. He was sure to get James’ fingers as well. He watched in satisfaction as James’ eyes flickered dark with arousal.
When Lucius had chewed and then swallowed, James pulled him in for a kiss. It was decidedly chaste since they were in the centre of a party, but it still made Lucius’ heart beat wildly and the butterflies in his stomach go chaotic.
It was almost unbelievable how different this Christmas felt from the lonely and tense atmosphere of the last.
Things went relatively smoothly for the amount of people who attended. Years ago, Lucius and Narcissa threw the grandest parties, but they’d lost interest in it around the time Draco was born. The Manor now hummed with renewed energy. The shadows banished with bright lights and sparklers that the children kept lighting and throwing at each other.
As the party was finally winding to a close, Lucius found a moment with Harry. Lucius took the small box out of his pocket and gave it to him.
“It’s a Christmas present,” Lucius said, as if Harry would be confused or something.
Harry opened the box and stared.
Lucius cleared his throat, he was strangely nervous. “You probably won’t want to wear it,” he said, “since it’s your secret. But that’s why it’s on a chain. You could hang it wherever you like.”
Harry took the ring out of the box to look at it in the light. “Is it really okay for me to have this?”
Slytherin House rings were only given to prefects in their last year. Lucius’ had been stashed away in a closet for years. “Of course,” Lucius said, “I would like you to have it.”
Harry held it gingerly in his hand, as if it were a precious treasure, “Thank you,” he said and Lucius felt a pang of fondness. Harry’s eyes were so bright and green as he gazed up at him.
“You’re welcome,” he said, trying to clamp down on his own emotions. It was like he had gone from being completely numb these past few years to now feeling everything all the time at once.
Harry immediately slipped the chain around his neck, stashing the ring under his shirt, but fingering it through the fabric. Then Harry jumped up and hugged him. It was like a shock to Lucius’ system for a few seconds before he remembered to pat Harry lightly on the back in return.
“This is for you,” James said and set a large present on the table for Draco.
When Draco opened it, he stared, “What is it?”
“It’s a model set,” James grinned, “It doesn’t use magic. It uses science.”
Draco’s eyes widened. “It’s a coaster roller?”
“Roller coaster, yes.”
Draco immediately opened the box to pull things out. James watched him with an adoring affection.
James caught sight of Hermione and waved her over. “Hey, did you ever play with one of these?”
Hermione stared at Draco before remembering words, “Yes… where on Earth did that come from?”
James explained Draco’s recent obsession with physics while Draco ignored both of them in favour of spreading his new toy all over the table.
“I could get you a couple of books on physics, if you like,” Hermione said and Draco finally looked up at her.
“Really?”
Hermione’s face turned a bit pink, “Of course, I’ll have my parents send some.”
James gave Hermione a quick hug in thanks. Hermione still looked confused but also very pleased.
James joined Lucius standing by a window, watching Draco. James gave him a quick kiss.
“I see you’ve ensnared my son with Muggle technology,” Lucius drawled.
James winced, “Should I have asked you first?”
Lucius shook his head. “It’s fine.”
Lucius still felt a knee-jerk reaction to seeing Draco exploring something so vividly Muggle, but he kept that to himself. This was the world he was fighting for now. A world where his son was free to explore his interests without threat or harm. A world where he could be himself and not hide behind a name or a status. If Lucius could never make up for the harm he caused, for the mistakes he made, then he at least wanted to give his son a clean slate. He would do his best to keep Draco from making the same mistakes. It was all the older generation could do but try and remove old barriers for the next generation.
As the evening wore on, their guests made their exits. Each one, stopping to tell Lucius and James how much they’d enjoyed themselves. Lucius felt a swell of pride each time. He felt even prouder when James squeezed his arm or gave him a sunny smile.
After their last guest had left, Lucius sighed as he looked around the front room. Who knew how long it would take to clean it all, especially since James had insisted Dobby take a mandatory vacation for the next two weeks so they’d be forced to do it themselves.
Harry and Draco seemed to come to the same conclusion because they were suddenly groaning about the unfairness of life.
Suddenly all the lights around them flickered, candles sputtering and light charms dimming before returning to normal.
James looked on high alert as he turned quickly to Lucius, “What was that?”
Lucius didn’t have to answer though because the windows blew open along with the door right off it’s hinges. Instinctively, the four of them crowded to the middle of the room. Lucius put Harry and Draco behind him.
Figures in dark hoods strode into the Manor and Lucius was barely surprised to hear one of them possessed Bellatrix’s cackle.
Lucius tensed as Bellatrix lowered her hood along with the others, the ones by her side were her husband and another man Lucius only remembered as being a solicitor. A solicitor they had on a payroll and who fought for verdicts the Pureblood Society was invested in.
Bella made a show of stepping forward and clearing her throat. Then she unravelled the parchment she had clutched in her hand and read, “By Section 748 of the Children’s Welfare Proclamation of 1582. Any family member agreed to be unfit for child-rearing is to surrender the child immediately to a blood relative,” she looked around, making eye contact with the solicitor at her side, “I believe that’s me.”
Lucius bristled, sweat forming on his brow. He glared, “That is an old, outdated law.”
The solicitor cleared his throat, “Outdated and legal.”
“The only reason the Wizengamot hasn’t got around to abolishing it, is because no one is stupid enough to think they can just take someone else’s child!”
Bella scoffed, “This law was made to protect children from people like you. Draco needs a family, not a sad man trying to cling to his doomed political career.”
It was also pretty clear that they had planned this all along. And part of the New Traditionalist Society’s Regulations that he had signed himself had stated that the Head of the Society must be a fit parent. This wasn’t just about taking Draco, it would doom the New Traditionalist Society too.
“I believe those are speculations that you will have to prove to a governing body,” Lucius growled.
“Not necessarily,” the solicitor smirked, “We have you categorized as a negligent parent.”
Lucius fought for control, “And who deemed me so?”
“A member of our society who is fully qualified to make that diagnosis. Here it is,” Bella said and handed it to him with a flourish.
Lucius crushed the parchment in his fist. “You’re not taking my son.”
“He’s fallen off the path. As his father, you’re supposed to ensure he makes the right decisions.”
It was infuriating that it was the same line he used to justify a lot of his past mistakes. It was something he had told Narcissa firmly when they’d disagreed about something.
“No one in the Wizengamot is going to uphold this!”
“Why not? We have everything we need. A recommendation from an esteemed official. Your work hours, proof of your neglect. And most importantly, the request.”
Lucius’ heart was hammering in his chest. “A request? From where?”
“From the only person who matters, of course,” she said, her voice icy cold. She turned to Draco.
Lucius felt like he was going to be sick. He turned to look at his son, “Draco?”
Draco stared mutely.
Bella produced another bundle of documents. “If the child has shown signs of distress and makes the request themselves, another blood relative is well within their rights to save the child.”
Lucius felt frozen. His brain trying desperately to keep up with the chaos spiralling around him.
Bellatrix waved the stack of letters. “We’ve been corresponding.”
Lucius battled down his emotions enough to turn his eyes to Draco again, afraid of the truth and yet desperate for it.
Draco was staring back at him with wide eyes, his mouth opening and then closing.
Bellatrix hummed and placed a finger on her cheek, “Of course this will be Draco’s decision.”
The solicitor held up an even longer parchment. “If you’ll sign here, young man, you’ll be free.”
All eyes turned to the boy. For a long moment no one seemed to breathe. Draco looked between both his family members. Then, almost as if in a trace, Draco took a step forward and then another toward his aunt.
Draco walked stiltedly to Bellatrix and she hugged him tightly as she squealed with delight. Lucius felt James grab his arm, “Do something!”
“What am I supposed to do?” he hissed. He knew those laws as well as anybody. It was one of those ancient, ridiculous laws that didn’t serve a purpose except to make sure Pureblooded children stayed in Pureblooded families. It was designed to appear as though it had the child’s interests at heart, but was a clever way to trap them in their families forever. And if Draco had made this request himself… Lucius felt like his heart was breaking.
Bellatrix swayed Draco back and forth for a moment before releasing him. “Come on, sign the paper. We’re going on holiday,” she announced and took Draco’s hand. She tugged it, pulling him along.
“This won’t hold up in the Wizengamot!” James shouted.
Bella smirked at him, “Who says it has to? By the time you’ve unravelled all the knots we’ve made, we’ll be long gone.” She turned to pinch Draco’s cheek, “Don’t you worry,” she said to him, “they’ll never find us.”
Lucius held out a hand to stop James from reacting further. Bella would lash out without a second thought. He knew Bella would use her time alone with Draco to fill his head with lies and promises. She’d turn Draco against him, if he wasn’t already. But maybe he could convince Draco to come back before that happened. Maybe they could expedite the process, rip its guts out before Bella went too far. Before Draco was too far gone. But what if that didn’t work. What if this was the last time-
“Wait,” Lucius said, his voice hoarse, too quiet. He had been waiting all this time for Bella to make a move against him, but he had never thought she’d do something like this. He knew that she wanted to hurt him, but he didn’t think she would kill him like this.
And Draco wasn’t moving, pressed silently to his aunt’s side, staring at the floor.
Harry made to move but his father grabbed a tight hold of him, pressing a hand over his mouth.
“Draco,” Lucius felt his throat get tight, “If this is what you want, I will respect your decision,” he was speaking as calmly as possible to not give Bella a reason to draw her wand. Lucius gave a subtle glance at James and Harry to make sure he could be between them and Bella if she did. Harry was still struggling against his dad. James looked completely ashen. “Lucius-” he started but Lucius shook his head.
He turned back to Draco and Bella. “I haven’t…” he hesitated, “I haven’t been the father I wanted to be. There are many things I wish I hadn’t taught you, many things I wish I hadn’t put on your shoulders. I don’t want you to go,” his voice broke just a little, “but if you tell me this is what you want, I will do my best to understand.”
He already understood most of it. The things James had brought to his attention in the kindest way possible. That Lucius was a cold, unfeeling man and what Draco needed was comfort and warmth. Lucius still didn’t know if he was capable of that. He wanted to try, he wanted to learn, but it wasn’t a promise he could make. If Draco felt he needed to be with his aunt to work through whatever he needed to, Lucius couldn’t stand in his way, could he? At least not right now. As soon as Bella left he was going to file a reprisal and do everything in his goddamned power to get that law abolished. But until then, what choice did he have?
Bella clicked her tongue, “Go on,” she said to Draco and let go of his hand so he could address his father, “You want to come with me, don’t you?”
Very slowly, Draco finally raised his head and looked at Lucius. But there was none of the fear and uncertainly there that Lucius expected, instead there was only determination.
Draco turned back to Bella and took her hand.
Lucius’ heart jumped into his throat. He felt James grab his arm, both of them panicking.
“Aunt Bella, I can’t go with you.”
The entire room stilled.
Bellatrix shook her head, “Well of course you can, darling.”
Draco sighed, “Aunt Bella, what I meant was I don’t want to.”
Lucius’ heart jumped into his throat again but this time it was because he was sure Bella was going to slay the boy.
But Bellatrix just looked confused. She pulled her hands from his grasp to cup his face, “Whyever not?”
Draco looked nervous for a moment before saying, “I never wrote to you Aunt Bella. I have no idea where that ‘request’ came from.”
The room was dead silent.
Harry finally freed himself from his father’s grip, kicking him in the shin to remove James’ hand from his mouth. “I wrote the letters,” his face was red from the struggle with his father.
Lucius and Bella’s head snapped to look at him.
“Harry?” James asked, pale.
Harry’s face was bright red and his eyes were terrified. Lucius realized that this might be the first time Harry was faced with the real, terrible consequences of his own actions. “I didn’t think she’d actually do it! I didn’t think he’d actually go with her! Draco, you know she’s fucking cra-”
“Shut up,” Draco said and everyone turned their attention back to him, “I knew this was your fault somehow.”
“It was in the spring! When we were…” he trailed off to look at their fathers, “Trying to change things. I just thought-”
“You’d get rid of me?”
“I-” Harry turned to look at Lucius and Lucius was gutted to see an expression that he knew very well. It was the expression Draco gave him when he knew he’d disappointed Lucius.
“Enough!” Bella screeched. She addressed Lucius, “No child should have to wonder whether their parent loves them.” Lucius felt his face drain of colour, “Luci, have a heart, let the boy come with me. Where he’ll be loved and taken care of. And you can concentrate on your career or whatever it is you do while not being a father.”
Lucius’ blood felt like ice in his veins.
“Nothing to say?” Bella tsked, “Even now? See? He’s better off with me.”
Lucius felt all his failings weighing down on him at once. If he had ever told his own damned son that he loved him, they wouldn’t be in this mess. And he still could barely choke out the words now, now when it really mattered. Lucius’ head was chanting that if he said it now, it might not mean anything because he’d waited this long already.
And a dark part of Lucius thought maybe Draco was better off with his aunt.
“I’ll duel you!” Harry said, striding forward.
“No!” Both Lucius and James said at the same time. Harry’s movement was thwarted by his father pulling him back.
“Lucius,” James said his name, pleading, begging him to fix this while he was clutching the back of Harry’s ridiculous Christmas jumper.
Lucius swallowed, his head ached, his heart ached where did he start? Lucius felt himself shake. How was it possible that he’d devoted his entire life to his family and still managed to make Draco feel unwanted? To feel like a burden? But at this critical moment, it wasn’t Lucius who made the move against Bella, it was Draco.
“Aunt Bella, you always talk about how much family means to you, but as soon as my father made a decision you didn’t like, you turned against us. That’s not what family does. Even my classmates wouldn’t talk to me… and…” he swallowed, “And the only person who treated me decently was… a Muggleborn witch.”
Bella sighed, “This girl, she never cared about you until you spurned your heritage. Don’t you see that? They want to destroy our traditions! Our histories! They’ll only accept us if we leave everything we love behind!”
“The thing is…” Draco stared at the floor, “I think she might have been my friend,” Draco said slowly, “If I had ever treated her with respect.”
“That’s right-” Harry started to say before his father slapped a hand over his mouth again. Harry glared at his father.
“Draco-” Lucius started but Draco cut him off.
“I know,” Draco turned to Lucius, he took a step toward him, “I want to make Mother proud and-”
Bella laughed coldly, “Proud? I think she’d be ashamed of what you two have become.”
“You’re wrong,” Draco said and before Lucius could stop him, “Mom liked Muggles. She thought they were clever and funny. She said you three sisters used to dress up and-”
“Shut up!” Bella screeched. She put her hands up to her face and backed away from him. “Shut up! Shut up!” She pulled at her hair. “Don’t lie.”
“It’s not a lie,” Draco said.
“You’ll come with me!” Bella shrieked and made a move toward Draco.
Lucius moved across the floor and stood in front of his son.
“Answer this question,” Lucius said to Bella, “Did you threaten the families of Draco’s friends?”
Lucius felt Draco stiffen behind him. They both watched Bella’s face as her lips parted in a cruel smile before she launched herself at him.
Lucius watched everything happen in slow motion and for a second he was terrified that he’d acted too slow to do anything except put himself between Draco and his furious aunt, but James’ quick spellwork knocked Bella back. Her companions were disarmed by Harry. The blast sent her into the mantle where the fireplace crumbled on top of her. She didn’t get up.
Bellatrix was a talented duellist and if she hadn’t been so distracted, Lucius was sure she might have given James a run for his money. But he tried not to dwell on that as he pulled Draco to him and they backed away from Bella’s followers who swarmed her.
Knox picked her up and headed to the door, apparently content to leave things as they were for now. It didn’t surprise Lucius. They were all cowards when it came down to it. Without their fearless and insane leader they weren’t much by themselves.
Rudolphus stood where he was. “You’ll pay for this,” he promised and Lucius had no doubt that he meant it.
They stared at each other for a few seconds before Rudolphus growled, “You should be very careful to not let your son out of your sight.”
Lucius’ body seemed to move on its own. His fist connected with Rudolphs’ jaw with a sick crack. Pain burst through Lucius’ entire hand, but it was worth it for the way Rudolphus howled in pain and backed away looking utterly scandalized.
“Maybe you should be careful of who you threaten,” Lucius’ voice was a dark warning. He hoped Rudolphus saw how serious he was. If Rudolphus hurt anyone, he’d have to answer to Lucius. And Lucius wasn’t just anybody. “I think you’ve forgotten that I know you inside and out.” If the punch wasn’t enough, Lucius had enough information about him to have him shipped to Azkaban immediately. He watched the implication run across Rudolphus’ face, the sudden fear that settled there gave Lucius more satisfaction than the punch did.
Rudolphus snarled and followed after his friends, clutching his broken jaw with one hand.
It had hurt quite a bit and Lucius shook his stinging hand. He wouldn’t be surprised if Rudolphus’ big face had broken Lucius’ hand. But he felt almost instantly better when James threw his arms around him. James hugged him tight and Lucius patted his shoulder as un-awkwardly as he could with his probably-not-broken hand. How on Earth did Muggles fight this way? It was completely counter-productive.
“Here, let me,” James said and tapped Lucius’ hand with his wand. The pain disappeared instantly.
Lucius attention was directed away from his not-broken-anymore hand by James’ gentle prodding.
“I think you two should talk,” James said and Lucius looked over at Draco who was staring at him with wide eyes.
Lucius was well-aware how hypocritical he seemed, doing the same sort of thing that he would have once punished Draco for doing. Punching was not something a proud Pureblood did, but apparently it was something a desperate father might do.
Lucius’ stomach rolled uncomfortably at the thought of having this long overdue conversation. A part of him was already spinning excuses. Wouldn’t it make sense to talk about this at a calmer time? Shouldn’t they maybe have this conversation over hot chocolate? Couldn’t it wait until- No. He knew it had to be now. Lucius swallowed all his rioting emotions and nodded.
“And you-” James rounded on Harry who winced when James turned to him, “You are so grounded. Very grounded. Very, very grounded. What were you thinking?”
It was perhaps a testament to how serious the situation was that Harry didn’t even try to protest, only glared at the floor. He kicked at nothing and refused to make eye contact with any of them.
Lucius and Draco moved to one of the drawing rooms for privacy. Lucius sort of wanted James to be there but he knew he couldn’t rely on James for something like this. He had relied on Narcissa too much to be Draco’s comfort and now he had inadvertently allowed James to do the same. The problems never disappeared, just morphed and reformed until you dealt with them head-on.
Lucius had no idea where to start. “Your mother would be proud of you,” he said. He couldn’t remember ever saying that before even though he’d always felt it. He felt a hot flash of shame.
Draco nodded, he didn’t seem to know where to start either.
“We never talked about her after it happened,” Lucius said. After Narcissa passed away, seemed to be where everything had started to go wrong.
“I wanted to.”
A dread flowed through Lucius.
“I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t speak to me about it,” Lucius knew that neither one of them were fooled by that statement.
“You didn’t have to imply anything. I understood right away that you didn’t want to talk to me.”
Lucius winced, “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, I simply thought it would be easier for us both if we-”
“Suffered in silence?”
The words hurt. But they were absolutely true. They’d both suffered in silence and Lucius was the adult, he should have done something, anything… but he hadn’t.
“I’m sorry,” Lucius said because nothing felt more important right then than making that clear, “I’m sorry that I left you to… suffer.” The words seemed to make it all the more true and his voice wavered on the last word. He felt like a failure. Narcissa would have never let Draco think he was alone.
And with the guilt came a dark thought that Lucius had carried with him all this time. A suspicion that he had never confirmed nor voiced. Draco had been very close to his mother and a part of Lucius had always wondered if Draco wished it had been Lucius who’d gotten sick instead. Because Lucius had so often wished the same thing…
“No!” Draco said, his eyes red and wet when Lucius finally asked it. He looked insulted and hurt that Lucius had even suggested it. “What I wished for was to feel like I wasn’t the only one who missed her.”
Lucius swallowed, “Of course I missed her.” He would always miss her.
Draco was getting angry now, his face was a snarl, his fists clenched at his sides, “Did you?” he hissed, “I never saw you. You were always working and working and working.”
Lucius swallowed again, “That was… I was-”
“What I wished was not to lose both my parents.” The tears were coming hot and fast now. Lucius hadn’t seen his son cry since he was a baby. Since he’d inadvertently made it clear that Malfoys didn’t cry, didn’t feel. Since Lucius had pushed onto Draco everything Lucius’ own father had pushed onto him. Everything he hated. Everything he had never wanted to be. Everything he had never wanted his son to be. Lucius felt his own eyes start to burn.
Draco was rubbing at his face, the sleeve of his shirt wet. Lucius didn’t know what to say. What could he say? How was he to atone for all of this suffering he’d caused? For all the times he’d left his son alone to suffer the things Lucius could barely handle as a full-grown (if ill-adjusted) adult?
Lucius didn’t know what to do, so he did the only thing he could think of. The thing he had often thought of doing but always held himself back because…. because of no good reason at all. Because his father had never done it, so Lucius had never done it either. He pulled Draco into a tight embrace. Wrapping his arms around him and squeezing him close. A part of him worried Draco might shove him away, might say something like, ‘how dare you try to act like a father now’. But, maybe even worse, Draco hugged him back. He hugged him as though he had always craved this kind of affection, making Lucius feel a true villain. Lucius felt a lump in his throat as he thought that maybe he’d finally broken out of the mold his father had forced him into. Those strict family policies that made him think he wasn’t allowed to think, to feel, to hug his own damned son because he clearly needed it.
He held him as close as he physically could until Draco moved, subtly trying to adjust himself because he couldn’t breathe. Lucius released him at last but held him by the shoulders. “I love you,” Lucius said, sick to death of not saying it, “I love you more than anything in the entire world. I want you to know that.” Draco nodded even as his chin wobbled.
“What can I do? How do I make this right?” Draco wasn’t a baby anymore, there was no reason for them not to talk. If Lucius was lost as to where to start making things up to Draco, this was something they could discuss, it was something they could work out together. Because they were family and they had chosen to stay together.
Draco sniffed and rubbed his nose with his sleeve. “Just be my father. Not someone who works and sometimes sleeps in the same house as me. Not someone who only talks to me in letters.”
Lucius nodded, “Okay.” That seemed like a fair start. Lucius needed to become someone who didn’t make Draco feel like a burden.
Lucius reached out to wipe at Draco’s tear-stained face, “I am very proud of you. I’ve always been so proud of you.”
If anything, it only made the tears come faster.
When they returned to James and Harry later, it was with both their faces red and wet.
“What happened?” James asked, eyes wide.
Lucius finally let go of Draco. He straightened his stance. “A long, overdue discussion.”
James looked back and forth between them, “Is everything… okay?”
Draco sniffed again and nodded. “Yes, everything’s fine.”
Lucius looked down at him, “Is it?”
Draco’s lips quirked, “I think it might be.”
Lucius smiled. His chest fluttered with hope and light. It was positively blinding.
Draco seemed to have fully recovered. He drew himself up to his full height and said in Lucius’ ear, “And maybe one day I’ll have two parents again,” he gave Lucius a pointed look before looking at James.
The words caught Lucius by surprise and he felt his face start to heat.
When Draco was close enough, James pulled Draco to him as easily as he always did. He ruffled Draco’s hair as Draco squawked in protest.
“Harry has something to say to you,” James announced.
Harry was biting at his lips and still glaring at the floor. He finally settled on crossing his arms defensively. “I’m sorry I wrote to your aunt pretending to be you.”
Lucius couldn’t even be properly angry. As terrifying as the experience had been, it had forced a lot of things out into the open. Lucius and Draco were finally mending their corroded relationship. Of course, Harry would never need that sort of encouragement. And Lucius drew the line at praising bad behaviour. But it was clear in the terror that Lucius had seen on Harry’s face that more punishment wasn’t needed. Just like his father, Harry had learned the hard way.
“You don’t know my aunt. She could have killed all of us.”
Harry continued to stare at the ground. “I said I’m sorry,” he muttered, “And you should have said you didn’t write them as soon as she brought it up!”
“So that we could all die together in whatever temper tantrum it would have caused?”
Harry glared at nothing.
Lucius raised an eyebrow at Draco who huffed and then said, “I’ll forgive you if you do all my chores until school starts.”
Harry’s eyebrows shot up, “What? That’s a month away!”
“You tried to get me kidnapped!”
“I told you, I-”
“Harry,” Lucius said, because it didn’t look like James was going to chime in.
Harry looked at Lucius then to James and then back to Draco. He clenched his fists but then let his shoulders sag as he relented, “Fine.”
Draco looked considerably better than he had ten minutes ago. Lucius rolled his eyes. He wondered if they would ever grow out of this rivalry.
James trapped Draco in another bear hug.
Harry went back to his default of pretending to be bored and annoyed with everyone in the room, but Lucius had seen the way he’d been ready to fight off Bella. Harry moved and shoved his father. He was acting embarrassed of his touchy-feely father, but Lucius could tell he just wanted to be included in the hug. James wrapped both his arms around both boys.
Lucius watched the three of them with an overflowing affection. He felt a renewed sense of purpose, a new sense of calm. Unlike the first time Bella had walked away and took Lucius’ little bit of family with her, this time, he felt like she had inadvertently given it back.
James gave Lucius a look.
“No,” Lucius said immediately.
“Come on,” James whined, “We just went through a traumatic experience. Group hug.”
Lucius clenched his jaw. His first reaction was a staunch absolutely not. But the three of them were looking at him expectantly and after everything that had just happened, it felt criminal to deny them. He rolled his eyes in feigned annoyance and took one step forward. He let both James and Harry grab his arms and pull him in. Lucius ignored his own embarrassment in favour of focusing on Draco’s delighted expression.
Lucius turned to look at James and his heart squeezed in his chest. He never thought he’d be redefining his entire life, redefining what it meant to be family, doing the things he had only dreamed were possible when he was a child. And he couldn’t see himself doing any of that without James by his side. The thought was humbling and terrifying at once.
He had so many visions of the future, but now there was one that was more vivid than the rest. One where he and James were a team, but more than just a united front…. family, in every aspect of the word. Lucius glanced at his left hand. It was a future that felt closer than any of the others.
When Lucius lifted his gaze from his ringless finger, he caught James looking back at him. Lucius didn’t think about it, he leaned over and kissed him because it was the easiest thing in the world.
“Yuck!”
“Gross!”
Harry and Draco shoved them away, but Lucius could only laugh as he kissed James again and then again as the children fled.
Notes:
Still planning on making this a trilogy.
Chapter 3: Past and Future
Summary:
James and Lucius deal with the past to face the future.
Notes:
I am so pleased by the response to this weird fic. Thank you so much for all your support, patience, and kind words.
I wasn't going to post this until Sunday but HOO boy did I have some technical difficulties. My file got corrupted TWICE and both times I thought I'd lost everything, but thankfully only lost a couple thousand words and all my formatting. Always back up your files, kids! You always think it isn't going to happen to you!
I hope you're all doing okay given the state of the world. I have been inspired and motivated by the amount of people banding together against racism and transphobia, both things very personal to me, even in the midst of a devastating pandemic. Whereever you are, I hope you take care of yourselves and each other. We win these fights together.
note: I saw recently that Rudolphus is spelled Rodolphus. oops.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Lucius tapped his quill against his leather-bound notes. When someone looked over at him, he turned to flexing his fingers silently in his lap. Then he stared out the window as a group of crows flew by. In a few moments he had returned to tapping his quill against his book again.
Lucius hadn’t felt so unfocused in years. He had all but forgotten that they were in the middle of a New Traditionalist meeting.
But he couldn’t help it. It was February 14th and while he didn’t usually care for the holiday, James had been oddly insistent. In fact, James had been acting oddly for the past month. Lucius grinned to himself, James had trouble being subtle. So Lucius had gleaned his intentions rather plainly.
Today they were meeting at Lucius’ favourite restaurant on Valentine’s Day of all days. Lucius wasn’t a fan of cliché, but excitement over the question James was going to ask him, helped him forget about how obvious the other man was.
“That okay with you, Malfoy?” Lucius’ daydreaming was cut short. He coughed and shuffled his notes to appear as though he was paying attention.
“Yes. And if there is nothing else pressing, I move we adjourn until next week.”
His motion carried and Lucius was soon free.
He had just enough time to go home and change before meeting James at the restaurant. He wouldn’t show up in his work clothes. He needed to wear something befitting. But it couldn’t be too formal or James would know that he knew. He decided on a black dress shirt with lace cuffs and a charcoal grey waistcoat. He wore his favourite diamond pin on a black paisley tie.
When he arrived, James jumped and slipped something he’d been holding into his pocket.
“Surprised to see me?” Lucius drawled, “I was invited.”
James smiled at him, “I thought your meeting would run longer.”
Lucius took his seat with a huff, “How dare you, I am always perfectly punctual.”
James rolled his eyes but his smile was fond.
The food was perfect and dessert was delicious. But at the end of the meal, instead of a big, life-altering question, James asked, “So? Shall we go home?”
Lucius was confused.
“Why don’t we take a walk?” Lucius suggested.
If James was waiting for a more romantic opportunity, Lucius would provide one.
They walked along the river and talked about mundane things and fantastic things, but at the end of the walk, still no important question was asked.
Lucius was confused, but he decided to let it go. Valentine’s day was a little too cliché for his tastes, after all.
Lucius arrived at work on Monday to a circus outside the Ministry of Magic.
Twenty or so people in dark cloaks and masks were calling for an end to the Muggle Education Committee and to any New Traditionalist ‘nonsense’. Lucius had heard the whisperings of a new society, but he’d hoped they were only rumours.
The group was calling themselves the “True Traditionalists” and had vowed retribution against anyone they deemed a threat to their existence. No one could tell if the threats were real or just meant to scare.
Lucius had assumed the Old Traditionalists would eventually mobilize. With the rest of society progressing, they would have felt the need to drive a spike through that progress. And here they were.
Lucius was determined to ignore them. They couldn’t afford to give this new organization any confidence by giving them the time of day.
But James took the news harder than Lucius expected.
“We have to find out where they came from, who they are.”
“They haven’t done anything except annoy people,” Lucius said.
“They’ve made their intentions public. It’s only a matter of time before they make good on their threats.”
“They only expressed their opinions, they haven’t harmed anyone.”
“Their hateful opinions are harm. And they’re recruiting. They’ve made it clear they hate Muggleborns, what do you think they’d do if they came across one? Tip their hats?”
“Let’s wait and see what the Ministry does. The newest Muggle Education advancements were partly their initiative, so unless they want to appear as hypocrites, they’ll have to do something. This show the True Traditionalists are putting on doesn’t mean anything without real power behind it. They can shout themselves hoarse all they like, but it’s not going to change what we’re doing. They don’t have Ministry support, they don’t even have public support. They’re cowards in masks.”
This seemed to calm James a little.
Lucius didn’t feel quite the calm he exuded, but there was no point in them both being upset.
“While they’re protesting outside your office, promise me you’ll be careful,” James said.
“Of course.”
As long as no one drew the True Traditionalists’ attention, they could hopefully avoid a confrontation until the Ministry was able to do something about them. As to their identities, Lucius was pretty sure he already knew who several of them were. But he wasn’t going to share that information with James. Lucius could only handle recklessness on one side of the equation. He knew better than anyone to give James Potter a target.
February gave way to March. And James’ 35th birthday was something Lucius had made a note of, but since he himself had turned 42 in relative silence on purpose, he hadn’t thought much beyond planning to buy a gift. He’d thought they were beyond the age of parties, but apparently he’d thought wrong.
He received an owl from one Sirius Black with a list, telling him where to be on March 20th along with a note that read, Bring rope and four candlesticks. Wear all black.
Lucius had in turn sent a panicked note to Remus Lupin who kindly informed him that he was now part of an on-going tradition where Lupin, Black, and James held a joint birthday party with assorted friends. Every year the location was a secret and three separate teams raced to discover where they were meant to go. They called it a ‘reverse almost-surprise party’.
According to Lupin, last year had been in an abandoned pub and the year before that, it was held in the middle of the Forbidden Forest. Lucius was sort of horrified. He was also confused as to why the three of them were celebrating their birthdays together.
And most annoying of all, they hadn’t even asked him if he was busy or not before roping him into it.
And he was busy. Very busy. Running the New Traditionalist Society was much more work than working with the Pureblood Society had been. Even though they were now an established group with Ministry backing, there were figurative minefields everywhere. Lucius was constantly monitoring himself and the other members. It was frankly exhausting. And things had only intensified with the appearance of the True Traditionalists. Not for the first time, he was glad that James was no longer a part of their working force. It was bad enough having to worry about other people without a personal and intimate connection to them.
But as Lucius read the instructions that Sirius had sent him again, he started to get used to the idea. It was creative and sweet and nothing like the quiet affairs he was used to. He’d always gifted Narcissa with a ridiculously expensive piece of jewelry and then they ate a quiet dinner, finishing with deep conversations over wine and coffee. It was something he missed a lot, but he was aware there had always been a bit of formality to the occasion. It made perfect sense that James’ birthday, by comparison, was almost like a theatrical performance. There would be running around and mystery hunting and clue searching with bizarre characters and Lucius was already tired just reading about it. But he couldn’t help feeling twitchy in anticipation. Because more than anything, it sounded fun.
Lucius had assumed when he’d read ‘three teams’, that he would be teamed up with James. But apparently Black had claimed him first.
James had only shrugged, not bothered at all that he’d been paired with Arthur Weasley. Lucius felt mildly betrayed.
Lupin was set with Alastor Moody which Lucius thought was deeply unfair. Having an Auror in a mystery hunt should be banned.
The others of their party were responsible for clues and set-up at whatever place they ended at. Lucius didn’t have much time to ponder as three owls swooped down to them. Lupin and Moody Disapparated almost immediately once they’d grabbed their first clue.
Before they went their separate ways, James said, “Be nice,” and Lucius could not for the life of him figure out if that were meant for him or Black.
Lucius stood and stared at Black while the other man read the note addressed to them.
The first clue was simply an address. It lead them to the bedside of a residence that Black didn’t bother explaining and Lucius took it on faith that they weren’t breaking into a stranger’s house. Then again, who knew.
The second clue lead them to a back alley in a Muggle town and Lucius was happy to watch Black search the area himself because Lucius was not going to root through Muggle rubbish bins.
“Weren’t you born in November?” Lucius asked, because despite himself, he still remembered his late wife’s family tree off the top of his head.
