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Cheesecakes And Whiskey

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Chapter 5

 

September 2008

"Hey, beautiful."

"Hello, Dean." Castiel turned around to look at gorgeous green eyes and freckles.

"You ready for your surprise?"

"Yes, almost. Just give me ten minutes. Would you like something to drink while you wait?"

"Just a glass of water."

Castiel opened an ice cold bottle from the fridge and poured the water in a glass before handing it to Dean. He checked with Charlie to make sure everything was under control, and when she looked at him with irate eyes, Cas smirked and headed for the staff room.

Things were going smoothly between Dean and him. Both of them were working hard, so they barely had time to hang out, but Dean was getting out of his way to see Castiel and kept coming to the Cheesecake Factory to eat his usual lunch, taking great care of sitting at the bar every single time. In return, Cas had rearranged his schedule so Dean and him could have a common free day to enjoy some real time together, other than one-hour lunches and the occasional strolls after their shifts.

Dean had told him to bring a sweater and jeans despite the hot weather of September, so Castiel changed into blue jeans and a tee, not wanting to put on the sweater yet in the afternoon heat. As he changed, his thoughts went back to the man waiting for him at the bar.

Dean had been extremely patient with him since the baseball game a couple of weeks back. He was always creating new opportunities so Cas could make a move, but Dean never took it personal or pushed it if Cas didn't take the chance.

It wasn't that he didn't want to, but every time he was analyzing the situation a bit too intensely, or asking himself a bit too much if he should jump right into this, the urge to throw up was coming back with the force of a crashing wave and Castiel had to break the already too long eye contact and the freakishly powerful sexual tension lingering between them.

Castiel put his shoes back on, grabbed his sweater and walked out of the staff room, excitement bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Dean was talking lightly with Charlie, his smile wide and bright, and Castiel could feel his heart beating slightly faster, tainting his cheeks a soft pink. He cleared his throat.

"What took you so long?" Dean said with a smirk.

"Making sure I was presentable for you" Castiel smiled back.

"Believe me, Angel, you look perfect" Dean answered, making Cas blush even more. "Take care, Charlie. See you tomorrow."

They got out of the restaurant in silence, walking side by side. Castiel didn't know where Dean wanted to go, so he followed him when Dean turned to the left, exiting the small corridor where they were, then turned right, heading for the stairs.

"Where are you taking me?"

Dean looked at him with an even brighter smile.

"You'll see. It's gonna be fun."

Dean took Castiel's hand and started going down the stairs, surprising him. Castiel could feel the warmth radiating from Dean. His hand was soft and rough at the same time, his touch gentle and harsh. He felt tingles starting from the tips of his fingers, going up his arm and sending a shiver through his spine.

They reached ground level, Dean still holding his hand. He dragged Castiel to a small booth near the stairs.

"Dean, you're kidding, right?" Castiel couldn't suppress his smile.

The Galleria was one of the biggest shopping mall in the United States, and had plenty of things and activities you could do, no matter the ages. You could find pretty much everything you'd want in there, going from the usual stuff you find in malls like restaurants and jewellery stores to things you don't normally see, like a Tennis and Fitness club. The mall was also big enough to have its own indoor ice skating rink, located on ground level, directly in the middle of the food court. And that's exactly where Dean had taken Castiel.

"Come on, it's gonna be fun! What's your size?"

It took them about 10 minutes to find the right size for both of them and put their skates on. A soft music was playing, most of it covered by the voices and cries of children and families already skating and enjoying their evening. There weren't too many people on the ice, which made Castiel feel a little bit better considering he had almost no experience in ice skating. He tentatively put his left foot on the ice, grabbing the railing with both hands, stabilizing himself. His right one rapidly joined the left, and he slowly started to let go of the wooden edge, awkwardly moving forward. Dean, on the other hand, seemed perfectly in control, as usual. He was moving with ease and elegance, making small zigzags in front of Castiel, then turning around in one swift movement to come back to Cas, his smile as white as the ice underneath them.

“Is it your first time ice skating?” Dean asked.

“It’s that obvious?” Castiel answered with a sheepish smile.

“Come here. Grab my hand.”

Castiel reached for Dean slightly too fast, making him lose his balance. In a fraction of a second, Dean was behind him, holding Castiel by the armpits, trying his best to help him back up on his feet. He was laughing so hard, people were starting to look at them.

“It’s not funny, Dean” Castiel could feel the shame rushing to his cheeks.

