Actions

Work Header

A Summer Story, or, The Lewis Story

Chapter Text

8:10 AM on the last day of school. It’s time for homeroom. Megan McGuire is in E3, Mrs. Engman’s room.
Intercom Lady: Will Megan McGuire please come to the front office?
Megan leaves the room. Hallway.
Lewis Scott jumps out of a random locker. He makes Johnny Depp’s Oompa–Loompa call.
Lewis: The fun has arrived!
Megan: Lewis! What are you doing?!
He starts screaming “Wahooo!” over and over while running around in circles.
Megan: Lewis, will you please stop doing that?
Lewis: OK!
He stops.
Megan: Why do you only listen to me?
Lewis: Uuuh… ummm… (Scratches his head) hmmm…
He keeps doing this.

Chapter Text

Lewis: Let’s go!
Megan: Where?
Lewis: The airport in Detroit!
Megan: Two things. One: we have to fly there. Two: we have to go to Dulles to fly there. Not to mention that YOU CAN’T DRIVE!!!
Lewis: I don’t care. We’re still going. I love that red train thing!
Megan: Auuuughhh!
He grabs Megan’s wrist. They run through the school to the front lobby. They exit through the doors.

Meanwhile, back in E3…
Intercom Lady: Is Megan McGuire coming to the office?
Mrs. Engman: Isn’t she there?
Intercom Lady: I’ve checked. None of us have seen her.

Back with Lewis and Megan. Lewis lock picks a car in the school parking lot.
Megan: What if we get in trouble?
Lewis: Blame it on me! DUH!
Megan: Whatever, Mr. Cheerleader Boy. Hey, is this Mrs. Puttre’s car?!
Lewis: Of course it is. Whose did you think it was? Mr. Cznadel’s?
Megan: Ewww! No!

About 2 or 3 hours later, on the flight. The pilot comes over the intercom.
Pilot: Hello, Northwest Airlines passengers. You are on Flight 1401 headed for Detroit, Michigan. Please read the Emergency Procedures pamphlets in front of you. We’re about to take off now, so please keep all rears in seats and seatbelts on while in flight.
Lewis: I’m scared!
The plane takes off.
Megan: You do know that the school probably called the cops, right?
Lewis: YAY! I’m a fugitive! This totally ROCKS! By the way, I’m scared. Hold me!
Megan: You’re so weird.

Chapter Text

A while later. Lewis and Megan are still flying.
Lewis: I want to sing.
Megan: You always want to sing.
He starts to sing.
Lewis: Just tell me where you are and I’ll jump into my car.
Megan: What’re you talking about? You’re not even 15 yet! Wait. Was that on a car ad on the radio last year?
He starts to dance, too.
Lewis: First Class people now (they join in). Just tell me where you are and I’ll jump into my car. Emergency Exit people now (they join in). Just tell me where you are and I’ll jump into my car. Flight Crew people now (they join in). Just tell me where you are and I’ll jump into my car. EVERYONE now (they join in)! Just tell me where you are and I’ll jump into my car. Whoo! Everyone, one more time! Just tell me where you are and I’ll jump into my car (everyone but Lewis stops). I’ll jump into my caaaaaaaaaaar! Whooo!
Megan: OK. That was strange.
Lewis: I know. But this ROCKS!
Pilot: OK, passengers, we are now arriving in Detroit. Please remain seated and keep seatbelts fastened until instructed. Thank you for flying NorthWest Airlines and Flight 1401.

Chapter Text

Lewis and Megan are getting off the plane. They step into the airport.
Megan: This place is WAY better than when I came here LAST summer!
Lewis: TOTALLY! I’m hungry. Let’s go get something from Taco Bell.
Megan: We just ate on the plane 5 MINUTES AGO! Well, anyway, yeah! I’m always hungry.
Lewis: I’m hungry. I want Taco Bell.
Megan: Wow. After today, I’m surprised this boy isn’t blond.

Chapter Text

Lewis and Megan are now finding a place to sit. They hear a familiar voice. It’s their friend, Ashley Kraak, sitting with Johnny Depp.
Ashley: Hey guys! Over here!
They sit next to Ashley and her new friend.
Ashley: This is my new friend, Billy Bob.
Johnny: My name isn’t Billy Bob.
Ashley: Whatever.
Johnny: Anyway, hi.
Lewis: Can I be Billy Bob if Johnny doesn’t want to?
Megan: Yes. His real name is Lewis. I’m Megan.
Johnny’s cell phone starts ringing.
Johnny: (Looking at the caller ID) Does anyone know a Medha Satyal?
Ashley: Can I talk to her?
He gives her the phone.
Medha: Whose phone am I calling?
Ashley: This is Joe’s Pizza Parlor in Detroit. We’re not open right now, so call back later or leave a message after the tone. BEEP!
Megan: Ashley, what are you talking about?
Johnny: Stop messing with my phone!
Medha: Are you really in Detroit? Is that Johnny Depp in the background? Are you on his phone? Is Megan there? What about Lewis?
Lewis: MY NAME IS BILLY BOB!
Ashley: Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes!
Medha: Cool! Can I talk to Johnny Depp?
Ashley: Gotta hang up now. Gotta get on our flight to Chicago. Bye.
Medha: No! Wait! I wanna talk to…
Ashley hangs up. The four clean their trays and head for the Flight Dock.

