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The Object of My Affection

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“Okay, babygirl. You just wait right here. I’ve got a surprise for you I think you’ll really like.”

It wasn’t often that Shim Changmin found himself a lady. In fact, the number of times it happened, he could count on his fingers alone, polar opposite to his friend Lee Jonghyun who would need at least 10 hands to count how many women he’d bedded in his time on this earth. But, it was one of those times in life where the planets aligned, the sun had eclipsed, and Shim Changmin kept his mouth shut long enough to not get slapped in the face.

Thereby, Shim Changmin had a girlfriend.

A casual one, we’ll say, more a fuck buddy than anything, but it still counted. This is why he was set up now in his bedroom, free from the troubles of roommates since they all had to work or had class, to bring to fruition a surprise he’d been planning for his lady friend. The blinds were shut, and his laptop open with a Spotify “Pure Seduction” playlist ready to go and set the mood as he clicked the spacebar, letting the smooth jams play over the surround sound speakers he’d set up. He sauntered back towards the bed, his lady friend sitting pretty at the headboard with that look she always had on her face.

So happy to see him. Always so happy.

He turned on his smirk, letting himself get in the mood as his eyes darkened and his body temperature rose ever so slightly. He moved his hips to the music, humming along and singing bits and pieces with his mouth turned in that ever-existing smirk. He gave a small turn, coming up to her on the headboard with his lips ghosting over her. She wasn’t allowed to touch him, not just yet. Continuing his barely there breaths all over her body, he made his way back down to the foot of the bed, standing up and humming still. He tucked a stray piece of hair behind his freckled ear. Sweeping his hands across his chest and up his sides, he reached the fabric at his shoulders and pulled it up ever so slightly, leaving space for his eyes above it to smolder at his girl. She liked it. He knew it. He pulled the shirt the rest of the way off, taking a minute to roll his shoulders and flex his abs as his hips swayed slightly to the music. He turned around and stretched his arms up and out before bringing them down to his neck, rubbing right below his freckled ears and letting out a deep sigh.

The smirk never left his face. His hands moved next to his sweatpants, as he turned around, ass now facing his girl, he pulled them down slowly, letting them hit the ground to reveal his boxer briefs, the red and black ones he knew she loved the most. He smiled back at her over his shoulder before turning and crawling across the bed to meet her at the headboard. Straddling her thighs, skin mere centimeters from hers, he seemed to heat up even more.

“Why don’t you take these off for Oppa?” Changmin leered at her, lust pulsing through his veins. He brought her hands to the waistband of his boxer briefs.

She pulled them down slowly, his hands guiding hers, his dick now free from its fabric restraints. He leant down to kiss her, his hands making their way to his hard-on. She was all his.

“Shim Changmin, what the actual fuck are you doing?”

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Kyuhyun had gotten home early from his meeting that day. He’d been tired, exhausted really, from the entire day of seminars and meetings. He pulled into the driveway and from his car he could see Changmin’s blinds partially open, his friend’s naked torso visible in broad daylight.

“Asshole. Just because he’s a pervert he thinks everyone else in this neighborhood is, too.” Kyuhyun chuckled to himself as he got out of the car and headed inside to tell his friend the entire world didn’t need to see him in all of his birthday suit. Upon opening the door to Changmin’s room, he found a very different scene.

The sounds of smooth r&b graced his ears and the light shown into the room more than he’s guessing Changmin had anticipated as he found his friend bare ass naked, panting and jacking off onto his LEGO Wonder Woman body pillow.

Okay, so Changmin wasn’t actually performing for his lady friend right that minute, but it was practice, and he needed an audience, so since he had no one to practice with, he picked the next best thing, his LEGO Wonder Woman body pillow.

He must not have heard him enter because for a good 3-5 seconds Kyuhyun stood there, trying not to laugh aloud and break up the show Changmin had been putting on for his inanimate friend. When Kyuhyun spoke, Changmin froze, hands still holding his dick. Kyuhyun could only imagine the look of mortification he wore on his face as his back faced his best friend. He turned his head slowly to look back at Kyuhyun. His eyes flew wide.

“Why the fuck are you still standing there?!?”

“Why are you trying to fuck your Wonder Woman pillow?”

“That’s irrelevant.”

“I think it’s pretty relevant right now.”

“Can you just let me finish?!”

