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Sexual References

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“Listen, I feel we’ve gotten off to a bad start here. Let me make it up to you. You need anything? A little ginger tea—no, you don’t drink. Chocolate?” Quark leaned over the bar to leer at the shapeshifter. “Maybe… companionship?”

The shapeshifter stared at him. It was difficult to read his disconcertingly smooth face; humanoid facial expressions were probably not natural to him, but he seemed to have bewilderment down pretty well. Gul Dukat laughed, and Quark couldn’t help but join in.

“That’s a sexual reference, investigator,” he snickered helpfully. The shapeshifter’s smooth brow furrowed. He was even better looking angry than he was looking bewildered.

Er, better at looking angry. Ahem.

“As I suspected.”

“I’ll leave you two to it,” Gul Dukat chortled, patting the shapeshifter companionably on the shoulder as he left. The shapeshifter stiffened at the touch, but did not look away from glaring at Quark.

“What’s your name, shapeshifter?” asked Quark, the leer returning to his face.

“Odo. Now If you’ll excuse me, I’ll—“

“Hold on,” Quark interjected. “You ever had any companionship, Odo? That neck trick seems to go over awfully well with the Cardassians, if you know what I mean.”

Odo’s scowl deepened, carving lines into his soft cheeks. “I have neither the need nor the desire for such activities.”

“Really?” Quark was actually rather surprised that Odo had no experience at all. He knew a few folks who would pay good money for the chance to go at it with an alien who was so… adaptable. “You’re not curious?”

“I have no time for—”

“You’ve taken a humanoid shape,” Quark pointed out. “You’re dabbling in humanoid affairs, but you don’t think humanoid sex is worth your time?” He laughed and pointed at Odo’s head. “You even bothered to mimic hair!”

Odo went silent, staring at Quark with an indecipherable expression. “I could teach you how it’s done,” offered Quark, leaning forward and adopting the Business Voice, “And for no additional cost!”

“You have experience in this arena?” Odo scoffed.

“Of course,” said Quark, a little offended. “I’ll have you know most beings accept my propositions.” Well, that was a lie. “You could probably call me as an expert witness in one of your trials, in fact.”

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary.”

Quark didn’t pull away. “I remain at your disposal.”

“And what do you get out of this?“

“Pure carnal satisfaction.” Not a lie. Quark would count himself among those intrigued by the notion of sex with a shapeshifter.

“I thought you were having all kinds of sex.”

“Never with an alien quite like you.” Quark flashed his best lascivious grin.

But Odo suddenly recoiled, putting the space back between them. “I am not here to entertain.”

“Hey, hey! It’s not like that! We'll keep it vanilla, okay? I’ll just be showing you a thing or two about humanoids.” Quark narrowed his eyes. “That’s the real reason you came here, isn’t it?”

There was a pause during which they stared tensely at one another. “Fine,” said Odo primly. “Where do we do it?”

Quark tried not to look too excited. This was going to be fun. “I’ll get my brother to cover my shift. Follow me.”


"Well?” Said Odo.

“Wow. You really do have no idea how it’s done.”

“If I did, I wouldn’t be here.” They were standing in Quark’s bedroom, which was miraculously tidy and free of contraband that night.

"First things first, you need to take off at least one layer of clothing. I suppose we don’t have to get completely naked on your first go around, but–”

Odo cocked his head. “I’m not wearing any clothing.” Quark rolled his eyes.

“Right, right, the freaky shape shifting.” He shrugged out of his overcoat, but left his pants and button down alone. “Let’s start simple. Put your hands on my ears.”

Odo did as he was told. His thumbs rested on the inner folds and his fingers cradled the outer lobe. It was… nice, but hardly oo-mox.

“Now you just rub back and forth.” Odo did, rather gently. The softness of the gesture made Quark antsy. “You don’t have to be so wimpy about it. My ears can take it.”

