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Back to You

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Dinner Party at White House, 1998

It was expected that the guests for the Dinner Party at the White House to arrive by 07:00 PM. However as early as 06:00 PM the people started coming. Any party hosted by the White House is especially anticipated—this one is no exemption. The VIPs, diplomats, politicians, and celebrities had started going around expanding networks, and or headhunting for potential business partners. The energy in the venue had begun to peak up as cacophony of sounds had increased a few notch. Champagnes, whiskeys, and hor d'oeuvres were being served around.

Everyone in the party was filled with excitement for what awaits them in the night. Everyone, except for one.

Hillary took a deep breath as she looks down at the people from the balcony. The people had already started to mingle with one another. She, however, was already dreading the party.

She's not particularly looking forward to this night as she knew that she needs to play a charade with her husband so as to appear to the crowd that they are okay.


1 year, 2 months, 12 days, 16 hours, and 22 minutes. That's exactly how long it has been since she had thrown him out of their bedroom, and he started living on the couch.

Bill counted the days because he often wondered how long it will take for her to withstand being alone in their bedroom. Well, apparently, he had under-estimated her will. It has been more than 1 year and she seem to be doing fine. He, on the other hand, was agonizing on the distance that she had put between them. He missed her. It pains him to know what had become of them ever since his affair with the intern had came to light.

He was in the circle of diplomats when he had seen his wife standing in the corner talking to a man he didn't know. "Who's that?" Bill asked Al who was standing next to him.


"The man talking to my wife, do you know him?"

Al turned his head where the President was looking, and shrugged. "No, he doesn't look familiar to me."

The man said something that made Hillary throw her head back and laugh. Bill almost smiled. It has been a long time since the last time he had seen his wife laugh and smile without being forced to do so for the public. He hated everything: the silent treatment, the false pretense that they are okay, and most of all, he dislikes the sadness and misery that seems to automatically hover around her when he's near. It shouldn't be a wonder if after his term she would be filing for divorce.

The sudden thought of divorce made him wince. Jesus, a lifetime without her. "You know the guy wouldn't stop flirting with her if you are just going to stand there brooding." Bill took a drink from his tumbler to compose himself. "You know that she hates me, right? I cannot just go there and interrupt them." Al looked at him waiting for him to speak. "What?" Bill asked. "What do you want, Bill?" He glanced across the room where his wife was standing smiling, laughing, and enjoying her time with someone else.

"I want her back."

Al smiled and said, "then go get your girl."


Hillary was having a great time reminiscing with her former classmate from Yale when she saw from her peripheral that Bill was approaching them. She tensed. She almost walked out but decided against it as it would cause a scene.

"Hi, darling." Bill said casually, planting a kiss on her temple as he snaked his arm around her shoulder, pressing her closer to his side. Hillary's friend was taken aback by the sudden arrival of the President. "Mr. President." He greeted. Hillary, for her part, was just as surprised at his deliberate show of possessiveness that left her frozen for a fraction of second.

"So who's your friend?" Bill asked as he look at her. Hillary caught the glint of challenge in his eyes. Here they go again, pretending like as if they are getting along well. She's getting used to this. What was surprising though is his sudden confidence in touching her. She thought that maybe he wanted to put the charade to the next level to be more convincing. Well, if Bill thought that she's going to shy away from this game he's wrong.

Bill was expecting Hillary to distance herself so her next action caught him by surprise. She nestled into him, wrapping her arm around his waist. "This is my friend from Yale, Anthony Woods."

Bill drag his gaze from her to the hand that her friend extended, and shook it "Mr. Woods." Anthony greeted him back. His attention snapped back to her, when he look down and found her genuinely beaming at him.

It rendered him speechless.

She is so beautiful.

From that moment, though, Bill made a promise to himself that he will do everything in his power to win her back.


Anthony was about to say something when the jazz band started playing It Had to Be You as the next song. Remembering that this is the same song that they danced to during his inauguration, Bill whispered, "I think this one is our dance, darlin'" in his Arkansas drawl. People cleared the way for the first lady and the president as he led her to the dance floor.

They swayed slowly at first while Bill held her stare. He was afraid to blink at the moment for fear that he might break the spell. He lovingly gazed at her face as he tried to memorize it. He knew that he should while he can because it might take another days, weeks, or months before he can get this close to her once again. He wanted to be closer but didn't do so because he knew that she might not be ready yet, so he settled with the distance she is willing to offer.

Hillary was confused as hell. When she smiled up at him earlier she knew she was just playing along with their game but now that they were swaying together in a song that's bringing back the good memories, she's no longer sure. Everything that's happening is all too familiar: his scent, the feel of his soft salt and pepper hair, his handsome face, the strength of his arms. If only everything is okay, she would not hesitate to press her body closer to him and lay her head on his shoulder.

But it's not.

She blinked waking herself up from the trance. She knew that they need to keep this facade of a happy marriage in order to appease the public just as what they had agreed on. She had to remember that this is all a show.

Well if she wanted to make good on their act this is the best time to do it she thought. So before the song ended, she crept her hand that was resting on his back to his nape, then drew his head down, as she pressed a sweet reverent kiss on the bridge of his nose.

click click

Just before the night ended, the world had a perfect picture of a sweet moment between Hillary and Bill Clinton.

Chapter Text

"This is just gold. What's the kiss all about?" Betsy, Hillary's friend, asked. She was reading the article in the lifestyle section featuring them.

"Listen to this: the First Lady and the President seem to be so engrossed in their dance that both stared at each other's eyes all throughout the time. We wouldn't be surprised if they didn't blink at all! Some would say—as it seems—the first couple had finally overcome the scandal and took a second chance in love."

Betsy was grinning because she knew that they were far from what was being described in the newspaper. But Betsy seems to be enjoying teasing Hillary about it. Understanding that her friend was teasing her made Hillary roll her eyes. "We're not yet okay, okay?" She said as she sat next to her friend. She grabbed the newspaper, took a look and handed it back to Betsy clumsily.

"Hill, it has been over a year, and you haven't forgiven him yet?"

"It still hurts me when I remember it. I get angry at him whenever I remember his betrayal. Honestly, I want to forgive him. But it's not easy."

"Well at least we know that you wanted to give him a chance." Betsy said as she started to stand. She went to the window and took a good look outside.

"Oh, come here!" Betsy called.

When Hillary reached her friend and stood next to her, she found herself looking at Bill outside. As usual, he's already at work. He was dressed in a suit that fit him in perfection with a red tie. He was holding some papers. Even from afar no one would miss his boyish charm and good look. The people that surrounded him were laughing. Someone said something that made him laugh out loud.

"Wow, look at that handsome." Betsy remarked. Hillary ended up gritting her teeth. Handsome indeed, but a monster. Okay, no sense to deny it, he's handsome. God, if only I wipe that smile off his face. She's annoyed that even after all the things that he had done to her, she still found him attractive.

Someone whispered something to Bill that made him look at where Hillary and Betsy were standing. When their gaze met, she suddenly turned her head away from him awkwardly. Shit, she thought. She internally castigated herself for staring openly at him. Great job for being caught gawking at him, she thought dreadfully.


It was lunch time when everyone made it to the dinning table. Bill was about to take his seat when he noticed the absence of the First Lady. "Where is my wife?" He asked. "She said that she's not hungry, sir."

That's odd. Well, he thought, she has been acting odd lately. So why would his wonderful, dear wife start avoiding him? In spite of her anger, she never avoided him. She would endure his presence while she can. But he noticed that particularly after she kissed him at the Dinner Party, she started avoiding him. At first, he didn't pay attention. He thought that it might be a coincidence. But now that this would be the fifth time that she had avoided him.

He recounted the time that she had avoided him: The first was when she excused herself immediately after their dance. He didn't get a chance to be with her the whole night. Second, was when she took an early breakfast saying that she needed to do something, hence she didn't wait for him. Third, was when she suddenly made a turn on the hallway, when he appeared at the opposite end. Fourth, was earlier when he caught her looking at him. Now, she's not hungry?

Bill laughed in spite of himself that made the people in the dinning table look at him. "I'm sorry, I just remembered something." He excused.


It was past 2:30 PM when Hillary asked for a sandwich to be brought up to her office. She was famished since she skipped lunch. She had already made a self-pep-talk that she needs to stop this ridiculous dance of avoidance when her husband is around because she couldn't avoid him forever. Admittedly, though, she doesn't like that he could still make her feel something.

That realization though made her grit her teeth again. Gaddamit, Diane, she thought, you better get your walls up, and ensure that they are strong enough before your husband charms his way to break your defense. Jesus, that man can even charm a snake without even trying. But hey, you are not vulnerable to his charms. You are smart, and not overly emotional. You can indeed endure it, in fact ... before she could even finish her trail of thought someone knocked on her door.

"Come in!" She called.

Bill came in bringing her sandwich. He had instructed the kitchen staff earlier to call him if the First Lady asked for a food to be brought up to her office. He was reading his dossier when he was informed that the First Lady asked for a sandwich. Billy if you want to win your wife back you better do something now, he thought as he went to the kitchen to pick up her food. Bill had never felt more excited.

He found her behind her desk, her head turned down in the papers that she was writing on. She was so taken by what she was doing she didn't bother even to look up. When he reached her table and stood next to it, he took a peek at what she was doing. He noticed that she was gripping her pen too hard as she wrote her thought.

"You must be writing something intense in there to be gripping the pen too hard." He joked. Hillary's head snapped to where he was standing.

"You scared me!"

"Well you are so into what you are doing you didn't even bother to look up."

Hillary looked at what he brought with him. Bill followed her gaze. "I brought you your food."

"You didn't have to. I asked the staff..."

"I know, I asked them to tell me if you will have your lunch brought up."

He began taking off her meal from the tray and arranged it for her. Hillary was speechless and was just watching him serve her. "Uhhhh ..." she stuttered, not knowing what to say. She felt bereft. She didn't know what to do. But Bill just smiled while he carefully moved her papers to the side so he could place her meal properly before her. He took care of her stuff, putting articles here and there, until he was able to arrange her meal. Then she noticed that the sandwich was not one but two.

Reading her thought, Bill said almost in a whisper, "you know, when you didn't eat earlier, I skipped lunch too. I thought I'd eat with you, so I brought mine too." He looked at her; his eyes gentled, then he asked, "Darling is it okay if I join you here?"

Hillary could hear her heart beating in her ears, and her hands were starting to perspire. He crouched and was almost in kneeling position before her. He was on the same eye level. He was close that she could see the light blue ring that surrounded his irises.

"Uhhhhh ... y-yes." she said her voice croaked.

Bill smiled, "thanks." He look around for a chair. Hillary was just watching him not believing what was happening. She realized that he was bringing the chair next to her behind the desk, she panicked, "you're sitting there?" indicating to the space beside her seat. Bill placed his chair exactly to what she was thinking and said matter-of-factly, "yes." Then he asked innocently, "you are okay that I sit next to you right?"

