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this dependency will shatter me

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Luke looked at Jayden and quickly looked down, nervously laughing. It was Jayden’s birthday party, November 19th, he was turning 17. The boys were juniors in high school, itching to get out and face the real world and really get started with their band, “With Confidence”.

Luke continued to look around the room anxiously. He wanted to talk to Josh or Inigo to call his nerves, but Josh was somewhere kissing a boy named Miles probably, an Inigo always seemed to disappear until the important parts of parties.

Luke always had a thing for Jayden, ever since they met. He always thought he was gay, but he pushed it into the back of his mind. When he met Jayden, he just couldn’t push it back anymore. He had felt these feelings for way too long, and he wanted to do something about them that night.

He felt isolated despite all the bright lights and loud music. He started feeling dizzy and really cold, common feelings that he’d normally have before a panic attack, and told Jayden he was going to go get some air.

He stumbled outside, hoping for some cold air. He cursed to himself, thinking he should’ve gotten some water first. Immediately upon stepping outside, he spotted Josh and Miles. Josh saw him, and told Miles to hold on a second.

Josh approached an anxious looking Luke, wondering what was wrong. “I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack dude. Fucking Jayden, I just want to tell him how much I fucking like him. I can’t hold it in anymore, but I can’t say the words. I can’t even breathe when I’m standing next to him. He probably doesn’t even like me. He’d probably stop being friends with me. I don’t want to put him in that position.” Luke choked out, before Josh could even ask what was wrong.

Josh told Miles to go get Luke some water, and then forced his friend to sit down.

“I just can’t do it Josh.” Luke said, as his voice cracked, almost crying. “Luke, I’ve been telling you this for as long as you’ve known him. You just gotta fucking do it.” Josh tried to encourage the shaking boy.

“I just feel like it’ll change everything. He won’t want to be in the band with me anymore. We won’t all graduate together. All of my dreams will be broken, just because of this thing that just started out as a crush.” Luke said, tears starting to fall from his eyes. Miles came back outside with a bottle of water for Luke.

“Hey Lu, can I talk to you for a minute?” Jayden said from the doorway, with Inigo peaking over his shoulder and the party continuing behind them. Luke turned around, shocked, hoping Jayden didn’t hear anything, but also hoping he did.

“Y-Yeah sure” Luke stuttered out, still shaking and dizzy. Jayden came and sat on the street curb next to the anxious boy, Miles, Josh, and Ini all going back to the party.

Jayden turned to look at Luke, wiping his tears Jayden says something that Luke didn’t comprehend, because Jayden grabbed his face and touched their lips together. The kiss was short, but to both of the boys it was like a lifetime.

“I’ve wanted to do that since the first day I met you.” Jayden whispered to Luke. A million things flashed through Luke’s head at once, but he said “Every time I imagined that moment, I thought it would ruin my life.”

Luke and Jayden smiled hazily at each other, both getting what they wanted for years in a couple short seconds. “We should do that again sometime.” Jayden giggled as he spoke to Luke, a little tipsy. “I’d kiss you any day Jay. Wanna go back to the party?” Luke asked, feeling fulfilled by what had just happened.

Jayden paused for a minute, really weighing his options. “Since it’s my birthday, I guess we should go back, but I’m happy as it is.” Jayden said to Luke.

As they got up, they spotted the rest of the boys in Roam and their other bandmates, Josh and Inigo. All of them said “Awwwww” at the same time as they walked in, and in turn Jayden and Luke flipped them off.