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Help! My Best Friend is a Werewolf!

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”No, you guys, not the locker, not the locker! I’ll do anything!” Tweek screamed and struggled as hard as he could against the four boys carrying him by his hands and feet.

“You hear that, guys?” Cartman asked out loud. Tweek knew it was a rhetorical question no matter what. Cartman had that air to his voice that meant he was being a dick. “I think Tweek wants to go in the dumpster instead.” The others boys laughed at his suggestion. Tweek knew why Cartman was doing this. He was being mind-controlled by alien goblins somewhere. At least, that was Tweek’s theory. Either that or he was a sadistic psychopath, but no one could be that evil and still be human.

“But then he’s gonna smell all day. Don’t you like the locker better than the stinky old dumpster, Tweek?” Stan tried to act nice, but Tweek could see right through him. He had no idea why Stan, Kyle or Kenny were doing this. Cartman he could understand, but the rest of them? No idea. They used to be friends in elementary school, but that apparently meant nothing to them.

“I’m not throwing him in the dumpster. Locker’s fine, but dumpster is where I draw the line,” Kyle said. Tweek knew when Kyle was trying to make himself seem like a savior, and this was that moment. As if stomping his foot down for this was the crucial part. Kenny was silent as always. He wasn’t any better than the rest. Tweek struggled, kicking and shoving but it was no use. An empty locker left unsupervised was his new home, and the door was kicked in his face. There was nothing but darkness inside. Tweek hated it. Monsters and ghouls resided in darkness. If Tweek panicked enough, his fears could manifest as an actual monster from the darkness. It happened once when he was a kid, and he was sure it could happen again. He kicked the door as hard as he could, hoping it would budge, but all he could hear on the other side was laughing that dimmed down. They were walking away. Were they just going to leave him there? He usually stayed in there until PC Principal let him out. Damn, that man had good hearing. He continued to kick at the door as hard as he could. He couldn’t afford to miss lunch. He was already too skinny as it was. He groaned and stopped his assault on the poor door. What was the use? This was what happened every single day.

He had to get out of this damned town. There was something wrong with it. It wasn’t normal for a town to have this many monsters and disasters. At least he didn’t hope so. He didn’t want to live in a world where every paranormal creature ever thought of exists. This was probably the case. Tweek was a real expert on paranormal. He had read more books and scripts than he’d ever like to admit. He kept some in his schoolbag, but most were in his room behind a locked cabinet. He didn’t trust his parents one bit when it came to his belongings. He knew they set cameras all over his room, but they still didn’t have the key to his cabinet. Some might’ve thought it was extreme, but he knew his parents were out to kill him one day.

Tweek was shook from his thoughts by the locker door opening, giving him a glimpse of freedom. But who? Did Butters grow a spine and defy the others? That was highly unlikely. He was as dependent on them as muscles to a bone. Did Kyle finally figure out how flawed and masturbatory his reasoning was? Probably not. Did Stan get over his apathy and feel a bit of sympathy? If it was Cartman Tweek would literally die. At least Tweek would die as a meal. The mental imagery of Cartman pushing human flesh into a meat grinder kept Tweek up late at night until he forced himself to imagine it was a figment of his overactive imagination.

“Sup?” Clyde blocked the passageway with his chubby body. There was a face he hadn’t seen since elementary. He was never really friends with Clyde Donovan. He saw Clyde as a part of Craig’s group, and since he was a part of the “enemy” group, Tweek had never even once thought about socializing with him or his gang of hoodlums. Tweek knew he was jealous of their popularity, and deep down he felt they were way out of his league. He’d never be their friend.

“Sup?” Tweek replied. Oh well, one time had to be the first. He’d rather have it be Clyde standing between a locked door and freedom than Cartman.

“I need your help,” Clyde said, as if this was a normal way to introduce a conversation. The again, Tweek wouldn’t know. The only one he ever spoke to was his mom and his pet parrot. Parrots could sense paranormal creatures in a way that other animals and especially humans couldn’t. He had trained his parrot to say help in four different languages, but sadly the parrot also mimicked most of his screams, yelps and general outbursts. It honestly freaked Tweek out more than it helped him sometimes.

“I mean, I sorta need your help. You know shit about… Supernatural stuff, right?” Clyde managed to finish his sentence in a way that made Tweek even worse. Tweek almost sputtered at Clyde’s words as he crawled out the locker and stood up next to Clyde. He wasn’t sure if he meant the television series or his daily occult hobby. He used to be obsessed with conspiracy theories, but his interests changed throughout middle school. This was mostly when he discovered that the moon landing was real, the water didn’t carry extra chemicals to change people’s sexuality and that Bush didn’t do 9/11. What really set him over the edge was when he figured out aliens were real, lizard-people were running the government and that vampires were running loose in the school. Tweek had kept a record of every paranormal sighting he had ever done in his life in South Park, starting from the time Stan and his friends made a snowman come to life. There was a lot.

