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Mercy

Chapter 16: Part Sixteen

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The wind was blowing gently at the top of the penthouse apartment and Kara landed lightly on the balcony. She quickly scanned the house for Lena and saw she was in her bedroom and walked over to the door and knocked on the glass. She heard Lena’s surprise at the sound and her heartrate started to climb.

Hearing her footsteps Kara pulled away from the door and looked out over the city. Lena really had a wonderful view.

“Why am I not surprised,” Lena drawled and Kara turned to face her and felt her face turn the colour of her suit. Lena had obviously just had a shower; she was wrapped in a towel, had a plastic bag over her cast, and her hair had caught drops of water. Kara swallowed. Loudly. And quickly averted her eyes, and then closed them, maybe looking down wasn’t a good idea. Lena’s legs were looong. Like really long. Her stomach flipped over.

“Let me put something on,” she said and ducked back inside and Kara sped to the barrier and leant over it, not listening in for the drop of the towel behind her, nope, not her.

“Why are you here?” Lena asked and she sounded tired and Kara turned to face her fully. She was wearing a silk thigh high night gown which some ignorant person would probably call a Kimono. It was a lovely shade of dark, dark blue and sparkled in the light and it reminded Kara of the stars.

“I wanted to apologise for earlier,” Kara said, straight off the bat, wanting to lower Lena’s hostility, which, admittedly, was deserved. Lena relaxed a hair.

“I didn’t give you a chance to properly explain, and I think I need to,” Kara tilted her head and leant her back against the rail. “Would you like to tell me? I’m willing to listen this time.”

Lena took a deep breath, was twisting in pain and let it out in a rush and moved over to one of her couches and sat. Her hemline rode up, not that Kara was looking, no sir’re.

“I meant what I said earlier,” Lena said as she settled further into the cushions and directed Kara to sit opposite her with a lazy tilt of her head. Her hair was tumbling around her shoulders and pieces of it were caught by the wind which tugged on it playfully. “About needing weapons capable of killing aliens.”

Kara flopped on the couch with a huff and curled her legs up under her and leant her head on her hand and looked over at Lena.

She was silent for a moment, gathering her thoughts and then spoke.

“Did your parents- did Superman’s parents -know you would get powers when they sent you both to earth? Did they know that here you would be a god?” Lena asked suddenly and Kara had to blink, even though she was expecting a line of enquiry of the sort from her talk with Lena as Kara Danvers.

“Krypton was about to explode,” she said softly. “I don’t know if they thought about that, they just wanted us safe, I guess.”

Lena nodded. “I can understand the desire, but they gambled with an entire planet, countless species, on you and your cousin not turning into dictators. You can at least understand the concern of the average citizen. You can fly, can’t be killed by our most sophisticated weaponry, are faster than anything on earth, can shoot lasers out of your eyes, and are stronger than a hundred of us could ever hope to be combined.”

Kara fought down her urge to respond like she normally would and instead mulled over Lena’s words.

“Kal and I only want to protect earth, it’s our home now. We don’t want to lose another one,” she confessed quietly, weight of her culture resting on her shoulders and she swallowed the tightness in her throat.

“You don’t want to lose another home,” Lena said quietly and when she looked up to see her, green eyes were intense as they observed her. “Earth is and has always been Clal El’s home.” The thud of her heart gave away her almost slip and Kara stiffened and locked her gaze with Lena’s. She was about to say Clark, she knew it.

“Truthfully we are afraid,” Lena said quickly and shifted on the couch to a more comfortable position. “We humans cannot hold a candle against one of you,” she explained softly. “Even you know that. The ones who want to see Earth belong to the humans, and humans only, are afraid of your power, of what you can do. You and your cousin have unlimited power and wield it without consequence and fear. What happens if you go rogue, like you did earlier in the year?”

“That wasn’t my fault!” Kara was quick to protest. “That wasn’t me!”

“But it was you,” Lena emphasised, eyes grave. “You tossed Cat Grant off her balcony,” Lena pointed out. “And did countless other ‘bad’ things,” she struggled to do the bunny ears with one hand in a cast but got her point across. “What if that happens again, what happens if you decide that humanity cannot save itself and decide to cleanse the earth?”

