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Magnus slid his hand under the window pushing up slowly, trying to be as quiet as possible. He cringed when a slow creak broke the silence. He glanced at Alec who had looked so peaceful just a second ago sprawled out in bed, his hazel eyes fluttering open, even in the dark Magnus was mesmerised by them,

“Magnus?” the boy in the bed mumbled gruffly, his voice raspy with sleep. Magnus simply shushed him while shutting the window gently behind himself.

They had been best friends for 3 years, ever since Magnus moved to New York when he was 14. After just a couple of months Alec had taken to leaving his bedroom window ajar for the regular night time visits. It was so regular that Magnus had a spare pair of his silky pyjama bottoms stashed in one of Alec's drawers. He quickly changed and slipped into the bed,

“Go back to sleep Alec” he said quietly as he came up behind Alec to snuggle against him, his voice trembled slightly as he spoke and he cursed himself for it, knowing Alec would pick up on it instantly. And he was right, in the next second Alec had turned himself around in Magnus' arms. Alec's expression was full of concern, searching Magnus' face for a sign of what was wrong.

“Magnus are you okay?” he voice laced with worry. Magnus took a deep breath, looking away from Alec,

“She cheated on me...” was all he could say before the tears spilled over and he was clinging to Alec. Alec held him close for what seemed like hours, stroking soft patterns into his back. Magnus hated Alec seeing him like this, weak and broken, but he knew that Alec was the only one he could go to, the only one who could fix everything. “I went over there tonight. We had a date...she knew we had a date. She knew I'd see.” Magnus paused for a second wiping away tears, “What's wrong with me Alec? Why didn't she love me? What did I do wrong? I tried. I tried to be a good boyfriend, I did, but everything I did was wrong...”

“Magnus stop. You did nothing wrong! She was in the wrong here Magnus, not you!” Alec interrupted, making Magnus glance up at him slowly, nervously chewing on his lip,

“But it's always me. I always do something wrong. They always leave me.” Magnus whispered sounding utterly defeated. He knew it was his fault. It always was. He'd find someone and be completely smitten, only to be left with a broken heart. Camille was just the latest in a slowly increasing line of exes. But where before they always left him because they could see how he looked at Alec, Camille was a completely different breed. His friends had tried to warn him from the start, but once Magnus saw her blinding smile aimed at him it was too late. Magnus always craved to feel loved, wanted. He could do nothing but follow her around like a love sick puppy and he knew it. She loved him, he had thought. But he had thought wrong, about so many things. He thought he deserved the belittling and the demanding. The constant hot and cold she threw at him. He would bend to her every whim and take every scrap of 'love' she would give him. Magnus was just another toy to Camille and he had finally realised that tonight when he turned up at her house, her mother looking confused as she sent him upstairs. He opened the door to Camille's room only to find her writhing in bed with the European exchange student, the moans haunting him as he ran from the house straight to Alec's,

“Magnus, you did nothing wrong okay?” Alec broke through Magnus' thoughts, “Look at me,” he placed two fingers under Magnus' chin to make him look up, “You did nothing wrong. You're amazing and if they can't see that then that's their problem. Camille didn't deserve you, she never did.” Alec held Magnus' gaze and Magnus couldn't help the flutter he felt in his chest at having Alec's face so close to his,

“Thank you Alec” Magnus sighed, he snuggled closer to Alec, still sniffing but most of the tears had dried up by now. As hurt as he was in this moment, he was with Alec and everything always felt better by his side. “You must think I'm stupid to keep ending up in these situations.”

“You're not stupid, just a little too trusting maybe.” Magnus snorted at that,

“A little? I think that's the understatement of the year” He rolled his eyes, Magnus knew he trusted people with his heart far too easily but he just couldn't help himself, as soon as someone gave him the positive attention he needed he just caved. He had a handful of friends who would never break his trust and Alec was at the centre of that. Magnus knew he was lucky to have him, to have someone he could trust unconditionally and who would never break him. “At this rate I'm going to single for the rest of my life.” Or with a heart too broken to fix, he thought to himself pitifully,

“You?! What about me? I've haven't even had my first kiss yet, let alone a relationship!” Alec laughed quietly, Magnus had to stop himself looking down at Alec's lips at the mention of a kiss, being this close and tangled in his arms was tempting enough without the added thought of Alec's lips pressed against his. He shook his head a little to bring himself back. He may have been heart broken in this moment but he wasn't stupid, he knew that every relationship he had was just a place holder for the person he truly wanted. Maybe one day Magnus, he thought to himself, maybe...

“I have an idea...” Magnus said cautiously, unsure of whether to voice his thoughts or not. He sat up and turned to look at Alec, noting the sleep mused hair and bare chest, it was warm tonight, the covers pushed down to Alec's waist leaving Magnus a perfect view. His eyes trailing down the line of thin dark hair leading lower and lower and...

“What is it..?” Alec asked warily, Magnus quickly caught himself and looked away gulping slightly, a light blush covering his cheeks,

“Don't frown Alexander, dear, you'll get wrinkles” Magnus chuckled taking in Alec's hesitant expression, trying his hardest to stop all these unsavoury thoughts before Alec caught on, “We both seem to be pretty unlucky in love and I was just thinking that, say we're still single when we're...30? 35? We could help each other out.” Magnus paused looking at Alec for a reaction, when all he got was a confused look he continued, “We could be each other's back up. If we're still single, we could get together...” he looked up at Alec again, slightly nervous of the other boy's reaction. Magnus had quickly tried to quash his crush towards Alec not long after they first met, knowing he would never be good enough for him. Alec came from a wealthy family, he and his siblings were popular at school and Alec was, well, beautiful. There was no way, in Magnus' mind, that a boy like that would like a boy like him. “Alec?” Magnus asked when he realised the other boy still hadn't answered him, he began to second guess himself, “I mean, it was just an idea, um, it doesn't matter. Forget it, it was stupid...” he said cursing himself for overstepping their friendship with his wishful thinking. It was the horrible events of the night that had clouded his judgement, he thought, Camille's mind tricks and his own aching heart making him desperate for the promise of a chance with Alec.