“Yes it is. Stop being grumpy and let’s have a good time. You are absolutely adorable right now and I want to make the most out of it. I’d love to teach you a few tricks.”

“Promise you won’t laugh at me.”

Dean couldn’t keep a straight face. “I promise.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, but didn’t comment. He started moving forward again, arms extended on his sides to help him keep his balance. He made a few steps, Dean close behind him, telling him how to push his feet so he would move faster with less effort, teaching him how to stabilize himself. Castiel was doing pretty well, until one of his blade got stuck in a crevice in the ice, making him fall face first. He protected himself with his arms and he landed on all fours in front of everyone.

Dean rushed to him, scared he might have hurt himself. “Dude, you o-”

He didn’t finish his sentence, his own blade getting stuck in the same crevice, sending him, too, on his hands and knees beside Castiel.

Castiel looked at him in surprise and slowly a smile formed on his lips. He started grinning and giggling, and finally laughed out loud when he couldn’t keep it inside.

“Hey, you said you wouldn’t laugh!” Dean exclaimed, his own smile getting wider by the second.

“No, you promised you wouldn’t laugh. I can do what I want.”

They ended up sitting side by side in the middle of the skating rink laughing too much to even get up, tears forming at the corner of their eyes. They spent almost two hours skating together, Castiel getting better by the minute, thanks to Dean’s teaching skills. They were enjoying each other's company so much, they didn’t notice people watching them with a smile, every stranger they were passing looking at them with tenderness in their eyes. Their simple joy of being together made couples reach for each other if they weren’t already holding hands and kids reach to their parents for the same support Dean was giving Cas. They started to dance to the music, Dean taking Cas by the hands and skating for both of them. It didn’t take long for everyone to do the same, boys and girls together, parents and children too. Eventually, a young couple stopped beside the small booth where they paid, talked for a minute to the employee, and continued skating. The song ended, and the employee spoke loudly in a microphone that must have been hidden under the table.

“We have a special request here, for all the couples out there. Enjoy!”

They kept dancing slowly to the music, Dean skating backwards, holding Castiel by the waist, making sure he was steady on his feet before making them swirl. Castiel’s only job was to be Dean’s eyes, telling him if there were any obstacles behind him. His grin was glued to his face, his hands clutched to Dean’s shoulders, his eyes shining with happiness.

The music slowed down and they stopped, looking at each other, suddenly realizing how close they were. Their smile faded away gradually, both of them feeling like time had stopped, and they imperceptibly leaned a bit more into each other, forgetting everything that was going on around them. They were alone in the world, in their own personal bubble, comfortable, intimate, looking through one another. They both could feel their heart beat faster, anticipating what was about to happen. Dean tightened his grip around Castiel’s waist, dragging him even closer. Castiel could feel Dean’s breath, smell Dean’s perfume, and the mix of mint, leather and Old Spice sent shivers down his spine, making him want to close the short distance left between their parted lips.

A cute little girl in a bright pink sweater let out a cry as she grabbed Dean’s leg and fell right beside them, breaking the moment. A blonde woman was by their side before neither of them could react to help the child.

“I’m sorry” the woman said. “She wanted to try skating without my help and she thought you seemed friendly and wanted to talk to you. I told her to leave you two alone but you know how kids are.” She laughed, taking her crying daughter in her arms.

“That’s okay” Dean answered. He turned to look at the child. “Hey, princess. What’s your name? My name is Dean.”

The little girl stopped crying and looked at Dean. “Katie” she said, wiping her tears. “You think I’m a princess?”

“You sure look like one” Dean smiled. “You like ice skating, Katie?”

She nodded. “Yes. But I want to be good and do it by myself. I’m not a baby.”

“You know, your mom is just trying to help you be better. I’m helping my friend here, too. He’s not a baby either, but sometimes it’s okay to need someone’s help when you want to learn new things.”

“So if I let mommy help me, I will be better?”

“100% sure.”

Katie looked at her mom, waiting for a sign of approval. “Ok” she finally said.

Katie’s mom gently let her down, taking her by the hand, before looking back at Dean. “Thank you for your patience. And sorry again. Have a nice evening!”

Both girls skated away, leaving Dean and Castiel alone together. Dean turned to look at Cas and was surprised to see the soft expression on his face.

“What?” he asked defensively.

“Nothing. You’re good with kids. She seemed to like you.”