“I have seen the show a couple of times, yes,” Tweek said, but didn’t mention that it was for studying techniques. Some big shot in Hollywood could be handing out clues to how to defeat the fuckers. Plus, Tweek didn’t say no to eye-candy. Maybe the water was contaminated?

“No, not the show,” Clyde pulled an overly dramatic expression and pulled a used book out of his messenger bag. It was Tweek’s book on werewolves. Where did he get that? With a pained look on his face, Tweek grabbed the book from Clyde’s hands with a speed that shouldn’t be humanly possible.

“Where did you get this? Are you the one that’s been stealing my stuff?” All this time, Tweek had been blaming his missing books on the underpants gnomes, when it’s been right under his nose. But why would Clyde steal his books for? As Tweek searched Clyde’s face, it was clear that he wasn’t the culprit. Clyde did a vague shrug and Tweek sighed.
“I got it off Stan and the guys. They’ve been reading your shit. I thought you guys were cool?” Clyde leaned on a locker and closed his messenger bag. Tweek caught the sight of a sports bottle. Of course, he was a jock.

“No, we’re not cool,” Tweek managed to say it with as much venomocity as he could. They made his life a living hell every day. He feared coming to school every day because of them. Well, them and vampires. Although he did hear a rumor once that Kyle was some sort of Jersey-Demon. He’d have to investigate that more. Tweek did a sneer and Clyde shrugged again.

“Well, do you wanna help me with my problem or not?” Clyde took a peek at the watch on his wrist. It was Denver Broncos themed and Tweek tried really hard not to roll his eyes. How he managed to have faith in Denver Broncos after so many years was the real paranormal event going on. Whatever Clyde’s problem was, it wasn’t worth his time. He had to figure out a way to make Stan’s gang stop harassing him so much.

“Depends. Can you help me with my problem?” Tweek crossed his arms and stood defensively. Oh, he got this. Clyde did too, apparently, as he sputtered a laugh.

“What? Stan and those guys? Sure, put this on and watch,” Clyde said as he looked over Tweek’s shoulder. Clyde zipped his letterman jacket off in one go and tossed it to Tweek. Tweek looked at it with a confused scrunching of his face, but put it on nonetheless. Just as he finished zipping it up, Stan walked up to both of them.

“Hey, Clyde, do you have the notes I did on the formation tomorrow?” Stan asked Clyde, completely ignoring Tweek. It was a miracle. There was no harsh comment on his looks or his actions. No mocking laugh. Stan didn’t even shove him. Then an even more amazing thing happened. Stan looked over at Tweek as Clyde searched his messenger bag for the notes. Tweek felt his heart drop all the way down into his gut. He was spotted. What was Stan going to do? Was he going to beat both of them up?

“Nice jacket, Tweek,” Stan said, took the notes and left. Tweek was speechless. Stan was actually being nice to him.

“Told you it would work,” Clyde laughed as another person walked up to them. Tweek was completely floored. Had it been so simple? All this time? This was all he had to do? Suck up to one of the popular kids, and he was in? If only he had known it would be so easy, he’d have done it ages ago. He’d suck anyone off to get rid of the bullies.

“Clyde, you wanna borrow my notes on…” Craig was about to ask Clyde about geology, but stopped once his eyes landed on Tweek. Tweek blinked and breathed like a normal human being did, but suddenly he was too conscious of both of those actions. He sure hoped he didn’t have to focus on making his heart beat too, or he’d really lose it.

“Borrow your notes on what?” Clyde shifted his eyes between Craig and Tweek, feeling like there was some kind of inside joke he wasn’t in on. Craig snapped out of it, locking Clyde as his target. Tweek didn’t snap out of it and continued to eat Craig with his eyes.

“Math,” Craig sputtered, it somehow being the first subject he could think of. Clyde knew something was up. Craig was horrible at math, and it was usually Token who gave him notes on math. Craig always helped him out with geology and science.

“Okay. Sure,” Clyde played along. Craig’s eyes casually shifted back to staring at Tweek, who was breaking the world record of not blinking. Craig didn’t look away from Tweek when he shoved the geology notes into Clyde’s chest, nor did he break eye-contact with the blonde, not even as he walked backwards away from the two, bumping into not only a locker door, but also Scott Malkinson, Jason and Francis along the way. Tweek only looked away when Clyde stepped in front of him, breaking the spell Craig put on him.

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Clyde started, but Tweek couldn’t get himself to focus on what Clyde was talking about. Something about wolves. Tweek needed to know what Craig was. It was obvious he wasn’t a human. Craig had performed some kind of mind-control on him, that was the only viable solution. Tweek had never felt such a strong pull towards one person before, especially not just by looks alone.

