Chapter 1: Open My Life
It was a wonderful day. Clear skies and warm weather. Everyone coming back onto campus after a short summer. Some coming to the University for the first time. The setting looked peaceful and calm, exactly what everyone needed before the start of a life where instant noodles were your dinner every night and sleep was nonexistent. Except it wasn't enough.
At least not for the notorious Bill Cipher, the God of the University and the town of Gravity Falls.
Bill was a senior at the University, and he was well known by all. One reason would be for his gorgeous looks. He had beautiful golden hair that practically glowed, especially on this particular occasion of the setting sun. His face was angular, but still was round and young. His cat-like eyes pierced the souls of everyone around him, making even the most headstrong people falter. Bill's body was tall and lean, a perfect mix with his tan skin. All in all, Bill Cipher was downright attractive, and he knew that with his looks he could get anything.
The other reason why Bill was so well known was his cocky personality and sharp tongue. One wrong move and he would tear you apart, whether it be emotionally or physically. He was a master of the mind, and he always used it to his advantage. Bill's confidence could make others feel like trash, and that gave him pleasure. Though he may look like a God, his personality was that of a demon.
Today, however, Bill's usual confidence was replaced with anxiety. As he walked through the park to get to his dorm, he did not walk with his head held high like usual. Instead, he felt small, like the world would crash down on him at any second.
And Bill had no idea why.
The thought unnerved him. It was rare for him to be this anxious in the first place. He needed some way to fix it. Some help.
Bill pulled out his phone, going through his contact list. Sex. He needed to bang someone to get rid of this stress.
Mumbling to himself Bill continued to walk through the park. "Cindy? No, too talkative. Caitlyn? Uhg no."
After a while of digging through his phone he came to Pyronica, immediately clicking on her. She was an old friend of his, and she knew more about him than anyone else. If anyone could comfort him in this moment, it would be her.
Before Bill could type a word into his phone he slammed into someone, and immediately shoved them to the ground. He was in a piss poor mood. It was like the whole world stopped then. He could feel the stares of the people who passed by. Everyone stared when he shoved someone, but this time it was more than usual.
His eyes trailed up and down the boy on the ground. He was small, obviously a freshmen, with brown curly and unkempt hair. His skin was a sickly pale and his body was thin. The kid didn't even look like he should be outside from the start.
The boy then looked up at him, and Bill was blown away by his eyes, which were a deep chocolate brown. When Bill noticed a thin film that covered his eyes, however, it all made sense.
The kid was blind.
Bill didn't know how to react to this situation, and he finally knew why he was so anxious.
"Uh.." The brunet spoke, moving his right hand around on the ground. "Sorry about that.."
He watched as the boy felt around, seemingly looking for a pair of black shades that laid in the grass next to the sidewalk. Bill walked over and picked the shades up, bringing them back to the brunet, who was confused.
"Kid, what are you doing on campus? This is for college students. Besides, you're fucking blind." Bill finally spoke up as he placed the shades in the kids lap.
The brunette frowned, fumbling as he grabbed the shades and put them on, "I'm not a kid. And who cares if I'm blind."
"I do." Bill said, hovering over the boy. "I don't need a stupid runt like you bumping into me all the time."
The brunette slowly stood up, pulling his walking stick up off the ground and brushing himself of,. "Sorry if I'm such a nuisance to you, but I'm here to learn. So to be honest, I don't really care about what you think. Bye now." The boy moved around Bill and started to walk away.
Bill couldn't help but stand there in awe. No one ever talked to him like that, and although it gave him an odd sort of excitement, he was still furious. Interest and anger gnawed at his insides, an unusual mix indeed, even for him. Other students gawked at the scene that unfolded, some trying to hold in their laughter and others not even trying, snickering loudly. The brunette didn't even bother to turn around, just kept on walking.
Bill started to wonder if the kid even knew where he was going. I mean, the kid was blind. He couldn't possibly know where he was going. Not like it mattered to him though. Like the asshole Bill was, he didn't bother to try and help the kid. He was too stressed out to think about helping anyone.
After the incident he finally sent a text to Pyronica, but she immediately declined the offer, busy with cheerleading junk that Bill did not care about whatsoever. He wasn't in the mood to see anyone else. Instead, he power walked back to the dorms, anger and frustration pouring out of him.
It didn't take long to get back to his room, about five minutes to be exact. Everything was pretty lively inside the dorms, specifically the boy’s dorms. People ran around, bringing their stuff in and setting up their rooms. Bill remember his freshmen year, how he only brought a few things compared to other freshmen. It just reflected his home life. It wasn't that his home was small or his family was poor, quite the opposite actually, his home was huge and his family was rich. People tend to bring memories and things that are special with them, and Bill just didn't have anything like that. Not that he minded though.
Walking up the stairs to the third floor Bill turned right, heading for his room. Once he made it to his door Bill pulled out his keys, jingling them around a bit before sticking them in the door knob and twisting his wrist. He pulled out his keys and shoved them back into his pocket, opening the door and stepping inside.
Right when he was about to shut the door, however, his name was called. With a sigh Bill stepped back outside, looking next to his door to find the superintendent standing there, messing with his bright green tie, a very ugly color in Bill's opinion.
Once the superintendent noticed him he jumped, straightening his suit and looking up at the tall blonde.
"M-Mr. Cipher, may I have a word?" He asked.
Bill couldn't help but smirk at the superintendent, seeing as the large man was obviously uncomfortable in his presence, "Of course Darel, how may I help you?"
The superintendent flinched at his name, but ignored it, not attempting to argue with Bill. "Well, as you know, more freshmen are coming this year, and it's going to be quite packed in the boys dormitory. I know that you've requested from the very beginning that you want a dorm to yourself, and we have stuck by that, but this year we just can't do that." Bill frowned, but let him continue.
"There's been a certain situation that has come up here at Tall Pines, one that has never come up before. A freshmen has applied to this school, but they have a disability, one that would make things a bit difficult." Bill froze, knowing exactly who he was talking about. "However, the student has magnificent grades, and has shown that they are capable of taking care of them self. The thing is, I'd rather such a great student be watched carefully, in case they need help. Mr. Cipher, I trust you to take good care of this student and show them around."
Bill glared at the superintendent, taking pleasure in watching him squirm. "I'd rather not."
"I'm sorry Mr. Cipher, but you have no choice in this matter. Now," The superintendent turned, revealing the small brunette that stood behind him. "Meet Dipper Pines, your new roommate."
Chapter 2: Open to Learn
Bits and pieces about Dipper are learned, and the more Bill knows the more curious he is about the brunet.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Bill Cipher would rather die than be in the spot he was right now. That was all there is to it.
He lost his room, his space, his territory to a blind kid.
And he was angry.
No. He was pissed.
Granted, he understood why they chose him. His room was larger than others, thanks to his parents bribery. It had everything he needed. A decently sized kitchen with almost every appliance required for cooking (and then some), a large bathroom with a separate shower and bath, and although the room where Bill slept was meant to be shared, it was rather large and spacious. Bill even had room to put a flat screen tv on the wall in front of his queen sized bed.
Bill had to help move the kids stuff in that night, since the kid himself was utterly useless. He didn't have much. Most of it was small trinkets and such. For someone who couldn't see, he also had a lot of pictures. Bill took the time to check them all out, coming to one in particular that caught his eye. It was just a plain old selfie, with just two people, a girl and a boy. He could tell the two were twins. They had the same brown and curly hair, one longer than the other. The same rosy cheeks and big red lips that were smiling brightly. The same deep chocolate brown eyes that were big and beautiful. The only difference was that one pair was glazed over, glassy brown eyes staring into an abyss of nothingness, but still happy nonetheless. The frame of the picture even represented how special it was. Obviously hand made, it was a golden frame, to Bill's amusement, swirls of pink and blue lining around it. Small jewels were placed randomly, adding a spark of creativity.
Most of the pictures was just of the two; the bright and spunky girl and the shy and awkward boy. Bill could tell how much the kid loves his sister. Every picture had her in it. Bill scattered the pictures around the room, placing them on small shelves and side tables. He definitely had confidence when it came to organization.
Bill had always thought that with a disability came a lot of equipment, but he was surprised to find that when moving the kids stuff in, there wasn't that much equipment. It was mostly for his computer, which was high tech to say the least. The computer itself wasn't that impressive, just a regular PC. However, the computer also came with a microphone and speakers, along with a wireless mouse and keyboard, and some headphones that look liked they were used more for gaming purposes than anything. There was even a camera. Bill also noticed the large amount of softwares that were installed onto the computer, a few that he especially did not recognize, one called a screen reader. He was curious, but didn't ask about it. He was exhausted from the move.
Bill also noticed the surprisingly large amount of books the kid owned. They were all classics, old but taken care of. Not a tear or rip in the cover or pages, just a tad bit dusty. He took the time to place them on the book shelves, all in order from A to Z.
With a sigh, Bill took a few steps backwards and observed his masterpiece. Everything was perfectly in place, neat and organized. Turning his head to the kid’s bed, which was already made up, he gazed at the small figure sitting on top of it.
Dipper leaned against the wall, his short legs crisscrossed and his hands in his lap. He stared into nothingness, eyes gazing at the wall across from him. Expressions of sadness and content danced across his features, settling somewhere between a tired and worried look. Bill couldn't help but stare, almost thankful for the fact the kid could not see.
Finally, after moments of silence, the kid spoke up, the soft voice filling the room. "Are you done?" Dipper asked quietly.
Bill moved to sit on his bed, facing the brunette. "Yeah, I'm done."
Bill watched as Dipper shifted uncomfortably, his fingers lacing together, "Thanks..."
Silence came once again and Bill ran a hand through his hair, a small sigh escaping his lips. He was tired of this situation already, and Bill knew he had to do more than just set up the kid’s space. He would have to take care of this kid, and he was not looking forward to it.
His eyes trailed the brunet up and down, noticing his discomfort almost immediately. It was like the kid could feel his presence, see him staring.
"Could you stop staring?" He asked, shifting his body once more.
Bill couldn't help but be surprised, but kept his composure. "You could tell?"
"Yeah. I can feel it..." Dipper replied. Bill smirked, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.
Dipper slowly nodded, not really sure what to say. Bill sighed, running his hand over his face and rubbing his eyes. "So," He looked back up at the brunet, who twiddled his thumbs absentmindedly. "How're we gonna do all of this? This situation is certainly not one I am happy about, to say the least, and I'm sure I'll have to take care of you. So please, tell me, what can you do?"
Bill didn't even realize the change in demeanor of the brunet, not until the hardened eyes that stared back in his direction, a look of distaste on the kid’s face. He couldn't help but smile, one of his best distorted smiles that could break people in an instant when the kid started to speak. "I can take care of myself. I'm not some charity case that needs help, especially from the likes of you."
A high pitched cackle rang throughout the room, Dipper's hard expression faltering and a shiver going up his spine. "Oh kid, you're a riot! You really think I'd help you? Fuck no. The only reason I set up your room for you is because the superintendent was breathing down my neck. Kid, it's hilarious that you'd even think I'd help you!" Bill responded, wiping an invisible tear from his eye. Dipper only frowned, crossing his arms. Bill looked at the brunet, his eyes wide in excitement. He moved from his own bed to Dipper's bed, an idea popping into his head. "You say you don't need my help, but I guarantee that you'll ask me by the end of this month."
Bill watched as Dipper flinched, the blow to the kids pride obvious. His face turned red, puffing out his cheeks and looking like a child. It was adorable, the grin on Bill's face growing larger every second he stared. "Y'know what kid? Let's make a deal."
Dipper frowned. "What deal?"
"If you go a month without asking help from anyone, I'll do whatever you want for the rest of the year. However, if you fail, you have to do whatever I want. Deal?"
Different emotions flashed across Dipper's face, and Bill drank them all in. Contemplating the deal inside his head, Dipper absentmindedly brought a hand up and held his chin, tapping it lightly in thought. Bill could tell the kid really didn't want to do it, but his pride and arrogance got in his way. Dipper brows furrowed, and he brought his hand away from his chin, sitting up straight. "Deal." he finally answered.
"Let's shake on it." Bill said with a grin, holding his hand up. Dipper hesitated, then lifted his hand up, feeling around the air. His fingertips grazed the palm of Bill's hand and he sucked in a breath before slowing grabbing it. His palms were cold and sweaty from anxiousness, unlike Bill's, who were soft and warm.
Bill could feel the brunet shudder at the contact, and he raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, pulling his hand away after a second.
"Well," Bill started, wiping his hand on his pants. "I'm gonna go to a friend’s. Why don't you play around the room a bit." He got up, leaving the kid at sit on his bed by himself. Grabbing his phone Bill texted Stacey, still feeling up to some stress relieving sex.
Stacey texted back almost immediately, giving him an O.K. to come over. Bill laughed quietly to himself and moved over to the nightstand next to his bed, opening up and drawer and taking out a condom. He reminded himself to stop by a store on his way back, seeing that he was running out of condoms.
Grabbing his keys Bill head for the door, swinging it open. "See ya later kid." He slammed the door, stepping out into the hallway. Letting out a breath he head outside to the car.
It only took a few minutes to get to Stacey's house, which Bill was thankful for. Bill got out of the car and walked up to her door, knocking twice. After a few second the door opened, revealing Stacey, who wore a black robe. "Come in!" She said cheerfully, opening the door wider for him.
Bill walked in, a grin on his face. "Thanks Stacey."
Stacey smiled back at him before closing the door. "Give me a few more minutes and I'll be ready for you." She said, heading back to the bathroom.
Bill decided to place himself on her black leather couch. After a minute of listening to rustling coming from the bathroom he pulled it his phone, going onto Google.
Dipper popped into his mind. Well, more like the kids reaction to his touch. The way he shuddered as his sweaty palms grazed Bill's hand, it had admittedly turned Bill on. He scratched his plans for the evening when he was in a bad mood, but it was diminished after that. He didn't understand why the kid reacted to his touch like that, so he looked it up.
Tons of results popped up, and Bill was impatient, so he found a short article to read, finding out most everything he needed to know. People who are blind have heightened auditory and touch senses. Usually it's more with hearing, but some cases touch can be more sensitive, which made sense to Bill. The kid looked like he was going to explode with the way his face went red, and Bill couldn't help but enjoy the reaction he got. He was semi-hard just thinking about it.
"Ooohh Bill~" a voice called, knocking Bill out of his thoughts. He looked up to find Stacey, decked out in black and pink lingerie, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom.
Stacey was one of his favorite fuck buddies, her curvaceous body and dark chocolate brown hair was gorgeous in Bill's eyes. The thing was, he wasn't in the mood for her body, though he didn't show it. He didn't want any girl at the moment, he could have had release just by himself, but that was no fun.
Bill smirked up at her, opening his arms. Stacey walked over, moving to straddle Bill. She leaned in and nipped at his ear, purring. "Are you ready?"
Bill growled, pulling Stacey closer and grabbing her ass. "Of course."
I'm just gonna let you know now that I won't update as often as I would like. I have things to do as well as taking time to make sure this story is well written.
Also I'm having trouble wth updating (it won't show up on the tag), so yeah, problems with that.
Not to mention I was suppose to go to the P!ATD concert (which I did), but it got rained out. Now it has to be rescheduled (if it even can) and although it sounds kind of stupid, this situation is extremely upsetting to me.
Thanks for reading!
Chapter 3: Open My Anxiety
A taste of Dipper's life, as well as his anxiety.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Dipper Pines sat on his bed silently, hearing the door click shut. He wasn't really sure what to do or how to react at that moment, but he did know one thing.
He was alone.
He was away from home for the first time by himself. Who was he kidding, Piedmont wasn't even his home, nor was Gravity Falls. Memories of the times he stayed there for the summer with his twin popped up in his mind. His home was Mabel, his lovely other half whom he adored.
But his twin was in Piedmont, attending some art school, while he came to Gravity Falls. It was his choice. Dipper could have went to any school he wanted to, but he chose Tall Pines because not only was it an elite school, it was in Gravity Falls, a place he cherished.
And now here he was, seemingly regretting every decision he made these past two days.
He was uncomfortable, threatened, and his pride was crushed by an obnoxious senior. What's worse is he made a deal that he'll probably regret, all because of his pride.
With a sigh, Dipper slowly got up off the bed. 'No use fretting over it now. What's done is done' He thought, moving his hands over the bed.
Dipper took the time he had alone to map out the room with his hands, grazing his fingers over every crevice and corner he could. He even touched everything on what he thought was Bill's side of the room, but he didn't really care. He needed to know where everything was. It was a long process, to say the least, but Dipper had to do it.
After what seemed like twenty five minutes of this process, Dipper came across what he felt to be a small nightstand with a single drawer. Not really sure if it was his or not, he opened it up, feeling around inside. His index finger grazed a small rectangular box, the contents of it spilling out the side. There wasn't much left, it seemed, and Dipper decided to pick one up. It was square and had small groves, and he rubbed it in between his fingers to get a better idea of what it was.
It was a condom.
Dipper's face contorted into disgust and he dropped the condom back into the drawer, shutting afterwards. 'Definitely not mine' He thought, remembering the sounds of Bill opening a drawer and pulling something out. Dipper finally realized what Bill meant when he said he was going to a friends.
'Note to self, you're roomed with a fuckboy' Dipper thought to himself, chuckling quietly.
He moved on, establishing which side of the room was his quick enough, and before he knew it, he was done, the mental map of his room placed carefully inside his brain.
Feeling that he still had some time to spare before his roommate came back, Dipper sat himself down in his computer chair, powering his computer on. Carefully placing the large headphones atop his head, he typed in his password, hearing a 'correct' ring through his ears. Dipper winced. No matter how long he's had to deal with that, he still can't stand the voice.
Once he was on Dipper went onto Skype with the click of a button. He moved over to his sister's icon and clicked, calling her. After a few second, she answered, her loud and obnoxious voice pierce his ears. Oh how he loved and hated her voice.
"Hey bro bro!" Mabel said.
"Hey Mabel." He replied rather nonchalantly, when in fact he was rather excited to talk to his sister. Although he couldn't see, he could imagine her bouncing up and down excitedly, just like she did when they were kids. It made his stomach churn with the constant reminder. He could never see her again.
"So, broseph, how's Tall Pines? You have to tell me EVERYTHING!" She exclaimed loudly.
"It's okay." He answered. His thoughts drifting to his obnoxious roommate. He didn't want to make Mabel worry, so he didn't mention it.
"Something’s wrong Dip. You can't hide it."
Welp, looks like he didn't have to.
"Fine fine. It's just my roommate." He answered, a smile tugging at his lips. She always knew.
"What about your roommate?" She asked, a hint of worry coming through the headphones.
"Well for one, he's super obnoxious senior who thinks he's all that, and two, he's a total fuckboy."
Mabel giggled at that. "A fuckboy Dipper? How're you so sure?"
"I found a box of almost empty condoms Mabel." He replied unamused.
Mabel however, was, and her laugh rang throughout his brain. "Oh man. Seriously Dip? I can't believe it." She laughed some more.
"Better believe it. He told me he was going 'to a friends'." Dipper added, making air quotes.
"Friends with benefits!" Mabel sang out, making both of them laugh. After a minute or so of continuous laughter Mabel's voice got deeper and more serious. "But seriously though. Is it okay there Dip?"
Dipper thought for a second, then shrugged. "Yeah. It's alright. Really. I mean, I guess my roommates not that bad. He did set up all my stuff for me."
"That's good!" Mabel chimed. "You got me worried for a sec. I was about to come down there and get you!"
Dipper laughed, "Seriously Mabel, I'm fine."
Mabel giggled. "So hey, can you turn on the camera, I wanna see your room!"
"Yeah, gimme a sec." Dipper moved his mouse around, hearing the voice point out what his mouse was over. Once he found the button for the camera, he clicked it, hoping that Bill set it up correctly.
"Wow! Gotta say, he did a great job!" Mabel exclaimed happily, obviously pleased with his roommates work.
"Good." Dipper deadpanned. "Glad he didn't do a shit job." Mabel giggled at that. "So, how's school for you?" He asked.
"It's great! I've already made a ton of friends, and my roommate is AWESOME! She does sculpting! And I've already walked in on five personal nude session!" Mabel said happily.
Dipper snorted, "What the fuck Mabes. That's just weird."
"What? I didn't see some man meat, which is kinda disappointing, but I did see some lady meat!" She yelled, giggling afterwards. Dipper started to laugh harder.
Dipper talked to his twin for what felt like hours, pointless chatter about their daily lives or the occasional reminiscence in their past. Waves of nostalgia hit Dipper throughout the conversation, the good and the bad. It reminded him of the times where the sky would come crashing down, the sun falling away from the earth.
The time when he could actually see.
Dipper knows that he thinks about his sight way too much, but he can't help it. It was ripped away from him in an instant, and there was nothing he could do about it but let it happen.
"Dipper!" Mabel called out for what Dipper realized was the fifth time. He zoned out on her, and being his other half, she knew what it was about. She always did. Yet she said nothing, not bringing up a conversation they have had a million times already.
"I was asking," she started, her sassiness showing ever so slightly. "Your roommate, is he hot?"
Dipper shook his head. "Mabel, you know I can't see him. I don't know."
"You know what I mean bro bro. You're good at describing people, even without your sight."
Dipper thought for a second, his hand holding his chin, tapping it lightly. "He seems like he would be a jock maybe, since apparently he's super popular. Maybe he has some muscles, but I don't think he has a lot. He's probably in a frat club or something, who knows."
"Do you think he's hot though?" She asked, her voice suddenly getting quieter at she went on.
Dipper scoffed. "With his obnoxious voice, I can't imagine him anything other than ugly-"
"Excuse me, but I am most definitely not ugly."
Dipper yelped as he felt a hand grip his shoulder, jumping at the touch. He thought he faintly heard the sound of a door, but blew it off quickly as he was lost in his own, imaginative thought.
"Hello Pine Tree." Bill greeted, and Dipper didn't need eyesight to know that he had a large shit-eating grin on his face.
"Bill!" Dipper blurted out, angry and embarrassed. "What are you doing here?" He tried to keep his composure, although Dipper could feel his face heating up at the sudden engagement with his roommate.
"What am I doing here? This is my room, Pine Tree." Dipper couldn't help but cringe at the second usage of the nickname, not really sure where it came from.
Before Dipper could say anything else and embarrass himself more, a high pitched squeal came from the headphones. "Dipper you were so off this man is literally GORGEOUS." Mabel exclaimed loudly, and the brunet knew Bill could hear.
Bill chuckled, leaning in closer and pulling the headphones out of the computer so he could hear better. "Why thank you. What's your name, Shooting Star?"
"Mabel Pines is my name! What about yours, sexy?" Mabel replied, and Dipper rolled his eyes, taking his headphones off and placing them to the side.
"The names Bill Cipher!" Bill said almost cheerfully, and Dipper felt suddenly protective of his twin. He didn't want Bill seeing her as a new fuck buddy or something.
"Alright, I think that's enough." Dipper intervened. "I should probably go."
"Aww, but I wanna talk more!" Mabel whined, flailing her arms.
Dipper shook his head. "It's already late Mabel. Classes start tomorrow too."
Mabel groaned loudly, earning a snicker from Bill. "Fine, but tomorrow you have to call me after class. I wanna know all about it!"
Dipper laughed. "I will, don't worry."
"Good. Also, I'll be coming up there in a few weeks for our birthday, so be prepared!" Mabel said cheerfully, and Dipper practically beamed.
"I definitely will!"
"Okay Dip, I'll leave ya to it!" She said cheerfully. "Love you!"
"Love you too." Dipper said back, a warm smile on his face. "Bye."
"Bye bye!" And she was gone.
Dipper exited out of Skype and turned in his chair. He wasn't really sure if he was facing Bill or not, but he didn't really care. He knew Bill could see the scowl that was on his face.
"You're sister was cute" Bill said, and Dipper's face contorted.
"Don't you dare even think abo-"
"Whoa kid, chill. I'm not interested in your sister like that." Bill cut him off, and Dipper froze.
"Really?" He asked.
"Kid, your sister is cute, but I prefer someone more sexy." Bill answered, and Dipper looked at Bill with disgust.
With a groan Dipper got up from the chair, moving to the left and flopping onto his bed. He could feel the eyes of the senior watching his every move. "Please stop staring at me." Dipper deadpanned, trying not to show how uncomfortable he was. Bill snickered, and Dipper listened to his footsteps as they moved away. Bill opened a drawer, throwing something in and closing it shut.
"I see you bought more condoms." Dipper stated rather flatly, earning a chuckle from Bill.
"Funny. Yes I did. How did you know?"
"Well, I happened to come across them." The brunet answered, immediately regretting that he did so. He could tell Bill had trouble with his anger, by the way Dipper could physically feel the atmosphere around him change drastically.
"So you snooped through my things?" Bill asked, his voice low and deeper than before. Dipper froze, fear creeping up just like the shiver that went up his spine. His anxiety that never seemed to go away shot up like a rocket, and he knew that one wrong word could lead him to his demise.
"Um, I- I went around the room and touched everything while you were gone. I see with my hands so..." Dipper rambled, not sure if what he said was the right thing.
"Listen kid," Bill practically growled. Dipper didn't have to see to know that the senior was up in his face. Hot breath tickled his lips, smelling like smoke and alcohol. "I don't care about your disease or disability or whatever your pathetic ass has, don't you dare touch my stuff. You got it?"
Dipper frowned, anger boiling in his gut and replacing his fear. He wanted to scream, frustrated with the pride and fear that kept on clashing together in his body. "Get out of my face!" Dipper shoved Bill backwards with both hands. Although it didn't do much to move Bill, it still made him more angry. Dipper hissed, feeling uselessness grow inside him. "I don't care about what you want or think! I'm doing this for myself, because if I didn't I'd be nothing! Sorry if it bothers you but I have to, and you can suck it up you obnoxious fuckboy!"
Dipper didn't have a chance to react before a hand wrapped around his throat, slamming him down on his bed hard. Bill was fuming, his blood boiling and heat radiating off him, and Dipper was scared.
He was terrified.
The sensation of the hand around his throat was intoxicatingly painful, and Dipper couldn't comprehend anything around him. He couldn't even hear the words and profanities Bill screamed at him. All he could do was focus on the large hand wrapped tightly around his throat and the hot breath of the senior who was in his face once more. Dipper didn't dare move, he couldn't. His anxiety skyrocketed and his breath quickened.
The brunette started to hyperventilate, his small hands grabbing at the larger one that was around his neck. He couldn't hear the growls that came from the man above him, he could only focus on his air getting cut off and the tears that pricked at his eyes. He couldn't cry. No, not in front of him. Don't be weak. You're strong. Don't cry Dipper don't cry. You're not weak don't let him see you like this stop it don't be scared you're not.
I'm scared please stop I just wanna see let me see my sister the sunset my twin my parents my other half I need to see please stop I'm so weak.
Then it was gone.
The hand moved away from the brunette’s neck and he immediately gasped for air, his hands rubbing at his eyes. He couldn't help but lay there, shaking helplessly as he inhaled and exhaled breath after breath, forgetting the world around him for a few minutes.
After a while he sat up, a hand clutching at his shirt. Dipper hated himself at that moment. No, he hated himself every day. He was helpless and pathetic, and he would be like this for the rest of his life. He came to the university to show that he was strong, that he could be on his own, but he couldn't.
And it was proven by his stupid roommate.
Silence filled the room, neither parties wanting to break it. It was a heavy atmosphere, and it was almost as if Dipper was stuck in a nightmare, unable to escape the darkness. He didn't know what to do. What to say. Hell, he didn't even know if the senior was in the room anymore. Dipper started to worry that he was alone in the room, and it terrified him even more. All he wanted was his sister. Her comforting voice and her warm hugs. He missed her so so much.
"Let's... pretend that never happened." A voice whispered quietly. Bill was still in the room.
Dipper sighed in relief. Even though the owner of the high pitched voice was the one who threatened him, he was glad Bill was still here. He hated being alone and without sight, it felt like he was almost all of the time.
"Y-Yeah.." Dipper murmured, his voice cracking slightly. He didn't know what to say.
Time seemed to pass, the two silent. Dipper worried about what time it was. Classes start tomorrow and he didn't want to wake up late and possibly miss them. However he couldn't just check the time, but he was too afraid to ask Bill. He was afraid to say anything. The silence was unbearable.
"What time is it?" He finally asked. His voice squeaky and quiet.
There was a moment of silence, and Dipper worried that Bill was still angry. That Bill was annoyed of his voice.
"11:34." Bill answered. Although still high pitched, his voice was oddly quiet. It was almost as if he felt guilty.
That didn't mean that Dipper wasn't relieved. He almost felt better, like the situation didn't even happen. Like Bill's hands weren't on his throat, like Bill didn't scream in his face.
But it did happen, and Dipper was still afraid.
Dipper thanked him quietly, earning a small grunt from Bill. It was late and he was tired, he needed to sleep. To rest. Once he gets into his dreams he can be in the world he wants. He can relive his wonderful memories about his family, his twin.
With a sigh, Dipper stood up. "I'm going to bed." He said, proceeding to pull his shirt off. He then unbuttoned his jeans, letting them fall to the floor. Stepping out of them, he sat back on his bed. He didn't care if Bill saw him in just his underwear, he was tired.
"Okay. Night." Bill said as Dipper pulled the covers over himself, burying his face in his pillow.
He tried to drift away, tried to ignore the sounds of Bill moving about, but he couldn't. Dipper could smell marijuana, and assumed that Bill lit a joint. It was so distracting but he didn't move, not even when his arm that was shoved under his pillow fell asleep.
Dipper guessed that it was about one in the morning when Bill finally went to bed, and he couldn't help but sigh. He welcomed the silence as it took him away, to his dreams.
It was a memory. One that he hadn't thought about in a long time.
More like tried not to think about.
The sun was setting, the sky filled with orange and pink, hints of purple outlining the clouds. Dipper, however, wasn't looking at the sky. He was looking at his twin.
Her fluffy brown hair swayed in the breeze, a tangled mess. Her pink sweater was highlighted in color and her knees were pulled to her chest. They were holding hands, hers squeezing his lightly.
"Dipper?" She whispered, her voice soft and sweet, lacking her usual obnoxious yet familiar tone.
He didn't answer, just continued to stare at her. Time passed slowly, but to Dipper it moved too fast. Stars soon came out, surrounding him like they had fallen into the galaxy itself. He wanted to stay in this moment forever, never let go.
But he knew he couldn't.
He could feel tears stream down his cheeks as a spot appeared in his sight. One after another, more dots appeared, slowly covering his twins worried face. Worried, but beautiful. So beautiful, but it was slowly fading away. All the colors of the world melding together until it became a dark hue. Nothing.
After that, everything was black.
So, school is starting soon, which means I won't be able to post often (not like I do anyway). I'm still trying to get my mom to get wifi (since I live in the middle of nowhere with no service, it's difficult to do shit).
I'm kinda moody with writing so who knows.
-on another note I'm still having tagging problems, and it's aggravating as hell-
But anyways, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!
Chapter 4: Open A New Day
Dipper's first day gives him a taste of what college is really like, and boy does it have it's ups and downs.
I am so so so sorry for posting so late! For now just enjoy the chapter and at the end you'll hear my kind of reasonable excuse for why it was so late.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Noise filled his ears, starting low and muffled, but gradually getting louder and more clear. He hit his alarm hard, groaning softly into the once fluffy pillow.
Slowly pushing himself up, Dipper stretched, his spine popping. He threw his legs off of his bed, letting them brush the floor lightly. He rubbed his eyes and stood up, wobbling a bit. A groan came from across the room. Seem like he woke Bill up. Oh well.
Dipper groggily made his way to the bathroom, carefully avoiding running into anything as best as he could. Once he got into the bathroom, he turned the water on then stripped down. He got into the shower with a sigh, letting the hot water hit his back for a moment. After a few minutes he felt around grabbing what he assumed (as well as hoped) was shampoo and pouring some into his hair. He massaged through his thick curls, barely noticing the length of his hair. It was getting long, framing his face as well as not quite reaching his shoulders. He liked it like that, but he knew once Mabel came into town she’d make him get it cut immediately. Hopefully he could talk her out of it.
It didn’t take long before he was out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. Walking over to the sink, Dipper opened up a cabinet and carefully pulled out his toothbrush. He wasn’t really comfortable with the thought of Bill knowing where his toothbrush was--the senior had been the one to show him the location. Bill could have dunked it in the toilet and Dipper wouldn’t even know. The thought make him shiver. He should stop, it was just making him more paranoid.
Minutes later he was out of the bathroom, walking over and grabbing clothes from his drawer. Sometimes he worried that he looked ridiculous, but he would never really know for sure. Mabel tended to get him his clothes, since he obviously couldn’t do it himself. Thankfully she got him more dark colored garments. It suit him better, and he didn’t have to worry about matching.
Turning around, Dipper headed back to the bathroom, feeling the eyes of his roommate on him. He stopped at the doorway, sighing. “Would you stop staring at me?”
Bill’s loud cackle echoed through the room, and Dipper shivered. “I can’t believe you manage to notice it every time. Seriously kid, I give you props.”
“Yeah, whatever, just don’t do it.” Dipper said flatly, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.
The thought of last night came back full force, and he closed his eyes. The feeling of being shoved down on the bed, his hand around his neck, nearly choking him. It was intoxicating, nerve-wracking, and just plain scary.
Dipper Pines was afraid of Bill Cipher, and that thought alone was enough for Dipper to consider dropping out.
No.Not a chance. He couldn’t drop out. He hadn’t even started the first day! It could get better, he just had to keep his hopes up.
The thing was, hope had gotten him nowhere before. He’d hoped and prayed to a god he didn’t believe in, and in the end he still lost it. The one thing he held onto the most at the time.
With a sigh he dressed himself, carefully making sure his clothes weren’t inside out and/or backwards. Although part of him wanted to hurry up and get out so he could leave for class, the other part made him take his time. There was plenty of time before class. He knew so. It was a habit that started weeks after he first lost his sight, and had never died since then.
He absentmindedly counted every minute, every second of time, like his life depended on it.
And sometimes it really did.
He slowly opened the bathroom, partially worried at the prospect of the booming and obnoxious voice that would break through his boundaries. Thankfully, it never came, and he walked out to silence. Dipper made his way to his desk, grabbing his small bag and shoving everything he needed inside. It wasn’t much: just his laptop, headphones, and other miscellaneous items he figured he needed on his first day. A pencil and notebook wasn’t necessary for him, so he had to stick to electronics, but that wasn’t a problem. It was easier this way. Although he sometimes misses the feeling of real paper and a pen, the musky smell of an old book and the feeling in his hands as he held it. He almost reached up to his shelf and grabbed one, but thought better of it. The soft shuffling across from him was proof enough that his roommate was still here, and he’d rather not have the senior see him being sentimental. He refused to let Bill see him at his weakest. Not in his wildest dreams.