“You’re going to finish on your pillow?”

“YEAH, IF YOU’LL LET ME.”

“Or you could just not?”

“Cho Kyuhyun, get the fuck out of here!” Changmin yelled as he threw a different, untainted pillow at his friend, Kyuhyun cackling as he jumped out of the way to avoid the pillow that could very easily have been his girlfriend in previous sessions, but who knows.

Kyuhyun laughed as he changed his clothes and made a double pot of ramen for he and Changmin to split for dinner. Kyuhyun sat at the kitchen table, scooping up the first noodles out of the pot. They looked delicious, to say the least. There’s nothing like fresh ramen. He held the noodles and veggies in his chopsticks before they were so unceremoniously snapped away by Shim Changmin’s mouth, swooping in and taking the mouthful of noodles and such from Kyuhyun’s chopsticks into his own before moving behind him and smacking Kyuhyun in the head as he walked to the sink and grabbed a glass of water.

“Goddamnit, you asshole. The fuck was that?!”

“You’re the asshole here.”

“Awwwww, is Changminnie mad I interrupted his playtime with Wonder Woman?? Was she about to tie you up in her magic lasso?”

“For your information, I was practicing a striptease for this girl I’ve been seeing.”

“Is her name Diana Prince?” Changmin smacked the back of his head again and Kyuhyun rubbed away the pain as he took a bite of his now sufficiently cooled ramen.

“Don’t be mad just because I’ve been getting laid and your only companionship is your right hand, my friend.” Changmin sat at the table and joined his roommate for their dinner together. Kyuhyun made a damn fine pot of ramen, that was for sure.

“I’m working on it. There’s a girl at work named Adrienne I’ve been talking to.”

“Talking to, eh?”

“Yes, talking to.”

“You realize your version of talking to a woman is just rambling off musical trivia facts until she asks if you can sing, right?”

“Has that ever proven to be unsuccessful?”

“Plenty of times.”

“Shut up. My voice is great. You’re just jealous.”

“My rock screams say otherwise. My lady friend likes a vocalist.”

“Oh, so that’s the sound you make when you cum? It’s not a peacock being shot in the head? I’ve been mislead for so many years…”

“Fuck you.”

“You would if I had boobs and a vagina.”

“True. You ever consider-“ Kyuhyun didn’t reply but merely kicked his friend under the table as he slurped the broth from his bowl before adding more to it.

The two boys settled into their nightly routines, Changmin finished his 12 step skincare routine before taking up residence on the couch, sprawled out with limbs everywhere they could be and his mouth hanging open while he had a conversation in his sleep about bears and why they walk on all fours rather than just 2 feet, and Kyuhyun finishing his glass of wine in his recliner. A typical night for the two party animals. Kyuhyun laughed quietly to himself as Changmin moaned and turned, almost falling off the couch onto the hardwood floor below. His best friend was weird. Great, and he trusted him more than anyone in the world, but weird. He couldn’t say he was surprised when he found him in his room this afternoon.

Changmin was put on this earth to have sex and have sex often, which, much to his dismay, was not his current trend in life. Kyuhyun enjoyed sex, I mean, how couldn’t he? But he wasn’t, let’s say, as fiendish and constantly in the mood as his best friend was. His libido, while healthy, took some coaxing to kick in – a nice few glasses of wine, a warm blanket, an equally warm body next to his. But, while he had 2 of the 3, the 3rd was currently lacking. Kyuhyun had his own ways of getting off though, as everyone does. His was a bit more, visual, to say the least.

It wasn’t exactly porn, but rather…

“Shim Changmin, are you asleep?” He spoke at a normal volume when he asked, and of course, Changmin responded.

“Yes. Shut the fuck up. I’m going to bed.” Changmin rose from his sleeping state on the couch and sleep walked to his bedroom across the way, closing and locking the door behind him.

“Good.” Kyuhyun let out a sign as he reached for the DVR remote.

He scrolled through the 20 episodes of Game of Thrones that were recorded for he and Minho to watch at a later date, a few episodes of a telenovella that Jonghyun recorded because the main actress had a great rack, and 12 episodes of Jeopardy that he and Joonnmyun would watch one night next week to stage their own trivia night. Finally he found it, what he’d been looking for. He pressed play, and let himself relax.

