Chapter 1: forever forgotton
I try to run, I try to hide from a voice I couldn't satisfy
That was me, always needing more
But letting go of all I had before
Cause it feels like the end
A wound that I can't mend
I just can't fight any longer
I ruined ... Cody's internship to yale it all seems so surreal I mean I've messed up before but never this bad . I'm a terrible brother , I've always been jealous and I thought that we would be twins forever . But how could I be so selfish , to think I could satisfy Cody , live up to him . I'm worthless ,a failure , and useless , stupid me for thinking I could ever be useful I only ruin everything and everyone hates me .Tears started streaming down my crystal blue eyes .
''I Hate you !!''
Those three words stabbed through my heart I felt like dying .
'' We may be twins but we are not brothers !! ''
I know I don't blame you I hate myself but you'll always be my twin , friend , and brother .
'' I'll never forgive you ever !!''
I know I only wish I could fix this and I don't even forgive myself .
'' Out of all the twins i could of had why did it have to be you ?! ''
I honestly don't know , I'm .... sorry I'm such a disappointment you deserve so much better . I'm sorry maybe if I'm dead you can finally be happy.
You waited 'til I sobered
You came when You knew that
The day was over
I didn't even want to be found
I had tried to apologize tried to get him to forgive me so many times but he never forgives me . not that I could blame him but life just doesn't feel worth living . I wish someone could once make me feel alive and not shatter me .
But you chased me down and
Broke in just when
I was done believing
Part of me rounds so close now
I can feel you breathing
Sunlight burns inside and
I feel so alive and
Help me now, tell me how
How can this last forever, forever
I scrambled off my bed and into the bathroom and brought the switchblade down across my arm . Scarlet red blood flowed down my arm . I made about 7 cuts on my right arm before stopping not wanting to die of blood loss . I pulled down my white sleeve too tired to clean up my wound and went back to bed falling asleep .
I ignored the signs, opened every door
But I couldn't find what I searched for
I try to fight but I turn and run
Every move I make is the wrong one
You patiently wait for my next mistake
I know it won't be much longer
Ever since the Gemini project Zacks been ... distant . He hasnt even come down for dinner not once , in the past two days I haven't seen him and I'm starting to worry . He hasn't come to work and none of our friends have seen him . I'm still a little mad at him about yale but now I'm just worried .I text him there has to an explanation to this .
No answer somethings wrong .
Zack , it's me Cody
Worry races through my heart Zack always answers his phone . Suddenly i feel pain shoot up my right arm Zacks pain I realize .
You waited 'til I sobered
You came when You knew that
The day was over
I didn't even want to be found
I rush to Zacks room because zack is way more important than some stupid school . I run into his room and surprised to see him sleeping . But my heart breaks when I see the tear tracks running down his face and find him mumbling incoherent words .
'' unloved ... worthless ... failure ! '' Zack sobs weakly .
My eyes widen this is all my fault . But how could he think he's worthless ? My eyes drift to his right arm blood seeping through his white t - shirt . I quickly rush to his bed and pull up his sleeve to see deep scars on his arm . Zack suddenly wakes up and looks frightened .
But you chased me down and
Broke in just when
I was done believing
Part of me rounds so close now
I can feel you breathing
Sunlight burns inside and
I feel so alive and
Help me now, tell me how
How can this last forever
'' Z- Zack .. why ?''
I ask while hugging him tightly .
'' i ... I didn't think anyone would care I mean you'd no longer have to deal with a disappointment of a brother , a failure ! I figured you would be happy to get rid of me . Remember you hate me you don't want me as a twin or brother so ..... what's the point of living ? everyone knows I'm worthless . ''
You gave me so much more
That I could ever ask for
But I turned and followed
A road that left me hollow
And still you waited for me
To come back home
You brought me home...
'' You didn't think anyone would care ? Well , I got news for you did you know if you died I would follow ? '' Zacks eyes widened in horror . '' And how could you think of yourself as a disappointment ? You're not in fact I look up to you ! You're a considerate , kind , and protective brother . I don't hate you , your always going to be my twin brother . And you have so much to live for , and if you can't find a reason to live for me , for mom for our friends we need you Zack ! And I am so sorry if I made you feel worthless . ''
You chased me down and broke in just when
I was done believing
Part of me rounds so close now
I can feel you breathing
Sunlight burns inside and
I feel so alive and
Help me now, tell me how
How can this last forever, forever
'' T- Thanks Cody '' he whispered.
'' Your welcome ''
'' oh and Cody ''
'' Yeah ? ''
'' How about we promise to never let some college get in between us again ''
'' Deal love you Zack ''.
'' Love you too Cody ''
After that Cody and I became close brothers . Our bond is indestructible who ever thought the Gemini project could help us ?
~ song forever by red ~
Chapter 2: Insecurities
what happens when Cody uses Zacks insecurities against him in an argument ?
I was folding my last towel and getting ready for my shift to end . Usually, this excites me because I spend time with Bailey but she broke up with me ! She said I wasn't spending enough time with her . As I was about to leave someone tapped my shoulder . I quickly spun around knocking Zack over in the process . He stayed sprawled out on the ground in what I assume shock as I glared at him .
'' What do you want ?!'' I shouted .
I hadn't meant for it to come out so harsh.
'' Look Cody ... I'm sorry for scaring you it's just well I heard about the breakup and wanted to see how you're doing '' .
'' Look Zack you've never cared before so just leave me alone !''
