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Archival Modernization: Entourage

Chapter Text


To: dlewis@si.stark
From: ironman@si.stark
Subject: Hostile Negotiations

Dear Capsicle Thief,

Stark Industries does not respond to the demands of kidnappers. Return the Captain, and we’ll talk.



To: ironman@si.stark
CC: ppotts@si.stark
From: capsicle@si.stark
Subject: Re: Hostile Negotiations


As I have informed you, multiple times, I have not been kidnapped. Please stop initiating retrieval protocols at the Tower, it’s disruptive to Clint and Natasha, who as I have also told you several times, are on a mission, and not hiding out here.

However, if you haven’t seen it on the news yet, Thor and Jane are back.

Still not kidnapped,

Steve Rogers
The Man With a Plan
Defrosted since 2012


To: capsicle@si.stark
From: ppotts@si.stark
Subject: My apologies


I am so sorry I never checked on the accounts that were assigned to you. New accounts will be issued this afternoon.

Please remind Miss Lewis that Tony has no part in the day to day running of any of the SI locations, including New York. If she chooses to come here, Tony will not have any kind of supervisory role over her.

While you are missed at the Tower, we are all happy for you and support you in whatever decisions you make.


Pepper Potts



To: dlewis@si.stark
From: ironman@si.stark
Subject: Well played

You taught Cap how to CC. I’m impressed. I’m still not making any deals.

Red rover, red rover, send Cap AND Thor right over. Or I’ll cut the electricity to your lab.



To: ironman@si.stark
From: dlewis@si.stark
Subject: Re: Well played

You know what, fine. Jane just got back, she can’t take losing the electricity to her lab. You know, after an alien attack, and being injured, and then seeing a whole other world and having a fuck ton of data to analyze.

So here, my new ‘demands’. Asshole.




To: dlewis@si.stark
From: ironman@si.stark
Subject: It’s on

You may have managed to Rick Roll me. But you’re going to regret it.



To: dlewis@si.stark
From: birdbrain@si.stark
Subject: Marry me

He writhed like he was looking into the eye of Sauron. You name the time and the place, I’m willing to risk pissing off both Cap and my wife. (Our marriage would totally be platonic, but I swear I’d make you happy for the rest of your days for this gift you have given me.)



To: birdbrain@si.stark
From: dlewis@si.stark
Subject: Re: Marry me

I could never accept your proposal until I met my prospective sister wife. Besides, Jarvis’s proposal was much better because it included video from the lab cameras.

I think I’m sending e-Christmas cards this year. For reasons.


[BLOCKED NUMBER]: Tash, she’s got Jarvis on her side and we need to get on her Christmas card list somehow. Every spy for themselves, I already know what I’m doing.


To: dlewis@si.stark

Can I be on your Christmas Card list?

From: dlewis@si.stark
Subject: Re: NO SUBJECT
You already are. ;) Are you still planning on stopping by next weekend? I convinced Steve to make us Pork Watermelon tacos and the security bros gave me a margarita machine modded by Lab 22 for my one year anniversary at SI London.

Do you know why someone whose name rhymes with Mick Eerie would be calling me to ask if I put Clint up to something?


To: ppotts@si.stark
From: capsicle@si.stark
Subject: New Accounts


I wouldn’t mind a new personal account, aside from the Grant Eyesman one. I don’t mind this account, it fits with the rest of the team, but I would appreciate being made an administrator on this account so I can change my signature.


Steve Rogers
The Man With the Plan
Defrosted since 2012

Chapter Text


To: biggreen@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, itsybitsy@si.stark
From: ironman@si.stark
Subject: Catfished

Okay kids, in case you haven’t been paying attention, someone came in and catfished us. Remember that guy who used to live here, generally stuffy and annoying, likes to call the shots when people are shooting at us? Dresses like a flag, likes spangly stuff and freedom? Well, he’s been stolen. Seven months ago he went to meet a ‘pen pal’ he’d never seen in person, and just stayed. The point has been made that he wants to be there. But I think we all know, Captain America doesn’t live in ENGLAND. It’s time for us to take some action beyond dumping Bruce’s tea in the Upper Bay.



To: ironman@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, itsybitsy@si.stark
From: biggreen@si.stark
Subject: Re: Catfished

Tell me I still have tea.



