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ShoHari Fairy Tale

Chapter Text

"I can't believe we're doing this," Shun groaned as he clipped on a magenta cape to his shoulders.

"President's words are law," Tommy reminded the redhead. The blond himself was in a orange kimono.

Shun scowled as he wore his glasses. "But a fairy tale? Really?" He showed off his princely outfit.

"But you gotta admit, this is pretty cool!" Makki said happily. He was garbed in a green pirate costume, equipped with a fake sword belted to his waist. Makki pulled out the sword and swung it around, speaking like a pirate, "Time to walk the plank, you!" He pointed at Kakeru, who had just entered the room.

"I'd rather not," Kakeru replied flatly. He was dressed more professionally in a black tuxedo and shiny black shoes. He asked Shun, "How long until they start recording?"

Instead of Shun, it was Kira who answered, "Fifteen minutes."

Tommy gasped at the sight of Kira. "You're so pretty, Kira!" he said softly while Makki and Shun had keeled over laughing.

Kira, unlike the rest, was wearing a dress. The dress was sleeveless with a sky blue top and a sailor's collars. It had a glittery blue skirt that flowed in the breeze. He was even wearing glass slippers and white leggings.

"Thank you, Tommy," Kira graciously told the blond. "And shut up, you two!" he rudely snapped at Makki and Shun.

"I don't know how I'm gonna keep a straight face while we're acting!" Makki wheezed as he stood up straight again, only to fall over again after taking another look at Kira.

"Well, you have to," Kakeru said as he helped Shun up to his feet, and then Makki. "Besides, there's not much for the both of you to laugh about, considering your roles in the act."

"Ugh!" Shun said, his laughter replaced by shudders. "Don't remind me."

"At the end of this tale, I'm gonna be known as some sort of pervert!" Makki said, also shuddering. "Who wrote the script again?"

"I heard it was Ryu-san," Tommy answered.

"And President approved it," Kira added. "Too bad for you guys!" he snarked at Makki and Shun.

"Aren't you the most unfortunate one here, Kira?" Shun retorted, with a raised eyebrow.

"No, because unlike you, I have no problems with dressing up," Kira replied. With a "Hmph!", Kira turned around and catwalked out of the room.

"No wonder President made him the princess," Makki said.

Suddenly, Tesshi appeared at the entrance. "What are you boys dallying for? The show'll start soon! Let's get moving- Now!"

"Hai!"

Chapter Text

In five, four, three, two...!!

The screen opens up to a pair of red, velvet curtains. The curtains are drawn back, revealing a little library. At one corner there was a fireplace, and on the other, there was Cat, sitting on a scarlet sofa with a large, crimson book that was laid on a gold stand.

Suddenly, Cat spoke, or rather, Tesshi spoke, "Hello, children! I am Professor Cat, and today, I am going to tell you a story."

Cat waved his wing, and the book swung open.

"Once upon a time," 'Cat' began, "there was a country known as the 'Star Kingdom', where the stars shone every night."

Cat and the room fade away to reveal the Star Kingdom. It was a rather modern place, with cars and skyscrapers that reflected the night sky, coloring them black and peppering them with white.

"It was a very peaceful kingdom where war never happened. Yet, there was still sadness..."

At the center of the kingdom, there was a large, traditional palace that was painted sky blue. Sitting at one of the balconies was Kira, who was sighing sadly.

Cat's 'narration' continued, "In the Star Palace, home to the kingdom's rulers, was Princess Kira, a sad, lonely girl longing for love."

'Princess' Kira was gazing at the stars with his chin resting on the palm of his hand. 'She' said dolefully, "Oh, when will my true love find me? When will they come to liberate me of my solitude? Mother and father have moved on, while I am left alone in this empty castle."

"Princess," Kakeru said, suddenly appearing behind Kira, "you realize that the staff hasn't died yet, right?"

Kira sorrowful face was replaced with annoyance. "Butler, I am trying to sound dramatic. Go away!"

Instead of leaving, Kakeru held up a plate of cheesecake. "I brought cake."

"Did you order it from the bakery?" Kira asked.

"Yes," Kakeru replied. "Leader's Cakes, right?"