“No, no, it's a good idea!” Alec said suddenly, making Magnus' heart skip a beat. He looked towards Alec who had a beaming smile on his face and couldn't help the one he gave in return.

“Well then darling, we should get some sleep, don't want my future husband being sleep deprived tomorrow do I?” Magnus chuckled a little then sighed curling back up under the covers, Alec following and wrapping his arms back around him. The ache in his heart was still there but Magnus felt a weight lifted off of him as he snuggled closer. Maybe it was only a silly little pact, but Magnus could dream couldn't he?

Chapter Text

 

Alec awoke to the sound of his alarm ringing incessantly on his bedside table. He sighed, rolling over to turn it off, noting that he was alone. Disappointment washed over him for a moment, he knew he'd wake up alone, but still it was there. He and Magnus had the routine down to a tee nowadays. Alec would leave his window open a crack at night and Magnus would make sure he was gone before Alec's parents woke up the next morning. It's not that they didn't like Magnus exactly, well they didn't, but it was more the fact that he wasn't straight than anything else. Alec's parents were strict and 'traditional' much to Alec's frustration. Meaning, of course, that Alec had only ever came out to his sister Izzy and Magnus. He would dread to think what his parents would do if they ever found out. Alec's phone vibrated suddenly, he grabbed it pushing thoughts of his parents aside,

Magnus [7:04am]
hey sorry about last night I was kind of a mess thanks for everything! your future husband ;) xx

Alec [7:05am]
Don't worry about it. That's what best friends are for right? See you at school! Alec

Alec smiled to himself, future husband, he'd be happier if that translated to current boyfriend. He'd been harbouring a secret crush on Magnus since the moment they met and it only got worse the longer he knew him. Of course he'd have multiple opportunities over the past few years where he could have told Magnus this, but his fear of messing up what they already had soon made him reconsider every time, not to mention his constant stream of dead-end relationships and the fact that Magnus had never shown any interest towards Alec that way. He sighed, looking at his phone again, he realised he only had 10 minutes to be out the house before his parents would be up. Climbing out of bed he grabbed the first clothes he could find, it was the last day of term so uniform was optional, he pulled on a pair of jeans and started doing the same with a navy blue jumper as he made his way out of his room almost colliding with Izzy,

“Woah, maybe finish putting the jumper on before leaving your room big bro?” she laughed at him as he finished tugging it over his head, “In a rush to escape before Mum and Dad get up?” Alec grinned at his sister, she knew exactly why he always tried to rush off in the mornings, he'd rather spend an hour loitering outside the school than sit down for breakfast and deal with his parents trying to set him up with yet another one of their friend's 'single pretty daughters'.

“Yeah, if you see them tell them I had to go to the library or something?” He asked knowing she would anyway. He could always count on his little sister and he loved her all the more for it.

“Of course!” She bounced up on her tip toes to give him a quick peck on the cheek before continuing down the hall to her bedroom, “I'll see you at lunch!” she called just as she shut her door. She had still been in her pyjamas with her long black hair tied in a bun, she must've had first period free, Alec thought. He quickly made his way downstairs, shoved his converse on and grabbed his bag before heading out the front door, letting a sigh of relief wash over him as he left the house.

 


 

 As the last bell went to signal the end of the day Alec couldn't be happier, not that he didn't like school but he was excited to be moving away to college after the summer, he may have only been going to NYU but he was still staying in dorms and that meant getting away from his parents and their overbearing need to set Alec up with a girl.

“Alec!” he looked up from his phone to see Clary and Jace arm in arm heading towards him,

“Hey Clary, Jace” He couldn't help but smile, when the redhead had first joined their small group Alec hadn't particularly liked her but that could have possibly been because of the tiny crush he'd had on Jace, which had soon disappeared as soon as Magnus arrived. But now that he'd really gotten to know Clary they had found themselves pretty fond of each other, maybe even close enough to be called friends, which Alec never thought he'd say.

“You still coming to Simon's gig tonight at Raph's house party?” Jace asked, his arm tightly wrapped around Clary's waist,

“What are they called this time?” Alec rolled his eyes,

“Mortal Instruments, I think this one might stick!” Clary exclaimed. Simon's band had a habit of changing names every other week from Champagne Enema to Rock Solid Panda and every other bad name in between, “Much better than last week, what was it? Afternoon Taco?”

“Midnight Burrito, and I'll have you know it was an excellent name!” Simon came crashing into the group wearing his favourite Made In Brooklyn t-shirt, “You're all still coming right? Or am I gonna have to subject you to another Star Wars movie marathon? Which I totally don't get why you all complained about because they're amazing! But if you hate it then it's a good punishment for you and an awesome night for me!” Alec's eyes glazed over almost as soon as he said Star Wars and he'd completely shut off until someone said his name,

“What? Erm, yeah I'll be there.” He answered once he realised what he'd been asked, Simon beamed at him. Once he finally looked around at the group he realised whilst he'd zoned out the rest of them had turned up, Raphael was stood surprisingly close to Simon, maybe they're finally together, he thought curiously. Then spotted Magnus talking with Clary and smiled to himself, Magnus looked a lot more like himself again this morning, hair perfectly styled and his make up looking like a professional had done it. Alec knew it was more of a mask than anything for today, making sure no one knew how much he'd been hurt the night before. Magnus must have noticed Alec looking at him because he looked over and smiled walking towards him,

“How you feeling?” Alec asked quietly once Magnus was in front of him, he didn't know if his other friend's knew about Camille yet but he wanted to check how his friend was really doing,

“Ready for this house party” Magnus smiled, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. Alec smiled sadly back, wishing he could do something to cheer him up.

