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Make Me Forget (If Only For a Moment)

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Simon couldn’t stand being inside the hotel, sometimes.

It would feel like the entire building was closing in on him, like he was trapped. The walls seemed too close together and it was like he was suffocating despite not needing to breathe. So when the hotel got to be too small to handle, Simon would go up onto the roof. He’d sit there, legs dangling off the edge and staring out over the city. Over the hoards of people who had no idea what was lurking around them.

And Raphael would watch him go to the stairwell that led to the roof, would have to clench his hands so tightly that his claws broke into his palms to keep from following him. He knew what Simon was going through, and he wanted so badly to fix it. He knew how hellish this was, that getting used to a life you never asked for was frustrating and painful. So Raphael spent night after night trying to think of how to help.

Finally, one night just two months or so after Simon came back to the hotel, Raphael couldn’t keep himself from following him. He had paced his bedroom for nearly an hour after watching Simon trek up those stairs to the roof before it finally became too much for him. He went silently, was just feet away from Simon before the fledgling even noticed him.

“What’s up?” Simon asked, his voice flat like Raphael wasn’t used to.

“I’m just checking on you.” Raphael answered, stepping up beside Simon.

“I’m fine.” Simon said, his voice quiet and far from convincing. Raphael snorted, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Don’t lie to me, novato.” He said.

It fell silent for a long moment, both of them staring out over the city. Raphael wanted to speak, wanted to say something that might ease his fledgling’s mind. But he couldn’t think of a thing to say. He had never been the best with words, and had very few people he cared enough about to even bother trying. So now that he felt he needed to speak, he had nothing to say.

“Did you miss the sun?” Simon broke the silence after a few long minutes, his voice soft, and Raphael swallowed thickly.  “When you were first turned? Did you ever miss the sun?”

“I still do.” Raphael answered just as quietly.  Once again, silence fell over them. After a few long moments, Raphael saw Simon look up at him and he turned his head so he could meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Simon said, voice cracking halfway through, and Raphael felt his chest tighten.

“This gets better.” He said before he had the chance to think about it. “It gets better, mi sol naciente, I promise.”

A little, sardonic smile twitched at Simon’s lips, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I’ve heard that before.” He said, breaking their eye contact. “ ‘It gets better.’ I’ve heard that a million times. I’m not so sure it ever did.”

Raphael’s unneeded breath caught in his throat, and he briefly wondered when he had started breathing at all. His hands clenched up, claws digging painfully into his palms as he tried to regain control of himself. He understood Simon better than most of the others, his situation was so much closer. Neither of them had asked to be turned. But Raphael could never understand losing a father. Not when his own father had barely ever been around. And when he was, Raphael had wanted him gone. So he could only imagine what kind of pain Simon had to deal with.

”Easier.” Raphael finally choked out. “It doesn’t get better, but it gets easier.”

Simon nodded a bit, eyes going unfocused. Slowly, he pushed himself up to his feet and turned so he could face Raphael. It took a long moment before Raphael followed suit so he could fully face Simon as well. They stared at each other in silence, and finally Raphael shifted closer.

“I want to show you that this isn’t all bad.” He said quietly, softening in a way he hadn’t in decades. “I want to show you the good in this. Prove to you that this isn’t as hellish as it seems.”

Simon licked at his lips, watching Raphael closely. When he didn’t answer, Raphael shifted even closer to him and he had to resist the urge to reach out to him, to cup his face.

“I want to show you that the night isn’t a prison. The moon and stars are just as beautiful as the sun and clouds.” He pushed on, his voice so soft that the slight accent he’d been mostly rid of for years came back.

He watched as the meaning seemed to process in Simon’s mind, watched his face scrunch up painfully and his shoulders start to shake. Simon clamped his eyes shut, taking in a shaky breath.

“Show me. Please.” He whispered in a broken, pleading way that made Raphael’s throat constrict.