That statement said in a feigned innocence made her realize that they are in a battle of wills. As it seems her husband is on the move to "charm" his way around her defense, just as she thought. She straightened up from her seat, remembering her goal.

"Of course, make yourself comfortable."

Bill smiled albeit smugly. He understood that she got his message.

Oh, this is war, and this will be exciting.

Chapter Text

All throughout Hillary's life she knew little to no fear, doesn't buckle to criticism, and she's certainly a tough woman. So she was wondering why on earth she felt like as if she's a worm being observed under microscope? If her resolve wasn't just strong she would have squirmed on her seat. But she would die first before her husband finds out how uncomfortable he made her feel.

Bill's seat was directly facing hers, their knees almost touching. She was eating in silence, struggling to swallow her sandwich. Don't gag, please. Don't gag. She chanted inside her head. On the other hand, Bill was having a great time. He almost wanted to laugh at the situation but instead kept his face straight. He must not let her know that he knew that he has the upperhand in the situation.

He leaned back on his seat while enjoying his sandwich, and enjoying his view of her. While enjoying his view, he noticed that Hillary wasn't even trying to look at him. Her gaze was focused on her food.

"Do you like it?" He asked.

Like it? She couldn't even taste it! "I love it." She lied. "Yeah, I can see that you are totally enjoying your meal." His sarcasm made her turn her gaze to him.


"What was that suppose to mean?" She asked.

"It means that I that I think you are lying, and I think I still make you feel something."

Hillary gaped at him, her sandwich abandoned. Bill, however, took his last bite, grabbed the goblet with water, and drank. He wipe his mouth with the napkin, as he wait for her response.

But Hillary was at a loss for words. It took her some time before she could rack her brain with a response. "How arrogant of you to even assume that?"

"It's not arrogance. It's true. All throughout the time that we were eating you couldn't even look at me."

To prove that he was wrong, she look directly at him.


Bill had to laugh. Let's see, he thought. He stood, took a step toward hers, then placed his hands on the arm rest of her chair—trapping her between her seat and his body. It took all of her strength not to cower and make a mistake by leaning back on the chair. She held her position and didn't move. She also kept her face straight.

"I don't make you feel anything now?"


He leaned his head towards hers, while holding her gaze.

"How about now?" he whispered as his gaze dropped to her lips, and went back to her eyes.

"Try harder." She responded in a hushed tone.

He inched closer until his face was a mere few inches away from her. He was so close that she could see the fine skin of his face, the color of his eyes.

"How about now?"


He inched closer again until he touched his nose against hers. His lips hovering above hers poised as if to kiss her. Hillary felt the world stopped. She held her breath. Her hand suddenly itched to grip his nape, pull him down, and crush his lips against hers but she can't. She can't lose now. Not to him again. Ever.

"Hill —"

Someone knocked on the door breaking the moment. Bill pulled back but didn't lose his stare. Hillary looked at his face and realized that he had gone beet red, and his chest was heaving as if he ran. She, on other hand, was shaken. She gripped the handle of her seat so hard her knuckles turned white.

He was affected as she was.

The knock persisted.

"Come in!" He yelled.

"I'm sorry Mr. President but something urgent came up."

"I'll be there."

The agent closed the door. Bill had his patience checked by looking at the ceiling. He took a deep breath then said, "I have to go. I'll have the staff pick up the tray."

She didn't respond. When he realized that she's not going to do so, he walked out. He had to while he still have the power to hold the beast inside of him.


As days progressed, Hillary was able to limit her interaction with Bill. She would ensure that their conversation would not last longer than necessary, and her response were short, and direct. She also ensures that she will not be alone with him. Okay, if she'll be honest Bill still makes her feel something. This is actually the reason why she was limiting her interaction with him so she could kill whatever attraction she feels for him.

She was so occupied with her thoughts that she almost had forgotten to call Sen. Kerry for their plan to expand the health care that she was proposing. Sen. Kerry told her that it might take some time for them to get what they want, and might not meet their 6 month target. "No, John, there has to be a way for us to push this through." John hesitated before proceeding with his suggestion, "Well your husband has quite a good influence in the Congress. You may want him to vouch for you."

Her heart sank.

"No, John. I don't need my husband's help. I want this to be entirely mine."

"I know, and this will still be yours. What I only suggest is for your husband to influence his "buddies" to prioritize this one."

"Alright, I'll see what I can do."


Bill was in the oval office talking to one of his staff when they were interrupted by a knock on the door. When the agent opened the door and revealed that it was his wife coming to see him, he felt his chest expand with unexpected joy.

"Hi!" Hillary started, approaching him purposely.

Bill went in front of his desk, then propped himself against it.

"Hello." He greeted back, his eyes gentling. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" He teased.

It's kind of amazing she thought that in spite of their strained relationship they could always fall into an easy conversation. She heaved a sigh, as she took a good look at him. His coat discarded, his sleeves rolled back just before his elbow, his hair slightly mussed—no doubt from combing it repeatedly by his hand. He was wearing a genuine smile like as if he was in good mood. She thought that this is the best time that she would ask for his favor.

"I had a talk earlier with Sen. Kerry and our proposal for the extension of the health care might not meet the 6 month deadline that we have set." She waited for any reaction on his end, and when she realized that he won't be giving his feedback, she proceeded.

"Everything is already set, however, with the queues of other bills to be reviewed by the congress this will be pushed back."

Still no reaction. So she thought that it's no point to delay further.

"But in order for me to get it passed the soonest, I need the congress to prioritize it."

His smile slowly faded, so she went here because she needed something from him. Well what was he expecting anyway? Is he expecting that she would come running to his office because she missed him? Because she wanted to see him? A pang of disappointment engulfed him. He needs to work harder if he wants her back.

Wait ... she needs something from him, right? Well ...

Hillary noticed the emotion played in his handsome face. His smile faded so she knew right there that it displeased him that she sought him out because she needed his influence.

"And ... ?" He pried.

"I need your help, if you could tell your friends in Congress to prioritize this one we could get it done according to our deadline." He took a deep breath then pushed himself away from the table and went where his decanter of whiskey was located. She patiently waited for his response. He took a sip, then said, "There are other important bills to be passed, and they all go through the same process, yours need to go through the same process."

"But Bill I made a promise!" She said rather too forcefully.

Bill looked at her hard, and approached her. "Is this important to you?" He asked. She seek his gaze and said, "Yes, this is really important to me." Bill rubbed his chin, like as if he was contemplating her words.

"And this cannot wait?"


"I'll do it," Hillary's eyes lit up when she heard his agreement, but then it died when he added, "in one condition."

Bill wanted to snort when he had seen her smile died, and clenched her jaw. This is going to be interesting, he thought. "What condition?" She asked. "I want you to kiss me everyday."


Hillary had to blink twice to know if she heard him right. Her mouth fell open, she was at loss for words. Bill watched as she opened her mouth to say something then closed, then opened. She reminded him of the fish in their aquarium. At that moment, he found her incredibly cute that he wanted to guffaw at her expression, but he didn't. He's not cruel enough to add more distress to her. He bit the insides of his mouth to keep himself from laughing.


"I said I want you to kiss me everyday for the next ... 3 months."


Hillary couldn't believe what was happening. He took a step closer, then gripped her chin. "That's all I'm going to ask, darlin'. I just want you to kiss once everyday."

Hillary moved back, dislodging his hold on her chin, "No."

"Okay." He shrugged then went to his table. He knew that she would relent. He'll give her time.

He has lost his mind. No, he's crazy. Hillary couldn't believe that her husband would resort to blackmailing. What a crazy man. What to do? She thought. Well, she could try to persuade the congress on her own but she knew that her chance will be slim, if she wouldn't be able to influence them for the next few days they would not be able to make it on their deadline.

This infuriating man! She thought, gritting her teeth. She closed her eyes, asked for patience, and courage from the universe and then said, "Okay."

Bill smiled. 1 point, Billy boy.

He wanted to throw a punch in the air for winning this time. Bill turned propping himself against the table, and crossed his arms against his chest. When Hillary knew that he had won, she added, "But listen to me, I'll do it on my own terms. I'll kiss you according to my schedule." Bill wanted to laugh. According to her schedule?!

"Suits me." He grinned.

Hillary bit her tongue when she had seen his grin. She would pay millions if she could wipe that stupid smile off his face. She turned around wanting to call this a day, but stopped when he said, "We'll start today."

Can this day get any worse?

"What?" Seriously, how many times will she ask him what?

"Let's seal the deal with a kiss"

She laughed incredulously. She wanted to tell him to go to hell, but she didn't want to lose this opportunity. "Once a day everyday starting today." He said.

"You are killing me." She said through gritted teeth.

"Kiss me now."

She took a deep breath. What did I ever do to deserve this punishment, she thought. She took a step until she stood before him, she tipped her chin up. Bill untangled his arms from his chest, and then placed them behind him gripping the edge of the desk. He could hear her breathing, as his heart was pounding like a trip hammer on his chest. Hillary held his stare as she slowly tiptoed to meet his lips. But he didn't move, she needs to reach him, he thought. When she was a breath away from him, he hasn't moved yet. She wondered if he would leave her reaching for him—never meeting her halfway. She was hovering, and she could no longer take it.

"Please, Billy." She whispered brokenly.

It took all of his strength not to fall upon her, but he lost his control when he heard her plead for his kiss. He moved fast gripping her hips as his other hand wrapped around her waist. He crushed his lips against her, kissing her like as if he was drowning—like as if her kiss was the air that he needed. It was a passionate kiss, demanding, and soul searing that brought tears to his eyes.

It was all he needed, it was all he was looking for. It was in that kiss he knew he'll find his way home again.

Chapter Text

It was past 2 AM and Hillary couldn't sleep. Wrapped in her purple satin robe, she had lain on her side facing the window. She was replaying in her head what had happened earlier, and how it had affected them both. She was surprised by how Bill had lost his control, and how it shook her to her core.

When Bill had ended the kiss. They both had lingered. They just pulled back when they were disturbed by his staff telling him that his next meeting was about to start. But before he let go, he pressed a kiss on her forehead.

Then he left without saying goodbye.

To be honest, she doesn't want to be too hopeful about it because—let's be real here—Bill is notoriously a philanderer. The Monica Lewinsky is not a one-time event; there had been others. And quite frankly she had enough of them. She no longer harbors any illusion that he will change. However, she needs to protect herself just to be sure. That's why she panicked when he had mentioned that the condition is a kiss.


For three months.

Can she do it, she wondered? Can she go through this deal without having herself hope that he will be a changed man, or can she handle her feelings that by the end of their agreement she's still whole?

A tear had slipped through the corner of her eyes unchecked. She didn't bother wiping them.

They say that she's tough, and unfrazzled by anything, but what they didn't know is that her husband has the key to annihilating her completely.

If only she doesn't love him that much.