They all agreed to meet up at Raphael's in a couple of hours and went their separate ways, Alec and Magnus bumping each other's shoulder and giving a small smile before heading off.

 


 

 

Alec had never been too big on parties, he was always much happier just curled up at home reading a book with his earphones in listening to music and shutting out the rest of the world. But Simon's band was playing tonight so of course Alec begrudgingly came along if only to support his friend. Magnus had run off to find drinks as soon as they had arrived, Clary and Jace disappearing upstairs already, leaving Alec stood alone watching Raphael help Simon and the band set up.

“Here!” Magnus thrust a drink into Alec's hand, “To freedom!” he declared grinning and clinking their glasses. Alec winced as the drink burnt it's way down his throat and Magnus just gave him an amused look. He couldn't help but notice the way Magnus' red and gold shirt was only buttoned up half way showing his smooth chest, Alec had to take another drink to hide the blush slowly creeping up to his cheeks. Luckily Simon's band chose that moment to start playing, giving Alec a chance to collect his thoughts and stop his mind wandering any further. He smiled again when he saw Izzy coming up to them,

“Come dance with me Alec!” She linked her arm with his trying to pull him into the crowd of now sweaty teenagers dancing to the music,

“Izzy, you know I don't dance” Alec had to laugh at the way his sister pouted then, “Take Magnus! He'll dance with you, won't you?” He looked at Magnus who quickly smiled in response,

“Of course I will!” Magnus took Izzy's hand and began to lead her away, looking back at Alec with a wink before they disappeared into the crowd, leaving him alone again.

 


 

Alec had been stood watching the band for sometime by now, they had almost finished their set and he could see Raphael setting up his speakers to his laptop ready to replace them with his preprepared Spotify playlist. He glanced around the room trying to single out Izzy or Magnus, it took a moment but he soon saw Izzy dancing with someone who definitely wasn't Magnus. He was just about to go in search of him when he noticed Jace appear next to him,

“Looks like you and Clary had fun” Alec looked down noting Jace's messy hair and shirt buttoned up wrong, “You know you were here to support Simon right?” he laughed,

“I think Simon has enough support from his groupie over there” Jace smirked nodding over towards the band, Alec glanced over and saw Simon shyly holding Raphael's hand and kissing his cheek, well that confirmed his earlier suspicions. Alec was slightly envious of them, he hated being ashamed of how he felt, feeling like he had to hide it constantly, but if his parents ever caught wind of it he knew they'd be hell to pay, it was just safer for him this way. Jace cut through his thoughts, putting his hand on Alec's shoulder, “Are you alright Alec?”

“Yeah, yeah, just need some air.” Alec couldn't look Jace in the eye, Jace might be okay with Simon and Raphael but would he be like that if he knew his best friend once had a crush on him, “I'm...uh...I'm gonna go outside for a minute” he turned and started to manoeuvre his way through the crowd of people still dancing. He was almost at the front door when Magnus ran straight into him, nearly toppling them both over,

“Magnus?” he quickly tried to steady himself and Magnus, holding onto the other boy's shoulders and pushing him back slightly. Magnus looked up at him and startled slightly as if he hadn't realised who he had ran into. Alec, still holding onto his shoulders, noticed the glazed over look in his eyes and wondered how much he'd had to drink, before realising Magnus was trembling, “Magnus what's wrong?” his voice full of concern. He looked more closely now and saw the bloodshot eyes, make up smeared under his eyes, Magnus had obviously been crying and Alec felt his heart twinge at the sight of Magnus looking so broken yet again.

“Alec...” Magnus practically whimpered, still looking up into Alec's eyes, Alec couldn't look away, the pain in Magnus' eyes was tearing him apart. Alec didn't have a chance to react before Magnus threw himself against him and held on tight, burying his face into the crook of Alec's neck and his hands tightly fisted into Alec's shirt at his waist. Alec stood shocked for a second then slowly lowered his hands so he could hug his friend back, stroking his back gently like he had the night before. He didn't know what had happened but he had a sinking feeling Camille was behind it,

“Magnus, what's going on?” He asked quietly. Magnus seemed to stop trembling then, pushing himself slightly closer into Alec. He held his breath as Magnus gently nuzzled his denim shirt aside and kissed his collarbone, slowly making his way up Alec's neck and jaw. Alec closed his eyes as Magnus' lips found his own and hovered over them. He could feel his breath against his face, the smell of alcohol but also a faint hint of aftershave, something subtle but sweet, making him light headed. “Mags...” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly, and then Magnus brushed his lips against Alec's, softly at first, barely even touching. He couldn't believe what was happening. His best friend was kissing him. Magnus was kissing him. Magnus was kissing him. His head was spinning, his breath still caught in his throat until he felt Magnus' tongue running over his bottom lip. Alec gasped into the kiss as Magnus deepened it, pressing himself harder against Alec. Alec felt himself melt into Magnus as he kissed him back, lost in the sensation of soft lips and the sweet smell of aftershave. He felt himself getting lost in Magnus. He could feel hands at his hips holding on tightly, pushing him against the door. One of Alec's hand found it's way around Magnus' waist whilst the other snaked it's way up to the nape of his neck, pulling slightly on Magnus' hair.