Chapter Text

Lewis, Megan, Johnny, and Ashley are flying to Chicago. Johnny is asleep.
Johnny: No! I don’t want it! I don’t want to eat a poisoned Wonka bar!
Ashley: Johnny! Wake up!
Johnny: Huh? What? Where am I? Oh yeah! Now I remember. Why did you wake me up?
Lewis: You were talking in your sleep.
Johnny: Again?
Lewis: Again?! What do you mean again?
Johnny: Uhhhh… no reason. What was I saying?
Lewis: (mocking Johnny) No! I don’t want it! I don’t want to eat a poisoned Wonka bar!
Johnny: I am so dumb.

Chapter Text

Meanwhile, at Saunders, it’s lunch time and everyone at the lunch table is wondering where Lewis, Megan, and Ashley went.
Medha: Oh yeah. I accidentally called Johnny Depp’s cell phone. He said they were with them.
Nicole Dulak: They’re with Johnny Depp?!!!
Medha: Oh, and Ashley said they were going to Chicago.
Jill St. Germain: Chicago?!!! Why is he taking them there?
Lauren Halbeisen: I dunno, but let’s sneak out of school in a minute to go find out.

Chapter Text

Later, at an old warehouse on the outskirts of Chicago. The four travelers are getting out of a limo. Lindsay VanHouse is driving.
Lindsay: I’ll park around back. Johnny, do you have the key?
Johnny: Yep.
The foursome goes inside.
Katherine Kirkpatrick: Hello. I am Katherine the butler. I will go get the master. (As she walks away) Why can’t Aundrea be the butler?
Aundrea Lovett: Don’t mind her. Master Highmore always gives her a hard time. Would you like any drinks?
Lewis: I want a Cherry Coke in a reeeeeeaaaalllly tall glass. And lots of ice. And a bendy straw. Ooooohhhhh! And a lemon!!!!

Chapter Text

Aundrea leaves as Katherine enters.
Katherine: Presenting Master Highmore.
She backs up. Freddie Highmore enters.
Ashley: WHO IN THE WORLD IS THAT?!!!!
Megan: That’s… that’s… oh my gosh!!!
She falls over.
Freddie: Katherine, show the guests to their rooms.
Lindsay enters.
Lindsay: What can I do?
Lewis: Yeah! And where’s my Cherry Coke in a reeeeeeaaaalllly tall glass with lots of ice and a bendy straw? Ooooohhhhh! Don’t forget the lemon!!!!
Freddie: Lindsay, go get the groceries. I’ll have Aundrea deliver your drink to your room, Mr. Scott.
Lewis: How does he know my name? Wait! I’m not Mr. Scott! I’m Mr. Billy Bob!

Chapter Text

Everyone is in their rooms. Lewis burps really loudly, obviously finished with his soda.
Lewis: ‘Scuse me!
Everyone else: LEWIS!!!!
Lewis: What?! I said, “‘Scuse me!”

Chapter Text

Meanwhile, in Detroit…
Lauren: OK. Where do we get on our other flight to Chicago?
Jill: Over there. Flight Dock 66.
Nicole: The plane is taking off! We missed our flight!
Jill: I have an idea! Let’s sneak into the cargo in the next one to Chicago!
Medha: Where’s that?
Jill: Flight Dock 67.
A few hours later, at the Chicago Midway Airport. The girls are being taken from the plane into the airport, disguised as luggage.
Nicole: Bright idea, Jill! I’ve had to go to the bathroom this whole time! And I’m sore all over!
Medha: Me too!
Jill: Well at least we’re in Chicago!
Lauren: We’d better be! Or else I’ll strangle you when I get less stiff!

Chapter Text

Afternoon tea with Freddie in Chicago.
Lewis: I don’t like this tea. I want another Cherry Coke.
Ashley: Be quiet, Lewis!
Lindsay comes in with at least 10 bags of groceries.
Freddie: What took you so long?
Lindsay: First, it took me forever at the ATM since it wouldn’t take my credit card. Then, I couldn’t find ANYTHING at the store.
Lewis: Maybe that’s ‘cuz you were at a Home Depot!
Lindsay: (ignoring Lewis) And then I had to wait in a long line at the self–checkout because an old grandma that looked like, 150 years old, was trying to use it. Then I got stuck in traffic at a busy 4-way intersection because these two guys on opposite sides of the intersection decided to get out of their cars and cuss each other out. AND THE STOPLIGHT WAS GREEN!!!
Craig Parker walks in.
Craig: Finally! I couldn’t make that stew without that carrot!
Lindsay: All that trouble for a carrot?! Just one measly CARROT?! I QUIT!!!
A few hours later when Craig finally finishes his stew. There is a knock at the door.
Freddie: Katherine, get the door.
She leaves. When she comes back, the “rescue party” of Jill, Nicole, Lauren, and Medha comes with her. Jill has a huge water gun, obviously full.
Lauren: Ow! My legs hurt!
Katherine: Jill wouldn’t tell me why she has a water gun until she got in here.
Jill: I stole it from someone’s bags. By the way, Freddie, fork over our friends and nobody gets wet.
Freddie: We’ll work this out over this wonderful stew that Craig made. Please sit down.
Jill squirts Craig with the water gun.
Craig: What did you do that for?!
Jill: Freddie won’t give our friends back! And you seemed to be the best target, Mr. Man!
Craig: Mr. Man?!
That evening. Megan has found the library that Freddie made. He comes in.
Freddie: I completely renovated this whole old warehouse just for you. No help at all.
Megan: Really? Wow! Uuuhhh… thanks… I guess…
Freddie: I also hired all of your friends to bring you here. Unfortunately, I didn’t plan on the rescue party and the carrot incident.
Megan: That’s OK. I still love it here… I think…

