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At Sixteen

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It was at sixteen that Taehyung was first called a psychopath. He had been in a fight with a close friend, or someone he thought was close. It really had surprised him.

 

Of course he quickly responded with “A psychopath? Yay! I'm flattered really!” Along with a few smiling and heart emojis. Taehyung was intent on keeping that cool cocky facade that he had started the conversation with.

 

After he’d finished his long rantings and screamings over the phone, Taehyung had promptly run to his mother squealing with joy.

 

“That jerk is finally out of my life!” He grinned plopping himself down next to her work desk, taking out his phone so he could show her how awesomely he had handled the situation. Throughout the explanation he would occasionally glance to his mother, his eyes reading something like ‘didn't I do great?!’ ‘Isn't your son so strong?!’ ‘Isn't he mature?!’

 

Hell, he even managed to fake a laugh when he told his mother about the nickname ‘psychopath’ he had been given, saying it was cute, funny even. His mother just looked at him with sad knowing eyes throughout the entirety of it.

 

Taehyung didn't notice the looks or what they meant until later that night in bed, when he found himself crying to sleep. In the end, no matter how cocky or cool he had acted, it still hurt. It really really hurt.

 

It was at sixteen that Taehyung was first called a psychopath, but it wasn't the last time he’d be called that.

 

--

 

By eighteen Taehyung had been called a many sorts of things. Some standard and unoriginal and others more creative, but either way all used for the same purpose. To pick on Kim Taehyung.

 

He had been called blonde or retard for his different ways of doing things, freak or weird for dancing in public, for smiling too much, for wearing the clothes he wore. Gay or Fag for always being so happy and touchy with his friends, there had to be something wrong though. Always something wrong with him.

 

Sometimes, most times it actually was. Sometimes it was for him just being him. Sometimes the only reason people needed to hate on him was that he was Kim Taehyung and that no matter what he was always going to be a loser, a mess, a no one.

 

By the time he was eighteen Taehyung had learned to accept all these labels as what he was. Who he was. He learned to accept that anywhere he ever went that he would be seen as not normal.

 

Everything said would still hurt. Just like the first time. Even if it was the final last time, even if it was the last insult ever thrown at him, it would still hurt just as bad as the first. Taehyung was human. He couldn't do anything but feel.

 

---

 

Twenty years old and Taehyung has learned how to hide. He has learned how to keep a smile on his face, all day long, everyday. A laugh is always held at the ready, and a joke always on the tip of his tongue.

 

No one but Taehyung knows it's fake.

 

The people around him see him as the happy go lucky guy. The sunshine boy. The party go getter. Kim Taehyung: Mr. Laid back enjoy life while you can! No one really knows who he is,or even cares to know, not even Taehyung knows, not anymore.

 

The rumors and naggings are still out there. People still whisper and laugh as he passes by on campus. They point fingers, take pictures crack jokes. Taehyung isn't human to them. They don't see all the pain. Taehyung is still smiling.

 

By the end of the second semester Taehyung meets some of what he would call ‘The coolest monkeys in the universe.’

 

Kim Namjoon and his boyfriend Kim Seokjin are literally the sweetest people Taehyung thinks he's ever met. He likes to think sometimes that they could be his parents, and spends days sometimes dreaming about a happy childhood. Taehyung is sure that those two in real life would be amazing parents, besides Namjoon's clumsiness that is, but still… Amazing.

 

Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok are like angels fallen from the sky. Maybe a little more Hoseok than Yoongi… But either way, Taehyung absolutely adores the both of them and their strong held passions (Yoongi’s composing, and Hoseok’s dancing) and super friendship skills. Although both very different in character Taehyung has decided that each of them were both ‘strong in the force of friendship.’ As he had once told them.  

 

Park Jimin, at first was a side note. Taehyung had been skeptical of his (not that much older) hyung, and didn't trust him for his word nor his squishy seeming appearance. Taehyung had once seen the boy in the dance hall when he went by to pick up Hoseok. He had been terrified! How could someone with such a cute face have a six pack?! The only explanation was that he was a spy.

 

Taehyung spent weeks screaming ‘Bagel Spy Man!’ whenever he saw Jimin, sending him some of the most accusing and skeptic stares he could possibly muster. One day Jimin finally screamed back at him, calling him an ‘extremely cool monkey!’ Taehyung had spun on his heels and walked to Jimins side, plopping down next to him in an instant. The two had been practically best friends since.

 

It was better. It was better with those five around in Taehyung’s life. It hurt less with people around Taehyung thought. It was easier to smile. Easier to ignore the nagging and the aching. But still, nothing is ever as easy as said and done, and Taehyung didn't know if he was ready yet to let people into his heart.

 

Almost all of his smiles have become real. Almost.



--

 

Taehyung is twenty two when he meets Jeon Jungkook.

 

He starts smiling for real. Laughing for real. Actually feeling.

 

All that was in the past doesn’t matter anymore, it's all gone. Taehyung thinks he can for once, move on.

 

He hopes that he can begin to be himself again. Someone he hasn't seen in a long long time.