“Alec” Magnus moaned quietly breaking the kiss for just a second, and that was enough to bring Alec back. Enough to make him remember where they were. Enough to make him realise they weren't alone. Alec's eyes went wide as the realisation sunk in. Magnus had kissed him. Alec's first kiss was Magnus, he should have been elated but instead he was filled with dread and panic. His breathing became ragged and harsh, like he couldn't get enough air. His chest felt like it was about to burst open. Alec looked down and everything felt like it was falling apart. He pushed Magnus away quickly and harshly, feeling all eyes in the room turn on him,

“What the fuck Magnus?!” Alec hissed, his eyes darting around the room, starting to sting with tears. He saw Magnus' eyes widen suddenly, he opened his mouth to say something just to close it again, hesitating. Alec was shaking, the pain in his chest piercing and sharp. He turned quickly opening the front door, he needed to get out, he needed air, he still couldn't breathe, why couldn't he breathe?! He could hear Magnus calling after him but he couldn't stop running.

Chapter Text

Magnus sighed, leaning back against the counter as he had another drink. He was watching Izzy with her new dance partner, it hadn't taken her long to find someone else as soon as Magnus told her he needed a break. He'd given her a quick forehead kiss before he found his way through the crowd of sweaty dancing bodies and planted himself in the kitchen right beside the drinks table.

After last night he needed something to take the edge off, and who could blame him. Seeing his girlfriend all over that exchange student had been the breaking point in their relationship. He should have known from the beginning that she was going to break his heart, but he was a fool in love, as always. Things hadn't always been bad of course, at first they were happy, so happy and they barely left one another's side. But that didn't last long. Once Camille had sunk her claws in, Magnus was hooked. She gave him just enough of her attention to keep him wanting, whilst keeping enough distance to torture him.

Magnus sighed to himself again, he wouldn't spend his night wallowing in self pity over this, over her. He downed the alcohol in his hand and quickly replaced it with another, much stronger, drink. He needed to forget about her, needed something to cheer him up, and fast. He could feel his thoughts turning sour again, remembering all the times she told him she loved him, and in the same thought all the times she would flirt and press herself up against other guys, looking back at Magnus and smirking, simply trying to get a reaction out of him. He scolded himself and looked around for something to take his mind off Camille, he needed to find something and fast, he refused to let himself fall apart again.

Deciding to go back and find Izzy, he pushed himself off the counter and started to head back in her direction when something, or rather, someone, caught his attention. He heard her before he saw her. That shrill laughter that seemed to cut straight through him. Looking up he saw Camille stood at the bottom of the stairs, she was wearing a tight black dress, her bright red lips startling against her pale skin. He froze, hating that her hooks were still deeply embedded in him, making him unable to look away. Tears pricked his eyes as he watched her holding onto another boy and throwing her head back laughing at something he said. She noticed him then. A small smirk on her lips as she locked eyes with him. Camille stepped away from the other boy and walked gracefully, almost predatory-like, towards Magnus,

“Magnus!” She beamed, he flinched slightly, “I missed you today, were you avoiding me?” her voice teasing at the end. Magnus couldn't say anything, he knew his voice would betray him, showing the pain and hurt, something Camille would use to her advantage, twisting and teasing until he was broken beyond repair.

“Oh Magnus, you can't still be upset about last night? It was just a bit of fun.” Camille was stood close now, too close, pressing herself against him, leaning up to his ear, “Didn't you enjoy the show?” she whispered, biting down gently. Magnus felt like he was going to be sick. This was all just a game to Camille. His pain was nothing to her, no, it was fun for her. She was getting off knowing how much she was hurting him. Taking pleasure in the pain she was causing him. It was one thing to think it, but this all but confirmed it, and that realisation tore at Magnus' heart.

He stumbled backwards, trying to get as much space between himself and Camille as possible. She smirked at him. Winking, she spun around and sauntered back to the boy she was with before. Leaning up to kiss him, Camille pushed the boy against a wall, grinding herself against him, keeping her eyes on Magnus the entire time. His head was spinning, tears threatening to spill. Magnus needed to get out. He needed to get away from Camille and her sick twisted games.

Magnus turned as quickly as he could, Camille's laughter behind him feeling like another stab to his heart. He didn't need to see her to know she was laughing at him this time. He began to run towards the front door, wanting nothing more than to escape this entire evening. Wiping his eyes furiously, trying to hide any signs of the unshed tears, he ran directly into firm chest making them both almost fall to the ground,

“Magnus?” Magnus looked up slowly, eyes widening when he saw Alec looking back at him, his face full of concern. He felt Alec's hands on his shoulders, burning where they touched his skin slighty. Now that Magnus had stopped running he felt himself trembling, trying harder than ever to hold back the tears. He didn't want Alec to see him like this again, so weak and broken. But this was Alec, just being around him made his walls crumble, made Magnus want to let him in.

“Magnus what's wrong?” Alec's voice was gentle, his hands gripping firmly as if scared Magnus would try to run. They felt like a lifeline to him, holding him together when all he wanted to do was fall to pieces. Alec was always there. He was always the one to put him back together, the one to look after him. And here he was again, holding him steady, making him feel safe. Making him feel loved,

“Alec...” he whimpered, looking up into Alec's eyes. It only took a second for Magnus to throw his arms tightly around Alec's waist, holding tightly to his shirt, pressing his face into his neck and choking on a small sob. He needed this, he needed Alec, he always needed Alec. His trembling slowed when he felt Alec's arms circle around him, holding him close and stroking the same gentle patterns into his back as the night before.

“Magnus, what's going on?” Alec whispered in Magnus' ear making him shiver just slightly. Just minutes ago Camille had been in the same position, causing Magnus' skin to crawl and his stomach twist in knots. But now here was Alec, instead of skin crawling it was covered in goosebumps, instead of his stomach twisting Alec had Magnus' heart pounding in his chest. The love and concern Magnus felt flowing from Alec threw his thoughts into overdrive, he couldn't think straight anymore, all he knew was Alec was there, Alec was always there.