Black shrugged and ran his wand over another rubbish bag, “Never liked to give Orion and Walburga credit for my life. So I chose my own birthday.” And of course his choice had landed somewhere between Lupin’s and James’.
They were on their third clue when Black asked, “If you could be any animal, what would you be?”
The question caught Lucius completely off guard. It was true that it had been a while since he’d delved into light conversation topics, but with Black’s reputation, the question seemed ominous. Lucius was certainly not what anyone would describe as an ‘animal-lover’, but somehow telling Black he didn’t much care for animals seemed dangerous. Lucius’ first instinct was to say his Hogwarts House, but he also didn’t feel like reminding Black they’d been on opposing teams for much of their formative years. So he chose the only other animal he could think of, “Some kind of bird, I suppose.”
Black quirked an eyebrow, making Lucius wonder what kind of answer he’d been expecting. “I could see that,” Black agreed. “Aha!” Black pointed at a dirty boot on the beach they were now on. Lucius recoiled at the thought of touching the disgusting looking Portkey, but gave-in quickly.
“Where was your favourite place to hide as a child?”
They were five clues in and the questions hadn’t stopped coming. Lucius was beginning to think that Sirius Black’s mortal fear was silence. But even though the questions were inane, he gave Black the answers he sought.
“The back garden.”
Lucius wondered if he was supposed to ask him questions in return, but he didn’t think he could drum up that amount of active listening. Besides, he was sure that if Black wanted to share something with him, nothing would stop him from doing so. And the questions weren’t deeply personal. It wasn’t like the gruelling interviews he’d sat through to get his job.
Clue seven was when Lucius finally asked, “Why did you request me on your team? I thought you didn’t like me.”
Black raised an eyebrow, “What about dinner every Friday makes you think I don’t like you?”
“I thought that was more a favour to James.”
Black straightened his back and looked Lucius in the eye for a moment, Lucius wasn’t sure where he’d misstepped.
“I’d do anything for James,” Black admitted, “But he’d never put me in a position where I’d have to be around someone I disliked.”
Lucius stared at him in surprise.
“Truth is, Malfoy, I know what it’s like to have everyone in your family turn on you overnight. And I think you handled it better than most. You also used all that influence you had to make some positive changes and that means a lot to me. I think if younger me had seen some of what you’ve done today, I would have had an easier time accepting myself.”
Lucius didn’t know how to respond to Black’s raw honesty. He hadn’t expected to have a heart-to-heart with the other man.
“So yeah,” Black continued, “My best friend loves you, Moony likes you, and I don’t mind you. That makes you practically family in my book.”
Lucius swallowed and nodded mutely.
After their last clue, it was a mad race to their final destination. Lucius was not happy about having to run up several flights of stairs, but the annoyance faded when they arrived at the hidden floor of the Muggle hotel and were informed they were the first team to arrive.
Then they waited in strict silence with the others behind couches and tables and booed when Lupin and Moody showed up several moments later. Then with those two joining them, they waited for James and Weasley.
There was a click as someone used a key in the door. Then the door opened, Black snapped on the lights, and everyone burst into applause and yelled “Surprise” as the losers of their game entered the room. They didn’t seem bothered by the loss. James grinned widely at them and drinks were very quickly passed around.
It was so different from every birthday celebration Lucius had ever attended. It was all drinking and ridiculous party games that only grew more ridiculous the more everyone drank. But he must have stuck out more than he realized because three different people asked him if he was alright.
Surrounded by the people James loved made Lucius question if he really belonged in the middle of this madness. The case could certainly be made that he didn’t fit in with James’ friends. But the more he drank and talked with the people around him, the more he liked it. He liked that no one wanted or demanded he try to fit in, they were happy to accommodate his preferences with minimal fuss other than Black’s slurred, “Who wants more beer?! And whatever shite Malfoy’s drinking!” It was a good feeling. Even if he didn’t blend in with them, no one was asking him to. It was a striking contrast to the way Lucius was raised to only accept those that were similar to your own. Those lonely ideals that had isolated him for so long. Sometimes he thought about it too much.
But James’ bright smile was worth it all. And he thought he would do a lot more than this just to stay at his side.
None the less, Lucius was still relieved when they finally made it home.
“So? Was it terrible?” James asked while Lucius was struggling to remember where he’d put his wand so he could open the door.
Lucius didn’t think he could adequately explain in a thousand years all the things he’d thought about tonight. “It was… fun,” he decided, “and terrifying. But mostly fun.” His wand wasn’t in its holder pocket, maybe in his other pocket.
James grinned, “So we’ll do it again next year?”
Lucius tilted his head.
James’ voice was low and sweet, “And the year after that?”
Lucius swallowed. Heat climbed his neck and he felt it in his face.
James reached for something in his bag and Lucius’ breath stopped. Was it happening? Was this finally the question he’d been waiting for?
James pulled Lucius’ wand out of his bag. A mischievous grin on his lips, “I was wondering how long it would take you to notice.”
Lucius quelled disappointment and rolled his eyes. He snatched his wand back and opened the door.
They spent the rest of the weekend quietly, much to Lucius’ delight. They slept late and ate leisurely. He kept waiting for James to make a comment about them being old men, but it never came. So maybe James enjoyed this down time as much as Lucius did. Or maybe it was the balance that made it good. Bizarre games with James’ friends one day and then quiet, alone time the next.
Lucius continued to watch James carefully for a sign that he might propose. But the truth was, they’d never discussed it at length. More than once, Lucius considered being the one to propose. But always talked himself out of it. He didn’t know if it was a deep-seated fear of rejection or the mental exhaustion of trying to decide what kind of proposal would suit James the best.
Deep down Lucius knew that it was a fairly meaningless matter. Whether they were to wed or not didn’t change their situation. They could move in together and blend their families without the ceremony. But part of Lucius was saddened by that. He wanted the ceremony. He wanted the formality and pomp. It worried him to think that maybe James didn’t. But he still couldn’t convince himself to bring it up to discussion. So instead he just waited for something he wasn’t even sure was coming at all.
April came much too fast and Lucius barely even noticed. There were too many things on his plate this month but he managed to remember the correct time to meet James at King’s Cross Station to pick up the children.
It was routine now. They picked up the children together and neither boy seemed to think it strange anymore. They also seemed not to care which residence they went to, though usually they went separately to their own homes for the first couple days. But, in general, the Manor had more space to run around so they were there most often by an unspoken agreement.
Lucius didn’t mind the cabin at Godric’s Hallow, but he liked his space more. He liked the sprawling library of the Manor and the fields as far as the eye could see. Plus, if the boys kept busy with the Quidditch pitch or had room to distance themselves from each other, they were less likely to fight over something petty. Though the way the boys fought over everything was somehow normal for them.
And wasn’t it strange that Lucius had a sort of fondness for the meaningless arguments they had? And then there was the easy back-and-forth parenting he and James had fallen into that had come so naturally they hardly had to talk about it.
The boys had been home for a week and everything seemed right in Lucius’ world.
Lucius laid out his newspaper on the drawing room table, coffee in hand. He spared a moment to watch the boys out the window, arguing quietly with each other. It was a strange and easy contentment. And really there was only one more thing that would make this scene completely perfect.
And here he was. James came into the room and very deliberately sat down across from him.
Since James usually squeezed himself in beside Lucius no matter where they were, it caught Lucius’ attention.
James reached into a bag and Lucius felt himself get flustered. His heart upped its tempo. Lucius noted that it was strange to be on the other end of this. But what James put on the table wasn’t a ring box. It was a book.
Lucius blinked.
He was starting to wonder if James was doing this on purpose. He once again bit down disappointment. He reminded himself that maybe James didn’t want to remarry.
“What is that?” Lucius asked, keeping a sigh from his voice.
James took a breath and drummed his fingers on the heavy cover. He pushed it over to Lucius.
Lucius took it a tad reluctantly. It was hard to feign interest in an old book when he’d thought this was a proposal at last.
He turned to the first page. It was a name he didn’t recognize but he suddenly knew exactly what the book was. He flipped through it, tracing the tree. Linfred, Peverell, Abhaya, Pandey, Fleamont. It was a variation of a book that every Pureblooded Wizarding Family had stashed away somewhere.
“Is this-” Lucius started to say and then stopped.
“Complete history of Potters,” James finished for him, his voice betraying a tad of nervousness. “You have no idea how long it took me to find. It was in a box I forgot I even had.”
Lucius ran his fingers over the golden-hued edges of the pages and flipped to the latest page where Harry James Potter was written in scrawling gold.
Lucius felt his heart squeeze pleasantly. He swallowed around his own bubbling nervousness. There was only one reason James would show him this. Lucius was actually surprised James would do something so old-fashioned.
Lucius looked across the small table, James was watching him with wide, focused eyes, “Lucius Malfoy, will you-”
“Yes,” Lucius said. He felt breathless, his heart pounding against his ribcage. All the impatience he’d felt for the past month bubbled up to be practically frothing at the mouth.
James bit his lip, a nervous laugh, “You didn’t let me finish.”
“The answer’s still yes.”
James reached across the table to take both Lucius’ hands and kissed his palm. A very traditional thing to do. It caused Lucius to choke on his breath. Surprising himself with how emotional it made him. He swallowed quickly before he embarrassed himself.
When James looked up at him again, Lucius asked, “What about the boys?”
“Apparently it’s a Traditionalist thing to ask both families first? So I asked Draco, who said yes. And Harry said, ‘whatever’, which I think is as good as it gets.” As if to prove his point, he looked over at the window. The two heads that had been peering in at them quickly vanished. “And for good measure, I asked Sirius and Remus. And even Emma, since she seems to be your only friend.”
Lucius was touched that James had tried to do this the ‘Traditionalist’ way. “And what did they say?”
“What I knew they’d say,” James laced their fingers together, “That it’s an Old Traditionalist thing that needs to die because the only answer that matters is yours.”
Lucius fought a snort of laughter because even in a moment like this James couldn’t keep his politics polite.
“And no one seemed interested in doing the family interview thing except Sirius.”
Lucius couldn’t help laughing, “That was his version of a family interview?”
“Was it bad?”
“More bizarre. And nothing like the horrific process I went through with Narcissa’s parents.”
James grinned, “I’ll make sure to tell him that. He’ll be proud to have undermined the whole thing.”
Then as if he’d nearly forgotten, James pulled one of his hands away to produce a small box from his pocket.
“If you hate it, we’ll get a different one,” James said taking the ring from the box and slipping it on Lucius’ finger.
The ring was simple. Platinum with a single peacock feather running along the centre. It was elegant, subdued and yet imbued with so much significance it took Lucius’ breath away. Lucius was moved by how much he liked the look of it. Even though what he normally wore was more flashy and ornate. It was a statement, even if James hadn’t meant it to be. It was a sharp contrast to Lucius’ family ring which was big and obvious. Old family jewelry was heavy and gaudy by design. This ring was different. Even though their journey together had not been easy, Lucius was often struck by the truth that it was at least ‘simple’. With the complexities of their daily lives swirling around them each and every day, Lucius had often taken solace in the simple fact that this love was straightforward. It was pure, it was plain, it was perfect, just like this ring.
“I love it,” Lucius said seriously.
“And you don’t have to spare my feelings.”
Lucius was staring at the ring, unable to move his eyes from the way the platinum looked against his skin. “I wouldn’t care a whit about your feelings if I hated it.” Surely James already knew that about him?
When Lucius finally did drag his eyes away from the ring to look at James, James was grinning at him the way that made Lucius’ stomach twist and turn and his entire body feel warm.
“Aren’t you going to read the book?” James teased. Lucius rolled his eyes. It was hard to believe there had been a time when those things had really mattered to him. Now he believed that James could be descended from trolls and it wouldn’t have changed Lucius’ feelings.
“I don’t need a book to know what I want.” And he was so relieved that James wanted this too.
James pulled him to his feet and kissed him properly. James smiled into the kiss and Lucius imagined that he could feel James’ heart beating with his fingertips.
Lucius felt lighter than air. He felt humbled and heightened at the same time.
He pulled James toward him and tried to move them around the drawing room in a bad imitation of a Viennese waltz while James laughed into his shoulder, “I don’t know this dance!”
Lucius huffed, “You’ll learn,” he said while James continued laughing, “No husband of mine is going to lack knowledge of proper ballroom classics.”
James sighed dramatically, “What have I gotten myself into?”
Lucius would have loved to spend more time on the matter right then, but they had two boys pretending not to eavesdrop close by.
They went outside were said boys were batting a Bludger back and forth between them. But they grew quiet when their fathers arrived. Harry caught the Bludger and bound it in its box.
“So,” James threw an arm around Draco and then moved to throw the other around Harry. “Looks like you’re going to be brothers.”
This seemed to occur to the boys for the first time. They stared, horrified at each other. Lucius was still quite giddy and the sight was so funny, it made him break into helpless laughter. Then their looks of shock at his outburst only made him laugh harder.
James was pleased to once again have his helper in the kitchen. Draco had taken to cooking far quicker than even James had. So many years ago it had started as a fun thing he did with Lily. Then it had grown into a life of its own. Even when Lily had gone, James still enjoyed cooking for the people he loved. But now that he had someone to divvy up the work with, he remembered how social cooking could be. He was overjoyed that Draco seemed to find it fun too.
James had tried to teach Harry several times and that had been fun too, but in the end, Harry preferred to just eat and James could hardly blame him for that.
Draco was naturally adapt at it and James wondered if Lucius would object at them maybe taking a Muggle course together. It could be a fun bonding activity and he had been looking for more ways to get Draco and Lucius accustomed to Muggle culture. Harry would riot if he had to take a course outside his school courses, but he might do it if James and Draco did.
“What do I call you now?” Draco asked as they were cutting up potatoes for supper.
James hadn’t given it much thought, “Anything you’re comfortable with.”
Draco gave a non-committal sound as he concentrated on his task.
It was a little awkward, so James said, “James is fine, if you want.”
Draco nodded, still focused on his work.
“I’ll finish the potatoes,” James said, “Why don’t you and Harry decide what’s for dessert?”
Draco wiped his hands quickly and raced out of the room. James didn’t think anyone had noticed yet that he often tried to make the boys make decisions together. They usually argued, but they always came to a satisfactory conclusion. It was genius parenting, if you asked him.
He smiled and whistled to himself as he worked.
Harry was reading comic books in one of the upper rooms before supper. He was idly fiddling with the piece of jewelry he wore around his neck, usually stashed under his shirt.
A lot had changed in just a couple of days, but at the same time, it was like nothing had changed at all. Their dads were acting grosser than usual, no longer afraid of kissing in front of them, so Harry just hid whenever they were making eyes at each other.
Things weren’t bad by any means, but they were weird. Harry hadn’t quite worked out all his feelings about it yet.
“Where did you get that?” Draco demanded. Harry jumped. He hadn’t noticed Draco come into the room.
Harry stuck the ring and chain back into his shirt.
“Did you steal it?”
“No!”
“Where did you get it?”
Harry glared, “Your father gave it to me.”
Draco was so shocked he couldn’t come up with a suitable response. Eventually he decided on the option that made the most sense, “You’re lying.”
“I’m not! Ask him yourself.”
Sometimes Harry said things knowing most people wouldn’t take the time to prove him wrong. Draco was not that type of person.
He stormed to his father’s room. He didn’t bother knocking before throwing open the door and demanding, “Did you give Harry your Slytherin ring?”
Harry had chased after him and they were both standing in the doorway to the master bedroom.
Draco’s father looked at Harry before focusing on Draco, “Yes, I did.”
Draco had been sure that Harry was lying. Why would Draco’s father give Harry something that meant so much to him? Why would he give it to Harry and not him? Draco was crushed by sudden hurt. He bit his lip.
Draco’s father sighed, “Harry, could you give us a moment?”
Harry nodded and left the room like he couldn’t wait to get out of there.
“Draco,” he put a hand on his Draco’s shoulder, “I didn’t give you that ring because you’re going to get your own.”
Draco blinked, he hadn’t been about to cry. At least that’s what he’d say, if asked, but there had been an annoying stinging sensation in his eyes. “But-”
“I know you’ll be picked for Prefect next year and I know you’ll keep that position until you graduate. You work hard and are a natural leader. Anyone would be a fool to overlook you. And when you accomplish all that, you’ll get your own House ring. You don’t need mine.”
“I will?”
“Of course. Harry won’t be a Prefect, I think we both know that. So don’t hold it against me or him that I gave him that old school memory.” He squeezed his shoulder, “It must be strange to suddenly have a sibling. I never thought I’d have another child either, but it’s a priority to me that he feels important to me,” he hesitated. “I know I endangered our relationship in the past with my actions and distance. And I don’t want to make that mistake again. I want you both to feel like family. I understand it might be hard for you. But you can talk to me about it any time you like.”
Draco was quiet for a moment and then he nodded. He felt childish. He’d over-reacted maybe, but there were still some hidden emotional minefields in their father-son relationship. And for a few painful minutes, Draco thought that perhaps Harry was the son his father had always wanted. It was an insecurity he hadn’t really noticed until now. He thought it probably stemmed from the four years of feeling inferior to Harry in every way. But things needed to change now that they were going to be related. But it was still strange to see Draco’s father treat Harry like a beloved son when Draco was just getting used to that sensation.
Draco nodded. It was going to be weird for all of them. Their family had literally doubled overnight. And there was bound to be some adjusting.
They seemed to reach an understanding, so Draco turned to go. He was stopped by his father’s voice, “Draco, wait.”
When Draco turned around, his father hugged him. It was still a very strange sensation, but it didn’t feel forced and it didn’t feel awkward. He hugged him back.
“I think perhaps we need to create more opportunity for talks like these.”
Draco shook his head, “I know you’re busy and-”
“I’m not too busy for you.” He said it with such meaning that Draco was sure this had to be James’ influence. “How about every third day in the evenings while you’re home from school?”
“What will we talk about?” Draco felt a little strange making this standing appointment with his own father, but they had always sort of done things in an unconventional way.
“Anything we like. Anything that’s on your mind.”
“What if we don’t have anything to talk about?” Draco was getting nervous now. He didn’t want to spend an entire evening staring at nothing while he wracked his brain trying to come up with something to say to his own father.
“Then we’ll argue about Quidditch,” Lucius suggested. It was partly a joke and Draco found himself grinning. That was definitely more of James’ influence. Two years ago, there was no way that Lucius Malfoy would be trying to make Draco smile. There was no way he would be trying to work on this relationship this way. Not for the first time, Draco thought James was good for his father.
“Okay,” Draco agreed.
After dinner, James found Harry catching a snitch through one of the main halls. James caught it without really looking at it.
“Hey!” Harry protested.
James released it and it flew off to hide again. “I’m just checking in. How are you doing?”
Harry frowned, “How I’m doing about what?”
James shrugged, “All of it? How does it feel to have a brother?”
“Step-brother.”
James made a face. “You know that’s not how our family does things.”
“What things?”
“When your grandparents adopted Sirius, he didn’t become my ‘adopted-brother’. He’s just my brother. And Draco isn't 'step' anything.”
Harry rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
James sighed. He could tell that now was probably not the time to push. Luckily, they had all the time in the world.
“I think I saw the snitch go into the dining room.”
Harry took off down the hall.
Lucius had never been wedding ring shopping before. When he had asked Narcissa to marry him, he had given her his grandmother’s ring, the family heirloom. He had wanted to bury it with her, but she had insisted he give it to Draco. Lucius had reluctantly agreed, even back then, he had had doubts about being proud of the Malfoy ancestors. And it had seemed so important to him once.
Still, the ring was Draco’s and it would be borderline ridiculous to attempt to give it to James.
So Lucius was stuck wandering jeweller after jeweller, wishing he had told James to go get his own ring. But the ring James had given him was so striking. Lucius looked down at it again. It constantly reminded him that James saw things in Lucius that no one else ever had. He had seen past all Lucius’ posturing, his walls and denials, and unearthed a man that Lucius had thought long dead. A man he had always wanted to be but had lacked the courage or motivation. He wanted to find a ring that would signify all those changes too. But it appeared that he had grossly overestimated his abilities. It was hours later and Lucius was beginning to lose hope.
Then Lucius saw it. An emerald. Not something he would typically associate with James, but this particular emerald was the exact shade of Harry’s eyes. Which meant it was the same shade as Lily’s. It also happened to be Lucius’ favourite colour, though he didn’t think that information was obvious. He wondered if James ever noticed how often he dressed in it.
Would it be strange to give James something that Lucius would more easily identify with? Shouldn’t James’ ring be something bright and gold? Maybe something with a gigantic lion? There were other options. Rubies and garnets, maybe even a sapphire, but Lucius kept going back to the emerald, inexplicably drawn to it. He tried to look at other emeralds, other stones, diamonds, but they were too dark or too light or too gaudy. He considered not adding a stone at all, keeping it plain like Lucius’, but it wouldn’t sit still in his mind.
He finally asked the jewel-seller to see it. It was too big to put on the relatively narrow band of a ring, but Lucius already had the design formed now. A set of antlers faintly engraved, the emerald in the centre. But it was hard to imagine James sporting something so deliberately luxurious. It’d be better to keep it as simple as possible, to match Lucius’ ring, so he asked the shop keeper to turn the emerald into a shard.
“You just want a shard of it?” the shopkeeper asked, clearly confused and maybe a bit annoyed, “and what am I supposed to do with the rest of it?”
Lucius gave the man an unimpressed look, “I don’t care. Feed it to your family.”
The shopkeeper snapped his mouth shut and took the emerald into the back, presumably to cut it.
Then, with the emerald shard safely in a velvet box, Lucius headed to the silversmiths’ to commission the rest of the ring.
When Lucius presented it to him, James stared at it for a long time without saying anything.
Lucius was getting nervous. Surely James didn’t hate it so much that he was unspeakably distraught?
“I know it’s not your typical style,” Lucius started, “but I wanted the base to match mine.” James’ ring was the same fine platinum. With the sliver of emerald embedded in the middle. But James didn’t own a single item of green clothing, so maybe it’d been the wrong choice after all. Now that Lucius thought about it, it looked distinctly Slytherin, James probably hated it. Lucius felt the urge to defend himself, “The emerald made me think of Harry and Lily and of course me and Draco and I just thought-”
James reached over and put his hand over Lucius’ mouth, “Shush a minute.”
Lucius did and James’ warm hand fell away from his face.
James was still staring at the ring with a rare concentration Lucius only saw him use when writing or playing Quidditch for competition.
After what felt like twenty more minutes, but was probably something like three, James finally looked at Lucius. It was a look Lucius had never seen before and he wasn’t sure what it meant. Usually James was laughing or glaring or smirking. Lucius knew when James had an idea, when he had a bad idea, when he was annoyed, ready to fight or hungry. But he had no idea what James was feeling right now.
"It’s beautiful,” James said, exhaling slowly, “It looks like the Quidditch Pitch on a good day.”
“It’s not something you would have picked for yourself,” Lucius pointed out.
“That’s why I love it.” James had gone back to staring at the ring. “I always go for shades of red. Reminds me of the Gryffindor dorms at Hogwarts. Sort of childish, don’t you think?”
“Not if you love it.”
James grinned, “I love everything this ring reminds me of.”
Lucius relaxed, finally content in his choice. He hadn’t noticed that he was absentmindedly fiddling with his own ring until James held out a hand, “Give me that.”
Lucius immediately gave it, bewildered as to what James could want with it.
James hummed as he looked it over. Then he stood up and walked to the mantle, where there was a bowl of various trinkets Lucius had long forgotten about. There were strange things like that all over the Manor.
“What are you looking for?” Lucius asked.
James didn’t answer him, instead he made a grunt and left the room when he didn’t find whatever he was looking for in the mantelpiece junk box. Lucius followed after him.
“Where are we going?” Lucius asked.
“Garden,” was all James said in reply.
Lucius didn’t bother asking ‘why the garden’ lest it prompt another inarticulate grunt.
Once they were outside, James was clearly looking for something specific. He picked up and discarded a dozen rocks before he finally appeared to find one he liked. Then he broke it into shards with his wand, shaping some of them and comparing them to the shard of emerald in his ring before deciding on one.
Then Lucius watched in awe as he moved his wand very deliberately and Transfigured the shard of stone into a shard of ruby.
Lucius knew exactly what James was going to do. He changed the design of Lucius’ ring just a little, making the stem of the peacock feather thinner, leaving space for the piece of ruby in the centre.
Lucius watched as he struggled for a couple seconds before Lucius interfered, “Give it here, let me do it. You’ll make it crooked.” James’ Transfigurations were perfect, expert and stunning, but his Charms left a little to be desired. Lucius was not going to wear a sloppily charmed ring.
James handed it over without protest and Lucius fixed the ruby to the ring himself. He’d get a professional jeweller to look it over later to make sure the charm stuck.
The rings matched now. Only the stones and the faint engravings were different. And Lucius felt like he knew what James meant about loving everything the ring reminded him of. Because when Lucius looked at the shard of ruby now embedded in his ring, he thought of family, of blood. He thought of the sunset and wine in Vienna where he’d spent the happiest days with Narcissa and Draco. And he thought of James and Harry both in their various shades of red and ridiculous Gryffindor pride.
It made him oddly emotional, but he said anyway, “You didn’t have to do that. I liked it before too.”
“Should I change it back?” James asked.
Lucius knew he was joking, but he said anyway, “Don’t you dare.”
James took Lucius’ left hand and put their rings next to each other.
The mood turned bittersweet. There’d been a time when neither of them had ever thought they would get married again, but Lucius couldn’t help but feel like Narcissa would approve. He had found a maddeningly clever, combative, courageous man who had changed him for the better. He’d be a true fool to ever let that slip through his fingers.
The kids were back to school all too soon and were probably glad to be. They were probably glad to leave their love-sick fathers alone for a whole month. James and Lucius had maybe forgotten once or twice to tone down the public affection. And once the wedding planning had started, the boys had taken to hiding in case they were asked to help. They seemed to want the whole thing over and done with as soon as possible.
There were still a lot of things they needed to discuss as a family, but that could wait until summer vacation.
“Be good,” James said to Harry and then to Draco before they got onto the Hogwarts Express.
“I’ll try,” Harry rolled his eyes.
They watched the Hogwarts Express until it disappeared. James always sighed a little wistfully.
“So how did they take it?” Sirius asked.
“Things seem fine,” James shrugged. He slipped his hand into Lucius’. “They barely fought all break.”
“They’ve been very mature,” Lucius agreed.
Sirius gave them a look, “They still have a whole semester to go.”
James and Lucius exchanged a look.
They weren’t nervous. They weren’t.
Things were fine. At least for a couple of weeks. Then they were starting to grate on each other’s nerves. Harry kept losing his temper and they weren’t getting along at all.
Harry tried to talk to Hermione about it. He expected her sympathy and understanding, but he got a lecture instead.
“This isn’t really about the step-brothers thing. You would be just as reluctant to have a new sibling no matter who they were.”
“That’s the part you want to focus on?”
“Well it’s true, isn’t it? Even if it were Ron, and he’s practically your brother already, you’d be inconsolable because it might mean you have to share your toys.”
“You’re making me sound five!”
The look she gave him confirmed that yes, she was, because he was acting like he was five.
“Well thanks for nothing,” Harry pouted, pulling his legs up underneath him on the chair he was seated on.
Hermione sighed, “You feel guilty about the way you treated him in the past. You should talk to him about it. Apologize.”
Harry sputtered, “What? I helped him get his Quidditch position! I stopped those Ravenclaws from jinxing his robes!”
“Yes, but you never apologized, did you?”
Harry glared at the floor.
“What if it was me?” Hermione asked, “What if it was Ron? What if you’d hurt either one of us? Would you really not apologize?”
Harry ran his fingers through his hair, “It’s not the same!”
“If you really want to be friends, you should talk about it. Did you know Draco apologized to me last year for calling me a Mudblood in second year?”
“Two whole years later,” Harry said moodily.
“So how long are you going to wait to apologize?”
Harry huffed, “He’s never apologized to me!”
“You’re not the one he needed to apologize to! He called me a Mudblood and you attacked him. And even if he deserved that Stinging Hex, he never said it again. But you baited and cursed him every chance you got. Yes, he said something horrible, but when he stopped saying those things, you should have stopped attacking him.”
“You never said to stop!”
“I've lost track of how many times I said it! You just never listened. You said that even if he wasn’t saying it, he was thinking it. But now that you know him. Do you really believe that?”
Harry stared miserably at the ground.
“Harry,” Hermione said softly, “It’s okay to be ashamed. But you still need to apologize. You need to stop treating him like an unwelcome eyesore. He’s tried his best to be accommodating but can you say the same?”
Harry didn’t answer, they both knew that he had been as accommodating as a pothole.
“The truth of the matter is, if you want your fathers to be together, you’re going to be step-brothers. And that can either be a wonderful thing, or it can be as difficult as you’re making it out to be.”
Harry grumbled to himself, “I miss the days when you agreed with everything I said.”
“I’ve never agreed with everything you said, you just hear what you want to hear.”
Hermione sighed, she was in the middle of setting up her textbooks for a bout of studying. “Do you remember what you told me about your mother’s sister?”
Harry glared at nothing, “So?”
“Do you want things to be like that between you?”
Again Harry didn’t answer.
“Why don’t you just try and be nice? Try to be thoughtful. Stop trying to make him feel like you don’t want him to be part of your family before you…” she hesitated.
“Ruin everything?”
“Before you say or do something you can’t take back.”
Her words reminded him of something his dad had said a few times. He was always worried Harry was going to do something he’d end up regretting. His dad didn’t want Harry to get caught in a tide of hurt that was his own doing. Harry had always thought he was just was being dramatic.
He also thought about Lucius. About how Lucius had made so many mistakes and now had decades worth of back-tracking to do. In comparison, two or three years of being a jerk wasn’t so bad. The hard part was trying not to be a jerk. Why couldn’t it just come easy? Why couldn’t Draco just be not annoying? Draco was a big jerk too. It wasn’t just Harry.
“Say you’ll try. Say you’ll talk to him so I can get back to my work,” Hermione huffed.
“Fine,” Harry agreed, “But I’m not promising anything.”
Harry had tried, really, he did. But it wasn't as simple as everyone was making it sound.
“What did you do?” Hermione hissed at Harry when she sat down next to him at the next day’s breakfast.
Draco had gone back to sitting at the Slytherin table, which he hadn’t done for almost a whole year.
“I didn’t do anything! I tried to apologize and he got all pissy and distant."
Hermione shot a look at the Slytherin table. Draco’s back was to them all. His fellow Slytherins were still avoiding him. “Well you must have said something!”
“I didn’t! I even said we were friends!”
Under Hermione’s searching look, Harry felt himself heat, “I also might have implied that we might not be good friends.”
Hermione sighed, “Oh Harry.”
Draco had done a decent job of keeping the trio at bay. No doubt Ron was relieved to finally be rid of him and he knew Hermione’s schedule well enough to avoid her best he could. He didn’t think he could handle her pity right now. She always looked at him like she felt sorry for him. Draco couldn’t stand it.
He’d hidden himself away in a back corner of the library. He could study there without hearing the whispering of his Housemates in the Common Room. While things weren’t as bad as they had been, they still weren’t what Draco wanted. The friends who had abandoned him last year didn’t try to approach him again after he snapped at Blaise for daring to talk to him. He’d practically dared Pansy to just try and apologize. He wasn’t ready to hear any of it. He would snap at her too. He’d much rather be alone.
Too bad, apparently, because Hermione plopped herself down on the other side of his table.
“How do you always find me?”
“You know, just because you’re quarrelling with one friend, doesn’t mean you get to ignore the others.”
Draco tried to ignore the way she so brazenly called him her friend.
“If you don’t want to be friends anymore, you’re going to have to say it to my face,” Hermione said, she crossed her arms on the top of the table, “And I’ll probably shout and then cry and Madam Pinch will get really angry.”
Draco swallowed down a smile, “That sounds like too much work.”
Hermione sniffed, “I thought so.”
Draco stared at his hands.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Hermione said kindly.
“There’s isn’t really anything to talk about.”
"Sure there is. Harry’s really bad at trying to be nice. But I do believe he’ll get there if we’re patient with him.”
“He’s always nice to you.”
“Well… he is now. It wasn’t always like that. In first year, he was just as horrible to me as he was to everyone else.”
“What changed?”
Hermione took a moment to say, “In second year, he found out I was Muggleborn.”
Draco made a face, “And that changed things?”
“I’m not sure that he was aware of what he was doing. But because of his mother, he had a soft spot, I suppose. At first, I was just relieved that he wasn’t picking on me anymore. But eventually I snapped at him and accused him of pitying me. I think it had all been subconscious until then. I had to explain to him that pitying me because of my background was just as bad as picking on me because of it. He didn’t understand at first, but I eventually got through.”
Draco didn’t know how to respond to that, so he stayed quiet.
“The reason I’m telling you this,” Hermione said, “Is because when you’re friends with someone. Real friends. You have to help each other grow. You have to listen to each other.”
“He never listens to me.”
“And maybe that’s why you feel like he isn’t really your friend. And I think he’s confused as to why you feel that way when he’s trying in other ways.”
“Are you saying this is my fault?”
“No. I’m telling you that it’s okay to feel the way you’re feeling. Harry should try harder to listen to you if he really thinks you’re friends. Friends are honest with each other.”
That did make Draco feel a little better.
“But you have to acknowledge the changes he’s made. He’s not the same person he was a year ago. He has been trying really hard to be nice to you… but you're right. That alone isn't enough. We need to hold him to a higher standard.”
Draco sighed. Maybe he had been a little harsh.
“But if he can or should be better, as his friend, you should be able to tell him so.”
“We’ve already established that he doesn’t listen to me.”
“He doesn’t listen to me either, but I’m still honest with him. It takes a couple of tries, but I get through eventually. I’m not saying you have to, but if you want to, sometimes getting through to him just takes a little more effort.”
Draco sighed.
“And since you and I are friends,” Hermione sniffed, “I feel like it is my friendly responsibility to tell you that you’re really mean when you’re upset. You lash out like a big, bratty baby and say hurtful things to cover your insecurities. So I’m assuming that when Harry hurt your feelings yesterday, you said something you didn’t mean.”
