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Dear Enemy

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Sunday 1st January 2017

Darling Draco,

Is the coast clear? Are you ready for our brunch or is Harry Potter still chained to your bed?

love love love



Sunday 1st January 2017

For Slytherin's Sake Pansy, a far less conniving creature than I would think that you are actually rooting for The Prophet to blackmail me into an early grave. Save your spurious accusations about the contents of my bed for face-to-face interactions, rather than entrusting them to an owl so elderly that it attempted to deliver your letter to Scorpius, two of the marble pillars in the entry way, and the refrigerator before (finally) placing it in my hands.

To answer your question: the coast is not so much clear as rather crowded by one fluffy-haired Gryffindor, but I have no doubt that as soon as he wakes he will be making a swift exit. Give me half an hour?

Begrudging love,



Sunday 1st January 2017

Harry Pot Star!

What time are you coming to collect the kids? Luna wants to start the anniversary ritual at 2.36pm as this is "the moment when we first aligned". By which she means that after 12 years together, 5 house moves, 3 kids, 2 wormeries, and 1 incident of me hexing her best mate while in a labour induced rage, my wife still wants to do kinky sex magic with me while you drag James, Al, Lil, and your own sorry arse around Zonkos all afternoon!


Gin Gin


Sunday 1st January 2017


Congrats on all the impending filthy sex and being the most obnoxious person in the world. I just woke up (thanks to your owl thinking that the only correct way to deliver a letter is into one of the recipient's orifices) and want to take Draco out for breakfast so it'll probably be 1 by the time I get there. That alright?




Sunday 1st January 2017

Oh my little Dragon, are things really that dire? When Greg and I left Potter looked like he would have to be surgically detached from your arm. The fact that he doesn't deserve you is established but last night was the first time that the dolt looked as if he, himself, was aware of that fact. Are you sure you don't need me to come over and hex him for you?

love love love and armed to the teeth,



Sunday 1st January 2017

Dear Benevolent Harpy,

Thank you for at least asking me before you hexed my boyfriend partner lover boyfriend ex-boyfriend boyfriend Harry into oblivion but please, stand down. Yes, Harry was very affectionate, however I doubt that this particular whim will survive exposure to daylight and I have braced myself accordingly. I can now hear him moving around overhead and have ordered the elves to brew tea, come over in 20 minutes and bring a distraction with you?

Your Little Dragon


Sunday 1st January 2017

Whoop! Not so much Harry Pot Star as Harry Porn Star? eh? eh? Christ I can't remember the last time I slept. Just one cup of coffee and the suggestion of Luna's in a transparent shift and I'm as high as a kite. All that and finding out that my favourite spunk supplier has finally stopped pining and started poking? The world is just a mass of rainbows today. Here's to 2017!

See you at 1!



Sunday 1st January 2017

Fucking hell, are you sure that you should be cavorting around in a field with Luna and not heavily sedated in a dark room? Do you remember that posh bistro near Borough Market that Draco was going on about? Thought I might owl for a reservation. We didn't really get much talking done last night and he was looking a bit twitchy when he crept out of bed this morning. Probably thinks I'm only round for a shag, a kip, and a walk of shame.

Lovingly yours,

The Spunk Supplier

P.S. Sod the ritual, use this afternoon to get some sleep, you adorable wanker!


Sunday 1st January 2017

Fairly sure it was The Goblin's Bunion. I'll get some sleep if you stop faffing around with reservations and go and drool all over Draco! Seriously we all miss him, glad you made up.