Dipper left his bag sitting in his computer chair, heading over to the small kitchen to grab himself something to eat. He’d rather not eat in general, but he knew that if he didn’t he’d be scolded by Mabel. To pacify his sibling, although she was not there, he ate. That is to say, as little as possible.
Flinging open the small pantry he searched around, grazing his fingertips over everything he could. A smile quickly appeared on his face as he felt the familiar shape and wrapping of a Granola bar. Perfect.
He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a fuzzy jacket and slipped it on. He then walked over and grabbed his bag, flinging it over his shoulders as he head back to the door. “Bye.” He murmured to his roommate, who’s eyes trailed him all the way to the door. He didn’t even wait for a response as he opened the door and walked out, shutting it rather harshly.
Taking a deep breath he pulled his phone and headphones out of his bag, plugging them in and immediately turning on music. His go to was Panic! At The Disco; their music helping him calm his anxiety at the worst of times. As an angsty teenager he fell in love with them almost immediately, specifically Brendon Urie, who was his secret man crush, and still is to this day. Some things just never change.
He began his walk to the school, which was fairly short considering the dorms were practically right next door. Dipper left fairly early, but there was a reason for that. It didn’t matter if the walk was short. The problem was that he could easily get lost, and his pride was just not having that today.
In the end the brunet did get lost, much to his distaste, and had to have a rather peppy cheerleader take him to his first class. He stood in front of the door, almost afraid to walk in. No, he coudn’t hesitate. That shows weakness. He opened up the door slowly, silence filling the room upon entering. Dipper stood in the doorway awkwardly, taking small steps and letting himself in. He flinched when a booming voice called out to him.
“Ah, you must be Dipper Pines. I’m Mr. Schrayer, welcome to English literature. I’d tell you to take a seat anywhere, but that might be a little difficult for you.” His laugh echoed throughout the room, reminding Dipper of a certain roommate of his. “There’s a seat exactly to your left. Take a seat there.”
Dipper did as he was told, moving to his left and taking a seat. He set his stuff beside him, staring straight ahead. The hard look on his face was almost unsettling to the people around him, he could tell by the whispers that echoed around him. He managed to drown some of them out by having one earbud in, but it didn’t do much.
It was a long hour and a half, the teacher reading off a ridiculously boring syllabus and showing the class pictures of his kids, which Dipper couldn’t even see. It was annoying enough that his teacher had a stupidly monotoned voice and his jokes were either cheesy or insulting. He couldn’t help but be sour. The previous night just ruined his mood.
Once the class finally ended Dipper grabbed his stuff and bolted, which ended up with his getting lost and wandering the halls. His anxiety started building back up, but he continued slowly down the hall, allowing his walking stick to tap the ground lightly. Everyone's whispers just seemed to get louder in the halls.
“Isn’t that the famous blind kid, Dipper Pines?”
“I heard he’s a genius, like, even as smart as Bill Cipher.”
“It sucks that he’s blind. He’s kinda cute.”
“You mean cute like a dead puppy? That kid looks sick as fuck.”
Damn his over heightened senses. He just wished everyone would shut up, just wished everything can go back to the way things were. His face was breaking it’s neutral expression, going to one that looked more terrified with each step he took. Time was winding down and he needed to get to his next class. The thought of being tardy was like a stab to his pride. He’d never been tardy in his life. He didn’t want to ruin it now over something as petty as his anxiety.
Suddenly Dipper smacked into something hard, letting out a small yelp. He managed to compose himself before he felt around to see what he ran into, and his face heated up. He ran into a fucking pole.
“Hey, are you alright? You hit that pole pretty damn hard.” A female voice called out, hard and powerful in his ears.
“Y-Yeah. I’m fine. I guess I was just zoning out...” he tried to laugh it off, but it only came out as an awkward croak. The girl went silent, obviously contemplating something, then let out a huff of annoyance that made Dipper flinch.
“What class are you going to? I can take you there.”
Dipper went silent, his pride roaring at the thought of someone helping him. “No, it’s fine. I’ll find my class eventually, you don’t have to-”
“Just hurry up and tell me,” She asserted sternly, grabbing lightly at his wrist, making his breath hitch. “I don’t have all day.”
Dipper couldn’t help but pout, his head tilting downward. “Liberal Arts, room 223.” He murmured.
“Oh would you look at that, we have the same class. Perfect.” She started dragging him off, trying her best not to power walk so fast that it’ll knock him over.
Dipper listened to the sound of her heels clicking against the tiled floor, zoning out on the feeling her hand. Although he hates to admit it--and he never would outloud--he was thankful she decided to help him. She was a bit intimidating to say the least, and she seemed to struggle with being nice, but she was trying to help and he was grateful. “What’s your name?’” He asked quietly, afraid to disturb the peace.
“Pacifica Northwest. Nice to meet you, Dipper Pines.” She replied, still keeping her same pace. Dipper was surprised that she knew his name already, but even more surprised at who she is.
He never visited Gravity Falls often. His time was always cut short because of doctor appointments and surgery. Though, the time he did spend there he became familiar with the name Northwest. The family was very wealthy, the richest family in the town. He only saw a few of the members once, right before his eyesight started taking a turn for the worst. He remembers, although vaguely, of a girl with platinum blonde hair, that he had thought was most likely fake, and bright blue eyes. He didn’t see much of her. After just a glimpse he was shoved into a bus, rushed back home just in time for his first surgery.
“You’re blonde, aren’t you?” He asked at a near whisper. He didn’t mean to say anything, it just came out. He felt her grip tighten just a bit, but it quickly loosened back to its original state.
“How did you know?” she asked, obviously unnerved. The clicking of her heels continued.
“I use to come to Gravity Falls from time to time when I was younger. I heard your last name here and there. I even got to see you once, although it was just a glimpse.” Dipper confessed quietly. Pacifica’s grip on his wrist loosened once more, before moving her hand down to his and taking it.
“Is that so?” She said, and although Dipper couldn’t see her, he could just feel the sad smile that was plastered against her face. Pacifica finally came to a stop, her heels making one final clack against the tile. “We’re here.”
Dipper took a deep breath. “Thanks for helping me.” He said almost sullenly. Pacifica never let go of his hand, only squeezed it lightly.
“No problem. We are in the same class after all.” Letting out a small sigh, she turned to him. “Ready to go in?”
“Yeah.” He answered back, almost too quickly. His nerves never left him. Pacifica chose to ignore it for now, leading him into the classroom.
Once again silence filled his ears, except for the occasional whisper. Pacifica continued to lead him, although this time a little more slowly. He guessed they were probably in the middle of the room when she spoke out, “There's a step right here.” Dipper stepped onto the platform slowly, making sure he doesn’t trip and fall over. Pacifica gently shoved him into the seat, plopping down next to him.
“Ah, Pacifica Northwest. Thank you for bringing him here. Welcome to Liberal Arts, Dipper Pines. My name is Mr. Kite.” The man’s voice was soft and stern, fitting for a subject that covered the art of business..
Dipper nodded and gave a signal that he was listening. The teacher hummed, obviously pleased. He heard heard the shuffling of Mr. Kite’s oddly graceful feet, listening to the sound of whispers and murmurs that erupted behind him.
Instead of feeling the anxiety that had plagued him for the day, there was a distinct feeling of improvement, like he gotten something off his chest. It’d only been a week or so since he last saw Mabel and he had already forgotten what it was like to have someone have his back. Most of the time he felt alone in the world, but a little push every now and then from his twin kept him going. Since she wasn’t going to be with him anymore, Dipper figured that he’d be going solo his whole college life. It almost didn’t seem that way now that Pacifica was with him, but he didn’t know for sure. It could be she was just being nice to him because it was the right thing to do, not because she wanted a friend. Dipper was sure he would find out soon enough.
Another hour and a half of a boring syllabus followed. Thankfully, this time there wasn’t an obnoxious voice. It seemed to go quicker than his last class, the teacher even had their first project set up ahead of time. Partners really weren’t his thing, but it was required, and Pacifica decided to be with him. He started to feel better as the hour went on.
The class ended off on a good note, Dipper and Pacifica both putting together an elaborate plan that was sure to get them an A. Dipper packed up what little stuff he had and stood up to head off, but Pacifica stopped him. “Wait. What lunch do you have? We can eat together.”
Dipper answered her, although rather reluctantly. He didn’t want her to do this out of pity. She assured him she wasn’t, however, and the two head off to lunch. He figured out quickly how close the lunchroom was to his class and made a mental note for the future, in case Pacifica decided he just wasn’t worth her time or decided not to show up.
Dipper managed to find them a seat in the room at a table that was assumingly empty while Pacifica got herself some lunch. After a few minutes of sitting in silence as he nibbled on his granola bar she plopped down next to him. “Is that seriously all you’re eating?” she asked.
He nodded and continued to eat. Pacifica let out a huff, digging into what sounded like a salad of some sort. A silence drifted between them and Dipper found he didn’t know whether to say something or not. It was awkward enough that he had started focusing on other conversations going on around them. As he figured, most were about him. He couldn’t wait till it would blow over; it was getting quite annoying. It was mostly stuff about him being blind or smart or whatever, it didn’t matter. He was use to it. Well, at least he thought he was.
“This isn’t some school for the disabled and retarded, why the hell is he even here?”
The voice came out so harsh that it echoed in his ears, and his heart thumped loudly in his chest. It’s not like people haven’t said things like that before, but it still hurt.
“Hey!” A voice next to him called out, and he didn’t even have time to blink before he heard Pacifica stand up and waltz over to where ever the comment had come from, “There is no need to say rude and pointless shit like that! He got here the same way as you did, and I’m sure you’ve heard how smart he is compared to your dumb ass, so shut your fucking trap!”
Dipper felt it as Pacifica sat back down next to him huffing loudly, “Don’t listen to him. He’s just upset that you’re smarter than him, even with your disability, so don’t feel ashamed. Stand tall and he won’t come near you.”
No words came out of his mouth. He just stared straight ahead with wide eyes, his mouth slightly agape. Finally, he seemed to find his voice, “T-Thank you..”
“No problem. Now let's get out of here. I’ll take you to your next class.” she offered, standing up and throwing her food into a nearby trashcan.
“But what about your food? You just got it.” Dipper asked quietly, shifting in his seat to face where he thought Pacifica was at.
She scoffed, pulling Dipper up out of his seat, “How could I eat? That stupid prick made me lose my appetite.” She grabbed her bag and marched off, barely giving Dipper time to collect himself and his belongings.
After telling her his room number they soon figured out that it was on the next floor, and had to figure out where the elevator was. Pacifica made sure that he knew what buttons to push just in case she wasn’t there, which was reassuring. Soon enough he was standing in front of his last class. He inhaled deeply.
“Do you want me to go in with you?” Pacifica asked, and Dipper visibly frowned, his childishness creeping back into him.
He turned in her direction and fake smiled as best as he could, “No, it’s okay. I got this. Thanks for everything. I really appreciate it.”
He noticed her long pause and figured she was contemplating something. “Well then, give me your number.”It was more a demand than a request. Dipper gave her his digits. He knew his own number by heart, as well as Mabel’s. “Thanks. If you need me just hit me up. See ya.” She walked off, and Dipper listened to the clicking of her heels, taking another deep breath.
Although it wasn’t as bad as before, his anxiety was still there. He was going to have to get over it soon, it was beginning to be a nuisance to his everyday life. He was used to it, he supposed. Maybe if he made more friends it would get easier. Yeah right, he thought, huffing and pushing the door open.
The noise died down in the room as he stepped in, but he wasn’t surprised. It happened every time. The only noise in the room was one of a soft voice, calling out to him. “Oh, hello Mr. Pines. Welcome to Creative Writing. I’m Mrs. Addi.” The woman pondered for a moment. “Wirt, could you be a dear and help Mr. Pines to a seat. He can sit next to you.”
“Uhm, yes ma'am.” A soft voice whispered. Dipper listened to the sound of scuffling shoes coming in his direction. He waited patiently, standing completely still. Once they got close enough to Dipper, they stopped. There was hesitation before they gently took his hand. Dipper sucked in a breath, caught off guard as he was led away to his seat.
After a few steps the person stopped, not letting go of Dipper’s hand as he sat down. “Uh, here. Sit.” He pulled Dipper down into the seat, making sure to be careful with him, as if he were some glass doll that could break at the simplest touch.
Slowly Dipper sat down, setting his bag beside him. “Thanks.” He said softly, staring straight ahead. His hand tingled where it was held.
“No problem.” They whispered back shyly, letting go of his hand. “I’m, uh, my name's Wirt.”
Dipper smiled, folding his hands in his lap. “I’m Dipper.”
Dipper would have said more, but the teacher cut him off before he could, “Okay class, let’s get started! I’ll make my syllabus quick so we can get to the fun stuff!!” Unlike his other teachers, Mrs. Addi was quick, speeding through her syllabus in a breeze, all while cramming a ton of information down their throat. Dipper couldn’t help but smile. It was endearing, and it reminded him of Mabel.
Soon enough they were moving on, Mrs. Addi already giving them a writing prompt. It definitely wasn’t the usual first day writing prompt, which dealt with how your summer was and such. Instead she started off with the prompt of dreams. Whether or not you interpret your dreams and what they’re like. He pulled out his laptop and got to work, pulling up a document and typing away. He wrote about how his dreams were usually memories, but never gave any details about what they were about or anything specific.
As he wrote he felt the stare of his new acquaintance, but never stopped. His fingers moved fast along the keys. He memorized them long ago for this exact moment. His dreams of becoming a writer never ceased to exist, and every word he typed made him feel alive.
Thirty minutes later and a page and a half was filled, and Dipper sighed, leaning back. Wirt was still staring, and Dipper fiddled with his thumbs, but confronted him. “Why do you keep on staring at me?” he asked, trying to hold a hard tone, but it came out more like a squeak.
Dipper felt Wirt jump, his voice nervous. “You can tell?” He asked. Dipper couldn’t help but smile a bit. Looks like he wasn’t the only awkward one here.
“Yeah. I can, uh, feel it.” He replied. It was always weird when explaining it to someone who couldn’t feel it like he did. Which is pretty much everyone.
“W-Wow. Sorry about staring at you, it’s just that it’s amazing! You move so fast! I can barely use a computer. I have to write everything on paper.” His voice got lower as he talked, as if he was embarrassed. Dipper laughed quietly.
“It just takes a lot of practice. That’s all. Besides, pencil and paper is much more genuine.” Dipper exclaimed, absentmindedly pulling his legs to his chest.
“You think so?” Wirt asked, and Dipper nodded in response. There was a moment of silence before Wirt spoke up again, leaning in, “Could I read what you wrote?”
“Only if you let me read yours.” Dipper replied, tilting his head slightly. Wirt hesitated, but gave in, and Dipper pushed his laptop towards him. ‘If you find any mistakes could you fix them for me? It’s a little difficult to do it myself.” He felt embarrassed for asking, his pride welling up, but he pushed it down. Wirt didn’t seem like the type to judge him.
“Sure.” He answered, quickly getting to reading. There were a few minutes of silence, and Dipper couldn’t help but feel nervous. Was it good enough? The only person to ever read his work was Mabel, and she never gave any constructive criticism, just random comments asking about if the main character was hot or not. Dipper’s internal panic was interrupted by a soft but excited voice. “There were only a few spelling errors, but other than that it was amazing! You’re amazing!” Wirt gawked, and Dipper felt his face heat up at the complement.
“T-Thanks... Now let me hear yours!” He demanded, sputtering. Wirt hesitated, obviously nervous, but eventually complied.
Taking a deep breath, Wirt recited his work in a soft and quiet voice, making sure no others can hear. Dipper definitely didn’t expect it. Wirt had wrote a poem, once that had so much elegance and beauty Dipper could actually see the pictures as they projected into his mind. His poem told of two dancers, dancing in a field of wild flowers, and how in the end one of them disappeared, falling into the flowers and fading away, leaving the other alone. He never expected it to come from a man, considering how romantic it was, but Dipper couldn’t judge. It was an attractive trait to have, in his eyes.
“Wow... that was just... wow.” Dipper had no idea what to say. He was so amazed.
Wirt quickly took his words the wrong way, slumping against his seat. “Oh god. It really was bad, wasn’t it?”
“No, It’s not even close to bad! It was amazing! I wasn’t expecting poetry at all. It blew me away!” Dipper blurted out a bit loudly. A few murmurs were heard, and he quickly quieted down, his face heating up.
“Really?” Wirt asked, and Dipper nodded. “Thanks! I’m glad somebody enjoyed it.” Wirt took another deep breath, then looked over at Dipper. “I’ve been meaning to ask this, but why are you taking this class? You seem like you’d wanna do something more...’ Wirt gestured with his hands, but quickly realized Dipper couldn’t see it. He got the picture though.
“I’ve wanted to be a writer ever since I was twelve. I won't let anything keep me from my dreams, including my disability.” Dipper replied quickly, welling up with pride. “I’m actually in the middle of writing a book right now.”
“Really? Do you think I could read what you have?” Wirt asked.
“Sure. Actually I’m in need of a beta. Do you think you could...?” Dipper couldn’t finish his sentence, feeling slightly embarrassed. Wirt quickly jumped in.
“Of course! I'd love to.” Wirt answered. The bell rang after and the two exchanged numbers. Dipper felt so accomplished and his anxiety for the day melted away. Now he could head back to the dorm and relax for awhile. Hopefully his dorm mate would be absent.
As he walked down the sidewalk back to his dorm he conjured up a plan. It was only 2:45, so he had plenty of time to get some work done and go to bed at a decent time. Hell, he could even write more for his book, which excited him greatly. He stopped at such a good part due to the move from Piedmont to Gravity Falls, and he never got a chance to pick it back up since. He’d definitely wouldn’t write with his roommate in the room, afraid that the senior might be a little too nosy for his liking. He could figure it out though. He always did.
What brought Dipper back to reality was the large object he ran into, although it was more flabby than hard, so he guess it was a person. Dipper attempted to back away, but was pulled back into the flabby chest, an obnoxious southern voice hitting his ears. “Well what do we have here? Quite the cute one, I’d say. What’s your name, sweetheart?”
“My name is Dipper. Could you, uh, please let go of me?” he asked, pressing on hand flat against the man’s chest, attempting to push away. The man’s hold was strong, however, gripping his waist tightly.
“Now now, I haven’t formally introduced myself. The names Gideon Gleeful. I’m a senior at this wonderful university. My, you sure do have a purdy face. You could be a girl.” Gideon sneered, his hand moving down to Dipper’s lower back.
This situation was way too predatory for Dipper’s liking and he smacked Gideon’s chest with a loud thud. “Whoa, dude, I’m not a girl so back the fuck up. Quit touching me!” Dipper was getting disoriented from this occurrence, his cane having dropped somewhere a long time ago. He didn’t know when he was lifted off the ground, not even realizing until he kicked his feet around. That didn’t seem to stop Gideon.
Gideon laughed loudly, enough to make Dipper cringe. “You sure are feisty, aren’t cha? Especially for someone who's blind. Interesting.” Gideon purred, and Dipper thought he was going to be sick.
He could barely register anything at this point, only the feeling of a hand on his ass and one on his shoulder that pulled him away. Everything happened so quick at this point he couldn’t keep up. Once he had a moment to figure everything out he was out of Gideon’s arms and into someone else's. This grip was much stronger, but unlike the predatory one from before, this was more protective. He couldn’t tell whose arms were around him at first, not until they spoke up.
“Why, if it isn’t Gideon Gleeful, the pig of the school.” Bill sneered, his arm draped over Dipper’s shoulder casually. His voice was calm, but it didn’t take rocket science to know he was angry. Dipper could practically feel the anger rolling off him.
“Oh, Bill Cipher. It’s always a pleasure to see you.” Gideon said with fake happiness, biting back a growl.
“Yeah, sure. So can you please tell me what you’re doing molesting a blind kid?” Bill asked sharply, getting to the point. Dipper chose to stay silent, worried that someone might lash out. He didn’t know who he hated more at the moment: his psychotic roommate with obvious anger issues or some random southern idiot who groped him.
“I wasn’t molesting him. We we’re simply getting… acquainted.” Gideon replied smoothly, but Dipper could feel the lustful glance that was sent his way. He shivered in disgust. Okay, he definitely chose his roommate. It was more preferable than some creepy molester by far.
Bill let out a loud cackle, his grip on Dipper’s shoulder tightening. “Is that so? Well, it didn’t look like that to me, and I sure as hell guarantee it wouldn’t look like that to the administrator, now would it? You’ve managed to dodge being suspended for so long, it would be quite a shame if you were now. Especially on your last year.” Bill’s voice stayed casual, but the threat in his words was blatantly obvious.
That’s when Gideon finally let his emotions show. His voice turned low and dark, and Dipper could feel the glare. “You wouldn’t.”
“I wouldn’t say anything, but you never know. There are plenty of people around as witnesses, and rumors tend to spread like wildfire in such a small town. One little word to the administrator and it would be over. So I suggest you take your ugly ass and move along.” Bill barked, waving his hand in the opposite direction of them.
Gideon kept silent, but the loud thud of his footsteps were like cannons going off in Dipper’s ears. He was speechless as Gideon walked away, his posse that Dipper didn’t even know was there following behind him.
Dipper could barely register he was being pulled away until his roommate's voice filled his ears. “C’mon kid. Let’s get you back to the dorm.” Bill huffed, and Dipper started to relax, letting himself be dragged along.
This day has definitely been a rollercoaster. He wasn’t sure if it was good or bad. He made friends, but also got molested, only to be saved by his stupid roommate, whom he was appreciative for at this moment. He didn’t know what he would've done if Bill hadn’t been there. Although there was a nagging feeling in the back of his brain, all he wanted to do was head back to his room, put on his favorite song, and reflect. As disappointing as it was, he didn’t think he could write anymore. All he could think about was what just happened. Well, that and the hand currently holding his. His voice was pretty much lost at this point, but he managed to scrounge up what little words he had to say one more sentence. And truth be told, they were the most sincere he’s ever said to his roommate.
Okay, so, again I wanna say I'm sorry for such a delay. I was planning on posting much much sooner but I had a few mishaps along the way.
First off, I've been having some family problems since the last chapter, and it has steadily been getting worse, so there's that.
Second, I wanted to take the time to chill out and enjoy my summer, as well as figure out what the chapter was gonna be about (cus I literally had no idea what to write).
Thirdly, I recently got wifi at my moms (finally), and when I went to transfer what i had done of the chapter from my phone onto the computer (which i had most of it done), I accidentally deleted the entire chapter like a dumbass. So yeah, I had to rewrite the whole chapter.
I promise I have no given up on this fic, so please stick with me!
(Also side note, I've decided to start back up with Naked Eye. I've figured most everything out and decided that it's time to continue, so that will affect future updates as well.)
Thank you guys so much for all the kudos and comments you've given me! It makes me really super duper happy! I feel so bad for taking so long and I promise to try and update much quicker!!
Chapter 5: Friendship
A glimpse into Bill's day, and the blooming friendship between the two.
I'm slowly giving up on titles lol
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
What was he doing? He was only making things worse. The nagging feeling of guilt that plagued him seemed only to deepen. He didn’t feel guilt. No, Bill Cipher was not one who felt guilt. But then why was he there, dragging the brunet back to their dorm room?
Not getting enough sleep was bad enough. He just had to go and get high and drink away every thought. It didn’t work though. It never does. The guilt just hit him harder the more he drank and smoke, the more he tried to forget.
He always tried to forget, huh?
It was worse that night. The image of the brunet drilled into his mind. He couldn’t forget that. Not the soft cry that escaped his lips nor the feeling of the small pale neck that his hands were wrapped around. The kid was terrified, that much he could tell. The way he trembled, tears rolling down his cheeks in a soft stream, the rapid heartbeat that pulsed against his fingers, everything. It was exhilarating , and it sickened him.
Bill Cipher was not one to regret, but in that moment he regret everything .
Five hours of sleep was the usual for him, but that particular day it just wasn’t enough. He felt particularly angry that day. Every person, male or female, who bumped into him would immediately find themselves on the ground, slammed against the floor like a ragdoll,
just like he did to Dipper.
He hasn’t been taking his medicine like he should have. It only gets worse if he doesn’t. The blonde doesn’t like it though. It restricts him, all his emotions warped and washed away like they didn’t even exist in the first place. He won’t start taking them again either. He liked being in control, even if he really wasn’t. It was better than having his emotions and feelings decided for him, in his opinion.
His parents, however, did not share his view on the matter. Not that they cared. They had plenty of money, and in their mind that was enough to make anything too annoying disappear, but that’s not the case. It took more than that, but to them it didn’t seem to matter.
At least he thought it didn’t. If his parents didn’t say anything about it then it was fine. Besides, they didn’t control him. No one did. But then why did he feel this way? It didn’t make sense anymore, it seemed, but he couldn’t focus on that at the moment.
No, all he could do was think about the night before, and how much the thought of strangling the kid to death thrilled him and terrified him at the same time.
“Bill. Bill! Are you listening? Pay attention man!” Teeth called out, snapping his stubby fingers in the blond's face, earning a glare from the senior. Teeth just sickered. “So like I was saying, this girl was totally fucking hot! You shoulda seen her boss! Perfect fucking body. Works at the Shopping mall just down town. I gave her your number, so a thank you would be-”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s nice, whatever.” Bill replied sourly, waving the short man off and adjusting his position against the rough bark of the tree. His gang meets up every day under the same tree. It’s been a tradition since their freshman year. It was the largest tree on campus, perfectly big enough to shade everyone.
Bill tried to focus on the soft breeze that drifted through the warm air, but it was hard with all of the nagging everyone was doing. They tended to get on his nerves every once in awhile. They were being extra loud on this particular day, and the headache that was setting in at the front of his brain only grew. He figured his first day of his senior year would be better, but apparently his fate thought otherwise.
“So Boss, I heard you got stuck with a new roommate this year, care to tell?” Kryptos blurted out rather loudly, causing Bill’s ears to ring in distaste.
Pyronica only giggled, waving her hot pink manicured hand in Kryptos’s face. “You didn’t hear? It’s quite the gossip. Bill’s been roomed with that blind kid, Dipper Pines!” Kryptos gawked at her, then turned his face to Bill, spewing out nonsense that the blond didn’t even care to listen to.
“Will all of you just leave me the fuck alone? I’m not in the mood for your bullshit at the moment.” Bill deadpanned, turning away from the group with the huff. It certainly got their attention, Pyronica putting a hand on his shoulder.
“Aw, you okay sweetie? Something bothering you?” She purred. Bill would have almost found it seductive if he wasn’t in such a bad mood.
The others just laughed, both teeth and Kryptos nudging him. “Awwww, is the kid bothering you?” Teeth mocked. Pyronica snapped her fingers at them and the two let off, getting more serious. “Seriously though, is he bothering you boss? I can take care of him, if you want me to.”
Bill sighed, shaking his head. “No, don’t touch the kid, he didn’t do anything. It was me.” A small gasp from one of them made him finch. He shouldn’t have said anything.
“Ooohh, is the almighty Bill Cipher feeling guilty?” Py teased, making Bill growl with frustration.
“No! I do not feel guilt about anything! Bill Cipher does not feel guilt! Not even for what happened last night!” Bill blurted out, smacking the base of the tree with an open palm. He said too much. He might even have an attack again if he keeps it up.
Py’s eyes widened at this, a evil grin creeping up on her face. She always get answers, no matter what. “Last night? What happened last night? Please, do tell, I’m sure we’re all dying to hear.” Her voice dripped with mockery. It wasn’t out of spite, she was just trying to provoke him, he could tell.
Before he could even throw an insult at her, Kryptos just had to open his mouth. “Are you secretly gay boss? You got a crush on the blind kid?”
“No!” Bill screamed, shutting everyone up. “No, I’m not fucking gay, alright?” He spat, growling. “You really wanna know what happened? Fine, I’ll fucking tell you since you all are just so fucking nosy. I tried to choke him. Tried to squeeze so tight it would break his neck, watch the life leave him, and oh did it feel good! It felt so good I almost came on the spot! Does that answer your question?”
Everyone went silent in that moment. Bill just let his chin rest on his knee, huffing with the anger that he tried so hard to push down. He over exaggerated just a little, but he was so angry he couldn’t think straight. They just had to pry all the time, didn’t they? But he was no better. That’s why they were friends after all. He took deep breaths, gripping the tree tightly as if it were a lifeline.
Finally Pyronica spoke out, her voice soft and comforting. “I’m sorry for prying sweetie. We all are, right?” Everyone nodded, some out of fear and others out of understanding. “See? We were just playing, don’t take it too seriously, okay?”
Bill sighed, leaning against her. “Yeah, okay. Sorry for lashing out.”
“It’s alright, I understand.” She replied softly, ruffling his choppy golden hair. She knew. Of course she did. She was always the first to catch on when he stops taking them. He’ll probably get scolded tonight when no one's around to witness.
Bill turned back around to face the others, attempting to wiper the stern look off his face. “You fuckers need to wipe the sappy looks off of your faces.” He scoffed, a small smirk settling back onto his face. The atmosphere lightened up as quickly as it darkened, and the others found themselves laughing.
The group went back to chatting and bickering, and while Bill added a comment or two every once in awhile, he mostly stared off into the distance, closely watching the trees as they swayed with the light breeze. His mood brightened a bit, but the dull feeling still lingered. He zoned out on a small bird, it’s dark blue and white feathers ruffled as it perched itself atop a branch. He could barely hear it’s soft song, but it was still beautiful nonetheless. He found himself getting lost, swaying slightly just like the tree he was under, feeling as if he was on air.
“Hey, isn’t that the blind kid?” Pacifier pointed out, and Bill immediately whipped his head around.
Bill tried hard to keep his breathing steady, but at that moment he felt as if he would explode. The sight of Gideon Gleeful could easily make him sick any day, but the fact that he was so close to
Pine Tree made his blood boil. The kid obviously wanted to get away, but knowing Gleeful it wouldn’t be that easy.
He watched as Dipper smacked Gideon’s chest, angrily spewing at him, and anyone could see the venom miles away. He had to give it to the kid, he had guts. Still, that would not make the pig back down. No, Gideon Gleeful was known for taking others, whether they wanted it or not. He has never had a problem with Gideon’s ways before. He simply just let the man take who he wanted, it wasn’t his problem. However, that didn’t mean that the blond didn’t like him. Oh no, Bill fucking hated him. He was annoying beyond belief, and every time he heard his voice he wanted to rip his ears off and chuck them at the Gleeful. This particular situation was different though. Just the thought of Gideon touching his Pine Tree with those filthy hands irked him in more ways than one.
“You gonna stop him Bill?” Py asked, staring at the scene with distaste. The female had an encounter with the pig, and it was one of the few cases where it ended badly for him and not the victim. The bruise that had been on the Gleeful’s eye and throat was one everyone could remember.
Bill just shook his head, trying his best to play it off like he didn’t care. “Not my problem.” Pyronica scoffed, shaking her head in disapproval, although she could see right through the blond.
He couldn’t help but stare intensely, his will to look away gone. Bill could spot the fear that crept onto the kid’s face, the way he flailed around. His shades were on the ground by now, his large eyes open wide. It was hard to take, his breaths becoming shallow as he watched the scene unfold. What was wrong with him? He hasn’t thought this much about someone ever. But just the thought of something besides him harming the brunet physically shook him. Growls escaped his lips, hoarse and deep. It was almost like he was animalistic, trying his best not to go feral.
Once Gideon’s hand found his way to the kid’s ass, he lost it.
No one saw it coming, every bystander around just watched as Bill jumped up at lighting speed and made his way to Gideon, ripping Dipper away from him. Bill held the brunet protectively in his arms, barely calming himself enough to form a sentence. That was all he needed to strike. Bill Cipher is good at physical violence, sure, but he was also a pro at verbal violence. A roaster at his prime, and he used it to his advantage, taking Gideon by surprise.
It was easy to insult the pig, and he got away with his pride welling up. However, there was still a little blind kid in his grasp, knocking him back down to what he really was.
And that’s where he was now. Dragging the brunet forcefully to their dorm, not a word spoken between them. The blond was almost surprised that he remembered to grab his bag before separating Dipper from Gideon, but that didn’t really matter at the moment. He could only focus on how small the hand was he held, how soft it was. Dipper didn’t really hold back, just let his arm go limp as he was dragged. It was a bit disappointing to Bill, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t understand. The poor freshman had to be scared from what happened last night.
Bill listened to the whispers that surrounded them as they got into the hall. They were quiet, but to Pine Tree they were probably loud, like they were screaming at him. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that people with disabilities such as blindness or are deaf often have enhanced senses. He tried to get to the dorm quick so the kid didn’t have to listen. He fumbled with the keys slightly before jamming it into the knob and turning it. He flung it open and shoved the kid inside, closing it shut.
They were in. It was awkward, to say the least. The kid just sat there, disoriented from the whole occurrence, and Bill understood that. He took a deep breath and grabbed the brunette’s hand again, leading him to his bed. It was silent, the only sound being the panting coming from the two. Bill sat down, looking up at the brunet, who was shaking violently. “Sit.” Bill whispered, patting the spot beside him. The kid was obviously overwhelmed.
After a moment of hesitation Dipper sat down, trying to keep his distance. Bill laid back on his bed, not sure what to do. He brought Pine tree to his room, now what? He didn’t know where to go with this. What would Maria do? When he was scared and alone a home she would always cook and sing for him. She was the absolute best maid. Maybe he should go visit her soon? Not the time to thinking about that. Bill looked over at the brunet, who shifted awkwardly every once in awhile. He needed to fix this.
With a huff Bill got out of his bed, making sure Dipper stayed there while he got everything ready. He went over to his sound bar and clicked it on, waiting for his phone to connect before searching through his phone. “Ah, perfect.” He mumbled to himself. He was sure the kid could hear, so what did it matter?
The soundbar suddenly sprang to life, blaring the music loudly. Bill laughed as Dipper jumped, then turned the music slightly down, but still loud enough that the rooms next to theirs could hear. “Nine In the Afternoon” sang out from the soundbar, and Bill couldn’t help but grin. Panic! At The Disco always knew how to lift his spirits, so he figured it would be the same for the brunet. He took pride in his taste of music, and this upbeat song could be just what the kid needed. At least he hoped.
