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Fixing a Broken Heart

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His eyes burn brighter when he’s angry, clouding when he’s sad. His hair fucking defies gravity but it’s fluffy and soft when he’s fresh from one of his infinite showers. He’s eight minutes older than you, and a good inch or two taller. You’re nearly identical. That’s why this is so wrong.

You started noticing things when you were fourteen. The way his hips moved when he walked, the movement of muscles when he practiced his sword technique shirtless in the Texas summer heat. You developed an appreciation for his form; broad shoulders that slimmed into a trim waist and slender hips. A few years later, and he’s the object of your (secret, obviously) obsession.

Maybe you took a few shots of him with your camera. Candid shots were one of your specialties, after all. A shot here of him watching television after a shower, another there of him just as he’s fallen asleep. You never stayed and watched him sleep, though. That was a bit too much, even for you. You've got some pride.

At sixteen, you were pretty well stuck. He fell for Jake, and you listened to him talk with him into late hours of the night; hating yourself a little when you finished, softly crying his name into your pillow. You tried to find a new person to love. John’s blunt humor, untamable black hair, and cute buck teeth distracted you for a while. You fell in love with him.

And then Jake and Dirk broke up. You were seventeen, and he came into your room crying, his beautiful amber eyes alight with pain. You pulled him into your lap, soothing him with quiet words and gentle rubs across his shoulders and back. It was the first time in a long time that you two slept in the same bed, him falling asleep in your lap after crying himself out.

The next day, you break up with John. It had never really been ‘official’, a few sloppy kisses and traded touches here and there. He seemed almost grateful, asking Rose out on a date moments after the initial message. You were happy for him, happy to see him happy. Dirk was out of it all week, his eyes dull and movements slower. He had loved Jake, loved him with all he had, and Jake had torn his heart in two. He begins to stay in your room more often.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re so beyond fucked.

—-

“Dave? You home?” Dirk calls, the front door shutting loudly behind him. That’s one more thing in your shared apartment you need to fix, the door latch gets stuck and you have to slam it.

“Yeah, in my room.” You reply, not bothering to look up from the comic you’re editing. If he wants you, he’ll come in and say something. Turns out, he does. You feel more than see him standing at your doorway, obviously tense. “What’s up, dude?”

“Went and saw Jake today.” His voice is clipped and tight, and you immediately stop what you’re doing. You lock your computer, turning around and looking him over. He’s leaned against your doorframe, arms wrapped around himself like it’s the only thing holding him together. You heart breaks at the sight.

“How’d that go..?” you ask him cautiously, watching his face carefully for signs of oncoming tears. You wish he’d taken off his shades. You could read him so much easier that way, which, when you thought about it, is probably why he’d left them on. He never wanted you to know how much pain he was in.

“He was surprised to see me. Wouldn’t even come near me.” You hear the crack in his voice and in seconds you’re on your feet, pulling him into another tight embrace. You can feel how hard his frame is shaking, and he buries his face in your shoulder, hands gripping and pulling at the front of your shirt. You don’t let him say any more, stroking his hair softly again.

“I can’t believe he has the nerve to do that to you… You gave all you had to him.” You bite your lip at the sound of those words coming out of your mouth. You knew that Jake took his virginity, and you didn’t have a problem with it. But seeing how your brother was hurting right now made your blood boil at the mere thought of his hands on him.

“I-I don’t know what happened!” he cries, sobs wracking his body as he curls into you. “I.. Fuck, I loved him! So much…”

“I know, I know. You don’t deserve this, not at all.” You picked him up a little bit, carrying him to your bed and sitting down. He curled up in your lap again, sobbing violently. One word was all it would take, one word and you would make sure Jake knew what kind of pain he put your brother in. But you knew that that word would never come. Dirk loved him too much. Loved him to the point where he’d try to see him, knowing full well what the reaction would be.

It killed you inside. You never let him see it though, never let him see how much you really did love him. You had no idea how badly he would freak out if he found out. What he would do.

“Dave…” you heard the whisper loud and clear and your eyes snapped to the trembling boy clinging to you as though his life depended on it.

“Yeah, Dirk?”

“You… What were you just saying?”

All of the color drained from your face as you realized what he meant. “Wh-Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Your heart was pounding out of your chest, eyes flitting around the room to avoid to looking at him again. Of all of the things that could bring your world crashing down to the ground, this was probably the most effective.

“Wait, no. Tell me… I want to make sure I heard right.” That was the tone of voice you couldn’t ignore. The one that wavered between tears and a smile, that was the balance between heartbreaking and uplifting. You break.