'' .....C-Codes I've always cared ''. Why won't you let me help you ?''
'' Why won't I let you help me ? Are you seriously asking me this ? I won't let you help me because you're worthless a failure ! You.always.mess.up do you remember the Gemini project ? Of course, you do your the reason I can't get into Yale ! You're such a useless disappointment !!! I'm embarrassed to even be related to you . I hate you , everyone hates you ! I wish I were an only child !! You know what ? I wish you would just die ! It would make everyone's life easier , no one would miss you ! ''I yell before I can stop myself .
As soon as the words leave my mouth , I instantly regret it . For a split second Zacks, eyes are full of pain and hurt . He looks so broken , Oh god what did I do ! He tries to hide the hurt in his eyes .
'' Zack ... I....I ''
I try to apologize but he just walks off and I hear his cabin door slam shut . What had I done ?!
''Cody you are such an Idiot'' I mumble too myself.
I can't believe Cody said that ! I was only trying to help ! Does he really want me to die ?
'' But no one needs you remember your worthless ''
a voice inside my head says .
As I slam my cabin door I walk in my room when I get a strange feeling I'm being watched I hear a noise behind me . I whip my head around and come face to face with a man . He has shaggy chestnut brown hair , tan skin , light freckles and is skinny . I'm about to scream but he covers my mouth with his hand and puts a knife to my neck I gulp .
'' No screaming or else it's off with your head. '' he growls ferociously against my ear I nod silently .
He takes his hand off my mouth and I quickly scream as loud as I can . He shoves the knife deeper in my neck drawing blood and I instantly shut up . He takes this as his chance and slams my head into the wall . Blood trickles down my forehead . Then everything goes black .
I feel extremely guilty about what I said to Zack so I walk up to his cabin to apologize . When I hear an ear splitting scream Zacks scream ! I quickly open his cabin door to find it empty
........ and blood on the floor.
~the next day ~
... What happened? Where am I ?
I wake up with a bone crushing headache , to find my hands tied behind my back to a metal chair . My waist secured by a rope , as well as my ankles . I realize my lips are dry and try to wet them but realize I'm gagged with duct tape the gag biting painfully into my skin . I try to get my hands free so maybe I can get free but only succeed in rubbing them raw until they bleed . I try the same to my waist but only get rope burns again . Finally, the man comes in the room . And punches me square in the jaw I can taste the blood in my mouth . He then took off the gag .
'' Tell me where Cody is .''
He's after Cody ?! No Zack you have to be strong you can't let him know where Cody is . Anyways Cody has more of a reason to live . People actually care about him .
'' What do you mean I Am Cody ''I lied hoping he believed me .
'' Your not Cody ! '' He yelled and slapped me. '' I guess you'll have to be taught to not lie to me ! ''
and that was when the beating started . But I would rather die than let him get Cody .
As soon as I saw the blood I had a sickening feeling in my stomach. I know it's Zack's . So I ran out of his room with a sense of dread . And searched everywhere for Zach I asked everyone even Mr . Moseby . But no one's seen him I never realized how quiet it is without Zack and Quite frankly I don't like it . I never thought id say this but I miss him and his pranks I guess you don't realize what you have till it's gone . I can't believe I let bailey get between Zack and me . As I went back to Zack's cabin to look for clues I got a video and was relieved to see it was from Zack I clicked the video and gasped .
It was Zack but tied to a chair his wrists and waist bleeding . A black strip of duct tape biting into his once tan skin . His honeydew golden blond hair soaked in blood from a gash still bleeding . Black and blue bruises all over . A large cut on his neck bleeding slightly . His face sunken into the point he's unhealthily skinny , skinnier than me . His crystal blue eyes once lively , mischevious , and defiant now dull , lifeless , and glazed over with tears . Zack looked like he was barely holding on with how pale he is .
At the end of the video it read
tick tock tick tock Save him if you can.
It enraged me to see him like this how could someone do this to my brother ?
But the real question is can I get to Zack in time ?
After the beating, I was gagged again and chained over a tank of water . My whole body hurt but it's all to save Cody I reminded myself . It doesn't matter I'm gonna die and I know it . I closed my eyes waiting for the icy frigid waters . Then all of a sudden Cody ran in the room.
'' ZACK !!'' he screamed .
But it was too late because I was already falling .
''Goodbye , Cody you got your wish I'm gonna die I love you and I'm sorry'' I thought .
And Cody seemed to get the message .
As I hit the water it only took about 3 minutes for me to lose consciousness due to not being able to breathe with the gag .
'Goodbye , Cody you got your wish I'm gonna die I love you and I'm sorry''
No , No , NO this is not what I wanted not at all!
As soon as my brother hit the water time seemed to slow .
'' NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO''. I screamed and jumped after him.
I found him at the bottom and panicked when I didn't see any air bubbles and saw him unconscious still in chains and gagged.
I brought him to the surface and undid the chains and gag to see red marks from being bound too tightly . Then I checked for a pulse and when I didn't find one I started sobbing . I quickly did CPR but he still hasn't awoken .
'' Dammit Zack open your eyes '' I sobbed .
'' COUGH .... COUGH '' Zack opened his eyes slowly.
'' Your alive I'm so sorry don't ever scare me like that again .''
'' it's okay I'm fine , I forgive you and I'll try .''