“Hi, I’m Lee Eunhee, and I’m here to tell you about the Spiffy Scoop 900.” The woman’s voice from the tv said.

“Yeah you are. What is the Spiffy Scoop 900?” Kyuhyun muttered, a hand reaching down to palm himself through his pants.

“What is the Spiffy Scoop 900, you ask? It’s a revolutionary new way to scoop just about anything your heart desires. From those pesky pumpkin seeds to ice cream fresh out of the container, the Spiffy Scoop 900 does the trick with ease.”

“How does it work, Eunhee? Can you show me?” Kyuhyun grunted a bit, sliding his hands below his waistband now and over his boxer briefs. He wouldn’t last long at this rate, already more turned on than he’d anticipated being by now.

“Let me show you how it works! With the Spiffy Scoop 900 in hand, you grasp the item you’d like to scoop from and-“

Okay, so it wasn’t real porn, but Kyuhyun had his reasons.

One night, wasted as hell after a Kyuline bash, he remained the only one awake. It wasn’t very unusual for him to be the last one awake, he having the best alcohol tolerance in the group of friends, but with Changmin passed out on the floor below his chair, he took his boredom to the television, flipping through the channels at his leisure, hoping something might come up at 3:30am. Not that a drunken Kyuhyun particularly cared or was at his pickiest, but he sure as hell wasn’t settling for any fucking infomercials. But, that was what he did. Though, settle isn’t quite the right word, He actively chose this infomercial.

The woman, Lee Eunhee as she called herself, was stunning. Too stunning to be stuck in an infomercial. Her long dark hair fell past her shoulders against her small shoulders and onto her fair chest, outlined by her open neck blouse she wore, an apron seated at her waist. As she walked around the kitchen, Kyuhyun noticed she was in heels and a flowing skirt just below the knee. Her eyes seemed so gentle, but drunk Kyuhyun sensed there was something more behind them.

The product she was advertising, the Spiffy Scoop 900, was the least sexual of any kitchen product he could imagine. It was a crime to see her showcasing such a lame ass product, but, here she was. Like an angel in the night. Kyuhyun knew she was sent for him……..to get him off. He dove for the DVR remote on the side table, but he was too late, by the time he sat back in his seat ready to press record, she was gone, as quickly as she’d appeared.

“No, don’t leave me, angel.” Kyuhyun called out drunkenly to the screen in front of him.

“I won’t leave you. Don’t worry.” Joonmyun replied from the floor, a sleeptalker himself. Why did Kyuhyun have so many friends who talked in their sleep? Then Kyuhyun remembered – It’s an infomercial. There was still time left for it to loop, repeat the best part, the part with his dear Eunhee. He sat with his knees curled to his chest, remote out in front of him and his chin tucked on top of his knees. He wouldn’t miss her this time.

And at 3:45am, she appeared once more to give her spiel. Kyuhyun clicked record so fast he thought he might smash the remote between his finger.

His sweet Eunhee.

That was over a year ago now. Not once had he been found out, questioned, or had the infomercial been threatened for deletion, much to his surprise since Changmin was a neat freak. It had been buried under a year’s worth of mistaken recordings and trash television, keeping Eunhee safe in her place, right where Kyuhyun could find her when he needed her. Kyuhyun had watched his fair share of porn in between these sessions, of course, but Eunhee, there was something about her. Kyuhyun was close now, breaking a small sweat beneath his blankets as he grew closer and closer, Eunhee egging him on with her recital of the phone number to order. He was so close, the finish line right there…

“Cho Kyuhyun, are you jacking off to household appliances?” Kyuhyun froze, dick in hand, much like Changmin had frozen earlier that day. Kyuhyun turned to look at his friend, his face contorted into one of distress and mortification. He’d been caught, he and his sweet Eunhee.

“Why are you still just standing there?!?” Kyuhyun shouted, hand sending the next closest remote Changmin’s way, the latter narrowly avoiding being brained.

“Dude, this is like 30 years old! What the fuck. The Spiffy Scoop 900.”

“Fuck off, asshole!”

“What’s so arousing about a spoon? Oh, she’s hot. I’d fuck her.”

“GO AWAY.”

“Okay okay! I’ll let you finish. Have fun with your old lady~” Changmin sneered as he made his way back to his room.

