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House of Sans

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You scrounge around in your pockets for some change. God, you really didn’t need this sort of stress! Everybody’s staring and the barista is giving you the death glare, grrr, ah there!

You put the coins on the counter and grab your coffee and baggy, you’d only been a few cents off but you weren’t about to wait for her to give you your change back. “Mam-” “KEEP IT!” You blurt out louder than intended as you head outside to sit at a table.

Setting down your meager breakfast/ lunch combo you pull out a chair and sit. You remove today’s paper from your inner coat pocket and begin to flip it to the job’s section. You’d been sleeping on a bench at the park for two days now, your back was killing you, and your funds had been depleted just now with your frustrated tipping. It wasn’t like you were lazy or unable to do things for yourself, it’s just that you’d never had to get a job before now.

Previously, you’d been living with a boyfriend, whom you’d been with for three years, and he insisted upon you staying home and ‘taking care of the house’. You waited on him hand and foot for the entire time you two were together, who else would have someone like you? You who had to take medicine to feel ‘normal’, you who had low-self esteem, you whose appearance could not hold a candle to most of the girls in this city… you didn’t deserve anybody. So you guess you shouldn’t have been so surprised to find out that he’d been cheating on you for the past two years and then kicked you out to have the other girl.

You sigh as you run through the job offers. Why did they all require prior work experience? Some things you understood, nuclear power plant engineer, yeah that person needs to know their shit, but a fucking waitress at some mom and pop pit-stop?! Seriously?! How do they even expect a person to get work experience if they don’t hire a person with no experience to work? You roll your eyes and take a sip of your black coffee.

Your face scrunches up at the bitterness of the drink, but it was warm and cheap so you continued to drink it. As one could imagine it gets cold all alone outside at night with no form of cover. You go back to skimming through the job offers. Maybe, just maybe, there’s something here for you?

You hear a shuffle at a table next to you and see a bunny sitting down to enjoy his coffee while taking in the views of the city. That’s right, monsters had come out a while ago hadn’t they? You were so used to seeing them now it didn’t phase you anymore, not that it bothered you to begin with it was just… surprising to see them. All of those stories about boogeymen and here come real life versions walking down the street friendly as can be. It was startling at first, but now it was like second nature to you to smile and say hello.

Other humans, however, did not necessarily share the same views as you. Many avoided them like the plague, some went out of there way to be cruel to them, and a few even went as far as to kill them when they could get away with it. Laws were set in place to help protect them, of course, but still every few months you would hear about another monster death. It was sickening to think that prejudices like this still existed in today’s modern society, but alas they did.

You suddenly have an idea, what if there was a position that was working with or for monsters? Certainly they would take what they could get then wouldn’t they? Of course, with the proper precautions, background checks and that sort of thing, but that you could do!

Sure enough, there was one job offer that involved working for monsters and required absolutely no experience. Technically, it would be more of a social study from the sound of things, but they did need a specific role to be filled as well; maid. You could do that! Hell, you’ve practically been a maid for the past three years of your life anyway! This job should be a piece of cake! Let’s give it another once over to be sure though:

‘Human wanted for maid position in a house with monsters. Also will be part of social study between the two races. Housing, food, and pay will be provided as a part of the job. House located on 999 Tantabus Drive. Contact Dr. Alphys at (XXX)XXX-XXXX for more information or to schedule an appointment for an interview and to meet the tenants.’

Sounded like just the thing you needed! Not only would you have a steady income, but you would have a roof over your head and food! You grab your phone out of your coat pocket, thanking whatever deities that existed that your ex had paid of another month's use for it before kicking you out, and dialed the number excitedly. You didn’t have the luxury of having time to practice what you were going to say, each second you spent not on the phone with Dr. Alphys was another second somebody else could snatch the job!

Ring. Ring. C’mon, pick up! Ring. “H-Hello? Dr. Alphys here, wh-what can I do for you?” Her, the voice was distinctly feminine, voice was timid and, for lack of better term, dorky sounding.