Chapter 3: Tears of an angel
~ What happens when Zack tries to jump overboard the S.S Tipton . Will he be stopped in time or will it be too late ? ~
I hate you
Cody why can't you be dumb like your brother ?
what a Waste of space
Out of all the twins I could of had why did it have to be you ?
I'll never forgive you
What a failure
Zack why can't you be more like Cody ?
Well there's the problem I am not Cody . I'm Zack martin ... or Cody's brother as people know me . These are insults that I hear every day That's all I'll ever be Cody's brother , the irresponsible one but honestly all I've ever wanted is for somebody to care . To save me from myself I'm only recognized as worthless , dumb , stupid , a waste of space , a failure it's like nothing I ever do is good enough . And that's all I'll ever be ill always be overshadowed by Cody . Cody my twin , my brother , best friend , the brilliant twin when I'm always alone always the overshadowed stupid screw-up of the family .
Everyone seems to forget me no one seems to care about me never will and never have . I haven't told anyone but I've been getting bullied at school whether it be physically or with insulting . But everyone's too busy praising Cody to notice the bruises , scars , or that I'm depressed . Then again would anyone care ?
Cause I sure wish there was just someone anyone to help me because honestly I'm going under . I just wish I had somebody to lean on . And it feels like I'm drowning in depression trying to live up to Cody when I know I never can . And it hurts I try to break free and not listen to what people think but it's all true . All the insults , everything is true and I think it hurts more when you know that your just a waste of space . And people say they know me but that's just a lie its all a lie my personality , my friends my life is just all a big lie . I pretend to be some happy go lucky stupid carefree teenager ..... but it's all a lie a coverup and no one notices not even Cody . No one notices that I'm breaking and with each day it's harder to keep up my cold exterior that refuses to let people in . And quite frankly I'm tired of it I'm tired of living a lie , of existing , ..... of living .
Cause honestly if the world woke up without Zack martin would anyone care ? That's right I didn't think so . I need to talk to someone about this because if I don't then I'm as good as gone . I'll talk to Cody after my shift as the juice boy . As I look at the calender I realize it's me and Cody's birthday . I got Cody a telescope I hope he likes it I had to save up all my money for it . I bet everyone forgot it's my birthday too .
Cody stops and get's a smoothie from me with bailey , London and Woody . They just pretend that I'm not here and talk about Cody's birthday . When suddenly ;
'' HAPPY BIRTHDAY CODY !!'' they all shout .
Like I thought they completely forgot about me as always . How am I not surprised ? I blink back tears Cody notices and casts me a worried glance .
'' Zack are you okay ? ''he Questions .
'' Fine .... , just need some air .''
Before anyone can object I walk out and go to the deck leaning on the railing . Why can't people care about me too , why can't I be loved . Because no one cares about you a voice reminded in my head . I'm done with caring , and living. Everyone wants me gone then I'll just leave the face of earth . I'll just ......end my life there's a note in my cabin explaining everything . I climb up the railing about to jump into the icy cold waters but I can't help but wonder if I'm making the right choice .
........ I jump
and I feel at peace but before I can hit the water
someone grips my skinny arm and pulls me back on the boat . As I look up I am met with the blazing angry yet worried eyes of Cody .
I went to go get a smoothie from Zack and was about to wish him a happy birthday when Bailey , Woody , and London came . We were talking about my birthday , but started to get angry when they completely ignored Zack .
'' HAPPY BIRTHDAY CODY . ''
How could they forget Zacks birthday !? There supposed too be his friends too !! I cast Zack a worried glance when I saw Zack blink away tears . Zack never cries Never . But now that I think about it they never really pay attention to Zack .
'' Zack are you okay ? ''
'' Fine .... , just need some air ''. He whispered and walked away before I could say anything .
He is so not okay .
'' Wow what great friends you guys are you forgot Zacks birthday ! '' I yelled at our ' friends .'
And with that , I walked to Zacks cabin thinking maybe he would be there to cool off . I searched around and when I didnt find him I almost left until I found a note on Zacks bed . It read ;
Dear , Cody
If you're reading this I'm already gone .
I'm sorry that you had to be brothers with me I know I'm worthless , a failure , and a waste of space .
All those times I teased you well ..... I was jealous . Jealous that you have friends , that your so great at everything you do .
When I'm just a screw-up a disappointment , I'm nothing .
I've been getting bullied at school I come home with bruises every day but no one notices .
Whether it's from them not caring or them being too busy to notice I don't know .
It's like no one cares but what do I expect ?
I'm stupid and nothing like you your smart , and you work hard .
I'm sorry about Yale and as you say ruining your life .
it's just whatever I do it's never good enough .
But I'm only human I guess this is goodbye .
ps ; its funny how everyone start listening when I'm dead
Love you ,
sincerely , Zack
My eyes widened in horror before tears started falling . NO , NO ,NO Zack you couldn't have ..... you can't be d-ea ..dead ! What had I done I never knew he felt this way . This is all my fault but I would know through our link if he were dead yet . I still have time to save him I have to hurry .
When I finally got to Zack he was on the edge of the railing he jumped . Just before he was able to hit the water I caught his arm and pulled him up onto the ship .
'' ZACK !''
''Cody why didn't you let me die !?'' Zack asked
'' Zack are you seriously asking me why I didn't let my own brother die ? I could never Zack Your so important to me I'd be lost without you ! I'd die without you . Oh and Zack nothing in that note was true Zack there are so many people who care about you . I care about you so much even though I don't show it often . And Zack you scared me to death ! ''
'' Thanks Cody . ''
'' Your welcome and don't ever do anything like this again .''