Chapter Text

It’s the middle of the night. Everyone is in bed, asleep, except Lewis, who is listening to a CD. The CD can be heard throughout the warehouse. The only two songs on it are “Barbie Girl in German” and “Irresistible” by Jessica Simpson. “Irresistible” is being played for the fiftieth time. Lewis sings loudly with the CD.
Freddie: Mr. Scott, will you turn off that CD? You’re going to deafen all of Chicago!!!
Lewis: OK, fine!
Lewis turns the CD off.

Chapter Text

The large group is at the airport.
Freddie: Remind me again. Where are we going?
Megan: We’ve all decided to protest the death of Admiral Zhao on Avatar.
Later, at the Nickelodeon Studios in New York City. Everyone has a protest sign.
Kids: (chanting) Bring back Zhao! Bring back Zhao! Bring back Zhao!
They keep chanting this when two men walk out. One is one of Avatar’s producers. The other is Jason Isaacs, who did voiceover work for Zhao.
Ashley: YAY! IT’S JASON ISAACS!!!!!!!
Everyone cheers.
Producer Dude: What are these crazy kids doing?!
Jason: They’re obviously protesting my character’s death. Since they seem to be such loyal fans, I say that I agree. Bring back Zhao.
Producer Dude: But…
Ashley: Pleasey, pleasey, pleasey!!!!!
She makes a sad–looking pout.
Producer Dude: OK. I’ll try to work something out.
Everyone cheers again.
Lewis: For some odd reason, I feel like Ferris Bueller!
Johnny: What the heck are you talking about?!
Lewis: I don’t know!

Chapter Text

Back at the warehouse. For some reason, Lindsay is still the driver.
Lewis: Hey Lindsay, I thought you quit!
Lindsay: No, I didn’t.
Lewis pulls out a cassette tape recorder and presses the “play” button.
Freddie: What took you so long?
Lindsay: First, it took me forever at the ATM since it wouldn’t take my credit card. Then, I couldn’t find ANYTHING at the store.
Lewis: Maybe that’s ‘cuz you were at a Home Depot!
Lindsay: And then I had to wait in a long line at the self–checkout because an old grandma that looked like, 150, was trying to use it. Then I got stuck in traffic at a busy 4-way intersection because these two men on opposite sides of the intersection decided to get out of their cars and cuss each other out. AND THE STOPLIGHT WAS GREEN!!!
Footsteps are heard, obviously Craig’s entrance.
Craig: Finally! I couldn’t make that stew without that carrot!
Lindsay: All that trouble for a carrot?! Just one measly CARROT?! I QUIT!!!
The recording stops.
Lindsay: Where’d you get that?
Lewis: At the airport when I first came here.

Later, in Megan’s room. Megan, Ashley, and Medha are talking. Lewis runs in, holding a piece of paper with 2 lines of writing on it.
Lewis: Hey guys! I’m writing a story about this adventure! Wanna read it?
Medha: Sure!
She takes the paper.
Medha: (Reading.) The Lewis Chronicles: A Summer Story, by Lewis Scott. (Sarcastically.) Wow. That is so cool.
Katherine comes in.
Katherine: Dinner’s ready.
Ashley: Read Lewis’ story! It’s so funny!
Katherine takes the paper.
Katherine: (reading) The Lewis Chronicles: A Summer Story, by Lewis Scott. That’s not much of a story.
Lewis: I know! I’m working on it!

Chapter Text

During dinner. A knock on the door is heard.
Katherine: Don’t say anything, Freddie. I’m getting it.
She comes back in with Tom Felton, Rupert Grint, and the Phelps twins, Oliver and James. A thud is heard. Ashley and her chair are on the floor.
Tom: Are you OK?
He walks over and helps her up and picks her chair up.
Ashley: Now I am!
Rupert: Remind me again, why are we here?
Oliver: Someone called the hotel we were going to and needed urgent reservations and the hotel people gave them our rooms.
Medha: Oops! I think that might’ve been me.
James: You’re mean.
Medha: It’s not my fault that we didn’t know that we’d be staying in this lovely old warehouse! (Glares at Freddie.)
Freddie: We were just discussing our plans for a host club.
Rupert: A what?!
Twins: A host club.
Lewis: We get to entertain people! Yay!
Rupert: I KNOW WHAT A HOST CLUB IS! I’ll do it as long as I don’t have to do anything dumb.
Ashley: We have the perfect act for Lewis!
Lewis: I’M BILLY BOB!
Ashley: Whatever, Lewis!
Medha: Yeah! He’s going to dress up as Momiji Sohma and dance to “Barbie Girl in German!”
Tom: Mummy-Jeans Soda?! Who’s that?!
Megan: You’ll see. We don’t want to spoil the surprise!