“Yeah, well, chicks dig me.”

Castiel laughed and rolled his eyes. “I’m getting tired. Would you like to go grab a cup of coffee?”

“Great idea. Come on.” Dean said as he grabbed Castiel’s hand once more.

 

***

 

Cas was laying in bed, looking at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts. He replayed his night out with Dean, thinking about how attentive he was.  After getting off the ice, they went to a small coffee shop in the food court, still having a bit more than an hour before the mall closed. They had talked for a while, and they ended up inventing lives to strangers passing through. Castiel’s cheeks were stiff from laughing too much, and he was positive he would be sore in the morning. The only thing missing right now was Dean by his side. That was pretty much the only thing that was missing since the baseball game. Cas knew for sure now that Dean had slept beside him that night, and he was still beating himself up for not remembering even a single minute of it. The baseball game…

Dean also tried to kiss him that weekend. Two times now Dean had make a move without success. But things were different now. Castiel had wanted it this time, more than anything else. He couldn’t help himself, it felt like he was under a spell or something. He’d been drawn to Dean’s lips, like his mouth was an oasis in the middle of the desert.

But the same questions remained : was he ready to trust Dean? Was he ready to let someone in, to open himself up and accept the fact he could be vulnerable in front of Dean? Was he ready to drag someone else in all the crap he was going through, even if said person was willing to do so?

The thing was, he’d never know until he tried. And Castiel knew it. Actually, he was pretty sure he knew this was going to happen since that damn night after the game.

Well, third time’s the charm, he told himself as he closed his eyes, drifting into unconsciousness.

 

***

 

Dean was also laying in bed trying to sleep, but his mind kept going back to Castiel. At first, he had taken the whole thing as a game, but since Castiel’s birthday, things had gotten more serious. He was feeling things he’d never felt before and his bet with Benny seemed less important than in the beginning. It was just a car, a glorious one, but still. If Dean was given the choice between Castiel and Baby, he’d choose Cas in a heartbeat.

Of course, he could talk to Benny. Tell him he was falling hard for the guy and that he wanted to forget the bet and never talk about it again because things were getting out of hand. But Dean knew Benny wouldn’t let go of him and he’d tease him for the rest of his life, and Dean didn’t want that. At all. It was already hard for him to talk about his feelings, it was even worse when he knew he would be mocked because of them. Sam was the only one Dean could talk to without feeling like he was being judged.

But it wasn’t his type to walk away from a challenge, even less when he was obviously winning the whole thing. Plus, nothing in the agreement he had with Benny forced him to break up with Cas after six months. He was three months in and everything was going well. He just had to keep doing whatever he was doing for another three months to prove his point to Benny, and then everything would be back to normal and he could be with Castiel. Simple as that.

His cell phone rang on his bedside table. He answered at the second ringtone, surprised to see Sam’s number.

“Hey, Bro.”

“Hey, how are you?” Sam said, a hint of worry in his voice.

“I’m good, you?”

“I’m great. I’m not waking you up, am I?”

“No you’re not. I was lying in bed but I can’t sleep. What’s going on?”

“Oh nothing much. You haven’t called me this week. I thought it was a bit weird, considering you are still as protective of me as you were when I was five. Got much on your mind?”

Dean hesitated a split second before answering. “Yeah. A lot.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“You know what’s on my mind. Don’t act like you have no idea. I had one fucking subject of conversation for the last 3 months.”

“Let me guess. Things are getting a bit too well with your new friend and it scares the shit out of you because you are certain Benny will laugh his ass off when he’ll figure you actually have feelings for the guy. Imma right?”

Dean could hear Sam’s smile, but he knew it wasn’t malevolent. Sam had always read him like an open book, and today wasn’t about to be any different.

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know, honestly. We went ice skating today after work and-”

“Ice skating?” Sam interrupted. “Really, Dean?”

“Hey, you want me to talk about it or not? If you just wanna make fun of me, then good night.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry. So you went ice skating. And?”

“And I don’t know, Sam! He’s… It’s just… When I’m with him everything feels different. Everything seems brighter, everything’s good. I don’t know how to explain it. Just seeing him smile makes me feel better. Hell, I let him choose whatever music he wanted to hear when we went to that baseball game three weeks ago.”

“Wow. Now I’m offended.”

“Shut up Sam. I’m not joking.”