He watched as Dipper’s expression changed from uncomfortable to surprised, a smile growing on his face. Yup, he chose the right thing. The kid easily started to sing to himself, and Bill could tell the kid was getting lost in his own world, so he took the time to wander into their small kitchen. He opted for grilled cheese, since it was quick and easy.
While cooking he found himself staring at the brunet. The way his eyes fluttered close, his big pouty lips singing along with the song. His frail body was sprawled across the bed, and Bill was pretty sure the kid didn’t even know that he wasn’t in his own bed. He could imagine how the kid would react, getting all flustered, and man did Bill want to see it. He was beautiful, there was no denying it. Hell, if the kid was put in a dress he could easily pass off as a girl. Maybe one day he could get the kid in a dress, but that would probably take a lot of lying and persuading. One day though.
A new song came on as Bill was finishing up the grilled cheese. Another P!AtD song, “Oh Glory”, and Dipper sang along to that one as well. Bill couldn’t help but be surprised. Was the kid a fan of them too? Well, it was a perfect time to find out. He turned down the sound bar so they could talk and walked over to Dipper, nudging the kid lightly.
Dipper looked up at him with those big, glossy eyes, and Bill almost dropped the plates. He cleared his throat, trying to get back to his usual obnoxious self. “Sit up, I made food.” He demanded, and the brunet did as told.
“Food?” The kid asked, sounding almost confused. It seemed the freshman's brain was moving slow, but he could fix that. Bill set the small plate in Dipper’s hands, then sat beside him.
“It’s grilled cheese. Not the greatest, but since I’m the one who made it it’ll probably make you orgasm on the spot.” Bill snickered. Boy would he like to see that. The brunet only frowned in distaste, his cheeks turning slightly red.
Shifting awkwardly, Dipper picked up the grilled cheese, holding it close to his mouth before mumbling a small “Thanks.” After taking one bite Bill watched as the kids face melted, the look of satisfaction clear on his face.
Bill grinned and dug into his own, humming softly as the cheese melted in his mouth. They ate silently, both focused on the food and the music that played in the background. Once the two were done, Bill took both their plates to the sink, setting them in there before walking back and sitting on the bed. “So, let me just say I really didn’t expect you to know those songs. You a fan?”
Dipper cracked a small smile and nodded. “Been listening to them ever since I was a freshman in highschool.”
“I got into then when I was a stupid middle schooler.” Bill laughed. “Some things never changed.”
Dipper laughed along with him, and Bill felt something bubble and spark within his chest. The two chatted with each other about the band for a good thirty minutes, and during that time Bill easily figured out just how much of a fangirl this kid really was. His love for Brendon Urie especially made him almost jealous. It wasn't like he didn’t crush on him either, the man was gorgeous, but still.
“Have you ever been to one of their concerts?” Dipper asked him, his face filled with curiosity.
Bill grinned, memories of all of their concerts playing through his head. “Of course! Been to about five of them, and man they did not disappoint!”
Dipper hummed thoughtfully, his small smile turning into a disappointed frown. “Ah, that sounds like so much fun. I’ve never been able to go to one before.” The brunet confessed, twiddling his thumbs embarrassedly.
“And why’s that?” The blond asked, leaning a little closer to the brunet. Bill had a guess, but he’d rather hear it from the freshman himself.
“Well, every time they came around I was always too sick to go.” the brunet laughed bitterly. “One time I tried to sneak out of the hospital to go see them, but the nurses caught me. I got locked in my room after that.”
Well, his guess was right. Dipper was always too sick to go. Curiosity went through Bill in a wave. What was the brunet’s past like? There was a reason he was blind in the first place. Bill decided it was best to wait. He didn’t know the brunet well enough to bombard him with personal questions such as that.
Instead, Bill put on his best smile, although he knew Pine Tree couldn’t see it, and pat the kid on the shoulder. “Well, I think they’re coming up here soon. You can see them then. I know I sure as hell am.”
The kid just sighed. “I know, but I don’t have enough money. My parents are doing everything they can to help support me, and I don’t really have the option to get a job at the moment to pay for myself.” the kid’s face turned distressed quickly and he frowned. “Besides, if I’m going to see them in concert I at least wanna be close enough so I can touch Brendon Urie’s face.” The kid shivered at the thought, and Bill smirked.
“Well, you never know. Unexpected things happen all the time.” Bill mentally patted himself on the back. He could be comforting if he wanted to. However, the brunet just stared blankly in his direction.
Everything went silent once more. These moments were happening more than he would like. It was obvious that the kid had something to say by the way he shifted awkwardly, gently nibbling at his lip. Bill just watched him, well, just his lips at that point.
God he needs to stop doing that. It’s turning him on.
“Kid, you look like you have something to say, so just say it.” Bill deadpanned. He was so glad the kid couldn’t see. Bill figured his face was red at this point, but opted to ignore it.
“I just, I didn’t really think we’d get along very well, especially after last night...” Dipper trailed off, pulling his legs to his chest. “But, what you did made me feel a little better about this whole situation. Thanks. I guess you’re not such a bad guy after all.” Dipper admitted, a somewhat forced smile on his face. But that was all Bill needed to hear, and the guilt he had been feeling had dissolved. What he did was wrong, and that will never change, but maybe he can make everything better, for both Pine Tree and himself.
“Well, actually, I am a horrible guy, but if we’re talking looks then I’m extraordinary!” Bill laughed, flailing his arms a bit. “But seriously though, I’m trying my best to get along with you, and I’ve never done that with anyone.” He didn’t really want to admit it, but the brunet made him feel comfortable, and that was enough.
Dipper just smiled and laughed softly. “Thanks. Maybe I won’t try and be a pain for you. I’m not sure about the whole looks thing though.” Dipper gave the blond a playful smirk.
Bill just cackled. “Well that’s because you can’t see anything!”
“I see with my hand though!” Dipper blurted out, almost defensive. “I touch things to see, I’ve told you this.”
“Well then, touch me!” Bill chirped, scooting closer to the brunet, who was in shock.
Bill shook his head at the kids denseness, eager to get to it. “You wanna know what I look like, right? Then touch me. I don’t care where.”
Dipper’s eyes were on Bill’s chest, big with curiosity. “A-Are you sure?” God, he stuttered. How cute.
“Yeah kid, I don’t mind. I’ll take any chance to show someone how sexy I am.” Bill chuckled. “Now come here.”
After a moment of hesitance Dipper scooted closer, stopping beside Bill’s leg. The senior only sighed and pulled the freshman into his lap, wrapping his legs around the other. Dipper squeaked in surprise. His face bright red against his pale skin. “Why am I in your lap?!”
Bill just shrugged. “It makes it easier if you’re closer. Now go ahead. Touch wherever you like.” His voice was almost flirtatious, and the brunet had to compose himself.
Finally, after a moment, Dipper lifted his hand up to where he guessed Bill’s chest was. He jumped from the contact and shuddered, then slid his hand up to the blond's neck. His hands were so gentle and soft, and the way he barely dragged his fingers over Bill’s body, Oh ! He couldn’t breathe! What was up with this kid?
The kid’s eyes were locked on every spot he touched, memorizing every single indent and crevice on Bill’s body. Bill could practically see the gears in his head turn, his doe eyes big and wide. His hands moved across the seniors adam's apple to his jaw, tracing the line till he was cupping the seniors face. Then, the kid decided he wanted to use both hands, repeating the same thing he did with the first. Dipper was so entranced, studying every single detail and feature that he came across, and damn was intense. The sensual moment was almost too much, and Bill was trying to fight the boner that wanted to creep it’s way up.
The brunet moved his left hand to trace the bridge of Bill’s nose, the other gently touching his cheekbones. He didn’t even think the kid was breathing at this point, but was he? Probably not. That’s didn’t matter though, not in this moment.
Dipper then moved both hands down to the seniors lips, tracing them with his thumb, and oh , Bill might lose control. Every small caress from the brunet was driving him insane. He’s never been attracted to a man before, but god this might have changed his mind. The temptation to just flip the kid over and fuck him so hard he could walk was so strong. He needed to get away fast, or else the poor blind kid between his legs would feel his raging boner creeping up, and that would just ruin everything- Wait, when did he grab the kid’s hips? That made Dipper stop, and honestly, he didn’t want it to stop.
Bill didn’t realize the growl that escaped his lips when Dipper pulled away from him, crawling out of his lap. The kid froze, tensing up slightly before settling back down on the edge of the bed, far away from him. Fuck, he scared Pine Tree. “Uh, sorry, I zoned out a bit.” Dipper whispered, shifting awkwardly.
“No, I did too, sorry.” Bill mumbled, taking a moment to compose himself, and his boner, before turning to the brunet. “So, what do you think?” He asked, a little more confident.
“Uh, ugly. You’re definitely ugly.” Dipper blurted out, puffing his chest out with confidence.
“Yeah right! After all we’ve been through, give me the real answer Pine Tree!” Bill cackled, leaning closer. He really did want to know what the brunet thought of him. It’s not like he didn’t have the confidence, the senior just liked people telling him he was.
“Fine, you’re not.. Ugly. From what I felt you are… attractive.. But it doesn’t matter!” Dipper flung his arms up, obviously trying to convince himself. Bill knew better though, and a large grin spread across his face.
He crawled over to the brunet, jabbing him in his arm. “Awww, you like me!” Bill cheered, and the freshman groaned.
“Whatever. Could you tell me what time it is?” Dipper asked, his head tilting slightly.
Bill picked up his phone. “6:50.” He answered, shoving his phone in his pocket afterwards.
He watched as the kid jumped up, almost falling over. “Shit, I have homework.” He quickly went and picked up his bag, pulling out his laptop and flipping it open.
Bill snorted, getting up and walking to his window. “Have fun with that.” The brunet just hummed in response, already getting lost in whatever the hell he was doing, and Bill just decided to keep his mouth shut and let the kid concentrate.
He decided to play on his phone for a bit, updating social media and posting a few selfies, some with Dipper in the background. He didn’t have much to do, only sit there and think to himself. His mood had risen considerably since the run in with Gideon, and it was all thanks to the little blind kid sitting in the corner, typing away. At first when the kid moved in with him he thought Dipper was just a waste of space and time, but now he was starting to rethink it. He really did like the kid, he just hoped that he wouldn’t ruin the chance to make a genuine friend, which he tended to do often.
Maybe, just maybe, this would be a good year after all.
A small buzz from his phone brought his attention back to the real world, and he glanced down at his device.
U stopped takin them, didn’t u? - Pyronica
Of course she fucking noticed. She always did.
So wat? It’s none of ur business. - Bill
Ur parents r gonna b pissed. Take them. - Pyronica
Bill sighed. This was ruining his mood quickly. I’m not doin it. Piss off Py. - Bill
Meet me by the fountain, now. - Pyronica
Bill groaned and got up. Fine - Bill
Grabbing his bag and a joint, he walked out the door, leaving the brunet alone without a word. He didn’t want to meet up with Py, but he knew how persistent she was, so he wouldn’t have a choice.
Maybe he really did need to take them? His mood is clearly going up and down, especially on this particular day, but he didn’t want to. How would convince Py to keep her mouth shut though? He didn’t know, but he had to do it. Maybe sex would change her mind? He was certainly in the mood still, though the quick conversation with her put him down. Oh well, there’s only one way to find out.
And with that, he was off, heading for the fountain where the hopefully horny girl sat.
He didn’t really want her though.
But that didn’t matter.
Okay so this came out faster than I anticipated, especially since I had to write a chapter for a different fic before this. But hey, good new for you guys, right?
Honestly I had a lot of motivation to write this chapter (which is surprising to say the least), and I had fun while writing it! Hopefully this motivation will stay, but who knows.
Also, I just wanna warn you all now, Christmas is gonna coming up soon (quicker than we think) and with that comes a lot of homework, finals, and presents. This shit freaks me out guys, not gonna lie. Updating will probably be a little slower. I'm pretty much drawing everyone something for Christmas (since it's my only talent and I have no money), So I'm gonna be drawing a lot, and the time between doing artsy things and writing is shared, soooooo yeah. Just gonna let you lovelies know now.
I really do appreciate everything you guys do. Between comments and kudos, you all make me smile! Thank you so much!
Welp, I hope you enjoyed!!!
Chapter 6: Close My Eyes
Dipper spends some time with Wirt and some unwanted time with Bill.
Warning: Threats of murder and rape
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
He tended to think about it a lot.
The feeling of his skin, which was burning to the touch. His high cheekbones and thin lips. The strong curve collar bones and muscles that felt just right in his hands. All of it. It felt perfect in that moment if he were honest, and he wasn’t very often. He wished it lasted a little longer. However, Dipper Pines’s wishes rarely came true.
Two weeks had passed since Dipper and Bill’s “bonding moment” took place. It felt good. To connect with someone he thought was impossible to connect with.
It had gone too fast.
They had fun together, connected, and then he was gone. Probably to bang someone of course, but he couldn’t help but hurt. He figured it would become a reoccurring thing, and boy was he right.
Almost every night the senior left, usually around eight. It happened around the time Dipper started his homework. The senior would grab this things, digging through his quickly emptying box of condoms and just leave. He couldn't help but feel disappointed.
Maybe if Bill wasn’t frolicking with whores he would spend more time with him.
He didn’t care, the senior was just a bother anyways.
Still, he would find himself zoning out in class or while doing his homework, thinking back on that moment.
A moment that would be drilled into his brain forever.
But that didn’t matter. No, he needed to forget that moment and just move on. He had better things to think about. Like how he was gonna clean his room fast enough before Wirt got here.
The two easily became close during the first two weeks, talking and laughing together. They shared music and stories; Wirt going more for a calm and classical taste, unlike Dipper himself. That was okay though. Both were still willing to listen and try new things out, although Wirt was often more willing than Dipper. It made his new life a little easier, making friends that seem to have his back. Dipper, Wirt and Pacifica would even eat lunch together. Wirt seemed a little uneasy around Pacifica, but he soon got comfortable enough to talk back to the diva. The two would even argue about what poem is better. Wirt had much more enthusiasm of course.
He was excited to have made two new friends, especially since they got along pretty well. Dipper felt blessed, that maybe his life was finally turning around for the better.
However, he still had moments that would snap him back to the harsh reality. Like the bullying or pity parties he would get on a constant basis or the harassment from the campus pig Gideon. He did find out a way to avoid Gideon though. Wirt showed him a shortcut on the way back to his dorms one day. It took a while to get use to but Dipper got the hang of it. Still, that didn’t stop the bullying. Pacifica wasn’t there all the time to protect him, so Dipper just opted to ignore the insults and looks that were thrown his way.
Sometimes it really hurt.
He could handle it.
He couldn’t believe that he was gonna have a friend over for the first time in… well a very long time. The last sleepover he had was in 5th grade, before he started having all of his problems. It was almost nerve-wracking, the thought of having someone who wasn’t his sister or his roommate stay with him over night. Thankfully it was a Friday and Bill would most likely be out all night, leaving the two nerds to themselves. Dipper didn’t want Wirt to meet the obnoxious senior, afraid he might scare the sophomore away. That would just ruin Dipper’s hope of making new friends.
A quiet knock on the door heightened the brunet’s worry. He knew it was Wirt just by the way his knock was so quiet, as if he wasn’t sure it was the right room. “O-One second!” Dipper called out, jumping off his bed hurriedly. His foot caught something, most likely a shoe, and he went tumbling over. Dammit, this always happened at the worst times. He got up as quickly as he could, kicking the shoe to the side before getting to the door. As he prayed his room was decent looking he flung open the door, earning a startled squeak from the person behind. He couldn’t help but laugh. Wirt was nervous too.
“Hey...” Wirt greeted. His voice was soft and quiet and Dipper relaxed at the sound of it. “Are you okay...? It sounded like you fell.”
Dipper could feel the heat in his cheeks rise but ignored it, opening the door wider and stepping to the side. “Yeah, sorry about that. I’m okay. Oh, uhm, come in!” He silently cursed himself for being so clumsy and awkward. Dipper closed the door behind Wirt as he stepped inside. He started feeling a little self conscious. The room was probably a mess. He tried to pick up all of the clothes he could find, but he just knew that there was some he missed. “Sorry if my room is messy. I tried to clean up as much as I could...”
“I-It looks okay, don’t worry. You did great.” Wirt reassured. Although Dipper figured it was probably out of pity, he couldn’t help but sigh in relief.
Dipper found a place to put Wirt’s things and the two made their way to Dipper’s bed. The sat down and looked at each other, then proceeded to smile and laugh. “That was such an awkward greeting!” Dipper blurted out, holding his hand to his mouth in a weak attempt to cover his smile.
“That’s our specialty though!” Wirt replied, and Dipper just knew he was grinning too. He could feel it. Feel the happy warmth that radiated off of him.
It was almost like that night with Bill.
The two spent what felt like hours talking. They would rant and joke together. Their conversations quickly going serious for one moment before moving back to lighthearted. Dipper talked about his surprisingly few run-ins with Gideon and even said a few things about Bill, though he didn’t give away too much. For some reason Wirt tended to be very sour and jealous about Bill, but who wouldn’t be?
Dipper even understood when Wirt talked about the new European student who has begun to bully him. People call him the Beast since nobody knew his real name and boy did he live up to it. Dipper already knew who he was talking about. He had great hearing, obviously, and the students here tended to blatantly gossip without caring who hears it. The Beast was known for his ridiculously tall form, way past six foot. Apparently he was pretty good looking too, but not many focused on that. Like Bill, he was notorious for picking fights. The two began to team up and quickly became friends, which wasn’t surprising. The Beast wasn’t as violent as Bill, but once someone got on his bad side there was no going back. Anyone who even looked at him the wrong way had it coming. It sounded exaggerated but Wirt had firsthand experience. It was what started the bullying in the first place.
The Beast started out by just shoving Wirt. Wirt was use to it, so it didn’t matter to him much, but after a while it felt like the Beast was purposely going out of his way to make life hard for him. Before Wirt knew it he would be pinned up in an empty hall or alleyway, the Beast in his face as he spewed hateful comments. It wasn’t too physical, the Beast didn’t work like that. No, he prefered to mentally break people it seemed, and Dipper knew that it was breaking Wirt. It was always towards the things Wirt loved most: poetry and his younger brother Greg.
Wirt tried to stay strong but Dipper could easily see through the facade. Every comment hurt. He understood that it was hard, he was just better at handling it. Wirt wasn’t.
Dipper reached out and placed a hand on Wirt’s shoulder, attempting to put on a comforting smile. He could feel Wirt shaking, clearly upset. “Hey,” Dipper whispered, his thumb stroking the fabric of Wirt’s sweater. “I know this really sucks, but you can make it through it. Everything Beast says is absolutely wrong. You’re amazing, don’t ever let him make you think otherwise. Okay?”
He could feel Wirt slowly melt and Dipper patted himself on the back. “T-Thanks.. I really needed that..” Wirt admitted, sniffling softly.
Dipper got up from his bed, yawning and stretching. “Of course. That’s what friends are for, right? Now, I’m gonna guess it’s pretty late, so how about we change? Then you can read me some stuff from that secret poetry book of yours.”
“Y-You know about that?” Wirt asked nervously. Dipper just laughed.
“How could I not? I may be blind but I’m not stupid. You write in it all the time.” Dipper stated matter of factly. “So will you read some to me?”
After a moment of hesitance Wirt sighed. “Oh alright. You win.”
Dipper did a little victory dance and then set to change. He stood in the middle of the room and stripped himself down, tossing his clothes to the floor. He would have forgotten Wirt was there if it weren’t for the small nervous squeak. “Oh, sorry. Does this bother you?”
“N-No, sorry, ignore that, carry on.” Wirt blurted out. Dipper listened as the boy got up in quick but ungraceful movements, heading over to his bag for some clothes. It was almost as if Wirt was trying to avoid looking at Dipper for some unknown reason. Dipper tried not to dwell too much on it.
Instead he walked over and pulled out some sweatpants from his drawer, throwing that and a t-shirt over his body. Once he was done he crawled back onto his bed, waiting patiently for Wirt to join him once he was done changing. He could hear the shuffling of clothes carefully being taken off. Dipper couldn’t help but focus on the sound, his body relaxing as he leaned up against the wall. It seemed that Wirt was trying to take his time but kept on fumbling with the fabric. Was he nervous? Why would he be? The only conclusion Dipper could come to was that he did something wrong. The thought made him anxious and he began to shift uncomfortably. He needed to fix this. He can’t leave Wirt feeling uncomfortable.
Once he felt Wirt sit on the bed he scooted towards him and gestured for him to lean against his pillow. Wirt did as he was told and Dipper threw his legs over the others. “Did you grab the book?” Dipper asked curiously.
He felt Wirt shift under him. “Yeah. Where, uh, should I start?”
Dipper leaned closer to him, feeling more relaxed. “Can you start from the beginning?”
“Yeah, uhm, let’s see.” Wirt flipped open the small leather journal and with a small cough began to read.
The words seemed to drip out of his mouth almost breathlessly, as if he had practiced. Every sentence and syllable that escaped his mouth flowed like a smooth stream, and Dipper couldn’t help but get caught up and every single utterance making him lose himself. Before he knew it he was practically laying against Wirt. their legs were tangled together, but neither seemed to mind.
Wirt’s poetry started out talking about loneliness. Crippling and pathetic. Lost in one's own world with no one but yourself. Feeling rejected and unloved, like you could never connect with someone no matter how hard you tried. That kind of loneliness. It wasn’t foreign to Dipper. No, he knew all too well how it felt. But then the poems started to change.
It started by just a simple word. An acknowledgement of something that seemed to brighten someone's day. That acknowledgement soon turned into just a different feeling altogether. A happiness and acceptance that seemed to bloom. There was still the occasional downpour that drenched the words with sadness, but they were soon faded back into happiness. Like the sun had shown again and it was a new day. It spoke like a radiant smile, bright in all it’s glory. It was Wirt’s smile. The smile he wore as he read. Dipper just knew he was wearing it and he couldn’t help but smile himself. He didn’t know what for, exactly. Just the warmth the poem spoke about and how every touch and feeling made his heart burst.
As the poems intensified with what seemed like a desire Dipper realized just how close they were to each other. His head rested against Wirt’s shoulder and the two practically cuddled. Dipper was pretty much sitting in the boy’s lap at this point. Although embarrassed he didn’t mind. Just accepted it as it was and focused on the sound of Wirt’s soft and sweet voice. He was content. The nervous feeling of skin on skin he used to feel was replaced by that of a craving.
It probably started that night.
He didn’t know when it started. It didn’t matter though.
During this moment Dipper identified the feeling in the poem he couldn’t before. The warmth that seemed to grow as time went on. The adoration the turned to passion, all the hope and want that bursted forth as waves. The yearning to be close to something that you can almost reach, just need that final push. Every word was tender, as if speaking will break everything they built up to. But it continued, the utmost fondness in every little detail. Love.
Wirt was in love.
Dipper didn’t know what to do with the information at first but soon opted to not say anything. The sophomore got embarrassed easily and he wouldn’t want to put him on the spot. Who did Wirt like though? It was a question that stirred around in his mind till he was to tired to think. He was pretty sure that they were nearing the end of the poems. It was hard to focus though. His eyes were closed, Wirt’s voice a white sound that lulled him into sleep. It was nice. Everything felt nice.
He didn’t noticed Wirt had stopped until the door slammed shut and a high pitched voice called out, obviously annoyed. “Reading poetry and cuddling? Fucking fags.”
Dipper frowned and opened his eyes at this, anger quickly replacing his grogginess. “Says the asshole who fucks any whore he can get his hands on.” Dipper sometimes hated the things that came out of his mouth, but he couldn’t help it. The senior just walked in and ruined a perfectly good moment. Just like he did every time.
“Oh? Well at least I can get laid, unlike you two. You’re just a blind kid fucking around with his queer friend.” Bill barked. His voice echoed throughout Dipper’s ears, shaking the brunet to attention. Who know’s what Bill would do. He couldn’t risk scaring Wirt and running him off. But the senior was so close at this point, he just knew it. The way his voice pierced the air, the creaking of the end of the bed, everything. Dipper felt Wirt shake under his legs and decided he had enough.
“You’re on my last fucking nerve Bill! So take your stupid fuckboy ass somewhere else and leave us alone!” Dipper shoved him away from them. He could hear Bill tumble off the bed. He was pissed, but he wasn't so angry to know that he just made everything worse. Dipper waited for it. For Bill’s hand to be around his neck as he shoved him onto the bed, choking him as Wirt watched in horror.
But it never came.
There were no hands on his neck, nothing cutting off his oxygen. Not a punch in the face, not even a simple tap. Nothing. No touch. Bill didn’t make a noise, just got up and walked away. Dipper didn’t hear a door open either. It seemed Bill just walked into the kitchen to hopefully calm down. But that just didn’t seem right. Something was definitely wrong.
And Dipper knew he really fucked up.
Both Dipper and Wirt sat in silence for a few minutes, processing what just happened. “You… you pushed him.” Wirt stated, his voice low. As if he was afraid to make a noise.
“Yeah...” Dipper mumbled dumbly. He tried to stay calm for Wirt, but he was internally panicking. No shit he pushed Bill, and now he was going to get it ten times worse.
There was a moment of silence before a hand was gently placed on Dipper’s shoulder. “Let’s just forget about him, okay?” Wirt’s voice was soft and soothing, and Dipper started to feel himself calm down.
“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.” He apologized. He felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Out of all the times he fought with Bill it had to have been now. Dipper sighed. Wirt was right, he needed to forget about it.
Even if the worried voice in the back of his mind was screaming that something wasn’t right.
Dipper ignored his worries and instead put in an audio book for them to listen to. Wirt seemed to be okay with it, but Dipper still would have liked to watch a movie. If only he could watch . Those thoughts didn’t matter. Just forget it Dipper.
The audio book he chose was The Great Gatsby. He figured both him and Wirt could enjoy it, and they did. They were both leaned back against the pillows, their legs pressed together, and they just listened. Neither said a word and that was alright. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. No, it was calm and cozy. Again Dipper found himself resting his head on Wirt’s shoulder. He enjoyed the feeling of human contact for once. He craved it. Every single brush of skin of skin made him fill with a warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time.
They got to about the middle of the book before they got hungry. “I’ll go grab something to eat. What do you want?” Dipper asked, untangling himself from the other and standing up.
“Just get me whatever.” Wirt replied and Dipper listened to the slight movements of him stretching.
Smiling, Dipper walked into the kitchen. His mind didn’t even wander to the senior at all. It was instead restored to it’s orginal happiness. He completely forgot about Bill, or the fact that the senior was still somewhere within the dorm.
And that was a mistake.
As he reached his hand onto the pantry the breath was knocked out of him. He was slammed into the wall with a forced that could easily break his bones. His back cracked as it bended awkwardly over the counter, but that didn’t matter. No, not when he could feel the hot breath across his cheek and the harsh voice that whispered into his ear. “Are you trying to pick a fight , little tree?”
He remembered the hand around his throat like it was yesterday and began to panic. He didn’t wasnt lose his composure, but the pressure pressed against his esophagus made him gasp for air. “N-No… stop...” he whimpered, bringing his hand up to grab at Bill’s wrist.
Bill just hummed in response. “Are you sure? That was a pretty good push ” His hand tightened around Dipper’s neck, “you gave me.” Dipper could feel his stare, his eyes boring holes into him. The air around the senior was violent and threatening, and it sneered at him as he cowered. “You know,” Bill’s voice dropped an octave. “I could easily do anything to you. Break a bone, carve out your insides and hang them around the room like streamers at a birthday party, anything . And, since I’m such a fuckboy, maybe I could even have fun with your body. Can you just imagine? The feeling of being ripped inside out, the pain of being torn open.” Bill laughed and Dipper thought his ears might bleed at the piercing sound. “Or maybe you won’t feel it. Maybe you’ll already be gone. Dead or alive doesn’t matter to me, little tree.”
Their hips were shoved together and Dipper whimpered. It didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel good at all. Not like that night, the night they spent together talking and laughing. The fear was back again, clawing at his insides. Dipper thought he might throw up, but his airways were cut off and the only way it would go was back down. He barely even registered the hand around his waist, lifting his back from the counter only to push him flush against the senior. What he did notice immediately was the grinding. He whimpered, biting down a sob. It didn’t feel good. It felt disgusting. It felt wrong .
“Where’s one of your snarky comments, Pine Tree? You were so sassy an hour ago, what happened?” Bill asked, sneering. Dipper just stayed silent, his eyes closed as if it would rid him of the monster.Whether his eyes were open or closed he couldn’t see. It didn’t matter though. He could just imagine. Every facial expression of the senior, every single blink of the evil eyes staring at him. He was scared, terrified, and every word from Bill’s mouth just added fuel to the fire.
“You need to learn your place, Pine Tree. And you should know that I don’t like unexpected visitors in my dorm, especially the queer over there.” Bill snarled, letting a little pressure off Dipper’s neck so he could have a chance to breathe. “I’ll let you off this time, but next time… no, there shouldn’t be a next time. Got it?”
Dipper quickly nodded. He could feel every fiber of his being scream at him. Half telling him to not give up and the other half telling him to make it end. He chose the end.
“I don’t hear you. Got it?” Bill asked, the pressure back on his neck.
“Y-Yes.” Dipper gasped, his voice cracking.
Bill let go of Dipper, watching him drop the floor with a pleased expression on his face. “Good!” He said cheerfully. “Now, I think I’m gonna head out for the night. I better not see Wart Face in the morning! Ado!” And with that he left, walking out the door and leaving Dipper a mess on the floor.
Dipper sat there for a few minutes. His mind was blank for the most part, except for the occasional thought of ‘I’m disgusting ’ or ‘I want Mabel’. Once he peeled himself off the floor he grabbed whatever he could fine, which happened to be a bag of doritos, and walked back to his bed. He could feel the concerned stare of Wirt but chose to ignore it, crawling into bed and trying to put on his happy face. It didn’t work.
“What happened?” Wirt asked quietly. “I heard a loud bang.”
Dipper just shook his head and smiled weakly. “Don’t worry, I just fell. That’s all. Want some?” He held up the bag of doritos, hoping to change the subject.
“You have marks on your neck.” Wirt stated with his soft voice, laced with concern. He couldn’t let Wirt know. He shouldn’t bother his friend.
“It’s nothing. Let's just get back to the book.” Dipper replied rather harshly. He felt his friend flinch and yelled at himself. How could he be like this? Wirt didn’t deserve it. He tried to calm his friend by gently placing a hand on his. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”
Wirt let it go, but Dipper knew he did it reluctantly. The two sat beside each other, not touching. Dipper was rather disappointed in the lack of warmth he felt, but knew that it was for the best. He wanted to lean against his friend, but skin on skin contact almost scared him at the moment.
The most touch they got was was their legs. They tangled together, every once in awhile rubbing against each other with the craving of friction. It was enough in that moment. At least that’s what he told himself. Dipper could feel it in the back of his mind. The voice that screamed for more, wanting some kind of reassurance. Another voice was there too, telling him he needed to get away. To get Wirt out and trap himself in a wall of blankets that would keep him safe. It was so distracting. He couldn’t focus on the book, Not when the voices drowned out every sound.
He didn’t eat anything and before he knew it the book was over. It was past midnight, he knew that much, but he couldn’t remember the rest. Dipper barely registered when Wirt got up to brush his teeth. He just sat there, waiting for his friend to come back. His mind kept on replaying the moment. He thought they were finally starting to get along, even if it was just a little bit. It was all thrown away. Now he was back to square one with his awful roommate.
He could still feel the hand on his throat. He knew there were marks, especially since his friend pointed it out. Wirt probably already knows. But he wouldn’t say anything to him. He didn’t want to give his friend the details of how he was berated and threatened, how he was a coward who couldn’t fight back.
“Dipper...” Wirt whispered, crawling back onto the bed. “Are you sure you’re alright? Did he do anything--”
“No, I’m fine.” Dipper cut in, a forced smile on his face. “Let’s just go to bed. I’m really tired..”
“Okay,” Wirt murmured. Dipper pulled the covers over them and Wirt turned off the lamp that sat on the nightstand next to the bed. “goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” Dipper whispered back.
And that was it. Silence. Dipper never really had moments of complete silence. He usually heard the wind hitting the window or the shuffles of the dorm next door to them. But tonight, nothing. He heard nothing. Not even the soft breaths of his friend next to him.
It was then everything hit him. Every threat felt real, every touch felt real. Dipper felt violated, disgusting beyond belief and it was all his fault. If he could just keep his mouth shut. Learn his place. But no , his pride couldn’t handle that. His dignity disintegrated and his self-esteem vanished. But was it really there? No, it was never there. All his life he had just been the pathetic kid who couldn’t do anything right, with or without sight. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered .
Life seemed to curse him it seemed. His sight was stolen from him and no one wanted to stay. He was forced to be alone, and he accepted it. He hadn’t had a friend in years. They all left him. Every single one gone because he was disabled. A nuisance . The one time he thought life was bringing good to him, shining a light that he thought he could actually see, and it was taken from him. A joke. His life was a joke. A game for the gods who cursed him. He was stuck. Stuck with a horrible roommate. Stuck with a creepy pig who molested him every chance he got. Stuck alone at a college without his sister to lift his spirits. Alone. He always would be. He may have Wirt now, but soon his friend would come to his senses and leave him. Just like they all did.
He didn’t realize he was shaking. His eyes stung as he curled into a ball in the bed. Everything was dark. It always was. But this time it was scary. He was scared, just like he was when he first lost his sight. The thought just made it harder not to sob. Such a simple thought. And the more he thought about that though the more it turned into a fact, a fact he realized a long time ago.
He was always going to be in the dark.
It took him a moment to register the arms that were wrapping around him. At first he panicked, but the gently embrace and the soothing hand that ran through his curls calmed him. His friend whispered in that soft voice that made him melt.“It’s okay. It’s okay to cry.”
And he did.
Okay let me just say that I did not plan to make this so dark, it just happened. I am so sorry >.<
Also while I love Pinescone, let me just reiterate that this is in fact not a Pinescone story. It is BillDip I swear. It's just gonna take the time to get the ball rolling. Especially since Bill's bipolar and violent ass doesn't know how to get someone to like him. And Dipper doesn't know how to control what he says.
But really guys it will only get worse, not gonna lie. I got some big and fucked up things planned for the future, but once that is over it will (hopefully) get better.
For now you're just gonna have to deal with this mess of a story.
Thanks for reading!
Chapter 7: Happy but Annoyed
Dipper wakes up to embarrassment, fights, and a surprise visit.
The titles for the chapters are slowly going down hill lmao
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Dipper woke up in the arms of someone else instead of an empty bed. It was nice. Comforting. Everything felt warm and welcoming, so peaceful and quiet. It was if everything the night before never happened at all. Just a nightmare, nothing more.