“Craig’s your friend, right?” Tweek tried to subtly look over Clyde’s shoulder to take a look at him again. There were a few possibilities. Craig could be a siren. An encantado? Then again, they weren’t near any large bodies of water, and Tweek was pretty sure he didn’t hear Craig sing at any time. A male Jorogumo? He had never heard of a male Jorogumo before, but he wasn’t one to judge. But then again, Craig could be an incubus. That would explain everything.

“Yes, he is. Anyway, if we go to my place tomorrow night, I can,” Clyde didn’t have a chance to finish before Tweek cut him off with a: “Will Craig be there?” Clyde was taken aback, but he wasn’t directly shocked. Just a little bit. If Tweek could get to study Craig, maybe he’d figure out what kind of monster Craig was.

“I can make him come, if you want?” Clyde didn’t like feeling left out, especially since it concerned his best friend, but he did need Tweek’s help. Tweek nodded, still barely paying attention to the jock, which Clyde could somehow sense.

“Look, keep the jacket, ok? I trust you to give it back to me tomorrow night,” Clyde ran off backwards, almost bumping into Lisa Berger, while he pointed at Tweek, who suddenly remembered that he was still wearing Clyde’s jacket. Two days of no bullying, just for a meet-up? Tweek liked parties, but one-on-one social meet-ups were a lot of pressure. Especially since it wasn’t just one-on-one. Craig was going to be there too. Tweek’s mind raced with different outcomes. What if Clyde was in on it? He could be helping Craig getting new victims. What if this was all part of a larger scheme to bully Tweek? Would the boys really put that much effort into bullying him? Perhaps. This was South Park after all. Anything could happen.




A day had passed since Clyde talked to him. He was supposed to see Clyde and Craig tonight at Clyde’s house. He almost dozed off in class. Sure, he had slept a little at his home, but at what cost? He had spent most of the night before trying to figure out what kind of creature Craig was, but then when he woke up he was even more confused. Since he dreamed of him, he must have most likely been some kind of mare. Incubi were still dreamt of, so that one was still in the race. Siren was probably off the table. He had to read up on sirens. It made Tweek irritable that he still couldn’t figure out what monster he was. He was the monster-expert. The bell rang for lunch to begin, and armed with his thermos, Tweek packed his bags and hoped for some quiet time in the library. Maybe he could find a new book that could help him. Before he could make a left turn for the library, a strong arm pulled the band of his school bag, forcing him to the right.

“Where do you think you’re going, Tweek? The lunch-room’s this way!” Clyde’s nasal voice came from far above him, and Tweek had not had enough coffee to deal with him and his monster friends. Tweek went along with him, feeling nothing but defeat. What was the point? He could always go to the library tomorrow. Once he got closer to where Clyde was dragging him off to, he made a small revelation. Craig was there. Clyde was dragging him off to their usual lunch table, where Jimmy, Token, Jason and most importantly, Craig, were sitting. Tweek was so panicked that he turned numb. The rage he felt earlier manifested again once Craig’s eyes turned to him. How dare he so calmly sit and eat bread with pesto? He was the reason Tweek was so sleep-deprived. Without his knowledge or consent, Tweek’s face transformed from a neutral expression to a glare. Craig’s eyebrows shot upwards, but he kept the neutral expression.

“Craig, move your fucking ass, you’re using space for five people.” How could Clyde so calmly spout in his face, and why did Craig just do his bidding without a word? Tweek was so confused. Why would a monster obey humans like that? Clyde claimed his seat next to Craig, and dragged Tweek down to sit next to him.

“Everyone, say hi to Tweek. He’s new,” Clyde said it like it was common for him to introduce new people to the group, and it probably was. Tweek didn’t like being part of a group. It was too much commitment and pressure. He’d have to message people too often, and he really didn’t want no part of that. The group of friends said their greetings as monotone as teenagers did. Tweek was glad they didn’t force him to talk about himself. When he looked around, he did notice one thing.

He was sitting with the popular kids. Looking around, the boys all talked and joked, but beyond that he could see the jealous stares of the other tables, longing to join the inner circle. Was it really the jacket that did it? He became popular because of a piece of clothing? Clyde was wearing the same jacket again. He somehow didn’t think of it that Clyde had multiple versions of the same jacket. Especially this jacket. There was something about wearing it that made Tweek invincible.
A loud breathing cracked open his thoughts and he suddenly felt every single one of his hairs rise up in fright. Something horrible was close to him, he could feel it.

“Clyde, I was wondering,” a slobbering voice said, too close to his ear. Tweek slowly turned his head to see the face of none other than Lisa Berger. Possibly the only person more bullied than himself. Clyde cut her off without any sign of remorse.

