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"You're not sorry you did it, you're sorry I found out."


It has been a bloody exhausting day. To be more specific, it still was. Fitz was about to slam his head against the desk, because after seven hours of research he still had nothing. He was frustrated.

      The results of his research should have been on Coulson's desk three hours ago. Fortunately, the director was otherwise engaged. More time for him to finally find something useful.


If only Simmons was here. She had asked for some time off to visit her parents a week ago. Nothing out of the ordinary, however she hasn't called once since she left, not even him. To put it simple, Fitz missed his best friend. At least Simmons would be back tomorrow. And his work had one advantage, the time passed faster – theoretically anyway –.

      Daisy said, that Simmons could use some time alone. After everything that had happened on Maveth and to Will, time to think and distraction wouldn't hurt. Distraction sounded good right now. Maybe he should get himself a nice cup of tea to clear his head.

      He looked at the computer screen once again and sighed before he got up and made his way to the kitchen.


Surprisingly the kitchen wasn't empty. May and Daisy sat on the leather coach, both with a steaming cup of tea in their hands and by the looks of it, they had just finished training.

“Still here, Fitz?” Daisy asked curiously. He nodded. “Yeah, I still got to do the... the research. For Coulson.”

      “Need some help with that?”

Fitz was about to respond, but May interrupted him. “I think Fitz is more than capable to finish the research on his own. You should go to sleep. I expect you tomorrow at 5 sharp.”

      “Roger that, Mom.” Daisy rolled her eyes dramatically. May left with a small smile on her lips. She bid goodnight to Fitz and left the kitchen.

      “What happens at 5?” Fitz wondered slightly confused. “Tai Chi. It helps me to control my powers.” She paused for a second and added with a big grin, “And it looks really ridiculous.”  Fitz nodded and wished Daisy a goodnight before he went to boil up water.




      The neon-lights of his alarm clock was the only light in the apartment he was sharing with Jemma – the reason for that was only functional, of course – now. He was still working on the research. But obviously it was not exactly easy to locate rouge S.H.I.E.L.D agents who either had been a part of HYDRA from the start or only joined recently.

      He had written a special search-algorithm to finally get some sleep. Said algorithm would filter and save all potential results over night and all Fitz had to do was to analyze them.

      All he wanted right now, was sinking into his nice and soft bed and sleep. Tomorrow will be a good day, he knew that much. Tomorrow he would see Jemma again.



His day started crappy. First, he wanted to make some tea before he checked the results, but the mug fell on the floor and the hot water burned his bare feet. He just had to break his favorite mug. He was already in a bad mood when he sat down in front of his computer and what he was about to see did absolutely nothing to improve his mood.

      The well-known layout of HYDRA files greeted him, followed by 14 bloody bold letters.



According to this file, his best friend had been secretly working for a terror organization. His best friend. Despair flooded his body only to be slowly replaced by anger and disappointment as he read further through her file. Jemma Simmons was a HYDRA Agent. Jemma Simmons was HYDRA. His best friend was a traitor. And the worst about this whole dilemma was, it all made perfect sense.

      Her trust in Ward, the lack of disappointment and betrayal after Ward confessed to be HYDRA, why her cover wasn't blown while she was undercover operating as a HYDRA scientist. Everything made sense and Fitz couldn't help the sudden feeling of loneliness.

      How could he be so wrong about her? She was the woman who understood him better than anyone else on this Earth. She was the woman for whom he had searched for a way back to an alien planet to save the man she claimed she loved. She was the woman he bloody loved and all she did was play them? Play him? Lie to him? Betray him? Use him?


Suddenly he heard the apartment door opening. Jemma was home.



Fitz shut down the computer hastily and forced himself not to lose his composure. Before leaving his room, he grabbed the prototype of a mini ICER and put it into his pocket.

      “Fitz! I am home.” Jemma's cheerful voice rang through the apartment. She smiled at him and hugged him. Only when he didn't return the hug and flinched at her touch, she knew something was off. Simmons let go of him and watched him worriedly.

“What is it, Fitz? Is everything alright?”

      “I don't know. tell me, Jemma. Or... or maybe I should say 'Caylen Gilchrist', because that seems to... to be your most recent alias.” Fitz voice was cold. He found the name in her file. It was a part of the reason, why she disappeared so suddenly. Jemma's eyes widened in surprise. “So, you know.” Her voice almost sounded resigned. In this moment he realized, how different she seemed.

      “'So, you know.' Is that all you... you got to say to me? So, you know?!” Fitz struggled not to lose control. “I find out that you have been... been working for HYDRA for... for the enemy, Jemma... for years and all you have to say is 'So you know.'?”

      “What do you want to hear? That I'm sorry? Because I'm not. And if it were for me, S.H.I.E.L.D is the enemy, Fitz, you are.” Simmons, too, seemed to lose her composure.

      “YOU... YOU SHOULDN'T BE BLOODY SORRY, JEMMA!” Fitz was yelling now. He took a deep breath before continuing. “Just tell me that... that this is not true. Please. It... it can't be true. That's not who you are. I... I know you.” A snarky laugh interrupted him. Jemma was shaking her head. “You don't know a single thing about me, Fitz. I joined HYDRA because I share their way of thinking. And I am darn good in my job and your mingy organization has nothing to offer.”

      “I love you, Jemma. Please tell me... tell me that it was real.” For one second, Jemma looked like she was about to break but she kept her composure. “It was not. I'm sorry, Fitz.” Fitz was about to say that there was nothing she had to apologize for when he saw the syringe in her hand. Suddenly he felt a sharp pain before he sank into complete darkness.



When he woke up he was surrounded by Daisy, May and Coulson. They were all looking at him with the same sympathetic expression. He tried to remember what happened the day before, but the memories were black. He wet his lips before he cleared his throat and spoke with a throaty voice.


“Where's Jemma?”