But it was real, and Dipper knew it was something he would never forget.
He yawned softly, reaching a hand out and placing it on Wirt’s chest. Oh, he was closer than Dipper thought. Then the arm around him gently tightened, pulling him closer. He felt his cheeks heat up. Well this is… awkward. Dipper didn’t want to wake the other up and deal with an unpleasant and embarrassing conversation with the other. And besides, Wirt was warm against his cold body. He felt safe, almost as if he were still lying in the comfort of his home. His eyes unwillingly fell shut and his head gently rested against the other’s chest.
He should get up. Bill warned him of what would happen if Wirt wasn’t out before he got back. Dipper didn’t want his friend to go through that. He didn’t deserve it. So reluctantly Dipper pressed his hand against the other's chest once again, shaking him slightly, “Wirt.” He whispered, almost afraid to speak louder. His friend groaned softly. “Wirt get up.” Dipper said again. Apparently his friend was a heavy sleeper.
Although Dipper wanted to hurry and get his friend up, he could help but let his curious hands reach up to touch his friends face. He tried to be as gentle as he could in case Wirt woke up, letting his fingertips barely graze the sophomore's jaw.
Wirt had soft skin and Dipper felt a little jealous. He also had a long, angular face, the complete opposite of Dipper’s own child-like complexion. His fingers traced the bridge of a pointed nose until trailing underneath to thin but soft lips. He made his way back up to soft eyelashes that fluttered slightly as he grazed them. Everything about Wirt seemed so delicate, from his angular but still soft features to his delicate personality, although Dipper doubted he would ever be able to voice these thoughts.
He was reminded of that night once again. It almost felt like he was recreating it. Except this time the two were laying down, one of them unconscious. A near perfect moment,
but it wasn’t Bill
“Uh, Dipper?” A voice whispered rather loudly.
Dipper let out a squeak and scooted away from Wirt, his face heating up. “Oh my god, you’re awake!” The bed shifted and he felt Wirt sit up slowly.
“Yeah. What were you doing?” He asked quietly, although it sounded like screaming in Dipper’s ears. “You were touching my face...” Wirt almost sounded embarrassed himself.
Dipper felt so embarrassed and panicked he didn’t know what to do. He tried to explain but every word that came out was a jumbled mess of syllables nobody could ever understand. In the end he had to just stop all together and take a deep breath, starting over. “I uh… Since I can’t see with my eyes I use my hands. And, well, I got curious about what you looked like, so I kind of started touching your face...” Dipper admitted, turning his head away from his friend to hide the blush that crept up. “Sorry.”
“Oh, it’s okay, just, uhm,” Wirt hesitated. “It’s just kind of embarrassing...”
“Yeah, sorry. I won’t do it again.” Dipper stated. Anxiety crept in and settled in the pit of his stomach. He feels like such an idiot.
“No, you can touch me again. I-I don’t mind.” Wirt blurted out. Dipper could hear the slight shuffle of his friends feet and felt his eyes widen at the hand on his shoulder.
“Really? Are you sure? I know it’s weird...” Dipper raised his head as if to look at Wirt’s face. Wirt was only a half a head taller than Dipper, unlike Bill, who was a good foot taller. He could imagine it clearly. The smooth curves and soft expressions of Wirt’s face. It was nice to know, to see it. Even if it was just his imagination. It was still comforting.
Wirt laughed softly. “Yeah, just, uh, warn me next time.”
Dipper felt the anxiety dissipate almost immediately. He was afraid that Wirt would’ve been put off by that, and maybe he actually was, but the reassurance Dipper was getting made him feel just a little bit lighter. He let out a soft sigh of relief and smiled up at his friend. He felt the grip on his shoulder go stiff and felt eyes staring down at him.
However everything was cut off when Dipper heard the piercing sound of the door opening. He jerked his head in the direction of the door, knowing exactly who was coming and internally panicking. Loud thumps of his roommates shoes echoed through the room as he stomped through the hallway.
Dipper took Wirt’s hand instantly once the footsteps got close enough. He could feel the shit eating grin that Bill was wearing. His friend shivered and Dipper knew he could feel it too. He could imagine what it looked like and figured it was even more scary for Wirt to see.
“Well well well, what do we have here?” The shrill voice called. It was practically a cat call, mischievous and mocking. “I’m guessing you two just woke up? Surprising for you Pine tree. Waking up around 11? Usually you’re up around 8. Guess you had a fun night.” The footsteps started up again, and with few strides Bill was next to Dipper, bending down and whispering into the freshman's ear. “I thought I told you I wanted him gone before I got back.”
Dipper frowned, ready to make a sarcastic comment before he was yanked backwards, his back bumping Wirt’s chest. “We were about to leave soon.” Wirt whispered, albeit violently. Dipper was surprised to say the least. Wirt never has stuck up for himself before, yet he’s willing to stick up for Dipper? He could still feel his friend shaking and knew he was nervous. It was probably best to get out as quick as they could.
Well they would if Bill hadn’t shoved Dipper to the side so he could grab ahold of Wirt. The sophomore let out a squeak, the sounds of feet shuffling and the two tumbling. Dipper reached out to grab one of them, his hand catching one of their shirts. He yanked it, yanking Bill away from his friend. “Bill stop! Leave him alone!”
The senior let out a growl, whipping his body around and pressing against Dipper. “What? Don’t want your boyfriend to get hurt? I was only going to rough him up a bit, I swear .” Bill drawled out sarcastically, placing one hand on the brunet’s chest and shoving him backwards. Dipper stumbled, barely managing to steady himself. Bill snickered. “How about I roughen up you instead, Pine Tree? You seem to love picking fights with me, you deserve to get punched.”
Dipper glared at the senior. “Fucking do it then, it doesn’t matter to me!” He hissed, his words spitting venom into the air. He let out a grunt when he felt a hand on his arm, jerking him forward. It was if time had slowed. The sound of Bill’s fist was the shift in wind near his ears, pistoling through the air towards his face. He didn’t have time to react, to think. Instead he closed his eyes, waiting for the pain.
The door flung open and smacked the wall. “Dipper! You’re lovely twin is here to party!” Mabel called out. It was cut short when she took in the sight before her.
Bill’s fist never came in contact with Dipper, just hung in the air, merely inches from Dipper’s cheek. Wirt had his hand reached out, ready to grab Bill’s arm and jerk it away. They all stared back at Mabel. Even Dipper, who had opened his eyes once he heard his sister’s voice. “Mabel?”
“What the hell is going on here?” She asked. Dipper couldn’t speak. He ripped his arm from Bill’s grasp and ran towards his sister, enveloping her in a hug.
“Mabel!” Was all Dipper could say. He forgot all about what was happening before she walked in. All he could think about was his twin, and how much he missed her. He felt his twin’s arms wrap around him in a loving embrace and immediately relaxed.
Mabel gently patted his back, giggling. “Missed you too. Seriously though, should I be worried. I am not about my brother to be punched in the face by his gorgeous roommate.” Dipper groaned, but was still smiling.
“Well thanks, Shooting Star. And yes, you should be worried. I’m a wolf in sheep's clothing, and your brother is on my shit list.” Bill chirped mockingly.
Dipper ignored him, pulling away from the hug to grab his sister’s shoulders. “When did you get here? How did you find my room?”
“Well, I got here last night and wanted to stay with you, but Paz talked me out of it. So I’m staying with her for the weekend instead. Also, Paz showed me where you were.”
Dipper sat there for a second, momentarily confused before he realized, “You know Pacifica?”
“I’ve known her since middle school, Bro! We met when I went to Gravity Falls for the first time! Right Paz?” Mabel elbowed Pacifica playfully. The girl let out a squeak.
“Mabel don’t elbow me. I don’t need you wrinkling my clothes.” Pacifica barked. The diva’s voice cracked slightly. Dipper felt himself jump at the sound of his friends voice, not realizing she was also in the room.
Mabel giggled. “So yeah. Anyways, it seems you’re not getting along with your roommate.” Mabel leaned in close to her twin, whispering, “Seriously Dipper, should I be worried? I don’t want you getting beat up. We don’t want a repeat of high school.”
Well that was an unnecessary reminder. Of course Dipper didn’t want a repeat of high school. People didn’t care if he was blind or not. They continued to berate and bully him throughout the years, though it was mostly verbal, there were a few times that he had been beaten up. It was only because of his snarky comments back to the bullies. He could never fight back physically, but he could verbally. It was his only way to fight.
However, his mouth could get him into some bad situations. His fight with Bill is a prime example. Dipper frowned. “I know, but he’s just such a dick Mabel. Do you expect me to just sit back and let him say those things to me? I never did in high school and I sure as hell won’t do it now.”
Mabel sighed. “Dipper we both know that mouth of yours can get you into some serious trouble. At least tone it down a bit okay? I’ll talk to Bill and put him back into his place. He can’t say no to a beautiful girl like me.”
The twins laughed, leaning against each other. Mabel was right. He should probably tone it down a bit. If he says any more Bill will probably beat him to death. Or worse, he would earn another horrible run in with Gideon.
Once the twins came down from their moment Mabel nudged Dipper. “So who’s the other cutie in the room? Is that your friend you’ve been talking about, or your boyfriend ?”
Dipper blushed and shoved her. “Just a friend. His name is Wirt.”
“Are you sure Pine Tree? You two were getting pretty close last night.” Bill exclaimed loudly. Dipper noticed the sour tone of his voice. “Who knows, maybe you two had a little fun after I left.”
Mabel giggled however Dipper frowned. If the senior considered making Dipper bawl his eyes out fun then he definitely had the wrong roommate. “Psh, whatever.” Dipper mumbled. “At least I don’t fuck everything that walks.”
Well, that was definitely a mistake to say. Both his twin and Bill definitely heard that. “Dipper! What did I just tell you about comments like that!” Mabel yelled. Bill simple scoffed.
“Sorry! I can’t help it Mabes!” Dipper blurted out, defending himself.
“Whatever, just don’t do it again Dipping Sauce. It’s not nice.” Mabel scolded. Dipper hung his head, feeling the pleased waves that rolled off of Bill.
A hand made it’s way onto Dipper’s shoulder and the brunet looked up. “Hey, uhm, I think I’m gonna go. I have to go visit my brother today.” Wirt muttered quietly. His hand shook slightly and Dipper knew he was nervous.
“Oh, uh, yeah. You should probably do that.” Dipper smiled awkwardly. “Thanks for coming over.”
Wirt’s voice turned soft, reminding Dipper of last night. The way he read his poetry. “Yeah. let’s hang out again sometime.”
Dipper just nodded, leaving his twin and the other two behind and walking Wirt to the door. The two didn’t say anything after that. Dipper just opened up the door and waited for the sound of footsteps. However, instead of that he found his hand being grabbed gently.
Dipper let out a small gasp, looking in the direction of his friend. Wirt rubbed the back of Dipper’s hand with his thumb. The brunet could feel his face heating up, but chose to say nothing, letting his friend continue his ministrations to his hand. Dipper felt himself calming, the affectionate gesture making him sigh. The smooth circles Wirt’s thumb made was enough to make him melt.
“If you need anything call me, okay? I’ll come.” Wirt mumbled. It was hardly a whisper to the others but to Dipper it was like he had screamed.
“Y-Yeah. Yeah, I will...thanks.” Dipper managed to smile. It was hard to, though, when his friend let go of his hand in one quick movement. He then shuffled out the door, the two saying their goodbyes.
Dipper turned around and sighed thoughtfully. His heart was racing. It felt as if he was going to have a heart attack. Maybe he was just lonely. He never felt this touch deprived in high school, why was it starting up now?
He was knocked out of his thoughts when he heard his twin’s giggle. “What?” Dipper asked worriedly, his face going red in embarrassment. “Why are you laughing?”
“Oh, Dip Dop.” Mabel snorted. “Friends aren’t suppose to be that close.”
Dipper pouted, walking past his twin and Bill before sitting on his bed. “Whatever. I can be close to whoever I want.” Dipper replied pointedly, noting the loud growl his roommate made.
“Whatever you say.” Mabel said slyly. He could feel her calculating stare, trying to figure out exactly how her twin felt. “Well, now that I'm here, let's go get ice cream! It'll be our early birthday present from Bill, who will be paying.”
“What? Who said I was paying?” Bill asked, crossing his arms.
Mabel smirked at him. “I said so. I think you owe my brother that much.”
Bill scoffed but didn't argue. Dipper listened to the sound of Bill’s drawer opening and figured he was probably grabbing his wallet. Although he didn’t want to spend any more time than he had to with Bill, they were going to get ice cream, which sounded good at the moment. And the senior was paying, which was definitely a plus. Dipper just hoped he could make it without letting one of his comments slip. He would much rather avoid getting his ass kicked.
He felt a hand slip into his and knew it was his twins. They both had the same bony fingers that fit perfectly together. “C’mon. Let's go have some fun Bro Bro!” Mabel cheered, yanking him off the bed and onto his feet.
They walked out the door and into the hallway. Dipper listened intently to his sisters chatter, smiling. Hearing her voice in person was something he missed greatly. It was disappointing that she had to leave right after their birthday, but she had classes too. He can’t bring her down.
He decided that he wasn’t going to be upset at her leaving so soon and instead be grateful that she was taking off to spend time with him. But it wouldn’t be Mabel if she didn’t. Although it wasn’t much time he was going to spend it with her and make sure she has a great time.
Squeezing her hand Dipper stood a little taller, wore a bigger smile, and began to walk faster. Time to make memories. Time to live. Even with what little time.
Such little time.
Sorry for the short chapter. Next one will be longer. Promise.
So I'm just gonna cut to the chase. I'm dropping my fic Naked Eye. i just don't have the motivation to write it. I'll still keep it up though in case I do come back around for it. Good news though I'm going to be starting a new fic. It's gonna be an Egyptian AU, which will definitely be glamorous, so you have that to look forward to :D
On another note I have made a new tumblr specifically for art and writing bullshit, which you can find here. There's not much on there, but if you're ever curious about my shitty art, you're always welcome to check it out. (I did a drawing of Dipper as Alice from Alice in Wonderland and it is adorable)
Anyways thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed!
Chapter 8: Planning
Flirting and party prepping.
Here's a slow build up chapter from yours truly. I'm so sorry.
Also this is dialogue heavy, just so you know.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
He didn’t really know how to feel in that moment. All he did was shuffle mindlessly behind the group. Dipper was walking a few feet in front of him, bickering to the blonde diva about their project. He couldn’t help but watch the small brunet. The way his hips swayed as he took small timid steps forward, as if he wasn’t sure where he was going. He probably didn’t, considering the kid is blind.
Blind. Bill had to remind himself that. The kid couldn’t see a thing. Couldn’t see how stunning Bill was, couldn’t see what an ugly dork Wirt was. Why would Pine Tree choose the stupid dork over him? He remembered last night. The way he found them, cuddling in the bed together. He seethed with anger. Why couldn’t it be him? It was so unfair. Pine tree was his . His roommate, his property. He thought this was established in the beginning, but apparently not. He would have to remind the kid once they were alone.
No. He couldn’t do that. He’s done enough to the brunet already. They’ve known each other for about two weeks and he’s already made the kid cry more than three times. But last night, when he was pushed up against him. The way Pine Tree shook under him. That feeling as he grinded his hips against the others; it was impossibly thrilling. The urge to feel his bare skin against Dipper’s was strong, and he could only imagine how it would feel. Every fiber of his being was screaming for more of the kid’s intoxicating presence.
Oh , how bad he wanted the kid. It was confusing to say the least. Why he would want something so small, so weak. Yet here his is, enthralled with a kid who couldn’t see a thing.
He felt his fingers brush against thick paper in his pocket and reminded himself of what his goal was. Bill needed to redeem himself, because what he did was bad, and he undoubtedly knew that. He was never a good person from the start. It was clear. However there was a part of him that wanted to do good. He wanted to show off how great he was to the brunet, but so far that’s turned into a disaster. He wish he could make Wirt disappear. Then he could have Pine Tree all to himself.
Sadly life wasn’t that easy. He needed to win Pine Tree over, and the paper in his pocket was exactly how he was going to do it. Bill could be a good person. He wanted to be. But only for Dipper.
He constantly fought himself over how to get the brunet’s attention. Part of him wanted to protect and be gentle with him, while the other just wanted to take what was his. Bill was trying his best to redeem himself. The agonizing guilt just wouldn’t go away.
Bill felt a finger jab at his shoulder and turned to look at Mabel, who walked beside him. “You’re staring awfully hard at my brother. Care to tell me why?”
“Nope, I’d rather not.” He replied sarcastically.
The brunette frowned. “If you’re planning on taking advantage of my brother then I will fight you right here. Dipper has enough things going on right now, and I don’t need you making life harder than it already is for him.”
Bill sighed. “Shooting Star I’m not going to hurt him. Chill out.” The brunette is way too nosy for his liking.
“Are you sure? ‘Cause you have touched him before, and from what I saw this morning, it seemed like you were going to touch him again.” Her voice was light as a song, but the anger was obvious.
Bill flinched. “Did he tell you?” It wouldn’t be surprising if the kid told his sister what happened. They were twins after all.
“Nope!” She exclaimed, victory clear on her face. “But you just did. What exactly did you do to him Bill? Please, tell me how hard I should punch.”
Bill put his hand over his face, growling loudly. “I didn’t mean to hurt him, he just pisses me off. Especially when he’s with that fucker. ” Wirt’s image in his head made him see red.
“Oh? Are you jealous?” Mabel sang mockingly. “You got a crush on my bro?”
Bill stopped in his tracks, completely frozen. Was he crushing? He’s never felt this way about another guy before. The brunet was just so cute and delicate. So easy to break. Pine Tree was his, and he just wanted to make sure of it, but did that mean he was crushing?
“No.” He denied, a frown forming on his face. “He’s a guy. Why would I be?”
Mabel just snickered. “You’re like a elementary school kid who picks on the person they like. How sweet.” Bill felt his cheeks heat up and was about to retort before he was interrupted. “But listen closely Bill. It doesn’t matter how you feel about my brother because either way you’re gonna make it up to him. He already has a hard time with everything and I don’t need you making it worse. So you march your butt over and apologize to him. Got it?”
Bill stopped to stare at her. She stared back, her face hard with anger and determination. So different from the twin ahead of them. “Fine. I’ll apologize.” He sighed.
“And you’ll make it up to him?” She stated, although in the form of a question.
“Yeah yeah, That too. I was already planning on doing it anyways..” Bill mumbled. However Mabel heard.
She smirked at him. “Oh? And how do you plan on doing that?”
Bill debated whether or not to tell her. He didn’t want her to spoil the surprise he so graciously got for Pine Tree’s birthday. However when she sent that oddly intense stare his way, he just felt as if she could trust her. Beside, if he knew the girls personality, she obviously has a thing for surprises. “You’re not gonna spill this to the world, right? ‘Cause I can’t have that.”
She stood straight and saluted him. “I swear it!”
Rolling his eyes Bill took a deep breath, leaning in close to her. He grabbed the paper from his pocket and held it up to her. “I got him this.” He whispered quietly.
Mabel’s eyes lit up. “Oh my god , he’s gonna lose it. How did you know to get him that?” She asked rather loudly.
Bill glared at her. “Keep it down. And we talked about it one day. That’s how I found out.”
Mabel clapped her hands excitedly. “This is so exciting, Bill! He’ll definitely forgive you with that. But you gotta give it to him at the perfect moment. Oh! I can help plan it! We can make it so romantic! My bro would fall head over heels for you!”
Bill’s heart pounded at the sound of that. Pine Tree falling for him? A smirk made it’s way onto his face. He could just imagine how much Dipper would fight it, but sooner or late it would happen. That hate would turn into deep and passionate love. Or lust, it didn’t matter to Bill. He wanted Dipper to want him, and no matter what, he would make it happen.
Bill looked over at Mabel to see a knowing smile on her face. “Don’t think I didn’t see that look on your face. You really like my brother, don’t you?”
Bill scoffed and rolled his eyes. “The only ‘like’ I feel is lust,Shooting Star; get that through your head before you do anything. Do I think your brother is cute? Yeah, I do. He’s like a kicked puppy and it makes me want to kick him harder.”
Mabel jabbed his side. “You’re into some weird shit Bill. Don’t go pulling anything on my brother. If you’re gonna go for it, go for it 100%. Don’t let him go right after you’re done getting him into bed.” Mabel laughed. “I talk about it like it might actually happen. Your chances right now are pretty slim. My brother undoubtedly hates you right now. Best you change that before you think you can get anywhere.”
“Like I said, I’m working on it. And I’m pretty good at making people fall for me. With just a snap of my fingers I could have any girl, or guy, on their knees for me.” Bill boasted, puffing his chest out with pride.
“Don’t think my brother’s that easy.” Mabel sang again. “He’s never fallen for someone in his life. So chop chop,” She clapped her hands. “best get to it!”
“Yeesh. You’re so persistent.” Bill chuckled, cracking a smile. She’s right. He better get to it if he wanted Pine Tree to himself. “It’s now or never Cipher.” He mumbled to himself.
Not long after Bill found himself in front of the ice cream stand in the park near campus. Everyone ordered, Dipper getting strawberry, Mabel getting all flavors stacked on one another sloppily, Pacifica getting chocolate, and Bill himself getting lemon. They all at a small table near the stand, Dipper and Mabel on one side and Pacifica and Bill on the other.
It was silent for the most part, that is, if you didn’t count the female twin’s random chatter. Conversation topics flipped in the blink of an eye, and thankfully Bill could keep up easily, always having something to say. However he couldn’t help but glance at the brunet in front of him.
Shades covered Dipper’s face, making him seem emotionless. However Bill could tell that was not the case by the way the brunet’s hand shook as he held the ice cream. He couldn’t tell if the kid was excited or nervous. The brunet chewed his bottom lip for a moment before- Oh.
Bill’s grip tightened on his ice cream as he watched Dipper lick a stripe up his own. His tongue barely peeked out of his lips but dear god the sight could make Bill hard. How was this kid so seductive? It’s ridiculous considering the fact that he probably hasn’t had any sexual experience at all. It just made him want Pine Tree more. A virgin ripe for the taking. The ice cream Dipper licked would be replaced by something bigger. Bill groaned quietly at the thought, images popping in his head of Pine Tree licking his-
A sharp kick to the knee knocked Bill out of his rather inappropriate thoughts. “Would you quit staring at me? It’s creepy.” Dipper huffed, licking his lips before settling into a frown. Bill should’ve known this would happen. The kid was quite perceptive after all.
“I can’t help it Pine Tree, you just seem to be really enjoying that ice cream.” Bill teased. That earned him another kick.
He snickered at the freshman’s red face, eating his own ice cream once more. Bill caught the glance of Shooting Star, who had a large grin on her face. “You two sure do flirt a lot!” She giggled.
“We do not! How is this even considered flirting?” Dipper defended quickly, the blush reaching his ears.
God this kid was adorable.
“Oh please, you two totally flirt. I mean, what just happened is a perfect example! You got all embarrassed and snarky when he checked you out and commented about you licking your ice cream. How is that not flirting?” Mabel giggled.
Dipper groaned, nudging Bill’s foot with his own. “Are you not gonna help me?”
Bill just shrugged, a playful smirk on his face. “Well, I mean, she’s not wrong.”
That made Dipper’s face get impossibly more red. His mouth hung open as if to say something but nothing came out. Bill leaned back, resting his hand on the bench for leverage as he ate his ice cream. He felt more confident now. It was so easy to unravel the brunet.
“I’m tired of talking about this. Topic changed.” The brunet finally grumbled, earning a giggle from his twin beside him.
“Alright then, what should we do for our birthday? I know it’s tomorrow but I have to head back to Piedmont, so we gotta do something big tonight!” Mabel declared, flinging her arms into the air and almost losing her ice cream.
Dipper hummed softly, his half eaten ice cream hovering in front of his lips. “Well, I didn’t really have anything in mind. Did you have anything you wanted to do? I mean, you’ve been here more than I have.”
“True, true. We aren’t allowed to go drinking, which is a total bummer, so that’s out of the question.” She hung her shoulders in disappointment, letting out a small huff.
Bill laughed. “I could easily hook you up Shooting Star. Just say the word.”
Mabel giggled. Her face lit up excitedly. “Maybe we could throw a party!” She suggested.
“We could, but where? We have no place to have it at, not to mention we just can’t rent out a place with little notice.” Dipper retorted, pushing his shades up.
“We could have it at the shack Dipper!” Mabel beamed. “It’s the perfect weather to set something up outside! Besides, have you even bothered to visit our Grunkles once since you’ve been here?”
Dipper shrunk, his lips forming into a pout, “No.”
“Exactly. That’s why it’s perfect. All we need to do is head over and set everything up. It might take a few hours, but it’ll be worth it!” Mabel clapped her hands together happily.
“No need. I already have some people heading over to set everything up now. All you two need to do is relax.” Pacifica piped in, putting her phone away in her purse and crossing her arms confidently.
Mabel squealed, diving across the table to pull the diva in for a tight hug. She just barely missed shoving her ice cream in Pacifica’s hair. “Oh my god! Thank you Paz!!”
Pacifica’s face lit up, attempting to shove the brunet away in a fit of embarrassment. “Hey watch it! Your ice cream is going to get in my hair.” Mabel pulled away, a grin on her face as she bopped Pacifica’s nose. The diva blushed profusely, letting out a dramatic huff.
“Well then, it’s settled!” Mabel cheered. “How about we go to the zoo while we wait for things to get set up?”
“Alright. Just let me finish my ice cream first.” Dipper still wasn’t done with his.
“Okay! Hurry so we can go!” Mabel chimed, taking a big bite of her ice cream cone.
They finished five minutes after, all getting up to head to the town's small zoo. As much as Bill loved looking at caged animals, his sight was set on the small freshman beside him. Thoughts stirred in his head as he conjured up a plan. It was the perfect set up. He planned to lure Pine Tree away from the party to present his gift to him, preferably after midnight on their actual birthday. He couldn’t wait to see the look on the brunet’s face. The usual dead stare Dipper gave would be changed into a look of absolute happiness and adoration. It was simply perfect.
The stage was set, and Bill was thrilled .
I did not plan on this taking so long. and it's so short too.
I promised this would be out before or on Valentine's Day, but I think we all know by now that I make a ton of empty promises. I'm just trying to make it through the roll of life. Recently my 16th birthday rolled around and it was stressful and simply a disaster. Thankfully I had my bestie help me out. Things are tough right now, so updates might be slow. I promise, and I'm serious this time, next chapter will definitely be longer.
Also I made a little something for Valentine's Day, which you can find on my tumblr here. It's just doodles of BillDip and Mabcifica. You should check it out though. (blatant self promotion lol)
Anyways, enough of my dumb incoherent rambling, thanks for reading guys. Sorry for taking forever.
Chapter 9: Eventful Evening For The Birthday Boy
A telling of Dipper Pines and his exhausting and eventful day.
This chapter might be absolute shit, warning.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The loud music pounded in his ears, making them ring. He couldn’t hear a damn thing, so he just opted to lean against the tree beside the bar and sip his drink. People ran around and hollered, playing different drinking games or just watching their friends get wasted. Dipper was sure he didn’t know any of these people except a few, but his twin insisted that they invite everyone.
And that is why he sat alone, sipping his fruity drink and minding his own business. At first he thought it wasn’t the best idea to drink any alcoholic beverage, but with the eventful day he had, he just couldn’t help himself.
His mind landed on what got him to where he was. It was a little hard considering the alcohol that hazed his mind, but the memories were so ungodly loud in his brain, as if it were trying to be louder than the music itself.
They had spent most of their time at the zoo. Mabel, like she always has, ran around the entire zoo and squealed at every baby animal she laid her eyes on. Going to the zoo was probably the start of Dipper’s bitterness. The trip was pretty much useless to him since he couldn’t see any of the animals, but he also knew that the zoo is one of Mabel’s favorite places to go to. How could he turn it down? And thus, he wandered around, mostly found himself next to Bill, who seemed to care less about the animals and focused more on the brunet himself. He made it through the zoo trip distracting himself with the tap of his cane against the ground.
It was around three in the afternoon when they finally stopped by the Mystery Shack. Their Grunkles greeted them, quite spooked by all of Pacifica’s workers who barged onto their property, but happy to see them nonetheless. They pulled the twins in for a group hug and gave both lots of love.
“Dipper, Mabel! It’s great to see you kids!” Grunkle Ford said cheerfully as he patted the twins on the back.
Stan just grunted. “Dipper Pines you’ve been here for two weeks and you haven’t stopped by to see us? Yeesh kid, I’m hurt.”
Mabel giggled and elbowed Dipper in the ribs. “See? I told you to visit them.”
“Sorry Grunkle Stan, Great Uncle Ford. I was just overwhelmed by everything so I didn’t have time to-” Dipper was cut off but a large hand as it patted his back roughly.
“Don’t worry about it kid. I get it. Just glad to see ya.” Stan laughed. His gruff voice put Dipper to ease almost immediately.
“So kids,” Grunkle Ford butted in. His voice turned to it’s usual sternness. “You mind telling us what all of this is about?” Mable quickly told their Grunkles the plan, making sure to use those puppy dog eyes no one could say no too. After the older pair of twins shared a glance, Ford sighed. “Alright, just make sure to clean up everything once you’re done. We’re too old to do the cleaning.”
Mabel squealed and hugged Stan and Ford once more. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
And thus, invitations were sent through text, earning a surprising amount of replies in a short period of time. Everyone just kind of sat around as food was prepared and the place was decorated. However Dipper couldn’t help but feel anxious. His stomach twisted and turned at the thought of so many people being near him at once. He hasn’t been around a large crowd in a long time. The last time he was around a large amount of people he was twelve, and now he’s turning nineteen. That’s a long period of not having much social contact.
Thankfully he had somewhat of a distraction, which was his sister and Bill obnoxiously playing UNO with their Grunkles. He couldn’t help but smile at the rather interesting sounds the two made. It was like the stereotypical Yugioh anime fight. It made people cringe with their awful narration and weird sound effects. It annoyed their Grunkle Stan to the point he just got up and left with a grunt.
Dipper enjoyed the light hearted moment, but he mostly kept quiet, only letting out a few defensive and snarky comments here and there. Time seemed to pass slowly, but he didn’t mind. He almost wanted it to stay like this, even though he wasn’t really paying attention. He figured he wouldn’t enjoy himself if Bill was with them, but in reality he didn’t mind it. He had his head in the clouds, as Mabel would say. All he did, and could do, was sit and reflect on everything that happened, from the day he and his twin were born until now. Dipper tended to do that a lot on their birthday. It became a habit of his, growing worse the moment his sight left him. He would try to remember what the world looked like, in all of it’s vibrant beauty, but over the years his memory seemed to dull.
And it scared him.
He wanted to remember what blades of grass looked like in the middle of summer, how alive they looked after months of harsh winter. He wanted to remember the sky, bright blue in the day with fluffy clouds hanging like gentle brush strokes on a canvas, or how it looked when the sun set, bathing the world in soft purples and oranges. He wanted to remember the ocean as it crashed against the sand, washing everything away until it’s spotless. He wanted to remember the leaves as they fall, or the pumpkins that are lit during a cold halloween night. He wanted to remember brown curls that draped across his twins back as she sat, her tongue poked out between her lips in concentration as she knitted a brand new sweater. Remember the bright smile she wore when something made her happy, when something lifted her up and made her confidence bloom and grow to the point it was blinding.
He wanted to remember what it was like to see.
That’s why part of him dreaded their birthday. Another year added onto the list. He was getting older and the things of the past were fading fast. The more years added, the more the world turned dull. It all fades away. Fades to black. Going on with life seemed like a waste of time, useless. It gets harder and harder, and sometimes Dipper wishes it would just end.
“Dipper..?” A familiar voice called out quietly, and suddenly he’s reminded of why he goes on. For his twin, his other half he loved so much.
“Yeah?” He asked as he leaned back in his chair. He tried to ease up a bit, knowing that he was probably staring blankly at the table for a while.
Mabel hesitated for a moment. “You alright Bro Bro? You’ve been awfully quiet.”
“I’m just thinking, don’t worry.” He replied, picking up his can of Pitt cola. He sipped it slowly.
“Oh no, just that right there makes me worry. You thinking too much is a bad thing Dip Dop. So stop it. This is suppose to be a good day.” She scolded, smacking his hand lightly.
He waved her hand away. A small smile tugged at his lips. “Yeah, yeah. I got it.” Mabel seemed satisfied with his answer and huffed loudly, deciding it’s time to finish her game with Bill and Ford.
And just like that, the party finally started. One after another people filled in the area around the Mystery Shack. Citizens of Gravity Falls he hadn’t seen in years and came to wish the twins a happy birthday. Even Wendy was there, on her sixth year at Tall Pines. Dipper had no idea that she had been going there. They haven’t ran into each other once, but it was good to know that there was always a person to pull him away from crippling loneliness without his sister.
“Hey, Dipper! Nice to see you again! It’s been years man.” Wendy greeted with a slap on the back that made Dipper wheeze slightly. From the direction her voice came in Dipper could tell that the redhead was still taller than him. That was disappointing, to say the least.
He smiled and his voice cracked slightly as he spoke. Nervousness welled up inside him at the reoccurance of an old friend, not to mention crush. “Hey Wendy. How are you?”
“Doing good man, doing good. ‘Bout to take over my dad’s business soon. The plan is to expand, so I’m getting ahead on the business side. What about you? I heard you just started your first year here. That must be tough.” Wendy replied as she leaned against a tree. She took a sip of her drink quietly and waited for Dipper to reply.
He hesitated slightly, not really sure what to say. The two weeks were definitely overwhelming, to say the least. “Tough is right, I’m super stressed already.. But I did make some new friends, so that’s a plus.”
Wendy laughed and gently patted Dipper on the shoulder. “I feel you. It’s always hard the first year, but knowing you, you’ll get the hang of it in no time.” She let out another soft laughed, but it was immediately drowned out with the sounds of the party as the music started up. “I heard that you’re roomed with Cipher. He’s not pushing you ‘round or nothin’, right? ‘Cus if he is you let me know. I’ll beat his ass.”
Dipper’s mind landed on all the times Bill had pushed him down, shoved him against the wall. All the threats that spilled out if the seniors mouth like venom, the words that shook Dipper to the core and paralyzed him. All the times Bill made him cry, made him sob until he fell asleep, only to wake up and be reminded that he’s helpless. The weeks he spent with the other and all it’s been is hell, pure and utter hell. Constantly reminded of how helpless and weak his is. Bill always reminds him. Dipper wanted to tell Wendy, wanted to tell her everything. Wanted to spill all of his troubles and worries to a lifelong friend who’s always treated him the same no matter what happened.