He could feel the warmth from Alec as he nudged his face closer to the bare skin of Alec's collarbone. He needed to show him how much he loved him, how much he appreciated everything he'd ever done for him. All he could think about was that he needed Alec to understand what he meant to Magnus. He gently pressed his lips against Alec's skin, feeling him still beneath him, and slowly led a trail of kisses up his neck and jawline. His body felt like there were fireworks going off, small sparks every time his lips touched Alec. Once he reached his mouth he paused, hovering over his lips.

Chapter Text

“Mags...” Alec whispered, sounding unsure and a little breathless. Magnus brushed his lips over Alec's just slightly, barely touching at all. That alone sent a shiver down Magnus' spine. His hands clung tightly to Alec's shirt just above his hips, pressing his lips a touch firmer. Everything felt so right to Magnus, being this close to Alec, feeling their lips pressed together. Everything just felt so right finally. Magnus couldn't believe that he was finally kissing Alec. His Alec. He felt like they'd been building up to this for so long and even though he didn't think he deserved it, it was finally happening. Magnus ran his tongue gently over Alec's bottom lip. Feeling him gasp, Magnus took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. He felt as though his heart would leap out his chest when Alec kissed back and couldn't stop himself from pressing harder against him. His hands moving of their own accord to Alec's hips pushing him back against the door. Magnus felt an arm wrap around his waist pulling him impossibly closer, the other hand running it's way up his back and into his hair.

“Alec” Magnus moaned quietly into Alec's mouth as he felt his hair being pulled slightly. He broke the kiss for a second, his heart was racing. Looking down he saw his hands still on Alec's hips, their bodies pressed against each other. In that second Magnus was so happy he thought he might burst, after everything that had happened he had Alec and that was all that mattered. The second passed far too quickly for Magnus as he looked up seeing Alec's eyes wide with panic and darting around. He stood confused for a second until Alec looked down at him, the fear in his eyes made Magnus' heart stop. He didn't have time to react before Alec pushed him away so hard that Magnus struggled to steady himself,

What the fuck Magnus?!” Alec hissed, making him flinch. This time he followed Alec's eyes as they darted around the room, seeing all the other party goers, including Jace, Clary, and the rest of their group staring at them, he remembered where they were. He quickly looked back to Alec, realising the mistake he'd made. He saw the tears in his best friend's eyes. He saw how Alec was shaking and trying to stay as far away from him as possible. Magnus' opened his mouth to say something, to fix everything the way Alec always did for him, but nothing came out. He stared hopelessly at Alec, praying he would understand. Magnus never meant to hurt him, he didn't intend to do any of this, but it just felt so right, he lost himself in the moment, he lost himself in Alec and now everything was broken and there was nothing he could do to fix it. His thoughts were spiralling out of control when he saw Alec push himself off the door, fumbling with the handle to get out. As soon as the door was open Alec was running. Magnus felt his heart pounding in his chest, the longing he felt to run to him, to look after him overwhelming,

“Alec! Please! I'm sorry!” Magnus' voice wavered as he shouted, fighting back tears of his own, “Alec!” he went to run after him but was stopped by a hand gripping his arm tightly, pulling him back,

“I think you've done enough” came a harsh voice behind him, he turned around to see Jace stood far too close to him, glaring angrily. Magnus hung his head, guilt and shame eating away at him,

“Jace don't!” he heard Clary as she ran over to the pair, “Can't you see how upset he isalready?” Magnus felt both pairs of eyes on him, he couldn't help the whimper that broke free as he tried hard to hold himself together. “Go find Alec, make sure he's okay.” he felt Clary put her hand on Jace's and ease him away from Magnus. Jace didn't say anything as he quickly ran off in the same direction that Alec had gone only moments before.

He felt Clary put her arm around him and lead him outside, sitting them both down on the wall in front of the house. Magnus kept his head down, refusing to look at Clary when she spoke to him,

“Magnus, please look at me.” She begged him, her hand resting on his back, “What happened? Magnus please talk to me” her voice was soft and full of concern. Magnus felt something inside him snap then, she shouldn't be being nice to him, he didn't deserve it, he broke Alec's trust, he was selfish and he hurt Alec. His heart was breaking again, his self loathing seeping into every pore. The one person who had always been there and looked after him and loved him, and he'd just thrown it all away.

“Magnus...” He heard Clary gasp quietly next to him, “Don't say that, you didn't mean to hurt him. Magnus, none of this was your fault. Obviously it wasn't the best of timings, but you didn't do on purpose, you love him and he's your best friend, he knows that. He'll forgive you.” Magnus glanced up then not realising he'd said any of that out loud, he cursed himself inwardly, “Magnus,” he looked away quickly, “Magnus, look at me.” Clary's voice was stern but loving, he looked up through his eyelashes at her, tears flowing freely now. “We all love you, you know that right? Me, Izzy, Si, Raph, even Jace, he's just worried about Alec right now, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you okay? We all do.” Magnus flung his arms around her, holding her tightly. Her arms settled around him, one of them stroking his hair, as he sobbed against her.


 Raphael helped Magnus' out of the van, the latter still silently crying, barely able to hold himself up. Along with Clary and Simon, they walked him up to his front door,

“Do you need us to come in with you?” Simon asked, coming to stand next to him, placing a hand on his arm softly. Magnus shook his head, unable to speak or look any of them in the eye,

“Text me if you need anything Magnus, please” Clary walked over and wrapped him in a hug, she seemed unwilling to let go until Magnus quietly promised he'd text her later. She gave him a sad smile and kissed him on the cheek before leading Simon and Raphael back to Simon's van, both stopping quickly to give him a brief hug.

