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“Is this love?”

 

He doesn’t really know how to follow; it’s so hard to know what’s going on in Jimin’s head, especially at times like this. Yoongi gazes up at him, dazed, breathless, and holding on for all he’s worth, eyes half lidded, short nails digging into Jimin’s tanned skin. A long, low, almost painful moan is drawn out of Yoongi as Jimin presses into him, slow and careful. The touch of his hand as it slides up Yoongi’s bare chest is so tender, there’s so much care in the way he caresses the elder’s face before his fingers slide into the messy mint hair. He’s so close but Yoongi can’t help trying to tug him closer, wanting –no needing to feel his warmth all over. He takes guilty comfort from the softness of the duvet beneath him, the feel of the cotton against his naked skin as he’s pushed down into the mattress, pace so slow he could cry. No, he is crying, crystal tears caught in limbo on the ends of fine lashes. It’s so good and so painful and it tugs at his heart. Because Jimin only treats him this way at times like this.

The redhead’s hands slide down Yoongi’s sides, following the contours of his waist and moving out over his hips. Moan after choked moan falls from his lips. It’s all he can do to breathlessly gasp the other’s name, complying as Jimin hooks slender legs over his hips, kneels, and hoists Yoongi into his lap. He grunts softly, then groans as Yoongi’s weight sinks onto him, the elder arching away from him, crying out as the tears finally fall, alongside them, into ecstasy.

Even though his vision blurs and his thoughts turn to static, Yoongi can feel the hands of the younger man, soothing him, coaxing him out the other side, even as they moan in unison, both overtaken by pleasure. Is this really all a lie?

 

“Maybe someday…”

 

“Hyung!” Jimin shrieks, laughing and throwing himself onto Yoongi’s back, making the other man stumble sideways somewhat unsteadily. Yoongi shakes his head to clear it. Honestly, it’s like having whiplash. The first day after is always the worst.

The smile he gives Jimin isn’t quite convincing, but if the redhead notices, he doesn’t say anything.

“Hyung, will you come and play with me and Taehyung?” He gushes, slinging his arm back around Yoongi’s shoulder, only to have it shrugged off yet again.

“I’m not sure that-” He begins, surprised by the rough quality of his own voice when he speaks. Jimin’s eyes widen and then he guffaws loudly, pointing rudely at his hyung as he doubles up with laughter.

“Oh my gosh, hyung, your voice!” He half squeaks, half yells the last word, attracting the attention of the rest of their friends who are approaching from all directions. Yoongi aims a sharp kick at the redhead’s shin.

“This is your fault.” He mutters low enough for no one else to hear. Jimin can’t keep the smug smile off his face, proud of his work. Yoongi is just directing a fiery glare in his direction when a hand firmly cuffs him over the head. He stumbles yet again, but this time Hoseok catches him, setting him upright with a soft chuckle.

“Don’t mistreat your darling dongsaengs!” Seokjin’s voice rings out imperiously.

“I can’t but you can?” Yoongi retorts, looking up at the other through his fringe.

“You’re nobody’s darling.” Jin replies offhandedly. He knows it’s a joke but it still stings. He finds his eyes drawn to Jimin running about with Taehyung.

It’s only later when he’s lying on the grass, Jungkook asleep with his head resting on his stomach that those words really sink in.

“You should stop leading him by the nose…” He hears Taehyung’s low voice sound out.

“I don’t think it’s by the nose, Tae.” Jimin giggles and Yoongi’s stomach plummets. “Anyway, I’m not leading him on, we have boundaries.”

“If you need boundaries, you’re leading him on. We can always tell when something’s gone down because he turns up the next day like a kicked puppy and you’re higher than ever. This has got to stop.”

“Or we could date?” Yoongi’s stomach momentarily soars, before he hears the snort that accompanies that comment. Never mind.

Chapter Text

 

“When you turn off the lights, I get stars in my eyes~”

 

How does he always end up back here?

Yoongi kneels on the bed, head resting back against Jimin’s shoulder whilst the younger man touches everywhere he can reach from his position against Yoongi’s back. His delicate fingers outline Yoongi’s collarbones then slither lower, tracing Yoongi’s ribs, one pair at a time. He whispers into Yoongi’s ear.

