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Mercy

Chapter 36: Part Thirty - Six

Summary:

TW TW TW TW: Self harm. Scars. Emotions associated with act/aftermath/healing/recovery.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

 

“Okay. Ready to try again,” Eliza instructed and Lena took a deep breath and steadied herself. They were based in a private hospital that had recently had an anonymous buyer purchased the building and company and then revamped the entire security systems and also had provided brand new, state of the art equipment and facilitates. It had all happened in under a week.

Dr Danvers was given a private wing in the hospital (a few rooms), with full security clearance and accessed to all facilities, and had designed a program to test what was happening to Lena Luthor. She had started with, before the facility had upgraded equipment, Lena’s blood and had run the same tests on it that Lena had, and had come to the conclusion that, at its core, Lena’s DNA was still human.

Currently she had Lena hooked up to a monitor with cords at her temples measuring her brain waves. Lena’s singlet was damp with sweat and her hair was plastered to her forehead. She was panting and her pale skin had darkened to a fatigued red but her eyes were narrowed in concentration as Eliza held a small scalpel to her forearm. She had mentally ran through her responsibilities for the week and had determined she could wear long sleeves for her public appearances and had agreed to go forward with the doctors testing.

They were trying to make the tests as equal as possible and so Lena had offered her body as collateral. Dr Danvers had been reluctant to go down that path, but Lena had made some excellent points. Just by examining her DNA wouldn’t tell them the scope of her regeneration abilities, and she really wanted to know. Who knew what the radiation was doing to her body? The doctor had eventually agreed, reluctantly, and they had started small.

First they had made a few small cuts and then with some of the most expensive camera technology, had held small shards of Kryptonite up to them. All most instantly the wounds closed up and it was as though there had been no damage in the first place. Then they went further, monitoring Lena’s vitals the entire time for any change. The cuts on her arms increased in length, width and depth as they moved down her arm, and Lena had grit her teeth and born the pain as the doctor systematically made them.

Eliza’s eyes were gentle but her hands were firm and steady as she held Lena’s limp hand by the wrist and carefully made her last incision. Lena’s hiss and inhale was her only indication of pain and she let her breath out in a shaky exhale. They took video and photo evidence of the entire process and stored the information, and the other results Eliza had found, on a hidden, private server behind a firewall so high and deep that it’d make Fort Knox look like a city’s public park.

Eliza gently dabbed the blood away and wiped the arm down with anaesthetic before starting to bind the bloody arm. They had decided to leave one to heal naturally, as a base line, and then go from there. Eliza had poured over all of the records Lena had given her, the ones from her childhood, and the medical records from her crash as well as the L-Corp Tower explosion.

Together they had decided, Eliza determining and Lena confirming, that her childhood statistics fell within the ordinary, and that any change had started with the injections Dr. Alan had been giving her… around the same time that Lex came home talking about other life-forms and the danger they possessed to humans. A year and a half later and her injections started, she’d been sixteen and Lex twenty-one. They increased in frequency and volume after Superman became public and then climaxed with Lex’s war with the caped-hero. It was very obvious something else had been in those injections, and they weren’t just her flu shots.

So far she hadn’t been able to find out what was in them, couldn’t find a paper or digital trail, and well, she wasn’t about to ask Lex.

Going off her x-rays Eliza had estimated a thirty percent maximum regeneration over the average population, but hoped with more monitoring they could get further accuracy. Her next tests would be with some more of Lena’s blood and she was hoping to use a Petri dish to create some skin and see if it would have the same properties as Lena did.

They hadn’t tested any other of the abilities Lena appeared to have been developing, and Lena wasn’t volunteering just yet, she wanted to look into it herself first. Besides, the entire process was weighted. She was learning just how different she was, and it was another barrier between her and the rest of the world, including her last name and intellect.

One of the tests that had made her cry was holding Kryptonite up to one of her scars and watching as it faded before her eyes, leaving her skin as unblemished as it had been before she’d taken a razor blade to it and drawn it across her skin, desperate to feel something, to have a reason for the pain. She tried not to think of that time in her life, of the things she did to herself and what others did to her, but watching the thick, ugly lines, the scars of her past just fade away had brought her to tears.