Chapter Text

A while later, at the Allstate Arena, somewhere else in Chicago. This chapter is a filmed episode of the TV show everyone’s going to be on, American Idol: The Talent Show. Note: this title was thought of before America’s Got Talent was ever created. I think. Maybe. The camera is on Ryan Seacrest, outside the audition room.
Ryan: Now auditioning is the Lewis Scott Host Club. Right now, we’re talking to Lewis Scott himself.
The camera focuses on Lewis now, too. He is wearing a Momiji costume.
Lewis: We’re going to do a lot of great stuff, so, WATCH OUT, SIMON COWELL!
A few minutes later in the audition room. The Host Club is auditioning. The judges, Simon, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson, are watching.
Randy: OK, so who do we have today?
Lewis: The Lewis Scott Host Club! Hi, Paula!
Paula: Hi! Now, go ahead!
Lewis: Now for our first segment, I’ll be dancing to “Barbie Girl in German” as Momiji Sohma!
He does his act.
Lewis: Now, for the rockin’-est one-hit-wonder band, Driveshaft!
Rupert and the twins come in and sing.
Rupert: (as they walk in) I hope I don’t regret this.
All 3: You all everybody. You all everybody.
Oliver: Actin’ like you’re the stupid people wearin’ expensive clothes!
All 3: You all everybody. You all everybody. You all everybody. You all everybody.
The song is over.
Lewis: Now, we have Tom and Ashley as Romeo and Juliet in the death scene!
They do the scene. When Ashley kisses Tom, it’s a really good fake kiss… or is it fake?!
Lewis: Now is Megan with her impersonations!
Megan comes on. She imitates Jason (Isaacs), Elijah Wood, and Stitch from “Lilo and Stitch” imitating Gandalf from Lord of the Rings.
Lewis: The next part is called “The Carrot,” a skit starring Freddie, Craig, Lindsay, and myself.
Freddie and Lindsay walk in. Lindsay has at least 10 more full shopping bags.
Freddie: What took you so long?
Lindsay: First, it took me forever at the ATM since it wouldn’t take my credit card. Then, I couldn’t find ANYTHING at the store.
Lewis: Maybe that’s ‘cuz you were at a Home Depot!
Lindsay: And then I had to wait in a long line at the self–checkout because an old grandma that looked like, 150, was trying to use it. Then I got stuck in traffic at a busy 4-way intersection because these two men on opposite sides of the intersection decided to get out of their cars and cuss each other out. AND THE STOPLIGHT WAS GREEN!!!
Craig walks in.
Craig: Finally! I couldn’t make that stew without that carrot!
Lindsay: All that trouble for a carrot?! Just one measly CARROT?! I QUIT!!!
Lewis: Next up: Katherine, Jill, Ashley, and Medha in a changed up reenactment of a scene from the Season 1 Finale of Avatar!
Medha and Jill walk in and Ashley comes back. They’re all dressed like Firebenders.
Medha: It’s time to attack the Waterbenders, Iroh… uh… Zuko. What did you do to your uncle?
Ashley: Well, Zhao, I tied him up in a brown paper bag and threw him overboard. He sank like a rock!
Katherine runs in, dressed like a Waterbender.
Katherine: Admiral Choy, prepare to meet your match!
Medha lightly throws her off the small stage. Katherine goes along with it and flies onto the judges’ table.
Medha: Who was that?!
Jill: Some random Waterbender dude!
Lewis: Now, Johnny, Freddie, and Jason are going to sing “Warts and All” from Honk! The Musical!
Johnny sings as the Bullfrog in his Willy Wonka costume, Freddie is Ugly, and Jason is the froglets.
Jason: (as they walk on) I hope I don’t regret this, too.
Lewis: Now, for the grand finale…
Simon: Finally! I was starting to get bored!
Paula: SIMON!
Lewis: Now, for the grand finale, everyone will dance to “Start the Commotion!”
Everyone dances. After the dance, it’s judge time.
Simon: Again, I was bored. Totally horrible, especially the Mummy-Jeans Soda part.
Ashley: Momiji Sohma!
Simon: Whatever.
Paula: I disagree. I thought it was cute and funny.
Lewis: Thanks, Paula!
Simon: What about you, Randy? What do you think?
Randy: I think they’re going to Hollywood!
Lewis starts bouncing off the walls and screaming “Yes!!! Wahoooo!!!”

Chapter Text

Two days later, on the way to Hollywood. Everyone is on the plane. Ashley notices David Burkhart.
Ashley: Hey, Medha! (pokes Medha) It’s David!
Medha: Hey, David! What are you doing here?
David: Oh, hi! I’m doing a solo comedy act. What are you guys doing?
Ashley: A host club!
David: Cool.
Meanwhile, Megan notices the members of Devo 2.0. She happens to be sitting next to one of them, Nathan Norman. Everyone else, Jackie Emerson, Nicole Stoehr, Kane Ritchotte, and Michael Gossard, is behind them.
Megan: Hey, are you guys Devo 2.0?
Nathan: Huh? Oh! Yeah!
Megan: COOL!
They start talking about random stuff.
Meanwhile, Jill is struggling to take her seatbelt off. She finally takes it off.
Jill: Yay! Now I can hijack the plane!
She goes to the front of the plane and hijacks it easily since the pilot and copilot weren’t up there and the plane was on autopilot. The plane crashes into the Hollywood sign. Everyone screams. Luckily, no one dies, but Craig is in the bathroom and gets a concussion by hitting his head on the toilet.