"Gimme," Kira said, and seized the plate from Kakeru's hands.

"Gee, you're welcome," Kakeru muttered sarcastically.

Kira daintily took a bite of the cheesecake. "Seriously, though. Who's gonna be my future spouse?" 

"Don't worry," Kakeru assured 'her'. "I've prepared some posters. I've upload copies online and had them printed on international newspapers."

Kira raised an eyebrow. "What posters?"

Kakeru took out his smartphone and showed the screen to Kira. It was a poster with the princess's face on it, winking suggestively with her tongue sticking out cutely. Printed with bold letters above the picture were the words: 'I'M SINGLE~ WANNA MARRY ME?' Below the picture, Kira's contact information and exact address was written out clearly.

"I also posted the map of the kingdom," Kakeru said, showing the next page to Kira.

Kira angrily slapped the remnants of his cheesecake in Kakeru's face, and snatched the phone out of his grasp. Looking at the picture of himself, Kira fumed hotly, "This picture was taken three years ago! Why hadn't you asked me for a more mature photo? And what's with this caption? I'm single?! Wanna marry me?! This is just gonna attract perverted old men to my doorstep!"

Kakeru carefully wiped the cake off his face, eating them secretly so to not waste Ran's hard work, and told the princess, "Then, it is up to you, Princess Kira, to decided by yourself who is fit to marry you and rule by your side as the king of the Star Kingdom."

Instead of lashing out again, Kira was twiddling his thumbs shyly, speaking coyly, "I wouldn't mind having you take the king spot. I find you more trustworthy than others."

Kakeru just chuckled. "I'm sorry to say this, princess, but I am a butler to the core. I can not be the king."

"Hmm... I suppose," Kira mumbled in a disappointed way.

The scene fades back to Cat in his little library. "The princess harbored romantic feelings for her second butler, who was actually her childhood friend. Since the death of her parents and coincidentally, her first butler, Kakeru came to her side. It is not known if Kakeru is actually aware of Princess Kira's feelings for him.

"Meanwhile, Kakeru's posters had been successfully advertised. Everybody, or at least anyone carrying an android device with internet connection, heard the news of the princess's single status. Now, this part of the story will focus on one of the princess's possible suitors, namely Captain Makki of the Green Horses."

Like a page of a book, the scene flipped to another. This one had Makki in it. He was sailing on a large green pirate ship that had a large green horse head for a bowsprit. Standing at the front of the ship, Captain Makki was playing a game on his smartphone. The camera moves over to him, showing the watchers what game he was playing. It was Flappy Bird.

"GAH! I lost!" Makki cried as the digital bird bumped into a green pipe.

Before the captain could try again, a notification flashed across his phone's screen. Makki tapped it, and Kakeru's poster of Kira appeared.

He whistled. "Well, isn't that a cutie!" Right afterwards, he declared, "It's decided, then! I will try for the princess's hand!"

Then, he rubbed his hands together, chuckling evilly. "I wonder how much money does the princess have? I'm gonna steal her virginity too!"

Makki told his crew, who were for some reason all inside the ship rather than working outside on the deck, "Come on, mateys! We're headed for the Star Kingdom!"

Cheers can be heard from within the quarter deck and the ship moved forward.

"So began their journey," Cat said, "through harsh winds and persuasive waves, until they arrived at the Oosaki Harbour. The Star Kingdom is actually at the center of the Hayamizu Continent. In order to reach the Star Kingdom, one was hike through mountains and cross large rivers--"

"Oh, look!" Makki interrupted the narration, pointing at a long line of people. They were lining up to use a special pod. It had a circular platform on the ground and another above. When a person stepped on the lower platform, they disappeared in a flash of light.

"It's a teleporter!" Makki said. He then sprinted towards it, cutting the line, and pushed the next person on the platform off. He typed in the coordinates of the Star Kingdom and pressed ENTER. Then, he vanished in a spark of green light.

"... Or you could just... do as Captain Makki did," Cat said.

When Makki materialized, he was standing on a grassy plain.

"Even if you took the quickest way, you'll still have to walk!" Cat smugly said.

Makki groaned and continued his journey on foot.

