Chapter 1: hello im gay hello gay im dad
Daddy Shrek added AmazingPhil, sleep lord, frnkiero, spooky jim, tj and kanye west.
Daddy Shrek changed the name to Favourite Accounts ✨
Daddy Shrek: hey guys! you’re my favourite accounts but we’ve never rlly spoken so i’d love to say hi
Daddy Shrek: in case you didn’t know i’m dan :)
sleep lord: Hey Dan! I love your account :)
sleep lord: I’m Gerard !
Daddy Shrek: i know
Daddy Shrek: oops
Daddy Shrek: i mean like i’ve followed you ages so i know your name aha
Daddy Shrek: but like
Daddy Shrek: thanks
Daddy Shrek: you’re my fave
AmazingPhil: Obviously you know my name, Dan. But for everyone else, I’m Phil!
spooky jim: hello i’m josh
AmazingPhil: Hi Josh!
Daddy Shrek: hey josh!
Daddy Shrek: of course phil
sleep lord: Thanks so much Dan!
sleep lord: Hey Phil! Hey Josh!
sleep lord: Nice to meet you all.
frnkiero: it’s rat’s ass am the fuck do you want
sleep lord: frANK
sleep lord: Frank and I live in New Jersey so it’s currently 6:52am over here
Daddy Shrek: omg it’s midday here i’m typing under the desk at school
sleep lord: Be careful!
frnkiero: this chat’s beeping woke me up
Daddy Shrek: im so sorry omg
sleep lord: It’s fine, he’ll live.
frnkiero: easy for you to say ‘sleep lord’
sleep lord: Actually I haven’t done any sleeping whatsoever in the past 32 hours.
frnkiero: at least you have the fucking choice
sleep lord: Hey you will soon Frank, hang in there x
frnkiero: pm me
Daddy Shrek: gerard how come you’re up??
sleep lord: Sleep is for the weak.
AmazingPhil: Why do you have sleep in your name then ?
sleep lord: disguise
Daddy Shrek: xD
AmazingPhil removed Daddy Shrek
spooky jim added Daddy Shrek
Daddy Shrek: thanks josh
spooky jim: I gotchu
spooky jim: Gerard, Frank, I feel your pain I’m in ohio it’s 7am, I gotta get ready for school
tj: i’m in ohio too
spooky jim: AWESOME
spooky jim: Where abouts?
tj: i’ll pm u
frnkiero: wait who the fuck added kanye west
Daddy Shrek: me
frnkiero: how the fuck??
Daddy Shrek: a friend hacked it so I can dm him
frnkiero: i call bullshit
Daddy Shrek: srsly
frnkiero: i would not be dming the real kanye west with a name like ‘Daddy Shrek’
Daddy Shrek: SHIT
Daddy Shrek changed his name to Daniel Howell ☺
frnkiero changed his name to Frank Iero ☺
sleep lord: Interesting name change Frank ...
Frank Iero ☺: what??
sleep lord: I didn't expect it to be so easy for you to give up your beloved no vowels aesthetic.
sleep lord: You changed your name for some mediocre pop star?
sleep lord: I'm shocked
Daniel Howell ☺: ‘mediocre popstar’
Daniel Howell ☺: What the fuck did you just fucking say about Kanye West, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about Kanye West over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
sleep lord: woah
Frank Iero ☺: don't send that shit
Daniel Howell ☺: why?
Frank Iero ☺: it’s not nice
Daniel Howell ☺: it’s a fucking meme
Frank Iero ☺: I don't give shit what it is the themes and imagery are still the same
sleep lord: It’s fine
spooky jim: they spelt guerrilla warfare as gorilla warfare lmao don't take it seriously
Daniel Howell ☺: fuck im so sorry if i offended, upset or triggered anyone i didn't mean to it was just a joke im sorry
sleep lord: Dan
sleep lord: It’s okay
sleep lord: You’re fine
sleep lord: Don't worry about it
sleep lord: Please
sleep lord: :::```°≈≈≈✨sparkles✨§∞′°~```
AmazingPhil: Hey that reminds me, does anyone here have any triggers?
