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Mad Season

Chapter Text



Madame Poppy Pomphrey dashed through the floo connection from her home, where she'd been enjoying the remainder of her summer holidays. The one good thing about being a School Medi-witch was those few precious weeks of summer when she wasn't spending all her waking hours, and some she should have been sleeping, reverse engineering teenage stupidity.

Some years, especially those with Potters attending Hogwarts, Poppy felt she would have been less stressed back in her old job working in medical emergency in the Reversal of Accidental Magic Department.

Of course, the ageing Madame had expected, with the Dark Lord back among the corporeal, that she'd be called upon during her precious little down-time to help, un-curse, and/or heal some Order member or another. However, she hadn't expected to be rushing out with her emergency kit just yet.

The green flames spat Poppy out in the kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, where she was nodded through by Hestia Jones, and directed to the second floor drawing room. The room was quiet and tense, despite how crowded it was. Upon seeing the medi-witch's stunned visage, Remus carefully made his way over, edging around the elephant in the room.

The literal, living, 8-foot-tall, Borneo Pygmy Elephant.



"W-what?" Poppy stammered, trying to figure out if what she was seeing was real, and if so, what she as a medi-witch was supposed to do about it.

"Don't mind the elephant in the room," Remus reassured the woman, an amused light shining behind his eyes. "Your patient's this way." He directed her down the nearly destroyed hallway.

"We were trying to get it outside at least, until someone could figure out what else to do. The staircase isn't large enough, we found." The werewolf explained glibly. "Here we are."

Madame Pomphrey entered through the half destroyed doorway to a bedroom covered in the tattered, half burned remains of what might have once been a large ornate wooden bed-frame and its associated mattress and bedding.

Amidst the mess was a sadly familiar teenager.

"Mr Potter, just what have you done now?" Poppy sighed, making her way to the boy's side through the debris and pushing a blonde man out of her way. "And why do I have the sinking feeling you're somehow closer involved in this mess than any of us would like, hmm? And the elephant?"

Harry scowled fiercely at his two suitors, who failed entirely to look contrite or abashed in any manner. In fact, Crowley was glaring at Growly who had only just peaked his head out of the wardrobe where he'd hidden from the surprise pachyderm, while the Trickster himself was snickering about 'not mentioning the elephant in the room'.

"It's not my fault at all." Harry argued from his slouched position, careful to avoid moving his visibly broken lower leg.

"You are legally responsible for us and our unfortunate entourage, until we are granted citizenship," The demon couldn't help putting in his two cents worth, "So technically…"

"You were no help before, so don't try to be 'helpful' now." The teenager snarled, leaning forward to point vehemently. Poppy pushed Harry back down when he winced and turned grey from pain.

"Mr Potter! Stay still and tell me what caused this." She demanded, waving a diagnostic over her patient to check for further injury. Considering the pygmy elephant seemed to have somehow originated from this bedroom, Poppy suspected crush injuries at the very least.

Harry floundered wordlessly for a moment. "Well, Crowley and I were laying on the bed,"

"Getting naughty. Without me, might I add?" Gabriel interrupted from over Madame Pomphrey's shoulder. Harry flushed in mortification. The medi-witch skilfully ignored it.

"So that git," The teen pointed at an unrepentant Gabriel, "Grows a bloody elephant from the ivory inlay on the headboard." He then turns to Crowley. "So that idiot starts flinging fire around, as though that's going to make anything better!"

"I told you, I was merely attempting to herd the beast towards the door." The still half-dressed man argued.

"Were not. You were trying to set Gabe on fire in revenge."

Crowley shrugged. "He cock-blocked me with an elephant. He deserved it."

"A Pygmy Elephant, actually." The ex-archangel corrected.

"It's still bloody eight feet tall and weighs three tonnes!"

"And where were you in all of this, Mr Potter?" Madame Pomphrey questioned, raising her voice above the arguing. Her scans had indicated only a nearly healed concussion from previously in the summer, and the broken leg she had noticed earlier.

"I jumped clear of the elephant onto the dresser." Harry clarified.

"You weren't crushed by the animal? No one else was injured?" Harry shook his head in the negative. "Then I'd say your 'friend' was lucky his actions didn't inadvertently kill anyone, and they should both stop making such a ruckus and be grateful this incident wasn't worse." Poppy directed her recriminations at the blonde first, before including Crowley in her formidable look of disapproval as well.

"So how did this injury come about then?" Poppy asked, tipping a pain-relief potion down the boy's throat so she could work on setting his leg.

"After freezing us and the surprise elephant, Harry-darling was so busy shouting at Feathers and myself that he fell off the dresser." Crowley explained, grinning.

Gabriel snorted and looked away amused.

Remus in the doorway snickered.

Harry scowled.

"Only you, Mr Potter. Only you." Poppy sighed.



Short but it amused me none the less.

Any ideas for funny situations for the SPN crew to get themselves into are welcome.

Thanks reviewers, you make me smile and keep me motivated to write.


On a side note - not only did I pass the probationary period and earn my name badge at work, I got a new(er) car this week. :D