Kara’s jaw dropped but she was silenced with a look.

“You say you are saviours, but what of the people you are saving from? Are you a new-age God like some claim? Think of the Crusades, how many were slaughtered in the name of their God? How many will die if you decide to rule over humanity?”

Lena ducked her head and examined her nails. “But let’s leave you and Kal alone for the moment. You are not alone here, there are other beings with your power and abilities who do not share your guardianship of earth and all that live on it.” Lena looked up from her nails as she continued and Kara shifted uncomfortable on the couch. She didn’t particularly enjoy being on the end of Lena’s green-eyed gaze, it reminded her of her vulnerability to Kryptonite.

“I can google alien attacks and get dozens of hits in a few seconds. The only way humanity can defend against these invaders is by developing weapons strong enough. We have to be able to neutralise these threats, otherwise we face extermination. Physically we cannot challenge these other beings, so our only choice is to develop weapons capable of doing it…. Unless you’d like us to hand them food and land? Because that worked out so well for the indigenous peoples all over the world.” Lena’s sarcasm was evident and Kara had to sigh, she was making a convincing argument.

“Some of us are refugees,” she said quietly, fighting the urge to play with the end of her cape.

“Yes, and for the most part many of you are staying in the shadows, getting on with your lives.”

“We don’t deserve to be banished into the dark!” Kara was on her feet, glaring down at Lena in a heartbeat, hands on her hips. Being left alone in the dark was a sore spot for her.

“Somethings belong in the dark,” Lena said and her smile was as brittle as fractured glass. “When you cast light on them you might not like what you see. That is the nature of the dark, it hides things…people.”

“Kara Danvers…” Lena hesitated and moistened her lips and Kara watched the movement, almost missing her words. “She made me realise that- I developed a device which can determine whether you are human or not by touch.” Lena rested her head back, exposing the smooth column of her throat and Kara could see her heart beating in it. She slowly sat back down.

“She convinced me that I shouldn’t mass produce it, because if aliens were hiding they were doing so because of fear. Fear of prejudice, abuse, and prosecution for just existing.” Lena sighed and tilted her head back to normal and Kara lifted her gaze from the smooth skin she could see peaking at her collar. “But that doesn’t mean something shouldn’t be done. Humans need to protect themselves against any extra-terrestrial threats… and unfortunately, that does include you and your cousin.”

Kara stiffened. That did sound like a threat, or maybe a promise.

“Oddly enough I trust you more than I trust your cousin.”

“Because he put your brother away?” Kara retorted, feeling the conversation taking a down turn.

“Superman, for all he has different biology, is human, wants to be human, just with his extra abilities. He can never carry the burdens you do. He will never truly feel the loss that you do. He is very self-righteous, and is sole-minded in that purpose. Oh yes, he can claim to understand all about what that symbol stands for,” she nodded towards Kara’s family crest. “But he can only hear it second hand, it doesn’t resonate any meaning for him. Not like it does for you, Supergirl.”

“Do you have a day job?” She asked suddenly and Kara blinked.

“I’m not telling you what it is,” she warned and was rewarded with a bitter laugh.

“I don’t particularly care what your day job is, Supergirl. Just that you have one.” Her eyes were as sharp as an eagles. “Why don’t you quit it, be a hero full time? Why doesn’t your cousin do the same? You’d be more of a help then.”

Kara settled on the couch and appraised the youngest Luthor. “I love being Supergirl, but I also love having human friends, and having a normal life. It’s like those Superhero movies, they always have a secret identity so that they can be a hero. It’s hard-” she faltered and then frowned over at Lena. “Can you be Lena Luthor, CEO of L-Corp, sister of Lex-alien hater and mass-murderer, all the time?”

Lena’s lips twitched and she gave a begrudging nod.

“I love helping people, so does Kal, but doing it full time would gradually chip away at me until all I was was Supergirl and not- not the other me.” She shrugged and Lena’s brow’s tightened at the movement.

“You want to belong,” Lena said quietly, and Kara was struck with the sudden feeling that Lena understood wanting to be more than a name, or a title. After-all, wasn’t it she who had asked Clark for a chance? An opportunity to be more than her last name?