“I know you’re not. You know Dean, I don’t want to alarm you or anything, or make it bigger than it is, but that’s pretty much how I feel about Jess. She makes everything seem better.”

“And that is supposed to calm me down?”

“Maybe, maybe not. I just hope it clarifies some things for you. But you should listen to what your feelings have to say, for once. He seems like a great guy, and I see you've changed for the better since you met him. He’s good for you.”

Dean had nothing to say to that. Sam had put words on what he knew he was feeling, but couldn’t explain. He must have stayed silent for longer than he thought, because Sam spoke again.

“Dean, you there?”

“Yes, yes. Sorry, I was… processing all this.”

“You know I can tell Benny to shut up if you want me to.”

“No thank you. I’ll do it myself. I’ll talk to him about Cas and all.”

“Okay. Call me if you need anything.”

“Good night, Sam.”

“Night.”

They both hung up.

Dean stayed there for a long time, with even more questions swirling inside his head than before. He turned around again and again in his bed, finally falling into a restless sleep after hours of unravelling and cogitating.

 

 

 

October 2008

It was almost one in the morning when Castiel and Charlie finally finished closing the bar on this cool Friday night. They had worked since four in the afternoon, and the flow of customers didn’t slow down before well past nine. They barely had time to talk, both of them always busy with someone or something. At midnight, when the restaurant closed, they rushed to clean everything up trying to leave as fast as they could, both tired because of their long day. Castiel wasn’t working Saturday, but Charlie wasn’t so lucky : she had to close the bar all weekend. She didn’t complain too much though, tips being pretty big on weekends.

They went to the staff room and grabbed their coats, not bothering to change back to their normal clothes, both knowing they would directly go to bed the moment they would step into their respective houses. Castiel also grabbed his Ipod, putting one earbud in, leaving one ear free so he could hear Charlie.

“I Don’t know why there are periods of the year when customers are suddenly transforming in total douchebags” Charlie said as they walked outside toward their cars. “I mean, seriously, that guy with his rum & coke just couldn’t let it go.”

“I know! And the one complaining because his scotch was too strong? It’s scotch, you moron, of course it’s strong. Next time, order a beer.”

“I’m hearing scotch and beer. You guys are talking about me?”

Charlie and Castiel turned around, surprised to hear the voice they’ve grown so used to listen to for the last couple of months. They both smiled as they watched Dean strut in their direction, and Castiel’s heart started racing a bit faster as a warm feeling spread into his chest.

“Hello Dean. What are you doing here?” Castiel asked, trying his hardest to hide his excitement.

“I knew you were finishing late tonight and I wanted to surprise you, maybe go on a small walk or something. We haven’t seen each other a whole lot this week.” He looked at Charlie, his eyes growing as he realized something. “Unless, of course, you two had something already planned out.”

Castiel opened his mouth to answer, but Charlie talked first.

“Nope. Nothing! Nothing at all.” She said, her smile so wide she looked like she was squinting. “You two go on together, walk under the moonlight, hold hands, you know. Have fun.”

And she walked away as fast as she could, almost breaking into a run, leaving Castiel alone with Dean.

“Okay, well, that was weird.” Dean said after a while, looking at Castiel.

He blushed furiously. “She really wants us together. She thinks we fit perfectly.”

“And she thinks making you uncomfortable in front of me would help?”

“She also thinks -and I quote- that I’m too cute for my own good when I blush.”

“She’s not wrong.”

Castiel blushed even more and smiled. “Shut up. Where would you like to go?”

“Same place as usual?”

They walked in silence for a few minutes before reaching a small park beside the mall. They reached the trail, and Dean took Castiel’s hand, proving to him that there was no limit to his blushing.

“So. Rough day, huh?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what got into customers these days, but they are really a pain in the ass most of the time.”

“Same for me. Apparently it’s my fault if they dropped their phone in the toilet and it’s also my fault if their car is broken.”

Castiel laughed. “Yeah, and I have nothing else to do other than putting one of my hair in a mojito.”

“Of course you don’t. It’s your signature move.”

“Dean Winchester, I hate you” he grinned, making both of them laugh again.

They settled in a comfortable silence, walking side by side, Castiel’s music playing softly in his ear. He suddenly let out a small giggle out of nowhere.

“What is it?” Dean asked.

“Nothing of importance.”

“Come on, talk to me.”

"It's nothing, really." Castiel looked down at his feet, not sure how to tell Dean how he was feeling. "The song I'm listening to is very fitting."