"However," Cat said grimly, "the princess will expecting countless suitors, all who would share the same desires as Captain Makki. The pirate will have to find a way to stand out."

"I'm just gonna cut my way in!" Makki concluded, as if he heard the narration. He even unsheathed his sword to make a point.

"Okay," Cat said, the scene switching back to his library. He sounded quite annoyed now. "Let's skip this part of the story because nothing interesting will come from watching such an incompetent pirate captain walk."

"I know someone's insulting me right now!" Makki shouted, despite the fact the camera was not aimed at him. Cat ignored him.

"Fast forward to Captain Makki's arrival at the Star Palace," Cat continued. The scene flipped a few pages until it reached the moment Makki made it to the palace's front door which was surrounded by men of all age and sizes.

Cat's narration advanced, "Those men were all there to lay their hands on Princess Kira. With such lack of class and manners, it was not surprising that they were not allowed to enter!"

Suddenly, the palace doors opened, revealing Tommy at the entrance. He looked angry and carried a yellow staff in his hand. The staff had the Hollywood Tokyo glow stick on its tip. He began swinging the staff wildly at the men.

"Shoo! Shoo!" Tommy said as the men backed away, trying to avoid being hit. "Begone, you filthy men! No such trolls will be allowed to lay hands on the pure, innocent princess!"

The response Tommy got were the men holding out their smartphones, showing the blond the poster of Kira advertised by Kakeru. All the men told Tommy, "The princess hasn't even met any one of us! Who are you to say we aren't fit to marry her?!"

"I am the priest assigned to this palace," Tommy answered them. "I can see into your hearts. You all just wanna steal the princess's fortune and virginity. I will not allow that! Leave before I curse you all!"

"But the men would not leave," Cat narrated sadly. "One man even threw a tomato at Priest Tommy's face."

The red fruit went SPLAT! on Tommy's round face. Tears trickled down the boy's face along with tomato juice. He retreated into the palace, sobbing.

From outside, silhouettes can be seen near the tinted glass window. They were shadow puppets like the ones used in the AIR BOYS play.

Tommy's puppet had red and blue liquid trickling off it without mixing. "They're so mean!" he wept. "They threw a tomato at me!" Then, the puppet faced upwards and started crying a fountain.

"They threw a tomato at my priest?!" Kira's puppet growled. "How dare they! And they want to marry me?!"

From one side of the window, Kakeru's puppet appeared. "Didn't you say were gonna curse them, Mr. Priest?"

"Obviously, I wasn't serious!" Tommy replied. "What kind of priest would just curse people?"

"Yeah!' Kira agreed with Tommy. "And this is your fault, Kakeru, for posting that ridiculous advertisement of me!"

"Well, what do you expect me to do, princess?" Kakeru asked Kira. "I definitely can't deal with those men. I'd rather not have a tomato thrown to my face."

"I don't want another one, either..." Tommy muttered, red paint sliding down his black perspex face.

"ARGH!" Kira cried out furiously. "I'll deal with this myself!" His puppet stomped angrily out of sight at he direction of the door.

"The palace doors swung open and Princess Kira appeared," Cat said dramatically. "The men outside quickly quieted down, awaiting her words."

Kira pointed accusingly at the men, scowling angrily. "Who do you think you men are?! You come up to my doorstep asking to marry me, when you can't even respect my household! You don't deserve anything from me! I won't interview or choose any of you! Leave these grounds, you pests!"

Someone spoke up, "But we traveled far and wide for your--"

"I don't care!" Kira snapped at him. "Get lost! Now!"

"NO!" the men yelled back, and advanced forward.

"Now," Cat said, "Princess Kira isn't just a normal princess. As the ruler of Star Kingdom, she must be strong enough to protect her people."

That said, Kira began to do his signature quote and pose. "You despicable men! I'm gonna grind you up!"

At the tips of his fingers, his stardust swirled into a large sparkling ball, and was shot at the men like a cannon. The ball burst like a bomb, sending all the men were sent flying into the sky like meteors.

Kira let out a long, tired sigh. "Well, that's been dealt with," he grumbled, and turned back into the castle.

"No, it's not over yet!"