Bill could only stare at the ceiling, wondering about Hillary. She was just sleeping next door. They are separated by mere steps away. He knew that the door that separates them is not even locked, but he doesn't even want to dare himself to go to her room uninvited.

But he missed her.

He realized how much he does the moment that he felt her in his arms. Having her there was what he was missing. It's like finding the last piece of a puzzle he was trying to complete.

But does she feel the same way? After he kissed her, she didn't say anything. He could not even gauge her mood. With the kind of person she is, he knew that even if she felt something for him, even an iota, she would not acknowledge it. She would resist it. She would resist him.

He shut his eyes close as he gripped the bridge of his nose. If only he's not sick. If only he has a strong will to fight his demons, they wouldn't be in this situation. Gaddammit to hell.

He sat up infuriated with himself. He stood and started to pace in annoyance.

You're lucky she hasn't contemplated to leave you yet, he thought bitterly.

You're lucky she hasn't thrown a pan on your head which you so deserve.


Hillary was so close to falling asleep when she heard the door creaked. She tensed.

Is Bill going to be in her room?

She closed her eyes when she felt Bill went on her side. She pretended as if she was sleeping but she felt him crouched until he was on an eye level with her. He inched his head closer and just stared at her.

She slit her eyes open barely seeing him, but enough to fool him that she was asleep. What she saw, however, surprised her.

His eyes were misty like as if he had been crying. While she knew that Bill cries easily, this is the first time that he would come to her at the most ungodly hour with tears in his eyes.

Whatever happened to him?

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I wish I had never hurt you. I wish I were strong enough to fight my weaknesses. But I'll try. I'll work harder for you. I love you, and I can never live without you."

And then he left.

God, can this get any more complicated?


Four days after her deal with her husband when she was informed that their health care expansion proposal is already on queue for its first deliberation. She was so happy about the news that she could give her husband the kiss that early instead of giving it to him before they go to bed. To say, their kiss after the first day were not as passionate as their first one. It was decent and chaste. Although it had relieved her, she couldn't help but wonder.

So how did she go through their second-day kiss? After his confession, she had a shift of perspective. She couldn't help but soften a bit on him. He didn't remind her of their agreement, but when she had seen him pass through the hallway, she called him and said, "I -- I'll just give it to you tonight." At first, Bill look like as if he didn't have an idea what she was talking about until it dawned on him that she was talking about their "kiss" agreement.

His eyes lit up, smiled, and said, "I'll be looking forward to it."

When they kissed though that night it was just again chaste. It was a smack, then he gave her a lopsided smile and said, "good night."

It didn't bother her because it was she wanted. She thought that it's best that it just ended that way. However, for tonight, to show her thanks that he kept his word she could show a little enthusiasm, it wouldn't hurt right?


That night while she was waiting for him to arrive at the extension room where he was sleeping she was filled with trepidation. It suddenly made her feel ridiculous that she was acting like a virgin. She gave her head a shake and laughed at how she has been acting.

When she heard that the door to his room opened and closed, she gave it a few minutes, then she knocked.


"Come in, darlin'."

When she got herself in, she had to admit that her heart skipped a few beats. Bill, right after a bout of long hours at work looking mussed was incredibly sexy. This is again the first time that she would be seeing him in this state since they no longer share a bedroom. She had forgotten that Bill free of the neck tie, with a few buttons of his shirt popped open revealing his neck, with his hand combed salt and pepper hair did a few good things to her nerves. But of course, she didn't want to appear like as if he had affected her.

"Hello" she greeted, it sounded too husky even to her own ears.

"Well, why am I exactly looking forward to this?" Bill said with a knowing smile that stole her breath away.

It suddenly felt like as if she was having an affair with her husband—which is more ridiculous but, admittedly, fun and exciting.

So this is how it's like to have a tryst, she thought.

She went to him so willingly, then he encircled her in his arms. She cupped his face between her shaky hands and pulled his mouth to hers. The kiss was not hurried. It was slow like as if it's the first time they are doing it. They both savored each other taste, the texture of each other's lips, and reacquainting themselves to what they have missed.

She ran her hands over his face to cup the back of his head. She knew that having her fingers rake on his hair and slightly grazing the skin with her nails give him chills, and it did.

"Slow down, love." Bill said softly slightly turning his head breaking kiss. Hillary, however, was so consumed by the moment she only responded with a moan. She ran her lips on the length of his jaw and placed a few biting kisses on his neck. Then she heard a rumble on his chest.

"What's funny?" She asked against his skin, trying to stave off her passion.

He pulled back and cupped her face, "Nothing, I just missed you" then he pressed his lips in the space between her brows and stayed there, while he wrapped his arms again around her.

The spent the next few hours conversing. They sat on the couch, while he had her sitting on his lap with her legs stretched on. She had her arms around his neck, and now and then they'd steal a kiss while laughing or just simply tease each other. The sun was almost up when they said good night. Then he brought her back to her bedroom, but gave her a long searing kiss before letting her go.

"Goodnight,"." he said smiling down at her as he held the door.

She placed her hand on his cheek and said, "Goodnight."

She gently closed the door and leaned against it as a smile spreads across her face.

The future seems to be uncertain for them. Even at the state of euphoria, she did not forget that rekindling a romance with Bill might lead to a possible heartbreak. But, however, uncertain and unkind the future may seem, she is sure of one thing: They are crazy about each other, and maybe it's enough reason for her not to give up on him.

Chapter Text

Hillary was never a late person, but then she slept late—thanks to her husband for entertaining her with stories. But make no mistake, she enjoyed every moment of it. They both shared a great laugh and had flirted all throughout the time. But waking up late is something she does not she want to happen. She frowns heavily on people with punctuality problems.

She was expecting to be woken up. When she asked her staff why no one woke her up, they told her that the President had forbidden them to disturbed her. It brought a smile to her face that he had thought of her. Now, however, she's a little worried because it might mean that her agenda for today will not fall according to their plotted schedule. So much for late rendezvous. Late night but sweet rendezvous, she thought to correct herself.

When she got into her office in the West Wing her staff went from lounging in the conference room to rapidly getting in motion. She apologized for being late but kept firm on her goal that no agenda today would be canceled.

As much as she tries to save the day, her day wasn't progressing well. There were some heated discussions between her research and legal team. She felt like playing a referee between the two. She decided to leave the conference room and instructed both leads from the team to provide her their resolution so she could find common ground on their proposals.

When she got into her office she found a bouquet of Hydrangeas on her table. She immediately knew that it was from her husband. She approached the table and picked up the card.

"I was informed that you were not having a great time. May this one bring a smile to your face. — B."

And it did. She clutched the flower against her chest as all of her annoyance forgotten


Bill just ended his meeting when he was informed that his wife was waiting to be brought in.

"Sir, the First Lady is outside." Bill looked up from the papers that he was reading and had carefully set it aside as his wife sauntered to where he was seating.

He knew that she got the flowers that he sent. She walked behind the desk and stood next to him, as he swiveled to face her. His legs relaxed, and slightly apart. He leaned back from his seat, as he smiled up at her.

"So what good did I do to deserve a surprise visit?" He teased smilingly.

Hillary gave him a knowing smile, her eyes gentling. "What did you do, indeed?" she asked innocently.

"Come, sit here." He said patting his leg.

Hillary didn't hesitate to sit on his lap, her arms automatically wrapping around his neck.

"Hello." He greeted playfully.

"Hello yourself." She whispered she descended her head to gave him a kiss. He closed his eyes feeling the warmth of her mouth. The kiss was tentative and soft. Hillary could feel her heart race while he delicately kissed her back. He angled his head to deepen the kiss, and when he did successfully, she moaned. Bill's hand captured her face and cradled it. The kiss increased its intensity as they go on and on kissing each other. When Hillary pulled back breaking the kiss, Bill felt the tremors in her body. He glided his lips along her jaw. His hand that was lying on her leg hitched up.

"Please." She whispered, not knowing what was she was begging for. Bill moved his lips towards her ear, and whispered, "Do you want me to rub you here?"

Lost in desire, she opened her eyes, and the first thing that she had seen was the tobacco placed on the table.

All of this looks too familiar until something came crashing on her memory.

Monica Lewinsky masturbated using his tobacco in the oval office. "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." Bill said with conviction.

She felt like as if someone had doused cold water on her back as she that scene came flashing back on her. She jumped off his lap almost knocking the glass of water on the table. She nearly fell, but Bill was quick to move to steady her.

"Are you okay?" Bill asked worriedly.

Hillary was breathing fast like as if she ran, she tucked her hair behind her ear with shaky hands, and shook her head. "I - I'm sorry." She stuttered. She walks away from him with shaky legs. Bill knew something just came up, so he went to her. "What's wrong, darlin'?" He asked.

"I-I'm sorry I have to go." She said. She turned, but Bill held her arm, preventing her from leaving. "I'm not going to let you get out of this room without telling me what's wrong," Bill said. Her eyes dropped to where his hand was gripping her, then back to his eyes. What she saw in his eyes broke her. She knew that she had wounded him. She bit her lips as her tears came rolling down her cheeks unchecked.

"Please don't make me say it."

"Hill, I have to understand ..." He pleaded.

She looked straight into his eyes as she mustered the courage and said, "I wanted to. I swear, but the memory of your betrayal is still raw. I ... I saw your cigar, a ... and this place ... " she shook her head not trusting herself to go on, "please, don't make me say it."

Bill understood, he looked down at the floor ashamed to look at her. He bit his lips trying to keep his emotions in check. He nodded.

Without a word, Hillary turned around and walked away. When she reached the door, she wiped her tears and took a deep breath. For the last time she thought of looking back at him, she saw Bill took out his handkerchief and pressed them on his eyes. The image of him looking defeated was enough to bring fresh new tears in her eyes.


Bill spent the next few hours distracted and the staff felt it. But he tried to concentrate on his task. Besides, he can't run the country with divided attention. But he felt like as if he wasn't just in there. He skipped dinner saying that he wasn't feeling hungry. Instead of taking his dinner, he went for a walk on the grounds of the White House.

Hillary watched him from the library as he strolled outside. Watching him stroll alone made her feel sad. She hopes she could reach out to him and tell him that they will be okay.

But will they?

She winced at the thought. She desperately wanted them to be okay, to be back together as they used to, but she realized that it wasn't easy. The ghost of his betrayal, the humiliation is hovering above them constantly reminding her of what he had done to her.

"God, please help us." She whispered brokenly. Then her tears came rolling down on her cheek as she pressed her forehead against the window pane for support.


It was past midnight when Bill decided to retire to bed. He tugged on his necktie dismissively and ran his hands on his hair. They say that if it rains, it pours. Well, it fucking flooded. He glanced on the door leading to Hillary's room. He wondered what she's doing? He thought about going in there but decided not to do so. She might not like his presence in the meantime.