Castiel took a few steps forward but he was soon forced to stop. Dean, who was still holding his hand, had stopped and was looking at Castiel, a smirk forming on his lips. He gave a little tug on Castiel's hand, urging him to come closer. Dean looked at Castiel before slowly reaching for the second earbud dangling freely, taking it between two fingers and inserting it in his ear. They listened to the song for a few seconds, both of them incapable of breaking eye contact, not wanting to break eye contact. Dean gently placed his left hand around Castiel's waist, his right one still holding his hand. He slowly started moving his hips left to right, swaying to the melody, leading Castiel.

The gesture seemed so casual for Dean, but for Cas, it was a whole new thing. No one had ever done something like that with him, for him. A slow dance in a park, under the moonlight, just the two of them. Forgetting what was around, just appreciating one another's company. Plus, the song fitted to the situation so much, it seemed like a sign from God himself.

Caught up in this moment, Caught up in your smile

Check. Couldn't be more true.

I've never opened up to anyone

Check. He'd told things to Dean he'd never told anyone.

I know that if we give this a little time, It'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find.

Castiel suddenly realized there was a strong energy flowing through them, like static, as they slowly leaned into each other, their lips parting.

It's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right

He could feel that attraction again, the same way he'd felt it on the ice. He was drawn to Dean, like he was the sun and Castiel was a planet. He couldn't look away, couldn't move away. He was caught up in the moment, like time had stopped yet again.

Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight

Castiel couldn't take it anymore and closed the distance between them. Dean drew a sharp breath of surprise as Castiel did the complete opposite, exhaling like all the anxiety building up since they first met suddenly was off his shoulders. He felt Dean's tongue tentatively pushing against his lips and he was more than happy to invite him in. Castiel felt Dean's grip around his waist tighten, Dean's other hand letting go of his to grab his neck, pulling him even closer. Castiel rested both his hands on Dean's waist, trying to anchor himself to the ground, to reality, but the moment Dean pushed his tongue a little bit farther, Cas let out an unintentional moan.

Castiel couldn't explain the feeling. He had stopped counting the times he'd almost thrown up imagining how his first kiss with Dean would feel like, anxiety ruining his happiness every single time. But now that it was happening, it was like all that anxiety had vanished into thin air and he could feel the needs he'd ignored. He wanted Dean, like he had never wanted something or someone in his life before.

Dean abruptly let go, leaving both of them breathless and wanting more. Castiel felt like someone had removed every particle of oxygen in the air.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I... wow Cas, that was... I needed to stop myself. I don't want to push you too fast, I don't want to fuck this up."

"Dean?"

"What?"

"Shut up."

Dean's giggle was interrupted by Castiel's lips on his. Castiel's fingers slipped underneath Dean's shirt, exploring the skin he'd wanted to touch for so long now. Dean was gripping Castiel's hair, kissing him like there was no tomorrow.

"My place?" Castiel asked between two kisses.

"Your place."

 

***

 

They almost ran to their cars. Castiel drove recklessly, Dean following close behind him. He could feel the excitement bubbling low in his stomach, and his mind kept wandering back to Dean’s lips.

Two years. It’s been two years since he actually kissed someone, and much more than that since he kissed someone he wanted to kiss. Castiel realized all of a sudden the last time he felt like that was when he started dating Raphael, when his life felt like a fairytale. Raphael was so sweet in the beginning, taking care of him like he was the man of his life, like he was his sun and stars. Taking care of him like Dean was taking care of him. The thought sent an uncomfortable chill down Cas’s spine and he felt fear swiftly pushing away the excitement in his belly, nesting there.

No.

No way. Dean wasn’t like that. Dean had a golden heart, he was gentle, sweet, smart, loving. He was as broken as Castiel, and he’d never do something like that. It’s about time Cas let someone in. He was tired of being alone, tired of drowning in self pity and shame and guilt. Dean was a gift from above and he’d be totally out of his damn mind to reject him again.

Pedal to the metal, they reached Castiel's house in record time. They parked like assholes, almost in the middle of the road, not giving a shit, minds focused on each other.

Castiel got out of his car first and rushed to the front door to unlock it. He was feeling like a teenager again, emotions rushing to his head, making him think unclearly. He fumbled with his keys as Dean joined him on the porch, his hands taking him by the hips as he kissed his neck, sending shivers down Castiel’s spine, making him weak in the knees.

