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Late Night Snacks

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Phil's four and he really shouldn't be up because it's past 12  but's he's thirsty and Mrs. Dorothy said everything that is their are his too. So he's going to get some water and dragging a chair to the cabinets and reaching for a glass, just as the lights turn on and Phil gives a small shriek falling of the chair.

"Oh honey are you okay?" Mrs.Rose says rushing over helping Phil to his feet as he replies,

"I'm fine." Even though his butt hurt but he's fallen of chairs before so he knows his butt will hurt. 

"What were you doing?" She asks leading Phil over to a stool and helping him up. 

"I was getting a class of water." He answers. 

"I'll get you some and how about some cheesecake too." Mrs.Rose says grabbing the glass and filling in half-way with water before she goes over to the refrigtor and pulls out the cheesecake and two forks. At Phil's questioning look she winks and says.

"I don't think anyone will mind." After a few seconds of eating in silence Mrs. Rose begins, "You know this reminds me of a time with my pet cow Thor..."

"Thor as in the god." Phil blurts before going crimson.

"No as in Thor Goldburg done the road." Mrs. Rose says smiling "So anyway Thor and my husband Charlie were going down to old Hickmans farm"

Phil tries to stay awake he really does but the story is strange and...well,boring and Phil falls asleep waking up in a better mood than he had for months.

At the breakfast table the next day.

"Who on gods green earth ate the cheesecake?" Mrs. Blance asks as Phil and Mrs.Rose glanced guiltily at each other.

"How about me and you go for a walk in the park?" Mrs.Rose asks Phil. Phil nods excitedly and within seconds they are gone leaving a confused Blance and a amused Dorothy to look at each other bemused.

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"Phil what are you doing up?" Aunt Dorothy asks as she walks into the kitchen ,where Phil was lying his head on the table. 

"'Smelly' Sarah tried to kiss me again." Phil replied sighing as Aunt Dorothy walked over to the refrigerator grabbing ice cream and cheesecake and lying them on the counter before she gets two plates and spoons.

"What have we told you about calling people names." Aunt Dorothy chastised

"To not to but she does." Phil replied sulking at the glare he gets."and she tried to KISS me. You're laughing at me." He accuses pouting as Aunt Blanche walks in. 

"Good lord what are you two doing up?" She asked sliding into a seat as Aunt Dorothy grabbed another plate and spoon.

"'Sme- Sarah tried to kiss me again." Phil said pouting even more when Aunt Dorothy fixes him with a glare.

"Why are you so upset about that anyway?" Aunt Blanche asks and that is the promblem because Phil doesn't know why he doesn't like being kissed by a girl he just knows he doesn't want his first kiss to be with a girl that he doesn't even like.

"I don't want to be kissed by a girl." Phil replied thoughfully face returning to a pout as Aunt Blance laughed and said

"You just wait honey." just as Phil was about to say something back Aunt Dorothy came with the cheesecake and the ice cream. Phil just sat and listened to his aunts talk before falling asleep."

A week later 

"Can Sarah come over later." Phil asks. 

"Sarah..." Aunt Dorothy asks

"Powers." Phil explains patiently

"'Smelly' Sarah Powers."  She asks shocked.



"Because it's her birthday and her parents said she can't have a party and she can't have any friends over ,because her parents think that we might break her cello, and that's sad and we have some left over cake from my birthday." Phil said before dropping his voice to a whisper "and she doesn't know who Captain America is." Phil finshed giving a pleading look up at his aunt.

"Oh all right." Aunt Dorothy said putting his sandwhich in his Captain America lunch box. "So she plays the cello?"


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"Phil what are you doing up?" Aunt Sophia asks surprised and Phil can't really blame her because he would be shocked to if he found his nephew (really great godchild but that is neither here nor there) was eating cheesecake at three o'clock,alone,at night."

"I'm having a crisis Aunt Sophia." Phil states looking as serious as he can being but being thirteen with acne and a voice that broke in the middle of that sentence he doesn't think he pulled it of well but Aunt Sophia as amazing as ever only slightly laughs at the break.

"Okay."Aunt Sophia says slowly sitting down with a slight sigh. "What is your crisis?"

"I think I like boys."Phil said seriously 

"Well what do you know so do I." Aunt Sophia said unconcered. "Now how about we eat that cheesecake."

"You as always are brillant." Phil replies not just talking about the cheesecake plan relieved while Aunt Sophia just gives him a understanding glance .

They eat the rest of the cheesecake laughing and joking.

"Phil ,honey, Hannah is a lovely girl-."

"For the last time Aunt Blanche. I don't want to date girls." 

It would take Dorothy six months for her to understand the snort her mother made at that statemant.


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Phil's fine he is really just because he walked in on his boyfriend making out with another random boy doesn't mean he's not fine.

"Phil what has that cheesecake ever done to you?" Aunt Dorothy voice cutting through his musing and he looks down to find the cheesecake he had been eating was basically a crumbled mess."Sorry." Phil mutters as Aunt Dorothy sighs and walks over to cross her arms over his chest resting her head on his.

"Just why?" Phil asks not really wanting an answer so he wasn't disappointed when Aunt Dorothy reply was "Because he's a jerk." It did make him smile though.

Something that also made him smile was a week later when him and Sarah keyed Justin's 4 hundred thousand dollar car ,then spray painted it, then tee-pee'd his house. One could not acuse Phil Coulson of having a under devopled sense of revenge or amazing aunts who helped him get the spray paint out he's shirt and a solid alibi. 