“What’s your name? Becca? Linda? I don’t care, you can’t sit with us. No more room.” Clyde’s words were harsh. Harsh enough to make the curly haired girl look down in defeat, once again walking over to the Table For Ugly Kids. At least they had a group too. Tweek couldn’t even bear the thought of hanging with them, friendly as they probably were. However, this led him to a new conclusion: The popular kids were assholes. That was his new conclusion, at least. Tweek chugged down his thermos. If he was going to hang with the cool kids, he had to be like the cool kids.
By some miraculous turn of events, just as Tweek finished that thought, none other than Scott Malkinson, legend Star of The Football team, walked by Tweek’s table and patted his back on the way.

“Nice jacket,” Scott said, and Tweek became energized with popularity. This couldn’t be happening. The jacket really did make him unstoppable.

“Yeah, nice jacket, Tweek.” It came from another guy beside Scott. There was nothing Tweek couldn’t do. Legend King Scott Malkinson himself had acknowledged Tweek’s presence. There was only one thing on his mind now. Tweek got up from his position by the table, much to the confusion of everyone sitting around it. Tweek felt like a God.

“Hey!” Tweek called out, making sure everyone in the entire cafeteria turned their heads, listening intently to what Tweek had to offer. Everyone were there. Everyone familiar that was. In the middle of the room he could spot them. Forever, even far off into the future, Tweek would look back into that moment in time and remember it as the biggest mistake of his life, but also the best moment. Craig would remember it as the exact moment he fell head over heels for Tweek Tweak.

“You guys! Eric Cartman’s a fatass loser!” He shouted at the top of his lungs. The cafeteria broke into an uproar, and students beat drumming beats into the tables as Eric Cartman slowly got up and took stride turns towards Tweek.

“You’re dead, Tweek. You’re dead!” Eric shouted as he attempted to dropkick Tweek off the table. Clyde’s gang did nothing to help. He was practically a stranger to them, but Tweek didn’t need help. Students gathered all around them in a circle while Tweek avoided every kick and punch Cartman tried to deliver.

“Kick his ass, Tweek!” He was sure it was Kyle’s voice, but why would he be cheering for him instead of Cartman? The voice confused Tweek enough to leave his defenses down. Tweek got a punch right in the eye, falling to the ground. The whole crowd blurred all around him, and now he knew exactly what being in a fight club was like. The jacket was going to protect him? Right? He felt kicks to his ribs while he were down before they stopped and he was dragged upwards. His head hurt and he was dragged to the Principal’s office. Even with the delirium, he could always recognize the principal. It was especially obvious since PC Principal dragged Cartman with him with his other arm and the two were bickering all the way.



Tweek pushed the bag of ice to his eye, thankful that PC Principal respected him enough to keep a good distance between his chair and Cartman’s. Tweek had been to the principal’s office a good handful of times. Mostly for covering doorways with salt or for breaking down in the middle of class. He knew how to speak his language. Cartman was finished. Probably.

“I don’t care, Cartman. I know you keep saying Tweek pulled the first punch by shouting rude things at you,” PC Principal turned to Tweek for a second, “and that wasn’t very mature of you Tweek,” before he turned to Cartman again, “but you can’t start fights at my school. Words are words, punches are punches. You could end up in prison.” PC Principal was finished for now, but looked to Cartman to defend himself.

“He called me fat, PC Principal, and as you know, bodyshaming and fatphobia are horrible, horrible monsters I’ve tried to get rid of at our schewl,” Cartman turned towards Tweek and gave him a slow smile. Fucking snake. Cartman was just as well-versed in PC-Principillian, as Tweek liked to call it, as he was. If Tweek didn’t defend himself he could get expelled. PC Principal flared his nostrils. Tweek had better come up with something good. He had one shot at his defense, and it had better be good.

“He called me a faggot,” damn, Tweek almost patted his own back for that one. A+ lying skills. PC Principal was furious by now. He knew Tweek was confused in his sexuality, even more so than the average teenager. He had discussed it a few times in the past with Mr. Mackey and he knew Mr. Mackey spread the kids problems around like they were hot gossip on toast, so surely PC Principal must’ve known. The way his jaw clenched, knuckles turned white and his entire posture seemed to jitter indicated that he was going to kill a man. Cartman must’ve noticed too, because he was scared shitless. Tweek had heard a rumor that PC Principal had hit him once. Tweek found it hard to sympathize with the person who made his life hell, but Tweek couldn’t imagine the kind of fear Cartman had to have.

