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The Burden of Being Me and You

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Sam wanted to get drunk. He wanted to so badly. He couldn't go down that path again though. He needed his brother but what Dean was telling him was crazy and wrong. He understood that Dean didn't think like humans any longer. In truth, Dean didn't know any better.

Even though he knew he wouldn't leave his brother no matter what, Sam was hurting right now. He was so confused on how to handle Dean the way that he was now. Sam had thought everything was going to be perfectly fine between him and Dean again. He had pictured them joking around, being perfect partners on hunts, having each other's backs and just being brothers again without having any problems. How stupid could he have been? Sure, Dean was his brother but he was undeniably a demon. Demons were dangerous. They didn't have morals and they would do anything to get what they wanted. And what Dean wanted was to protect Sam and stop the apocalypse.

It was true that Dean wasn't like other demons in the fact that he didn't go out on rampages to hurt and kill people on purpose. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to cause harm to people in order to get through a hunt if he found it necessary. Dean was going to take the easiest and quickest way to not only complete their hunts but any task they might face as well. He wasn't going to consider any alternatives because he considered it a waste of time. Sam understood that, he really did but there was no way he could go through with this plan of Dean's.

He pondered his thoughts while he sat on a park bench in the now pouring rain.

Maybe Sam had gone about telling Dean his feelings in the wrong way. He had gotten in his brother's face yet again when he should have probably displayed his feelings to Dean more rationally. Sam felt his tone had been justified but that didn't mean he was right in talking to Dean and leaving him the way he had done. Dean had been through eighty years of pain in Hell and he didn't need any more pain from Sam.

Dean was a demon and he wasn't going to think like he used to, Sam had to talk him out of his ridiculous plans from now on and explain to him the reasons why they couldn't go through the hunt in Dean's way. Things were going to be different now but that didn't mean that it couldn't work. He and Dean would always fit together, no matter what happened to them, Sam was sure of it.

Sam wasn't going to kill the woman and her baby. They were going to find another way and Sam would talk to Dean about it. They could work this out. Not just the case but him and Dean.

Sam wanted nothing else but for them to work out.

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It was on Sam's drive back to the motel that he realized that there was a very strong possibility of Dean not being at the motel. Sam had salted the windows and doors but salt hadn't stopped his brother before. He wasn't worried about Dean wreaking havoc upon the town or hurting people. Even as a demon, Sam felt he knew his brother better than that. Dean wouldn't do such a thing. The reasoning behind Sam's frantic heartbeat was his fear that Dean had gotten so frustrated with Sam that he'd gotten up and left for good and that he'd left Sam alone once again.

No matter what was going to happen Sam knew he couldn't do it without his brother by his side. He just couldn't lose Dean again. He wouldn't.

So Sam's surprise was warranted when he flung open the motel room door and saw Dean sitting on the same spot on his bed.

Black eyes looked up at him and Dean's face remained expressionless as he stared Sam down.

"You came back," he stated.

"Of course I did, I only left to get some time to myself and to think about this."

"You came back." Dean repeated himself. "You never come back."

A sharp pain was tugging at Sam's heart upon hearing those words. Dean had thought Sam would leave as well. Dean thought Sam was going to leave him for good. He didn't know if Dean was referencing Sam 'never coming back' from the times when they were younger or from something that happened to him in Hell. Or both. Any way, it made Sam feel like shit.

Sam had been positive that there was no way a demon's feelings could get hurt, or that demons had feelings at all. Dean had proved him wrong in both aspects.

"I'm sorry I left like what you were telling me to do...you know I can't do that Dean."

Dean seemed to relax a little bit. "I know. I thought about it and I get it. There are other options. Well there's one other option actually but it's something that I don't think you'll agree to."

"Will it prevent the lady from dying?"

"With practice, yeah. It's something I needed to teach you anyway so you can stop Lilith but I wanted to wait a while before telling you about it."

Sam was eager for this news. "If it can save this lady and stop Lilith then tell me. I want to know."

Dean looked reluctant and Sam found his excitement dwindling. He wanted to stop Lilith, but what if this plan was worse than Dean's first one?

"I can't have you freaking out Sam. But I guess no matter how long I wait, it will never be the right time. Just try and hear me out." Dean paused for a moment and waited for Sam to nod. He took a long and deep breath. "I need you to drink my blood."

What the hell.

No really, WHAT THE HELL?

If Sam didn't think Dean was crazy before, he sure did now.

Dean must have been sensing Sam's panic or perhaps expecting it because he hurried on to continue explaining himself. "You have those powers given to you by yellow eyes. Yeah, I know about the demon blood in you, they talked about it all the time in Hell."

He stopped for a moment and looked Sam right in the eyes. "Well you can practice those abilities and make them so strong, strong enough to send demons AND Lilith back to Hell. But you'll need some help, something to power you up a bit. And that's some more demon blood."

"I..." Sam stuttered, he was really at a loss for words. "You...you told me that was what fake-Ruby was going to make me do! She was tricking me and now you are too!"

Dean groaned and stood up right in front of Sam who backed away quickly. "Don't be scared of me. Please don't." Dean held up his hands in an offering of peace. "I have never lied to you Sammy, not once. I know it sounds crazy and this is why I've been dreading telling you. Yes, fake-Ruby was going to have you drink her blood but she was going to make you dependant on her Sam. She was going to make you become so addicted to her blood that it would turn you into someone else."