Chapter Text

Later, at the hotel. Everyone is in their rooms. Everyone gets their own bed. Megan and Katherine are in their room.
Katherine: Who were those people on the plane?
Megan: Devo 2.0!
Katherine: OK! Wait… who?!
Megan starts to explain when there’s a knock at the door. Of course, Katherine answers it. Nathan comes in.
Katherine: Presenting Master… uh… Devo 2.0 Dude!
Nathan: Very funny.
Katherine: It’s not my fault that someone didn’t introduce us to each other!
Megan: Like he said, very funny.
Katherine: I’ll be right back.
She leaves and forgets to close the door.
Nathan: So, do you want me to show you around town sometime soon?
Megan: Sure!
Freddie walks in.
Freddie: Oh, hi, uh…
Nathan: Nathan.
Freddie: Right. I was just going to ask Megan if she wanted to go around town with me.
Nathan: I already asked her.
Freddie and Nathan start fighting over Megan.
Megan: Uh… hello… guys… I’m right here…
Meanwhile, in the next room, Ashley is listening against the wall. Medha is on her bed, watching TV.
Medha: What’re they saying?
Ashley: They’re fighting over Megan!
Medha: Who are?
Ashley: Freddie and… some dude named Nathan.
Someone knocks on the door. When Ashley opens it, the twins come in.
Oliver: Hey, Medha, James made me come in here with him to talk to you.
James: Don’t listen to him. It’s the other way around.
They literally start fighting over Medha.
Ashley: Hey! I want guys to fight over me!
David comes in, carrying one of those generic hotel ice buckets.
Ashley: Hi, David!
David: Can anyone show me where to get some ice? Michael broke his ankle.
Ashley: Well, the twins are wrestling each other for Medha and she’s enjoying it, so I’ll go.
Tom comes in with an ice bucket, too.
Tom: Ashley, can you go with me to get ice?
Tom and David fight over Ashley.
Lindsay: (over all the fighting) Hey! Shut up! I’m trying to watch the weather!
Michael: (screaming in pain) OW! MY ANKLE!
Nicole S. and Jackie take the ice buckets from David and Tom.
Girls: Thanks, boys!
They go get the ice for Michael.

Chapter Text

A flashback of everyone’s arrival the hotel is taking place. Everyone is sitting around in the lobby and talking. Their luggage is all over the floor, as if it was very heavy and everyone dropped it because their arms were tired. Megan McTaggart comes in.
Megan McT: Hi, guys!
Kane: Who’s she?
Nicole (Dulak): Megan McTaggart.
Kane: Who?!
Jill: A friend from school.
Lauren: What’s your act going to be?
Megan McT: An interpretive dance about Yu–Gi–Oh!
Patty and Elizabeth Keicer come in. Elizabeth is buried under a bunch of luggage. She drops it all with everyone else’s.
Elizabeth: Why did you make me carry all that?! I’m your sister, not a pack mule!
Patty: ‘Cuz I felt like it! Hey! It’s Katherine and Megan and Lauren and Jill! And Lewis! And our other friends! And… some random famous people! And… some other random people!
Elizabeth: Why are you changing the subject?!
Patty: HI, LEWIS!!
Lewis: We were just talking to some new friends!
Everyone in Devo 2.0 introduces themselves. All of a sudden, their song “That’s Good” plays. Everyone dances. The band members pretend to play their instruments.
Nicole S: Everybody, it’s a good thing. Everybody wants a good thing. Everybody, ain’t it true that everybody’s lookin’ for the same thing! Ain’t it true there’s just no doubt there’s something you can do without.
Nicole S, Nathan, and Jackie: And that’s good!
Nicole S: Ain’t it true as the sun that shines, you got yours and you got mine.
All 3: And that’s good! Everybody’s just like you, it’s true! Everybody wants a good thing too!
Nicole S: Everybody, it’s a good thing. Everybody wants a good thing. Everybody ain’t it true that everybody’s lookin’ for the same thing. Ain’t it true there’s room for doubt. There’s something you can do without.
All 3: And that’s good! Everybody’s just like you, it’s true! Everybody wants a good thing too!
Nicole S: Now let’s have a great big hand for everybody that can understand. Life’s a bee that doesn’t buzz. You’re doing fine ‘til you get stung. And let us not forget to toast everybody that might have missed the boat. And to everybody who waits until the next one sails in again.
All 3: Everybody…
Nicole S: It’s a good thing!
All 3: Ain’t it true it’s a monumental good thing! Everybody…
Nicole S: It’s a good thing!
All 3: Ain’t it true it’s a monumental good thing! Everybody…
Nicole S: It’s a good thing!
All 3: Ain’t it true it’s a monumental good thing!
At the end of the song, Michael attempts to jump over some luggage. He falls and breaks his ankle.