Frank Iero ☺: animal abuse
sleep lord: ^^^
Frank Iero ☺: meat and shit, animal gore and also gore in general isn't particularly pleasant
tj: i have a few but to tell you would be to tell you my weak spots, which is the most dangerous thing in the world
sleep lord: I understand completely
sleep lord: Frank you run a gore tumblr??
Frank Iero ☺: it’s different
sleep lord: Yeah the death just has a nice filter on it
Frank Iero ☺: it’s not just random real gore suddenly rted into my feed tho
sleep lord: mhmm
sleep lord: I must admit, from an artistic standpoint, I’m open minded and can sorta get the appeal, but from a human standpoint I’m gonna be sick
Daniel Howell ☺: yeah
Daniel Howell ☺: tag your gore/pomegranates asswipe
Frank Iero ☺: who are you calling an asswipe??
sleep lord: Who are you telling to tag their pomegranates??
tj: i like pomegranates
spooky jim: About the triggers: I have anxiety so just like don’t deliberately make me anxious
AmazingPhil: We would never!
AmazingPhil: I don’t have any :)
Daniel Howell ☺: just self harm and related stuff (e.g. blades, blood etc) for me
Daniel Howell ☺: gerard, do you have any?
sleep lord: Oh boy
sleep lord: I sure do
sleep lord: Some include:
sleep lord: - Living
sleep lord: - Existing
sleep lord: - Breathing
Daniel Howell ☺: no but seriously
sleep lord: Too many to list
sleep lord: And a bunch of obscure everyday things that’re impossible to tag
sleep lord: Like a temperature between 3 and 6 degrees
sleep lord: Or a heavy italian accents
sleep lord: And a bunch more I haven’t worked out yet, and can’t try to because otherwise I’ll get triggered by the triggers
sleep lord: And some I know and can’t list because typing them would do the same
sleep lord: I just don’t like violence and stuff
Daniel Howell ☺: shit im so sorry for sending the war thing fml
sleep lord: It’s fine seriously, it made me laugh
sleep lord: I only read the first sentence anyway
spooky jim: I just got outta school I am blessed
Frank Iero ☺: I’m on the bus home and it’s taking all the self control I don’t have to not throw myself in front of it
sleep lord: don’t do that
sleep lord: I would cry
Frank Iero ☺: you cry at everything g
sleep lord: tru
sleep lord: But I’d cry extra hard if you ended up under a bus
sleep lord: I don’t think I’d ever stop
Frank Iero ☺: hmm
Daniel Howell ☺: don’t do it because anyone who likes Kanye is automatically amazing
Frank Iero ☺: tru
sleep lord: I’m shocked and confused by these revelations
Frank Iero ☺ changed the group name to Kanye Fuckers
sleep lord: Please no
Frank Iero ☺: yes
Daniel Howell ☺: yes
tj changed his name to Tyler Joseph ☺
Tyler Joseph ☺: yes
spooky jim: TYLER NO
sleep lord: no
Daniel Howell ☺: fight me
AmazingPhil: no I have revision to do
AmazingPhil: and you have that physics homework due tomorrow
Daniel Howell ☺: SHIT
spooky jim: I have homework but that’s for 10pm me to deal with
spooky jim: tyler since when did you like kanye
Tyler Joseph ☺: i did all my homework at the weekend
Tyler Joseph ☺: since forever jishwa
Frank Iero ☺: don’t fucking remind me I have a detention tomorrow for the homework I didn’t do due today and I have finals coming up
sleep lord: Wait how old is everyone here?
sleep lord: Or what grade?
sleep lord: Because apparently everyone’s at school
Frank Iero ☺: 18 and senior year
Frank Iero ☺: you knew that g
spooky jim: wow tyler
AmazingPhil: I’m 16 and in year 11 but I’m not sure what american grade that is
spooky jim: Frank I thought you were younger than that woah
Tyler Joseph ☺: i’m 15 and freshman year
spooky jim: I’m 15 and in sophomore year
Tyler Joseph ☺: u got a problem josh?
