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A Tale of Two Joneses: The Fall of Heaven and the Descent of Mankind into Sin and the Triumph of Satan: Mr. Jones by Counting Crows in the Background as Alex Jones Yells about Obama or some shit. Anyway, how are you all doing? Oh right this is a title. Ye

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Prompt: Osmosis Jones x Indiana Jones
First things first.....some mood music

Indiana Jones crawled through the ancient temple of Kars. As an archaeologist, he was on the hunt for ass - wait, no, he was on the hunt for ancient relics and artifacts and junk like that. He hadn't had a proper fuck in so long though, and it was beginning to get to his brain. All he could think of was AD - not Anno Domini, the Year of Our Lord, but Ass and Dongs..........

Anyway, Indiana Jones proceeded through the ancient Mesoamerican temple, and wished that he stopped at Flavortown before setting off on this journey. Oh well, he'd get his spicy burgers and his spicy 'favors' from Guy back another day...

Anyway, he wasn't used to ancient ruins from central America. He was used to Greco-Roman culture, and he couldn't get his mind off of the elaborate process of oil wrestling....all those naked men, getting all oiled up and aroused him...

Further in through the temple there were plenty of stone masks covered in blood and strange markings depicting hyper buff men doign strange shit. It was pretty weird. Indiana Jones was just here for some money and bincthes though, because thats all he wanted from life, really. Right down the hallway he was in he saw a huge gold statue, and he knew it was the object of his search....The Money he was after...

He stepped up to the temple platform and was about to grab the gold relic. Right as his sweaty hands were about to slime up the delicious gold, he heard a strange Aztec chanting as dubstep played softly in the distance, and three MASSIVELY ripped figures burst out of the wall.

"WE ARE THE PILLAR MEN," the first one yelled. "I AM WHAMMU AND I AM HERE TO DESTROY YO -" Indiana Jones pulls out a gun and shoots all three of them dead instantly. You thought this was gonna be a Jojo fic, fucker?????????????????? guess again

Anyway, Indiana was about to pick up the gold and get the fuck out of there when he heard a small, but distinctive sound of a gun being cocked and a cop saying "Freeze, punk!" There was no one around though, no one he could see. "Down here, fool!" the voice repeated.

Indiana Jones activated his robot eyes to zoom in and enhance, the microscoping level, there was the source of the voice....a tiny blue figure wielding a gun and also a pretty big gun between his legse if you know what I'm saying ladies.......................................................

the thing between is a Bigger Gun. Indiana Jones salivates at the sight of it. "Ozzy. it's been a while. Is that big gun for me?"

"Of course it is, you giant fuck." Ozzy says, then takes out the Big Gun and shoots Indiana Jones with it. Since the gun is also microscopic, it kinda just feels like a small prick. Indiana moans in pain though, just to make Ozzy feel like he actually did something.

"Haha, take that, you giant dick muncher, you SUCK ASS!!!" Ozzy screams, along with other profanities, but Indiana Jones just laughs heartily. Suddenly, an idea hits him.

"Hey, Mr. Jones, do you wanna try somethin' for old times sake?"

Ozzy looks at the giant man suspiciously, shakin' his head slightly. What does this non-microscopic being have planned?

Indiana Jones was surfing the Internet a few days ago when he came across a certain website, Now, he had known Ozzy for a while, and was confused by this. He read the post, which claimed this: buddy, you cant fuck osmosis jones. hes too small. you put him on your dick, he just goes on an adventure. he just has a car chase and learns a lesson.

He decided he wanted to put this to the test the next time he saw the microscopic hotty. So, now was as good as a time as ever.

"Hey Jones..."

"Yes Jones?"

"Well, Jones, I was thinkin...."

"Thinkin' what, Jones?"

"Jones... I was thinking that..."

"Well, spit it out, Jones!"

"Jones............ I want to see if ........... I could frick you...."


Jones was shocked to say the least. He had never been asked to do such a deed so directly, and by such a close friend nonetheless. Jones and Jones had become very close lately, they hang out after Ozzy's shift at the police station.

"Why Jones?"

"Jones, it's because.... I saw this website that said I couldn't fuck you, and I wanted to prove them wrong.... I just.... Jones... I need your microscopic blue ass..... It's beautiful....."

Jones blushed a deeper blue than his normal hue of blue. His ass had never been called beautiful before.

"Okay Jones, ya wore me down, let's fucc!!!!!!"

They both stripped of their occupational clothing (an archaeologist outfit and a policeman outfit). Indiana Jones needs a microscope in order to see Jones strip, but nevertheless it is still hot to watch the strip show from his position hovered over the microscope. He needs to adjust it several times though, because he loses sight of his Boy Toy Jones. Damn microscopes, he mutters, always losin' focus.

Indiana Jones decides to put on some MOOD MUSIC in order to set the SEXUAL TONE. He puts on Mr. Jones by Counting Crows and both of them nearly nut in their pants as it comes on. This song makes them horn dogs, ready to get down and dirty.

As they continue to lose clothing, the song Mr. Jones ends and then the radio continues to play. Little did either of them know it was a right wing radio station, and Alex Jones comes on to do political commentary. He spews some weird racist garbage in his loud, over aggressive tone, which fucking kills the mood. However, his name is also Jones, so they don't get too turned off.

Let me just put some backstory in here, because this is necessary information. You didn't know this until now, but both Indiana Jones and Osmosis Jones have a Jones Kink. Whenever they hear of someone with Jones as the last name, they automatically get Aroused. They don't get aroused... no, no, they get Aroused. With a capital A and everything. Once they start with the JONES FEVER, they can't stop. Oh, boy, do they try, but they can't stop. Many have tried to kinkshame them, but never to any avail. They just keep goin'.

"J-Jones... uwu....."

Ozzy pants like one of them hentai girls. "uwu... Jones.... please no steppy...."

"Oh, Jones, uwu, don't even worry, I will never steppy on my senpai~~"

Jones nEARLY NUTS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS. His kink is also when people say "uwu". He's a sick fuck. He needs to be fucking kinkshamed.

"Jones, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna put you on my dick...."

Jones grabs the smaller Jones and prepares the smol blue man for arrival on the giant's sweet, sweaty, bulgin', greasy, Ding Dingle.

He slowly lowers his arm, savoring the feeling of having the microscopic organism in his palm. The smol blue Jones is screamin "UWU" like there ain't no tomorrow. Jones is just about ready to Bust A Nut Like No Other Nut...

He finally puts Jones on his dick, and waits.... and waits... and waits...

Turns out you can't fuck Osmosis Jones. Buddy, you cant fuck osmosis jones. hes too small. you put him on your dick, he just goes on an adventure. he just has a car chase and learns a lesson.

In this case, Jones learns the lesson of friendship and teamwork. Indiana Jones learns nothing, because his dick is the place of the adventure. He just got cheated out of a good nut. Serves him right. Next time, don't think you're gonna be able to fuck Osmosis Jones. You're wrong, my guy. You're just fuckin' wrong.