Raphael wasn’t so sure where the courage came from, or if it was perhaps just a moment of weakness. But either way, he stepped even closer to Simon and reached to cup his face, surging up to press their lips together. Raphael didn’t even have time to be relieved that Simon returned the kiss before hands landed on his hips desperately, clinging to him like a life line, and Raphael went from holding Simon’s face to wrapping his arms around his neck.

Simon tilted his head to deepen the kiss, a desperation in his movements that shouldn’t have surprised Raphael like it did. It was so easy to melt into the kiss, so easy to press against Simon like they did this all the time. Like they’d both been waiting for this. Simon bit at Raphael’s bottom lip, holding it between his teeth as he pulled out of the kiss. They stayed close, gasping for breath and noses bumping into each other.

“Can we…” Simon breathed out, unable to finish. But Raphael knew what was being asked, and he was nodding before he could even think of it.

Suddenly, Simon’s arms latched around Raphael’s waist and he lifted him up. Raphael let out a surprised little grunt, but his arms were already tightening around Simon’s neck and his legs were wrapping around his waist. Their lips met again, though Raphael wasn’t sure which one of them initiated it, and Simon started for the doorway back into the hotel.

Raphael wasn’t quite certain how Simon managed to walk them down the stairs without falling, especially with how clumsy he usually was. But, admittedly, he also wasn’t paying much attention. All of his attention was on licking into Simon’s mouth, soft little noises budding in his throat that he wouldn’t allow to come out.

Suddenly, Raphael’s back slammed into the wall and he let out a little grunt. His arms tightened around Simon’s neck. One of Simon’s hands let go of him to flail at the wall, looking for the door handle, and Raphael hooked his ankles together so he didn’t start to slip.

The door finally pushed open and the two stumbled into the room. The part of Raphael’s mind that wasn’t overwhelmed and focusing on the taste of Simon’s mouth briefly wondered how the hell Simon had gotten to either of their bedrooms without looking. Or perhaps they had stumbled their way into someone else’s bedroom?

Raphael felt Simon loosen his hold on him, and he was surprised to find that he trusted Simon enough to immediately let go. He fell a foot or so down onto the mattress, bouncing slightly as Simon crawled on top of him. They shuffled awkwardly back onto the bed, up towards the headboard, all the while trying to keep their lips latched together. And what perhaps surprised Raphael the most -especially after how tense and painful it had been just moments before, up on the roof talking- was that they both were giggling, breathless against each other’s lips.

Simon braced his hands on either side of Raphael’s head, bumping their noses together before lifting up so he could look down at him. Raphael looked so young like this, eyes wide and lips already swollen from kisses. An incredulous smile tugged at Simon’s lips, that deep seated sadness already fading from his eyes.

“Are we really doing this?” He asked, and Raphael could feel his breath on his lips.

Nodding, Raphael reached a hand up so he could tangle his fingers in Simon’s hair, slowly looking over his entire face. His teeth bit into his bottom lip for a brief moment, and he turned his head so he wasn’t looking at  Simon.

“I’ve never been with anyone.” He admitted quietly.

Out of the corner of his eye, Raphael could see Simon’s face scrunch up in confusion for a moment before softening. Simon lifted his hand to softly cup Raphael’s face, gently guiding him until he was looking forward again. Simon offered a little smile, his thumb rubbing over Raphael’s cheek.

“Do you want to?” He asked, and Raphael was surprised by how genuine the question was. No hint of taunting, no sarcasm, just sincerity.

“Yes.” Raphael answered. “I want to.”

“Do you trust me?” Simon continued.

Instead of answering, Raphael let his eyes slip shut. He tilted his head back to expose his throat, his hand clenching in Simon’s hair. He heard Simon let out a choked off sound, then lips pressed softly to the center of his throat. Simon lingered a long moment, tongue poking out to swipe over the skin, and Raphael couldn’t keep from groaning quietly.

Raphael shifted, moving until he could let his legs fall open and letting Simon settle between them. His head lolled to the side, and he made another pleased sound as Simon latched onto the side of his neck. Sucking and nipping the skin, careful not to actually bite him. Raphael’s fingers tangled even more tightly into Simon’s hair, pressing him closer.

