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giving you what you want (take a deep breath)

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yoongi scowls from underneath the bus stop cover when the sleek, black car finally pulls up. it’s eleven, actually closer to midnight, and he’s been waiting for at least thirty minutes.


he’d slipped on one of his oversized hoodies but had realized too late that his leather pants will do nothing to protect him from the cold. he tries to convince himself that the way the pants hug the subtle curve of his hips and the slope of his ass is worth the chill that’s set into his bones on his way to the car.


he knocks on the tinted windows and hears the click of doors being unlocked. he yanks the door open and scoffs when he sees vasco casually reclined in the driver’s seat, cigarette lazily hanging from his fingers.


“what the hell took you so long?” yoongi demands. “i practically froze my ass off. you told me you’d be here an hour ago.” he slides into his seat, tugging his seatbelt on. he looks over at vasco expectantly and raises an eyebrow when the man doesn't move.


“aren't you gonna drive? the night’s gonna be over by the time we even get there.” the man flicks his eyes over to yoongi and shrugs.


“what's the rush, pretty boy?” he asks. “the night’s just starting. unless you got somewhere else to be?” his voice is bored, uninterested. his eyes return to the windshield, snow slowly piling up on the wipers. yoongi watches as vasco lifts his cigarette to his lips and takes a deep breath. he sighs out a stream of smoke and yoongi finally notices the tired slant to his eyes. he notices the gray hair that’s starting to grow around vasco’s temples and the barely-there lines around his eyes.


god, yoongi had never really thought about it, but vasco really is older than him. significantly older. he’s practically been living in his studio for the past two weeks if the rare snapchats yoongi had gotten meant anything. he’s probably gotten less than five hours of sleep in the past four days. yoongi suddenly feels so out of his depth. vasco has a house and bills and a kid and fucking taxes to worry about and here yoongi is, whining because the older man won't take him to a club.


maybe he'd better call it off, tell vasco that they can just celebrate another night. the man looks tired, not just sleep-deprived. he looks worn out and like the only thing he should be doing is sleeping for fourteen hours straight. he shifts in his seat, words already on the tip of his tongue. it's the touch of a calloused hand that stops him.


“let's just go now, yeah?” he rolls his window down and throws his cigarette out onto the asphalt. vasco moves to change gears and cranes his neck back as he backs out. his arm comes up around yoongi's shoulders as he looks back and yoongi ignores the warmth he feels radiating behind his neck.


“i told you i’d give you anything you want last time, didn't i?” he glances at yoongi for a second. yoongi's gone tense in his seat and his eyes are fixed on his lap. yoongi bristles. this isn't what he wanted, not at all. he swallows past the lump in his throat and turns his head away. he leans back against the cool leather of the passenger seat and stares out at that one streetlight that always flickers.


“yeah. you did.”


secret society is everything yoongi’s heard of, down to the coke machine door and the line that stretches down the block. he and vasco step out of the car and yoongi looks around.


hongdae is bustling with people even though it’s past twelve. yoongi finds a sense of familiarity in the bright lights and faint scent of cigarette smoke that surrounds him. he’d spent a fair amount of time in the underground scene and finally coming back made yoongi realize how long it’d really been. these streets and dark clubs had once been his stage, his home. yoongi almost laughs at himself. he’d come to have a good night out and here he was reminiscing. vasco clears his throat and yoongi shakes himself out of his thoughts.


“we might meet a few of my friends here. you’ve probably seen them before. hell, you’ve probably talked to a few of them.” vasco locks the car before walking around to yoongi’s side. yoongi’s eyes widen when vasco curls an arm around his shoulder. he stares in incredulity when the older man’s hand tighten around him and he’s drawn against his side. vasco looks down at him with an uncharacteristically serious expression.


“i didn’t want to take you here, but you insisted,” vasco starts. “you’re going to stay close and keep your head down tonight, alright? don’t draw attention to yourself.” his voice is hard and yoongi feels a pang of hurt in his chest at the harsh words. he buries it quickly and flashes a snarky grin


“am i so popular that i’d cause a scene at your club, hyung? are you worried that people would pay more attention to me than the actual rappers on stage?” yoongi asks, batting his eyelashes. his voice is filled with a biting sarcasm. he frowns when vasco doesn’t respond. the man laughs, but it sounds strained.


“something like that, sure.” vasco leads them towards the door, past the long line. yoongi feels people's eyes on them but he tucks a hand into his pocket and tries to act natural. a simple flash of vasco’s id has him and vasco through the door.


“remember,” vasco mutters. “stay close. just follow me and you'll probably make it out by the end of the night.” it's so loud in the club that vasco's words are almost lost among the noise, but yoongi manages to catch most of it. he rolls his eyes.