Bill had already taken a shower and was about to settle down on the couch when his eyes landed again on the door. Should he? Shouldn't he? He wanted just to know how she was. I'll just take a peek, he thought.

He went to the door, took a deep breath, and slowly turned the knob. The lights in her room had been dimmed, and he found her standing next to the window facing the city of Washington. For some reason, he was beckoned by her presence. He went to her slowly, and when he got near and stood behind her, he first noticed that she was not wearing her usual night dress. Then he realized that she was wearing his shirt.

Hope blossomed in his chest.

Ever so slowly, and tentatively he wrapped his arm around her waist, while the other around her chest pulling her closer until she was leaning against him. He held her tightly as if he could absorb the pain that he had caused her. He felt her tears drop on his arm. She wasn't sobbing or anything; she just allowed her tears to trickle down.

He turned her around to face him, wiped her tears with his thumbs, and kissed that spot on her cheek. He pulled her for embrace and just held her.

Outside that room while the American people that they serve were sleeping, their commander in chief was trying to comfort the country's first lady that he had publicly humiliated and hurt. He felt undeserving. How could he be deserving to lead, when he couldn't even be honorable to the person he had sworn to love and to cherish?

But he will do everything to make it up to her.

"Let's take you to bed." He whispered.

They both laid down on their bed. The bed that they used to share. He let her sleep nestled on his side with her head on his chest, his arms wrapped around her, and held her hand.

He didn't sleep the entire night because at that moment the only thing that mattered to him is his wife.

Chapter Text

Hillary woke up and found Bill still cradling her on his side while he was staring at the ceiling. She moved to burrow closer, and he automatically held her closer. She rubbed her legs against his hairy ones. She thought how natural it always felt to be in his arms. The moment she experienced it 20 years earlier she knew it's exactly where she would always belong.

Last night when she heard the door creaked she felt a pang of relief. It's ridiculous, really, but at that time she needed him. Him! Of all people! She didn't understood it herself that she was seeking out for his comfort—the very person who was the cause of her pain.

Initially she wanted to go to his room when she heard that he had already arrive but had dismissed the idea. She ended up just taking a shower instead. While she was in the walk-in closet her eyes landed on the cabinet where his shirts were kept. She felt them and took out the first one on top. She inhaled the scent, and on her first whiff her tears came streaming down.

"I miss you, Billy. I miss us." She whispered.

She wasn't exactly sure when she will feel him again, which was why she had decided to wear his shirt. If she couldn't have him in her arms tonight, at least she had something to remind her by.

To her relief though, just before she went to bed, he arrived.

"Have you slept?" She asked her voice hoarse from sleep. He dipped his head to look down at her, then he smiled.

"I couldn't."


"I wanted to savor the luxury of watching you sleep. And I thought to punish myself by seeing what I have done to you." His eyes got misty.

She hiked up to kiss the corner of his eyes. Then went back to nestle on his side. She reached for his hand and had intertwined their fingers and said: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. It never fails. We both read that. We both made a vow, and I intend to carry it through.

Bill moved in an instant and had her underneath him. He cradled her face, as she reached out to cradle his.

"I love you." He said.

"I do too." She replied her eyes gentle.

He descended his head to kiss her. He had to feel her right here, right now, he thought. He kissed her hurriedly, not getting enough of her.

"I want you. I want you so much." He said in between kisses. She ran her hand to cup the back of his head pressing him closer to deepen the kiss. He plunged inside her mouth tasting her completely. Possessing her.

She moaned, rubbing her lithe body against him, accepting everything he gave her. "I want you too." She said as she broke the kiss. She gripped his head and placed a kiss in the space between his brows, then she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Desire settled with relentless insistence in his shaft. He needs to have her. He dusted a kiss along her jaw, down to her neck. He unbuttoned her shirt and gently rubbed the back of his fingers on her stomach. He felt her stomach flutter.

She could feel his erection, and the thought of what they will share made her clenched. "I need you .. I need you now." She said her voice husky from desire. She felt him nod. "Yes, ma'am."

He helped her take off her clothes, as she helped him take his. In between getting naked she was giggling. Her laugh, however, subsided the moment that they settled on the position with him on top. He hissed when their skin touched. Her body was shaking from unspent desire, while he was filled with reverence, and awe. This is not just any act, it's not just to release desire. It was, as in every sense, an expression of deep and mutual love.

When he entered her it felt like he was home. He plunged slowly at first until he found his pace. He held her stare, not letting go. It took a few deep solid strokes until she reached her peak. Every muscle in her body tightened, and rapid heartbeats coupled with the thick honey of arousal soared in her veins. She clutched him to her when the tide of orgasm overtook her. Her climax sent her soaring high.

Bill increased his pace wanting to join her. She clamped down on his shaft, still deep inside her. "Yes,” he groaned, his body tensing above her as he tried to prolong the moment. But he couldn't. He felt her reached her climax. Finally. He deepened his stroke until he found his own release.

She held him afterwards. "Darlin', I'm heavy." He said worried that he might be crushing her with his weight, but she continued to hold him. "No, please stay." She told him then she pressed a kiss on the exposed skin on his shoulder.

They stayed in that position for a while until at the most unfortunate time her stomach rumbled. "Oh my God." She said embarrassed. Bill laughed and kissed the tip of her nose. "We'll get you something to eat. In the meantime, let me clean you up."

He extracted himself from her embrace, and stood up. Hillary had to shake her head as she watch her husband sauntered to the comfort room naked. He went back with a warm towel and started wiping her inner thighs. When he was done, he placed a kiss on her stomach.

He was about to say something when someone knocked on their door. He initially didn't answer it. He was actually reluctant because he knew that when he did, reality would come sinking in. He wanted to stay in this bubble of bliss. And Hillary felt it. "It's okay." She re-assured him.

He reached for her hand and kissed the back of her fingers, "I'll be back." He went to the comfort room and took a towel and wrapped it around his waist.

He opened the door and found himself face to face with his secretary of defense, and his top general. He slightly closed the door ensuring that his wife was not in the view.

He was informed of the situation in the North Korea. He listened intently on the intelligence report.

Meanwhile, Hillary watched him from the bed as he addressed whoever he was talking to on the other side of the room with commanding confidence. She was so proud of what he had become. From a hippie law student, to an ambitious Governor, to a commanding President. Her admiration for him just doubled.

When he ended the conversation and turned around to go where she was, he found her watching him. He smiled seductively. He asked when he reached her, "something on your mind?"

Hillary smiled knowingly, and asked, "How about a shower together?"


Besides their work, they spent their days reacquainting themselves, and it's amazing that in spite of how long they have been married they would still find something new or interesting about each other. People at the White House had noticed their extra sweetness, and had concluded that they are back on each others arms. It was evident by how they would end up always looking for each other. Also, Bill, particularly, had been more touchy. Even with people around he would press a kiss on her forehead, he would reach out to hold her hand, or would put his arms around her shoulder. There were even times that Secret Service would prohibit people from passing certain hallways because, apparently, the President and the First Lady was making out.

One particular autumn night, Bill had taken her to nearby campsite. They had brought food, wine, and a blanket. They spent the evening happily eating overcooked hotdogs, and marshmallows that are dripping into the fire. When they finished eating, and Hillary had taken out all the plates and the wines, Bill had taken care of the fire. His legs were drawn up while he waited for her to return. His gaze would drift to the darkening sky to the fire that he had built. When Hillary went back he pretended like as if there's nothing special with what he was doing, but Hillary knew that he went out of his way to take her out to the woods.

The air was heavy with the smell of burning autumn leaves. Bill had extended his hand so she could sit besides him, but she instead went to sit in between his legs, with her back against his chest. Bill took the opportunity, and pulled her closer. He dropped a kiss on her neck.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"No, thank you." He said over emphasizing the "you".

"This is the sweetest night ever." She said, Bill had slid his arm from behind to wrap around her waist. "And last night was not the sweetest?" He asked remembering how intense they made love the night before. She giggled, and corrected herself, "Last night was the best, this one is the sweetest. How about that?" "Better." He said smiling against her skin as he drop another kiss behind her ear. His hands splayed on her stomach protectively and suddenly, he felt a lump on his throat by the thought if their love making for the past few days had result to another Clinton.

Dear God he wish they could have another baby.

They both watched the fire, and listened to its cackle. At that moment, they felt incredibly at peace with the world. Bill, for his part, however, was not only at peace with the world, he was grateful that she was in his arms knowing that he had fallen a little more deeply in love with Hillary.

Chapter Text

Being married to a politician is hard, but being married to a President is unimaginable. Day in and day out their relationship is being observed by everyone. Media makes a microscopic observation and conclusion on their marriage. Often these conclusions are an over exaggeration, but they spread the story because it makes money. Hillary is no longer bothered, but what annoys her are the malicious stories that some writers would invent to ruin them. Ever since the scandal spread, they never spared Bill about it. She knew that the scandal will go a long way. It will probably always follow him like a shadow. Bill, for his part, no longer cared. He knew that this would torture him for the rest of his life, and he could no longer do anything about it. What worries him though is how this would hurt their family every time. When his name is tagged with woman on the news, he couldn't help but to fidget.

There was a time that his name was being dragged with one of his previous mistresses that when he reached the dining room, he found Hillary sipping her tea, he almost thought of not proceeding. It wasn't that he's afraid of her, he just didn't want to fight with her. When he sat, she was literally treating him silently.

Bill thought that he could handle anyone, may it be hot temperated leaders, impatient diplomats, incorrigible Republicans, or demanding rebels, but if there's anyone he couldn't handle perfectly, it's Hillary. He found himself that he couldn't use his talent in diplomacy with her. And it never works with her. She would raise her perfectly shaped eyebrow at him if he uses his talent as diplomat, lawyer, or politician. He was glad that sometimes his humor would be useful to pacify her. Sometimes, if he's lucky.

There was a time that she was so angry at him that she had thrown all of the books that she could pick at him, one particular book though had hit him squarely just above his eyebrow.

"Gaddamit!" Bill cried. Hillary knew that she had hit him hard. She was horrified when she had seen that he was cradling his left eye with blood running down his temple. She hurriedly went to him, to take a look only to have him pull back his arm in annoyance. "Gaddamn!" He exclaimed, he was looking around for a towel. "Let me see, you bastard!" Hillary called. "If you weren't throwing the gaddamn books you wouldn't wound me!" He said. She grabbed the first aid kit on their comfort room, and soon had him sitting on their bed. "Please let me take a look" she said gently. Bill was still fuming but he didn't know to whom he would be angry at himself or at her? He knew that she wouldn't throw a fit of rage if he didn't cheat on her. He held still as she dabbed his wound with iodine. They fell silent while she was tended his wound.

He was angry at himself, while she was guilty of what she has done.

"Was it deep?" He asked.

"Not really."

After putting a bandage, she said while looking down at her hands "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wound you."