A hand slipped up under his shirt and Raphael groaned. He tilted his head back, nearly arching off the bed, and Simon slid his hand further up his abdomen. Each touch set Raphael’s skin on fire like he had never felt, made him want so much more than he had ever wanted. A burning desire that Raphael hadn’t known was possible lighting inside him, making him act without thinking.

The vague thought process was stopped dead in its tracks when Raphael felt Simon laugh against his neck. He gave a questioning hum, briefly worried he had somehow done something wrong. The only answer he got was Simon tugging helplessly at his shirt while still laughing against his skin.

“My hand is stuck.” Simon managed to gasp out.

It took a long moment for the sentence to process in Raphael’s head. When it finally did, he couldn’t help but laugh, head thrown back against the pillows and his entire body shaking. He shook his head, and they both shifted awkwardly to sit up. Raphael looked down at the hand tangled in his shirt, still letting out breathless little laughs.

Simon had somehow managed to tangle his hand through one of the gaps between buttons, half of his hand outside of the shirt and the other half caught inside. Raphael reached to unbutton his shirt, trying to help Simon pull his hand free.

“Of course you manage to get stuck, idiota.” he mused through his little giggles, and Simon just laughed harder.

Once Simon’s hand was freed from Raphael’s shirt, Raphael flipped them over. He shoved Simon back so he was sitting against the pillows, and he climbed right into his lap. His hands tangled in Simon’s hair, and he pulled his head back so he could slot their lips together again.

Raphael could feel the last few buttons come undone quickly, and he let go of Simon’s head so he could let the shirt slip off his shoulders. He lingered in the kiss for another long moment, biting at Simon’s lower lip before he pulled away. He reached for Simons’ shirt, and Simon sat forward to help tug it off and throw it out of the way. Raphael immediately cupped Simon’s face again, and he leaned their foreheads together.

“I’ve never wanted someone like this.” He murmured, breathless and he could swear he felt his heart racing. “Sex never appealed to me. I never wanted it. But Dios por encima, Simon, I want you.”

Simon’s arms wrapped around Raphael tightly, an odd sound coming from deep in his throat as he pressed into a soft kiss. Raphael would never admit it, but he melted into Simon, one of his arms wrapping around his neck. Simon’s skin felt almost warm against him, and he couldn’t find it in him to care that it shouldn’t have been possible.

With his arms still wrapped securely around Raphael’s waist, Simon turned them over once again. Raphael’s legs wrapped around him, tried to tug him closer all the while doing his best to keep from breaking their kiss. Simon licked into his mouth eagerly, making pleased little sounds and tugging at Raphael’s hair.

He pulled away from the kiss, and Raphael was embarrassed to realize he tried to follow after Simon. Their noses bumped gently - though whether or not it was on purpose, Raphael didn’t know - and Simon began pressing sweet little kisses over Raphael’s jaw. Raphael let out a contented little sigh as his head lolled to the side, and Simon’s kisses trailed up over the curve of his jaw to just under his ear. Simon nipped at the lobe, then began trailing more kisses down the side of Raphael’s neck.

With little warning, Raphael gasped and threw his head back. Completely exposed his throat to Simon, hands snapping down onto the bed and tangling in the sheets. Simon paused, harshly shoving down the sudden urge to bite, and lurched away from Raphael as if worried he had done something wrong.

“hacerlo, por favor, Simon, muérdeme.” Raphael said, a desperation in his voice that Simon had never heard before.

“I don’t know what that means, Raph, what did I do wrong?” He asked, reaching to cup Raphael’s face in the hopes of soothing him. Raphael shook his head, then nearly arched off the bed with how harshly he threw his head back to bare his throat.

“Bite me, Simon.” He demanded, voice hoarse. “Bite me. Drink from me. Please.”