Castiel opened the door and grabbed Dean by the collar, dragging him inside, closing the door by pushing himself so hard on Dean they stumbled backward. It was the first time in his life Castiel had trouble kissing someone because he was grinning too much, unable to control how relieved he felt. He kissed Dean deeply, forcing his lips open with his tongue, and it was Dean's turn to groan. He moved his lips to Dean's jaw, ear, neck, licking and biting and sucking every inch of skin he could reach. He attained the crook of his neck, softly biting the skin, making Dean quiver.

"Fuck, Cas, you're driving me crazy."

Dean flipped them around, Castiel now being the one leaning against the door. He started kissing Cas the same way he'd done it to him seconds ago, his hands exploring Castiel's body. He pressed his own body against Castiel's, feeling his arousal. He started a slow rhythm, grinding into Cas, making them both moan into each other. Dean removed Castiel's trenchcoat as he tossed away his shoes, not bothering to remove them from the middle of the hallway. Castiel broke the kiss again to take Dean's hand and led him upstairs to the bedroom. Once there, Dean didn't take the time to look around, too busy touching and lifting Cas, lost in sensation.

They grabbed each other like they were the only thing keeping them alive, kissing and licking and breathing and grinding and moaning into the other. They were both lost in the moment, trying their best to move toward the bed without really looking. Dean’s knees finally hit the edge and, as he fell back, he grabbed Castiel’s tie and pulled him onto him, their lips never parting. Cas rolled beside Dean, his hands frantically playing with Dean’s belt, trying to unbuckle it.

Dean let go of Cas’s tie to put his hand on his and broke their kiss, leaving them both out of air. He looked at Castiel, and Cas saw again the broken boy that was Dean Winchester. He saw all the anxiety, all the self doubt in the depth of his emerald eyes, and he felt his insides melt yet again for the man laying beside him.

“Cas…”

“It’s okay Dean. I swear.”

Dean lifted himself on an elbow, hovering above Cas. He put his hand on Cas’s cheek, staring at him. He kissed him gently, just a brush of his lips on Castiel’s, breathing in the scent of coconut shampoo and coffee. It was a simple gesture, but full of meaning. They both took a deep breath, and Cas said what Dean was waiting for.

“I’ll tell you if you do anything off limits or if I’m not comfortable.”

With that, their mouths crashed together again unceremoniously, tongues tasting each other’s, hands gripping shoulders. Dean shoved his legs on both sides of Castiel and let go of him just enough to remove his own t-shirt. Castiel rested his hands on Dean’s thighs, admiring what was in front of him. He bit his bottom lip as he tried to suppress his grin, failing miserably. He lifted himself to reach Dean’s mouth again, as Dean fumbled with Cas’s shirt and tie, hands shaking.

They rolled on their backs to remove each other’s pants, and Castiel’s foot got stuck, making both of them giggle like teenagers. Dean rolled back on top of Cas, pinning him to the bed, nibbling at his neck with his teeth, making him shiver. Cas opened his legs to let Dean slid between them, and they started a slow rhythm. Castiel’s hands were everywhere on Dean, feeling the body on top of him, enjoying every inch of skin. Dean started trailing kisses on Cas’s  collarbone, shoulder, chest, and reached his nipple making him twitch underneath him.

“Shit, that’s good” Cas said in a breath.

Dean continued slowly going down on Cas, reaching his stomach, kissing his navel, biting his hipbone. He kissed the spot of precome forming on his underwear, Cas bucking his hips forward uncontrollably. He slid his fingers under the elastic band of Castiel’s boxer briefs, removing them in one movement, freeing Cas. Dean kept kissing Castiel everywhere, moving his tongue just around sensitive areas without actually touching them. After a few minutes of teasing, Castiel grabbed Dean’s arm and flipped him aside, breathing hard.

“If you keep doing that, I’m gonna come before we get the chance to do anything” Cas said, voice hushed.

“That’s the plan” Dean smirked back, arms folded behind his head.

Castiel smiled, eyes shining.

“That’s a game that two can play” Cas said, before gently squeezing Dean’s nipple between his thumb and index, slowly rolling his fingers.

Dean shut his eyes hard. “Shit, Cas!”

Castiel cupped Dean’s balls in his other hand and started kissing Dean in the crook of his neck. The moment his tongue licked the skin, Dean let out a shaky moan and grabbed the pillow above his head so hard, his knuckles went white.