“You’re gorgeous…” Yoongi can feel himself filling with warmth, with want, with… love… He jerks as Jimin presses his bottom ribs inwards, fingertips pressing against his stomach. It feels unsettling – he’s sure they moved – but it also feels incredibly good. He likes to relinquish himself to Jimin. Even if he knows that it means a different thing for each of them. His hands fumble for Jimin’s hips. The younger grinds against him, pulling him ever closer. One arm constricts around his waist and he tries, and fails, to keep his breathing even. He whines as the remaining wandering hand dances tantalisingly around the one place he truly wishes to be touched. He almost begs for it. Almost. And then Jimin is pulling away. He gently spins Yoongi round and presses him into the bed, lying on top of him with one thigh between Yoongi’s parted ones. Yoongi’s breath hitches unmistakably the first time Jimin rolls his hips, and he finds himself gazing up into the softest, kindest eyes as he responds in kind, forcing them both closer to the brink. I love you. He thinks. I think…

 

“Slightly broken’s just what I need“

 

He does it absentmindedly. Sometimes his mind forgets that Jimin isn’t up for day to day affection, that he doesn’t particularly like to even touch Yoongi in passing when there are others about. But his extreme reaction when Yoongi’s hand absently slides up his thigh from his knee when they’re watching a film with the others, squished next to each other on Seokjin’s sofa, certainly reminds him. The younger man literally bats his hand away, hard, a look of annoyance plain to see on his rounded face. Yoongi jumps and pulls his hand away and Taehyung gives Jimin a weird look from beside Yoongi. A ‘what was that for’ kind of look. Even if he doesn’t show it, that’s how Yoongi feels. They organised beforehand for Jimin to stay over at Yoongi’s tonight so what just happened is nothing compared to what they’ll get up to later. Yoongi isn’t sure that he’ll ever understand. But he does understand one thing; despite Jimin’s insistence that this is all just a bit of fun between friends, something that gives mutual benefits, Yoongi is starting to feel something. He’s developed feelings for Jimin. And the vibes he's getting off Jimin recently… They aren’t just friendship, right?

“Not now!” Jimin hisses and Yoongi sighs, folding his hands in his lap. He’s mildly but pleasantly surprised when Taehyung takes one up in his own, rubbing small circles on the back, an apology in his eyes. He kind of wishes that Taehyung didn’t know about their set up. But when Jimin’s being an ass (a.k.a. most of the time), it’s nice to have someone to go to. The others kind of know he supposes, but they don’t know the details like Taehyung does. They don’t realise there’s such an imbalance.

Yoongi sighs again, allowing Taehyung to keep hold of his hand, and tries his best to focus on the film but his concentration is long gone.

Chapter Text

 

“Please wrap your drunken arms around me…”

 

It’s rare that Yoongi is the one in control but he certainly enjoys the times when he is. This time they are both more than a little tipsy. They’re at a party and Jimin dragged Yoongi to an empty room, insisting that he wanted him right now over and over as he tugged the green haired man through the crowds.

It has to be now.

Yoongi leans down and presses a wet kiss to Jimin’s jawline, his hand sliding over firm abs, fingers hooking in the waistband of the younger man’s skinny jeans. Jimin turns his head, mouth meeting Yoongi’s with a contented hum as his hands come up to cup the other’s cheeks. Yoongi’s fingers unbutton and unzip both his jeans and Jimin’s in a practiced motion, pushing his own jeans down on his hips before transferring his hands back to Jimin’s abs. He presses Jimin down on the sofa, returning his kiss and appreciating Jimin’s soft touch.

~

A breathy noise leaves Yoongi’s lips as he sinks down on Jimin, steadied by the tight grip of the younger’s hands on his hips. He can’t help but be affected by the praise tumbling from Jimin’s pink lips and, when he feels able, he leans slowly forwards, small hands placed on Jimin’s chest, and nibbles on that plump bottom lip. He doesn’t know if it’s arousal or something else that’s running through his veins, connecting them for now but he doesn’t want it to stop.

Beneath him, Jimin’s pupils are blown wide and his focus is on Yoongi and Yoongi alone. His thumb strokes across Yoongi’s cheek as they move together slowly.