He moved closer cupped the back of her head until he had her almost embracing. "It's my fault" he said as he pressed a kiss on her temple. "We have to worry about what the staff will talk about when they find the blood, and the books." Bill looked around at their room, and it looks like hell. The books were all scattered, there's a blood on his shirt, and a few drips on their bed sheet. For sure that the staff would have something to talk about again. It doesn't help that tomorrow people would see the bandage on his brow.

They didn't talk pretty much afterward, which Bill found something he disliked. To say, he prefers Hillary's anger than her silence. He would prefer that she throw things at him, scratch, slap, or say the most awful things to him, than her silence. She was standing beside the window, while he was standing on the opposite end. It felt like they were separated by thousand of miles. He knew that she wouldn't break the silence.

"What was circulating in the news was a lie. It was an exaggeration. You know the news would easily attach my name with any woman I stand beside with."

"Don't you find it very coincidental that your former mistress was in the same place where you were?"

Bill took a deep breath and combed his hair with his hands, keeping his patience in check. "Why the heck is it convenient for you to believe others than to believe me?"

She turned to face him and said unbelievingly, "How convenient? How convenient?! Are you listening to yourself? You have lied to me over and over again, how can you blame me if I am having a hard time believing you?"

Bill paced around the room like a caged tiger, "Gaddamn! I swear to God that picture was taken out of context! Geez, I'm trying so hard to change, Hillary!"

"Why is that hard to believe?"

Bill stopped pacing, and looked at her hard, "I can't control what you want to believe," he said deflated. He went to stand next to her, and gripped her arms, "but I love you, and I hope you believe that. I love you with every breath that I take, with every beat of my heart. It might be hard to make you believe, and I don't blame you for that. If you just give me time, you'll see."


"Hillary, darling, please listen to me," he implored looking at her face, he reached for her chin and tipped it up so she can look at him directly in his eyes "it's gonna be hard. We live in a world where people would constantly hurt, and separate us. But I'm gonna fight them, and I'm gonna fight for you and for this marriage. So you better buckle up, because it's gonna be a hell of a ride."


That night while Hillary was in the study room looking for her dossier, she passed by the table that Bill usually occupies. She decided to inspect the drawers, when she pulled the top drawer she found a piece of paper neatly folded, when she unfolded it and read the content it nearly broke her heart.

So Bill was saying the truth, he was trying to change. What she found was an appointment letter. Apparently, he was seeking counselor without her knowledge. She remembered what he said earlier, "It might be hard to make you believe, and I don't blame you for that. If you just give me time, you'll see."

"If you give me time, you'll see."

She doesn't know what to do with the knowledge, but obviously he doesn't want her to know that he had seek some help. Her heart went soft for him. Maybe you should give him a chance to change she thought. When she went back to their bedroom, and she sat on her side of the bed, she turned to look at him sleeping. His mouth slightly open, his hair disheveled from sleep. In this state he looks completely boyish in spite of his salt and pepper hair. She likes what he looks like. Then her eyes landed on the bandage that he was just above his brows, and felt her heart constrict. Earlier he had to make an excuse by laughing it off and saying that he had hit his head running in the bathroom door.

She went closer, and brushed his hair back feeling its softness. His eyes fluttered open and found himself face to face with her. He dipped his head and asked hoarsely, "are you okay?" Hillary couldn't trust her voice, she just nodded and carefully placed a kiss on the bandage. "Have I apologized for this one already?" She asked whispering, and carefully flattening the bandage. "Yeah" he whispered. Her eyes got misty and he reached out to cradle her face "are you okay?" he asked again worried. She nodded. "I just feel bad for hurting you." He chuckled and gently said, "Yeah, you should feel bad because it did hurt." She giggled. "Come here, let me spoon you and let's sleep." He said invitingly and patted the space beside him. Hillary went around and laid on the space beside him. She turned on her side, and in a second felt her husband wrap his arm around her waist and pulled her closer for an embrace.

"Good night." He whispered as he pressed a kiss on her shoulder.

They slept quietly at night, away from the prying eyes of the media, and nosy people. They felt safe in their cocoon, but what they didn't know that there were impending challenges ahead of them that would test the strength of the relationship. But will they persevere?

Chapter Text

Their days progressed just like any other couples. They have great time together, they enjoyed long walks while holding hands, they fought to small and huge things, they laugh and the cry. Hillary treasured her experience with Bill, and had thought how rich they are in terms of experience. If there's anything that she appreciates so much about Bill it's that he never harbored any bitterness in life. He never buckled. He still didn't know that she already knew that he was already seeking counseling to deal with his past that's affecting his present life.

Bill, on the other hand, vowed to be a better person for Hillary. He also vowed to do everything in his power to protect her. So when his critics, and the Republicans were trying to ruin her he would use his influence and position to protect her. If he was not a politician, however, he would have challenged those people in a fist fight.

Bill was happy that he's he was getting her back, that things were starting to work back for them. He was back to their bedroom, they get to laugh together, and talk. At one point though, he realized how deeply, and irrevocably in love he was with her while one night he just stared at her face while she slept. He contemplated how she had stood by him in spite of how many times he had hurt her. He remembered how she held his stare as the doctor injected her to sleep to give birth to their daughter; how she fought for him when his critics had tried to tear him down; how she left her home to be with him in Arkansas.

"I love you", he whispered as he pressed a light kiss on her forehead.

Morning came after when his Vice President, and friend Al Gore came barging into his office with a bunch of lawyers. He was on the phone with the Prime Minister from Australia when they arrived. When he put down the phone. He looked at them over his eyeglass that was perched on the tip of his nose expecting something grave with the way they got themselves into his office.

"We need to talk" Al said.

Well that sound serious, he thought.

"Then talk" he encouraged as he sat back on the seat.

"Have you told everything about your affair with Monica to Hillary?"

Jesus, this again.

"Well, of course, she already knew about the affair."

Al looked at him and said matter-of-factly, "no, not that. Does she know every detail of your affair? What happened during?"

"Why she does she have to know?"

"You better tell her everything from day 1 to the end of it. We got an insider tip that Monica will detail out your relationship to Starr. I wouldn't be surprised if she includes the size of your dick. So you better prepare and you better prepare Hillary."

Bill took a deep breath. Jesus, when will this end? He thought. He gripped the bridge of his nose as the gravity of the situation dawned on him.

"Mr. President we suggest that you do not leave any juicy detail untold to Mrs. Clinton as we do not want her to be taken by surprise" the lawyer with Al said.

"Is there something we can do?" Bill asked suddenly spacing out, imaging how the media will flock on Monica's revelation, how Hillary would take the blow.

Hillary, he thought.

"Nothing, we can only prepare what's to come."

Bill thought about telling Hillary that what Monica will say is all a lie but what good will it do? He better admit the truth, and live with the consequences rather than lie and cover up on his mistakes. He's not a coward after all. Besides, she deserves the truth.

"When are we planning to brief my wife about this?" He asked.

"Tomorrow morning. You may want to talk to her tonight."


When the lawyers were gone and Bill was left with Al. He thought of sharing what's on his mind with him. After all Al was his friend, and he knew his relationship with Hillary.

Al was scanning the papers for their budget proposal for next year when Bill started to talk.

"It's going to hurt her, Al." Bill said as he lounge on the couch looking at the whiskey on the tumbler. Al took a good look at his President. He had his coat off and his tie. He looks like a mess while he was swiveling the tumbler with his whiskey. He took a drink finishing it in one gulp.

"I just had her back, and if she knew everything it will kill her." He closed his eyes remembering how he spent the morning with Monica on the day of his wedding anniversary. How he fooled around with the intern on the next room while Hillary was entertaining guests. How he lied over and over again to her, and to Chelsea.


Jesus Christ the thought of her daughter and its impact to her nearly made him want to weep on the spot.

"Should I give her a hint about tomorrow?" He asked.

Al sighed and felt bad for his friend, how his weakness on the flesh defeats him.

"As a friend, Bill, you might want to spend the night with her like as if it will be the last."

Bill looked at the ceiling as his tears came rolling down on his temples clogging his ears.

He will make this night unforgettable.


"Hill, the President is here", her secretary announced. Hillary was still writing her speech for her upcoming event when her husband arrived. She looked over the paper and turned her head to look at the wall clock on her office.

Odd that he went to fetch for her at exactly her end time.

She was about to say to let him in, when the Bill came barging into her office.

"Time for work is over, darling. The next few hours is mine." He said smilingly. He went purposely where she was sitting and held out his hand.

"Hold on, I'm finishing my speech."

"Nope, no more work. I have a surprise for you." He said as he took the pen out of her hand and started picking up the papers.

"We're going out Mrs. Clinton order of the President", he playfully said. Hillary laughed.

"Alright, alright. I'll just put these on the drawer." She started to stand and started to arranged the paper when she was hauled into his arms.

She yelped, and found herself being carried by her husband. "Put me down right now, Bill!" She cried. But Bill was laughing and he pressed a kiss on her cheek.

"I'm carrying you out of here because you're not doing fast enough."

She playfully tapped his nose, "you are incorrigible."

"Old news." He snickered.

They spent the next few hours dining in a classy restaurant after they picked up Chelsea. They also enjoyed a play in the nearby theater. People lavished them with attention, but people had noticed how Bill's attention focused on Hillary. They walked hand in hand, and he would sometimes put his arm around her shoulder. They greeted the locals, and had fun talking to them.

Hillary was filled with happiness, and contentment at the moment. It was again one of the first time it felt that they are back to their normal lives without any problems.

That night Bill made love with her with such intensity that she couldn't match his energy. They went on and on like as if he was on a recharged.

Bill didn't want the night to end. If he could he wanted to forge his soul into her. He didn't want to forget. He wanted her taste, her feel, her touch, and her kisses to last a lifetime for him. The way he made love to her felt like a goodbye, and the thought almost killed him.

"Honey, slow down", Hillary whispered against his lips, cupping his face. "I'm sorry, I just can't get enough of you", he whispered.

When it was over and he had spent all of their energy, he held her tight in a spoon position. He inhaled the scent of her hair. Vanilla. He felt the softness of her skin. His heart constrict by the thought that this might be the last time he could do this.

It's killing him. He felt he was slowly being killed by the pain that he was feeling. He was trying to contain his emotion, lest he end up breaking down at the moment.

I love you, he whispered over and over again.

Never in his life he wanted the sun to come up again.


Hillary was in her office in the West Wing when he was summoned to go to the war room as ordered by the President. She thought how weird they brought the message to her like as if she wasn't the first lady, and why the war room?

When she got into the small room, she was met by her husband.

"How are you?" He asked.

"I'm fine, what's going on?" She asked confused with what's happening.

"Do you want something to drink?" He asked.

Hillary took a look on the people occupying the conference table. She found his adviser, lawyer, and Al sitting. Bill ushered her to the corner.

"Do you want me to get you anything?" Hill suddenly shifted her gaze to him and found his eyes a little troubled.

"What's going on, Bill?" She asked.