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Phil's 18 and's he graduting tommorow but he can't sleep so he goes to the kitchen to find a Bald man with a eye patch sitting on a chair. Phil walks in and the man's head snaps up before he can speak though Phil holds up hand gazes considering at the cabients before just grabbing a fork and the cheesecake at the table as the man look amused.After a few bites Phil asks 

"Okay who are you?"The man snorts at this eyebrows raised.

"Nick Fury Director of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division."Fury says 

"Long name." Phil observes

"We're working on it." Fury replies shrugging "You know I could have been a burglar  and you'd be dead right now." 

"I'm still here,and what kind of a burglar talks to someone?" Phil points out Fury just grins.

"We'd like to offer you a job."Fury says leaning forward. Phil blinks because arupt changes of subject much.


"You're what we need." Fury says and leaves it at that.

"How do I know you're for real?" Phil asks making the man smile wider. 

"Come to this address and tell the guards Perrywinkle they'll let you through and then just asks around for Director Fury." He says

"What if I don't want to be part of the Strategic thing." Phil said making Fury laugh

"Oh I think you'll want to be part of this." 

Phil does so he becames Agent Coulson at the ripe age of 19 becoming the protegee of Nick Fury.

Rumour for years would go around about how Agent Coulson got recruited whispers of assassin attempts and crossdressers run rampant and nobody has ever even came close to the truth. So it was a mystery why, when Agent Coulson found out his Captain America cards had been ruined, Director Fury ran into the cafeteria frazzled asking for a cheesecake.

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Why is Phil living with the Golden Girls?

Phil is Dorothy godson and when his parents died Dorothy was the person the baby was left too. 

Why does he call them aunts?

Like said above he's not really related to any of them and I don't think Blanche's ego could have taken grandma but I didn't want it to formal like in the first chapter so what I got was aunts.

How old is Phil going to be in this story?

30 at the time of the Avengers because the story begans in 1986 a year after the begining of the Golden Girls.



It seems like you're kinda rushin it don't you think?

I am a bit because well like I said it begans in 1986 so little time to waste.


Not in this story sorry.



How did a 18-year old get on SHIELDs radar?

Because...because...BECAUSE IT'S MY STORY DAMNIT and ,also, because he's Phil Coulson.


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Phil 21 and how Clint Barton broke into his apartment isn't important as the fact that he's leaning agaisn't Phil refrigater and he needs fucking cheesecake right now, two men dead three more injured and sereval are know in thearpy until June on a op Phil was in charge of so if he doesn't get cheesecake they'll hell to pay.

"You're Phil Coulson?"Barton asks eyebrows climbing up his forehead. 

"That's my name yes." Phil answered making a battleplan in his mind. 

"The Phil Coulson who's the youngest SHIELD agent to reach clearance level 5." Barton asks 

"Yes now move away from my refridagoter." 

"Make me." Barton leans toward Phil blue-grey eyes glinting before they widened in alarm as Phil tazes him in the balls. Phil steps over his body and grabs his cheesecake and a fork and sits down and takes a few bites before grabbing his Starkphone and calling Nick. 

"The hell Cheese it's nearly 3 in the morning." Nick says

"Did you send Barton to my apartment?" Phil asks the silence answering enough. "The hell Marcus?" 

"Well I thought since you'd be working him.." Nick says and Phil can hear the smile down the phone.

"I hate you."

"Way to sound like a teenage girl Phil." Nick got in before Phil hung up on him.

When Phil and Clint got married two years after that Nick just laughed when Phil flipped him the bird at telling everyone it was him who set them up. 

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Phil is actually not as shocked as he should've been when Clint took of his earpiece and went rogue. Phil is sitting at a safe house tearing into a cheesecake when he hears a click behind his head and a cold "Don't move". 

"Hello Ms.Romonova."Phil replies and the gun digs deeper into his neck 

"How do you know my name." Romanova said. Well because my husband/asset went rogue about two days ago to find you. 

"You're the best in the business." Phil says supressing a wince as the gun digs in more almost melting in relief when he hears a cold voice says."Get your hands off my handler or I'll blow you're head off." 

"I'll shoot him if you get any closer."Romanova and can that gun really go any deeper. 

"Coulson'll forgive me." Clint said but he stays where he is

"My knight in shining armour." Phil says dryly and fuck how deep can that gun go. 

"Who do you work for?" Romonov questioned 

"SHIELD" Clint replies "and we like you to work for them too." making Romonov snort saying "Yes I'll work for the people threateningto kill me." 

"Well we didn't threatened to kill you before you threatened to kill me." Phil says and this time the gun actually goes a bit lack which is a welcome relief from before. The gun actually drops and Phil looks at his cheesecake and thinks for a long hard moment before signing and grabbing his phone 

"If this is a trick.." Romonova says and wow that was fast but she has the same look as Clint did when he first came in plus Phil's gut is saying that this is the right way to go.

"Agent Coulson status report." Fury said 

"Febuary 23 2000." Phil meeting silence before "THE FUCK IS GOING ON CHEESE!" 

"Marcus just send a pick up and I'll explain when we get there." Phil says before hanging up "Welcome to Shield Ms.Romonova."

"My name is Ms.Romanoff." She states and Phil nods in accectance before saying "Pick up be here in 10."

Phil looks at the aboned cheesecake one last time before making a few more calls giving Clint the handcuffs and a status report before asking the same. 