Kara could only nod.

“You want to be more than your family,” Lena said shrewdly, and Kara was reminded of who exactly was sitting opposite her, sweet as a spring lamb. “More than a Super? Seen for who you are, not what you are?”

Kara nodded, a little more cautiously this time and fought the urge to adjust her glasses and instead tucked some hair behind her ear.

“I can understand that,” Lena said and lifted her right hand almost like a toast. “You want people to see past the name and their perceptions of it, and see who you are. To rise above what they expect of you. Yes, I understand completely.”

“I get what you’re saying though,” Kara said after a few minutes of pensive silence. “What if I make the wrong decision, or something, what if I hurt people.”

“I’m glad you brought it up. I’d hate for you to think I’m threatening you,” Lena drawled and shifted on the cushion. It was getting colder now, and she wrapped her arm around her legs. She looked small like this, vulnerable.

“The agency I work with, the D-er, they can stop me…permanently….if it comes to that.” Kara turned her head to look out over the city. “I think… I’d want that. I never want to lose sight of why I wear this uniform, of what this crest means,” she tapped it, right over the centre of the ‘S’. “I want to help people, bring hope to them, to let them know they aren’t alone.”

“We are all alone, Supergirl,” Lena said and rested her chin on her arm and Kara felt there was something she wasn’t saying.

“You choose to go after the bad guys, but that’s all you do. You fight, Supergirl. You don’t try to prevent any of the normal things in the first place.”

“I don’t understand,” she replied. Except, maybe she did. Lena had mentioned to Kara Danvers earlier if her and Kal had considered the people they didn’t help when they were off fighting aliens, or saving the world. But people would always suffer, these things would always happen, regardless of whether Kara was there to stop them, right?”

“Of course you don’t,” Lena snorted. “You’ve never been weak, or afraid, or-“

“I have!” Kara protested and when Lena’s eyes shot up she realised that she hadn’t really known fear on earth, hadn’t been weak. There was a dark shadow in those eyes, something unspeakable, one of the things that belonged in the shadows that Lena had mentioned earlier.

“You are a god here, Supergirl. There is nothing that can truly hurt you.”

“Well, there is,” Kara hedged, not liking the ghosts lingering in green eyes and wanting to return them to the light, where they belonged, not hiding scars.

“Yes, Kryptonite,” Lena drawled and cleared her throat. Kara went still, coiling like a spring, ready for danger.

“You have power, influence,” she lifted her hand to halt Kara’s protests. “Whether you want it or not, you do, and you don’t use it. You could use it for good, but you don’t.”

Lena unfolded her legs and rose slowly to her feet, features twisting in pain. “There are so many little hurts people carry, and many of them do, and you could help them, but you choose not to.”

She smiled at Kara then, a sad smile, a resigned smile. “Have a good night, Supergirl.”

Kara spent a long time on Lena’s balcony looking out over the city, deep in thought, even after the curtains closed and Lena had fallen into tormented dreams. Could she be doing more? She pondered it as she flew towards a car crash on the highway. Lena seemed so invested in this. What could she be hiding?

~*~

“Alright,” Alex said as she rose from her crouched position in the training room. “What’s wrong? You’ve been in the clouds since you got here.” She was covered in a light layer of sweat and brushed her hair off her face as she tapped the Kryptonite emitters and returned the room to normal.

Kara sighed loudly and rose to her feet from where she’d lain after Alex had tossed her through the air.

“Do I do enough?”

“What?” Alex looked confused as she draped a towel over her shoulders and picked up a water bottle.

“Do I do enough? As Supergirl? Could I do more?” Kara asked and walked over to the exit, shoulders forward and head lowered.

“Kara!” Alex didn’t understand. “You save the world! You help people all the time! Of course you do enough.”

“Yeah,” Kara sighed and Alex had to jog to keep up with her sister as she walked down the halls towards the exit.

“Hey, what’s up? Kara, talk to me,” Alex grabbed her sisters arm and even though she could have easily pulled away Kara halted and looked at her. She looked…lost, confused and Alex immediately wanted to hunt down the person who’d put shadow in her sisters normally bright blue eyes, destroy them for daring to believe they could diminish Kara’s light.