To: biggreen@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, itsybitsy@si.stark
From: ironman@si.stark
Subject: Re: Re: Catfished

Big picture here, Brucie. Now Goldilocks over there has Thor, too. Which apparently means nothing to any of you, but once they get a flier you know it’s bad. In fact, I’m bringing in Rhodey. Especially since Cloak and Dagger have both been SUSPICIOUSLY SILENT on this appropriation of thirty-three percent of our team.



To: ironman@si.stark, biggreen@si.stark, itsybitsy@si.stark
From: birdbrain@si.stark
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Catfished

Some of us are actually working right now. Besides, we just saw Cap last week for those weasel things. And I like Darcy.



To: biggreen@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, itsybitsy@si.stark, warmachine4ever@si.stark
From: ironman@si.stark
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Catfished

Great. She’s got her hooks in Barton now. I told you Bruce!



To: ironman@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, biggreen@si.stark, itsybitsy@si.stark
From: warmachine4ever@si.stark
Subject: Pepper

I thought you promised Pepper you weren’t going to have the intervention.



To: ironman@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, biggreen@si.stark, warmachine4ever@si.stark, capsicle@si.stark
From: itsybitsy@si.stark
Subject: Intervention?

Here’s your chance. Thoughts, Steve?



To: itsybitsy@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, biggreen@si.stark, warmachine4ever@si.stark, capsicle@si.stark
From: ironman@si.stark
Subject: Re: Intervention?

I’ve seen a few of these things in person. Usually you give people a chance to prepare, Natalie.



To: ironman@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, biggreen@si.stark, warmachine4ever@si.stark, capsicle@si.stark
From: itsybitsy@si.stark
Subject: Re: Re: Intervention?

He was reading over my shoulder anyway.



To: itsybitsy@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, biggreen@si.stark, warmachine4ever@si.stark, capsicle@si.stark
From: ironman@si.stark
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Intervention

I told you Bruce! For those of you not keeping count at home, that means that England has fifty percent of our team. We might as well make it our next mission to break into the National Archives Building and rip up the Declaration of Independence.



To: ironman@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, biggreen@si.stark, warmachine4ever@si.stark, capsicle@si.stark
From: itsybitsy@si.stark
Subject: Come to the dark side

We have a margarita machine.

But seriously, Tony, I’ll be back Tuesday. Steve is coming too. Happy?



To: biggreen@si.stark
From: ironman@si.stark
Subject: Stop pouting

I’m gonna need you to get over the tea thing and start helping me with Natasha. We need her on our side, and I know you two have been having the torrid romance of the 18th century. Was that a brushing of your fingertips I saw in Berlin?


To: ironman@si.stark
From: ppotts@si.stark
Subject: No

Tony, we talked about this. You want all of the Avengers in one place, for a lot of reasons, one of which you need to recognize is that they are your friends. As a friend, you should be happy that Steve is happy. As my significant other, you should respect the fact that I am very close to making a contract with Darcy, and if you ruin this for me I’m moving MY team to London.



To: itsybitsy@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, biggreen@si.stark, warmachine4ever@si.stark, capsicle@si.stark
From: ironman@si.stark
Subject: I see how it is now

You guys are all traitors.



To: ironman@si.stark
From: biggreen@si.stark
Subject: Seriously

Where is my tea? You wouldn’t really dump it in the bay. That doesn’t make any sense, Darcy is an American.

Chapter Text

Tad assures himself that no one can tell how out of sorts he is as he hurries to Miss Lewis’ offices. Ever since he’d been made a full time employee at SI, and Miss Lewis’ executive assistant, he’d prided himself on his professionalism.

He pushes through the glass doors, and passes Aditi at her desk in reception.

“You have twenty-three urgent messages, Mr. Weatherby.” Aditi calls after him. “And Mr. Brent is in your office!”

Tad turns to give her a controlled nod. Twenty-three messages, he’ll have those taken care of before lunch. They are unimportant right now. What’s important is what just happened.

He gives Aditi one last nod, then closes his office door behind him.

“Dude. You abandoned me on that level last night. I got killed by a weredragon.” Oliver is sitting behind Tad’s desk, looking at his phone. “Also, Cap’s taking Darcy out to lunch. She’ll be back around one.”