"Hey Coulson." Clint asks "What happened on Febuary 23 2000." 

"Bad things Barton things no human should ever see."


Febuary 23 2000


"I'll find out what happens if it kills me." Clint mutters and later much later he crawls into their bed and mumbles "I'm so sorry" into Phil skin. 

Later as they're curled around each other

"I told you not to look."Phil says stroking Clint hair.Clint mumbles a reply before passing out.

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Phil has been up for 12 hours when he walks in into his apartment to laughing. He walks towards the kitchen stopping the doorway hearing

"So then Phil and Sarah go to the store to get spray paint and toilet paper and then they-" Aunt Blance is saying laughing 

"then they keyed and spray paint his car before tee-peeing his house." Phil finshes before leaning down and kissing Clint as he laughs getting a small whimper. "and now you know what happens if you cheat on me." 

"Like I'd ever." Clint says smiling 

"Clint and me were just swapping stories." Aunt Blanche says smiling in a way that makes Phil nervous "Did you really run nude around centrel park?" She asks and Phil freezes before turning to glare at Clint who just smiles back serenly. It hadn't really been that Phil had been kidnapped then pumped with drugs before letting him go in centrel park for some reason nobody understands.

"Yes I did and Clint wasn't suppose to talk about it."Phil says grabbing a fork and sitting down. "Aww don't be embrassed Phil it happens to us all." Aunt Blance says smiling taking a few more bits of her cheesecake. Phil phone starts ringing and Phil would cry if the coffee pot wasn't already full 


"Agent Coulson Director Fury asked for you to 'get your ass back to SHIELD or he'll tell Barton about December 24th 1999'." A new recruit by the name of Sitwell says 

"Fuck thank you Agent Sitwell." Coulson says grabbbing a cup of coffee and leaning down kissing Clint and Aunt Blance of the cheeck before shouting "Love you!" leaving Clint and Blance to look at each other in bemusement.


 "What the hell Marcus?"Phil demands as he walks in to Nick pacing 

 "What's today Cheese?" Nick asks looking as scared as Phil had seen him. 

 "July 14th..." Phil says eyes widening in horror "Oh you forgot didn't you?" 

 "Yes I forgot." Nick snarled 

 "Danni's gonna kill you." Phil says " I can't believe you forgot your own anniverarsy." just the Agent Dannielle Packer walks through the hallway cool face in place but Phil can see the rage boiling underneath with a hint of fondness.

 "Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck." Nick mutters as she get closer "Close the damn door Cheese."

 "Don't talk another step Phil." Danni says smiling a sweet smile that promises castration

 "Come on you wouldn't kill me in front of my best friend would you honey." Nick pleads looking at Phil, Phil looks at Danni before saying "I've got to go my aunt is in town." 

 "Cheese you utter bastard." Nick says as Danni says sweetly "Have a nice drive home and please close the door." 

 July 14th of 2007 is from there forth know as the day 3 baby agents barely escaped death and two interns quit.

 Phil Coulson was just happy he went home and spent the rest of the night cuddling with Clint and talking with Aunt Blance.

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"Phil are you..?" Clint asks as he leans against the door of the kitchen watching Phil tear into a cheesecake like there's no tommorow Phil  would be embarrassed if he hadn't already seen it before.

"Tony Stark is an asshole." Phil states letting Clint drag him into a kiss "I don't understand how Pepper puts up with him"

"How do you put up with me?" Clint asks smiling and Phil stares at him in horror just then Natasha walks in holding a paper bag and 

"I brought Volka ." Natasha says as Clint cheers and Phil groans.

"Natasha you know what happened last time." Phil says eyes flicking over to Clint "Come on that was one time and I promise not to try to drink Natasha under the table "

"If you two show up tommorow hungover.." Phil says meaning he's already given up at making them stop.

"Come on sir just something to get your mind off of Stark." Natasha says smiling handing Phil a cup.

Nobody really remembers what happened after Natasha is able to form some picture together though of Phil reciting the alphabet backwards,and Clint making unpossible shots with a nerf gun that they didn't even now they had and them all falling into bed togther. To sleep. 

"You're hungover." Fury says 

"Am not." Phil protests 

"Fine take off you're sunglasses." 

"Don't let it affect your work." 

"Yes sir." 

"oh and tell Barton and Romaff that if they corrupt you I'll have their heads on sticks and Danni has offered to help." 

"Was that a father speech." 


"Yes sir I'll tell them."

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Phil sitting in the lounge of SHIELD digging into cheesecake and he can't help but feel something wrong. 

'Everything's fine though Natasha running a solo op but she just checked in 30 mintues ago and Clint just called a hour ago everybody's fine.'

His phone goes off and he gives a sigh before giving a last look at the cheesecake.

"Hello." Rose answers

"Hi Aunt Rose." Clint says 

"Yes hello Clint." Rose says warmly 

"I'm not sure how to tell you this." Clint says "Phil's dead." Rose drops the phone letting out a cry before picking it back up 

"What happened?" Rose asks 

"He was killed in the invasion protecting other people." Clint says

"Oh Honey do you need to come and stay with me or do you want me to come up their with you?" Rose asks 

"I'd like to come down if that would be okay." Clint asks 

"Allright I'll get a room ready." and Rose hears a click and lets herself cry for a her child in a house filled with one more ghost.

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"Now DIrector are you going to tell the team or am I" Phil asks Nick 

"I'm gonna let you take you take care of the Avengers and I'll tell Danni." Nick says eyes closed leaning back with a plate in one hand and fork in the other. 