“Tweek, would you please let me have a moment alone with Cartman?” Oh shit, Tweek had really sent Cartman to his deathbed. Tweek tried his hardest not to strut as he zipped his new coat, got up from the chair and left the room. His ticks made his walk less catwalk and more toddler, which was honestly what he was going for. Once you removed his psychopathic and violent tendencies, PC Principal was sort of like a father figure to both Tweek and Cartman. Tweek barely managed to close the door behind him before he heard objects getting thrown around and the two yell at each other. Something about “reclaiming slurs?” Tweek didn’t care. He was free.

“Tweek, follow me!”

Ok, he wasn’t free, shit. He turned around to see Clyde and Craig staring him down. He forgot all about the deal about meeting up at Clyde’s place. Did he still have time to bail on that? Before he could even open his mouth, Clyde’s hand linked into his arm, dragging him around again. Tweek had to admit defeat. There was nothing he could do but die at the hands of Clyde and the monster called Craig Tucker.

“I thought you were really cool, what you did in the cafeteria. If I had the balls to say that to his face…. If I could say something like that to Cartman, I would be so happy,” Craig followed behind Tweek, and he felt like a prey. If Craig was a vicious monster trying to gut him open and eat his insides, he’d liked that Clyde had told him as soon as possible, and not while they were alone.

The entire journey to Clyde’s house, Tweek felt two things:

1: That the secret they wanted to talk about had something to do with Craig.

2: That Craig wanted to kill him.

Both of the things ended up being wrong, but as Tweek sat criss-crossed, his knee touching Craig’s knee, he was never more certain of anything. Craig hadn’t kept his eyes off him. Not while they were walking, and he wasn’t being discreet about looking at him now. If Craig could shoot lazers out of his eyes, there would be nothing left of Tweek.

“You gotta promise to keep this shit safe, ok, Tweek? Don’t blurt this out to anyone!” Clyde was enthusiastic, taking off his favorite jacket and hanging it on his chair. Don’t blurt out to anyone that Craig was a monster. Got it. Craig leaned over and cupped his ear. Tweek got shivers, and tried his best to keep them under control, but he couldn’t stop the tiny hair on the back of his neck from rising.

“He doesn’t let just anyone wear his jacket, you know? He doesn’t even let me wear it. He must really need your help,” Craig whispered. Tweek didn’t really know what he meant about that. Was Tweek supposed to be thankful? He had his life be hell every single day and now he had to be thankful to some jocks for letting him into their secret bullshit bastard club? He faked enthusiasm anyway, giving a small nod.
When he turned his attention from Craig to Clyde, Clyde was naked. Tweek barely had time to scream out and cover his eyes while Craig just groaned. Tweek had a feeling Craig was used to Clyde suddenly stripping, but Tweek sure wasn’t.

“Open your eyes, Tweek. You have to see this! That’s the point!” Clyde was offended that Tweek wasn’t grateful of Clyde’s gift of nudity and Tweek had to relent. It’s not like Clyde wasn’t attractive, Tweek was just taken aback. Craig still stared Tweek down, now more so than ever. Tweek would’ve appreciated if Craig was less obvious about wanting to eat him, but Clyde showing off every single piece of himself to a stranger was really throwing him off the loop.

Then something happened. Tweek heard the sound of bones crunching before he saw it happen. Tweek felt horrified. Like there was a cloud of absolute dread washing over the entire room and inhaling itself into Tweek’s lungs. Something was terribly, terribly wrong. Clyde’s body contorted in ways that human bones shouldn’t be able to. His hair grew and appeared all over, and in this massive confusion of flesh and fur, his size grew and grew until there were barely any room for all three of them. Tweek and Craig scooted backwards, one of Craig’s hands sneaking around Tweek’s shoulder as Tweek screamed at the top of his lungs. The hand around him clutched him tighter, and in that moment of confusion, Tweek crawled all over Craig, his hands gripping into Craig’s jacket, but his eyes unable to stop staring at Clyde’s slobbering transformation.

“What the actual fuck…?” Tweek’s voice was hoarse, and his eyes teary. Clyde was a werewolf? Clyde, now a huge beast, crawled closer, his entire body aligned perfectly with Craig and Tweek. They just had to reach out to touch him. He lied on his back and rolled around. Craig let one of his protective hands on Tweek’s back fall and began to scratch Clyde’s furry tummy.

“He once said to me that when he transforms, his entire body itches. Do you wanna help? He can still understand and stuff,” Craig’s calm voice helped calm Tweek. Craig was never the monster. Clyde was. All of Tweek’s alarm-signals had gone off for no reason. Clyde let a paw fall onto Craig’s lap in gratitude as Craig eagerly scratched his friend. This was the first time since Tweek got out of the principal’s office that Craig turned his attention off from Tweek. Craig was only focused on petting Clyde. Tweek realized with a bite to his lips that he was still hanging off Craig, and let go of him. He turned towards Clyde and felt around the soft fur. Fuck, Clyde was really soft.

