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I'd Rather Be Nothing

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Chou groaned contentedly as she stretched her muscles, awoken by the morning sunlight but still refusing to open her eyes. Between her wife’s (wife, she still wasn’t sure she’d ever get over that) muscular arms wrapped around her midsection and the warmth of the blankets she was sure she could stay here forever, awake or no.

As she basked in the comfort of the situation Chou began to notice things that were wrong: her wife’s feet were between her ankles rather than the other way around, the hair falling into her eyes was the wrong color, and Akane’s hands didn’t encircle her waist nearly as much as they should have.

It only took her a moment to shift from realization to panic, trying with all her might to flee somewhere, to hide from inevitability. Were she in her right mind she’d have easily escaped the lazy hold but her frantic scrabbling only caused the arms to wrap more tightly around her until their owner awoke.

“Chou calm down, I’m here baby.” Akane softly cooed as she tried to rub her wife’s stomach, used to dealing with the redhead's increasingly rare night terrors but still too close to sleep to discern the situation. “Come here and tell me what’s wrong.”

Akane blinked as the woman in her grip turned around. “Ran-” The name turned to bile on her tongue as she saw her wife’s already panicked face fall from just the first cursed syllable of that name. “Chou.” Placing extra emphasis on the name. “Chou I’m sorry I just haven’t seen you like…like this in a while. What happened?”

Chou frantically pulled at the blankets until Akane released them, then used them to cover herself as she fled to the far corner of the bed. “I don’t know. It just-” She hiccuped wetly, tears starting to flow from her eyes. “I just woke up like this and I don’t know what happened and I didn’t think it could even happen anymore and I’m so sorry Akane I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Akane frowned and began to crawl towards her wife but stopped when she saw the blanket-clad woman flinch away from her. “Please don’t worry love, whatever happened I’m sure we can fix it.” Akane lay her hand between them as a peace offering and had to hide the hurt when her wife ignored it. “And there’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”

“Of course there is Akane.” Chou hugged her own body tightly. “I look like this again, like a man, because I was only ever a fake girl to begin with. I was never good enough for you, never right for you, and now you’re going to realize it. How could you love a body like this Kane?”

Akane ignored her previous reticence and dove on her wife, gripping her in the tightest grip she could manage. Because despite a body that was too angular and a chest that was too flat and a face that was too hard this was her wife, and she wouldn’t let anyone or anything take her away.

“Stupid.” Akane muttered into her wife’s hair. “Like something like that would change the way I feel about you.” She felt tears burning the corners of her own eyes and sniffled, trying to hold it in. “Sorry, I promised not to call you that anymore.”

“It’s-” Chou’s choking sobs had turned into something akin to a giggle. “It’s okay, kind of nostalgic.”

“Still.” Akane kissed Chou’s temple and felt her skin buzz as her wife nuzzled deeper into her neck. “Nothing could change how much I love you. You’re just as real a girl as I am, and you always have been. You’re the only girl for me, the only one for me. When I hold you I feel the rightness deep in my bones, no matter what you look like. You are gorgeous, inside and out.” She scraped a blunt nail along Chou’s ribs and reveled in the deep and needy shudder. “And any body that is yours is one that I love.”

Chou, calmed by the declaration, held herself tight against her wife. Content to do nothing more than breathe in her scent as she croaked out “I love you too Kane. But-” Akane tensed at the but, at something still being the matter. “Even if you love me, I know this body isn’t the kind of thing you’re into so we can just keep our distance until I can fix this.”

Akane’s eyebrow twitched in anger as she heard this. She could hardly blame her wife but still she felt determined to prove her wrong. She placed a palm against Chou’s presently-flat chest and pushed hard, reveling in the small bounce as she connected with the mattress. “Is that what you think? I’ll just have to change your mind then.”

Chou blushed as Akane climbed her prone form, hands clenching into the loose fabric of her oversized t-shirt as Akane captured her mouth in a kiss that was more passionate than strictly necessary. Chou squirmed needily as the hands left her body, but they soon returned, snaking their way up her body under her shirt.

“It’s good to know that no matter what you look like I know how to press your buttons.” Akane grinned as tweaked her wife’s nipple, drinking in the pleasured cry. “And I intend to press all of them.”