“These are my favourite times…” Jimin breaths, eyes not leaving Yoongi’s as his other arm slides around the elder’s hip to his back before affectionately trailing up his spine. And Yoongi… Yoongi can barely breathe, filled with joy by those simple words. He can feel it flooding through him, chasing out the doubts and he wants to tell him. He wants to say those words.

I love you.

 

“Love’s a word you never learned.”

 

Yoongi knows there isn’t really anything between them but it’s still a shock when he catches Jimin in the act with someone else. It’s at another party when it happens and it’s purely coincidence that Yoongi found out. The place was so big and, in all honesty, Yoongi had no idea that Jimin was even there. He’s just wandering, trying to find somewhere even remotely quiet so that he can talk to Hongbin instead of yelling at him but in this house which is mostly open plan downstairs, that’s a little challenging. He walks down a curved corridor with various archways but many of the rooms are already reasonably full. Yoongi continues walking, Hongbin following closely. He can see an archway up ahead that’s dark, so hopefully there’s no one there.

He’s wrong.

Yoongi stops dead in the archway, soft music and softer gasps reaching his ears as he stares, a lump forming in his throat, eyes stinging. The unmistakeable profile of Jimin, illuminated by the moonlight, sat on a low sofa with someone in his lap, facing away from him, back arched and head thrown back as Jimin’s hands grip their thighs harshly, holding them open. It’s so clear to Yoongi what is going down. For a moment it’s like he just stops. He doesn’t breathe, his blood freezes in his veins and he comes to a standstill.

He says nothing, fighting down the strong and unfounded sense of betrayal threatening to overwhelm him. They are nothing to each other. Just an easy fuck. It's never been as obvious as now.

He pushes past Hongbin and stalks away.

Chapter Text

 

“I’ll let you call me yours tonight”

 

He can’t get into it this time. Something’s missing… or broken… The mood just isn’t there. Yoongi lies, propped against the pillows on Jimin’s bed, the redhead’s hands rubbing his sides under his t-shirt, his mouth against Yoongi’s neck, but Yoongi is barely responding. His arms remain by his sides as his head lolls to one side, eyes half shut. Apathetic. His general disinterest isn’t preventing him from getting aroused per se, but it’s taking away the enjoyment.

The compliments that leave the younger’s mouth fall on deaf, uncaring ears.

“Do you actually want this?” Yoongi’s brain takes a moment to catch up to what’s being said. The hands remain on his body, thumbs now pressing against his protruding hip bones and Jimin’s lips still at his throat.

“Yes.” He responds almost automatically, not even bothering to open his eyes and look at the other man. The hands withdraw and Yoongi finally opens his eyes fully as Jimin sits back, resting on the elder’s thighs. “What?”

“You’re lying Yoongi.” Jimin murmurs, biting his lip. His eyes are soft with a just a hint of sadness dwelling in them and Yoongi can't even begin to decipher his expression. So instead, he takes one of Jimin's hands and presses it firmly to his crotch.

"You can feel how much I want it can't you?" He says, trying to sound sincere. He doesn't particularly know why he's doing this because Jimin is right; Yoongi doesn't want this. Images of Jimin and that other person are flashing before Yoongi's eyes… messy red hair and a back arched in pleasure... familiar fingers digging into unfamiliar thighs… soft breathy moans emanating from the moonlit couple… Yoongi is actually rather pissed off. Naturally. "I want you." He says. Only you.

He does mean that.

~

And that's how he ends up in this position, on his knees with Jimin behind him, one hand on the elder’s hips, the other pressing on his back and forcing his chest onto the mattress. Yoongi didn't know his body could do this until now. His hands scrabble for purchase, fisting in the sheets. He gasps and whines; this isn't the usual gentle, caring, pampering sex. This is rougher but it feels amazing. He’s probably gonna have bruises from this.

He drools a little bit.

"You're doing so good." Jimin praises and that's enough for Yoongi.

It feels as if there are thousands of tiny, pleasurable explosions going off throughout his skull as he is overtaken by bliss, shuddering and drooling even more.

He wonders what Jimin’s thinking as he follows soon after.

 

“I’ll give you what you like.”

 

Yoongi wakes up to his mobile ringing and, as he struggles to prise his reluctant eyes open, wonders who would be stupid enough to phone him in the morning. He rolls over with an irritated groan and picks up the damn thing. He briefly considers chucking it at the opposite wall and watching it shatter into thousands of tiny, shining pieces, but, well, that would be a teensy bit dramatic and so he blindly answers the call.