“Scratch him, come on,” Craig’s voice was right by his ear, which made Tweek’s breath hitch. If Craig wasn’t a monster, why was he acting this way? Why was he staring at him all the time? Was it possible that Craig just liked him? Tweek and Clyde made a groaning noise at the same time before Tweek used his nails on Clyde. Clyde let out a happy whine and his tail thumped around. This wasn’t so bad. It was pretty calming. Clyde rolled over and transformed once again. The process the other way around seemed a lot slower, maybe because Tweek wasn’t about to piss himself in fright. Alright, so Clyde was a werewolf. Craig was a human, who possibly had a crush on him? Tweek was still trying to figure out what was going on. He had no idea why Craig would show an interest in Tweek, let alone flirt with him, but Tweek wasn’t going to complain that a hot guy was paying attention to him for no reason. Win-Win.

“What do you need my help for?” Tweek was almost sad that Clyde was back to being a naked human. Tweek had to turn away. Clyde got dressed too slow for any of their liking. Craig chose not to talk, while Clyde coughed in octaves humans shouldn’t possess.

“How can I reverse it? How do I go back to being just human?” Clyde asked, wearing only boxers. Tweek laughed, until he realized they were serious. Craig pulled his backpack towards them and opened it. It was stuffed to the brim with Tweek’s books on different subjects. Tweek paled as he pulled the books out one by one.

“When you and Cartman got into a fight I talked to Butters about it. He said the other guys were stealing your stuff and I asked them for the stuff back,” Craig droned on, but Tweek could care less about the other guys. All that mattered was that every single book was there. Vampires, gnomes, dragons, they were all there.

“There must be something in one of those books, right?” Clyde sounded so hopeful. Tweek bit his lip. He really didn’t want to disappoint them. Tweek groaned and shuffled through the books until he found one that was slightly relevant. He knew there was something about werewolves in that one. Flipping page after page he finally found the page that contained notes on how to exterminate werewolves. He skimmed through it until he finally saw the part of how to reverse the effect. He grimaced.

“Ehm,” Tweek blurted out twitching. It was hard to focus when they were both staring at him.

“Ehm?” They both said back, and Clyde scooted closer, making them sit on either side of Tweek. The act made Tweek more nervous and he violently ticked, bringing his ear and shoulder together.

“It says here that,” he groaned before continuing, “there’s a lot of different suggestions. Some are pretty stupid, and I know they won’t work. Like this Danish suggestion. That’s dumb. Others are more likely to work, like piercing the scalp with a knife. Hammering nails into the hands. There’s lots of different medicinal cures with poison, but,” and as Tweek looked up, he saw both their faces looking at him horrified, “you always die. Sorry.” Clyde let out another groan and got up to get dressed.

”What about killing the alpha werewolf?” Craig wouldn’t give up. Clyde was his best friend. They had chosen Tweek for a reason. Two reasons, but those were besides the point. Craig never told Clyde about how he accidentally came out to Mr. Mackey, or how Mr. Mackey blurted out the name of “one other student with homosexual thoughts, mkay,” or how Craig made Butters steal Tweek’s book to have an excuse to meet him. Clyde just had to fuck it all up by being bit by a werewolf on his way home. Craig remembered with a frown how he had put the book on his nightstand when Clyde pointed his chubby finger on it and asked what it was. Craig had to confess that he got it from Tweek, and Clyde confessed he could transform into a werewolf at will. So Craig relented the book to Clyde, hoping to swipe another book from Tweek another time. He just never thought Clyde would be stupid enough to confront Tweek. The damage was done. His best friend had cockblocked him, and he had to move on. While Craig was thinking of the past, Tweek searched his past for any stories or movies that had anything about killing the alpha werewolf as a cure.
“I think it’s just Hollywood, but,” Tweek cringed when Clyde and Craig both looked devastated, “there’s no harm in trying!” Their reactions immediately lightened up. So there’s was a chance. As small as it may have been.




Craig followed Tweek home. He didn’t want to risk another werewolf attack, and it was an excuse to walk with him. The moon and stars were out, and the whole atmosphere was incredibly romantic. Tweek liked it. He liked spending time with Craig.

“I think it’s really nice, what you’re doing for him,” Craig had to figure out something for a conversational topic. They lived a little far apart, but Craig didn’t mind walking by himself. Tweek sighed and clenched the fingers in his pockets. Why was he helping that dumb jock anyway? He had seen how he had bullied that poor girl. He was a bad guy. Craig seemed ok. Then again, it could just be Tweek’s heart talking and not his head.