“Goddamnit.” Kyuhyun grumbled as Changmin closed his door. Behind the door Changmin was laughing to himself. Karma was a bitch and Cho Kyuhyun was finding out just how hard karma was here to fuck him for interrupting Changmin earlier that day. Changmin went to bed with a satisfied smirk on his face that night and a kiss of his Wonder Woman body pillow.

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A few days later, Changmin found himself lying on the floor, limbs sprawled and wishing his body would sink further into the wood below him so he would never have to get up again. Minho had recently begun his job as a physical therapist, and as part of his support for his dongsaeng, and to take care of this weak ankle he’s had since he sprained it last year, he signed up for some rehab sessions with Minho. Of course, though, Minho was no easy physical therapist. Especially since it was his hyung he was helping. He wanted him to be in tip top shape like a brand new motor vehicle fresh out of the factory, but that couldn’t happen without some hard work. This meant balance exercises, short sprints and agility drills, and plenty of resistance band moves.

All of this, well, it left Changmin with enough sore muscles that he no longer wished to move them and wanted to become one with the floor.

“Hyung, give me just a minute and I’ll have this stretching and cool down plan typed up for you in no time.”

“Great. Thanks. Just what I wanted. More things to do.”

“You can thank me later, hyung, when you don’t have weak ankles like a tiny baby chick.”

“Do baby chicks even have ankles?”

“I mean, I don’t know. Technically I guess they would?”

“Do other animals really have ankles besides humans?”

“Yes, hyung. They do.”

“Cool.”

Minho laughed as Changmin put an arm over his eyes and whined a bit, trying to will himself into a puddle. Minho plopped down on the couch and opened Changmin’s laptop to find quite the surprise.

Changmin had been intrigued about this domestic goddess he’d found his best friend getting off to recently, so he’d done his research. From thus, he’d found that the Spiffy Scoop 900 was an all-purpose scoop made for ice cream, mashed potatoes, rice, gelatin concoctions, and a number of other things. It was absolutely the least sexual of kitchen items he’d ever seen. He’d understand more if it were a hand mixer or a chopping device, or something even like a mortar and pestle, but no. It was a glorified spoon. The woman, on the other hand, Lee Eunhee, had been in a number of other infomercials and television spots, including drain cleaners, washing detergents, and grill brushes.

She was something like an infomercial celebrity. Her smile was almost blinding with how beautiful it was, and for a “mom” from the late 80s-early 90s, she was pretty hot. Like not even MILF hot, like “I’d totally be down to fuck if she wanted to” hot. Changmin began his relentless search finding stills from every infomercial she’d been in (that he could find), the videos from every infomercial she was in, and even her favorite food – spoiler alert: it’s shrimp fried rice. She was consistent with that in every infomercial she was in, even the detergent ones, which was truly amazing since food wasn’t even really related to the product but he had to commend her efforts.

A lover of food, Changmin was impressed. No wonder Kyuhyun liked her.

In true fashion though, his research had been done in the middle of the night, and with a few days of work and physical therapy in between, Minho had found the remnants of said research when he opened Changmin’s laptop and out came the words “Each scoop with the Spiffy Scoop 900 comes out as perfectly as the one before, with a perfect ball right in the palm of your hands, there’s nothing you can’t do!”

Okay, so maybe that part was a bit sexual.

Minho sat back from the laptop, wide eyed and looking at his hyung on the floor as he sprang up and shut the laptop in Minho’s lap.

“Hyung, why are you watching this old ass infomercial from before I was born?”

“None of your business. Don’t worry about it.” It’s not a big deal.” Changmin was closing everything he could with lightning speed on his laptop.

“It seems like a big deal. What was all of that? Can you show me?”

“NO I CAN’T SHOW YOU.” Changmin yelled, tossing the laptop back to a very confused Minho.

“Okay. Fine?” Minho opened the laptop slowly, eyeing it as if it might spit venom at him. It was lucky for him that it didn’t. Knowing Changmin, he probably would’ve gotten Kyuhyun to install some weird shit hardware to spit venom at intruders.

“Just make up the cool down plan and let’s go eat.” Changmin got up, sleeves still on his arms and sweatband across his forehead keeping more of the sweat in the living room from beading across his brow. It was January and the heat was turned up to the 7th circle of hell setting. Changmin was typically a cold human.

“Are you warm, hyung?” Minho asked. No one had noticed Kyuhyun enter the room once again, silent as ever.

