Some nights Kylo can feel him, he doesn’t know his name, doesn’t know what he looks like but he just knows that he exists. That he’s a he, that he’s strong and smart and that one day they might meet. He’s afraid to meet him, afraid that he doesn’t deserve his love that he’s not enough will never be enough. He has never been enough, always so weak.
What he’s afraid of the most of is to never meet him, to live forever without knowing his name, the color of his eyes the way his lips would feel. He sometimes wishes that he could see visions of the future but he’s not strong enough with the force to see the future. Snoke says that one day he’ll be powerful enough but that he’s still weak, he’s not enough.
“I can’t sleep” he says and no one answers him because he’s all alone in his room on Snoke’s planet and Snoke has left him alone for now but he swears he hears Me neither spoken softly in his mind in an accent he never heard before and he wishes with all his heart that he could turn around and see the owner of this voice lying next to him and that maybe they could fall asleep together and that maybe he would stop the nightmares, the screaming, the smell of blood the look of pure terror in his friends eyes when he brings his lightsaber down.
Snoke tells him to let go of this thoughts to concentrate on the present that he doesn’t need this person to complete him to make him feel better. The force is all there is, all that he needs and that only Snoke is able to show him the true way, to guide him to the dark side of the force to make him as powerful as Darth Vader. Kylo believes him because Snoke doesn’t lie to him, Snoke knows what is best for Kylo has known it from the first time he felt Kylo’s despair.
He stops looking down at his wrist, stop looking at the words that’ll change his life. He’s too naïve and childish Snoke tells him these words won’t change anything his soulmate is just a person.
Lord Ren, Welcome to the Finalizer.
Is written on his left wrist in a neat hand writing. Snoke believes that Kylo’s soulmate had nothing to do with Kylo’s choices but those exact words made Kylo finally dip into the dark made him rebel against his uncle and kill children, those words made him believe that he will be powerful, that he doesn’t need his family.
He doesn’t need to see the future now to know that Ben Solo is dead, those words are all Kylo needs to know that this is who he is. That he is Kylo Ren.
He starts wearing gloves to hide his mark, he doesn’t care about his soulmate the only thing he cares about is power.
Sometimes when he closes his eyes the first thing he sees is a flash of red light and planets dying.
Hux knew that he was going to have a great military career, when he felt his tattoo appear he didn’t want to look at it, he wanted to ignore it. Having a soulmate would only distract him from his work, but curiosity got the better of him and he had to look.
General Hux, I wasn’t expecting you.
All thoughts of his soulmate disappear the only words that register were General Hux. His dreams will come true he’s on the right pass. He will be general one day. He’s smiling down at his arm it’s a good thing he’s alone.
He’s still staring at his arm rubbing that one line the writing isn’t the best it looks like it’s been written in a hurry.
Hux wants to keep his mark a secret doesn’t want anyone to know his future, wants to keep this secret until the day that he becomes general, it’s a good thing he always wears long sleeves.
Whoever his soulmate is, it’s going to be a long time till he meets them but that Hux doesn’t care about, when he’ll finally meet them, he’ll be a general of the first order and that is all that matters.
That night he doesn’t sleep, actually it's really rare that he sleeps. For him sleep is a waste of time and his brain never shuts up for him to actually go to sleep.
He can’t stop thinking about him being a general about the steps that he needs to take to have his dream come true. How many people would he have to betray? To kill?
In the years that come every time he doubts his self he looks down at his arm and traces the words, one day when he’ll meet his soulmate he’ll have to thank them for making him believe in himself when even he didn’t.