Cas removed Dean’s underwear as fast as he could and took a moment to enjoy the view again. Dean was panting underneath him, rock hard, gripping the sheets for dear life, looking at him with so much apprehension and lust that Cas almost lost it right there. Without thinking much, Castiel laid on his stomach between Dean’s legs and took him in his mouth, moaning as he tasted the sweetness coming out of him.

“Holy FUCK, Cas!” Dean choked out, hips bucking upwards.

There was something about the way Dean was saying Castiel’s name that made him screw his eyes shut, concentrating on something else, work, tomorrow, his laundry, whatever that could ground him back to this ever loving Earth because Good Lord it was hot and he was about to lose his mind, but he kept wandering back to how he would be happy to ride Dean into oblivion until death takes him. He wanted to hear Dean’s cracked up voice say his name like that for the rest of his life and his tongue around Dean’s dick to be the only thing ever making him cry out for mercy. He was writhing underneath him, and it was probably the most arousing thing Castiel had ever seen.

Castiel started bobbing his head faster, taking everything and moving his tongue around Dean as much as he could, helping himself with his hand. Dean let out a sharp moan and grabbed Castiel’s hair with both hands, forcing him back off with a loud wet sound.

“You’re so fucking hot but for the love of God, stop it or I’m the one who’s gonna come before we do anything” Dean said.

Castiel gave one last long lick up Dean’s shaft, making him groan before moving back up, kissing everywhere and taking special care of Dean’s nipple, which made him curse loudly. He pushed Cas on the bed, climbing between his legs. Castiel stretched his arm and reached inside his bedside table to grab a small bottle of lube and a condom, tossing them at Dean. He opened the lube and poured a generous amount on his fingers before slowly pushing around Castiel’s rim with his index. At the same time he took Castiel’s dick in his mouth, playing with his tongue. It didn’t take long before he could insert a second, and then a third finger inside Cas, working him open. Dean kept licking and sucking on him and marvelled at how Castiel was unravelling under his expert touch.

Dean let go of Cas and grabbed him by the ankles, resting his legs on his shoulders as he ripped open the condom package and rolled it onto him. He angled himself and started pushing gently into Cas, head thrown backward. He waited a few seconds to let Cas get used to him, before pulling out slowly and pushing back in again at the same speed, focusing on Castiel’s reaction to make sure he was okay. He leaned forward, hands supporting him on both sides of Cas’s shoulders as he increased the pace, feeling Castiel’s toes curl in pleasure behind his head.

“Dean, oh my GOD, Dean!”

“Fuck, Cas, you feel so good you have no idea.”

“Come on, faster” Castiel said between two thrusts. “I want to feel it tomorrow.”

Dean kept pushing into him, listening to Castiel’s order to go faster, harder, deeper, as Cas’s nails dug into his thighs. They were both losing it, lost into each other, a mess of limbs and skin. Dean couldn’t stop looking at Cas, watching him writhe under him. He wanted to drive Cas over the edge until he couldn’t even remember his own name, to fuck him senseless until the sun comes up, but he knew he wouldn’t last much longer if he kept looking at the man in front of him. He tried to close his eyes or look away, but no matter what, Castiel’s twitching dick was printed on his eyelids and he couldn’t stop the hot feeling spreading in his groin.

“Cas, Baby, come on” Dean grunted. “You’re too good, I can’t hold it anymore.”

Dean’s words seemed to send Castiel over the edge, and he came with an astonishing force uttering Dean’s name over and over again.  His rhythm started to get incoherent and Dean gave one, two, three other thrusts and he came too, screaming a string of curses and Cas’s name.

Dean collapsed on top of Castiel, his breathing harsh, feeling dizzy, both of them slightly shaking. After a minute, Dean slowly pulled out of Cas and discarded the condom, and let Castiel snuggle beside him. They stayed there for what seemed like years before Cas finally stirred and raised on an elbow to look at Dean with adorable bed hair and gleaming in that wonderful after sex glow, his blue eyes full of love. Dean would usually get really uncomfortable when someone would look at him like that after sex, but not this time. He was actually pretty sure he was looking at Cas the same way, and right now, he couldn’t give a rat’s ass.

“Shower?” Cas mumbled.

“Shower” Dean answered.

They took their shower together, Castiel goofing around and making soap Mohawks to Dean, Dean making foam beards to Cas. They spent more time kissing and giggling than cleaning, and they were acting like children, but they didn’t care.