“No, I’m fine.” Changmin’s cold sweat was a direct result of his research being caught red handed by his favorite maknae.

“Are you sure?” Minho tried again to help his hyung break free from the realm of sweatiness he inhabited.

“Why don’t you take these off for Oppa?” Kyuhyun sidled up behind his bestie and stroked his compression sleeves on his arms before Changmin jumped and yelled, leaving Minho in a fit of confused laughter. He hadn’t seen his other favorite hyung enter the room, but he looked so pleased with himself for this jibe at Changmin, who was now rubbing his compression sleeves like he’d just been burnt.

“Fuck off, Kyuhyun.”

“How’s Diana these days? She all cleaned up? Last time I saw her she had a little schmutz on her chin.” Kyuhyun said, making his way to the kitchen. Changmin followed in a fit of rage.

“Yeah! Well I’ll make sure to tell Eunhee how much you miss her when she’s showing me her newest line of wares in a personal show tonight!” Changmin yelled as they disappeared into the kitchen.

Minho sat on the couch, now thoroughly confused about his hyungs’ bickering, and thought it best to shake it by making up the cool down plan.

“Silly hyungs.”

It was getting close to their birthdays and he and Jonghyun and Joonmyun had been struggling to plan the perfect surprise for their hyungs for their joint birthday celebration. Last year’s would be hard to top. I mean, in what universe is there anything better than getting wasted at an all you can eat bbq joint with karaoke and beautiful girls who were all over Jonghyun and paying no attention to Shim Changmin.

Typical.

Minho laughed at the memory of his hyungs with their faces covered in cake and washing it off with plenty of booze out on the side of the building. He opened the laptop once more to find one tab still open with this ad for the Spiffy Scoop 900 his hyungs mentioned just a bit ago. Why did they want something like this? It’s just an ice cream scoop? Did they even sell these things anymore? What would they want with a kitchen utensil from the 90s?

This woman looked familiar though…..Lee Eunhee.

Ah! He had it.

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“A birthday party at our house is a great idea, actually. This way we don’t run as much risk to get arrested.”

“Unlike last year?”

“I mean, I don’t have the cash to bail you out for streaking twice within 365 days, Shim Changmin. Nor for inappropriate relations with an inanimate object, so you better make sure to close your blinds next time you and Diana have alone time in the middle of the day.”

“Shut up. At least I don’t get off to moms from the 90s.”

“You do, too. I saw you the other night with her detergent commercial. The one where she mentions her love of shrimp fried rice! Dick in hand, asking her ‘Oh Eunhee, how can I get these cum stains out of my Diana pillow?~ Can you show me?~’” Kyuhyun mocked Changmin’s whiney sex voice and jerk off motions almost perfectly.

“At least I jerk off to women that wouldn’t be our moms’ ages. That’s just gross, man.”

“The woman you jerk off to isn’t even real! She’s a goddamn cartoon!”

“If she were real she’d be ageless! She’s a beautiful Amazon. Tell me you wouldn’t fuck Wonder Woman. Could you imagine how great it’d be to watch her rack bounce up and down in that superheroine costume as she rides you?”

“No, I couldn’t. Because she’s a 2D character, unlike Eunhee, who is a real woman who exists and has real tits.”

“That are probably all old-lady like now and sad because she’s old, Kyuhyun!”

“Better than a drawing on a piece of paper.”

“She’s not on paper, she’s on my pillow!”

“She’s a lego version, Changmin!” Kyuhyun laughed incredulously as his best friend scowled and took a swig of his drink before setting it down and opening the rice cooker in front of him.

“Hey asshole, I can’t seem to get the rice out of this pot. Can you show me?” Kyuhyun kicked Changmin from under the table as the two sat there, sipping their wine and scooping rice into their bowls to eat with some of the bbq already made as they waited for their dongsaengs to arrive.

“I can show you, hyung!” Minho cheered upon entering the kitchen, sending both Kyuhyun and Changmin into blushes beyond any embarrassment they’d felt before.

They stood up quickly, laughing forcefully to play off their distress and discomfort as surprise. From there it was a flurry of hugs, well wishes, and plenty of pats on the back before Minho quieted them all down again.

“Okay, but really, hyungs. I have a surprise for you both!” Kyuhyun and Changmin shared a look.