Draco blinked. He wanted to get defensive or angry but it was such a painful, accurate truth that he couldn’t deny it.
Hermione shrugged, “See? Power of friendship.”
“I have been informed that we don’t listen to each other,” Draco said, sitting down across from Harry at the Gryffindor table.
Harry snorted, “One guess from who.”
“And I remembered that you don’t always say what you mean to say. It’s an immature bad habit that I think you should work on.”
Harry bristled, “If you just came over here to-”
“That came out wrong,” Draco squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, “What I meant was, I didn’t notice that you were trying to tell me that you wanted to be friends, by pretending we were already friends. But I think you and I both know that’s not true.”
Harry must have received a similar talk from Hermione because he didn’t bother denying it.
“So, I'm sorry about what I said yesterday and I think,” Draco felt his face heating up, “If we’re going to be related, we should at least try to be friends too. Real friends. Friends that listen to each other.” Even though he had come to this decision fairly easily, it still made him feel far too vulnerable. It was like First Year all over again and he was holding out his hand.
Harry looked at the ground before finally agreeing, “Okay.”
Somehow Draco thought this was going to be harder, “Okay?”
Harry shrugged, a motion Draco recognized as a good sign, “Yeah. Fine. Whatever.”
The True Traditionalists had become a common sight outside the Ministry building. Lucius had managed to avoid and ignore them most days. But today there was something different.
The True Traditionalists had barricaded themselves outside the Ministry building and not allowing anyone to go in or out. Lucius only caught bits and pieces of their speeches as they were yelled out at the public from inside their erected wards. “Now they want us to set our house elves free!” “They want us helpless and divided!” “The Mudbloods want us all dead!” “We want to be heard!”
Lucius didn’t know what time this had started, but people were starting to get restless and to talk about giving into some of their demands out of pure convenience. “We can’t do that,” Lucius growled at anyone who suggested it.
It was annoying, but they were going to have to wait it out. At least until an Auror team arrived and found a way to remove them.
“We should just get in there and remove them by force,” someone suggested.
“They won’t drop their wards,” Lucius pointed out, “We have no idea what kind of spell they’re using, but they’re bound to be effective and dangerous.”
“Well what’s the worse that could happen?” someone asked, “We have antidotes.”
Lucius shook his head, “No one is going over there,” he knew better than all of them that the certain Purebloodists had no qualms about casting spells that had the potential to cause egregious harm. They didn’t care who got hurt in the process of their cause.
A woman that Lucius remembered as being a friend of James was bouncing on her feet, “I’m going to go over there. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Wait-” someone said and then another voice joined.
“Amelia, don’t-”
But she wasn’t listening.
Lucius’ heart leapt into his throat and he yelled at someone to grab her. He hadn’t even thought to draw his wand and stop her himself. She pushed by some people, dodged others. She was too fast to be stopped by any of them.
She got through the wards and for a split-second Lucius felt relief.
But that relief was quickly ripped from him as Amelia stepped toward the hate group and was stopped by a flash of green light. Lucius watched helplessly, his heart in his throat, as she fell lifeless to the ground.
Lucius could only remember flashes of what happened after that. The screams, the fighting, the stench of hot and angry magic all around them. He didn’t remember drawing his own wand, but in the ensuing investigation that followed, his wand revealed he’d disarmed people fifteen times.
When the wards had finally toppled and a riot had ensued, Lucius had been preoccupied with not letting anyone on his side go down for murder. So he’d stopped several of them from trying. Some people thought his actions had been to save the True Traditionalists and Lucius didn’t bother to correct them. He wasn’t going to go to the press just to clear his own name when they were all witnesses to a murder and there were so many other things to worry about.
The next few days were unbearable as word spread that the True Traditionalists had killed somebody. They clung to the claim that they meant no harm and had been protecting themselves. They said they could not be held responsible when Amelia had walked into their wards on her own. That she had ‘scared’ them. No one could seem to find the person responsible for the killing spell but when threatened as a whole, they turned on their own as quickly as a hungry cat on a bird. They offered up a young man and insisted he be punished to the full extent of the law. They claimed to have no knowledge of why he would cast such a spell. It was a classic Purebloodist tactic. Scapegoat a young follower too inexperienced to understand he’s a scapegoat, not a martyr.
And if the Wizengamot accepted that the situation was the fault of one sole person, they would miss the bigger issues surrounding it. This wasn’t a simple, one-time mistake. This was a calculated crusade that had been planned from the beginning.
But at the end of the week, the Wizengamot found the young man guilty, leaving the larger issues unaddressed. They had as good as said that Amelia committed suicide. No one in the Ministry had even discussed preventative measures against the extremists.
Lucius was sick of arguing with everyone who asked him for his opinions. He was exhausted, not only from that, but also watching helpless as James and his friends mourned and tried to make sense of something so completely senseless. Lucius gave countless press statements but he could never seem to make anyone else understand that losing part of a their community was already devastating, but that the group responsible would not be held accountable was beyond painful.
But Lucius and his band of New Traditionalists committed to keeping the pressure on. The Ministry was going to have to make some decisions eventually. Even Fudge wasn’t stupid enough to let the True Traditionalists talk him out of it. The tension needed to be dealt with or more riots would start. If they handled this badly, they could be on the precipice of a civil war.
Draco knew now that Harry was trying. They both were. But he hadn’t expected things to be so awkward. It wasn’t as bad as going back to being rivals, but Draco was beginning to miss the fighting and arguing if the resounding awkward silences were going to be permenant.
It was more difficult than they’d imagined, not arguing or snapping at each other. And whenever they started getting personal, Hermione would say, “Petunia” and Harry would walk away. Draco didn’t know what any of it meant, but he sure didn’t feel like a friend.
He skipped the group’s weekly study session to read down by the lake. He didn’t think Hermione would care, she was good about giving him space when he needed it.
But it wasn’t her who came to find him.
Draco resisted the urge to groan. Couldn't he take a hint?
Harry huffed and sat down near him.
Instead of demanding why he’d followed him out here, Draco tried to remember not to snap.
Harry fiddled with something in his bag. He didn’t look at Draco while he said, “Hermione said we aren’t solving anything by saying we’re friends and not acting like it.”
Draco shrugged a shoulder, “What does she know? She’s not the one who has to be siblings with us.”
Harry gave him a grin and Draco let himself relax just a little.
“Anyway,” Harry said, “I thought maybe she was right. So I’m going to share something with you.”
Draco instantly perked up. He always thought the golden trio had one too many secrets between them. But he had given up on believing they’d ever deem him worthy of sharing them with him.
Harry took out a blank bunch of parchment and put it on the ground in front of him.
Draco stared, “That’s your big secret? Always carry extra parchment? Bit Ravenclaw of you.”
Harry rolled his eyes, “It’s a map,” he said.
Draco looked at the blank papers, “Map to nowhere?”
“Map to the entire castle. But that’s not all. It can tell you where anyone is.”
Harry wasn’t making much sense and Draco wondered if he could point out how crazy that sounded without starting an argument.
Harry took out his wand and tapped the parchment, “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”
Draco was going to make a snide comment about that colourful phrase but the words died on his tongue as he watched ink bleed from Harry’s wand and onto the parchment. A map of the castle came into full view as tiny names and tiny footprints populated it.
Draco grabbed the map and stared at it. And there they were. One Draco Malfoy and one Harry Potter by the lake, under the big tree.
“My dad and his friends made it when they were our age,” Harry said proudly.
Draco flipped through the map once and then again and then again. It was unbelievable. It was incredible. It was… it was…
“This is how you always found me!” Draco accused.
Harry winced, “Yeah, well…”
“You sneaky, bloody bastard. I should turn this in to the Headmaster.”
Harry blanched and reached for it. “Do not-”
Draco held it out of reach, “Something like this! Totally unethical!”
“Give it here!”
“We should throw it on a fire!”
“Don’t you fucking dare!”
Harry finally managed to grab it back and he stuffed it in his bag. “You can’t tell anyone,” Harry said seriously.
“If I did, you’d be in big trouble.”
Harry glared at him.
But Draco felt fantastic. He grinned slowly, “So now I know one of your big secrets. And that makes us friends, does it?”
Harry shrugged, “Only my friends know about it, so yeah, I think so.”
Draco felt too happy to be properly pissed at how they had probably used the map against him countless times.
“So now you owe me one,” Harry crossed his arms.
Draco raised an eyebrow, “I don’t have any secret maps.”
“So? Tell me a secret that nobody else knows.”
The idea of sharing an honest secret with him was sort of terrifying. Draco didn’t know if he had that in him. But then Harry could have easily not shared his. He could have given Draco some useless or untrue information, Draco would never have known the difference. But instead, Harry had shared something really valuable.
Draco groaned, “Do I have to?”
“Do you want to be friends or not?”
Draco rolled his eyes.
He didn’t have anything as valuable as a secret map, and he knew he was going to have to be vulnerable for this to work out equally. He could risking lying, but if Harry found out, after being so honest about this, it could damage the progress they’d made.
Draco looked at the ground and then at his nail beds. “I…” he swallowed, “I have a manicurist in Diagon Alley.”
For a long moment Harry was silent. It certainly wasn’t a secret on par with a bloody magic map but surely Harry didn’t expect him to have such big secrets?
But for all the panic Draco was starting to feel, when Draco met his eye, Harry’s grin was wide and real, “I knew it!” he sang, “Hermione didn’t believe me but I bloody knew it! No one’s nails look like that!”
Draco was relieved that Harry hadn’t tried to pry something more private out of him.
“Don’t tell anyone and I won’t say anything about your map,” Draco said.
Harry was beaming, “Deal.”
Draco rolled his eyes. Gryffindors.
Lucius was never gladder to have something to distract from the rage and bitterness. They still had a wedding to plan and other arrangements to make.
James too seemed glad for the distractions.
They were at the Manor and James had been fidgeting all day so Lucius felt maybe they needed to start on some of those arrangements.
“We’ll need to contact someone about moving your things from Godric’s Hallow.”
James stopped the mindless pacing he’d been doing, “You think Harry and I are going to move in here?”
Lucius placed the quill he’d been using to write lists and turned to face James. This wasn’t something they had discussed in detail. It appeared that they had both formed different ideas about their future living arrangements.
Lucius didn’t want this to turn into an argument. “I’d assumed that we would live together.”
“Yes, but why here?”
“It’s the larger of our two properties. It’s been my ancestral home for generations. And you and Harry have already stayed here for long periods of time. It makes the most sense.”
“I understand it’s been your home your whole life, but it’s so empty and old. There’s no neighbourhood. Don’t you think it would be better for the boys to have other kids to play with and for us to have neighbours and parks?”
“Why do we need parks? We have land as far as the eye can see. Not to mention a Quidditch pitch.” Did James really think neighbours were more important than that?
James narrowed his eyes, “Don’t you tempt me with a Quidditch pitch. I don’t think the Manor is our best option.”
“Because it isn’t surrounded by Muggles?” Despite himself, Lucius felt himself get defensive. Why was his home not good enough for James and Harry?
Lucius felt James tense, “There’s Muggles and Wizarding Families in Godric’s Hallow and isn’t that the kind of place we want Draco and Harry to experience? The Manor is large but it’s isolated.”
“If we think about this logically, the older family property is the most valuable.”
“By what logic? Sounds like Pureblood hogwash.”
“And once again you forget that you are a Pureblood.”
“Who doesn’t share your views on Pureblood propaganda. By valuable, do you mean expensive? Because you know that's not something I value.”
Lucius took a breath, he should have known better than to bring things like blood status into arguments with James.
“The Manor has everything we need,” Lucius said carefully, “I don’t see what the problem is.”
“The problem is you still think your Pureblood background is more important than mine.”
They had been doing so well communicating lately. This felt like a bigger failure than it actually was. But this discussion was far from over. It didn’t look as though either one of them was going to budge on the issue. Lucius took a careful breath, “I think we should continue this discussion at a later time.” It was the safest option for now. Things would only get more heated from here. Especially with both of them running high with worry and tension over Amelia’s death and thoughts of the True Traditionalists.
“Fine,” James relented, running his hands through his hair. Lucius didn’t miss the distressed look on his face. He longed to kiss it away, but figured that would be an unwelcome action since Lucius had been the one to cause it.
“I’m going back to Godric’s Hallow,” James said and Lucius knew that would probably be the case, “Dinner’s at six.”
Lucius watched him go.
Didn’t it make sense to keep the older family home in the family? That was just common sense. Wasn’t it?
Lucius sat for a long time, not moving. Marrying Narcissa had been easy and straightforward. They never once argued about money, estates, or family because they had always been on the same page. Raised with the same values.
Looking around the room, Lucius realized that even from the beginning he had pictured James here. Never the other way around. He’d been so pleased James had more or less let himself into Lucius’ life and home and seemed like he had always belonged there. It hadn’t even occurred to him what it would mean for James to leave Godric’s Hallow. It hadn’t even been a question to Lucius. He had been thinking about this marriage like it was an echo of his past one. Narcissa had left her family home and became part of Lucius’. He had foolishly assumed it would be much the same with James. He’d looked forward to James leaving Godric’s Hallow and moving here, becoming part of Lucius’ life the way Narcissa had.
Lucius wandered the halls of the Manor, trying to imagine living anywhere other than here.
He went to the main room and stood in front of Narcissa’s proud portrait. There was so much of him here. So much that he wasn’t sure he could stand to leave behind.
The argument about living arrangements was thankfully put on hold while they tried to focus on the details of their nuptials.
Lucius had thrown parties more complicated than this, but he was still somehow overwhelmed. He’d rejected most of James’ offers to help because Lucius had a vision. But despite having been so busy the whole weekend, he finished only the invitations.
“You look stressed,” James said from the doorway.
Lucius wouldn’t risk the pounding in his head to glare at him.
“Weddings are supposed to be fun!” James sighed as he came into the room and sat at the table.
“Weddings are a formal ceremony for an even more formal agreement.”
James snorted, “Romantic.”
Lucius let out a breath, he hadn’t thought about how their definitions of marriage might differ. Of course, James hadn’t been raised with the same expectations Lucius had. But Lucius was free now. His parents had seen him into his first marriage as well as the birth of their all-important Malfoy heir. So filial obligation was absent in this match. It was freeing, but it also made him feel like he was floundering.
Lucius stared down at the several magazines that littered the coffee table, he sighed, “When Narcissa and I got married, we agonized over every detail,” he hesitated, “I don’t particularly want to repeat that experience.”
James gave him a soft grin, “Lily and I got married in the backyard.”
They stared at each other, for a moment there was a lot of distance between them, reminding them that they came from two different worlds.
“So, somewhere between Traditionalism and… the backyard,” Lucius said.
James flashed teeth, “Somewhere in the middle. That could be our family motto.”
Lucius’ eyes widened and then he put a hand against his forehead and sighed.
“I was kidding,” James said.
Lucius shook his head, “No, I sent the invitations to the printer already,” he pressed his lips into a thin line, “and I forgot to include the Potter crest on them.”
James bit his lip to keep from laughing.
Lucius held his hands up as if James might get upset, “In my defence,” he said quickly, “I was raised from a young age to believe that anyone I married would be leaving their family to join mine.”
Lucius was upset enough already, so James didn’t bother teasing him, “It’s okay,” he said, “We don’t need my family’s crest on them.”
Lucius sighed loudly, “No, it’s important,” he picked up his quill and started a letter to halt the printers, “It’s traditional to have the groom’s crest on the invitation.”
“Seems sort of rude to the bride’s family,” James mused.
Lucius put the note in an envelope, “I’ll send this to the printer’s tomorrow when they’re open.”
James smirked at him, “Won’t two crests ruin your design?”
Lucius sighed, “Do not remind me.”
So they finally agreed on a relatively modest wedding. But there was still so much work involved. The only reprieve was there was no need to make political matches at the guest tables. In fact, they barely had to make guest charts at all since the number of Lucius’ guests could be counted on one hand.
Lucius stared at the guest list for fifteen minutes. Of the roughly 100 guests, only three were Lucius’ own. He didn’t have any extended family, he barely had a of couple friends, it was strange and a little sad. He felt worse when this inspired a now familiar longing to see Bella. But she had ensured their bridge was burned with the stunt she pulled with Draco. And even if it couldn’t be verified, he knew she had something to do with Amelia Bones’ death. Still, it felt very strange to be married with barely three percent of the witnesses being his.
Lucius suddenly wished that his mother was alive. She would have been absolutely horrified that Lucius was not only re-marrying, but that it was to a man who wasn’t even part of the sacred twenty-eight. But still, Lucius thought wistfully about having his family there.
Lucius hadn’t heard James come in. He startled when James took the seating chart from his hands. “Should we have made it a smaller?” he asked, “A hundred people is a little much, isn’t it?”
Lucius raised an eyebrow, “How many people were at your first wedding?”
James shrugged, “Maybe thirty?”
Lucius blinked.
“How many were at yours?” James returned.
“Three hundred and twenty-three.”
James gaped at him, “Do you even know that many people?”
“It wasn’t about knowing people, it was about marrying among the sacred twenty-eight. Every member from every family attends those.”
“What was it like?”
Lucius hummed thoughtfully, “Somber and solemn, perfectly Traditional in every way.”
James looked aghast, “You? Somber?”
“It is Traditional!”
“Okay,” James hesitated, “Is that what you want again?”
Lucius shook his head, “No. I don’t think so.”
James laughed, “I can’t even imagine you in somber dress robes.” The Traditionalist dress robes were black with grey. It was rather ordinary. Lucius didn’t own a single piece of wardrobe now that could be classified as such.
“I wore what I thought would make my ancestors the proudest,” Lucius admitted, “I tried not to stand out for years, but when Narcissa passed, I didn’t much care anymore. I wanted to wear what made me most comfortable.”
“I love that green pinstripes and baroque vests are what make you most comfortable.”
“My fellow Pureblood Society members didn’t quite understand. Perhaps that was my first foray into thinking outside their boxes. But they eventually got used to my new wardrobe and it was never discussed again.”
“Well, I want you to wear whatever makes you most comfortable on our wedding day.”
Lucius nodded, “And I will.”
James seemed to be waiting for something.
Lucius gave him a sour look, “I suppose you want the same sentiment from me?”
James sighed, “Lily and I got married with only a handful of friends. We both wore things we already had in our closets. It was a small and lovely ceremony. It was exactly what we both wanted.”
Lucius waited for him to continue his thought.
“But now, when I think about getting married again. I want a bigger ceremony. I loved the small gathering, it was exactly what we needed, but now I rather think I’d like a little pomp and circumstance. I’m blaming that change entirely on you.”
Lucius grinned, “So if I tell you to wear what you want, you promise it won’t be Muggle jeans and half a Quidditch uniform?”
James laughed. He bent over and kissed his nose, “I promise that whatever I wear, it will match you in elegance and fashion. I know who I’m marrying.”
Lucius wasn’t sure he’d ever heard a sentiment more beautiful.
“You know,” Lucius said slyly, pulling James around the table and into his lap. The other man settled there neatly. “I don’t think I ever told you just how much I love you in formal wear.”
James laughed, “You aren’t exactly subtle about it either. I definitely noticed. You go all speechless and pink.”
Lucius scoffed, “I have never been speechless in my life. And I certainly don’t blush.”
James hummed and ran his fingers through Lucius’ fine hair, “Whatever you say. But denial doesn’t suit you.”
Lucius contemplated shoving James off his lap but instead held him all the closer. “Take it back,” he growled into James’ neck.
“Never.”
The next day Lucius busied himself drafting his wedding attire. And after the discussion with James, he really wanted to make a statement. He wanted to showcase the changes he had gone through. He wanted to wear his story. He didn’t think that his transformation was over, he doubted it ever would be. But it felt right. He felt whole and complete. A sensation he hadn’t had in far too many years.
He was on the seventh draft when James came into the room. He hid the drawing under a pillow, “It’s not ready yet,” he said.
But he hadn’t hidden the tool he was using.
James snatched it out of his hand, “How do you even know what this is?”
“I know what a pen is,” Lucius glared.
James’ eyes lit up, “Really?”
Lucius huffed and grabbed the pen from him. “I have a half-blood friend, if you must know.”
James was still staring, “You do? Why haven’t I heard of this?”
Lucius wasn’t sure why he had never mentioned it. It just hadn’t seemed all that important. “He’s Draco’s godfather. I want him at the wedding.” Lucius took a moment, “You should know him. He was in your year at Hogwarts.”
“Who is he?” Excitement lit up James’ entire face.
But all the excitement died when Lucius said, “Severus Snape.”
Lucius had only seen that look on James’ face once before. It’d been almost two years ago, at the Ministry gala when James had thought Lucius was with Emma. That look of complete devastation.
“What’s wrong?” Lucius asked. He reached out to touch James’ shoulder.
James didn’t know what to do. Could he just come out and say that he had bullied Snape for years? And that Snape had been in love with Lily?
Lucius was watching him expectantly. James decided that maybe he should start slow before getting into the gory details.
Lucius hummed, “He’s never been very open about his past. But the last time we spoke, he did appear to have a strong opinion about you.”
James sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t know how much he should say. If Snape hadn’t filled Lucius in on all the details, did that mean he wanted to keep it a secret? Did James have the right to tell this story?
Lucius waited patiently for James to talk. But James had no idea how.
On the day of Lily’s funeral, James had held himself relatively together throughout the entire day. He made all the greetings, thanked most of the guests and then Remus and Sirius had taken Harry for the night and James was left alone in the silence of his new reality. It was terrifying and he was inconsolable.
That was when Snape had stepped out of the shadows. James had been so surprised, he didn’t even reach for his wand. Snape looked worse than James had ever seen him, and he’d seen him through puberty. His eyes were red and he was looking at James as if daring him to say something.
But James couldn’t. So they stood there in silence until something inside of James broke. He held a hand to his face, his head hung, as his shoulders shook and shook. The whole time, Snape didn’t say a word and stood right where he was.
They never spoke. Never uttered a word. And Snape left once James had finally managed to pull himself together.
They locked eyes one last time before James left the graveyard with the crack of Snape Disapparating behind him.
It was an odd memory. One that James still didn’t know how to feel about. He’d felt nothing but absolutely miserable that day and Snape’s face had only sharpened the pain. Grief suddenly mixed with shame and guilt creating a poison that James still sometimes swore he could taste.
And apparently that shame and guilt was ever-present because he was feeling it right now. Lucius had only three people on his side of the guest list and James did not want to be responsible for it going down to two.
James bit his lip and for a moment, Lucius wasn’t sure he was going to get an answer, but then James sighed and said, “I’m not sure how to start…”
Whatever this was, it was clearly weighing heavily on him.
James ran his hand through his hair before groaning noisily, “Snape and I… We have… a history.”
Lucius stared, it was as if someone had thrown cold water over him, “History,” he repeated numbly.
James jolted, “Wait, wait, that came out wrong. Bad history. We aren’t… exes or anything.” He looked hysterical at the suggestion of it.
Lucius relaxed a little. “What is this history?”
With a heavy sigh James told him the story while Lucius sipped his coffee. Things fell into place for Lucius. He now understood the reason Snape was so icy to him the last time they met. And as unflattering as it was to James, Lucius still liked knowing more about James’ past. Lucius wondered how many more missing elements of James’ past he had left to discover.
“I doubt he’ll even accept your invitation,” James said. He had his arms crossed and was leaning back in his chair the way Lucius had seen both Sirius and Harry do on occasion.
“Have you ever apologized to him?” Lucius asked.
James’ chair hit the ground with a heavy thud and James was staring at him like Lucius had said he was dying his hair purple.
“Well?” Lucius prompted.
“We haven’t spoken in over thirteen years.”
“So, that’s a ‘no’.”
It appeared that that thought had never crossed James’ mind. He looked agitated and wary.
“Why don’t you write to him?” Lucius suggested.
James looked on the verge of mad laughter, “I can’t write to him! He’d toss it in a fire, or explode it, or-”
“You’re just making excuses.”
James crossed his arms again.
“Write to him,” Lucius said again, “Apologize and put all of this behind you.”
James fussed his bottom lip with his teeth. He did this when he was mulling over something he really didn’t like.
“He is one of my only guests,” Lucius pointed out.
“Don’t guilt me into it!” James groaned and messed his hair further in frustration.
Lucius shrugged and picked up a magazine from the table, “Whatever you will.”
James made a noise with his mouth, “I hate it when you do that.”
“Do what?”
“Act like you’re giving me a choice when you’re not.”
Lucius flipped through his magazine, ignoring the way James was glaring.
“I love you,” Lucius said.
“I hate you,” James hissed.
The next week Lucius brought it up again because he knew James would find any excuse to not do it. The longer you gave him, the cleverer the excuses and Lucius wasn’t in the mood to fight him about it.
“This isn’t about Snape,” he said, “or the fact that I have a sparse attendance list.”
James gave him a look.
Lucius cleared his throat, “It clearly eats at you. You have a hundred reasons in place for why you never apologized, but none of them make you feel better. I don’t know why you’re so afraid to try. If he rejects your peace offer, you can still move on with your life.”
James reached out and clutched at Lucius’ arms, “And here I thought you just really wanted one more guest on the list.”
Lucius kissed the top of his head, “I would like my childhood friend and Draco’s godfather to be there. But not at the price of your mental health. The guilt is clearly weighing on you, and for how long? Wouldn’t you like to get it over with?”
James sighed as he wrapped his arms around Lucius. “Yes,” he said miserably and pushed his face into Lucius’ chest.
“Then what’s stopping you?”
James hesitated for a long time. He clung to Lucius and Lucius let him.
“I didn’t tell you that he was Lily’s best friend at school.”
Lucius felt himself stiffen despite himself. This was definitely something he felt was relevant.
“It was my fault they fell out. She never blamed me directly, but she should have.”
Lucius slowly wrapped his arms around James in turn, “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
James shook his head, not looking at Lucius, letting his words get muffled in the front of Lucius’ robes. “I panicked. What are the odds that twice in a row someone I love is connected to him and I’m the reason for the distance between you two?”
Lucius took a breath, “I understand how difficult this is. But the worst part is over. You understand the role you played and the mistakes you made. All that’s left is taking responsibility for it. You’ve already made peace with yourself, why not offer that same peace to someone who might be hurting because of your shared past?”
“He probably won’t speak to me.”
“Perhaps, but I don’t think you’ll be happy until you try.”
“Have you ever had to look someone in the eye, knowing that they hate you, and apologize?”
“Is that a joke? I’ve done it now numerous times. It never gets easier.”
“Never?”
“The anxiety lessens a little. You grow to expect certain reactions. But you can’t not do it just because it scares you.”
“Who said I’m scared?”
“You’re clinging to me like a child. Where has all that blustering bravado gone?”
James glared as he pulled away, “Why am I marrying you again?”
Lucius kissed his forehead quick, “You’ll remember once you do as I say. Talk to him. Please? For yourself. Not for me.”
James sighed, “Fine. But I hope you’re good at healing spells because it's not going to be pretty.”
Summer vacation was finally upon them and in an attempt to compromise, they had all decided to split their time between the Manor and Godric’s Hallow. Both men were hoping to convince the other empirically of where they should live as a family.
But the kids had their own issues they were trying to work through.
Even though they wanted to be friends, they were both aware they couldn’t really force the issue. But having almost nothing in common wasn’t helpful. And communication had always been the most difficult for both of them.
Thursday afternoon found Draco and Harry in the sunniest room in the house. Draco was reading and Harry was apparently struggling to stay in one place.
After forty minutes of silence, Draco threw his book down, “What?” he demanded.
Harry startled and looked at him, “I haven’t said a word!”
“That’s what I mean! You’re only this quiet when you’re completely pissed off.”
“I’m not!” Harry protested.
“Then why haven’t you begged me to go do something else? Or thrown something at me or broken something by now?”
Harry glared and kicked one of his shoes off, “So if I want to sit quietly, that’s a problem now?”
Draco watched him warily, after an observant moment, he asked, “You’re really not angry about something?”
Harry looked away, “I’m not angry about anything.”
Draco didn’t really believe him, but he slowly picked up his book. “You’re being really weird.”
Harry huffed, “I’m just trying to be…”
Draco looked back at him, so there was something! But Harry seemed to lose his nerve at Draco’s scrutiny.
“For Salazar’s sake, what?” Draco said, exasperated.
“I just don’t want to- Ugh! Petunia!”
Draco frowned. He’d heard that word several times now but he still didn’t know what it meant. Sometimes Hermione said it and then Harry got all red-faced and huffy. “Petunia? What about petunias?”
“Not petunias. Petunia, my mother’s sister.”
Draco wasn’t any less confused, “I’ve never heard you mention an aunt before.”
“She hated my mom,” Harry said, he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, still glaring at nothing on the table, “She said my mom was a freak and didn’t want to be part of her life at all.”
Draco was quiet. He still had no idea why any of this had prompted Harry to start being so uncharacteristic.
Harry’s chair scrapped against the floor when he leaned back over the table, “I just don’t want to be like that.”
Draco watched Harry carefully. He was usually quite quick to pick up on the things Harry didn’t want to say. It was a habit that had been infuriating when they were younger and Draco knew he was being insulted but no one else seemed to hear it. Now it was something of a talent.
“You mean you don’t want to be a bad brother.”
“Step-brother.”
“Fine, you don’t want to be a bad step-brother so you’re… what exactly?”
“So I’m trying to let you read without distracting you! Merlin, you’re so thick sometimes.”
“I’m -! I’m the only person on the surface of the Earth that can even work out what you never actually say!”
“And that’s what I’m talking about!”
Harry had said it so angrily that anyone else might have thought it was an argument, but to Draco, it was a confession he never thought he’d hear.
Harry was being a total twit because he thought Draco was a good brother. Or at least a competent enough brother to understand Harry when other people didn’t. Harry didn’t like being outshone in any circumstances and apparently he was afraid of being the kind of sibling his horrid aunt was. This was the weirdest competition they’d ever had and they’d competed over a lot of stupid things.
“Okay,” Draco said. Gryffindors were so suicidally brave until it came to talking about feelings. Draco didn’t laugh, but he allowed himself a small grin as he thought about how Harry’s head might explode if anyone ever forced him to admit outloud that he wanted to be a good step-brother to Draco of all people.
“Okay what?” Harry said, suspicion in his voice.
Draco shrugged. “In the interest of ‘getting along’. Why don’t we go to Diagon Alley tomorrow.”
Harry raised an eyebrow, “To do what?”
Draco wiggled his perfectly manicured fingers.
Harry snorted, “No way. I’m not going to go get my nails done with you.”
“Why not? We’re going to be brot- step brothers, aren’t we? Shouldn’t we try fitting into each other’s lives?”
Harry made a face.
“And you can choose the next thing. Let’s see whose life is more fun.”
That seemed to put enough of a competitive edge on it that Harry didn’t seem to hate it quite so much now.
“Okay,” Harry agreed, “We’ll do what you want tomorrow and then we’ll do what I want the next day.”
Draco wasn’t sure he liked that manic look in Harry’s eye, but at least they were finally getting somewhere.
James sat in the graveyard alone. His collar was turned up against the wind. It was perhaps not the greatest place to face the ghosts of his past, but he couldn’t think of a better alternative. He doubted Snape would meet him in a coffee shop or come to his house.
Lily’s grave seemed like the only option. It was here where James had seen him for the last time. It had seemed, at the time, like an ending. But it didn’t appear like this particular problem was going to disappear without an intervention.
Snape hadn’t replied to the owl and James knew that he was probably busy with work. Maybe he didn’t have time to meet his childhood nemesis in a questionable location out of curiosity.
It was going to be painful, that he knew, but it was something he needed to get through. Not for himself. Not even just for Snape and the fact that he deserved some closure too, but because of Lucius and Draco and what this man might mean to their lives. James could never take that away from them. He had watched Lily suffer with the loss of her friend and told himself over and over again that it was fine.
An hour of waiting seemed a bit much, but James thought he should wait at least that long. If their positions were reversed, James would need at least that long to decide what to do.
At a quarter to five, there was the tell-tale snap of Apparation and Snape walked out from behind the partition that hid the Apparation Point from view.
The sight of Snape never failed to make James nervous. It was the same jolt of unpleasantness he felt whenever he had to go to Hogwarts and do his best to avoid the other man. It was something like guilt, but worse. It was a twisting, horrible feeling that he never got used to no matter how many times he felt it.
Could this encounter be any worse than living with that for the past fourteen years?
James’ stomach rolled uncomfortably. Don’t run, he told himself. Stay calm.
He waited until Snape was in front of him before saying anything. “Thank you for coming.”
“What do you want?”
It took a lot of effort to not react. James steeled himself. This wasn’t going to go anywhere if he lost his temper or gave Snape a reason to do the same.
“I wanted to give you something,” James explained. He reached into his bag and took out an item, wrapped in fabric.
“Here,” James held it out.
Snape didn’t move and looked at it suspiciously. James didn’t blame him. He doubted that the years between them let Snape forget how good James used to be at designing dangerous products to look quite innocent.
James bit back a sigh and took the covering off for him. It was an notebook with a red cover and a metal coil holding the pages together.
“What is that?” Snape asked.
“I should have given this to you a long time ago,” James said. He stared at the ground because he couldn’t bring himself to look Snape in the eye. “I just couldn’t bare to part with anything at first. I was… angry when I saw your name on it. I didn’t want you to have it. But I-” James took a deep breath, “That was wrong of me. It was yours and I should have given it to you.”
Snape was still looking at the notebook like he thought it might be cursed. James was unrelenting, he held it out, waiting. His other hand clenched in a fist. He wouldn’t reach for his wand, even though he really wanted the comfort of it right now.
Finally, Snape reached out and took it, “What is this?”
James swallowed, “She wrote to you. Everyday.”
Snape turned his face to look at James, his eyes wide.
James still couldn’t look directly at him. He moved his eyes from the pavement to the sky and back again. His eyes were starting to burn and itch, “She thought you’d be friends again someday.”
Snape finally turned his eyes to the notebook in his hands. It was a faded red, curled up at some of the corners. It was old and well loved. The fabric covering had kept most of the dust off, but there was still age around the edges of it. Snape opened it to the first page. James knew what the first entry said. He’d read it once and then once more before he’d buried it deep, deep in an attic trunk.
