When Stiles was 15 he saw Scott change completely in the basement of Lydia Martins lake house, a joint between his best friend's hand and a girl wrapped around his arm, kissing his neck. He himself was in a corner when sophomores showed up, holding a red cup filled with jungle juice some kid got from his brother. He wandered upstairs, staring at the photos on the stairs, wondering if Lydia was happy with her childhood when he saw her being pushed against a wall by Jackson, his hand up her shirt.
"Pervert." She had sneered when she saw him staring, Jackson rolling his eyes and pulling her into their parents bedroom. He had hidden in the kitchen for the rest of the night, and that became his safe place. Every party, every hangout, he was there.
Scott had tried to get him to join, but the first time he smoked a joint he coughed so much everyone laughed, and Scott got mad at Stiles for embarrassing him in front of his friends.
"But I'm your friend Scott." He had tried weakly, staring at the tiles of the bathroom floor as the glass of water was forgotten next to him. Scott fixed his hair in the mirror, sighing.
"But you're not like Jackson." Was all he said, grabbing the glass. "Stiles if you stain this table my mom is gonna kill me." He groaned before leaving.
Stiles had his first panic attack since his mom died, locking the door and staying in there until the sun shone through the small window above the shower.
The second time was pills, which ended up with stiles curled up in the bathroom tub convinced he was dying. Nobody found him until morning, which ended up with the sophomores laughing at him and dumping cold water on him.
Scott had been in his room with Allison, Jackson, and Lydia when somebody told him what was happening, him running in and dragging stiles out. When everyone was gone and stiles was laying on Scott's bedroom floor, Scott finally went on about how stupid he looked now, how maybe stiles shouldn't come to the next few parties.
Stiles tried to kill himself three days later, his dad finding his son tying a noose on his fan with his dad's work belt. He held his son close for hours until taking him to the hospital. He was in the mental ward for 3 days before coming back. Scott never noticed he was gone.
But he still went back.
The kitchen was now taken over by kegs, so he opted for Lydia's dock by the lake. It was abandoned for most parties, until one night he had his legs in the water and some seniors came down. They didn't see him at first, pulling out joints and talking lowly. Though after awhile he was being tapped on the back.
The guy must have seen how scared he looked because he quickly raised his hands. "Hey-hey chill out. I was just gonna see if you wanted a smoke."
Stiles slowly shook his head, pulling up his jacket subconsciously to hide the bruise from the belt, but he knew the guy already saw it. He turned back around.
He went back to the next party, a day after he turned 16. He went to dinner with his dad, pretended to be happy. He followed Scott around slowly, waiting for his best friend of 16 years now to wish him a happy birthday.
"Hey man could you grab my phone from upstairs?" Scott had asked.
That night stiles spent most of his time in the kitchen again, holding back the urges to throw up or just walk into the street and let a car hit him.
That is, until a guy his age appeared, a leather jacket on and black hair to accompany it. He hopped on the counter next to stiles.
Stiles looked up, surprised that the kid even knew his name. He nodded slowly before looking back down. He tugged the jacket tighter around his neck.
"I'm Derek." The guy said.
If Derek saw the bruises he didn't say anything, "I saw you wearing an iron man shirt the other night, you into marvel?"
Stiles nodded again, shrugging.
"Movies or the comics?"
"Comics all the way." Stiles said softly, hating how it sounded. Scott always said he sounded more like a girl than Jackson did.
Derek smiled, "you have to admit though avengers was pretty great." Stiles nodded eagerly.
"It's-it's my favorite movie to watch besides spider-man, i really think they nailed every role down to the book you know and-" he cut himself off, realizing how annoying he must have sounded. Scott never wanted to talk about marvel anymore. "Sorry." He mumbled.
Derek frowned. "No-no I totally get it. I'm still upset they haven't made a black widow movie." he chuckled. Stiles looked over, surprised at first.
"Yeah-yeah same. And then they came out with ant-man instead and-"
"Hey Derek! We are heading out. He coming?" The guy from the other night appeared in the doorway. Derek hopped off the counter.