'' kay mommy Cody ''Zack grinned
''Oh I am so gonna get you !'' And with that I chased after Zack happy that I had saved him in time .
Chapter 4: brotherly sacrifices
~ When Zack and Cody have an argument Cody takes it too far . But when Zack takes the phrase ' id take a bullet for you ' literally he ends up in a coma . And Cody finally realizes how important Zack is to him . Will Zack ever wake up ? ~
''Zack You , You shredded my history homework !''
'' I didn't do it ! ''Zack shouted .
'' Yeah because you never do anything except mess up and thanks for ruining everything as always Zack . '' Cody screamed .
'' Harsh '' whispered Zack pain evident in his voice .
'' You know what Zack I don't care youre always messing up ! Always ruining my life well I'm done . I'm done being your brother , in fact I hate you I wouldn't care if you took a bullet for me I will always hate you ! ''
With that Cody shoved Zack and Zack fell to the floor in shock of what Cody had done .Pain radiated from Zacks blue eyes and it was then that Cody realized what he had done .
'' Z Zack .. I ..... '' started Cody
'' Whatever . '' With that Zack left leaving Cody to drown in guilt .
They had had many fights but never like this .
Later that night
Cody couldn't sleep the fight kept whirling in his mind . Giving him a sense of dread he decided to get a smoothie from Zack since Zacks still working for another hour . Maybe he could apologize to Zack . When he got there Zack gave him the smoothie he ordered and ignored him . He was about to apologize when suddenly
''Everyone give me your valuables and no one get's hurt !! '' said a man dressed in black
He pointed the gun at Cody and Cody suddenly looked at Zack as a determined look crossed Zack's face . Please don't do what I think you're gonna Cody thought . But it was too late as the robber shot the gun at Cody time slowed as Zack pushed Cody out of the way and got shot in the chest .
When the robber pointed the gun at Cody I knew what I had to do . Although I may only be 10 minutes older I would do anything to protect Cody . Even if protecting him cost me my life . I didn't think I just took action he shot the bullet I jumped in front of Cody . The bullet embedded it'self in my chest scarlet red blood oozed out from the wound . I fell limply to the floor and was faintly aware of screaming but the voices sounded miles away . It must be from the blood loss . I suddenly feel thin arms cradle me and I know it's Cody . Suddenly I feel extremely tired and although I hear pleading for me to stay awake I close my eyes for a second but the blood loss finally gets to me and everything goes black .
Don't you dare even think about jumping in front of the bullet Zack I thought to myself . I could never live with myself if Zack got hurt . But I was too late to stop Zack as the robber shot and Zack pushed me out of the way . I quickly scrambled over to Zack and looked over the bullet wound and found it embedded in his chest . I quickly tore his lime colored shirt and put pressure over his wound . He cried out in pain and I winced this should've been me . I started sobbing as the paramedics took Zack away they let me ride with them and I held the comatose and injured Zacks hand all the way there .
it was then they pronounced Zack was in a coma.
1 month later
it had been a whole month a month and Zack still hasn't woken up ! I go to the hospital everyday and stay until visiting hours are over . And every day seeing Zack so frail makes my heart clench that should be me not Zack . No Zack didn't deserve this .
'' Look Zack I need you to wake up I'm so sorry about the stupid fight . But living without you is .... torture . Nothing's the same . Without you life is just ..... well boring . I need you so please wake up . And I love you , brother . ''
And just like that Zack's blue eyes fluttered open with a sly grin on his face . I ran to his hospital bed and hugged the life out of him .
'' I forgive you Codester , love you too and Cody ?''
'' Yeah ? ''
'' Your squeezing me to death . ''
Chapter 5: I see right through you
~ Cody realizes he made some life threatening mistakes during the Gemini project ~
'' This is gonna be fun .'' Cody had taunted
It started out some simple shocks here and there for getting a question wrong. It's all for the Gemini project Cody reminded himself I shouldn't be feeling so guilty he ruined my scholarship to Yale just like he ruins everything else. But as the questions advanced and Zack wasn't given enough time to answer. Zack was shocked countless of times and Cody didn't feel the slightest bit of remorse.
'' Get your revenge now as long as were even ''
Then came the harsh comments.
'' we'll never be even ''Cody had walked off.
Failing to see the injuries Zack had sustained throughout being electrocuted. The defeated sigh his brother gave or how he had almost gone unconscious.
..... But most of all he failed to see the emotional and physical pain he had caused.
I decided to go to the hot tub and relax considering it's 12:00 am no one should be there. But as I approached the hot tub I noticed a familiar head of golden blond hair. He gasped in pain why? I don't know but I'm determined to find out what's wrong . Zack's always been secretive about getting injured. If I asked him he would refuse to tell me the only way to find out what's wrong is to spy on Zack and then confront him about the injury.
I hid behind a mob of towels and gasped in shock and anger as I saw Zacks chest. There were multiple bruises that painted a black and blue canvas sticking out against Zack's tan skin. But what surprised me was these burns on his skin. Who did this?
'' Zack '' I yelled
'' Cody? How long have you been here ? '' he asked defensively yup typical Zack to hide the fact that he's hurt.
'' Long enough to know that your hurt. Zack who did this to you? '' I questioned.
''......... Cody you did '' Zack answered hesitantly.
My eyes widened in shock and denial I couldn't have done this to my own brother right?