They didn’t bother to get dressed, just drying themselves with a towel and going back to bed. Castiel laid in Dean’s arms, happy to realize that this time, he could enjoy every second of it. Dean could say whatever he wanted, he was a hugger. Both his arms were wrapped around Castiel’s waist and arms, his legs intertwined with Cas’s. He couldn’t move, but he wasn’t complaining. He felt like he was in a cocoon of warmth and peace, safe from the rest of the world. They both rested in comfortable silence and slowly drifted to sleep, holding each other.

 

***

 

Castiel woke up gently, feeling the warmth of his sheets around him. He kept his eyes closed as he turned around, and he wondered why he was feeling so sore before last night came back to him. He opened his eyes, expecting to find Dean beside him, but instead found an empty spot in his bed. He sat, fully awake and looked around. Dean’s clothes were gone. Cas tried to listen, to see if Dean was in the bathroom or downstairs, but the house was as silent as usual. Just to make sure, he rushed downstairs and looked outside : the Impala was gone.

Cas went back up the stairs, and crawled back to bed, hiding himself under the sheets. That’s what he was scared of. Dean getting what he wanted and leaving him alone. He didn’t even say goodbye, not even a note. He just left. He would probably never come back to the bar and just go on and find someone else to fuck, no strings attached, because Cas was all about strings and Dean wasn’t. He got tired of Cas, as expected.

He felt so stupid. How could he let himself fall for Dean? He knew it wasn’t gonna end well. It’s not like he deserved to be happy anyway. He was nothing else but a boytoy, someone with nothing important to say, with no feelings, with no life meaning other than provide the relief others needed. He’d learned his lesson with Raphael, he just needed a refresh. Dean was life’s way to show him he was delusional.

He knew it couldn't end well. Dean's just too damn perfect for him. Maybe he was broken too, but he could never be as broken as Castiel. Most people can't handle much when it involves Castiel's feelings. Dean was just a bit more patient than most, but he got fed up anyway, because that's what Castiel does. He takes everything and never gives back. He's a ticking time bomb and everything and everyone around him gets destroyed when he gets too close.

He was so busy bashing his own head with his depressive thoughts that he didn’t hear the Impala in his driveway, nor the door shutting downstairs. He only realized someone was in his bedroom when he felt a weight on his bed beside him.

“Hey, babe. Are you awake?”

Castiel wiped the tears from his eyes before lifting the sheets, not believing his eyes. Dean was there, with a grocery bag in one hand, looking at Cas with soft green eyes. He put a hand on Cas’s head.

"Woah, are you okay?" Dean asked, seeing the tracks tears made on his friend's face.

"You're here" was all Castiel could answer.

"Huh... Yeah? What's wrong?"

Castiel's answer was a soft whisper that wasn't necessarily made for anyone to understand, but Dean heard it anyway. "I thought you'd left."

Cas could hear Dean's heart crumble to pieces as he climbed into bed next to him, hugging him so tight his breath was knocked out of his lungs. "Hey it's okay Cas, I'm right here, I got you. I'm not leaving you today. In fact, I'm not leaving you. Ever. I just went grocery shopping, but I'm back."

They fell into comfortable silence, Dean stroking Castiel's hair, both of them breathing deeply. Castiel knew he was pathetic, but right now, he couldn't give a damn. Dean was back, Dean was holding him, and he felt safer than ever in his arms. After a few minutes, as Castiel calmed down, Dean's words finally made their way to his brain.

"Why in hell did you go grocery shopping?"

"I didn’t know if I could look through your things so I went out and bought what we needed to make chocolate chips pancakes. Would you like some?"

Chocolate chips pancakes? Is this man even real?

"Of course. Just give me a few minutes to get dressed."

"No problem. I’ll get things going downstairs. Take all the time you need."

Dean kissed Castiel tenderly and left the room, leaving him alone. He pulled the sheets up his head again, his face buried in his pillow. How's that for a good impression? First night together, Dean wants to make something nice and romantic for him, and when Castiel sees he's gone, he cries like a child who just lost his favourite toy. A+ for maturity and self control.

Despite all that, Cas couldn't stop smiling. Because even though Cas acted like a desperate, attention-seeking, borderline, emotionally unstable shit, Dean came back and stayed with him.

He stayed.

And he's making chocolate chips pancakes. Maybe life wasn’t so bad after all.