Eliza hadn’t said anything, had only squeezed her arm and gone over to fiddle with a microscope and a sample, and had left her to her silent tears.

“When you’re ready, if you can tell me how old those are, we can add that to the data,” she said gently, almost off-hand as she examined some degenerating samples, one’s Lena had taken when she first realised something was different about her.

Lena had taken a few minutes to gather her composure, sitting in the chair and watching as the scars she hid from the world were held out in the open, her jeans low on her hips and her shirt unbuttoned. The smaller one she’d just healed left a curious emptiness, a blank space on her skin where she’d once marked over and over until her skin ran red and she could name the pain she was feeling. She stared down at the lines, some pale and angry, even after all these years, and others a soft silver line like a spider-web in moonlight, and she cried and cried and cried.

She told the few lovers she’d had that they were stretch marks and then distracted who-ever rarely shared her bed so they didn’t question her statement. Usually they were in the dark, and she’d direct curious hands to other unblemished skin or have a no-touching rule, so no one ever questioned it. Or she’d ensure her lovers got shit-faced after so that the night was a blur. It wasn’t healthy, but…. She wasn’t ready to share them with the world, didn’t think she’d ever be willing to let them see the light.

It was an out of body experience, pointing out the ones she’d had since her teenage years, back when her intellect out-shone her emotional state and she struggled to voice what she was feeling. At the time it had been all she had, when things were out of her control and she was alone, but as she recovered she’d seen them for what they were. Signs of her weakness. Etched into her body like tally marks. Logically adult Lena was aware of her emotional state, environment, and burdens as a child and teenager, and could rationalise it now…. But back then it was all she had.

She did not hate her younger self for her pain and didn’t regret her coping mechanisms, there were plenty of worse ways to cope. Lex had tried to help her when she first started, and she had left her arms and legs to keep him happy, but under her clothes she’d carved her story into her skin. She was careful. Luthor’s were not permitted to show weakness or anything other than strength, arrogance, intelligence, and since Lex, insane xenophobia. No one knew of her hurt, and no one ever would. It was her burden to bear and she’d bear it alone, like she always had and always would.

She spared the woman turning the camera on (and angling it down to the thick line following the curve of her hip) a brief, hesitant glance but Eliza was composed. Maybe prepared for the scars. She could see the band of her underwear on the screen and the scars along her bellybutton and could see her belly-button ring. Eliza held the shard of Kryptonite Lena had brought and her gloves gave way to a small section of her arms on the camera. The silver tongs moved closer and with her other hand Eliza moved the camera into position and guided them both down the contour of Lena’s right hip.

Nothing happened and Eliza tried again and then spoke into the camera as she placed the shard directly on Lena’s skin. “We will test exposure for five minutes, starting now,” she said and pulled away and Lena looked past the rise and fall of her chest and down her stomach where the shard rested on her hip bone. The open folds of her button-up rested down at her sides. Her cell-phone was on the table next to the chair and she reached for it and the Kryptonite shard trembled.

Eliza sat down on her own chair and took a sip of water.

“Kara told me you built her a gun,” she commented and Lena paused as she unlocked her phone. They tended not to discuss their private lives or indeed, anything other than their own education and science and experiments. Lena found Eliza to be an engaging listener and her experience and intelligence made their conversations flow easily. While they waited for results they would discuss the latest medical and technological advances and Eliza was an ideal debating partner. She was quick and witty and very intelligent and most importantly, willing to listen to what Lena had to say and so few people in her life ever were.

Lena nodded and rested her cell on her chest and let her eyes close. She was exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically, it had been a trying few hours.

“I also saw the footage of you aiming a gun at Supergirl.”

Lena went still and her eyes flickered open. Eliza was looking at her squarely, but the steel in her eyes revealed how badly she wanted the question, for it was a question, answered.

It took her a while to speak, but when she did, she felt she explained herself adequately enough.

“For over a decade I’ve had to listen to my family rant and rave about aliens and what they can do…what danger they possess to humanity. I’ve sat through dinners on how their extinction from Earth would go about, and how they would be dissected first.” Lena hesitated as she saw Eliza flinch slightly and recoil. But it was fact. Luthor’s loathed all things Alien, and Lex, and her mother, had often discussed their imprisonment and execution in order to preserve humanity. Lena had rarely joined in, agreeing with them to save an argument when her own neutral views were shot down and her family looked at her with disgust.