“What.” It’s not even a question, just a statement expressing his annoyance.

“Ah, hyung, you were asleep?” Despite everything, Jimin’s bright voice manages to bring a smile to his face. And then he remembers seeing Jimin with someone else.

“Yes of course I was asleep,” he mutters, refraining from cursing, “what do you want?”

“Wow, so aggressive so early in the morning...” Jimin muses and Yoongi actually growls. He just wants to sleep or for Jimin to explain why it was necessary to disturb him. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry hyung! But I wanted to take you to the amusement park so I had to wake you early!” Yoongi is a little stunned. Jimin wants to spend time doing something with him other than having sex…? Alone? All negative thoughts leave his head.

“R-really?” He asks, not quite believing his ears; it’s been so long…

“Yes, I’ll come get you real soon so get dressed!”

“Uh… uhm… wha-?” Yoongi is still stuttering when Jimin hangs up with a laugh a few moments later. This sounds awfully like a date. Jimin wants to take him on a date? Does not compute…

He rolls over a bit further, mind preoccupied and falls out of bed.

“Fuck!”

~

“Hyung, we match!” Jimin exclaims as soon as Yoongi opens the door, making him flinch. It’s true though. He doesn’t know exactly how it happened but they’re both wearing pale skinny jeans, oversized t-shirts and matching, patched denim jackets. He takes one look at Jimin and walks straight to his room.

“I’m getting changed.” He states, attempting to shut the bedroom door before Jimin follows him in and failing epically, almost hitting the younger in the face with it. “Sorry about that…”

“You really aren’t though.” Jimin notes, watching as Yoongi drops the denim jacket on the floor, slipping on a bomber jacket instead. He shimmies out of his jeans and pulls on a pair of darker, ripped ones. “Well now you just look scary.” Jimin comments then yelps as Yoongi grabs him by the wrist and drags him out of the apartment, snatching up his phone, key and wallet on the way.

“We’re done here.” He states. He really isn’t awake enough to be dealing with anyone yet. “Who’s driving?”

“Me!” Jimin announces happily. “You might kill us. And you could at least try to be civil hyung, I’m trying to treat you~” Okay, Yoongi blushes a little at that.

~

Yoongi sleeps through the car ride in an attempt to make up for being awoken at an ungodly hour. He wakes to a soft touch that lingers on his jaw and Jimin’s gorgeous smile. He wonders if Jimin intends to be this… sweet the entire day.

It seems like he does. He sticks close to Yoongi’s side and they take it in turns to pick rides throughout the day. Jimin buys candyfloss – to match Yoongi’s hair he says – and so Yoongi wins a stuffed toy for Jimin at one of the stalls. It continues all day; the little things.

They stay until it gets dark. Yoongi finally realises just how late it is when he stumbles out of a hall of mirrors, vaguely disorientated and sees one of the most beautiful sights he’s ever seen. The sky is a deep royal blue, a rich backdrop for all the rides and stalls around them, lit up in an array of bright and colourful lights. He gazes up in awe, slowly turning on the spot as he tries to take it all in.

It’s amazing. The twinkling lights surround them and Yoongi doesn’t think he’s ever been happier.

“Hyung isn’t it awesome?” Jimin gasps. Yoongi agrees.

~

He’s a little regretful when Jimin finally drops him home. He’s never had time like this with Jimin recently. Not since they became something more than friends. It had almost felt like Jimin was avoiding him. Today had been more like the old times and he doesn’t want to let the feeling go, this hazy, happy feeling that’s filling him up. He feels like he’s floating. He catches the front of Jimin’s jacket in his hand as he stands just inside his front door and the younger man stands just outside.

“Do you have to go, Jimin?” He asks and for a moment, almost imperceptibly, Jimin’s smile freezes in place, but then it turns playful.

“What happened to the hyung who didn’t even wanna get up this morning?” He teases and Yoongi lets go of him.

“You.” He replies softly. Jimin pauses, frowning.

“I’m sorry, hyung, but I do have to go okay?” Yoongi nods and watches as Jimin hesitates on the threshold. Then he quickly steps in, brushing a soft kiss against Yoongi’s cheek and runs out before the green haired man can try to make him stay any longer.