“Ah, yes! Hello Dr. Alphys! My name is ------ ------- and I’m calling about your ad in the paper, is the position still available?” You ask nervously crossing your fingers.

You hear shuffling on the other end. “Y-Y-Yes! It is! In fact, y-y-you are the first to call, even though we had it in the paper for months,” she muttered the last part, but you still heard it. “Anyway, w-w-would you like to set up an appointment for an interview?”

“Most certainly!” “A-Alright, wh-when are you available?” “W-well you see… I am available anytime … I’m kinda homeless right now,” you state with a hollow laugh.

“G-GOODNESS!” She exclaims.

You quickly backpedal, she must think you're some sort of psycho or a horrible person! “I m-mean, it’s not my fault! I was kicked out two days ago you see and well now I’m broke and sleeping at the park,” you mumbled.

The other end of the line was silent for awhile. “I-I see. Well, in that case. How about I come pick you up at the park around three? We can head on over to the house together,” she offers kindly.

You're shocked at how kind monsters are after everything your kind has done to them. “W-wow, thank you! I’ll be waiting then!” “Great!”

She hangs up and you put your phone in your pocket and do a fist pump in the air. Finally, things were looking up! You quickly finish your blueberry muffin and coffee before running along to the park.

A good thing about the park was that it had showers, you supposed for the swimmers or the runners, but hey you needed it to so fuck those guys! You neatly folded your clothes on the little bench outside the jet of water and then began your shower.

The water was slightly cold, but you could handle it. Though you didn’t have any soap or shampoo you managed to get yourself decently clean and you got redressed quickly. You glanced at your phone and notice the time was two-thirty. It had taken a good while to walk from the coffee shop to the park and took a bit to shower, you shrug and hope that you are presentable enough for their tastes as you wait an a bench just beside the entrance gate to the park.

You are shaken into consciousness by a yellow dinosaur-like monster in a lab coat with glasses. “-------?” She asks, and you immediately recognize the voice as Dr. Alphys.

“Oh yeah! Hey, Dr. Alphys, sorry I guess I fell asleep waiting for you,” you chuckle nervously.

You really hope that she doesn’t think you’re irresponsible now. “N-No it’s fine. And please, just c-call me Alphys,” she says with a shy smile. “Umm my car is just down the block. The house is actually not too far from here, but I think it would be safer to drive… c-considerin’ I’m a m-monster and all.”

You nod in understanding, the world did not look kindly on those that associated with monsters. So you follow here to her car, an old, small, blue granny-mobile, and get in the passenger side. You see various anime plushies and bobble-heads in the car and across the dash, you never really watched TV , but you recognized some of the plushies, Naruto, One Piece, Vampire Knights. It was a geek’s wonderland and you couldn’t help but giggle, which caused her to blush as she started the car. “I kn-know it’s a bit much, but Undyne keeps buying them and I just c-can’t say no…. Okay so most of them are mine… b-but still!” She says indignantly.

“Who’s Undyne?” You ask curiously.

“Oh, she’s m-my S-Soulmate,” she replied blushing hard.

You nod in response as you two drive down the road. You had heard about SOUL’s when the monsters came up. Apparently, everybody had them, but they weren’t like what people thought they were at all. They were the core of the person’s being yes, but it wasn’t really spiritual or had anything to do with any sort of afterlife. All it was was the very culmination of a person’s being, no more no less. The color was dependent upon the trait that person displayed and, unfortunately, it could grow stronger by killing others. LV stood for LOVE which in turn stood for Level of Violence, and EXP stood for Execution Points, both of these were ways of quantifying the amount of pain you had inflicted upon others, and as to be expected the more you had the easier it became to distance yourself, to not feel anything. Of course, people didn’t listen to that part, all they heard was more powerful and stronger.