But Dipper was unbearably tired of the drama that pretty much immediately started when he met Bill. he’d rather just leave it be. Let the thought slide by, because they were just that. Thoughts. Besides, a small part of him, the one who saw the few good things that Bill has done, hoped that they could potentially be more civil with each other. Maybe not friends, but at least acquaintances.
“Don’t worry, I’m fine. He’s not - He’s not that bad.” Dipper lied. Bad didn’t even begin to describe the being that was Bill Cipher. The man made the young freshman feel a roller coaster of emotions.
Wendy gave Dipper a quizzical look, but dropped it. “Well hey, I’m gonna get myself a drink. Definitely need it. Want anything?”
Dipper shook his head. “Nah. Alcohol isn’t really my thing..”
“Alrighty then. See ya ‘round.” Wendy turned and headed to the drink table, leaving Dipper to stand alone by the tree.
Dipper didn’t really know what to do as he stood there. People hustled and bustled about, chatting with old friends and greeting acquaintances. The music finally started up and Dipper could hear people start to dance around him. He could feel the ground vibrate slightly beneath him, either from the music or the dancing, or both, he couldn't tell. People passed by him and he felt practically invisible. It was nice, somewhat peaceful.
“Well Dipper Pines, it's nice to see you on this fine evening!” a booming southern voice called out, and Dipper immediately cringed. He turned away from the direction the voice came in and stayed silent. However it seemed that Gideon was not taking no for an answer, like always, and scooted closer to him. “I heard this is yer lovely party with yer twin. I shoulda known you two were twins, you two are both simply gorgeous.”
Dipper groaned. “Stay away from her Gideon. Why are you even here anyway? Who even invited you?”
Gideon chuckled. “Oh darlin’, I invited myself. Figured I should pay ya a nice visit and wish ya a happy birthday! Maybe I can offer ya a nice dance? What do ya say sweet cheeks?”
“Fuck off Gideon. I'm actually trying to enjoy my birthday and I don't need you to ruin it for me.” Dipper spat. He crossed his arms and leaned away from the older boy as if he had the plague. “So just fucking leave.”
Gideon huffed out a growl, reaching out and grabbing Dipper wrist roughly. “Ya should watch yer tone boy. I'm here tryin’ to be polite and offer ya a nice dance for yer birthday, and all yer doing is being quite rude. So, I suggest ya shut that pretty little mouth of yers and dance with me, or I could find other ways to occupy that mouth.” Gideon reached out and grabbed Dipper’s chin, stroking his bottom lip gently with his thumb.
Dipper felt a knot in his stomach twist in disgust and he shuddered, jerking his head away. “Quit fucking tou-”
“Gideon Gleeful if you don't back away from him I swear to god I will make sure you'll never be able to talk again.” Wendy called out, lifting a foot up and kicking Gideon's side. “Ya want that ya fucker? We all know just how much ya love to hear your voice, so I suggest you get the fuck outta here before ya lose it, ya hear?”
Gideon hesitated, but moved away from Dipper, and the boy nearly fell over. He growled, “I hear ya loud n’ clear Corduroy.” He huffed loudly and turned to give Dipper one more pat on the cheek. “Maybe next time darling. Happy birthday!” And with that, he left.
“Dipper, I didn't know you knew Gideon. Is this the first time he's done this?” Wendy asked worriedly. She gently set a hand on his shoulder. “Should I be worried?”
Dipper sighed and place his hand on a tree next to him to steady himself. “No, it's not the first time, but seriously, don't worry, I'll be fine. I can handle him.” He puffed out his chest as if it would make him any more manlier, but Wendy knew better.
“No, Dipper, you don't understand. I've been in this town long enough to know about Gideon and what he's capable of. Do you know how many people he's molested, how many he's raped ? He has loop holes through the system. This town is so small he could practically get away with anything. If he's already like this with you who knows what will happen. I can't, I won't let this happen again, not to you.” Wendy growled, and Dipper winced at the sound of it as she crushed it in her hand. “He nearly got to Mabel, I refuse to let him get to you.”
Dipper sucked in a breath. “Wait, what do you mean he almost got to Mabel? When? How?” His stomach churned at the thought of Gideon's meaty hands on his twin. “Why didn't I know about this?”
Wendy just signed. “Y'know what, I shouldn't bother you about this now. You should ask your sister, not me. I'm gonna get a new cup. I fucking cracked mine and spilled my drink.” She walked off, huffing loudly.
Dipper stood there, his eyes wide with shock as he contemplated going to his sister. However he stopped himself from doing so, figuring his sister wanted to have fun. She shouldn't be bothered with these frustrating and uncomfortable thoughts and memories. She should have fun and enjoy herself, it was their birthday after all.
Dipper sighed. He really did need a drink.
And that was how he ended up here, leaning against a tree and sipping his fruity drink as the world melded together. His mind was fuzzy and it was a little hard to think, but that's the point right? It wasn't like it was his first time drinking. Before he completely lost his sight him and Mabel decided to steal a few bottles of their fathers old wine, drinking and drinking till they were a mumbling shit-faced mess of depressing thoughts and sloppy, unconditional love. They just hit the end of ninth grade then, still young and new to the world. Dipper found himself chuckling at the thought. She was his best friend.
Dipper shivered slightly. Great, now he was all sappy.
After a moment of searching for a bottle of water, Dipper headed into the woods for fresh air. He felt a headache burst to life and needed away from all the people at the party.
A crisp breeze blew past him as he headed deep into the woods, causing him to shiver slightly. It was quite chilly for a summer evening, just below 60 degrees. However Dipper doubted it felt like that to anyone at the party who danced their ass off like their life depended on it. Dipper wasn't like them, obviously, so he donned a light jacket, just barely thick enough to keep him warm while still being breathable. His hands were stretched out as if he had wings, grazing along the the bark of the trees he passed. It made it easier to stroll through the woods. Occasionally he would stumble, his foot catching a loose root from the ground or his feet catching each other, but he managed not to fall completely. It was almost as if he was in his room, besides the crunch of the twigs and brush under his feet. Usually one would be afraid to walk through the woods at night because of how dark it was, but Dipper didn't mind that much. It was all dark to him.
He found himself a small stump to sit on and perched himself atop it, slumping over slightly. He knew his way back to the shack, thankfully. He had a decent sense of direction. That thought made it easier to relax and focus on the wildlife around him. The crickets and tree frogs were loud, croaking and chirping loudly into the night. Dipper could hear every rustle of the trees and every snap of a twig, and although he felt himself more on edge, he felt more aware of what was around him. Like he was in control for once.
However an extra loud snap caught his attention, causing him to sit up in alarm. Goosebumps formed on his skin and he held himself. Another snap of a twig and he stopped breathing. Was it an animal? No, there weren't a ton of violent creature around in Gravity Falls. Was it Gideon? Was he here to take advantage of Dipper as he done his sister? The thought made Dipper shudder in disgust. He can't let that happen, he can't-
Arms wrapped around his shoulders and a broad chest pressed against his back. “Hello Pine Tree. Why are you out here all by your lonesome?” A familiar voice trilled, and Dipper immediately relaxed.
“God Bill. You fucking scared me..” Dipper admitted, much to his own surprise. He shouldn't let Bill know that, the fucker will probably get off to it.
Bill laughed loudly into Dipper’s ear, pulling away from him. “Good. Guess my work here is done then.” He turned Dipper so the freshman could face him, although it didn’t really matter. “Seriously though kid, why’re you all the way out here? It’s not safe for someone like you.”
Dipper frowned. “I wanted to get away from the party. I needed some fresh air. And what do you mean by someone like you? I am perfectly capable of handling myself. Why did you even follow me anyway?”
“Well, I figured it would be a perfect time to give you your present.” Bill explained.
Dipper’s eyes widened and he tilted his head to the side unintentionally. “Wait, you got me a present? You’re joking right?”
“Dead serious Pine Tree. You don’t give me enough credit.” Bill replied, his voice getting slightly lower, as if he felt guilty .
Yeah right , Dipper thought. “Well, it’s kind of hard to imagine you getting anything for me, since you hate me so much.”
Bill sighed. “I don’t hate you kid. Quite the opposite in fact. I like you, you interest me. It’s just, sometimes you’re really frustrating.” He trailed off. “This is me making it up to you. It’s your birthday after all, you deserve something special.”
“Okay.. What is it then?” Dipper asked hesitantly.
“Well, there’s a catch.”
“Of course there is.”
“Shut it. Anyway,” Bill leaned closer to Dipper. “You’ll only get your present if you dance with me.”
“Looks like I won’t get my present then.” Dipper said rather bluntly. He huffed and turned away from Bill. He wasn’t in the mood for Bill’s childish antics.
“Awe c’mon Pine Tree! It’ll be fun!” Bill whined. He gripped at Dipper’s shoulders tightly and turning the brunet to face him once more. “I’m serious, your present will blow you away. Just one little dance and it’s all yours, I promise.”
Dipper hesitated. He was genuinely curious as to what his present was, but then again, he had to dance with Bill to get it. His cheeks heated up slightly at the thought. “But I can’t dance..”
Dipper could practically feel Bill’s grin as it widened. “Don’t worry about that Pine Tree. I’ll lead. Just take my hand kid. I’ll take good care of you, trust me .”
Those words made alarm bells ring throughout Dipper’s head. All the underlying meanings were quickly thrown out the door as Dipper put his hand in Bill’s. “Fine..” Curse his curiosity.
Bill jerked Dipper off the stump and into his arms, practically cackling. With a simple tap of his phone speakers Dipper didn’t know were there spang to life, and a familiar toon started to play.
“This song?” Dipper asked, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “I was expecting something along the lines of Death of a Bachelor.”
Bill scoffed. “That’s too cliche, Pine Tree. Besides, I think this song is quite fitting.”
Dipper smiled a little as the two started tumbling around together. He had no idea how they were going to dance to this song. It wasn’t one someone usually danced too. Especially for the fact that his feet got caught on each other with every step he took, and he found himself tripping and fumbling. Still, Bill kept their pace, and Dipper felt his hips sway.
I've never so adored you
I'm twisting allegories now
I want to complicate you
Don't let me do this to myself
Dipper stiffened slightly as one of Bill’s hands trailed up his arm, slowly entwining their fingers. Dipper’s hand tingled at the contact and he noticed immediately how ridiculously warm Bill’s hand was in that moment. The seniors other hand found itself onto Dipper’s waist, pulling the freshman closer to him.
I'm chasing roller coasters
I've got to have you closer now
Endless romantic stories
You never could control me
What little space they had between them was now close as Bill jerked Dipper once more, pressing their chests together. He picked up the pace slightly, spinning them into a new beat. Dipper felt something pound within him, whether it was his head or his heart, or both, it didn’t matter. Warmth spread through his chest to the rest of his body. His feet couldn’t keep up at this point and he practically held onto Bill, letting the older boy hold him up.
Well I never really thought that you'd come tonight
When the crown hangs heavy on either side
Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die.
Far too young to die
Far too young to die
Bill’s movements flowed so well that Dipper found himself lost. The man simply had an air of elegance to him as they danced. It was so graceful and charismatic that Dipper felt himself leaning impossibly closer to the senior. Bill’s hand moved away from Dipper’s to touch his neck, causing the brunet to shudder slightly.
Fixation or psychosis?
Devoted to neurosis now
Endless romantic stories
You never could control me
Dipper’s breath got caught in his throat as Bill’s hands just roamed his body, exploring everything. Hands trailed everywhere, grazing every bare part of his body that wasn’t shielded from the cold breeze. Even as his body was explored, as a thumb grazed his bottom lip in the most gentlest of ways, they continued to dance. Spinning and twirling, swaying and grinding, the two melded together, barely able to process anything. However, what really disoriented the brunet was when he was dipped, causing him to squeak.
Well I never really thought that you'd come tonight
When the crown hangs heavy on either side
Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die.
Well I never really thought that you'd come tonight
When the crown hangs heavy on either side
Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die.
Far too young to die
Far too young to die
Dipper couldn’t even imagine the look on his face right now. He was feeling so many different emotions at once and he felt utterly confused. His heart beated ridiculously loud in his ears and against his chest, and he felt the blood pump through his veins. He never shared a moment like this with anyone, and never in his wildest dreams did he expect Bill fucking Cipher of all people to instigate this moment. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, but that was overpowered with the intense feeling of being alive. And that’s what he was doing. Living . Every gentle touch became rougher and rougher until he was being spun around almost violently, leaving Bill’s arms only to crash back into him. It simply took his breath away. He was dizzy and disoriented and his head pounded as loudly as the song was, like an added drum to the symphony. He was being unravelled, and for once, he was okay with it. He was okay .
Well I never really thought that you'd come tonight
When the crown hangs heavy on either side
Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die.
Far too young to die
The song ended with Dipper being dipped once more, his brown curls brushing the leaves beneath them. They stayed like that for a moment, panting heavily as the world came back into motion, and time started to tick once more. After collecting themselves Bill pulled Dipper back up to his feet. Dipper could barely stand correctly, the world seemed to teeter and rock back and forth.
“Here kid.” Bill whispered quietly, pushing Dipper to sit back on the stump. “Sit down for a sec.” Bill sat down in front of him, letting out a quiet huff.
Dipper blinked a few times, just now noticing that his shades weren’t on his face anymore. He probably dropped them when he was dipped. Eh, he’d get them later. He doubted he would be able to get up to find them. He was so dizzy he could fall off the stump if he didn’t sit perfectly straight.
After a few minutes of silence Bill spoke up. “That was, just, wow. Damn kid.”
“Was it that bad?” Dipper asked quietly. He fucking knew it. He sucked at dancing. He frowned,his bitterness from earlier coming back full swing.
“No no, that’s not it, not at all. That was,” Bill let out a small laugh, seemingly breathless. “That was really fun.”
Dipper blushed slightly. “Really..?”
Bill chuckled. “Fuck yeah. Now, time for your present!” And with that, a piece of paper was placed gently onto Dipper’s lap.
Dipper just sat there, feeling the corner of the paper. “Uh, Bill? Did you forget that I’m blind? I can’t fucking read this.”
Bill cackled loudly, smacking the ground. “I know I know! I want you to guess!”
Dipper crossed his arms. “I’m not guessing.”
“Awe c’mon Pine Tree! Just one guess!” Bill whined.
“Uhg, fine.” Dipper thought for a second, tapping his jaw. “A meme? You seem like the type of person who loves memes.”
Bill chuckled. “Good guess, but no, it’s not a meme.” Bill let out an exaggerated sigh. “Looks like I’m gonna have to tell you.”
Dipper smirked and rolled his eyes. “So? What is it?”
“Well, Bill started. He placed his arm on Dipper’s legs, resting his head on them. “There's a certain concert coming up in two weeks, and I thought ‘Oh wow, Pine tree would sure love to go to that’, So I, the gentlemanly Bill Cipher, bought two tickets to-”
Dipper cut him off. “Are you fucking serious? Bill, you didn’t.” His hand holding the paper shook slightly. It couldn’t be.
“Dead serious Pine Tree. Two tickets to the Panic! At The Disco concert, for you and me.” Bill answered excitedly. The brunet could feel the intensity of Bill’s stare, as if the senior weren’t asking, but demanding that he go.
Dipper felt as if he was going to have a heart attack. It pounded against his chest loudly as his brain went into overdrive. “B-Bill, you can’t, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” Dipper clutched the paper to his chest. “Bill, why would you do this?”
Bill’s voice rose with his smile and he patted Dipper’s knee. “Like I said Pine Tree, it’s a somewhat apology for all the shit I’ve given you. I said I liked you, and I meant it. So let’s go have fun, yeah?”
Dipper’s eyes widened and his mind raced for an answer. The situation felt almost impossible to deal with, and once again in the same day was he suddenly reminded of just how horrible of a person Bill was. Every sentence that came out of that man's mouth meant something more, something bigger, and Dipper knew, deep down, that he should not trust Bill ever.
But Gods did he want to go to that concert. All his life he had been denied a chance and now, for the first time, he could go. Yes, Bill was a fuck boy and just plain annoying. Yes, he had hurt Dipper and said things that should have not been said, but he was so overwhelmed with the thought of hearing Brendon Urie’s voice in person that he couldn’t make a rational decision even if he tried.
So fuck it, Dipper Pines was going to that concert .
I am so. fucking. sorry. This was suppose to be out WAY sooner but I ran into some road blocks. Tbh it was suppose to go in a different, more cheesy and fluffier direction, but my beta's opinion made me decide to change it. I'm really scared that this chapter is horrible, but I just HAD to get it out before Wednesday. It's the day of the Panic! At The Disco concert in my town, so I felt it would be a perfect opportunity to gain the experience for the next chapter (And I just wanna hear/see Brendon Urie, that sinfully gorgeous man).
On another, more interesting note, someone at my old school decided to spread rumors that I committed suicide, so that was interesting to deal with. I swear, people are frustrating.
Oh! I also should mention that I changed my tumblr URL, So heres the new link.
And if any of you guys wanna talk, be friends, or just have a fanfic suggestion or idea, message me on tumblr. I am totally willing to talk you (look at me i'm desperate lmao)
Anyway, you guys must seriously be tired of all of my unrelated shit I talk about, so imma end this.
Thank you so much for reading! I love you all!!
Chapter 10: Death Of A Bachelor
Dipper goes on definitely not a date and to the concert he's been waiting for.
I know I took forever and I know this is hella long and I know this is completely self indulgent and I know it's painfully cheesy but here kiddies, take this trash.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
His heart was pounding loudly against his chest and his body trembled. Thoughts and fantasies flooded his mind like a large dam cracked and spilled, scattering them in waves. He couldn’t think, couldn’t focus. The only thing on Dipper’s mind was Brendon Urie .
After the night of his twin and his party, he spent two weeks rushing around and pushing himself to the furthest limits. He made sure to get every single piece of homework and report that was due with focused precision, refusing to be distracted. He tried to get along and tolerate his roommate for a single moment, and prepared for the single day in the week where his mind would be filled with such loud and obnoxious sounds, confident in the fact that he would gladly welcome them.
Today was the day. His eyes opened and he was immediately awake. Shaking with anticipation he stood up and darted for the bathroom, waking his roommate in the process. Time seemed to fly by so fast and before he knew it Dipper was dressed and ready to go. Standing on the balls of his feet near Bill’s bed he nudged the older boy.
“Bill.” Dipper pestered, “Bill get up.” He poked at the senior’s cheek three times before his hand was swatted away and a loud whine rang out.
“No….” Bill mumbled into his pillow. Dipper listened to the soft grunts as the sheets were ruffled. The senior was probably adjusting his position to get more comfortable, much to the freshman's chagrain.
Dipper frowned and jabbed at Bill with renewed vigour. “Today is the day and I would like to get an early start. So get up.” When there was no response Dipper yanked on the first piece of fabric he could feel. “I will drag your ass out of bed.”
After a grunt Dipper heard Bill slowly rise from his position. He growled, “I would like to see you try, shorty.” The senior pushed himself out of bed anyways. “What time is it? I swear to Satan if you woke me up any earlier than eight I will fucking kill you.”
“Calm down. It’s only ten. Now get dressed. I’m ready to go out.” Dipper answered, tapping his foot impatiently. Bill snickered loudly, his feet slapping against the floor as he got out of bed.
“Pine Tree, the concert starts at 7 tonight. We have plenty of time, so just relax.”
Dipper pouted. “Bill, my excitement has practically grown it’s own sentience by this point. I can’t ‘just relax’.” He slowly followed Bill as the senior made his way to the bathroom, standing in the doorway. “We have to do something at least.”
Bill sighed, although slightly contented. “Kid, trust me when I say I have something planned for later.” He paused to shuffle through the cabinet above the sink. “How about you sit down for a minute while I get dressed. I can make us a nice big breakfast, and then we can be on our merry way.”
The suggestion was tempting considering Dipper hadn’t had a proper meal in weeks. With a sigh he stepped away from the doorway, giving in and sitting back down on his messy bed. “Fine.”
“Good. Besides, it’s time you ate something besides a damn granola bar.” Bill added, promptly shutting the bathroom door afterwards. Dipper focused on the water once it was turned on and waited patiently for his roommate to come back out. Minutes passed and the senior flung open the door, waltzing over to his dresser and throwing on clothes for the day, which consisted of a P!ATD concert shit and some white skins, along with his infamous bowtie, as he described it to Dipper. “If only you could see how good I look.” Bill mused, and Dipper felt the same. He could imagine how good-looking his roommate was and how he would look even better in a Panic shirt.
Dipper decided to ignore the heat that dusted his cheeks at the thoughts and asked, “What do you plan on making?” He cringed slightly at the sound of pots and pans clacking against each other.
“Good ol’ eggs and toast.” Bill replied smoothly. “Want some bacon too?”
Dipper felt his mouth water slightly. “Yes. Yes please.” The last time he had eaten a decent breakfast was the morning before he was driven to Gravity Falls. His mom and sister surprised him with a big breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, and chocolate chip pancakes. The memory and the thought of food itself made his stomach growl.
This earned him a soft chuckle. “Good, because I want bacon too.” Bill added. He quickly got to work, cracking eggs and pouring them onto a pan while bacon sizzled on the other. The senior hummed quietly and Dipper was reminded of the stereotypical housewife. He could even imagine the older boy dancing to music while cooking wearing only an apron and he giggled quietly to himself.
Thirty minutes later and breakfast was spread out before Dipper, placed gently on top of TV tray. The fumes from the food in front of the brunet made his mouth water and he picked up his fork. Bill sat across from him on the opposite bed, seemingly waiting for Dipper’s reaction to the meal prepared for him. Dipper mumbled a quiet ‘thanks’ before stuffing whatever he could scoop up into his mouth.
Dipper instantly moaned, his taste buds frolicking in delight. He hasn’t tasted something this good in decades it seemed and he began to shovel more food down his throat like he was running out of time. The boy in front of him chuckled, “Whoa, slow down there Pine Tree. There’s no rush.”
Not true , Dipper thought absentmindedly. The only thing running through Dipper’s mind was Brendon Urie, the delicious breakfast he continued to scarf down, and his roommate, which made it all possible. Before the brunet even knew it he was done with his plate. He would’ve felt disappointed if he weren’t so full.
He flopped onto his back, sighing happily. He felt simply stuffed, and now that he was done Dipper began to run out of patience. It was a few minutes before Bill was done, and the senior took both of their plates back into the kitchen and began to wash them off. Bill was surprisingly good at keeping up on housework, it seemed, unlike Dipper. He took an extra few minutes to hand wash each utensil before finally grabbing the trays and placing them back in their rightful places, which was the small hall closet. After a few moments of shuffling the obnoxious voice Dipper had come to know piped up. “You ready, kid?”
“Of course,” Dipper exclaimed, jerking back into a sitting position. “I’ve been ready since the moment you told me about the tickets.” This earned a laugh from the older boy, which made Dipper feel a little better about the situation.
“Is that so? Well, it’s time to shine kid. First we’re getting you some new clothes to wear, maybe do a little window shopping, and then we’re going out to eat. Afterwards we’ll book it to the concert and have the time of our lives.” Bill proclaimed excitedly.
That sounded like an ideal day to Dipper, who had been stressed out since day one of his college life. He nodded eagerly, hopping to his feet. A smile tugged at his lips. “Let’s get to it then.”
Dipper and Bill ran out of the Hot Topic, laughing and giggling happily. Bill drug him over to the corner of the street of the outdoor mall. “I can’t believe you did that!” Dipper yelled, a faint dusting of red across his cheeks. “You pushed over a fucking necklace stand just so you could steal a choker!”
“Not so loud!” Bill barked, but then he cackled. “And yes, yes I did. I’m gonna make you look amazing kid. Now let’s go find a place for you to change.” The senior began to drag the brunet across the mall, not giving Dipper enough time to process.
“Wait, wait, wait.” Dipper stopped the both of them. “I am not wearing a choker. Definitely not.” He would rather not look more feminine than he already was.
“Aw, why not? It’ll look good on you.” Bill pouted, and Dipper could hear the slight disappointment in his voice.
“Because I’m not a girl, Bill.” Dipper stated blandly, crossing his arms. Thoughts of the times he’d been bullied in the past grazed over his thoughts and he frowned.
“Pine Tree, wearing a choker does not make you a girl. Your clothes shouldn’t have to define your gender.” Bill explained, his voice slowly dropping volume. “It’ll look good on you kid, trust me. I would never lie to you. Now please, wear it for me?”
Dipper felt himself hesitate. He was pretty sure this was Bill trying to guilt trip him, but part of him was compelled to believe he owed the guy. He had bought the tickets, he had made that amazing breakfast and cleaned everything up, he had even bought clothes for Dipper to wear. After a moment Dipper dropped his arms and sighed. “Fine. I’ll wear the fucking choker.”
Dipper could hear the grin as it appeared on Bill’s face. “Yes! Thank’s Pine Tree!” He wrapped an arm around the shorter boy, dragging him off. “Now let’s get you changed!” They entered another store in the mall and Bill shoved Dipper into a changing room. “Do you think you’ll need help?” He asked smugly and Dipper shook his head violently.
“I’ve been getting dressed by myself for years, I’m sure I could do it now.” He pulled the curtain over the doorway and quickly began to strip down. Opening up the bag he pulled out the clothes and slipped them on. He then pulled back the curtain, revealing his newly dressed form. “How do I look?” He asked, although he didn’t really care.
“You put your shirt on backwards.” Bill commented, and when Dipper showed his distress Bill snickered. “Just kidding! You look great kid. Now, let’s add one final touch.” The older boy stepped up to him, pulling him closer and tieing the choker around his neck. Dipper’s skin tingled as fingers brushed against his neck softly and he shivered slightly. Once Bill felt it was good enough he took a step back. “Perfect. I am amazing.”
Dipper snorted. “What do I even look like?”
“I bought you a P!ATD t-shirt with Brendon Urie’s face on it, some white skinny jeans, some bracelets, and the choker, and let me say kid, you look good. Almost as good as I do.” Bill replied playfully.
Dipper felt his face heat up and he cracked a small smile. “You’re an idiot.” He chuckled. “But... thanks. Now where are we going next?”
“Well Pine Tree, let me just check the time.” The senior slipped his phone from his pocket and glanced at it, then slipped it back. “It’s almost one. We’re going out to eat at 4:30. So, got anything you’re looking to do?”
Dipper tapped his chin and bit the inside of his cheek. “Well,” He started. “I need a new notebook. Is there a store that sells some nearby?”
“Yeah kid, right over here.” Bill took Dipper’s hand in his and led him to the store. Dipper couldn’t help but focus on the firm hand as it held his and nearly ran into someone. The swerved through isle after isle before stopping, and Bill turned him to face forward. “Here you are. It’s quite the selection, I must say.”
Dipper reached a hand out and began grazing his fingers lightly over the covers of the journals. He was looking for one specifically with a leather cover. Something that can last long and withstand whatever Dipper could throw at it. His old journal he had since middle school was filled to the brim. Since he was starting a new chapter in his life he figured it would be best to write it down. Not to mention hand writing things makes him feel normal again. His hands brushed over a soft leather cover and his pulled it from the shelf. He flipped it open and gently bended the cover. Bendable, but sturdy. The pages were slightly thicker but soft. The journal was on the smaller side but Dipper was okay with it. That means it could fit in his bag. He turned to Bill. “Okay. I’m ready.”
“You sure you want that one?” He asked and Dipper nodded. “Alrighty then, I’ll pay kid.” He began to walk ahead, Dipper following behind. The one problem about leaving his cane is that he couldn’t tell what was where and thus ran into shelf. Object crashed onto the ground and Dipper winced. Bill turned around. “Whoops. Looks like you knocked over a bunch of Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons boxes.”
Dipper gasped and cracked a grin. “Really? I love that game. Use to play it all the time. Before, well, y’know. What year is it?” Dipper asked excitedly.
Bill chuckled, picking the boxes back up and placing them back on the shelf. “1990’s. I didn’t know you used to play, although it’s not really surprising.”
“Yeah! I use to play way before I even started middle school.” Dipper exclaimed, a grin on his face. “This one time Grunkle Ford and I played for days at a time. Grunkle Stan and Mabel got so mad at us because our graphing paper covered the whole living room!”
“I’ve only ever played it once, to be honest. It wasn’t bad, just wasn’t my type of game.” Bill let out a laugh. “Seems like you enjoyed it though.”
“Oh yeah, definitely. I really miss playing it...” Dippre trailed off. That’s right. He couldn’t play it anymore. Suddenly the nice memories turned into sadness.
Silence, then, “Well kid, we still have time to waste. How about we sit in the park and play some D, D and More D? I'll buy it for you.”
Dipper felt his heart pound and he lit up. “Really? Are you serious?” He felt a grin tug at his lips, but then remembered. “But I can’t play Bill. I won't even be able to see the game.”
“That's okay. You can still play. I'll be your eyes kid. Don't worry.” Bill reassured. Dipper listened as Bill grabbed a box off the shelf.
“Will you... will you really play with me?” Dipper asked quietly. The thought of being able to go back sounded amazing.
“Of course Pine Tree. Let's go have some fun.” Bill whispered, his voice breathy. He took Dipper’s hand and led him to the counter, where they paid for both the journal and the game. Dipper’s heart pounded against his chest. Why was Bill being so nice?
The game of Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons was a lengthy and treacherous game, and Dipper expected nothing less. The two sat in the grass in the park. There was a nice breeze that gave off a calm and content atmosphere, however it was overshadowed by Bill’s big ego and the drive to win. The older boy was blantly competitive and Dipper was a little intimidated, but even so the blind boy didn’t back down, and Bill did as he promised and helped Dipper out when needed.
Some strangers would stop by and watched as the two went at it. Girls would cheer for Bill and nerds would root for Dipper. Jokes were cracked and everyone would laugh. It was nice, lighthearted and exactly what Dipper needed. People were surprised that Dipper could keep up, and even beat Bill. It made pride well up in his gut and a grin light up his face. The fact that he could actually beat the boy who managed to play with him in more ways than one felt almost ridiculously good. Dipper worried that he was starting to get overly confident.
Hours later and a growling stomach made them decide to pack up the game and come back tomorrow, and thus, they made their way to the restaurant. Bill refused to tell Dipper where exactly they were going so the brunet took it upon himself to continuously guess till they got there.
“Uh, the coffee shop? I heard they have food there.” Dipper asked.
Bill chuckled. “Nope. Try again.”
“The diner?” Dipper questioned curiously. There were not many restaurants in Gravity Falls.
“Nope. Just wait till we get there.” Bill answered. His grip on Dipper’s hand was firm.
Dipper sighed. “Just tell me. It’s not like I’ll be able to see where we are.”
“Nope, you gotta wait.” Bill snickered. Dipper decided to stay silent and wait. It seemed he had no other choice.
MInutes later they arrived at their destination and were escorted to an empty table. Dipper noticed the faint sound of jazz in the background and raised an eyebrow. “Seriously, where are we?”
“Did you hear about the new restaurant that was opened up, Arbre En Herbe?” Bill asked, and Dipper gasped.
“Are you serious? I heard this place is seriously fancy!” Dipper bursted, suddenly very self conscious about his appearance.
“Yup. At first I wasn’t going to take you here, but they have braille menus so I thought it would be easier for you.” Bill answered confidently, his voice oddly soft.
Dipper felt his tense statured ease a bit. They came here for him? That thought alone made him blush slightly. “Oh, uhm, thanks.” Dipper murmured. The fact that Bill thought about what he needed was almost embarrassing.
Dipper could feel Bill’s smile from across the table. “No problem, Pine Tree.”
The two quickly ordered their food. Bill ordered a seafood platter and Dipper ordered a crepe filled with strawberries and chocolate, revealing his insatiable sweet tooth. They discussed many different topics while waiting for their food. Dipper started spouting about different conspiracy theories and how they connect to aliens. Bill would always make a sarcastic and sometimes worrying comment about Dipper’s theories and ideas, but his point of view was always something to consider. Every now and then Dipper would type down what Bill said into his phone, just to make note of different holes in his theories.
It was obvious that Dipper was a nerd from the get go. With his love of D, D and More D and all of his conspiracy theories, it wasn’t hard to tell. A part of him wanted to stop telling Bill about his hobbies and ideas, but somehow the senior made him feel a little more comfortable than usual. It’s slightly unnerving, considering most of the time Bill made Dipper’s discomfort shoot through the roof. Dipper was slightly suspicious of the older boy’s behavior, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying the treatment.
Their food came quicker than Dipper expected. That didn’t stop the boys from digging in. If Dipper thought the breakfast he had this morning was filling then he was insane. It was hard to eat so much, but the crepe melted in his mouth just right and the strawberries were refreshing. The brunet even ate off of Bill’s plate every once in awhile. He tried to be sneaky about it, but in the end Bill had to direct him to where the food was. It didn’t seem that the senior minded, which was relieving. Bill also had a few bites of Dipper’s food as well, so he couldn’t complain.
Once he was done eating Dipper leaned back and let out a pleased sigh. “That was amazing. I don’t think I’ll need to eat for a few years after that.”
The senior let out a chuckle. “Yeah, that was good.” Bill agreed. “Don’t get comfy kid. We gotta head out in a few minutes.”
Dipper perked up at that. “Oh trust me, I’m ready to go.” He replied excitedly. He giggled. “Heh. Ready to Go. Get it?”
Bill snickered. “I wasn’t expecting a Panic pun from you.”
Dipper smirked and shrugged. “I can be spontaneous sometimes, what can I say?”
“I like it Pine Tree. Keep it comin’.” Bill encouraged, and Dipper listened closely as the senior got out of his seat. “Stay here, I’ll go pay.” He then proceeded to walk off, leaving Dipper a moment to himself.
He likes it? That thought alone made Dipper nervous. Did he really want Bill to like him? Well, yes, but part of him feels that they’ll never be friends. They were complete opposites, however they got along okay, which was shown today. Dipper felt kind of pathetic around Bill, so to catch the senior off guard, to surprise him? That’s what Dipper really wanted. He didn’t wanna seem weak all the time. He wanted to seem lively, to be alive, and he was gonna show Bill that.
Dipper heard footsteps approaching and sat up straight. “Ready?” Bill asked, and Dipper nodded. “Alrighty then, Pine Tree, Let’s go!” He took Dipper’s hand and pulled him out of the booth. Bill lead Dipper out of the restaurant and onto the sidewalk.
Dipper took a deep breath, letting himself be pulled along by his roommate. Time to make memories , he thought.