Daniel Howell ☺: I’m 14 and year 10 which is like freshman year
spooky jim: none at all
sleep lord: SMOLS
sleep lord: SO SMOL
Daniel Howell ☺: how old are you then?
sleep lord: 20
Daniel Howell ☺: MUM
Frank Iero ☺: MOM
sleep lord: CHILDREN
Tyler Joseph ☺: sleep lord have u slept yet
sleep lord: nope
Tyler Joseph ☺: sleep
sleep lord: I’m enjoying getting to know you guys too much
sleep lord: What’s everyone’s pronouns / sexualities because I should probably put it out there, I’m not exactly cis nor straight.
AmazingPhil: I’m cis, bisexual and he/him pronouns
Frank Iero ☺: ew cis
spooky jim: I’m cishet lmao
Frank Iero ☺: I’m a bisexual transboy so he/him
Daniel Howell ☺: i’m bisexual and cis so he/him
Frank Iero ☺: EW CISHET
Daniel Howell ☺: gerard what are your pronouns I think I’ve been misgendering you this whole time D:
Frank Iero ☺: are me and G really the only trans people here?
sleep lord: I really don’t mind so any are fine, most people use he/they and I’m cool with that
Tyler Joseph ☺: i’ve never told anyone this before but i think i’m agender
Daniel Howell ☺: that’s good
Frank Iero ☺: rad
Tyler Joseph ☺: i am very boyish but i kinda don’t feel like i have a gender and i found the term and i think it fits especially as i’m asexual and aromantic
sleep lord: that’s amazing!
spooky jim: !!!!!!!
spooky jim: I’m so happy for you
Frank Iero ☺: are you all the a’s then?
Frank Iero ☺: triple a is the new tri bi
Tyler Joseph ☺: i still feel :// about it because i like he pronouns and stuff
sleep lord: Pronouns =/= gender
sleep lord: Besides I think you can be an agender boy
Tyler Joseph ☺: yeah
Tyler Joseph ☺: i think that’s me
sleep lord: Amazing <3
Daniel Howell ☺: does anyone like shrek?
Tyler Joseph ☺: no
sleep lord: no
Frank Iero ☺: no
spooky jim: no
Kanye West left the group
Daniel Howell ☺: F
Daniel Howell ☺: OHG MNHGOD
Daniel Howell ☺: IM SDCXREAM
Frank Iero ☺: HOLY FDUCKUG SHIT
sleep lord: WOW OK
Tyler Joseph ☺: WOAH
Frank Iero ☺: I SHAT NMYHSD
spooky jim: what the hecky
sleep lord: FRANK
Daniel Howell ☺: DFSSASDFDGBKERJG
spooky jim: Did the real Kanye West just leave our gc??
sleep lord: I think so
Tyler Joseph ☺: i cant belie ve
sleep lord: For real ?
spooky jim: That can’t have been the legit account
AmazingPhil: It was
sleep lord: It’s verified
Tyler Joseph ☺: it w as actuak y him
spooky jim: You ok there?
Tyler Joseph ☺: y esh
sleep lord: It can’t have been him, it must’ve been his management or something
Tyler Joseph ☺: n o he rins hu s acco unt
AmazingPhil: I’m putting this on my cv
sleep lord: Where did Frank go?
AmazingPhil: and Dan?
spooky jim: I think they died
Chapter 2: in which they have a dd/lb rp and then get stoned
imagine this was posted on April 20th
hey pls lemme know if this is formatted okay and if the whole chapter shows bc i had some trouble w the last chapter and now i've embedded some images which is risky
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Daniel Howell changed his name to Force Choke Me Dad™
Frank Iero ☺: you have a fucking daddy kink don’t you?
Force Choke Me Dad™: no
AmazingPhil: He does
Tyler Joseph ☺: phil how do u know
Frank Iero ☺: omg
spooky jim: I ship it
Frank Iero ☺: who doesn’t?