Stiles felt his stomach drop at that, staring back down at the floor as he caught a glimpse of Scott going out the door.
"Are you coming?" Derek asked. Stiles eyes widened, him looking up in disbelief.
Derek chuckled. "We are going back to my house, you coming?"
Stiles slowly slide off the counter, nodding as he swallowed. Derek talked to him the rest of the car ride, them stuffed in the back. Scott kept sending him weird looks, ones he ignored.
They hung around the living room, Derek and stiles on the fireplace ledge and talking about marvel. Stiles found himself smiling for the first time in months. It didn't last long, Scott pulling him over.
"Listen I'm probably gonna stay later, but you should probably go." Scott sighed. Stiles stared at him, not even bothering to fight it.
Derek stopped him before he left, "hey, you're leaving?"
Stiles nodded, not meeting his gaze. A phone was being shoved in his hand, him taking it clumsily.
"Put in your number, I'll text you." Derek smiled. Stiles did, quickly leaving after.
Derek was actually in his lunch period and science class, inviting stiles to sit with him and his brothers at lunch. He did, knowing Scott was smoking with Jackson outside anyway. All of his brothers were incredibly friendly, smiling that Derek was taking a liking to stiles. He had recognized the oldest as the guy who he had met on the dock, and it was clear the guy realized it too.
It was weird to him, the idea of everyone paying attention overwhelming. His anxiety was working in overdrive.
His stomach dropped as he rushed off, sinking down in a stall as he dry heaved into the stomach. As he pulled back tears sprang in eyes. God he was pathetic.
"Stiles? You okay?" Derek asked softly.
Stiles quickly flushed the toilet, settling back with his knees pulled to his chest. "I'm sorry." He said softly, weak. "You don't have to be here."
"Don't be stupid. Open the stall door." Derek said, and surprisingly stiles did. Derek held his hand out, helping him up and giving him a warm smile. "We were gonna ditch today anyway."
Stiles followed Derek out to the back exit, Peter inside the car with Daniel and Landon. Peter was the oldest, a senior, while Daniel and Landon were juniors. They were all as attractive as Derek, with nice hair and good clothing. Stiles messy hair and blue windbreaker was nothing, him sinking further into himself every time he was around them.
As they got in the car he saw Scott and Jackson on the bench, looking over at them. Stiles sank further at that. Peter gave the two a smile, "this kid like McDonald's?"
Derek looked over at stiles, who nodded slowly. "Really-really I'm okay with anything you don't-"
Peter chuckled, "calm down kid. It's fine."
Stiles nodded, subconsciously pulling up the hood of his jacket around his neck to cover the bruises. If any of them noticed they didn't say anything.
Stiles managed a water bottle, it being the only thing that was free. He sat with Derek in the back of the car while Peter smoked outside with his other brothers.
"Hey do you want to see the new avengers movie with me tomorrow night? We'll have to take the metro so just bring your card." Derek offered, finishing his milkshake. Stiles looked up, surprised.
"Just you and me?" Stiles asked dumbly. Derek chuckled.
"Yeah dude, why?"
"Oh it's just Scott never-" he stopped himself, not wanting to burden Derek with his own shit. "Yeah-yeah I'll come."
Derek grinned, "cool."
John was ecstatic that stiles was making friends besides Scott, giving him 80$ and a grin. Stiles finally met Derek at the metro station near his house, faltering when he saw how good Derek looked and how everyone was looking at him. He looked down at his marvel shirt and stupid blue wind breaker, frowning. His shoes were worn, the same ones he's had since 9th grade. He shrunk into himself, walking over to Derek.
They went to the movie, stiles letting himself get so caught up that he forgot about how he dressed or Scott for awhile. Later that night Derek said they should hang out the next day, stiles agreeing without even thinking.
And they kept hanging out, so much that stiles was looking forward to going home after school because he would be going out with Derek that night.
One day, though, wasn't as good as he thought it would be. When he met Derek at the metro a girl was with him, his stomach dropping.