"30 dollars on Danni killing you?" Phil asks lips twitching 

"I don't know the Avengers may kill me first." Nick says "but I have something to tell you."


Sarah Bennett has only been working with Shield for two days,not an excuse but an explanation, when she trys to stop the Avengers from seeing Nick Fury after the big reveal. After that day she could never look at a banana the same way again.

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"Agent Coulson?" Phil hears and looks up and nearly chokes at the sight of CAPTAIN AMERICA standing in the doorway ,and okay Phil knew at some point he would see Captain Rogers he didn't except it to happen at 2:00 o'clock while he dug into a cheesecake wearing Captain America shocks and Hawkeye underwear (it was the first thing he could find damn it.)"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." Captain Rogers says and he looks really guilty.

"No it's fine." Phil says after taking a drink of water waving of the man concern Captain Rogers stood uncorfortable in the doorway looking at Phil. "Do you want some?" Phil offers

"What?" Rogers said looking confused 

"Cheesecake," Phil said "do you want any." 

"Oh um sure." Rogers said grabbing a plate and fork before looking at the pie strangely 

"It's not gonna bite." Phil says 

"Oh umm it's I've just never had any before." Rogers said nearly jumping out of skin at Phil's shout of "You've never had CHEESECAKE before." he gives a bemused head shake. 

"That's really sad." Phil said pretending he hadn't yelled before and they sit in the uncomfortable silence before Phil says "My aunt talked about you sometimes." 

"Your aunt?" Steve asks 

"She wasn't really my aunt she was my great god mother I guess." Phil explained "but she talked about you sometimes she was in france at the time of the occupation and she always talked about Captain America coming to save them." 

"Oh can I talk to her?" Steve asks and there's hope in their somebody to talk too that can somewhat understand and Phil feels awful about crushing it "She died two years ago." Phil says and watchs as Steve's face crumples "oh"

"I can tell you about her though." Phil says and talks about her ignoring the pain that always come from thinking about her and his Aunt Dorothy and finds Steve to be a really good listener


"Are you trying to steal my husband Rogers?" Clint says walking into the kitchen making Steve stammer and Phil give a amazing eye-roll. 

"Do you really think that if I had a chance with Steve I'd still be in the kitchen." Phil says making Steve blush harder and Clint laugh.

"Naww, what some breakfast." Clint says 

"No thanks." Phil says ogling Clint's ass"but I'll watch you make breakfast." Steve then makes a hasty retreat. 



Chapter Text

Phil is once again sitting in the Avengers kitchen at 3 o'clock (a recurring plot if you will) when Stark walks in hair every which way and steps uneven. Oh so one of those nights.

"Stark?" Phil says and barely represses a wince as Stark whirls around and Phil sees how wired he really is bruises around his eyes, and his eyes too bright. 

"Agent what are you doing here?" Tony slurs ,oh great a drunk Tony Stark, 

"I live here." Phil replies and Tony faces breaks into a drunken smile

"Oh yeah," Tony slurs" do you like it?" he asks looking at Phil hopefully 

"Yes Tony I like it alot." Phil answers giving a longing look at another unfinsed cheesecake before sighing and putting it back in the refridgoter to come back for later. "Come on let's get you to bed." 

"Legolas won't like that." Tony says leaning on Phil head on his shoulder and the elevator moves slowly up to the 89th floor

"Thank you Jarvis." Phil says and gets a respectful "Agent Coulson."

 "You're really nice you know that?" Tony asks and Phil doesn't diginfy that with a response they get to the floor and meets Pepper on the way 

"Thanks Phil." Pepper says pushing her hair into a ponytail and takes Tony by the hands leading him to the bedroom 

"Bye Agent." Tony says cheerfully over his shoulder and Phil gives a small laugh 

"Bye Tony, Bye Pepper." Phil replies and steps back on the elevator 

"Would you like to go back to the kitchen Agent Coulson?" Jarvis asks 

"No I think I'd like to go back to my floor." Phil says giving a tired smile to the camera near the top of the elevator door.

"Very well." Jarvis says and Phil thinks he hears a note of approval and for that Jarvis gets two smiles in a row.

"Agent about last night..."

"It happens to the best of us Tony." 

"Thanks Phil." 

"Will that be all Mr.Stark"

"That will be all Agent Coulson."

"Good get out my office."

Chapter Text

Sometimes (read: always) Phil really questions his life and wonders if he should have just gone into teaching as Aunt Dorothy suggested maybe then if he had a bad day (read: He got kidnapped but if wasn't for long and now there in a jail cell so can we all move on) he can just go take a shower,eat a cheesecake, and have a long sleep not deal with a norse god who is sure that the reason Phil got kidnapped is because of him.

"Son of Coul I am truly sorry...." Thor says eyes downcast and Phil gets the insane urge to pet him behind he's ears that he quickly shakes off. 

"Thor it wasn't you fault." Phil says for at least the 6th time. 

"I was tasked with keeping you safe and I failed." Thor said shoulders drooping even more. 

"Here." Phil says and grabs Thor's hand before placing it on his chest right over his headbeat as he's done with Clint for as many times as he's been kidnapped. "That is my heartbeat this is proof I'm alive." Phil says and that's as far as he gets before Thor sits his head on his heart and breathes deeply before saying "I would have never forgiven my self if I'd have lost another." Phil doesn't ask what he'd have lost again and just strokes his hair and after a few mintunes Thor falls asleep.