“I’m just-figuring things out Alex.” Kara smiled, or did her best to, but it didn’t reach her eyes and Alex grew worried. “I’ll let you know when I do.” She leant forward, gave Alex a hug, and then smiled in farewell and was gone in a blur.

Petit Paris was a small French inspired bakery near L-Corp and Kara landed a block away behind a dumpster and wandered out from behind it adjusting her cardigan and messenger bag.

She walked the block listening to the city around her, listening how the car horns and grumbling of engines provided the baseline to the city’s soundtrack. She moved through the people, passing them by without a glance and they responded in turn, too concerned with their own business to look at a girl in a sweet cardigan and sun-dress.

She did enjoy the anonymity being Kara provided her, especially after she became Supergirl, but sometimes she wanted someone to see her, and see all of her; Kara Danvers, the wallflower reporters; Supergirl, the fearless hero; Kara Zor-El, the girl who lost everything. But people only saw one of the two, or parts of all three and never the complete picture.

She smelt the bakery before she saw it, the humans could as well, and those that had the will to just walk past without entering did cast looks in the window as they past- Kara didn’t have that kind of strength. She had visited the bakery a lot since becoming friend with Lena and the staff behind the counter knew her on sight and smiled a greeting as they served the customers before her.

It was like a kingdom of bread and pastries; sweet and savoury, and smelt sooo good. Her stomach grumbled in agreement and the little boy standing next to her heard and gave a little giggle, hiding behind his mothers legs. She and Kara shared a smile and Kara’s attention was drawn to the television on the wall-usually it showed music channels, but when the news headlines were on, it changed briefly for the segment.

The news anchor was recapping the protests around the country, where people of all shapes and colours were holding rainbow flags and signs and marching for equality and #OneLove-the tag used by social media for the movement. The one in National City, like many others, was turning into a giant Pride Rally, celebrating their community as well as showing the world and any discriminators that love would win, and they would not be silenced.

Many political figures in the city were joining the march on Saturday and celebrities were speaking out in support of the movement, and calling for the discrimination and hate against LGBT+ to end. As the headline showed another rally in another city Kara turned back to the counter and placed her order. One of the great things about the bakery was that they made coffee as well and she ordered something sweet and sugary for herself, and a coconut hot-chocolate for Lena, which she had discovered was one of the CEO’s guilty pleasures, a hot chocolate made with coconut milk.

Surprise handed over and paid for Kara made her way from the store and walked across the small park to the L-Corp building. It was cool inside, the air-conditioning going strong and she walked across the lobby to the reception.

“Hi, Bronte. Linda,” she called as she approached and handed over a muffin each to the receptionists.

“Go on up, Kara,” Bronte said turning her head to the elevator and smiled in thanks.

“You’re an Angel,” Linda gushed and accepted her muffin happily.

“See ya later,” she waved as she stepped out to security. Normally she would be allowed straight past, but the new faces were stoned faced and demanded she step through the x-ray machine and have her bag scanned. Confused but accepting she shrugged and stepped into the elevator and wondered what she would say to Lena when she saw her.

She had been thinking over the CEO’s words for several days now, Mitch, and Snapper, had commented on it, and Alex was the last in a list of people to notice she seemed preoccupied. But how could she tell the people she worked with that she was questioning everything she did as Supergirl, and whether it was enough? Mitch would figure that out in a heartbeat, not to mention what Snapper would say. And she couldn’t really speak with the DEO about it, they thought she was doing a great job hunting down aliens with them, J’onn had even wanted her to join full time, she remembered that. That left her one friend, Lena, the woman who was making her question herself.

She offer Jess a smoothie and a date scone and the assistant almost groaned her name in thanks, sending Kara right on in with a wink, which Kara couldn’t place the reason for. The four guard’s security shared a knowing look as she got closer but let her in without comment.

She knocked and entered, letting them close the door behind and looked around for the CEO, the area was empty and she frowned, looking again. “Lena?”

She stepped into the room and strained with her hearing and then nodded, Lena was in the room somewhere.

“Lena?” She called a little louder and then followed her hearing to the balcony and realised Lena was out on it. She was lying on a lounger with her right arm over her face and a bottle of water on the small table with a pile of paperwork next to it.