Chapter Text

Everyone is waking up the next morning. Megan is sitting at a table at the hotel’s continental breakfast. Freddie and Nathan come up to her.
Megan: Lemme guess. This has something to do with what happened last night.
Freddie: It might.
Megan: Y’know, I don’t really have to choose who to go with.
Freddie and Nathan: (Confused) Why not?
Megan: Because my decision’s made for me.
The guys still look confused.
Megan: Since Freddie and I are both in the Lewis Scott Host Club, we’d be going on the Hollywood tour together in the first place. Nathan, if you happen to have your tour on the same day as us, then you can both take me!
Meanwhile, Ashley and Medha are at another table. Tom and David come over to talk to Ashley.
Ashley: I choose Tom!
Medha: Wow. That was fast.
Tom: Yeah. We didn’t even get a chance to say why we came over here in the first place.
David: But that is what we came over here for.
Tom: Oh, yeah.
The twins come up to Medha.
Medha: I choose George! I mean Oliver. I mean whoever!
James: Wow. She doesn’t even know our real names yet.
Oliver: Yeah, but still. I’m George… or Oliver… or whoever I am.
Ryan comes in as the conversations end.
Ryan: OK. The groups that will be going on the Hollywood tour today are The Lewis Scott Host Club, David Burkhart, Devo 2.0, Megan McTaggart, The Keicer Sisters, William Hay, and a bunch of other random groups. Tomorrow, the groups I have just called will perform and everyone else will go on the tour. Now, everyone go get ready.
Later, on the tour.
Tour Guide: And here is the famous Hollywood sign, which is currently being repaired. Someone crashed a plane into it yesterday.
Everyone: Oooohhh! Jill!
Jill: Why is everyone staring at me? I didn’t do anything! I’m innocent!

Chapter Text

The next morning. Now, everyone is at the theater, waiting to go on.
Ryan: OK. First up is the Lewis Scott Host Club.
They walk on.
Randy: OK, what will y’all be doin’ today?
Lewis: A soap opera.
Simon: A… soap opera?
Lewis: Yeah. A soap opera.
Simon: Do you even know what a soap opera is?
Lewis starts trying to find something in his pocket.
Lewis: OK… hold on… (Pulls a paper out of his pocket) OK! I’ve got it! (Reading the paper) Soap opera. Noun. Pronounced SOHP AAH-pur-uh. A soap opera is a sung stage performance about a liquid substance or solid bar used to wash things. (Stops reading) OK. That’s a soap opera.
Simon groans.
Paula: Simon, quit pestering that poor boy. Just let them go.
The group starts singing.
Girls: Soap, soap soap, soap soap soap soap soap soap, soap soap, soap soap soap soap soap soap… (They start fading into the background)
Jason: Soap… I lost my soap… I dropped it down the drain… when I was taking a shower today…
Freddie: Soap… oh soapy soap… what is soap?…
Johnny: Soap… buying soap… so much soap… which soap do I choose?…
Guys (Except Lewis): Soap, soap, soap, soap… (They start fading into the background)
Lewis: This is the end of the soap operaaaaaa!
Everyone stops singing.
Everyone: Thank you.
Randy: Wow. That was funny. I liked it.
Paula: I didn’t really get the point, but it was hilarious. Good job.
Simon: Well, honestly, I haven’t changed my opinion about you people. You’re horrible.
Lewis: Yay! We’re going to round two!
He starts running around and screaming. Everyone leaves the stage.
Ryan: OK. Next up is The Amazing William.
William walks onstage.
Simon: All right, William, what will you be doing for us today? Please, let it be better than those people over there (points to everyone in the audience).
Ashley: (screaming) Hi, Hugh!
Katherine: Hugh?! I thought Ryan just said his name was William!
Ashley: That’s his nickname. Medha and I gave it to him.
William: Quiet, Ashley! Anywho, I’ll be singing “Get’cha Head in the Game” from High School Musical. Even though I hate that movie.
William starts singing. After he sings the first chorus, the electricity shuts off. Everyone starts screaming and panicking. A dark figure walks up to William.
Megan: Who’s that guy on the stage over by William?
A gunshot is heard and William falls to the floor, dead. Everyone panics and screams even more. After about a minute, the electricity comes back on.
Ryan: OK. The producer of the show just called me to say that he’s been watching the whole thing and wants the show cancelled. Everyone, go home.
Everyone groans sadly. Five minutes later, Zach Brown, Arthur Becker, and Caitlin Robertson are on the stage, doing detective work, examining William’s corpse. Two real detectives, Casey Jones and Tino Balducci, come in, talking about doughnuts.
Casey: Hey, what are you kids doing near that dead body?! That’s a crime scene and there’s an investigation going on.
Caitlin: (trying to lie, using a sad voice) This dead body was our friend and we are mourning his death.
She pretends to cry. Zach plays along with it and hugs her.
Arthur: (cluelessly) I thought we were trying to be detectives!
Caitlin slaps him.
Arthur: Ow!
Tino: Yeah, right. Leave the detective work to us. That’s our JOB!
Caitlin: Whatever.
Casey and Tino leave, continuing their doughnut conversation. Megan walks in.
Megan: Hey, if you guys need any help, I could because I’m good with mysteries.
Zach: OK, sure! We could use some help.
Megan: (pulling a notebook and pen out of her pocket) OK. Here are my notes so far. William went on stage to sing “Get’cha Head in the Game.” After the first chorus, the electricity goes out. Then, I saw a guy walk onto the stage. It was dark, so all I could see was that he was about William’s size, only a little taller. Two seconds later, the guy shot William. As William was falling, Murderer Dude ran off stage. Then, the power came back on.
Caitlin: We never saw a guy on the stage, but you’re probably right. It looks like the gun was shot from less than five feet away.
Megan starts writing.
Zach: How can you tell?
Caitlin: The bullet looks like it went in kinda far. If he was shot from far away, the bullet wouldn’t be as far in. I think. Wouldn’t it?
Arthur: This looks like a job for… (Da-da-da-daaah!) MythBusters!
Casey and Tino walk in again, still talking about doughnuts.
Tino: Hey! Didn’t we tell you kids to get off the stage?