Chou leaned into the pressure, breathing heavy with unspoken desire. She hadn’t thought this form would be so sensitive there, but she’d never really tried. Akane’s teeth found her earlobe and after a quick nibble whispered “Let’s get you out of that shirt.”

Chou acquiesced, raising her arms above her head and letting Akane pull the shirt off of her. Her wife had seen her naked countless times but never like this, so she couldn’t help but try to hide herself with her hands.

“None of that now.” Akane chided as she grabbed Chou’s wrists, forcing them against the bed. “I want to drink all of you in.” With her arms restrained she had no defense as Akane’s mouth roamed down her body, delivering love bites wherever she saw fit before finally clamping down on Chou’s nipple.

Chou surprised herself with the high pitch of her squeal, pushing hard against Akane’s grip and grinding into her wife’s stomach. “P-please Akane, d-don’t tease, j-just.”

“Just what.” Akane replied devilishly around the nipple. “Is there something you wanted to ask for?” Each word was punctuated by the delicate scratching of Akane’s nails along Chou’s thighs. “You’re going to have to speak up.”

“Stop teasing Akane, please.” Chou stared hungrily at her wife, pupils blown. “I need you to… I just need to come.”

Akane wordlessly popped the nipple out of her mouth and continued her journey south. Despite the journey being a little less soft and curvy than she was used to she enjoyed it nonetheless. Every inch of this body was Chou and even if she never got to change back she’d still be her wife, and if Jusenkyo failed then there was always the hard way.

Akane faced uncertainty for the first time that morning as she arrived between her wife’s thighs. Despite the rumours at Furinkan she’d never even seen one of these and she hoped that she could make it feel as good for Chou as she had promised. A quick swirl of her tongue around the head and a needy keening from her wife assuaged her fears instantly.

After a few moments Akane had built a rhythm and Chou seemed to be enjoying it immensely, fists balled and pulling at the sheets hard enough to pull them loose from the bed. Though the handhold wasn’t quite as generous Akane still alternated between scratching her wife’s thighs and kneading her ass.

Chou’s rhythms were still familiar and Akane felt she accurately predict when she’d come, right down to the second, not that she didn’t have any way to affect the countdown. She felt Chou shiver beneath her even as her moans reached a crescendo, she mentally ticked off another thing that hadn’t changed.

As Chou finished in her mouth and across her face Akane could definitely say she wasn’t a fan of the flavor or texture, but the blissfully relaxed face on her wife more than made up for it and she crawled back up the bed to exchange one more deep kiss before cuddling back up.

After a few moments Chou purred into Akane’s collarbone. “That was so good Akane, thank you, do you want me to do anything for you?”

“Well um-” Akane chewed her tongue, choosing her words carefully. “We did talk about maybe having kids someday and this is a really rare opportunity.”

“What do you- Oh. Oh.” Akane could feel Chou’s face fall against her skin. “If that’s what you want, sure.”

“What’s wrong?” Akane cooed as she stroked her wife’s hair.

“Nothing, you’re right.” Chou untensed under the attention. “This is a unique opportunity and we shouldn’t waste it.”

“Chou come on something is wrong and I need you to tell me.” Akane pushed her wife away just enough to look into her face but found her eyes averted. “I believe your words were ‘no more macho bullshit’”

Chou snorted a laugh. “Fine, sorry. It’s just-” She hesitated, taking a deep breath. “Just that I thought if we ever had kids that-” She mumbled for a moment then frowned.

“That what sweetheart?” Akane asked tentatively.

“That I’d have them.” Chou blurted out before hiding her blush in Akane’s chest.

Akane’s eyes started to water as she felt the love she had for her wife swell in her chest. “Do you really mean that, you’d have my children?” She felt the subtle nodding against her chest. “That means so much to me Chou.”

Akane placed a hand on Chou’s chin and raised it to her own, drawing her into a slow and languorous kiss. After what seemed like an eternity she separated, panting and feeling her libido rise again.

“Well Chou we can’t really get started on that quite yet.” Akane murmured lasciviously. “But we could grab P-Chan and practice if you like.”

Chou blushed indignantly. “No! Not if you call it that!” She pushed away from her wife and crossed her arms. “I told you I refuse to acknowledge that name!”

