Kylo can’t stop crying. Sitting on the floor, legs pulled to his chest, arms around them, his head hanging between them. He’s in one of the dimly lit corridors that are always empty on the lowest levels near the dungeons.
He can hear footsteps approaching, he doesn’t look up. He knows who it is no one knows his hiding place except for Hux and if it was a prefect they would have already called out demanding who it is.
“What are you doing?” and yes this is Hux’s voice.
“Go away” he mumbles, not sure if Hux hears him.
He feels Hux sliding down the wall to sit next to him, their shoulders brushing. Kylo wants to put his head on Hux’s shoulder but he’s pretty sure that Hux will probably stun him if he tries that, the bastard is pretty quick.
“What’s wrong, Ren?” Hux asks. He doesn’t answer he’s trying to stop crying he doesn’t want Hux to see him crying.
They sit there in silence the only sound is Kylo’s harsh breathing, he finally controls his face enough to lift it up from his arms quickly wiping away what remains of his tears.
“Why are you here?” He asks. He’s pretty proud of himself that his voice isn’t trembling.
Hux is as composed as ever, hair gelled perfectly and his perpetual frown on his face. He rolls his eyes at Ren.
“Don’t ask stupid questions” Hux says, fixing Kylo with a look, staring into those green eyes Kylo just wants to start crying again. How can Hux always be so composed? How can he always control his emotions? How is he able to always have a plan, a solution for everything? How was he able to take the mark so easily, without having the idea torment him? How is he able to accept being a death eater so easily?
He looks away from Hux piercing gaze setting his gaze on the wall in front of him, focusing on a stone on the far left that is bigger than the others.
Kylo wants to look at Hux’s mark wants to trace it with his fingers and feel it move and he wants to have it on his own forearm without him being torn apart from the inside out.
He hears Hux sigh “Is this about the mark? Are you having doubts? Because you sounded pretty sure of yourself last night when you were talking to Snoke.” Hux says.
He’s right, the mark is all that he wants. He wants to join the death eaters he wants to fight besides them, to get rid of all the impure.
To fight for Snoke, like his grandfather fought for Voldemort.
“I just…it’s… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I really really want the mark more than anything but I don’t know why I’m doubting myself, I feel…” he doesn’t know how to end that sentence, he doesn’t know how to put into words what he’s feeling.
“How did you feel before getting the mark?” He asks Hux. Looking at him from the corner of his eye.
Hux is silent for a moment, picking on the skin around his nails the only sign that shows his discomfort in this situation. Maybe he’s afraid that Kylo won’t join the death eaters.
Kylo expects him to say something like “I didn’t feel anything” or “Like the usual nothing special”, but it looks like Hux is seriously considering his answer.
“I wasn’t a crying mess like you” he starts and Kylo wants to argue that he isn’t crying but he is crying.
Hux takes a deep breath and looks straight into Kylo’s eyes “But I did have my doubts. I was going to sign up my life then I looked at what I had to lose and I had nothing to lose. I had so much to gain, I was finally going to be a part of a society that focuses on restoring the wizarding world to its glory. A society that could and will procure me the future I want, that will help me get up in the ranks that will let me have the power that I deserve.” Hux says, Kylo is staring at him there’s a fire in Hux eyes that Kylo rarely sees, Hux’s face is usually so devoted of emotions.
He can see him, it’s like a vision. Hux having so much power, restoring power and balance to the wizarding world. He will probably take Snoke’s role as their leader at some point and Kylo only hopes that he will be beside him when all of this happens.
“It’s all about power, right?” Kylo says and Hux smiles at him.
“Yes, it is” Hux says “And you are so powerful, Ren. What are you going to do?”
Power Kylo thinks that what it's all about and he has power, so much of it.
“Of course I’m taking the mark. I don’t know what I was thinking at the moment, my brain was just so confused and lost. You’re right, it’s the only way” Kylo says, finally feeling like he’s able to breath.
“Of course I’m right” Hux says, Kylo rolls his eyes but he’s smiling.
They stay like this for a few more moments until Hux gets up.
“I’m going back to the common room, no point staying in this cold corridor anymore. Come on” Hux says and extends a hand towards Kylo.
Of course, Kylo takes it and doesn’t let go until they’re in front of the wall and Hux is saying the password.
The common room is full at this time, everyone’s chatting or doing some homework. Mostly people trying to get warm around the fireplace.
No one notices them and if they do they don’t say anything, they’re all pretty terrified of them.
Hux is pretty scary all sharp edges and cold facade, always on top of things. Kylo always ready for a fight, wand fight or fist fight it doesn’t matter.
When they get to their room they undress in silence and get into their pajamas.
“Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?” Hux asks pulling his pajama bottom up, back turned around not facing Kylo.
As if Kylo would ever say no to that question.
“Yes” he whispers.
Hux gets on the bed pushing the comforter away and making a gesture for Kylo to climb on the bed.
They settle in, Hux on his back and Kylo curled around Hux’s side. Kylo takes Hux left arm in his hand pushes the sleeve up and starts tracing the mark. Tomorrow night he’ll have the same mark. Finally.
He can’t help but ask “Does it hurt?” looking up at Hux.
Hux smiles at him, runs his hand through Kylo’s hair “Yes, but it’s worth it” he says.
Kylo nods and goes back to tracing the mark, he falls asleep like this. Wrapped in Hux’s arms a hand stroking his hair and the promise of a better future.