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Hold Me

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I cross to her hospital room door, place my hand on the handle but stop when I hear her voice. I peer through the window beside the door, through the blinds. She’s sitting on the end of her bed, her mobile on a stand in front of her & too busy talking at it to even notice me. My chest tightens when I see that she’s crying.

I step back over to the door, tilting my head closer to it & listen to her.

“And then, I’m on my own &…” She takes a deep breath in, then sighs. I can hear her voice breaking from the emotions. “It’s like… just you, & there’s nothing to distract you.” She then whispers, “Oh god!” I close my eyes. “That’s why I’m… urgh!” She sniffs. “I think that’s why I’m doing this video right now, because I just don’t want to be alone.” She sniffs again. “I just don’t want to be alone till I… to think.”

I can’t take it anymore- hearing her so upset. So alone. I open the door & step in. She’s trying to fight her tears, wiping them away as she fights to stop them falling… & completely oblivious to my presence. I shut the door & cross to her, kneeling on her bed as I reach for her, pulling her into me as I wrap my arms around her. She turns, twisting her hips to face me & wraps her arms around my waist. Her whole body shakes as she cries & I tighten my arms around her. I press my lips to the top of her head.

****

“I should go,” He says, sitting up.

After he’s hugged me while I cried, we’d laid down on my bed. I’ve had my head resting on his chest, his right arm draped around me, hand rubbing my arm absentmindedly.

“Stay,” I softly say, pleadingly.

He turns to look at me, meeting my eyes & swallows hard. He then nods. “Okay,” He softly replies. “Just for a little while longer.”

“I know this is gonna sound weird, but…” I sigh. “Do you mind if we… spoon?”

He raises an eyebrow.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to get to sleep otherwise.”

“And how we were… wasn’t enough?”

I sigh. “It’s stupid, isn’t it?” I meet his gaze. “I’m asking too much.”

He hesitates, eyes dropping to my lips briefly. He then shakes his head. “Whatever you think will help you sleep… I’m willing to try.”

I smile sympathetically.

He smiles back. “Why don’t you lie down, get settled,” He says. “And then I’ll…” He swallows hard. “Lie down.”

I lie down, turning my back to him & shift around until I’m comfy. I look over my shoulder at him. He lies down, positioning himself so he’s slightly further up the bed than I am & shifts closer. Just having his chest against my back is comforting, & I find my eyelids drooping shut. He drapes his left arm over me, his hand finding its way into mine against my stomach as his right fingers softly strokes through my hair.

****

She’s asleep in minutes. Yet I can’t seem to pull myself away from her. There’s something so right about being here with her…