“I.. ah.. Kind of love you. More than just brotherly love.” The stammered confession nearly stops your heart, and you still can’t look at him. Can’t stand to see what he’ll say, how he’ll react to the atomic bomb you just dropped on him. He tugs at your shirt wordlessly and you look up, shutting your eyes tightly against the words you’re sure you’ll hear.

“…Dave. Look at me.” There’s that voice again, but it’s stronger this time. He’s not crying anymore, he’s different. You could swear you’d heard this kind of voice before, but it was never aimed at you, never speaking to you. Always talking to someone else. Talking to Jake.

Swallowing harshly, you let your eyes drift down toward him. Fear is evident in your eyes, but he can’t see that, can’t see what you’re feeling behind your shades. You’d bet money that it’s evident in everything else also. Next thing you know, there’s a hand at the arm of your shades and you’re grabbing it, pulling it away from the only thing protecting your spilling-over emotions.

“No, no, no… I’m not taking them off. I need to.. I need to go. Have to go.” Words tumble out of your mouth, and you don’t know if they make sense or not. But you have to get out of there. You can’t sit here and listen to him tell you what he thinks. The thought scares you too much. You slip away from him, heading straight for the door before a hand stops you, yanking you back.

“Dave, stop, I’m not going to freak out.”

His words stop you cold, blood freezing in your veins. You still won’t turn back and look at him, but you don’t make any more movements to leave, either.

“Why not…? I deserve it. I’m fucked up. Falling for my goddamn twin brother..” Shudders run through you and you allow yourself to kneel on the floor, head dropping into your hands. If his rejection is still coming, you don’t want to see the look on his face.

“…Don’t worry about it. You’re not fucked up. At least, no more so than I am.” If someone tried, they could probably hear a pin drop in the silence that followed his words. Don’t look back, don’t look back, don’t do it, okay, fuck it. Look at him.

Apparently you didn’t have to turn and look at him, because when you looked up he was right beside you. And whoa, okay, too close. Too close for someone who just had those feelings pushed onto them. Too close for someone who just had their heart broken. Too close for anyone, let alone when they were so close to their twin brother.

“Dave.” Just the mention of your name and you shook, shook as you took off your shades, exposing yourself to whatever he was going to say. He had taken his off as well, and you couldn’t bring yourself to admit what his eyes were telling you. There was no way, too soon, too close.

“Dirk I’m sorry, I am, fuck, I didn’t want to ever tell you about this. Never wanted you to know, to hear how fucking wrong I am… I don’t know why, but I can’t help it, I love you, more than anyone should ever love their brother.” The words tear up your chest, forcing their way out of your throat and into the air where you could never take them back; and it positively killed you when Dirk pulled you close.

You didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve him putting his arms around you and telling you it was okay. It’s not okay, not with you, you don’t want to admit it. You’d spent years forcing it out of your mind, distracting yourself with others. They were never quite enough though.

“Dave, are you going to listen to me yet?” he was infinitely patient, waiting for you to stop freaking out, stop worrying, stop panicking and listen to him. You didn’t know if you would stay, didn’t know if you could. But hell if you weren’t going to try. One shaky nod later, he’s making you look at him again as he speaks.

“You’re not fucked up, at least no more so than I am. Yes, I just lost Jake. Yes, I am upset by that. Yes, we are brothers and technically neither of us should be feeling any of this. But we are. I am too, whether you want to believe me or not. So… What are we going to do?”

And he leaves it up to you, the stupid bastard, he’s making you decide, making you choose if anything happens here. It’ll kill you if you do something, and kill you more if you don’t. You can’t choose, and you’re not quite sure if your voice works anymore to tell him that. So, you do what anyone would do in this situation.

You pull him forward and kiss him, needy and confused and very much in love.

His reaction is nigh instantaneous, yanking you to him and wrapping his arms around your waist tightly. His mouth his hot against yours, moving oh so perfectly with you. It’s all you can do to slip your arms around his neck and tilt your head, parting your lips when he licks along them.

His tongue is eager and insistent against yours, mapping out your mouth and easily dominating the kiss. You never were much of a top, anyway. He pulled you closer by your hips, settling you in his lap and sucking at your lip. A small whimper escaped you and you wound your fingers into his hair, tugging softly. He pulled away all too quickly, leaving you panting and whining for more.