Last time Minho said he had a surprise, he’d bought them both small frogs that ended up running away in the night from their poorly constructed shelters with no lids in the back yard since neither could stand the ribbiting. Minho thought it’d be cute for them each to have something in his likeness and something they could take care of rather than a cat or dog which would need much more attention from their busy schedules, but he’d learned his lesson the hard way. This is why this year he’d gone above and beyond. It wasn’t just on Changmin’s laptop that he’d seen that woman before –

“Guys, come into the living room for a second~” Minho said sweetly, “But close your eyes! And hold hands. No cheating, Kyuhyunnie hyung!” Jonghyun and Joonmyun lead the pair to the living room, placing them in front of what they’d guessed was their television.

“Okay, open your eyes.” Minho said. That’s when they heard it-

“Hi, I’m Lee Eunhee, and I’m here to tell you about the Spiffy Scoop 900,” Kyuhyun and Changmin looked at each other, their faces turning red once more, and Kyuhyun feeling his dick responding almost instantaneously to Eunhee’s smooth, sultry voice on the tv. He had to choke back his practiced response, wanting so badly to reply to her presentation and showcase. How did her tits look so good in that blouse?

“Choi Minho, what the hell?” Changmin asked, hands now in front of his crotch, trying to think of mud and shoes in the house and toothpaste tubes squeezed from the middle, all the things he hated to will away the beginnings of his boner.

“Well, I wanted to clean out the dvr after our Game of Thrones marathon last month, and I found this commercial dvr’d by mistake-“

“Itwasn’tamistake!” Kyuhyun yelled altogether.

“What?” Minho asked.

“Dude, she’s a total babe. I’d DVR this commercial.” Jonghyun so helpfully replied.

“Wait, why does this commercial look familiar….” Joonmyun pondered…

“Anyway, I noticed that she was on Changminnie hyung’s computer too when I was working on his cool down plan.”

“Oh, was she, now?” Kyuhyun jeered at his friend, still red in the ears and trying to think if there were a harry potter spell he could recite that negates sexual arousal. He couldn’t think of one, and he was a muggle, so he was fucked.

“Shut up.”

“So, I noticed she looked familiar, beyond the commercial and the stuff on hyung’s laptop. It’s because I know her!” Minho beamed with a smile that was as bright as the sun, hands on his hips like he’d won the world cup and saved a few small countries from starvation.

“YOU KNOW HER?!?!?” Changmin and Kyuhyun were screaming now. As if there were any other logical response.

“Yeah! She runs the tteokbokki cart next to my house now! I recognized her face and then when I heard her voice, I knew it was her. I’ve gotten tteokbokki from her for years after soccer practice. You both have gotten food from her with me, too!”

“WE HAVE?!?!?!”

“Yep! So, I invited her here to surprise you since you’re such fans. Ms. Lee Eunhee~ Could you come in now, please?” Minho shouted into the hallway.

And there she was, aged 28 years older. Lee Eunhee. The object of Changmin and Kyuhyun’s so desperate affections.

Her hair pinned back in a bun and her dress so casual and fitting for a woman of her age, but elegant and with such class. How did she own a tteokbokki cart? This was her. Their jaws hit the floor and their faces were a mix of surprise, horror, disbelief, but also a slight tinge of happiness and “holy shit she’s actually here,” which Changmin was kind enough to utter aloud.

“Haha, yes. I am. Hello you two. Such nice young men, I hear it’s your birthdays! I’m Lee Eunhee. It’s nice to hear I had such admirers from my days as an actress. You both are too kind.” She placed a hand on both of their shoulders, caressing them gently.

The two men were left stuttering as she did this, shocked and in sheer disbelief that all their lives had lead to this moment right here.

“How about I get a picture of all of you together?” Joonmyun said to break the tension. It was so awkward but everyone remained blissfully unaware of the stress now plaguing Changmin and Kyuhyun. Eunhee made her way between the two boys, fitting herself snuggly between their torsos and placing an arm around each of their waists, them being much taller than a woman of her stature and age. Changmin was confident enough that he’d willed his hard-on away enough with that harry potter magic that it wouldn’t show too badly through his pants, where Kyuhyun on the other hand was much less sure.

“Hyung, move your hand. That’s making the picture look weird.” Minho said as he handed Joonmyun his camera.

