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The Death Of Innocence

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Medivh didn’t like the way Lothar looked at Khadgar. He didn’t like the fact that no matter what was going on the second Khadgar would walk into the room Lothar’s attention was fully on the other male. Medivh was jealous, he’d admit it, not out loud at any rate, but he’d admit it in his own mind. Ever since Khadgar had moved to town and started at their school Medivh found himself being basically pushed to the side. It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that not a month prior Llane had started dating Lothar’s sister Taria, and had been spending pretty much all of his time with her.

Medivh didn’t begrudge Llane his happiness, but it was different with Lothar. He wasn’t in love with Llane, something that couldn’t be said about how he felt for Lothar. He had fallen hard for Lothar when they were still children, and the feelings had only grown in the years that followed. Medivh had always comforted himself with the fact that the only reason Lothar didn’t return his feelings was due to the fact that Lothar was straight.

Or so Medivh had thought. So Medivh had allowed himself to believe. So Medivh had lied to himself over and over again until he believed the lie.

And what was worse was the fact that Khadgar was nice. He was the kind of guy that Medivh knew he could be friends with, if it wasn’t for the fact that the minute Lothar had met Khadgar he had fallen head over heels in love with him.

Medivh hated Khadgar. Hated him with a fiery passion. Hated the fact that Lothar wanted Khadgar and not himself. Hated how Khadgar tried so hard to be Medivh’s friend, as if he hadn’t take the one person Medivh had ever loved away from him. Hated the fact that his sister, Garona, like Khadgar, and she didn’t like anyone.

Medivh hated everything about the whole damn situation. He knew he was letting his jealousy get the better of himself, but he couldn’t stop feeling what he was. Lothar was his, dammit all, not this new, friendly, perfect little bastard’s.

Medivh hated watching the little looks Khadgar and Lothar would give each other when the other wasn’t looking. It was sickening. Anduin Lothar had never been shy before and yet now that Khadgar was in the picture he was acting like someone who was too scared of rejection to tell his crush he liked them.

-

Khadgar saw the angry looks that Medivh kept giving him and finally decided to ask Lothar what he had done to make the older male not like him. He’d been friendly, hadn’t done anything that he could think of that should make Medivh not like him, and in fact even kind of looked up to the older male, but it seemed that for some reason Medivh hated him.

Lothar was in his usual spot after school, and Khadgar grinned when Lothar waved him over. He really needed to find out if Lothar knew what Medivh’s issue with him was, it was making him uncomfortable.

“Hey, Bookworm,” Lothar said with a grin, bumping his shoulder against Khadgar’s. They walked towards where Lothar’s car was parked, and Lothar could tell by the look on Khadgar’s face that something was bothering him.

Finally, after taking a deep breath, Khadgar asked, “Why does Medivh hate me?”

Lothar was floored at that question, he hadn’t noticed that his friend was being mean to Khadgar, but the hurt in the other male’s eyes let him know that something wasn’t right. As if mentioning his name caused him to appear, Lothar noticed Medivh standing about 20 feet away from them. The look that Medivh was giving Khadgar was murderous, and Lothar had no idea why one of his oldest friends was so mad at the person he had a crush on. “Let me talk to him, okay?”

Khadgar nodded, shifting his bookbag on his shoulder before saying, “Call me? I’m gonna head home and… just can you find out what’s going on?”

Lothar nodded, noticing the sad look on Khadgar’s face as he walked away. When he turned back to face Medivh the other man had a satisfied smirk on his face that made Lothar see red. He stormed over to Medivh, grabbing his friend by his hoodie and growled, “What the fuck is your problem, Med? Seriously, what is wrong with you?”

“Lothar I can explain,” Medivh said, the smirk completely missing from his face.

“Explain then. Explain why one of the kindest people I have ever met thinks you hate him. Explain why you’ve been acting like a complete and utter asshole lately.”

“Because you’re mine,” Medivh said, his voice sounding like he was trying to stop himself from crying.

“What? Medivh, what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“He stole you from me. He… before he showed up...”

“Medivh, I’m not yours. I’m your friend, nothing more.”