Magnus took a deep breath as he opened the front door.

“Well, well, I wondered what time you would be gracing me with your presence tonight” Magnus smiled faintly, though it did not reach his eyes, when he heard the teasing voice coming from the kitchen. Magnus took a hesitant step forward and turned into the kitchen, leaning himself against the door frame. He looked up to see Ragnor pouring himself some tea with his back to him.

“I fucked up Ragnor” Magnus' voice broke as he slid down to the floor, his back still against the door frame and pulled his knees up to his chest, “Alec...Alec's going to h-hate me...and I-I can't fix it” he stuttered out between sobs. Ragnor was at his side instantly, crouching down beside him, enveloping him in his arms,

“Shh, Magnus I'm here, I'm here. You're okay.” Ragnor continued murmuring softly in Magnus' ear until his sobs slowed. He helped Magnus up and took him over to the table, sitting him down and getting him a cup of tea, “Now tell me what happened.” He said quietly, sitting beside him. Magnus took the mug in his hands and held it close, letting it warm him up, the subtle smell of green tea and lemon soothing him slightly. He stared into the cup as he spoke, telling Ragnor everything that had happened over the last two days. When he was finished Ragnor put his hand on Magnus' and squeezed gently,

“Ragnor you don't understand, I've ruined everything! Alec won't forgive me, not for this. I'm meant to be his best friend and I just outed him in front of everyone! What if his parent's find out? They'll hate him and it'll be my fault!” Magnus hung his head, wiping away the fresh tears that had surfaced,

“I know you Magnus and I know you blame yourself for all of this but you shouldn't. You said it yourself, you're his best friend. You two have gone through so much together and you quite obviously care a great deal for each other. He knows you would never do anything to hurt him, not purposefully. You just need to give him time. This is a lot for him to process. But he'll come back to you Magnus, please believe that.” Ragnor tilted Magnus' face up to look at him, he gave him a soft smile, “Do you remember when you two first met? You were so closed off after your...” he hesitated, Magnus knew what he was going to say and prayed he wouldn't bring it up, “After everything.” Magnus let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. “Alec fought to tear down those walls you built up, and he would do it again if he had to, I am sure of it.” he paused, giving another gentle squeeze to Magnus' hand before standing up, “Now get some rest, you need it. We can talk more tomorrow if you need to, but for now you need to sleep.”

Magnus watched as his guardian walked out the room, he was the only person, besides Alec, who he always relied on. Ragnor had been there from the start. From when he was just a small boy in Indonesia. He had been a family friend for years, Magnus wasn't sure how Ragnor had met his parents, they rarely spoke about anything from before coming to Brooklyn. But he had been there when Magnus had found his mother's body, sick of the constant ridicule and abuse from her husband, she had turned to the only escape she knew. Ragnor had held him and stayed with him the entire night, not once leaving his side. And later when his father's abuse turned to him, Ragnor had been there to protect him and take him away. He had walked in on Magnus' father beating him, blaming him for his mother's death. Ragnor, enraged, pulled Magnus' father off of him and slammed him into a wall, he told Magnus to pack a bag and meet him at his car. Magnus didn't know exactly what happened after he left the room, all he knew was that Ragnor protected him, took him away and raised him as his own after that night. He thought back on how over the years Ragnor had raised him and protected him, the warmth he felt knowing that Ragnor loved him made his lips curve up into a small half smile. Everything may be falling apart again, but he knew he'd always have Ragnor.

Tearing himself out of his thoughts, Magnus heaved himself out of the kitchen chair and went to climb the stairs to his room, stopping when he thought back on what Ragnor had said, You two have gone through so much together and you quite obviously care a great deal for each other.” he was right, and after everything they had been through Magnus had to believe that Alec would forgive him, he had to hope that Alec would at least believe he had never meant to hurt him. And it was that thought that caused Magnus to turn around and run out his front door.


Panting, Magnus leaned against the large tree facing Alec's bedroom, he had ran the entire way knowing if he stopped he would lose his confidence and go home. He took a minute to catch his breath, thinking over what he should say. He needed to apologise, explain to Alec how sorry he was, how he didn't mean to expose him like that. But mostly he wanted Alec to know that he loved him, that he was in love with him. Magnus didn't know if Alec would listen, or even care after what had happened. But he did know that he had to try.

Magnus climbed his way up the tree, and carefully stepped out onto the small roof in front of Alec's window. The room was dark, but he could clearly make out Alec's figure curled up in his bed. At first he thought Alec was sleeping, until he saw that he was shaking, trembling, he was obviously crying and Magnus' heart ached at the sight.

He took a deep breath and look down at the window. His stomach dropped when he saw it was closed. Of course it's closed, he thought, why would he leave it open for Magnus after what had happened. He pressed his hand to the window, tears forming in his eyes. He tapped gently on the glass, preparing himself for Alec to turn and tell him to leave and never come back. But nothing happened. He tapped again, this time he saw Alec freeze. Alec didn't turn around but Magnus knew he had heard him,

“Alec...I'm sorry.” Magnus said, just loud enough to be heard through the window, “I know you probably hate me right now. I don't blame you. But I am so sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen, you have to believe me. I wouldn't do that to you, I wouldn't hurt you like that, not on purpose.” he fought to keep his voice steady. He wished Alec would turn over, look at him, but he stayed deadly still and silent.

“I know I can't fix this, but I can't lose you Alec. I don't know what I'd do without you. This is my fault and I'm so so sorry. But please don't shut me out. I'll give you time, I'll do whatever you want, but please don't leave me.” Magnus couldn't hold back the tears now, he cried freely as he spoke, praying that Alec would understand him through the sobs.