The place was packed, which was to be expected, but that didn’t make it any less anxiety inducing. Thank god it was outdoors, or else Dipper would’ve suffocated. He was almost grateful that Bill was holding his hand, which he would never say out loud. Bill weaved him through the crowd and to their seats, which was quite the walk. Dipper almost fell down the stairs twice and tripped over his own feet so many times he couldn’t count. It was hard to walk anywhere with all the people around and he couldn’t see where he was going, but he didn’t pay any mind to that. Just like when he woke up, the only thing on his mind was Brendon Urie.
When they finally got to their seats Dipper sat down with a sigh. “There’s so many people here.”
“Well, it is a concert after all. And everyone wants a piece of Brendon Urie. I know I do.” Bill beamed, laughing happily.
Dipper couldn’t help but grin. “Of course. I do too. Where exactly are we? Seat wise, I mean.” Dipper asked curiously. Bill mentioned to him that they sat pretty close to the stage once before, but Dipper wanted to know the exact proximity.
“Right in front of the stage, the first two seats. I would’ve got some in the middle but they were already taken.” Bill pouted, but Dipper gasped.
“We’re that close?” he nearly screeched. Brendon Urie would be right in front of him. His stomach did happy somersaults.
Bill chuckled. “Yup. First class, eh?”
“How in the fuck were you able to afford that?” Dipper asked, in complete shock.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but my family is rich. Like, my family’s up there with Northwest.” Bill said simply.
Dipper gawked, his mouth hung open. “That’s insane. This is insane.” Dipper mumbled, unsure of what to think. However, yet again, his mind went back to the current situation. “God, Bill, we’re so close!”
“Yup. If you reach out far enough you would be able to touch him.” Bill mused. “Wait, no, don’t do that. There’s a good chance of you falling over or a guard blocking you. Or both.”
Dipper laughed. Way to get his hopes up. He didn’t think it would be possible to be more excited than he already was, but that was proven wrong when the shuffling on the stage in front of him stopped. The sound of the crowds around him went silent and if he listened close enough he would be able to hear a pin drop.
But then sound, all around him burst to life. A calm but powerful melody bursted through the speakers and everyone cheered. “The first opening act is Saint Motel.” Bill yelled, his mouth to Dipper’s ear. The brunet cringed slightly. It was unbearably loud and he was pretty sure they were right in front of the speakers, but it didn’t stop his excitement from rising. His blood pumped faster and he felt his foot tap to the beat.
He didn’t stand up. He wanted to save his energy for Panic, and that didn’t seem like it would be hard. Time seemed lost when the music played and Dipper just let himself get lost in it.
Some time after Saint Motel took their leave after saying a few words and there was an intermission. Bill tapped Dipper’s hand gently. “Hey, I’m gonna get some drinks, wanna come with?” The senior asked and Dipper shook his head.
“I don’t really wanna get up.” The freshman replied absentmindedly, wanting there to be more music. It seemed oddly quiet after all those sounds.
“Alrighty. I’ll be back in a few.” And he left, leaving Dipper to his own devices.
His heart pounded nervously. It was obvious the senior’s presence wasn’t there, leaving the brunet with an anxious feeling. He focused more on the countdown till Brendon Urie comes on stage, which won't be for a while, but he could wait. Actually, no, he couldn’t, he was tired of waiting.
Bill came back sooner than Dipper expected. He handed the small brunet a cup and with one whiff he knew what it was. “Beer?” He asked curiously. Bill hummed.
“Ding ding, you’re a winner kiddo. I figured it would help spice up the night. Not to mention loosen you up a bit. You’re as stiff as a board.” Bill answered, sipping on his own cup.
“Oh. Well, uh, thanks.” Dipper mumbled, carefully sipping his beer. He immediately cringed. That’s definitely an acquired taste.
Everything went quiet once more and Dipper froze. He nearly dropped his cup when music was blasted into his ears once more. This time it was more upbeat and exciting, like it was begging you to dance. MisterWives.
Opening acts definitely did their job. They sped up the heart and pumped you up for what you came for. Dipper’s head bobbed to the beat and he drank some more, getting used to the bitter flavor. His head spun a little, but it didn’t matter. He was here for a good time.
He could feel Bill bouncing and hollering next to him and laughed, although it was drowned out. This scene seemed to fit the senior well. Lively and exciting. Dipper almost got up and started dancing himself, but he knew that would be a bad idea considering he’s blind and has been drinking.
As much as Dipper enjoyed MisterWives, they seemed to go on forever. His impatience grew and he waited for it to be over.
And it was. Another intermission came and went and people hustled to get back to their seats. Dipper made Bill lead him to a bathroom so he could do his business quickly and still make it back in time, and thankfully they didn’t run into any problems. Dipper’s heart raced and he could hear the audience counting down.
His stomach churned and Dipper jumped to his feet.
He felt a hand press to his back, making sure he didn’t fall.
An aura that wasn’t his own moved closer, and he knew exactly who it was.
Lips pressed gently to his ear, whispering something. Somehow it was louder than the cheers.
People around him hooped and hollered, calling out to the man they all came to see.
Dipper felt himself start to cheer as well.
“Are you ready, kid?”
He felt so alive.
A mumble came through the speakers, slowly growing in volume. Dipper’s heart stopped completely and he held his breath.
Then the wind was knocked out of him. A sweet sound he had been desperately wanting to hear filled his ears and he couldn’t breathe. Music. Music from all over, encasing him in a feeling he couldn’t place and he lost himself.
“Hey Gravity Falls!” Brendon Urie sang and the crowd screamed. A symphony played and his idol's voice filled his head.
It started with “Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time”, which fit the situation perfectly. Everyone was dancing and singing, losing themselves. One by one songs went, it happened so fast. “Ready To Go” came on and Dipper lost it. All the things that were holding him back were stripped away and before he knew it he was dancing with Bill, the two hanging onto each other happily. They both knew every word of the song, obviously, but so did everyone else. A crowd of people that all have one thing in common. That showed that same love for one single thing. It was truly amazing.
Dipper felt rushed, like everything was slipping past him one by one. Constant sound filled his ears and stole the air from his lungs and he let it. Let himself get lost needed the hype, the adrenaline to run through his veins. He couldn’t remember when he felt like this, like he was out of his body and drifting. It had been so long, but god did he need it. This feeling. He didn’t know where exactly he was, but the noise surrounding him and the hands on his shoulders grounded him, planted him right where he needed to be.
There were points during the concert where the music would pause and in it’s place would be a different kind of sound. Background noise played so Brendon could recollect himself and move to a different spot in the arena, and Bill slowly turned Dipper so he was facing backwards. “He’s gonna be on a platform playing the piano in the middle.” Bill mentioned. His chest pressed against Dipper’s back and the seniors hands stayed in their place. Any other time Dipper would’ve yelled at his roommate and jerked away, but somehow it felt nice this time. Nice to be there with someone else, to know that someone has his back. He knows he can’t trust the being that was Bill Cipher, but he can pretend, right? Just for the night.
The background noise died down and the sound of a piano began to play. Each press of a key made the piano burst to life in it’s own unique way and although it wasn’t as upbeat as most of the songs he’s heard tonight it was still pleasurable to listen to. The passion was there, real and alive, and everywhere people sang, Dipper sang. Everyone serenading like their life depended on it, and it felt so good.
After the song was over it went silent, which was ungodly loud. Everyone was waiting. For what? Dipper didn’t know, but a voice, oh that voice, broke the silence. “Thank you for being here.” Brendon said breathlessly into the microphone. He thanked everyone, welcomed everyone, and it was genuine. It felt so genuine.
And then more music. The familiar toon bursted to life and the crowd screamed. One of the most popular songs, the name of the album, “Death Of A Bachelor”.
Do I look lonely?
I see the shadows on my face
People have told me
I don't look the same
Maybe I lost weight
I'm playing hooky
With the best of the best
Pull my heart out my chest
So that you can see it too
Brendon Urie began walking off the platform and down the isles. He sang as he touched hands with fans, waved to others, and everyone loved it. Dipper couldn’t see,
that was obvious by now
, but he could feel. Feel the energy, the happiness that radiated from people as they witnessed this transaction between people. It was all unreal.
I'm walking the long road
Watching the sky fall
The lace in your dress
Tangles my neck
How do I live?
The people who weren’t on the ground floor, which was most of the audience, just cheered. They were jealous, of course, but they cheered for Brendon, cheered for the people who had the honor to come in contact with him.
I'm cutting my mind off
Feels like my heart is going to burst
Alone at a table for two
And I just want to be served
And when you think of me
Am I the best you've ever had?
Share one more drink with me
Smile even though you're sad
Instead of being able to see Dipper could feel the vibrations of the music, could hear the sound of footsteps as people scrambled after their idol. It was a fleeting, yet hopeful feeling that he would be able to have a chance to touch him. He wasn’t really sure that would happen.
I'm walking the long road
Watching the sky fall
The lace in your dress
Tangles my neck
How do I live?
The sound got closer. He could feel their presence close in on him, that is, if he ignored the fact that Bill was pressed up against his back, breath coming out in puffs against the skin of his neck. All senses were shot and everything was over stimulated, but he just knew that it was close. His chance was close.
The death of a bachelor
Letting the water fall
The death of a bachelor
Seems so fitting for
Happily ever after
How could I ask for more?
Lifetime of laughter
At the expense of the death of a bachelor
Then it happened. Something no one would expect. The small brunet was pulled away from Bill and into a hug. A voice filled his ears but this time it wasn’t on the speakers. It was right next to him, completely real. Brendon Urie was hugging Dipper Pines. As soon as it happened it was over. Dipper was placed back into Bill’s arms. Brendon made his way back onto stage and sung to the crowd, who cheered and screamed excitedly.
The death of a bachelor
Letting the water fall
The death of a bachelor
Seems so fitting for
Happily ever after
How could I ask for more?
Lifetime of laughter
At the expense of the death of a bachelor
And the song was over, however Dipper could still the warmth, the vibrations of that magical voice as it reverberated throughout him. He could hear Bill in the distance, screaming something like “Oh my god, oh god that actually fucking happened”, but Dipper barely paid attention.
The rest passed in a blur it seemed. Song after song came and went, and like everyone in the arena Dipper lost himself. He screamed and howled to “Emperors New Clothes”, sang obnoxiously to “Crazy=Genius”, even danced and grinded on Bill to “Girls/Girls/Boys”. Dipper felt free, felt alive, felt victorious .
“I had no idea what was going on and didn’t really know where I was for a few seconds but then everything felt so warm and his voice was right in my ear and god, oh god Bill he fucking hugged me. Brendon Urie hugged me!” Dipper rambled excitedly. He stumbled down the sidewalk as he and Bill walked back to the dorms, flinging his arms around for emphasis. “Didja see it? Did you watch? Oh god, I wish I could’ve seen his face, He felt so good-”
“Yeesh kid. I get it.” Bill chuckled, taking Dipper’s hand and steadying him. “I saw the whole thing. I’m honestly surprised, usually he doesn’t do that. You were reaching out to him though, so I guess it just happened.” Bill huffed in jealousy. “You’re so lucky, Pine Tree. People, including myself, would kill to be in your position.”
Dipper snickered. “Whoo, I’m more special than the golden boy.” He jabbed at Bill’s arm and almost fell in the process. Maybe he had too much to drink. Oh well. “Ahh, it felt so good. I wish I could hug him again. It happened way too fast.”
“You seemed to have enjoyed that a little too much. You sure you didn’t jizz your pants?” Bill mocked.
Dipper shrugged. “To be honest if he held me any longer I would have.” Dipper said blatantly. He was too drunk and exhausted to care at this point.
He felt the senior freeze, halting his steps. There was a moment of silence and Dipper couldn’t help but feel confused. It was interrupted with Bill’s voice, unnaturally low and trilling slightly. “Well, how about I give you something else to think about.”
Dipper was going to ask what he meant, going to demand why he was always so mysterious and condescending, however before he could force the words out something warm pressed against his cheek. Bill’s thin lips were soft and slightly wet, and would have grossed Dipper out if it weren’t for the fact that someone was kissing him on the cheek why was Bill kissing him on the cheek?
Dipper didn’t realize he had made a noise until the senior pulled away and Dipper could feel the smugness roll off him in waves. “You enjoy that? I can give you more if you’d like.” He teased, and suddenly all the blood in his body rose to his cheeks.
“I- I, wha- why would you? Why did you do that?” Dipper managed to get out, his voice cracking. He put a hand against his left cheek, where the senior kissed him.
“Eh. All you would talk about is your hug. I was jealous so I thought I could get you talking about me instead.” Bill replied confidently.
Dipper couldn’t find the words. The only person to ever do that was his twin. He was always fine if it was Mabel, but this is his roommate, this is Bill . The brunet did his best to glare at Bill, or at least the direction he assumed the senior was in. “You asshat!” Dipper huffed, storming ahead of Bill. His roommate only chuckled.
Dipper’s face burned in embarrassment, turning his face away when Bill caught up to him.
Well, wasn’t this an eventful night?
Oh my GOD I am so so sorry this took so long to get out. I got bombarded with finals and my motivation was no where to be found. This is super long, but hey, it's what I promised. I really hope it isn't shit. I'll get back to the original lowkey depressing shit soon.
On a side note, ya lookin for some fluff? Look no further, child, I shall grace you with my first oneshot, Kiss.
You interested in an absurd amount of shitty BillDip and Klance art? Here ya go, my sad tumblr.
(Self promotion is great, fite me)
So I'm going on vacation in a few days so I'll be out of commission, but afterwards I'll shove so much writing and fan art down your throat you'll be bamboozled for days, I promise.
Thanks for reading and listening to me spout nonsense, much appreciate.
Chapter 11: Heavy Hearts
Bill's a snoop and Dipper needs answers.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The room was silent, the door quietly shut minutes before. Smoke rose upwards, getting caught in the fan that was on high. Bill hopped it would clear the smell out, but he couldn’t be too sure. Febreze sat on Dipper’s night stand, ready for use when the time came.
Dipper. The brunet left, saying he needed to take care of something. Sounded suspicious, but Bill wasn’t going to pry, no matter how much he wanted to. So instead he sat on his bed, puffing on a joint. The silence was almost unbearable and Bill slowly got up, grabbing his phone and beginning to play a calm melody to help him with his high.
He was bored though. Sleeping was an option, so was television, but neither of those seemed good enough. His eyes scanned the bookshelf that hung over his roommate's bed and all of the books that were on it, collecting dust. Curiosity overcame him and the blonde found himself on the brunet's bed, pulling out a random book to gaze upon.
The books were definitely old, but the covers were still in good shape and well taken care of. He began to flip through one, a classic edition of Moby Dick , scanning over the yellowed pages. Once he hit a certain page something dropped into his lap. Looking down, he noticed it was a photo and slowly picked it up. The photo was of Dipper and his bubbly twin, the two sitting in a sandbox and staring up into the camera. They had to be about 6 or 7, with wide and curious eyes that gleamed happily. Mabel was ecstatic in the picture, her happiness shining. Dipper, however, held a more tame smile. It was shy, but happy nonetheless.
Now that was something Bill had never seen before. The big dipper shown proudly on the boy’s forehead, his hair pushed back to reveal it. He has had glimpses of something under the brunet’s bangs but he’d never gotten a good look. Suddenly everything made sense now. That’s the reason his room mate was called Dipper.
The blonde gazed at the photo intensely, taking another drag off his joint. Everything about Dipper Pines was fascinating to him. His snarky personality to his rounded face to his big gleaming eyes to his newly discovered birthmark that Bill just had to take a look at when he got back. All of it. Every single bit was fascinating and Bill Cipher knew that the kid wouldn’t bore him. Not with his personality, not with his looks, and not with his disability.
His disability. What exactly did the kid have? Dipper never properly told him what was wrong. Then again, the brunet never liked to mention his disability at all. His mood always dropped and he would always become sour, but that was a given. Still, Bill was curious.
He placed the photo back in the book and closed it, placing it back on the shelf. His eyes landed on a journal that was on the shelf below it, the cover worn and slightly torn apart. It was similar to the one the brunet bought days before. Bill reached over and plucked it off the shelf, slowly flipping it open. He quickly found out that it was more of a diary, which was adorable . It was obvious the kid started it young. The handwriting was messy and the grammar and writing style was childish, not at all what a writing major’s would look like.
Today I fond a crab!! He was in the creak!! He looks difernt than the otheer tho. Instad of a red sheel he had a green sheel!! Hes specal like me!
It was almost endearing. He was so innocent back then, but so was every child. Bill couldn’t help but smile as he read. Pine Tree was always cute. There were a few other pages of similarity, but then it stopped. As if a time skip, Dipper Pines was obviously older the next time he wrote.
Its my first day in 3rd grade. The big kids keep on making fun on my birthmark. They say its stupid. Momma always told me I was special cus of it. Was she wrong? Mabel has to stick up for me. I am glad I have her.
Well that must have been the start of the brunet's insistence of hiding his birthmark. He was made fun of. Bill frowned. The next pages were just an update of the progressed bullying. The kid had been pushed, shoved, kicked, glue had even been poured in his hair. It was all petty, but to a child it had a big impact. Bill gradually got pissed off with each word he read, but it stopped the moment he got to a certain page.
Lately its been harder to see far away. Mom thinks I need glasses. I hope I get some soon. I sit in the back of the class and its hard to read. I’m too afraid to ask the teacher if i can move.
This was the beginning of the decline.
Mabel made me get the glasses with the big frames. They just make my eyes look really really big. Some kid called me alien eyes today. Stupid.
The glasses aren’t working anymore. Things are starting to get blurry again. I got asked a question in class but I couldn’t answer because I couldn’t see. I gotta tell mom i need a new prescription .
There were a few more entries on D,D & More D and his friends new addiction to porn, before Bill came across this.
It’s hard to focus on things! It’s blurry again! Uhg!! I’m so tired of this. Am I getting old already or something? The only person with this bad of eyesight is Grunkle Stan, and that’s because of his cataracts. This is so stupid.
I Have another appointment with my eye doctor again. They’re going to do some tests on me. I’m not sure what they are yet, but hopefully we can figure something out.
I have Chronic Glaucoma.
So that’s what it was. It was extremely rare for someone Dipper’s age to have glaucoma, Bill only knew that because his aunt has it. It affected people mostly of ages 60 or older. The fact that the brunet had it was unbelievable.
I was prescribed eye drops that are suppose to slow down the process, but it doesn’t cure it. I need a cure. I can’t fucking do this. This is my sight, I need it. I fucking need it.
They added medication with the eye drops. I really don’t know how to feel. Things get blurry and it’s hard to do my work. My teacher was informed and I was put in the front of the class but that’s all the help I can get.
The eye drops and medication aren’t working. My mom is setting up an appointment to see my doctor again.
I need surgery.
THE SURGERY IS ON THE DAY OF THE FUCKING P!ATD CONCERT IM GONNA SCREAM
How am I going to be able to write?
Today's the day of the surgery. If it goes well further loss of my sight should be prevented. If not, then I don’t know anymore..
Days later Dipper wrote,
IT WORKED!! My sight is still slightly blurry but they’ve managed to control my eye pressure. Hopefully everything can go back to normal now.
Then it went on about different and unrelated things, like family gatherings and Mabel’s new crush of the day, which went from strictly boys to boys and girls. It even mentioned friends here and there, but it was mostly family or cool mysteries he found. However, pages later Bill came across more eye related topics.
The surgery didn’t work. It stopped the pressure for a few months but now it’s back to where it was. Apparently my loss of sight is happening at an alarming rate and is extremely rare. They have to fix it. I need to be able to write. My career path is on the line.
I have to have another surgery. Laser Surgery.
It didn’t work.. I need another surgery.
Why isn’t it working?
I can barely see Mabel anymore.. I need help. I need to fix this. I can’t do it. I can’t.
Then, in rushed and messy handwriting, one sentence was scrawled onto the page.
I cant see
Dipper Pines lost his sight completely in his sophomore year of highschool. Pages upon pages were blank. Nothing. Until, written so hard it made indentation in the paper,
I want to die
There was definitely a lot of trial and error. Despite the boy’s disability, he continued to write. The brunet practice writing, as if born again. He wrote out the alphabet over and over again, so deep into the paper he left indents. Bill figured it was a way to read what he wrote. Ink was smudged and handwriting was messy, but it seemed to work. Dipper continued to write about everyday life, like how his family set up ways to help him or how all of his friends drifted away. The frustration was clear, rolling off the paper in waves. The brunet wrote about wanting to go back, wanting to see his twins face again.
It was heartbreaking.
A knock on the door brought Bill back to reality. He placed the journal back on the shelf hurriedly. “Come in.” he said, barely loud enough to let the visitor know. The door opened slowly, revealing a familiar pink haired girl. “Pyronica.” he sighed. “What are you doing here?”
She gently closed the door behind her, waving a pink manicured hand. “Just thought I’d visit. See how the big boss man is holding up.” She gave him a once-over, frowning. “You’re stoned, aren’t you?”
“Sure as shit I am.” He replied, a grin on his face. It quickly dropped into nothing. He felt conflicted, and that wasn’t something he liked to feel.
Pyronica sat down next to him, looking around. “This isn’t your side of the room, sweetheart.”
“Yeah I know. I was just looking at something.” He glanced over and noticed the girl’s smug stare. “Piss off.”
“You know it’s not nice to snoop, Bill Cipher. Your mother would throw a fit.” She smirked. Bill huffed quietly.
“Whatever.” He dropped the conversation quickly, lighting up another joint. “You dyed your hair again.
“Of course I did.” She answered matter-of-factly, snatching the joint from his hands. “Thats enough. You’re already high off your ass.” She went silent, placing the joint on the table next to the bed. She then turned to him. “Talk to me. Something’s wrong.”
Bill stared at his feet. His mind was racing but it also felt empty, void of a coherent thought. “Py,” He whispered. “I think. . .” He made up his mind. He needs to stop ignoring a problem. It’s insulting and was beginning to hurt the people he. . . cared about.
“I think I’m gonna start taking my pills again.”
He focused on the tapping of his cane as he walked. Tried not to think of anything but thought of everything. Mabel, Mabel, gotta talk to Mabel…
Dipper placed himself on a bench in the park by the dorms. He couldn’t talk while Bill was around. His roommate was just too nosy. No. This was the perfect place. Taking a deep breath he pulled out his phone and dialed up his twin. It rang once. Twice. “Hello?” Mabel answered, giggling. “Wassup, Bro Bro? How may I help you this fine evening?”
It was evening? “Oh, hey Mabes. I just, uh, well,” He took a deep breath. “We need to talk.”
Mabel dropped her happy tone almost immediately. “What is it Dipper? Something wrong?” She asked worriedly.
“Mabel, I, uh, learned something from a certain someone the night of the party, and well, I figured it was time we talk about it.” His voice was almost a whisper, anxiety gnawing at his stomach. He just had to know..
“Okay. Talk about what?” Dipper could tell she was nervous too.
He hesitated, not sure how to put it into words. “I was told that during the times I wasn’t here in Gravity Falls you were. . . harassed by Gideon. Can you, uh, can you tell me what happened?”
Silence came from the other side of the phone, then, “Who told you?”
“. . .Wendy.”
Mabel let out a long sigh. “Dipper, it happened a long time ago. Don’t worry about it.”
“You say that, but how could I not. You’re my twin Mabel. We tell each other everything, but you, you never told me. Why?” Dipper’s voice cracked slightly and he winced.
“Dipper,” His twin whined, as if struggling to get the words out. “You were going through surgery after surgery, you were heartbroken. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry about me. You went through so much, I didn’t wanna make it worse.”
“Mabel.” Dipper said sternly. His eyes were closed, every possible scenario playing out in his mind. “Please. . . just tell me.”
There was a deep breath. “It was back in freshman year, when you had your first surgery,”
Mabel was walking back home from Candy’s house. It was around midnight and the air was cooler than usual for summer. Mabel didn’t pay too much attention to it. The brunet had been wearing one of her sweaters, which managed to keep her warm,
it didn't protect her though
It was almost lonely without her twin there. He always had her back, but now this time she had his. She had to be strong, had to fight alongside him, no matter what.
She didn’t notice the first snap of a branch, but she did notice the second. She whipped her head forward, looking around. Her twin’s panicked voice filled her head but she pushed it down and pressed forward, picking up the pace. The Shack was only a few minutes away. She could walk in and find Grunkle Stan passed out on the couch from waiting so long for her. Yeah.
Then, a voice, a voice that made her cringe and her skin crawl. “Oh my sweet sugar plum, Mabel Pines. What a surprise to see you out so late.”
She let out a huff, turning around to face the predator. “Gideon, what do you want?”
“It’s late sweetheart. Way too late for a lady as sweet as yourself to be walking alone.” Gideon purred. He stepped closer. “I could walk ya the rest of the way if you’d like. We can just stroll around. I could show ya many things, my dear Mabel. What do ya say?”
Mabel stepped back. “I have to get home, Gideon. Grunkle Stan is waiting for me.” She needed to stand her ground. No need to show fear to a boy who’s shorter than her.
Still, he persisted. “Ol’ Stan can wait. C’mon, let’s take a walk.” He reached out to grab her.
“I said no, Gideon. I’m going home.” Mabel declared, turning on her heels and pressing forward.
She didn’t see it coming, didn’t expect it. Her body was slammed into a nearby tree, her face digging into the bark. She winced, her head spinning. She could barely process a hand as it groped her, sliding up and down her clothed stomach. “You shouldn’t say no to such an offer, Mabel dear. It could’ve been way easier than this.” Gideon chided.
Panic and disgust rose to her throat as she thrashed around, swinging her head and kicking her legs, but to no avail. Gideon was strong. (How was he so strong?) She could taste bile on her tongue as he tugged on her skirt. He could only do it with one hand, the other clasped tightly across her mouth, muffling her screams.
Mabel jerked her head back, taking a chubby finger in her mouth and biting down hard. Gideon screeched, pulling his hand away and dropping her. She quickly got to her feet, dashing away. She stumbled a few times but desperately kept up the pace, leaving her skirt behind.
Gotta get to the shack gotta get to the shack help help me - She hit the ground. The breath was completely knocked out of her, leaving the poor brunet to gasp for air. Gideon sat on top of her, pressing her into the dirt. She could taste blood in her mouth, could feel her heart stop at the sound of a buckle. “Mabel, darling, quit running.” He breathed slowly, catching his breath after the chase. She could feel hands up and down her back, tugging at her hair and pulling at her clothes. Her skirt was shoved into her mouth swiftly, canceling out any sounds that threatened to come out.
Tears fell, yet she continued to thrash, desperately wanting to escape as clothes were pulled off her. All she could hear was her heart thumping in her ears and the faint sound of Gideon’s laughter.
“Wendy and the others found me when they were coming back from a party.” Mabel whispered.
Dipper’s heart pounded in anger and sadness. He clutched tightly at the end of his shirt. “Did. . . did he-”
“No. They found me before that.. But he was close Dipper, so fucking close.” She answered, her voice soft but broken. A whimper came through the phone, and Dipper winced.
“Why?” He sputtered. “Why isn’t he in prison? Why is he still here in this fucking town? It’s not right Mabel. It’s not fucking right.”
“Dipper,” Her voice hardened, and he could hear the sound of her wiping her nose in her sleeve. “Gideon Gleeful has this town and it’s occupants wrapped around his finger. He can pull strings, avoid the consequences. Both him and his father run a business, and he has to keep up appearances. Money can talk.” She inhaled a deep, shuddering breath. “Dipper, sometimes bad things happen and we can’t do anything about it. We just gotta move on. I’m sure you know that the most.”
And he did. He knows what it’s like to have to move on, but he never fully did. Nothing completely goes away. But this? No one should have to move on from this. She deserves justice. She deserves relief.
“I’m sorry Bro, Bro. I really am.”
“Hey Mabel?” He whispered
“Yeah?” She asked, and Dipper knew she was afraid to hear what he had to say.
“I love you.” He said softly. He wanted her happiness more than anything, more than his sight.
She giggled softly, then said, “I love you too, Bro Bro. I always will.”
And the conversation ended on that, leaving Dipper to sit on a bench in the part while he contemplated what he just heard. He don’t know long he sat there, the breezing swaying his hair, but it felt like just a single moment before he heard the voices.
“Things could be better, you know.” A deep voice said. It was familiar.
“Things are great. I don’t want them to change.” A voice answer back, and Dipper knew exactly who it was.
“He’ll never love you.” The Beast stated dully. Wirt just huffed.
“I-I don’t care. I don’t need him to love me.” Wirt retorted, obviously frazzled by the older boy’s statement.
“Yes, you do. You care about him and would rather him be with you then a certain someone he's always around.” Dipper could hear the smirk he’s wearing, smugness lining his voice. “That’s what you’re thinking.
Wirt was silent. “I could make you feel better. I could get him out of your mind.” Beast offered, his tone getting lower.
“N- no, get away from me.” Wirt sputtered, and Dipper listened as he got closer.
Ignoring the conversation he overheard, he called out to his friend. “Wirt?”
The older boy let out a squeak. “Dipper! I didn’t see you there. What are you doing?”
Dipper smiled softly and shrugged. “Just hanging out, I guess.” A silence fell over them, then, “Hey, is Beast bothering you?”
Wirt seemed to tense up. “N- no, I’m okay, don’t worry.” He answered quickly. “We just talked, that’s all.”
“Okay.” Dipper hesitated. “Could you, uh, walk me home? I’m not completely sure how to get back.” More like he wasn’t in the right mind to.
“Of course!” Wirt laughed softly and took Dipper’s hand, guiding him to his feet.
They took their time getting home, chatting about random things. Dipper was too afraid to ask his friend about the conversation he heard, too afraid to have more heavy thoughts that kept him awake at night. It was selfish, but he didn’t want to deal with anything at the moment. He’d talk to Wirt when he’s ready. If he’ll ever be ready for anything.
When he got back to his dorm it was dark outside. The brunet was exhausted, wanting nothing more than to sleep for eternity. Slowly closing the door behind him, he stood there for a moment.
Silence. Then, “Pine Tree? Can you come here for a sec?” His roommate called.
Dipper did as he was told, stepping up to his bed. Why is he on my bed ?
“What is it?” He asked, standing in front of the senior silently. A hand grabbed his waist, forcing him to step closer. Then, to Dipper’s surprise, his bangs were lifted up, revealing something that was hidden for a long time. “Wh-what are you doing? Stop looking at it!” He demanded, attempting to jerk his head away.
“Beautiful..” Bill whispered. Dipper froze, his face heating up. Fingertips grazed the brunet’s forehead, tracing the lines of the mark. “Fuck anyone who tells you it’s stupid, kid. This right here is a work of art.
Dipper jerked his head away from the hand, his face tinted red. “Shut up.” He moved to sit down besides the senior. “I need to talk to you.”
“What is it?” Bill asked curiously. “Something interesting?”
Dipper shook his head. “Remember the deal we made when we first met?” He hesitated. “Has it been a month?”
Bill was quiet for a moment, then “Yup, it sure has. Y’know what that means. You win, kid.”
“Yeah, well. . . you have to do anything I say, right?” Dipper asked.
“Yup. Got any requests? Make sure it’s something interesting, like a lap dance or something. Oh! You could touch me again, that was nice.” Bil teased, and Dipper couldn’t help but laugh.
“No, nothing like that.” He could feel Bill’s intense gaze as he waited. Dipper took a deep breath:
“I need you to help me put Gideon Gleeful in jail.”
Soooo this was suppose to be out way sooner but I procrastinated. Whoops.
Anyway, These aren't lighthearted topics, but it's real and it happens. I want to make that clear. This story may be exaggerated but it's the truth. Things happen, both good and bad.
I really hoped you liked it though, I'm trying my best.
(If you every wanna check out my tumblr don't hesitate)
Like usual, I'm all over the place.
I hope you all are having a great summer. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 12: Confliction
Bill's falling, fast and hard.
This took for fucking ever but here you are, kiddos. Enjoy.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The month of September ended and was replaced with October. Summer left and fall came shortly after. It had been three days since Dipper sat down and asked Bill for a favor--no, begged for help--and who would turn that down? Not Bill.
He would do anything for Pine Tree.
Bill cared enough about the kid to help.
The reason it took three days was because this was business that could not be taken lightly. A lot of legal and illegal matters needed to be attended to and documents must be acquired to get the ball rolling. Of course, thanks to his family status and the ties they had throughout the town and country he was able to get what he needed fairly quickly. The problem was: he wasn’t allowed to take the documents out of the house. He could be in legal trouble if he was caught with them, and thus he must take the brunet to go look at them at his house.
He didn’t really want to take Dipper to the mansion, but he would have to. The kid would want to “see” the documents himself, which just meant that Bill would have to read them to the kid. Which was fine, it would be like reading a child a bedtime story, just more gruesome and uncomfortable.
Bill stepped up to the door of their shared room and turned the knob. He peeked inside before opening the door slowly, revealing
Pine Tree and an annoying meat sack sitting on the bed together talking quietly.
Bill bit his lip in distaste and closed the door behind him. Dipper’s head shot up in alarm. He questioned softly, as if he wasn’t in the mood to use all of his voice, “Bill?” Wirt confirmed before Bill could respond and a wave of irritation washed over him.
He made sure to use his most grating voice when speaking, “Sure is Pine Tree. Didja miss me? Admit it, you missed me.” He watched carefully as Dipper’s face scrunched up. The brunet scoffed. No comment was made, which only annoyed Bill further. He threw his bag onto his bed and stood in front of his smaller roommate, who was currently fiddling with the hem of his jacket absentmindedly. Wirt stared at Bill with irritation but the blonde paid no mind. “Kid, you have to come with me for a little while.”
“What? Where?” Dipper asked as he froze his movements and tilted his head up slightly. Bill could see a little peek of the wondrous birthmark through brown hair.
“Let’s just say we have some important business to attend to, if you catch my drift.” Bill answered. He was losing patience fast. All he wanted to was for Wirt Head to leave and the small little brunet to get in his car.
Wirt looked alarmed, leaning closer to Dipper. Bill glared. “Oh,” Dipper said blankly, not a clue as to what was going on. “Uhm, okay. Right now?”
“Yes, right now. Chop chop, kid. We’re burning daylight and it’s an hour and a half drive.” Bill turned to Wirt, “It’s time for you to leave.” He tried to tone down the malice that seemed to build up, but it was hard. It was taking a lot just to control himself.
Wirt knew when it was time to leave, much to Bill’s satisfaction. The angered look he got was icing to the cake. Dipper got up with Wirt, walking him past Bill and to the door. The exchanged some words, ones that Bill couldn’t make out. He watched as they scooted closer, Pine Tree on his tiptoes, and Bill felt something inside him snap as the boy’s arms wrapped around Wirt’s neck. Bill had to grip the desk to calm himself, but it was so hard as he stared at the arms wrapped around the kids waist. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck .
