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Summary
She is deeply strange and strangely deep. She looks in the void and the void blinks first. This is how Jillian Holtzman makes herself.
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Bookmark Notes:
Women like going home with Jillian.
She does not get to stay. They politely show her the door in the morning. She gets kissed on the cheek. They call her ‘sweet’, but she hears all the other words unsaid underneath them.
She likes sex. She does not like leaving in the morning. She wants to stay and eat breakfast in bed. She wants to linger and kiss someone with bad breath. She wants something...something intangible.
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“Why do you want to believe in ghosts?” She asks Abby while she solders one night. What she wants to ask is if she Abby also has dead people that hang around in her head, cropping up when she least expects it, but she doesn’t know how to put words to that.“Because this can’t be all there is,” Abby says. And she doesn’t sound like confident, bold Abby. She doesn’t sound like the Abby who stares down misbehaving students and berates everything that fails to live up to her expectations. She sounds like an Abby, who is very young and small and wants someone to tell her she’s strange.
Or maybe that’s just what Jillian hears. She knows she hears things that aren’t there sometimes.
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Oh. Oh. Oh. Jillian smiles, she knows it’s not her most appealing come hither smile. It’s a manic, Monster fueled smile. It’s electricity at her fingertips and static in her hair.“Experimentation is a necessary step,” she gets up on her knees and sits on her ankles.
“But what if everything goes poof afterwards?” Erin bites her lip.
Consequences. Future. Time dilation. Jillian takes in a breath and lets it out in a slow deflation.
“I’m good at explosions,” Jillian says with care. “But I’m also good at repair.”
Erin nods. Her teeth release her lip. It’s red now and a little puffy. Jillian bends forward and Erin meets her halfway.
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