 "So this is how I find out?" Clint asks walking in whispering he gets an eyeroll and a pillow to the face for his trouble.

Chapter Text

Phil wakes up hating life. It's not often that happens because the whole Clint usally being in their bed and that is often enough to make Phil's day at least 10 percent better but with no Clint and lying on a mountian of what appears to be cheesecake. That makes Phil hate his life. 

"Ahh the son of Coul awakens." A voice purrs and Coulson would draw his gun...firearm if it wasn't for the fact that he was in a undershirt and underwears the fact that Loki was leering at him was making him extremely uncoftamble. 

"Loki stop staring." Phil says and Loki just gives him a creepy smile and disappers. Well he's gonna be here a while. 

 The Avengers find a sight to see when after two days and 5 hours. Phil would be embarrassed but he gone past about embarrassment years ago at the first Shield christmas party he went to.

"Christ Phil." Clint says "What happened?" 

"I don't want to talk about." Phil says ,and after being chased by a cheesecake dinosaur and only a murderous cheesecake parrot named Steve as a companion,Phil means it.

"Okay." Clint says shooting a side way glance at the rest of the team who are hiding smiles. 

"Bye Dave." Phil calls and gets "Bye Phil." from the parrot to the amusement of the team. Dave takes this as a personal challenge to his manhood. 

Steve can't look anyone in the eyes for a week afterwards.

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"Pepper," Phil says and discovers that this is how it feels to be on the other side of the suprise spectrum. "what are you doing up?" 

That is the wrong question. 

"Phil." Pepper cries and it's terrifing 1) because Phil has never known how to help a crying woman and 2) Pepper Potts CEO of Stark Industries,wrangler of Tony Stark, and an all around non-cryer is crying. 

"Pepper what is it?" Phil says with Pepper crushing him. 

"I'm pregant." Pepper says 

"That's good?" Phil offers hesitant and gets a light punch to the arm for his trouble. 

"It's not good." Pepper says wipping at her eyes. 

"That's bad?" Phil says and gets a weak laugh out of her and an eyeroll but at least that's better than before. "How about some Cheesecake?" Phil says and Pepper nods gratefully sitting on the counter and after getting some plates and forks Phil sits next to her waiting for her to talk.

"It's just..."Pepper starts and looks lost for a mintune."I just don't know if I'm ready for this Phil." Pepper says leaning her head on Phil's shoulder breathing deeply. 

"I don't know if anyone is ready." Phil says and Pepper looks at her cheesecake like it holds all the answers in the universe and maybe it does. 

"Oh god how am I going to tell Tony?" Pepper says and Phil is a bit worried she's going to start crying again but all she does is take a deep breath getting herself under control.

"I suppose by just mentioning it casually."Phil says"just say 'oh by the way I'm pregant love you.' and see what happens after that." Phil says and looks at Pepper and both of them start laughing like teenagers not that it's really that funny but Pepper's hysterical and Phil's a bit panicked and laughing feels great. 

"Oh can you imagine Tony's face?" Pepper says the occasional laugh coming through before settling."Thanks Phil." 

"You're very welcome Pepper."

9 months later.

"Tony if you don't calm down I'm getting Phil." 

"That's it PHIL! You nurse get me Phil Coulson he's in the waiting room. Tony out." 

"but Pep." 

"Tony honey I love you but you're not good in high stress situations." 

"I'm a superhero." 



"Phil I need you." 

"You're both married."

"HA HA you better get over here you motherfucker." 

5 hours later in the waiting room 

"Do you think she's alright?" Tony asks pacing but not daring to go near the door as the receptionist gave him dirty looks.

"I'm sure she's fine."Bruce says flipping through a magazine."Here." Bruce says handing him his own starkpad. 

"I resent being giving something like a child." Tony said but quieted

1 hour later in the hospital room

"AHHHHHHH." Pepper screams and Phil's hand might be broken

"One more push." Doctor Neo says 

"Okay okay I can do this." Pepper says sitting up bracing herself against her knees"AHHHHHHHHHHHH." 

"Come on Pep you can do this." Phil says and hears the sound of a baby crying and the sound of relief from Pepper. 

"Congrats Mrs.Stark it's a boy oh wait." The doctor says 

"What is it?" Pepper and Phil say the same time. 

"It looks like another one's coming this way." Dr.Neo says 

"You lier." Pepper says and Phil wants to laugh but he also wants to keep his hand ,as damaged as it know is, so he keeps quiet. 

10 minutes later

"One last push." 

"You promise."

"I promise if it's not it's on you." 

"I can live with that." 


"Congrats it's a girl." 

"No more suprises." 

"No more-wait."



"Dr.Neo Mr.Stark is terriosing the nurses." 


"I'll get him."

5 mintutes later.

"There so small." Tony says looking at his Pepper and their babies.

"I hear there always this small Tony." Pepper said giving a tired but radiant smile.

"Mr.and Mrs.Stark what would you like to name them." A nurse says giving a dirty look at Tony to which Tony just gives an excited smile.

"The boy will be...Bradley Phillip Stark." Pepper says

"That's a big name for such a little thing." Phil observe holding an ice pack on his hand.

"He'll grow into it." Tony says giving a small playful glare.

"and the girl will be Maria Kami Stark." Pepper finishes and the nurse gives her a smile before putting it on the birth certificate.