"Hey! This is Erica, from Wakefield." Derek grinned, introducing stiles. Erica smiled at him, all white teeth and a beautiful face. She was hot, and from the way she talked on the way to the inner city she was smart too. He was going to take AP classes, but Scott made them do regular because Jackson did regular.
She was funny too, and she could talk without stuttering. It was clear they were together from the way she moved around him.
They were sitting in McDonald's when he finally decided to leave, figuring he would get the same treatment if he just hung out with Scott. He felt pathetic. He stood up, pulling out a crumpled dollar bill for the drink Derek got him before getting out of the booth. "I'll see you in school." He got out, leaving the restaurant.
He made it past the street before Derek caught up to him, turning him around. "Stiles-stiles wait up. What's wrong? Did I do something?"
Stiles looked at the ground, "it's-it's stupid really. Have fun with Erica." It came out more bitter than he wanted it to.
"Stiles." He sighed, nervous. "What's wrong?"
"It's just-my only other friend barely talks to me because he's with his girlfriend all the time. I figured-I'm just tired okay? Of being ignored like that."
Derek started laughing, making stiles feel worse. He turned, starting to walk.
"No-no stiles that not-I'm sorry I just.." He took a breathe. "Stiles I'm gay. Like really gay. And so is Erica. She has a girlfriend even in Manhattan."
Stiles looked up, face going red from embarrassment. "O-oh. I'm sorry i didn't-I just thought-"
Derek smiled, "stiles calm down. Besides, even if I wasn't.. I'm sorry. That was a dick move." It was an actual apology. Stiles took a moment before nodding, looking back up.
"Can I come back in? Or-or should I just go?" He asked, awkward.
Derek grinned, "well Erica already left but actually I was thinking we could go back to my place."
Stiles smiled genuinely, hiding it as he hung his head. "Yeah-yeah sure."
Derek's mom was a beautiful women, long dark brown hair that framed a wise face. Stiles thanked her several times for letting him stay, him and Derek played video games with his brothers for awhile. He ended up staying the night, Derek giving him some clothes to change into.
Stiles stared at himself in the mirror in Derek's room, how the Henley hung off of him like it didn't belong. He gulped at his reflection, the bruises still there.
His hands flew to his neck as Derek walked into the room, the guy stopping mid sentence. Stiles looked down, quickly pulling on his sweatshirt and stuffing his hands in his pockets. "So fifa?" He offered weakly. Derek nodded, switching shirts quickly. That only made stiles feel worse, him curling in the sleeping bag as he stared at the controller.
Even as they played the game he could barely focus, hands thrumming with anxiety. He was used to Scott showing off, to him dragging stiles to the gym so he could "spot". But Derek was different. Derek was nice and funny and he was attractive. He could look past Scott because Scott was horrible, but yet Derek was everything he wanted to be and never could.
It wasn't long before he was running to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before throwing up. He felt pathetic, throwing up in Derek's house when the family had been so nice to him. He flushed the toilet, leaning against the wall as Derek got him a cup of water. "I'm sorry."
"Do you need to go home?" Was all Derek said, sitting down next to him.
"Do you want me to?" He mumbled, knowing his dad had a late shift and he would be alone again.
"No not really." Derek said.
Stiles felt something twist in his chest, wanting to believe him so bad. He kept thinking back to Scott, every time something like this would happen Scott wouldn't even talk to him unless stiles brushed his teeth. Afterwards he would go on about how stiles had to figure out this anxiety thing if he wanted to ever date someone like Lydia.
"He's an asshole, you know that right?"
Stiles looked over, surprised Derek could tell. He could only manage to shrug, "he's my best friend."
"Best friends don't treat each other that way." Derek sighed.
"He's all I got." Stiles admitted, weak.
Derek took a moment. "You've got me now. And Peter, and Erica and Daniel and Landon.. And Boyd, oh yeah you have to meet boyd." He rambled, bumping into stiles teasingly. "You deserve better than Scott."
Stiles didn't respond, too tired to think too hard about it. He leaned into Derek, resting his head on the guy's shoulder. Stiles moved back quickly as if it he had been hit, the last time he did that with Scott the guy had called him gay and threatened to punch him.