Kira groaned, irritated. "Who is it?!" he asked angrily when he looked back.

Makki came out from behind a tree, having hidden himself there when Kira launched his stardust attack.

The pirate said proudly, "I have--"

Kira interrupted him, "Come for my hand? Or for my fortune? Or my virginity? Too bad! You're getting nothing! Go away!"

"Then, would you prefer me instead, princess?"

Right on cue, Shun came into view, riding on a clearly fake horse. Like, it was so obvious that it was just two people in a horse costume with horse hoof sound effects playing below them.

"It was Prince Shun!" Cat announced excitedly. "He was the prince of the famous Spring Empire, which was allied with the Star Kingdom, making him the perfect choice for the princess!"

"Uh, no!" Makki objected, breaking the fourth wall. "I was here first!"

"Hmph!" Shun said haughtily. "A pirate? Marrying a princess? Be serious here, you're not even planning to be the king of the Star Kingdom. At least I can rule of the Star Kingdom and the Spring Empire beside the princess if we ever married. Isn't that right, Princess Kira?"

"Hmm... He's right," Kira answered in a half-hearted tone while filing his nail.

"Are you even paying attention to either of us?" Makki asked Kira.

"Not really," Kira admitted. Then, he sighed. "Look. Give me a minute. I will discuss this with my... acquaintances."

Kira retreated into the palace, and the puppet show resumed.

"Ugh... I don't wanna marry either of them!" Kira complained.

"But, princess," Kakeru said, "hadn't you been moaning on and on about your true love finding you?"

Kira shot Kakeru a sharp glare. "Are you trying to say that my true love is some lowly pirate? Or a snobby, swaggering prince who I have only spoken to once?"

"No offense, princess," Tommy said, "you tend to be quite snobby too."

Kira shot Tommy a glare too. "I don't care what anybody says! I don't wanna marry either of them!" he cried at the top of his lungs like a spoiled child who refused to eat his vegetables.

"Why are you so against marriage?" Kakeru asked Kira. "You must know that we need an heir to the throne!"

Before Kira replied, the scene switched from the puppets to the boys themselves. On that cue, Kira answered Kakeru, "Because the heir is supposed be someone capable of leading, not the offspring of the previous leader. As the ruler of the Star Kingdom, I cannot leave my role in incapable hands."

When it seemed as though Kira was about to turn and walk way, he looked back and added, "And also because I'm just not attracted to either of those men outside."

The scene reverts back to the puppet show with Tommy remarking, "Well, that was a mood-killer."

"I've had enough."

Without notice, Makki slices down the palace wall with his saber, revealing Kira. Makki grabbed him before he could react, and sprinted off with Kira over his shoulder.

"Princess!" Kakeru and Tommy cried.

Kira struggled against Makki's grip. "Unhand me, you big oaf!"

"Oh, I'll unhand you... on my ship!" Makki replied, and laughed evilly. "And them I'll lay my hands all over you!"

"NO!" Kira wailed.

"I'm coming, princess!" Shun said, jumped onto his 'horse', and chased after Makki.

The white stallion swayed left and right as it tried to carry Shun's weight. A tinny sounding neigh resounded from the horse's snout. With the power of strategically-aimed cameras, green screens, and computer-editing, Shun caught up with Makki and blocked the pirate's way.

"Release the princess, you pirate," Shun demanded, brandishing his sword, "or else!"

"And what if I don't want to release her?" Makki asked mockingly. "Whatcha gonna do about it?"

"Prince Shun coudn't answer," Cat narrated grimly, "nor could he attack. He feared that Princess Kira would get caught in between battle."

Makki smirked and prepared to charge at Shun with his sabre, when all of a sudden--

"Take that!" Kira cried, and karate-chopped the back of Makki's neck.

"The two men were surprised," Cat said, sounding quite surprised too. "The princess took the chance and slipped out of Captain Makki's grasp."

This time, Kira smirked. "I'm not just some damsel in distress! Grind...--"

"Hey, wait!" Shun said, shocked. "Me too?!"

"--them up!"

A hurricane of stardust spiraled at Makki and Shun, and the two were sent flying far, far away. Right after that, Kakeru and Tommy rushed into the scene.