Tyler Joseph ☺: i’m ace and i do
spooky jim: i’m gonna write some phan fanfiction
spooky jim: PHANFICTION
Force Choke Me Dad™: if you think you are the only person who has come up with that pun you are sorely mistaken
Tyler Joseph ☺: josh doesn’t need ur negativity daniel
spooky jim: lets phan rp
Frank Iero ☺: i’m dan
spooky jim: I’m phil
Tyler Joseph ☺: im jish
Force Choke Me Dad™: i’m kanye
spooky jim: who’s gonna start?
Frank Iero ☺: me
Frank Iero ☺: Daddy I love you fuck me daddy phil, let’s have a shrek/kanye/dan/phil foursome daddy please
Tyler Joseph ☺: i cant believe you made me read that
Tyler Joseph ☺: wait im in character im josh
Tyler Joseph ☺: [sunshines profusely] what the heck
spooky jim: aw thanks ty you’re the cutest I swear
spooky jim: I mean I will fuck you baby boy dan I love you
Frank Iero ☺: ugh daddy feels so good
spooky jim: baby please
Frank Iero ☺: daddy can i have Cummies™?
spooky jim: yes baby boy
Frank Iero ☺: thank you daddy
Force Choke Me Dad™: i’m running for president in 2020
AmazingPhil: I leave for 2 minutes I swear
spooky jim: what even was that?
Frank Iero ☺: one of the reasons i’m going to hell
Tyler Joseph ☺: i need to rinse my eyes out with bleach
Frank Iero ☺: i need to bathe in bleach
Force Choke Me Dad™: kinky
sleep lord: GAYS
sleep lord: guys
sleep lord: I just slept for 27 hours.
sleep lord: And what the fuck happened to this chat
Force Choke Me Dad™: goals
Tyler Joseph ☺: i have no idea
Frank Iero ☺: g i thought you’d died
sleep lord: Nah just in a fucking coma
spooky jim: “GAYS”
spooky jim: me:
sleep lord: Are you sure you’re straight?
spooky jim: yeah, why?
sleep lord: You just took part in a kinky gay role play?
spooky jim: you have a compelling argument
spooky jim: but i am in fact straight
Frank Iero ☺: sure jan
sleep lord: As if you can talk Frank
sleep lord: Acting like you’re a bottom
Force Choke Me Dad™: how do you know he isn’t?
sleep lord: I know things, remember.
Force Choke Me Dad™: i ship it
sleep lord: No stop omg
sleep lord: I’m Frank’s mom it’d be incest
Force Choke Me Dad™: not nessacarily
Force Choke Me Dad™: haven’t u heard of dd/lg?
Frank Iero ☺: fucking stop dan
sleep lord: Don’t talk to me or my son ever again
Force Choke Me Dad™: i’m sorry oops
sleep lord: I’m only taking the piss dw <3
AmazingPhil: How did you manage to typo ‘guys’ as ‘gays’?
Tyler Joseph ☺: are you actually frank’s mom?
spooky jim: yeah the ‘a’ and the ‘u’ are at opposite ends of the keyboard?
sleep lord: I wish
Frank Iero ☺: lmao i’d sell my mom to be just a few miles closer to g
sleep lord: who said it was a typo?
sleep lord: I will pass my driving test one day and then I can rescue you hold on
Frank Iero ☺: you’ll pass your driving test when i’m six feet under
sleep lord: I have another one in 3 months this will be the one
Frank Iero ☺: you say for the 6th fucking time
Force Choke Me Dad™: don’t you live in the same state? can’t you get public transport or smth?