Yoongi stands in the doorway, dumbfounded, fingertips pressed to his cheek where Jimin’s lips were just moments before. He doesn’t know how to feel.

What do you think about me?

Chapter Text

“…say it at least tonight…”

 

Yoongi lets out a choked moan as his fingers tighten in Jimin’s hair. He can’t catch his breath and Jimin’s fingers inside him and his hot mouth around him aren’t helping. His thoughts are cloudy, incomplete sentences drifting through his mind as he writhes on his bed.

He jolts when Jimin finally finds that one spot and swears loudly, head snapping back. Oh that felt so good. One of his legs is hooked over Jimin’s shoulder, limiting his movements somewhat. But it doesn’t matter because Jimin knows exactly how to please Yoongi. Neither of them can really remember a time when he didn’t. Jimin moves to kiss his inner thigh, whispering against the smooth skin.

“You look best like this…” Yoongi tugs on his hair a little but Jimin doesn’t comply, instead moving to Yoongi’s other thigh. Jimin’s fingers press that spot again and Yoongi’s hands reflexively clench in the red hair, making the redhead moan. He gazes up at Yoongi from between his legs with eyes filled with such warmth thinly veiled by want that Yoongi almost wants to cry. His mind is filled with memories of their not-quite date, a day spent together with no expectations and no goal, and one that turned out so lovely.

“I love you.” He breathes out, saying the words aloud for the first time and regretting it almost instantly; there is no room for love in this set up. There’s no immediate backlash, but there’s no confirmation either. Jimin’s eyes close as he moves to mark Yoongi, a noncommittal hum his only true response. Yoongi’s hands fall from the younger’s hair. He feels his heart stutter painfully in his chest. He’s pretty sure he’s just ruined everything. His stomach turns, not from pleasure, but from strong and sudden fear. He’d rather have Jimin like this, that’s still something. What if Jimin wants to cut him off-?

“Your thighs,” Jimin murmurs against the bruise he’s left, “They’re so soft~” He smiles, eyes still closed. When he opens them, they are filled with the same warmth as before, to Yoongi’s relief, but there’s something more… Something he can’t quite put his finger on. Yoongi nods, forcing the unrelenting feeling that he’s made a huge mistake away for now. Just deal with right now. He thinks. “I can’t get enough of you.” Jimin carefully moves Yoongi’s leg from his shoulder, crawling over the other man. “May I…?” It would have been nice if Jimin had said it back though. If he could have, but Yoongi decides to stop wishing and let himself be comforted by Jimin’s kind words and their bodies against each other.

He gives himself up to Jimin, it’s what he knows best how to do.

 

“So don’t turn on the lights~”

 

Yoongi avoids talking to Jimin for as long as possible, which isn’t very long as it turns out. He doesn’t want his fragile house of lies, in which he can hide and pretend that he didn’t fuck everything up, to come tumbling down. He wants to pretend that Jimin had returned his feelings. Ignorance is bliss and if he doesn’t talk to Jimin, Jimin can’t tell him that he doesn’t like him.

He’s lying on the sofa, resting his head in Taehyung’s lap and skilfully avoiding the younger’s questions when the doorbell rings. He groans. The door is so far away and he cannot be bothered to go answer it. So he’s quite happy when Taehyung offers to answer it instead. He turns over on the couch in the meantime, trailing the fingers of one hand over the floor and gazing into space.

“Yoongi?” His hand stills at the voice. Jimin? He sits up slowly, eyes dragging over the floor and then up Jimin’s legs and torso to his tense looking face. Yoongi can’t meet his eyes. Instead, he glares at Taehyung.

“Why did you let him in?” He hadn’t intended for his voice to come out so venomous but he can’t take it back now.

“What?” Taehyung asks, taken aback. “Okay… I still don’t know what’s happened because neither of you will tell me, but you two clearly need to talk. I’m leaving, thanks for having me.” And with that, he turns and leaves, grabbing his things and hurrying out. Yoongi darts after him, calling for him to stay but the other man closes the front door behind him just before the green haired man gets there.

Reluctantly returning to the living room, Yoongi finds Jimin still standing in the centre and looking a little lost.