Greed. Greed was the root of all evil. Whether you are greedy for power or for wealth or for prestige, it was all toxic. Greed made a person do things that were so horrible it made gods cower in fear at their own creation. Greed dragged a person down into the pits of their own immorality, farther and farther still, until the thing that remains bears no resemblance in the slightest to the being who had started the journey.

“Um, hey we’re almost there ------.”

“Oh, sorry I spaced out there for a bit,” you say with a chuckle.

“H-Hey don’t worry,happens to me all the time,” she reassures you with a smile as you come up on 999 Tantabus Drive.

As she pulls into the driveway, which is a round-about, you get a good look at the house. It is a large two-story home with a large porch at the front. It was gothic-looking, painted grey with a black slanted roof and high windows whose dark curtains were drawn together to avoid curious onlookers. Overall the house seemed very foreboding, and you wondered briefly whether or not this was such a good idea after all.

The car stopped and was shut off, Alphys gave you a reassuring pat on the shoulder before getting out of the vehicle. You gulp and steel your nerve before opening your own door and exiting the car. As soon as the door shut you heard the sound of the lock click behind you as you followed Alphys up the drive and to the porch.

“Now, I-I must tell you before we go in that these monsters in particular c-can be very… shocking for you humans. They are skeleton monsters, th-that said they are not completely like the human skeleton, but the similarities are there. Also, their personalities can vary drastically from m-monster to monster, ju-just like humans,” Alphys explains as you reach the door.

“Don’t worry Alphys, I’ve met my fair share of monsters, I’ll be alright,” you respond with a wink.

She blushes and nods before quickly turning back to open the door. Almost as soon as it was opened a small (for a monster but begrudgingly still around your height) skeleton burst into view excitement clear in his face. “HUUUUMMMMMAAAANNN!” He screeches running up to you and hugging you tightly. “I, THE MAGNIFICENT SANS, WELCOME YOU TO OUR HOME! AND I ALSO EXTEND THE ARM FRIENDSHIP TO YOU! MWEH HEH HEH!”

You blush a bit, unused to being touched by random people, much less hugged, before gently hugging him back. The guy seemed okay, he seemed sweet and innocent. You already kind of liked him. “Jeez, Blueberry get off the lovely lady or she might not want to work here anymore,” chuckled a deeper and wispy voice. You looked off in its direction and saw the ember of a cigarette and a glowing yellow circle inside the left eye socket of the skeleton holding the cigarette.

He was tall and slender, different than the excited skeleton clinging to you. His clothes were simply a black leather jacket with a fur lined hood, skinny jeans with a black belt and golden buckle, and heeled black boots. He had a crack running along his skull from the right eye socket along to the back, and from his left to his mouth. His hands had rather large circular holes in them where the palms should be, but he didn’t seem to mind. The one hugging you had armored shoulder pads and a grey chest plate, he had a blue scarf around his neck, he had elbow length blue gloves, he had black pants tucked into high blue boots, and his eyes appeared to sparkle with stars in the middle.

The one holding you immediately let go with a gasp. “OH GOODNESS DEARY ME! I’M SORRY MS. HUMAN FRIEND! PLLLLLLLEEEEEAAAASSSSEEE FORGIVE ME!” He begged genuinely upset. Oh fuck, he’s really about to cry.

“N-No it’s quite alright Magnificent Sans,” you say happily with a reassuring smile. “I still am very much interested in the job!”

His smile has returned and he jumps with joy. The tall one behind him chuckles again before taking a long drag on his cig. “I’LL GO GET THE OTHERS THEN!” And he’s off.

Alphys, who’d been quiet throughout the whole ordeal, motioned for you to come into the living room and sit on the couch. “Umm, s-sit in the middle please. I w-want to see how y-you react to them being in your immediate space, s-since you are going to be living here i-if you get the job,” she says sitting in a chair across from there.

You do as your bid and almost immediately Mr. Cigarette comes along and sits beside you, he is veerryy close. “Hey sweetheart,” he says voice causing you to shiver. “So what’s a beautiful lady like you, doin’ in a place like this?”