'' Zack ... I didn't, .... I -I couldn't have - '' I whispered in disbelief.
'' Remember the tests for the Gemini project well .... after being shocked so many times this happened,'' Zack answered as he pointed to his injured chest.
'' Zack I'm I'm so sorry,''I said remorsefully.
'' its fine do you still hate me?
'' of course not I never hated you Zack and no matter what were always going to be, brothers. '' I said truthfully,
'' Thanks Codes ''
'' welcome Zack . ''
Chapter 6: Risk it all
~ Based on the episode risk it all what if something far worse has happened to Zack? Is some game show worth losing Zack? ~
At the beginning, everything had been going great Cody flew through the academic challenges with ease. And Zack got through the physical challenges fairly easily aside from getting a few bruises or the occasional loss of breath. Nothing Zack couldn't handle it was typical for Zack to get roughed up a bit Carey and Cody reassured themselves. But the more challenges the more it was harder to believe the rapid breathing turned into visible panting, the bruises more serious. And with the difficulty increasing so did the challenges. It started out as getting past a sumo wrestler to deliver sushi, then came jousting a professional, to dressing a pig in a hat and pantyhose. All while being timed. Finally, they showcased the last prize; a trip to Hawaii.
''Well how about it guys do you wanna Risk it all, or keep your stuff and go home? '' Questioned the producer.
'' Well, we've won a lot of stuff and I'm too tired to do another physical challenge maybe we should stop ''Zack huffed out of breath.
'' What are you talking about? We're doing great! '' Cody encouraged enthusiastically.
'' Hey your not the one who had to wrestle a squealing pig into a girdle. ''
'' Yeah but what about all this great stuff we've won? oooh, I love stuff! ''
'' So guys what are you gonna go home or risk it all ? '' the producer and the crowd chastised.
'' I hate to say it jerry but -'' Started Zack before Cody cut him off.
'' Were gonna risk it all!''
After Cody spelled the word Tyraanourous it was time for the physical challenge.
'' You have to spell DOG with these blocks without jumping over any obstacles. '' Jerry pointed towards colossal life size blocks.
I got to the 3rd block and got ready to stack it on top of the G and O to spell dog. but I slumped over the block.I was pushing myself way past my limit and I knew it. I never told anyone but I have asthma.No one knows not even Carey or Cody I've tried to tell them but never found the right time.
'' You can sleep in Hawaii !! '' Cody yelled harshly.
Then came the sickening laughter of the audience. The laughter that always told me I wasn't good enough, that Cody will always be better. I just wanted to be good at something and not be deemed a failure. I climbed up the ladder, gasping all the way to put up the last letter but at the last second, I fell.
'' AAGH !! '' I screamed as I hit the floor. Faintly aware of Cody rushing towards me.
Then everything went black.
I rushed to Zacks side as he hit the ground the game show forgotten. I knew that I had been pushing him too far but never knew he would continue to push himself to unconsciousness. An overwhelming feeling of guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. Zack had tried to quit the game show but I didn't listen.And now because of me, my brother Zack is unconscious gasping for breath.i can't believe I put some stupid game show over my own brother! Time passed in a blur as I was cradling my unconscious brother someone called an ambulance.The next thing I knew Zack was strapped to a gurney.I got to ride in the ambulance with Zack. The paramedics then proceeded in giving Zack an oxygen mask to help him breathe.When we finally got to the hospital I anxiously sat in the waiting room with mom. We sat in silence it was one-hour later when we finally got news on Zacks condition.
'' Zack had an asthma attack we were able to stabilize him aside from that he has a few bruises but he's awake room 203 and only one visitor at a time . '' the blond haired nurse informed us.
I gasped Zack had never told us he had asthma or anything like it .
'' You should go see him '' Mom said .
I nodded my head and went to room 203 And was shocked at what I saw . Never had I seen my brother look so frail so broken and it was frightening . Utterly terrifying to see IVs stuck in Zack's tan skin , tubes in Zack's nose to help him breathe . The only comfort in the room the fact that my brother's alive , his soft breathing along with the beeps of the heart monitor but most of all that Zack is awake and still alive .
'' Zack .... - '' I started .
'' Cody, I know it was a stupid thing to do , save me the lecture . '' Zack stated quietly .
'' NO Zack ! Do you have any idea how painful it was to see you lying unconscious gasping for breath on a game show ? How scared I was ? Of course, you don't . Zack, you had an asthma attack . '' I yelled but although I tried to hide it I could feel tears streaming down my face .
'' Look, Cody, I'm sorry it's just ..... - ''
'' Just what Zack ? the fact that you didn't bother to tell us that you had asthma until it was almost too late ? '' I antagonized angrily .
'' No Cody it's just I've never felt good enough and when I found out I had asthma I couldn't let anyone know . Sports the only thing I've been good at . Compared to you I'm just some failure the world would be better off without . And today was my chance to prove I'm not worthless guess I blew it like I ruin everything else . '' Zack said sadly eyes downcast suddenly becoming very interested in the bed sheets .
Is this seriously what Zack thought of himself ? Had people been feeding him these lies ? I was shocked I mean Zack always seemed like the stronger twin always so sure of himself . Everyone thought Zack was overconfident . But was that all an act ? A cover up for his true personality the side of Zack no one see's insecure and unsure .