“But I want more, Anduin. I’ve always wanted more.”

Lothar sighed. He’d been avoiding this conversation with Medivh ever since he realized how his friend felt about him. Now he wished he’d gotten up the balls to let him down sooner, “Medivh, you are one of my best friends. I consider you a brother, even, but that’s it. I don’t see you that way. I’m sorry, Med, but I just don’t.”

“And you see him like that?” Medivh hissed.

“Yes. I do. And if you really cared about me you’d be happy for me, you wouldn’t be acting like you are.”

“I should be happy that that little bastard makes you smile? I should be happy that you want to date him? I should be happy watching the two of you together?”

Lothar had never heard that level of anger in Medivh’s voice before. It actually scared him a bit. Medivh looked pissed off, and Lothar had to stop himself from cringing away from him. “Medivh, I’m sorry. I can’t help how I feel.”

“Goodbye, Anduin,” Medivh spat, storming away.

Chills went up and down Lothar’s spine at the icy tone Medivh had used. He walked back to his car, hands shaking a bit in a mix of anger and fear. There had been something so dark in Medivh’s eyes, a look Lothar had never seen before. He knew he should call Khadgar, but first he had to contact Llane.

Llane answered his phone after only one ring, and Lothar told him about his conversation with Medivh. That news worried Llane as much as it had bothered Lothar and he promised to try and get to the bottom of everything. After he hung up with Llane, Lothar looked at his phone and then decided that this was a conversation that was better had face to face.

-

Khadgar had just gotten to his house when he saw Medivh storming towards him. He didn’t have time to speak before Medivh grabbed him by his jacket and thrust him roughly against the side of his house. The look Medivh was giving him was terrifying, and Khadgar feared the that older male meant to hurt him.

“Medivh? What’s going on?”

“Shut up, just shut up you bastard. You don’t get to speak. You’ll listen and listen good. Stay away from Lothar. He’s mine. Do you hear me? You’ve ruined everything. Anduin Lothar is mine, not yours. Get that through your thick, idiotic skull. You’re not wanted here. If I catch you sniffing around him one more time I’ll..”

“You’ll what, Medivh?” Lothar said, racing up the sidewalk and pulling him off of Khadgar. “Let’s get this perfectly clear, Medivh, I am not yours. I never have been. Just because you want me doesn’t mean you can act like this. I am not your boyfriend, I am not yours, and right now with how you’re acting I’m starting to think you’re not my friend. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but you are out of line.”

“Anduin...”

“Don’t. Don’t you fucking dare, Medivh. We talked about this, and what did you do? You came and attacked Khadgar who has done nothing but try and be your friend. By the Light, what kind of person does something like that?”

“Lothar, it’s okay,” Khadgar said in a quiet voice, closing his eyes to hide the tears that were forming in his eyes.

“No it’s not. He knows I’m not interested in him. He knows I have a thing for you, and what did he come and do? He came and threatened you, that’s not right.”

“You have a thing for me?” Khadgar’s eyes flew open, and a blush crept onto his face.

“Well, yeah, I…” and now Lothar was blushing a bit, though the anger he felt towards Medivh still lingered on his face, “I do. I like you a lot. More than like you actually.”

Medivh gave an incredulous look and practically screeched in outrage. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. He was supposed to scare Khadgar off and then have Lothar turn to him for comfort, he wasn’t supposed to have Lothar declare his affections for Khadgar. It wasn’t fair. Lothar was his. Even after being spurned by Lothar Medivh still viewed him as his.

“I feel the same way,” Khadgar said, his blush intensifying.

Medivh was beyond livid. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small knife he always carried, deciding to end this here and now. He lashed out with the blade, missing his intended target and watching in muted horror as the knife sank into Lothar’s shoulder.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Lothar’s face screwed up in agony. Khadgar spun and lashed out with his fist at Medivh, the blow impacting with a sickening crunch. Lothar dropped to his knees, clutching at his bleeding shoulder, and Medivh fell to the ground unconscious. Khadgar pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911, kneeling next to Lothar, trying to stop the flow of blood.

