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Bent Not Broken

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Hillary decided before getting away for New Years that she wanted to head into the city and meet with the people. Bill tagged along he was always game for going out and talking to anyone, literally anyone. She loved that about him she had to admit. They spent most of their evening side by side, but she ended up pulled away into a deep conversation about nail polish of all things. Bill chuckled to himself as he wandered off to find a conversation more in his wheelhouse. Hillary looked around and noticed that he’d been gone for a while and he was nowhere in sight. She ended her conversation and went in search of her husband. It was getting late and she wanted to get some sleep before their flight in the morning.

She rounded a corner and stopped in her tracks when she saw him deep in a conversation with a blonde woman. She narrowed her eyes, there was something familiar about this woman. She appeared to be about their age and she couldn’t hear what they were saying. Suddenly he hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. When she saw her smile, Hillary was transported nearly thirty years ago. Divorce, I want a divorce. His sing song voice could be heard up and down the halls of the Governor’s mansion.

Her breath caught in her throat and she felt like she was going to throw up. She turned away from the awful scene and fled the building. Her agents looked at each other confused by her abrupt exit. She quickly walked to her awaiting vehicle and got in. Hillary pulled at the collar of her jacket, removing her scarf quickly as she felt like she was being strangled. Hot tears threatened to spillover. She thought this was all behind her, but every so often skeletons from their past fail out of the closet and threatened to crush her.

Bill walked around looking for Hillary. Finally he asked one of the agents and was informed that she was in the car. He frowned slightly confused about why she didn’t tell him she was ready to go, but he shrugged it off. He made his exit and climbed into the van. Hillary sat with her back to him, never acknowledging that he’d gotten into the van.

“I’m ready” she said to the driver. Bill noticed that her voice trembled and he wandered what happened. He would talk to her about it when they got home.

The short ride to their home was tense and silent. He could feel the waves of sadness radiating from her and he wandered if a Trump supporter accosted her. Surely he would have been notified. Hillary didn’t wait for her door to be opened. As soon as the van stopped she was out of it and headed toward the house.

“Did something happen?” he asked an agent.

“Not that we are aware of sir. Secretary Clinton just abruptly left the gathering without provocation” he clasped the man on the shoulder.

“Thank you, have a good night” Bill went into the house, he’d talk to Hillary. She would open up to him.

He entered their bedroom and noticed she was already in the bathroom, most likely doing her nightly routine. Bill walked into the bathroom, Hillary stood at the sink brushing her teeth. He leaned against the counter.

“You ok baby?” he said rubbing her neck. She tensed slightly, never answering him, just giving a faint nod. Hillary shrugged off his touch and continued brushing her teeth. Bill stepped out of the bathroom and decided to get ready for bed. When he came out of his closet, the room was dark and Hillary was already in bed. He stood next to her prone body and just stared, truly confused by her behavior. Bill slipped in bed beside her. He scooted next to her and threw his arm around her midsection. He was relieved that she didn’t pull away. He nuzzled into the back of her neck smelling her sweet scented hair and soon he was asleep.

Hillary laid still until she knew he was sleeping before she removed his arm from her body and scooted away from him. She lay with her eyes open tears streaming down her face. Her mind replaying what she saw over and over again. She silently beat herself up thinking that he would be faithful, that she’d be enough. She covered her mouth as a sob worked its way out of her broken soul. How could she have been so stupid, she wondered how many there had been since he pretended to be faithful. Had he been cautious or did she need to go to the doctor and be tested? She made a resolve that she wouldn’t stay this time, it wasn’t worth it. No one was worth this type of pain, humiliation and rejection. There was no way she could forgive him this time, never again she was done. She knew sleep would not be coming for her tonight.

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He was half awake as he groped the bed for her warm body, instead his hand encountered a cold sheet. Bill’s eyes opened and he sat up. He looked around but she was nowhere to be found. It was barely seven but it seemed like Hillary had been out of bed for a while. He threw the covers off his body and slid out of bed, to go in search of his missing wife. He found her sitting in the kitchen, her back to the door. She was staring out into their backyard through the large bay window.