"Princess, you're okay!" Tommy cried, relieved. He ran over to hug Kira.

"Why, of course I'm fine!" Kira replied, hugging Tommy back.

"What happened to Prince Shun and that pirate?" Kakeru asked.

"Oh, I just sent them flying," Kira answered, as if it was perfectly normal to do so.

"What?!" Kakeru gasped. "Both of them?!"

"Yes, both of them," Kira repeated.

"Why?!"

"Because I didn't like either of them."

"And what'll we do when we receive Spring Empire's declarations of war the next day?"

"Ugh!" Kira groaned, and released himself from Tommy's hug. He told Kakeru, "It's not like I killed him. He's probably in some other town now. Nothing's stopping him from taking a teleporter home."

Kakeru sighed. "Well, you should send the prince an apology letter at least."

Kira pouted childishly. "Do it for me, then. I wanna eat cake now! So, let's go home already!"

Without any more discussion, Tommy and Kakeru did as Kira ordered, and left the scene. As the three boys walked off-screen, a pair of red curtains lowered from the ceiling, signalling the story's end.

"And so," Cat said as he reappeared again, "the Princess continued to live happily until she had to decide who she will marry. The end."

And... CUT!

Chapter Text

"Sho... Hari... Fairy... Tale," Kira said slowly as he typed out the words into the Google search engine. "Enter!"

The members of Shounen Hollywood were gathered around single computer in a cyber café with Kira seated in front of the computer and Shun in the other chair beside him. They were there to check the critical reception of their recently aired movie, 'ShoHari Fairy Tale'.

Makki was nervously biting his fingernails. "Aaagh!" he screamed behind his hands. "I am so nervous! I'm so nervous!"

Kakeru gently took Makki's hands away from the latter's mouth. "Didn't you say last week that you didn't care what people thought?"

"I do now!" Makki answered with gritted teeth.

"Let's see..." Kira said as he scrolled through the page of results and clicked the link to the video itself. "This one!"

The website opened and Kira scrolled downwards where the comments and reviews would be displayed.

"Oh my gosh!" Tommy squealed and squeezed himself between Kira and Shun to look at the screen. "What do they say?"

"I'm sure you can read it yourself," Shun replied sarcastically.

The majority of the comments said: 'OMG Kira is so cute!!!<3',  'Makki is such a hot pirate''Marry me Prince Shun-Shun!''Purify me, Priest Tommy!!', and 'I need Kakeru-kun in my household NOW'.

"I told you our fans were nice people!" Tommy said, as if he'd proven something.

"And... here are the bad ones," Kira bluntly said as he scrolled lower down the page.

Said bad comments were: 'Shounen Hollywood is so damn GAY', 'Who wrote this trash?', and 'This is an insult to the previous ShoHari!'

"I wonder how would they react when they hear Ryu-san wrote the script," Kira said.

"They weren't wrong about us being gay though," Shun muttered.

Kira exited the page and clicked another. He explained the boys, "This is a popularity poll regarding the relationships displayed in our little show."

There was a pie chart at the very centre of the page. Below it was a table with the pairings from ShoHari Fairy Tale listed out. The most popular pairing apparently was Kakeru/Kira, after that was Makki/Kira, then Shun/Kira, and finally Tommy/Kira.

"Every pairing is centered around Kira," Tommy pointed out.

Makki giggled beside Kakeru. "Tommy/Kira is the least popular."

"Well, Makki/Kakeru didn't appear at all," Kira retorted.

"Why is Kira always on the right side of the pairing?" Kakeru asked.

"Because he's supposed to be a bottom," Shun replied, earning a shove to his shoulder from Kira.

"So, what's the rating?" Tommy asked.

Kira exited the page again and checked the one they saw first. Right below the video and just above the comments were three starts out of five.

"Here's your answer," Kira replied as Tommy pulled him into a hug.

"It's a success!" Tommy squealed cheerfully again. "We gotta celebrate!"

"No time for that," Shun said as he switched off the computer while Kira was busy hugging Tommy back. "We still gotta go practice at the theater for tonight's performance."

"Then, we'll just celebrate with the audience," Kakeru said, and the five boys exited the café.