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I like twitter best

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The idea was stupid.

Only a month after returning from the clusterfuck that the public had dubbed ‘civil war’ and Tony was already neck deep in work. Peter had gone back to school while Vision was listlessly floating around the tower, seemingly not even having the motivation to properly walk. Pepper had come back not long after Steve Rogers sorry-not-sorry letter had been delivered, and cell phone dropped to the bottom of his desk drawer to hopefully be forgotten of to avoid temptation. She’d been in hysterics in that carefully controlled way that only Pepper could do, where she went storming into his workshop but just sat down on a stool quietly while she waited for him to talk about it. He loved her, he really did. Dodging calls from Ross was infinitely more fun when Pepper was there to raise her eyebrow at his antics.

What was not fun was Rhodey. Well, actually Rhodey was always fun, it just kind of put a damper on things when Tony couldn’t even look at him without being consumed with guilt and a desire to fix things. Every conversation went:

“So what do you want for dinner tonight?”

“Whatever you want. Hey, what do you think of repulsors?”

“… repulsors where?”

“On the bottom of wheelchairs of course. Flying wheelchairs. Would be the closest thing to flying cars then wouldn’t it? I’ll get on it.”

“Tony no.”

“Friday, take a note: Flying Wheelchairs.”

Needless to say Rhodey got tired of it. Tony didn’t. Baring basic responsibilities Rhodey was his priority. Rhodey can preach all the live long day about doing what’s right, but Tony knew that he came because Tony asked him to. Rhodey was the one who had no personal motivation in the superhero spat, but got hurt the most personally. Rhodey doesn’t tell him, but Tony can see the way it affects him. Rhodey is the most independent person Tony knows, barring Pepper, and to not be able to walk without bars on either side of him and a spotter behind him is not an adjustment he should have been forced to make.

So that’s how Tony spent his days. Wake up, put out any immediate fires with Stark Industries, check in on Peter, make sure Rhodey ate, plan for the inevitable alien threat that will end all humankind, make sure Rhodey got his physical therapy, try and convince him to go to actual therapy, fail, retire to his workshop until he passes out. He was only half way through his routine when a woman barged into Avengers Tower demanding that she had an appointment and that in couldn’t wait any longer.

Tony was all ready to call the suit because um hello anyone who can break into Avengers tower was a threat when Pepper stepped out from behind the woman with an incredibly scary expression on her face. Something like ‘i-am-very-concerned-and-tired-and-do-whatever-i-say-now-or-face-consequences.’

So, Tony listened to the new lady and wow turns out she’s head of PR of Stark industries. Tony can’t even imagine the stress of that job, and since Tony is probably her point of ire he shuts up and lets her say her piece.

He really shouldn’t have.

“You want me to get a twitter?”

She nods. “And any other form of social media you would be comfortable with but for right now a twitter would be fantastic.”

Maybe the job was just a little bit too stressful, seeing as shes already snapped.

“Um, lady, the reason I’m a PR nightmare is because I can’t keep my mouth shut. I don’t think giving me a faster way to fuck things up is going to help any.”

The woman tuts and pulls a tablet out of nowhere.

“Studies show that certain people view the avengers as an elitist entitled task force with showy colours that distract from the tragedy. Others think it’s a new form a fascism, with capitalist propaganda with you at its center. Others hail you as gods who can do no wrong and when you do it’s the end of times.”

Tony grimaced. Of course she’s snapped if that’s what she has to deal with on the daily.

“Getting you involved in social media humanizes you. It makes you approachable. Me and team want to spin this from ‘war between gods’ into ‘mechanic wanted everyone to get along.’”

His grimace grew more pronounced. “That would take a lot of spinning.”

She nods. “Which is why social media is the way to go. A book would just be grand standing and throw people back to when you were before the whole superhero thing. We need a way to connect to the public and we need it now. I actually thought it would be better if Colonel Rhodes had his own twitter account, seeing as he tests better with focus groups seeing him hold you up would be better than yourself, but I came to you first.”

Thank god she did. The little bastards on the internet were not getting their claws in rhodey-bear. Never.

“This isn’t going to work. I’m going to say something dumb and we’ll be back to square one.”

She scowled. “Don’t talk about anything that matters. Talk about what you had for breakfast or your favourite movie or give them a virtual tour of the tower. I don’t care but we need this mister Stark. The American people are divided on the actions of the leaders of the Avengers and things need to get back to normal for them. Having them get a thrill over Tony Stark being domestic is much better than protests in the street. We need this.”

Okay well put it that ways was there even a choice? It’s not like it will kill him, how hard could it be?

*

Very hard. His head of PR had gotten him an official account and asked him for one tweet (god does the fact that he hates the word mean he’s old?) a day. His first tweet was just ‘Hello’ and that was that. However that was not that considering almost three million people followed that day alone. The responses varied from the ‘hello yourself’ to ‘HOLY SHIT IRON MAN IS ON TWITTER.’

When he got up the day after and made himself a breakfast smoothie, he snapped a picture with the caption ‘Breakfast’ and sent that out, refusing to look at any of the responses or let it interfere with his day. When his day was done, however, and he was listlessly ghosting around his workshop, he checked his phone from sheer curiosity. He should have known, curiosity has killed him more times than he can count.

Ben Phillippe @benman23
I guess having more money than god means @TonyStark doesn’t need to add the ‘official’ :/

Aaron @aaronmaster76
@TonyStark Trying to keep your girlish figure ;)

Rachel becca @avengemebecca
@TonyStark You know who else would have liked that smoothie? Captain America. Too bad you killed him, hunh?

Tony reared back, throwing his phone across the room before he could even think.