Wirt left soon after and the two were left in silence. “Did you finally get ahold of something?” Dipper asked quietly. His head was tilted towards the ground and he twiddled his fingers.
“Yeah, a couple of files. We can only look at them if it’s at my family’s place. That’s why we need to get going.” He took Dipper’s hand in his, not giving the other a chance to speak before they were out the door.
Dipper’s hands were small and skinny, but soft. Bill didn’t mean to run his thumb up and down each finger, didn’t even realize he was doing so. It was only when he felt the small brunet tense up did he realize it was time to stop. Still, he never let go of the hand in his, not that he particularly wanted to. It was only when they got to his blindingly yellow mercedes that he let go, only to push Dipper into the passenger’s side.
He swiftly got into the driver's seat and started the car up. “So, this is a pretty long drive.” Bill stated. He glanced over to see Dipper buckling himself in.
“That’s fine.” Dipper sighed, leaning back. His face was void of any emotion and it threw Bill off a little bit. It reminded him of when they first met. How the kid always looked stone-faced and lonely. He didn’t care then, but he certainly did now.
Bill drove out of the parking lot. “Why the long face kid?” He asked, keeping his voice softer than usual. Honestly, he felt so out of place in these circumstances. He had never cared before.
Dipper felt around the seat. “I’m just a little tired, that’s all.” He replied. He froze afterwards, going quiet. “I thought you forgot. Or just didn’t care enough.”
“Trust me kid, I didn’t forget. These past few days I’ve been setting up meetings and getting files just for this.” Bill began. He felt a little bad for not telling Dipper anything, but they haven’t really seen each other much. “I don’t like that pompous fucker either. Besides, I care about Shooting Star.” He paused, then added, “And you. I care about you too.”
Bill didn’t have to look to see the shock on Dipper’s face, but he did. It was clearly unexpected, even for himself, but he didn’t regret saying it. It was weird for him, unlike anything he'd ever felt before, but he almost welcomed it. Almost.
Dipper sucked in a breath. “O-Oh. Uhm, thanks. Good to know you care enough to help.” He turned his head and Bill noticed the slight pink that tinged the tips of his ears. Cute, he’s embarrassed.
Bill chuckled softly. This kid is something else. It was silent for a few minutes. The speed picked up and the wind rustled their hair violently. With the top down it was hard to hear anything.
“Is it alright if I sleep?” Dipper asked.
“Sure, go ahead.” Bill answered, and Dipper dragged his hands all around the seat. He was searching for the bar to lean the chair back, but was obviously having trouble finding it. He soon gave up and turned towards Bill.
“Can you, uh, help me find the handle?” Dipper asked quietly. Bill chuckled and leaned over, taking Dipper’s hands. He led the blind boy’s hand to the bar and placed it there. “Ah, thanks.” Dipper mumbled, adjusting the seat to his comfort.
“No problem. Is it alright if I play music though?” Bill questioned. Dipper nodded.
“Sure.” The brunet then curled up on the seat, closing his eyes and letting the wind run through his hair. Bill turned on the radio and put it on a more soothing station. A calm melody played through the stereo. Dipper fell asleep rather quickly. His body was relaxed and he actually looked at peace for once.
Bill couldn’t help but stare. The kid was just so distracting. With the way his skin glowed in the minimal sunlight left and the way his big lips parted slightly. Bill noticed his long eyelashes fluttering and the hues of pink that melded with his skin over his face and nose. Even the way his soft curls tousled in the wind. It was all breathtaking.
He was beautiful.
Bill turned onto a small paved road and slowed down so that the wind wasn’t so violent. Leaves fell slowly off trees as they passed by. It was serene. Peaceful. Bill wished Dipper was awake so they could talk. The kid could get so passionate about certain subjects, and it was frankly quite adorable.
His stomach lurched. Bill frowned. It was that feeling again. It began to peek it’s ugly head. He glanced at Dipper once more and noticed the way the kid hugged himself, holding his jacket as if it wasn’t enough to protect him. There was no need for it. Bill could protect him.
God. Bill turned the music up slightly louder, attempting to drown the loud thoughts, but to no avail. They only got louder.
He wasn’t stupid, he knew exactly what was happening to him. He was studying psychology for fucks sake. Bill knew all about the human brain and all of its quirks. Every emotion a human could possibly feel, he knew exactly what it was.
And that was the problem. He wasn’t dense, not at all. So when the feeling bubbled up within him and felt so, so warm , he knew exactly what it was. It was something he avoided for all of his life, felt he didn’t need, but here he was.
A part of him was sickened by this conclusion. The great Bill Cipher falling in love? No fucking way. But the other side, the one that melted every time he saw his Pine Tree do something cute, was okay with it. Wanted it. Wanted Dipper.
Not only that, Dipper Pines was in fact a boy. Bill questioned a few times, but he came to a conclusion when the kid’s towel fell down once,
which wasn’t a bad sight
. But the truth is Bill had always dated girls and never really wanted to date another guy before. This was a
. However, when he glanced back over at Dipper one thing came to him, and it was that he didn’t really mind. Who cares if the kid was a boy? He was still cute as fuck and had a helluva personality.
Bill sighed. His heart pounded in his chest at the thought of getting closer to the brunet. He wanted to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him. Fuck. That was all he wanted. It was weirdly romantic for his tastes and cheesy as hell, but whatever. It was what he wanted, and he always got what he wanted.
Dipper wiggled in his seat and sighed softly, making the sweetest noise Bill had never heard.
God. Bill Cipher was falling hard.
Bill pulled up to the mansion and parked near the door. He quickly got out and threw his keys to one of the workers. “Park it in the garage.” He said without a second thought and walked over to the passenger side. He nudged Dipper gently. “Hey, Pine Tree, time to get up. We’re here.”
Dipper grumbled softly, slowly sitting up. He rubbed his eyes, “Huh?”
Bill smirked. “We’re at my house kid. Hope you had a good nap kid, cus it's time to go through some files.” He helped the blind boy out of the car, taking his hand. “It’s a pretty big place so I suggest you hold on.”
Surprisingly, Dipper didn’t argue.
Bill walked into the mansion with the brunet in tow, glancing around at the familiar room. Pristine white floors glistened in the light of the chandelier, the maroon walls decorated with multiple portraits, each one a member of the Cipher family. It started with the first Cipher member, as old as time itself, and reached the very end of the hall, the last portrait of Bill himself. A butler walked up to him in careful strides. “Master William, it is a pleasure to see you again.” He greeted smoothly, bowing in Bill’s presence.
Bill smirked. “Hedwig, I’ve already told you to call me Bill.” He then looked around. “Are my parents home?”
Hedwig shook his head. “Mr. and Mrs. Cipher went out to eat with the Northwests to discuss business. They should arrive home soon.”
“Then we better get moving. I wanna leave before they get back. Are the files in my room?” Bill asked, already heading to the staircase. Hedwig nodded.
“Yes, but do remember to not take anything. These files must be returned.” He answered, following Bill’s swift movements with ease.
“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” Bill replied, shoving Dipper through the door to his room and shutting it quickly behind them. “Alright Pine Tree, let's get started, shall we?” Bill turned and noticed the shocked look on his face. “What?”
“You, uh, you have a butler?” Dipper asked, raising an eyebrow.
Bill walked over to the box on his bed and opened it, revealing multiple files in alphabetical order. “I have butlers and maids, kid. Tons of them.” He shook his head and sat down. “Come here, sit down. We have a lot to go through.” Dipper slowly walked towards Bill and the blonde sighed, grabbing the smaller boy’s wrist and pulling him closer. The kid nearly tripped and fell as he grabbed onto Bill’s knee for support.
“So pushy,” Dipper mumbled, straightening himself and removing his hand. Bill missed it as soon as it left, his knee feeling slightly cold now that the hand was gone. It would do nothing to dwell over, however, and so he quickly pushed the thoughts away. “How many files are there?” He asked, hopping onto the neatly made bed.
Bill thumbed over each file, mumbling softly to himself before turning to Dipper, “Eleven files. Eight sexual harassment and three rape charges.” He pulled the first one out and flipped it open.
Dipper cringed. “That’s a lot...” Bill could feel the discomfort already stirring within the brunet.
“No kidding. First one was a girl in middle school. Says that he cornered and groped her. She told her father and he came to the police immediately. Nothing was done.” Bill frowned. “Second was another girl, still in middle school, who says that she saw pictures of her and other girls in his locker, all taken from inside the girls locker room. Apparently no evidence was found so they dropped it.”
He felt Dipper shift and looked over to see the brunet curling up into a ball, hugging his knees tightly. “You okay?” Bill asked, and Dipper just nodded. He continued, “Next was a boy. Said that Gideon cornered him in the locker room when they were alone and groped him. It only happened once since the kid told the principal immediately. This was eighth grade.”
He continued to read each file out loud, stealing glances from time to time. The discomfort Dipper felt grew more and more after each file. The way he shifted, twiddled his thumbs, rubbed his arms. There was even a point where the kid started rocking back and forth. Bill had to put a stop to it.
He reached over and gently set his hand atop Dipper’s head. Bill rubbed his head, feeling every soft brown curl. “Calm down. It’s okay.” He whispered, shifting closer to the brunet. He felt Dipper tense.
“Why are you so nice today?” He asked. His face was slightly red, most noticeable on his nose and his big, beautiful lips. The boy's face was filled with confliction.
Bill suddenly felt nervous but didn’t remove his hand. He scrambled for something to say, “What? Would you rather I go back to bullying you and hating you?”
Dipper shook his head. “No, don’t. I like it. I like this.” The last of his words came out in a whisper and he tilted his head down in embarrassment. Bill’s stomach lurched.
Bill Cipher was not one to hesitate. He would just go for the kill, not looking back. But this time, this time he did. His hand slid down Dipper’s face to cup his cheek and did not move from its spot. He wanted to feel it. Wondered what it would be like to touch those plush lips, to have his own against them. He wanted so desperately to ravage Pine Tree at that moment, to steal the air from his lungs and completely undo him in the same way he was being undone.
Before he knew it their faces were only inches apart, breathing in the same air as each other. Dipper’s eyes were wide in surprise and his face was flushed all the way to the tips of his ears and down his neck. A hand was pressed against his chest, fingers tangled in the fabric and gripping it tightly. If Bill hadn’t known any better he would’ve thought Dipper was going to pull him closer, and he wanted it so badly .
A few more inches and their lips would’ve touched. Would graze each other so gently and so timidly. A few more inches. Just a few, only a few. That was all it would take before Bill would be all over him, and both their worlds would unravel.
In the end, Bill pulled away.
During the car scene I couldn't help but think of the song Magic
by Coldplay. (seriously, listen to it)
Sorry for not updating sooner. School started and I've been swamped. Most of my time is use to build my portfolio for art and the other is just laying in bed and reading. Motivation is lacking, my friends. However I'll try to pick the pace for you lovelies. I ain't done with this fic yet.
Most chapters probably wont be super long, but hey, maybe that means I'll update more frequently? (lmao nah)
If you're interested in my tumblr, you can find it here
I really love you guys, okay? Like, seriously. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed it!
Chapter 13: Seduction
Complete and utter frustration on both ends.
Sexual Content ahead friendos
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The most noticeable thing was the heat.
It shot through his body, resounding in him like a shockwave before settling in his stomach. Scorching like wildfire, making him ache pleasantly.
It took him a while to realize what was going on. Hands that weren’t his own pressed into his hips, holding him in place. Lips roved his skin, sucking and biting his neck feverishly. Fingers danced on his chest, taking one of his small pink buds and pinching it gently.
Oh . The noise that came out of his mouth didn’t sound like him at all. He tried to control himself, clapping a hand over his mouth to keep the noises from leaking out. His hand was quickly ripped away and pinned above his head. Lips mouthed at his nipple and he keened, his back arching off the bed.
Dipper tried to gather his thoughts, desperately trying to ignore the intense heat that had his cock already dripping in precum. He noticed the familiar roof of the shack, dusty and withered. He could see every detail he kept stored in his memories. The only thing that evaded his sight was the figure above him.
They were a black void in the shape of a person.
Before he knew it, hands were on his thighs, so hot it felt like they were branding him. His legs were pushed apart and he felt a wave of embarrassment hit him. He began to wiggle around, but the person on top of him paid him no mind, just continued to litter Dipper’s chest with kisses and marks.
But what really made Dipper come undone was the slender fingers that trailed up throbbing member, grazing the tip oh so softly . A whine escaped his lips and he thrusted forward, weakly attempting to get more friction.
Dipper never really considered himself a sexual person, but his mind was screaming for more. Words bubbled from his lips as he pled to the stranger above him, begging for release. A deep growl rang through his ears and the weeping brunet tensed.
Something long and thick poked at his inner thigh and oh , they were definitely male. It rubbed against a spot that made his toes curl. Dipper panic slightly, “W-Wait!” he jerked his hips away from the man.
The man pulled Dipper back into place, grabbing ahold of his cock and stroking it gently. Dipper let out a moan. “Don’t worry,” The man growled, hovering over the small brunet. His voice was so familiar. “I’ll make you feel so good. Just trust me.”
“Trust me, Pine Tree .”
Dipper sucked in a breath, quickly regaining consciousness. Slowly sitting up, a wave of embarrassment fell over him and he felt his cheeks redden.
Wet dreams were rare for Dipper, He’s only had one once before, and that was in eighth grade. Not to mention it was about Bill Cipher of all people. That douchebag has been ignoring him since the day he tried to kiss him.
Bill Cipher tried to kiss him.
It happened days ago, but still, Dipper could never get it out of his head. Bill tried to brush it off as nothing, but Dipper Pines was not stupid. He knew what a kiss was.
Maybe that was the reason why he had the wet dream in the first place. It wasn’t a very comforting thought, but it was a reasonable explanation. Maybe.
Whatever. There was a sticky situation that needed to be taken care of. Dipper quickly hopped out of bed and headed for the bathroom. He thanked his lucky stars that Bill was gone already, so he could walk around without worrying that someone might see his mess.
He had a day off today and planned on calling Mabel. He needed to rant badly and get some type of insight on recent things that have been going on in his life. Dipper wished Wirt or Pacifica could be here with him too, but sadly his two friends had classes today.
The shower was long and hot, making it easy for Dipper to relax. His mind wandered to Bill once again, and how he would ignore Dipper any chance he got. All of their meetings were brief. If Dipper walked into a room he would leave and if he walked in and found Dipper he would leave, it was so annoying. The most he has said to the brunet has been “Have you eaten anything?” and “Goodnight.”
Dipper was starting to miss his company. Sure, he was obnoxious and sometimes cruel, but obviously he cared. He just wished the senior wouldn’t ignore him. He wished Bill would talk to him, would have fun with him, would hold him, would at least touch him.
He took a step out of the shower and dried off with a sigh. This situation was bringing him down very fast. He couldn’t tell if he was angry or sad. Probably both.
After putting some clothes on Dipper sat down in his chair, quickly turning on his computer. There was no need to mull over something as dumb as this. If he had enough time to sit and be pissy he had time to write something.
And write he did. Dipper wrote all of his frustration onto a document. His stress came out in words and his jumbled mind displayed itself. Fingers pounded on the keys so violently but Dipper couldn’t hear it. His focus was on spilling his guts out. Getting anything and everything he can down, even if he won’t be able to see it, and that’s okay. It’s okay, who cares-
But he does, he cares about everything. He cares about his grades, the people around him, his life. He cares about his image and how people sees him. He doesn’t want to look weak.
He also cares about Bill and why his roommate barely acknowledges him, look at me, please, talk to me, touch me-
He cares about the fact that he’s blind. His disability is a nuisance and everyone knows it. That’s why everyone leaves, that’s why no one stays, that’s why no one will love me-
A hand on his shoulder made him pause. “That’s some heavy shit. Are you sexually frustrated or something?”
Dipper immediately whipped his head around. “P-Pacifica?! I thought you were in class!”
“Well, I was in class. For two hours, actually.” Dipper could hear her foot tap. “Do you need to let something off your chest?”
He shook his head vigorously. “No no no, I’m fine, just-” Suddenly a sound came from the computer, interrupting him. It was a Discord call from Mabel. He quickly answered it, putting on as happy of a face as he could muster. “Hey Mabel! What’s up?”
“Hey Bro Bro! Oh! And Pacifica! How nice of you to join us.” She giggled. “I just got done with classes. Got yelled at again for using too much glitter. Like seriously, it’s impossible to have too much glitter!”
Dipper couldn’t help but laugh. Mabel could lift his spirit so easily it seemed. “The teacher can’t stop you, we both know it.”
“Hell yeah, I do what I want!” She cheered. Finally, after taking a very large and exaggerated breath, she said “So what about you Dip, What’s up?”
Dipper hesitated. He didn’t really know what to say. So much has happened, like the fact that Bill tried to kiss him- “Nothing much. Just the same old college life, y’know?”
However, Pacifica immediately stepped in. “Your brother is sexually frustrated.”
“Whoa what?!” Mabel bursted out, and Dipper could just imagine her leaning closer to the camera, waiting for him to talk. “Spill the beans Bro Bro, I gotta know everything.”
“There’s nothing to say! I’m not sexually frustrated.” Dipper defended himself, attempting to throw a weak glare at the diva.
Pacifica huffed. “Oh, is that so? Then why were you writing about-”
“Ahhhhhh!! Stop it!” Dipper screeched, swatting at Pacifica.
“Awe come on Dipper. Are you seriously not going to tell me?” Mabel asked, and Dipper’s heart sank. Of course she would get upset over something like this.
“It’s… It’s not what you think Mabel.” Dipper took a deep breath. He might as well say something. “I, uh, well, I met someone recently. We used to butt heads at first, but then we got to know each other a bit and became friends. Well, at least I thought. Something happened, and they’re ignoring me now. It’s really bothering me…” He mumbled, turning his head to the side in embarrassment.
“What happened? Be more descriptive Bro Bro, you’re leaving me in suspense!” Mabel spoke up, urging him to continue.
“W-Well, you see, uh,” Dipper’s vice cracked. He cleared his throat. “They tried to kiss me, but they stopped before they could. I don’t know why.” He couldn’t help but feel bitter about this. Why did he stop? Did he think that Dipper wouldn’t like it? Or did he realize that he wouldn’t like it?
“Oh wow. That’s like a soap opera.” Mabel giggled, but immediately got serious afterwards. “They obviously like you Dipper, they’re probably just too afraid to make the first move.”
“I doubt it…” Dipper grumbled.
“Well, if you really find out try and make the first move. If they don’t like it they’ll push away, and that’s that, but if they do, they’ll kiss back, plain and simple.” Mabel suggested.
Dipper shrugged. “Maybe.”
“C’mon Dip Dot, don’t give up!” Mabel cheered. Suddenly, an alarm went off. Mabel gasped, “Oh shit! I have work! Sorry this was so short Bro Bro, we can talk more later.”
“It’s fine Mabel. Go make some money.” He smiled warmly.
She giggled. “Oh trust me, I will. Customers love me. Now, Pacifica, keep my brother company, okay?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll watch over this child.” Pacifica responded smoothly. Dipper could practically hear the smile form on her face as she spoke.
“Good. Bye bye!” And then Mabel hung up, leaving the two in silence.
“So…” Dipper slowly started, but Pacifica cut him off almost immediately.
“You we’re talking about Bill, weren’t you?”
Dipper froze. “W-What?”
“Bill. The person who almost kissed you was Bill, am I right?” Pacifica asked. Dipper felt his face heat up instantly.
“How did you know?” He questioned worriedly. Was the diva that intuitive?
“It’s so obvious Dipper. For one, Bill has been trying to get into your pants since day one. He definitely has a thing for you. The fact that he didn’t go through the kiss is beyond me.” She began. “And two, You like him back. Of course you won’t admit it no matter what, and that’s fine, ‘cus you’re not very good at hiding it. I don’t really like the fact that you’re into him, but you can’t help it.”
“Whoa, wait, what?” Dipper stopped her. A look of disgust washed over his fact. “What, I don’t, seriously?”
“You can’t deny it Dipper. We’ve all noticed it. Including Mabel. Hell, she’s even talked to Bill about it.” Pacifica sighed. “Have you seriously not realized it yourself? How dense are you?”
“I, uh.” Dipper hesitated. He never thought about coming to that conclusion at all. The closest he came to liking someone before was when he had a small crush on Wendy, but that was it. He’s never wanted to kiss or touch someone before. What changed?
“Look, Dipper,” Pacifica started, her voice going soft. “Bill Cipher is known for a lot of things. He’s known for his intelligence, he’s known for his anger issues, he’s known for sleeping around. The list goes on. He’s not what I consider a good guy.” Dipper felt embarrassment well up in his chest and he lowered his head. “But,” Pacifica placed a hand on the small brunet’s shoulder. “That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to like him. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, I’ve seen how he treats you. He cares Dipper.”
“But then why?” He asked, his voice coming out in a low whine. “Why is he ignoring me over some kiss that didn’t even happen? Why is he so freaked out about it when he’s kissed so many other people before? I just, I want him to talk to me again Pacifica. I want him to be able to look at me and touch me like he did before.” Dipper’s mind was a jumbled mess. Why did he care so much? He should just let it go, it’s fine.
“Bill Cipher was never one to hesitate, Dipper. You’re making him hesitate. You , no one else. There’s obviously a reason why.” Pacifica told him.
Dipper frowned. “B-But-”
“Dipper, listen to me. Don’t just sit here and hope for something good to happen. It won’t just show up at your doorstep. If you want something, Dipper Pines, then you get it. Don’t look back, don’t hesitate, just go for it.” Pacifica said harshly, shaking him.
And everything went quiet. They didn’t say a word, just took it all in. All the information Pacifica told him, the advice that would change his relationship with Bill, he listened to it. She’s right , he thought. She was always right, wasn’t she?
The silence was interrupted with the door opening, and Dipper’s heart stopped. He knew exactly who it was.
Bill set his stuff down by the door, beginning to walk over before he noticed the two sitting. “Oh. am I interrupting something? I can go if you-”
“Nope, stay. I was just leaving.” Pacifica interrupted. She squeezed Dipper’s shoulder gently and whispered, “You can do it.” Before getting up and walking out the door.
Dipper’s thoughts raced.
“Well, I was going to go somewhere anyway, soo….” Bill started awkwardly. Dipper inwardly cringed.
Pacifica was right. He needed to do something. He need answers. He wasn’t weak, he wasn’t going to sit back and wait or things to happen. Dipper can do it himself. The brunet clenched his fist and closed his eyes. “Wait, I need to talk to you.”
“I can’t, I need to talk to Py. We can talk tomorrow or something.” Bill answered, obviously trying to find some sort of excuse.
Dipper couldn’t help but feel irritated. “She can wait five minutes. We need to talk now.”
“Not now Pine Tree, god. Can’t you wait.” Bill hissed, and Dipper felt something inside him snap.
“Lay down on your bed.” Dipper said coldly.
Bill hesitated. “What?”
“Just fucking do it.” Dipper barked. He was done, completely and utterly done. If Bill Cipher wanted to play, then fine, Dipper will play, and he will come back twice as hard.
Dipper waited impatiently as Bill made his way over to his bed. Everything was so loud in his ears. The rustling of the sheets, the tapping of his foot, the ticking of the clock, everything.
Bill silently waited for Dipper to say something, to make a move. And he did.
Dipper stood and walked over to Bill’s bed, placing a hand by his leg. “Don’t.” He whispered. His fingers gently traced Bill’s leg before he crawled onto the seniors bed with him. “Don’t look down on me, Bill Cipher.” Dipper’s hands traced Bill’s sides, pushing up his shirt, just barely enough to where he could touch warm skin.
He heard Bill’s breath hitch slightly, but it was quickly drowned ot by the pounding of his own heart. He was so mad, so so mad. “Don’t treat me like I’m glass, like I’ll break.” His hands then traveled from the seniors sides all the way up his stomach and chest. Fingers traced collar bones, quickly memorizing each dip and divit.
Dipper couldn’t believe he was doing this, couldn’t believe that he could muster the will to initiate contact with another person. Yet here he was, running over every inch of Bill’s body he could touch. Dipper couldn’t control himself. His body moved on it’s own, and he let it.
“Pine Tree…?” Bill murmured quietly. Confusion laced his voice.
His mind was a mess. He screamed to stop but his body screamed to go on. He threw away all hesitation and just let go. He let his hands move to cup Bill’s cheeks, he let his thumb trace over thin lips, and he let the words bubble from his mouth, “If you want to kiss me, then just do it.”
And then their lips touched.
It was warm and chaste, but god if Dipper didn’t melt. The most gentle of touches could send him over the hills, it seemed, and his heart lurched and filled with an undeniable warmth. It seemed like forever before Dipper finally pulled away, sitting back on Bill’s chest.
And then it hit him. Dipper’s face lit up and his mind shrieked. So many possibilities could happen now. He could be pushed away, could get the shit beaten out of him, could-
An arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer. “I tried so hard to hold back,” Bill started, and Dipper could sense the mischievous smile appear on his roommate's face. “But you always know how to pull me back in.”
Then they were kissing again. It was more rough, more intense. Dipper thought Bill was trying to steal the air from his lungs, kissing him so hard and so deep , but he loved it. Hands grabbed at whatever they could reach, whether it would be arms or sides. Dipper’s shirt was pushed up and their middles touches and this is going way too fast but he couldn’t find it in him to stop.
Dipper couldn’t think at all, especially not with a tongue down his throat. He felt Bill’s leg lift between his own and oh , the noise that escaped his throat didn’t sound like him at all. Once their lips finally disconnected Dipper was able to suck in a deep breath. “B-Bill, wai-” His voice cracked as his roommate began to attack his throat, biting and sucking and god those noises were so embarrassing.
Hands on his hips pushed him down and Bill grinded against him. A keen got caught in his throat and electricity shot throughout his body, and suddenly he was reminded of his dream and how good it felt and how good this felt now and god, god oh -
A loud voice cleared it’s throat and they both froze. “Well, I certainly didn’t expect this.”
“God Pyronica, Learn how to fucking knock.” Bill growled, upset they they were interrupted. Dipper stayed silent, extremely embarrassed.
“I did knock, four times actually. Thought you weren’t here and decided to use my key to set this invitation on your desk. Sorry for interrupting.” She snickered.
Bill sighed, his breath loud and ragged in Dipper’s ear. “Invitation for what?”
“For Tad’s party. It’s in two weeks. Bring a date or you aren’t allowed in.” She answered. “Well, I’ll let you two get back to it. Have fun, use a condom!” And with that, she left.
Dipper had no idea what to do after that. Everything that happened felt like a dream, but it most certainly wasn’t. He was still laying on top of Bill in a very compromising position, and Bill was still under him, hands up his shirt and rubbing his back. “Well,” Bill started. “Wanna continue?”
Dipper huffed and pulled away, crawling off of him and back onto his own bed. “Nope, I think I’m good.”
“Awe, c’mon Pine Tree, you obviously liked it! You were the one who started it!” Bill whined, and Dipper shook his head.
“No, I think we’ve had enough fun today.” Dipper replied, crossing his legs to hide the tightness in his shorts.
“Ah fine, we have plenty of other opportunities.” Bill said, the smirk obvious in his voice. He picked up the paper Pyronica left and read it. “Hm. You like parties kid?”
“No, not really. I’ve never been to one.” Dipper answered, licking his swollen lips.
“Well, how’s about you go with me? It’ll be fun.” Bill asked.
Dipper laughed. After spending days ignoring him and then making out with him, Bill Cipher is asking him to go to a party.
But that doesn’t mean Dipper won’t say yes.
Okay, so I just wanna say I'm sorry for being gone so long. I know I promised I would dish out more chapters, but I am going through a certain situation.
I'm not gonna lie. I was hospitalized for depression and anxiety. It sucked, honestly, but I needed it. I was going through a tough time and still am, but I'm doing better. I'm on medication and I'm going through therapy. It'll be okay.
But honestly, that probably doesn't mean the chapters will come out sooner than before. I'm currently looking at art schools and just preparing for college in general, and since I was hospitalized my grades have dropped, so I'm working on getting that fixed. It'll take time.
However, I am NOT dropping this fic. EVER. I am very proud of this and no matter how long it takes I will finish it. My biggest worry is that people might not stay for the long run. But hey, that's alright.
I hope this chapter was good though. After all the sexual frustration, i just had to throw this out there lmao. Doesn't mean it'll last though.
Also, I made a little comic for the good bits, which you can find here
Thanks so much for readings. Honestly all the comments and support keep me going.
Chapter 14: Swimming and Flying
Drinks, drama, and sex
slight sexual content kids
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“Well, this has been fun, but I think it’s time I should go-”
“Ohhh no no no, we just got here bro bro!”
“Yeah Pine Tree! Besides, you’ll be with me all night.”
Dipper sighed, letting his head hang low. His heart pounded in his chest, similar to the fast beat that came within the house. All he needed to do was step inside, to join the party.
Though he did say yes to Bill’s invitation that night, Dipper was definitely regretting it now. His anxiety is through the roof and all he wanted to do was bend over and throw up whatever he ate earlier that day (it wasn’t much).
A hand was placed on his shoulder. “Dipper Pines, you agreed to this, and there is no way I’m letting you get out of it.” His twin said sternly. “Besides, you need to loosen up and have fun for once. Trust me Broseph, as a party expert, you’ll have a good time.”
“And your prince charming will be with you all night, so there’s absolutely nothing to worry about,” Pacifica added.
“I couldn’t have said it better myself, miss Diva.” Bill snickered.
Dipper groaned. “Okay! Y’know what? Fine. Just, uhg, please stop.” Everyone around him giggled. “Let’s just go. Lead the way, whoever.”
A warm hand gently took his, and a voice purred into his ear. “With pleasure, Pine Tree.”
Soon enough they were inside. Loud noises assaulted Dipper’s ears, making them ring, and the room was hot with what one would consider to be hormones. Dipper felt claustrophobic in such a space with these people, all dancing and mingling. He squeezed Bill’s hand tighter.
People noticed Bill’s presence right away and called to him, saying greetings or jokes, but most commented on the fact that he was holding hands with the blind kid .
“Whoa Bill, didn’t know you swung that way, man!”
“Got a new toy, Billy Boy?”
“Make sure to treat him nice! That boy seems fragile.”
Dipper lowered his head, ripping his hand away from Bill’s and stopping in the crowd. It felt as if he was suffocating, like each and every occupant of the room was grabbing him by the throat and strangling him-
A hand touched his cheek and he flinched. “Ignore it, Pine Tree, ignore them. Focus on the music, focus on me.” Bill rubbed the brunets cheek tenderly.” Let’s get a drink, chill out for a bit, then dance. Sound good?”
Dipper hesitated, then mumbled a soft yes. Bill lead him to the back of the room to a table full of drinks, where few people stood around, talking amongst themselves.
“Ah, if it isn’t Bill Cipher. Welcome.” A voice called.
“Well well well, Tad Strange, thanks for inviting me,” Bill replied smoothly, stopping in his tracks. “Care to mix a drink?”
“Of course of course. Your usual?” Tad asked.
“Yes, but I also meant one for him as well.” Bill gestured towards the brunet.
“Ah yes, Dipper Pines. What suits your fancy?” Tad questioned, and Dipper could feel his gaze on him, looking him up and down.
Calm down, calm down . “I, uhm, I don’t…”
“Give him something fruity, yeah?” The senior answered for him, and right away Tad went about making the drinks. He and Bill casually talked to each other.
“Ah, being the host of a party is tiring,” Tad mentioned, to Bill. “Gives me a good name, but I’m not in the mood to take care of people tonight.”
“This is what you signed up for Strange. Don’t bail now.” Bill snickered. He placed a drink into Dipper’s hand. “Drink up kid.”
Dipper took a sip, relaxing when he noticed it wasn’t that strong. He turned in the direction he assumed Tad was in (it was hard to tell), and nodded. “Thanks, it’s really good.”
“Glad you like it. Now go have fun kids.” Tad replied, and soon enough Dipper was dragged away once more, back into the crowd.
There was so many sounds around him, so many people close to him and in his space. He tried so hard to focus. To focus on his own movement, to focus on Bill and his heat that radiated off him as they held hands. Everything was so overwhelming.
“Dipper?” A familiar voice called, and he stopped.
“Wirt?” Dipper called. A hand took his and pulled him away from Bill. His face bumped into a flat chest unexpectedly and he took a moment to recalculate and figure out where he was. A gentle hand was pressed on his back.
“Sorry to jerk you like that, you alright?” Wirt asked. Dipper nodded and tilted his head up.
“Yeah, I’m good. Dipper replied. “Why are you here? I didn’t expect you to be at this sort of thing.”
Wirt laughed. “I could say the same to you. I came with my friend Beatrice, but she ran off somewhere.”
“Oh. Cool. My sister dragged me here. Well, my sister and Bill.” Dipper could feel Wirt’s distaste at hearing Bill’s name and awkwardly took a sip of his drink, waiting for a response.
“Ah, I see.” They sat in silence for a moment before Wirt spoke up again. “Hey, do you wanna, I mean…”
“Hm?” Dipper raised an eyebrow. “What?”
“Well, would you like to, y’know, go danc-”
“Ah! Pine Tree! There you are. I was wondering where you ran off to.” Bill cut in loudly. He slung an arm over Dipper’s shoulder. “Ready to dance kid? I promise to rock your world.”
Dipper snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yeah right, we’ll see about that.” He turned to Wirt, ignoring Bill’s presence. “So what were you saying?”
Before Wirt could get another word out Dipper was dragged onto the dance floor. “No time to talk!” Bill called out, and Dipper laughed a little.
He was definitely nervous still, but Bill was obviously trying his best to help him loosen up. Forget everyone, let go , he reminded himself.
Bill stopped them, grabbing Dipper by the shoulders and pulling him close, nearly spilling his drink. “Let’s have a little fun, shall we?” He purred, and Dipper hesitated to move.
Loosen up Dipper. Have fun, let go. You need this.
Downing the last of his drink, he threw it to the side and wrapped his arms around Bill. “Only for a bit…”
Wirt watched as Dipper was dragged away, disappointment filling his gut. A hand touched his shoulder. “I’m sorry…” A familiar voice whispered.
“It-It’s okay. Next time, for sure.” He mumbled.
“Wirt,” Pacifica hesitated. “Dipper’s falling in love with him…”
Wirt turned his head away from her. “I know…. I know that already…”
“I-” Pacifica was cut off by Mabel.
