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One Day, It All Came To A Head.

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Pat has an oral fixation. Johnny is sure of it. How the hell else could he be so stupidly annoying with anything and everything that comes near his mouth? There isn't a single moment when Pat isn't chewing gum, biting his lip, gnawing on his mouth guard, etc. etc. etc. It really never ends. And it's killing Johnny. It's not like he hasn't come to terms with his attraction to Kaner; it's just that he's barely dealing with it as is, and Pat constantly licking his lips just isn't helping. Who knew chewing on your mouth guard was a turn on?


One day, it all really comes to a head, and Johnny isn't exactly sure what he's supposed to do about it. He's just laying in his bed, eyes closed, and arms behind his head, trying to take a short nap on an off day. That, apparently, was too much to ask, because his thoughts start swimming and the warmth begins to tingle down his spine. Pat…Kaner…mouth guard…biting his lip during that interview...all of it just running through Johnny’s brain like a non stop freight train.


God, why now? Why did he have to get turned on by his best friends mouth just as he was about to nap? Johnny just gave into the temptation for once in his life and pulled his boxers down, for the sake of preserving his nap. His dick gave a halfhearted twitch with signs of life as he allowed the images of Pat to circulate in his mind. 

“Mmmm,” Jonny murmured as he got a hand on himself. It was going to be a nice afternoon; he could already tell. Nothing makes for a good rest like coming after a long build up.


He was so comfortable that he probably could have laid there forever, until his phone began blaring some stupid techno song that Kaner set as his personal ringtone. Johnny sighed deeply and grabbed the phone with his free hand. If he didn’t answer Pat would just keep calling and texting him, being his weird self. Pat was relentless when he was bored.

Johnny slid the unlock button on his phone and answered with a sigh, “Hello?”

“I’m bored,” Pat whined. “Do you wanna do something?”

“I was just about to take a nap. I’m already in bed.” Johnny wasn’t going to let Pat’s small attention span ruin his relaxing afternoon. He had too much built up tension coursing through his body that needed to be released. Johnny slowly moved his hand back and forth, not giving himself too much friction, but just enough to keep himself from going soft. He tried not to make his small whine too audible as he thumbed the sensitive head of his dick.

“Are you jerking off?” Apparently, it was audible.

“No. Why would I answer the phone if I was jerking off?” Johnny covered quickly. He held the phone between his ear and shoulder and threw one arm behind his head, giving himself a better grip on his now fully hard cock.

“Yeah, right. You’re such a bad liar. I can hear you, ya’ know. I know what jerk off noises sound like, its not like I never do it, or heard you do it for that matter,” Pat never had good attempts at comfort, not that Johnny was embarrassed in the first place. “Plus you always make that whining sound when something feels really good.” Well fuck.

They had lived together in hotel rooms on the road for a long time, and after about the first month of taking really long showers on road trips, they both just agreed that sometimes you had to do what you had to do. So what if they heard each other?

“Alright, fine. I’m jerking off and you interrupted me. I didn’t want to stop so I just answered the phone. There, I admitted it, are you happy?”

“Yeah, I am,” Pat replied smugly. There was a long beat of silence until Pat suddenly asked, “What are you thinking about?” You have got to be shitting me.

“Idunno, the usual stuff. Tits, fucking somebody, ya know…” Actually I was thinking about your filthy fucking mouth– awh that would be so nice right now, those stupid pink lips kissing the head of my dick…Johnny gripped his now aching cock even tighter and kept his strokes long and slow.

“There you go with the terrible lies again. I can hear your breathing get faster. You’re so turned on right now, aren’t you?” Patrick makes that stupid little popping noise with his lips, that would normally be undetectable on a phone call, but Johnny is so zeroed in on his voice that it came out clear as a bell.

“Fuck, that mouth,” Johnny groaned. It was barely a whisper.

He was so far gone at this point that he didn’t even care when Patrick said, “Whose mouth? My mouth?” Johnny could practically see the smirk on Patrick’s face when he figured it out. “Does my mouth turn you on, Johnny?” Patrick’s voice had dropped an octave, so low and dirty now that Johnny couldn’t take it, he stop trying to be quiet and just started answering Pat.

“Fuck yeah. You’re always –ah– chewing on your lip, and your mouth guard, mmm, gets me so hot,” Johnny was practically panting.