“why do you keep making it sound like someone's gonna eat me? i’m not a kid and i can handle myself. now, come on.” yoongi reaches out and grabs vasco's hand. the older man’s fingers are thick and calloused. yoongi links his fingers in the spaces between vasco’s and ignores the man’s stare as tugs him out of the throng of people and by some of the booths lining the walls of the building. vasco huffs and mutters something about stubborn brats under his breath. he leads yoongi to one of the tables and they stop in front of a man. he's surrounded by bottles of alcohol despite being the only one there. yoongi swallows down the flare of something electric that shoots through him when he recognizes him.


it's simon d. or kiseok oppa, if yoongi remembered correctly. kiseok had threaded his hands through yoongi's hair and pulled him close enough to share air with him before whispering against his lips. call me oppa, he'd breathed, reaching down to undo yoongi's belt. yoongi remembered making some vague noise of agreement and then everything else was a blur. the weeks they had spent together were filled with sex and not much more, but yoongi remembers kiseok holding him every night. he remembers kiseok renting movies for them and making him dinner. he remembers kiseok taking care of him.


“dongyeol hyung,” kiseok greets. he makes no move to stand, but pushes some of the bottles aside to make space for them. his eyes never leave yoongi.


“how've you been, yoongi?” he asks before vasco can say anything. two of them sit down. yoongi shifts under kiseok’s gaze. “i thought bangtan was busy gearing up for a tour.”


vasco frowns, looking between the two of them. he leans back heavily against the booth and crosses his arms.


“you guys know each other?” he asks before yoongi can speak. it's kiseok that answers, though.


“we've met more than a few times.” he pauses. he shoots vasco a meaningful look. “if you know what i mean.” vasco grunts. he opens his mouth as if he's about to speak but yoongi cuts in.


“we are,” yoongi blurts. he plays with the hem of his shirt. “we leave in a week. today was my day off and i wanted vasco hyung to take me out somewhere.” kiseok hums.


“really? i thought you would've wanted to stay in.” he pauses and his eyes flick to vasco. “at least, that's what we used to do. i’m surprised yoongi wanted to go to a club. you sure this isn't your idea?”


“guess i just sparked something in him, then.” vasco casually rests his hand on yoongi's neck. he thumbs at the short hairs there and smiles when yoongi relaxes into his touch.


yoongi doesn't miss the way kiseok’s eyes settle on vasco’s hands. he feels the heavy weight of them. he swallows down the need to explain himself. kiseok and him- what they had wasn't serious. at least, that's what yoongi had thought.


kiseok laughs and takes a swig from his bottle before adding it to the collection on the table.


“i guess so, huh?” he glances up at them. he pushes himself up.


“i’d hate to ruin your night,” kiseok says, shrugging on his jacket. he shoves his hand in his pockets and smiles, a little too sharp to be nice.


“you don't have to go.” vasco’s voice sounds insincere even to yoongi’s ears. kiseok barks out a laugh.


“nah, hyung.” he glances down at yoongi. “see you around, yoongi.”


and then kiseok is shouldering his way to the door and outside. vasco turns to yoongi.


“sorry, kid,” he mutters. “back to my place?”


yoongi nods.


the car is quiet, but not quite uncomfortable on the way to vasco’s house. yoongi fidgets with his hands, not knowing what to say.


he doesn't owe vasco an explanation. kiseok was just a friend with benefits he'd had nearly a year ago. what they had hadn't even lasted long enough to be called a fling, but yoongi can't shake the feeling that he needed to say something. maybe just clarify-


“hey.” vasco’s voice isn't soft but it's not as rough around the edges as usual. yoongi stiffens in his seat.


“that wasn't-” vasco cuts him off.


“whatever shit happened back then…” his fingers, thick and strong, drum on the steering wheel. he glances at yoongi.


“whatever shit happened, it's not my business. you're an adult, i’m an adult. we all have our baggage. as long as you're not still seeing them, you don't have to tell me shit.” yoongi swallows.


“you're not angry?” he asks, still hesitant. vasco shakes his head. yoongi continues, deciding that just asking is the only way to do this.


“and we're...we’re exclusive? like, i won't see anybody else and you won't see anyone else either?” yoongi bites his lip nervously. he knows he's pushing it. vasco had just been a fuckbuddy for months. hell, yoongi even forgets his real name sometimes. but if vasco’s saying what yoongi thinks he is, then. maybe that means something.


“yeah, kid,” vasco chuckles. “that's what exclusive means.” he pulls turns onto his street and parks on the curb. he turns the car off and the two of them sit there, the silence a little more comfortable than before.


“you want to come up?” vasco asks. he cuts yoongi off before he can answer.
“for tea or something. not the sex shit. i mean,” he smirks. “not just the sex shit.” yoongi snorts.


“sure, old man. i’ll come up.”