June 25, 1978
Dear Severus,
I am SO angry at you. But I know in my heart that this isn’t forever. I don’t believe this is the end of our friendship. Because I don’t believe you’re that stupid. I think we’ll meet again someday, when we’re better people. When we’re not so good at hurting each other-
Snape snapped the notebook closed, his hands were trembling.
“Why now?” Snape asked, his face still perfectly shadowed.
James closed his eyes to gather himself before forcing himself to meet Snape’s gaze, “Because Lucius really wants to be your friend again. And if I’ve learned anything these past twenty years, it’s that I don’t want to be reason you’re not.”
Snape was staring at him, waiting for the punchline. James understood his scepticism. He doubted his own sincerity sometimes.
“I’m,” James forced it out, “I’m sorry. About everything. What I did when we were kids, what I said to you and about you. You didn’t deserve that. I used your hobbies and interests to justify it. I think I was jealous that Lily liked you so much. I’m not trying to make excuses, it’s just the truth. I was a really shitty kid and ruining your friendship with Lily is one of my bigger regrets.”
There. It was done. It felt a little like peeling off a bandage where the wound wasn’t completely healed yet. It stung a little where it pulled, but James was relieved at finally letting it breathe for the first time in too many years.
Snape stared at the book for a long moment before saying, “I work with teenagers and often their insecurities are annoying and their motivations are stupid.”
James was confused, “Okay?”
“So we were that age once. And were the same sort of stupid and thoughtless that I now see everyday.”
James swallowed, “Thank you?” Was this forgiveness? Wasn’t it supposed to feel nice?
But it sounded like it took a lot out of Snape just to say it, so James held his tongue.
James felt something like a door he had always tried to get through was finally open. The rot finally caving in to reveal a bluer skier on the outside. It made him feel lighter than air.
“I’m sorry I kept it so long.”
“I wouldn’t have wanted to give it to me either.”
Snape stared at the book in his hand, “It wasn’t you that ruined our friendship,” Snape said to the ground, “I blamed you, of course, but I knew… I knew what I’d done was unforgivable.”
“She did forgive you.”
“I should have been a better friend.”
James swallowed, “Me too.”
“I’m not sure I deserve to have this.”
“Of course you do. She loved you.”
Snape looked like he had been waiting to hear that all his life. “I thought she hated me. I thought she had died thinking I-”
“She didn’t.”
They stared at each other.
“Did you read it?” Snape asked.
“No,” James told him the truth. “Just the first entry. It… it seemed too personal. Too much like an invasion of privacy.” He’d also been afraid of what it might reveal. But more than the fear of discovering too much about Lily, he also felt like it was the single thing he could give to Snape someday that might mean anything to him. That might start to make up for years of torment. To give him something that was his and Lily’s alone.
James sighed, “I want to put everything behind us. If not for ourselves, then at least for Lucius and Draco.”
After another minute of silence, Snape nodded.
“I-” James hesitated, “I know you always thought I wasn’t good enough for her… and I think you were right. But that... that person I was. I'm not him anymore.”
Snape was watching him carefully. His face looked healthier than James had ever seen him. He looked lively. Snape nodded. It wasn’t an acceptance, but an acknowledgement. James knew he had a lot to make up for. But maybe Snape felt the same way. They both had come a long way. “She made her decision,” Snape said, “and I should have respected it.”
“I know we’ll probably never be friends,” James said, “But I hope we can at least be civil. I know Lucius would like you to be friends again. He hasn’t got too many these days.”
For once, suspicion was absent on Snape’s face as he regarded him.
“If you could be at our wedding, it would mean a lot to him.”
Snape remained thoughtful but James was hopeful. At least he wasn’t refusing right away like he might have earlier.
“I will need to check my schedule,” Snape said.
James resisted the urge to look too happy. He was excited about this new development in their lives but he wasn’t going to ruin it by letting Snape think he was gloating or something
James swallowed the lump in his throat. He remembered how happy Remus had been when he’d achieved a workable relationship with the other man. James had never imagined he might be able to do the same.
“I wish you could have seen her one last time.”
“Most days I think she isn’t gone,” Snape said. For a second James wasn’t sure what he meant, but then he realized Snape was talking about Harry.
“He has her aptitude for Charms,” James beamed.
“And her hopelessness with Potions.”
James couldn’t help the genuine laugh that escaped him, “I think he gets his potions skills from both his parents.”
On Sundays, everyone in the house made an effort to eat together at the table. During the week they were sometimes too busy to make it happen, so Sundays were special.
James stopped in his tracks when he walked into the dining room that Sunday evening and Harry was sitting there in formal robes.
“What’s going on?” he asked cautiously. Maybe Harry had been Confunded and they needed to get to St. Mungo’s right away.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Harry said moodily.
James raised an eyebrow at Draco who was looking far too smug to have any of this be a good thing.
“Is everything okay?” James asked.
“Everything’s fine,” Draco scoffed, “He’s just being dramatic, like usual.”
“I’m dramatic? Just wait until-”
Harry cut himself off when Lucius entered the room.
For not the first time, but definitely the first time in a while, James noticed how formal both Lucius and Draco dressed for dinner on Sunday nights. He’d made a note of it at first, but then the novelty had worn off and he hadn’t noticed it much after that. Now with Harry joining them, James felt weirdly out of place in his jeans and t-shirt.
James took his seat and leaned over to whisper at Lucius, “Do you know what’s going on?”
Lucius smiled, “Haven’t the faintest, but I quite like it.”
James rolled his eyes. He should have known that Lucius wasn’t going to take his side on this. Whatever this was.
“We’re getting a new dining table,” James decided.
“And what’s wrong with this table?” Lucius asked, if he’d meant to keep the snobbish tone out of his voice, he’d failed.
“It’s too long. There’s only four of us.”
“And what about the places for guests?”
“They make tables that grow and shrink when you need them to. Not everyone is stuck in the 1800s.”
“Seems like wasted effort.”
“And having a head of the table is a little old-fashioned, don’t you think?”
Lucius paused at that. James supposed that it had never occurred to the other man that even sitting at the table in this way had many loaded hidden meanings, none the least that the head of the household’s spouse was ‘inferior’ and made to sit to the right side of the table. While the eldest son sat on the left. No doubt there were rules all the way up and down the table that James had no idea about but were probably equally insulting or troubling.
Lucius coughed, “Yes, well I’ll consider it. Perhaps a newer table might be a nice addition.”
They watched Harry struggle to control his fork while his dress robes kept getting in the way. James tried not to laugh at him. He didn’t know what was going on but he didn’t want to endanger any sort of progress they were making. At least the boys weren’t constantly at each other’s throats anymore. And it was a little sweet how happy Harry’s wardrobe change seemed to make Lucius. James still didn’t like the idea of formalizing family dinners, but if it made Lucius this happy, maybe James would have to dress up for Sunday dinner once or twice too.
They boys continued being suspicious all week. James had passed Draco in the hallway and he was wearing a distressed, oversized sweater that looked like it had come straight from a charity shop and Muggle jeans. James stopped in his tracks and stared.
When Draco finally looked up from the book he was reading, he saw James staring at him, “Yes?”
“Is everything… alright?”
Draco looked confused, “Yes? Is everything alright with you?”
James nodded, “Oh yes. Perfect. Stunning.”
Draco rolled his eyes and continued down the hall.
James stood stunned where he was. What was going on with those two?
And the very next day James found them arguing in the front room.
“Admit it!” Harry said, “It was comfortable and you loved it.”
“It doesn’t matter what I think because I’m never going to wear it outside of this house!”
“Why not? You shouldn’t care so much about what other people think of you.”
“Well maybe you should care a little more about what other people think and comb your hair for once in your life.”
“Okay, okay,” James felt the need to intervene, “What is going on with you two?”
Harry crossed his arms and Draco mirrored him. They seemed to be in a standoff with who was going to do the explaining.
After a minute, Draco gave in first.
“We’re just trying to see from each other’s point of view,” Draco said.
“I see,” James looked between them, “That’s… good.”
Harry and Draco were still staring each other down.
James slowly backed away from them, “I’m glad you’re getting along. Let’s keep everything civil though, okay?”
“We’re perfectly civil,” Draco said, not even looking at James.
“Yes, perfectly,” Harry agreed, also not looking at James, “You don’t need to stay.”
Maybe it was James’ imagination but had Harry picked up a bit of Lucius’ cadence? Or maybe that was Draco’s. He sighed as he left the room, wondering what on Earth he was leaving them to do.
And the next week at Sunday breakfast, things didn’t appear to be getting any less weird. Draco’s hair was sticking up everywhere, as if he hadn’t brushed it this morning. James couldn’t recall a single time he had ever seen Draco with bedhair. He made the monumental effort not to react because whatever was going on between the boys, it appeared civil enough for now. James didn’t want to be the one who disrupted the delicate balance. But he needn’t have worried because Lucius stalled in his tracks when he saw the state of Draco’s hair.
“What have you done to your head?” Lucius asked, it was even more difficult not to laugh at Lucius.
Draco sniffed and stared down at the tablecloth, “Trying something new,” he said between clenched teeth.
Lucius opened his mouth to say something but James cut him off with a quick shake of his head.
It looked painful, the way Lucius bit his tongue and continued to his seat at the table.
James looked over at Harry who was picking at his hand and his nails were… manicured? James was at a loss for words.
“The boys are testing each other’s… styles, I think,” James said because that was the only logical conclusion.
Lucius didn’t seem to know anymore about it than James did and the boys didn’t help, remaining silent as they picked at their food when it appeared on their plates.
“They’re not hurting each other,” James pointed out because even though it was sort of sad that that was where the bar was, it seemed like a good point to make.
“Yes, alright,” Lucius said between grit teeth, “But I preferred it when most of us had combed hair for breakfast.”
Harry rolled his eyes but when Lucius turned to look at him, he acted nonchalant.
One month into summer vacation and James had cleared the air with Snape, Draco and Harry were getting along, even if it was in a weird way, and things were generally pleasant. But they still hadn’t come any closer to deciding where they were going to live permanently. The boys were so preoccupied with their weird agreement that they had been no help whatsoever in signifying to their fathers which abode was more appropriate.
Both places had their charms. Godric’s Hollow was well-lit and sociable. It had a beautiful neighbourhood and neighbours who had known the Potters for a long time. The Manor was cool in the summers and had the abundance of space needed for two growing and overly active boys. There was no right answer.
Lucius was still in the process of figuring out how to convince James to move out of Godric’s Hallow. He had no doubt that James was also formulating on his end on how to get Lucius out of the Manor.
Lucius was mid-thought when he tripped over a school trunk in the left-wing drawing room. He resisted the urge to yell about it. Clothes from both Draco and Harry were strewn all about. In addition to their dining room antics, they had taken to wearing each other’s clothes and trying each other’s hobbies. Lucius had promised James he wouldn’t interfere, but it was harder than it looked when Draco started wearing ripped clothing like he couldn’t perform the spells to fix them and listening to loud, obnoxious Muggle music. Lucius kept reminding himself that the important thing was that they were getting along.
And then Lucius suddenly understood.
This wasn’t about which home was more ‘worthy’ or who was entering whose life. He and James were both clinging to their pasts.
They both had had the idea that they were bringing the other into their life and making them a part of their world. Lucius enjoyed watching James reconnect with his heritage and he knew James loved watching Lucius expand his horizons. But that’s not what this was about. They had to move forward, past their pasts.
The boys had figured it out faster than they had. Lucius and James were going to have to stop being in opposition and work together. This wasn’t a competition and they couldn’t move forward this way.
James didn’t look up when Lucius let himself into the Godric’s Hallow cabin. He’d gotten more or less used to everyone coming and going whenever they liked between the two homes.
Lucius walked to the desk and dropped a pile of parchment on it.
James stared, “What is this?”
Lucius hesitated only a second before saying, “Property listings.”
James frowned, confused. He looked up at Lucius who looked a bit flushed. They looked at each other for a moment before Lucius sighed and dropped down in one of the sofas.
“We’ve been going about this all wrong,” he said, “Ever since we decided to get married, I kept imagining you in the Manor, becoming part of my life, part of the… scenery. And I know you must have imagined something similar. It’s made us both too defensive about this.”
James didn’t speak, he moved to sit down on the sofa across. Lucius looked pensive, so James didn’t interrupt.
“But instead of trying to decide which one of our visions is better, we should have been trying to visualize something new.”
Lucius raised his eyes to meet James’.
“I think we should look for a new place. Somewhere big enough for two growing boys, but without the vast emptiness of the Manor. Somewhere we can both agree on.”
James was staring now, “What will happen to the Manor?”
“It will still be there. Big and empty as always. When Draco reaches adulthood, he’ll gain his inheritance and ownership of the Manor. I am not sure why I felt I needed to stay there until then.”
James stood up and walked over to him, “I know why. It’s your home. It always has been. Maybe it always will be.”
Lucius took his hand. “No. Home is… all sorts of places. It was Hogwarts once, it was the Manor once… now, I want it somewhere with you.”
James leaned down and kissed him. “I also imagined you and Draco here. But when I was thinking more clearly, I realized it was a lot to ask. Godric’s Hallow has been my happy place for so long but expecting you and Draco to… conform to its atmosphere would be like asking you to stop being you. And I don’t want that. Even if I think your formal wear addiction needs to be dealt with.”
Lucius hid a smile behind a smirk, “I think I also skirted some boundaries by imagining that all the work you’ve done to accommodate me was actually you trying to reconnect with your heritage. I shouldn’t have assumed that you intended to return to Full-Purebloodedness,” Lucius was sure that wasn’t a word, “I think that was perhaps mere fancy on my part.”
James gave him a look that bordered on pity, “But you accept that’s not going to happen, right? And that people might start questioning your Purebloodedness just for associating with me?”
Lucius sighed, “Yes. And just as you’ve given up your hopes of seeing me in casual wear, I have given up my notions that you will one day suspend your Blood Traitorism.” Another non-word. Why did talking to James make him lose firm grasp of the English language? “But I’ve made the decision that I don’t care about that. If it’s between you and those ideas, it’s no-contest. If you were a Muggle tomorrow, I think it’s far too late to pretend I wouldn’t want you either way.”
The soft, almost-shy smile that moved across James’ face caused Lucius’ heart to squeeze pleasantly.
“I hand-picked those properties myself,” Lucius motioned to the pile of parchments, “Choose your favourites and perhaps we can have a discussion with the boys soon.”
Choosing their new home quickly became a family affair. Or more accurately, a family debate. The boys had been a tad reluctant at first, but quickly got on board. The excitement of a new house was stronger than their lingering attachments to the places they’d lived all their lives.
Draco had a lot of opinions on their future lodgings while Harry seemed overly preoccupied with Quidditch pitches and recreating adventures that he had at school.
“But the Manor has a Quidditch pitch, the new place should have one as well!”
For the fourth time, James sighed, “Harry, we can get to a Quidditch pitch anytime. You could even start helping me with the little ones if you want.”
“It’s not the same though.”
“You play Quidditch all year at school. I think you’ll be okay if our new house doesn’t have one readily available.”
“What if it was across the street?”
“Harry-”
“If we can’t have a Quidditch pitch, can we at least have a Room of Requirement?”
“You know they don’t sell those, right?”
“What about a place with tunnels in the walls?”
Lucius and James shared an exasperated look.
“I think we’ve had enough brainstorming for today,” Lucius waved his wand and the scrolls of property listings cleaned themselves up and sorted themselves into the boxes near the bookcases.
“Right, wash up for dinner,” James instructed.
When both boys were gone, James gave Lucius a helpless look. “Maybe letting them weigh in was a little reckless. I don’t know if we’re ever going to find a place at this rate.”
But Lucius didn’t look anywhere near as tired as James felt. He looked thoughtful and weirdly happy.
James raised an eyebrow, “Are you okay? I can’t believe that didn’t wear you out. I’m exhausted and I teach toddlers Quidditch.”
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something,” Lucius said instead.
James titled his head, “What’s is it?”
“I want to formally adopt Harry.”
James blinked five times in rapid succession.
Lucius went a little pink in the face, “I have every intention of treating him as a son either way. It would only be a formality. I’m sure you already know, but re-marriage isn’t enough to change Pureblood family registries, but formally adopting him would allow me to put him on my family tree.”
James bit his lip, grinning, “And arguing with him for the past two hours about Quidditch pitches inspired you to that?”
Lucius gave a huff of a laugh, “Strange isn’t it? And yet it’s not dissimilar to the fondness I feel for you even when you’re being exasperating. Now as to his inheritance-”
James looked absolutely bewildered, “Would Draco be okay splitting his inheritance with Harry?”
Lucius was thoughtful for a moment, “It’s more than either one of them will ever know what to do with regardless, but if Draco has any complaints, I’ll welcome him to discuss it with me. Of course, the Manor deed can only legally be held by someone with Malfoy blood. But I imagine Harry won’t be too upset about that. I wouldn’t be surprised if Draco isn’t keen on living there either, in the future.”
“The inheritance wouldn’t make a difference at all if I formally adopt Draco.”
Lucius looked at him, “That’s true.”
“So Harry would have half of his own inheritance and half of Draco’s. Draco would have half his original inheritance and half of Harry’s. There wouldn’t be a difference at all.”
Lucius smiled at him, “Like I said, a mere formality.”
“A formality that makes us legally family in every way.” James face was bright and shining.
Lucius returned his grin for a moment before becoming somber, “I’m just thinking of all the ways Bella might try and take this away from me.”
James gave a solemn nod, “Let’s not give her the chance.”
Lucius waited until James was out of the house, refereeing a recreational Quidditch game, before hurrying Draco and Harry to make their appointment.
Lucius had planned everything perfectly. The most difficult part so far had been getting Harry to wear the appropriate clothing.
But that was quickly followed up by Harry complaining every five minutes.
“This is boring,” Harry said for the fifteenth time that afternoon.
“You mentioned that,” Lucius told him.
“How much longer do we have to stand here?” he whined.
“Not much longer,” the long-suffering artist told them. “Ten more minutes, at the most.”
“Let’s be patient,” Lucius said. Harry made a noise with his mouth as a reply.
Draco was far more practiced at this and Lucius was glad that at least Draco and Harry hadn’t turned on each other yet. That would make this all very unbearable.
Luckily, everyone was mostly on their best behaviour until their part was all said and done. Lucius paid the man after finalizing everything and handed over James’ best dress robes. Lucius was sure that James wouldn’t miss them in the meantime. He’d come get them back next week. James wouldn’t even notice they were gone.
Lucius was told to expect the package the following month. He just needed the boys to keep quiet about it until then.
After Amelia’s death, James had a hard time sitting still. He felt like if he wasn’t busy he was going to go crazy. Between his jobs, wedding planning, and entertaining the kids, he was also consulting on policy decisions, protesting, and helping in any other way he could. He couldn’t sit around doing nothing when a woman had been killed for simply trying to stand up to a group of bad guys. Surely once someone had been killed for no reason, they could make the reasonable assumption that this ‘society’ wasn’t good for the public. That they could just continue as if nothing had ever happened was frustrating to say the least.
On his way home from refereeing, James stopped by Amelia’s memorial. They had set it up in front of the Ministry building so the Minister had to look at it everyday. They wanted those that supported the Purebloodists to remember that they had killed someone who had only wanted to help. And she would never be forgotten.
As James was leaving Diagon Alley, he heard voices coming from Knockturn. He didn’t typically have any business down in that area, but his curiosity got the better of him.
There was a gathering of several True Traditionalists in their masks and dark robes. It made James’ blood boil. He thought how someone had technically paid for Amelia’s death, but it wasn’t the right people. They’d blamed a kid that should have been offered even a modicum of protection by his people, but instead was scapegoated for their ‘greater’ cause.
There were certain times that James was pretty sure he was never going to outgrow his Gryffindorness.
He whistled loudly enough to catch their attention, “Wow, so many upstanding citizens in one place. If your messages were really wholesome and family-oriented, I can’t help but feel you wouldn’t be hiding down here.”
James didn’t actually have a plan, he just couldn’t stand the thought of leaving them to spout their hatred.
One of them shouldered their way through the small crowd to where James was standing. The masked man flexed his fingers. The jaw visible under the mask was square with a small scar on the chin. James recognized him.
James could never help the sly grin that settled on his face even when he was nervous. He also could never help the way his mouth ran ahead of his head even when he was outnumbered. “Oh? McNair, how are you?”
McNair leered, “Been waiting to pay you back from the last time we met.”
“I find it hard to believe I’m the only one who punched your face in the time we’ve been apart. But if you really missed me, I’d be happy to do it again.”
The sneer that moved across McNair’s lips told James he was in trouble. McNair had friends and there was never any telling what a group like this would do. Or, maybe more accurately, James already knew what they wanted to do but whether or not they thought they could afford more blood on their hands was another question.
James drew his wand faster than the others but bumped into one of McNair’s cronies when he stepped to the left. They grabbed James’ arm but he managed to twist away before anyone could mutter a curse.
He took off running down the narrow alley.
A spell caught him off guard. He immediately felt his wand arm go numb. A good move, if dirty. He switched to his other hand. James knew better than to panic. He willed himself to breathe so he could get his barrings. He knew he wasn’t going to win this if he stopped to fight. There were too many of them.
He slipped into an abandoned store with broken windows and various knick-knacks housed on dusty shelves.
Moments later his pursuers caught up with him. They looked around and a few entered the abandoned store to kick some things around and look under the counters. But there was nothing in the store except old items no one wanted and what looked like a taxidermy stag that no one looked too closely at. The group left just as quickly as they’d arrived, searching for their prey. When the coast was clear, James returned his body to its human form and raced back the other way.
James thought it was a great story to tell. Sirius would have laughed. Lucius did not think it was funny in the least.
“You could have been killed.”
“They probably wouldn’t have killed me.”
“You don’t think so? You don’t know these people like I do.”
James crossed his arms, he regretted telling the story so carelessly. “I doubt they would have killed me when they just wiggled themselves free from a murder charge only a month ago.”
“That’s not the point!”
“I’m fine,” James said, “Nothing happened.”
“Why didn’t you just leave? Why didn’t you just let them be?”
“Let them be? I’m not going to let them say whatever they want because everyone else is too scared to stand up to them. And now we know at least one of their members, which is more than we knew yesterday!”
“You have to be smart about this! About dealing with people like them.”
“So now you think I’m stupid?”
“Your actions certainly are.”
This was getting personal now.
“They killed someone-” James started.
“Yes, and that is precisely why-”
“The time for talking is over, it’s time for action, results.”
“This doesn’t get solved with fists.”
“Spoken like somebody who’s never had to fight for a single thing his entire life.”
“A woman died-” Lucius started.
“And how many more have to die before you start taking this seriously?”
Lucius looked baffled, “I have never been more serious about anything!”
“You call me idealistic, but where are these foundations you’re supposedly laying down? Where is the money and resources the Minister said he’d give? You're still hiding between politics and reputation. It’s all crap, if you ask me. And it’s not accomplishing anything.”
Lucius regarded him coolly, “We’ll talk about this another time.” He hesitated for just a moment before he left the room without another word.
James didn’t have the energy or the will to go after him.
James knew on a surface level he was being unfair. It wasn’t Lucius’ fault that the Ministry was so slow to act. Lucius had little power there and was doing whatever he could. But there was a deep, raw, aching truth that someone like Lucius was never going to understand. And while James didn’t believe it was a chasm deep enough to divide them, he sometimes felt the distance between their lives on a visceral level. Lucius was afraid of the people he loved getting hurt, but James was always going to place himself between the monsters and those who couldn’t defend themselves. He would die before he let them hurt anyone else. That was something someone like Lucius would never understand.
Lucius tried not to let James’ words get to him. He was well aware that doing things the proper way didn’t interest the other man. But if James had his way, he’d start the civil war and they would all fight with their brawn and knuckles, solving everything with blood and bones. That wasn’t Lucius’ way of doing things. He preferred to outsmart his opponents. And he planned to do that just as long as James could keep his big-head safe while he did.
But James’ open frustration did spur Lucius to action quicker than he had planned. He'd wanted to wait longer before he started to implement his grand scheme, but with hot-heads like James around, he couldn’t afford to.
It was a gamble, but his options were limited. And James’ actions had very much scared him. He wrote to the person he was sure had the strongest connection to the True Traditionalists. He just hoped that curiosity and arrogance would obscure any suspicion. He didn’t have the time to place as many safeguards as he wanted. He would have to come up with other ways to keep James as far away from this as he could. Not only did Lucius not want to deal with James’ suicidal bravery, but he didn’t want to get distracted himself. Perpetually worrying about what trouble James was going to cause would be detrimental. Lucius needed every piece of his plan to unfold precisely if it was ever going to work.
Lucius was pleased he hadn’t been kept waiting and he received a speedy reply.
When he entered his department on Monday, he noticed the worried look on Amanda’s face. “You have a visitor,” she said in a soft voice and Lucius could tell by her nervousness exactly who it was.
“Do not disturb us, please,” he said as he opened his office door and she nodded worriedly.
“Rodolphus,” Lucius greeted the other wizard as he locked the door and placed his things on his desk.
“I must say, I was surprised you wanted to talk,” Rodolphus said from Lucius’ guest chair, “After our… conversation last time.”
He meant when Lucius had punched him Muggle-style in the jaw. “You tried to take my son.”
Rodolphus held up a hand, “And that was wrong of us.”
Lucius sat down behind his desk. He had missed this part of Pureblood life. The way they could rip each other to shreds and then forget about it in a month. He knew it was toxic to a certain degree, but he rather preferred instant forgiveness than festering wounds.
“I need a favour,” Lucius said and schooled his expression carefully to not reveal anything else. He needed Rodolphus to think he had all the power here. He needed to think that Lucius was really desperate.
Rodolphus studied him mutely before finally saying, “It must be a pretty big favour if you’re coming to me.”
Lucius fought down the urge to fiddle with his quill. “Bella was right,” he said, stoutly ignoring the way Rodolphus’ eyes lit up at the admission, “I… need help if I want to achieve my goals.”
Rodolphus crossed his arms, “And what goals are those exactly? I suppose you want Avery’s job?”
Lucius shook his head, “I want the Wizengamot.”
Rodolphus’ eyes snapped to his. “That’s a big ask, Malfoy.”
“I know.”
Rodolphus’ lips turned into a smirk, “You would owe us a big favour for that.”
Lucius swallowed, “I am prepared for that.”
“Are you?” Rodolphus didn’t look convinced.
If he failed here, everything would fall apart. He had been surprised enough that Bella had learned a modicum of self-restraint, but Rodolphus too? Things really were changing. It was terrifying.
And every member (and former member) of the Pureblood Society knew that the Wizengamot was overrun with puppets for the Purebloodists. He had to convince Rodolphus that he should be among them.
“I know the Minister makes those appointments,” Lucius said.
“And you know, the Minister takes our advice,” Rodolphus added.
“But the Minister’s alliances have been split recently, haven’t they?”
Rodolphus frowned.
Everyone knew the Minister was only interested in re-appointment. He catered to whatever he thought the people who voted for him wanted. The recent rift in their community would be difficult for anyone to navigate, let alone someone so debilitated by public approval.
“The Minister has become cautious over the advice you’re giving him,” Lucius said, “It’s obvious he isn’t sure about the True Traditionalists and wouldn’t dare risk an association with them right now. Not with all the protests and demands for justice. If you want his attention back, you’ll need someone a little more… centred.”
They needed someone like Lucius to make suggestions to the Minister. Someone outside the mess they’d created. Someone the public approved of. And the Purebloodists wouldn’t dare ask someone they didn’t know. Lucius was probably their only contact outside their Purebloodist circle.
“And that’s what you’re offering?” Rodolphus asked, “You want to speak for the Purebloods again?”
“I want on the Wizengamot. If you get me there, I’ll speak for whoever I need to.”
Lucius was hoping against hope that Rodolphus’ documented arrogance and belief that his way was the right way, would blind him to any reasonable doubts. He didn’t know the new Lucius. He only knew the ambitious-above-all-else Lucius of the past. If he could convince Rodolphus he was still that person, this could work.
They watched each other carefully. And after what felt like an eternity, Rodolphus stood and extended his hand. Lucius stood to take it.
“Welcome home, Malfoy,” Rodolphus said, his smile looked more menacing than friendly.
Lucius fought a grimace. He held Rodolphus’ hand in a deathgrip, “I do want to remind you of something. You are aware that attacking a Wizengamot member is an offence punishable by Azkaban?” Lucius couldn’t rule out the possibility that Rodolphus would try to kill him at his earliest convenience.
Rodolphus grinned, “I wouldn’t harm a hair on your fussy head.”
Lucius gripped him harder, “Furthermore, if you hurt my family, you will wish you were safe in Azkaban.”
Rodolphus winced at the pressure on his hand. “Fine, fine.”
They regarded each other coolly and Lucius finally let go of his hand. They were both too schooled in the dark dealings between Purebloods to trust each other much. Rodolphus was probably already trying to figure out what Lucius actually wanted while Lucius was doing the same. If Rodolphus was this easy to convince, it was probably because he had a bigger plan in motion.
The first order of business, in Lucius’ plan, was to petition as quickly and quietly as possible a change in Wizengamot policy that would extend protection to family members. Whatever Rodolphus said, Lucius didn’t trust him to play nice.
Lucius walked him to the door and cancelled the Muffliato around his office.
“Talk to you soon,” Rodolphus grinned as he left. He’d managed to make it sound like a threat.
Lucius took a breath and looked up to see Amanda. And seated on her desk, apparently waiting for him, was -- Damn.
James’ eyes were wide with disbelief. Lucius resisted the urge to groan. Why couldn’t he be anyone else right now?
James, in an attempt to save Amanda from the awkwardness, stepped close enough to whisper angrily, “What was he doing here?”
“We’ll talk about this later.”
James narrowed his eyes, “Fine.”
Then he was gone. Not even mentioning why he had stopped by to begin with.
Lucius dreaded going home the rest of the day. He thought through the plan again and again and didn’t know how to keep James out of this now that James knew something was happening. But Lucius concluded he was going to tell James to mind his own business. They would fight about it, but Lucius could not afford interference right now.
James was waiting for him in the front room when he arrived home. His eyes didn’t light up when he saw Lucius. Instead he looked drained and disturbed.
“They tried to kidnap Draco. How could you even speak to him?”
Lucius pressed a finger to his temple, “This is the way Purebloods are. We could kill each other’s families for centuries and then be fast friends the next year if business is good.”
James shook his head, incredulous, “What did he want?”
Lucius had come up with a hundred lies, it was just a matter of picking the right one.
Unfortunately, he’d forgotten how good James was at reading him, “And before you say anything. May I remind you that we promised we weren’t going to lie to one another. No going behind each other’s backs. We agreed on honesty.”
Damn.
Honesty was something Lucius was still getting used to. And it was just as annoying and counter-productive as he'd feared.
Lucius took a long breath. He was deeply annoyed at James’ ability to slip past all of Lucius’ safeguards. “I plan to prove that he was the one responsible for Amelia’s death. If I can, he’ll go to Azkaban and the True Traditionalists will fall apart without him.”
James paused a moment before saying, “So you’re going to let him and his friends pull your strings like they always did?”
“Yes, so I can pull theirs.”
James studied him. Lucius tried not to look fond. And then… a shift in James’ eyes. An understanding lighting him up like a Lumos. Shit.
“You have a plan,” James accused, “You have a whole plan and you’re hiding it from me.”
Lucius had hoped to sneak just one more thing past James before he kept his promise to be up-front about everything else. The less James knew, the more protected he would be. But now that James was on to him, what could he do if he couldn’t lie?
Lucius’ immediate response was to try to keep James as far away from this as he could. The closer he got pulled in, the more difficult it would be for Lucius to keep control of the situation. The more moving pieces, the easier it was to make a mistake.“You don’t need to get involved.”
“Fuck that. I want to marry you,” James’ eyes were ever-fierce, “And I want that to mean all the conventional things, but I want more than that too. I want to be your partner in everything and that includes whatever the hell this is.”
“This isn’t a game,” Lucius pleaded, he took a steadying breath, “If this goes badly, we could be putting our children and friends in real danger.”
James frowned, “That’s-”
“Easy for you, yes. But there is no need for us both to be involved,” Lucius clenched his fist, “If this ends poorly… our children could be orphans.”
The room felt tense with harsh reality.
James crossed to him slowly and took his hand. “Listen,” he said, rare serious-mindedness on his every feature, “You are my family. But we can’t protect each other to the detriment of any other family. Our family isn’t more important than anyone else.”
Lucius almost winced. James might as well as asked him to just stop being a Pureblood. Stop being a Slytherin. It was so counter-intuitive to every bone in Lucius’ body that told him to protect himself and the people he loved. He had never been altruistic with his intentions. He didn't know how.
“Make me a promise,” James said, “Promise me you won’t make me and the kids live through that. Don’t make us your sword. I couldn’t stand knowing you’d hurt someone else just to save us. Whatever this is. Whatever you’re planning. Don’t do it for us. Do it because it’s the right thing for everyone.”
They were so different. Lucius squeezed his eyes shut.
“Okay,” he breathed when he opened them again.
“Okay,” James said too. He cupped Lucius face with his hand, “So tell me this plan of yours. I promise I’ll stay out of it, if I can.”
“Fine,” Lucius relented and enjoyed the mischievous excitement that spread across James’ face like sunshine across water. “Listen very carefully because I won’t explain it twice. And not a word to another living being. Not Sirius Black, no one.”
James held up his right hand as if to say he would solemnly swear it.
Lucius explained everything he could. James’ eyes shone with thrill and intrigue, but at the end he looked pensive.
“It’s brilliant,” James gushed, but there was a shadow over his features, “It’s absolutely brilliant but… I think it needs some tweaking. Bellatrix is still a wildcard and are you certain Rodolphus is their leader?”
“Positive. Rodolphus would never follow anyone else’s orders. He’s the only one with the amount of power needed to scare everyone else into obedience.”
“You can’t know he’s going to take your bait.”
“No. It’s a gamble of his temper against his restraint and I’ll admit, he surprised me today. He might not be the man I used to know.”
“Then I have a better idea. A way to make sure he takes the bait. And I think with the two of us together, it can really work.”
Lucius still didn’t like the idea of James getting involved, but his curiosity was piqued, “Oh?”
James made a face, “Yeah, but you’re going to hate it.”