Chapter Text

Back at the hotel. Everyone is in the lobby with their stuff. Nicole S’s cell phone starts ringing. She answers it.
Nicole S: Uh-huh… yeah… OK… We’ll be right over.
She hangs up.
Nicole S: OK, so Mark Mothersbaugh just called me and told me that he wants us to come over there because he heard about your friend getting shot.
Megan: Wahoo!

Later, at Mutato Musika, Devo’s studio. Everyone is lounging around. Lewis is trying to do a headstand using a chair to prop himself up.
Lewis: (falling over) AAAH! I can’t do it! And I’m a varsity cheerleader!
Michael: (to Lewis) Keep trying. (more agitated) What the heck is taking so long?!
Nicole (Dulak): I know, really! I’m bored!
Lewis continues to try to do a headstand. Megan and Kane are talking.
Kane: I’m so bored that I want to play a really girly hand game.
Megan: O…kay… I know one. It has some crazy stuff in it. I’ll teach it to you… if you dare!
Kane: Bring it on!
Megan: (starting the game) When Miss Lucy was a baby, a baby, a baby, she went like this: WAH-WAH! When Miss Lucy was a toddler, a toddler, a toddler, she went like this: WAH-WAH! Gimme sucker! When Miss Lucy was a child, a child, a child, she went like this: WAH-WAH! Gimme sucker! Daddy tie my shoe! When Miss Lucy was a teenager, a teenager, a teenager, she went like this: WAH-WAH! Gimme sucker! Daddy tie my shoe! Ooh! Aah! Lost my bra! Must be in my boyfriend’s car!
Kane bursts into hysterical laughter.
Aundrea: MR. KANE! QUIT BEING SO IMMATURE!
Kane: OK. Continue.
Megan: When Miss Lucy was a mother, a mother, a mother, she went like this: WAH-WAH! Gimme sucker! Daddy tie my shoe! Ooh! Aah! Lost my bra! Must be in my boyfriend’s car! Shhh! Baby’s sleeping! When Miss Lucy was a grandmother, a grandmother, a grandmother, she went like this: WAH-WAH! Gimme sucker! Daddy tie my shoe! Ooh! Aah! Lost my bra! Must be in my boyfriend’s car! Shhh! Baby’s sleeping! Ooh! My achin’, breakin’ back! When Miss Lucy was dead, dead, dead, she went like this: WAH-WAH! Gimme sucker! Daddy tie my shoe! Ooh! Aah! Lost my bra! Must be in my boyfriend’s car! Shhh! Baby’s sleeping! Ooh! My achin’, breakin’ back! (falling over) BLEEH!
Kane bursts into hysterical laughter again.
Aundrea: MR. KANE! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO QUIT BEING SO IMMATURE!
Megan: I added an alternate ending to the game. It goes like this: When Miss Lucy was a zombie, a zombie, a zombie, she went like this: WAH-WAH! Gimme sucker! Daddy tie my shoe! Ooh! Aah! Lost my bra! Must be in my boyfriend’s car! Shhh! Baby’s sleeping! Ooh! My achin’, breakin’ back! (falling over) BLEEH! (getting back up) OOOOHHHH!
Kane: Let’s do it again! That was fun!
Mark Mothersbaugh and Gerald Casale come in. Lewis falls over once again.
Michael: Finally!!! You kept us waiting for TWO WHOLE HOURS!
Nathan: Yeah! That’s not cool, man!
David: I think you should shut up now.
Mark: OK. When I got the newspaper this morning, I found this note. (pulling it out of his pocket) I didn’t really think it was important until I heard about the whole mess at the show.
Gerald: Yeah, you almost threw it away!
Megan writes something down. Mark gives the note to Caitlin. The note looks like one of those ransom notes you always see in detective shows, one of the ones with the letters cut out of newspaper ads.
Caitlin: (reading the note) The answer to the murder is in the Big Apple. Take Northwest Airlines Flight 1401 to New York City at 3 PM today.
Megan: OK. Does anybody have any tape so I can tape that ransom note thingy into my notebook?
Lewis finds some tape in some random area of the room. Caitlin gives Megan the note. She tapes it in her notes.
Lauren: OK. I guess this means we’re going to New York!
Megan: Cool! So, I went to New York over spring break…
She starts blabbering about her trip.