Simon gasped, a harsh wave of desire hitting him and warming him from the inside out. He pressed his face into Raphael’s neck, already panting into the cool skin. He groaned low in his throat, feeling his fangs snap out. Desperate to taste Raphael’s blood.

“Can I?” He managed to gasp out, voice wrecked. Raphael nodded.

“Please, Simon.” Raphael said, lifting a hand to tangle in Simon’s hair and pressing his face further into his neck.

Simon groaned deep in his chest, pressing open kisses over the spot Raphael’s pulse should have been. He licked at the skin, feeling Raphael’s fingers tighten in his hair before he latched on and sank his teeth in.

Raphael arched against him, letting out an incoherent string of what might have been Spanish curses. Simon could feel warmth surging through him, could feel Raphael like their minds were connected. The room around them faded and there was nothing left but a subtle, sweet taste and the feel of Raphael under him. Hands clawing at his back, hips rocking up into his.

Simon didn’t know how long he stayed there, letting the blood drain from Raphael’s neck. But he eventually licked at the wound to heal it, his entire body trembling, and he could feel Raphael giving tiny little pants. He licked at his lips, desperate to catch any lingering blood, needing to have that intimate feeling for as long as possible.

But Raphael’s hands tightened their hold on him when he tried to lift up and away, not allowing him to move. Raphael let out a little noise, one that sounded far less pleasured and more...embarrassed.

“Raph?” Simon breathed out, his voice still hoarse. “You alright?”

“I…” Raphael shook his head, then buried his face in Simon’s neck. “It was...intenso. Demasiado.” His voice was quiet, shaking, and it took a long moment for Simon to understand why.

“You came…” He murmured, and he felt Raphael tense under him. “Fuck, Raph….”

Simon’s hips jerked forward without him thinking about it, and he pulled back to look Raphael in the eye. He tangled a hand in Raphael’s hair, then bent down to kiss him firmly. He rolled his hips slowly, painfully hard. God, he had made Raphael come from biting him. Sharing something that intimate - and Simon knew what it meant, he knew how much it meant for, not only a vampire, but for Raphael himself to submit like that - had been enough to push Raphael over that edge and the thought alone made Simon’s own cock twitch.

Without giving Raphael the chance to be embarrassed - because Simon could practically feel the blush rising on his cheeks - Simon began pressing kisses down over his chest. He fumbled with Raphael’s belt as his lips latched onto one of his nipples, and Raphael let out a desperate little whine and squirmed under him.

When Simon finally pulled Raphael’s pants open, he gasped against his chest. He could feel the mess inside his boxer briefs, could feel Raphael already starting to harden again. Simon gripped him gently, like he was afraid of pushing too far, and Raphael squirmed again.

“I couldn’t…” Raphael started, and it was odd to hear him so unsure. To hear the blatant embarrassment.

Simon glanced up at his face, noticing that Raphael was quite pointedly not looking at him, then he bent down to press a loving kiss to his hip. He pushed at Raphael’s pants, dragging them down to Raphael’s knees.

“It’s fine, Raphael.” He said. “It’s, fuck it’s….so hot. Raph, you’re fucking beautiful.”

Raphael blinked once, then twice. He had expected to be made fun of, for Simon to laugh at how easily he had been brought over that edge. But, it only seemed to spur Simon on, make him more eager. Raphael shuddered, reaching to tangle a hand in Simon’s hair.

It took Simon a long, awkward moment to pull Raphael’s pants the rest of the way off, leaving them both laughing breathlessly again. Raphael had been told this was how it was supposed to be, that it was supposed to be this easy and fun. Magnus had told him that, if he found the right person, they’d make mistakes and laugh about it. Raphael hadn’t ever believed him.

But this? This was so much more than anything Magnus had ever described. This was so much more intense, every feeling magnified until Raphael felt like he was suffocating in the best way possible. And it just got better, their laughter getting louder as Raphael flipped them and struggled to get Simon’s own pants off. Fond insults as they fumbled around each other on the bed and soft, sweet kisses mixed in with the deep, passionate ones.