“We do have to talk.” Jimin mumbles without looking up. Yoongi really doesn’t like the sound of that. He crosses to the sofa and sits on the floor in front of it, leaning against it and tucking his knees up to his chest, hugging them close and making himself as small as possible. After a minute, Jimin joins him, sitting a calculated distance away from the green haired man. “I don’t… I-” Jimin begins but Yoongi interrupts.

“I meant what I said…” He swears Jimin flinches a little and the redhead is suddenly at a loss for words. Yoongi wants to take those words back as soon as they are out but his mouth has a mind of its own. “But you don’t feel that way about me, right…?” Jimin bites his lip as Yoongi trails off, suddenly shy and really not wanting to hear the response.

“I think we should stop.” Jimin whispers and that actually hurts more than if he’d just agreed.

“Why won’t you answer me?” Yoongi asks and his voice cracks. He turns to face Jimin, his stomach feeling hollow, empty, his head pounding. “Can’t you just say you don’t like me so I can move on?” He doesn’t want to know but he needs to know. He doesn’t need to know but he wants to know.

Jimin finally meets Yoongi’s eyes, giving him a pained look. He takes a deep breath.

“I don’t like you...” Yoongi’s breath escapes in a rush of air. He can feel tears prickling in his eyes, sudden, sharp pain in his chest. It’s as if he’s just been punched. Jimin’s voice when he continues is uncharacteristically shaky, wavering a little uncertainly. “Let’s stop.”

“I don’t want you to say that anymore.” Yoongi mutters, shaking his head. “Why did you say that?” He sounds so hurt but inside he feels kinda… disconnected. Like this is actually happening to someone else and he’s just eavesdropping.

“You asked me to…” Yoongi nods absently as the first stray tear makes its way down his cheek.

“I asked you to.” He repeats. Of course I did, I needed to hear it. He nods again. Of course he did. That doesn’t mean he was prepared for the pain. Jimin doesn’t respond, only balling his hands into fists as he watches Yoongi shake, staring distractedly across the room as his eyes overflow with tears. The suffocating silence in the room is only broken by the occasional soft gasp from the green haired man crying on the floor. Surprisingly, he is the first to break the silence; a quiet, unsteady yes.

Jimin blinks and a tear of his own finally spills. He wants to reach out and pull Yoongi close, to hold him, but he can’t; he’s the one who made him feel like this.

“What?” The younger man asks.

“Let’s stop.” Yoongi replies, still gazing off into the distance, face blank but still wet. “We’ll stop.”

Chapter Text

“I’ll give you one last chance to hold me.”

 

He shouldn’t have agreed to that one last request. Jimin shouldn’t have asked him. Yoongi hadn’t felt he could say no. Something about Jimin as he left that day after they agreed to stop everything was just so pitiful and Yoongi was so drained. He just didn't have the heart to turn Jimin down when he asked if they couldn't meet one last time, if he could just touch Yoongi one last time.

He should have said no. But he couldn't.

~

Yoongi checks the state of his bedroom one last time. He doesn't know why he's so nervous; he's never cared about this before, about whether there were clothes on the floor or if his desk was a mess. All that mattered was whether he had fresh sheets. And condoms.

It's because they haven't spoken since. Except to agree a time for Jimin to come over. They haven't even told Taehyung about this. Mostly because he'd put an immediate end to it. For a moment Yoongi considers phoning him up and telling him right now. He can deal with the inevitable shit storm, right? Right? But at the same time he kind of wants this, this last time together so that they can put everything to rest.

He jumps when the doorbell rings. The familiar sound is far too loud in the tense quiet of his apartment. He takes a deep breath and goes to answer the door.

"Hi," Jimin breathes, his eyes studying Yoongi's face as soon as the door opens, "it's good to see you." Yoongi only hums in agreement, not trusting his voice, and beckons the younger in. Jimin stands awkwardly in the hallway as Yoongi shuts the door, leaning his head against the painted wood. This is a mistake. He jumps when Jimin lays a gentle hand on his shoulder. "If you've changed your mind, that's okay." His voice is so gentle.

Yoongi turns, shaking his head.