"Hey-that's fine. I don't mind." Derek quickly reassured him. Stiles nodded tiredly, resting his head back. It was the first time in years he fell asleep feeling wanted.
It doesn't last long, because stiles is a coward and pathetic and doesn't deserve someone as good as Derek. It was at a party at Scott's place when the guy made a stupid joke.
Scott shoved Jackson off him playfully, "get off me you faggot!"
Stiles and Derek froze, Peter looking over at Scott. "What your fucking language man." He warned.
"What? Faggot?" Scott gave Peter a weird look, laughing with Jackson. "What are you gay or something?"
In less than a second Peter was up, the group they came with making their way out the door. Derek had explained the whole situation, how his brothers were incredibly protective over him. After Derek came out a group of guys had attacked him at school, and only the next day the four hale brothers risked permanent suspension to beat back the kids in return.
Except that Derek was looking at stiles now, nervous. "Are you coming?"
Stiles froze, Scott and Derek both looking at him with the same eyes. His stomach twisted, his hands started to shake. When he couldn't answer Derek only scoffed, following his brothers out the door.
Stiles was a fucking coward.
He saw Derek at school, too scared to try to apologize and simply keeping his head down. He had two panic attacks at lunch, Scott getting mad at him for both, which only made him worse.
He didn't want to get bad again, but it was harder and harder. Derek wouldn't answer his texts, wouldn't even look at him. He went to the docks at the lake house in hopes of finding Peter with no luck.
The one night Derek finally showed up he only got a few seconds with him, pulling him aside.
"Derek can we just-can we just go back to normal?" He begged.
"Can you tell your best friend that being gay isn't wrong?" Derek snapped back. Stiles flinched, stepping back.
"You know how Scott is-"
"I know Scott is an asshole who treats you like shit, so why are you defending him?" Derek sighed. When stiles couldn't reply he sighed again, "I'll see you in school stiles."
Stiles felt like he was crumbling, like someone had popped his right lung and the other one was full of rocks. "I'm sorry." He cracked out, voice ragged. He moved quickly throughout the house, picking up a cigarette and lighter by the hallway. He lit it, tears brimming as he stared at it. He was pathetic.
Instead, without even thinking, he smashed the end against his wrist, holding back a cry of pain. He didn't even have time to think through before Scott was in front of him, grabbing the cigarette.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" He practically shouted, earning the looks of others. Stiles hide his wrist against his chest. "God you really are fucked up in the head."
Stiles felt himself crumble even more at that, remaining quiet as Scott flicked the ash on the ground. Stiles looked up to see Derek and Peter watching them from across the room. Scott followed his gaze, rolling his eyes.
"Don't get your hopes up, they only hang out with people because they feel bad for them."
Stiles faltered. "Wh-what?"
"That group is always picking up strays. And let's face it. The windbreaker from 6th grade, the stupid comic shirts, those weird bruises? You're like the perfect candidate or something."
Stiles felt his stomach drop completely, emotions washing him over as he moved away from Scott and towards the door. Derek didn't meet his gaze when he left.
He ran, he ran until his lungs gave out and he hit the Brooklyn bridge. Sobs racked his body. He felt so pathetic, so useless and so unwanted. Scott didn't want him, Derek didn't want him. His dad would save money having not to pay for him and he would have his new wife.
He stared out at the water as he slowly stood on the ledge, thankful nobody else was nearby at the time. His whole body was shaking. He just needed to take one step. One step and it would all be over.
And then suddenly he was being pulled backwards, arms around him as he collapsed on the sidewalk. He struggled, still crying.
"Stiles-stiles I got you-it's okay I got you-" Derek's voice filled his ear as the grip around him only tightened, him eventually just giving up.
Hands were around him, helping him up and there was other voices talking to each other. It wasn't long until he was in peter's car, Derek still holding him close.
"I'm sorry." He managed out somewhere between getting out of the car and cleaning up in the bathroom, Derek running a washcloth across his cheek.
Derek only shook his head, "don't be. Can I see your wrist?"
