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I am the BEST Trophy Wife!

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The mistake Gai made, in hindsight, was letting young Lee watch soap operas when he asked about romance.

-

The first time Rock Lee saw Haruno Sakura, she had just used her dainty little fist to put one of her classmates through a brick wall. She stood there, chest heaving, and looked just like Maiko-sama from Ai no Akademi . He fell in love. He didn't even know her name.

The teacher descended on the situation like an avenging kami, and the girl ended up with detention, so next period, Lee got caught attempting to copy from his book on their test.

Detention acquired, he spent the rest of the day with a wide smile on his face. He wore the smile right up until he slipped into the classroom he had been told to show up at after school and saw that his beautiful flower had been crying.

He froze in the doorway as she shrieked and covered her tear streaked face with her hands.

“Don’t look at me!”

“W-why are you crying?” he asked, completely confused. Had something happened?

“I got detention ,” she said, voice muffled as she tried to scrub dry her cheeks.

“Is that...bad?” he ventured. It was just detention. It wasn’t like it went on their official records.

“Yes! And all because some stupid boy made fun of my forehead. Why isn’t he in detention?”

Lee gasped. “But, but, why? What’s wrong with your forehead?”

She looked at him for a few seconds. “You..don’t think there is anything wrong with my forehead?”

“...no?” Lee asked. Her forehead was nice and wide and shiny. It accented her pretty pink hair and her bright green eyes. How could anyone think there was something wrong with it?

“Are you making fun of me? Why are you even here?”

“I got a detention because you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, more beautiful than Maiko-sama, and I want to marry you!”

“I don’t want to get married and be someone’s wife! I want to be the best kunoichi ever! Now I know you’re just here to make fun of me!”

“I can be the wife,” Lee said, with all the logic of a eight year old.

Sakura froze. “Really?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Yosh! I will keep the house and cook your dinners and be there to welcome you home from your important missions! And I will punch anyone who makes fun of you since you don’t like detention!”

Sakura giggled. “Ok, we can get married then. But not til after I make jounin.”

Lee’s smile was blinding. “Yosh! I will be the best wife!”

-

“My name is Haruno Sakura. I like my future husband and flower arranging. I dislike when people make fun of my future husband or say kunoichi aren’t good shinobi. My dream is be so famous that I gain a ‘Flee on Sight’ order in the Bingo Book and provide my future husband with the house of his dreams.”

Haruno Sakura was clearly the problem child of his team. Her academy file was littered with detentions and records of confrontations, although most of them were with bullies or her circle of friends. (Kakashi knew how kunoichi were. Vicious. Especially when they liked each other.) The future husband bit was new, though.

“Your...future husband? Still looking, or do you have one already picked out?”

“Yes,” she said, serene. “His name is Rock Lee, he’s fourteen, and he’s a member of Team Gai.”

Ignoring his other two genin frantically shaking their heads and making stop motions out of Sakura’s view, he pressed on. “Does he know about this?”

She gave him a disgusted look. “Of course, it was his idea. He’s already picked out the apron and pearls he wants me to buy him when I get my  promotion.”

Kakashi coughed. “Traditionally, the wife wears the apron and pearls.”

“Yes,” she agreed.

Kakashi made a mental note to slap a ‘stone cold crazy’ label on her official file to avoid confusion in the future.

“Ok, who’s next?”