Once again, Simon settled between Raphael’s open legs and he leaned in to press their foreheads together. Raphael pulled him down even more to kiss him, shifting his hips. Simon tilted his head to deepen the kiss, letting Raphael’s fangs prick his tongue. Raphael moaned into his mouth,  only to break off into a whine as Simon pulled away.

“Need lube.” Simon murmured, pecking his lips.

They had, apparently, made their way into Simon’s room, Raphael realized. Simon stretched awkwardly to get to the bedside table, digging around until he could pull out a half used bottle. Suddenly, Raphael was thankful that it was Simon’s room they had ended up in. He had nothing in his own room he could use, and he certainly didn’t want to have to put any distance between them to get some.

When Simon settled above Raphael again, holding the bottle, he locked eyes with him.

“You sure, Raphael?” He asked quietly. “You can call it off.”

“No.” Raphael shook his head, reaching up to grab at Simon’s face. When he couldn’t reach his face, he settled for resting his hands on Simon’s stomach instead. “No, mi sol, I want this. I want you.”

Nodding, Simon dipped back down to kiss Raphael again. Slow and sweet, their lips melding together perfectly. Raphael’s hands slipped up into Simon’s hair again, pulling him closer and closer, and his legs fell a bit further open.

Simon moaned into the kiss, fumbling with the bottle to get it open. He slicked his fingers, all the while refusing to pull out of the kiss. Raphael gasped against Simon’s lips when a finger prodded gently at his entrance, slow and questioning.

“Por favor, mi sol.” He breathed out, arms wrapping completely around Simon’s neck and hips rolling down against the finger.

Raphael cried out, back arching as Simon carefully pressed a finger into him. Simon kissed lovingly at his neck, petting his free hand through Raphael’s hair. He paused, letting Raphael pant against him as he adjusted to the finger. When Simon felt Raphael nod, he slowly moved his finger, curling it experimentally. Raphael tightened his arms around Simon, giving choked off noise and biting into his bottom lip.

A second finger pressed in along the first after a few moments, and Raphael felt a harsh shudder run up his spine. Simon paused, and Raphael pushed down against his fingers before he had the chance to ask if he needed to stop.

Simon moved his fingers slowly, stretching Raphael and watching his face intently. Staring at him in awe, like he couldn’t believe that he was causing such a reaction from him. Raphael was writhing on the bed, already, biting into his bottom lip and gasping out words that Simon couldn’t quite understand. His arms kept a tight hold on Simon, one that might have hurt had he still been human.

“You’re so beautiful, Raph…” Simon breathed out, lips brushing over Raphael’s skin as he spoke. He felt Raphael whimper more than he heard it.

“I’m ready, mi sol naciente, just fuck me!” Raphael demanded, rolling his hips harshly as if to encourage Simon.

Hearing Raphael swear caused a harsh tendril of desire pulse through Simon, and he let out a pathetic little whimper as he carefully pulled his fingers free. Raphael made a whining noise at the loss, but he released Simon anyway. His hands fell to the bed, fingers tangling up in the sheets and Simon took a moment to really look at him.

He seemed so young. Lips swollen from kisses and stained from his own blood. Eyes wide and trusting, unlike any expression Simon had ever seen on his face. So open, like he had finally dropped every bit of armor Simon knew he kept carefully sculpted around himself.

Simon let out a choked off groan, and he reached his clean hand to cup Raphael’s face. His thumb stroked lovingly over his cheekbone, and Raphael’s eyes flitted closed as his head tilted into the touch. Simon leaned back down, pressing their mouths together in another soft kiss. He lingered a long moment, head tilting slightly to deepen the kiss just a little.

Once again, Simon pulled away. He nearly dropped the bottle of lube when he tried to pick it up, and he snorted half of a laugh. He slicked himself, groaning when he touched himself. Raphael’s own legs fell even further open, and he watched Simon intently.