“…Was.. Was that okay..?” he sighed, breathing labored. You couldn’t have nodded faster, clearly more than a little bit desperate. Thinking for a moment, you pulled away from him enough to really talk.

“Dirk… This is illegal, and what about Jake..?” you sighed, still holding on to him despite your words. It wasn’t really your fault, because it’s not up to you who you fall in love with. So as long as Dirk was okay with it, you would continue to love him.

“No one will find out. We’ve done illegal shit before. And Jake hurts, but I love you as much as I loved him.” Another soft kiss was pressed to your lips and you melted into it, pouring all of your love for him into that kiss.

He didn’t linger there long, though, quickly moving down and laving kisses across your jaw. He sucked softly at the hollow behind your ear and you bit your lip, fighting back the moan that threatened to fall from your lips already. Apparently, he wasn’t having any of that. He moved his kiss down, down your neck and to the sensitive juncture where your neck met shoulder.

Soft moans slipped out of your mouth when he bit down, shivers following his hands as he stroked across your shoulders and chest. Every inch of your body lit up at his touch, and within minutes you were flat on your back. You could feel the marks darkening against your pale skin, as well as your shirt practically being ripped from your body. Lips and tongue and teeth skimmed across your bare chest and you arched into it, whining for more.

“Mmm… Someone’s needy…” the smirk on Dirk’s face is audible, and you dig your fingernails into his shoulders. He needed to get on with it, touch you, kiss you, fuck you, goddammit—. Your head drops back when his hands fall to your waistband, hips twitching up into his touch.

“Sh-Shut up and fuck me, come on!” you hiss, roughly yanking his shirt off as well. It joins yours on the floor and you scratch down his chest, leaving red marks in sharp relief against his skin. It becomes instantly clear to you that you’re not the only Strider with a penchant for pain.

The low growl that escapes his chest sends shivers down your spine and sets your blood boiling over. Teeth dig into skin and you keen, back arching harshly and bringing the two closer together. He wrests your jeans off of you, his quickly following into a pile on the floor. Moments later, you’re tossed onto the bed again.

“Safeword is orange.” He purrs, winding his belt in between and around your wrists as he lashes you to the bed. You whine your agreement, hips twitching up to find some friction. The grin he tosses your way is downright predatory and it sends tingles down your body, heat following every glancing touch he gives you.

He takes out a dark cloth, and you pull at your restraints a little. The look on his face is a question, asking permission, making sure this is all okay. When you nod, you’re saying yes to everything, and he makes sure you know that. The blindfold obscures sight, and suddenly you can feel everything a thousand times over.

This wasn’t the shy, crying kid you’d held in your lap a few hours before. This was a side of Dirk you’d never seen, it was hot and passionate and damn sexy. You couldn’t wait to see where it went from here, and you’d never admit to the desperate keen that fell from your lips as he mouthed over your length through your boxers.

Strong, calloused hands held your hips to the bed as he continued to mouth at you. Teasing licks and sucks drew louder moans from you, and you whimpered when he pulled away. A dark chuckle came from him at your desperate sounds, and you bit your lip to hold back.

“No, no. Don’t do that.” A kiss pulled your lip from between your teeth and you could feel his length against your hip as he kissed you. After a moment you relaxed under the kiss and his gentle touches across your hips. Then, he was gone.

“Dirk!” you cried, unable to help yourself. You’d never been left alone like this, so vulnerable, and it terrified you to think about him actually just leaving you there. No words came to you, but he stroked your side and you sighed heavily with relief. Kisses were pressed across your slim hips, followed by a sharp snap of the waistband of your boxers before they were pulled away.

The bed dipped and light touches told you to spread your knees apart. You did so reluctantly, chewing at your lip as Dirk settled between your knees. He showered you in chaste kisses that trailed up and down your thighs, keeping contact everywhere except where you wanted it. Desperate keens rang through the room, volume rising the longer
the teasing continued. The pop sound of a cap caught your attention and you tensed in anticipation.

“Relax, Dave.” Came his quiet voice and you latched onto it, slowing your breathing and forcing yourself to relax. He attacked you with kisses again, adding teeth and tongue to the mix this time. Kisses skirted your base, suddenly shifting to wet, open-mouthed affections when he slipped his finger into you neatly. Long, languid sucks distracted you easily from his stretching, so within minutes you were rocking your hips back on three of his fingers; moans slipping freely from you as he massaged your prostate.

He pulls away and you whine at the loss, feeling oddly empty and uncomfortable. A hand soothed over your hip lovingly, followed by a quick kiss before you felt him line up with you.

