Subject: Hostile Negotiations
Dear Capsicle Thief,
Stark Industries does not respond to the demands of kidnappers. Return the Captain, and we’ll talk.
Subject: Re: Hostile Negotiations
As I have informed you, multiple times, I have not been kidnapped. Please stop initiating retrieval protocols at the Tower, it’s disruptive to Clint and Natasha, who as I have also told you several times, are on a mission, and not hiding out here.
However, if you haven’t seen it on the news yet, Thor and Jane are back.
Still not kidnapped,
The Man With a Plan
Defrosted since 2012
Subject: My apologies
I am so sorry I never checked on the accounts that were assigned to you. New accounts will be issued this afternoon.
Please remind Miss Lewis that Tony has no part in the day to day running of any of the SI locations, including New York. If she chooses to come here, Tony will not have any kind of supervisory role over her.
While you are missed at the Tower, we are all happy for you and support you in whatever decisions you make.
Subject: Well played
You taught Cap how to CC. I’m impressed. I’m still not making any deals.
Red rover, red rover, send Cap AND Thor right over. Or I’ll cut the electricity to your lab.
Subject: Re: Well played
You know what, fine. Jane just got back, she can’t take losing the electricity to her lab. You know, after an alien attack, and being injured, and then seeing a whole other world and having a fuck ton of data to analyze.
So here, my new ‘demands’. Asshole.
Subject: It’s on
You may have managed to Rick Roll me. But you’re going to regret it.
Subject: Marry me
He writhed like he was looking into the eye of Sauron. You name the time and the place, I’m willing to risk pissing off both Cap and my wife. (Our marriage would totally be platonic, but I swear I’d make you happy for the rest of your days for this gift you have given me.)
Subject: Re: Marry me
I could never accept your proposal until I met my prospective sister wife. Besides, Jarvis’s proposal was much better because it included video from the lab cameras.
I think I’m sending e-Christmas cards this year. For reasons.
[BLOCKED NUMBER]: Tash, she’s got Jarvis on her side and we need to get on her Christmas card list somehow. Every spy for themselves, I already know what I’m doing.
Subject: NO SUBJECT
Can I be on your Christmas Card list?
Subject: Re: NO SUBJECT
You already are. ;) Are you still planning on stopping by next weekend? I convinced Steve to make us Pork Watermelon tacos and the security bros gave me a margarita machine modded by Lab 22 for my one year anniversary at SI London.
Do you know why someone whose name rhymes with Mick Eerie would be calling me to ask if I put Clint up to something?
Subject: New Accounts
I wouldn’t mind a new personal account, aside from the Grant Eyesman one. I don’t mind this account, it fits with the rest of the team, but I would appreciate being made an administrator on this account so I can change my signature.
The Man With the Plan
Defrosted since 2012