“She has severe allergic rhinitis.” Tad pinches his nose, pacing between his two guest chairs.

“What?” Oliver looks up. “You’re pacing again. I told you, you’re going to get an ulcer before you’re thirty. It happened to my cousin.”

“I don’t care about your cousin. I sent the flowers, from your florist. But Hannah has severe allergic rhinitis.” Tad stops, unable to keep himself from replaying the moment in his mind when Hannah noticed him standing there with the flowers, her eyes widening in horror. “They have to use a different lab until a cleaning team can go through.”

“That’s a really severe allergy.”

“I might have dropped the flowers, to give her my handkerchief. They were daylilies. Pollen everywhere.” Tad can’t hold in a moan.

“Handkerchief? You had a handkerchief, and you gave it to her?” Oliver comes around the end of the desk and opens the mini fridge. “Tell me it didn’t have your initials on it.”

“It didn’t.” Tad doesn’t explain that it had an anteater his grandmother embroidered on the corner, because he’d loved anteaters as a child. His stuff has anteaters, and his brother John’s has elephants.

Oliver goes to toss Tad a bottle of water, thinks again, and walks it over. Tad is glad, last time his orchid had gotten knocked over, and it’s still looking a little touch and go.

“Okay, so no flowers.” Oliver slumps into one of Tad’s guest chairs. He puts his feet on the other. Tad manages not to comment. It’s just that the head of HR had been sitting in that chair this morning. Explaining how Tad needs to balance being the best executive assistant to come out of SI London and making sure that SI London doesn’t lose Miss Lewis. “You can come back from this, mate.”

“You didn’t see her running from the flowers. I got pollen on her favorite lab coat.”

Their phones both beep.

“She’s back early.” Oliver stands, frowning down at his phone.

Tad nods, already texting the coffee shop. It’s either a date cut short because the Captain has been called, or it’s science. Either way, coffee is a must.

“Hey man,” Oliver says, stopping at the door, “tell me straight. How likely is this whole New York thing?”

“That we’re going, or that you’re going?” Tad smooths his suit jacket and checks his hair in the reflection of the elevator wall.

“Uh, both?”

“If we’re going, you’re going. The Captain and HR both agree that she needs security. As far as if anything has been decided, negotiations are ongoing.” Tad squeezes past him. It has been four months and fifteen days since the last time Miss Lewis had left the main floor without him by her side, and today isn’t the day he’s going to start back at zero. Not today.

“Are they leaning one way or another?” Oliver asks, following him.

“You know I can’t tell you that.”

Oliver’s head drops back as they climb onto the elevator. “Wait. You can tell me if you have maybe packed any bags lately. Sent a few things to dry cleaning, just in case.”

“I might have.” Tad admits, only because Oliver is Miss Lewis’ personal security staff. He’s started training with the Captain, and every negotiation Tad has seen for the past two months has had Oliver on it, one of the Captain’s few stipulations.

“Okay. Okay.” Oliver nods, then shrugs. “America. That’s cool. American women. I heard they like our accents. Maybe it doesn’t matter that you gave Hannah your snot cloth.”

That ruins Tad’s line of thought - which labs Miss Lewis is most likely to visit, and which hallways they might be accosted in by Grace Fowler, who wants a product from Hannah and Patrick.

“Snot cloth? You don’t offer a used handkerchief to anyone. And besides, I don’t want just anyone.” Tad darts a quick look at what level they’re passing. “None of which matters, after this morning.”

“I don’t understand how this keeps happening.” Oliver says. “No one has this much bad luck.”

“I get flustered.” Tad snaps.

“You don’t get flustered. That’s your thing. I saw you on fire last week in lab 10. You kept taking notes with one hand and put it out with the other, all the while glaring at Nancy for ruining your suit.”

“Well, Hannah wasn’t there, was she?” Tad straightens as the elevator doors open. Miss Lewis is on the other side, her coffee already delivered. “Hello, Miss Lewis. Were you able to finish lunch or should I order something in?”

“Already taken care of, my man.” She waves her phone. “We’re meeting Thor and Jane in the lab for lunch. I tried to invite Hannah and Patrick, but apparently Hannah went home sick.”