"How about we talk a little?" He ventures. Jimin nods in confirmation and makes as if to enter the living room until Yoongi stops him. "No, let's go to my room." He says, finding a smidgen of confidence somewhere inside himself and hanging on tight. He pulls Jimin by the hand and pushes him onto the bed. "Sit right up against the pillows." Jimin does and Yoongi climbs onto the bed crawling after him. You can do this. He moves right up to Jimin and straddles his lap, the redhead's hands settling naturally on Yoongi's hips as he does. "You redyed your hair." He murmurs, threading his fingers through the soft strands, noticing the slight shiver that runs through the younger in response.

"Yes." Yoongi's own hair is faded. The once vibrant green now pale and worn out. "You didn't." Their conversation is stilted. Yoongi can't tell if it's because there's too much to say or not enough. Either way he decides to put an end to it. He tightens his hold on the younger's hair, forcing him to tilt his head back, their lips barely brushing in an unusually soft kiss. He lingers there, admiring Jimin's exquisite face from his soft, rounded cheeks to his plump, parted lips to his rich, warm eyes. Eyes that are gazing back at Yoongi steadily. They stay for a moment, two statues entangled, locked in place by the heavy tension hanging between them.

Jimin's hands suddenly tighten their grip on Yoongi's hips, nails digging through Yoongi's shirt and eliciting a faint moan from the elder. The moment breaks and Jimin takes control, flipping them over so that Yoongi is gazing up at him, hands still buried in red locks. He doesn't know what to expect.

~

If anything, Jimin is more caring than usual. His words consist of a steady stream of compliments and encouragements, his touch is delicate, almost reverent and it's all too much. There's too much emotion pent up inside Yoongi and he can't help but let it out. He has no idea when he started crying but it seems unlikely that he'll ever stop. The tears continue to form as soft moans drift from his mouth. The man above him has caused him so much joy and pain and he's just so confused. Jimin's thrusts are slow and deep. One hand is at Yoongi's face, wiping away every tear as it spills.

"Don't cry, Yoongi. You're too beautiful for that." He coos, his own voice uneven and cracking and it finally dawns on Yoongi that Jimin is crying too. He wipes his eyes and, sure enough, there are tears brimming in the younger's eyes. The elder reaches up slowly to brush them away. Jimin stills under his hand.

"I don't want this to end." Yoongi whispers and watches as Jimin half smiles through the tears.

"I'm sorry for doing this to you." Is all he says in response before Yoongi tugs the younger man down on top of him, moaning a little with Jimin still deep inside him. "I-I don't want this to end either..." He sounds so uncertain that it makes Yoongi's heart ache.

"Then can we just sleep?" He asks.

"Sure…"

 

“I’ve got this scene in my head~”

 

There’s a pleasant, comforting feeling surrounding them both when they wake up in the morning, tangled together, Jimin’s head resting on Yoongi’s chest.

“Good morning, hyung,” Jimin murmurs and Yoongi blinks back at him, still sleepy. Jimin rises from the bed with a laugh and saunters off declaring that he’s gonna take a shower. Yoongi doesn’t even pretend to hide how he watches Jimin’s naked form moving out of sight. He rolls over, pulling the blankets tighter around himself and drifts back to sleep.

~

He sits at the dining table in a slightly dazed state, watching in silence as Jimin eats like there’s no tomorrow. Yoongi, on the other hand, isn’t feeling particularly hungry and has already eaten the single apple that made up his meagre breakfast. He wonders how much of his food the younger intends to eat.

When Jimin’s finished, they adjourn to the living room. Yoongi is hesitant to ask Jimin to leave; he wants to hang onto this rich, warm feeling that seems to hang in the air around them. He leans against the arm of the sofa, feeling Jimin’s eyes on him as he fidgets a little.

“Can we try again?” Jimin asks and Yoongi whips round to look at him, face blank. Jimin looks earnest. “Can we try and actually date, Yoongi?” Yoongi hesitates, heart fluttering in his chest. He can imagine it, dating Jimin. He can imagine how good it could be. But then he thinks about all the times Jimin’s hurt him and his mood dips and sours, the fluffy atmosphere dissipating in an instant.

“I don’t think I can…” He replies carefully.

“Why not?” Jimin shoots back immediately, simultaneously offended and taken aback. Yoongi blinks, slowly.

