Kirk v McCoy (2265) 134 FLR 9056
Plaintiff: James T Kirk
Defendant: Leonard H McCoy
Allegation(s): The Defendant stole ‘something’ from the Plaintiff during an argument about an away-mission to an unexplored planet.
Witnesses: Hikaru Sulu, Nyota Uhura, Montgomery Scott, Pavel A Chekhov, Keenser, Christine Chapel, Janice Rand.
This case, as a judicial officer, was quite difficult to rule on, seeing as the plaintiff refused to specify exactly what it was that the defendant stole. Thus, all the lower courts have shuffled it up to me, in order to waste my time. As the Supreme Judge, I feel that this case should not have even come to my attention with so little evidence, but due to the large number of witnesses my role as a judge compels me to make a ruling.
The ruling is thus, and I intend for it to set a binding precedent: I find the defendant guilty of stealing from the plaintiff his ‘heart’. This I determined from what I have gathered from both the witnesses’ statements, and from the parties themselves. Thus, finding in the favour of the plaintiff, I order the defendant to compensate this theft by giving to the plaintiff his own [the defendant’s] heart. Further I find that such a case is of such a ridiculous nature as to rule that never again shall such a frivolous case be brought before this, or any Federation court. However, I do wish all the best to both parties in their new relationship. Case dismissed.