Mentally, Tad sinks to the floor.

“That’s too bad.” Oliver says. “But tomorrow's another day.”

“Yeah.” Miss Lewis looks between Oliver and Tad suspiciously. “It is.”

“Top floor then?” Tad suggests, moving so Miss Lewis has room to join them. He uses the brief cover to scowl at Oliver. Ever since the idea of Oliver possibly accompanying them on the trip to New York had been floated, the other man had redoubled his efforts to become Tad’s friend.

Tad prefers to keep his professional life and personal life separate. And he doesn’t have time for friends. He’d managed to keep Oliver at bay despite the fact that where Miss Lewis goes, Oliver goes. And where Miss Lewis goes, Tad goes.

And maybe Tad, at the end of his rope, had taken a small amount of advice concerning wooing Hannah. Oliver is quite successful with women, and it had seemed like a practical idea at the time. But that had been the crack, and Oliver just keeps worming his way in. He charms his way past Aditi into Tad’s office (no one can charm their way past Aditi, that’s why Tad had chosen her for their receptionist!) he got Tad addicted to Darkness: The Blood War and is on Tad’s were-scouting team and they’re too good to break up the team.

Plus, last week he’d plucked a piece of white fluff off the back of Tad’s suit jacket. Tad would have gone until his lunch break before he lint rolled the entire thing, which had been hours away.

Oliver just pats Tad’s shoulder, which draws another speculative look from Miss Lewis.

Tad distracts her with the news that lab 17 had perfected their ‘the floor is lava’ simulator.

He’ll deal with the fact that any chance he has with Hannah is now doomed, and that somehow Oliver is his work friend later.

Chapter Text

Under Pepper Potts’ leadership, Stark Industries has seen a nineteen percent reduction in lab accidents. That means a thirty-six percent reduction in workplace injuries, a forty-two percent reduction in unnecessary equipment loss, and an average of nineteen days per location not wasted.

She is proud of that record. She worked hard for those numbers.

In the past year, SI London has seen a seventy-two percent reduction in workplace injuries, accompanied by a sixty-seven percent reduction in unnecessary equipment loss, and an estimated fifty two days not spent recovering lost data and recreating ruined work. All of that is in addition to an increase in productivity (thirty-three percent) and an increase in inter-department cooperation (the absolute best Pepper has managed has been at SI Chicago, after a two year pilot program, 13 percent. London? Fifty-three percent.)

She’d noticed it over half a year ago. She’d made inquiries.

The Lewis Method.

Tony might want Steve and Thor back ‘for the team’ and Jane Foster for the science, but Pepper needs Darcy Lewis.

And she’s nearly certain that she’d have her, if it wasn’t for Tony.

She’d personally worked with talent recruitment for months, negotiating various offers. Darcy is loyal, one of the traits Pepper likes, but it means the other woman is pulled to remain at SI London. Pepper had given up on a permanent move - to start - and instead had been working towards a temporary contract.

Pepper had talked with Steve, who was open to returning to New York. He considered the city his home, but was well aware he could be stationed anywhere and was completely dedicated to Darcy’s happiness. He answered Pepper’s questions, so long as he didn’t think they were invading Darcy’s privacy.

The contracts had been changed. Shorter time periods, a few times an increase in pay. Money wasn’t an effective bartering tool after a certain point, Pepper had realized, and instead it had been people. Staff allowances, travel, and lodging. They’d been very, very close. And then Tony.

Which is why she’s on her way to the labs. She might be stalking, given the way many people are diving out of her way, but she doesn’t care. In fact, good. Tony should be scared.

When she reaches the door, it doesn’t open immediately.

“Ms. Potts, sir is in the middle-”

“Open the door, Jarvis.”

“Yes, Ms. Potts.”

Bruce at least has the decency to look ashamed. Tony just keeps his head buried in a chunk of metal and motions with his free hand for the music to start playing again. Pepper directs a pointed look at the nearest camera, and the music stays off.

“Hello Bruce.”

“Hi Pep.” Bruce pulls out a rolling chair for her, but she shakes her head.

“Hello Tony.”

“If this is about-”

Pepper chops her hand to the side, and Jarvis cuts the power.