Stiles hesitantly raised it, Derek moving his sleeve up. The burn was irritated now, red and bloody from the blister that popped. He grimaced, looking away as Derek cleaned it up.
"Do you want to go to sleep?" Derek asked when they finished up, offering stiles pajama pants.
"Not really no." He mumbled back, knowing he wouldn't trust himself to actually sleep. Derek nodded, gently taking his hand and leading him to the living room where Peter was talking quietly to Talia. They stopped immediately when Derek and stiles walked in, causing stiles to shrink even more.
Talia though walked over to him, "stiles honey? I just want you to know you are always welcome in this house okay? Even if i'm not here or Derek isn't either. It's always open."
Stiles barely managed how grateful he was. "T-thank you Mrs. Hale." He got out. She smiled, walking back into the kitchen while Peter just ruffled his hair and headed to his room.
They watched movies until everyone else was asleep, and they were sitting in the silence with only the tv light shining on them.
"Derek?" He finally asked, weak.
"Why are we friends?"
Derek didn't miss a beat, "because you are funny and you like comic books and you are the most genuine person I know." He told stiles. "And when I told you I was gay you didn't even care."
Stiles was quiet. "But-but i'm not like you or Erica. I'm not attractive or smart and I'm not-"
"Stiles-stiles listen to me." Derek put his hands on stiles shoulders. "You are attractive, and I've seen your grades at school, you are incredibly smart. And it sucks that you had to hang out around assholes like Scott your whole life who told you that you weren't. Besides, you don't need to be like Erica for me to like you. I like you as you stiles."
Stiles didn't know how reply other than to crush Derek in a hug, clutching on to him gratefully. Derek only hugged him back, and they stayed like that for a long time until going back to Derek's room. Stiles insisted on sleeping on the floor, but Derek refused, laying him down on the bed before laying on the floor himself.
Stiles couldn't sleep, body thrumming with anxiety. "Derek?" He had whispered softly.
"Can you-can you lay up here, with me?"
Derek climbed up next to him, laying next to him facing the other way as their backs hit. It worked for only an hour before stiles anxiety was back, worse than before. He didn't mean to start crying again.
Derek turned over, wrapping his arms around stiles as he pulled his thin frame against his. "It's okay stiles-I got you." He had whispered in stiles ear.
And eventually he calmed down enough to fall asleep, clutching on to the hope that maybe Derek would stay after all.
And he did.
When stiles went home the next morning he had told his dad what happened, which resulted in another hour of hugging and crying until finally they both calmed down. Derek came by in the afternoon with McDonald's, sitting with stiles on the bed and talking about comic books like normal.
Stiles stayed home for a week after that, his dad taking the time to get him a therapist. Anytime John had work he was at Derek's, even if he was just sleeping.
And slowly he got better, bit by bit. Of course Derek couldn't solve everything, but he was there no matter what, playing Fifa with stiles or rubbing his back when he couldn't keep everything in his stomach.
His bad days came back when school started again, Scott finding him in the halls and dragging him away from Derek.
"Where the fuck were you? You missed the parties and wouldn't answer my texts." He had complained. Stiles kept his head down.
"I was-I was just busy i'm sorry." He managed.
Scott only scoffed, "just be there next time." Stiles felt a swell of anger at that.
"Why?" He had asked, looking up. "It's not like you ever want me there unless I'm buying you drinks."
"What are you talking about-"
"You've said it yourself I embarrass you- and-and- it's not like you ever talk to me right?"
Scott gave him a surprised look, "stiles that's ridiculous-"
"How old am I?" Stiles said suddenly, clutching his backpack strap.
"How old am I?" He repeated, looking up.
"Your 15 stiles." Scott groaned, annoyed.
Stiles stopped, "you're wrong. I'm 16 Scott. I turned 16 a month and a half ago." It was getting harder to breathe the longer Scott took to reply, him finally turning away and running out of the school.
Derek found him after lunch, sitting near the back exit with tears in his eyes. He sat down next to him, locked their hands and talked to stiles about deadpool until finally he could calm down. Peter joined them next period, handing them water bottles and Swiss rolls he swiped from the cafeteria. They watched out for him the rest of the day, and it stayed like that.