Chapter Text

"Good morning." Phil says cheerfully getting a chorus of groans from the table from everybody except Bruce who gives him a smile waving a fork splatttered with cheesecake. "Bruce.." Phil starts to ask and then sees him cup his ears and mouth What did you say Phil gives him a grin and yells
"BRUCE WHERE DID YOU WANT TO GO TODAY?" and gets a chorus of yells and moans. 

"Honey I love you but if you do that one more time I'm gonna kill you." Clint says then Phil phone rings 

"Coulson." Phil greets reaching to get his coffee mug. 

"Hello is this Phil Coulson." A unknown voice says and Phil frowns "Yes." 

"I regret to inform that your Aunt Rose Nylund pasted away last night." and Phil feels his knees crumble. 

"but I" Phil tries to justify why she's not dead.

"I'm truely sorry sir." The voice says and Phil suddenly realises he's surronded by worried superheros. 

"She's dead." Phil tries to say "She's dead." and the tears are coming and Phil doesn't really want to cry in front of a bunch of people who have issues with tears.

"Phil who?" Clint asks tucking Phil's head in his neck realising that Phil probably doesn't want the others to see him cry.

"Aunt Rose." Phil says choking on tears.

"Oh." Clint says and Phil knows that he and Aunt Rose had gotten close during Phil's 'death'. They just sit there for a few mintues tears shoaking Clint shirt and then slowly one-by-one the Avengers hug them slowly and carefully Phil feels warm and he want's to cry more so he does because once the flood gates open Phil likes to dry it out so he doesn't have to cry again for a while.

"Come let's get him to bed." Phil hears and then he's being lifted into somebodies arms. Phil goes back to sleep to the rocking motion and the sound of muttering. 


Chapter Text

Phil heard crying through the montior and wondered if he could drown in cheesecake.

"It's your turn." Clint says bruises around his eyes and Phil briefly thinks of telling him maybe they could just call Pepper(who was as good a mother as any for a genius son and daughter duo Maria and Bradley) before thinking better of it and standing giving Clint a kiss on the cheeck. Walking into the nursery painted jungle green,says Clint and the paint can Phil doesn't see it, and towards Cindi. 

"Come on baby girl." Phil coos bounching her up and down "Please Daddy hasn't sleep since two days ago." Phil's use to it but still. 

"Phil I got to go Doctor Doom running all over the place again." Clint says in the doorway and Phil gives him a all under control smile and he leaves.

"You are the Hawkeye husband are you not?" Doctor Doom says 

"Yes am I." Phil says and desprately hopes Cindi doesn't cry. The universe was not in his favour. 

"What wass that?" Doctor Doom says walking towards the nursery door and Phil didn't survive through pregnancy for nine months(long story) and two more months of taking care of Cindi to just let Doctor Doom take her.

The sight The Avengers see when they get to the tower was one of the best they'd ever seen Phil had tied up Doctor Doom and was bottle feeding Cindi. 

"What?" He said upon seeing them staring.

"Babe have I ever told you how much I love you." Clint says as the rest of the Avengers suffle out.

"Yeah but it's always good to hear."

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"Hey daddy?" Cindi asks

"Yep baby?" Daddy says smiling 

"Is Papa a superhero?" Cindi asks 

"Yes he is and what time is it?" Daddy asks and Cindi shrugs

"I don't know." 

"It's 2:23 shouldn't you be asleep." Papa asks in that way that says he knows the answer and he knows you know the answer but wants to give you a chance to answer.

"I should be," Cindi says truthfully "but I can't sleep Папочка." Papa blinks 

"Is Natasha teaching you Russian?"

" Да"

"How about some cheesecake?"Papa asks 



"Did you know Cindi learning Russian from Natasha?" 


"She can already speak it fluently."

"Huh I'll talk to Natasha tommorow."

Chapter Text

"Uncle Phil" "Daddy" Phil hears before he's tackled to the floor by three pint sized bodies. With the rest of the Avengers behind them laughing

"Hey Uncle Phil." Tony says "Come on kids up." the three of them get up laughing and smiling.Phil gets up and tries to hide a flinch and knows as soon as all the Avengers eyes lock on he knows he's unsuccessul. 

"How about some cheesecake?" Pepper asks because Pepper is a saint. 

"Yes please." Phil says as Cindi grabs his hand and pulls him forward exposing the bandage wraped around his wrist. Clint gives him a look that promise dire conquences. 

"So how the mission go?" Natasha asks eyeing the bandage. 

"Fine." Bullshit. Natasha's glare says but she won't say it infront of the kids.

Phil really wants to go to bed like badly he thinks it's been about 2 1/2 days since he had but the Avengers wanted to know all of his injuries which consited of

  •  A mild concussion 
  • Two bruised ribs 
  • a cut across the wrist that requried 4 stiches 
  • and a slash across the inner thigh

"Jesus Phil." Steve says 

"Please don't Fury already given me the speech."

"Come Phil let's go to our suite." Clint said softly seeing that Phil about to fall down if he doesn't lie down. 

They get to thier suite and the with Clint wrapped around him and Cindi in the next room.   

It's the best sleep he's gotten in the three weeks he's been away.


Chapter Text

"Hey Uncle Phil?" Bradley asks with a innocent smile on his face that instantly Phil was on guard. 

"Yes?" Phil said calmly setting down his fork. 

"I have a question." Bradley says dropping the innocent smile. 

"What is it?" Phil repeated and Bradley gave a relieved smile. 

"Do you promise to answer?" 