“You’re up early this morning anxious to get to Punta Cana?” he asked as he approached her. She quickly wiped the tears from her face, he’d never know how much he’d hurt her yet again. Bill grabbed her shoulders and kissed the top of her head once he reached her. “Our plane doesn’t leave until this afternoon, why you don’t you come back to bed” he stated seductively as he squeezed her shoulders. She felt like she was going to be ill. She shrugged off his touch and hopped off the stool she was sitting on. She went around him avoiding eye contact as she exited the kitchen. Bill was momentarily stunned until he decided to confront her. He tore out of the kitchen in pursuit. “What is wrong with you Hillary?”

“You of course” she whipped around answering him with all the rage she felt.

“What have I done? I don’t understand where this attitude is coming from” he wasn’t upset just baffled.

“I saw you last night. You think you’re just going to run over me again make a fool out of me again. Why do you hate me so?”

“Sweetie, calm down tell me what has you so upset. I don’t understand” and he didn’t, but he wanted to fix whatever was wrong.

“I saw you with her last night” if truth be told none of the other women had ever made her feel as worthless as Mary Jo Jenkins. He’d never wanted to leave her until that woman and she often wondered if she made the right decision in refusing to divorce him. He clearly wished to punish her for the lost opportunity of his true love. Bill suddenly realized what was wrong and he hated himself for not realizing it sooner. “Did you plan for her to be there? It’s so important for you to humiliate me at every turn isn’t it? Is she coming to Punta Cana as well? Will we be pussy in laws?” she stated sarcastically trying to mask the hurt. He approached her and she stepped back shaking her head. “No more William, I’m out. I know when I’m not wanted” she tried to walk past him, but he was having none. He grabbed her and pulled her back.

“Listen to me damn it. I didn’t know she was going to be there, I haven’t seen her in nearly thirty years and before I had that inappropriate relationship with her she was a friend. That was me saying hello to an old friend. I was planning to tell you that I’d seen her but you froze me out” she scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“So this is all my fault?”

“No, it’s no one’s fault. Nothing happened Hillary!”

“I’m sure you can understand why I don’t believe you” he understood the history, but no he couldn’t understand and it hurt him.

“No I actually can’t understand” she looked at him like he had two heads, but he forged on. “I fucked up a lot and I know I hurt you, but I have spent twenty years trying to make that up to you and I haven’t even thought about touching another woman. I couldn’t hurt you anymore, I saw how I nearly destroyed you and I made a vow that if I couldn’t be the man for you, if I couldn’t keep myself only until you from then on I would let you go. I’m not letting you go Hillary, I love you and only you” she shook her head, trying to quail the tears that she felt coming.

“Why did you talk to her? Why did you hug and kiss her?” her voice broke and he felt like a complete fool. He’d done it again, he’d hurt her. Would he ever stop hurting her?

“I was just being friendly Hillary. I really had no intention that it would be anything but the short conversation I had with her. And I didn’t think it would bother you. I thought we were on better terms and you trusted me” he stated as his voice trailed off.

“You thought wrong” she sneered. She was using anger to mask the utter despair and pain she felt. She hated how he could strip away all her self worth, and make her feel like nothing. She hated that she allowed him to do it. Tears pooled in his eyes as he looked at his baby hurting and knowing once again it was his fault. Bill blew out a ragged breath and ran his fingers through his thick white hair. He had no clue how to fix this, he was telling the truth when he said that he had no intentions towards Mary Jo. He hadn’t even recognized her until she approached him.

They’d only spoken of Hillary, he went on and on about how amazing she was and how lucky he was to have her in his life. He knew long ago that he was fortunate that Hillary had known what was best for him and hadn’t gave up on their marriage when he thought he wanted a divorce. Truth be told he only wanted the divorce because Mary Jo never challenged him, none of the women did. At that time, he wanted to just be a slacker and not live up to his full potential and Hillary pushed him. Once he truly examined why he’d spent years hurting her and ultimately himself he could manage his impulses because he understood what he was trying to cover up and he no longer needed those covers. She was truly all he ever needed.