Magnus stayed silent for a few minutes, just sitting by the window, head in his hands. Alec hadn't moved an inch the entire time, Magnus only hoped that he had heard everything he said. Knowing there was nothing more he could do tonight he pushed himself up, looking back into the window at Alec,

“I love you.”

Chapter Text

I love you.”

Magnus' words rattled around in Alec's mind as he curled himself tighter into a ball. He heard every word Magnus had said but couldn't bring himself to even turn and look at him, no matter how much he wanted to. He wanted to hate Magnus for forcing him out into the open like that, but he just couldn't, Alec knew Magnus well enough to know that he would never have done that on purpose to him.

He thought back on the kiss. Remembering the feel of Magnus' lips on his own had his heart racing again. The fact that Magnus had wanted to kiss him so badly he'd forgotten everything else in the room focusing solely on Alec made him flush.

But hearing the pain in Magnus' voice when he spoke from the window had tore at Alec's heart. Listening to him ask Alec for forgiveness, begging him not to leave him. All Alec wanted to do in that moment was run to the window and wrap Magnus in his arms, hold him and tell him everything would be okay. He just wanted to protect Magnus like he always had. But things were different this time. Alec was so scared of what he might have to deal with the next day that he couldn't face Magnus yet. He was worried about what his friends would think of him. Terrified that somehow his parents would find out. Alec wasn't ready to know whether things would change between Magnus and himself. He didn't want to know if Magnus regretted kissing him, because he definitely didn't. As much as he wished it had happened differently, he couldn't regret having Magnus kiss him. He could never regret something like that. And that scared Alec more than anything.

Magnus had told him he loved him, but that didn't mean he was in love with him. What if the reason he was so upset and begging Alec not to leave was because he regretted it, because he didn't want to lose him as a friend. Alec couldn't face that possibility right now. His mind was racing with different thoughts and scenarios of what would happen in the next few days, with Magnus, with his friends. What if everything changes now?

A gentle knock took him away from his thought, thankfully. He wiped his eyes furiously before climbing out of bed and opening the door just a crack, peeking through,

“Hey.” Izzy stood in her pyjama shorts and vest looking up at him with a gentle smile,

Her and Jace had found him and brought him home after the events of the party. He had barely uttered a word to either of them as they walked, too lost in his own thoughts to focus on anything they said to him. Jace had given him a pat on the back and a sad smile before leaving Alec and Izzy with a promise of calling in the morning to check on him. Once in the house Alec muttered something about being tired and walked off to his room, Izzy must have thought better than to follow.

“I thought you might want a little time to yourself earlier. Can I come in now?” Izzy spoke softly, answering his unspoken thoughts. He nodded and climbed back into bed. Izzy followed, closing the door behind her and sat cross legged next to Alec.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Izzy idly playing with the sleeve of Alec's t-shirt.

“He came to see me. Came to the window.” Alec said quietly not looking at his sister, “It was locked. But...but he stayed. He apologised.” Alec paused, sucking in a breath, “He was crying.” He looked over to Izzy when she said nothing. She gave him a sad smile, nodding,

“Clary text me. Her, Simon and Raphael took him home after the party. She said he...” Izzy hesitated, Alec looked at her worriedly, “She said he was kind of a mess, terrified that you hate him and he thinks he's ruined everything.” She sighed as Alec turned away and wrapped himself up tighter in the duvet. Alec felt Izzy kiss his forehead gently. He closed his eyes, listening to her quietly make her way to the door, once she got there she paused,

“Don't let him beat himself up for too long Alec, you know what he's like. I know you don't hate him, not even a tiny bit.” He heard the door click as she left the room and untangled himself from the duvet rolling onto his back.

Grabbing his phone from where he'd left it switched off on his bedside table, he turned it on. As soon as it lit up with the home screen it bleeped at him incessantly. A long stream of texts and missed calls, most of them from Jace and Izzy when they had been looking for him after the party. He swiped them all away and wrote out a new text,

To Magnus [1:13am]
I'm not going to leave you Mags.

He hesitated over the send button for what felt like hours before pressing it. Should he have said more? What else could he have said? He knew Magnus would be sat up all night hating himself over what had happened and Alec couldn't let him do that. He saw the dots indicating that Magnus was replying. He panicked for a second, still not ready to face the realities of what might happen next.

To Magnus [1:15am]
But give me some time, please. I'll text you soon. I promise.

As soon as he hit send the dots from Magnus disappeared. He let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding and sunk back into his pillows. His eyelids started to droop and he felt the exhaustion wash over him, lulling him into a deep sleep.


The next couple days passed slowly. Alec hid himself away in his room, still trying to get his head around the way he was feeling. He desperately wanted to text Magnus but couldn't find the words to what he wanted to say. Over the past few days Alec had received multiple texts, calls and visits from his friends.

First came Jace. He'd came barging into Alec's room early the next day,

“Look, I know I said I'd just call but I didn't trust you to answer your phone. So I decided to just come over.” Jace had a stubborn look on his face, one that meant Alec knew he'd have to deal with him whether he liked it or not. Alec looked up at him from his bed, the dark circles showing how little sleep he'd managed the night before, and Jace's face softened slightly. “You alright?” He asked, moving to sit in Alec's desk chair.

“I've been better.” Alec muttered, “And I would've been a lot better if someone hadn't turned up at the crack of dawn and woke me up.”

“Alec, it's 1 o'clock.” Jace scoffed, “And seriously, are you alright?” Alec looked up at Jace and found him staring intently at him.