He held her arms, and said, "they will tell you something, something you need to know. It's not going to be easy, but I need you to endure this for me, for us, for Chelsea. Can you do that?"

Hillary was trying to figure him out but found that she couldn't decipher what the hell is going on, "cut it out, Bill. What's going on?" She asked.

"You'll know, but please," he begged as he gripped her chin so she could gaze at his eyes, "please know that I love you." And he pressed a kiss on her forehead.

When he brought her where she will sit and he had taken his opposite hers, the lawyer started laying out the truth to her.

Bill stared at her hard, hoping against hope that he wouldn't lose her after this.

Please, don't give up on me, darling, he thought.

Chapter Text

Hillary listened all throughout the details and the timeline of Bill's affair. She already knew about it even before it went out to the public. Bill had admitted it to her a year ago which was the reason why she had thrown him out of their bedroom. Now, they received another blow from the same person. However, this time all the details of the affair will be out of the public.

While they go through the details and timeline, she didn't cower. She appeared stoic. She didn't want to appear any less in front of these men and feel pathetic, and weak. She listened, and had appeared as a lawyer instead of a wife.

Inside though she was seething. Apparently, when it comes to lying to her, Bill knows no bounds. It was revealed that he was fooling around while she was actually just within the mansion. He had deliberately had made a fool out of her. She kept her focus on the lawyer, and adviser who had told her about what's to come when the Starr report becomes available. She stayed focused on the problem that she had forgotten that Bill was in the conference too.

"Apparently, we cannot suppress this. Nothing can prevent or stop this from spreading."

"No, of course not. I know that. The only option that I have now is to wait for effects, and act on the defensive."

"You don't have to face this alone." Bill said.

Her head snapped where he was sitting. Bill saw the bank of fury in her gaze. "And you think that I'd let you decide in this situation?" She said harshly. Suddenly everyone is on motion. Bill stood and walked around, the adviser sitting next to him tried to grab his sleeve only to miss it. Al stood in between Bill and Hillary. "Stay out of the way, Al!" She said grasping his arm. "You bastard! I've believed you!" Bill went around Al and was about to reach her arm, but at the same time her palm met his face at the exact moment. The sound of her slap echoed in the conference room.

"You bastard! You lied to me over and over again!"

"Leave us alone, now!" He barked.

Al, the lawyer, and the adviser quickly grabbed their stuff. Al hesitated. Hillary had her face on both of her hands. "Please leave us, Al." Bill begged. Al looked at Hillary, when she didn't react, he nodded and left.

Bill was about to take her in his arms, when she pulled back dodging his embrace. "Stay away from me you monster!"

"Hill —"

"No, don't. Don't apologize to me again, because your apology doesn't mean anything. My God, you disgust me! Did you, even for a second, thought about us? About our family while you play around with her? Did you even think of Chelsea and how this will affect her?"

But Bill didn't say anything. He just looked at her.

"You knew about this last night didn't you, and you didn't even tell me?"


"I'm done with this, go lay on the bed that you made." She said scathingly, and left the room.


Bill felt his days had gone darker the next few days up until the publication. The story had spread like wildfire. Different news media picked it up, and the story got out of control. Their camp did as much as they can to do damage control.

Hillary and he still acted like normal couple. But their actions were limited. She tried to give space as much as she can. Avoided unnecessary talks with him. Before, she tried to avoid him when they pass through the same hall, now she pretended like she didn't see him.

They appear together, but the moment that they arrive on the mansion they go on separate ways. They no longer do things together. Hillary eats with Chelsea, while Bill eats alone or usually with his people. Hillary also had transferred to Chelsea's room.

The day after they revealed everything to her, it felt like the lights had gone out for him. His nights were cold. He suddenly thought that in spite of how surrounded he was with people, he felt incredibly lonely.

Lonely because he had lost his only best friend.

He would write letters to her every day for him to ease his loneliness, and his longing for her. He would write to her about his feelings, about what he thinks, about his day, about how he missed her, and how sorry he was. Initially, he wanted it to be sent but he didn't have the heart to do so. He ended up stacking them in his drawer.


There were days that he was tempted to ask where will their relationship head. But he couldn't muster the courage to ask because he was afraid to hear the answer. He doesn't think that he is ready to hear the answer from her. But one night the thought that he had lost her occurred when they both attended a charity event.

They were both sitting inside the limousine neither talking. Her head was turned on the window looking at the scenery outside, while he was just looking ahead. Out of curiosity, he looked at her and his eyes landed on her hand. He realized the absence of their wedding ring on her finger.

"You're not wearing your ring."

Hillary dragged her gaze outside down to her hand and was horrified to have forgotten to wear her ring. "I ... I forgot. I was ..." She looked at his eyes, and what she saw made her want to reach out to him because she knew it had hurt him. She wanted to tell that she didn't mean to forget it, but she stopped herself. She was about to say something when Bill shook his head and had dismissed it by looking out on the street.

How can she forget to wear her wedding ring? Does it mean little to her now?

She turned to look at his hand and saw his wedding ring. I didn't mean to, she thought. She wanted to apologize, but didn't do so when the car stopped, and the chauffer told them that they had arrived on the venue. Bill assisted her from alighting the car and tucked her hand on his arm. They waved and smiled to the crowd. Again pretending that everything is okay.

The event ended amicably. Bill had her all throughout and was careful not to let people see that she was not wearing her ring, which she was grateful for. People had thought how strong they were to be still together after, and that image of them together will probably appear in society pages, which might clear the air of their relationship.

When the event ended and they arrived back at the mansion, Hillary was about to take the hall going to Chelsea's room when she stopped and turned to thank Bill. "Hey," She called, Bill stopped on his tracks and turned to faced her.

"Um ... Thank you for earlier. You made it possible for the night to be easier for us to endure it. Now, I think we can move forward in treating each other ... " she hovered on the words, but then couldn't find anything suitable, she ended with "... we can move forward in treating each other cordially."

Bill stared narrowly at her, his voice trembled when he asked, "is that what you want from me now...? Cordiality?"

She didn't trust her voice so she just nodded instead. She looked at him and saw his jaw hardened and his throat working like as if he swallowed.

He looked away and nodded, then slowly turned and walked away, just as she walked away from him. The moment that she reached the first available room in the hallway she got herself in and locked herself inside as waves of emotion engulfed her. She sat on the floor because her knees could no longer support her, she hugged her knees to her chest as she broke down and cried.

Bill hurriedly went to his room like as if the devil was chasing him. He was angry, he was devastated. Suddenly his life was falling apart, and he couldn't do anything about it. When he got inside his room, he was heaving like as if he's suffocating. He paced around until he could no longer take it. This is your fault, he thought over and over again. He needed to release his anger, or else he might actually just lose it. He paced some more until in an impulse he ended up hitting the wooden door of the cabinet nearest to him. He hit it over and over and over again until his fist started bleeding and his knuckle were swollen.

"Fuck!" He cried. He slumped on the cabinet defeated, then sat on the floor crying.He knew that at that moment he had just lost his wife.


Few days before their 23rd Anniversary when Bill had received a message from his wife informing him of her flight to Bulgaria with Chelsea that they are bound to leave the next day.

Bill stared at the letter unbelieving what he was reading. He marched up to her office to talk to her.

"When did you get this flight?"

"Just the other day. I ... I thought it would be great to spend the weekend in Bulgaria."

"You thought?" He asked

Hillary just stared at him. "Are you forgetting something?" He asked. Hillary knew that he was talking about their anniversary. Their anniversary is actually why she wanted to fly far away from him. She thought that she couldn't handle breathing the same air with him on their Anniversary. Their Anniversary will be a painful reminder of what they have lost.

"I haven't forgotten anything. But if you are referring to what we will celebrate this weekend, I think it's pretty pointless to do so." She said it so coldly that it almost made him flinch.

"Hill ... day by day, I am still hoping ... But it felt like there's no more hope left. Have I really lost you already?" He asked reaching out to hold her wrist.

She looked at his hand gripping her wrist then turned her stare at him. She looked at him straight in the eye and unfeelingly said, "Have you thought of that while you were touching her?"

Bill clenched his jaw. She pulled her wrist then from his grip then said, "Then don't ask me if you have lost me, because you damn well know that you will."


This will be their first time not to celebrate their anniversary together. He wondered if this is how it will be for the next few years.

On the day of their flight, Bill was in the hallway waiting for them so he could properly wish them well. When Hillary and Chelsea got into the foyer, Chelsea jogged to her father and embraced him. "Why aren't you coming? Mom said that you have an important meeting to attend this weekend."

He looked at her and realized that Hillary just lied to their daughter why he's not coming. He dropped a kiss on top of her head, and said, "I'm sorry but, hey, you'll have a great time with mom. Bulgaria will be fantastic."

"Not as fantastic without you."

"I know." He said whispered sadly.

On the eve of their Anniversary, Bill stood in the darkened room of the library drinking his whiskey. He had written another letter about how painful it was for him to accept how their relationship had reduced to.

Many times I wanted to ask if there's still love left for me in your heart. Even an infinitesimal. But I'm afraid to ask. I hate that we are ending this way, and that what you want from me moving forward is politeness and friendship. I don't think I can live with that.

I often thought if letting you go is the answer. But the thought of living life without you, and the thought of you being with someone else makes me sick. I can't. If I let that happen, it would be as if I have signed up to kill myself.

He said that he wanted to be angry at her but felt that he has no right to even blame her. It's his fault anyway. But he was in pain. He was hurting.

... But maybe I deserved this because, after all, I have hurt you too many times.

In spite of all this, the torture, the waiting, I still love you, I love you deep within my soul, I'll always do.

When he ended his letter and signed it. He laid his head on the table, pillowing it. He caressed her name as his tears soaked on the paper.

Thousand miles away from him, what he didn't know, Hillary was also crying herself to sleep thinking about him and what they have lost. She wanted to forgive him but she was just so confused, and so conflicted. He had hurt her too many times, and had embarrassed her in the public, she just doesn't know if it's even worth it to stay with him. People were also pressuring her to leave him, and she just keep on stalling. The thought of his betrayal was just too big to ignore. It just went against her principles. She was sobbing so hard that that it took Chelsea's attention. She moved closer to embraced her.

"What's wrong, ma?"

"I'm sorry, you go to sleep, sweetheart.

"It's dad isn't it?

Hillary bit her lips preventing herself to sob loudly, and just nodded. Chelsea moved closer as she held her mother tightly. "Don't worry ma, dad will fix this. He always will. Everything will be okay." Hillary pressed a kiss on her head and whispered, "I hope so too."