“I know Clyde seems like a bad guy, but he’s not. I know you might’ve gotten a bad impression by what happened in the cafeteria, but that girl isn’t right. She’s been stalking him since the fourth grade. He told her to stop a million times, but she won’t let him go. Ever since he got bit by that werewolf, like, a week ago-“

“A week ago?” Something didn’t add up.

“Yeah, a week ago, why?” Craig stopped in his tracks and Tweek looked up at the moon. It wasn’t full.

“Werewolves are tied to the moon, right? When was there a full moon?” Tweek bit his lip and his hands started to shake. Craig looked at him with a nervous frown, but his answer was immediate.

“October the 16th.” Craig didn’t even have to think, and the speed of his answer shocked Tweek. Could Craig be the werewolf? Craig caught a sight of Tweek’s calculating suspicions, and nearly panicked.

“I’m not the werewolf that bit him! I just,” it was Craig’s turn to bite his lip before he finished, “I like space and stuff,” he said in the smallest voice Tweek had ever heard. Fuck, that was cute. It was a sharp reminder of Tweek’s homosexuality and his initial idea that Craig was cute.

“R-Right,” Tweek mentally kicked himself for stuttering, “but he got bit a week ago! That’s a lot sooner than October the 16th. He could transform now, right? There’s no full-moon. That means, what we’re dealing with here isn’t a werewolf.” That was the only conclusion Tweek could draw right now. Craig’s phone rang. He looked at it and whispered to Tweek that it was Clyde calling.

“Sup?” The voice Craig used for Clyde was vastly different than the voice he used to talk to Tweek. Maybe Tweek was just hearing things. It was quiet outside, so Tweek could clearly hear Clyde on the other end of the phone.

A piercing scream came from the phone.

“CLYDE!” Craig pocketed the phone, took Tweek’s hand and ran back to Clyde’s house. Tweek didn’t hope anything bad happened to Clyde, but a small part of his worries disappeared when Craig took his hand. Clyde would be fine, Tweek concluded, but then immediately scorned himself. Clyde was his friend now, right? Friends worried about each other.

As they made it to Clyde’s house, as soon as Craig’s hand let go of Tweek’s, some sort of unnatural chemical reaction occurred to him. He became absolutely petrified. He went from calm to complete panic attack. His front door was completely ripped open, claw marks etched into every surface available. Tweek heaved and breathed as hard and fast as he could, hoping to get a lot more air into his lungs. As soon as Clyde’s hand was on him, Tweek felt as calm as he had ever been. Craig dragged him off behind a bush in the backyard. From there they were hidden from view, but could also see into the living room. Craig took Tweek’s hand into his, and Tweek felt the unnatural calm hit him in waves until he was almost sleepy. Craig didn’t seem as fazed, his eyes searching.
Craig spotted them both tumbling down the stairs of the Donovan house. He could see them clearly through the glass balcony door. Two giant wolfish figures growled and tumbled about, biting and clawing wherever they could. One stood, upwards on both legs and used the momentum of jumping to do the most amount of damage. The other rolled over, making the first wolf miss. They growled and bit at each other, snarled and scratched, tipping over all furniture and breaking urns.

“Which one is Clyde?” Craig whispered into Tweek’s ear. He gasped, but focused. If Craig wasn’t magical, then he had no idea what made him feel this way towards him. Tweek tried to find some sort of clue which wolf was which, but he saw nothing.

“I… I don’t know.” If only he could see, then they could help. Somehow. The two monsters tumbled out the balcony door, making glass shards fly everywhere. Both wolves were covered in glass shards, but only one of them started to whine.

“The one who’s whining is Clyde. He’s always been a fucking whiny baby. I hope to fuck this works,” Craig said with a deep breath. Tweek would follow any plan Craig had to offer as long as he kept holding onto his hand, and he did. Craig dragged Tweek right out onto the battlefield, and if this was any other situation, Tweek would’ve pissed himself and run away. There was something too magical about the way Craig could calm him. It struck Tweek. Oh God, why didn’t he think of it before. It was magical. Craig wasn’t human. Craig pulled Tweek behind him and the whining wolf, hoping with every fiber in his body that he was right. Craig stared down the growling wolf.

“Tweek, let go of me and say you’re scared,” Craig’s voice was quivering. He only had one shot to do this. Despite being under the dreamy haze of Craig’s paranormal protection, Tweek understood. Why didn’t they think of it before? Tweek let go of Craig’s hand. In that instant, the wolf attacked and Tweek began to scream. Craig’s touch had a magical influence on Tweek, making him a lot more calm than humanly possible. Tweek backed up until his legs bumped into the wolf behind him, but Tweek never stopped screaming. Craig groaned out in surprise with him as blue lasers shot out of his eyes. They burned and seared the flesh of the wolf in front of them, who in turn transformed into a human right away.