Frank Iero ☺: i’m not allowed
sleep lord: It’s a 2 hour drive or a 4 hour train ride
sleep lord: I used to live in newark which is really near belleville but then a few years back I moved right down near philadelphia 3
sleep lord: I went to college round here but I dropped out and now I plan on passing my driving test, getting into the sva in nyc then whisking Frank away and getting a flat together in the city
Force Choke Me Dad™: sounds romantic
sleep lord: Hey can I add my little brother to this chat?
sleep lord: He’s cool I swear
Force Choke Me Dad™: sure
sleep lord added mw4y20
sleep lord: Kanye Fuckers meet Mikey, Mikey meet the Kanye Fuckers.
mw4y20: nice 2 meet u
Frank Iero ☺: hey bro
mw4y20: hi frank r u the dude my brothers fucking
Frank Iero ☺: i wish
mw4y20: not sayin anything
Force Choke Me Dad™: omg
mw4y20: look @ the d8
Tyler Joseph ☺: what?
sleep lord: Mikey no I’m telling mom
mw4y20: g no
sleep lord: I just came downstairs and my fucking basement reeks of weed you asshole
spooky jim: omg
spooky jim: 420
spooky jim changed his name to smoky jim 420
Tyler Joseph ☺ changed his name to tj420
AmazingPhil changed his name to (A)blazing(Phil)
Force Choke Me Dad™: phil no
Frank Iero ☺ changed his name to 420✌frnk✌420
tj420: my joints are unlit
mw4y20: lmao my r’nt
smoky jim 420: huh?
mw4y20: my joints r lit af
Force Choke Me Dad™: how old are u?
Force Choke Me Dad™: oh i was gonna be like PUT THOSE JOINTS OUT UR 12 but fair dos i guess
mw4y20: im not 12
sleep lord: He;s 12
mw4y20: i hate u g
sleep lord: Ikm= love you
Force Choke Me Dad™: this is adorable
smoky jim 420: AW
420✌frnk✌420: g way are you stoned already?
sleep lord: A curl
sleep lord: Ducking autocorrect
mw4y20: he’s sich a lughtwegt he wpn’t stop laughing bc hethinks u stole my glssses from harry potte
Force Choke Me Dad™: amazing
420✌frnk✌420: skype me g i need to see this
Force Choke Me Dad™: send us updates frank
Force Choke Me Dad™: gerard getting high is the most eventful thing that’s happened since phil got bitten by a squirrel
(A)blazing(Phil): It hurt!! All it’s little teeth dug right in
Force Choke Me Dad™: :((
420✌frnk✌420: me and g are skyping and he’s talking to the glasses now
Force Choke Me Dad™: amazing
mw4y20: gsrea beat me t the chubby fucking bunny chakenge
sleep lord: I am a cgyvy ducking bonnet
Force Choke Me Dad™: bonnet
sleep lord changed his name to bonnet
mw4y20: cn i add petre ti thua chat h hhere 2
Force Choke Me Dad™: if you want i guess
mw4y20 added pweezy420
Force Choke Me Dad™: hello petre
smoky jim 420: hey Petre
(A)blazing(Phil): Hi Petre
pweezy420: who tge fuck is petre
mw4y20: dat boi!!!!
Force Choke Me Dad™: omg
pweezy420: o shit waddup!
420✌frnk✌420: stoners update: gerards been calling pete ‘petre’ for the last 10 minutes
Force Choke Me Dad™: Typing !
bonnet: Hazah pitter’s blonde
420✌frnk✌420: stoners update: he means harry potter’s blind but autocorrect except now he’s tryna theorize who hazah pitter is anyway
tj420: this is entertaining
tj420: stay safe
420✌frnk✌420: stoners update: now they’re going to the shops to get food so i had to hang up rip
bonnet: You bring veubn washes
bonnet: they wont
bonnet left the chat
mw4y20 left the chat
smokey jim 420: :((
420✌frnk✌420: this was funny but now i’m worried
420✌frnk✌420: pete what’s happening?
pweezy420: idk i went home
smokey jim 420: ://
420✌frnk✌420: i called g and no answer
tj420: maybe they fell asleep now
smokey jim 420: ^
smokey jim 420: I’m tired I might join them
420✌frnk✌420: no what the fucks happening to them ??