Simon scooted up a little closer, reaching a hand to grip at Raphael’s hip. He met Raphael’s eyes, silently questioning. Raphael nodded once, biting into his bottom lip. Licking his lips, Simon moved to press a sweet kiss to Raphael’s shoulder as he nudged the tip of his cock against his entrance.

Raphael gasped, eyes clamping shut. It already felt so different from Simon’s fingers. Bigger, warmer. Better. He was vaguely aware that his claws were tearing into the sheets beneath him, but he was too busy forcing himself to relax to really care.

How long it took, Raphael wasn’t sure, but after however long spent keening and writhing, Simon’s hips were pressed right up against Raphael. Simon held himself over Raphael, letting out little pants against his neck. Raphael’s arms snaked around his neck, again, holding on tightly.

“Por favor, Simon. Please, move.” He gasped out, an almost begging tone to his voice.

Simon made a broken noise, and he pulled back slowly. His movements were slow and unsteady, at first. Uneasy. Like he was worried about going too quickly, worried about hurting Raphael. But Raphael wrapped his legs around Simon, pulling him closer.

It took a few long moments, but the two fell into an easy rhythm. Simon rocking against Raphael, and Raphael pulling him in closer to meet each thrust. Raphael arched, suddenly, screaming out a Spanish swear. His arms tightened even more around Simon’s neck, and he rocked back against him even more harshly.

“Fuck, Raph…” Simon groaned, tangling a hand in Raphael’s hair.

He could feel Raphael clenching around him, could feel the heat coiling low in his stomach. He moved faster, harder, and Raphael suddenly went quiet. Simon felt claws digging into his back, felt Raphael clench even more around him. Raphael gasped out his name, legs pulling Simon further into him.

Simon made a keening noise, his movements suddenly growing more and more erratic. He lost that rhythm he had built up, moving harshly. That heat in his stomach coiled tighter and tighter until it snapped and Simon stilled his movement, crying out as he buried his face in Raphael’s neck.

Whereas Raphael had gone quiet, making gaspy little sounds and biting into his lips, Simon was loud. He let out a string of incoherent sounds, syllables that didn’t quite fill out into words and Raphael’s name cutting into ranting.

Simon slowly came down from the high, allowing himself to collapse on top of Raphael. They both gasped into each other’s necks, each of them pressing soft kisses every so often. Raphael made a needy little noise when Simon pulled away, out of him. It took more effort than Simon cared to admit to shift so he was beside Raphael, and he wrapped his arm tightly around his waist.

They were both quiet for a few long minutes, both trying to catch the breath they didn’t need. Simon kissed softly at Raphael’s shoulder, lips lingering against him.

“I love you.” Simon murmured quietly, sleepily.

Raphael tensed briefly, only to melt into the bed. He turned, easing Simon onto his back so he could lie his head on Simon’s chest. He rested his head over Simon’s heart, listened to the slow, barely there beat in his chest, and Raphael sighed contentedly.

“Yo también te amo.” He said, pressing a kiss against Simon’s sternum.

“That was….” Simon sighed, trailing off. And suddenly, he let out a little laugh. Raphael tensed, suddenly terrified - though of what, he wasn’t sure - and he looking up towards Simon.

“We just...we just used sex to make up for emotional bullshit.” Simon said through his little giggles.

Raphael hesitated, taking a moment to let that sink in, and then he was chuckling too. Because it was ridiculous. This entire situation was ridiculous. Raphael snuggled a little more closely to Simon, eyes slipping shut.

“Shut up, fledgling.” He said fondly. He felt Simon kiss the top of his head, and Raphael smiled a little wider.

“...Thank you.” Simon breathed out quietly, squeezing Raphael close.

Raphael didn’t answer, but he kissed Simon’s chest one more time. He knew he was going to be disgusted, soon enough. Knew he needed to clean the drying come off of his stomach, off of his thighs. But right now? Right now, he was perfectly content being held. Lying against Simon and feeling gentle kisses being pressed against his mussed hair.

All in all, Raphael had never felt so content.