After James laid out his plan, Lucius was impressed. He had had inklings that James would make a brilliant strategist and here was the proof. His plan really might work, but,
“You’re right, I hate it.”
James sighed, “I know it’s asking a lot but-”
Lucius shook his head, “I hate that it’s you.”
James sighed, “I know. But we might never get a better opportunity than this. We’d be fools not to try. And it has to be me. You know it. There’s no other way.”
Lucius dragged James into his arms and ran his fingers through his hair. He pressed his lips into James’ mane, “Thank you,” he said softly. He didn’t think those simple words came close to portraying how he felt.
Lucius had thought he had to do this alone. Now, he couldn’t believe he ever thought he could do this without help. Without the man who was an excellent tactician, a mischievous genius, and a bleeding-heart do-gooder whom Lucius might sacrifice everything for, if James didn’t do that first. James was an ideal accomplice. And as long as they were both alive, he wanted it like this. Partners, in every sense of the word.
“Okay,” Lucius sighed, “We’ll do this. But let it be known, I hate this plan.”
Things happened so fast that Lucius was almost caught off-guard. The word came down the very next week that the Minister had appointed Lucius Malfoy to the Wizengamot. To outsiders, it probably didn’t seem out of the ordinary. The Minister liked to have anyone ‘popular with the public’ on his side. No one could tell the real reason Lucius had received this position.
There was a short ceremony to formally hand Lucius his Plum Wizengamot robes. And then his first meeting as a Wizengamot member began.
The situation was as dire as Lucius feared it was. The Minister was practically a push-over. He listened uncritically to everything and it was depressing to witness. At least if there had been Imperius involved, he could delude himself in thinking there was still some good left at this level. But it looked like that was too much to hope for. The Minister was only interested in profit. He only listened to those who had money or good ideas how to get money. He was interested in Muggle-born education only as someone who was thinking of ways to profit off of that in the future.
Lucius wanted to steadfastly ignore the other Wizengamot members who’d gotten this appointment by similar means, but Lucius had a role to play now and it required a delicate balance. He couldn’t pretend he was any better than them and he had to garner enough support among their membership to get his ideas approved. But every single one of them didn’t trust him. Leaving the Pureblood Society had placed Lucius firmly outside their circle and it wasn’t going to be easy to get them to open up to him. But just as he had with Rodolphus, he was relying on their arrogance and their belief that he would ‘return to them when he realized his mistake’.
Lucius lingered after the meeting. He didn’t want to appear unapproachable, but he also didn’t want anyone accusing him of sidling up to the Minister just yet. He did get a question from someone that he had been hoping to put-off, “I thought you’d cut all your ties to us.”
Lucius gave a crafted smile, “Stripes of a tiger and all that.”
This got a laugh and the acquaintance smacked his arm, Lucius tried not to bristle. “It’s good to see you, Malfoy.”
Lucius watched the other man leave and repressed the desire to charm invisible dirt off the arm of his robes. He was here now, among the people he’d thought he’d escaped. And he was going to have to survive this somehow if their plan was going to work.
Lucius wasn’t surprised to learn that before their next Wizengamot meeting there was a ‘pre-meeting’ for ‘essential staff’. Lucius was versed enough to understand the implications. The ‘essential staff’ were those they needed to bribe or coerce to vote a certain way. Of course Lucius wasn’t invited.
He was surprised again by how thoughtful Rodolphus and his minions had become. They were trying to keep Lucius on a short leash. Maybe they didn’t know what he was looking for but they knew he was looking for something. And no one had so much as mentioned the True Traditionalists yet. Lucius was going to have to bide his time, but how much time could he afford?
It took nearly two months, but they had narrowed their home choices down to a final few. Lucius and James had one whole day planned of visiting each property to see if any of them lived up to their descriptions. They had decided to do it without the kids, if only to spare the estate agent their chaos.
It was their third visit of the day and as soon as they stepped foot inside, James knew it was the one. It was somewhere in the middle of old and modern and that was the exact sort of thing they wanted. The front windows allowed lots of natural light the way the windows at Godric’s Hallow did, but the high ceilings gave it all the grandeur and space of Malfoy Manor. When he looked at Lucius, he could tell he was thinking along the same lines.
The front room was large enough to host parties but was still small enough to be cozy when it was just the four of them. James imagined a table full of food at the far end of the room and some bookshelves opposite the fireplace. He wanted some comfy chairs by the fire and knew without a doubt that Lucius was going to drag some of the Manor’s ancient antique furniture over here too. If James could Transfigure them all the same colour, it might tie all their mixed belongings together in a decor that Lucius wouldn’t grumble about.
On the far wall, they would put Narcissa’s portrait and James’ favourite photograph of Lily. It would be their home. Possibly for hundreds of years. It was large enough for their whole family but didn’t make James feel lonely when he thought of Harry and Draco growing up and moving out. They could keep guest rooms for guests or for when the boys visited home.
The neighbourhood itself was quite new, so there weren’t any ‘associations’ one way or another. It was a perfect blank slate. They’d have the chance, along with their neighbours, to create the neighbourhood it was going to become. Lucius had done his annoying thing and looked up all the other families. No Extremists they were aware of. A nice mix of Muggleborn and Purebloods. They were only a short hike away from a Muggle neighbourhood with shops and an arcade. Harry’s eyes had lit up when he’d heard. It hadn’t taken much more than that to convince him. There was a spacious park where James heard the local kids got together for pick-up Quidditch during the holidays.
It was all suddenly emotional. James reached out for Lucius’ hand and Lucius was already reaching out for his.
“I love this place,” James said.
Lucius nodded and then turned to the estate agent, squeezing James’ hand, “Yes, I do believe this is the one.”
The boys fought over the listing when they returned. Draco won the scramble but read it aloud so Harry would stop grabbing for it.
They decided to make the move before the kids left for school. With any luck, they could settle in and have the kids start getting used to it so it’d be less jarring when they returned for Christmas.
The next few days flew by with all the packing and preparing. And when they finally brought the boys over to the new house for the first time, James was satisfied with how wide their eyes were. It was a beautiful property and right now, it was a blank slate they could do anything they liked with.
There hadn’t even been any bickering about rooms, but that was because James and Lucius had anticipated it and done their best to pitch different rooms to each boy. “This wall would be perfect for bookshelves and the closet is magnificent.” “Look at how great these windows are! And you can see the park! The ceiling is so high you could fly a broom in here! But don’t do that.”
It took only an hour before the magic had worn off and the boys were fighting again.
“He touched my things!” Draco complained.
“I was just looking for a quill!”
“So? Don’t touch things that don’t belong to you! I can’t believe I have to have this conversation with you!”
James resisted a groan, “Okay, okay, I think we’re going to have a family meeting and decide the new rules of the new house.”
Draco and Harry looked bored already.
“It’ll be fine,” James promised, “We’ll lay some ground rules and everything will be perfect!”
Draco and Harry were still glaring at each other. James didn’t want to sigh out loud. Instead he gave them both a huge smile. “Come on, it’ll be fun!” but even James wasn’t quite convinced of that.
After dinner was family meeting time.
“No duelling,” Lucius said.
“And no fist fights,” James added and Lucius nodded.
The boys glanced at each other. Maybe they didn’t need the rule, it had been a long time since they’d physically assaulted one another.
“We’ll talk everything out first and foremost,” James said, “If you need or want help, of course Lucius or I will mediate.”
Draco huffed, “If he would just not touch my things-”
Harry cut him off, “If he would stop being such a-”
“Okay,” James interrupted both of them, “This is going to take some getting used to. We all know that. It might be weird or hard at first, but we’re family now. We have to work through all the weird and hard stuff because we’re in it for the long haul,” James paused for a moment but no one added anything, “So we all try our bests, okay?”
Again, no one said anything.
“Okay?” he prompted again.
“Okay,” both Harry and Draco sighed.
“Good!” James cracked his knuckles, “Because we have a lot of work to do.”
“Why couldn’t we hire movers?” Draco groaned.
“Because this is way more fun!”
Draco rolled his eyes but James watched them fondly as they disappeared around the bend and up the stairs to their rooms.
“I think that went well,” James turned to Lucius, “You didn’t have anything to add?”
“I’m not quite used to these… emotional things.”
“What’s emotional about it? We have to have rules, you’re the one that’s always saying that.”
“Yes and I write rules and regulations all day at work. Should I write some for the house as well?”
James made a face, “No! Nothing that formal. I just need your support here! You know what the boys are like, we have to remain a united front or they’ll get away with everything.”
Lucius grinned, “Yes, I suppose we do.”
“Why are you smiling?”
“I was thinking about how bizarre the start of our circumstances were. They fought so much that McGonagall had to call a conference. And now they’re… brothers. Or will be, I suppose, once the paperwork is done with.”
James grinned too and then sunk into the chair next to Lucius.
There were boxes all around them and everything was a barely organized mess, but they were together and in their new home. It was absolutely everything James had wanted.
James smiled, “Do you remember that day? In McGonagall’s office?”
“You were a perfect undignified troll,” Lucius said fondly.
“That’s exactly what you called me.”
Lucius blinked at him, “Did I?”
“Don’t you remember? It was while we were arguing and you told me I was an undignified troll.”
Lucius thought back on the memory with something like awe. It seemed a lifetime away now. He could tell that James was having a similar feeling about it because he grinned at Lucius like a lecher.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Lucius rolled his eyes, “It’s not a fond memory.”
Lucius’ scolding only made James’ grin grow wider, “Admit it, you were picturing me without my clothes.”
Lucius choked, “I was not. We were there to find a solution to our sons fighting.”
“And instead we were at each other’s throats. Come on. You didn’t find it a little hot?”
Lucius felt his face start to burn up. He remembered a couple of specific thoughts the next day. Nothing in the moment though.
James was wiggling his eyebrows, “Don’t you think some hate sex would have been nice?”
Lucius groaned, “Ugh. I can’t believe I’m going to marry you.”
James took his arm and pulled him closer, “Come on, fight with me.”
Lucius felt like he didn’t have a choice. James was looking at him with that annoying brightness in his eyes that always made Lucius weak. But he looked far too eager, so Lucius didn’t want to give in right away.
“You really think I would have had sex with someone I hated? Do you really think you would?”
“Not even if they were as hot as me?”
“They were you.”
James shrugged, “Let’s just pretend.”
Lucius felt his willpower giving out in record time.
Waking up for the first time in the new house was an experience. Lucius had only woken up in a new place once before. That was his first night at Hogwarts. Then it had been either there or the Manor for as long as he could remember. There was the occasional trip and hotel stay, but none of that had felt permanent. He hadn’t been sure what to expect. He thought maybe he’d miss the Manor a lot more, or maybe he’d regret their decision on their first night in their new home. But he found himself awake and relaxed.
Their new bedroom was spacious but not too spacious. At the manor, the Master bed had taken up only an eighth of the room. Here, the bed took up at least a quarter of the space. Lucius’ wardrobe took a quarter more and a mirror and armchair was off to the side. Lucius had felt a little cramped at first but now he quite liked it. The sunlight filtered through the gauzy curtains, lighting the entire room, not just the one patch like in the Manor. The room felt warm. Cozy. Sort of like how the whole house felt. No more drafts or shadows. Everything was bathed in hazy gold sun. It certainly felt like new beginnings.
Lucius watched James slowly wake. “Morning,” Lucius greeted him with a kiss.
James sighed into him, “Yes.”
“Yes?” Lucius laughed.
“Yes to this, every morning for the rest of my life.”
“You’re so sappy in the mornings.”
James turned his head into his pillow as he snorted, “So are you.”
“Don’t go back to bed,” Lucius implored him.
“Why? Got something better for me to do?”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “I thought we could make breakfast.”
James held perfectly still for a second before shooting up into sitting, “We?”
Lucius resisted the urge to take it back, “Yes. You know, new beginnings and all that.”
The grin James gave him was blinding.
That afternoon, the boys went to explore the neighbourhood and James was coaching his little leaguers. It was perfect timing because the package that Lucius had been waiting for for a month finally arrived.
When he unpacked it he stared at it for a long, long time. He continued to stare at it while he waited for James to get home. A part of him considered keeping it a secret until their wedding day, but he wanted it in the house and visible as soon as possible.
When Lucius heard James come in, he covered the frame with a sheet and waited for James to come into the main room.
James shot him a look when he did, “What’s all that?”
If James had been raised Traditionalist, he would have already guessed. No home was complete without one.
“Go on,” Lucius urged the other man.
James put his Quidditch trunk down by the sofa. Then he marched across the room, grabbed a hold of the sheet and yanked it off in one quick pull.
Lucius watched the way James’ eyes widened, his mouth fell open. Lucius felt gratified to see it.
“Wow,” James said, breathless. His eyes were rooted to the portrait.
The artist had been a dream to work with. Not only putting up with Harry’s constant yammering and Draco’s iciness, but he had also been able to get James’ likeness just right from the photos Lucius lent him. He had known that the artist he’d chosen was talented and well worth the exuberant fee, but his work was truly breathtaking.
“All Wizarding homes need a family portrait,” Lucius explained. He had always found it a bit odd that James hadn’t had a single portrait at Godric’s Hollow, just many photographs in frames. Lucius had never seen a portrait of anyone in James’ family. At least not on display.
The portrait was of standard size, large enough to cover the entire area above the mantle. In the portrait, Lucius and James stood side by side. Both in their best dress robes. Lucius was holding his cane. There was a glint of red from the ring on his left hand. It mirrored the glint of green from James’. James’ hair was more tame than in real life as the artist and Lucius had decided to use some of the photos from the first Muggle Education Committee’s press conference. Typically, the faces of the family were supposed to be quite solemn, but there wasn’t a photo in existence where James wasn’t laughing or smirking. So that same hint of a smirk graced the portrait-James’ features as well. Lucius was impressed the artist had captured it so well from just a photo.
In front of them were two small chairs where Draco and Harry were seated. The portrait-Harry fussed with his dress robes every once in a while, while Draco’s eyes darted daggers at him whenever he did. The artist had asked Lucius if he was sure he wanted to keep that in. Lucius had thought about it and decided that he couldn’t take out something that was so them. He could see that he made the right decision when James’ face lit up like a million suns when he noticed it.
There were other things that Lucius loved about it too. The way James sometimes looked like he was going to laugh, like he thought being still for a portrait was ridiculous. Lucius also liked his own likeness in the portrait. He liked when his portrait-self gave a subtle squeeze on Harry’s shoulder. Harry always sat straighter for a little longer after that. On the opposite side of the portrait, Draco sat rigidly until James’ fingers flexed, giving his shoulders a minute squeeze. Draco always relaxed a little after that.
Lucius had chosen very deliberately the composition of their portrait. With Harry sitting in front of Lucius and Draco in front of James, it was the perfect commentary on the blending of their two families. He wondered if that came across to James. When he glanced at him, he noted with satisfaction that yes, it had.
He watched as James drew a hand across his mouth. James was so rarely this speechless.
James opened his mouth but then closed it again.
After a few more moments, James finally moved his eyes away from the canvas. “I don’t know what to say. I-” he swallowed and glanced back at the portrait again, “I never thought I wanted something like this.”
Lucius nodded. “I thought as much. But I thought it would be the perfect thing to bring with us into our new home.”
James nodded. “I think so too. It’s… perfect.”
Lucius was glad James liked it. He still hadn’t quite mastered the art of bringing heritage and traditionalist elements into James’ life without offending him half the time. But this was something Lucius believed was important. It was the first thing people would see when they entered their home and it was a symbol of everything they had worked to achieve.
James finally turned away from the portrait completely to focus on Lucius. “This is the most thoughtful gift I think I’ve ever received.”
“Well it is a wedding gift for my intended.”
James grinned at him, “I’m going to have to do something really elaborate for you, aren’t I?”
Lucius flushed, “That is not why I did this.” He turned to admire the work once more. “It’s as much a gift to myself as it is to you.”
They stood quietly together for a moment, watching their portrait-selves look regal and refined.
“How the hell did you get the boys to sit for this?”
“It was only an hour, so the artist could get the feel I wanted as well as the likenesses.”
James smirked, “It was the worst, wasn’t it?”
“You have no idea.”
“So your real gift was that I didn’t have to be there.”
Lucius gave him an evil grin, “A mere reprieve, really. You understand we’ll have to sit for a new portrait every two years until the boys are grown, right?”
James gasped, “Did you know that when you agreed to marry me? You didn’t think that was something I should know? I'm calling the whole thing off.”
Lucius rolled his eyes. “I look forward to you being sarcastic during other touching moments in our lives.”
James shrugged “You’re the one who agreed to marry me.”
Lucius sighed but he reached for James’ arm all the same.
“Are there any other traditionalist things you’re going to hold our family to that I should be on the lookout for?”
Lucius hummed, “I’m often surprised by how many things I’ve never given thought to have arisen while I’ve known you. If there are more, I’m not yet aware of them.”
James nodded, “There are a lot of family traditions on my side too you know.”
“Like wearing ridiculous sweaters at Christmas time?”
“Just so.”
Lucius sighed loudly, “Are you trying to tell me that if I expect you to adhere to my more traditionalist ideas that I’m to adhere to yours?”
“I’m just trying to prepare you mentally. If Molly makes you a sweater you are going to wear it.”
Lucius squeezed his eyes shut before giving in, “Even I wouldn’t dare to spurn a gift from Molly Weasley.”
James squeezed his arm, “Good man.”
Summer was busy with Quidditch Little League, but James still found time to read. Their new house had the perfect room for reading.
He was so engrossed in a Transfiguration textbook that he didn’t notice Draco in the doorway for a full six minutes. He sat up once he noticed him, “Draco, is everything okay?”
Draco was hovering and he only did that when he was nervous.
Draco swallowed and James noticed he was holding a novel. He’d probably come to this room to read too and here James was taking up most of the sofa. “Sorry, do you want me to move? I can relocate-”
“No,” Draco said quickly and then flushed a little.
James tried to shove his massive amounts of papers into a more orderly chaos. And patted the sofa, “Want to read with me?”
Draco blinked rapidly before he nodded. James felt his heart squeeze, he was getting better at recognizing Draco’s tells and he could tell that Draco was relieved he hadn’t had to ask for the company.
It was nice, just reading together, side-by-side on the sofa. When James felt cramped, he turned and pushed his feet into Draco’s lap.
“Hey!” Draco startled but settled just as quickly. James counted it as a victory. He knew that Malfoys weren’t a very tactile bunch, but he was very glad that they seemed to not mind indulging him.
Work was more stressful than it had ever been. Lucius sat through case after case, hearing after hearing, and argument after argument. And the Purebloodists appeared to be testing him. They put him on committees directly related to Muggle education and forced him to watch as they made decisions that would set the New Traditionalists back months or even years. Of course Lucius argued his best, did whatever he could. But it became all too clear too soon why Rodolphus hadn’t seemed bothered by Lucius in this position. He was helpless. His voice didn’t matter at all when the other members constantly voted against him. He wasn’t a threat to them. He had nothing to bargain with. He could practically hear Rodolphus’ laughter in his head. He owed them a huge favour and he’d gotten back nearly nothing in return.
When Lucius returned home, he was a tad disturbed at how quiet the house was. That usually meant that the boys were up to no good, but he’d found Harry dozing on the daybed in the living room. He covered him with a blanket. Then he’d gone to the sitting room and stopped in his tracks.
Lucius didn’t make a sound as he took in the sight before him. James and Draco quietly reading on the sofa.
It bombarded him with images of Narcissa and how she would sit and read with Draco, just like this.
Lucius would never dare compare his late wife to his fiancé, but the image James and Draco made made Lucius fight back a wave of emotion. It wasn’t quite sad feelings; it was more a melancholy of remembrance. It was like waking up from a sweet dream that you couldn’t quite remember. It was a good feeling, if a little bittersweet.
James finally looked up and noticed him. “You just going to stand there?”
Draco looked up too and maybe Draco had been feeling something similar because his eyes were the colour of quicksilver. He looked caught between happy and sad. Lucius swallowed. “If you don’t mind,” he said.
James waved him over and he sat on the other side of the sofa. Draco moved closer to James to give him room.
They didn’t say much. They each had their own things to read, but Lucius felt content and full. The stress of his day melted off him. There were so many things he was going to have to do in the next little while, but coming home to his family… made it all worthwhile.
The boys were off to play at the Burrow and Friday nights meant games with Sirius and Remus. And like usual, they talked about their shared proteges.
Remus told them some exciting news. After a whole year of proving himself and facing the mountain of adversity thanks to his Slytherin peers, it appeared the Hogwarts staff deemed Draco ready to weld some authority and they were going to make him a Slytherin prefect.
“We’re all a little worried about how Harry is going to handle it,” Remus said, “But I had an idea."
“We’ll be grateful for anything,” James said. The four of them were all Harry’s guardians in one way or another.
“I want him to help me with some of my lower level classes,” Remus said, “I’ve already talked to McGonagall about it and she thinks it’s a good idea. I think it’ll get him to focus on his studies more and I believe the extra responsibilities will have a good effect on him.”
“Isn’t that a little steep for a punishment?” James snickered.
Remus glared at him, “It isn’t a punishment! He happens to be my best student when he isn’t slacking off and I know he’s capable of doing well in his other studies too, if he’d only turn his attention to them. He’ll help me categorize items and maybe do a bit of light paperwork. Most importantly, I’ll have him do demonstrations for the younger students and maybe tutor some of those who’ve been falling behind. I hope he’ll see there’s no shame in asking for help when you need it and I think it will be a good experience for him. We knew he was never going to make Prefect, but neither did you.”
“I was Head Boy!” James whined.
“Yes, after you grew up a little.”
“A lot,” Sirius chimed in.
James stuck his tongue out at him.
“I think it’s a perfect solution,” Lucius said. Now that he had a proper say in parenting Harry, it was a good feeling. And he was glad he wasn’t the only one who thought Harry needed a bit more of a challenge to keep him out of trouble. If he was focused on things other than breaking the rules, maybe he would improve in all the other aspects of his life too.
Lucius was very relieved Draco would be a Slytherin Prefect. It was a good a way to see that Draco continued to do good work and use his new reputation wisely. Lucius knew that he could expect great things from Draco. He was a proud father and he hadn’t known how to feel whenever Harry got in trouble or dragged Draco into trouble with him. In the past it had been easy to blame James but now that window was closed for good. Now Lucius was Harry’s parent too and that made him at least a fourth responsible for everything he did. It was stressful, but at least Remus Lupin seemed to be in the same boat as him.
“Okay,” James said, “But you’re going to be the one who tells him.”
Harry reacted the way Remus should have known he would.
“What did I do?” Harry whined.
Remus sighed, “This isn’t a punishment, Harry. It’s an opportunity I’m offering you because you’re one of my best students and I think you could help other students.”
Harry grimaced at him, “Well it sounds a lot like detention.”
Remus huffed, “Well it’s not.”
Harry gave him a wary look, as if he wasn’t sure what to believe. He didn’t like being tricked into doing things but Remus was pretty sure he had never given Harry a reason to think that Remus would ever trick him into doing anything. That was his other godfather.
“Okay, fine,” Harry relented, much to Remus’ relief.
“Excellent, we’ll meet after the break and discuss the kind of responsibilities you’ll have.”
Harry made a face at that, but agreed.
When Harry ran away to attend to whatever held his attention these days, James sighed in relief. “Do you really think he’s up to it?”
“I know he is, you’ll see.”
They had only talked about it a little when James told Draco he could address him anyway he was comfortable with. And ‘James’ had seemed the easiest.
So it was by complete accident when Draco was asking for help with Transfiguration homework, and he said, “Thanks, Dad.”
Draco could feel the red that sprung to his cheeks and watched how red James was turning himself.
“Um,” Draco stammered, “I meant to say, ‘Harry’s dad’.”
An awkward silence seemed to stretch on forever before Draco found himself trapped in a rib-crushing hug. No matter how many times James hugged him, he was still always unprepared for them.
“I changed my mind,” James said, not letting go of Draco, “You should call me ‘Dad’ too.”
Draco was too embarrassed to form any sort of coherent sentences.
“Unless it’s too weird?” James asked, suddenly sounding self conscious. He released Draco enough to look him in the face.
Draco thought at first it would be a confusing. But he had never, in his life, called his own father ‘Dad’, it’d always been ‘Father’ and he didn’t think he could change that now even if he wanted to. Lucius Malfoy would always be ‘Father’, and Draco realized that he really did see James as a ‘Dad’. And now he was his dad too.
“… it’s not weird,” Draco said softly. He was again pressed to James’ chest by the arms wrapped around him.
James finally released him to look at him from arms’ length. “Good,” he said, “Because I’m not ‘Harry’s Dad’, I’m your dad too.”
The words lit Draco’s face on fire again. He was still adjusting to how much attention and affection James seemed to dole out. It was far from a bad thing, but it was still something Draco was never sure how to react to. He didn’t know how to react to any of this right now. But everything he knew about James told him that the most important thing, the thing James admired the most, was honesty.
“Thank you,” Draco said quietly because even if it was true, it was still embarrassing, “I’m… glad.”
They had decided to have the wedding in December and Lucius was finally finished his wedding robes’ design. He happily finalized the draft to send to his seamstress. James tried to get a glimpse of it while he was putting it in the envelope.
“Why can’t I see it?” James whined.
“It’s traditional not to see each other’s wedding attire before the wedding.”
James rolled his eyes, “I think you just pick and choose which traditionalist elements work best in your favour.”
Lucius raised an eyebrow, “Of course I do.”
James sighed, “How am I supposed to know whether what I picked is going to match or not if you don’t show me what you’re wearing?”
“Show the design to me and I’ll tell you.”
James narrowed his eyes, “So you can see mine, but I can’t see yours?”
“It can’t be helped.”
James crossed his arms, “Well I’m not showing you. If I can’t see yours, then you can’t see mine.”
Lucius pressed his lips into a line. “Then how are we supposed to ensure co-ordination?”
James shrugged, “I guess we’re just going to have to be surprised.”
Lucius wanted to point out how ridiculous James was being but he couldn’t do that without admitting that he was being ridiculous himself. Maybe they were never going to stop bringing out the childishness in each other.
Lucius huffed, "Can we at least agree on a colour scheme?"
James pretended to think about it for too long until he cracked a smile at how Lucius looked about to snap. "Okay, fine."
James found Harry in the second sitting room. He had been hoping to get a chance to talk to him alone. But he didn’t want to ask for the time because he was worried it would sound too much like Harry was in trouble.
“Hey,” James said, sitting down on the sofa across from him.
Harry didn’t look up from the book he was reading, “Hey.”
“You and Draco have been experimenting with a lot of different styles these days.”
Harry shrugged, “Yeah, and?”
James didn’t want Harry to start getting defensive, “I just thought it was kind of cool.”
“Don’t say cool,” Harry snorted, “No one wants to hear their dad thinks something is cool.”
James rolled his eyes, “Fine. I like that you’re getting along. And I really like your nails.” Today they were painted a bright red with gold stripes.
Harry was watching him now, “But?”
James sighed, “I just wanted to make sure you’re not forcing each other to do things you don’t want to do.”
Harry gave him a small smile, “It started out sort of like that. But now we’re only doing the things we want to do.”
“Oh?” James leaned back on the sofa, “You want to dress up for Sunday dinners?”
“I thought it was stupid at first, but now I kind of like it.”
James smiled, “What else did you find you liked?”
They hadn’t had time for an honest heart-to-heart like this in a long time. It seemed like they only sought one another out when they needed something. James missed the easy way they would converse. Their new home was bigger than Godric’s Hallow and you had to make an effort to find the person you were looking for and even then, you sometimes couldn’t.
But Harry seemed to be thinking the same thing. He put his book aside and leaned back. “Well I liked the manicure part. I thought it was going to be dumb but it was cool. I didn’t want anything as boring as Draco’s, so I started adding colours and I really like it.”
James was happy that that was something Harry had discovered for himself and not being pressured by anyone to do it.
“It looks good on you,” James said.
“Thanks. Sirius said the same thing! I guess he used to paint his nails all the time too.”
James remembered that well, “He used to drive us all batty the way he’d set up in the common room and then not do anything until his nails were perfectly dry.”
Harry snickered, “I learned all the quick-dry spells.”
James grinned, “Then you’re already leagues ahead of him.”
“Oh! Tomorrow we’re going to go to a Muggle music shop because Draco’s already gone through all my cds.”
Harry’s eyes lit up as he seemed to think of several good stories at once and James settled into the sofa. He was happy to sit and listen to Harry babble on for as long as he liked.
The boys seemed to have come to a couple of arrangements. There were at least two that James had noticed.
The first was Draco always checked over Harry’s essays before they were finished. And the second was that Harry always looked over Draco’s broom if he was doing his own anyway. There weren’t words to describe how happy it made James to see them adjusting together.
Currently, Harry was doing just that at the table in the main room while James worked and Lucius read.
“Dad, pass me those broom sheers?” Harry asked, stretching out his hand without looking up from his work.
James frowned, looking over the top of the document he was making notes in, “It’s on the other side of the table.”
“Other dad,” Harry said impatiently.
James snapped his neck to look at Lucius who was looking just as stunned as James.
Lucius fumbled with them a little, but handed the sheers over promptly.
“What?” Harry asked when neither man had gone back to their previous activities. Instead staring at him, wondering if he even noticed what just happened.
“Nothing,” James shrugged, “Was just thinking that it might get a little confusing around here.”
Harry shrugged, “So? I’m not going to say ‘Father’ like Draco does. It’s Dad One and Dad Two.”
James was trying not to act on how happy he was. His heart fluttering about in his chest. They needed to be careful not to embarrass Harry or they would risk reverting this progress. “So how do we know which dad is one and which dad is two?”
Harry shrugged again, still not looking up from the twigs he was pruning. “It’ll change depending on which dad I like more on the day.”
James snickered and Lucius rolled his eyes.
James bit his lip and grinned at Lucius across the table. James had been worried about Harry being resistant to the changing makeup of their little family. But now he was so relieved, he wanted to whoop or holler, but Harry would probably not take that well. They had to act cool and unaffected. Still, the look Lucius shared with him over Harry’s busy head was enough.
The next week, the letter they knew was coming finally arrived and Draco was proudly sporting his new Slytherin Prefect pin. He didn’t even seem bothered that he was going to have to sit at the Slytherin table. His new status gave him back some of the confidence he’d lost over the past year.
Harry was pouting.
James sent Lucius and Draco to decide on a take-out place for dinner in celebration and James sat on the sofa beside Harry. “Aren’t you happy for him?”
Harry crossed his arms, “Ecstatic,” he said without feeling.
James sighed and threw his arm over Harry’s shoulders, “You know I was pretty disappointed when Remus got picked for Prefect too.”
This caught Harry’s attention.
“But then I realized,” James continued, “Having someone on the inside is just as fun. Plus you don’t have to do boring patrols in the corridors.”
Harry still looked downcast but the tension in his shoulders was lessening a little.
“Come on,” James nudged him, “You should be supportive of your brother.”
Harry rolled his eyes, “Step-brother.”
“I thought you were getting along these days?”
Harry sighed, “You wouldn’t understand. You and Sirius always got along. It wasn’t weird when you were brothers.”
Harry was startled by James’ sudden loud burst of laughter, “It was definitely weird. We fought more in the months we became brothers than we ever fought being best friends. There was definitely an… adjustment period.”
Harry tilted his head, “Really?”
James grinned, “Really. You fight with Ron and Hermione, don’t you?”
“Well… yeah.”
“So don’t worry about it. As long as you talk it out eventually, everything will be fine. You just have to remember to be honest. If he does something that makes you upset, tell him why it made you upset. Don’t hold it all in, okay?”
Harry finally let himself relax and James was very glad for it.
“Besides,” James said conspiratorially, “Think of all the things you could do with those Prefect perks.”
Harry faked surprise, “What would my other dad think?”
“Oh he’s a hypocrite when it comes to rules and when and where to break them. But exploring the castle at night is a tried and true Hogwarts tradition! And he’s always going on and on about tradition.”
Harry rolled his eyes but there was a hint of mischief in his smile.
The kids were back to school and that was just as well because James and Lucius had a lot of work to do. Not just the new house, paperwork, wedding planning, and their actual jobs, but they needed to move on their grand plan to rid the world of the True Traditionalists too.
They’d had to reformulate as Lucius’ new position hadn’t given them any leeway. But they had a new plan and the kids would be safe at Hogwarts while they worked out the details.
The next part of their plan involved a little breech of privacy. Lucius penned the press release himself with some advice from his favourite PR professionals. It was all over the news the next day. It’d been a long time since anyone’s nuptials were exciting enough to talk about. And it’d been even longer since Lucius had had anything he wanted to write to the press about. As he’d hoped, they ate it up and demanded more. Lucius’ incoming mail boxes were flooded with follow-up questions. Who was invited to the wedding? What was he going to wear? Did he care at all that his parents would have disowned him over such a match?
He wrote back to every journalists, gossip-monger, and curious gawker. For once, his penchant for the limelight was going to work in his favour.
The papers clamoured for information well into the middle of the month. Only a couple of times, did a reporter ask when and who had proposed and why they had waited so long to announce it. Usually Purebloods announced an engagement at the earliest time available. Lucius enjoyed running them around in circles, telling them that there were many arrangements they had to talk about first. That was usually a good way to get them talking about the differences between him and James and he used that to hint at the trouble they might be navigating in their relationship. He wanted to give Rodolphus something to chew on.
Lucius and James were leaving a restaurant mid-week when a flash went off somewhere and James flung an instinctive hand over his eyes. A photographer raced off as James sighed, “When are those going to stop?”
Lucius grinned, “I don’t know.”
“You can stop loving it so much.”
Lucius didn’t bother denying, it was true.
“Why are they paying so much attention to us? I can’t believe anyone would care this much. Is it always like this when Purebloods marry?”
Lucius shook his head, “But it is fairly uncommon for Pureblood Wizards to marry more than once. As most marriages serve a purpose, such as producing an heir, it’s deemed too risky to complicate lines of succession by remarrying. Most choose not to muddle around with their family trees. So my decision to add a Blood Traitor to the, until now, pristine Malfoy family tree is bound to be sensationalized.”
James spotted another photographer in the brush and quelled a sigh. Lucius spotted him too.