'' Zack you're an amazing person with so many great qualities you always know how to make someone laugh you're nice and caring . Sports the only thing your good at ? Ha that's funny Zack you're good at so many other things than sports . A failure Zack you are anything but a failure you've accomplished so many great things . The world better off without you ? Zack i need you please don't leave '' I whispered fiercely .
'' Thanks codes and I won't leave you .''
Chapter 7: Hanging by a thread
School , school, grades , intellect , Cody , and more school that's all that ever matters to mom ,to Cody ... to everyone . And the fact is I'm nothing like that I'm nothing like Cody .Everyone's proud to say they raised or know Cody , but when it comes to me well it's a whole nother story people abandoned me . People often say or think that I'm worthless and useless and quite honestly there right . I had just gotten home from school and went to Cody's and my shared room. I quickly got on the laptop .And looked at my emails but quickly regretted it .
You're so worthless .
Why do you even bother waking up every day ?
I feel sorry for Cody he has to be the brother of a failure .
Why don't you just end it ?
Tears blurred my vision making it hard to see but I wasn't focused on that . No, I focused on one question why don't I end it? From what I could tell it would make everyone happy and Cody certainly wouldn't care would he ? No just do it would make everyone happy plus no one cares about you so why should they care if you were to die . Before I could drown in my reverie of depressing thoughts I heard a loud Bang and Cody stalked in .
'' ZACK !! get off the laptop I have homework to do !''
'' ..... Z-zack ? ''
I had quickly shut the laptop and tried to wipe away my tears but it was too late because Cody had swiveled my chair around and made me face him . He gave me a shocked looked , great just what I need to explain to Cody as too why I was crying .
I had just gotten home from student council and needed to do my calculus homework on the laptop . I searched everywhere for the laptop the dining table , couch , and my desk but the laptop was nowhere to be seen . It was like it had just vanished , speaking of vanishing where's Zack ? I decided to go check our shared room for Zack maybe he took the laptop . I roughly opened the door it slamming with a loud bang .
'' ZACK !! get off the laptop I have homework to do !''I all but yelled .
Zack refused to face me and quickly shut the laptop this is unusual I thought . I know somethings wrong Zack's never quite , in fact, he's notorious for being the wild child . He's never shy he's always outgoing that's what makes Zack , Zack . Worried as I saw him lightly shaking I swiveled his chair to face me . The sight that I was met with shocked and worried me tears were pooling out of Zacks unique baby blue eyes like a waterfall . I had never seen Zack cry Zack had always been the stable twin something must be seriously wrong . My heart clenched at the realization .
'' ..... Z-zack ? ''
No answer .
'' Zack ? '' I asked a bit louder this time .
Still no answer just lifeless blue eyes staring at the laptop. I had always been able to decipher what Zack was feeling through his eyes .No matter if he tried to hide what he was feeling his eyes betrayed him telling me everything .And I'm truly thankful that his eyes are like a window to his soul . But today it was frightening even a little discouraging that his eyes looked so .... dead like he had given up. There was an eerie silence cast upon us .
'' ZACK !! '' I yelled .
'' What Cody ? '' I had thought I would be relieved to finally get a reaction but that wasn't the case .
He had said it in such a stone cold tone that I took a step back in shock . What had happened to make Zack behave like this ? ..... The laptop must be the answer he had shut it as soon as I walked in . Before Zack had time to realize what I was planning nor act upon I had swiped the laptop from his hands . As Zack was in shock I took that as my chance and quickly read the emails and wished I hadn't . I was left speechless at what I had just read who had written these monstrous emails ?How long has this been going on ? But most importantly did Zack believe them to be true , I sure hope not .Whoever wrote these emails would personally pay and i would make sure of that .
'' Z - Zack ..... how long has this been going on ? W-why didn't you tell me ?'' I questioned hoarsely .
'' Why would you care , why do you choose now to notice me now ? ''Zack asked.
My eyes widened Zack thought I didn't care, my own brother had been going through this every day without anyone noticing . His smile never once faltering and no one ever took notice how hard that must be .
'' Zack I care so much about you !! How could you even think otherwise ? '' I cried out .
'' Zack .... , you don't actually believe any of this do you ? ''
'' Zack please tell me you don't believe any of it !!''I breathed out .
'' ..... Fine, i don't believe it .'' Zack said .
'' Good because it's far from true '' I answered with a slight smile .
And Zack actually smiled a real smile and that relieved me .
...... Until the next morning when I realized I forgot to do my math homework .
Chapter 8: No one cares
No one cared , no one will ever care about Zack martin about me I was always told that , always felt that way .But how is anyone to know this if no one cares the answer you might ask is no one does and no one bothers to ask how I feel. Every things about Cody , Cody this Cody that am I nothing to people ? More than a little discouraged I slowly walked home to show mom my failed history test. The truth is I'm actually really smart I just don't try because I know ill be overshadowed by Cody.
I slowly opened the door hoping mom wasn't there to see my test paper . As the door creaked open mom saw me in the doorway .
'' Hi Zack , how did your test go ?'' she asked cheerfully but I knew she was ready to scold me.
'' Ummmm ....... umm .. here '' I answered as I handed her the test nervously.
She looked over the test witch got a D+ before her smile turned into a disappointed frown.
''Zack how many times have I told you to stop being a failure and bring your grade up ?! Instead your sitting here being a disappointment like everything else you being alive brings !! Zack why can't you be like Cody instead of a dumb failure ? Go to your room ! No dinner for you tonight your grounded !''she yelled.