“I...I mean, yeah...Jace, last night...what I mean is...erm...about the...Mag...” Alec stuttered, fidgeting uncomfortably under Jace's gaze,

“Magnus? The kiss? I kind of figured anyway.” Jace shrugged. Alec looked at him dumbfounded, he 'kind of figured' what did that mean? Jace obviously noticed the way Alec was staring at him, “That you're gay...” he trailed off as if it was obvious.

“I...I'm n-not...what?” Alec hated that he couldn't stop stuttering. And Jace knew so why was he still denying it, he mentally cursed himself, “You're okay with it?” He sighed,

“Is that what you're worried about?” Jace exclaimed, “I mean, I guessed you just weren't ready to come out or whatever, especially after how you reacted last night...but it's me. Alec you're like a brother to me, of course I'm okay with it.” He rolled his eyes and added air quotes to 'okay', “Why didn't you just tell me though?” He asked looking a little more serious suddenly and Alec thought he could see some hurt in his eyes, he looked down.

“I don't know. I guess I just didn't want you to think differently of me or anything.” He said quietly, not looking at Jace.

After that he and Jace spoke for a little while longer and Alec felt a weight off his shoulders knowing nothing had changed between them. Jace had reassured him that none of their friends thought differently of him either and told him he needed to have more faith in them from now on.

After Jace left Alec looked at his phone, noticing all the messages from Clary, Simon and Raphael, asking if he was okay and telling him to text if he needed anything. If he was being honest with himself, he was kind of shocked, he assumed Clary would text him, but he wasn't particularly close with Simon or Raphael, so seeing their messages, Alec made a mental note to make more of an effort with them in the future.


Alec awoke sometime in the middle of the night with a face full of dark hair. Brushing it aside he looked down and saw the culprit, a small lump in his duvet that was definitely not him.

“Max?” He whispered, confused at why the small boy was curled up in his arms. Max's eyelids fluttered, opening suddenly when he noticed Alec looking down at him. He looked away nervously,

“I...I had a bad dream.” Max mumbled not looking his brother in the eye. Alec smiled fondly at him, Max rarely had bad dreams anymore but when he did he always found his way into Alec's bed, “Can I stay with you tonight? Please Alec!” Max glanced up giving Alec the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster, Alec scoffed rolling his eyes,

“Of course you can Max. Just don't hog all the covers.” He laughed quietly, ruffling his little brother's hair. Max batted Alec's hand away and settled back down in his older brother's arms, snuggling up to him. Alec watched him drift back off to sleep and smiled to himself before closing his eyes and letting himself fall back asleep.

He felt like he'd only been asleep mere minutes when he was awoken by a loud bang.

“Max get back in your own room, we need to talk to Alexander. Now.” His father's sharp voice startled Alec into sitting up quickly. He glanced around realising it was now morning, and looked confused at his mother and father stood in his doorway. Max was looking up at him sleepy and worriedly but Alec just nodded,

“Go Max, I'll talk to you later.” He moved some hair out the boy's eyes and sent him on his way. Max slowly slid out of bed and shuffled passed his parents. Once they were alone Alec looked back at his father, “What's wrong?” He asked nervously, rubbing the back of his neck,

“I think you know what's wrong Alexander.” His mother hissed, causing Alec to flinch slightly, “How could you do this to us? To our family!” She was red in the face and had obviously been crying, Alec didn't understand what was going on,

“What are you talking about?” He could barely muster his voice above a whisper, scared that he already knew what was coming.

“We had a call this morning.” His father started, staring directly at Alec with a glare, making him look away quickly, “From a friend of ours, a parent of someone at your school. She told us something very interesting about Friday night.” Alec's heart started to race. He knew this was coming, this was exactly what he was scared of. He refused to look up at his father as he continued speaking. “Of course I didn't believe her at first, not my son. I told her she was being ridiculous and that spreading rumours was unseemly. But she was adamant, she thought we'd rather hear it from a friend than see it online.” Alec looked up then, straight at his father, as a confused and anxious look took over his face, “I see that got your attention. Did you know someone took a photo?” Alec's father sneered, “Thought you could get away with it?”

“How could you kiss that boy Alec?!” His mother cried, saying the word 'boy' as if it were filth,

“Maryse, I will handle this!” His father silenced Maryse, who gave him a quick glare before darting out the room. His father's stare soon turned back to him.

Alec still hadn't said a word. He was frozen to the spot, not knowing what to say or do. His mind was spinning and he couldn't quite catch his breath. He opened his mouth in an attempt to find the right words but was cut off,

“I do not want to hear any excuses. You will not see him again Alexander. Do you understand me? I will not have you tarnish this family's reputation just because you're going through some...some phase. You will not see him again, you will go to college and find a nice girl. I will not repeat myself. If I so much as suspect that you are going behind my back, well let's just say, it would not work out in your favour.” He stared down at Alec as if challenging him. All Alec could do was look down and nod slowly, feeling the tears pooling in his eyes.

His father left, slamming the bedroom door but Alec couldn't move. He knew his parents wouldn't agree with his sexuality but to expressly forbid him from seeing Magnus, to demand he find a girl and not a boy in the future, Alec felt like the walls around him were closing in, his heart and head both pounding.

He closed his eyes and lay back down in his bed, wrapping himself tightly in his duvet. With tears streaming down his face he grabbed his phone and started typing,

To Magnus [7:34am]
I'm sorry Mags. I can't.

To Magnus [7:35am]
Don't try to contact me.

Alec's heart broke as he pressed send. He sobbed into his pillow, hands gripping tightly into his hair. He only barely heard his phone ping as a text came through. Looking at the message another wave of tears began to fall heavily.

From Magnus [7:37am]
Alec...

To Magnus [7:38am]
Please don't.