Eagerly waiting for Patrick’s reply, Johnny zoned in on a background noise that he hadn’t heard before. It was the rhythmic slap-slap-slap that could only mean Pat was beating off too, and his hand was moving very quickly, apparently.

“I bet it does, babe. I bet it does,” Pat replied. Johnny sank down lower into his bed and prepared himself for what was probably going to be the hottest, and weirdest, phone call with Pat ever.




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 “Do you always think about me when you jerk off?” There goes Pat’s attention span again. He can’t even think about being turned on without getting distracted. Sometimes Johnny thought that Pat could be part golden retriever.

“Not always,” Johnny defended. “But last night, you chewing on your lip while you talked to that reporter– ah– I couldn’t help it. You always do that, stupid fucking thing on the ice with your mouth guard too. It gets all sticky with your saliva, fuck I had to walk away before I started getting hard in front of you.” Johnny was breathing hard now; feeling like it was an intense workout instead of tongue-tied semi-phone sex with his best friend.

“I had to walk away from you the other day while you were changing. I had to sneak back into the showers because you were only in your compression shorts and socks, and you bent over right in front of me, showing off that ridiculous ass of yours,” Pat was rambling now, similar to the way he did when he was drunk, except about twelve thousand times more sexy. Oh, and about thirty thousand times less destructive for his reputation.

“Fuck, Pat just keep talking,” Johnny was getting close, his hand tightening on his dick, giving a slight twist to his wrist at the top of each stroke.

“You want me to suck you off, Johnny? All messy and wet, my spit all over your dick?” Holy shit. Pat was more than panting now, and he wasn’t the only one. Johnny heard Pat stop stroking himself for a second, only to spit into his hand and then start moving again. The noises were beyond obscene and the only reply Johnny could come up with was a loud groan laced with Patrick’s name. “Talk to me Johnny. Tell me what you’re doing,” Patrick demanded.

Talk? How was Johnny supposed to talk? His best friend, whose mouth he had been having fantasies about for months now, was jerking off like a porn star on the other end of the phone. Talking was not exactly on his top priority list of brain functions right now, but Pat had asked and right about now Johnny was going to do whatever Patrick said.


“I’m pretending it’s your mouth on me, licking me up and down, fuck. Sucking on the head. God damnit, Kaner I’m so fucking close.”

“Me too, Tazer. I want you to come just from hearing my voice, just from thinking about my mouth. I want to hear you.”

“I’m almost there, please just– ah, please don’t stop talking.” Patrick had never heard Johnny beg before.

“I’m right here, Tazer. I’m right here jerking off, thinking about being on my knees for you, sucking you off, lapping at your huge cock with my tongue. Are you going to come for me, Tazer? You gunna let me deep throat you and then shoot your load inside my mouth?”

“Oh shit, just like that,” he groaned, “just like that. Fuck, ah– yeah, Kaner.” Johnny began full-body shuddering and spurting stripes of come all over his hand, along his abs, up his chest.

That little show was more than enough to send Pat over the edge along with Johnny, so with one last thumb over the head of his dick and a few quick, wet strokes, Pat arched his back and grunted, “You’re so fucking hot. Yeah, fuck, Tazer!” coming just as hard as Johnny had seconds before.


There was a long beat of silence as they both caught their breath and allowed the endorphins to wash over them. It wasn’t until after a good minute and a half of quiet that Johnny had realized what they had just done.

“Did we just have phone sex?” he asked bluntly.

“Yeah, I think we did.”

“…So…is this going to be a thing?”

“I wouldn’t mind if it was, but wouldn’t real sex just be more practical?”

“Since when is Patrick Kane practical?”

“Since the idea of me blowing you came into the equation.” Johnny could tell that Pat had his cocky grin on as he said that, knowing that it would affect Johnny. If he hadn’t just come, his dick probably would have given a half-hearted twitch. However, given the mind-blowing orgasm he had just had, Johnny’s libido decided to cut him a break and only shoot the typical warmth down to the base of his spine instead.

“Point taken. Can I nap now?”

“Yes, Princess. Goodnight.”

“Night, Pat.” Johnny watched the “Call Ended” words flash on his phone before he rolled over to grabbing some tissues and cleaning himself off. Finally, he drifted off into a pleasant sleep.