“Superman and Supergirl embody all that they feared,” Lena said and gave a little shrug. “I wanted to see if…” she trailed off a moment and focused on the wall but was lost in her memory. “I wanted to see if I could do it,” she said and pulled her attention from her memory at Eliza’s sharp gasp.

“I wanted to know if I really was a Luthor, if I felt that hatred and fear when staring down the barrel at an Alien….at a Super.” Lena hesitated as she recalled lifting the gun and turning it on the limp hero and felt only…. Compassion and…respect and awe for the hero.

“The thing about the Super’s is that they have day jobs… and no one asks them to shoulder the weight of the world, to take responsibility for humanity the way that they have… but they do it because they can… and because they want to.”

Eliza tilted her head curiously and her gaze was steady and searching.

“I wanted to see if I could take that idea…. The representation of hope… and destroy it,” Lena said and her brow furrowed and she glanced down at her hands. “I couldn’t,” she said softly. “I didn’t feel hatred or fear, only a shared burden….” She waited a moment before looking up at Eliza.

“I may not shoulder six billion lives but I-I have the power and resources to make a difference, and make a difference for the better, and I want to do that. So I do, sort of, understand the desire to help. To save people.”

Eliza had her head tilted to the side and was looking at her in with soft wonder and she met her gaze a moment before lowering her eyes.

“It was never about the money-well, not- not always. Our technology and resources and companies span the globe and employ hundreds… thousands of some of the greatest minds Earth has to offer. Making money means we can continue doing good.” Lena hesitated and glanced up from the shard of Kryptonite still resting on her hip. Eliza’s eyes were clear, like the brightest part of the sky on a sunny day, and there was a gentle understanding there.

“I think,” she said slowly, trying each word before going on to the next one, “that you’re nothing like your brother.”

Lena inhaled sharply and her eyes went wide as Eliza continued. “I think that you’re good and kind and just and fair. And so, so strong, Lena,” she gently reached out and held Lena’s hand and the CEO responded with a vice-like grip. “Your last name doesn’t define you and eventually everyone will see that…. And if they don’t,” Eliza said, gaze warm as Lena’s eyes watered and her throat grew tight, “then they’re missing out on a wonderful, bright and beautiful woman.”

In the middle of a private wing in a private hospital with the mother of the girl she was falling in love with comforting her, Lena Luthor let herself cry.

 

xxxxxXXXXXxxxxx

 

“I can’t believe she gave you a gun,” Alex still clearly wasn’t over Lena Luthor giving her baby-sister a fire-arm, and having her trained in how to use it.

“Alex,” Kara sighed exasperated as she flopped down on the couch with the popcorn bag. Her closed lap-top was over on the coffee table with a note-pad next to it and a few names jotted down. Snapper had given her a new task, a story on the Luthor’s, again, but Kara had decided to do it in another direction and pitch it to him later. She wanted to know of the people behind the name, of Lex, and of Lena, before Lex’s madness. What exactly drove the genius to genocide? She was wanting a little more background information before she pitched it to Snapper, and she’d been looking at some names-using her clearance as Supergirl, to see if she could dig anything up that could help. So far she only had names and photos, she’d get numbers later.

“Nope,” the agent shook her head. “She gave you a gun, Kara! An alien killing gun!”

Seeing her sister still furious and maybe a little jealous, Kara paused the film in the middle of the opening credits and turned to face her sister fully. It was their bi-weekly sister night, and thankfully there had been a lull in alien crime so both sisters had gotten off early and were ready for pizza, postickers, booze, and whatever movie Kara wanted. Alex had gotten the choice last time and so had complained good-naturedly when Kara choose the Lion King, again. The two had a few empty boxes of pizza and a few empty bottles when Kara decided it was time to start their movie.

Mostly Alex had been good about keeping it to non-work related topics. Maggie came up a lot. So did their mum’s move to National City and her sweet apartment. And Maggie. And what a dick Snapper was. And how Kara missed Cat. Maggie. How James was running around in a metal suit playing hero and that he’d dragged Winn into it. And Maggie were some of the discussions for the evening.