One night him and Derek were in Brooklyn with Erica and her girlfriend. They had gotten pizza, stiles managing enough that Derek squeezed his knee and bumped into his side.
"Oh god-get a room!" Derek had groaned dramatically when Erica and her girlfriend, Kira, kissed. She kicked his shin in return, making them all laugh.
"It's not my fault your boyfriend moved to Argentina." Erica teased. Stiles froze, feeling jealousy swell in his stomach at that. Derek had a boyfriend?
And then he was mad at himself for being jealous. He wasn't gay, he couldn't be. Scott would kill him.
And then he remembered that Scott wasn't his friend anymore, and something else in him swelled. Something he was scared of.
He looked up to see Derek leaning into him with concerned eyes, Erica talking to Kira. He nodded quickly. "Y-yeah I just-can't get some air?"
Derek nodded, standing up and following him out the door. The harbor was right in front of them, stiles making a beeline to the railing to steady himself.
"You sure you're okay?" Derek had asked, hand on stiles bicep. Stiles blushed at the contact, which made him even more confused.
"I'm fine." He got out, sitting down on the ground. Derek followed, gaze still on stiles. "why-why are you looking at me like that?"
Derek seemed to flinch as if he had gotten caught. "Sorry." He mumbled. They sat in awkward silence for a while longer. Stiles went home that night and dreamed of Derek laying next to him. They were curled over his covers, stripped down to their boxers and Derek was kissing stiles.
He woke up in a hot sweat, heat pooled in his lower stomach. He was achingly hard, it not going away until he had escaped to the shower.
He avoided Derek the next day, turning the other direction when he saw him in school. He tried to hide in the empty art wing, stuffed in between the band lockers and the vending machines as he worked on a granola bar.
He couldn't like Derek, not like that. He was just setting himself up for failure and rejection. Derek would get all weird once he found out and stiles wouldn't have any friends anymore. Scott hated him now and the only other kid who he really talked to was Boyd from science, and even then it was only once a month maybe. He didn't even realize how much he was freaking out until Derek was in front of him, hand on his shoulder as he calmed him down.
"Stiles? Stiles hey it's okay-it's okay you're fine." Derek shushed him, going through the motions like he always did. Soon enough stiles could breathe again but there was the whole other problem of Derek looking at him with hurt eyes.
"Can I sit here with you?" Derek asked nervously, and stiles heart broke at that. He didn't mean to hurt Derek. He nodded quickly, scooting over. It was awhile before Derek spoke up again. "Are you mad at me?"
"No-no of course not I just.." Stiles managed but lost himself. He didn't know what to say. "I'm confused. About-about something."
"Does it involve me?"
Derek looked over stiles with concerned eyes before turning his body completely to face him. "What's wrong stiles?"
He blushed under the gaze. "I think-I think I might like someone."
"Yeah? Do they like you back?"
"No-I don't know. They'll probably run away laughing if I told them."
Derek frowned. "I doubt that's true stiles."
Stiles only shook his head and shrugged. "They can do better."
"Trust me, they can't." Derek was close now, their lips only a few inches away from each other.
"How-how do you know?" Stiles faltered. Derek shrugged.
"Call it a hunch."
And then they were kissing, slow and soft. Derek's hand came up to cup stiles face, pulling them closer than he thought possibly as he desperately tried to keep up with the kiss.
When they pulled away a while later they were both breathing hard. "Was-was that okay?" Derek asked softly. Stiles nodded eagerly, not being able to help his smile.
They kissed for the rest of the period.
And stiles guessed that from then on, they started dating. The way they hung out didn't change much, just that Derek was kissing him every other second and when they went out they called it a date. Derek's brothers didn't treat stiles any different, they still ruffled his hair and played Fifa with them. It wasn't a solid solution to his depression but it was something to look forward to after therapy.
He didn't tell his dad at first, too afraid the man would hate him for being with a guy. One night Derek was in his room, half on top of him as they made out when John walked in.
