It seems so strange to be writing to you again but I must be disciplined and resist the urge just to step into the floo and kiss you good morning.
You’ll be pleased to know that I made good headway on my second years last night in between our letters and I will have them finished by mid morning today I am sure.
I miss you desperately today, more so in the knowledge that in two days there will be classrooms full of children between us and I will not be able to see you when I please. I know it must sound terribly ungrateful though, I have a good job and I should be happy about that but I wish we had more time together.
How is the packing going? I dread to think of all the boxes you will go through in an attempt to pack all your books. Please make sure that you keep warm if you are working in that drafty old attic. I swear I would have caught my death up there were it not for your scarf. I never knew I could grow so fond of silver and green.
I keep pinching myself to be certain these past few days have been reality. You have made me so happy and, for the first time in a very long time, I feel so hopeful for the future. I feel so very lucky to have been given the chance to get to know you, to know the man beneath the mask I knew when I was young. I thought you had so many layers even then but I realise now I only saw one small part of your character. I never would have believed the man I now know was waiting for me to find him.
Darling I miss you and I long for the moment I get to see you again. Write to me when you can today, if I cannot have you with me then I will have you fine writing and your wonderful words.
With deepest affection,
PS I hope the chocolates survived the floo journey. I meant to give them to you yesterday. Enjoy x
Waking to find a letter from you on the hearthrug was certainly a far better way to start the day than I have known before but the temptation of a kiss leaves me once again in want of your presence. Perhaps one day I will know what it is to greet the morning with a kiss from a beautiful woman.
I content myself that our separation will only be of a short duration and I understand the necessity of it. I want you to succeed in all your endeavours and if I must tolerate the loss of your presence for a short time then I will bear it and celebrate your victories when they are achieved. Our relationship has merely chosen to arise with the inconvenience of time upon it but we will learn to adapt around what we must do. I will count the moments to every weekend and every holiday though.
The packing is tedious and dull but I am making headway. It is amazing how much junk I have accumulated over the years despite my belief that I have lived quite simply. The exercise has been cathartic though and I have put a few old ghosts to rest. I think perhaps I kept even the most minor things because they were all that I had to make memories with. Now, I see for the first time in a very long time, the hope of a future with far better memories to be made then I ever thought possible. You have given me hope Hermione and I did not no how desperately I needed that. I have been existing since I awoke from the battle, a battle I did not intend to survive but did. That survival was a lonely thing until those first letters you sent me, those letters that I callously replied to because the sensation I felt when I saw your writing on the page terrified me. I can only be utterly grateful that you did not give up on me because of it.
I did not think I could ever feel the happiness that you have brought to me. I feel as though I have lived more in these two short weeks than I have in what seemed to be interminable years on this planet.
Dearest I too am counting the moments until I see you again. Even in reading your letters, I can hear your voice but it is not enough. I miss you.
It is almost impossible to sit here and not come to you. It’s not even noon and already the hours have dragged. My second years at least are planned out and I am going to work on my first years in the hope that maybe by tomorrow I might have a few hours free. I cannot face the new term without seeing you again. You have become my strength and I need you. I’m so scared.
Severus, do you really believe I can do this? Last term was such a disaster and I fear I am doomed to repeat so many mistakes even with your guidance. I question every decision I make, even if I copied your lessons plans to the letter, I would question them. I am too young and inexperienced to be effective. I’m terrified of my seventh years and at least a foot shorter than most of them.
I cannot do this. When I’m with you, talking to you, I feel so strong but when I’m alone I constantly question and second guess myself. I want to succeed but I don’t know how to.
Would you be ashamed of me if I gave up?
I’m sorry, I did not mean for this to be such a desperate note. Sometimes I am still a foolish little girl.
Tell me what to do. Please. I need my teacher.
My Dear Little Lioness,
There is no one in this world more capable than you. You are brilliant and I say that as your former teacher not as…well, we have not quite named what we are to one another.
If you require me to list all your achievements then I will do so but to save the several small forests I would require for the parchment, I will say the following. The entire wizarding world lives in freedom because of you. Hermione Granger is a name that will go down in history and will forever be synonymous with bravery, valour and intelligence far beyond your years. You should not be scared of any student even if they were three foot taller than you.
My angel I have been where you are, I have been that terrified young teacher standing before the class without any understanding of why I am there and not still in uniform. You are young and you are inexperienced, that cannot be denied, but you are fiercely intelligent and brilliant at the subject you have been engaged to teach.
If you seek my advice then I will repeat what I said to you in October. Own your classroom and remember who is in control. If you are indeed feeling intimidated then speak with Minerva and have one of the more experienced staff members sit in on a few classes. This can be easily covered as a faculty move and would by no means look poorly on you. Your colleagues are there to help you learn.
As for you asking if I would be ashamed of you, that answer is simple. Never. Never Hermione, I can swear that now. If you walked out of there today, I would not be ashamed. I will stand by any decision you make but I would caution you not to make a one based on your nerves. You are anxious and that is natural. Believe me; I had my fair share of pre-term jitters, even when I was far older than you are now. Your fears are not foolish but I do believe they are ungrounded.
Give this time and I believe you will see that I am right but I am here to see you through every trial. If you need me then come to the house, any time day or night. I would prefer you wake me at three in the morning than sit alone in your room and worry yourself.
Dearest you can do this. I believe in you.