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Dear Enemy

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Monday 8th August 2016

Good Morning Everyone,

Today's update is slightly longer than usual due to the various events we've got scheduled this week. If I've missed anything please do let me know and can we, please, for the love of our soft furnishings if not your beleaguered Headmistress; stop using the Ministry owls for internal correspondence? I'm aware that there have been quite a few of them fluttering around this week and they are disturbingly easy to steal but, deluded dreamer that I am, I honestly believe that we can best serve our students by not covering their school in bird feces. Until the Ministry starts properly toilet-training their owls let's stick to sharing Agatha.

All the best,

Hermione Granger
Harry Potter's School for Squibs

1. Monday. Protest outside Ollivander's at 11am. The Portkeys will be ready to leave from the entrance hall at exactly 10.30am. 4 students per adult, parents and supporters are meeting us there and a show of strength is vital. Nadine is still eschewing verbal communication so please keep an eye on her and make sure that the spirit of dance does not compel her to smash any more windows. On a related note: Brian has been suspiciously quiet and his badge-maker is missing from the craft cupboard. Let's keep our wits about us and remember; constant vigilance.

2. Wednesday. The Muggle Daytrips begin. Students arrive at 10am and will leave for The Natural History Museum at 11am. Harry is coordinating all their dietary requirement, travel quirks, allergies, etc. If you've volunteered to be a child-supervisor for any of the trips please pop by his office to pick up the revised schedule. If you've volunteered to a parent-supervisor the same applies and I owe you a very, very, big drink. Maybe two. We're hoping to avoid a repeat of last year but, once again, constant vigilance!

3. Wednesday evening. We will be hosting the monthly BAMF (British Association of Magical Friends) meeting. Guest speakers are Blaise Zabini reporting on his experience observing Muggle and Magical #BlackLivesMatter activists in North America and Lee Jordan who will speak about the ways consumers can advocate for a more diverse and representative Magical media. Between 20 and 30 attendees are expected, the caterers are arriving at 5pm and after a quick check this morning I think the wards leading to the children's dormitories, offices, etc will need to be strengthened. If it's your turn (Harry has the rota) please try to get it done by 4pm at the latest.

Re. this last point. Please do not mistake the inclusion of BAMF on this update as an opportunity to reopen the debate re. acronyms. I am aware that, yes, the name is pants but anyone eager to discuss the use of BAME vs. People of Colour vs. Multiracial vs. Visible Minorities will have to wait until I've finished ingesting my own fist. This may take a while. If you have any (genuine) questions re. the organization please contact chairperson: Padma Patel.

4. Harry Watch reports that Mr. Potter has now worked until 11pm for 15 nights in a row, including on his own birthday. This is a new record for The Boy Who Lived To Work Himself To Death. If any of you spot him in the office after 6pm please eject him by any means necessary.

5. Jacob has requested permission to set up an Anti-Bullying Society. The purpose will be to ensure that bullying within the school does not become a problem and to work with similar organizations at both Magical and Muggle Schools. I think that this is a very good idea and was hoping someone could volunteer to supervise them. At the minute this will involve making sure that Brian does not elect himself as the society chairperson, president, secretary and treasurer (we don't want a repeat of what happened to the Chess Club) and potentially supervising trips to other schools. Harry is excluded from volunteering in line with point 4. and our collective desire for him to live to see Puddlemere reclaim the Quidditch Cup (or at least the birth of his next child).


Monday 8th August 2016

Dear Hermione,

Please tell me that Harry Watch is just a (very creepy) charm you've placed on my office and you haven't actually got people spying on me.


The Boy Who Lived To Be Persecuted By Hermione Jean Granger


Monday 8th August 2016

Dear Harry,

You are right. It is completely unacceptable that you find yourself unable to work 20 hours a day without people worrying about you. Why did we even bother fighting Voldemort if you were still going to be persecuted in this manner?



P.S. We've had 3 late applications for the Muggle Daytrips; Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, Martin Briggs-Malfoy and Daisy Narcissa Nott. Yes, you read those surnames correctly.


Monday 8th August 2016


P.S. This can't be real. It's probably just going to be Malfoy, Goyle and Parkinson polyjuiced, if you distract them I can cast a Revelio as they walk through the door.


Monday 8th August 2016

Baddest one you know.

P.S. If I catch you casting anything at those children I will buy James and Al separate subscriptions to the Weasleys' Wizard Weezes Marauders Monthly Mayhem Manual.