Tony straightens in outrage. “Pep!”

“This is about she-who-must-not-be-named, the Intern-Who-Lived, the Capsicle Thief, and whatever other ridiculous nicknames you have for Darcy Lewis.” Pepper stops, standing toe to toe with Tony. In her heels, she has to angle her head down to look him in the eye. “There is another offer on the table. It would mean a two month long visit, with an option for longer. It would mean Steve and Thor would stay here in the tower for that time. It would mean that Dr. Foster would work in the extra lab on this floor.”

“Yeah? What else would it mean? Adding another floor to the tower for her favorite barista?”

“It would mean two months of her looking over our operations here. It would mean more efficiency, happier scientists, incidentally, the block of employees which report the lowest job satisfaction-”

“Pep, we still have the highest job satisfaction ratings out of anyone. Our scientists are happier than anyone else's.” Tony objects. And he acts like he doesn’t listen to her press conferences.

“But they’re not as happy as our lawyers, or our marketing department, or our research department.” Pepper folds her arms when he opens his mouth again. “Getting Miss Lewis here would make me very, very happy. It’s what I want, Tony. Not the new Benz downstairs, not the earrings you got me. And if you mess this up for me again, and try to make up for it with gifts, I’m going to be very, very unhappy.”

Tony narrows his eyes. Pepper raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

“You say you want the entire team housed here, you say you want Dr. Foster working with you and Bruce. This is how that happens, Tony. We have to work together.”

“Fine. I’ll consider it.”

“That’s all I wanted.” Pepper smiles, turning on her heel. She flips one hand, and the power comes back on, the music blasting. She can feel Tony’s eyes on her, and takes special pleasure in matching the sharp clicks of her heels to the beat of the music.

When she turns in the elevator, her eyes meet his through the three protective glass walls. Bruce is gone, he knows how negotiations between Pepper and Tony usually go.

“Jarvis, lock the elevators.”

“Yes, Ms. Potts.”

Pepper smiles, bringing up one hand to wave as the elevator begins to rise.

In her offices, she tells her lead assistant that everyone should take a half day.

She’s nearly positive that Deirdre knows exactly why Pepper is clearing out the office. But her administrations offices? They have some of the highest levels of employee satisfaction in the company, and those numbers have been repaid in employee retention and loyalty.

It takes Tony seventeen minutes to hack through the security systems and beat Jarvis.

Pepper is waiting behind her desk when he manually takes her door down, walking into her office twirling his screw driver.

Leaning forward, she slides a tablet across the desk. “Here is the latest offer.”

When his eyes stray, she taps one fingernail on the top corner of the tablet. “Focus, Tony.”

“I am focusing.” His eyes remained glued to her, almost glowing with intensity, but he does take the tablet. That’s Tony. Intense. All the time, and in the beginning it had been almost too much when he actually managed to tune everything else out and focus all of it on her. Now though, it’s almost like she’s addicted.

Under her desk, Pepper toes off her heels. Rolling back her chair, she begins to remove her jacket. Dark eyes follow her hands to each button. “Tony. Focus.”

By the time he finally signs off, she’s standing in a silk camisole, and has started on the buttons of his shirt. She lets her fingers brush against his skin, inhales his familiar scent. The cologne he’s worn since she’d known him, the metallic undertones that always cling. He dashes his signature off and tosses the tablet away, lifting her onto the desk.

“I win.” Pepper says, hands going to his belt.

“I think you’ll find we both win.”

Chapter Text

Darcy is helping herself to some of the snacks in Hannah and Patrick’s lab while she minds her own business. She just needs a break from looking over the stuff Jarvis had sent her, and that’s why she’s sitting on the kitchenette counter, twisted to one side so she’s getting a cramp, watching Tad and Hannah.

When the door slides open behind her, she thinks she’s caught.

Steve just looks at her with raised eyebrows. Ensnaring Captain America had been the smartest idea she’d ever had. Steve just rolls with anything she tosses at him. It’s the best. “I deduce from the twenty-three text messages that are just my name that something happened.”

“Steve!” Darcy hops off the counter. “Steve! I figured out the thing! The handkerchief thing.”

“Hannah’s handkerchief?” Steve cranes his neck, trying to catch sight of the office-crossed maybe lovers himself.