“W-well if you must know sir, I was… evicted two days ago and now need somewhere to go,” you respond honestly.

He grunts in response and takes another drag. Before your conversation can continue more skeletons enter the room. A shark-toothed looking one with a golden tooth on his left side and red eyes sits on the other side of you, even closer than the tall guy. You swear you can hear him sniffing you, why does that turn you on? He looks dangerous, he has the same type of jacket as the tall one, but he wears a red shirt underneath his, and he wears black shorts with yellow stripes along the side, and he also wears red and black tennis shoes. “Ey toots,” he growls as he licks along his teeth with a red gooey tongue. “Anybody tell ya, ya smell good enough to eat?”

“God, have some manners you barbarian!” Scolds a more sophisticated voice as he raps the red-eyed skeleton on his skull.

The voice owner gives a small bow in front of you before introducing himself. This skeleton has the same body-type as the red one and the one who hugged you, but he wore a lab coat and nurse shirt with matching pants underneath. He also had glasses like Alphys, but his were circular. “I’m Science Sans, um, I apologize sincerely for the rather rude behavior of my alternate selves,” he says.

“What?” You ask tilting your head.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
“Oh my, has Alphys not yet told you the nature of this house tenants?” He asks.

You shake your head and Alphys sighs. “I was hoping to wait until she got introduced to everyone before explaining Science,” she replied.

“Oh very well, I see no reason why we should have to change plans since she will know soon enough. Ahem, Again I deeply apologize for their misconduct,” he says before sitting on the other side of the tall one.

Next up was a pompous looking skeleton whose appearance suggested they either didn’t belong in this era or just got out of a Shakespearean play. “Ah, Good morrow my fair maid, thou might know me by many a name, but thou canst calleth me Actor Sans for convenience sake,” he said voice sounding like he was reciting some epic sonnet. “Pray tell, fine maid, doth thou enjoy the great romanticist Shakespeare?”

You hadn’t read any of his plays since you were in school, and you only did then because they were required reading, but you had enjoyed them. Well, the three you read, one about Caesar, Macbeth, and Romeo and Juliet. “While I’m not well-versed, I’m afraid, I do enjoy all of the works I have read of his,” you say honestly.

His eyes sparkle and his cheeks flush, oh God what did you just do? “Ah, a true connoisseur of the arts! A truly regal maiden worthy of my time! I shall have to win your favor!” With that he was off on the other side of the couch and away from you.

“Wow, kiddo, you haven’t even spent your first night in the house and you already got nearly everybody fallen head over heels for ya,” the next skeleton says.

This one has a simple blue jacket with a fur-lined hood and a white shirt underneath. He has black shorts and pink….bunny….slippers...okay? Well at least he appeared to be mostly normal. “Heh, Yeah,” you blush uncomfortable with the situation just a little bit.

“Hey no worries kid, I promise nobody in this room would ever do anything to hurt ya. Even Jaws over there,” he smirked pointing to the sharp-toothed skeleton sitting next to you.

“Hey! You’re just jealous ‘cause the ladies like me better than you,” he smirked back.

Well, this was going to be your life now. “Whatev’s bonehead, anyway kid, you can call me Blue,” he says with a wink.

You blush and the sharp-toothed guy next to you growled. What on Earth? Oh well, you deal with a pissy monster if it meant getting a roof over your head and food. “AND YOU ALREADY KNOW ME HUMAN!” The skeleton from before jumped into your lap. “CALL ME BLUEBERRY OR MAGNIFICENT SANS, I AM NOT PICKY! MWEH HEH HEH!” He wrapped his arms around your neck.

You look over at Alphys for the first time since sitting down and notice something peculiar. She was scribbling in a notepad. From this angle you could see a little of what she was doing, and it looked like she was drawing you...except without clothes…..god that fucking otaku.