“Lena, hey,” she said as she opened the door and Lena jerked on her seat. “Oh, gosh, sorry!”

“Oh,” Lena placed her hand on her heart. “Kara! You scared me,” she said but was smiling into the sun at her.

“You’re looking pretty today,” Lena offered as Kara took the other seat and placed her bag on the table. She almost dropped the container with their drinks in it and felt the blood rising to her cheeks as Lena smiled slyly and sat up.

“Did you bring me lunch? Thank you,” Lena said and moved to sit side-on and facing Kara.

They settled into a companionable silence for a moment, punctuated by chews and sips of drink. Kara finished first and sat rolling her napkin between her fingers.

“What’s on your mind, Kara?” Lena asked gently as she wiped her fingers on her napkin.

Kara glanced up from where she was watching her fingers shred the delicate paper and found herself caught by green eyes. Her breath caught her heart felt like it was trying to fly up out of her mouth as their eyes held for a long moment and Lena’s dark lips slowly split into a smile.

Kara tore her eyes away from the dark shade and looked out at the buildings nearby.

“I-I’ve been thinking…about what you said to me…about-about Supergirl.”

Lena straightened a little and tilted her head to the side, eyes encouraging, though Kara was afraid to look at them directly least she be caught in their orbit once again.

“About how she could be helping people… and… I-I think you’re right,” Kara glanced up briefly at the young CEO before gazing back across the city, fearing her thoughts would be written on her face. “She has a lot of political power, and she doesn’t utilise it.”

Lena was quiet as she nodded slowly. “That doesn’t make her a bad person, Kara.”

“I know,” Kara breathed, “but there are so many people she could be helping and doesn’t, or doesn’t know how.”

She didn’t have to be able to see Lena’s reflection in a building across the street to know she was nodding, her words to Supergirl a few nights ago had positioned her stance clearly.

“What would you have her do?” Kara asked suddenly, wanting to know what Lena would do with the power at her fingers, but also wanting to discuss it with her friend.

“What I think Supergirl, and Superman to an extension, should do?” Lena seemed surprised by the question and gave it a moment’s thought.

“I think she should take a look at the social things; things like bullying in schools, go in and talk to the kids. Then she could look at abuse, and things like that, and put her voice to the many volunteer not-for-profit organisations in the city.” Lena shrugged. “She could make a difference, even if it’s telling survivors that there will be someone there to listen and help them back on their feet. It might be enough to get them to speak out.” Lena looked out over the balcony, a weird infliction to her voice. “Even just knowing Supergirl, their hero and idol, the champion for justice and hope, tells them that being a victim is not something to be ashamed of. If it gets one battered spouse to walk away, one abused child to speak up…” She lifted a shoulder. “She says her crest means something, let her put it to good use.”

Kara didn’t know what drove her to do it, maybe the warmth flaring in her chest and rising in a wave of awe and affection for the woman opposite her, but she leant forward and quickly kissed Lena on the cheek, the first time her lips had ever touched Lena’s skin. Lena’s heart leapt, and she could hear her blood signing through her veins as she leant back blushing at her own nerve. “You’re amazing, she said blushing furiously but quickly gathered her belongings as Lena sat frozen in shock, heart pounding like some war-drum.

“Thank you,” she said earnestly as she slid her messenger bag on her shoulder, ignoring how her lips were tingling. “You’ve given me an idea. I’ll see you later!” She entered the CEO’s office and jogged across the floor, sent forward by the steady thumping of Lena’s heart and the small, shy smile that was her face as she flew past the balcony in a blur of red and blue.

 

Notes:

The issue with aiming to be at least 15k ahead of each chapter means you look back and go, oh, is that where I am at? Is that what happened? lol I hope everyone had a good, safe and happy holiday, how ever you may celebrate it. And 2016 need to be over already, it's taken to many great icons. R.I.P General Leia.

Right! Onward, then!

As always, enjoy, and I welcome any comments and/or criticism.

I am also floundering a little with the Supergirl/Lena aspect, so do let me know how that is going. I feel as though she is blowing hot and cold and I'm trying to get her to be warm-we'll see how that turns out :)