Tweek’s breathing steadied once Craig’s hands were around him. The wolf in front of them transformed into a naked girl their age. It was Lisa Berger. Tweek couldn’t believe what had just happened. Craig had protected both of them. Tweek was right all along, there was something special about Craig. He wasn’t a big bad monster, he was a gentle protector. If Tweek knew his folklore, it was a personification of the protectors from the Aztec Kingdom. Their touch said to have healing and calming properties, that was why Tweek was always so calm near him. Their lasers could be deadly, but only when protecting their most sacred treasure. It was Tweek’s scream that activated his laser. Tweek started to blush. He wanted to say something to Craig. Ask him if it was true, but he was interrupted.

“Good work, boys. Heard a rumor there was a loose shapeshifter, and I want to say thank you for capturing her for us alive.” The voice of none other than PC Principal stepped forward, a whole SWAT team behind him. Tweek saw as the team bound up Lisa Berger and put her on the transport vehicle, and as one SWAT member with a syringe poked it into Clyde’s vein. Tweek was still getting hugged by Craig, but this wasn’t a bad thing. PC Principal was working with the government to capture evil paranormal creatures? It wasn’t the weirdest thing this town had to offer. Tweek knew he should be more shocked at this turn of events, but with Craig’s arms around him, he couldn’t care less.

“Do you boys want to join us in our hunt for supernatural and paranormal creatures?” PC Principal tipped his glasses, hoping they’d give him a reply sooner that way. He was a busy man.
Tweek and Craig looked at each other, then at Clyde.

“No thanks, PC Principal. I think we’ve had enough adventure for now,” Tweek’s voice came out strained, but Craig’s arms tightened around him. Craig fought the urge to swing Tweek around and smelled his hair instead.

“You’re so cute Tweek, oh my god,” Craig said, and Tweek nervously laughed at Craig’s brutal honesty. Clyde didn’t know whether to clap or to gag.




Half a month later, Tweek put his paranormal sightings book into his locker. He had written down everything he witnessed those days into the book, and Tweek felt that it was a nice finishing point for their adventure. The culprit was caught, Clyde no longer turned into a wolf at will, and Craig was…

Arms came around Tweek and picked him up, a lot higher than his usual altitude. “Craig no, let me down!” He laughed, despite his struggles.

“I’m sorry Tweek, you’re going in the locker.” Even Craig’s voice couldn’t refrain from containing a laughing tone.

“No, Craig, not the locker! Not the locker! I’ll do anything!” He kicked out to catch himself on the sides of the locker, but Craig relented and finally let him down. He closed Tweek’s locker door and pushed him towards it, pinning him to the makeshift wall with his body. He leaned on one hand over him, biting his lip and looking him all over for dramatic effect.

“Anything?” Craig asked, but as bad an actor he was, they both ended up laughing. Tweek ended up giving Craig a kiss on his cheek, and Craig sighed happily. Their hands found each other, and as their fingers interlocked, they looked into each others eyes.

“Craig, I gotta ask,” Tweek bit his lip, and Craig loved it. “Why did you choose me as a protection target back then?” Tweek had given it a lot of thought. They had talked a lot about it since it happened, but he had never specified why. Clyde knew about Craig’s secret powers, as Tweek was told later, that was how Craig knew about Clyde being a werewolf in the first place. After getting bit, Clyde ran to Craig’s house to ask him for help. Craig, being the good person he was, naturally upon seeing a giant wolf in the backyard of his home that contained his sleeping family (and guinea pig Stripe), his first instinct was to protect Stripe (and maybe the rest of the family too), so he zapped the shit out of Clyde. Tweek laughed every time someone brought it up. Clyde still hadn’t forgiven him, but Craig didn’t care.

“You want my honest answer?” Tweek hated it when Craig dragged answers on and on. Tweek needed to know right here and now.

“Yes!” Tweek wrapped his arms around Craig’s neck with a pout.

“You looked soooo cute,” and Tweek laughed at Craig’s confession. They kissed, as they had done many times before, and they loved it, like they always did.

“I’m serious, come on,” Tweek said between this kiss and another. Tweek knew all about Craig stealing his books. Craig felt bad and confessed, and Tweek forgave him right away.

“I don’t know what to say. You were totally cute. Ask Jimmy or Token next time we see them, you were all I talked about.” Craig hummed and gave him another kiss. Tweek gave up and kissed him back.

“Oh god, you two get a room,” Clyde laughed and pushed the smooching couple a few feet away. They were blocking his locker and Clyde needed to get to his next class. Clyde smiled. He was glad Craig was happy, and that he got a new friend. Clyde’s smile turned into a frown and he scowled at his best friend.

“I saw that finger, Craig. What did I tell you about flipping me off?”

Tweek felt that life wasn’t so bad.