I ran to me and Cody's shared room and cried myself to sleep.
I had just gotten home from school . I saw mom sitting on the couch reading a magazine when I noticed the absence of Zack . Usually I always know where or what Zack is doing were usually always together so not knowing were my twin brother is highly unusual . Not that I was worried or anything , okay fine I'm completely and utterly worried . Maybe mom knows were Zack is I decided .
'' Mom where's Zack at ?'' I questioned
''Oh hi honey , I don't know where Zack is. ''
'' Okay thanks anyways '' I said .
Great mom doesn't know where Zack is either how does a mom not know where her own son is ? Does everyone really ignore Zack to fawn over me ? Oh great now I feel terrible I thought guiltily . I sat at the coffee table doing homework . Suddenly the door creaked open quietly and Zack walked in slowly . And I felt a great sense of relief but it was short lived as I saw Zack's face expression a mix of nervousness and fear . The way Zack hid his face behind his bangs proved something was wrong .
'' Hi Zack how did your test go ?''Mom asked sweetly .
And from that minute I knew what was going on and felt a sense empathy for Zack .
'' Ummmm.......um..here '' Zack answered before handing mom a test .
Mom looked over the test before her smile turned to a disapproving glare .
''Zack how many times have I told you to stop being a failure and bring your grade up ?! Instead your sitting here being a disappointment like everything else you being alive brings !! Instead your sitting here being a disappointment like everything else you being alive brings !!Zack why cant you be like Cody instead of a dumb failure ? Go to your room ! No dinner for you tonight your grounded !'' She shrieked as Zack ran to our shared bedroom tears in his crystal blue eyes .
I was so mad at mom that I was seeing red . How dare she have the mentality to emotionally abuse Zack .Didn't she know how insecure Zack is , or how many great qualities he has ? Did she know how smart Zack actually is or how he allows himself to get overshadowed by me because he's afraid , afraid he's not good enough . How dare she call Zack all these mean things .
'' How.dare.you!'' I yelled at mom before rushing upstairs to Zack .
Once I opened the door to our shared bedroom I had found out Zack had cried himself asleep . I sighed why cant Zack see how great he is I thought sadly . I fell asleep with a sense of dread that something terrible was about to happen .
I had just woken up before the events of the day came rushing back . I sighed before I looked at the clock 2:11 AM it read . No point in going to sleep now I thought I climbed out of bed when I suddenly had an idea I would run away . Mom had made it clear she wouldn't care and neither would Cody . So with that in mind I snuck out of the room, and out of the lobby . Once I was outside I realized how chilly it was and mentally cursed myself for forgetting a jacket. I wrapped my arms around myself for warmth . Oh well the cold always did help me think . And with that I started walking into the unknown.
But what I never realized is I had just snuck out leaving my family worried. And that Cody had woken up as soon as I had left .
I heard a shuffling from somewhere although I was still half asleep . Not wanting to get up I ignored it suddenly it got quite . But the silence only lasted a bit as I heard the front door shut now that startled me awake . Disorganized , unaware and confused I stumbled around before I noticed something where is Zack ? Worried I ran out of bed and looked around the house for Zack it was then I realized he was gone ..... had he ran away ? Zack ran away ! This is all moms fault , speaking of mom she's the whole reason Zack ran away . I have to find him myself , hopefully he listens and comes back home he is such a good person. He doesn't realize how much the world needs him I need him .Quickly putting on a sweater I got lost in my thoughts . I hope he's okay ill never forgive myself if something happened to Zack . So with this thought and a newfound determination I went to bring Zack home because in truth I cant imagine a life without Zack .
I snuck out into the lobby then outside where I realized how cold it was even with a sweater. I hope Zack brought a sweater . I decided to go to the park because that's Zack's favorite comfort place .
As I was walking I had a feeling of being watched at first I thought nothing of it but the feeling only got worse . Unable to shake the feeling I looked behind me and wished I hadn't there was a shadowed figure following me with a sense of panic I sped up my pace . And so did the figure okay now I am very scared deciding I didn't want to know the persons intentions I took off in a full out run . I had never ran so fast not even when I had dreamt Cody and I had superpowers . The fear only seemed to fuel my will to run and before I knew it tree's where whipping by some scraping painfully across my sun kissed tanned skin causing scrapes some even bleeding .I must be in the park I realized finally taking a good look at my surroundings. I wildly whipped my head around to see if I had lost the figure big mistake because I lost my attention for a minute I tripped over a dead root of a tree . The speed I was running caused me to crash into a willow tree . Groggily I tried to get up only to experience a bout of pain from my ankle .
''AAGHHH'' I yelled in pain.
I must of twisted it I thought ,well at least I lost whoever that person was . I finally realized how exhausted I was whether from not eating lately or from being cold I couldn't tell but I passed out .
'' .. ZACK!!!''
I was desperately walking around the neighborhood looking for Zack with each passing seconded I was getting more and more worried . Would I find Zack , and if I do what condition will he be in? But most importantly will Zack even want to come home ? I mean it's like he blocked his thoughts which shut off our telepathic connection Zack obviously doesn't want to be found .Suddenly I felt a huge bout of fear but it wasn't mine ..... it's Zack's ! Zack must be in trouble with that in mind I sped towards the park . I blindly looked around for my twin brother a sign anything to prove he was here .
''AAGHHH'' someone yelled well that caught my attention.
Looking around for the source of the scream I pinpointed it , it was a lump under a willow tree . The closer I got I realized it was a person with sun kissed blond hair .