“Fine.” Akane rolled her eyes good naturedly before pulling Chou back into an embrace and sucking on her collarbone. “Do you want me to break out the strap-on and get some practice in?”

Chou moved herself to Akane’s lap and began slowly grinding. “I can’t say I’d mind to be honest.”

“Someone’s a little needy isn’t she.” Akane growled as she pushed Chou into her thigh, increasing the volume of her moans. “But you’re going to have to get off before you can get off.”

Chou lingered for a few moments longer, drawing more friction and a few more passionate kisses before sliding backwards and steadying herself on her hands.

“Stay right there.” Akane commanded. “I’ll be back in just a second.”

Akane hurriedly grabbed everything she’d need, the harness, P-Chan (she’d never stop calling it that, Chou’s flustered reaction was too cute to give up), and a bottle of lube. As she turned she was surprised to see her wife on her back, two fingers already probing into her asshole.

“Figured I’d save us the time.” Chou grinned, scissoring her finger to help stretch her waiting hole. “Lets you get right to the main event.”

Akane nodded hungrily as she slipped into the harness, hopping on one foot then the other, before hopping onto the bed and sidling up to her wife. “It’s going to be a little cold.” She warned as the bottle hovered over her wife’s diligent fingers.

“Mm not yet.” Chou husked, shifting to sitting on her knees with her fingers still doing their work. Akane thought she knew what she had in mind as her free hand wrapped around the strapon. “Maybe I can get it wet enough on my own.”

As Chou pushed the thick black plastic down her throat Akane ran a hand along her scalp then seized on it hard, grinning as Chou moaned hard around the strap-on. Though she couldn’t really feel her wife’s physical adulation like she could when it was tongue on skin the sight of the love of her life on her knees so wantonly devoted always ramped the heat in her core to 11 and she was glad to see signs of the same level of arousal on her wife’s face when she leaned back.

And Akane was reminded of how much she loved her wife. Blown pupils and drool-covered chin and mussed hair and the wrong bodily configuration. No matter what, she’d love her. And she wanted to do nothing more than hold her down and fuck her until she called her name.

Akane laid a hand on the lube bottle again and when Chou nodded she flipped her wife on her stomach and squirted a generous dollop of lube, smearing it into her wife’s asshole, before coating the dildo. She carefully lined up the girthy piece of plastic with her wife and slowly eased it in, pausing every few moments to make sure that Chou was not uncomfortable.

Once she had inserted the entire length Akane began to thrust, slowly at first but soon building a rhythm. Deeper and faster and harder with each cycle. Akane leaned forward against her wife’s back, nails ravenously scratching at her ribs and grasping her breasts.

With each passing moment Chou was coming closer and closer to her second climax. Though Akane could not see it her cock was steadily dripping and her teeth were gripping firmly onto the fabric of the pillowcase.

As she felt her wife once again reach the brink of completion she ran one hand down to her wife’s slick sticky member and began to quickly jerk it even as she thrust into her ass. Chou only lasted a few more moment before she came. Dry this time but no less intense, she shivered and cried as she came down from the height of her orgasm.

Akane slid out of her wife and removed the harness before wrapping her arms around her shoulder and softly falling back to slumber.

———

Chou twirled happily in her sundress, Chinese suit thrown into a duffel bag to be stuffed in the back of her closet again once they got home, hopefully forever. Akane blinked in surprise as Chou jumped up on her, wrapping arms around shoulders and legs around waist before initiating a kiss.

“You’re not usually this forward sweetheart.” Akane murmured as she touched her forehead to her once again shorter wife’s before returning a shorter, more chaste, kiss to her lips. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Sorry.” Chou said bashfully as she uncoiled her legs and dropped to the sidewalk. “I’m just so happy that Cologne still had the Pail after all this time. You had no idea how scared I was of being stuck like that and losing you forever.”

“Did I not show you well enough this morning that that wouldn’t happen?” Akane said in a dry tone.

“Well you did but I’m not sure how well the lesson took, you’ll have to have another try at it when we get home.” Chou giggled as she narrowly evaded her wife’s grasp, skipping and ducking all the way to their home. It was good to know, even if she was afraid of admitting it, that saying the words would scare them away, that her wife really did love her, forever.