Chapter Text

Later, on the airplane.
Nicole (D): It’s too bad that Devo 2.0 couldn’t come with us.
Medha: Yeah. They were probably too busy being famous singers.
Megan McT: Oh, well. We’ll see them again. Eventually.
Megan: I’m kinda glad, though. The little love triangle thingy I got stuck in was getting kinda old.
Medha: Not for me!
Ashley: Me too!
A few rows back. Lewis is sitting next to Jill. He notices that she has a new purse that looks like something out of Mary Poppins.
Lewis: Hey, Jill, when did you get that purse?
Jill: While we were waiting for the plane. I went to one of those little shops in the airport. It’s my Magical Purse of Magic.
Lewis: Why did you get such a funny-looking purse, though?
Jill: I don’t know. It was so ugly that I wanted to buy it.
Lewis: Why?
Jill: It’s a girl thing.
Lewis: Oh. (Pauses for a second.) It’s magic?! Lemme see!
He grabs it from her and starts looking through it.
Lewis: Whoa! (Sticking his head in the purse.) This purse is so small, but it’s so big inside! It’s a bottomless pit! Hey! What’s this?
He starts to pull out B-Lam Ho, a Chinese exchange student that was in Hylton’s choir.
B-Lam: (Speaking Spanish.) ¡Hola! ¡Me llamo B-Lam! ¡Soy de Hong Kong! ¡Me gusta cantar! Where am I?
(Translation: Hi! My name is B-Lam! I’m from Hong Kong! I like to sing! Where am I?)
Lewis: B-Lam! What are you doing in Jill’s purse?
Jill: Whoa! I didn’t know my purse was that big! I’ll never be able to find my cell phone in there!
B-Lam: Where am I?
Ashley: You’re on an airplane headed for New York!
B-Lam: New York? Yay! I’ve never been there!

Chapter Text

Later, at the airport.
Jason: OK. Where are we staying?
Megan: The hotel that I stayed at last time I was here.
Jason: And that is…?
A few minutes later, in the hotel lobby. Craig is getting room reservations.
Jason: OK. Remind me to NEVER take a taxi in New York City EVER again! That was SO scary!
Megan: Well, at least it’s not as bad as last time I was here.
Jason: (Pretending to be concerned.) Oh, no. What happened last time?
Megan: The cab driver dropped us off 10 blocks south of here and my dad didn’t tell the guy that we had another 10 blocks to go. Then, we had to lug all of our luggage 10 blocks all the way up here!
Jason: Seriously?
Megan: Yeah!
(Note: Yes, that seriously did happen when my family took a trip to New York City in April 2006.)
Craig: OK. We got some rooms. They’re up on the 14th floor.
Megan: Hey! We were on the 14th floor last time, too!
(Note: This part is also true.)

Chapter Text

A few minutes later. Everyone is in their hotel rooms. The two Megans are sharing a room and are unpacking their clothes.
Megan: This is cool! This is the room that I had last time!
Megan McT: Hey, let’s watch TV.
Megan: While we’re unpacking?
Megan McT: Yeah.
Megan: What the heck! OK.
They turn the TV on. The news is showing a report about William’s death.
Megan McT: Change it! It’s too depressing!
Megan: No, wait! I need to take some notes!
She takes her notepad out and starts copying stuff down. Meanwhile, in Lauren and Jill’s room.
Jill: I’m sooo bored!
Lauren: Well, do something!
Jill: OK. I’ll complain about being bored. I’m sooo bored!
Later, back downstairs in the lobby.
Megan: Hey! Over by the breakfast area, they have some stuff for making coffee and hot chocolate! Let’s go!
(Note: Another part of the true story.)
All of the kids go and make some hot chocolate, get some of the complimentary cookies on the sign-in desk, and go sit down in one of the seating areas. Lewis starts to drink his hot chocolate without blowing on it.
Lewis: OWWWWW! That hot chocolate is HOT!
Jill: (Being sarcastic.) No, really? I thought it was cold chocolate!
Oliver: That was kinda stupid.
James: Is he always this crazy?
Nicole: Yeah, pretty much.
Megan: Last time I was here, my sister wanted to go to the American Girl store. On the way over there, I saw this cool little Manga store.
(Note: Yet another true story.)
Ashley: Yeah, you told us on the way here.
Megan McT: Hey, let’s go there once we finish our hot chocolate.

Later, at the little Manga store on the way to the American Girl store.
Ashley: This place is cool! I want to buy everything in the entire place!
Megan walks over to a stuffed Totoro from the movie My Neighbor Totoro.
Megan: Ooh! They still have stuffed Totoros! I want him! I’ll name him Toto and I’ll love him forever!
(Note: This is another… forget it. If I say that Megan did something while in New York, it’s a safe bet that it really happened.)
After a little while of shopping, everyone leaves with a couple of bags of stuff. Back at the hotel.
Megan: I wish I had my portable DVD player so I could watch some of these DVDs.
Jill pulls a random portable DVD player and some headphones out of her Magical Purse of Magic.
Megan: Cool! Thanks, Jill!

Chapter Text

The next day. Everyone is at the continental breakfast bar.
Caitlin: Hey, what ever happened to that big lead in William’s murder?
B-Lam: William is dead? What?! Why didn’t I hear about this? I mean, really! His family was my host family for the foreign exchange program.
Arthur: Yeah, yesterday we got a ransom note thingy that said if we come here to New York, we would get a big clue.
Lewis sits down and starts eating. He notices something strange in his food.
Lewis: (Halfway through a bite of scrambled eggs.) Hey! Why is there a piece of paper in my eggs?
He pulls a piece of paper out of his eggs.
Lewis: Hey! It’s another clue!
Megan takes her notebook out of her pocket and starts writing stuff down as Lewis begins to read.
Lewis: Meet me in the lobby ASAP. I have the answer to the mystery. This letter will now self-destruct.
The letter explodes in Lewis’ face.
Zach: We should go follow up on that exploding letter.
Lewis: But I wanna finish my eggs!
Zach: Bring them with you!
Lewis: OK.
Ten seconds later, in the lobby.
Lewis: (Halfway through another bite of eggs.) OK, where’s the big lead that the ‘splodey-letter talked about? I wanna sit down to finish my eggs.