“Oh, here sweetie. Let’s make a heart with our hands! That’s better. No need to be camera shy now! Let me show you, just like this…” Kyuhyun practically choked on the air he was inhaling as Eunhee took his hand and made a heart hand with her own, Changmin visibly holding back his laughter on the other side and giving a thumbs up with his free hand.

“Ready? 1….2….3….Kimchi~” Minho said as Joonmyun took the photo.

“You two are so sweet. I really must be going though. I hope you two have wonderful birthdays! And now that you know where to find me, I hope to see you both at my food cart in the coming months! Don’t be shy now! Let me show you just how delicious how skilled I am. You won’t be sorry. I have very agile and strong wrists!”

This was enough. Kyuhyun was screaming internally for about a million reasons and Changmin looked to be in about the same boat. They were both sweating. Totally the heater’s fault and nothing to do with them having just been in the presence of the woman they were both now getting off to these days. Nothing at all.

“It was lovely to meet you. I’m sure we’ll meet again! Thank you~” Changmin said since Kyuhyun could no longer form words.

He just smiled and waved as Minho helped her with her coat and escorted her to her car.

“That starstruck, eh hyung? She’s hot, even for an older lady. I’d add her number to my book.” Jonghyun nudged Kyuhyun’s shoulder and Kyuhyun just laughed nervously. He could not believe this was happening. Fucking Minho.

The night went on and with boners subsided, the party went along as anticipated – booze, bbq, and good company.

Nothing really beats this in Kyuline, nothing at all. The boys all found themselves fairly tipsy by the time present exchanging happened. Presents from the other guys opened and set aside, Changmin gave Kyuhyun his present.

“I think you’ll find it useful for your soon-to-be cooking adventures, buddy.” Kyuhyun eyes the present questioningly.

“Open it, hyung!! We searched for days for this, but we found it for you, brand new!!” Minho chimed in, now vibrating in his seat with excitement for his hyung’s anticipated look of elation. Kyuhyun tore off the wrapping paper, tossing it on the ground, only to find in his hands a new, unopened, Spiffy Scoop 900. Smelling a bit like mildew and the box less than unscuffed, he found Lee Eunhee herself smiling at him in her early 90s form. Perky as ever.

Kyuhyun glowered at Changmin who was now cackling in his seat. Jonghyun and Joonmyun sat and took drinks as they watched in confusion the events unfolding before them.

“We thought you’d like it since you recorded that commercial and we knew you’d been looking for an all around scoop to help you get back into cooking!” Minho said.

“Yeah, that’s why you had it recorded. To remind yourself daily of what you wanted. Or needed, moreso.” Changmin was crying at this point, speaking solely through quick spurts of vocab through choked sobs. Tears were wiped from his eyes as he barely had time to register Kyuhyun standing up from his seat to thump him on the head with the Spiffy Scoop 900 before it happened. “Ow!” He yelled, causing Kyuhyun to chuckle as he resituated himself in his chair.

“Asshole. Thank you, Minho. It means a lot. Here, dickwad, open yours. I think Diana will really appreciate the help. She doesn’t like to be dirty, you know. She told me herself.”

“Who’s Diana?” Jonghyun asked helpfully.

“Don’t worry about it.” Changmin said as he took the bag from Kyuhyun, his tears now subsiding a bit and the skepticism rising rapidly in his chest. What he was so graciously presented with was in fact a super pack of detergent wipes, a box of 300 to be exact.

“You motherfucker!” Changmin leapt up and put his bestie in a headlock, giving him a noogie of the most epic proportions, and Kyuhyun and the guys laughing harder than they had all night.

Once Kyuhyun had broken free from the grip of death Changmin had had on his noggin, the crew reconvened in their true party form, slinging back a number of drinks, eating more food than one thought a human could consume, and enjoying each other’s company on this night to celebrate the two best hyungs in the world.

Everything was perfect, except when Joonmyun almost deleted the infomercial and Kyuhyun had to tackle the remote from his hands. It had been well worth it, and while Kyuhyun and Changmin may have had some more, special, taste in their pornography of choice, it only seemed to bring them the best in life, for how else would they have met Lee Eunhee, showcase goddess of the Spiffy Scoop 900?

The best kind of friendship is one with no shame, and Changmin and Kyuhyun were lucky they had found each other, because neither would ever find another friendship so shameless and true as their own.