“Y-You’re still okay..?” he stuttered, voice low and heady with arousal. In any other state, you probably would have made a comment about how affected he was. He’d strung you out, though, so you whimpered your agreement.

He was thicker than his fingers, and you bit at your lip at the burning stretch that came as he pushed into you slowly. He muttered praise to you as he pressed into you, showering you with “fuckin’ perfect”’s, “so good”’s, and “just a little more”’s. You ate up his praise, nodding and pulling at your restraints. You needed to see him, to hear him, to touch him—and you couldn’t.

Fully seated, he stilled inside of you to allow you to adjust. You were more than grateful, panting softly and gripping the binds lashing you to the bed. He took this time to stroke your length a few times—which didn’t help your breathless panting one bit. A laugh fell from his lips as he watched you, rocking his hips gently. You yanked harder on the binds before speaking.

“Dirk Strider, quit teasing me and move before I—“ you’re cut off by a short, sharp thrust straight into your hot spot, a loud moan falling from your lips.

“Like that?”

You can hear the smirk in his voice and you hate (love) him so much as he draws out further, thrusting more gently into you than he first had. You roll your hips into his experimentally, and nearly miss the moan that just barely slips from him. His thrusts get harder as he draws out further, pressing back into you faster as he goes.

You would swear that every time you exhale you’re either moaning or whimpering his name as he abuses your prostate, forcing your vision white and sending sparks of white-hot pleasure up your spine. Your back arches off the bed and Dirk’s grip on your hips is nothing short of savage. He’s kissing and biting at your neck, your chest, your shoulders, everything he can reach. Blunt nails scratch where his mouth can’t reach, abusing your skin and you love it, whining and moaning desperately for him.

He drags you closer, changing your angle so he slams into your prostate dead-on with every thrust. There will be dark bruises on your hips tomorrow from how savagely his strong, slender fingers were digging into your skin. You’ve gone from moaning and whimpering to yelping, begging desperately for him to touch you, mark you, make you come. He complies quickly, one hand digging in harder on your hip as his other hand wraps around your neglected length and his teeth sink into the sensitive juncture of your neck and shoulder.

You positively scream his name when you come; white splattering all over your pale chest with your back arched a mile off the bed. He follows soon after, thrusting deep into you and freezing as he comes. You moan at the feeling, oversensitive and still high on your afterglow.
He pulls out of you carefully, moving to undo your bonds with hands you could feel shaking. On instinct, when they were released you tried pulling them to your sides. A whine slipped from you when Dirk held onto your arms, rubbing each one for a little before letting you pull it down. The blindfold fell from your face and he tossed it away along with his belt, sliding down the bed next to you.

“How… How was it?” he sighs, breath tickling against your ear. You press a soft, lazy kiss to him in response, a blissful smile on your face.

“Does that answer your question?”

“Yes it does.”

His arms wrap around you and pull you close, fitting you against him snugly. A content sigh slips past your lips, and you press a chaste kiss to his shoulder, nuzzling into his chest. Dirk chuckles at you, kissing the top of your head as you relax into his hold. He whispers something against your hair and you quirk an eyebrow.

“What was that..?” You ask sleepily, red eyes blinking up at Dirk. He kissed your forehead before speaking, a sweet smile on his face.

“I said ‘I love you, Dave’.”

The words take a minute to process in your tired mind, and when they click you quickly flush dark red. You’ll deny it later if Dirk ever brings it up.

“I love you too, Dirk.”

You press a gentle kiss to his jaw, settling into his arms more comfortably as your legs tangle up with his. You don’t know what’ll happen in the morning. Don’t know if he’ll still be there, still be holding you, still be willing to tell you he loves you. You chew your lip before saying something, your voice unusually small and quiet.

“Dirk..?”

“Yeah?”

“…Will you stay until I wake up?”

A soft tug on your hair has you looking up at him, and he’s smiling. It’s beautiful, you think. He should smile more. You want to make him smile more. For the first time you’ve seen in a while, his smile reaches his amber eyes. It both breaks your heart and stitches it back together again.

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving.” He says, lips brushing yours as he talks. The gentle kisses reassure you almost as much as his words do.

“I’ll see you in the morning, then.”

He nods, ghosting one last kiss on your lips before nudging you back against his chest, arms tightening around you. You don’t know if this will last, or if it will make you both happy, but for right now you’re satisfied.

Sleepy with sex and drunk on love, you fall asleep curled up in the arms of your brother.

 

When you wake in the morning, he’s still there.