"The best that I can." Phil says regretting it almost as soon as it left his mouth. 

"Is it strange to not want to have sex?" Bradley blurts out lips tightening. Phil almost laughs and then says

"Grab a plate and a fork." Phil says and after Bradley did it he says "What do you mean?" 

"Like..I don't know it's like...I mean teenagers what to have sex with everybody who gives them the time of day right?" 

"Not exactly."Phil says slowly but then rethinks it "Kinda. Maybe you should talk with your Aunt Natasha?"

"I did but I want other opinions ,I've already talk to Mom and kow I'm talking with you." Bradley says "I'm going to talk to Maria tommorow."

"Okay." Phil says "I just want you to be happy and If that means no sex I think that'll make your Parents breathe easier." Bradley laughs 

"Good night Uncle Phil." 

"Good night Bradley." Phil says. 

 "Daddy how do I get a guy to like me?" Cindi asks 

"Be yourself ?" Phil says silently freaking out 

"Is that how you got Papa to like you?" 

"It most certainly did." Clint says smiling and even after 24 years he's the best and Phil kisses him feeling warm and happy.

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"Phil our little girl's growing up." Clint says with a smile but Phil sees the slight pain and happiness at the fact that Cindi isn't five and doesn't need help to brush her teeth. 

"It had to happen eventually."Phil points out with a answering smile.

"I'm right here." Cindi annouces waving her fork around.

"Oh I'd thought you'd gone already." Clint says blinking "Pity." and laughs at the answering gasp of insult mis-matched with a smile.

"Children." Phil says hiding a laugh of his own.

"Is this were you two break down or something?" Cindi asks looking closely at both of their faces. 

"I'm not." Clint says "Phil?"

"Not planning on it." 

"Aunt Pepper and..." Cindi stops looking grief stricken for a moment before pushing forward. "Uncle Tony cried at Bradley and Maria's graduation." 

"That's because there wimps." Clint says meeting Phil eyes.

"and because Bradley and Maria where both 15 at the time." Phil points out making Cindi laugh.

They continue most of the night that way and Phil briefly mourns the fact that Tony,Natasha,Thor, and Nick weren't here to see this.

 "Pepper you know me and Clint love you to death." Phil starts and Pepper holds up a hand pushing her still mostly red hair with small streak of grey back (Phil's hair has already gone completly grey.He blames the stress of being first a Shield agent then being Clint Barton's husband/handler than being the Avengers handler for it).

"You want to move out." Pepper says and Phil nods and Pepper gives an understanding smile. 

"We've found a small place out in the countryside." Phil says 

"Phil if it makes you and Clint happy I'll be more than glad." Pepper says "but you better still come around for Saturday dinner or I'll kill you."

"Love you too."

Chapter Text

Phil is not above being cliche so when he turns 62 he buys a cheesecake shop. So what?

His first customer

"Hello and welcome to Late Night Snacks what can I do for you?" Phil greets smiling at the young women with green eyes and black hair as she walks in taking in the small restruant at the warm green paint,the many couchs and old timey (2012) chairs. 

"HI what have you got?" She asks 

"Cheesecake and coffee." Phil answers calmly.

"hummmm how about some strawberry cheesecake." She says before smiling and introducing herself "My name's Nina." 

"Phil." Phil tells in turn before moving to make the cheesecake handing it too her she takes a first bite and gives a moan staring at him with wide eyes. 

"Will you marry me" Nina says eyes comically wide. 

"I'm already married." Phil says laughing as he points toward his wedding ring. 

"Shame." She says giving her a overblown pout.

 The next costumer comes with his girlfriend. 

"Hello and welcome to Late Night Snacks how can I help you." 

"We'd like the lover special." The man says pointing it out. 

"Coming right up." Phil says smiling "Staying or to go." 

"Staying." The woman pipes up. 

They are as satisfed as the first customer 

They're are many more after that. 

Clint comes to visit about three weeks later when Nina and a lovely widowed woman named Mrs.Brown who always concerned Phil isn't getting the proper care at home (Phil thinks he's more of a cat to her than a man) are sitting at the counter smiling.

"I'll have I've come to visit my husband please don't shoot please." Clint says smiling eyes glinting. 

"Like I'd shoot you." Phil says rolling his eyes. 

"You have tased me." Clint says as Phil gets his favorite cheesecake and coffee. 

"He tased you." Nina pipes up 

"First time we met." Clint promises. 

"Good for you Phil." Mrs. Brown says 

"You don't even now why I tased him." Phil points out. 

"I don't have too." Mrs. Brown says "This one seems a bit dangerous." she says with a straight face and a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"You don't know the half of it Mrs.Brown." 

"Pepper." Phil greets going from behind his counter and kissing her on the cheeck. 

"Why don't we ever get that huh Phil?" Nina and a young man by the name of Danny chorus sitting near the counter drinking coffee.

"because you haven't know me for the better part of 30 years." 

"and who's fault is that?" Danny says 

"You're parents." Phil says making them laugh. 

"Same as always Pepper?" Phil asks and gets a grateful smile in turn. 

"Wait you're Pepper Potts CEO of Stark Intrusdies." Danny says shocked. 

"Actually retired CEO." Pepper says gaining a snort from Phil. 

"As if you'd let Bradley run it by himself."

"So how do you and Phil know each other?" Nina asks Phil and Pepper just share a secretive smile.

"Steve." Phil greets getting a hug from Steve "how are you?"  