“Hillary please listen to me and I mean truly listen to me” she shook her head.

“No I’m done” he blocked her path when she tried to walk way. “Move Bill” she pushed at his shoulder, but he was unmoving.

“You will listen to me” her mouth fail open at his gall.

“You joking right now? You’re getting angry with me!” she pushed at him again this time he grabbed her and pulled her to stand back in front of him. She hated sometimes being smaller than him. He still had phenomenal strength and he could certainly move her and place her where he pleased.

“Mary Jo was in town with her husband, who was also there last night. I don’t know if you noticed the bald man standing next to her” realization dawned on Hillary, but she refused to relent. “I know from your eyes that you did. That’s her husband Paul, he’s a Wall Street Banker, they decided to stop in for some drinks. She called me over I said my peace and walked away, nothing more nothing less” he stared her straight in the eyes and with all the practice she’d had over the years she knew when he was lying and when he wasn’t. He wasn’t this time.

“Why did you hug and kiss her? You looked pretty cozy.”

“There was nothing cozy about being in a room full of people, with her husband and my wife the love of my life steps away. I was just being friendly, you know how you’re friendly with Joe” Hillary rolled her eyes.

“I never slept with him so that’s a false equivalency”

“No, but when he and Jill were having issues he tried. I wouldn’t be surprised if it weren’t still in the back of his head, I don’t freak out about you being around him, not ever” she broke her mouth back.

“That’s not entirely true and you know it. You’ve had your fits of rage about our friendship and I wasn’t even close to being with him, let alone threatening to divorce you for him”

“Baby that was stupid of me. I was stupid, but I’m not anymore. I can’t be without you and I don’t want you angry with me. I did nothing wrong” he saw a slight change in her demeanor and he decided to take advantage of it. He pulled her to him but she stopped him before he brought her against his body.

“I will leave you if you ever even think about cheating on me again” her voice was icily calm and he knew she meant business.

“I know you will and you’ll have every reason too, but I will never do that again you are all I need, want and frankly can handle” he leaned in and pecked her lips. Hillary placed her hands on his forearms.

“What do you mean all you can handle?” she asked pulling away. He lifted a brow and smirked.

“You know what I mean. Since you hit your sixties you’ve been nearly insatiable, not that I’m complaining” she looked away, blushing. She’d certainly leaned into the latter half of her life and that included accepting who she was, and where she was in life. That gave her a feeling of completion and comfortableness that she never had in her younger days with that came a surge in her libido. Bill had been pleasantly surprised by her new attitude and initially it did cause him worry. He started imagining that he wouldn’t be enough for her and he’d lose her, she’d soothed away those worries as he’d done for her today.

“I hope you continue to behave yourself” she ran a finger down his chest, his pupils dilated. “Otherwise there are other men out there that will appreciate madam president” he bit his bottom lip when she used the nickname he used for her vagina.

“I’ll kill any man that tries” he growled pulling her flush against his body. He claimed her mouth in a searing kiss. Bill pulled away from her, looking over her shoulder at the clock. “We don’t have to be at the airport for about four hours” she felt a little silly about her behavior. “You don’t have to apologize. I deserve the suspicion” she smiled shyly.

“What’s your point that we don’t have to be at the airport for four hours?”

“My point is that I’m going to fuck the shit out of you” he stated deadpan. Her breath hitched, as her cheeks became rosy. He bent and hoisted her up she yelped in surprise.

“Bill you are going to throw your back out put me down!” he unceremoniously deposited her on the bed and she laughed loudly. He climbed onto the bed and hovered over her.

“God I love you woman” he bent and kissed her and they tangled themselves together, mending broken hearts and uncovering truths.