Chapter Text

Their days in the White House was already numbered. George W. Bush was already elected as the incoming President. Bill's scandal had taken its toll. In fact, the scandal was used against Al. Although Al didn't take it against Bill, he knew that Al was probably partly blaming him for his defeat. His relationship with Hillary also was not spared. In fact, their relationship had taken different beatings. Tabloids were already predicting that Hillary would leave him after his term. People had accused of Hillary for not taking a strong side, and had been seemingly reluctant. People had tried so hard to shake her so she'd speak on the issue, she did though but she took his side so loyally. This scandal had almost caused him not to finish his term as the republicans did their best to have him impeached, but he's lucky that he was able to dodged it. But that doesn't mean that the stories against him subsided. They had been ruthless. There were countless of articles written about his affairs; names of women that he haven't heard of were being attached to him. While some of them are not true, some of them happened from his past that were being dug.

Well apparently, you can't keep your skeleton in the closet that long.

Hillary is familiar with the names of women he had been with, which is why whenever a tabloid would put his past girlfriend on the spotlight, Hillary would raise her eyebrow at him as if to say, "I told you so." Bill had stopped pursuing her, not because he had given up. It's because he wanted to give her space. Although they still hold hands every now and then, and had appeared like any other couple would, he knew that she's still keeping her distance from him.

This casualness did not escape the media, but since there's no clarity of the status of their relationship some people were calling it as a marriage of convenience, and of political ambition.

Although some people would observe as their days in White House to be "Okay", Bill felt that the succeeding months were his heaviest. A part of him couldn't wait for his term to end so they can go back to Arkansas and he can spend his time winning back his wife and his family. He needed to get them back together because he missed them terribly. While he might have a problem with women, what he's definitely sure of is, he had never loved anyone as much as he loves Hillary.

He had already bought tickets for them and had prepared their home in Arkansas. He was looking forward to going there, that's why when Hillary had announced her plan to go to New York, Bill felt his heart sank.

"The team wants to be in New York so we can prepare."


"Well, you know how campaigning works. It needs a thorough planning."

"No, I get that. What I am saying is you're planning to go to New York immediately few days after my term ended?"

"Well there's nothing much to do after ... "

"Nothing much? How about going home to Arkansas?"

Hillary gaped at him. So this is the reason why he suddenly sound offended by the thought that she's going to New York. Well, of course their plan in Arkansas! They made that plan when he won the presidency last 8 years ago. It felt eons ago when that happened.

"You haven't forgotten that?" She absentmindedly asked.

Bill stopped tying his tie and turned to look at her. He had taken a good look at her and observed how much she had changed from 1993. A lot has changed. She had aged, alright. But she had aged so finely like wine.

She's so beautiful.

But no longer within his reach.

"And I guess you had forgotten it," he added bitterly, and continued tying his tie. "But you know, I think I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, hey, you have even forgotten to wear your wedding ring once, so I guess a plan such as that is something you can easily forget too."

"How dare you—"

"Yes, I dare. I dare to bring it up, because until now I still love you," he walked up to stand next to her. Hillary was planted on the ground as her husband came closer. She could smell his soap, and his aftershave cologne. She had forgotten how handsome he was, but he's standing next to her now, reminding her of that. "And I'm hurting because you are deliberately doing everything to push me away. But I won't let you."

"Stop." No, this can't be happening. She cannot hear this again. But Bill cradled her face, and unnoticed, her tears streamed from the corners of her eyes as he tipped her head up so she could look at him directly in his eyes. But she can't. Not now. Not again. She shut her eyes blocking his face from her vision. He felt her hesitation so he dropped a kiss on her temple tasting her tear, he glided his lips until he reached her ear, and he whispered, "I won't force you to forgive me, you have to find it in your heart if you still want me. So I'll be in Arkansas, in our real home. I'll be there and I'll wait for you. Even how long it takes. I will always wait for you to come home."

And with that, he left. He left her in the bedroom so she could ponder what he said.


When Bill arrived in Arkansas, he thought that it was surreal moment. It felt so unreal that he's finally back where it all began to a place he called Hope. There's a certain nostalgia in his homecoming. There's a lot of things that had changed in his hometown, there's a lot of improvements ever since, and he was glad to see them. People had been warm and had asked how he was. It didn't escape people's notice the absence of his family. Although they asked about him, and about them, at the back of their mind, they knew that something must be up. Everyone in the country is aware of the scandal, and had known how much it had affected his marriage, so when he came back to Arkansas alone, their suspicion grew. Bill knew about it, but he just shrugged about it. He said that she's in New York because she has something to take care of. But he wouldn't elaborate. When they ask when she will join him, he'd just say 'soon'.

But honestly, he's not sure. He's not sure if she will even go there. He knew that some of the people who had flock around her were encouraging her to divorce him. They could use that to gain numbers in election, to attract. He only hopes that they wouldn't win.

When he arrived in Arkansas he immediately went to visit the grave of his mother.

"I know that you are probably angry right now knowing that I did not brought Hill and Chelsea here," He said as if talking to his mother. "but I swear I tried. I tried to invite her to come here with me but it seems like it didn't work." He sat on the grass facing the gravestone bearing the name of his mother "I wish you are still here so I could tell you things, and you could get mad at me for breaking Hill's heart, for not trying hard enough to be a good husband." He took a deep breath, and exhaled as he whispered "I miss you, mom." He, then buried his face in his hand as he wept for all the things that he had lost.


"So how is he?" Hillary asked Patricia on the phone. Patricia lives near their home in Arkansas, and a family friend.

"He's okay Hill. He's smiling again. He's been going to church and has been attending prayer meetings. Oh, he said that he's been planting too." Patricia said laughing on the end of the line. "He's still funny, and very charming." Hillary twirled the cord of the phone and asked the question that has been bothering her, "Is he ... is he ... " she played with the thought how she will ask the thing that has been bothering her but suddenly got shy. She felt Patricia smiled though, and completed her statement for her, "is he seeing someone, you mean?", "Yeah" she said casually. "He's not seeing anyone, Hill. One time the guys had invited him to a bar and some women tried to go for him, but he waved them off. He went home afterward." Hillary didn't know that she was holding his breath waiting for her answer.

When they said goodbye and Hill placed the phone back to its cradle, she had thought of how things had been. It has been 3 months already and she terribly missed him. She thought that she can go on without him. Well, to say, she did. She was able to laugh on her own, to find her own happiness. But when the day ended, and the sun had set, she found herself extremely lonely. Before, she thought that there's not much difference if they are state away from each other since they sleep in different room during their stay in White House. But knowing that he's not in the same roof, made a difference. She missed the times that he would fall asleep with a book on his chest and his eyeglass perched on his nose, that she had to take it off and put the book on his bedside table. She also missed the sound of his voice, the Arkansas lilt when he speaks; his attempts to make her laugh even if they are not in good terms. She missed how early he would wake up, and would start to hum songs that she would hear even before she reach him. His absence made her so incredibly sad and lonely. She thought that while she can be happy being on her own, she's definitely happier with him.

She had settled in their mansion in Chappaqua, New York that they had bought before his term ended. Bill haven't seen their renovated home yet, but she had taken care of everything, of their stuffs. She even took care of his belongings.

She was in their walk-in closet feeling his shirts when she noticed a box that was dislocated from its cradle. She picked it up, and got curious what it contains. When she took off the lid, she found a stacks of letter. She randomly opened one and found herself reading Bill's letter to her. She opened another, and another, and another soon she was sitting on the floor laughing and crying every now and then reading the letters that Bill had never sent to her.

She had clutched the box to her heart, "I'll be home, honey, just please wait for me."

And without wasting anymore time, she took the box with her, a small luggage, and headed to Arkansas to try to win back her husband.

Chapter Text

The trip to Arkansas was not a quick one, but what had accompanied her during her flight were Bill's letters. Reading them and knowing how he dealt with his pain was just enough to crush her. Have I really been that cold? She thought. She didn't mean to deliberately hurt him, but during those time she was hurting too. She just wanted to distance herself because if she let him come near again, she knew he would end up breaking her. Just exactly how many times will she let him do that to her?

She had her own misgivings in spite of her renewed encouragement, but what had helped her cement her decision to win him back was when she called her mother on her way to the airport. Her mother picked up on the second ring.

"M - mom," she said her voice quivering "Diane? Hillary? Sweetheart, are you alright? Why are you crying?" Hearing her mother's voice just made her more emotional, soon her tears came streaming down her face. "Mom, I'm ... I'm on my way to Arkansas. I need to ... I need to get Bill back." She felt her mother smiled at the end of the line as her voice gentled down, and asked "after all this time you still love him, right?" Her mother knew not to beat around the bush. Does she love him? My God, she loves him! It's crazy really, she doesn't understand it herself. But in spite of what happened to them, she loves him irrevocably. She thinks that she will never ever stop loving him. "Yes! Yes, I love him mom." She said nodding. "Well, I'm not surprised. But I also know that you are not a quitter, and you do not quit on the people you love, sweetheart. I know Bill loves you, and he just needs your help so he can beat his own demons. We've always believed that you and Bill are meant to be together, I think it's just right for you to go get your man back. I'm actually surprised that it took you so long to take him home."


The sun was almost setting when Hillary arrived in their home in Arkansas. When she arrived and passed through the security, the guards who were checking the visitors were surprised to realized that the former First Lady had arrived unannounced.

"Ma'am, the President doesn't know that you are arriving. I don't think he was able to prepare."

"No, it's fine. Is he there?"

"Yes, ma'am. He just arrived earlier. Do you want me to announce you ma'am?"

"No, Siegfried, it's fine. I want to surprise him."

The agent smiled genuinely, "Oh, he'll be surprised ma'am, and I'm sure he'll be happy with your arrival."

The thought of seeing Bill again after 3 months caused such excitement and trepidation inside her. When she got inside, the house staff panicked considering that they did not prepare on her arrival. But Hillary just waved it off saying not to bother because she was there for a surprise. "Where's Bill?" She asked. "He's in the room, ma'am." When she reached his room, she found that his door was slightly ajar, and Beegie Adair's It Had to Be You Instrumental was playing inside. So maybe this was the reason why he didn't notice her arrival, she smiled to herself. She thought of knocking but decided against it.

Gently she pushed the door open, and it gave a faint, almost unnoticeable squeak. Bill was standing near the window reading a book, the orange hue of the sunset reflecting on the shiny salt pepper of his still wet and gleaming hair fresh from a shower. The scent of his aftershave cologne lingered in the air. He was dressed on a dark blue robe, his bare feet protruding from the hem. She had forgotten how amazing he'll always be for her. She was glad that his back was turned facing her.

"No, I'm not eating in the dining room. You can bring the food here instead." He said absentmindedly, not turning around, his head still bent reading his book. He might have thought that she was one of his staff.

Hillary fought to keep her voice from shaking, "I ... I'm afraid I did not bring any food with me."

Bill's back stiffened.

Here we go, Hillary thought.


Bill can't believe it. The moment that he heard her speak he thought that his longing had taken its toll and now he was imagining that she spoke to him. But he turned slowly and when he saw her standing there inside his room wearing a yellow pantsuit, with her neatly trimmed butter colored blond hair that accentuate the shape of her face, a gentle smile playing softly in her lips, and her eyes turning glassy with unshed tears, he knew that he wasn't imaging it.