Dean paused and gave Sam the opportunity to say something but Sam didn't think he could even if he tried.

"She needed you to drink so much of her blood that you became dangerously powerful. You would lose control over yourself and you'd have so much of it coursing through you that you'd be able to actually kill Lilith."

"We don't want to kill Lilith." Sam managed to squeak out and Dean smiled. Other than the black eyes he looked so much like the old Dean right now that Sam felt it getting harder to be scared.

"Exactly. See what I mean about her tricking you? I don't want any of that Sam. I don't want you going batshit crazy and getting high on demon blood. But you do need some. I'm going to keep it very controlled. You're going to get very small amounts at first and learn to control your powers. You're going to have to wait days in-between so you don't get hooked but so it stays in your system. I'll even water it down and give it to you in a mug so it's more normal for you. Are you following me so far?"

"I...I...I think."

"While I'm giving you my blood I'll help you focus on exorcising demons and controlling it so you'll never go too far. You won't need to keep drinking it; it really just helps give you this extra boost. But once you've learned how to control your powers you can learn how to use them on your own, without the blood. I know you don't want to do this and if there was another way, I'd go for it but there isn't."

"And if I don't want to do this?" Sam questioned.

"Then I won't force you. I will never force you to do anything Sam and I will never lie to you. Everything I'm telling you is honest and believe it or not I'm looking out for you. If I didn't care about you I'd be shoving my blood down your throat right now and I wouldn't have put up with you pushing me around when we first got back together."

Sam took a minute to take all this in. It was absolutely insane but he did trust his brother. Dean was being sincere and he could tell Dean didn't want this either but he knew it had to be done.

"I know you're being honest. I believe you. It doesn't make it any less crazy though." Sam looked into his brother's black eyes and Dean stared right back calmly. If Dean had wanted to trick Sam he would have been more desperate and pushy. Dean was leaving this choice down to Sam; he wasn't forcing him into anything.

"It is fucked up, I get it. But hey, think of it this way. It's not some random demon bitch's blood you'll be drinking. It's mine. And even though mine is demon blood we still share the same blood."

Dean did have a point there, they were brothers after all.

"So you're not going to be digesting something that's totally unfamiliar. It will work with your body more since this is still my body's blood which means it's yours too." Dean continued while looking thoughtful. "I don't think it will affect you the same way any other demons' would because it will fit into your system more and blend in with the blood that's already in you. It won't get out of control."

"That's why you needed your actual body back, right? It's why you didn't want to take just anyone."

Dean smirked. "Part of it was, yeah. But in truth I wanted my body back anyway. It's so much nicer riding around in something that's familiar, something that you know how to work. I'm a lot more at ease and calm in my own body than someone else's."

It was strange to think of Dean truly being a black cloud of demon smoke that was controlling his human body. Dean could be in any other random and unfamiliar body right now but still be his brother. It was so, so strange. Sam bet even if Dean left his body and was a floating black cloud, Sam would always be able to recognize him from other demon souls.

"You're telling me you'll only teach me to exorcise demons and not kill them?" Dean nodded. "But I thought we had to kill this next demon. How is exorcising it going to help?"

"This is what I have to teach you. You're going to exorcise it but keep it in your grasp instead of sending it down to Hell. That's where I come in and stab its soul with the knife. It doesn't matter if the demon is in a host or if it's in its true form. The knife will kill it."

Dean was beginning to really irritate Sam. So much information in such a little time was making his head hurt. But he wanted to...no he needed to know all of this. "Wait a minute. You said you were staying out of the actual hunt because the demon would sense you."

"Yeah I did say that, but I thought about what you told me earlier. You would need my help. I'm sure there's something out there, some spell or binding mark that we can use so other demons can't sense me. I'd say hit up Bobby. We have to put this hunt on hold so I can train you anyway."

Sam shook his head and sat down on his bed. He was suddenly extremely tired. "You're kidding right? Bobby will go ballistic if he sees you're a demon."

Dean shrugged. "I'd track down Ruby and ask her about a spell, but she's made it clear she wants nothing to do with this anymore. You contacted Bobby the other week; he's bound to track us down now sooner or later. And you never know, he might handle the situation even better than you."

"I think I'm handling everything pretty damn well if you ask me. Especially after all you told me."

Dean studied Sam and for a moment Sam could have sworn his expression looked soft. "Yeah, you kinda are, bitch."

Sam chuckled despite everything that had happened today. Maybe things were going to work out; he just had to put all his faith in his brother. It shouldn't be too hard considering that he had done so his entire life.

"So jerk, are you going to make me drink some blood or what? Let's get this crap over with."

"Uh-uh. We're doing this right. First we go to Bobby and get me protected. Then we're heading over to Crowley's where you can get used to the blood and where we can practice in peace. Then we're coming back and finishing this thing off before the demon gives birth."

They were quiet for a while before a thought came to Sam.

"How does it form the baby any way, I mean...who's the dad?"

"Silly Sammy, the demon is the dad. You mix together a male demon with a female human and...somehow it forms a half-human half-demon baby in her. No sex needed." Dean giggled like a school girl.

Ohhh boy, they were so screwed.