To be fair it had been about three hours before she even touched upon the subject of Lena Luthor, which, to be fair, was a new record. Kara wouldn’t stop talking about her, but now she was gearing up for another rant.

“An alien killing gun, Kara!”

“I heard you the first time,” Kara commented as she absently scrolled on her Supergirl Twitter.

“A gun!”

“Yes, a gun,” Kara nodded and kept looking through her Twitter feed. She hadn’t followed many people as Supergirl, but the most glaring, and perhaps the biggest source of her confusion, was the high profile name with the most followers. Lena Luthor.

She hadn’t been able to see Lena since she’d taken her from the city and out to the gun range and had given her a gun! The thought of it still made her lips want to curl into a smile. Lena had been sweet and uncharacteristically nervous as she explained why she was giving her a gun and the logic behind it. Kara had been far to calm about the entire thing, according to Alex who had lost her shit when Kara showed up to the DEO with a gun made by Lena Luthor.

Kara had explained everything and then the DEO had run various tests on it, keeping to the parameters Lena warned her of, and had even had Kara fire it in the DEO weapon testing room just to see how it worked.

It recoiled powerfully, and were Kara not Kryptonian it would have sent her stumbling back, and a shot of electric blue energy dove from the barrel of the gun and towards J’onn, who had volunteered to be the test subject. It had struck him in the chest and lifted him from the ground and sent him soaring backwards a half dozen feet before rippling across his body like bolts of electricity and leaving him stunned. Kara had been horrified and had almost dropped the gun in her effort to get to J’onn faster. Thankfully he was just stunned, and they monitored him round the clock for the next twenty-four hours to ensure no lasting effects. She was thankful she had only kept the dose on human level and had touched the trigger, because were he human and it was on a higher level it probably would have killed him. She didn’t want to test what the high powered round would be like, if the low powered one managed to paralyse J’onn for a good four minutes (four minutes and thirteen seconds to be precise).

Alex had, of course, been furious and had been in J’onn’s medical room demanding she be able to go see Lena and bring her in. J’onn’s voice, so like thunder, had to eventually end the discussion. Alex would not approach Lena Luthor because she had given the weapon to Kara, and it wouldn’t work for anyone else (people had tried and the power bar and climbed warningly until they released the trigger).

She’d been scared, Kara realised later, that if Lena could build something like that, then maybe she could build something to hurt Kara. Well, not Kara, but Supergirl. When she calmed down she’d been torn between anger at Lena having the nerve to think Alex hadn’t made sure Kara was protected and wouldn’t protect her, and finding the entire situation amusing. Kara was still in denial about her feelings, whatever they were (not-platonic) but they hadn’t had that conversation just yet.

“It’s her way of making sure I’m safe,” Kara said in response to Alex’s groan and her sister moved the pillow from her face and stared at Kara.

She had initially been a little shocked at the gun, but was glad her first reaction had been the right one. After giving it some thought she realised that Lena didn’t really know how to act with people she cared about… like, she had never had enough people around her to show her how you care for someone. Lena giving Kara a gun, especially designing and building one especially for her and for the…occupational hazards of her job, had been her way of showing she cared. She had done the best she could to make sure Kara stayed safe, and would trust in her brain and technology to make sure of it. Lena was trying to protect her, and that was all that mattered. At a subconscious level she must have realised that and had responded in a way that suited both Lena and herself. Lena was trying to keep her safe the only way she knew how. It was like Alex teaching her how to fight, or Eliza and that pepper-spray.

“Why’re you smiling?” Alex asked suspiciously and Kara immediately schooled her features into nonchalance.

“What smiling? Me? I’m not-I’m not smiling….”

“What are you smiling at?” Alex questioned and tilted her head. “Are you reading fanfiction about you and Lena again?”

She was rewarded with her sister’s head snapping up and her eyes going wide as her cheeks flushed. “What?! No!” She yelped and Alex gave a sneaky little giggle.

“Are you sureeeee?” She asked and waggled her eyebrows playfully.

“Ew, no Rao no! Alex!” Kara wined and Alex burst into laughter while Kara pouted and clutched her phone to her chest.