“I saw you…” He whispers. A frown flickers across Jimin’s face. Yoongi can see it now again, so clear. At that party. Jimin dishevelled and aroused, that arousal directed at someone else; the shadowy figure arching against him and moaning in tandem with him. Yoongi shakes his head in an attempt to clear it. “I saw you with someone else…” He clarifies. “At a party a few weeks ago. Hongbin took me. He was with me when…” He trails off, unable to continue, eyes glued to the redhead’s face. Jimin looks irritated.

“Okay,” he concedes, “but we weren’t dating then.” For a moment Yoongi is stunned into silence. He didn’t know how Jimin would react to being confronted but he certainly never expected Jimin to try to brush it off like this. He can almost see the logic. Almost. If they hadn’t agreed to tell each other if they were going to hook up with other people when they first started this whole arrangement. You kept it from me.

“Just tell me it was a onetime thing,” Yoongi offers, “that was the only time, right?” Jimin’s eyes narrow and Yoongi is overwhelmed by a sudden, unpleasant sinking feeling.

“That… In regards to that…” Jimin pauses, eyes flickering away momentarily before returning to Yoongi’s, gaze hard and unwavering. “I don’t owe you anything.” The words cut through Yoongi like a knife and he can’t help the soft gasp he releases. It hurts so much.

“And yet you were asking about dating?” He manages, scorn colouring his voice. The expression on Jimin’s face changes to surprise at the fierceness of Yoongi’s words. “Are you being serious right now?” His voice is cutting. He wants to kick himself for even considering Jimin’s request for a moment. And he wants to take back the sex from last night. No, he wants to take back all of it.

“I-” Jimin begins, backtracking fast, suddenly realising that he’s made a massive mistake. Yoongi is filled with sudden, broiling rage.

“Get. Out.” Yoongi says, the words firm and commanding, fire in his eyes. He has more self-respect than this. He isn’t going to let Jimin drag him around any longer. Jimin makes no move to leave. “GET THE FUCK OUT!” Yoongi screams. His voice cracks but he doesn’t care. Jimin stands from the sofa immediately.

Yoongi stalks out of the room and into his bedroom, snatching up Jimin’s bag before returning to the living room. He flings the bag at the younger man who barely catches it, eyes wide and mouth hanging open in shock; Yoongi never shouts.

Yoongi’s voice drops low.

“You don’t get to play with me anymore. I thought I asked you to leave.” And Jimin does, shaking a little as he hurries out. “Don’t come back.”

Yoongi stays exactly where he is until he hears the front door bang shut. Then, he collapses to his knees, the fight suddenly leaving him and tears streaming down his face. He doesn’t know if he did the right thing. He falls sideways, sprawling on the carpet and stays there.

After a few minutes, he pulls his phone from his back pocket and dials Taehyung.

“All I want is to forget…”

Chapter Text

It’s raining but he doesn’t care; he’s already thoroughly soaked through. His hair, now a truly dank shade of faded green, is plastered to his face and neck and the white shirt he has on has adhered itself to his skin. It turned see-through long ago but he pays it no heed. His trousers are just as wet as the rest of him, hugging his legs unpleasantly as he looks out over the balcony railing to the city beyond and below him.

His feet, bare and frozen, walk him a little closer to the edge as his icy fingers struggle to keep their grip on the wine glass in his hand, now containing a dilute mixture of white wine and rainwater. The city stretching out before him is beautiful even in the damp darkness, thousands of lights illuminating it even at night. A city never truly sleeps. There’s so many people all around him. Not just in this apartment block, but in all those around him, still moving about the streets even at 11pm at night, bustling, living, getting along with their happy, busy lives. It’s amazing really, to think about. Even when he feels so empty, so hopeless, there’s so many people around him. Someone is probably having the best day of their life right now and here he is, allowing the cold and the rain to encompass him and make him their own. He steps to the edge of the balcony, the railing digging into his stomach, and gazes down over the edge. Someone below waves up at him and, hesitantly, he raises his free hand to respond, feeling the beginnings of a smile forming on his face, lips wanting to turn up, a little bit of warmth seeping back into him.

“Yah! Yoongi! What the fuck are you doing!?” A voice yells from inside. He’s left the doors to the balcony slightly open. “Get back inside!”

He finally allows the smile onto his face as he turns back, slowly pushing the doors open with a shaky hand, shivering violently. He locks the balcony doors behind him, sets the wine glass down on the mantelpiece and moves further inside, dripping on the wooden floor.

“I’m coming!”

 

fin