"As same as always." Steve says giving an ironic smile making Phil pull a sympathiec face. 

"Hey I'm Jessica." a woman in her late 20's say and Steve gives her hand a firm shake "Steve." 

"How about a date?" Jessica says straight foward and Phil instantly appreciates her. 

"No thank you." Steve says gently and Jessica's shoulders slop and her face instantly turns towards and she walks away.

"Usual?" Phil asks. 

"I need a job." Nina says around closing time.

"And you're asking me why..?" Phil says 

"Can I have a job here." Nina asks 

"Well since you're here anway." Phil says grinning. 

"Thank you're the best." She says and Phil regrets it instantly.

"So I heard you have a cheesecake and coffee shop." Danni says pushing her still black hair back.

"So I have." Phil says getting a glare filled. 

"Suprise me." Danni says face cracking into a smile. 

"Coming right up." 

"Bradly." Phil greets hearing a mixture of gasps and squeals as Phil hugs him (Phil feels a bit bad that none of them have a chance with him)

"Phil can I have a word with you." Nina says eyes wide before pulling Phil into the back leaving a bemused Bradley standing there with at least 20 men and woman staring at him.

"What?" Phil asks straightening his shirt. 

"You know Bradley Stark?" Nina says almost shrieking. 

"Yes I know Bradley." Phil says calmly "now can we go back to serving customers." and Phil walks back into the main room where Bradley's getting stared at by everyone there 

"The usual," Bradley says smiling "to go." and Phil feels a bit disappointed. 

"Thanks Uncle Phil." Bradley says with a small wave walking out before poking his head back in and Nina gasps hitting Phil on the arm "and Mom says that if you don't bring your homemade Mac&Cheese with you next time she's going to kill you." 

"Noted oh and by the way is Maria going to be there or is she still in Mexico." 

"She'll be back by Sunday." 

"So what's up with name anyway?" Nina asks 

"What are you talking about?" Phil asks 

"Will your hours our 9-6 not exactly late." Nina points out 

"When I was little my Aunts would eat cheesecake in the middle of night to deal with stress." 

"and that continues on." Phil says "with my daughter." 

"You have a daughter I didn't know that." 

"I was always a secret agent for most of my life." 

"... Ha you almost hate there." Nina says as Phil continues to wipe down the tables. "You where joking weren't you."  

Chapter Text

"Uh sir I didn't know you'd be up." Jeffery says nervously glancing back at the slightly ajar door hidden for sight by the wall. 

"Come on sit down." Phil invites and Jeffrey sits down slowly. "I haven't booby traped it." Phil says amused 

"I didn't think you did." Jeffrey says blush dusting his cheeks. 

"What are you doing up?" Phil asks 

"Nightmares from-" Jeffrey starts before looking a bit panicked "the army." 

"Nah they're from SHIELD work isn't it?" Phil says and hears the gun click 

"How would you know." 

"Because I worked with Shield for over 40 years." Phil says taking small bites of his cheesecake while Jeffrey absorbs that 

"Prove it." 


"Wow" Jeffrey says eyes wide. 

"Yep and my girl knows you work with Shield too." Phil tells him. 

"How?" He asks 


"Yes sir." Jeffrey says and they talk for a while

"So what do you think?" 

"He's not a Idiot." 

"Awww that's so sweet." 


Chapter Text

"Grandpa." Hailey cries as she runs towards Phil and he catches her in a bearhug giving her a raspberry on the cheek. 

"Cindi." Clint greets hugging her and kissing her before they trade Phil hugging Cindi and Clint hugging Hailey. 

"Can you watch Cindi for a while?"Hailey asks "We have a meeting." 

"Of course." Clint says smiling eyes still bright. 

"Love you guys." 

"Love you Mommy." 

"How about some Cheesecake huh." 

"Yes please." 


Phil Coulson                                                                                                        Clint Barton 

1981-2069                                                                                                         1979-2069

Beloved father,husband,cheesecake maker                                                    Beloved Father,husband, and Superhero.


"The world is in Mourning as one of the last remaining first Avengers was found dead in his bed along with his husband of 30+ years this morning,The death was of natural causes and there will be a public service this Friday at 2:30." 

Chapter Text

"Mom is that cheesecake?" Ava asks incredulously and yes it's 2 am in the morning but Cindi felt a bit of comfort food was needed. 

"Yeah want some?" Cindi asks and thanks of the many times Dad has said the same thing to her. 

"Sure." Ava says still looking wary but walking into the kitchen. "So," she says after she's gotten settled "what's with the cheesecake?" and Cindi realizes Ava has never really seen her eat comfort food. 

"It's a tradition." Cindi tells her "your grandfather's aunts use to eat cheesecake for comfort which passed on to your grandfather and then to me and your Aunt Maria and Uncle Brad." 

"Really." Ava says "You've never told me that." 

"I don't think I've told you enough about your grandfather." Cindi says and realizes it's true. 

"You haven't really told me anything about him or Grandpa Clint ." Ava says before guilt flashes and she hastly backtracts "I didn't mean it like-" 

"You did but it's all right." Cindi tells her "Ask away."

"What was he like?" 

"He was caring and loved his family more than anything-"


"Hey Dad hi Papa." Cindi says holding a umbrella over her head holding a bouget of flowers. "You know I haven't visited in a while it was too painful but I just wanted to tell you I love you." Cindi reaching down and touches the gravestone smiling a bit sadly. "I've got to go now." and says "I love you." one last time and walks toward the hovercar.