By the time the cops arrived Medivh was starting to stir and Khadgar was afraid of what would happen next. But Lothar, though in a lot of pain, was able to tell them what had happened, how he had turned down Medivh’s advances and come over to Khadgar’s house to find Medivh threatening Khadgar, how Medivh had lashed out at Khadgar with his knife and had ended up stabbing Lothar instead, how in an act of self defense Khadgar had knocked him out.

The cops took Medivh away in handcuffs and Lothar was taken to the hospital in an ambulance, leaving a shaky Khadgar behind. He dialed Llane’s number, informing the other male what had happened, and within a half hour Khadgar was climbing out of Llane’s car and rushing into the emergency room to wait for any news about Lothar.

It was quite late when Lothar finally was released from the hospital. Thankfully the knife hadn’t done any permanent damage, though he would have one hell of a scar from the encounter, and had needed more than a couple stitches.

-

The attack had happened on Friday so thankfully Lothar, Khadgar, Llane, and Taria didn’t miss school the day after everything had went down. Even though Khadgar knew he wasn’t to blame for what had happened he still felt a bit guilty that Lothar had been stabbed. Lothar had repeatedly told him that it wasn’t his fault, that the only person who held any blame in the whole ordeal was Medivh. And as much as Khadgar wanted to blame himself for what had happened, his boyfriend, Lothar had made it damn clear that was the case, refused to allow him to blame himself.

When Monday rolled around Garona was waiting for them. She usually kept to herself, though she did have a soft spot for Khadgar which honestly amused everyone who knew the usually almost hermit like female.

“They found Fel on him,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Fel was one of the most destructive drugs out there. It was cheap, it was instantly addicting, and it was sadly spreading through Azeroth like wildfire. Hearing that Medivh had been found with the substance explained a lot, though it didn’t excuse his actions in any way. Medivh had still done what he had done, he’d been ready to kill Khadgar, and even a drug addiction wouldn’t excuse that. Medivh might eventually be able to get over his addiction, but Lothar knew he would never fully trust the man ever again. He’d done more than just try and hurt Khadgar, he’d destroyed three life long friendships and had lost the trust of those closest to him.

Khadgar let Lothar take his hand, feeling how badly Lothar’s hand was shaking due to the news Garona had brought them. He couldn’t understand how someone as smart as Medivh, someone with such a promising future could throw it all away on a meaningless high. He looked over at Llane and Taria, who both looked so hurt and broken by the news they had heard, then returned his attention to Garona, who looked like her whole world had crumbled, and found himself both hating and pitying Medivh. He’d not only destroyed his life by pursuing a hollow high, but he’d also ruined the lives of those closest to him.

-

“It’s the loneliness. It makes us weak.”

Khadgar hadn’t known what to expect to hear from Medivh when he went to visit him in jail, and yet those words were the last thing he would have ever expected. He felt bile rise up his throat at those words, as if they excused his actions, as if those two short sentences would make right all the hurt he had caused.

“Loneliness doesn’t give you the right to do what you did,” Khadgar said, standing up to leave. He didn’t even know why he had come to see Medivh, why the older male had asked for him, and him alone to visit. He felt as if Medivh was taunting him with his words, and as he reached the door said, “I pity you.”

With those words said he stepped out of the room and heading outside to where Lothar and Garona were waiting for him. He shook his head sadly at their unspoken questions, and climbed into the backseat of the car, Lothar climbing in beside him.

They’d all been hoping that Medivh had wanted to speak to Khadgar to ask for forgiveness, to apologize, but they now knew that wasn’t the case. As they drove away in silence all of them had sad thoughts running through their heads.

Khadgar felt tears on his cheeks and let himself rest his head on Lothar’s good shoulder, allowing himself to release all the emotions he had kept inside him in the last few weeks. He now knew that Medivh was lost, that the wreckage of what he had done would continue on in all of their lives for years to come.

Lothar smiled sadly when Khadgar fell asleep against him. The younger male looked so innocent, so peaceful in sleep, and yet Lothar knew that much like his own, Llane’s, Taria’s, and Garona’s, that Khadgar’s innocence had been robbed of him by Medivh. He’d never forgive Medivh for that.