It's real.

She's here.

And she's so beautiful.

He bit his lips, placed the book on the table near him, then finally he reached out his hand, and quietly said, "darling."

And that's all that Hillary needed. She shut the door, and launched herself into his waiting arms. Bill caught and enveloped her in a tight embrace, then buried his face on her neck, "I missed you," he said against her skin. Hillary returned the embraced and pressed their body closer as her tears came streaming down on her temples clogging her ears. She was choking in her own overwhelming emotions at that moment.

"I'm sorry." She whispered against his ear, then she pulled back a little to cradle his face. Oh how she missed his face. Her thumbs felt his cheeks, allowing herself to remember how it feels. "Why are you here?" He asked whispering, his eyes gentle.

She knew what his question meant. She knew what he needed to hear. She caressed his jaw as her eyes roamed around his face taking-in the way he looked at her at that moment, "I'm here," she said as her voice trembled, "because I love you."

A soft smile broke Bill's lips and ever so slowly he touched his forehead against hers. Then Hillary pulled back and pressed her lips in between the space of his brows, just as what she did during their dance, and just like that night, he closed his eyes savoring the moment.

He waited for those three words like a starved man. It had been a long time since he heard it from her. He inched his face pressing it closer to her. "Please," he whispered as his nose touched hers. His lips hovering just a breath away from her. "Please, darling, say it again." He whimpered.

Hillary rubbed his chest, "I love you" she said, and then she finally touched her lips tentatively against his. Upon the first touch she felt his body shook by the mere innocent touch.

"I love you." She said again, she slowly rained his face with tiny kisses. She said it over and over in between kisses until he captured her lips with his own drinking her words. He angled his head to deepen their kiss, and when it did, she felt an electricity ran up on her spine. Finally.

"I need you." She said as if in pain. "I need you, honey." She said against his lips. She felt him nod, and then suddenly she found herself being lifted, and carried. She automatically had her arms encircled around his neck as Bill carried her towards his bed. Bill slumped them down with him on top. She brushed back his hair lovingly and said in a quiet voice, "kiss me William Jefferson Clinton, and make me yours again." Bill smiled, descended his head and kissed her smiling mouth.

They kissed over and over, while his hands roamed on her torso. When he wanted to feel her skin, he found himself struggling with her clothes. He propped himself higher so he could put his hand underneath her shirt—only to find that she was wearing a camisole. He tipped his head, and it allowed Hillary to kiss his throat. "Darling, you have too many clothes." Hillary giggled, "I'm sorry."

Bill moved, and Hillary rolled out of the bed. She stood just next to the bed while Bill sat on the edge facing her. He took the pleasure to watch her while self-consciously she started to take off her clothes. Bill's eyes crinkled on the side biting his lips watching her. She just took off her coat when his playlist had started playing Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On that got her guffawing. Bill's shoulder was shaking in suppressing his laughter watching her. "The song is definitely killing the vibe, mister." She said with her hands on her hips, her laughter subsiding. Bill pulled her closer, then he stood up and sang along on the lines "There's nothin' wrong with me lovin' you, baby love, love", as he helped to take off her shirt. Hillary couldn't help but start laughing again at his attempt to sing on a suave Marvin Gaye's voice, only that he sang it with his Arkansas twang.

"Undress for me, sweetheart." He whispered. He went back sitting on the bed as he watch her take the rest of her clothes off. Unconsciously, Bill bit his lips back as his wife of over 24 years revealed her body to him as bare as she was born. He had seen it aged, and to him it was as beautiful as sunset. He felt her tremble maybe from the temperature, or maybe from the unspent desire. He stood up, wrapped his arms around her neck, dropped an open mouth kiss on her ear and whispered, "Hillary Diane, my dearest wife, you. Are. So. Beautiful."

They made love, he provoked and teased her for hours. Hillary had forgotten how Bill can arouse and make her laugh at the same time. He made her laugh, made her play and struggle and groan with pleasure. Afterward, when they were both exhausted and sated, he made love to her again with gentleness whispering praises to her, while she returned it by saying how much she loves him.

When they were done, Bill had moved to his side and kept her with him. They marvel at the moment, just savoring the night. They both thought how perfect the moment was: they were being serenaded by the soft pelting of rain against the window pane, their lamp had been dimmed, so that a weak, pale-orange glow reflected on their skin. They stayed awake for the rest of the night facing each other and just looking at each other's face. They both knew that for the years to come it will always be like this.

"What are you thinking?" he asked quietly in the gentle of the night.

"That, how in the end, and whatever happens, I'll always go back to you."

Chapter Text

Staying in Arkansas had been a retreat for them. Bill had admitted to Hillary that he had been going to counseling, in which Hillary had admitted that she knew already. She accompanied him on his sessions. She also joined him during prayer meetings. During their stay there they were able to forgive each other for their shortcomings and weaknesses.

Bill and Hillary sat in front of the fire inside their house. She sat in the space between his legs while Bill had his arms wrapped around her stomach, his chin on her shoulder. He held her while he told her all the details of his indiscretion and of his childhood. He held her tight while she sobbed in his arms. He whispered agonizingly after his confession, "I hope you can forgive me, so you can help me find a way to forgive myself. I need you to forgive me." Hillary nodded, turned to face him, and cradled his face. "I forgive you. Of course, I forgive you. I think I have given it even before you asked. But please hold me." She said in between sobs, while Bill had kissed her palms, and held her tighter.

They cried that night and held each other. It might had been heavy but as the sun had risen they felt more relieved. Bill had felt his burden had been lifted. Hillary had felt at peace in her heart. Hillary had encouraged Bill to finish all of his sessions and she had been with him all throughout the time. She had been very supportive and had believed so much in him that he will be able to get through his personal issues.

Bill had never been more grateful for her strength and her love. He thought that without it, he may not able to overcome his own demons.

They also spent some of their time reading his unsent letters. Bill wanted to throw them away but Hillary kept them saying that it would be a good reminder of their journey together. There were few things that they enjoyed during their stay: Bill started to play his sax again, while Hillary had started learning to bake again. Bill would sit on the stool facing her as he would watch her tie her apron and start kneading the dough. Sometimes he would get in the way of her cooking. He'd go behind her and would wrap his arms around her waist and would start nibbling her neck, whisper naughty things until he would get her turned on. Most of the time they'd successfully end up making a pie, or sometimes they would end up on the bed instead with their bodies tangled together.

They also found a comforting hobby: walking in the woods. It had been an automatic that by 08:00 AM or by 04:00 PM they'd go to the woods walking. They found a small world of their own during those time where in they could get away from reality. These walks allowed them to appreciate simple joy of just being together. This is where they would share laughters, stories, and debates. Bill realized that he could not imagine sharing this kind of precious time with someone else, and it's only through Hillary he found his equal.

Hillary had shared to him that soon she'll be announcing her intention to run so they have to go back to New York to start preparing. While they were both sad that their "retreat" was about to end. They had never been more ready to face the world.

"You should know that when I start campaigning people would throw things again on us." Hillary said one night as they sat outside on their porch listening to the crickets serenading them. Bill placed his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer comforting her for what awaits them. "I know." He said devoid of any emotion. Hillary looked up at him searching his eyes. "You seem sad." He smiled but she noticed that it did not reach his eyes. "I'm not sad. I'm just thinking if I should stay away from you so you could focus on your career." Hillary looked at him unbelievingly. "What?! After all we have been through. You're letting me go?" He laughed and pressed a kiss on her cheeks. "I love you that much I am considering to let you go." She playfully tapped his nose. "Too bad for you I love you so much I am not letting you go." Bill smiled touched at her response. "It was just something that I had consider, but if you want me to stay, I'll stay." "But why would you do that?" She asked worried. "Ever since our stay here in Arkansas, I've come to discover something. It's that I don't want to be selfish, not to you or to your happiness. You don't know how willing I am to give you everything." He told her sincerely looking at her eyes. Hillary felt her heart swell with love. "I love you too much, Bill. I want you to be with me." She told him then she pressed a kiss on his lips giving back all the love that she had for him.

She made love with him that night, taking control, driving him mad with need and pleasure. "Please," Bill groaned just above her lips. He was sitting with his legs crossed in an Indian sitting position, while she sat on his lap, her legs wrapped around his waist. He was hard inside her but she wasn't moving. It was plain torture for him: to be held inside her body, trapped in her heat. She ran her hand on his hair giving him goosebumps. The air was thick with the scent of their sex. The candles that she had prepared to use as light instead of lamp had starting dripping and had added heat in air, their shadows playing on the room. Hillary bent her head back enjoying the feeling of him. Bill took the opportunity to run his lips on the length of her neck. "Darlin'," he pleaded against her skin "please ... I ... I can't take it anymore." Hillary gently held his face nodded and moved, riding him slow until she found her pace. Bill held her hips and helped her in her rhythm until she started moaning deep and low. He pressed his lips against hers openly kissing her, drinking her moans until finally they found their release.

Bill held her in a spoon position, feeling her skin. This woman lying beside him is a gem that he needs to take care of. He knew that she was born to shine brighter than the stars. She was a force to be reckoned with. She was strength, and love, and loyalty. She was even bigger than him. It humbled him, that this woman who deserves so much decided to be with him. He pressed a kiss on the back of her head feeling grateful that God had given him the blessing to be with someone as strong as her. Maybe it was His gift to him after all the hardship he encountered in his life. Probably.


New York, 2000

"Hillary! Hillary! Hillary!" The crowd cheered. The venue was already set for Hillary to announce her bid for Senate. The place was packed with supporters, media, spectators, family, and friends. Backstage Hillary watched the crowd waiting for her turn to make her announcement. She found it so surreal. Before, it was the name of her husband that people were clamoring, now it was her turn. She never knew that this day would come. She never expected that it will even come. It used to be a league not for her sexes but the times had been changing. Women were taking position that used to be occupied by men. Hillary also rallied for that. Now she wanted to ensure that she takes her place and make history in politics.

She felt some approach her from behind and knew it was her husband even before he arrived and placed his hands on both of her arms. His hands, then sliding to embrace her from behind. "Thank you," she whispered leaning back against his chest. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, "for what?" He asked. "For being with me, for coming around, for sticking, and for fighting for me." She felt him smile against her hair, "this is nothing compared to what you have done for me." He told her as he joined her watching the crowd. Hillary held his hand, loving its strength and its beauty. She always loved his hands. She looked at his wedding ring that he never took off only when he's about to sleep or take his shower. Then she heard him continue speaking, "what is important is our promise to each other, that whatever happens, however bumpy the ride will be for the next few years we'll always go back to each other —", "I'll always go back to you, honey." She completed. "Yes, and I'll always go back to you too." He echoed tightening his embrace, as he dropped a kiss on her temple.