“Let’s make the front page, shall we?” he said before pulling James to him and then tilting him like they were dancing. James laughed at him as they heard the flurried snaps of a camera.
“You’re ridiculous,” James said fondly, letting Lucius tilt him into a kiss.
“You love it,” Lucius grinned at him.
James rolled his eyes, “Merlin, but I do.”
The cover page of the Prophet the next day was absolutely beautiful if Lucius did say so himself. They were front and center, Lucius dipping James down toward the ground. The camera casually picking up the sheen of their rings. It was a far cry from the very first time their relationship had made the news. A gossipy account from a source that was never verified.
Lucius loved the attention, of course, but he didn’t let his mind stray from the purpose of it all. This was for the greater good. But there was nothing wrong with enjoying it just a little too.
They needed to get into a True Traditionalist meeting, but Lucius was not yet invited. They had been hoping someone would suggest recruiting Lucius to Rodolphus and that he would consider it. But with everything between them and with Rodolphus still wary of Lucius, that didn’t look likely.
“I’ll get the cloak from Harry and go to one of the meetings,” James volunteered.
Lucius shook his head, “Absolutely not. It’s too dangerous.”
“Then I’ll Polyjuice someone we’re sure is a member and go in their place.”
“That isn’t better.”
“For every idea you shoot down, you need to give me one of your own. That’s how collaboration works. We can’t just wait around hoping they fall into our trap.”
Lucius shook his head, “You’re not going to any of their meetings.”
James leaned over the coffee table. “You know I’m right. This doesn’t get done unless we push them. We can’t push them without knowing everything we can about them. If we get a list of their members, we’ll be in a much better position to see where we do that pushing.”
“I know. You’re still not going.”
“But-”
“But I know who might.”
James blinked in surprise. “What? Who?”
“And old friend.”
It was quite easy to talk Snape into going undercover for them. Even if Snape and James hadn’t reached a true truce, he was just as agitated about the True Traditionalists’ recent activities as they were. James was pleased to see that Snape’s tolerance for Purebloodism had receded in his maturity. Perhaps it was a repentance of his own for his falling out with Lily. In any case, they now had their inside man and a direct line to Rodolphus Lestrange.
Only nothing ever went easy enough.
“A list of names might be impossible. They wear masks even during the meetings,” Snape told them after he’d gone to his first meeting with them, “Only the leaders talk, their voices muffled. We can’t know for sure who they are.”
James groaned and messed his hair. Lucius took a steady breath.
“Is there any other way we can get their identities? Could you recognize their wands? Study the way they walk?”
James shook his head, “That’s too circumstantial. We’re going to need something concrete.”
Lucius sighed, “We’re back where we started.”
Rodolphus requested Lucius’ presence so discuss their ‘bargain’. Lucius had hoped he’d have a little more time. He felt like he was walking into a trap but he was powerless to refuse.
Lucius felt minimally prepared for what Rodolphus would throw at him. But it would be foolish to assume Rodolphus would trust him again. Lucius knew Rodolphus had some type of plan to keep Lucius in line. Lucius just had to uncover what it was.
Lucius took a seat in one of the uncomfortable chairs in the Lestrange home.
Bella smiled sickly sweet at him, “I knew you’d come to your senses.”
Lucius swallowed, “I’m only interested in power. And you can help me with that or you can go to someone else.”
Bella clicked her tongue, “Is that any way to talk to family?”
“Family?” Lucius scoffed, “You’ve made it very clear what family means to you.”
Bella shrugged, unbothered.
“And if you keep goading me, I will find other avenues to accomplish my goals,” Lucius promised. Bella hissed at him.
“Now, now,” Rosier said, and who invited him anyway? “Let’s all be friends again, okay? We should all be grateful that our lost sheep has found his way back to the flock.”
Lucius didn’t consider himself an ‘actor’ in any sense of the word, but there was a certain amount of similarity in how he’d been trained his whole life to keep a straight face. Whether it was politics, frustrating lessons at Hogwarts, or the screaming his parents did right in front of him, he had always been able to keep most of his emotions off his face. And never had it been so essential as right now.
But there was also a burgeoning ache that was becoming harder to ignore. Lucius knew he missed his old life sometimes but being among these people again, fighting with Bella again. It felt strangely… like home. He only had to act half the time because the rest of the time, it fit like a glove.
“We’ve decided on the favour, Malfoy,” Rodolphus announced.
Lucius nodded and raised his hand, palm up, “Well?”
“The True Traditionalists want an Audience with the Ministry.”
Lucius bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood. “Oh?”
“And like you said, the Minister isn’t taking too kindly to our suggestions these days. We need you to do it.”
This would undo so much of the work he’d done. Put him right back where he started. The public would turn on him. He’d be in direct opposition to everything he was actually trying to do.
“Well?”
Lucius swallowed the lump in his throat, “I need to think.”
Rodolphus raised his own palm, “You have 24 hours, Malfoy.”
As soon as Lucius was home, he put up every privacy ward he could think of before telling James everything.
James groaned into his hand.
“We need that list and fast,” Lucius decided. “If we have enough proof that the Ministry is corrupt, we could cause enough of a scandal that there won’t be time for an Audience. And the Ministry will be back-tracking so quickly they wouldn’t dare offer an Audience to the Extremist group they’re accused of working with.”
James nodded, “So we get the names. But how do we do that? Snape said they wear masks even during meetings.”
“If I can get an invitation to one of their official meetings, we could watch the people going in and out.”
“If you’re at the meeting and suddenly a list of attendees is published, you’re the first person they’re going to suspect.”
Lucius threw himself into an armchair. “I’m open to suggestions.”
“We need time to think,” James said. He walked to the armchair and perched himself on the arm. “But you need to take the offer.”
Lucius took a deep breath and shut his eyes. “Is that my only option?”
“This is a test, we know that. They want to see how far you’ll go for this position. They want to see if they can actually control you or not. It’s a good plan. You either don’t take it and they know where your true loyalties lie, or you do and they think you’re theirs. But the plan isn’t perfect, they’ll be none-the-wiser if we find a way to get you out of it without tipping anyone off.”
“And what if we can’t get the names in time?”
James shook his head, “No defeatist talk in the living room. We’ll get the names. You just do what you have to keep on Rodolphus’ good side.”
Lucius reached for James’ hand. He pulled it to his lips. He paused, “You smell like cinnamon.”
James’ breathy laugh made Lucius shiver, “I was making something.”
Lucius was suddenly hungry. He was filled with the craving he normally got for sweets, only deeper.
“So I keep eating out of Rodolphus’ hand and do what in the meantime?”
“Don’t do anything. Be the perfect committee member. Let them see you doing precisely nothing and leave the rest to me.”
He pulled James down into his lap. James kissed him and the same sweetness was in his mouth. Clearly he’d been tasting whatever he was making. The hunger hurtled through Lucius, stronger than before.
“We’ve got this,” James promised, “We have to.”
James’ hands reached behind him to slide through Lucius’ hair and down the back of his neck. He pressed himself down into Lucius’ lap. Lucius had never craved someone like this. Every inch of him left Lucius starving with desire.
He pressed a hungry mouth to James’ throat. James moaned at the contact and pulled Lucius closer, urging him to press harder.
Lucius didn’t want to keep thinking now. About all the ways this could go wrong. About all the mistakes they might make that might cost them their lives. So he let James distract him. Let James pull his mind from its spiralling thoughts and to something much nicer.
He pulled James closer until his back was flush with Lucius’ chest. Then he dropped his hands to James’ waist, holding him tightly. James reached down and pulled off his joggers. He let Lucius press him down into his lap. He rolled his hips. Lucius choked on a moan.
Lucius muffled his moans by pressing his mouth to James’ shoulder as he palmed James through his pants. James arched his back at the sensation and pressed himself down harder into Lucius.
There was a sweet scent in James’ hair that Lucius breathed in, needy. “What are you making?” he asked.
He felt James’ laugh vibration through his body. “Do you really want to talk about food right now?”
“You smell sweet.”
James laughed again, “I have a Quidditch picnic coming up. I made pies, rasbari, and cupcakes,” James’ breath caught as Lucius took him in his hand, “I also tried something new with brownies that didn’t work, so you can have them.” James bit off a moan as Lucius’ fingers moved over his cock.
“What else?” Lucius asked.
James’ body shook with laughter again, sending pleasing vibrations through every inch of Lucius. “This is really doing it for you, huh?” James teased.
Lucius bit his shoulder, “I just like hearing you talk.”
James hummed, “Well in that case.”
Afterwards, with James relaxed and boneless in his arms, Lucius pouted. “Are you really not going to let me eat any of those desserts?”
“No. I said they’re for my picnic.”
“But-”
“I’m going to punch you.”
“And ruin this post-coital bliss?”
“You’re the one ruining it.”
Lucius kissed James’ flushed face.
Suddenly they both became aware of a permeating scent. It was coming from the kitchen.
James jumped up, “Shit! The pie!”
Usually Lucius would have lamented the loss of such a masterpiece. But he was laughing too hard to give a semblance of real loss.
“Shut up! This is your fault!” James yelled behind him as he dashed down the hall, but Lucius was too consumed with laughter to feel properly scolded.
The hardest part about planning a double-cross, Lucius decided, was having to keep your mouth shut. That meant not asking for anything he needed. That meant staying away from anything they might be able to use lest it draw Rodolphus’ attention.
Lucius agreed to his part of the bargain and Rodolphus and Bella thought they had won.
For the most part, Rodolphus seemed to believe Lucius would sell his current values for a chance at power. But that didn’t mean Rodolphus was foolish enough to trust him, but he at least noticed Lucius was nothing worth noticing. They were still locked in this dance they were doing. Both trying to guess and second guess each other.
“How’s your… boyfriend?” Rodolphus asked one day and Lucius had to stomp down anything reactionary.
“Fiancé,” Lucius corrected him, “And he’s fine. Unhappy I’m working so much, but fine.”
As much as Lucius didn’t want to remind Rodolphus of his weak spots, playing vulnerable was essential here. Like bearing your neck to a predator to show submission.
Rodolphus looked thoughtful, “Maybe I’d like him more if I got to know him.”
There it was. A taunt. A threat.
Lucius stared at Rodolphus before saying with a levity he had to force, “ Getting to know him, only makes him worse.”
Rodolphus laughed, apparently amused at Lucius’ answer.
When he brought it up to James, he was glad they both had a mind for manipulation. James had rare seriousness etched all over his face, “We need a two-pronged attack.”
“Yes, that’s what I was thinking.”
“You need it to look like you’ve cut ties with the New Traditionalists.”
Lucius did not like the sound of that. He didn’t like the idea of leaving his only social safety-net, but the stakes were much higher than Lucius’ constantly fluctuating social circle. Sacrifices had to be made.
“Right,” Lucius sighed, “And the second prong?”
“Get invited to the meeting but don’t go.”
Lucius raised an eyebrow, “And what does that prove?”
“I’ve thought of a way to get all the names, even the ones we’ve never met. But we’re going to need help and you’re going to have to stay away from that meeting so no one can suspect you.”
Once they had talked to Arthur Weasley, they needed to put into place the second act of their plan.
Lucius assumed that James was going to give Snape some kind of tool to assist in finding the identities.
But instead, James turned to Snape, “Can you get them to hold the next meeting at Hogwarts?”
Both Slytherin men frowned, “You want to bring them around children?”
“Not ‘want to’, but if you can get them all at Hogwarts, we can find out who they all are. Every single one of them.”
Lucius crossed his arms, “And how will you manage that?”
James sighed, “Is there any chance you’ll let me keep this secret?”
Lucius watched him for a long moment before throwing his hands up, “Fine.”
James grinned at him, “I promise it’s not dangerous.”
“Why does that not comfort me? Why don’t you want me to know about it?”
“Because you definitely won’t approve.”
Snape eyed him suspiciously but if he had theories on what James’ secret weapon might be, he remained quiet about it.
“As long as the meeting is at Hogwarts, we’ll have everything we need to get their names. I’ll have Remus do all the work remotely. No one will suspect a thing.”
The first part of their plan went off without a hitch. Lucius resigned from the New Traditionalist Society and Arthur Weasley sent a very specifically timed Howler to Lucius as he was having a lunch meeting with Rodolphus’ and the other Wizengamot puppets. It revealed that it was less of a ‘resignation’ than a forced retirement for associating with True Traditionalists. Lucius pretended to be upset while Rodolphus preened and promised that Lucius had made the right choice.
Everything went perfectly as Rodolphus offered to let Lucius attend a ‘masked meeting’ for the first time and Lucius refused, citing that he had work to finish and still wasn’t comfortable showing his face, even masked, at a meeting.
Since Lucius wasn’t in attendance, there was no way Rodolphus could accuse Lucius when they got and leaked the names of their membership.
Remus used the Marauder’s Map to copy all the names of the True Traditionalists who showed up at the meeting, which was disguised as a ‘Potions Talk’ for a very specific audience.
“We have a problem,” Remus said, laying the list on the table.
The way their plan had come together had been too good to be true. But the list was not what they hoped it would be.
There were the names of people they already knew were members and the list provided little more than that. It was short-sighted of them to think that someone really important would be caught in their den. If someone like the Minister was a member, he must have other ways of contributing, like Lucius. This new society was more careful than the Pureblood Society. They knew what they were doing could not be condoned, they knew to hide their biggest assets. And the list was far longer than it should have been. They were growing.
But none of that was what Remus was referring to. James felt his heart lurch and then drop as they read the name, Peter Pettigrew.
James felt sick to his stomach. “Why- why would he-”
Lucius took his arm and lead him to a chair. “He isn’t the man you knew back then.”
“Lucius is right,” Remus said softly, “We don’t know what he’s been up to in the past decade.”
“And we need to focus,” Lucius said, “Unfortunately it looks like this group is as smart as they are dangerous.”
James nodded, “That’s what we were afraid of.”
The True Traditionalists weren’t going to be taken down by being published in a list. In fact, every name they had wouldn’t be bothered at all if it was revealed what they did in their spare time.
“They have various contacts throughout the Ministry,” Snape said, “But they’re careful to keep those names a secret. It seems none of them are foolish enough to attend these little gatherings.”
Lucius sighed, where was this silence and cleverness when they were running the Pureblood Society? It seemed Lucius’ old tricks weren’t going to work here. While he had been growing and learning, so had they apparently. And now he seriously doubted that public scorn alone would stop their activities. It seemed they had outgrown their fears of ‘ruining their reputations’.
“This doesn’t change anything,” James pointed out, “Our plan is still going to remove their head.”
“What if they have more than one head?” Snape asked.
James nodded at the list, “Do you really think any of those people will keep showing up if Rodolphus is gone? Do you think any of them has the sway he has? Would anyone at the Ministry level let themselves be dragged into the middle of this?”
Snape tilted his head thoughtfully, “Perhaps not.”
“For all his annoying bluster,” Lucius said, “Rodolphus is the only one holding that group together. I don’t think they’d last a week without him.”
The list was a bitter disappointment. If the full membership had been in attendance, they might have been able to cause enough of a commotion to kill the True Traditionalist’s bid for an Audience. Against the public backlash, the Minister wouldn’t have dared acquiesce to their request if there was proof he might be among them… but they had nothing. Lucius had never felt more impressed by Rodolphus’ careful planning or more frustrated by it.
But with the suspicion off of Lucius, he was free to observe more openly than he had dared before. The Minister had taken Lucius’ advise about giving the True Traditionalists an Audience and it was coming soon.
"We only have one plan left,” Lucius said.
James nodded.
But Lucius still hoped they would find a way out of this.
Lucius had left James alone as much as possible. The other man seemed like he needed space and Lucius gave him as much as he could. But the silence and distance didn’t sit well with Lucius. He knew without having to ask that James was over-thinking. And usually Lucius was the one who did that. He could tell James was drowning in perceived guilt.
“We should talk about this,” Lucius said cautiously. He was still reminded of the last time Pettigrew had come between them. And Lucius was still nervous about hitting a nerve.
“We don’t need to.”
Lucius set his jaw, “Yes we do.” Especially if James was going to deny it. There was no way that Lucius was going to let this poison sit and disrupt everything they had. These were the sort of things you were meant to talk about with your partner.
“There’s nothing to say,” James said, turning away from him.
Lucius put a hand on James’ shoulder, “You’re not responsible for him.”
“How can you say that? You know what I did to him, I-”
“Stop it,” Lucius said dangerously, “I know you love being the centre of the world, but he is a grown man. He made his own decisions and whether he blames you for them or not, there’s only so much you could have done! You are not responsible for the things he’s chosen to do.”
James didn’t look ready to agree but he thankfully didn’t argue.
Lucius squeezed his shoulder, “There aren’t a lot of things that can make people do things they don’t want to do. He did this because he wanted to.”
“But if I hadn’t… What if I-”
“Yes, yes, you have a haunted past and maybe he hates you. But does that justify what he’s become? What he’s doing? If you keep blaming yourself, you’re going to miss the actual problem here. The fact that he’s an Extremist and that’s a mindset I’m going to assume he didn’t get from you. I’m willing to bet he always felt that way and was just looking for a reason to go down that particular path. Maybe you did give him that reason, but even if you didn’t, he would have found another one. If there’s one thing I know about Extremists, is that they’re very convincing to the right set of ears.”
James was staring off at nothing.
“If you keep blaming yourself, you’ll turn into a weapon they can use. No matter how guilty you feel, you can’t fall into their trap.”
James had turned from staring at the middle distance to finally focus back on Lucius.
“You’re cleverer than this,” Lucius continued, “You have to see how they must have planned to use this from the start. They’re going to use him to get to you. And you can’t let them.”
James looked torn. Like he didn’t know what to believe. But his silence told Lucius that he was at least listening now.
Finally, James nodded his head, “I always did have a bad habit of underestimating him.”
“Perhaps you still do.”
James finally looked like he was going to agree, “Do you really think they planned this?”
Lucius gave him a hard look, “I know it. But he hasn’t known you in over ten years. If he still thinks you’re the bleeding-heart you used to be… that you would wallow in self-pity and let him get away with doing whatever he wants, they’ve miscalculated in a huge way. They’re not going to change what we have planned. So I need you to pull yourself together, right now.”
James’ cheek twitched, an aborted smile. It was enough for Lucius. “We can win this,” Lucius said softly, “You know we can. But you’re going to have to leave him behind.”
“That’s the problem. I did leave him behind. They picked him because of me. I know you think he must be a monster. But he wouldn’t have been able to say no to them. He never could say no.”
Lucius understood James’ reluctance to accept the facts. Lucius himself had struggled with leaving people from his past in the past. He had chosen to walk away from his extended family members and their toxicity. But that didn’t mean he didn’t feel it everyday. Even though Bella was a horrible person, he had often wondered, sometimes still did, whether there was a way to keep connected with her.
James had lived in this for at least as long as Lucius had been related to Bella. He didn’t know for sure, but it would make sense that James fantasized about having his old friend back as much as Lucius fantasized about having an extended family again. Asking James to give that dream up now was healthy, Lucius knew, but it probably felt like anti-progress from James’ point of view.
“They expect you to suffer,” Lucius said, “Rodolphus wants your guilt to debilitate you. And they’re using him, but he fell for their poison charms all on his own. You admit you underestimated him. You also probably overlooked parts of him he either hid from you or you were too self-centred to realize.”
James ran a hand through his hair, “Yeah… I think… I think you’re right.”
Lucius huffed but kissed his forehead anyway, “Of course I’m right.”
“What if I tried to talk to him?” James said.
Lucius resisted the urge to groan, “Absolutely not. You know the plan. Stay away from them all.”
James sighed again but nodded. “I’ll be fine,” he promised, “I just need to get my head around it.”
Lucius kissed his forehead again before standing, “Talk to Black and Lupin. You always listen to them more than you listen to me anyway.”
James snickered and Lucius counted that as another win.
“This is good,” Lucius promised, “We knew they were going to make a play against you. Now we know what it is.”
At least they hoped they knew what it was.
They had a strong suspicion the True Traditionalists were going to use Peter against them somehow, but they needed to be sure. So James devised a plan to listen in on a meeting between Rodolphus and Snape. He borrowed the cloak from Harry and sat waiting in the public gardens where Rodolphus had agreed to meet Snape.
James was surprised at how easily Snape adjusted to his role as a spy. Somehow James hadn’t expected Snape to be something of an actor, but he played his role perfectly.
Rodolphus arrived and shook Snape’s hand, “Severus.”
“Rodolphus,” Snape returned and motioned to the bench where they both sat.
“What is this about?” Rodolphus asked.
“I wanted to warn you. You can’t trust Lucius Malfoy.”
Rodolphus smirked, “What makes you think I do?”
“You put him on the Wizengamot.”
“It’s a meaningless position. He has no power there.”
“Even so, don’t you think him having such a close relationship with a Blood Traitor is worth worrying about?”
Rodolphus sighed but he was smiling, “Let me worry about that. I know you have a… grudge against Potter, but you need to stay out of this for now. I have a plan.”
Snape tilted his head, a curious expression, asking without asking for Rodolphus to share.
Rodolphus shook his head, “I can’t say. Just trust me, Brother. Everything will go according to plan and we will get our Audience.”
“And if it doesn’t? Do you have contingency plans?”
Rodolphus frowned, “The plan will work.”
“I don’t doubt you. But being prepared for anything doesn’t hurt.”
Rodolphus looked thoughtful, “Do you have any suggestions?”
Snape’s lips turned into a grin, “As a matter of fact, I do.”
Like always, Lucius, James and Sirius arrived at King’s Cross Station to meet the Hogwarts Express.
There were quite a few stares this time around. Their cover page spread seemed to have drawn out the curiosity in those that had tried to ignore them before.
It made James uncomfortable. Lucius squeezed his arm and James remembered to smile. They had a public persona to maintain or nothing they were working toward would work.
“Hi,” a witch James didn’t know approached them, “I just wanted to say I really admire all you’ve done and congratulations on your engagement. The wedding is weeks away, you must be so excited.”
James concentrated on the grip Lucius had on his arm, “Oh yes, thank you so much.”
She smiled at them and took her leave. James wanted to slump against Lucius but managed to keep his fake grin in place.
“This sucks,” he whispered at his companions.
“How long do you have to keep this up?” Sirius whispered back.
“As long as the media is still talking about us,” Lucius answered.
After the first lady had talked to them, a few others came to talk to them too. James and Lucius smiled pleasantly and made the required small talk while Sirius made faces at them over the strangers’ shoulders. Having a relationship with the public was important, according to Lucius, and a very key part of their plan. James just wished it wasn’t so exhausting. They waited impatiently for the train to arrive, hoping that when it did everyone would let them get their children and werewolf and go.
James felt a rush of relief when the train finally arrived but it was cut short when Remus emerged wearing an expression James knew well. “Oh no, what did he do?”
Remus sighed, “McGonagall asked me to be owl since her owls to you rarely seem to make it.”
James braced himself.
“Harry cheated on an essay.”
James groaned, “An essay? Why did he think he’d get away with that?”
Remus shrugged, “He has a week to turn in his accomplices or he’s off Quidditch for another whole season.”
“School just stared,” James groaned.
Harry got off the train next and looked between Remus and James before storming off in the other direction.
Lucius moved but James grabbed his arm, “Not right now,” he said.
“He can’t just avoid the situation-”
“No, but you tend to get…” James hesitated, “Preachy.”
Lucius made an offended noise and opened his mouth to object, but Sirius said, “I’ll go get ‘im.” And bounded off after Harry.
James let go of Lucius’ arm, “We’ll discuss it at home,” he promised. There was no use in getting into it in public. Not when they had a ‘persona’ to maintain.
Harry didn’t say anything as they arrived home. Draco ran up to his room, unaware of the tension in the house.
Harry threw himself into a living room chair and crossed his arms.
Lucius and James shared an exasperated look.
“Why did you do that? James asked.
Harry shrugged.
“Do you understand the gravity of what you’ve done?” Lucius asked.
Harry shrugged again
“Are you going to tell us who wrote the essay for you?”
Harry shook his head.
James sighed, “Harry-”
“This is serious academic misconduct,” Lucius said, “We need to ensure it doesn’t continue.”
“It won’t.”
“We don’t know that whoever wrote your essay isn’t writing others.”
“They’re not.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know.”
“Harry, if you don’t give up their name, you aren’t going to get to play Quidditch this year.”
Harry took a deep breath. For a moment James thought he was going to co-operate. Then he shrugged. “Whatever.”
James squeezed his eyes shut and put a hand on Lucius’ shoulder, “I think we should continue this discussion later.” Harry looked exhausted already. He’d probably already gotten an earful from both McGonagall and Remus.
Lucius nodded reluctantly and Harry took his moment to escape and ran up to his room.
They left the discussion until the next day to give the boys time to unpack and relax a little. In the meantime, McGonagall sent them a copy of the essay.
James read through it. And immediately recognized the work. McGonagall probably already knew who it was too. They just needed Harry to admit it. Or for the other person to come forward.
James knocked on Harry’s door and entered when Harry called, “Yeah.”
James took a seat on the edge of Harry’s bed. Harry was listening to music with his Muggle headphones Sirius had got him for his birthday. He let the headphones fall around his neck. “More guilt trip?”
James sighed, “I know who wrote the essay.”
Harry didn’t react. He picked at his comforter, not making eye-contact.
James touched Harry’s shoulder, “I don’t think he’d like knowing you’re going to take all the blame.”
Harry frowned, “It doesn’t matter what he thinks because we’re not going to tell him I got caught.”
“Harry-”
“Have you told other dad yet?”
“No, but-”
“Don’t say anything!”
James gave a frustrated groan. “I’m not going to lie to him.”
“Then don’t. Don’t say anything.”
James took a breath and then exhaled it, “I’ll let you tell him. How’s that?”
Harry crossed his arms and attempted to fade into his blankets.
“It’s going to come out eventually, you’ll want to get ahead of it.”
Harry glared at nothing, but relented, “Fine.”
James kept his promise and didn’t tell Lucius about Harry’s accomplice. But Lucius had his own priorities.
“I’m not telling,” Harry said for the fifth time that evening, but Lucius had yet to relent.
“If you don’t tell us, you’re grounded,” Lucius said.
“I don’t care,” Harry shot back.
They had managed to only talk about it when Draco wasn’t around. But now he came down the stairs, probably curious about the arguing. Harry sent a worried look to James.
But neither one of them acted fast enough to cut off Lucius’ immediate question, “Draco, do you know who wrote Harry’s Transfiguration essay last term?”
Draco stalled in his tracks. His eyes wide.
“He doesn’t know anything and I’m not telling you!” Harry said.
“What’s happening?” Draco asked, looking back and forth between them all
James sighed while Lucius said, “Somebody wrote Harry’s essay for him and McGonagall discovered it. Now she is threatening to suspend Harry from Quidditch unless he gives up the name of who wrote it.”
“I don’t care about Quidditch!” Harry said a little hysterically, but no one was falling for it.
“The whole year?” Draco asked.
“Yes.”
Draco’s expression was conflicted, he moved to say something.
“Don’t-” Harry started to say.
“I wrote it,” Draco said.
James looked at Lucius who looked as though he’d just been slapped.
“Why did you do that?” Harry demanded.
“Because I can’t stand you clinging to whatever noble martyrdom you thrive on.”
“Draco,” Lucius’ voice was tight with disappointment, “Why would you do something like this?”
Draco stared at the ground, “I don’t know. It just sort of happened.”
The whole room was uncomfortable with silence before Lucius said, “You’ll need to take responsibility for your actions.”
“I will-” Draco started but Harry cut him off.
“They’ll take your Prefect badge!”
Draco blinked.
Harry leaned further back in his seat, arms crossed over his chest.
Lucius made a face but looked just as conflicted as the rest of them.
“It was my essay. I’ll decide what I want to do about it,” Harry said.
“But another missed Quidditch season?” James said.
“I’ll take that over detention every night.”
“Don’t I get a say?” Draco frowned.
“No you don’t!” Harry snapped, “It’s all your fault anyway!”
“My fault?”
“You used the word sensorium four times in a row! No one writes like that! Certainly not me!”
“It’s my fault you’ve never read a proper book in your entire life?”
“Enough,” Lucius said and both boys immediately quieted, “You both made this mistake and you must both accept responsibility for it.”
The boys hung their heads.
James sighed, “Wait,” he knew he and Lucius had agreed to be a united front, but he didn’t think he could keep his opinion to himself this time, “I don’t think turning Draco in is the right thing to do.”
Lucius gave him a confused look. It’d been a while since they’d had a difference in parenting. “I think under the circumstances,” James continued, “You’re both grounded. But I think we should respect Harry’s decision.”
Lucius crossed his arms but was otherwise silent.
Draco moved his eyes from the floor to look at Harry but Harry was avoiding eye contact and glaring at the wall.
Lucius had been quiet for the rest of the night. When James joined him in bed later, he finally turned to James, “Do you really think letting Draco get away with academic misconduct is the right thing to do?”
James sighed, “You’re looking at this all wrong,” he took Lucius’ face in his hands, “It’s not about the essay.”
Lucius frowned, “Then what is it about?”
James grinned, “It didn’t happen the way we wanted it to, but this is a huge step in closing the rift between them. Maybe they don’t quite feel like real brothers, or even friends yet, but Harry just made a huge sacrifice for Draco. Do you think he would ever have chosen Draco over Quidditch last year? Or even a month ago? I think we need to let Harry do this if he wants to.”
Lucius thought about it, “But aren’t there more important issues involved in this? Why would Draco do it in the first place? I wasn’t entirely serious whenever I accused Harry of dragging Draco into trouble but…”
“Well,” James said, “It’s pretty obvious, to me, that Draco has a bit of an inferiority complex. I think he wrote the essay because, in the moment, he thought he was proving something. I don’t know what. Maybe that he’s the better writer, maybe that he’s better at Transfiguration. Who knows? But I think subconsciously he’s always looking for approval. Or maybe he just thought he was doing him a favour. Does it really matter why? This is the sort of trouble siblings get into. I really believe this is a step forward.”
Lucius made a face. James agreed, it wasn’t really a flattering portrait of their Slytherin son. “If we let Harry take the blame, what if Draco thinks he’s indebted to Harry?”
James grinned, “He will be!”
“And that’s a good thing?”
“Think about it! They’ve spent years trying to one-up each other in toxic and dangerous ways. Now they’re trying to one-up each other in a way that… isn’t great but better by comparison. If they think they constantly owe each other, don’t you think that’s better than the constant fighting? And maybe one of these days they’ll wake up and realize they don’t owe each other anything. Because they’re family.”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “I don’t think it’s the most effective way to accomplish what we want.”
“Come on, we knew they were never going to go about it effectively.”
Lucius could tell that he was losing this battle. But he recognized the gleam in James’ eyes. “I know what you’re doing.”
James gave him his best ‘innocent’ face, “What?”
“If Draco keeps his Prefect status, he can allow Harry and his friends free reign of the castle.”
James couldn’t help the grin that broke across his face, “And that, my darling, is how friendship is forged.”
“By keeping secrets and continually one-upping each other?”
“Yes.”
It had worked for James and his friends. And since Lucius didn’t have anyone in his life he would consider a close friend, he wasn’t really in a position to dispute the effectiveness. But he shook his head in exasperation. "This is all if Draco can be convinced to abuse his position. He's a Malfoy. He won't bend the rules so easily."
"Excuse you. He is a Malfoy-Potter. And don't think I haven't noticed that you break whatever rules are inconvenient to you."
Lucius narrowed his eyes, "Care to make a wager?"
James grinned. "Sure. I say Harry cracks him in a week."
Draco knocked on Harry’s door.
Harry was still up. He looked like he was anticipating an argument, but Draco hadn’t come to argue.
“You don’t have to do this,” Draco said, “I wrote the essay. You should tell McGonagall.”
Harry rolled his eyes, “And what would that do? Then we both get punished and probably be back where we started, doing boring chores every single night in detention.”
“Yes, but at least I wouldn’t have to feel like crap about you not playing Quidditch.”
“They always threaten me with Quidditch because they think that’s all I care about.”
Draco blinked, he was also under the impression Quidditch was all Harry cared about.
Harry gave him a look that clearly said he knew what Draco was thinking, “It’s not.”
Draco shrugged, “Then what do you care about?”
“I care about my friends.”
Draco swallowed. He knew they were something like friends now. But there still existed that bit of insecurity that told him that Harry was just pretending.
“You were helping me with that stupid essay and then because you can’t seem to help yourself rant about a subject, you ended up writing the whole thing. I shouldn’t have just turned it in the way it was, but I was…”
“Lazy?”
“Tired. And I don’t want you to lose your badge just because you helped me.”
“So instead you’re just going to be all stupid, noble Gryffindor?”
“Yeah.”
Draco shook his head, “And you just expect me to go along with it?”
Harry shrugged.
Draco narrowed his eyes, “This is a punishment,” he said, “You’re going to hold this over my head for the foreseeable future, aren’t you?”
“Yes! See? You’re the only one who understands me.”
In the following days, Harry had convinced Draco that they needed to explore the main square of the park near their new home. They were both grounded, but they discovered that as long as Lucius wasn’t around, they could get what they wanted from James if they made sad eyes at him.
Harry was convinced there were secrets all around the park square, they just needed to figure out what they were. And Harry would never admit it, but Draco was better than him at solving mysteries.
They were an hour into their investigation when a man approached them.
“Hello, Harry,” he said.
Harry frowned, “Who are you?”
The man smiled, “You don’t remember me. You were just a baby when I used to live at Godric’s Hallow with you.”
Harry looked at Draco who was looking back at him equally confused.
“I’m a friend of your dad’s.”
Harry raised an eyebrow, “Then how come I’ve never seen you before?”
“Well, it’s been a while. But it’s true. We were best friends.”
“I know my dad’s best friends,” Harry was starting to get a bad feeling.
“Hm, how should I prove it? How about the map? I helped make it you know. There are four names on it, aren’t there?”
Harry blinked. “You’re Wormtail?”
“I was hoping we could have a chat,” the man was still making Harry uncomfortable, “Maybe catch up.”
“Uh,” Harry looked at Draco again and the other boy looked just as uncomfortable, “We’re kind of busy.”
“That’s okay,” Wormtail grinned, “He can come too.”