They’ve been totally trying to figure out what went wrong with Hannah and Tad for like a week. And the handkerchief has been wigging Tad out for days.

“Hannah’s handkerchief is Tad’s handkerchief. Hannah has been carrying Tad’s handkerchief.” Darcy tries to crawl up him, and he readily lifts her so she can see over the frosted part of the glass. “Damn. He retreated. She’s washing sample trays now. Oh, they both look sad. He told her we’re going.”

“We’re going?”

“Yeah.” Darcy flaps a hand, turning away from the depressing view out in the lab. “Pepper sent back the contract. I got what I wanted.” Darcy smiles down at him. “Now we can see New York together, it’ will be- Steve! I can invite Hannah and Patrick as my science advisers! They can use the labs and report back on their experience!”

“Pepper won’t care?”

“Pshh. What’s two more people?” Darcy wiggles so he’ll set her down. Then she has to give him a kiss to show her gratitude. And then she gets a little distracted, and it’s a little bit before she steps away, clearing her throat. “I’m gonna go ask Hannah, see what she thinks.”

When Darcy walks out into the lab, Tad looks up from his phone. She smiles at him and shakes her head, and he goes back to whatever he’s doing.

He is seriously the best assistant ever. How she ended up with him, with a job that is pretty much making all the scientists happy, she doesn’t even know.

Looking back, she sees Steve leaning in the doorway, his arms crossed as he watches her with an amused smile. Darcy turns and gives him a thumbs up, her body shielding it from view. He winks at her.

Yep. She’s the luckiest ever.

“Hey, Hannah.” Darcy slides an empty drying rack closer. “So I just realized something. Hi Patrick.”

“Hi Miss Lewis.” Patrick glances between Hannah, and Tad’s position over at the wall.

“I realized that Jane is going to be working up in the crazy secure labs with Dr. Banner and Stark. And I might need some people working down in the other labs, to give me some feedback. You know, what it’s actually like to work in the New York labs. In New York.” Darcy smiles as Hannah turns to face her. “I wondered if maybe you and Patrick might be interested? I can get all of your expenses covered. It’s two months, so think it over, okay?”

Hannah turns to look at Patrick.

“Will she get to meet Tony Stark?” Patrick asks, and Hannah throws a blue glove at him.


“Her dad loves Tony Stark. What? Your dad will have kittens if you meet Tony Stark.”

“Sure. Why not?” Darcy sends a smile back at Steve, and he immediately looks suspicious and starts over. “I’m sure Steve can make it happen.”

“You’re sure it won’t be a problem? The expenses thing? Two extra people?” Hannah wrings her hands together.

“I’m positive.” Darcy promises, actually filled with glee.

Chapter Text

To: dlewis@si.stark, capsicle@si.stark, ppotts@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, itsybitsy@si.stark, biggreen@si.stark
From: ironman@si.stark
Subject: Secure Facility?

Just out of curiosity, are we still claiming to be a secure facility? Does Lewis, or anyone else, have a second cousin twice removed that needs an apartment and an all access pass?

I mean, do I have this right? She’s bringing her best friend, her best friend’s boyfriend, her boyfriend, her assistant, her security guy, and now her two favorite science minions?

What next, are we going to do tours? Am I going to have to give them my lime waters from my personal lab fridge?


To: ironman@si.stark
CC: dlewis@si.stark, capsicle@si.stark, ppotts@si.stark, birdbrain@si.stark, itsybitsy@si.stark, biggreen@si.stark
From: tweatherby@si.stark
Subject: Re: Secure Facility?

Dear Mr. Stark,

As Miss Lewis is terribly busy packing, please allow me to assure you that all arrangements for our party are being taken care of by myself. Miss Lewis’ group is now a firm eight. Only two members of said party have ‘all access passes:’ Captain Rogers and HRH Prince Thor. Whilst there are applications in place to change that, that decision rests fully with the administration at SI New York.

Further, we had been operating under the impression that Captain Rogers and HRH Prince Thor had their own living quarters and were not counted among our party. However, we are happy to claim them, as you can see above, we have updated our party total to eight (8).