'' ..ZACK!!!'' I shrieked as I realized he was unconscious .
Quickly I ran over to him and cradled him in my arms only to pull back in shock . He was as cold as ice and .... weightless . I knew he hadn't been eating much but I never knew he'd starve himself. I have to get him home I thought I lifted Zack up and was surprised by how light he was .
I had brought Zack home and fed him some soup , wrapped his hurt ankle and wrapped him in blankets . But he's still asleep and unresponsive I had never been so scared in my life . Suddenly I felt something wet and hot on my cheek I was crying .
'' What are you crying for?'' Asked a groggy voice it Zack!
I hugged the life out of Zack before speaking .
'' I -I ...... thought you would never wake up Zack .. y-you scared me to death why Zack why did you have to run away? why'd you stop eating ?''I cried out.
'' Fine do you want to know why I stopped eating, why I ran away ? No one cares about me that's why ! Like mom said I'm a failure , a disappointment my whole existence is a mistake. No one noticed I wasn't eating that's how little people care . And it's easier to run then to live as a failure !!''
'' You say no ones listening that no one hears you suffering ?! Well I do , I do Zack and have you ever thought how this affects me ? Have you ever thought even for once just once that I care ? Cause I do ....'' I said harshly.
'' I- I'm sorry '' whispered Zack .
'' Just promise me you'll tell me next time you feel this way '' I said .
'' I will ''
And with that they fell asleep just happy to be in each others presence .
Chapter 9: What you never knew
Cody was so tired of Zack being popular and getting all the attention at school . While he was getting ignored Zack was getting all the girls , attention , and friends . IT ISNT FAIR!! And quite honestly he was sick and tired of it . He had put up with it at first because it had been the happiest he'd seen Zack in a while and that had been all that mattered at the time . But he couldn't take it anymore Zack's ego had become too much to handle . As he was walking through the hallways of middle school a voice suddenly stopped him in his tracks .
'' Hey nerd !'' Zack called out cheekily .
A crowd had gathered around and was laughing at me loudly while Zack just stood there in regret . Enough is enough ! Dealing with Zack's behavior was one thing but to embarrass him in front of a crowd was outrageous. Blinded by rage and not thinking of the consequences he told everyone Zack's deep and darkest secret .
'' Hahaha if you think that's funny wait till you hear this.'' Zack knew what he was about to say and his eyes were pleading for me not to tell them but I paid his begging no heed to blinded by rage .'' When our mom and dad got divorced Zack slept with his mommy for months afraid she was gonna leave him just like dad did . Isn't that right Zacky ?'' I asked in a mocking tone laughter filled the hallway echoing throughout the school .
Zack looked at me with dull blue eyes that held betrayal , sadness, anger and tears before sprinting out of the school .
I stared at the spot he once stood the laughter ringing through my ears as I realized what I had just said .
WHAT HAVE I DONE I thought before running after Zack the way he looked at me with so much betrayal and sadness made me want to die .
This was all my fault and we both know it I can only hope he can forgive me .
I ran so far away from the school not once looking back tears streamed down my face blurring my vision . I had no destination if I went back home mom would just send me back somehow I ended up at the park . It wasn't surprising considering the park was my comfort place and whenever I was sad my mind went into overdrive and lead me here .
Once I finally got here I stopped running abruptly rest my hands on my legs and gasped for breath . The school was miles away and I had run all the way here no wonder I was so tired . Once I finally caught my breath I climbed up onto a sturdy tree branch and propped my legs up against the rough tree bark .
I can't believe Cody would do this to me ! Sure I may tease him but that's what big brothers do plus I never took it to this extent . I guess I did deserve it though I pushed him too far . But I trusted him and I rarely trust anyone yet he threw it all away as if my trust were garbage !
Sighing I cradled my head in my hands and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed some more . Finally, after what seemed like forever I felt the extra weight on the tree branch and a comforting hand was placed on my back . I looked over to see a disheveled Cody looking at me with sad eyes .
'' What do you want ?'' I asked brokenly .
'' I'm sorry ''Cody answered remorsefully .
I was enraged did he even know how much pain I went through because of the divorce ?
'' You're sorry ?'' I laughed bitterly '' Well I'm sorry too I should've never trusted you . Do you know how much pain I went through ? Of course, not your everyone's favorite child never exposed to how cruel reality is . Did you know that I felt like it was my fault dad left what am I saying I still do ? Or did you know I slept with mom because I saw the fight leading to the divorce and I was traumatized ? I had nightmares every night . I thought you and mom were gonna leave me just like dad no wonder I have trust issues . And lastly, did you know I wasn't eating properly after dad left ? I didn't think so . '' After I finished Cody and I both had tears streaming down our faces .
Cody wrapped me in a tight hug burrowing his chin into my collarbone .
'' I-...I know sorry won't make it better but I really am sorry ''Cody said quietly .
'' I know ,'' I replied .
'' Can you forgive me? '' He asked hopefully .
'' Of course '' I answered truthfully .
Cody broke apart from the hug before giving me a confused look .
'' Why didn't you ever tell me about any of this ? ''
'' Didn't think you'd care ,'' I mumbled Cody grabbed my chin and made me meet his eyes .
'' Of course, I care, Zack, I've always cared and I'll always be there for you . ''Cody said eyes soft and comforting .
'' I love you, Cody ''
''Love you too Zack .''