Two other men seemed to come out of no where. Harry immediately felt alarm bells. “We’re not going anywhere with you.”
Wormtail’s grin turned feral, “I don’t remember asking.”
Harry’s instincts were quicker than Draco’s and he managed to draw his wand quicker than the man on his left. He stunned him and sent him sprawling across the ground. Wormtail didn’t appear concerned. The other goon had grabbed Draco.
Wormtail disarmed Harry but that didn’t stop Harry from attacking the other creep. Said creep had Draco’s arms in a bind and a hand on his neck. He didn’t seem to think Harry was a threat without magic. Harry punched him in the nose, breaking it, “Get away from my brother!”
Draco was freed but the remaining wizard grabbed Harry from behind.
“Go!” Harry yelled at Draco who was staring at him, stunned. “Go!” Harry yelled again, finally spurring Draco to action.
Harry managed to be as difficult to keep hold of as possible, allowing Draco to duck behind a stone monument and then escape the square while the wizard struggled to keep Harry bound.
“Doesn’t matter,” Wormtail hissed in Harry’s ear, “You’ll do fine.”
Then he Disapparated them both.
Lucius and James were in the middle of an argument about what constituted ‘being grounded’.
James felt his stomach drop when Draco burst into the house red in the face, yelling. “He took Harry!”
They were both on their feet instantly, “Who?”
“He said his name was Wormtail. He said he was your friend. He knew about the map!”
James’ legs felt unsteady and he grabbed the back of a chair to hold himself up. “What do we do?” James could hardly hear himself over the ringing in his ears.
“I’ll call the Aurors,” Lucius decided, “Draco, stay here. I’ll be right back.”
James was struggling to breath. His vision kept getting blurry. But he couldn’t afford to panic. Not now.
Peter had never wanted to hurt a child. But he was starting to not mind the idea because Harry hadn’t stopped talking for the last hour.
They’d gotten rid of Harry’s wand, so it couldn’t be tracked and taken him to an abandoned storehouse in Muggle London. They’d keep him here until a deal could be made. A ransom. Inelegant but effective. Peter was just happy to have been given an important part to play. The others were counting on him. And once they had what they wanted, it would all be worth it.
But that meant they were going to have to keep Harry until the Audience date.
“I don’t envy you,” Harry chatted amicably, “My dads are going to be pissed. At least if they killed me like they’re going to kill you, I won’t have to be grounded for the rest of my life.”
“Can someone shut him up please?”
“I was already grounded but now I’m going to be really grounded. Do you know how many times I’ve been told to not be reckless? Like a thousand times. But you didn’t give me much of a choice, right? Can you tell them that though? Like between me and Draco, can you imagine being here with him? You're lucky you took me. He’d probably just complain about the smell. What is that? Mold? Well I don’t care about things like that, but this binding spell is hurting my arm, could you-”
“Shut him up!” Peter growled.
“I’m just trying to be helpful,” Harry whined, moving his head so the wizard closest to him couldn’t get the gag over his head, “If you take my advice, maybe your next kidnapping will go better!”
Peter groaned and rubbed at his forehead.
Harry ducked and dodged his head as someone attempted to gag him again, “For one thing. You didn’t do your homework at all. If I was a kidnapper, I’d do a much better job. What does it pay by the way? Is it worth it?”
Peter was tired. How long did they have to keep him here?
“Not that I’m one to judge,” Harry assured him, “I’m not one for homework myself. But I think if I were going to kidnap someone. I’d at least do it right.”
One of the wizards near him slapped him.
Peter crossed his arms. “If you’re trying to annoy us to death, it won’t work.”
Harry didn’t seem effected by the slap at all, “I told you, I’m just trying to help! Consider it pointers for the future. Free advice! Though you could pay me if you wanted to. My allowance is shite. It’s going to take me at least six months to save up for a Firebolt-”
“Ugh! Can one of you spell his mouth off, please?”
“I’m serious!” Harry insisted, “I have important information for you! For instance, one of my dads, I won’t say which one, is a little paranoid. But after this I can’t really call it paranoia, can I?”
A chill ran down Peter’s back. He shoved away the wizard who was about to spell Harry’s mouth off, “What are you saying?”
“I mean for a bunch of kidnappers, you’re really incompetent,” Harry shrugged, “Like seriously uninformed. But don’t be too hard on yourselves, it’s your first time right? You can just blame your inexperience. You didn’t even check for tracking spells other than the underage Magic-user one.”
Peter’s stomach lurched at the same time an explosion knocked down the door. Ten Aurors streamed into the room disarming everyone in sight.
“Better luck next time,” Harry chirped, “Whoa-”
Peter grabbed Harry, holding him to his chest like a shield. His wand pressed to Harry’s temple. “No one move!”
Their plan was foiled, but that didn’t mean Peter couldn’t get what they’d come for. This was probably more effective anyway.
The Aurors stilled, suddenly careful. “Step away from the boy.”
“Get me Lucius Malfoy,” Peter ordered.
The Aurors looked around at each other but Malfoy’s voice came from behind the protective wards outside, “I’m here.”
The Aurors cautiously let Malfoy onto the property. His expression was perfectly neutral. But Peter knew he must be feeling something watching the life of his step-son being threatened.
“Come closer,” Peter said pleasantly, “I won’t bite.”
Malfoy swallowed, “I’ll come over there,” he said, “But you have to let my son go.”
Peter tsked him, “You know I can’t do that. Come closer or watch the life leave his eyes.”
Malfoy took a step forward, “Okay. Whatever you want, Pettigrew.”
“You know my name.”
“I do. And I know who you are. I know how much you meant to James.”
Peter snorted, “I didn’t mean anything to him.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Shut up. Come closer.”
Malfoy took another step closer.
“You know you don’t want to hurt anyone. You don’t want to hurt Harry. You don’t want to hurt James-”
“Mention him again and I’ll show you how much I want to hurt someone.”
Malfoy nodded and obediently remained quiet.
“Take my left arm,” Peter said and enjoyed the confusion cross Malfoy’s face.
“You can’t Apparate in here,” Malfoy said softly.
“I don’t want to Apparate. I want you to make an Unbreakable Vow.”
Malfoy’s face went paler than it normally was, “What sort of vow?”
“Does it matter? It’s the vow or Harry’s life. Whatever you think you know about me, you should know I don’t mind collateral damage.”
“Okay,” Malfoy said at the same time as an Aurors shouted, “Sir! Don’t do that!”
Malfoy took Peter’s arm and Peter grinned, “Cast the spell.”
Lucius drew his wand.
“If you try to disarm me, I promise we’ll all die,” Peter said.
Lucius said the spell and placed the wand on their clasped arms.
“Don’t!” Someone from the Aurors called again.
“Now,” Peter said, “Will you, in return for Harry’s life, do everything in your power to grant the True Traditionalists an Audience and the power of Ministry backing?”
Malfoy stared at him, “I’ve already promised to help the True Traditionalists.”
Peter smirked, “We don’t trust you, Malfoy. Make the vow.”
They stared at each other for several strained seconds. Then Malfoy took a breath, “I will.”
When Peter released Harry, Malfoy grabbed him with a very telling vulnerable expression.
“See you,” Peter said. He waved as he turned himself into a rat and escaped through the garbage and holes in the walls.
The rest of the kidnapper wizards present were arrested and taken away. Lucius and Harry exited the building to an impatient and fretting James.
“Take him back!” one of the wizards spat at Lucius and James as he was being carted away in a full body bind spell, “That kid never shuts up!”
James grinned at Harry, “That’s what I always imagined a kidnapper might say if they ever got a hold of you,” he hugged him tightly, “Are you okay?”
Harry grinned, his arms free, he stretched, “Peachy.”
James ruffled his hair and Lucius tilted Harry’s face this way and that, “What did they do? Did they hurt you?”
“Not much,” Harry said, “A slap by some goon. Draco hits harder. It was nothing.”
“Got him!” someone yelled from around the back and a wiggling rat in a binding spell was transported into the back of an Auror transportation system.
“You were right,” Lucius said to James, “He had an escape plan.”
James nodded, “I guess he hasn’t changed that much.”
Harry was taken aside to be checked over by Healers. Alone with just the two of them, James finally asked, “What did Peter make you do?”
Lucius sighed, “Oh yes, about that.”
When they got home, Draco was waiting with Sirius and Remus. He immediately threw himself at Harry. “You stupid jerk! Why did you do that? Do you have to sacrifice yourself at every turn? Are you waiting for an award or are you just keen to bloody die?”
James grabbed Draco and pulled him off, “Come on, Draco, let’s give him some breathing room. It’s been a stressful day.”
“If they'd taken you, you probably would have just cried like a big baby!” Harry glared.
“I would not have!”
“Would to!”
“Would not!”
The arguing actually seemed like a good thing, James mused, it looked like both boys were back to their normal selves.
James recognized the antsy look Lucius was getting. He was getting ready to separate the boys before things got too heated when Draco suddenly went quiet mid-argument and said, “You called me your brother.”
Harry’s face went bright red, “So?”
“You didn’t even say step-brother.”
Harry looked about ready to flee. James felt a happy swelling in his chest.
“So? It’s not my fault, if we are,” Harry spat.
Before things could get progressively more awkward, James did what he always did and threw his arms around both the boys. He squeezed them tight. “It’s about time you realized you’re family, you knuckleheads.” James felt so happy he could burst. Though it was probably less than ideal that it’d taken this situation to get them there.
Pettigrew refused to turn on any of his Pureblood brothers and sisters. So he became yet another scapegoat of their inner workings. He was sentenced to seven years in Azkaban for kidnapping, forcing an Unbreakable Vow, attempting to flee, and being an illegal Animagus. No one took him seriously when he accused two other people of also being unregistered Animagi. Lucius hadn’t been able to breathe while James was questioned about it. But being a trouble-maker came with a few perks and apparently lying easily and convincingly while under extreme pressure was one of them. He appeased Lucius by promising both he and Sirius would start the registration process as soon as they could. He said he was sure McGonagall would vouch for them even if she was deeply unimpressed with their actions.
They’d talked to every curse-breaker they could, but there was no way out of the Unbreakable Vow. Lucius had no choice but to uphold his end. Lucius thought it was very clever actually. If he didn’t go through with it. He would die. But James and Harry would be unharmed. Pettigrew had revealed just a little too much of himself with that.
The True Traditionalists were already in their seats when Lucius and his fellow Wizengamot members took their places. Rodolphus gave Lucius a toothy grin that Lucius steadfastly ignored.
Rodolphus was only cocky because he didn’t know who he was dealing with. Rodolphus thought he owned these people. He’d underestimated Lucius.
Lucius had worked for months now to turn his fellow Wizengamot members to his side. It appeared Rodolphus had forgotten his ex-brother-in-law’s special talent. It’d only taken a few bribes, a couples of promises, some light blackmail and one or two humanitarian appeals all sprinkled with Lucius’ patented charm and natural charisma. Now, they would vote any way he asked them to.
The negotiations began about why the True Traditionalists should be protected under the Ministry. Each side argued back and forth for what felt like hours. Nothing felt even close to being accomplished. Lucius noticed James seated in one of the spectator rows, he looked bored. He wasn’t used to these endurance matches. He didn’t understand that the first step was to try and tire out your opponent.
But in the end it didn’t matter because the deal was already done. Lucius had made a vow. So when the vote was called, Lucius was the first to vote in favour of making the True Traditionalists an official group under the ministry. He ignored the outraged shouts of the audience calling him a traitor and a sell-out. His fellow Wizengamot members voted with him. He watched Rodolphus beam and never fought so hard to keep a neutral face.
Lucius tried not to look at James but he could feel those hazel eyes burning into him.
The vote went through and the room was filled with excitement from the Purebloodists and mourning from everyone else.
Angry shouts from the audience nearly deafened Lucius, but he held steady eye-contact with Rodolphus. He knew Rodolphus was trying to push his influence, see how far he could get his way. He had Lucius in the palm of his hand.
The last insult, they’d asked Lucius to make the announcement himself.
“The vote is set. We will approve the True Traditionalists as a ministry organization,” Lucius voice seemed to echo around the room.
Anger and disbelief sparked all around them and security grabbed and disarmed a few audience members who had made a run at Lucius with their wands held high. Lucius ignored the rising cries of, “Traitor!” as the New Traditionalists denounced him. Lucius chanced a glance in James’ direction. His face stern, his jaw set.
“All members of the True Traditionalists will come forth and be recognized under the ministry as an official organization.”
Lucius stared down at them as the voices of hurt and angry people sounded all around them. He heard someone sob. They knew that with Ministry approval, the True Traditionalists would have a wider net to cast, would have more freedom to commit their hate crimes.
When the last of the True Traditionalists had signed their new Ministry memberships, Lucius felt the Unbreakable Vow pulse and fade. He’d done what he promised to do. Lucius finally allowed himself a small grin. Rodolphus grinned back at him which only made Lucius grin wider. He relished the note of concern that bled into Rodolphus’ smile.
Lucius cleared his throat and the room became quiet again. “Now that all members have been recognized. I hereby announce the True Traditionalists officially disbanded.”
A ripple of shock spread through the audience.
“What is this?” Rodolphus asked lowly, as Bella shoved her way through Pureblood Society members to stand beside him.
“As of this morning, a new law was approved, stating that any organization who has previously been convicted of murder, will henceforth cease to gather and suspend any and all organization activities. Being fully backed by the Ministry means adhering strictly to these laws.”
“This morning?” Someone yelled.
“That’s right,” Lucius said, “A full Wizengamot meeting was held this morning for essential staff.” And that had been where Lucius called in all his favours and used every last bit of his influence. They’d pushed a new law through in record time.
“You can’t ban us from gathering,” someone yelled, “You can’t enforce it. The Ministry’s tyranny has some limits.”
Everyone murmured among themselves because they knew she was right. But instead of the frustration everyone else was feeling, Lucius let a smirk settle into place. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed James straightening up in his chair.
“You’re right,” Lucius sighed, “We can’t enforce a ban on your organization’s meetings,” he let his grin slip through again. “But all organizations who meet while banned from meeting will pay a fine.”
Lucius heard Bella’s distinctive snicker, “I’m sure we’ll find the money, dear Brother,” she and several of her cohorts chuckled. Everyone knew they certainly had enough expendable fiances.
Lucius couldn’t help the little bit of glee that poured into his voice, “Ten million galleons. By my calculations, that would be a grand total of five meetings before most of you will lose the entirety of your family fortunes. But do what you will. As of right now, you are all under Ministry surveillance.”
“What?” Rodolphus barked.
Lucius clicked his tongue, “Don’t tell me you didn’t read the fine print, Brother.”
Bella’s smile vanished. “You can’t do this.”
“It’s already done.”
“It was that boy who killed someone, not us! You can’t punish our whole group!”
“He killed her under your organization’s name, and under your orders. He did this in reverence to the beliefs you are spreading and there is no disputing that. As their leaders, you are fully culpable of the consequences of your members’ actions and will bear all punishments deemed appropriate. As per the regulations that you clearly didn’t read.”
Bella looked like she wanted to spit at him. He was surprised she held herself in check.
“If any True Traditionalist meetings take place, be prepared the pay the fine in full immediately or serve a term in Azkaban.”
He didn’t miss the worried looks the True Traditionalists gave each other.
He grinned cruelly, “We’ll let this convergence today slide. This one time.”
“And where does all this money go?” Rodolphus asked through clenched teeth, “A nice summer home for Wizengamot members?” He glared at them all. Lucius was amused that he was surprised at being betrayed when he associated almost exclusively with those who only cared about themselves. It’d been too easy for Lucius to gather the Wizengamot to his side. Rodolphus really had underestimated him.
It took all of Lucius’ will power not to cackle, “The money will go to the Witches and Wizards for Muggle Education Committee, of course.”
A couple audience members snickered. Some gave an actual cheer. James looked like he was watching the best Quidditch match he’d ever seen. Lucius tried to keep how pleased he was with himself under wraps.
“This is unlawful!” Bella snarled, “We are protected under the Ministry! Our meetings are just as important as any other group!”
Lucius crossed his arms, “Have a bake sale.”
An eerie calm seemed to settle over Bellatrix. She focused her ire-filled eyes on him. “Fine,” she crossed her ams, “We’ll come up with the fee, don’t worry about that. Ten million galleons per meeting can be found, I’m sure.”
Truthfully, the amount wasn’t impossible. Especially for the very well-off Pureblood Society members… but rich people’s money was their downfall and Lucius had put another safeguard in place.
“Oh,” Lucius feigned as though he’d only just remembered, “That fee is per person.”
Lucius practically heard all the jaws drop in the room. He watched Bella shake in rage, but she wouldn’t murder him right here. …probably. “Have a big bake sale,” he suggested.
Bella shrieked, “The only reason you’re up there is because-”
Lucius clicked his tongue, “Careful Bella, I know you wouldn’t want to imply your organization has been involved in any unlawful dealing.”
“And what about you? You sanctimonious-”
“Enough,” The Minister of Magic had stood up, “I will not hear your childish name-calling of my staff when we have given you the dignity of this meeting. You agreed to abide by our rules when you signed that document. Our regulations for our groups are binding.”
Bella’s face turned an interesting shade of purple before she and her cohorts stormed from the room, slamming doors and kicking tables as they left. When they were gone, a palpable relief rocked the room. Some people applauded, some burst into helpless laughter. Whoever had been sobbing was still sobbing but presumably in happiness now.
Lucius felt his shoulders finally untense.
It wasn’t perfect, but it was a step in the right direction. Even if the True Traditionalists did want to donate 40 to 500 million galleons every time they got together, it should cut the True Traditionalists down to their core members. Other groups would form, Lucius knew, but hopefully any new group would be forced to think twice before employing violence as a means to any end.
The Ministry was now responsible for the actions of the True Traditionalists and that meant making sure they never hurt anyone else ever again. Even if the True Traditionalists did decide to pay the price tag, Lucius hadn’t yet told them that they’d also find their new group regulations had been revised by the Ministry and their mandates severely limited. Including, staying 500 meters away from any public squares or Muggleborn people. It would surely put a damper on any of their nefarious plans.
James jumped the barrier separating the spectators from the Wizengamot members and dragged Lucius into a passionate kiss. Lucius was too pleased with the whole event to worry about the public display of affection. He did send a glance over to Emmeline was just shrugged happily and said, “I’d kiss you myself!”
“You changed the world today, again.”
Lucius scoffed but he was secretly preening at the praise. Even if he didn't think they'd changed the world. He sighed, “They’re going to make me pay for this. It’s not going to be pretty.”
James’ lips quirked, “Do you think we can take them?”
Lucius wasn’t sure. It was frightening how much power one had when people followed in blind faith. But he had faith in them, “Yes.”
Immediately after the proceedings, an emergency New Traditionalists meeting was called. And they’d invited Lucius back with gusto. Even if he didn’t take back his position, they considered him a contributing member. And with Lucius not having an official position, they’d given James back his.
Lucius didn’t know why he was so unprepared for seeing James in his ‘meeting’ look. He’d certainly seen it before. But there was something about seeing the constantly casual James Potter being formal that really… got to him.
James was in a dark charcoal suit. It had both Muggle and Wizard influences. Mysteriously, James seemed to have an inexplicable ease with fashion, even strange fashion. Not that there was much opportunity to notice with the way he normally dressed. And James’ normally wild looking hair was smoothed by some miracle and Lucius really wanted to know what kind of magic it was because nothing ordinary would hold James’ unruly locks so well. And there was a confidence in the other man’s shoulders. It wasn’t like James wasn’t normally confidant, but usually it was a laid-back, restless sort of confidence, or maybe arrogance. Either way, it’s not quite what Lucius was seeing now. The utter competence was a turn-on.
There was a short break in the meeting and Lucius was jittery and restless.
James was leaning against a desk, having a quiet conversation with one of the committee members. He was paying attention, nodding along to her comments but his gaze was on the floor, concentrating. He had his hands in his pockets but that sure line of his shoulders gave him a far more dignified look than Lucius was altogether used to.
It did odd things to him. Like something shimmery was swimming in his stomach. A creature of hot want, moving through him, top to bottom.
The conversation seemed to end because James gave one last nod, mentioned something that made the woman laugh and then he looked up. And caught Lucius watching him. He gave him a smirk. And it was like an arrow of lust through Lucius’ chest. He felt his face heat up even though he should be beyond this. Really? A smirk and he’s down for the count? He lamented how easily James could read him. James’ smirk only widened. Lucius looked away.
This was one of the reasons he had James kicked out of the New Traditionalist Society in the first place. James was watching him with those clever eyes and running his tongue across his lips whenever no one but Lucius was looking. Lucius was just glad that he had years of practice sitting stone-faced in a room full of people. He only hoped no one else noticed James’ unprofessional behaviour. Then again, James got away with everything.
After three hours Lucius was roasting under his collar. He wanted desperately to go home. To drag James home and punish him for all his teasing, but James seemed determined to prolong this as long as possible. He kept asking questions to the people he knew were going to give the most long-winded answers. He was doing it on purpose. Didn’t he want to get out of here sometime before midnight? But Lucius recognized the devious look on his face. He was testing Lucius. Trying to push his buttons. He was trying to make him crack. But Lucius wasn’t going to play his game. He found other things to look at, other thoughts to occupy his mind. James was only going to hurt himself the longer he tried to keep them all here. Lucius was far better at fighting boredom than James was.
When the hellish meeting was finally over. They were free at last. But James wasn’t leaving. He was making idle chitchat with all the stragglers and Lucius wanted to strangle him. Finally, Lucius snapped. He was furious enough that seeing the pleased and delighted look that crossed James’ face when Lucius finally marched over to demand his attention, didn’t stop him.
“We have that thing, remember?” Lucius said, making apologies to the people James was in the middle of telling a story to.
James knew there was no thing. But he saw how agitated Lucius was and knew he’d won whatever war this was. “Oh yes,” he said, “The thing. Sorry everyone, I’ll finish the story another time.” The small crowd made noises of discontent but James just waved at them while Lucius pulled him along bodily.
At first, they were headed for the elevator, but then Lucius shoved him into the stairwell instead. “What, hey!” James said while the door slammed shut behind them.
Lucius had his wand out and he cast a couple of spells.
James recognized them, his eyes widened, “Here?”
Lucius snarled at him, “Do not act like this wasn’t exactly what you wanted.”
James couldn’t play innocent with him of all people. James’ shock changed to his trademark smirk. “You held out longer than I thought you would.”
Lucius didn’t dignify him with an answer. He shoved James’ back against the wall and pulled at the collar of his shirt. Pressing his teeth against the skin of his neck.
Then he shoved his fingers through James’ hair, undoing all the magic that was sitting there.
“Hey,” James whined, “You have no idea how long that took me.”
Lucius didn’t reply. He messed it up even more and pulled James’ mouth to his. He kissed him with a ravenous hunger. A hunger James had planted and brought to fruition. Lucius had wondered when he would finally fall prey to James’ ill-hidden exhibitionist kink.
Lucius was sure this was some kind of revenge as well. James never quite forgave him for kicking him off the New Traditionalist committee he had co-founded. Lucius had apologized but this seemed much more like the kind of apology James would accept.
“Just think,” James said in between moans and kisses, “We could have been doing this after every meeting if you hadn’t-”
Lucius turned him around and shoved him against the wall. “If you think I’d allow you to manipulate me like this more than once, you’re delusional.”
He knew James’ was grinning even if he couldn’t see his face. James could wish all he liked, but there was no way if Lucius had allowed him to stay that he would let James pull him to this level of debauchery. This was strictly a one-time thing and then they were going to have to find other ways to satisfy James’… tenancies. Lucius was too straight-laced for this. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to make it memorable.
Lucius didn’t move or say anything for a full minute. Frustrated, James turned himself around to glare at him.
“Feel free to help out,” James snarked as Lucius slowly regained his equilibrium.
“Eager, are we?” Lucius smirked as he decided to strip James very, very slowly.
He trailed his fingers down his chest, barely touching. He felt James’ chest stutter, his shallow breath.
“Too slow!” James groaned as Lucius very slowly made his way down to tug at his trousers. James used both hands to pull Lucius’ head closer. Lucius placed a soft kiss to James’ neck, making James growl.
“Tsk, tsk,” Lucius said as he laved his collarbone, “Didn’t we just discover the importance of patience?”
“Did we? I thought we discovered that it’s overrated except in some very rare circumstances.”
“Hm? Maybe I need to drill this particular lesson home a bit more.”
Lucius had moved his attention to the skin just under James’ jaw, so he felt his mouth drop open, “You wouldn’t,” James hissed.
Lucius grinned, “What do I say about idle threats?”
After all the planning and scheming, it was December 20th and finally the day of the wedding.
Everyone was nervous and jumpy. Even though everything was in place, there were always circumstances they could not control.
Lucius paced around his dressing room several times and replaced his cooling charm twice, but it didn’t ease his mind. He couldn’t remember ever being this nervous.
He stood in front of his mirror one more time. His dress-robes were resplendent. His seamstress had really outdone herself. An ivory, silk 5-piece with what she had called “the longest damn tails on a coat I’ve ever made”. They flowed down onto the floor like a bridal train might and the back was fully embroidered with silver peacock feathers. It was the sort of robes that his parents would have disowned him over. His mother would have maybe fainted. It was over the top and definitely not something a traditional groom would wear. But Lucius quite liked taking steps outside traditional boundaries these days. He’d kept the traditional element for his hair though. It was done up in intricate braids symbolizing unity, family and love.
The door to his room opened and he turned away from the mirror.
His eyes caught James’ and he watched the other man’s face break into a brilliant smile. “You look gorgeous.”
Lucius swallowed, “You too.”
James had kept his promise, toeing the line between Traditional and modern in an ivory sherwani with beautiful golden embroidery that contrasted perfectly with Lucius’.
James closed the distance between them and kissed Lucius’ forehead, “Are you ready?”
Lucius clung to James’ hand, “We don’t have to go through with this.”
James swallowed, “It’s going to be okay.”
“What if it’s not?” Lucius' heart was beating way too fast.
"Lucinda and Emma said everything is going to be fine."
"What I recall is Talkalot pulling the Death card out of her stack."
"Which, in cartomancy, means new beginnings. That's what this whole thing is for."
James took a breath and Lucius knew he had no right to be more nervous than James, but he couldn’t help it.
“It’s almost over,” James promised.
Lucius clung to James’ hand for an unknown amount of time. Eventually Lucius got the courage to allow James to leave.
“I love you,” James said and kissed him quick before he left the room.
Lucius went back to pacing back and forth, more nervous than before.
James couldn’t shake the tremble in his hands as he slowly walked back down the deserted path to his own dressing room. It was only 13 yards away but each one was excruciating in anticipation. He was halfway there when Rodolphus stepped out of the shadows.
James couldn’t panic. Not here, not now. He took a deep breath.
“I don’t recall issuing you an invitation, Lestrange.”
“Oh, I’m not here for the wedding," Rodolphus smirked, “More of a… personal call.”
James took another breath. Stay calm.
“If you hurry, you could probably grab a shrimp cocktail before they run out,” James suggested.
Rodolphus took a step toward him and James stayed right where he was. Summoning every ounce of Gryffindor courage he possessed. Stay calm.
“I just thought I’d give my congratulations before the vows were exchanged.”
“Well typically congratulations come after the vows-”
James fumbled for words as he watched Rodolphus point his wand and Rodolphus’ lips formed the spell, “Sectum Sempra!”
James instantly crumpled to the ground with a grunt. His gorgeous clothing now in tatters across his chest. Rodolphus leered down at him. James took another deep breath, stay calm.
Rodolphus barked a laugh. He stood over James’, looking down on him, “While you’re bleeding out, do you have any last words?”
Bastard. Couldn’t he let a man die in peace? James opened his mouth, coughed blood. But he opened his mouth to try again, “Nice spell. Poor execution.”
The cuts were shallow, nothing like the ripping of flesh he’d experienced once before. That time when he was but a boy and the culprit a right prat.
Rodolphus blinked, confused. And then the cavalry arrived.
Lucius shoved everyone out of his way as he made his way to James’ side. He was still breathing, thank Merlin. But he shuddered at the sight of him. James’ gorgeous sherwani shredded and soaked red with blood. Lucius felt his knees buckle and he knelt beside James quickly.
“Are you okay?” he asked, breathless.
James took a shaky breath but nodded, “It's not as bad as it looks.”
It looked like James was at death’s doorway. But that was why they went with the white. The worse it looked, the worse for Rodolphus.
“Out of my way,” Snape snapped at the Healer disguised as a wedding guest, who had been attempting to put James’ blood back inside him, “There’s a counterspell.”
Rodolphus was snarling at the Aurors, who had also been among the wedding guests, but he looked to Snape with shock, “You said there was no counterspell.”
Snape looked smug while he repeated the countercurse over and over while James’ blood flowed back into his body where it belonged.
Lucius watched in awe; James’ head cradled in his lap.
“Traitor!” Rodolphus spit in Snape’s direction.
“Take him away, please,” Lucius said to the two Aurors who were holding Rodolphus in a body-bind, “Enjoy your stay in Azkaban.”
Rodolphus laughed madly, “Azkaban? I think not. I didn’t use any Unforgiveables.”
“You attacked the spouse of a Wizengamot official.”
“I read the fine print, Malfoy! At your suggestion. Thought you could sneak another one past me, huh? Any attack on a Wizenagmot’s spouse is punishable by Azakaban.”
"Which is why you’ll be going away for a long time.”
Rodolphus snorted, “No! You aren’t married yet, it doesn’t count. I’ll get a slap on the wrist, just watch. I haven’t done anything!” But the look on his face said that he couldn’t wait to change that.
Lucius couldn’t help the grin that spread across his mouth. He’d been so hoping it would go this perfectly.
“Ah yes. I see you planned this very specifically,” he glanced at James, who was already looking much better than a moment ago, his cheeks flushed red instead of ashy grey, “Do you want to tell him or shall I?”
James grinned back and didn’t bother turning toward Rodolphus, “We’ve been married since last Thursday. Did it in the backyard with friends. This ceremony is just a showy Pureblood thing. You know, to make everyone happy or as it happens, bring a murderer out of the woodwork.”
Rodolphus trashed in his bindings. “This is entrapment! You set me up!” he spat at Snape.
Lucius huffed, “Entrapment? No one forced you to come here. No one forced you to use a dangerous spell that would certainly kill if not for intervention. And if you’d read through the guest list like a proper Pureblood, you’d have seen that several of our finest Aurors were invited. It’s sad, Lestrange, this was more of a bet against your creativity.”
James laughed and then winced as his wounds stung, “Let’s not give him pointers.”
Lucius grinned, “Of course, dear. Bye now, Rodolphus. I hope they put your cell next to that boy you framed. I’m sure you two will have a lot to talk about.”
Watching the Aurors take Rodolphus away didn’t provide the instant satisfaction Lucius was hoping for. Instead he just felt sad and disappointed and yet relieved it hadn’t been Bella who’d come here seeking revenge.
Using his own partner as bait had run counter-intuitive to every bone in Lucius’ body, but this had been James’ idea. And they had agreed that taking Rodolphus down would be worth sacrificing their wedding for.
They knew that as long as they could make James the True Traditionalists’ target, they could contain their actions. There had been nights where the worry for James had kept Lucius up all night, but it had all gone precisely to plan. They knew the True Traditionalists would make an attempt on James’ life, they knew it would be Rodolphus or Bella, and all they had done was paint a bright, shiny target for them to aim at. A date, a time, and a place. Or, in other words, the fancy wedding ceremony they’d made sure was published in every paper for months. Weddings between Purebloods were always published in Pureblood magazines anyway, so it probably hadn’t even looked suspicious to either Lestrange.
And the linchpin of their plan, an old acquaintance with a spell. To convince Rodolphus not to bother with the Unforgiveable killing curse. Whatever Snape had said, (For your enemies.) had worked. And thank Merlin for that. It had been a dangerous game to play with someone so unpredictable.
When James looked well enough, Lucius helped him to his feet. He took a deep breath and Lucius felt like he’d been holding his the entire day.
James grinned at Snape, “Thanks for that.”
Snape sniffed, “We’re even now.”
Lucius frowned, “What am I missing here?”
James rolled his eyes and Snape appeared delighted to share the story of when Sirius Black tried to feed him to a werewolf. James had saved Snape’s life, if only to keep Sirius and Remus out of Azkaban. The life-debt had eaten at Snape for years. Lucius didn’t think it prudent to ask why Snape had been angry at James when he should have been angry at Black. But the less Lucius got involved in this weird, boyhood rivalry, the better.
The wedding was a sham, but the reception was real. All their closest friends and family members were waiting for them.
They went back to the dressing rooms first because Lucius refused to let James attend their reception covered in blood.
But instead of having to spell the tatters and blood away, he was very pleased to find that James had bought another set of his clothes in preparation for this exact circumstance.
Lucius wondered whether there would ever come a day when seeing James in formal wear didn’t make his heart pound. Perhaps it was for the best that James favoured casual, Muggle clothing on a daily basis if this was always going to be Lucius’ reaction.
They had made the boys the Best Men, it seemed like the logical thing to do.
James had to admit that he was nervous about Harry having to wear formal wear and be on his best behaviour in front of a hundred people for several hours. But Harry had been perfectly behaved and had looked like royalty in his red and gold bandhgala.
For maybe the first time, James saw what he imagined Remus and Lucius did. That Harry was becoming a young adult and it was time for James to stop treating him like a little boy. Remus had been right all along, Harry thrived when he was given responsibilities. Not only that, but Harry seemed to like it. He liked checking the guest list and table sets and arguing with Draco over who would stand where.
James noticed Harry’s nails were painted gold today. It was fun to see all the little ways they had all influenced each other. He was so glad that the boys had found things they liked about each other’s lifestyles. Draco still didn’t bother combing his hair for Sunday breakfasts. James imaged that had started as a surefire way to annoy Lucius, but now James was sure that he just liked sleeping in as late as possible and then showing up unkempt to eat breakfast with his family. James was quite sure the messy hair at breakfast was his own contribution. Passed down from father to sons for centuries. James was also sure he was going to end up dressing up for Sunday dinners, the Malfoy tradition. His resistance was waning rapidly. But the four of them had become quite good at compromising. Sunday breakfast could be messy hair, waffles, and pyjamas while Sunday dinner was formal wear and ‘cultured dining’. Lucius kept changing the meaning of whatever that meant and James had grown tired of being annoyed by it.
