Work Header

Pinch Me

Work Text:

Coop busted through the door, piss drunk and waddling around with no sense of direction. Remer was soon to follow, also drunk, after the two had a night of partying. Remer suddenly slapped Coop’s ass. “Hey, dude, no one else is here, youwannamakeout?” he slurred.

“Dude, Squeak is right there,” Coop said, pointing to a small Squeak sleeping in a box in the corner of the living room. “You wanna make out in front of him?”

“I-I don’t mind,” their friend said. “I’ll just go in the other room and play Nintendo.”

“Yeah, thascool!” Remer said with a loud, obnoxious laugh. Coop slapped Remer’s ass this time; he couldn’t deny that he wanted that sweet, sweet ass. Remer made a girlish giggle. He walked over to the couch, covered with crumbs from chips and assorted junk foods, and laid on his back. 

“Fuck me, dude!” 

“Hey, no fair, if I’m on top then I can’t grab onto your ass,” Coop complained, crossing his arms and pouting. Remer just laughed at him. 

“Yeah, whatever, get your fat pigfucker ass over here, pigfucker!” 

“I love when you call me pigfucker.” 

Remer got off the couch, allowing Coop to lie on his back comfortably. He was still wearing his Beers uniform; so was Remer.  He kind of just flopped on top of Coop, giving him an intense stare. 

“You’re so fuckin’ hot,” he said, playing with Coop’s blonde locks. “You’re so hot you give me a -burp- boner.” It was true, because Coop felt Remer’s dick jam right against his crotch. “Hey, remember that time we made out on top of the Malaka-Laka Board of Trust? That was hot. I was so erect.” He burped in Coop’s face, which caused Coop to make a disgusted sound. 

“Shut up and kiss me already, you cock,” Coop said with sexual frustration.  Remer granted his wish, giving him hot and wet kisses. His curly hair was getting all over Coop’s face. Coop grabbed, hard, onto Remer’s ass, giving it some squeezes. Remer was grinding his crotch against his friend’s, feeling his pants get super tight. 

“We should take off these stupid fuckin’ uniforms,” he said. He took off his shirt, and then took off Coop’s. He started to rub Coop’s nipples in a circular motion. 

“Oh yeah, dude, you know I like that shit,” Coop said enthusiastically. “You want that milk? You want that breast milk?” 

“Dude, you know I want that breast milk,” Remer replied, and then began to suck on Coop’s nipple. 

There was a sudden voice coming from the other room. “Hey, can you guys keep it down in there? I’m trying to play Super Mario Bros!” 

“Shut up, bitch,” Coop and Remer said in unison. 

“Ugh, ignore him; go back to sucking my nipple,” Coop asked his friend. Remer had started to taste a bit of nice, creamy milk from Coop’s teet; it made him super hard. He was still trying to get some crotch action from Coop, who was also getting more and more erect.

“You can take off my pants, you know,” Coop told him. “It’s not like this is the first time we’ve ever done this.” Coop had started to reminisce about the first time they did “it”; though it was just a blowjob, and they were both drunk like they are now, but it was amazing. He remembered how good it felt to have Remer’s lips around his cock. Despite the two friends being around attractive girls like Jenna, Yvette, and Victoria Silvestedt, playmate of the year, they knew that they were totally gay for each other; gayer than Elton John, and even gayer than Liberace. 

Remer practically tore off Coop’s pants, not surprised to see he wasn’t wearing any underpants. Coop was clearly very excited, and he looked at Remer’s face to see him licking his lips seductively. “Gimme that cock, baby,” he said in an attempt to be sexy, but just sounded stupid and nerdy; but that’s what Coop loved about his best friend.

Remer’s mouth around Coop’s cock was almost just like that first time; hot, messy, and with stinky piss breath. Coop leaned back and relaxed, letting one hand grip into his friend’s curls and the other lean off the couch. He wished that moments like this would last forever; no evil dudes trying to blackmail him, no arguments, and preferably no Squeak. Remer has been his best friend for so long, and he never wanted him to go. Coop was aware that his thoughts were super gay, but he didn’t really care. 

“Remer, I love you, dude,” he said, not really thinking about what he just admitted. 

Remer took his mouth off of Coop’s dick and looked him in the eyes. “Dude?” 

Dude…” Coop’s eyes were shining a perfect blue, his smile wide and his cheeks flushed pink. Remer gave him kind of a strange look, like maybe his friend was on crack or something, but he couldn’t pull away from Coop’s loving gaze. He couldn’t help but start to blush. It almost felt like a dream, the type of thing the both of them dreamed about all the time; just being happy together.


Remer went back to sucking Coop’s cock, very fast and with a lot of tongue. He wanted to make his best friend come. Coop’s hands had moved back onto Remer’s ass, slapping it as Remer sucked the fuck out of his cock. Coop’s face was hot and his breathing was labored. No matter how many girls had sucked his dick (and it wasn’t a lot), none of them could do it the same way Remer could. 

“Dude, dude, I’m gonna-“

Remer was sucking as much as he could, with a hand fondling Coop’s balls, just the way his friend liked it. It was only a few more moments until Coop made loud, sudden groans as he came into Remer’s mouth. His friend tried his best to swallow all of it. He pulled away, looking Coop in the eyes as cum stains were around his lips. “Want a taste?” Remer said, moving toward Coop’s face and giving him a passionate kiss. Coop touched Remer’s cheeks gently with his fingers.

Squeak walked back in the living room, but covered his eyes in horror as he saw Coop’s cock just hanging out. “Geez, I don’t want to live with you guys anymore!” he exclaimed.

“You have nowhere else to go. You’re our bitch, bitch!” Coop said, and Remer laughed. As the two friends laughed, Remer put his head on Coop’s chest, and they continued to relax on the couch for a while longer.