Stiles sprung up, pushing Derek away. "Dad-dad it's not-I can explain I promise-"
John took a moment before speaking. "Stiles, a word." His son nodded solemnly, nervously following him into the hallway.
"Look I don't have a problem with you dating Derek okay?" John started. Stiles face lit up, relief spreading through him. "I do have a problem with you two having sex while I am home."
Stiles whole face went red, him covering with his hands. "Oh my god-dad that's not what we were doing at all." He groaned, John chuckling.
His dad clapped him on the back, "are you happy with him?" Stiles nodded quickly. "Good. Just put a sock on the door next time alright?"
When stiles came back Derek was waiting nervously on the bed, though it was quickly diminished as stiles climbed back on his lap. "We-yeah we are good." He nodded, face still extremely red. Derek grinned before kissing him again.
And then stiles was thinking about sex with Derek obsessively. It wasn't about really the act, more of it was just stiles worries that he wouldn't be good enough for Derek. He didn't even like taking off his jacket, the bruises still visible enough to look weird and raise questions.
Even besides that, he was lanky and awkward. He didn't have abs like Derek did or tan skin like Scott. He was paler than the moon and his eyes were dull and round. Derek's eyes glistened like a forest.
One night he was at Dereks, the guy taking a shower while stiles was in his room. The mirror was right in front of him, Derek's jacket on the chair.
Slowly he picked it up, shredding off his hoodie and replacing it with the leather. He looked back at himself, frowning deeply at how awkward it looked. The shoulders sunk, unlike how they were filled with Derek's broad shoulders. There was no fit chest to fill the space in front, and if anything he just looked pathetic.
Tears sprang to his eyes that he willed away quickly, though he didn't notice Derek walking back in.
"Hey is that my jacket-stiles? What's wrong?" Derek rushed over, hands flying to stiles face but the boy was moving away, handing the jacket back.
"I'm fine-it's fine I'm just.." He grabbed his jacket. "I gotta go." He tried for the door, but Derek stopped him.
"Stiles is it-are you upset because of your-" he had started, but stiles cut him off.
"Shut up okay! I don't-I know why I'm upset I don't need to hear it again." He got out. Derek sighed, pulling stiles to the bed.
"You know I love your body right?" Derek had whispered, dragging them to lay down and face each other. He brought a hand up to stiles chest. "You know that I wouldn't want to have anyone else laying on this bed with me right now."
Stiles shook his head, "but I'm not fit like you or tan and I don't have nice hair or eyes or-"
Derek shut him up by kissing him, long and slow. "I love your hair, and your eyes." His hand went under stiles shirt, trailing over his stomach. "And I love your chest, and I love the moles along your jaw that you think nobody notices and I love your skin because it's so soft and delicate and I love you. I love you and everything about you." He had whispered, kissing down his jaw. Stiles shuddered underneath the contact, feeling loved. It was such a foreign feeling.
And when Derek stripped him down and palmed him through his boxers and whispered sweet nothings in his ear he didn't feel dirty or used. It felt right and he loved the way Derek kissed him harder when he moaned quietly. He loved the way Derek didn't ask for anything back when it was all over and just cleaned stiles up and held him close.
They finally settled around midnight, Derek pressing kisses to his shoulder and back. Stiles all too suddenly realized his bruises were out in the open the whole time. Derek seemed to realize too, placing a light kiss there as well.
"Derek about my neck-" stiles had started.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Derek had whispered. Stiles shook his head.
"I want to."
And Derek listened when stiles started from the beginning about Scott and how his dad had found him in his room, noose made from a belt. And Derek had held him close and told him he was so sorry and how beautiful he still was.
And stiles was happy, in that moment. He was thinking about a future, thinking about senior year with Derek and being able to drive and he was thinking of giving Derek what he gave stiles. Of course he wasn't going to automatically be better. He would have bad days, bad weeks, where he wouldn't be able to move out of bed.
But Derek would be there, and Derek would stay with him until he could say I love you back and Derek would stay with him whether it be kissing on the top of the Empire State Building or on the bathroom floor of a McDonald's.
And stiles was for once in his life since before that basement of Lydia martins lake house in freshman year, looking up.