“How much did you drink?” Benji asked, sounding concerned. He was walking Heedo back to his apartment from the house party that they’d been at.
“Two shots? Three? And a beer? Maybe? I think.” Heedo replied, stumbling over a crack in the sidewalk. “There’s a reason I don’t normally drink. Ha. I’m totally drunk.”
“I can tell.” Benji kept a close eye on Heedo’s movements as they walked. Heedo could be unpredictable while sober, so who knows what could happen while drunk. “Why are you drunk anyway?”
“I wanted to celebrate.” Heedo slurred. They’d made it to the apartment building by that point, and it took several moments for Heedo to let them inside. “If I had known you were going to be there I wouldn’t have had anything to drink though.” Damn his honesty when drunk. There were some things he just didn’t want Benji to know, ever, but if asked he would spill them right away.
“Why not?” Benji inevitably asked, just as they approached the staircase. There was an elevator, but Heedo always took the stairs. He figured that the second floor wasn’t far enough away to require electric assistance.“I don’t trust myself around you, okay? Just. Stop talking so that I can focus enough on getting up the stairs and into my apartment without falling flat on my face.”
Benji went quiet and followed Heedo up the stairs. Heedo was slightly confused as to why Benji was still following him. He'd made sure that he got back to his building safe, he didn't need to walk him all the way to the apartment. But he didn't dwell on it too much, because he couldn't think and concentrate on unlocking his door at the same time.
He felt a hand on his, before the keys were out of his hands. Then the door opened. He turned around and Benji handed back his keys.
Heedo expected Benji to leave after that, so when heard the door close and then footsteps behind him he was a bit startled. He wasn't too bothered by it though, at least not enough to say anything. He just continued his way through the apartment to his room. Benji followed him all the way there.
"You still have the bear? Why?" Heedo heard from behind him. Benji stood in the doorway to the room, looking at the bed. Heedo followed his gaze. On the pillow was a slightly matted, blue teddy bear. The one that Benji had won him back when they had dated in high school. There had been a fair right at the beginning of senior year and Benji had insisted on taking Heedo.
“I couldn't get rid of it. Because I. I loved you. I still love you. But I didn't want you to know because I'm so afraid that you'll only hurt me again. I could barely deal with that last time when I hadn’t really known that I was in love." And wow, okay, that was not something that Heedo had wanted to say. Not to Benji. Not that night. Not ever.
"I love you too." Heedo couldn't believe what he was he was hearing.
"I love you too, Heedo." Benji grabbed Heedo's face in both of his hands and angled it down slightly so that he could kiss his forehead.
"You can't tell me that while I'm drunk." He protested.
"Because I believe you"
"No, i shouldn't. Because you can't. Because I'm broken. Because something's wrong with me." And dammit. Drunken honesty about feelings strikes again.
"There's nothing wrong--"
"There is. Do you. Do you know how many people have tried to get me to fuck them? I guess that's what happens when you're popular. You should know." And that, at least, was basically a known fact. Since Benji had been popular in high school.
"I wasn't blind. I saw all the girls throwing themselves at you. I heard the rumors too. That I was using you for popularity. That you were using me, just to have a bit of mean fun. I never believed them. I probably should have." So many things Heedo had thought he had buried had been dug up. He hated it. So much. He wanted Benji to leave, but the same time he wanted him to stay.
"What, can't take the truth? I talk a lot when drunk, but I don't lie. It took months for me to let you close to me, and you threw it all away in ten minutes."
"That's not what I'm protesting. Say whatever you want about me. But don't." Benji paused for a second, like he was trying to gather his thoughts. "You're not broken."
"You're really, really not. I love you as you are. There's nothing about you that needs to be fixed." Heedo let out a humorless laugh. That's the opposite of what so many people had told him.
"Why should I believe you."
"Because I wouldn't have walked you home if I didn't care?"
"You're... Probably right." He sighed. "I'm going to regret this in the morning but. Do you want to stay the night?"
"I would love to."
Heedo shifted awkwardly. "Um. You can share my bed I guess." He went to his dresser to dig out a pair of sweatpants that would fit Benji as well as his own pajama pants. He threw the sweats at Benji before he started changing. As he took off his shirt, he looked over to see Benji watching him, the pants just held in his hands. "What?"
"Nothing." Heedo looked at him, not quite believing that, but he chose to ignore it because his state of mind wasn't very conducive to thinking hard.
"Whatever." He climbed into his bed and curled around his bear, leaving one corner of the blankets flipped back. He heard a ruffle of material as Benji changed his pants before a warm body settled next to him. Before he could tell himself it was a bad idea, Heedo turned over and laid his head on Benji's chest. With the alcohol starting to leave his system, he was asleep within minutes.