Miss Lewis’ ‘two favorite science minions’ are in fact Dr. Hannah Rivers and Dr. Patrick White, both of whom are exceedingly well established in their field and would be a credit to any institution at which they may find themselves.

Lastly, no one in Miss Lewis’ party will avail themselves of your lime water. As of three months ago, we handle all orders for supplying your lab and in fact, have every resource available to us to order ourselves lime water if we so desired. We do not. We prefer Citrus Spritzers ever since our friends Kit and George brought us some back from their honeymoon in Greece.

Good day,

Tad Weatherby
Executive Assistant to Darcy Lewis
Stark Industries


Tony: 3:49 PM
Lewis was supplying my lab for 3 months and you didn’t tell me?

Pepper: 3:50 PM
I don’t have time for this right now Tony. I’m meeting with the EPA, which is on our shared calendar.

Tony: 3:50 PM
My nemesis! 3 months! My lime water is contaminated now, and you know how hard it is for me to find non-alcoholic beverages that don’t bore me.

Tony: 3:51 PM
I gave Rhodey some of that lime water! Unknowingly, I could have poisoned my best friend!

Tony: 3:53 PM
Am now suspicious of all snacks. Which labs doesn’t Lewis supply? Jarvis won’t tell.

Tony: 3:59 PM
Took your desk pretzels. Deirdre is pissed. I told her you would give her a raise.

Tony: 4:11 PM
Ignore fire alert. Small snack fire. Everything under control, moving to Bruce’s lab for the day.

Tony: 4:31 PM
Still feel betrayed.

Tony: 4:34 PM
What kind of name is Tad anyway?

Tony: 4:36 PM
Is that short for Thomas?

Tony: 4:38 PM
Jarvis says we have two Weatherby’s, what are the chances, Pep?

Tony: 4:39 PM
One is in Tokyo, named Chad. The other is Thaddeus in London. Thaddeus.

Tony: 4:40 PM

Tony: 4:40 PM
Chad and Thad. They aren’t related, I checked.

Tony: 4:41 PM
If I didn’t hate Tad so much, I’d introduce them.

Pepper: 4:42 PM
Darcy Lewis, and Tad Weatherby if she so chooses, may become part of my Plan if the next two months go well.

Tony: 4:43 PM
What are the chances that capital P in plan was a typo? Asking for a friend.

Pepper: 4:44 PM
Tell your friend about the same as the chances of me being in a good mood with you when I get home.

Tony: 4:49 PM
Does the fact that I just ordered sushi and wine for dinner change any of those numbers?

Chapter Text


To: ironman@si.stark
From: apalizzi@si.stark

We’re no strangers to love


Anna Palizzi
Legal Services
Stark Industries



To: ironman@si.stark

You know the rules and so do I


Christopher Bell
Marketing Partner
Stark Industries



To: ironman@si.stark

A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of


Ira Kierk
Buildings and Grounds
Stark Industries



To: ironman@si.stark

You wouldn’t get this from any other guy

Ashley Tanner
Lead Researcher
Lab 24
Stark Industries



To: ironman@si.stark

I just want to tell you how I’m feeling

Michael Nye
Head Brunch Chef
3-time Post-It Winner
Stark Industries



To: ironman@si.stark
From: mikeda@si.stark

Gotta make you understand

Mayumi Ikeda
Lab Manager
Floor 13
Stark Industries



To: ironman@si.stark

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

Weston Lineman
Fabrication Specialist
Stark Industries


4:11 AM: Tony
I don’t know how to feel. I’m having a crisis.

4:12 AM: Bruce
It’s 4 o’clock in the morning

4:12 AM: Tony
I know!

4:12 AM: Bruce
Is this part of your April Fools?

4:13 AM: Tony
Bruce. Crisis.

4:13 AM: Bruce
Does this crisis involve Darcy?

4:13 AM: Tony
Oh, you’re calling her ‘Darcy’ now?

4:14 AM: Tony
She’s good. She’s really good.

4:14 AM: Tony
I hate her. But I might need to keep her.

4:16 AM: Tony

4:19 AM: Tony

4:21 AM: Tony
Fine, we’ll talk later. You know, after I’m done receiving all of these emails that Jarvis apparently can’t block.

4:23 AM: Tony
Did you go back to sleep?