“Ready to dance boo? Gotta shake of the college stress!” She turned to Wirt. “Hiya! You waiting for my brother? I’m pretty sure he’s dancing with Billy Boy-”
“Mabel, let’s go.” Pacifica dragged her away, glancing back to give Wirt one last apologetic look.
Then he stood there, watching as people danced and grinded on each other. He caught glimpses of Mabel and Pacifica, who looked like they were having fun, and Dipper and Bill, who danced like no one else was there.
Something in his gut twisted. He felt so hurt, yet Dipper did nothing wrong. It was his own fault. He didn’t pursue Dipper quick enough, and now he was in Bill Cipher’s arms, smiling so happily, so in love-
“Makes you sick, doesn’t it?”
Wirt whipped his head around to come face to face with the Beast. He sighed, turning away. “Go away…”
“Why? You’re obviously alone and hurting.” The Beast pointed out. “Having to watch someone you love dance with someone you hate? Painful. But it was inevitable.” He placed a hand on Wirt’s shoulder. “What a way to ruin a night, huh? But, I know how to make it better.”
“I don’t care, just go away…” Wirt did not have the energy to deal with him right now.
“Just listen to me for a second.” The Beast said. “You want to forget right? To get rid of that pain you feel as you watch them?”
Wirt hesitated, then mumbled, “Yes….”
“Then trust me when I say that I can make you forget so easily. With one touch,” he slowly dragged his hand down Wirt’s arm, giving the smaller boy goosebumps. “I can erase everything. At least for a night, wouldn’t you rather forget?”
Wirt stared ahead of him, continuing to watch as the two danced. He knew what The Beast was implying, and any other time he would have immediately turned him down. Why was he hesitating now? Why was he thinking of doing something that would be no good in the end, that would just pull him farther into the pit that he couldn’t get out of?
Because he knew he had lost. From the very beginning, he knew he didn’t have a chance against the charming mystery that is Bill Cipher, and it disgusted him. He couldn’t try harder, it wouldn’t matter. Dipper Pines was not his.
A deep voice whispered in his ear. “Take a gamble, Lover Boy. Trust me.”
With a deep breath, Wirt managed to say a single word, “Fine,” and he was whisked away.
Out of the main floor, down a hall, and into a room. He let himself get thrown into a bed, let the clothes get pulled off of him until he was naked and vulnerable. Let kisses and marks litter his skin, bruising and claiming him. He bore every inch of himself because he wanted to forget, because he didn’t want to feel the way he did. He let ecstasy replace the pain, let his racing thoughts be replaced with nothing but blankness and a desperate need to let go.
Soon enough he didn’t feel anything except for a scorching fire within him, and he forgot for a moment. The only thing that mattered was the desire for release and the owner of the dark locks that he gripped tightly.
It felt like he was swimming, like he was doing some water aerobics or some dumb shit. Being swung round and round, he couldn’t help but giggle. Swimming or flying, he couldn’t tell. It felt the same.
Dipper gripped Bill tighter, trying to keep balance. It felt like they’ve been dancing for hours. It felt like no one was there except for them. Privacy, that’s what he wanted right now. Just Bill and him.
Bill…. He cupped the senior's cheek weakly, feeling the sexy strong jawline that he wished he could see. “God, I must be gay. Or at least bi…” He mumbled.
“What?” Bill asked, his voice breathy and hot.
Fuck, why is he so attractive?
“Why are you so f-fucking attractive? I can’t even see you yet I…” He stopped, grazing his finger over Bill’s thin lips. “What the fuck. Fuck me. Seriously.”
“Whoa there Pine Tree, maybe you had too much to drink.” Bill stopped dancing. Why did he stop dancing?
Dipper pressed against him, tilting his head up. “Fuck.. Cipher…” He pressed a kiss to the senior's collarbone, earning a soft growl.
“Dipper, can I..” Bill hesitated.
“You’ve never asked permission for anything, you fuck, why do it now?” Dipper groaned, rolling his eyes before smashing their lips together in a sloppy kiss. It didn’t take long for Bill to kiss back, grabbing him by the waist and pulling him impossibly closer.
Tongues wrestled, fighting for dominance and earning grunts and groans from each member. He wanted more, so much more. He wanted to fix the ache that grew in him. Dipper finally pulled away. “R-Room. We need, we need a room.”
That was all it took for Bill to drag him away. It felt like forever till he was laid on a bed, getting kissed all over and made into a mess.
Then he was swimming again, or flying.
It didn’t really matter.
Sorry this took so long guys. A lot of shit has happened.
Since it's the new year, I've decided to try and dish out a chapter every month. We'll see how this goes lmao.
Also, I just want to point out that the next few chapters are going to be very heavy and deal with a lot of serious shit. Get ready.
I really hope this fic is worth it for you guys. I'm starting to worry it's not that good...
anyway, here ye are. Hope you enjoyed!
Chapter 15: Silence
the sound of silence
Warning: suicidal thoughts, rape/noncon
seriously guys, this is not a pleasant chapter. read cautiously.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Dreams were an abstract thing. They’re there, existing in someone's mind only for a night before fading like a memory. They always stay with you, buried deep within the back of your mind.
Dipper was no exception. Although blind, dreams still came to him, vivid and enthralling. They brought memories or fantasies, but he could always see them.
Why couldn’t he see this one at all?
It took a while before Dipper truly knew he was awake. His boy felt heavy, as if it were made of bricks, holding him down and making him ache. His head pounded like the music from the night before, thumping loudly and making his brain hurt.
Confusion hit him first, followed by memories flooding into his mind. Dancing, drinking, dancing some more, flirting, kissing, touching-
Dipper took notice of the fact that he was naked, a thin layer of sheets only covering his lower half. He slowly sat up, a groan slipping from his lips. “Oh, you’re up.” A familiar voice called.
“My head hurts,” Dipper mumbled. He felt lost in the sea of sheets, in a bed that obviously was not his. “What, What time is it?” He asked slowly.
“2:37. You slept for a long time kid.” Bill answered. Dipper felt the bed creak as his roommate got up. “I’ll get your clothes.”
Dipper had a lot of question, but one sat in his mind. “Bill?” He gulped, suddenly nervous. “Did… Did we-”
The door shut.
Relief flooded his system. Although he may have come onto Bill more than once, he was glad to know that it didn’t go that far. He wasn’t ready for sex. Never in his life has he really thought about such a thing till now, and it was all very overwhelming.
He wasn’t necessarily against such a thing, if the wet dreams had a say in this, but he definitely needs time. Besides, it’s not like him and Bill or a thing or anything.
That shouldn’t bother him.
The door swung back open and Dipper put his thoughts on hold. Bill walked back to Dipper, gently placing his clothes on the bed next to him. “Hurry up.” Was all he said.
Dipper quickly put on his freshly washed clothes. Well, as quick as he could with his raging headache. Once he was finished the senior grabbed him by the wrist and led him out of the room and into the main hall. Tad, who was cleaning up the mess that the partygoers left, said his goodbyes as the two walked out the door.
Neither said a word at first. Just let the silence fill the car. It made Dipper extremely uneasy with how usually quiet Bill was. He figured he might as well get his questions out now. “Hey, Bill…?”
“Yeah?” Bill hummed, not really paying attention. Dipper was extremely nervous, not to mention Embarrassed to ask this, but he just needed to know why.
“Why, uh… Why didn’t we do it….?” He asked quietly.
Bill hesitated, then answered. “You puked all over yourself in the middle of it, then passed out.” It was straight to the point, and Dipper noted that Bill sounded slightly bitter. Was he upset that we didn’t have sex?
All words were lost and Dipper managed out an “Oh.” Before letting silence take over once more. All other questions were abandoned. Instead, Dipper chose to bite his tongue and wait till he got back to the dorms to ask anything else.
He felt his mood drop slowly after that. There was a constant doubt that plagued his mind. He felt disappointed and upset, as if he did something wrong. Was Bill mad at him for it?
That thought just seemed to piss Dipper off. Was he really going to pout because he couldn’t get into a blind kids pants? Dipper wasn’t one of Bill’s girls, he wasn’t some toy.
This is dumb.
They got back to the dorms an hour later, and still, nothing was said. Dipper could only stir in his anger and frustration. There were no words. Why was there no words? It was almost painful.
He hoped that he roommate would leave once they got back so Dipper could have some time to himself, but that wasn’t the case. They both sat on their own beds.
Dipper managed to get his homework done, but he couldn’t help but notice the senior get up and crack the window before lighting a blunt. Heavy smoke filled the room.
Just like the silence.
Waves of frustration and anger stirred within the brunet. A throbbing headache packed with the memories of the night before and the god-awful silence seemed to push him into a corner. He felt ridiculously over the edge, and the smoke that covered the room suffocated him. Bill didn’t seem to care.
That only seemed to make Dipper angrier. Bill was obviously upset about something, and that alone made Dipper upset. Why? He had no fucking idea, but it bothered him to the core.
He didn’t realize he let out a frustrated growl until Bill pointed it out. “What?” He asked, his voice bland.
“Are you, are you mad at me for not having sex with you? Because I’m glad we didn’t. But you just seem to be so disappointed…” Dipper blurted out, huffing quietly.
“Why are you glad we didn’t? You seemed to want it as much as I did, so don’t go acting like it didn’t happen.” Bill barked. “And yeah, I am disappointed. We were so fucking close before you went and threw up all over yourself. We could’ve had so much fun-”
“Stop right there. It’s not my fault I threw up, so fuck off.” Dipper realized that he was not in the mood for this, even if he did start it. He stood up. “You know what? Never mind.”
The moment Dipper started to walk towards the door Bill spoke up, “Where are you going? You started this Pine Tree, so lets fucking talk.”
Dipper threw on his hoodie, frowning. “There’s not much talking with you. You always think you’re right, no matter what. I’m going to Wirt’s. I need to talk to him anyway.”
“Why do you need to talk to him? He’s a fucking loser. You don’t need him.” Bill barked, walking over to Dipper and grabbing his wrist.
Dipper ripped his wrist away from Bill. “He’s not a fucking loser, he’s my friend! Besides, he’s better to me than you are, you asshole.”
That was all it took for Dipper to be slammed against the door, Bill’s body pressed against him. Bill was enraged, growling as his fingers aggressively pressed into Dipper’s neck. “Are you fucking kidding me!? I’ve done so much for your pathetic ass. All Wirt has done for you is fucking try to get into your pants! You’re better off with me!!”
Flashbacks from when Bill did this before filled Dipper’s mind and he was terrified. But the words, those god-awful words being spewed at him like venom made him angry, and he shoved Bill back with a force he never knew he had. He brought his hand up and against Bill’s cheek, screaming, “Fuck you!! You have done nothing but make me feel like shit!! And if anyone is trying to get into my pants, it’s fucking you!!” Dipper heaved a deep breath, not letting Bill get one word in. “I can go wherever I want! We aren’t dating, and I’m not one of your fucking girls you can do whatever you want to!!”
And with that Dipper left. Stormed out of the room and down the hallway, running as fast as he could out the door and outside into the cold. The brisk air bit at him through his hoodie but Dipper didn’t stop. HIs mind was racing with angered thoughts and tears pricked his eyes. He didn’t want to cry, not for Bill, not for that asshole. But his heart hurt, it ached at the thought of his roommate seeing him as an object. It wasn’t fair, and Dipper despised him for it.
Dipper didn’t know how long he ran, but once he finally slowed down to a stop he realized he didn’t know where he was. In his rage he ran as far away as he could, but that stranded him somewhere on campus, and now he couldn’t find his way back. He felt around his body, searching for his phone, but to no avail, he left it back in the room.
His body was shaking with anxiety from the fight and now he was fucking lost. He felt so stupid, like a fucking idiot. He should’ve known this would happen. A blind kid running around by himself? Idiotic. He was pathetic, not being able to do anything for himself.
After standing god knows where for a while, Dipper began to walk again. He wandered, his thoughts making it hard for him to hear. He didn’t want to go back to the dorm, but he had no idea where the fuck he was. He couldn’t go back even if he tried, and he sure as hell couldn’t make his way to Wirt like this.
Before he knew it tears were falling down his cheeks, making him feel worse than he already felt. Part of him started to miss Bill, to wish he was back with his roommate. For them to be listening to music and laughing and singing with each other.
And then he started to wish he was dead, that he should’ve just offed himself when he had the chance. Everyone was tired of taking care of a pathetic blind boy. He should’ve shot himself with Grunkle Stan’s gun, should’ve hanged himself in the attic, should’ve cut his wrists until he bled out.
He shouldn't be here .
His thoughts were cut off when he smacked against someone else. A familiar body greeted him by wrapping his arms around him and Dipper’s blood ran cold. Not now not now - “Oh my, if it isn’t Dipper Pines. What’s someone as pretty as you doing out here? Oh? Why’re ya cryin’ sweetheart? You don’t have to cry…”
Dipper’s body jerked as Gideon's chubby fingers touched his cheek, wiping away his tears. “I-I’m fine. Just leave me alone Gideon….”
“I can’t leave a pretty thing like ya to cry alone. C’mon, I can take you to a nice quiet place where we can talk, just you and me.” Gideon offered, and Dipper stiffened when the hand on his cheek moved down to his neck.
“No thanks. I’m fine. Just leave me be. I don’t have the energy to deal with you right now.” Dipper growled, jerking away from Gideon. He began to walk away, hoping that the man would leave him alone, but of course, that wasn’t the case. A hand grabbed his shoulder harshly, spinning him back around.
“Don’t turn down my offer that quickly, sugar plum.” The grip on Dipper’s shoulder tightened, and the small brunets heart seemed to beat faster. “It’ll be fun, I promise.”
“I fucking told you no!” Dipper yelled, jerking himself away from Gideon. “I am not interested in your ugly pig ass, so leave me alone!”
It was silent for a moment, the shock of what Dipper said setting in. Then, “Oh, I see. So that’s how ya feel..” Gideon said slowly, seemingly calm. Dipper began to feel in danger.
“Uh.. yeah..” Dipper tried to walk away again, ready to sprint at any second, but chubby fingers latched around his wrist.
“Oh no no no. I ain’t done with you. I’m tired of being polite. All you’ve been is disrespectful to little ‘ol me.” Gideon growled, tightening his grip. Dipper’s wrist began to ache as he attempted to rip his hand away. Gideon refused to let go. “The games are over, Dipper Pines. You play hard to get, so looks like I’m gonna have to play hard back.”
Dipper didn’t have time to react before hands wrapped around his waist, lifting him up off the ground. He was slammed into what felt like a brick wall, the rough texture digging into his skin. Hands roamed all over him, slipping under his shirt and feeling him up. A sudden realization hit him and he finally understood what was happening.
He tried to yell, tried to fight back, but it didn’t stop Gideon from getting what he wanted. “Shh now darling, once we get to the good part, all you’ll be able to think about is me.”
Dipper felt sick as Gideon touched him, stripping him of his clothes and letting the cold nip as his body. It wasn’t like how he felt before. Bile rose in his throat, threatening to spew from his lips as Gideon violated him. His voice cracked as he tried to get someone's attention, but nothing happened. No one came for him.
His own shirt was shoved into his mouth to silence the screams.
I'm so sorry everyone, this was a rough one. I had to rewrite it a few times but it still didn't turn out the way I wanted.
I'd say I hope you guys liked it, but this chapter isn't the case.
Also next chapter is going to be just as rough, bear with me.
thanks for all of the support though. I love you all so much.
And although this isn't a good time to celebrate, this fic has over 10000+ views!! Which is like, super cool. Thanks everyone!
If you ever want to message me on tumblr or just check things out, you can find that here
Chapter 16: Disturbed
disturbed thoughts and disturbed lives
here's a short chapter that was long overdue
Warnings: Slight suicidal thoughts and rape/noncon
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Thoughts seemed to dart back and forth within his head, bouncing off walls and disintegrating with the anger that plagued his mind. All he could see was red, enraged with what had happened only moments before. His body shook, the strength inside welling up until he felt he might burst.
Holes in the wall were all that was left. An empty space that was once filled. Toxic.
His medication was supposed to work. To calm him down. He hasn’t made any progress at all it seemed. His anger only grew, expanded and consumed his body. He wanted to choke the boy, to choke himself, to kill himself for even having these thoughts in the first place.
He felt a sort of desperation at that moment. A need to calm down, to take control of himself. He’s always had a problem with control.
He laid back on his bed, hoping to find some peace only to feel his body convulse. He kicked at the wall, punched, screamed, all of his anger flowing out of him until it was only a single tear.
Finally, he could see the damage done. The wall that was in need of critical repair from his brute force.
I could’ve done that to him .
The thought hurt. Stung as it sank in, permanently marking his body. I could have hurt him, could have hit him so hard until his brain bled and he was barely even-
Part of him was glad that Dipper ran away. He didn’t want to see the small and fragile brunet at the end of his hand, taking the hit.
Usually, he would’ve been okay with Dipper gone. He could get some peace and quiet. Yeah, he needed to relax. Focus on himself, Bill Cipher. Dipper can wait.
It didn’t feel right.
Words said and left unsaid sat in the air.
Now he felt anxious.
Bill thought about lighting a joint, drowning his feelings in favor of letting himself relax while the brunet was out, but he just couldn’t. It felt wrong, the mere thought making him sick.
“What have I done…” He mumbled, trying to reassure himself that it was unintentional and not his fault, but he knew exactly what he did was wrong. He was wrong. The great Bill Cipher was wrong.
And now all that progress, all the moments he spent with Dipper Pines, every happy memory, was gone.
How bittersweet, but it wasn’t even that. It was nothing.
The urge to run after him started to grow and Bill had to fight with himself to push it down. He didn’t care anymore. Didn’t care where Dipper went or who he was with or what stupid decision he made. Bill didn’t care.
But he did. He cared so so much for that stupid, blind freshman. He cared so much. He loved it when the sweet brunet smiled, or when he danced to his favorite songs. He loved to hear him talk about his conspiracy theories and when he would get super into D, D and more D. He hated it when Dipper was with anyone else, when he would show that warm smile to anyone else but him.
If this was what people called loved, then he hated it. Most of all, he hated himself for wanting it, for loving the way that boy makes him feel.
He loved Dipper Pines, so much it kills him.
Bill sat up, pulling on his shoes and throwing on a jacket.
It wasn’t right. Fuck the revelation he had, something was wrong.
He needed to find Dipper.
Bill flung the door shut on his way out. It started with a fast paced walk but quickly turned into running. His stomach twisted and turned with the corners, passing other students until he pushed his way out of the building. Bile seemed to rise in his throat, begging him to stop. He needed a drink, a smoke, to slow down-
But how could he? His body was running, in search of a lost roommate that corrupted his entire being.
Something was very, very wrong.
It seemed to be darker than usual outside. The cold air bit at his skin, but he couldn’t stop running. No one was out but him, yet he felt surrounded by millions of demons, ready to peel away his skin layer by layer.
Before he knew it he stopped. Bill’s heart pounded in his ears, but the only thing that surrounded him was silence. He listened, hoped and fucking prayed for a sign, but there was nothing. Silence.
Then, a noise.
A muffled whimper, barely audible, but Bill heard it.
Bill ran, turning a corner, his eyes darting through the alley.
A fat hand roamed a pale stomach. A pig's body was pressed against a smaller one, nude and vulnerable. Brown curls were pulled back, bearing a thin neck. Saliva dripped down from a tongue, smiling and laughing.
“le, vlr cbbi pl kfzb.”
Thick fingers were pressed between cheeks, groping and intruding on the small boy. A belt was fiddled with, and an appendage was pressed against the brunet. Disgust filled the victims face, all pleads cracked like glass and lost inside the shirt that filled his mouth.
“f grpq txkkx bxq vlr rm.”
All Bill Cipher saw was red.
“fii ofm vlr xmxoq.”
The air was brisk and cold as they stepped out of the police station. The pair sat in there for hours, giving their statements. Bill got a harsh scolding for the damage he caused, but he regrets nothing.
He left Gideon Gleeful a bloodied mess, and if the brunet wouldn’t have stopped him, it could’ve ended a lot worse.
Dipper said nothing as they walked back to the dorm. He was wrapped in a blanket provided at the station, his dirty clothes too thin for the chilled air. Bill wanted to wrap his arms around the small boy but resigned himself. He couldn’t be touched. Not now.
Dipper Pines wasn’t an object. Nobody owned him, not even Bill. He had to accept that. Whether or not the brunet would forgive him, that was his choice, but for now, Bill had to try his best to win the boy's trust once again.
Even if it would take a lifetime.
The moment they got back to the dorm Dipper was on the ground, unable to stand any longer. He was silent as Bill picked him up and carried him to the bed. The brunet let the older boy change him into pajamas, not making a sound.
“Are you hungry..? I’ll make you something if you want.” Bill asked, shattering the silence.
“I’ll turn on some music.” He said, mostly to himself to break the deafening silence. He turned on some soft tunes he used when he felt upset. Bill then made some hot cocoa, hoping it would help calm the brunet.
Dipper was curled into sitting position when Bill walked up to him, his face covered. The blonde set the cup gently down on the table, watching Dipper.
Even as music was playing it was nothing compared to the unsaid words that polluted the air.
Pinetree looks so small, so helpless and so, so alone. Bill didn’t know what to do. He was no good at comforting people. Hell, he couldn’t even comfort himself. However, he couldn’t just sit there and do nothing.
Bill opened his mouth to say something, to casually let Dipper know that his hot cocoa is ready until he heard such a soft noise, the faintest of sounds. It was so loud in his ears, echoing in his brain.
Bill couldn’t stop his body from moving as he leaned down and took Dipper’s chin in his hand, tilting it upwards to see his face. He felt his roommate stiffen. Tears dripped down pale, red cheeks.
And that’s all it took. One person to look at him and Dipper bawled, liquid streaking down his face as he sobbed softly. Bill watched as the brunet covered his face, desperately trying to wipe away the tears only to make himself cry harder.
Bill reached out to touch Dipper’s arm but he jerked away, obviously not wanting to be touched.
Biting his lip, Bill did the only thing he could think of; He took the fuzziest, most warm blanket he could find and scooped Dipper into his arms, sitting back down on the bed with Dipper in his lap. He made sure not to have skin on skin contact, only to envelope the small boy in warmth. To protect him.
Dipper was stiff at first, not sure how to react, but he finally calmed, burying his face in the blanket.
They sat there like that, Dipper in Bill’s arms, shaking and clinging to him desperately. The only sounds in the air were the soft music and the loud wails that echoed from the boy. Bill took it all. Took every sob and every shake with a squeeze. He focused on the music, the gentle sounds that mixed horribly with the cries.
It could have been hours, Bill wasn’t sure, but Dipper finally fell asleep, curled up in Bill’s lap. Bill pet the blanket that covered Dipper’s head gently, not wanting to disturb his slumber. The music stopped long ago, leaving him in silence. But it's okay.
Bill knew he wouldn’t get sleep any time soon, but as long as Dipper was calm and alright, everything was okay.
He didn’t stop himself from leaning down and kissing the top of Dipper’s head. “Goodnight, Dipper.”
-Ceasar Cipher btw-
Okay, can I just say I am so so sorry this wasn't out sooner. Depression hit me like a bus and April was so busy for me.
but anyways, here we are. The fucked chapter no one asked for but I provided. it was tough to write for multiple reasons.
I will remind you guys that I am never going to drop this and there will be a happy ending, you just have to put up with me being so damn slow.
Thank you guys so much for the support, it means so much to me.
Curious about what I'm up to? Find out on my tumblr
I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but hopefully it won't be too long.
Chapter 17: Constant Reminders
What Dipper has been going through since the incident.
Warning: major suicidal thoughts
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The day after the event with Gideon Gleeful Dipper woke up only to realize he was being held by Bill Cipher. His skin crawled and itched, and Dipper found himself getting up. He made his wake to the bathroom, not without struggle, and stripped himself of his clothes.
Sometimes he just stood there, letting the water run down his body, scorching his skin. Most of the time, however, he scrubbed at his body.
He scrubbed harder.
He dug at his skin.
It wouldn’t come off.
The imprint of Gideon Gleeful would be forever stuck on his body.
This happened every morning. He tried to clean his body, to rid himself of the nasty touch, but it didn’t work.
Then came the dreams. A black void, nothing, really. He didn’t have nightmares, just numbness that lasted through each day. He was stripped down, bare and naked, and then left to erode away.
He couldn’t bring himself to go to his classes. The rumors had spread by then, and the gossip would make Dipper’s broken mental stability even worse. All he could manage to do was take a shower, sit in his bed, and sleep. He wanted to forget, to destroy the overwhelming distress that loomed over him.
The moments he was awake, he was tired and barely functioning. The thoughts arrived as well, just in time to bring the blind boy into the dark abyss, taking over his mind, body, and eventually, soul. He was reminded at every single moment that he was useless. Useless, weak, disgusting, trash.
Dipper Pines wanted to die.
Nothing seemed worth it anymore. Even his twin would be better without him. He burdened her way too long. She needed rest.
And so did he.
He began to cut himself two weeks after the incident. He didn’t mean to, Dipper knew it was stupid, but he was tired of feeling numb. The pain shocked him back to life for a few days, but after that, he was desensitized. The only reason he continued to cut into his upper thighs was to prepare himself for when he finally decided to end it all.
Dipper knew that he was allowed to miss so many classes because of his disability and trauma, so he used it to his advantage.
The only time Dipper ever made contact with anyone outside his room was Pacifica and Wirt, who visited him on their free days, updating him on the classes and bringing him notes and classwork he missed. They didn’t speak of the incident. They waited until Dipper opened up to them. He never did though.
Other than that he was left alone. Well, not quite. His roommate would appear and cook for him every morning and night, making sure the brunet was taken care of. Dipper was almost thankful, for if Bill hadn’t fed him, he would have probably starved.
Bill Cipher was being gentle with him, which was out of character, but that didn’t come without a price. The blonde would ask Dipper the same question every day. “ Will you go to your classes today? ”. It annoyed the blind boy to no end. It almost made him wish he was deaf instead of blind.
Today was no different. Dipper woke up with the same numb feeling. He laid there, his body heavy and his limbs weak. Only after what Dipper assumed was an hour, the brunet managed to crawl out of bed. He placed his feet on the cold flooring, sighing softly, before standing and making his way to the bathroom.
After turning the shower on and letting it heat up, Dipper peeled the clothes off his body. Stepping inside, he couldn’t help but let out another sigh as the scorching hot water burned his body. Maybe this will be the day I get rid of this disgusting feeling, he thought.
He clawed at his skin, leaving red marks and scratches all over his body. Dipper ditched the loofah in favor of this method a long time ago.
But, like always, it didn’t work.
After standing it the hot shower for what felt like an eternity, Dipper pulled himself out, albeit reluctantly, and dried himself off. He forced himself to brush his teeth every day. If he didn’t he would feel even nastier than he already was. However, his curly rat's nest of hair remained untouched.
Dipper didn’t realize that he forgot to bring his clothes, besides his boxer briefs, into the bathroom. He was only reminded when he could find the rest of his clothes anywhere. Dipper also knew that once he walked out, Bill would be sitting on his bed, watching him carefully. The Pines boy had no choice but to go out there, so he did.
Dipper hated his stare. It reminded him of how vulnerable he was.
Trying to ignore it, the boy just huffed and sat on his bed, digging through his drawers for clothes.
“Will you go to your classes today?”
Ah, the question.
“No.” Dipper deadpanned, continuing to rummage through his clothes. He couldn't find pants.
Oh, that was a new one.
“Because I don’t want to.”
For a moment, it was silent.
“I can’t fucking take this anymore.”
Suddenly, Dipper was turned and pushed onto his back.
Oh. My. God. I am so fucking sorry for not updating sooner.
This may sound like excuses, but there are a few reasons for my hiatus.
First, I got a job over the summer, which was cool (there was major regret later lmao). Next, I started my senior year and I went back into depression. Then, I had to bring my grades up so I could still graduate early. Afterward, I've been working on college applications while creating a whole other 24 piece portfolio for AP Drawing.
Thankfully, everything went surprisingly well! With hard work, I managed to raise all my grades, graduate early, and get all my applications in! And to show, I've been accepted into both KCAI and MassArts! I'm still waiting on a few other responses tho :).
I am still struggling to get out of my depression, it's a battle I face every day, but I'm slowly getting there. I have so much inspiration and ideas for my portfolio, and I'm motivated by my dreams and the love and support I get from my friends, family, and you!
So I want to say thank you all for your patience. It means the world to me. I will still have a busy life from now on, but I'll always be here to update and give ya'll the goods, through here or tumblr
Chapter 18: Okay
Dipper is shaken back into reality
Hooo boy, I make some pretty empty promises, don't I? I'm honestly so fucking sorry. I don't mean for this to happen. I promise I'll explain everything at the end.
Warning: suicidal thoughts, mentions of rape
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
It was only natural for Dipper’s heart to pound in such a moment. Bill basically pinned him to the bed. He could feel the warmth of his roommate radiate off him.
Dipper couldn’t help but feel nervous. Was Bill going to hurt him? No, unlikely. The older boy has taken care of him this whole time. Then what was it? He knew he was a fuck up, that everything he’s doing is wrong. He knew it.
As Dipper’s mind was racing, he felt long, warm fingers grab him by the chin. “I’m only gonna say this once, kid. So fucking listen.” Bill spoke, his voice deep and stern. Dipper felt the voices in his head silence at the tone, and he laid there rigid as he waited for the next words.
“You lying here every day? It’s pathetic. Straight up. You’re not even trying to get better. Not in the fucking slightest, and that right there pisses me off the most.” Bill spat harshly. “When we first met you were so against showing weakness and refused any help. Now look at you, you’re the exact thing you didn’t want to become.”
Dipper felt something inside him snap at those last words and he sat up, pressing a hand against Bill’s chest. “You think I don’t know that!? You think I don’t know what I’ve fucking become!? I do know, you dick! I know that I’m worthless, that I’m garbage, that I’m nothing!! I know!!!” Dipper squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head hysterically. “You have no idea what it’s like! You don’t know what it’s like to be blind , to not see a god damn thing around you! You don’t know what it’s like to almost be raped , even when you’re a fucking man! The humiliation! The dirtiness and disgust that sticks with me, you’ll never know!!” Dipper couldn’t stop himself from choking up, tears welling in his eyes.
Bill grabbed him by both shoulders and shook him. “I know that! I know that I will never understand what any of that shit is like, but god I am fucking trying! I am trying so damn hard to understand and to be there for you, and I have never tried like this with anyone else, don’t you fucking know that?! But you! You just sit there and push people away, push me away, spouting bullshit like this. I can’t take it anymore!! I can’t take watching you be miserable!! It fucking hurts, Dipper!!!
Dipper suddenly felt something push against his chest. It took him a moment to realize that it was Bill’s face. Arms slid around him and he was enveloped in a warmth that made his heartache. Bill spoke softly. “You need to accept peoples help, dipshit. Accept my help. All I want to do is protect you..” Dipper sat there, quietly listening. After a moment Bill sat up and the brunet could feel his gaze on him. “I want to protect you, but I know you don’t want that. All you want is independence, so I’ll give you that instead. But,” he said sternly again, although his voice was much softer, “You actually have to fucking earn it.”
The instant Bill’s sentence ended Dipper felt as if he was hit with a wave of emotion. Tears rolled down his cheek, and he let out a soft sob. He was so embarrassed. “I don’t know what to do though... It’s unfair. It’s unfair to everyone around me if I’m here… I’m too afraid to fucking speak… I became the weak ass boy who was almost raped... I don’t wanna be weak or a burden… I can’t ask for help…. Why can’t you just let me be?”
Bill laughed bitterly. “You think I know? If this was anyone else I wouldn’t do shit. But this is you. You, Dipper Pines. You made me like this. You made me finally start taking my medication again, You made me start to care about what I do, You made me care about other people, about you .” A finger pressed against Dipper’s chest. “Now it’s time for you to own up to it.”
It was silent after that. Dipper’s head was tilted down slightly, the finger not moving from his chest. He didn’t get it. He didn’t understand why Bill cares so much. But, he could feel warmth bloom in his chest. He felt okay. Scared, but okay.
Dipper finally managed to muster the words, “Okay…. I’ll go..”
Bill relaxed his hand, nudging the brunet’s chin up. “And you’ll go with confidence. Walk those halls with your head held high. It’ll be fucking hard and it’s absolutely terrifying, but you’re strong. You may feel weak right now, and you are, but everyone hits rock bottom. Now, it’s time for you to rise up.” His voice got soft, “I’ll be right here with you.”
Dipper finally realized that he was crying, tears running down his cheeks like a waterfall, but that didn’t contain the soft laughter. “Heh, it kinda sounds like you’re proposing to me.”
A small snicker came from the blonde, “It could be, who knows. Now, get dressed. You gotta head to class.”
Dipper didn’t expect the gentle kiss on his forehead. It was as light as a feather, but it was there. And he wasn’t disgusted. He didn’t want to scratch off his skin and erase everything. He felt okay.
And so Dipper got dressed. He felt tired and weak still from all the sleeping, but he managed to get moving.
Before he knew it, he was already walking to school. Every step felt heavy like his feet were made of lead. He was sluggish, but that didn’t stop him. Just like Bill instructed, he held his head high.
Dipper finally made it to the double doors of the school. He stood there in front of it, unmoving. Thoughts began to fill his head, voice screaming for him to go back, to never show his face. His body began to shake, his head sinking. He was scared. So, so scared. People were going to talk, say things behind his back, that he was dirty and disgusting and shouldn’t exist and that he should kill himself and be over with it I want to be over with it please I can’t do it please no -
Dipper froze once something grazed his right pinky. It was so very gentle, a familiar warmth. The thoughts didn’t go away, they never do, but they were drowned out by the butterflies in his stomach and the loud pound of his beating heart.
He took a deep breath, stood tall, and pushed open the doors.
I’ll be okay.
Okay so uhh, I don't even know where to start?
After the chapter before this one I fell back into depression. Hard. Honestly, It was one of the most difficult times for me. It still is.
I've been fighting with family and struggling to get enough money to pay for college, it's all been really stressful and I do less and less because I'm so overwhelmed. I was also in an abusive relationship for half a year. It was just really rough.
But, I'm finally back on my meds and pulling myself out of it. And, as some good news, I have decided to go to Kansas City Art Institute! Yay! (and I broke up with my ex. thank god.)
It's all really scary, but exciting. It's one of the biggest things I'm looking forward to.
For once in this whole year, things are finally starting to look up. I'm still busy as ever and flaky as shit, but I'm okay.
So, thank you to everyone. All of your support means the world to me. You guys sticking around and putting up with my bullshit warms my heart. I'm so grateful. Thank you, so very much.
I really love you guys. Thanks again.