The lights were bright and the air was thick with smoke and the smell of sex. People were strewn about the house doing various activities; drinking, smoking, fighting, fucking. I was stood in the kitchen with a group of people whom I hardly recognized in my inebriated state, but continued talking and laughing with them freely. A tall guy with striking green eyes and dimples handed me my fifth --- sixth? Or was it seventh? --- shot of the night, and I threw it back with ease. I didn’t know what was in it, nor did I care. I only cared about losing myself in the night.
“Heidi! There you are!” I heard my best friend, Mona, come up behind me and turn me around by my shoulders. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Her eyes showed her concern, but since I could comprehend very little, I simply laughed. “Mona, I’ve missed you! Come, have a drink!” My words were slurred and I felt warm all over. I wrapped my best friend in a loose hug, with her supporting most of my dead weight. “Fucking hell,” she mumbled. “Ey, Mick, have you seen Chris anywhere?” Oh, so that was Green Eyes’ name! I wanted to remember that for future a hopefully future hook-up, but that was doubtful. Mick must have said no or ignored Mona, because she scoffed and began half-walking, half-carrying me through the living room where people were crowded, dancing. I wanted to join them, so I broke out of Mona’s hold for a brief moment and started moving my body to the beat of “Jumpman” by Drake and Future. Mona grumbled and reached to grab me, but before she could, an arm was around my shoulders.
“Oh, thank god, Will! I was just able to find Heidi but she’s so fucking out of it.” Ugh, it was William, my brother’s best friend. I loved him as if he were my brother, as well, but I knew that if Will was there, my night was over. He, along, with Christoffer, was extremely protective over me. Ever since the year before… It’s cool, Mona. C’mon, Chris is out front.” William deep voice reverberated against the side of my body, and even though I was completely wasted and wanted to stay, I knew not to argue with him. So, I tried my best to stay on my feet and walk with my two friends to meet my worry-wart of an older brother. This was a difficult feat, though, because several shots and drinks mixed with high heels was a dangerous combination. Will must’ve kown I was struggling to walk, because he lifted my five-feet-tall frame into his arms and carried me bridal style the rest of the way. n
People were probably staring and muttering whispers amongst themselves, but mostly everyone was used to me by now. Being the younger sister of Nissen’s local playboy, Chris Schistad, everyone knew me. I was was either loved or hated, but everyone envied me. I was beautiful and I knew it. I was a social butterfly who knew how to party but could also keep exceptional grades. I wore pretty clothes and could make everyone stare when I walked into a room. Girls wanted to be me, and both boys and girls alike wanted me. I was sweet, charming, and disarming. Ha, look at that! Even when I’m piss drunk I could still write poetry.
Mona held the door open for William as he carried me out into the chilly November air. I hadn’t wore a coat that night because it would clash with my pretty lace dress, so I snuggled deeper into William’s warmth. I heard Chris’s voice as soon as we were in his line of vision. “Jesus Christ, is she okay?” His voice was worried; normally, he would try to keep his cool in public. But when it came to me, he threw his facade out the window, and no one mocked him for it. At least not to his face. “Yeah, she’s just annihilated. I can’t believe she wanted to party on a fucking Thursday.” William replied, but he knew why. I partied and drank because it made me feel free. It made me forget. And I would take up any chance to do so. I heard Chris sigh. He knew, too.
William placed me in the back seat of his car, ensuring that I wasn’t in an odd position and that I had all of my extremities before shutting the door. I turned to face the window, the brightness of the street light stunning me for just a second. I saw William, Chris, Mona, and Chris’s girlfriend, Iben, talking. I wasn’t that close to Iben. Sure, she was pretty, so were a lot of other girls. Attractive girls were a dime a dozen. She was pretty fucking dumb if she dated my brother but knew of his history with girls. I loved the kid, truly, but when it came to relationships, he only thought with his dick. I couldn’t hear what the four of them were saying, their voices muffled by the loud music from the ongoing party and the closed window, but I could recognize Chris’s worry and frustration anywhere. He hugged Mona before pulling Iben off to the side. Oh, great, another argument. Probably about me. Lovely. William and Mona exchanged a few more words before they hugged, Mona then came to the car where I was. She opened the back door. “Heidi, William and Chris are taking you home. Get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” She was quiet, but I heard her clearly. I was always quick to sober up, which was why I always had a drink in my hand. I giggled and smiled at her, kissing my hand and placing it on her soft cheek. She smiled back. “Goodnight, love.” She said before shutting the door once more. I didn’t recall anything after that, because I blacked out.
I woke up in my bed with only vague memories of the night before. I laid there for a few moments, knowing that I’d become dizzy if I stood too quickly. Thankfully, my body had become accustomed to my drinking habits, so I no longer experienced hangovers. I was a pro at it all. What an accomplishment. I got prepared for school quickly, knowing that William would arrive soon to pick up Chris and I for school. Speaking of which, I hadn’t seen or spoken to my brother since before the party. I went to the kitchen where Chris stood making toast for him and I. He looked up when he heard me enter. “Good morning.” He said with a smile. I returned it and threw my arms around his neck. He was much taller than me, so he had to lean down slightly to hug me back. “Was it bad last night?” I asked into his shoulder. I felt his body shake with laughter.
“You made out with three different people and danced all night. Nothing out of the ordinary.” He replied before pulling away from me. He handed me my toast, which I took gratefully, staring into my eyes that were just like his, golden brown. “Heidi, why do you keep doing this to yourself?” He asked, so much emotion lacing his words. I glared back. “I don’t want a fucking lecture, Christoffer. I just want to have fun, okay? No harm in enjoying my high school years.” My words very clearly said, “drop it.” But, knowing me so well and not being fazed by my attitude, he didn’t. “There’s harm in it when you’re falling so hard into destruction, Heids. You gotta-you have to learn to use your words and stop bottling this shit up.” I knew he was right, he always was. But I was stubborn. “I wish it were that easy, Chris. But I can’t just wake up one day and say, ‘hey, I want talk about my goddamn feelings,’ okay? Fuck, you know I wish I could but it’s so. Fucking. Hard.” Tears welled up in my eyes, but before Chris could say something back, a car horn sounded from outside. Will was there to retrieve us.
I blinked back my tears and grabbed my school bag, leaving my brother to follow me outside. William was sat with the window down, “I Can” by Nas blaring through his speakers out into the street. He smiled, a real smile, at me as I approached him. I smiled back, no evidence of my true emotions displaying on my face. I leaned down to kiss his cheek as a thank you for the previous night before sliding into the back seat, Chris taking the front. I was silent the rest of the way to school.