pweezy420: idk prolly nothing i mean they seemed fine earlier
smokey jim 420: goodnight guys
tj420: yeah goodnight frens
tj420: get some sleep if you can
tag urself as messages from the fic so far im Frank Iero ☺: i need to bathe in bleach
Chapter 3: back in black
trigger warning for angstyness and suicideish but i hope you get the deeper meaning and the angst serves more of a purpose than just making you feel like shit.
hey strangers. without hardly realising i seem to have crawled back to ao3 and i've been trawling my old virtual stomping ground like 1-2 years later. i saw this was still getting views and you amazing people were still supporting it, so i read it back, cringed a lot and wrote another chapter. i don't know why. this isn't quality content of any kind but i just rambled under the structure of a groupchat. i don't think i need to put anymore notes, because if i've done it right all you need to know is interwoven into the messages themselves. sorry it's formatted badly but dan explains why.
tyler joseph: hi strangers. it’s been a while but sometimes i get lonely and i think about how close we all used to be, and how much it sucks that friendships just … slip away. if this chat is meant to be revived, i have faith it will be, and if it isn't i have faith it won't be, but i just want to ask how you are?
spooky jim: Same tyler, how are you all?
Daniel Howell: cringing into the next century reading through this conversation. WHY did i think daddy shrek was a good username?
AmazingPhil: Don't worry dan, it was funny at the time. How are you guys?
Daniel Howell: yeah cause yanno my life’s a joke
spooky jim: a bit less straight than i thought i was
spooky jim: HAHAHA same.
AmazingPhil: No it’s not Dan, keep telling yourself that.
tyler joseph: phil’s right. is there something up?
Daniel Howell: just depression. it’s gotten really bad since we last spoke. i feel really low about myself.
Daniel Howell: this sounds weird but do you ever feel like you might not exist at all. or like, you’re a character or a sim. and then god or the creator just gets fucking bored with writing your life. and just like that, all the colours drain away and suddenly all the pages are a bit more frayed and all the typos are left in, and all the future you thought you had fizzles into nothing and you’re not sure your past ever happened at all. it’s like whoever's writing your story loses interest, and suddenly you’re stuck in this one rubbish moment without the page ever turning again. and then, ironically, everything you’re working on, all the stories you’ve written, all the characters you’ve created gets left behind too, because that energy you once had has gone. and you don't know if you’ll ever get it back.
spooky jim: it doesn’t sound weird, i know exactly the feeling.
tyler joseph: existence is in the mind. if you believe you have a future and you can find a purpose and believe it, both those things are real. if you imagine something hard enough, and it makes people laugh or feel less alone, is it really fiction? even if the energy isn't there that doesn't mean it’s worthless. create something, make it mean something to you and maybe others will give it their own meaning, and you might’ve found your purpose. even if you outgrow it, the things you create will still run wild in people's mind. lots of people love you, dan.
AmazingPhil: Tyler's right. Maybe try writing your story yourself, you’re in control of it, and I know it sucks now, but this doesn't have to be your life.
Daniel Howell: sorry, i'm an emotional drunk.
Daniel Howell: i think it’d just be easier to kill myself.
mikeyway: Don't do that.
tyler joseph: stay alive dan |-/
Daniel Howell: thank you
Daniel Howell: mikey! how are you, gerard and frank?
mikeyway: I’m coping as best I can. I have a girlfriend who I love. Gerard went offline. He’s struggling to cope and isn't finding what he’s looking for on social media. Frank’s in hospital. He threw himself out a window, because he couldn't cope with transphobic parents any longer. He fractured his spine, skull, ribs, legs, and some bones in his hands. He also had lots of internal bleeding, a collapsed lung and swelling to the brain. It’s been a few weeks since it happened, so he’s much more stable and seems to be quite alert, but it’s impossible to know at this stage if he’ll make a full recovery or not. We’re devastated.
Daniel Howell: fuckkkkkkkk. i'm so sorry. he’s so loved and talented, he doesn’t deserve this.
tyler joseph: i'm praying for him.
mw4y20: Neither do you Dan. Stay safe.