“I’m just texting her….”

Unfortunately for both Lena and Kara, after their little discussion on Twitter fanfiction and fan art had cropped up and Winn being Winn had found some and had read it to Alex, much to Kara’s mortification.

One that was gaining traction on the internet was the one about how Lena Luthor was disappointed with her girlfriend/fuck-buddy Supergirl for embarrassing her online by implying she had thrush and wanted to punish her….with a strap on…. It was filthy. Alex had been horrified and Winn, who at first had found it amusing, had then closed the page in disgust while Kara stood frozen. She’d gone from pale to red quicker than a bloodstain on a bandage.

Winn never read any more fanfiction out-loud, but Kara was still trying to apologise to Lena for the incident and had quickly found the quality filter and block buttons on Twitter. She had to release an official statement explaining her words and what happened and had profusely apologised to Lena, even texting her her apology. Lena seemed to find it amusing as hell, and had offered her a shovel with a bow on it the next time she visited her new temporary office. They had tweeted the image and it was one of her most re-tweeted Tweets.

To be fair a lot of their followers, and the public once the tweets and entire fiasco were published, found the incident a humanising experience for both the Luthor and the Super and had started to call them friends. Kara had liked that. Seeing people see how wonderful Lena was, even though most of the articles praised Supergirl for being willing to be friendly with a Luthor. Of course, a few people were speculating just how friendly the two were. Some of their comments had apparently held flirtatious undertones.

Still, Kara didn’t like one of the more popular photos. Didn’t like it at all. I mean, if she was being impartial it was a nice photo. A week and a half ago Lena and Supergirl had visited another children’s hospital and James had been invited to take photos-there were photographers outside of course but he was the official photographer-, and it was the photo he’d chosen for the article that currently had her attention.

Lena was crouching down to speak to a child in a princess costume and Supergirl stood nearby with her arms folded impressively. It would be fine if it weren’t for the look of….adoration on her face. It wasn’t Kara’s fault, okay! Lena had just been so good with the kids, surprising as she didn’t have the …most nurturing of upbringings, and Kara had been in awe of her. She could awe children because hey! Alien here! But it was….something to see Lena do it. Of course James had to catch the moment Supergirl asked if Lena wanted kids. Lena had looked up at her through her lashes and asked if that was her offering (to give her said child in a weird alien way) and the fanfiction ought to be…interesting. In the photo’s after, thankfully not published, Kara’s mouth had fallen open and she had gaped like a fish and then turned bright red. She still remembered the warmth of Lena’s laugh, it echoed in her chest.

But still! Supergirl did not gaze down at people, pretty girls, or like, anyone, with such a dopey and proud look on her face. It was very bad for her rep. So now people were calling their relationship ‘gal pals’ and ‘more than friends?’ and she didn’t like it. Didn’t like it at all.

“You’re frowning again,” Alex said and settled back on her side of the couch and slung her legs up over Kara’s lap.

Kara glanced at her and then the crinkle in her brow smoothened and she smiled. Her phone brightened with a notification.

“Lena’s invited me to lunch tomorrow,” she said and she quickly tapped out an affirmative response and Alex lifted her brow.

“So why were you frowning?”

“I wasn’t frowning,” Kara said but she averted her eyes, the lie obvious. Alex let it slide though.

“Alright, lets watch the movie.”

The opening credits rolled on and they watched the film, and its sequel (Alex couldn’t say no to Kara’s begging eyes) and didn’t talk work or friends the rest of the night. But Alex remembered Kara’s frown, remembered her defence of Lena, and wondered at it. She didn’t appear to be aware of her feelings, just yet, but maybe she and Eliza could sit Kara down and maybe talk to her about it?

 

Notes:

I'm glad everyone like the Twitter conversation! I don't have one so I hoped everything made sense. And.... for the moment you've all been waiting for (some more patiently than others) the Kiss. The kiss is coming-about a half week in the story. So soon. Fewer chapters than I thought it would be-maybe 5 now. Between 5-10. But that's still a lot of words between now and that moment. I'm setting up some things now. Tying in plot lines and starting new ones :)

And I am overwhelmed by the responses last chapter. You don't know how happy they make me :D Mwah! <3