Odo glared at him, and squeezed. Quark hoped the resulting moan was communication enough that Odo was on the right track, because his words weren’t working at the moment. “Yes… you’ve got it,” he gasped when his voice returned. “Ack! Don’t stop doing that!”

“Is this how all humanoids mate, or just your species?” Odo asked dryly. Quark’s eyes rolled, voluntarily at first, then of their own accord as Odo happened on a particularly good spot.

“We’re just getting, uh, started. Come on.” He gripped the edge of Odo’s “jacket” and pulled him down as Quark lay back on the small bed. “You must have been kissed, at least.”


“Wow,” Quark chuckled. “Guess I really am your first.” Then he gripped Odo’s other shoulder and pulled him on top of him, pressing their lips together.

Odo was smooth and unresponsive above him, one hand resting on Quark’s ear and the other bracing against the mattress, straddling Quark. Quark kept at it until Odo started to return the gesture, moving his mouth experimentally against Quark’s. The shapeshifter was hardly getting hot and bothered—not really unexpected considering the constructed nature of his physiology—but he was clearly interested in the mechanics of what they were doing, and a very fast learner. Quark almost lost his composure when Odo started kneading his ear in conjunction with the kiss.

Quark sorely wished they weren’t wearing clothes (or that at the very least Odo would shift himself a dick already; Quark’s boner was getting lonely). But things were going so well and he didn’t want to scare the poor virgin off, so he didn’t make mention of it. Instead, he started trying to pry Odo’s mouth open with his tongue. Odo pulled away briefly, making a face, but then returned with a functional (though dry) tongue and full set of teeth.

It was a little disconcerting, having a partner who didn’t instinctively respond when his lower lip was bitten or when a leg was shoved between his thighs and his body pulled flush against Quark’s, but something about Odo’s carefully calculated and considered ministration was inexplicably, ridiculously, absurdly hot. Quark felt as though Odo was playing him like a game of dabo, and it was making him squirm against Odo’s thigh like a horny teenager. Odo noted the effect of applied friction and began to press back, drawing an embarrassingly high pitched noise from Quark. He broke the kiss to turn his attention to Odo’s neck. Odo observed impassively as Quark worked his way up to Odo’s odd little ear, then returned the favor by sinking his artificial teeth into Quark’s own ear, earning another sharp gasp.

Odo had kept a perfunctory grip on Quark’s right ear this entire time, and now decided to remove it to brace himself better against the bed. As he did, his balance shifted slightly and his fingers brushed the side of Quark’s cheek in an accidental caress, warm mouth still on Quark’s other ear.

Well, that did it; it was over for Quark. At least Odo would have no idea how embarrassing it was to finish this fast, Quark reassured himself just before he came.

Odo pulled back in surprise, and watched with interest as Quark stopped gasping and lay bonelessly on the bed, blinking rapidly. “What was that?”

“Orgasm,” Quark gasped. “Pretty… pretty good one. Well done.” Another lie, it was amazing, the best he’d had in ages; there were fucking tears in his eyes—but he didn’t want the success to go to Odo’s head. Then he would definitely not be back.

“That’s it?” asked Odo, raising an eyebrow. “We’re done, then?” His lips and ear were just barely pink where Quark had bitten them. Whatever he was made of, it didn’t seem to retain hickeys. A shame, they’d look so good on him…

“Well, if you give me some time I suppose we could—“

“I must be going, I still have to solve that murder,” Odo cut him off, standing up and shifting his “shirt” back into place. He paused just as he reached the door. “The widow thought Kira murdered her husband in a jealous rage, but this type of copulation hardly seems like something worth killing for. Goodbye.”

“Ouch,” Quark muttered as Odo exited, still lying on his back. Stupid Ferengi instincts screamed for post-coital cuddling, but he was used to getting the better of those. Still, he grabbed his pillow after the door swung shut and curled around it.

“Well,” he said aloud to the empty room, “fuck.”