Harry fussed with James’ satlada haar and James let him. It was sweet, really. James was reminded of when Harry was a little boy and during the odd times they were made to dress formally, fussing with Harry’s tie or ruffles the same way. It made him sentimental to have their roles reversed now.
“Thank you,” James said.
“For what?” Harry frowned, still fighting with the strings of pearls.
“For everything. For making this journey with me. For making my life interesting and fun. Don’t tell anyone I’m encouraging your bad behaviour, but if you hadn’t gotten lost in the Forbidden Forest, I don’t think any of this would have ever happened.”
Harry snorted, “So this is my fault, is it?”
James grinned, “Absolutely.”
“Can I get a raise in allowance?”
“Not a chance.”
Harry rolled his eyes, “Typical, help a man find the second love of his life and he won’t even give you money for it.”
James laughed and pulled Harry into a tight hug.
The boys escaped into the main banquet hall to terrorize the guests while James and Lucius made their last preparations.
“We can postpone this,” Lucius said.
“Don’t be silly, why?”
“You were nearly killed, for one.”
“All according to plan.”
“Yes, but you were still nearly killed.”
“And I promise I am going to remind everyone about it constantly, but can we please go to our reception?”
All their friends and family were waiting for them and after having to keep their actual marriage a secret for obvious reasons, James was very excited to be introduced to the public as husbands.
James reached for Lucius’ hand.
James meant to pull Lucius out of the room, but Lucius held James still instead, “Let me say something first.”
James blinked.
“I want to promise you that I will always fight beside you. And with you. And I will listen and strive to understand even when its difficult. I know there will be times where you will have to be patient with me when you don’t want to. But through all of that, I want you to know I will be the best partner I can be and that you are always safe with me.”
James blinked again, “Did you rehearse that?”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “I just wanted to say it.”
“I didn’t know we were doing speeches. Should I do one too?”
Lucius huffed, “Must you ruin these moments?”
“I just didn’t know we were doing speeches is all.”
Lucius rolled his eyes again and shoved James away.
James laughed at him and pulled him back toward him. “I love you,” he said simply, “And thank you for saying all that. I hope you know I feel the same.”
Lucius kissed him.
“Can we go now?” James whined, “I almost died you know, and I’m starving.”
The party was wonderful and everything James wanted it to be. It wasn’t just a celebration of their love but a celebration for everyone and everything they held dear.
“A winter wedding? How droll!” Lucinda was cheering and clearly already several drinks into a good time.
James grinned, “It seemed like the thing to do. Winter was when we really hit it off and I have all sorts of fond memories of winter.”
James didn’t quite know how to deal with a completely drunk Lucinda, but her wife seemed to be an old-hat at it. Taking her by the arm and leading her back up to the banister and further away from the bar.
“Potter!” James turned to see Professor McGonagall coming his way.
James beamed, “Professor! I’m so glad you could make it.”
Her face was a little flushed, maybe from the wine she was drinking, she gave him a look he’d only seen her give him once. At his graduation. She put a hand on his arm, “And to think two years ago I thought you might kill each other.”
James blushed, “I suppose this proves first impressions aren’t everything?”
She smiled at him, “And I’m very glad you were able to put the past behind you.”
James raised an eyebrow, “Well Lucius and I were-”
“I didn’t mean with him,” she said softly.
James nodded, he knew it’d been far overdue, and she gave him another smile before she went to refill her wine glass.
James had been ecstatic about finally having a proper talk with Snape. He was proud of himself, proud of them for moving on, for making Lily’s wish to put those things behind them a reality. James was so happy about it that he had completely forgotten a major key-factor.
“Black!” Snape could be heard roaring all the way from across the room.
James squeezed his eyes shut, how had he forgotten to tell Sirius to behave? He looked over to McGonagall who gave him a mischievous grin. James felt like maybe he finally understood the hell he and Sirius had put that woman through.
“You tried to get Remus fired,” Sirius was glaring as James came up beside him.
“So has one of the grooms, and that was years ago,” Snape sniffed, “Besides, you tried to get your pet werewolf to eat me,” Snape glowered.
“That was 19 years ago,” Black shot back, “And he probably would have spit you back out anyway.”
James groaned, “Can we please stop trying to compare who tried to hurt who? I’m married and I would love if we could talk about that for a while.”
Sirius and Snape stopped trying to fight each other and sat back in their chairs, glaring like children who had been put in their place.
“It’s not like it's your first wedding,” Sirius said rudely.
James rolled his eyes, “It’s not the first. But hopefully, it’s the last, so I’d appreciate your support.”
“I’m still cross with you,” Sirius sniffed, “You wouldn’t let us have a stag-stag party or a sangeet,” he whined.
“Remember how this marriage had to be a secret?”
“We could have done it secretly!”
“How boring,” Emma had come back downstairs, “Gryffindors acting like every cliche in the book.” James noted the way Snape seemed relieved to be rescued.
“Who asked you Vanity?” Sirius growled.
Emma’s nerves were always like steel. She turned her nose up at him, “Please Black, don’t embarrass yourself. We’re all here for the same reason,” she took a long sip of a green liquid she was holding in a tumbler, “Can’t the petty House feuds die with this?”
“It’s less of a House feud and more of a personal one,” James sighed. Snape and Sirius were still glaring at each other. He really, really didn’t want to have to separate them.
After the speeches from a few choice friends, it was time to reveal their new family crest. Another Traditionalist element that James had conceded to.
Everyone gathered around the covered plaque. Lucius and James pulled the curtain together and the sheet fell away to reveal it. They had spliced together the two old ones and decided on a new motto. emerge e novo.
A burst of applause and then the guests could go back to their wining and dining. James had put a cap on how many speeches were allowed to be given. “I don’t want to die of boredom at my own wedding!” had been his exact words.
The party had been going for a couple of hours now. Lucius was enjoying catching up with some of his old school acquaintances when his husband found him and dragged him away.
“I have a surprise,” James said, “It was supposed to be my present for my intended. But it was complicated and took a little longer than I thought.”
Lucius gave him a curious look, he’d assumed that was a Traditionalist thing James had forgotten about, “It’s really not necess-”
“It’s a good one,” James grinned, “I promise.”
Lucius had grown long since wary of anything that James was excited about. He hoped it wasn’t something messy.
“Okay!” James called and someone came into the room.
All of the breath left Lucius at once. For a split second he had thought he was looking at his resurrected wife, but he noticed the vast differences right away. She had the same kind smile as Narcissa, but the rest looked like Bella. Lucius knew who she was, even though he had never met her. Narcissa’s long-lost sister, Andromeda.
She slowly made her way to them. "I"m so sorry I'm late." She gave Lucius a small curtsy and Lucius was completely speechless.
Standing in front of Andromeda, who had shadows of Narcissa all around her, feelings came welling up like a spring. He had been hurt by losing Bella more than he could ever say. As much as he had fought that emotion, as much as he had told himself over and over again that he didn’t care because she was never going to understand, he had cared. He felt an obligation to Narcissa’s family and deciding to leave Bella behind had been hard for him and Draco.
And now… and now it was like he’d been given something that he’d thought was lost forever. He turned to look at James who was watching him with wide eyes.
“I hope this is a good surprise,” James said nervously.
Lucius couldn’t quite form words so he nodded before turning back to Andromeda.
Looking at Andromeda, was almost like seeing a ghost. He took in her quiet manner and gentle smile. He remembered the stories Narcissa had told him about the time Andromeda had made the decision to run away and how much Narcissa had cried. He had only seen her in some photographs from when they’d been teenagers, but he knew now that he would recognize her anywhere.
“Hello, Lucius,” she said softly.
“Andromeda,” he managed, though he felt like his tongue was made of lead.
“I hope you didn’t mind the flowers I sent.”
Lucius was confused. “Flowers?”
Andromeda hummed, “I sent them to your office. And then to your home. I thought you would recognize them. Pressed narcissus.”
Lucius stared in astonishment, the memories of the pressed flowers coming back to him, the flowers that he’d thought were a warning or a curse, “That was you?”
Andromeda blushed, “It wasn’t terribly offensive was it? I didn’t know what else to do. Even after all this time, I’m still terrified to sign my letters. I just wanted you to know that you had a friend… though it doesn’t appear you’ve been lacking those,” she said fondly looking around her.
Lucius didn’t know how to tell her that their guests were almost exclusively James’ friends.
“She used to write to me every week,” she said with a sad smile, “though I could never write her back of course.”
Her words ripped the air from his lungs, “Every week?” he croaked.
He recalled the image of Narcissa walking up to the Owlery every Sunday like clockwork. He had always assumed she only wrote to Draco, but apparently there were even more things she had hidden from him.
Andromeda’s sad smile turned even sadder, “Until they suddenly stopped, of course.”
Lucius squeezed his eyes shut for a second. The new information was hard to process. How had Narcissa been in contact with her lost sister and Lucius had never known? He felt like a monster again.
“I wish I could have invited you to the funeral,” he said, hoping that she would understand somehow. He couldn’t have just found her in the Muggle world and invited her to a place where everyone hated her. Even though Sirius had shown up without an invitation. Lucius suddenly remembered once again, Sirius, sitting alone and laughing madly to himself.
When he looked at her, Andromeda was smirking, “Oh, but I was there.”
Lucius blinked, then blinked again, “I beg your pardon?”
Andromeda’s grin made Lucius a little breathless, it was far too much like her sisters’. “I had to hide, of course, but I had help from some mutual friends of ours.”
Lucius knew without a doubt that she was talking about James’ ‘family heirloom’. Suddenly the memory of Sirius tilted on its head. Now that Lucius wasn’t trying to avoid the memory, it became a little clearer. Hadn’t Sirius laughed sometimes and appeared to be talking to himself? Of course, Lucius and everyone else in attendance had assumed he’d been touched by the madness that ran in his family. No one would have thought that he was sitting with an invisible woman no one had seen in years.
Andromeda brought him back to the present by laying a hand on his arm. “Whatever our differences,” she said softly, “I know that you loved her. And that’s all that ever mattered to me.”
Lucius recognized her words for what they were, complete and utter forgiveness. He felt his eyes start to sting. He quickly turned away. It was something he had never even known he’d wanted. The forgiveness he knew he would never get from Bella for abandoning the family. Or from Narcissa for wasting her time with upholding what James always called ‘the status quo’.
“If it’s okay with you,” Andromeda said, “I’d like to be a part of my nephews’ lives.”
Lucius felt his hands shake, “Yes,” he said too quickly, “Yes of course. I’d….” He tried to calm his racing heart, “I would like that. We… we all would love that.”
“I’ll get them,” James said and went to find them.
Draco had never met his Aunt Andromeda and when James brought him over, he was staring at her like he couldn’t believe his eyes.
“Hullo, Draco,” Andromeda said. Her voice was soft but brimming with hidden strength, just like his mother’s.
Draco was silent until Harry kneed him in the side, “Hullo…” he returned.
Andromeda looked down at him fondly and with many emotions in her eyes, “You have so many of her features,” she said.
“No way,” Harry snorted, “More like a drowned rat.”
Draco turned to kick him in the shin and Andromeda moved her attention to Harry, “And you must be James’ boy.”
Harry seemed embarrassed by her sudden change in attention and he blushed while he rubbed his sore shin.
Andromeda conversed with the boys while Lucius stared. He didn’t know how long he’d been staring until he jumped when James put a hand on his arm. “Are you okay? Was this a bad idea? Should I have warned you first?”
Lucius shook his head and swallowed the lump in his throat, “No,” he sighed, “It’s… thank you.” It was all he could think to say. Never in his wildest dreams did he think that he would have another connection to Narcissa. He had mourned once and then again when Bella had cut him off. Now it was like he’d been pulled from a danger he hadn’t even known he was in. He felt nothing but utter gratefulness and pure, unaltered love for this man beside him who had made it happen.
Lucius turned to say so when all the lights and spells in the hall flickered. James and Lucius shared a look. No.
Before anything could be done, there was a loud crack like thunder and Bella was standing in the middle of the room.
“We have something to discuss,” Bella sing-songed, enjoying the way everyone around her recoiled and ducked for cover.
“What would you like to discuss?” Lucius asked, approaching her carefully. The more she talked, the less she waved her wand around.
“From what I understand, you’ve had my husband sent away. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”
“What about visiting day? Every other Thursday I believe.” Lucius was slowly making his way to her, joining her in the centre of the room where he would have the most ability to curtail any curses she flung at their guests.
“You wanted our feud to end,” Bella said, “And I’m here to end it. I’m sure everyone will agree I’m within my rights.”
“And how to do you propose we do that?”
Bella just grinned at him in a way that made his blood run cold. She didn’t have to say it, he knew what she wanted. My husband for yours.
Before anything else could happen, Andromeda was suddenly there with them and her sister stared with wide eyes, her entire body visibly rigid.
“Good evening, Bella,” Andromeda said.
Bellatrix turned on Lucius and fixed him with a vicious glare, “This is low, even for you,” she growled.
“Low? You’re the one touting family pride and obligation but never done anything to make our world better for your own niece, for your own sister and her family.”
“Lucius,” Andromeda stopped his rant and stepped forward.
Andromeda and Bella stared at each other for a long, painful moment. Lucius held his breath.
“Bella…” Andromeda started, “There are so many things I’ve wanted to say to you. I want you to know that leaving was the hardest thing I’d ever done. And all of the hatred and anger you feel toward the Muggle world, has nothing to do with Muggles. It’s me you hate. You blame the Muggle world for taking me, but it wasn’t anyone else’s decision. I wasn’t seduced or stolen, I left because I wanted to.”
Lucius recognized the small tremor of rage in Bella’s wand hand. But surely she wouldn’t murder them all in cold blood? Surely the shock of seeing her sister again might curtail her bloodlust… or maybe it would exasperate it.
For the first time, Bella’s irrational hatred made sense to Lucius. She had always blamed the Muggle world for taking her little sister away. Bella’s hard stance against anything Muggle was a commentary on her pain. No one believed in family as much as Bella, so it had probably destroyed her when she learned her own sister had left.
And now Lucius thought he finally understood Narcissa’s decision-making as well. Why she had never been more vocal with her support and chose to advocate from the shadows. She didn’t want her sister to feel like she was losing another family member. She didn’t want Bella to feel more alone than she already did or that Narcissa might run away one day too. Narcissa had probably planned to open Bella’s mind little by little, like she had with him, so subtly that maybe Bella wouldn’t have even noticed. It was a subtly none of them here possessed or had the patience for. It was a subtly that James would definitely doubt the effectiveness of. It was a subtly that had been too slow and then too late.
“Shut up! Shut up!” Bella screamed, “You left because you were confused and stupid!”
“No, I left because mother would have killed the man I loved.”
“The man who stole you from us! From your own family!”
“That man became my family.”
Then Lucius saw it, like a spotlight had shone on it for a full second. The guilt. He would have recognized that look anywhere. It was deformed and partly hidden behind the rage, but Lucius knew it like he knew his own face in a mirror.
He stared at Bella. She looked like she was going to start spitting vile. But Lucius now knew the truth. He should have been able to guess it a long time before now.
“Bella,” he said softly, “it was never your fault.”
She turned to him with full malice in her eyes. He was surprised she didn’t curse him immediately.
But he understood her now. Where this had all began, where it had all changed for her. It wasn’t simply rage and hatred she felt, it had started with guilt. A guilt she probably hadn’t been able to contextualize. A guilt that had probably eaten away at her until it was this putrid, festering hatred that she took out on the world. It was a guilt that had turned into something ugly and horrible after the years of pressure, compounded by the lies she’d been fed.
“Shut up!” she spat.
Andromeda looked like someone had slapped her, she turned back to Bella, “Of course it wasn’t your fault!”
Bella rounded on her next, “Shut up! I don’t need your pity you disgusting family-deserter! Blood Traitor!”
Andromeda didn’t seem phased by Bella’s outburst, “I never thought about how it must have felt for you. I never thought that you might blame yourself. Bella-”
Bella clamped her hands over her ears, “Shut up! Shut up! I won’t hear it! I won’t!”
Andromeda looked so very sad, “I’m sorry.”
Bella looked torn between attacking Andromeda and keeping her hands over her ears. So she shook instead,back and forth.
“You can hate me if you want,” Andromeda said, “But I never blamed you. I loved you.”
“Don’t!” Bella stood at her full height. Fire raging in her eyes. Andromeda took a couple of steps back. Bella looked ready to kill.
Andromeda looked determined and Lucius recognized the same resoluteness he’d seen on Narcissa. The face that had always made him back down because it was a look that meant she wasn’t going to lose. “I was in love,” Andromeda said, “And I needed my big sisters’ advice, but you wouldn’t listen and you wouldn’t support me. I was angry, Bella, but I never hated you. And I never blamed you. You shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened. I would have left either way.”
Bella was eerily calm as she glared at her sister.
“No one can ever make you change your mind,” Andromeda said, “But Lucius and Draco are my family too and you are not going to separate us.”
Andromeda and Bella pointed their wands at the same time. A stand off.
Lucius had no idea what kind of duelling experience Andromeda had and he was nervous. Surely, since she lived in the Muggle world, she was out of practice? Did she really think she’d be able to take Bellatrix down on her own? His fingers twitched to wrap around his own wand, but he knew doing so would get Bella to react.
Neither woman moved. They stared at each other.
Bellatrix was calm again and that was more unnerving than before, “You’ve destroyed what family is supposed to mean.”
“Family is love and respect.”
“It’s loyalty.”
Lucius had to correct her, “No, Bella. That’s the trap.”
Bella turned to glare at Lucius, “You shut up. You have no family.”
“We’re his family,” James said.
Andromeda squared her shoulders and her jaw, “That’s right.”
The tension was unbearable. Everyone waiting for someone to move.
Then Bella threw her head back and laughed. It was a chilling laugh, one that made half the people in the room jump.
“I get it,” she spat, “You want out of our family for good?” she turned to Lucius,” Fine. You want Draco burned off the tapestry? It’s done.”
Lucius was surprised she hadn't done it already. Maybe he hadn't been the only one hoping. “That isn’t what I wanted,” Lucius said, taking a step toward her, “But you never gave us a choice.”
Andromeda glanced at Lucius, her wand still trained on her sister, “Don’t worry,” she said pleasantly, “it doesn’t hurt.”
“If you want to live surrounded by disgusting Muggle lovers and Blood Traitors… I want you to understand that this was a choice you made.”
Lucius didn’t know how to respond. Bella’s words were so sharp and painful. And even after all this time, even though he knew he was in the right, it was jarring to hear. He wondered if her words and opinions would always carry so much weight with him.
“If I’ve learned anything, in all my years,” Andromeda said, “it’s that family are the people who choose you. If you wanted to be part of this family, Bella, you would be. If you still wanted to be part of my family… you would be.”
For a split second, Lucius saw a dent in Bella’s armour before she covered it up again with rage and nastiness.
“None of you have any idea what family means,” Bella scoffed, “You’re all traitors. Being family means honouring our ancestors! It means doing what’s right even when it’s difficult!”
Lucius recognized Bella’s words. They were things he once thought too. “No, Bella,” he said softly, “You’re wrong.”
Years ago, Lucius might have envied how Bella got to live her life without ever having to make decisions that conflicted with her worldview. He sometimes missed the uncomplicated ease of just being exactly what everyone in your family wanted you to be. But then, he would think about James and all the amazing things they’ve managed to accomplish together. He would think of Draco and Harry, both, his sons who would have had entire worlds closed off to them if they were raised the same way Lucius was. And then he would think of all the strides he made himself. How very proud he was of himself and all the growing he managed to do. It was never easy, but it was always worth it.
It was sad how someone like Bella would never know. She would say that her sister was stolen from her, but her sister was standing right in front of her and offering her something better. But she would never take it and that was the decision she made. She abandoned her family. It wasn’t the other way around. If Bella wanted to take their hands and be welcomed back, all she had to do was ask. But not if she was going to spout the same filth she always had. Not if she was still the toxic person she seemed committed to being. Not if she wasn’t going to make the lives of those she loved better and the world they lived in better.
She screamed at the people around her before Disapparating with another loud crack that shook the room.
Lucius felt sad and hollow, he could only imagine how Andromeda must feel. He turned to look at her and she was looking back at him.
She slowly moved toward him and took his hand. He swallowed down a wave of emotion at the gesture.
“Do you think with Rodolphus locked away, that poison will someday drain from her?” Andromeda asked.
Lucius honestly didn’t know. Was there anything malleable left under all that hardened bigotry and anger? He believed in change, he had to, but he couldn’t bring himself to give her false hope.
“We can only wait and see what marks these changes will make on her.”
She nodded sadly and Lucius almost wanted to lie for her. To tell her that he thought Bellatrix would change her mind, would realize she loved her sister more than she loved her ideals and that she would come around with time… but they all knew better. Given infinite opportunities to change oneself, one also needed to make the choice to take advantage of those opportunities and they perhaps knew better than most that some people would be stuck in their ways forever. Pity that it was someone they had both used to love so much.
Everyone took a moment to gather themselves.
Was it over? Would it ever be over?
James thought about backing out the whole ferry ride to the island. But he knew that this was something he had to do.
As he disembarked, he took a deep breath before he entered the prison. After checking in and surrendering his wand, he made his way to cell number 308.
He’d talked himself in and out of this several times. But in the end, he had to be brave. He took a breath and moved forward.
He gave himself one last burst of courage before he stepped in front of the cell.
“Your new friends suck.”
Peter didn’t even look surprised to see him, “Mite better than my old ones though.”
James let the comment pass. If he did this wrong, he’d never get another chance.
“I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to say so for years.”
Peter watched him passively.
“And you can tell me to fuck off, but the True Traditionalists were using you. They planned to from the start. And they abandoned you as soon as you weren’t useful to them anymore.”
“Guess I’ll try to be more useful then.”
James’ nails dug into his palms where he was concentrating on not imploding. “I think you’re making a mistake, but I understand.”
Peter’s eyebrow moved, “Do you?”
“Yes. I’m an expert mistake-maker. I did many things I wasn’t proud of. I hurt someone I loved.”
“You didn’t love me.”
A sick, hot bubble of shame welled up in James. He couldn’t quite look Peter in the eye. “Not the way you wanted me to. Not the way you deserved. I should have been better to you and I’ll never stop being sorry I wasn’t.”
Peter wasn’t looking at him either.
Peter had been at the heart of all the secret shame James had carried with him for years. He had put the past with Snape away easier than this. It was easier to think they were horrible kids and hurt people who didn’t deserve it. But this thing with Peter was different. This had been James actively hurting someone he had purported to love. And somehow it just made it feel worse than anything else he had done. If he treated someone he loved like this, then it was no wonder it’d been so easy to be cruel to someone like Snape.
The silence between them was suffocating. James wanted to run away, and he would never get used to that feeling. The ugly flight feeling that flew in the face of all the bravery and courage he pretended was second nature to him.
“I just wanted to warn you about them,” the flight response was winning, “And I think if someone had warned you about me, maybe things would have been different.”
James straightened his spine, his piece done. He forced himself not to run, but he moved away from the bars.
“They did.”
James stopped. Peter slowly got to his feet.
“They did,” Peter said again, “Remus and Sirius did warn me. And I didn’t listen.”
This was news to James. He bit his tongue. No interrupting.
Peter was visibly shaking, the cool and unworried demeanour from before completely absent.
“I’m not saying I forgive you. Because I - I’m not sure I can, but you don’t have to beat yourself up over it. Just move on with your life. We should never have tried to be in a relationship. I should have listened to Remus.”
Peter was always listening to someone. It hurt to think that the first time he had decided to make a decision on his own, it’d been such the disastrous one.
It was the closest James was going to get to forgiveness and that had to be enough.
“I forgive you too,” James said, “I don’t believe you would have hurt Harry. And I don’t want to fight you,” James took a breath, “And I think deep down you don’t want to fight us either. I don’t believe you think like they do. I know you just like to be… useful.”
Peter winced.
“But you can make your own decisions, Wormtail. And you can be useful without being used.”
Peter said nothing else.
“Goodbye, Wormtail,” James finally said when the silence had stretched on too long.
As he exited the prison, he felt years of immense weight lift off of him. He wasn’t happy with their conversation, but it felt like the roadblock that had been stopping him from moving on was finally cleared. Lucius was right. He could never go back in time and undo what he did, but at some point he had to move beyond it. He hoped that Peter felt the same.
The papers were a mess. Aurors foil True Traditionalist assassination attempt. And Murderous Matrimony! Lucius let the Auror Department take the credit for their scheme. The less his enemies knew about how his brain worked, the better he was positioned. No one needed to know that this was a plan they’d been working for months. Narrowing the True Traditionalist’s targets until there was no one else but James in their sights.
But it wasn’t over yet.
“I think this is some kind of treason,” James said but he didn’t sound upset about it. Lucius was glad that he had managed to find someone as morally ambiguous as any Gryffindor could possibly be.
“We want to fix the problems and it needs to start somewhere. The Minister and Wizengamot members being the lapdops of the Pureblood Society has been a problem for years.”
“I’m just not sure about your method,” James said.
Lucius sighed, “You hate it.”
“I hate that it’s you.”
Lucius kissed him, “I love you.”
James rolled his eyes, “You only love me when I’m helping you commit treason.”
“Not true. I also love you when you’re cooking breakfast.”
James stuck his tongue out.
Bella’s retribution had been swift. She had finally decided her pride was worth the price of revenge. She mailed an impressively complete list of their dirty deeds to the New Traditionalist Society, who then forwarded it to Lucius. And everyone knew what had to happen next. Lucius wondered if Bella knew just what she had done. She had taken away Lucius’ years of service to the Ministry in an instant, but in her attempt to hurt him, she also hurt herself and her entire social circle.
When they went ahead with this, they would be placing the right people in the right positions to call for full reform in the Ministry. The current Minister would be sacked and they would bring in another one. The only person fit for the job right now, was Kingsley Shacklebolt, an Auror and acquaintance of James’. He was someone, James assured him, who would be capable of making all the changes that had to happen. He couldn’t be bullied or bribed, he wouldn’t let any Head of anything tell him what to do. He had no love for Extremists and despite being a Pureblood, he had never held or was interested in joining or associating with the Pureblood Society. Lucius was sure of that because he had never once heard his name mentioned. The Pureblood Society only focused on people they were sure would come to their side or their aide should they need it. Lucius was sure that they wouldn’t know what to do with a Minister that wasn’t in their pocket.
Lucius wasn’t delusional, he knew there was going to be fall-out and the people closest to him would feel it the most, but those were things he was willing to work with. And they were calculated risks that needed to be pushed, if any of this was going to work. Their future depended on it. All of their futures depended on it.
The papers published it almost immediately. CORRUPTION AND CONFUSION! A list of every Ministry official who had ever taken a bribe. The Minister’s name was right at the top. Lucius’ name wasn’t much further down. They all lost their jobs and Kingsley Shacklebolt was slated as Minister of Magic. Lucius was sure he was going to do great things and not let their hard work fall to pieces.
Lucius’ office threw him a “happy firing” party, courtesy of one Emma Vanity. And Lucius was replaced by a brilliant senior-staff, Muggleborn woman who’d offered Lucius a high-five on the way out. He gave it to her because what was one more blow to his dignity? The transition was seamless and satisfying.
Lucius saw the ruins of his reputation all around him. But it didn’t hurt like he thought it would or like he’d feared for most of his life. Instead it was like witnessing the crumbling remains of a cocoon he had finally managed to grow out of.
Now Lucius was gainfully unemployed and he’d never had this much free time on his hands. He never thought about what he would do with his time or his talents if he ever stopped working at the Ministry. It had never occurred to him that that might ever happen. He spent so much of his life trying to climb the Ministry career ladder. He had never given a single thought, all these years, to an alternative career.
In the early morning, he watched James sleep. He didn’t want to wake him because James had a full day ahead of him playing with the Quidditch little leaguers. As athletic as James was, he was always exhausted after a full day of that. The idea came to Lucius in those early hours, thinking about pasts and futures and how he might possibly continue to work for their causes even without a position that could make real, administrative change. No… that wasn’t quite right. He had assumed all this time that the only change worth making were those changes at the administrative level, but there were other things that needed changing too. And those changes weren’t any less real.
He had hoped when his crimes came to light, that the work he did wouldn’t suffer because of it. It could have been very easy to undo it all with a word from the new Minister… but they had thankfully chosen a replacement who understood why Lucius had done what he’d done, even if he couldn’t condone it.
Shacklebolt promised they would change policy and paper, to make the changes they had fought so hard for really stick. Lucius’ work seemed safe for now. No one was in a hurry to unban the Extremists and they could all breathe a deep sigh of relief.
The new Head of Education had even implemented an alternative path for the Purebloodists, something Lucius had never given any thought to. Lucius had been happy to leave them floundering, but perhaps that wasn’t a risk he should have taken. He’d only contributed to that circle of pain. Instead of banning the Purebloodists permanently, the new Head of Education started a sensitivity program that anyone was welcome to take part in. After several months of learning about Muggles, any Purebloodists were welcome to appeal their cases to the Wizengamot. Lucius was sure there would be a few who would do it just to get back on their feet and not put their hearts into it. But he hoped the others would learn something valuable. He hoped some would make a positive change or at least open their minds a fraction. It was a good plan anyway. It had done wonders to close the rifts in their community.
But that still left Lucius with a lot of time on his hands. He didn’t need to work and thinking about that was what had given him the idea.
James slowly woke as the sun rose higher, giving the room a soft glow. “What?” he murmured, heavy with sleep.
“I haven’t said anything,” Lucius said, a soft smile on his lips.
“You have that look,” James said through a yawn.
Lucius blinked at him, “Look?”
“Yeah,” James poked him on the cheek, “The look you get when you’re scheming.”
Lucius rolled his eyes, this hardly counted as scheming!
“I was just thinking about the future.”
“Whose future?”
“The world’s. Ours. The newest graduates of Hogwarts.”
James hummed but it was clear he wasn’t quite following Lucius’ line of thought. It was probably too early to expect that.
“When Draco and Harry graduate, they’ll be able to go anywhere they like to complete their secondary educations.”
“Mm hm?” James looked about ready to fall back asleep.
“They have money. Wizarding money. And it made me think about all the Muggleborn graduates. What will they do after Hogwarts?”
James was becoming more and more awake by the second. He sat up, putting a pillow between his back and the headboard. “Most stay in our community or work while they study.”
“And what if they want to go abroad for their studies? Let’s say, Uagadou’s graduate program for Transfiguration? Or Castelobruxo for Herbology?”
“The brightest ones might get scholarships. Maybe get a loan.”
“Those are their only options.”
James was wide-awake now, “I’ve never really thought about it before,” he admitted, “Most witches and wizards from Pureblood families never think about moving expenses. And most Muggleborn graduates choose to stay in London. It’s just easier than trying to move across the world with no money, unless you’ve got someone willing to pay your expenses.”
“London is lovely,” Lucius admitted, “But the best Potion Masters are in Paris. The best Charms programs are in Japan.”
“The best schools for Care of Magical Creatures are in North America. I get it, so what are you scheming?”
“I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with my abundance of free time. I don’t think I could stop caring about Magical Education if I tried, so I want to set up a Bursary program. A few, in fact.”
James’ eyes widened and then he was grinning just as wide, “That sounds like a brilliant idea.”
“And I’d like to call the first one the Lily Potter Bursary. For adventurous Muggleborn students who want to travel abroad after school.”
Lucius watched the way James’ swallowed. He was still watching Lucius with those wide eyes. It occurred to Lucius that maybe using James’ late wife’s name was a bit much. “The name doesn’t have to-”
James slipped a hand around the back of Lucius’ neck and pulled him into a fierce kiss. Lucius grinned into it. When they pulled apart he asked, “I’ll take that as yes?”
James laughed, “It’s… wonderful. I think it’s a cause worthy of your time.”
It was just a little more good that Lucius could put into the world. To give Muggleborn graduates the same chance that their Wizardborn peers would have. Of course not every student will want to go abroad, some of them may not have even entertained the idea. But if the opportunity was there… if it seemed like a real opportunity instead of a pipedream… well that was good, wasn’t it? Lucius would have to work out the kinks, but he wanted there to be enough money to send any Muggleborn graduate wherever they liked for school. They would have access to the best educations possible, just like their peers.
He would oversee the bursary programs himself with a small committee and that might be enough to keep him busy and safe from boredom until things were running like clockwork and then he might have to find something else to do…
The boys had already made a huge mess of everything. There were clothes and robes spread out all over the floor and bits and pieces of toys, broom kits, and books spread about everywhere else. This honeymoon was already looking like a giant headache. But they couldn’t go without the children. They would never have heard the end of it. Besides, they didn’t need a getaway with just the two of them. “Where’s the fun in that?” James had said. And Lucius had agreed. They had months and months of child-free days in between the Hogwarts semesters and it seemed like a waste of quality family time to not include the boys.
So here they were, trying to pack their lives into suitcases so they could spend two and a half weeks touring Italy, Canada, Germany, and Japan. Lucius had let them pick one country each. He doubted the boys would have much chance of International travel soon anyway, not with their final two years of Hogwarts coming up. They would be studying for all their worth, if they knew what was good for them.
“Father, Dad, have you seen my good robes?” Draco called from somewhere upstairs at the same time as Harry was hollering that they needed to bring both his favourite brooms.
Lucius was quite sure they hadn’t thought this through. James came up behind him and kissed his cheek. “All packed?” he asked.
Lucius took in a deep breath, “Are we absolutely sure the boys don’t need to stay with their godfathers?”
James laughed. “Are you sure you’d want to deal with that mess when we got back? I promise you, ditching them would be a lot worse than just taking them with us. Who knows, maybe they’ll get some of that ‘cultured taste’ you’re always talking about.”
Lucius rolled his eyes, “How dare you use my own words against me.”
James kissed his cheek again, “Just think of it as the first day of the rest of our lives.”
Lucius couldn’t help but return James’ sappy grin, “Merlin help us all.”
Notes:
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey.
This program was brought to you by, Panic! At the Disco's "This is Gospel" and this photoset, https://bit.ly/2Y6wii1
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